Original subtitles

Can we watch "Star Wars" tonight?

Yes. Yes, we can absolutely watch "Star Wars."

I need to choose a charity for my mitzvah project.

Oh, yeah. Right, right, right.

Um, maybe something... Something with animals?

- That's a good idea. - Yeah.

Dogs. Rescue?

- Yeah. - I can do rescue.

Oh, that's a good idea. We'll look it up.

And speaking of, uh, projects, how are you feeling

with your STEM project, Sol?

In the days that followed,

Toby found his thoughts returning to the museum.

But not to Vantablack.

To his favorite permanent exhibit, the Hall of Human Origins.

Once, we had no language.

Just the raw materials of a heartbeat,

some body hair, and a couple of thumbs.

And then we walked. And then we cooked.

And then we sent our children to camp.

And then we had iPhones and schools and hospitals

and toenail clippers.

Humans were built for survival.

He'd forgotten that this summer.

But now he remembered.

To survive is to evolve.

To evolve is to move forward.

And to move forward is to recover.

- Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com -

His recovery was slow at first.

I got the kids an appointment to see a therapist.

You know, they need to speak to someone.

They're too worried about me, and I feel like

they can't really be honest with how they feel, you know?

Yeah. I'm not a go-to-therapy guy,

but I think you should go to therapy.

These shades are, like, melded to the wall.

No, I know. It's insane.

Honestly, I don't even know, like, what talking would do anymore.

I believe in therapy, don't get me wrong.

I saw someone right after we got separated.

But, I don't know, I want to, like, move into the future

and I can't do that if I keep talking about the past.

Toby, for real, man, I can't remove these.

They're, like, welded into the skeleton of the building.

The building will not let them go.

"I'm nothing without you, blinds."

- "Not without my blinds." - "You want my blinds?"

"You can't handle my blinds!"

- Hey. - Yeah?

Uh, so I've been meaning to tell you.

Yeah?

I'm gonna pop the question.

I'm sorry. Wait, what?

Yes. I've been thinking about it a lot.

The day, uh, Vanessa and I watched Bubbles,

I got this text from a headhunter, and she saw it,

and, so, I told her everything. And it was all fine.

She understood. She wasn't angry.

And I thought, like, "Ugh, what kind of person

"doesn't want that," you know? Like, I get it now.

Sorry, I'm just, like, so surprised.

Like, I don't know. I just got here.

We were going to have, like, so much fun together.

Yeah. It was that night, but, you know, uh, my life is empty

and I feel like I'm getting more and more desperate.

You are not desperate. You are, like, the king of the city.

You're, like, the king of the night.

No, I'm just a guy who's getting older and hasn't settled.

And, you know, I would like a

place. I would like to belong to people.

Really? Well, I don't. I mean, I did and I don't.

Marriage is, like, no guarantee of anything.

You still have a family, you know?

I kept looking at you that night

and thinking how lucky you were to have a family.

And wondering what my life might look like to you.

Uh, amazing. Like, it looked amazing. It was amazing.

Yeah.

I guess I don't know that I want to be the guy

that you save for a night out when you need it, you know?

That's not what I was saying.

I know. I know.

But those guys are, like, 10 years younger than me.

More, even.

And Brian's going to marry the next person he dates.

That's how that is. And I'm just going to be this guy that, you know,

you can't really pin down. I'm suspect.

Look at me, I'm divorced. I mean, this is...

Yeah, but you still made it through.

You passed some sort of vetting process.

At some point in time, you were part of the establishment.

And you still are.

And I'm just here still worried about

getting invited to Thanksgiving dinner.

Well, I'll invite you to Thanksgiving dinner.

No, I have plenty of invitations.

But they do require me being wantable, you know?

And I'm saying that that is not the

same thing as belonging somewhere.

I have no unconditional invitations in my life.

Hmm.

You could be happy for me.

I was happy for you.

I'm sorry, man. I don't know what to say. I can't do this.

No, I know. I tried all day. It actually brought me great shame

to even call you for help.

Do you think, if we were Gentiles, we could pull this off?

I don't know. Maybe Bubbles could do it.

Bubbles, you're not Jewish, are you?

I won't be shamed by you, Bubbles.

We should be able to do this.

I know. I think we should be able to do this, too.

You know who could do it? Jesus.

Jesus was a carpenter. People often forget

- that he was Jewish. - I don't.

I don't ever forget it.

He was starting to get some kind of equilibrium.

