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1
00:00:07,302 --> 00:00:10,131
Welcome to Woodstone B and B.
2
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:13,264
Babe?
3
00:00:16,441 --> 00:00:20,271
Jay? Jay?
4
00:00:20,402 --> 00:00:23,187
That not good.
5
00:00:23,318 --> 00:00:26,582
Hey, sweetie,
how are you feeling?
6
00:00:26,712 --> 00:00:28,105
I'm okay, it's just
that I really
7
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,586
- hit my head hard, though.
- Ouch.
8
00:00:30,716 --> 00:00:32,327
Do you think I can see 'em?
9
00:00:32,457 --> 00:00:34,111
- See who?
- The ghosts.
10
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,460
I mean, when you hit your head,
you could see ghosts.
11
00:00:35,591 --> 00:00:38,768
Are there any ghosts
- in here right now?
- No.
12
00:00:38,898 --> 00:00:40,596
Okay, well, that's probably
why I'm not seeing any.
13
00:00:40,726 --> 00:00:42,076
So far, so good.
14
00:00:42,206 --> 00:00:43,729
The dream is still alive.
15
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,166
I'm gonna go check downstairs.
16
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,559
You should just
stay here, get some rest.
17
00:00:47,690 --> 00:00:48,952
Yeah, you're right.
18
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,519
Thanks, babe. Love you.
19
00:00:50,649 --> 00:00:52,086
Love you.
20
00:01:01,051 --> 00:01:02,487
Flower?
21
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:05,577
Hey, Thor?
22
00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:09,364
Isaac?
No Pants?
23
00:01:11,496 --> 00:01:12,410
Oh, my God.
24
00:01:12,541 --> 00:01:15,109
Pete.
25
00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:17,850
Jay. You can see me?!
26
00:01:17,981 --> 00:01:21,376
Gadzooks! Jay can see us!
27
00:01:21,506 --> 00:01:23,378
I don't believe it.
28
00:01:25,728 --> 00:01:27,121
Bring it in, big fella.
29
00:01:27,251 --> 00:01:28,731
No, no, no.
30
00:01:30,515 --> 00:01:32,343
What is happening?
31
00:01:32,474 --> 00:01:35,303
Hey, where's your arrow?
32
00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,522
Jay, why are you hugging
the delivery guy?
33
00:01:37,653 --> 00:01:39,524
Huh?
34
00:01:40,612 --> 00:01:42,484
Damn it.
35
00:01:52,102 --> 00:01:54,496
As you all know,
our first guests--
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00:01:54,626 --> 00:01:56,237
not including the ones
that left
37
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:58,500
after the floor collapsed--
will be arriving at any moment.
38
00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:00,154
Please be young and hot.
39
00:02:00,284 --> 00:02:02,199
And we really need
this visit to go well.
40
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,767
After the floor thing, the last
people gave us a scathing
41
00:02:04,897 --> 00:02:06,638
one-star review on Yelp.
42
00:02:06,769 --> 00:02:09,598
Which is a website where
customers can rate and review
43
00:02:09,728 --> 00:02:12,688
businesses like our B and B.
44
00:02:12,818 --> 00:02:14,603
The fates of industry
should not be decided
45
00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:15,778
by commoners.
46
00:02:15,908 --> 00:02:17,171
Sometimes you bite
into a sausage
47
00:02:17,301 --> 00:02:19,129
and you get a worker's thumb.
48
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:21,697
Get on with your miserable day
and let the factory owners be.
49
00:02:21,827 --> 00:02:24,526
The point is, we need everyone
on their best behavior.
50
00:02:24,656 --> 00:02:27,398
Yeah, and that means
no ghost powers. Okay?
51
00:02:27,529 --> 00:02:29,444
Thorfinn, no futzing
with the electricity.
52
00:02:29,574 --> 00:02:30,923
And, guys,
53
00:02:31,054 --> 00:02:31,968
let's just stay out
of their room. Okay?
54
00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:33,317
It's not a peep show.
55
00:02:33,448 --> 00:02:34,710
Yeah,
56
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,712
I'm looking at you,
No Pants.
57
00:02:36,842 --> 00:02:38,888
- No, you're not, sweetie.
- Damn it.
58
00:02:39,018 --> 00:02:39,976
It's cute how bad
he wants it.
59
00:02:40,106 --> 00:02:41,804
Oh, come on.
60
00:02:41,934 --> 00:02:42,805
Why do you care if we go
in the guests' rooms?
61
00:02:42,935 --> 00:02:43,980
They won't know.
62
00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:45,373
Yeah, we've been
spying on Livings
63
00:02:45,503 --> 00:02:46,852
for hundreds of years.
64
00:02:46,983 --> 00:02:49,028
Until TV it was our only form
of entertainment.
65
00:02:49,159 --> 00:02:50,726
Yeah, honestly, Sam,
66
00:02:50,856 --> 00:02:54,295
if we can't spy, why are we even
opening this B and B?
67
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:57,515
Uh, to earn money
so we can eat.
68
00:02:57,646 --> 00:03:00,910
Oh, someone can consume food.
Must be nice.
