Original subtitles

What's going on?

- What's the matter, Sid? - You're walking over my floor.

What do you want us to do, fly?

I just washed it.

Not look very clean to me.

It did, until you went trampling over it.

Come along you three, back to your desks.

- I'll be a minute. - Where you go?

If you must know, I'm going to see a man about a dog. In you go.

Didn't I tell you to wash this floor?

You did, but...

Do it immediately, this is disgraceful!

Hi, everyone there!

I must say it's nice to see you all working hard for a change.

- We study for our eximan. - Eximan?

In few weeks, we have eximan.

- The word is exam. - Sorry, wrong number.

- Excuse me, Mr. Brown. - Yes, Ms. Courtney?

I'm extremely worried about the forthcoming examinations...

particularly as far as your English class is concerned.

Another failure would be unthinkable.

This time we will sail through.

You had better.

However, in order to reassure myself...

I am visiting each class in order to check out its progress.

I'm just on my way to wood work class...

but I should be back in a few moments...

to give your students an oral test.

And I do expect some correct answers.

- We'll do our best. - I hope your best is good enough.

Do not worry, we will be surprising Ms. Courtney.

That's exactly why I am worried.

- Professor... - Yes?

- Did you buy the dog? - What dog?

The one you go to see the man about.

I went to spend a penny.

Very cheap dog.

I checked your home work last night.

And you're still making far too many elementary mistakes.

- For example, Ali. - Yes please.

The letters OHMS stand for, On Her Majesty Service...

and not Only Hindus Muslims, and Sikhs.

Jolly good.

A sex tet has nothing to do with orgies.

- You wrong. - I beg your pardon?

Last week I see a film, Swedish sex tet.

Never mind what you saw, sex tet means six people.

See! Like in the film there were six big Swedish girls...

with big...

Look it up in you dictionary and write it out ten times.

Sui Lee, to complete the phrase, 'as wise as'...

but not Chairman Mao.

Chairman Mao was wiser than everybody.

Yeah, but that's your opinion.

Anna, a sorcerer is a wizard and not something you put a cup on.

Truly good.

Danielle, congratulations. Absolutely perfect.

Thank you. But what about my homework?

- I was referring to your homework. - Oh.

Givani, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage...

is in-law, as in brother-in-law, and not as you put out-law.

- It's the same thing. - It is not the same thing.

- An out law is a bandit. So is my brother-in-law.

I hope you find Ms. C ourtney's questions as amusing.

- She'll be here any minute. - Excuse me...

Don't interrupt. I tend to tolerate your sfrivolous attitude...

bit Ms. Courtney is a horse of a different colour.

Oh blimy! You should not be calling Ms. Courtney a horse.

I wasn't.

I wasn't, though there may be a certain resemblance.

- Mr. Brown, please! - Just a minute, I haven't finished.

As I was saying, Ms. Courtney may not be as tolerant as I...

on the other hand, you mustn't let her intimidate you.

She may be a bit of an old girl, but... she's only human.

Excuse please, Mr. Brown...

What's happened to you? Why are you constantly interrupting me?

I think they are trying to indicate my presence, Mr. Brown.

Ms. Courtney, I didn't hear you come in.

Obviously.

- How long have you been here? - Long enough.

And now Mr. Brown, if you don't mind...

this horse of a different colour, this human old girl...

would like to find out how clever your students are.

Well certainly. They are all yours.

Now who would like to be first?

There's no rush of volunteers.

Nobody? Well, I will ask a question...

and anyone who wishes may answer.

Now then...

What is a a circumflex?

Oh, come along! Circumflex.

C... I... R... C... U... M... F... L... E... X.

I'm sure you know what a circumflex is.

- Yes please. - Good. What is it?

No milk today.

I beg your pardon!

So sorry. Circumflex is an accent mark.

Would you give me that piece of paper, please?

Which piece of paper?

The piece you are hiding in your hand.

You are meaning, this one?

Thank you.

- Mr. Brown... Mr. Brown. - Yes?

Would you wait in the corridor until I have finished...

with your students?

Well, I...

Good. And shut the door after you.

- Mr. Brown... - Yes.

You might as well take along this. You may need it for your milkman.

- I am a foreigner... - Wrong. You are English.

Well, just imagine I'm a foreigner.

Please Ms. Courtney...

what kind of a foreigner are you be?

- Does it matter? - Oh yes.

How can we be imagine...

when we are not know what to be imagine.

Very well, I am Russian.

And if anyone says why I am Russian, I shall scream.

Now you...

I approach you in the street and say...

'please will you tell me the time? '

- What is your reply? - Time you bought yourself a watch.

- That is extremely rude. - I do not like Russians.

Let's try some general knowledge.

Mr. Singh, where is Sydney?

Not the caretaker, the city.

- Thousand apologies. - Anybody?

- Australia. - Good.

What can you tell me about the Duke of Windsor?

- Which one? - There's only one Duke of Windsor.

Not so. Near where I live, there are three Duke of Windsor.

Two Dukes of Cambridge, and one Prince of Wales.

I was referring to the person, not the public house.

Does anyone know what the letters GC means?

