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♪ Terrible Tudors
Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,000
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,800
♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,200
♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
5
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,040
♪ Romans rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
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00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,040
♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,760
♪ Gory stories, we do that
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00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,280
♪ And your host, a talking rat
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00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,240
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
10
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,520
♪ Welcome to...
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00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,920
♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
12
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,920
Horrible Histories presents...
13
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,000
Hello, there.
14
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,480
From bottom burps to snot and vomit,
15
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,120
I've got a feeling that this bodily
functions
16
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,520
Horrible Histories special
17
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,760
is going to be my most favouritest
episode ever.
18
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,240
And who better to help me look
19
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,440
at how we viewed our bodies
throughout history,
20
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,000
and all the weird and wonderful
things our bodies do,
21
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,160
than actual doctors, Dr Chris
and Dr Xand?
22
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,320
TOGETHER: Hello.
23
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,520
Hey, do you want to know something
weird and wonderful
24
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,040
that my body can do?
RATTUS STRAINS
25
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,000
No. Absolutely not.
RATTUS TRUMPS
26
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,800
Oh, it's a wise choice, really.
27
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,000
Let's start with how we power our
bodies, then.
28
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My favourite thing - food.
29
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,680
Well, interestingly, humans have
evolved throughout history
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00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,680
to eat all different kinds of food.
31
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,080
Like how I've adapted to eat pretty
much anything from a bin?
32
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,200
No.
XAND GROANS
33
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:25,320
But a good example would be that
humans 8,000 years ago
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00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,000
couldn't digest cow's milk.
35
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,400
And then, thanks to
a genetic change,
36
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:33,000
some people WERE able to drink it
without getting sick.
37
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,560
This bag smells absolutely
disgusting.
38
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,080
Oi, get off, you!
39
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,400
Get your own bag of filthy rubbish.
40
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,320
Yeah, get your own rubbish, Chris.
41
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,000
Are you filming? Yeah.
42
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,480
OK. Yo, what up, what up, SpewTube?
43
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,680
I'm Star.
44
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,000
I'm Moon.
45
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,280
I'm River.
46
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,400
And today we're going to be doing...
47
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,360
What?! We've lost it this time.
48
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♪ Cow's milk! ♪
49
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,000
We have lost it.
50
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,320
We're each going to drink
a bowl of cow's milk.
51
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,000
Yeah, now, I really
don't want to do this.
52
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,640
Cos this stuff plays havoc
with our digestive systems.
53
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,160
There is not a human being alive who
could drink cow's milk without...
54
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,800
Oh, I'm going to spew everywhere!
55
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,680
I know, right. So get ready
for Chundergeddon!
56
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,400
OK, River, you're up.
57
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,200
Go. Oh, no, I don't want to do it.
58
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,320
No,
59
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,120
I don't want to do it.
I'm going to do it.
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THEY SCREAM
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00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,480
Oh, I don't even think
I got it all out.
62
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,800
HE TRUMPS
63
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,000
Oh, that's going to go right
through me.
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00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,880
It's coming out of both ends.
65
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,040
Er, no, I can do it.
I can do it.
66
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,160
Go on, go on.
67
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,560
Urgh! Urgh, he's doing it!
68
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,680
He's doing it!
69
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,480
It's actually quite nice.
70
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:53,640
Really?
71
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,000
It tastes quite creamy
and refreshing.
72
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,680
Let me try it. Let me try it. OK.
73
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,080
Whoa! Whoa!
MOON RETCHES
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00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,000
Gross. Oh, what did I miss, mate?
75
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,160
Wait, no, don't do that.
76
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,560
You know what'd go well with this?
77
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:11,880
Rice. Huh?
78
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,280
Puffed rice.
Dad, what are you doing?
79
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,000
Hey! It's my daughter, Summer.
80
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,440
Summer, Daddy's drinking
some cow's milk.
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00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:20,920
I'll try some.
