Original subtitles

[applause]

- People said that a alderman couldn't win

the Nobel Peace Prize.

Well, proves you wrong, Canada. [laughter]

Turns out they can, because the Israelis

and the Palestinians met me at Harold's,

and we made history over gizzards.

Anyway, that's what I thought being an alderman would be.

Instead, I'm stuck every week doing this boring stuff.

- Ah, same here, man.

I thought I'd be cutting and scratching and blending

with a giant mouse head on.

Yeah, instead, I do this. I press--

I press shift and arrow.

Yeah!

- Guess, uh--guess "DJ" just stands for "different jam."

- You're right, you're right.

Hey, uh, I got to go, uh, use the bathroom, all right?

So you saw what I do here, right?

So why don't you, uh, man the boards for me?

And I'll be back in a few minutes.

If anybody wants some music,

you just play a different-- - A different jam.

- Yeah, man, yeah.

- I don't want to work this party, but that's fine.

Boring just became tedious...

menial.

[dance music playing] Oh, God.

[music remixes] Oh!

Okay.

Mm, all right.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

I had to do it. [chuckles]

♪ ♪

It's your boy, DJ Alderman Gayle

in the house, y'all.

- Yeah! - Make some noise?

[all cheer]

I'm not that other DJ! - Fuck you!

- He's gone. He didn't care. - Mm-mm.

- He sucks! - Yeah, he did!

South Side in the house! Everybody, scream!

[all cheer] - Yeah, South Side!

- ♪ I was born on the South Side ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪

♪ Everybody stick together like we in the lab ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't no side like the South Side ♪

♪ On the South Side, South Side ♪

[crash, all shout] - Damn!

- Damn! - God damn!

- That's a whole $100 right there.

- Indeed. - At least, at least.

- God damn.

- She got whiplash in the front.

[crash] all: Oh!

- Damn, I would've been so fucking mad.

- Enough dreaming of a better life.

Get back to work. - Naw, naw, naw, twin.

It's a brand-new pothole just opened up this morning,

and it's fucking these cars up.

[all scream]

- Oh, my God! That must be bad.

- Ooh, damn.

- Her trunk is coming off.

- Mm-hmm, yeah, sister girl draggin' that wagon now.

- Ooh, love that part.

- These potholes are bad for business.

- Yeah, and these silverfish aren't helping either.

- What the fuck? - Facts.

- I think Jamba Juice is making these potholes,

because every time I hit a pothole,

it's right after I just got some Jamba Juice.

Then I got to go back inside and get another one

'cause I just dropped mine.

- That's frustrating. - Hold on, hold on.

Hold on one sec. That is exactly why I'm telling you

to stop going to that same raggedy-ass Jamba Juice,

or at least stop going

to the same raggedy-ass drive-through.

- And let the potholes win?

Girl, I'm not changing

my life over no raggedy-ass, dirty-ass,

bald-head-mommy-havin'-ass,

musty-granny-havin'-ass pothole.

- Mm.

Tell them we ain't got none. - [sighs]

Hello?

Did she just say we ain't got none?

- Hey, hey, um, make me a DJ.

- Then make my potholes disappear.

- Oh, jeez, yeah, those streets are pretty messed up.

- You gonna fix it?

- Chill out. I don't come to you

every time I have a problem. - Yes, you do.

- Well, I'm comin' again!

I'm comin' again.

We have to support each other

in our community in order to build

some kind of organization, brother.

- I'm with that. I'm down with that.

[cheers and applause] - Allen Gayle! See? See?

- I need two turntables and a microphone,

and if I have that, I can change the world.

I could change the world. Where my ladies at?

- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ [crash]

Party--oh! - Oh!

- Shit. - Hey, this my bumper.

- Damn, bro. Pothole got you, too, huh?

- Anyway, real quick-- the police union pension

is currently underfunded by 78.6%.

Benefits accrued will not be available until age 80 or 85.

Go ahead. - Crime book.

[chanting] Crime book, crime book, crime book.

- All right, fine.

Good night. You got five minutes.

- Oh, do I? - Go ahead.

I see some, uh--some folks are missing today.

Um, Martinez picked a bad time to get listeria.