69
00:03:03,347 --> 00:03:06,568
And I'm like, that ain't a
ruler, it's a bracelet, bro.
70
00:03:06,698 --> 00:03:08,787
Yes.
71
00:03:08,918 --> 00:03:10,876
Oh, hey, Nigel.
What are y'all watching?
72
00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:15,794
A historical program entitled
How About Those '90s.
73
00:03:15,925 --> 00:03:18,057
Show's so fun,
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00:03:18,188 --> 00:03:20,234
doesn't even feel
like learning.
75
00:03:20,364 --> 00:03:21,974
MAN [on TV]:
How do I get myself an intern?
76
00:03:22,105 --> 00:03:24,847
Well, it's getting late.
77
00:03:24,977 --> 00:03:26,196
What? Oh, no,
but we're still
78
00:03:26,327 --> 00:03:27,850
at nineteen hundred
and ninety-four.
79
00:03:27,980 --> 00:03:29,243
We don't even know
if that O.J. fellow
80
00:03:29,373 --> 00:03:31,070
tracks down the real killers.
81
00:03:31,201 --> 00:03:33,812
Isaac, feel free to call
on me at the shed. Adieu.
82
00:03:33,943 --> 00:03:36,641
How about those '90s, huh?
83
00:03:36,772 --> 00:03:38,556
Is it just me, or does he
seem rather uncomfortable
84
00:03:38,687 --> 00:03:40,863
- hanging out here at the mansion?
- I must say,
85
00:03:40,993 --> 00:03:43,169
he did seem in
quite a hurry to leave.
86
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,867
Yes, I wonder if
something's wrong.
87
00:03:44,997 --> 00:03:46,477
Well, have you talked
to him about it?
88
00:03:46,608 --> 00:03:48,479
No.
89
00:03:48,610 --> 00:03:51,003
That sounds like
an unpleasant conversation.
90
00:03:51,134 --> 00:03:54,093
Indeed. Avoid relationship
conflict at all costs.
91
00:03:54,224 --> 00:03:55,269
- Yes.
- Bottle it up.
92
00:03:55,399 --> 00:03:57,445
Allow the resentment to fester
93
00:03:57,575 --> 00:03:59,621
until the hatred becomes
so ever-present
94
00:03:59,751 --> 00:04:01,231
you must turn to the
sweet, sweet milk
95
00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:03,189
of mother morphine
to numb the pain.
96
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:07,455
Yeah, a short conversation
couldn't hurt.
97
00:04:07,585 --> 00:04:10,196
Damn, did you get
a new perfume, Sam?
98
00:04:10,327 --> 00:04:11,894
It is working, girl.
99
00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:13,069
It was my late mother's.
100
00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:14,940
I only have a
little bit left,
101
00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:16,464
so I use it sparingly
102
00:04:16,594 --> 00:04:18,204
whenever I want to feel her
watch over me.
103
00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:20,076
Thank you for the
verbal cold shower.
104
00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:21,425
Sam, they're here.
105
00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:22,948
- They're here!
- Okay.
106
00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:25,124
Welcome. Welcome.
107
00:04:25,255 --> 00:04:27,910
Welcome to the Woodstone
B and B.
108
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,825
Oh, hi there.
109
00:04:29,955 --> 00:04:31,348
Gosh, this is beautiful.
110
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,915
It's like I've died
and gone to heaven.
111
00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:34,656
Oh, if only it were
that simple.
112
00:04:34,786 --> 00:04:37,659
I'm Debbie, and this
is my husband Tom.
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00:04:37,789 --> 00:04:39,965
Short for Thomas,
like the English muffins.
114
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:41,358
No relation.
115
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,707
These two are brutal.
116
00:04:42,838 --> 00:04:44,230
:
English muffins.
117
00:04:44,361 --> 00:04:47,625
Well, I'm Sam, and
this is my husband Jay.
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00:04:47,756 --> 00:04:51,281
And these are your
signature welcome cocktails.
119
00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:53,239
- Thank you very much.
- Mm-hmm.
120
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:54,806
Wow, that hits the spot.
121
00:04:54,937 --> 00:04:55,981
- Very nice.
- Mmm. Yummy.
122
00:04:56,112 --> 00:04:56,895
- Bingo.
- Mm-hmm.
123
00:04:57,026 --> 00:04:57,896
Well, I think you'll find
124
00:04:58,027 --> 00:04:59,202
that is just one of the many
125
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,725
special touches that
sets Woodstone apart
126
00:05:00,856 --> 00:05:02,248
from the B and B herd.
127
00:05:02,379 --> 00:05:04,773
Oof.
Yeah, that was hard
to watch.
128
00:05:04,903 --> 00:05:06,383
I'll just, uh, show you
- to your rooms.
- Okay. Thank you.
129
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,429
Okay.
- Yep.
- Enjoy your stay.
130
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:10,300
- Thanks a lot.
- Right this way.
131
00:05:10,431 --> 00:05:11,954
Okay, right behind you.
132
00:05:12,084 --> 00:05:15,044
Well, they seem happy.
Lame but happy.
133
00:05:15,174 --> 00:05:16,785
Yeah,
I think that went really well.