82
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,680
No, no, no. Wait.
83
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,160
Yeah? Yeah?
84
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,720
That's quite tasty. Yeah?
85
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,400
That would be good
with some puffed rice.
86
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,120
That's exactly what I said!
87
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,440
So what did we learn?
88
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,280
It's like some families
can drink cow's milk
89
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,160
and, like, some families can't.
Yeah, yeah.
90
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,960
Do you realise what this means?
What?
91
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,640
Cows just became,
like, really useful.
92
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,640
So what we've learned here today
is that me and Summer are awesome.
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00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,840
If you agree, then give us a
thumbs up,
94
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,760
like and subscribe to our channel.
95
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,000
And tune in for our next video.
96
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,040
Oh, cheers.
97
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,640
THEY RETCH
98
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:09,000
These are the Galapagos Islands,
99
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,800
home to an extraordinary
array of wildlife.
100
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,600
I'm Charles Darwin -
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00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,960
naturalist, biologist and Victorian
national treasure.
102
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,120
And these longhorned beetles have
lived here,
103
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,480
undisturbed, for millions of years.
104
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,440
Until now.
105
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,400
Charles!
Did he just eat that beetle?
106
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,720
Delicious.
107
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,200
And not as chewy as you'd expect.
108
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,000
Cut! What are you doing?
109
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,480
Was there a problem with the light?
110
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,000
RATTUS LAUGHS
It's absolutely true, you know -
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00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,920
Charles Darwin really did eat
the animals he discovered
112
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,440
whilst on the Galapagos Islands.
113
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,640
And, so, we're going to try and eat
some of the things
114
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,560
I've found in the sewer.
115
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,000
What? I'm not sure that's safe.
116
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,760
No-one mentioned this in the
meeting.
117
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,240
Right, who wants to go first?
118
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,480
We're not eating that.
We're not eating that.
119
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,840
All right, no worries.
120
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,120
I'll eat yours for you.
121
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,560
Xand, look, he's
getting covered in it.
122
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,720
Urgh.
123
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,560
This might be a good time to talk
about grooming, Rattus.
124
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,600
Hmm? You know,
keeping yourself clean?
125
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:19,040
The Vikings took cleanliness
extremely seriously.
126
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:25,760
Who gave us Vikings permission
to be so gorgeous?
127
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,520
Nobody. They didn't need it.
128
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,040
And neither do you.
129
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,000
Now, we just raided this village,
and we found this Saxon
130
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,520
that smells like a real ass.
DONKEY BRAYS
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00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,000
He means donkey.
132
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,160
Cheeky boy.
133
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,200
But we're going to give this
Saxon some sass.
134
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,400
I know that we Vikings have a
reputation
135
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,160
for burning farms and taking things,
136
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,280
but we're actually going to give you
a heck of a lot of self esteem.
137
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,280
Although, to be fair,
when we're finished,
138
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:06,000
we probably will still burn down
his home and kill his family.
139
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,680
We're totally crazy.
140
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,000
Just try and take me through what
you're thinking with this
141
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,720
because, I mean, I've had
helmet hair in the past,
142
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,000
but this is ridiculous.
143
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,000
Well, it's just sort of normal
Saxon hairdo, isn't it?
144
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,080
Hairdo? More like hairdon't,
am I right?
145
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,000
You're single, you're desperate,
but don't worry,
146
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,520
we're here to help.
147
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,560
Let's be like family.
148
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,720
Honestly, I'm fine as I am.
149
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,440
Seriously.
Shush when we're doing this.
150
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,000
How do you think that us Vikings
get all the ladies?
151
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,200
Kill their husbands?
152
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,600
Yes, we do do that. A lot.
153
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,360
But we also take something
that's called a bath.
154
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:50,640
I take baths.
155
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,000
Every single week? Sometimes.
156
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,000
You know, special occasions,
weddings or such.
157
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,520
People around here obviously don't
get married very often.