I told him not to eat at Skeezers.

He loves the place. It's disgusting.

Can't get enough of them ribs.

I also see some folks that I haven't seen in a while.

For those new people, what you're about to witness

is a little treasure that I found

combing through the evidence locker

late on a Friday night.

It's how I spend my weekends. You do you. I do me.

This tome... [all gasp]

Contains the details on how to commit

a variety of complicated crimes.

- Just read the fucking book. - Yeah, come on.

[crowd murmuring]

- [clears throat] Lights.

Thank you, Mustafa. Always helpful.

And you don't use profanity like some people up in here.

Okay.

Today's crime--how to steal

a 2004 Nissan Maxima

parked on the corner of 87th and Kedzie,

using only two paper clips. - I-I'm sorry.

Can--can we talk about that pension thing?

- Boring! - Fuck you!

- Fuck you! My partner's got diarrhea.

- Hey, nobody needs to fuck anybody.

- Hey!

This my bumper.

- Alderman Gayle's newest initiative

empowers those of the 51st to give back to their district.

You can be honorary alderman for the day,

and we call it...

- U Run Ur Hood. - That's false advertising.

- Bro, how many times I got to tell you,

stop being so damn literal?

- A lot. - Now take a seat!

- If that's what you want me to do, all right.

I don't understand why.

- Where are you going? I don't mean take it for real.

Put the damn chair down with your buy-Ross-looking ass.

- If anybody wants to, you can sign up

like our alderman today, LaKaren.

- Oh, uh, yeah, so my initiative is to clean up

all the glass at the Church's Chicken

on 79th Street.

Y'all know about it,

'cause every time I go walk my dog around there,

we got to go all the way around the parking lot,

and that's when he start acting the fool,

biting and shit--it's crazy.

Somebody got to do something.

- [vocalizes air horn]

- Hey, yo! We got a delivery

for DJ Season Salt. - ♪ Alderman Gayle ♪

♪ Come out and play ♪

- RTO crew! What's up, my guys?

Hey, bring it over here to the desk, man.

Yeah, I'll move all this unimportant stuff

like Prop 42, and, uh...

"Saw something on the subway last night.

Now I'm sayin' something"-- [chuckles] Snitch.

We should sell this information to the gangs.

I think they can put their name on it.

Hey, let's open it up. Let's open it up.

- Voilà. - Oh...

- Please don't forget that you need to dedicate

the MRI machine at the children's hospital tonight.

- Let me check to make sure all these cords work.

- Okay. Uh, Erin--sorry, guys.

This is exactly the reason why we started our program

U Run Ur Hooo.

We got to work on this D.

The point is, is that with the U Run Ur Hood program,

like, I don't have to do that kind of stuff anymore.

We'll have Alderman, um...

LaKaren.

Alderman LaKaren can do

the dedication for the MRI machine.

- Uh-uh, I ain't getting that magnetic shit around all this.

- I really think you should show your face there, sir.

It would mean a lot to the kids.

- They're sick kids. Everything means a lot to them.

Listen, I got to prioritize my time.

I got to get good at DJing. It's gonna make me

a better alderman. - How?

- DJs and alderman are the same.

They both take requests. - Not the good ones.

- Yo, you should play SoSi House rooftop pool.

All the tastemakers pass through there.

You play there a few times, yo, you in there like nipple rings.

- This guy's very smart. - No, he's not.

- He says he's pretty smart.

Hey, would you go to a dedication

for an MRI machine? - [scoffs]

Do it in a heartbeat. [vocalizes heartbeat]

- That was good. - Hey, LaKaren?

Um, lovely name. Let me make a slight adjustment

to your lanyard real quick. Oh, I love those braids.

Those are beautiful. - Thank you.

- Let me just see it real quick.

Yep. - Yo, what you doin', though,

to my name? - No, no, no, it's nothing.

It's nothing. - That's my name, though.

- Just lookin' out for the 51st district,

which now has... - No.

- A brand-new alderman for the day.

Everybody, Alderman Simon.

- Ho-ho, yes! - Alderman Simon.

Sd You know what it is!