134
00:05:16,915 --> 00:05:18,352
I'm not so sure, Sam.
135
00:05:18,482 --> 00:05:20,049
Let me tell you something
about your polite
136
00:05:20,179 --> 00:05:21,050
Midwesterners there.
137
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:23,182
They can be very tricky.
138
00:05:23,313 --> 00:05:25,402
And this is 18 years in the
travel agency game talking.
139
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,142
What are you talking about?
140
00:05:26,272 --> 00:05:27,752
They loved the house.
141
00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:29,188
- They loved the cocktails.
- But did they?
142
00:05:29,319 --> 00:05:33,149
They left them barely
touched right there.
143
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,369
That's true.
Not even a second sip.
144
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:37,762
This type of customer,
they're all smiles,
145
00:05:37,893 --> 00:05:39,503
but you never know what
they're really thinking.
146
00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:41,287
So you're saying they
kvell to your face
147
00:05:41,418 --> 00:05:42,767
but kvetch behind your back?
148
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:46,075
Possibly. Based on
context clues, I think so.
149
00:05:46,205 --> 00:05:48,599
And I know, 'cause I was
the one they would complain to.
150
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:51,341
I mean, you should have seen
the angry faxes I would get.
151
00:05:51,472 --> 00:05:53,996
"Hecks" and "darns"
flying all over the place.
152
00:05:54,126 --> 00:05:55,519
Babe, great news.
153
00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:56,868
They love the room.
154
00:05:56,999 --> 00:05:59,436
But do they, Sam?
155
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,829
Do they?
156
00:06:02,308 --> 00:06:04,659
What do you say
we head up to the mansion?
157
00:06:04,789 --> 00:06:06,312
There's just not much
to do here.
158
00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:08,402
Not much to do? Hello?
159
00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:11,796
Have you not experienced
the drama of the ants?
160
00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:13,798
Now, those boys have pep.
161
00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:15,931
Yep, certainly can't deny
the pep.
162
00:06:16,061 --> 00:06:19,238
And yet, at the mansion,
we have the added benefit
163
00:06:19,369 --> 00:06:20,631
of watching television
164
00:06:20,762 --> 00:06:22,851
and not being watched
by your former lover.
165
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:25,244
Just pretend
I'm not even here.
166
00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:28,813
Okay, it's just--
167
00:06:28,944 --> 00:06:31,729
Nigel, do you have a problem
with where I live?
168
00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:34,993
What? No.
I love the mansion.
169
00:06:35,124 --> 00:06:38,040
If I were forced
to pick nits,
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00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:40,912
your friend Thorfinn
can be a bit much.
171
00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:44,220
Oh. Oh, this is
about Thorfinn.
172
00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:46,788
It's just, the yelling
and the jocularity.
173
00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:50,095
And he murder stories
and the endless cod anecdotes.
174
00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:53,142
Yes, no, I get it.
I get it, trust me.
175
00:06:53,272 --> 00:06:54,883
You know what I'll do?
I'll just ask him, um,
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00:06:55,013 --> 00:06:57,146
to rein in his energy a bit.
I'm sure he'll understand.
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00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:01,803
Oh, God, I was so nervous
to bring this up,
178
00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,239
but I'm so glad that I did.
179
00:07:03,369 --> 00:07:05,110
As am I.
180
00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:07,417
You know, I think we work
very well together.
181
00:07:07,548 --> 00:07:09,898
Heard that before.
182
00:07:10,028 --> 00:07:12,117
Thank you.
183
00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:14,424
I found Tom and Debbie's
Yelp profile.
184
00:07:14,555 --> 00:07:18,254
Geez, look at these reviews.
These people are vicious.
185
00:07:18,384 --> 00:07:20,299
"The only thing worse
than the day-old bread
186
00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:22,563
"at Linda's Shrimp Shack
was the foul smell
187
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,087
coming from the kitchen.
Steer clear. One star."
188
00:07:25,217 --> 00:07:26,828
It's weird.
They seem so nice.
189
00:07:26,958 --> 00:07:28,786
Pete says it's common.
He dealt with this
190
00:07:28,917 --> 00:07:29,874
all the time back when
travel agents
191
00:07:30,005 --> 00:07:31,789
- were still a thing.
- Hurtful.
192
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,096
Okay, well, there's
a couple good ones in here.
193
00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:35,793
So I guess we just got
to do our best
194
00:07:35,924 --> 00:07:37,839
and then we try to get
one of those.
195
00:07:37,969 --> 00:07:40,581
There is one
other possibility.
196
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:41,669
We spy on them.
197
00:07:41,799 --> 00:07:42,713
Not for our entertainment
198
00:07:42,844 --> 00:07:44,323
but to help you guys.
199
00:07:44,454 --> 00:07:46,282
See what they're really saying
behind closed doors.
200
00:07:46,412 --> 00:07:48,719
And doing behind closed doors.
201
00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:51,505
- They're like 60.
- I'm very bored.
202
00:07:51,635 --> 00:07:53,768
I know we were
against it before,
203
00:07:53,898 --> 00:07:55,683
- but it's not the worst idea.
