Original subtitles

- Oh, hello.

I didn't see you there. I'm Raccoon.

If you're like me, you can't remember anything,

whether it's the address of your childhood tree

or where you buried your first nemesis or...

Oh, right.

That's why I'm here... to remind you where we left

Honey, Chief and the rest of the gang last week.

Shel and Darla were about to start their life together,

when Shel was violently smushed by a mommy smusher.

- No!

- And when Elsa's boyfriend, Jimmy Chonga,

turned out not to be a figment of her imagination,

Diablo tried to help their relationship flourish.

- She also told us a funny story

about when you were a puppy

and one of your testicles hadn't descended...

- Ugh.

- And Honey made a big decision...

- So what do you say, Honey? You want to run away with me?

Let's get out of here.

- And I bench-pressed twice my own weight at 24 Hour Fitness.

- Yeah, we don't have tape on that.

- What?

- I don't know what happened.

- So we've got endless footage of these fingerless yo-yos,

but when I do something significant,

something all raccoons can be proud of...

Whatever, fine.

- Well, you kind of looked like this.

- No, just go. I need to finish this.

Okay, so what's gonna happen?

Let's find out. Stay tuned. Yay.

- Wait a minute, am I actually doing this? This is crazy.

- Maybe if you reflect musically

on what's led us here, it'll make sense.

- Yeah.

- Hey, buddy, want to watch yellow ball?

I'm feeling a little lonely since Tabs moved out.

- Sorry, Buddy, I can't. Kevin's home.

He's even more depressed than when Dana broke up with him.

- Whoa! What happened?

- From what I gather, he lost his job

opening soda cans on airplanes.

- This is for you, Dana! - Kevin?

- Take me back!

- So we've been spending a lot of time together.

Last night I slept on his face.

- Well, that's great.

I'm glad he's finally paying some attention to you.

- "Finally"? What's that supposed to mean?

- I just mean you're such a great cat,

and it sounds like he's recognizing that.

- Did he not think I was a great cat before?

- I have missed you so much, dude!

Mwah!

Ah! Give me space, perv!

The problem with CrossFit...

Ugh, hang on,

I just need to get away from my ex-girlfriend's stupid cat.

- Oh, my God. Kevin doesn't love me.

Good morning, Altadena!

- Ugh. Act like you've been here before.

- Oh, sorry, just spent my first night in the wild,

and I am feeling myself!

I drank from a stream, then slept on a rock,

under the protective eye of a coyote

with rippling muscles and...

- Good morning. - Good morning.

There's a little bit of blood

on your mouth.

Did you, um, cut yourself shaving?

- Oh, breakfast. Did I get it? - Yeah.

You got a little fur in your teeth, though.

- Oh. - How's this?

- Good. Yeah.

So what wild and fun outdoor activities are we up to today?

Apple picking? Leaf peeping?

- I need to go see my pack.

Things have been tense since we moved here,

and if I don't check in, our alpha gets a little bite-y.

- You're not the alpha?

- Yeah, I'm more of the poet of the pack.

- Oh. I'd be happy to mediate a conversation.

- That's not how things work out here.

Plus, if they got one look at those bouncy curls

and those deep brown eyes... - Ooh.

- They would tear you limb from limb.

Oh.

Oh, oh, right, so that... Yeah, oh, that's real.

Right, okay. No. Cool, cool.

- I'll be back.

- Oh. - Jill loves that movie.

I know. I'm hungry, too, stomach.

Well, there must be something here I can eat.

- Aah! Don't kill me, please! It's not my time!

- I'm not gonna kill you.

In fact, I won't be eating any animal protein.

So I'm thinking I need

to find a combination of beans and legumes.

- I can help you. I can help you.

Can I catch a ride?

I think this is the beginning

of an unlikely animal friendship, am I right?

- Looks like we've got some competition.

- Really? Wait. So this dip has seven layers?

And you... you guarantee this to be true?

Ow.

- It's time to play, play, play!

- Little Cookie, we got a saying around here,

"If Chief's a-snoozing, keep on cruising."