- Up next, we got a contract for...

a case of Union Jordans? - I need your do-rag.

- Wait, you need my do-rag? - Yes.

- Shit, for how long?

- Oh, you ain't hear me.

Wait, what's all this?

- Oh, you ain't know? - No.

- We running a futures exchange.

- Contract seller guarantees he can get 'em fresh

off the truck in Portland, and nobody will see it.

Now, y'all know just a pair of these

will go for over $1,000.

So you can lock in now for the price of $500.

The price is $500 for the whole case.

Get in where you fit in.

July 15th contract-- get ready to look fresh

for the second half of the summer.

Talk to me. - I'll take that contract.

- Yeah, this is exclusively a work space--

no Wi-Fi, no cable, no Xbox, no bathrooms.

We don't do that down here. Do we doo-doo down here?

- Hell, no. - That's what

I'm talkin' about, and we got these jailbroken

ham radios, so, that way,

everything that we do is gonna be

completely untraceable, you feel?

- Mm-hmm. - I guess you could say

we goin' ham.

[chuckles] - Ooh.

You workin' him too hard.

So what you want in return?

- Huh. You know, it's, um, funny

you ask me that. - Yeah?

- Mm-hmm. 'Cause from what I understand,

the cops got a book of crimes?

- Damn, you got too many snitches in my precinct.

- Mm-mm. I just got that one old dude.

- Members of the 51st ward office,

my aldermanship is evolving.

As of now, your U Run Ur Hood program

is disbanded, and instead, we've replaced it with...

We Run Ur Hood. K, take it away.

- That's right. Me and Simon are here to stay.

So get used to these faces and these smiles.

- You're not actually alderman, okay?

It's a ceremonial title that allows you

to assume limited duties. - I'm listening.

- Your decisions aren't binding.

- Okay. - Stop highlighting that.

- Uh, first of all, this needs to be highlighted.

- You know, these guys are doing a pretty good job.

They opened up a dog park for pit bulls

and started a program where you could donate

your old prescription glasses called See Chicago.

- Hi, Alderman Gayle, I just thought you would want to know

that your alderman for the day

has gotten rid of the U Run Ur Hood program.

He's staging a coup. - What?

- Whoa, whoa. - Okay, put him on the phone.

Put him on the phone. - It's for you.

- Oh, um, okay, thank you.

And, Simone, what was that on a budget item?

We got to talk about that.

Uh, hello?

- Simon? - Yes.

- Hey, I'm not on speaker, am I?

- No, not at all. I wouldn't do that to you.

- Man, let me tell you something.

I'm spinning at the SoSi House.

You were right about this hotel-rooftop shit.

It's amazing.

- Did you just get my friend in trouble?

- Maybe. - Absolutely, absolutely.

Um, I will get right on it. - Oh, hey, hey, hey.

Before you go, watch out for Erin.

She's out to get you.

- Oh! No.

[percussive beat playing]

♪ ♪

- Lunch crowd, make some noise!

[crowd cheers] Yeah!

Shout-out to all my people in the house.

Shout-out to all my finance guys.

Yo, it's your boy, DJ Alderman Allen Gayle.

We're rocking all the way till 2:00...

- What? - P.M.

'cause that's when you got to go back to work.

That's when lunchtime is over.

Speaking of people on their lunch break,

I'm talking to the one and only, my man, Sandy,

AKA Sandoval, AKA Officer Badnight.

Hey, yo, Sandy, give these people some Chicago game.

Hit 'em up.

- It's too much-- too much pressure.

- Whoo! He's shy, ladies!

He's shy. That's a virtue.

That's a virtue. He won't hurt you.

- Fuck is that book? Shit.

Okay.

- Ah, I fucking froze. He put the mic in my face.

I could've said something to the people. I just--

- Right. - And, of course,

now I could think of all the shit I could've said.

I could've been like, "Yes, yes, y'all."

Oh, shit. Damn it.

[groans] - What are you doing?

What are you doing? - Getting the crime book.

And, of course, I can't go back up there.

- Yeah. - Lunch is over.

Let's go. - [sighs]

[pop dance music]

- ♪ I'm just tryna do something ♪

♪ ♪

- What's that? - Simon did it.