- What's happening?
204
00:07:55,813 --> 00:07:58,294
The ghosts are saying
they could spy on the guests.
205
00:07:58,424 --> 00:07:59,861
No.
206
00:07:59,991 --> 00:08:01,253
But if Tom and Debbie
have complaints,
207
00:08:01,384 --> 00:08:03,342
then we can find out
and course-correct
208
00:08:03,473 --> 00:08:04,474
while they're still here.
209
00:08:04,605 --> 00:08:05,693
It's so creepy,
210
00:08:05,823 --> 00:08:07,999
not to mention
totally unethical.
211
00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:09,610
Typically, I'd agree, but
when you're dealing with
212
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,786
two-faced Duluthers,
you do what you gotta.
213
00:08:11,916 --> 00:08:12,830
Jay, think about it.
214
00:08:12,961 --> 00:08:13,918
People could think that
215
00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:15,267
our one bad review
was a fluke,
216
00:08:15,398 --> 00:08:17,966
but two bad reviews?
Our only reviews?
217
00:08:18,096 --> 00:08:19,445
Would you stay
at that B and B?
218
00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:21,317
We're not gonna have
two bad reviews.
219
00:08:21,447 --> 00:08:23,232
We're gonna crush this,
220
00:08:23,362 --> 00:08:25,190
without creepy ghost spying.
221
00:08:25,321 --> 00:08:26,278
No offense. Okay?
222
00:08:26,409 --> 00:08:28,237
Okay, you're right.
223
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:29,934
Thank you.
224
00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:34,199
So you want to go
with our thing?
225
00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:35,244
Oh, hell yes.
226
00:08:35,374 --> 00:08:37,333
Yes!
227
00:08:43,426 --> 00:08:45,646
Thor? Thor, remember
when Nigel was over
228
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:47,996
and we were watching that
television show earlier,
229
00:08:48,126 --> 00:08:49,388
How About Those '90s?
230
00:08:49,519 --> 00:08:51,477
Yes! Most interesting decade.
231
00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:56,352
Probably best '90s since 1190s,
though 1490s were pretty wild.
232
00:08:56,482 --> 00:09:00,704
Yes. Anyway, um, you were kind
of, like, doing this thing
233
00:09:00,835 --> 00:09:04,012
where you were talking over
people and hitting people
234
00:09:04,142 --> 00:09:06,014
and just being
very boisterous.
235
00:09:06,144 --> 00:09:08,016
And it was just
a little bit much.
236
00:09:08,146 --> 00:09:10,584
And, um, I was just
wondering if maybe you could
237
00:09:10,714 --> 00:09:12,020
tone it down a little?
238
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:14,326
Where is all this
coming from?
239
00:09:14,457 --> 00:09:16,851
Isaac and Thor
always watch TV together.
240
00:09:16,981 --> 00:09:18,548
Never complain before.
241
00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:21,682
W-Well, if you must know,
it's coming from Nigel.
242
00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:23,858
And I would push back,
it's just that it's
243
00:09:23,988 --> 00:09:25,947
so new, and I do
enjoy his company.
244
00:09:26,077 --> 00:09:31,213
I see. So... Isaac
embarrassed of Thor.
245
00:09:31,343 --> 00:09:33,694
No, I'm just simply saying
that when Nigel's around,
246
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,174
maybe you're around less.
247
00:09:36,305 --> 00:09:38,612
So mere presence
of Thor is problem.
248
00:09:38,742 --> 00:09:40,701
Yes. Well put.
249
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:43,268
Fine! Thor won't be around.
250
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:46,271
Thor go where he won't be
problem for you anymore.
251
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:49,492
Where he won't be problem
for anyone!
252
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,582
Okay, well, thank you
for hearing me.
253
00:09:52,713 --> 00:09:54,366
They call these sheets.
254
00:09:54,497 --> 00:09:57,065
They are as thin
as that toilet paper.
255
00:09:57,195 --> 00:10:00,024
Man, Debbie is really chafed
about that toilet paper.
256
00:10:00,155 --> 00:10:01,809
Literally.
257
00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:03,506
Knock, knock.
Room service.
258
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:04,507
Hey.
259
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,161
Jay's homemade cookies.
260
00:10:06,291 --> 00:10:07,771
So, how are you settling in?
261
00:10:07,902 --> 00:10:08,598
Everything okay
with the room?
262
00:10:08,729 --> 00:10:10,078
Oh, everything's perfect.
263
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:11,470
- Could not be better.
- Yes.
264
00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:12,863
Lies.
265
00:10:12,994 --> 00:10:15,126
Thin sheets, hard
towels, cheap TP.
266
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:17,433
Debbie's really chafed
about it.
267
00:10:17,563 --> 00:10:18,956
Sam hadn't heard it yet.
268
00:10:19,087 --> 00:10:20,610
You know, are those
our summer sheets?
269
00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:22,220
Would you mind if I changed them
270
00:10:22,351 --> 00:10:23,787
for something
a little more plush?
271
00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:24,745
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, no.
272
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:25,746
These are fine.
273
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:26,790
He said he'd rather sleep
274
00:10:26,921 --> 00:10:28,139
on his boat tarp, Sam.