None of my friends are there.

Hey. How was it?

Hi. I hate the Y camp.

Yeah?

- Hi, Bubbles. - Hi, Bubbles.

Hey, Bubbles. Hi, Bubbles.

Can we study for my haftarah?

Yes, please. Go get it.

Okay. Come on, Bubbles. Let's go study.

"'We hold these truths to be self-evident!'

she shouted. 'That all men are created equal,

that they are endowed by their creator

with certain unalienable rights.

But that's exactly what we have on Camazotz.

Complete equality. Everybody exactly alike.'

For a moment, her brain reeled with confusion.

Then came a moment of blazing truth.

'No!' she cried triumphantly.

"'Like and equal are not the same thing at all!'"

Do you think everyone is equal?

Um, yeah. Of course I do.

But you don't like Mom's friends.

N-No, Mom's friends are the ones

that don't think everyone is equal.

That's... That's why I didn't like them.

You still think they're bad.

Okay, you know,

you think maybe it's time to go to sleep?

Is the spot getting bigger, Dad?

He'd been finding his old equanimity poking through again.

Would you look at that?

It kind of looks a little like Saturn, doesn't it?

Right, but is it okay for it to be getting bigger?

Yeah, it's fine.

He was starting to return to his resting pulse again.

"A picture flashed into her mind of winter evenings

spent sitting before the open fire and studying with her father."

He had been figuring out what he wanted.

Well, hello, hello.

Hi. N-N-N-N-No. Unh-unh. I'm taking you out, okay?

- Toby. - No, it doesn't have to be to eat.

It can be a walk to the water or a run to the bodega.

It is really nice outside.

Come on, don't you want to get the hell out of here?

Are you crazy? It is not nice.

It is 300°. Come in. I was going to order sushi.

No, let's go out. We can eat sushi in public, okay?

Let's throw caution to the wind and just be two

consenting adults eating dinner.

Toby, I can't.

Sorry. I don't think you know, like, how badly

I need something to be normal right now, okay?

I do. But, you know, my husband.

Yeah, he's not your husband anymore.

- Toby. - No, he's not your hu...

He doesn't get to be your husband after you split up.

- Can we just talk inside? - No, sorry.

Uh, I don't... I don't know.

This is, like, so strange, Nahid.

Sorry. A relationship that starts in bed.

Usually, it's hard to get a woman in bed,

not to get her to go out to dinner.

I don't think this is working out.

Okay.

Yeah, just, like, I want something real, you know? I...

No, I... I deserve something real.

I know.

I'm sorry.

You're very nice. It is just too complicated.

Yeah.

Toby. I like you.

Yeah, I like you, too.

Maybe one day.

I'm hoping for more immediate relief than that,

but...

No.

He was learning to set boundaries.

And then...

"Dr. Bartuck would like to see you first thing in his office."

Are we going to get a lot of money?

Um, I don't know.

Are you going to get a bigger office?

Hey, come on. What's wrong with my office?

Okay.

You know what?

What?

I'm... I'm proud of you.

You are?

Yeah.

Thank you so much. Okay.

- Okay. - All right.

Go get the promotion. Let's go. Come on.

Yes. It was all okay.

The body heals. The liver regenerates.

The spirit heals.

It heals and heals and heals until you're dead.

Hello.

Oh, come in, come in.

Thank you for coming to see me.

Oh, of course.

I'm... I'm very happy to be here.

Oh, well. It's hot enough for you?

Where? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, I'm just going to say it 'cause there's no easy way to do it.

It's about your position.

Someone job for hired else we the.

I'm sorry, what?

Someone job for hired else we the.

You it to go wanted differently know I.

So did I.

Wait, what? Who?

Outside hired someone from here

they... they wanted we new blood some in.

Wait, you're hiring someone from outside to be my boss?

Be the to yes, the subdivision head.

Look.

Nobody doubts your skill,

but they felt like you were unwilling to give the time.

You've taken how many personal days in the last three weeks?

I've worked here for 15 years.

I had a... I had a bad couple of weeks.

Well, you're an excellent doctor.

Everyone agrees.

The rest didn't really matter.

Janice had some serious objections to Toby's appointment.

But, look, I... I didn't say never.

If you start putting in the face time,

you never know what could happen.

Um, who... who got it? If you don't mind me asking.

Oh, sure. H-His name is Aaron Schwartz.

He was up for a subdivision head at Sinai.