First, I thought it was Paris, 'cause I didn't do,

like, good good in school, but then he explained to me

that it was a map of all the city's potholes.

And-- - And the traffic flow

for the best times to fill each hole.

Nice work.

- I told you. He a cool-ass nigga.

Y'all should fuck. - You said that about LaKaren.

- She a cool dude, too.

♪ ♪

- I guess he is a good DJ. - Of course he good.

He be cheatin'. - What do you mean?

- He just plays mixes from other DJs,

like Boolumaster, Twilite Tone, and all of them.

He told us.

- He plays other people's mixes?

In--in DJ parlance, that's bad, right?

That's not jamtastic?

- You know what? I'ma need the Black half of you

to reach over and slap the shit out of the white half of you.

"Jamtastic," really?

- I'm not mixed.

- Oh.

- My parents are from Nigeria.

- Oh.

[jazzy music]

- Proposition 42... - Yeah.

- Is a controversial new-- - Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

- It's a controversial new measure,

which allows the city to tap

into the first-responder pension fund for street repair.

Here to discuss is Alderman Allen Gayle.

- Mm, DJ Alderman Allen Gayle.

I don't know if you've been keeping up

on hot new trends. - I wasn't aware.

- But, uh--And I want to talk about Proposition 40...

- 42. - But first, I would like

to address the reckless rumors that are spreading online

at Fake Shore Drive.

That's a music blog that the young people read.

- You know I'm younger than you, considerably.

I'm 29.

You know what the secret is? I drink my own urine.

- I'ma just let that live out there for a second.

You're 29?

- Prop 42, what do you know about it?

- I like Proposition 42.

I believe it's a good proposition.

Something else that I think is good is the people of Chicago

realizing that these rumors

that I've been stealing my DJ mixes

from more well-known DJs is absolutely false.

These accusations, I repeat, are 100% false.

- Everyone has accusations in their life.

It doesn't really mean anything.

- I agree. Someone accused you of being 29.

Listen, I don't listen to other DJs and think,

"That actually sounds really, really nice,"

and then go to their Mixcloud and download to my laptop

and then go to my gig. - Right.

- And then just, you know, pretend to be a DJ all night

while I'm just pushing play. - That wouldn't be right.

- That would be ridiculous. - Right.

- Who does that? - Can you be specific

about your ward

and Proposition 42 and what it means to you?

What is expenditures--

- I don't know about expenditures.

- Yes. - But I know I spin a bunch

of records, and I'm going to be spinning more records today

just to prove to all the people who say

I don't come up with my mixes-- I'm gonna be spinning

later today on top of a double-decker bus,

and I'm gonna be driving around the 51st, DJing my district.

It's a good, good time. Just come outside.

Like Beyoncé said, "We're back outside,"

and I'm gonna be spinning vinyl,

because it's impossible to rip off a vinyl set.

I'ma prove all the ops out there with their little blogs

that they are wrong and that I am right.

Come find me. I'm gonna be in these streets, literally.

[water running]

- ♪ Nobody gets what's going through me, he's Blade ♪

- [whispers] Hey, hey, thanks for your help.

- Yeah.

We got to get that book out of here.

- Okay. - It's giving him

high blood pressure. You know how I know?

I heard him telling the book. - Okay, where is he now?

- In the shower. We only got 45 minutes.

[muffled singing from a distance]

- What's this?

Okay, all right.

- Hey, my Cheetos.

- Josh.

I found it. - [sighs]

That's a decoy.

There's at least a dozen of 'em.

Keep looking. - Fuck, this man is ridiculous.

- ♪ Understands himself, he's Blade ♪

♪ Can't kill him like a regular vampire ♪

Oh. [laughs] Shit, Turner.

Is this pothole as big as the one that fucked your car up?

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Damn, look at that thing. Oh, the Turn got burned.

Now she don't want to talk about it.

Hey, no car would stand a chance against this thing.

- Shut up.

- Come on, Chicago, get it together.

[screaming]

Turner! I need to go to the hospital!

- [stammers] Uh, okay. - I'm blind!

- Okay. - Help!

- Okay, I'm here. Come here, come here.

