Original subtitles

Good evening, good evening.

Hello Sidney

Oh, ah! Hello miss Courtney

did you want me?

No I was giving your floor a brush out!

Oh! How kind!

- Good evening! - Oh Mr. Brown, just the man I want

you lucky devil! Sorry!

- Would you service my office? - Yeah!

- Not you, Mr. Brown. - After you miss Courtney

- did you have a nice week-end? - Very pleasant

- I spent two days in Loo - yeah? In loom of what? Oh loo

- I've brought something for you! - Oh! It's a tape recorder!

- Yes!

Oh thank you very much miss Courtney that's very kind of you

I didn't expect you to buy me anything!

- That's good because I didn't - and this is a

that tape recorder belongs to the music class.

I thought it might be a good idea if you used it to improve your

students' elocution.

Oh yes it is a good idea, how does it work

It is self explanatory, Mr. Brown Stop, start, wind, rewind, record.

- Ah! Would there be a microphone? - It is fully built in.

Now when you have finished it, perhaps you would return it to

the music class?

Yes certainly!

- You may go! - Thank you!

- Pompous old twit! - What?

- That old hen, she is a pompous old twit.

- Haven't you a class to go to? - I was just going

-just a moment - something the matter?

- Yes it is still switched on - oh! My... my God!

- I do hope you weren't being indiscreet

- no I didn't say anything, did I Say?

- No not at all - now we'll see shall we?

- I'll go sweep the floor! - Yes I

stay where you are, now we'll see what we can hear...

when you have finished with it, perhaps you would be kind enough

- to return it to the music class. - Yes certainly.

- You may go. - Thank you.

- Here we are, that's it, there's no more - no definitely no more.

- Just a minute. - Pompous old twit.

- I see! I'm a pompous old twit am I? - No that wasn't you, was it Sid?

- No no she was never an old lady - then who was it?

Yes who was it?

It was the clever old boy of Gladys the tea lady

yes Gladys...

I would hardly call Gladys pompous

- wouldn't you? She can be very pompous at times

I see! Then perhaps you would tell Pompous Gladys that I am waiting

For my coffee!

You know my horoscope is right?

I was forecast a clash with authority

- And digging disaster. - That wasn't disaster!

Well the night is still young!

There you are! How do you like Ali?

- You are very rude Rangit! - Also he's not be spell very good

prease Langit lub it off before Ari allise

- no - you make Ali very mad-o

I am not karing, yesterday Ali Is calling me a monkey face

- he shouldn't call you monkey face - oh thank you Max

it is not your fault you look like that

- did I miss something funny? - No profesore he is still here

- you are liking flowers? - Escuse me?

You are liking flowers, answer yes or no

sure I like the flowers.

Good, I'm sending some to your funeral

Rangit, put your knife away Giovanni, sit down come on

What hope is there for a Multiracial society if a handful of people cannot

sit down for A couple of minutes without Blowing up

we are only make it ajokes

in the future let us have no more jokes, they only seem to lead to

arguments

who is responsible for this? Come along I'm waiting!

If the person responsible doesn't come out you will all stay behind

and have extra homework

its Rangit

then I suggest you come out here Rangit and rub it off before Ali

comes in and sees it.

- Before Ali comes in and see what? - Nothing Ali

- you are hiding something from me - no no

yes please I can see my name on the blackboard

- we were just about to rub it off - oh blime! I can be reporting you

to the monostery of education

- ministery. - That also.

- I'm being surprised at you - me?

- For writing naughty things like that - I didn't write it!

But you are standing with chalky in hand

- that is substantial - oh no that is most definitely chalky

It and play it back and we'll correct

that was already written before I arrived

oh oh then I am knowing who is writing it. It is monkey face!

Sit down... listen if I have any more arguments, those persons responsible

will be sent home immedialtely.

- Buenas noche - and that goes for you too

- por favor? - No more arguments!

- Me? I never argue - you always argue!

- Never! - Oh yes you do!

- Oh no I don't - you'r arguing now!

Shut up and sit down! Now tonight you are going yo concentrate on your

elocution, heaven knows it needs enough concentrating on.

Now this, is a tape recorder.

Eh! We're going to have music while we work?

No we're just going to work. Now I will ask each one of you

Any mistake or mispronunciation you May make

- you first Ali! - Jolly good! What shall I be saying?

Well just say anything at all that comes to your mind

anything at all that is coming into my mind, eh

that will do! Max?

Here is the news, and this is Maximilian Andreas Archimidis

Papandreos speaking it. Today we Not have any news maybe tomorrow

We have some

- Daniele? - My name is Daniele Favre, 36.21.35

I am French, au pair and I like all Kinds of sports, in the doors and out

- Of the doors - thank you miss France! Taro!

- Aso. Nothing-o, one-o, two-o, three-o, four-o - good-o, good good, Jemila?