We got him here. He's a bright guy.

Very dedicated. You'll get along.

No, I know him. I went to, uh... I went to medical school with him.

Toby tried to pull it together, but this time it was hard.

Aaron Schwartz?

Karen Cooper 911.

Subarachnoid hemorrhage, evidence of herniation.

Karen Cooper had suffered a rare

but not-unheard-of result of surgery

that left her with the kind of injury

that destroys a person's ability to think

and breathe and function in a body.

In other words, Karen Cooper was brain dead.

I thought the liver made her better?

You said that she was getting better.

Yeah, I'm... I'm so sorry, David.

So, uh, what do we do now?

What's... What's... What's the next steps?

Well, it's... It's a massive bleed. There's evidence of herniation.

It's, uh, it's an injury that's very hard to recover from.

What's that mean?

It's hard to recover from this. I'm sorry.

People just don't recover from this.

This isn't supposed to happen to her.

To us. This... This is not fair.

I know. I know. It shouldn't happen to... To anyone.

I know.

This is just unacceptable.

Well, yeah, it's a tough blow. I'm really sorry.

Who else can I talk to about this?

Well, you've spoken to Dr. Lintz.

No, I mean who is the person in charge?

Who's your boss?

Sorry, it's just a very unfortunate situation.

- It's not like... - I need to speak to someone about this.

Someone who is actually in charge.

It's just, it's not fair.

- Fair? - Yeah, that's right.

This is not what I was promised. It is not fair.

- But Toby knew the truth. - Okay, there's a

social worker that maybe you could speak to.

- You haven't answered my questions. - Death is not unfair.

There is a social worker on duty.

I will send the social worker up for you.

It's life that's unfair.

Sorry, I have other patients.

As if the David Coopers of the world

really wanted to be part of a system that's fair.

It didn't matter. Because none of this was fair.

Toby was denied advancement because he took care of his children.

Toby's own son had discovered porn

and his daughter was absent a maternal figure

who could have maybe prevented her from getting publicly humiliated

all because she was out

on some wonderfuckfest with Sam Rothberg.

Piece of shit Sam Rothberg, who wore nylon

Adidas pants with stripes on the side on Sundays,

who had endless bets on endless brackets for March Madness.

This was fair? Dr. Fleishman?

- Yeah, sorry. Just fine. - Is everything okay?

Yeah, I was just... Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

But once David Cooper put the notion

of fairness into Toby's brain, Toby found it would not leave.

There are questions a person shouldn't ask

because they're unanswerable.

Oh. Hello, Phillip.

Hey. Toby. I'm glad I caught you.

- Uh, I-I was wondering... - Yeah.

I'm applying for the Plotkin fellowship.

Oh, in nephrology?

Yeah, and I wanted to see if you would write me a recommendation?

But you're... You're in hepatology.

Yeah, I want to be able to run a gastro unit

and then a post in admin.

Dr. Bartuck says that's the fastest path to the top.

Yeah, is that... Is that why you do this? To get to the top?

I do this because I'm a healer. I hold life in my...

Hey, hey. No, come on. I'm curious.

A man's worth is no greater than his ambitions.

That's beautiful. Is that a... Is that Whitman?

You know what? Whatever.

Sure. Why don't you write it yourself, and I'll sign it?

I wouldn't really know what to say.

Thanks, Toby.

It's Dr. Fleishman, okay, Phillip?

You call me Dr. Fleishman.

Hi, Toby.

Hi. Yeah, sorry. I was just, um...

Hey. I heard about the new subdivision head.

- Yeah? - You were a candidate, right?

- Uh, yeah. - I'm so sorry.

Just... It doesn't make sense.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, no, no, it's fine.

We talked about it, but ultimately, I think

the thing I care most about is patient interface, so...

Yeah. You know, you always have to be on guard

for the ways that, you know, people want

to advance you out of the thing you got into medicine for, so...

O-Of course, but, God, losing sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.

Toby, I've learned more from you than any other teacher

that they have in this place.

Really?

Hmm. Sorry, that is such a nice thing to say.

Oh, well, it's true, so...

That is so nice.

And I'm sorry. You know, you were right.

- You know, losing sucks. Actually... - I know.

I'm actually so upset about it.

Yeah. It's funny 'cause you, you know,

all these years, um, you know,

Rachel, my... my ex-wife, uh, she was always telling me

I wasn't ambitious enough. And I would just say,

"I'm not an ambition monster," you know?