Stop--boy, don't swing at me. - Come on, come on!

- Don't swing. Don't swing. - Come on, who is it?

[pop dance music playing, crowd cheering]

♪ ♪

- Yeah, get with it, get with it, get with it.

It's a lovely day out here. Hey, make some noise, 51st!

- Ha, ta, ta! - [laughs]

- Why you got your laptop?

- Come on, I'm not really using vinyl.

I'm definitely gonna keep using my laptop.

I can't afford to mess this up. [chuckles]

I'ma stick to my guns, and my guns are called

"Boolumaster's Jackin' House Workout Volume One"?

Sounds jamtastic. Whoo!

All vinyl, y'all! Let's go!

- You know, I feel better already.

Thank you, Doctor. - Good.

- I don't know what that chemical was, man.

It was some kind of green antifreeze.

- Damn. - I'm just happy I'm here.

You know? - That's right.

- I'm sorry, what's your name, again?

- Doctor.

- Well, I know that. I know you're a doctor.

I'm saying what is your, uh-- - Doctor D.

- Oh, Doctor D. - Yeah.

- Thank you, Doctor D. - Yeah.

- Hey, if you see my partner, she's a short Black lady.

- Oh, wow, she's right there. You mad loud.

- Right where? - Right there.

- Turner! - Yes?

I'm here. - Oh, hey.

Hey, Turner. - Can you start the EKG

for Mr. Jones, please?

- Beep, beep... - Is that my roommate's name,

Mr. Jones? Hey, Jonesy, you okay?

Hey, Jonesy. - Yes, that's your roommate.

- Name's Sandy. - What is it?

- Okay, we're gonna get the book

and send him home with a fake.

- Okay. - Okay?

So you're gonna refer him to a specialist ASAP,

and then I'm gonna take him to a real hospital.

- Your heart sounds strong. - You got 15 minutes.

- That sounds good. - Relax, all right? I got this.

I'm gonna treat him, okay?

- Beep, beep... - Hey, we all we got.

- You're not a real doctor. - I am a real doctor.

Watch your mouth. - No, you're not a real doctor.

That's the problem.

- I don't want to be panicky,

but I'm not gonna lose my sight, am I?

- No, no! Not at all.

- Okay, I appreciate that. - All right, sir.

We're gonna apply a little alcohol on your eyes

to avoid infection. - Okeydokey.

- Rubbing alcohol? - Just a little bit!

Clinical amounts. - Turn Burn, stand down.

- Thank you. - Okay?

You're a cop. He's a doctor.

- Okay. - You'll learn from him.

- You right. - Learn some talent

and humility for once in your life.

- Let me sit back. - He don't come on your job

telling you how to not arrest people.

- [laughs] Exactly. Nice one!

- Thanks. [glove snaps]

- Hear that? - Yeah, what's that?

- I'm a doctor--ten years

in medical school, okay? - Whew.

- Give me that damn alcohol. - All right.

Is this gonna hurt a little bit, or...?

- It's not gonna. It's just a teeny--

- Tiny sting? Okay. - Tiny bit of this.

- Whew, she's hardheaded, boy.

I tell ya that much. - [laughing] I know.

Here we go, okay, all right. - [screaming]

- Come on! - [screams]

- Shake it off! - Ooh!

God damn! - Relax!

- God damn! - There you go.

- God damn! - You got it!

- Hey, maybe the worst is over, huh?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

[laughter]

- [sustained] Beep. - Jonesy? Jonesy?

Jonesy?

- I'm gonna need an adrenaline syringe, stat!

- Save him!

- [grunts] - Save him, Doctor!

- I'm gonna need another adrenaline syringe, stat!

- [sustained] Beep. - [grunts]

[beep stops]

- Beep, beep... - Oh.

- It's work overload, man. - Yeah.

- I got to tell you something. - You with us, man?

- For me being a doctor trying to serve the community...

- You a damn good doctor, I got to say.

- These hospitals are not committed...

- Mm. - To the welfare

of the patients. - You need support!

- I took the Hippocratic oath. - Okay.

- Yeah, you had to. - Had to memorize it

over and over and over and over.

