Original subtitles

- Previously on "First Wives Club"...

- Becoming chief of surgery

would be really great for your career.

- If we hired a nanny, you could write your book,

and then I can go after the chief of surgery position.

- Don't I at least deserve to know why I'm forced

to hire a distant second choice?

- I didn't take the job because of you.

- Any artist that performs on my label

has to live up to my standards.

- Just find me that artist soon.

- Hazel has a company

she's trying hard to get off the ground,

and you have a talent that's being underserved.

If you two could just put your petty differences aside...

- I need a formal contract.

- Maxine Hart? - Yes, yes.

- On behalf of your husband, Brian Hart, you've been served.

- Who's representing the husband?

- Jacob Rosen. - It's a conflict of interest.

- What about after this case is over?

Can we do dinner then?

- To our new junior partner. - You're not playing with me.

- You have more than proven your worth with Maxine's case.

You should go out and celebrate.

- I'm happy to see you. - I'm happy to see you, too.

- One powerhouse diva is amazing,

but four powerhouse divas together...

- You didn't have to do this gig in Los Angeles.

I was the one who said

you should move with me to Albany instead.

- The only option was for me to give up my career again.

- What's going on, boo?

- His new assistant. Girl, look.

- Oh, hell, no.

- I want anything and everything

that points to cheating.

We leave no stone unturned.

- David is on his way now! He's coming here now!

We got to clean! [all screaming]

- I needed a minute to cool off.

But I trust you, David, and I love you.

- This is Nigel.

We're engaged!

- That's the whole meal-- nothing Jamaican?

- Here in America, the wedding is all about the bride.

- If this is a preview of what our life together will be like,

I want out.

- I am so sorry that I let a wedding

get in the way of our marriage.

Nigel, I love you. - I love you, too, Hazel.

[car horns honking]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

[indistinct excited chatter]

- There are times when the wider world takes a pause.

All of the stress and struggles fade from view.

And you get to focus on what's really important--

love, joy, community...

the people that are closest to your heart--

your family and your friends.

And for this precious moment,

you bask in the glow of being together...

♪ ♪

Building a memory you will fondly recall

with a smile.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, I might be biased,

but this is the most lit rehearsal dinner ever.

- And you are the most beautiful bride-to-be.

- Oh, Nigel.

[glass clinking]

- Welcome, everybody, to the rehearsal dinner.

[cheers and applause]

All right, first, I want to say--

what an amazing experience

to be on this beautiful private island.

[cheers and applause]

- Well, you're welcome.

[laughter] - All right, all right.

Big up to my cousin Nigel.

Brother, I know you'd give your right arm

to be with this beautiful woman.

And that's exactly what her engagement ring

almost cost you. [laughter]

But for real, though, I can't blame you, brother,

when I look at her.

Big up to you for finding your wifey and a goodasin Hazel.

Mia, please. [cheers and applause]

And thank you for such a turn-up party.

- Are you kidding? - Yeah.

- With all the luggage that she brought,

I should have known that she was moving in.

- Listen, you told me to find a nanny, did you not?

I found a nanny, okay? It's not that deep.

I made an executive decision.

That's it. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

- "Executive decision"? What is that, French for stupid?

Because that was stupid, Gary. - [clears throat]

- That was so stupid. - [clears throat]

- Hey, you all right?

You want to get some hot water and lemon?

What's going on? - Uh, it's time.

- What is it time for? - Time for what, boo-boo?

- For your toast. - Oh, we're doing a toast.

- We are doing-- we're doing a toast?

- We're doing a toast. - That's right.

That's right. I did know that.

- We're doing a toast, okay? - Okay, it's time.

- It's time for a toast! - Here we go.

Let's get in here. Let's get in here.

- Hi, everyone. Yeah, hi.

- Hazel, Nigel.

- [clears throat] Thank you, Hazel and Nigel.

- Mm-hmm.

- We are so blessed to be here with you tonight.

We really are, um...

- Especially me. Can I just--especially me.

- Yes! - Point of fact--

I actually met Hazel before you did, remember?

- Yeah, that's, like, really the only story he has.

[laughs] - Well, it's a fact.

- Yes. - It's a fact.

A fact is a fact.

- Can we get to the facts about us, please?

- Oh! Hazel and Nigel, um...

may you guys have all the joy

and happiness and wonderment in your marriage

because Lord knows you're gonna need it

'cause it is not a picnic at all.

It's just a lot of sacrifice.

- Well, I prefer to call it compromise.

Remember, we call it compromise.

- No, we don't. - Yes, we do.

- That's your word, not mine.

Anyways, you know what, guys?

Um, you do it because...

you love the person you're with.