- Right. - It's different.

And also, like, there's this concept of enough, you know?

And it's weird. I always thought it was crazy,

but, honestly, this feels pretty bad.

Yeah, this has me asking a lot of hard questions of myself.

Of course, but you know that none of that is your fault, right?

- Hmm. - No.

Oh, my God, it's... It's the fact that,

you know, this world is stupid.

I-It values the wrong things,

but I have watched you keep all your values

the same despite all these, you know,

all these chaotic pressures that are put on you.

And I really admire that.

I really want to be like that.

No, when I... See, when I first...

This was what he wanted.

Someone who cared. Someone who could listen.

Someone who would root for him.

You can understand how, given his recent months,

his recent years, his recent hour,

just how much this kindness meant to him.

Uh, would you maybe want to talk about this more after work?

You know, maybe... I don't know,

maybe I could take you out to dinner or something.

Oh. Um...

You know, I... We have that...

I have that Hoffman sonogram that you told me to check up on,

so I'm gonna go do that right now.

Oh, fuck.

Thank you, Dr. Fleishman.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, wow.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck!

How was it?

Dad, why are you walking so fast?

- We're going out to dinner. - You got your promotion?

- Is your office bigger? - Actually, you

know what? I told them I didn't want it.

Yeah, I didn't want to deal with office stuff all the time,

and I don't want to be anybody's boss.

Being a boss is terrible and then everybody hates you.

Come on.

Where are we eating?

- Dad? - Yeah?

Dad, are you okay?

I'm fine. Just eat.

And then, his entire body paralyzed by his first carb

intake in nearly 30 years, it became very quiet again.

The thing is, he hadn't even asked for a promotion.

He hadn't asked for this particular rejection

in what was fast becoming the worst summer of his life.

His rejection wouldn't matter when he was fired

for being a sexual harasser, anyway.

Jessica! Dad!

Dad, Aunt Cherry's here.

Cherry.

What are you doing here? Hi, Jessica.

Hi. It's Saturday. You asked me to come.

- What's wrong with you? - Saturday.

You said you had a party to go to.

We talked about how nice it would be,

just me and Jessica and the kids?

Oh, God. Sorry. No, there's no party.

I'm sorry, I totally spaced.

It's been a... It's kind of been like a bad week.

He didn't get his promotion.

He didn't want his promotion.

- Sure, doofus. - Hey, show me your room.

Okay. It's my room, too.

- We got a dog. - Really?

- Yeah. - Hi. I'm sorry it's such a mess.

It all just kind of, like, accumulated.

You know, I dealt with Rachel being gone.

I did... I handled that. But then, I don't know.

I took my eye off the ball, and suddenly, everything else fell apart.

Ugh, please don't listen to me. This is how I sound now.

Sorry, every time I'm, like, almost back to normal,

something happens and I just, like, I don't know.

I'm really sorry you took the trip in.

You lost a promotion. You're divorced.

Welcome to middle age. The alternative was dying young.

Now tell me about this party you're definitely going to.

Uh, it's a friend from my year in Israel, Shana.

She and her husband, Mord, have this, like, annual reunion.

I... I stopped going after Rachel and I got married.

Then go.

I can't. Sorry, I'm... I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know how to, like, present myself

- to the world anymore. - You're divorced.

Most people are divorced.

Go take a shower.

- Really? - Go.

- Okay, okay. I'm going. - Go.

So Toby headed to the annual get-together from our year abroad,

the one I went to every year and the one

Toby hadn't been to in 15 years.

There you go. Thanks.

In the intervening years, the only get-togethers

he had been to were terrible one's with Rachel's friends.

When he walked into the Israel reunion,

he hadn't remembered that the purpose of people

gathering was to be fun.

- We're here! - Toby Fleishman!

- Toby Fleishman? - Oh, my God.

- My God! - Toby!

- Hi! - Oh, look at this.

Can you even?

Oh, yes. Oh.

Yes, the table works.

Ms. Rachel, this is amazing.

- Oh, thank you. - Who did you use?

Yeah, actually, we got the guys who created Levittown to consult, so...

- I don't know them. - Okay, well, no, it's a joke.

I'm just, you know, kidding. Uh, Marisa McMazz.

- Oh. - She's Miriam's person.

- Yes, yes, yes. I love her. - Yeah.

Did she make you do the quiz?

She did.

Oh, wait. Don't tell me.

Was it... Was it mid-cench?