I am speaking little poetries, when first I come to school

I am sit here like a fool But master G. Is teach me how to

Speech and now I speak much More better.

- That didn't exactly rime - master shakespear no be rime

no that is true he doesn't always Giovanni?

Arrivederci Roma

This is not a talent contest just say a sentence or two

- Ok. I'm in the english class to learn how to speak-a di english

- and you have a lot to learn - scuzi

Rangit

Greetings and salutations to all my friends, long life and much happiness

- be with you all - very nice, I mean thank you.

Sue-Li and spare us the mind of chairman Mao tonight please

thoughts of chailman Mao waisted on crass of ignolent forrowers of

impeliaristic poricies of the nations only China can tlue democlatcy froulish

thank you Sue-Li at least you're consistent, Juan?

I tell you a little story, my cousin from Madrid, his wife

she goes to up heaven, in the funeral my cousin

is very bad, so the priest

he come to him and say: My son don't

sorry maybe in six month from now

you find a new beautiful sinorita and you get married, my cousin he say

to the priest: Six months... what am I going to do tonight?

- Thank you Juan - I know plenty more...

- save them for tea...

now we rewind this and we will all hear how terrible you sound

you all have a long way to go

no please the landlord I am staying

with is telling me I am speaking english

much more better than what he is doing

- is he a Londoner? - No he is from Turkey

now I wouldn't let it go to your head Rangit... right pay attention

- you first Ali! - Jolly good! What shall I be saying?

Well just say anything at all that comes to your mind

anything at all that is coming into my mind, eh

who was that?

- Who was what? - The man you were speaking to?

- It was you! - You are pulling my leggy...

that was not me, that is a foreign sounding man

- exactly, that is how you sound - oh blime! And all that time I am

thinking I sound like sir Olivia laurence.

- Laurence Olivier. - Yes please...

- you are late Anna! - Ya

- you are feeling all right? - Ya

you don't sound all right

look if there is anything that is troubling you

- you can tell us we are your friends

that's all right you let your hair down

oh blime how an she be letting her hair down when it is not up

letting her hair down means getting everything off the chest

oh! You be want her to take off her clothes?

Holy ravioli, these foreigners are all stupid!

Come on Anna tell us what is the matter

for the last time, nothing is the matter, stop asking stupid questions

I'm perfectly all right

Enter...

Had all gone home

oh very well leave it there have you finished class?

Yes I am giving them their homework I think I have a slight problem

oh? Your class is one big problem

I am worried about Anna

in what way?

Well she burst into tears when she arrived and so far she has refused

to say what is troubling her

oh dear I do hope it is not mis raw bottom all over again

pardon

needlework class last term weeping all over her embroidery

refused to say why

- what was the matter - oh yes?

Was is something serious?

Was for miss raw bottom she was pregnant...

- please Anna tell us what is the matter - I'm all right

how can you be saying you are all right

when you have been crying buckets

of water

you can do nothing to help

how do you know we can do nothing to

help if you do not tell us your problem

all right I tell you, I have to go back to west Germany

- but why you have to go back - my wisa au pair is kaput''

finished, two years is nearly up

why not ask for extention?

Wont work, I have a friend from west Germay, Eva, she has been told

she has to go back next month

- you no want to go back? - No I want to stay here

you can be staying with me, I hide you, nobody will be knowing

You are there

thank you Rangit but it wont work

maybe you ask for diplomatic immunity

ha! Sue-Li is right you can be a detector

- defector - ha that is what I mean

people only defect from East to vest I'm already in the vest

go to chinese embassy and join the republic of China and fight against

russian agression

but I want to stay here in England

I have answer, become british citizen

how

wife automatically take-o nationality oh husband-o

hey tha Taro has got something you must get married

hey how about Sid, he's an englishman

he's already being married

hey, we put something in the newspaper

smart englishman, plenty money, good looks

to marry beautiful german girl very sexy

I cant do that

yes you can

when I marry it must be Mr. Right

- is he english? - Who?

- Mr. Right - havent met him yet

how can you be marrying someone you havent met yet?

She means when she marries, she marries Mr. Right, not Mr. Wrong

- but he's be sound like a foreign person - who? - Mr. Wrong

don't get any notice for them Anna

what I mean is when I get married it must be for love

you don't have to live with him only got to do is only get

a british passport by getting married then after couple of months you get

a divorce

who is going to marry me for a couple of months

hey plenty people, let us think of somebody

- first he's got to be english - that's right

and a little bit stupid

- somebody simple - who we can twist round our little finger

it is impossible

eh, God will find a way

tell me where is God going to find a stupid

simple englishman whom we can twist around

our little finger?

Deo Grazzia!

What was that one?

lts all right nothing nothing

about your homework...

hey profesore after class we invite you to the pub for a drink eh?

- That is very kind of you - good

but I am afraid I've got a lot of work to do

you must come bossh

we would be very disappointed if you do not come

well if you put it like that how can I resist?