- Mm. - Yeah.

And, um, there's nothing better than seeing them happy.

- There it is. And you know what?

Sometimes you get to drive the minivan.

- Oh, God. - And then other times,

you got to sit in the back seat

with the dried-up Cheerios, so...

- It's over. - Buckle up.

- Cheers! all: Buckle up!

- Oh, okay. Okay.

- Hazel and Nigel! [cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

- So this is what Daddy's been working on all summer.

Mm?

See, this is a sketch of one of the characters from my story.

This is Kamaria, and her name means "moonlight" in Swahili.

- She looks weird.

- You think she looks-- No, she doesn't look weird.

Well, you know what? It's because she's a varwolf.

- What's a varwolf?

- A varwolf is a cross between a werewolf and a vampire.

- How does that even happen? - Oh, gosh.

Well, so her mommy was a werewolf,

and then her daddy was-- - Hey, McMuffins.

- Oh. Oh, God, thank you. - Hi, Mommy.

- You're home.

- Oh, I missed you guys so much.

Hi, hi, hi.

What have I missed?

- Daddy was about to tell us how this vampire dude

and this werewolf lady had a hookup.

- What? No, I wasn't.

[laughs] No, I wasn't.

- That's your story? That's what you're gonna talk about?

I would love to hear this story.

- I think you already know how the story goes.

And we don't want to bore Mommy

because she's been at the hospital all day.

You guys got homework to do, so why don't we take it upstairs?

Let's get it done. Let's get it done.

- I'll help you get started. - [chuckles] Thank you, baby.

- Why do we always have to do homework?

So how was your day? - It was okay.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, it's just hard being the new kid on the block,

but I did volunteer to chair

the International Surgical Outreach Program.

- Oh.

- So, yeah, I mean, I like that my new hospital has that.

- Yeah, check you out.

Two weeks in, you're already chairing committees.

I love that. Oh, guess what.

I had a great meeting with my lit agent.

He told me that the advance from my book deal

would be coming in any day,

so you know I'm excited about that.

- Oh! Gar Boo-Boo Bear, I love that for you so much.

You better make that paper, honey.

both: Where are you going?

I'm going out.

- I'm going on with the girls. - No, you're not. No, you're--

I'm meeting with my writers' group tonight.

- No, you're not. You never told me.

- Yes, I did. It was Monday.

Brought the kids home from soccer,

and you said, "Hey, Gar Bear, why don't we get

some of them crazy-good wings from Frazier's?"

I said, "Great idea, but you should wait till Friday

because I'm going to be out."

- Gary, that is a terrible impression of me, okay?

Who says "crazy-good wings"?

What in the 2006 are you even serving right now?

Second, you never put it in the calendar.

- Yes, it is. And where's the calendar?

It is in the calendar. Look here.

Right here, okay?

Between the dinosaur and Lisa Simpson's foot.

It's right there. - That's not a real calendar.

You need to be an adult in the 21st century

and put that in your phone, honey.

- You know what?

I'll start using my phone tomorrow.

But tonight I'm going out. - No, you're not.

I didn't stuff myself into SPANX like a chicken sausage

at Whole Foods so I could stay home and explain

what varwolf sex is to the kids.

- Okay, fine. It's too late to get a babysitter.

- Mm-hmm.

- But one of us has to stay home.

- Absolutely. You couldn't be more right.

I'll be back at 11:00, okay?

- No, w-- What's that Ollie?

You're bleeding? Where are you bleeding from?

- Oh, boo, let me tell you where the Band-Aids are.

- I can't find my markers.

- I found them!

- Son of a bitch!

[sultry music]

- Mm. [giggles] Mm.

- Ooh. [chuckles] - Mm.

Ooh.

[giggles] Ah.

- Oh. - Mm.

Okay, can we now...

[chuckles] Please get to finishing dinner?

[both chuckle]

- I can't help it you like my big knife.

- Oh, don't flatter yourself, okay?

- Oh, really?

- I could do a lot more with this knife than just cook.

- I would love to see that.

- Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Okay, can you do your part? - Sorry. Pasta.

- And wipe your hands. I know where they've been.

- Though I am a big fan of not wearing pants for dinner...

I feel like we haven't been out for a meal in weeks.

- Oh, well, baby, you already know we work long hours,

and the last thing I want to do when I get home

is change to go back out.

- Now, a sly lawyer might conjecture

that maybe you're worried...

about us being seen together in public.

- Okay, Jacob, I like to keep my personal life buttoned up.

Don't look--Listen.

People--if they see us together,

they're gonna start talking?

- So what? I mean, we are together, right?