- Yep. - You had to.

You know, that's required.

- Okay, guys, so it looks like,

um, it's gonna be a while--

you know, really, really busy in here.

So, um, would you like me to read you something

from the crime book? - Ooh...

- Beep, beep...

- DJ Alderman Gayle in the mix!

What's up, Chicago?

Whoa. [objects clatter]

Don't worry, don't worry. Music's back, music's back.

All vinyl!

You didn't get that on video, did you?

- I tried. You lucky. [crash]

Yo, some of these potholes are terrible.

Like, somebody needs to fix this.

[dance music playing]

- Whoo!

♪ ♪

[crash]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [slow-motion] No!

- The code is 6169. Don't ask why.

[chuckles] - Beep...

- I'm not. - It's because me and Kitty

said we're gonna 69 when we're 61.

- Okay, I did not ask. - No, no, I told you not to.

Um, but I was gonna tell you. - Okay.

- I mean, we tried it once. I could not figure it out.

- It's just more than I want to know about you, partner.

- Okay, did you get it? - Um, yeah, I got it.

- All right. - Okay.

So are you excited?

- I'm pretty excited. - Okay, yeah, me too.

- But if anybody comes in, can you put it away?

- Of course. - Appreciate it. okay.

- Okay, this one's called

"How to Get Free Parking for Three Days on 53rd Street"...

- We're making a decoy.

- Felons, let's start making a new crime book.

I need something artistically sound, but also,

let's hurry the fuck up.

- Why don't we just photocopy this shit?

- Come on, man.

If there's more than one of these books,

there might as well be a million of these books.

We need to be the only people who know

how to pull this shit off, you understand me?

- That's true. - Let's start making--

- I got to go, baby.

- Okay. - Ooh, I got to go!

Where is the urinal?

Is it here? - It's this way!

- Where? This way, okay, sorry.

- Damn, listen! - Okay, where is it?

I don't feel-- - Okay, wait, wait, wait.

It's right here. - Am I in front of it?

- Now you are. - Turn left, right, straight?

What do I do? - Uh, straight.

- Right here? Am I in front?

- Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Okay, good to go?

Hey, can you turn around?

I don't want to pee while you look, shit.

- [sighs] Well, I don't want to look.

- Okay, well, don't look, shit.

[groans]

Yeah!

Been waitin' all day for that!

[urine splashing]

[sighs] You know that doctor?

I mean, God, that man's dedicated.

You look at him, and you see some overworked,

under-resourced dude, but I look at him,

and I see a dedicated professional...

[groans] Who took an oath.

You know what I mean? You got to look with better eyes

than that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You got to look with the eyes I look with.

You know what I mean?

Let's get out of here. Come on.

- Okay. - Oh!

Got to wash my hands. Where's the--

- Uh... - Where is the sink?

Is it here? - It is--no.

Um, it is actually-- - Where's the sink?

Oh, shit! - Oh, right there, right there.

- I'm at the sink? I'm at it?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where your foot touched.

It's motion sensor. - Oh, so I'm right under it?

- Yep, just put your hands under it.

It's motion sensor. - Okay.

- Yeah, you're right in front of it.

- Okay, is there--oh! Ah, there it is, all right.

- Yeah, good job. - Good stuff.

- Thank you very much.

[dogs barking]

- [groans]

- There you go. DJ Alderman!

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, one second, y'all. One second.

We gonna get this vinyl crackin'!

- Is everybody okay? It's the driver.

He's new. He's free.

He pulled right when he should've pulled left.

He hit a pothole. Axle's broke.

- Oh, nah! - [vocalizes air horn]

All right, y'all! Y'all know what time it is.

Give it up for DJ Alderman!

Man...man... [cheers and applause]

- Y'all ain't ready-- people of the 51st,

y'all ain't even ready for what I got!

- Mm-hmm. - I ain't even ready.

I don't know how to do this. - Are you serious?

- Hey, hey, one, two, three, everybody, jump!

Jump, jump, jump-- - Get to the house music!

- I think you lost 'em. - Hey, hey, hey.

You ain't recording this, are you?

- I ain't jumping till I hear the beat.