Givani Cupero.

- George Cross. - What class is he in?

I don't think I can stand anymore.

- Mr. Brown... - Finished already?

I am leaving while I still retain some shred of sanity.

You obviously didn't give her very good answers.

Not our fault, the questions were too difficult.

You just have to work harder. It's almost time to go now.

Don't forget your homework. See you tomorrow.

Oh good! Not again?

Haven't you finished yet, Sydney?

I washed it twice.

Wash it again, it's still dirty.

Time to go home, Ali?

Oh blimy! I'm not wanting to go home.

What's the matter?

Can I speak to you most confidentially?

Yes, ofcourse you can. Right away.

What's your problem?

You see, my wife, Rehana, she's becoming another person.

Oh dear! Have you tried hormones?

What are you meaning?

I don't know much about these sex changes.

Oh no, she's not doing anything like that.

But you just said she's becoming another person.

She's becoming another lady person, not man person.

You mean she is behaving differently.

Yes please. She's making phone calls.

And when I'm coming in, she's hanging up, chup chup.

At night times, she is going out...

leaving me in the house with the baby.

Ah! I'm beginning to see daylight.

Ofcourse. It is not being dark yet.

- You have just had a baby. - No, my wife had the baby.

It's natural. Lots of women change after they've had babies.

It's called post-natal depression. I'm sure she'll get over it.

Some nights, she is not letting me sleep with her.

Have you thought of getting her a nanny?

Oh blimy! She would not be letting me sleep with a nanny.

- I mean, a help with the baby. - Sorry please.

I also think she ought to see a doctor.

No, she is not liking doctors very much.

- She ought to talk to somebody. - Perhaps you could talk to her.

- Me? - Yes please.

- I hardly think I'm qualified. - You must be helping me.

I'll come home with you tonight. Let's see what we can do.

Jolly good.

- Good night, Sid. - Good night, Sid.

Hello, my beloved.

Baby's fed, curry's in oven. I'm going out.

Where are you going?

Please to be minding your own business.

I'm bringing Mr. Brown home.

Hello Mr. Brown. It is good of you to be keeping Ali company.

- Well, actually came to... - Have a nice evening.

Do not be waiting up for me, Ali.

See! See what I am meaning.

Where is she going, what is she doing, who is she seeing?

But you wait here. I'll follow her and see where she's going.

I can't be staying late tonight, I think Ali is getting suspicious.

Enter.

I've got the stock room keys back.

Thank you, Sid. If you see Gladys, tell her she can take my tray.

Take my tray.

Not you... Gladys.

You're wearing a black tie, Sydney?

Yes, I've been mourning. 28 years to the day it happened.

- The death of a loved one? - No, I got married.

You male chauvinist pig.

- Pardon? - Pig.

Oh, you've met the wife, have you?

That will do, Sydney.

You're the man I want.

I want some advise from a man with experience.

Oh, I've been about a bit. What do you want to now?

Well, I need your help, as a married man.

Oh, I'm sorry. In the dark?

- I'm not married, you are. - Don't remind me.

Look son, if you are thinking of taking the plunge, forget it.

It's worst than doing porridge.

Now what can I give you advise on?

I've changed my mind. I don't think you are qualified help.

I'll ask Ms. Courtney.

Is it time already? - What time are you referring to?

Lesson time.

Oh no, Rehana is coming to see Mr. Brown.

This is Sid, our caretaker.

She's Mrs. Nadeem, the wife of Ali.

And very nice too.

Don't tell Ali I've been here.

We are making for him a surprise.

It is thank you party for being such god husband...

and giving me beautiful baby.

But, we are not wanting him to be finding out.

Already, he's most suspicious with me going out...

to arrange everything with Ranjit.

Don't worry, I won't tell a dicky.

Never mind his dicky.

- Ali should not be finding out. - That's what I just said.

- When is the surprise? - Tonight.

You are welcome to be coming if up are wishing.

Jamila is making lovely food, and Gladys is making delicious cake.

- Please, where is Mr. Brown? - He's in Ms. Courtney's office.

Good. I must be asking him to keep Ali late after class...

so all students can be arriving for party...

before he is getting home.

While you are seeing Mr. Brown...

I'll go to be speaking with Ms. Gladys.

Oh good. And you can buy me a nice cup of tea.

See you later, love.

See who that is, Mr. Brown.

It's her! Ali's wife. What does she want?

Are you sure you didn't tell Ali about her affair?

Positive. I just told him I lost her.

Perhaps she wants to confide in you because you are Ali's friend.

Couldn't she confide in you?

Certainly not. It is your problem, you will deal with it.

I'll leave you alone.

Mr. Brown will see you now.

Sorry about that. Come in, Rehana. Sit down.

I am wanting to be asking you something.

Before you do, I've got something to tell you. Please sit down.

I'm being waiting.

Yes... Firstly, tell me something. Do you love Ali?

- Oh yes, very much indeed. - Good... good.

What I have to say is rather delicate...

but you and Ali are both sensible and intelligent people.

Thank you.

And you are married for almost two years now...

and you now have a lovely little baby.