275
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:30,272
No, I insist.
Let me change them.
276
00:10:30,402 --> 00:10:32,143
I slept
on a boat tarp once
277
00:10:32,274 --> 00:10:34,537
with several members
of Fleetwood Mac.
278
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,409
Little uncomfortable
but super easy cleanup.
279
00:10:39,324 --> 00:10:40,848
Hey, guys.
280
00:10:40,978 --> 00:10:44,242
Oh, it's upstairs.
How lovely.
281
00:10:44,373 --> 00:10:47,463
Listen, you guys got to do
something about your boy Thor.
282
00:10:47,593 --> 00:10:51,075
He's totally depressed and he's
bumming out the whole basement.
283
00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:53,251
And we like to keep it light
down there.
284
00:10:53,382 --> 00:10:55,558
Wait, what's Thor
doing in the basement?
285
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,386
He moved down there,
after Pantaloons here
286
00:10:57,516 --> 00:10:58,996
told him to get lost
287
00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:01,912
because his British boy toy
doesn't want Thor around.
288
00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,959
Isaac, is that so?
Is it telling the truth?
289
00:11:05,089 --> 00:11:07,657
No, I-I merely suggested
he tone down his energy a bit.
290
00:11:07,788 --> 00:11:09,441
I suppose, upon exit,
291
00:11:09,572 --> 00:11:11,400
he did cryptically promise
he'd not be around anymore,
292
00:11:11,530 --> 00:11:14,533
but I just thought
that was his Viking temper.
293
00:11:14,664 --> 00:11:16,057
Isaac, go apologize to Thor.
294
00:11:18,407 --> 00:11:19,321
No.
295
00:11:19,451 --> 00:11:20,975
No.
296
00:11:21,105 --> 00:11:24,326
I don't even know what
this thing is with Nigel yet,
297
00:11:24,456 --> 00:11:26,545
but whatever it is, I don't want
to ruin it before it starts.
298
00:11:26,676 --> 00:11:28,634
So I'm sorry
that Thor is unhappy,
299
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:31,507
but when is it my chance
to be happy? Hmm?
300
00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:33,944
When is it
old Higgintoot's turn?
301
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:37,382
Oh, God.
302
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,646
Thank you for coming.
303
00:11:40,777 --> 00:11:42,126
You're welcome.
304
00:11:42,257 --> 00:11:43,127
Leave.
305
00:11:43,258 --> 00:11:45,216
Okay. Oh.
306
00:11:45,347 --> 00:11:46,827
What'd they think
of the cookies, huh?
307
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,176
They said they loved them.
308
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:51,222
Yes. Mwah. See? I told you
we'd crush it.
309
00:11:51,353 --> 00:11:52,746
Bad news, Sam.
They hated the cookies.
310
00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:56,532
Oh, although
I tried one myself
311
00:11:56,662 --> 00:11:57,663
and I had some thoughts.
312
00:11:57,794 --> 00:11:58,969
Tom didn't like
the salt on top.
313
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,971
I wasn't sure about
the salt on top.
314
00:12:01,102 --> 00:12:04,845
But other than that, seriously,
babe, the cookies were perfect.
315
00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:06,542
Debbie's saying there's
too many chocolate chips.
316
00:12:06,672 --> 00:12:10,067
Although maybe there were
too many chocolate chips,
317
00:12:10,198 --> 00:12:11,808
now that I reflect
upon it further.
318
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,201
What's going on?
319
00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:15,420
You always loved my
chocolate chip cookies.
320
00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:17,596
Okay, I hadn't wanted
to hurt your feelings,
321
00:12:17,727 --> 00:12:21,644
but Tom and Debbie actually
did say something to me.
322
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,124
What? Really?
323
00:12:23,254 --> 00:12:24,603
It was very out
of character,
324
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:26,301
but it's growth for
them, which is good.
325
00:12:26,431 --> 00:12:28,346
Okay, well, I'm just
gonna talk to them.
326
00:12:28,477 --> 00:12:30,174
Wait, what? No-no.
Why?
327
00:12:30,305 --> 00:12:32,133
What is going on?
328
00:12:32,263 --> 00:12:33,874
Hmm?
First they love the cookies,
329
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:37,355
now they don't, and now you
don't want me to talk to them?
330
00:12:37,486 --> 00:12:39,401
Oh, boy. He's putting it together.
331
00:12:39,531 --> 00:12:41,795
Oh, my God, you did
have the ghosts spy.
332
00:12:41,925 --> 00:12:43,753
- Busted.
- Just a little bit.
333
00:12:43,884 --> 00:12:45,015
Unbelievable.
334
00:12:45,146 --> 00:12:46,625
Not a great turn
of events for Sam,
335
00:12:46,756 --> 00:12:49,541
but Jay's one hell
of a gumshoe.
336
00:12:49,672 --> 00:12:50,804
Okay, yes, I should
have told you.
337
00:12:50,934 --> 00:12:52,414
But honestly, it's working.
338
00:12:52,544 --> 00:12:55,460
I am able to respond in real
time to their every need.