158
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,000
And do you know why? Cos they're
filled with creepy crawlies.
159
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,880
Let's get rid of these.
Yeah, with this comb.
160
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,800
And I'm thinking that we're going
to turn these lank locks blonde,
161
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,160
so it's popping.
162
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,560
With this special soap.
163
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,800
Close your eyes. Why?
164
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,000
I'm just going to remove
some of this bush.
165
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,480
Ow! That really hurt.
166
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,680
Not as much as having
your head cut off.
167
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,560
Well, yeah, obviously, but come on!
168
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,400
Maybe that's enough now?
169
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,000
Just getting some earwax out
with my tiny spoon.
170
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,560
This is going great.
171
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,600
When we first met Dave the Saxon,
172
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:32,560
he barely bathed and his haircut
was totally 400 BC.
173
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,680
But now look at him!
174
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,720
OMV for Viking!
175
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,680
Not only did we spruce him up with
some Viking soap
176
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,000
and a hair comb, we gave him some
bang-up-to-date threads
177
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:47,520
and filed grooves in his teeth to
really glam up that growl.
178
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:50,760
Oh!
179
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,080
Yeah!
180
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,840
Thanks, guys. I actually feel really
great about myself.
181
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,360
You look great! And we still have
one last surprise for you.
182
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,560
Viking treasure?
183
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,280
Or maybe some of that soap so I can
keep myself clean?
184
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,800
No! We're not going to kill you.
185
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,840
Now, go get yourself a Saxon woman.
186
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,000
Er, hi, there.
187
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,560
SHE SCREAMS
Viking!
188
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,360
Oh, hair still looks good.
189
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,440
Yeah, plenty of body.
190
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,000
I like your necklace.
Oh, thank you.
191
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,320
Your Majesty. Ha! Ha!
192
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,600
No, I'm not the Queen.
193
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,400
Your Majesty. No, no, that's not the
Queen, either.
194
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,680
SHE GASPS
That's the Queen.
195
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,400
Oh, dear. What's this?
196
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,000
I'm Esme, Your Majesty.
197
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,440
Your new lady-in-waiting.
198
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,760
What are you waiting for?
199
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,840
The fashion police to come
and arrest you?
200
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,840
Don't worry, babes. I'll sort
you out.
201
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,280
So, what are we going for?
202
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,680
Jet black? Blonde?
203
00:08:58,560 --> 00:08:59,760
I'm only messing with you.
204
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,560
I'll mix up some red hair dye.
205
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:02,760
Like the Queen!
206
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,080
If you want to get ahead, you've got
to go red. Here we are.
207
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,560
Here we are. Some cumin.
208
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,040
Saffron.
209
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,720
Celandine. Oh, lovely.
210
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,840
And some toxic sulphur powder.
211
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,000
And you need to be paler.
212
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,760
I'll just pluck off your eyebrows,
213
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,200
put a bit of white lead and vinegar
foundation on, a bit of rouge,
214
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,920
and you feel like a queen.
215
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,920
That sounds...
SHE RETCHES
216
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,160
Come on, then. It's time
to meet the Queen.
217
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,480
So I cut off his head.
EVERYONE LAUGHS
218
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:35,800
Your Majesty.
219
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,320
Your new lady-in-waiting.
220
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,160
Oh, goodness. What have you come as?
221
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,400
Huh?
222
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,440
I'm joking.
EVERYONE LAUGHS
223
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,480
I love the look.
TeamRedhead.
224
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,040
Very natural-looking.
225
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,600
Of course, mine really is natural.
226
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,760
Yes, I just woke up like this.
SOMEONE SNORTS
227
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,040
Who laughed?
228
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,760
Oh, look! Your nose is bleeding.
229
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,400
Is it?
230
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,240
Yes. Oh, dear.
231
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,600
Rather...
232
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,680
Typical superfan.
233
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,160
Overwhelmed by my perfection.
234
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,320
Well, take her away.