Go play with Honey.

- I don't want to play with Honey... she's no fun.

Seriously, when was the last time

she chased her tail till she puked?

- I know. I try to look past those things.

- Look at him, pining for me.

- Time to give him what he wants.

What he really, really wants.

Dog parks, right?

- Uh... - Mmm.

- What's going on? I'm missing all the hot goss.

But please don't tell anyone I actually miss the hot goss.

- Well, you should come back to group.

- I can't. I said too many nice things when I left.

Besides, now that Ray Liotta's running for head

of his home owners' association, I'm swamped.

- And that's why I support the death penalty

for driveway basketball hoops.

- Just give me the Shel update.

What person, place, or thing is he into now?

- Just come back... I guarantee

that within two days, everyone will hate you again.

- You really think so?

- Look at all the colors!

Thank you, uh, Paul, was it?

- Or Paulie. Either way. It was your idea to name me.

Okay, I'll see you around. Babiche! Talk soon.

Mmm. Blech!

Trust me, you don't want this.

- Honey! Come here!

I got you something.

- Paul. - Or Paulie! Either way.

- I knew you'd be hungry.

Come on, tastes even better when you kill it yourself.

- Come on, Honey. It's just like "The Lion King."

Circle of life.

Hakuna matata, Paulie.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Run, Paulie! You're free!

Don't waste this gift!

- I knew they wouldn't last. Kangopus for the win!

- Honey, you're wild now,

and you have to do what it takes to survive.

- I'm not wild, Armando.

When I fantasized about this,

I didn't really drill down on the details.

I mean, I don't even like beans,

and I can't rely on legumes.

- What are you saying? - I don't belong out here.

I want to go home.

- Yeah, but I thought... - I'm sorry, Armando.

- Okay. It's okay. I understand.

At least I can channel these feelings into my poetry.

"Honey" and "Bunny" rhyme, so...

That's good.

- Oh, your poetry rhymes.

Ah, okay. Well, goodbye, Armando.

And... and thank you.

- And just like that, she walked out of our lives.

I'm Paul, or Paulie, whatever you want.

- Hey, Paul.

- I'm just not looking for a relationship right now,

but I will definitely check out your Soundcloud.

Chief! Chief! Chief!

Oh, you must have been worried sick

that I didn't come home last night, but hear me out.

- Oh, you were gone? - I needed to t...

Yes, I was gone, all night, in the wild.

- Uh-huh. And we're talking about last night?

- Yes. You didn't notice that I ran off

with Armando, the coyote,

and had a wild, sexy, dangerous night in Altadena?

- Was Jill with you? - No.

- Okay.

Let me see if I've got this right.

You were out...

all night...

with a dangerous coyote...

named Armando? - Yes.

It was something I needed to do.

But now I'm back because I chose you, Chief.

I chose us.

Wait. W-what are you doing?

- I'm going out to mark my territory.

And I won't be back until the rivers of Altadena run yellow.

- I'd like to share a realization I had

that I think will shock everyone.

Kevin is maybe not a very attentive owner.

What? No.

- Is she...? - Ignore her.

She just wants attention. Go on, Chico.

- To be honest, I'm furious. I used to love that word

because I thought it meant "furry" and "luxurious,"

but I mean it in the angry way now.

- Well, have you thought about expressing yourself?

- I guess I could go on a hunger strike.

No.

- Chief? - Darla? Where's Shel?

- Shel is... he's...

- Moving a little slowly.

- Shel, my goodness! What happened?

- Exterior, backyard, night...

- Lindsay ran him over.

- Don't just blurt out the ending.

They need a little foreplay.

- You need a little foreplay.

- Be gentle.

- Never.

- Oh, please. I'm going to vomit.

- Aw, I think it's sweet. - Oh, yeah.

- Honey, please make this stop.

- Shel! Leave it. No. Leave it...

Chief? Oh.

- Hey, look, everyone, it's Max,

and he's meaner than ever.

- Just stop.

I can speak for myself, you freaky little weasel.

- Okay, that's enough.

- All right, so I never went to London.

