Original subtitles

"School board approves emotional support squirrels."

Hmm.

When I was a kid, you couldn't even chew gum in school.

Why do you still get the newspaper?

Why don't you just get it on the app?

Babe, 'cause I like to do more than read my news.

I like to feel my news.

I also like to...

hear my news.

Oh, uh, you left this in your pants pocket.

"Jake Walker, Thaxton Capital Partners"?

Good. You know what, I was looking for this.

So you could murder it?

Okay, what's going on? Who is this guy?

Eh, it's just a guy that made me

an insulting offer to buy the Pit Stop.

What? But who said it was for sale?

Nobody. See, this is what I've been fighting.

Gentrification.

See, they think that they can come in,

wave a check in your face and just buy you out.

Why didn't you tell me about this?

For the same reason I don't tell you

when Dave asks me to go antiquing.

It ain't never gonna happen.

I didn't even look at the offer.

Oh, well, good for you.

Fight the power.

You know, they're doing this all over town.

You build it up and then they just come in and take it.

That's what they do.

Who is they?

They is them.

Well, they ain't gonna do us like that, because we ain't them.

That's right.

Ooh, that might be them.

Oh, hey, Calvin.

Gemma and I are gonna go antiquing. You in?

Oh, sure, Dave. Give me a minute.

All right.

It ain't gonna happen.

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Oh, somebody brought croissants?

Which one of y'all trying to get the day off?

Ah.

I see you got the croissants.

Ah, Jake. These are from you?

I already told you I'm not selling.

But I'm keeping these croissants.

Hey, I bought everybody croissants.

That's not what I heard.

Would you just give me your keys

and I'll call you when your car's ready?

Okay.

So, Calvin, I'm assuming you didn't look at our offer.

Well, you would be assuming correctly.

You just let them know that they ain't getting this.

I hear you.

Can you do me a favor and just take a quick look at our offer

so I can tell my bosses you did?

You know, you seem like a fine young man.

So for you, I'll look at it.

But it doesn't matter what this number is.

I'm still not selling.

Good lord!

Is that the offer

or is this an international phone number?

That's the offer.

Would you like a croissant?

No, Calvin, that's all you.

Let me know if you want to talk.

My actual phone number's the little one in the corner.

Oh, hey, Calvi... Ooh, croissants.

I know you said business was slow,

so I brought my car in.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it,

but here's to hoping you'll find something.

I hope you don't do this with your doctor.

Better safe than sorry.

Hey, who was that guy who just walked out? He smelled great.

Is a real estate guy.

He made me an offer to buy the Pit Stop.

Oh. Was it a good offer?

It was a great offer.

Well, congratulations.

My shop is not for sale.

So, you told him no?

No, I didn't tell him no.

You don't say no to an offer this great.

So, you're gonna say yes?

What part of "not for sale" do you not understand?

This is for the Pit Stop, right?

Yes.

And they've seen the place?

Yes.

It's a successful business in a hot part of town.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to make sure that this comma

isn't a smudge.

It's not a smudge. And that comma doesn't change anything.

Oh, that comma could change me

into someone who sunbathes naked on a yacht!

Ooh.

Naked and yacht do go together.

You know what I'm saying? I told you.

We can have fun on the water.

Look, uh... But the Pit Stop is not for sale.

You know what, you always get me with that naked and yacht thing.

Stop doing me like that, you know?

Okay, Dave, how many times do I have to tell you

Pictionary Night is not happening?

We will fight that battle another day.

This is to help with your Pit Stop decision.

We can make a list of the pros and cons of selling.

This exercise helps my therapy patients

get clarity with big life decisions.

And I could tell you were waffling.

He was waffling? Huh, like a Belgian.

I was not waffling.

Aw, come on, baby. Let's give it a try.

I'm tired of wearing clothes. On land.

Okay, Tina...

would you stop, please?

It's hard for me to make a clear decision

when you keep being naked in my head.

This isn't a communal hamper, Malcolm.

I'm not washing your stuff anymore.

Hey, man, this isn't mine.

W... Well, it's not mine.

Maybe it's Necie's.

Why would Necie have a triple XL

Alabama football sweatshirt?

I don't know, Marty. She's your fianc�e.

Wow. Okay.

What's okay?

Apparently everything.

What is everything?

You know what? Nothing.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, No, no, no.

Everything means something.

Okay, fine. If she were my fianc�e,

I would just be a little curious about where she got it.

I don't know, like maybe that's an ex-boyfriend's.

Okay, so, what if it is?

Wow, clearly, you are a bigger man than I am.

Not as big as him.

This...

Okay. Pros.

If you sell the Pit Stop, what about your life gets better?

Well, I could stop worrying about

Motor Boys stealing all of my customers.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

I, uh...

I don't know what that says.

It says "Motor Boys can kiss my ass."

Um, well, uh, it's not legible.

Who cares? It's my list, I know what it says.

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna write.

Here we go, here we go. All right.

What's next?