She's bleeding on my shoe.
235
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,680
We Victorians loved
to groom ourselves.
236
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:25,040
And, for a time, luxuriant facial
hair was particularly popular.
237
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,080
But after a while, the young men
began to view beards
238
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,680
as a symbol of an outdated,
out-of-touch generation.
239
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:35,000
They went clean-shaven to show
how modern they were.
240
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:40,560
This led to actual protests
from pro-beard activists.
241
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,320
Short back and sides, is it, sir?
242
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,160
Yes, and kindly remove the beard.
243
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,480
Oh, good choice. In the past,
they were considered attractive.
244
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,200
But these Victorian days,
the only people left wearing them
245
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,640
are cranks and losers.
246
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:52,840
Halt!
247
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,520
Cease this beard battery at once.
248
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,960
Why are you attempting to rob this
man of his hairy treasure?
249
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,880
'Tis nothing less
than bushy burglary.
250
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,000
See, told you. We are
a society of beard fanciers
251
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,840
and moustache enthusiasts.
252
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,480
Set up to stop men being
robbed of their facial furs.
253
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,840
i.e. having their
beards chopped off.
254
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,280
Oh, the tragedy.
255
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,680
TOGETHER: Beard pride.
256
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:16,760
Your furry face hair hasn't been
hip since the Crimean War.
257
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,000
How dare you.
258
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,200
I'll have you know,
a full and fruity beard
259
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,320
is a sign of manliness and courage.
260
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,640
And not being able
to afford a barber.
261
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,000
Lean back. Wait!
262
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,080
Don't you know that,
for a man, having his whiskers
263
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,000
cruelly whisked from his chin
is more painful
264
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,000
than giving birth to a baby?
Who says that?
265
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,160
Science.
266
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,400
Beard science.
267
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,600
If you listen very quietly,
you can hear the sound
268
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,200
of a thousand bristles screaming.
269
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,520
Help.
270
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,560
That was you. No, it was not.
271
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,480
I'm sorry. Barber, off with it.
272
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,400
Fine, suit yourself,
you beardless buffoon.
273
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,440
But remember, whenever a beard
is cruelly threatened
274
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,600
by a barber's blade,
there we shall very beardily be.
275
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:56,800
Down with chins!
276
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,120
Protect the perm!
277
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,840
No to nudey necks!
278
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,840
Could you just trim the ends
off while I'm here?
279
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,360
Get out. OK.
280
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,880
Greetings. Henry VIII, here.
281
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,520
Last Henry, and definitely
best Henry.
282
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:11,880
Here's my question.
283
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,800
I'm famous for my ginger beard,
but why did I grow it?
284
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,600
Was it...?
285
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,880
The answer is C,
a gesture of friendship.
286
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,920
Yes, in 1519, I told
King Francis of France
287
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,640
I wouldn't shave until
I saw him next.
288
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,240
Kept my word, too.
289
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,560
Well, for a bit.
290
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,880
Annoyingly, the wife hated
the old face furs
291
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,760
and made me shave it off.
292
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,320
But don't worry. I grew it back
293
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:46,520
before I saw him again,
294
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,000
so that was OK.
295
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,360
Then I went to war with him.
296
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,200
But I kept the beard.
297
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,920
So...turned out pretty sweet.
298
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,360
Well, I think beards look silly.
299
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:03,280
For me, it's all-over full-body
covering of hair or nothing.
300
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,520
Would do you think, Chris?
I could not agree more.
301
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,840
Beards are disgusting.
302
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,680
Look, this beard got a
lot of likes, thank you.
303
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:14,880
Now, Henry VIII wasn't only known
for his glorious ginger beard.
304
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,240
He was also an amazing athlete.
305
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,720
You know, Rattus, you could do
with some exercise yourself.
306
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,920
Keeping the body fit and healthy
is really important.
307
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,560
Oi, you, I do plenty of sport.