It's mid-century.

Aah! I knew it!

Rachel Fleishman! Mid-century!

I knew it.

So, Fleish, how are things at the hospital?

Well, it's good, actually. Yeah, we're getting into crypto, so...

Wait, what is that? Is that another joke?

That was a joke, yeah.

- Fleishman! - I can't believe!

- Toby! - Oh, Toby!

You look great.

It's so good to see you.

Oh! It's Toby Fleishman!

Toby, my man.

I'm glad you're here.

Toby, this is a huge upgrade.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

I wish I could go back there with you.

Here you go. Thanks a lot.

Yeah, no, actually, you know what?

I liked our old place. It was sweet, you know.

We had mismatched furniture.

It was like, you know, paradise for me.

Toby, this place, though. You could... You could get lost in here.

Like, the ceilings alone, it's...

- They make you look shorter. - Rich.

I mean, they make all of us... I meant all of us look shorter.

Uh, the royal you.

The old place didn't have air-conditioning.

- It did. - We had... We had units.

Eww. That's what I meant.

Thank you. Toby hates change.

Actually, I'm fine with change.

Well, these chairs are lovely.

How are you, Toby?

Libby said you've been having a tough time.

I'm okay. I got divorced.

I got married and then divorced. I hear this happens, though.

- Are you doing okay? - Yeah.

So, you're on the apps?

Um, yes. Uh, you know, sometimes.

What's it like? It's crazy, right?

Yeah. Honestly, it is insane.

Like, it's... it's gross. I mean, you feel dirty.

Oh, my God, it's Seth!

- Hey. - Hi.

Hey. You showed.

I did. I might... I might never leave.

Oh, hello. Good to see you.

You, too.

You brought your appetite.

- You're looking fit. - Grace looks good.

- Oh! - Yay.

This is fantastic.

Hey. You guys ever go skiing in Gstaad?

'Cause I just heard it's great. We should all go.

I'm... I'm getting sick of Vail, right?

Oh, he says this every time.

Gotta check with the boss here.

- Ooh, wild. - Boss, please.

Boss check.

I likey. Let's do it.

- Yes. - All in favor of Gstaad?

- Okay. - Sure.

In. Why not?

Uh, Toby, you know, I've been meaning to ask,

do you have a good concierge guy?

Working in pharma, you'd think I'd know all the good people.

And yet, you only seem to know the bad ones.

Um... that was a joke.

I'm j... That was a joke.

That was so stupid, Toby.

Um, are you and Roxanne going to put Max into robotics?

And he looks up at the doctor and he goes to the doctor,

"Uh, doctor, are you Jewish?"

And the doctor says, "No, no." And he goes, "Oh, shit."

Was that true?

It's true. It's true. It's true.

And then he died under... Under anesthesia.

No!

He died. Yeah. He died, yeah.

Um, are you going to put Max in robotics?

Yes. STEM all the way.

He made this little character out of Legos.

It can walk. It's amazing.

Oh, Solly did the same thing. The

little Lego guy can bowl. It's insane.

Can you imagine if they taught us this stuff at that age?

Speaking of which, what would you do differently?

- Oh. - Hmm.

No, I'm not saying I would do anything different,

it's just, you know, just, like, what a world kind of thing.

Yeah, I can totally see you as a tech guy.

Uh, sorry, I don't know if I have enough, uh,

hoodies for that.

It was a joke, Toby.

You're exactly who you were always going to be.

So how's the liver business, my man?

You asked me that.

I mean, you always fucking ask me that, so...

I...

Excuse me, I got to go.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, so she is an anthropologist...

- Okay. - ...and a veterinarian.

She is trying to, uh, save some species of bird.

Really? That's... Okay. That's admirable.

I don't know if I'm, like, ready to be set up.

I had this weird, like, quasi-relationship

with this woman who literally did not leave her house.

It is weird out th... Yes, I'm serious.

It is weird out there. It filled me with trepidation.

It's just a divorce, man.

No, I know. I know. But it...

I don't know, it felt like more than that.

It felt like a referendum on my...

My life and my choices, you know?

What if it's just bad luck? Hmm.

What if it's just sometimes life isn't fair?

Hmm. Yeah, fair.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe you're right. Yeah, sometimes things just aren't fair.

I-I think I don't like to think in those terms.

That's what those terms are there for.

Do you know what I think about all the time?

When we took that hike and got lost and it got dark...