I live with the star of "Unlawful Entry" now,

and I don't need to talk about it.

How long has the fish been dead?

- Oh, I'm trying to pull a Nemo and get flushed out of here.

- That's smart. Elsa, how's it going with you and JChongs?

- Um...

So are we doing this or what?

- Uh... - Ah...

We will never be a couple

because Diablo turned him against me!

- What? - That's great.

All right, let's pick this up tonight,

everyone except Darla.

- Understandable.

- Mine. Mine. Mine.

Mine.

- Actually, that's mine.

Wait a second! You're...

Yes. And you're...

- That's right, and it seems like we have some things

to settle between us, starting with,

how do you manage to stay so well-groomed out here?

I mean, your coat is "ridonculous."

- Yours isn't so bad either. - Really?

Aw.

I did get the special bath at the groomer's

that makes me handsome, but that was a couple of days ago.

And since then, I investigated a leaky septic tank,

almost fixed it,

and I tunneled through a mountain of tuna salad

but that might have been a dream.

- Wow! - I had the exact same dream.

Except it was a giant deer carcass.

- Oh, awesome.

- Hey, listen, I know we just met,

but would you want to be in a montage with me?

- Does this answer your question?

A-five, six, seven, eight!

- Yeah!

- And now back to Shark Week, all year long.

- What the hell?

- Kevin, I'm a good cat and a loyal cat.

When Dana left, she left us both.

And that's why I ask...

no, I demand to be treated with respect.

- I don't know what you just said, but...

I get it.

- Dana? - Dana?

- I saw your little stunt on TV,

and it reminded me you still have my cat.

I want it back.

- Its name is Chico, and we don't want you back.

All right, come on, little perv.

You can watch me shower.

- Um, Armando?

It's so fun to wrestle when disemboweling is off the table.

Yeah.

- Plus, creative play increases brain plasticity.

- Yeah, it does.

Man, you're a total dreamboat.

I do not get why Honey chose me.

- Wait, wait, wait.

She told me she was going home

because she's a poodle who can't rely on legumes.

She didn't even mention you,

but that makes more sense 'cause you're awesome.

- No, you're awesome.

But now I'm mad at Honey.

Hey! Your friends are here!

Uh-oh, I sense another montage.

A-five, six, seven... No?

- What ya doin?

- Just waiting for Chief to come home.

- Chief!

- Oh, it's you.

- Sorry.

Wait, who were you expecting? - Chief, the fun one.

- He's been out peeing on Altadena.

- Uh, Altadena. That's not great.

- Well, they have excellent public schools.

- I mean, yeah,

but a pack of killer coyotes just moved up there.

- Oh, my God. Oka... I have to find him.

If I don't come back, tell the group that as long

as I manage my expectations, I love them.

- Tchotchke?

Tchotchke, don't be crazy.

You can't take on a whole pack of coyotes.

What are you gonna do with a bunch of nails?

Okay.

I feel like I'm just holding your hand now.

- Hey, you seen Honey?

We were supposed to meet for group tonight.

Ow! What the hell, Tchotch?

- Eh, he's just excited.

Come on, we'll explain on the way.

- Okay, so Honey has been carrying on with a coyote,

and then she ran off with him and she didn't tell us?

- His name is Armando, and he's ripped.

- Ugh.

Look, the purpose of group is to share the intimate details

of our lives with the group... or at least just me.

- Unacceptable. - As soon as we save her,

I'm gonna tell her how mad I am.

- Let me do it! That's my... that's my thing now.

I express myself.

- Wait, do you hear that?

Uh-oh.

- Do you have any last words? - Come on!

How many times have we been over this?

It's my job to ask ominously about last words.

Stay in your lane.

- Chief! - Honey!

- Honey! - "Honey"?

- Armando. - "Armando"?

- Alpha.

- Wait, you're not the alpha? - I'm the poet!

- We can't cross a freeway. It's a freeway!

- It stands between us and Honey... it must be crossed.