308
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,680
In fact, I've won the annual
sewer log flume race
309
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,280
for three years in a row.
310
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:33,000
I mean, where do you get
a wooden log in a sewer?
311
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,000
It's not that kind of log.
312
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,800
BADUM TISH
Of course it's not.
313
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,520
I still think I could
surprise you all
314
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,720
and be a sporting legend like Henry.
315
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,280
Oh, and it's a two-man log,
if you're up for it.
316
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,360
MUSIC: To the tune of Get Lucky
by Daft Punk
317
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,840
♪ You think you know so much of me
318
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,880
♪ Beheadings, heirs, romance
319
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,680
♪ Change wives almost as often as
I change my underpants
320
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,120
♪ Apart from my great modesty
321
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,800
♪ There's other things you
ought to know
322
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,240
♪ King Henry VIII, that's me
323
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,640
♪ Was brilliant at sport
324
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,600
♪ I was a star
325
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:19,120
♪ At competitive arts
326
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,840
♪ Though I look more
327
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,880
♪ Like a man who plays darts
328
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,360
♪ I learnt how to joust for fun
329
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,320
♪ And use my height against some
330
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,400
♪ I dressed as a knight and won
331
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,560
♪ No wonder that I got sweaty
332
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,760
♪ There really is nothing like
333
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,760
♪ The great feeling when you strike
334
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,800
♪ A bloke with a 12-foot spike
335
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,920
♪ 1-0, back of the netty
336
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:51,120
♪ I really love to get sweaty
337
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,560
♪ I wasn't just a jouster
338
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,560
♪ I threw a javelin, you know
339
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,880
♪ Axe fighting, dressage, archery
340
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,760
♪ All strings to my long bow
341
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,000
♪ Dad made real tennis popular
342
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,040
♪ I was a proper Federer
343
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,240
♪ Of course, no-one
would beat the king
344
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,760
♪ At tennis, I was betterer
345
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:15,880
♪ I really love to get...
346
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,840
♪ I really love to get sweaty
347
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,000
♪ My sporting larks
348
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,760
♪ Why there's so many parks
349
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:29,000
♪ Green, there and here
350
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,240
♪ Cos I liked killing deer
351
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,760
♪ But then I fell off my horse
352
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,600
♪ It landed on me with force
353
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,760
♪ And so no more sport of course
354
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,840
♪ That means no more getting sweaty
355
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,800
♪ And as the years went by
356
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,840
♪ I fell in love with pie
357
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,760
♪ And soon after I... ♪
358
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,080
Could barely get off the settee.
359
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,920
People have been exercising
at the gym since Roman times,
360
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,320
and maybe even earlier.
361
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,000
But it was Victorian exercise
enthusiast Gustav Zander
362
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,440
who invented steam-powered machines,
363
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,680
which led to the gyms you see today.
364
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,000
Hey, you there on the sofa.
365
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,280
That's right, you,
with the lazy bones.
366
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,800
Isn't it time that you started
getting fit and healthy?
367
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:20,400
I'm Gustav Zander, and I'm here
to help you get lean in 18...
368
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,400
..70.
369
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,320
As in the year. It's a little joke.
370
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,480
Hey, I'm in the first ever gym.
371
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:32,080
You'll find state-of-the-art
steam-powered exercise machines.
372
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,280
Like...
373
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,000
And you'll also find
a whole bunch of fit people
374
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,680
having a heck of a lot of fun.
375
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,440
Whoa!
376
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:51,120
With just 15 minutes a day, I can
transform your body from this...
377
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,920
..to this.
378
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,880
Which, if you could see underneath
the heavy frock coat,
379
00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:00,000
three-piece suit, undershirt
is seriously buff.
380
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,000
Wow.
381
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,640
That's actually huge.
382
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,000
Yes, we've got everything you
could want from a gym.
383
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,120
Er, apart from changing rooms.
384
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,560
Obviously.
385
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,160
So I'll be seeing you down Zander's.