- It's livestreaming. - Livestreaming?

[all booing]

- Are y'all saying "boo" or "Boolumaster"?

[all booing]

- Now he's gonna come back with his tail between his legs

and pretend like he doesn't care about being a DJ

and tell me that I've been right all along,

and then he's gonna promote me.

Simon and K are done. [phone ringing]

- Damn.

Well, at least they'll always have Pitbull Park.

- Oh, I had to shut that down.

Too much gambling.

- Damn, wait.

Simon did get one thing done...

the hole thing,

like potholes.

He got all the potholes fixed by his crib

and on the way to the places that he hang out--genius.

Now he could put on the best clothes he got,

ride around without having to worry about spilling a drop.

That's dope.

He could eat a whole six wings,

fried hard with mild sauce everywhere.

He gonna be riding smooth.

[classical music]

♪ ♪

- Up next, I have the technique to steal...

- Ooh, three violins

from the University of Chicago's orchestra,

using nothing but shoelaces and detergent.

Tide detergent-- must be Tide detergent.

- Classic Scent. - For a classic crime.

- Opening bid, $200.

- Yeah, we gettin' money. both: We gettin' money.

- We gettin' bands. - Ooh, ooh, I like this one.

I like this one. Also, "How to Illegally

"Walk a Old White Lady Across the Street

with a Handful of Stolen Groceries,"

starting bid... - $600.

- I like that. I like that.

Also, "How to Steal"--ooh-- "How to Steal Gluten."

Shit been free for too long.

- Oh, okay, "How to Rob a Bank Successfully."

All right, okay. "Step one"--

- Let's get it, let's get it. - "Hire a crew.

"Step two--get Vivica A. Fox to lead the crew.

Three"...

Um, wait. Hold on.

"Make sure she's got an A up in her name.

Regular-ass Vivica Fox will be no help."

- I feel like this is not as good as it used to be.

- Honey, not as good. Come on.

I'm used to more fire.

- God, if you could see my eyes,

I'd be rolling them so hard right now.

- Don't do that. That can't be good for your eyes.

- No, I got to roll 'em. [both scream]

- Oh, honey, oh, gosh.

Let me just wipe some of the pus, okay?

- No, no, don't touch it.

I just--I'm tired, I'm sleepy. I just--

I just need my good-night kiss. So just kiss me right here

in this area. - Okay.

- And, uh, I can just get some sleep.

- I can do that. I can do that. - Kiss me on my cheek.

- Here I come. Here I come.

I'm gonna-- [gags]

- What's wrong? Baby, you just--you just--

- No, I'm just so emotional, this togetherness...

- ♪ Woke up to myself, like, "Oh, my God" ♪

- ♪ Oh, my God ♪ - ♪ Don't need no one else ♪

♪ But Shaman Shad ♪ - ♪ But Shaman Shad ♪

- ♪ Run it up, run it up ♪

- ♪ I just need a reason to run it up ♪

[crash]

♪ I just need a reason to run it up, run it up ♪

- ♪ Woke up to myself, like, "Oh, my God" ♪

- ♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ Don't need no one else but Shaman Shad ♪

♪ Run it up, run it up ♪

♪ I just need a reason to run it up ♪

♪ Run it up, run it up ♪

♪ I just need a reason to run it up ♪

♪ Baby step, baby step ♪

♪ It take a while, gotta pay respect ♪

♪ Can't fake 'em out, got to pay your dues ♪

♪ Fuck what they talkin', we break the rules ♪

♪ Know what you worth to get paid in full ♪

♪ Know that I'm workin', I play it cool ♪

♪ Future is certain, I paid it through ♪

♪ This is the process, this is the vision ♪

♪ I seen in my conscience ♪

♪ The reason I be at the concerts ♪

♪ New territories to conquer ♪

♪ New categories to sponsor us ♪

♪ Contacts, contracts fly ♪

♪ Catchin' content high ♪

♪ This how I survive, it's a constant ride ♪

♪ Never compromise ♪

- ♪ Woke up to myself, like, "Oh, my God" ♪

- ♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ Don't need no one else but Shaman Shad ♪

♪ But Shaman Shad ♪

♪ ♪

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