Yes.

I want you to know that I understand...

how these things can happen.

- What things? - Not babies, but...

I'll say it another way.

When two people have been married for a while...

sometimes, familiarity creeps in.

Two people living together, doing the same thing...

day after day. Seeing the same faces. It's only natural...

that occasionally, one of the party feels something is missing.

Some excitement perhaps.

So it's never unusual in these occasions...

for one of the parties to meet somebody else...

to try to recapture the first flush of romance.

- Mr. Brown... - Please, let me finish...

Let me say just one thing. A vital question you must ask yourself...

is whether to likely throw away what you have already...

for some... passing infatuation...

or to rise above it and start afresh.

To err is human, and to forgive, divine.

- That's all I have to say. - Oh, I see.

Now what is it you want to ask me?

No, it is not important now.

Well Mr. Brown, how did you manage?

Extremely well I think.

I was very tactful. I think she got the message.

- Are you alright? - It is Mr. Brown.

He is telling me something terrible.

- What is it? - It is my Ali.

He is having an affair with another woman.

Hello Ranjit.

Good evening, oh wise and illustrious one.

I wish I could say the same about you.

Before the other students arrive, I have something to tell you.

I know everything.

That is why I am calling you most wise and illustrious.

I mean about what you and Ali's wife have been up to.

Thousand apologies.

I think it is Ali you should be apologizing to.

Why should I be apologizing to Ali?

For your behavior. After all, she's his wife.

I'm knowing that. That is why we are keeping it secret from him.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Oh no, I'm very pleased to be doing it.

Yes, you are.

I am sure, if she is asking you to do the same...

you'll be most happy to oblige.

I hardly think so!

Please, not to be telling Ali.

Well, I won't, for his sake, not yours.

Good. We are not wanting him to be finding out before tonight.

Why tonight?

Tonight, he'll be knowing everything.

- Are you going to tell him? - No, he'll be seeing for himself.

- Good Lord! - It will be a big surprise.

It will be a shock.

You are also coming to the party tonight.

What party?

The one we have been arranging for Ali.

I'm getting a bit confused.

You are saying you are knowing everything.

Yeah, I just realized I don't know as much as I thought I did.

Now tell me something, Ranjit. Have you been seeing Ali's wife?

Most certainly. To be arranging the party for him...

tonight at 10 O'clock.

And it's all just a party? Oh!

This is an English class. I think I expect you to speak English.

No more Spanish greeting, good evening.

- Good evening Senor Brown. - That's better.

Bona sera.

Hey, no bona sera, speak in English.

Don't you ask me to speak in English, you great Spanish onion.

I punch your face, you Italian ice-cream!

- Alright, sit down. - You tell him, Senor.

I'm telling both of you. You sit down.

Now I'll tell you what I told Van.

This is an English class. When you arrive here...

I expect you to speak in English.

No more bona sera, good evening.

Okay.

I give up!

Good evening, Jamila.

I have knit for you, a scarf.

Very kind of you.

Very patriotic.

But quite long.

It is be start as pair of sockies...

but I am forget to turn round heel...

so I make it little bit more longer.

Thank you very much. Sure it will come in useful.

Good evening.

Right... now... before we go on...

before we go any further this evening...

the education authority is taking some kind of census...

and require these forms filled in.

It is self explanatory, Complete them now...

and if you have any problems, don't hesitate to ask.

That's what I'm here for.

I have a problem.

How can you have a problem? You haven't even looked at the form yet

No pen.

- Everyone else has a pen? - Yes professor.

All you have to do is put your surnames, your first name...

your address in England, your birth, occupation...

sex, your marital status, and what subject you've taken.

- Excuse me. - Yes Givani?

I have a problem with my first names.

- Surely you know them. - Sure.

- So what's the problem? - I can't get them on the paper.

Putjust as many names as you can.

Okay boss.

Mr. Brown, please.

I do not know the name of the hospital where I was born.

You don't have to put the hospital, just the town.

- Just the town? - Have you put the hospital too?

No. Place where born... bed.

- Finished. - Good.

Correction... not so good.

The correct answer to sex is not 'atleast once a week'.

You should put male or female.

Not sex with male.

Only female.

Excuse me, please. I'm being late.

You almost missed the census.

Rehana is still being very mysterious.

Don't worry, everything will be alright.

Tonight at 10 O'clock, all will be revealed.

Are you really sure Ali is knocking about with another girl?

Yes. Mr. Brown would not be telling me lies.

All with roving eyes, these men.

Doesn't deserve a party like this.

I am being so unhappy.

- I know what I would do. - What?

Kick him out!

Ali's heights!

- He's being unfaithful. - He behave like an animal.

- He deserves what he gets. - He does.

Hello beloved.

Don't you beloved me!

Oh blimy! What are you doing that for?

You very bad man. You!

Mr. Brown is telling me you are having girlfriend.

You damn fool! Why you saying that for?

I didn't. You obviously misunderstood me.

You are nearly breaking up my marriage.

I'm sorry, Ali.

It is you I should be throwing cake at.

Please. You cannot be throwing cake at Mr. Brown.

I will do it!