386
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,400
Oh, it's great to see you're taking
exercise seriously, Rattus.
387
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,000
Why don't you start with some
sit-ups?
388
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,280
Okey dokey.
RATTUS STRAINS.
389
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,040
RATTUS TRUMPS
One.
390
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,360
RATTUS STRAINS
391
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,320
RATTUS TRUMPS
392
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,680
Two.
393
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,320
Sorry, I think it's that
feast of sewer sausages
394
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,880
and bug surprise.
395
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,560
Just to be absolutely clear,
we didn't eat any of it.
396
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,720
Er, well, I did have a bit of
one of the sausages, and...
397
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,280
XAND TRUMPS
398
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,000
Is there a toilet anywhere?
399
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,160
Everywhere, mate.
400
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,560
We're in a sewer.
401
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,160
RATTUS TRUMPS
Oh, that was me.
402
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,680
I'll take that one.
403
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,600
Do you to realise it's quite rude
to do this in my company?
404
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,240
Oh, not got a lot of choice, Chris.
405
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:05,320
Yeah, and to be fair, if
history has shown us anything
406
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,400
it's that holding them in
is a bad idea.
407
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,640
THEY TRUMP
408
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,000
More prunes, Ventus?
409
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,800
No, thank you, emperor.
HIS STOMACH GROANS
410
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,200
Dried fig, perhaps?
411
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,520
Not right now.
412
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,000
Please yourself.
413
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,040
Oh, would you mind, Ventus?
414
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,040
HIS STOMACH GARGLES
415
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,160
In your own time, Ventus.
416
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,560
VENTUS TRUMPS
417
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,360
I wonder if I might
step outside, Emperor.
418
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,560
CLAUDIUS LAUGHS
Certainly not.
419
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,720
I'm not finished eating.
420
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,520
Sit down.
VENTUS TRUMPS
421
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,840
Oh, what is the matter with you
today, Ventus?
422
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,880
Nothing, Emperor. I'm absolutely...
423
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,000
VENTUS TRUMPS
Ventus?
424
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,520
Doctor?
425
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,000
It appears Ventus has died.
426
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,680
Oh.
427
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,400
What of, exactly?
428
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,640
Of a massive build-up of gas.
429
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,480
He held in his toga coughs, sire.
430
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,560
Why on Earth would anyone do that?
431
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,840
Well, it would be shockingly rude
for one of us mere mortals
432
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,640
to drop a temple-clearer
in front of someone
433
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,720
as magnificent as yourself.
434
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,000
Are you saying that none of you have
been prepared to unleash
435
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,840
a scroll-ripper in front of me?
436
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,200
Ever?
437
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,720
Well, I decree,
from this moment forward,
438
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,240
anyone may release an air chariot
in front of me
439
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,040
whenever they need to.
440
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,040
EVERYONE TRUMPS
441
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,760
Oh, that's so good.
442
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,040
Maybe not all at the same time.
443
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,560
Thank you so much for letting me
stay with you and your wife,
444
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,320
Elizabeth, until I find
a husband, Samuel.
445
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,120
Nope. My pleasure, dear sister.
446
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,400
You will have to help around the
house, of course.
447
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,880
Oh, yes, of course. I don't mind
helping out at all.
448
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,080
As a chambermaid.
449
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,880
Oh, right.
450
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,200
As in emptying chamber pots
full of...?
451
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,000
SOMEONE TRUMPS
452
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,200
Yes, we can't be seen to be giving
you special treatment
453
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,520
over the other servants,
now, can't we?
454
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,640
So you'll have to
start at the bottom.
455
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,920
SOMEONE TRUMPS
So to speak.
456
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,040
Oh, Great Fire of London,
that was a big one.
457
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,680
You might want to give it a while.
458
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,560
Paulina!
459
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,400
Stand when Elizabeth
enters the room, please.
460
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,960
But she's my sister-in-law.