339
00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:57,288
- What did I miss?
- Jay figured it out.
340
00:12:57,419 --> 00:13:00,204
Ooh, exciting.
- Which one's Jay?
- I get it.
341
00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:02,293
It's hard to hear criticism.
342
00:13:02,424 --> 00:13:04,426
But honestly, if Tom and Debbie
thought that I was
343
00:13:04,556 --> 00:13:05,862
doing something wrong,
I would love to know about it.
344
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,342
So we should tell her
what Debbie said about her.
345
00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:09,126
Trevor, shh!
Wait, what?
346
00:13:09,257 --> 00:13:10,693
We didn't want to say anything.
347
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:13,043
We know you're not the
best at taking criticism.
348
00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:14,697
I can handle it. Oh.
349
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,655
Do the ghosts have
some opportunities
350
00:13:16,786 --> 00:13:18,048
for you to improve?
351
00:13:18,179 --> 00:13:19,571
Debbie thinks
you're too chatty.
352
00:13:19,702 --> 00:13:21,095
Too chatty? That is...
353
00:13:22,748 --> 00:13:24,359
...very useful criticism.
354
00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:26,230
Thank you for letting me know.
355
00:13:26,361 --> 00:13:29,103
I will strive to improve
that area of my personality
356
00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:31,453
during the remainder
of their visit.
357
00:13:31,583 --> 00:13:34,456
Seems like she could've said
that in a lot less words.
358
00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:43,726
Well, I am ready
to strap on the old feedbag.
359
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,859
Something
smells delicious.
360
00:13:45,989 --> 00:13:47,643
Oh, I believe that is
Jay's famous duck.
361
00:13:47,773 --> 00:13:49,036
But before the main event,
362
00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:50,864
your farm-to-table
dinner starts with
363
00:13:50,994 --> 00:13:52,561
a wide assortment
of taste delights
364
00:13:52,691 --> 00:13:54,780
- from across the Hudson.
- Keep it brief, motormouth.
365
00:13:54,911 --> 00:13:56,260
I'll get your salads.
Oh.
366
00:13:57,609 --> 00:13:59,916
- Odd woman.
- Agreed.
367
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,658
The year was 1996,
368
00:14:02,788 --> 00:14:05,052
and the Spice Girls
were everywhere.
369
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:07,271
This new fab five
burst onto the scene
370
00:14:07,402 --> 00:14:09,665
with their message
of female empowerment
371
00:14:09,795 --> 00:14:11,972
and, above all,
loyalty to your friends.
372
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,451
Hmm.♪ If you wanna be my lover... ♪
373
00:14:13,582 --> 00:14:15,192
Loyalty to friends.
374
00:14:15,323 --> 00:14:17,673
I guess the '90s were
a different time.
375
00:14:17,803 --> 00:14:20,415
♪ Friendship never ends... ♪
376
00:14:20,545 --> 00:14:22,765
Damn these English bards.
377
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,593
Catchy.
378
00:14:24,723 --> 00:14:27,248
♪ Taking is too easy,
but that's the... ♪
379
00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:29,119
Okay, so apparently
they're loving your bread rolls,
380
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:31,339
but they think that I slouch
and do other stuff wrong.
381
00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:33,558
Hi, couple more action items.
382
00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,038
Uh, they do not like the
playlist, they think you hover,
383
00:14:35,169 --> 00:14:37,345
your voice is too high,
and the pattern
384
00:14:37,475 --> 00:14:39,086
in your grandmother's butter
dish is satanic.
385
00:14:39,216 --> 00:14:42,002
And now they hate my playlist,
they think that I tend to hover,
386
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,178
that my voice is too high, and
apparently that the pattern
387
00:14:44,308 --> 00:14:46,484
on my grandmother's
butter dish is satanic.
388
00:14:46,615 --> 00:14:48,008
I hate these people.
389
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,662
Ugh... I better get
back out there.
390
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:53,448
Oh, I don't like the look
of this fork.
391
00:14:53,578 --> 00:14:55,102
- It's dingy, like the house.
- Yeah, look at this.
392
00:14:55,232 --> 00:14:56,059
Here are your salads.
393
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:57,931
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
394
00:14:58,061 --> 00:14:59,367
- Yummy.
- I'm gonna switch
out the butter dish,
395
00:14:59,497 --> 00:15:01,630
'cause why not, right?
Okay.
396
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,023
Is it too bright in here?
397
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,895
- No, not at all-- Thank you.
- Thank you.
398
00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:07,897
Hmm. That's better.
399
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:09,159
You're hovering, and somehow
400
00:15:09,290 --> 00:15:10,508
your voice has gotten
even higher.
401
00:15:10,639 --> 00:15:12,684
:
I'll let you enjoy
your salads.
402
00:15:12,815 --> 00:15:14,512
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
403
00:15:20,692 --> 00:15:21,998
Is he...
404
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,957
Asleep? Yeah.
405
00:15:24,087 --> 00:15:26,437
The floor's pretty uneven,
so we tend to sleep standing up.
406
00:15:26,568 --> 00:15:30,093
Like livestock. You'll get used
to it after a few decades.