- Diablo, since we probably only have about five minutes

to live before we're smushed by a Pontiac Sunfire,

I want to tell you that I know

you only poisoned my relationship with Jimmy Chonga

because you're in love with me,

and I understand.

Wow.

- Really? - Uh, yeah.

- Yeah, I'm not feeling it.

Let's just use the pedestrian overpass.

- Chief, I'm sorry I ran off with Armando.

- The question is why you came back.

Were you choosing me or not choosing legumes?

- This doesn't feel like the best time to get into...

- Our feeding rituals are pretty elaborate.

You've still got some time before they eat you.

- Oh, okay. This wasn't about you or Armando.

I thought changing things up would change me.

- Honey, you don't need to change.

- But...

- Maybe it's okay that you don't speak a fart language

or chase your tail till you puke.

Maybe that's why we work.

- You're perfect the way you are,

and so is our life together, at least it was

before the bloodthirsty coyotes.

- Yeah, it was.

Goodbye, Chief. - Goodbye, Honey.

- Well, well, well, coyotes, I hope you like your asses,

'cause you're about to get them handed to you.

- Okay, run. Go. Go, go, go, go.

- Honey! - Elsa? Max? Shel?

- Yes, we're all here. You don't have to name us all.

- You do for me. - You came out here to save us?

- Well, there were several motivating factors.

We also heard tell of a kangopus living out here.

- Our original plan was to save you.

- But then we got to talking, and we realized

we're furious at you and not in the good way.

- You were just gonna take off like that

and never say goodbye?

- My boyfriend and I feel very betrayed.

- I don't know why it would matter to Jimmy Chonga.

- I'm with Diablo now. Catch up.

- What? - Y-you guys are right.

I-I shouldn't have left without an explanation.

- Guys, Honey made a mistake.

She's only almost human.

- Aw, thank you, Chief.

- And as her friends, I'd hope you'd understand that.

- Did she say we're friends? - I forgive you.

- Me too. - Yeah, totally.

- It's fine. - What were you just doing?

- Um, oh, talking. Sharing, sharing our feelings.

- "Sharing feelings"?

How does it work?

- Oh, well, so, okay, if I were leading you coyotes

in a discussion, um, I would encourage you to talk

about balancing pack mentality with individuality.

Apparently some choices were made by some of you

that others were not totally on board with.

- I didn't want to move to Altadena!

I just said I did because you seemed excited about it.

- I only acted excited about it

because I thought you wanted to move here.

- I miss my friends.

- Make new friends. - Run.

- I think I could be of some use here.

- Honey!

- They're... they're too close to it!

They need an objective third party.

- Go!

- There'd be a lot more cats. There'd be a lot of things...

- Let our friends go or face the wrath of...

Oh, they're gone. Okay, well, bye!

- Was that a slow loris and a raccoon?

That's a pretty unlikely animal friendship.

- Hey, hey, Kanga, look at me.

We're so much more unlikely than they are.

They both have fingers. We have nothing in common.

- Except our love for each other.

Huh. Where's that tentacle going?

- Don't worry about it.

- Are you sure it's okay for us to have a night session?

- Yeah, Jill's at her aqua Zumba class,

then she gets a big Jamba Juice,

then she has to stop at Marshall's

to pee on her way home,

so we can definitely squeeze one in.

- I'm glad we're meeting

because there's something I need to do.

Diablo, darling, it's over between us.

Don't embarrass yourself by begging me to change my mind.

- Okay. - Ah, that's too bad.

I was really looking forward to rooting against you guys.

- Yeah, we all were.

Chief and I want to thank you guys for coming to rescue us.

- Yeah.

Seeing you all come together to save us made me think.

This is a group I want to be a part of.

But then I remembered I'm not a huge dork,

so it's still a pass for me.

- And there you have it... another happy ending.

But that's not all.

We have another special treat planned for you.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, I was just gonna prove that I...

- We're starting a session, get out of here.

- Yeah, but... - No "problemo."

Just come back when everyone's asleep.

- Leave the barbell.

Just... we're just gonna leave the barbell.

- Go! - See you next season!

Ah!

Bento.

- That's nice, Jen and Gabby.