461
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,120
She is your mistress.
462
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,640
Bad servant.
463
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,600
I'll fetch your chamber pot
for cleaning.
464
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,640
All right, fine.
465
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,280
I will be your servant.
466
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,240
Happy to help.
467
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,880
Totally fine, in fact.
468
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,240
Seriously, how bad can it be-e-e-e?
469
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,920
Big one! That is a big one.
470
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,840
Cut down her portion sizes
a bit, yeah?
471
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,800
Paulina Pepys, what are you doing?
472
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,400
Sitting down for lunch.
473
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,440
Servants do not sit at the table
474
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,920
and eat with the masters
of the house.
475
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,360
Just because you're my sister,
I cannot have the other servants
476
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,240
thinking that we're treating you
better.
477
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,240
I don't think there's very much
chance of that
478
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,880
ever since you made me Paulina
Poo-poo Bucket.
479
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,560
Go and check the chamber pots again.
480
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,120
What? Already?
481
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,360
SHE WHISPERS: What's wrong with you?
482
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,720
P... Shut it.
483
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,880
I have just learnt that the position
of Elizabeth's waiting woman
484
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,120
came up and you've promoted
someone else
485
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:45,840
to the non-poo-based
position over me.
486
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,000
Yes, well, you hardly
covered yourself in glory
487
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,480
as a chambermaid, Paulina.
488
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,400
Do you want a sniff of what I have
covered myself in, Samuel,
489
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,720
every day since I've been here?
490
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,000
I am your sister.
491
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,840
Always with the excuses with you.
492
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,440
"I am your sister."
493
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,520
"I put my back out lifting
that pot."
494
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,640
"All the servants are saying
you married a poo factory."
495
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,280
You're just jealous because
I'm married and you're not.
496
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,440
And you're lazy.
And you're fired. Good.
497
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,760
I will leave some money in your
dowry so you don't paint me
498
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,000
as a complete monster.
499
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,800
One of your wife's poos?
500
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,440
And you want to see a doctor, mate.
501
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,680
They're meant to be brown.
502
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,200
Really?
503
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,800
Technically.
504
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,000
Some of history's
greatest achievements
505
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,960
have been made in toilets.
506
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,920
During World War II,
Prime Minister Churchill
507
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,640
made secret plans with
the American President,
508
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,200
Franklin D Roosevelt,
509
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,720
in a bid to bring about victory.
510
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,680
And a lot of these secret plans were
made in Churchill's private loo.
511
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,000
Oh, no, you go first.
Are you sure?
512
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,200
You're not desperate?
513
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,600
I'm literally about to die.
But no, no. Honesty.
514
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,000
Make way, coming through.
515
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,680
I've got to answer an urgent call.
516
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,640
Was that Mr Churchill?
517
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,080
The Prime Minister?
518
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,600
Yes. Are you new here, too?
519
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,320
He really needed to go, didn't he?
520
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,360
Ah, thank goodness.
521
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,480
Ah, there you are, my old friend.
522
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,440
Got through at last?
523
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,280
Is he talking to his poo?
524
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,280
Are you ready for the big push, eh?
525
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,240
I'm going to make the world's
biggest ever aquatic landing.
526
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,160
I've never heard it called
that before.
527
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,520
I'm going to drop
over 10,000 tonnes.
528
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:17,680
I say.
529
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,440
He must have had a jolly big lunch!
530
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,000
Can you hear me?
531
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,240
Is he talking to us?
532
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,640
Hello?
533
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,080
There you are. I do really
need your help with D-Day.
534
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,560
Oh, sir.
535
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,920
Yes, sir.
536
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,040
For king and country.
HE RETCHES
537
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,400
Yes? What is it?
538
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,720
HE WHISPERS: I'm on the phone.
539
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,000
I thought you needed
help with the bidet.
540
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,280
D-Day, man! Not bidet!
541
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,000
It's not a toilet,
it's a top-secret line
542
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,720
to the President
of the United States.