407
00:15:30,224 --> 00:15:31,094
Why on earth have you
408
00:15:31,225 --> 00:15:33,749
dragged us down
to this miserable pit?
409
00:15:33,879 --> 00:15:35,229
Because I have something
to say to Thor,
410
00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:37,187
- and I need you to hear it.
- Thor?
411
00:15:37,318 --> 00:15:38,623
Isaac.
412
00:15:38,754 --> 00:15:41,539
I'm sorry.
413
00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:44,325
You are a good friend,
and I have treated you poorly,
414
00:15:44,455 --> 00:15:48,677
and I would like you
to come back upstairs.
415
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:51,767
You... truly mean this?
416
00:15:51,897 --> 00:15:54,726
Thor not annoying?
417
00:15:54,857 --> 00:15:57,599
Well, those are two
different questions, but yes.
418
00:15:57,729 --> 00:15:59,166
No, I mean it.
419
00:15:59,296 --> 00:16:01,559
And, Nigel,
I care about you.
420
00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:03,866
But something I learned today
is that if you want to be
421
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,869
my special companion, you got
to get with my Viking friend.
422
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,350
Oh.
I see.
423
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,482
I didn't realize
how much he meant to you.
424
00:16:11,613 --> 00:16:14,050
Yes. Neither did I.
425
00:16:17,271 --> 00:16:19,882
Thorfinn, forgive me.
426
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,753
Perhaps I judged you
too hastily.
427
00:16:21,884 --> 00:16:24,539
Is okay.
Thorfinn acquired taste,
428
00:16:24,669 --> 00:16:26,454
like sour ram's testicle.
429
00:16:28,543 --> 00:16:31,328
God knows I'm not
everyone's cup of tea.
430
00:16:31,459 --> 00:16:33,765
I like sitting in a dirty shed
watching ants all day.
431
00:16:33,896 --> 00:16:34,810
Wait.
432
00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:36,159
You like watching ants?
433
00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,509
Thor loves
watching ants, too!
434
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,250
Basement ants best ants.
435
00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:41,643
Come. Yes.
436
00:16:41,773 --> 00:16:44,907
Oh! Now, these boys
have gumption.
437
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,692
Thor and Nigel bonding.
438
00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:50,695
You and Isaac should come to
the shed to watch our ants.
439
00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:53,089
Oh, good, back to the shed.
440
00:16:54,525 --> 00:16:56,745
Jay, how are we coming
with that duck?
441
00:16:56,875 --> 00:16:58,225
Did you change
your sweater?
442
00:16:58,355 --> 00:16:59,791
Oh, yeah, apparently
Debbie thought I was looking
443
00:16:59,922 --> 00:17:02,490
a little washed out.
Okay, here's a thought.
444
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:04,883
Tom and Debbie suck.
445
00:17:05,014 --> 00:17:06,494
I agree with that. Jay.
446
00:17:06,624 --> 00:17:07,843
I am sick of sitting here
447
00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:09,236
and listening to
them criticize
448
00:17:09,366 --> 00:17:11,455
the best person
that I know. Aw.
449
00:17:11,586 --> 00:17:14,241
Sam, I think they're
crazy with this one,
450
00:17:14,371 --> 00:17:17,200
but they hate your perfume.
What's wrong?
451
00:17:17,331 --> 00:17:19,333
They don't like my perfume.
452
00:17:19,463 --> 00:17:20,943
The perfume
your mom gave you?
453
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,597
Yeah, it's okay.
It's a little old-fashioned.
454
00:17:22,727 --> 00:17:25,121
Nope. Uh-uh.
455
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:28,646
Uh, Jay?
456
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:29,821
Ooh, it's on.
457
00:17:29,952 --> 00:17:31,084
Oh, a visit from the chef.
458
00:17:31,214 --> 00:17:33,129
Ah, is it time for our duck?
459
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,392
Oh, if you think you're getting
even a nibble of my duck,
460
00:17:35,523 --> 00:17:37,177
you are sorely mistaken.
461
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,744
Look, it's one thing to complain
about cookies and candles,
462
00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:41,833
but the fact that you could
find anything bad to say
463
00:17:41,964 --> 00:17:44,358
about my wonderful wife
464
00:17:44,488 --> 00:17:46,273
is bonkers.
465
00:17:46,403 --> 00:17:47,926
Yeah, she's a
little talkative,
466
00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:49,928
but I love every word.
467
00:17:50,059 --> 00:17:52,061
She's kind
and she's smart.
468
00:17:52,192 --> 00:17:54,063
And her voice is mellifluous.
469
00:17:54,194 --> 00:17:56,544
And she's got a great ass.
470
00:17:56,674 --> 00:18:00,287
And I know no one's debating
that, but I'm on a roll.
471
00:18:00,417 --> 00:18:01,853
And you know what else?
472
00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:03,551
Jay's cookies aren't too
salty, they're amazing.
473
00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:05,292
And he's got a great ass.
474
00:18:05,422 --> 00:18:06,336
And you might not be able
to see it in these pants,
475
00:18:06,467 --> 00:18:08,251
but if you put him in,
like, a soft jean
476
00:18:08,382 --> 00:18:10,775
or maybe a chino,
- your jaw would drop.