Um, no more getting up at the crack of dawn?

Oh, yeah. Crack of dawn can kiss my ass.

All right.

Why don't we just make the list,

and assume that everything on it can kiss your ass?

Oh, here's a pro. No more working weekends.

Mm. Mm.

Uh, no more dealing with deadbeat customers,

your bad back.

Yeah, yeah. All of those things can indeed

kiss my entire ass.

More time with neighbors.

Uh, uh, that's a con.

No, it's not.

Um, afternoon Dodger games.

- Mm. - Afternoon golf. Afternoon naps.

Mm-hmm. Afternoon, you know...

Huh? Huh?

Oh, here. I have a pro. Put N-O-Y.

What's that?

- Naked on a yacht. - Naked on a yacht.

Oh, okay.

Now, Calvin, that's a lot of pros.

Now let's talk about the cons of selling the Pit Stop.

Yeah, but there's a...

You got the, uh...

Calvin, um... it seems like you've got nothing.

It's pretty clear that the board is telling you something.

Well, the board doesn't have everything on it.

Okay, well, what's it missing?

To be honest, I-I am 200 cars short

of beating my daddy's record

for most tires rotated.

- Man, please, you just made that up. - Mm-hmm.

It's a real record, Tina.

And if anybody's gonna beat it, it's gonna be me.

All right, I'm not selling the shop.

I want my daddy's record!

Oh.

- Hey, Marty, what's up? - Hey, Dave. Uh, this

is a little awkward, but I need some advice.

How is that awkward? You know,

I actually had a dream about you coming to me.

I found this in the laundry, and I'm afraid it means

Necie still cares about her ex-boyfriend

and he is big and muscular

and he played football at Alabama and now he's in the NFL

and, like, what does she even see in me?!

O-Okay, Mar-Marty, Marty, you're spinning out.

Okay? Now, let's calm down. Take a deep breath.

Have you spoken to Necie about this?

She's in Chicago visiting her parents,

and I don't want her to think I'm crazy.

Unless I am crazy. Am I crazy?!

No, you're not crazy,

but it sounds like you're feeling jealous.

Okay? And jealousy can make us irrational.

Hey, Marty. What's up?

I'm crazy!

No... no, he's not crazy.

He j... He found this in Necie's laundry.

Alabama football? Oh, my God.

Did Niece date a player from Alabama?

That's a great program. Lot of Heismans.

Is he in the NFL?

Oh...

- What? - Okay.

- What, what'd I say? - Okay, but...

but what if football players are really her type

and she's just nerd-slumming it with me?!

Ok... Again, Marty,

calm down.

Look, Necie has made her choice. And her choice is you.

Okay, Dave. Maybe you're right.

- Thanks. - You are so enlightened.

Oh, thanks.

- But I just care about women. - Aw.

You know, some call me an ally. Others agree.

Be like Dave.

I wear my ex-boyfriend's hockey jersey

and he couldn't be less bothered by it.

Huh.

Thought that was yours.

No, Dave. It's Brian's. I've told you that.

And Dave doesn't care at all.

Yeah. Not at all.

I'm the guy that guys come to when something like that bothers them.

Yeah, I am evolved.

Yo, Marty. Oh, hey, guys.

Sorry to bust on in, but I have good news.

Remember two weekends ago when I invited the guys over

to watch the Rams game?

Rams is football, right?

Oh.

Yes, that's right, and that's why I did not invite you.

Anyway, there were a bunch of guys.

It was Trey, Big Julius, Little Julius, and, uh, Richard.

I thought the Juliuses hated each other.

Yes, they did, but now they all hate Richard.

And it got kind of awkward.

Yeah. But anyway,

I forgot that Big Julius spilled queso all over his sweatshirt.

His Alabama football sweatshirt.

Big Julius played football at Alabama?

No, Gemma, Big Julius went to Dick's and bought a sweatshirt.

Well, this is good news.

That's great, Marty,

But, again, it never really mattered whose sweatshirt it was.

- Right, Dave? - Right.

Or how intimate she was with the person who gave it to her.

Hey, babe, what you reading?

Oh, since you asked,

why don't you want to sell the Pit Stop?

Hmm. That's an odd name for a book.

I can't stop thinking...

I mean, is it that crazy of an idea?

If you took that offer, you could retire.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

It'd be horrible.

In my family, no one retires.

All my relatives have died on the job.

It is my destiny to die underneath an '88 Cutlass Supreme.

Baby, don't you think your relatives kept working

because they had to?

If you sold the shop,

you could be the first Butler to not have to die on the job.

If I sell the Pit Stop,

then I wouldn't own it anymore.

Calvin, that's how selling something usually works.

Tina, I've put my heart and soul

into that place for over 30 years.

And I put my heart and soul into it, too.

I have never dreamed of selling.

But, baby, I do the books. And...

I did some calculations.

And do you know how long it'd take us to make

what they're offering?

Guess.

Mm-mmm. No. I know how this works.