Now don't forget we give Mr. Brown plenty of the soft soap

- what is that soft soap? - It's a flannel

soft soap, flannel, is he going to have a bath?

I think he means we're going to be getting mr. Brown in a good mood

eh! Why don't you speak the better english?

Hey I think they are coming back

oki-toki you are not to wory Anna we fix you up

- here we are then who wanted - yes, yes

hey profesore, you sit here next to Anna?

All right thank you... what shall we drink to?

- To the future! - To the future! Salute

- you ever think about the future, profesore? - Sometimes...

- you ever think about getting married bossh? - Not really!

- Hey every man should be married. - Especially to a woman

- you mean to be living by yourself? - Man-o should not-o stay alone-o

men and women are meant to be for each other

in China it is the duty of each citizen to marry and produce little citizens

you are missing lot of very good pleasures

why are you all concerned about getting me married of

we are only wanting you to be happy

I am happy as I am thank you

what about you Anna, you haven't said anything yet,

or are you against marriage?

Oh no I would like to get married

I can't understand why she is not married already,

such a beautiful girl, eh profesore?

- Pardon? - That Anna, she is a beautiful girl

yes, yes!

One day she is going to make somebody a nice wife

she is a wonderful cook

- good with the house cleaning - kind hearted

very careful with the money

faithful

a man should be lucky to have such wife

I'm smelling something fishy

oh blime! It must be the curried prawn I'm having for lunch

I'm not stupid, this has something to do With you Anna, am I right?

Ya

ok we tell you the truth profesore, Anna is in the big trouble

she, she is got to get married

got to!

Sure bossh, there is no other way!

Miss Courtney was right then

miss Courtney knows about Anna?

She has expected, correctly as it turns out

can you not be help her master G?

I'll see what I can do now Anna do you know who is responsible

for your condition?

- Ya! - Who?

The home secretary

I beg your pardon?

He is the one

are you sure?

Ya I'm sure

you must be mistaken

na, I'm sure

I'm afraid he must be lying

who was lying?

The person who told you he was the home secretary

what person?

The person who put you in the state you are in

ya the home secretary

it couldn't have been the home secretary

it was, my friend Eva is in the same boat with me

you mean your girlfriend is in the same condition?

Ya

you and your girlfriend were in the same boat with the home secretary?

I cant believe it

it's true, Eva has written to him but he said her wisa cannot be extended

mine also is ending that is why I must get married to an englishman

just a minute, you mean you want to get married to stay in the country?

Ya

and for no other reason?

Nein

thank goodness for that

oki-toki when we fix the wedding?

Wait a minute there is not going to be a wedding

oh come on!!!

Look, as much as I sympathize with you

I cannot marry you, it wouldn't be right

I may be old fashioned but I do believe

People should get married for love

And not only for a matter of convenience

honestly I'm surprised at you lot, who concocted a stupid idea like that

we only wanted to help Anna

we be feel sorry for her

well I'm sure you meant well now cheers,

come on I'll get some more drinks

- poor Anna! - She is going to be very sad.

- Yeah - we have to fix something Giovanni!

Hey I got it Maxi! We get him drunk

who we get drunk?

Profesore, then tomorrow he not remember anything and

we tell him he agreed to marry

Anna here tonight in front of witnesses

Anna will never agree to that

sure she will

how do you know?

We get her drunk as well

- good evening Mr. Brown? - Not particularly!

- Feeling under the weather? - Just a bit, I had a little much to drink

last night

- bonassera profesore - ah, good evening

- how are you feeling bossh? - Terrible

- last night you were very happy man - was I? I don't remember

you don't remember dancing on the table?

I didn't!

You did, with Anna

just after you ask her to marry you

yeah, well I'm afraid I d... what did you say I did?

You ask Anna to marry you

oh no!

- Oh yes! You say you feel sorry for her - you don't

want her to go back to Germany

so you tell her you marry her

are you sure?

Positive, she is going to fix the date tonight

you are a very lucky man

congratulations

I don't want congratulations

well come to think of it, it is more an occasion for morning

I am not going to get married

well they seem to think you are

well they are wrong and I am going to tell them so

oh!

Hi! In you places everybody listen please I have something to tell you about

- Anna, just the person I want to see - Mr. Brown what can I tell you?

- Well don't say anything - what you did last night was wonderbul

- well its about last night - I will never forget it

- Anna, listen to me - but I cannot let you marry me

well I have one or two more what did you say?

I cannot let you marry me, there is no need

- you found somebody else? - I telephone to the home secretary

he cannot marry you, he's already got a wife

I phone about my wisa and he tells me I can stay because

I'm part of common market

- but how can I thank you for your kind offer

well that was nothing

would you have actually done this thing

yes, I mean that's what friends are for

My friend she's from East Germany so she is

not part of common market

- Eva! - Which is Mr. Brown?

My liebchen, come to Eva