- Yes, we are together. - Okay.

Okay, so answer me this.

Am I your boyfriend, or am I just a hookup?

Or am I your hot little sous chef?

I mean, baby...

what are you so afraid of?

- I'm afraid-- - Yeah?

[water bubbling]

- That you overcooked the pasta.

- Oh, shit. Um, I, uh--

- [scoffs] This is not al dente.

- I didn't know you speak French.

[smooth music]

- [laughs]

- And the award for best-dressed new author

goes to Gary Washington!

- Actually, you know what?

My nom de plume is G.R. Washington.

- Say what now? - It's G.R. Washington.

It's like J.D. Salinger or E.L. Doctorow--

not that I'm trying to compare myself.

- As long as you're managing your expectations.

- Yeah. Man, thank you.

And thank you, man.

I don't know the last time I bought a, uh--

I bought a suit, man, especially a suit like this.

Dude, this-- Oh, my God.

Dude, this costs more than my first car.

- Oh.

- Man, I wonder what kind of mileage will I get?

- Hey, man, do not worry about the price,

because you deserve it.

- [laughs] Yeah. - That's right.

- Yeah. - Hey, column's blowing up.

Been killing it on the website. And now a book deal?

- I know. - A book deal!

- I didn't see it coming, man.

I couldn't have done it without you.

- Oh. - No, seriously,

if you hadn't asked me to write the article for "Essence,"

I'd still be teaching sixth graders

and stealing dark roast out the teachers' lounge.

- [laughs]

- Man, that was some good dark roast.

- I hope it was good if you were stealing it.

Maybe you'd be willing to do a follow-up piece on me

to kick off the U.S. Senate run.

[cell phone chimes]

- Man, I wish I could, but I'm busy, man.

- Really, Gary? You can't do one piece?

- I'm just messing with you, man!

Come on. - You know you had me.

- Yeah, give me a few weeks, man,

because I'm right in the middle of it. Ugh.

- Oh, is that why your phone's been blowing up?

- No, this is Bree. [chuckles]

See, the other night we both had plans, right?

So I ghost her ass. - "Ghost"?

- I ghosted her, slipped right out of the front door,

and now she's pissed, wants us to share a calendar.

And she's just trying to fill it up before I get a chance to.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. yeah.

Ari and I have always shared a calendar.

- Really?

- Man, I cannot wait to get to L.A.

Ooh! Two whole weeks together?

You know what that means. - Look, I cheers to that.

You know I will, dog. [cell phone chimes]

God, here she goes. Is she serious?

♪ ♪

[cell phone chimes]

- Everything okay? - No, it's not.

Look at this.

Uh, between 2:00 to 4:00 on Thursday, "Irritate Gary.

Ha ha ha."

This is the level of petty that I'm dealing with, man.

I'm cutting that off. - She hates you.

- I'm not dealing with it. - [laughs]

- Dude, for this much, man, do I get shoes with this?

[upbeat music]

- Hey. Good news.

Over the weekend, I hit gold

with that Cardalucci custody case.

- Ooh, I love morning dirt. - [laughs]

- What do we got?

- So there he is on Saturday,

taking his kids to The Fun Zone on 87th Street.

- Hmm.

- And there he is leaving his kids to go have drinks

with his girlfriend next door.

- [scoffs] Damn, girl.

See, whatever we're paying you, it is not enough.

- Got to admit--I wasn't sure doing this whole P.I. thing

full-time was going to be all that,

but it is very satisfying outing these pieces of shit.

[both laugh]

- Wait. Is this him in the hot tub with two girls?

- Uh, no. [chuckles]

Sorry, that is not him.

Uh, that is a girl that I met on OkCupid.

- Versace, when are you gonna stop investigating

everyone you're going out with?

- [scoffs] When they stop being treacherous,

untrustworthy liars.

- Okay, I get you being cautious,

but maybe you should think

about getting to know the person in person

before you just write them off.

You got to just relax, trust the universe.

It got you. - Uh-huh.

So is that why you're still hiding the fact

that you're dating Jacob?

- Um... - Ah!

- I'm not hiding him.

I just want people to focus on my work

and not my relationships.

- Mm-hmm, or, you know,

maybe you're just a little bit afraid of commitment.

- Maybe a little bit. [door closes]

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- Senior partners in the conference room.

Lots of private conversations, whispers--

something's going down.

- Well, you're the snoop. Sniff it out.

- [sniffing]

- I don't get that girl.

But she's good.

[smooth music]

- Hey, babe.

- Hey, did you pick up the dry cleaning yet?

- No, no, no. I didn't, uh--

I didn't get anything on the calendar.

- Yes, it is.