543
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,680
Why is it disguised as a toilet?
544
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,000
Because the toilet is the only
place I can ever get any peace!
545
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,480
Where is the real toilet?
546
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:58,840
Oh, it's too late.
547
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,200
Oh, that's warm.
548
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,640
Well, we're coming to the end of
this bodily functions special.
549
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,360
But we've got just enough time
for some serious business.
550
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,600
Finally.
551
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,000
Yes, that's great because, so far,
it's just been about wee and poo.
552
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,280
Hmm.
553
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,560
The Apollo programme was
the name for America's bid
554
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:18,880
to land on the moon.
555
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:23,240
And in 1969, Apollo 11
achieved exactly that.
556
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,480
Perfect.
557
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:30,840
This is great. Space, awe-inspiring
and in no way silly or disgusting.
558
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,960
But, almost as exciting, on
the mission before Apollo 11,
559
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:39,320
Apollo 10 had an
encounter with a UBO.
560
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,160
You mean a UFO?
561
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,640
An unidentified FLYING object.
562
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,160
No, this was an
unidentified BROWN object.
563
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,840
I knew it couldn't last.
564
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:55,280
Hey, maybe it should have been
renamed Apollo Number Two!
565
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,440
Oh, and do you think the rocket
had a poop deck?
566
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,000
OK, that's it.
We're going. We're off.
567
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,360
Hey, where you going?
568
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:05,040
I think you'll find you're booked
for the afternoon.
569
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,600
Houston, this is Apollo 10.
570
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:14,000
We are now orbiting the moon at a
distance of 8.4 nautical miles.
571
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,600
Er, commander, the instruments
are picking something up.
572
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,160
It's pretty close by.
573
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,960
What? An asteroid?
574
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,440
No, this thing is made
of organic matter.
575
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,600
Guys, it's ten feet away.
576
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,120
I can't see it. Where is it?
577
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,320
Eight feet.
578
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,760
I've sealed all the air locks.
579
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,000
Five feet.
580
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,400
Guys, I don't want to worry you,
but it's inside the ship.
581
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,440
I don't want to die.
582
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,920
Sensors are reading high levels
of carbon, water and...sweetcorn.
583
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,120
I have a visual.
584
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:43,400
What is it, Captain Cernan?
585
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:44,720
It's a number two, sir.
586
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,000
This is no time to talk
in code, Cernan.
587
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,320
It's a...brown dwarf.
588
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,080
A poopernova.
589
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,720
A sticky space invader.
590
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,200
It's a big poo.
591
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,840
Get it away from me!
592
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,240
Apollo 10, is everything OK?
593
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,400
Houston, we have a problem.
594
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:01,600
There's a...
595
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,280
..poo-poo floating in the cockpit.
596
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,000
I think there's a problem
with the communication system.
597
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,000
It sounded like you said there's
a poo-poo floating in the cockpit.
598
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,600
No, no, that's what I said.
599
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,000
Someone clearly left the hatch
on their spacesuit open.
600
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,360
Don't blow it here.
601
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,400
Well, you're on your own with that,
Apollo 10.
602
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,520
There's nothing we can do about that
from here.
603
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,560
OK, Young. Catch it in a napkin.
604
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,160
Why me? I didn't do it.
605
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,640
It doesn't look like one of mine.
606
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,680
Young, this is an order.
607
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,480
Well done, Young.
608
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,440
That was one small poo for man.
609
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,360
One giant catch for mankind.
610
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,080
Definitely one for
the captain's log, sir.
611
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,520
♪ Tall tales, atrocious acts
We gave you all the fearsome facts
612
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,320
♪ The ugly truth, no glam or glitz
We showed you all the juicy bits
613
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,000
♪ Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
614
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,720
♪ Stuff they don't
teach you at school
615
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,480
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
616
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:30,040
♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories. ♪
617
00:27:30,090 --> 00:27:34,640
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