It had been so long since he felt accepted,

like he didn't have to justify his existence,

that people just took him on his own terms.

Maybe this was the key.

To spend time with people who knew you when you were all potential.

Maybe, in some way...

...you remained all potential to them.

Your mistakes were anomalies to them.

Yeah!

They lost our luggage, the traffic was crazy.

Hey. I remember you from a college.

Good. Yeah.

Did I miss everything?

You know why I eat these?

- Because they're awful? - That's right.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Thank you.

I'm gonna get some diet ice for you.

Diet ice, never not funny.

So, uh, who are you writing about these days?

She's not at the magazine anymore.

Yeah, I'm not anywhere anymore, Mord.

- Mmh-mnh. - No, I don't want it.

- It's too sweet. - I'll take that.

No, it smells like something a teenage girl would make.

This is really fun. We never go to parties, ever.

We go to parties all the time.

But we don't go to fun parties.

This is my very favorite night of the whole year.

Wow.

Wow? I mean, what? Is that... Is that bad?

- Nope. No problem. - Your booze.

Thank you very much. Mm-hmm.

Hey, hey, hey. How was?

I loved it. Mm-hmm.

People greet you, they call your kids by name.

Honestly, I say this with no irony.

It's clean. It's safe.

Uh, Libby found it soul-crushing.

- Why? - Because she hates joy.

Wow, he really gets you. It's beautiful.

Yeah. No, it's hotter than the surface of the sun,

number one. Also, all the characters,

all the rides, like, the canned happiness.

Like, for what?

- I would love a can of happiness. - No.

So, we had these passes for the rides, right?

They came with the club level thing or whatever.

And, so, you got on every ride in, like, six minutes.

Yeah!

But you have to go on this empty line,

past this other line where all these people have been waiting,

and you realize, oh, I'm not...

I'm not subverting any line here.

I'm cutting a line.

I'm subverting the system for the people

who just don't happen to be on the club level.

That's how it works. Yeah, but that's not fair.

But it's not fair in your direction.

Exactly.

A thing about my wife is she can be unhappy both

on a line and cutting a line.

She's pretty amazing, isn't she?

It is. Yeah. I can't wait to take my kids.

- Can't wait. - Really?

You can probably get a senior discount by the time you have kids.

- Oh! - It's terrible.

You would go and you would think about how,

like, how same-shaped

all the women are, how stupid all the people are.

All the women there, they wear...

They wear yoga pants instead of regular pants.

They're just, like, yelling at their children,

and then you look down and you're like, "Oh, God.

I'm wearing yoga pants.

I'm yelling at my children."

The common denominator is you.

I don't get it. Why can't you just wear regular pants?

Yeah, I don't understand why you're so upset.

My man, asking that will not yield a satisfactory answer.

Just please trust me on this.

Okay. Just, you know, save yourself.

Uh, we told Yvonne we'd be back by 1:00.

It's 12:30. No, no, no, no, no.

It's my favorite night of the year.

I wish you would stop saying that.

You're not taking our Libby away.

Please. I just... A little longer.

I never, ever see these people, ever.

I'm reliving the glory of my youth.

She had a glorious youth.

I did. I did.

It is time to go.

I'll take a car.

I'll see you guys.

Oh, see you later.

He's leaving?

No, he doesn't... He has an early morning.

Oh, hey, awesome. Vanessa's gonna come.

You guys think we'll be here in an hour?

- H... Wait, she's coming here? - Yeah.

- No. - Yeah.

This night is for people who are going gently into midlife.

If I can send my husband home,

you can have one night without your young girlfriend.

Have you considered maybe I like my girlfriend

more than you appear to like your husband?

- Oh. - What's that?

- I said, "Maybe"... - No, I heard.

All right.

I don't know.

I feel like I wish I still lived in the city,

or, like, even in Israel.

My whole life was ahead of me.

I was at the beginning of something.

Mm-hmm.

We all were at the beginning of something.

And now?

Now we're at the end of something.

No, we're not. We're just ongoing.

We so are. And you want to know how I know?

Hmm?

Because we keep revisiting the beginning.

Yeah, you have a nice life, okay? I was there.

You have, like, a very nice life there.

Yeah, that's not really my point.

Really? So what is... What's your point?

My point is I have cigarettes.

I just remembered I have cigarettes.

Who wants to smoke cigarettes with me?

I'll go.

I'll stand there.

"I'll stand there." You're such a cool person.

Wow. What a dweeb.