How long?

Never.

Who knows if an offer like this will ever come again?

Tina...

if I'm not Calvin of Calvin's Pit Stop,

then who the hell am I?

You're Calvin the father.

Calvin the Yardecue King.

Calvin, the man that I fell in love with.

Baby, that shop doesn't define you.

You define that shop.

Yeah, I guess there's more to the world

than motor oil and transmissions.

Truth of the matter is I passed my daddy in tire rotations in 2014.

Baby, remember when we got married?

We said that we were gonna make love on every continent.

We're still just on one.

We went to Mexico.

That's the same continent.

We needed a passport.

Don't we deserve to do the things

that we've always dreamed about?

You're right.

You're my sweet girl and I... I want us to both be happy, so...

You know what?

Let's do it. Let's do it.

You won't regret it.

It's our time.

Yes, it is.

But you know we can't really afford a yacht, though, right?

Aw...

But maybe...

you can get naked on one of them big blow-up ducks.

Mm-hmm? You know what I'm talking about?

Quack.

Quack, quack, quack! Quack, quack!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Guys, I need your help. - Oh!

I'm spinning out, I know it's crazy, but I can't help it.

Wait, is this about Gemma's jersey?

Oh, my God, did you have a dream about it, too?

No.

I could see your face when you found out about it.

Dave, I thought you were more evolved than this.

Well, it was easy to be evolved when it was Marty's problem,

but now it's mine.

Hate that jersey. I want to strangle that jersey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Dave, look, you and Gemma have a happy, secure marriage.

You can't possibly think...

Oh, shut up, Malcolm!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I should not have snapped at you like that.

You're not Brian. And what's so great about Brian anyway?

She brought that jersey from high school to college,

all the way out to California with her.

She wouldn't even let me bring my karaoke machine.

We need to thank her for that one.

Look, Dave, you just need to tell Gemma how you really feel.

Yeah, but she'll just say that I'm being totally irrational.

Yes, just like you told me

I was being totally irrational, and you were right.

Exactly. It's not like Gemma's gonna leave you

for some guy she dated in high school.

She's your wife, Dave.

All right. You're right.

Okay. Think it's obvious what I have to do.

- Talk to Gemma. - No.

Find Brian, find out who he's married to

and make her wear my clothes.

No?

Okay, fine. I'll go talk to her.

Yes.

No.

Uh, Gemma, I have something to say, so I'm just going to say it.

I know you think of me as being an evolved man,

and I pride myself on that.

However, that jersey triggers

an irrational but nevertheless emotionally valid reaction in me.

I ask that you respect me and our marriage

and remove it from our home.

Thank you very much. There, I said it.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Did you say something?

Oh, damn it!

Okay, Gemma, I have something to say, so I'm just gonna say it.

I know you think of me as being... Oh, what am I even doing?

I-I hate this jersey.

What? You said it didn't bother you.

Well, I was lying. I didn't know I was lying, but I was lying.

Not only do I not want you to wear it,

I want to rip it into a million pieces with my bare hands.

And I know I'm probably not strong enough,

but adrenaline does crazy things.

Dave, it's just a comfortable, old jersey.

It doesn't mean anything.

I know. And I know that I'm being petty and irrational.

But...

I can't look at that jersey without thinking about you and Brian.

I don't want to think about you with anyone other than me.

That's actually kind of attractive.

What is?

This primal caveman side of you.

It's so dumb, but... it's kind of hot.

Well, in that case...

Yabba-Dabba-Doo.

And no longer hot.

- This is so exciting. - Uh, Tina,

remind me to get a display case for this pen.

It's what they did for Barack when he signed Obamacare.

I wish you would have told me that.

I would have found you a pen with no teeth marks.

Yeah, and...

boom!

And boom.

- What did you do? - I just ordered a bag.

Congratulations, Calvin.

The Pit Stop is in great hands.

And your check is in my hands.

All right, let's celebrate.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

A toast to Mom and Dad and to Calvin's Pit Stop.

May we all take our cars there

before we have to pay the new guys to service them.

I will drink to that.

And to the love of my life,

the fearless Calvin Butler,

who I'm so excited to start this next chapter with.

And to Tina Butler, my ride or die. Aw.

I couldn't have done this without you, babe.

I love you, baby. Thank you.

And boom.

- Uh, another boom? - Yeah, I just bought a Rolex.

Hey, babe, now, we can't be spending money like...

- For you. - Oh. Well, all right.

You know, I would say, "Come back soon,"

but once you walk out that door, I'm locking up for good.

Now, you sure you don't want me to rebuild your engine or something?

- Might take a couple of weeks, but... - Calvin.

It's time.

Okay, yeah, sure.

Here you go.

Let go of the keys, Calvin.

Bye, Lil Hatchet.

All right. So...

let's-let's get out of here. Mm.

Hey, you know what, uh...

why don't you go ahead.

You need a moment?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh. I'm taking my cord, though.

Oh, well. That's they problem now.

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