- Thank you.
477
00:18:10,906 --> 00:18:12,473
Well, this is not gonna
make for a good Yelp review,
478
00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:15,215
- but God bless these crazy kids.
- Wait.
479
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,825
How do you know
we said any of that?
480
00:18:16,955 --> 00:18:20,220
Um, thin walls.
481
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,743
Very thin.
482
00:18:21,873 --> 00:18:25,050
What-- You've been
- eavesdropping on us.
- Why?
483
00:18:25,181 --> 00:18:28,880
Because we're trying
to start a business
484
00:18:29,011 --> 00:18:30,795
and we read all your
vicious Yelp reviews,
485
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,276
and we were just trying to do
something to make you happy.
486
00:18:33,407 --> 00:18:35,670
What do you mean you read
our Yelp reviews?
487
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,498
Those reviews are anonymous.
That's right.
488
00:18:37,628 --> 00:18:40,501
No, we can see your
names and pictures.
489
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:42,633
Uh, no.
No, no, no, no.
490
00:18:42,764 --> 00:18:46,246
No, that is what we see
on our computer. Right.
491
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,986
No, I can show you.
492
00:18:48,117 --> 00:18:50,467
Okay. Yeah.
Well, we'll look.
493
00:18:50,598 --> 00:18:51,860
It's-- Oh.
494
00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:54,602
This is not good.
495
00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:57,518
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
We went after everyone.
496
00:18:57,648 --> 00:18:59,955
- They're all there.
- Oh, no, we tore apart
your sister's Shrimp Shack.
497
00:19:00,085 --> 00:19:02,436
This is a nightmare.
- We have to move.
- Oh. Oh, no.
498
00:19:02,566 --> 00:19:04,786
Wh-Where are you going, Tom?
499
00:19:04,916 --> 00:19:06,440
To unplug my laptop, Debbie.
500
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:07,832
We got to get
those reviews off-line.
501
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:12,315
Well, I don't think that's
how it works, Tom. Tom!
502
00:19:12,446 --> 00:19:15,405
Yelp reviews may not be
anonymous, but you know what is?
503
00:19:15,536 --> 00:19:17,755
Conversations with your
trusted travel agent.
504
00:19:17,886 --> 00:19:20,628
Unless you tell me you murdered
someone. Or stole a robe.
505
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,635
Oh, babe.
506
00:19:27,765 --> 00:19:28,853
Tom and Debbie left us
a Yelp review.
507
00:19:28,984 --> 00:19:30,725
Oh, I'm so nervous.
508
00:19:30,855 --> 00:19:33,467
"There may be nicer
places to stay
509
00:19:33,597 --> 00:19:35,556
and softer sheets
to lay upon..."
510
00:19:35,686 --> 00:19:36,557
Let it go, Debbie.
511
00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:37,819
"... but the proprietors
512
00:19:37,949 --> 00:19:39,124
"of the charming
Woodstone B and B
513
00:19:39,255 --> 00:19:40,865
really care about
their guests."
514
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:43,999
Oh. "Sam and Jay not only
anticipated our every need
515
00:19:44,129 --> 00:19:46,523
"but alerted us to the tragic
hacking of our Yelp account,
516
00:19:46,654 --> 00:19:48,003
"which led to the besmirching
of some of our
517
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:50,527
"favorite institutions,
including the delicious
518
00:19:50,658 --> 00:19:52,486
and normal-smelling
Linda's Shrimp Shack."
519
00:19:52,616 --> 00:19:53,835
What is hacking?
520
00:19:53,965 --> 00:19:54,836
It means someone broke
into their account,
521
00:19:54,966 --> 00:19:56,185
but Tom and Debbie are lying.
522
00:19:56,316 --> 00:19:57,926
They're just doing
damage control.
523
00:19:58,056 --> 00:20:00,755
Babe, they left
us five stars!
524
00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:04,628
"And this is our vow
to you, people of Yelp,
525
00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:06,761
we will not rest until we find
the real hackers."
526
00:20:06,891 --> 00:20:09,198
Oh, like O.J. with the
real killers.
527
00:20:09,329 --> 00:20:10,460
I bet he found them.
528
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:12,332
That fellow seemed
very determined.
529
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:14,986
Well, seems like
it all worked out.
530
00:20:15,117 --> 00:20:16,553
Yeah, but I don't want
this to be an endorsement
531
00:20:16,684 --> 00:20:17,685
for you to keep using
532
00:20:17,815 --> 00:20:19,513
these ghosts
behind my back.
533
00:20:19,643 --> 00:20:21,689
It is the last time
I do that, I promise.
534
00:20:21,819 --> 00:20:22,994
Good.
535
00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:24,169
Unless, like,
536
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,432
it's something
really important, right?
537
00:20:25,562 --> 00:20:27,608
- Mm-hmm.
- What's that?
538
00:20:27,738 --> 00:20:29,349
Oh, I said, "Mmm."
539
00:20:35,746 --> 00:20:38,009
Captioning sponsored by CBS
540
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:41,056
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
39695
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