"I'll stand there."

What were those cigarettes called that we used to smoke in Israel?

- TIME. - Right.

Stands for This Is My Enjoyment.

Yeah, Israelis.

You shouldn't ash on the ground of somebody else's house.

- Toby. - Mm-hmm?

This is my enjoyment. This is your emphysema.

I'm gonna go back inside, okay?

- What is with you? - Nothing's with me.

Really? 'Cause you seem extra annoyed tonight, so...

I'm not. I'm great.

I'm gonna go back inside. I'm having a great night.

Oh, good. Me, too.

You should have been nicer to Adam.

- Adam's fine. - You were kind of a bitch.

- What? - Yeah.

You can't treat a person that way, okay?

You can't... You can't treat your husband that way.

Wait, what? I'm sorry, you're...

You're interested in me suddenly?

You... You want to talk about me?

I don't know what that means.

Oh, it means that usually you're only

interested in talking about yourself.

- No, that's not true. - It's kind of true.

Oh, wow. You now, too.

Okay, sorry, I didn't realize I was so negligent.

I didn't say negligent. I said it was true.

You only talk about yourself.

I lost my job, you haven't asked me how I'm doing.

Well, yeah, you would tell me, man.

Oh, my God. That is really not a great philosophy

for friendship, pal.

Okay, well, let's just chill out. Toby...

- Yeah. - ...you've had too much to drink.

You're a bitch, but we love you anyway.

Oh, my God. Do I actually deserve this right now?

Honestly, like, after listening to your problems

nonstop for two months?

Nobody asked you to do that.

- You asked me to do that. - No, I didn't.

Sure you did! And you don't know anything

about my life. Nothing.

And you, like, you don't know anything about anything.

I know you're married to a pretty nice guy.

Yeah, but what do you know about marriage?

Honestly, what do you know about life?

Like, you have punted every decision that a person can make.

And why do you get to do that?

'Cause you're handsome? You're rich?

- Going to live forever? - You know what? Fine.

Don't believe him, but believe me.

If I was Adam, I would be, like, done with you.

You're going to give me marriage advice?

You are? Really? And how about you?

You're going to... You're going to tell me

how to have a good relationship?

Even though you haven't even told your toddler girlfriend

that you lost your job.

You don't know anything, and you really don't know anything.

Okay, I'm tired of you treating me like

I'm not a real person because I'm not married,

I don't have kids.

By the way, Vanessa does know. I told her.

Congratulations. That is so big of you.

May you have a long future together.

And may you never get caught in your lies.

What the fuck is with you two?

Who said you lived your lives best?

Who said you're admirable or I'd want to be like you?

Really? Jesus Chr...

You know, I just remembered why I stopped hanging out with you two.

God, what are you even talking about?

You're dismissive, you are needy,

and I was always a joke, honestly.

Seth. I found you.

Hey. Hi.

Oh, my God. Yeah, no.

- Hey, Toby. - Hey.

How are you?

Here, let me go make you a drink.

I'm gonna go home.

Okay, it's probably for the best.

What are you doing?

I'm getting a car to the city. What are you doing?

I'm taking the train.

Just drop me off.

Fine.

All right, yeah, thanks. This is me.

And she's going to Penn Station.

Thanks. Okay.

Actually, I-I'm going to get out here, too.

- Thanks. - Libby, what... what are you doing?

I have to pee.

Can I please pee?

Just be quiet, okay?

The kids are sleeping.

Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Hi! How was it?

It was good. It was good, yeah.

How were the kids?

- Oh, we had so much fun. - Really?

Oh, you have a friend?

Libby Slater?

Yeah, it's me. Hi, Cherry.

Hi. Hey.

Wow, I didn't know you were divorced.

I'm not.

She's just coming to pee.

Yeah, thanks.

Toby?

Shh. You can let yourself out.

Can you order a car or something? It's late.

Do you remember that guy, David, that I went out with that year?

Yeah, yeah. The one with the harmonica?

Yeah, the harmonica.

Well, sometimes I used to wonder what happened to that guy.

Right, 'cause I never knew.

Okay.

And then, tonight, Tracy told me that he is an accountant.

And he's married to an English teacher.

And they live in Scarsdale.

Wow.

You could have figured this all out on Facebook.

No, I never looked him up.

Because I didn't want to know.

You know, I wanted... I wanted to think of him alone out there,

same as the day that we broke up.

This unknown legend.

We don't have any overlapping friends, so it was possible.

Hey, hey. What are you doing? No, you can't smoke in here.

Toby, just one. Come on.

- Blow it out the window. - Yeah.

Do you remember when Facebook first came out and you,

like, looked up every single person that you ever knew,

only to find out that they all became

the same basic adults as their parents?

Like, they all had these...

inevitable conclusions.

To the point that the only people who were interesting

were the ones who were smart enough

not to diminish their own legends

by going on fucking Facebook in the first place.

How did we all get this way?

How did we all get put on this trajectory

where we all ended up with the same boring life, you know?

I miss longing.

I miss...

desire. And it's not Adam.

Adam is great, okay?

Like, Adam's the best-case scenario in a very flawed system.

But the way that it works, the way desire works

and longing works is you cannot get the thing.

Because then if you get the thing...

All right, all right. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

When you get the thing,

you don't get to feel those feelings anymore.

Am I the only one that enjoyed feeling those feelings?

I'm just, I'm worried that the only way that I can feel anything...

is when things are very bad.

And I just don't know where that leads, you know?

I just think that there's something wrong with me, Tobe.

I wasn't always like this, was I?

God, forget it.

Honestly, forget it. Let's not even talk about it.

Talking about it doesn't make it any better, so...

Dad?

Dad! Dad!

Oh, shit. Solly!

Hey, hey. What happened?

I went in the bed.

Hey, it's okay. It's fine. It happens.

- I'm so sorry. - Are you kidding? Don't apologize.

Oh, my God. What is going on?

Nothing. Nothing. Just wait here. I'll be right back.

Okay.

- Can I do anything? - What? No.

- Libby, get out of here. - Hey, Solly?

- Miles wets the bed... - Whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

No one needs your help right now. Please, leave.

Thank you very much. Go, go, go. Hey.

There was no use in going home like this.

I made a mess, and the cleanup already felt impossible.

Left to my own devices,

I always returned to the museum of my youth.

Trying to find the last place I'd seen myself.

Hey, how's it going?

Um, one for "The Virgin Suicides."

So they have a dinner for Scott...

Maybe you can figure out a time...

I'd met Glenn at the magazine.

He was nothing special.

Archer killed it with this...

None of the guys I worked with were.

He murdered it. He crushed it.

He was a general with his foot on the neck

of the village he conquered.

He's a barbarian.

They used war language to describe writing.

I'll tell you, if the American man ever saw

who was in charge of defining masculinity for him,

he would seriously reconsider his subscription.

But this moment in my life was not about Glenn.

It was about me.

I didn't so much love him as want to be part of him,

to eat him, to become him.

And you've got to be rigorous.

You have to understand, I was never wild.

I didn't have affairs.

I didn't have good judgement because I didn't have any experience.

But I wanted what he had.

I wanted to really participate in life.

I wanted to eat the world the way

he and every other guy at the magazine did.

I went about it the wrong way.

Sorry, I gotta go.

I used to blow smoke on him so his wife would know where he'd been.

Oh, she was lovely. Yeah, it was great.

I didn't realize the real power I had was that I had no obligations.

I could do whatever the hell I wanted.

I definitely want to get more involved, for sure.

How was I supposed to know that, one day,

in seeking the safety of a grown-up life,

I would lose that power?

I am 41 now.

I can't believe how briefly I held that power.

I can't believe how briefly I held it

and how quickly I gave it away.

I'd been smoking pot a lot recently.

I hadn't done that in years.

I thought about that thing Seth said

about how people have affairs

not because they're betraying their spouses,

but because they're trying to remember

who they were in the first place.

I thought about that a lot lately.

- Hey. - Hi.

How was your day?

It was fine.

I don't remember.

So, just like yesterday, huh?

Hey, there.

Uh, yeah. I know we need to figure it out.

Uh, I just got home.

Let me, uh, get my memo out.

If he perjured himself, I owe you a cup of soup.

Okay, all right.

That's probably why Glenn was doing what he had been doing...

It was certainly why I was doing what I was doing now.

Only there's no affair. No clandestine meetings in stairwells.

There's just a cigarette in the city where I lived when I was young.

How poorly I wear this life.

How the adjustment to it is taking so long

I've started to feel like it isn't coming soon.

It isn't coming ever.

It was never coming.

This is what I was saying about questions that can't be answered.

"Is life fair?"

"How did I get here?"

Trust me.

You shouldn't ask them.

- Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com -