- No, it wasn't-- wait a second.

Okay. [exhales sharply]

"Pick up dry cleaning." Okay, see, you can't do that.

- I can't do what?

- You can't put stuff on the calendar at the last minute.

- Says who?

- Ah, there it is.

There it is. Listen, I know that you're still angry

'cause I got to go out the other night,

but let's not act like that hasn't happened,

like, 1,000 times in reverse, okay?

You can't always get your way. - Excuse me.

I don't always get my way. - Oh, the new couch.

The new couch-- I wanted the gray.

You wanted the blue. Who won that one, Bree, huh?

Who? - Okay, yes.

I won on the couch because a gray couch is stupid.

This isn't a therapist's office.

It's our family room.

- Okay, Bree, my point is this, all right?

You got the win, and I didn't sit around

and complain for a week

and then put a bunch of bogus appointments on the calendar.

- Okay, those appointments are not bogus.

- There's more.

Friday, 2:00 p.m., "fly to private island."

Come on, Bree, for real?

- Okay, that is not a bogus appointment.

That's Hazel's wedding.

She's getting married on a private island.

- I thought that was on pause. - Well, no.

She's getting married now, and I'm going.

- So, what, I'm not invited?

- Of course you're invited, but who's gonna watch the kids?

- What? Why should it be you?

I've known Hazel longer. - Excuse me.

I met Hazel in college at the dorm.

- Yeah, and I met her a half hour earlier

when I took her trunk up to her dorm room, okay?

I'm not saying that we're BFFs,

but, you know, she tipped me ten bucks?

- Oh. Okay, well, $10 is a lot of money, all right?

Fine. You can go to the wedding.

I'll put it in the calendar. - Thank you very much.

Wait. [cell phone chimes]

"Gary and Bree to Hazel's wedding.

"But probably just Bree, 'cause Gary

will have to find a babysitter, so good luck with that. LOL."

That's not funny. That's not funny at all.

Here we go. Let's get it. Let's get it.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter] - Ooh, what do we have here?

- Well, we have a triple-shot "expresso"

with a touch of whipped cream.

- [scoffs]

You do realize we're standing

in front of your building, right?

I mean, shouldn't we be standing

our regulation four feet apart?

- Well, then how would I be able to do this?

[both chuckle]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait.

What is in your cup right now?

- Nothing's in my cup. I just--

I don't care what people have to say about me anymore.

Let them talk, 'cause I'm a damn good lawyer...

- Yeah.

- With a damn good-looking sous chef.

- Yeah.

- So let the tongues get to wagging,

'cause you my man. - That's right. I'm her man.

- [laughs]

And I wanted to invite you to Hazel's wedding.

- [scoffs] Really?

I'd be honored.

- Okay, listen, I got to get back to work.

- Right.

- Um... [giggles]

Meet me at my place at 7:00, 'cause I'm taking you out.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. But wear something cute.

- Cu--cute? This--this isn't cute?

♪ ♪

- Okay, this is what I'm saying.

You wrote on the calendar, "Gary, find a babysitter."

So I found a babysitter. Baby, what's the problem?

- I didn't mean Cousin Pam. - But Pam loves the kids.

The kids love Pam.

- Yeah, because she doesn't drink their wine

or watch their TV, okay?

And you know what? I'm hiding my good chocolate.

This is my good chocolate with truffle,

and she is not gonna get it.

These chocolates are delicious. They have truffles.

She doesn't deserve this shit.

- Baby, we have an opportunity to go to a private island

together without the kids.

Can we just enjoy that? - Yes, baby.

I'm so glad you're coming, especially now

that I have Pam-proofed the house!

- All right. Okay.

Here we go. [doorbell rings]

Ah, there she is. There she is.

All right, come on, be nice.

Okay, she's here. She's here. Come on, come on, come on.

- Okay. - Come on, come on, come on.

It's cousin Pam! She's here!

- Hey! - Hello!

- Hey, everybody. Ah!

- Yay, Cousin Pam's here. - Cousin Pam!

- Yay!

How are my favorite kids of my favorite baby cousin?

both: Good.

- We got a new "Sackboy" game for PlayStation.

Want to play? - You did? Yes, I want to play.

Go get it.

- All right, guys, we love you. both: Bye, Mom.

- We'll see you later. both: Bye, Dad.

- Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much.

We really appreciate you watching the kids.

Don't we, Bree? - Hmm?

- Don't we appreciate her for watching the kids?

- We do appreciate you, Cousin Pam.

And you know what? - Huh?

- Make yourself feel at home. - Yep. Okay.

- You know I will.

- I know you will. - Yep, we got to go.

- Okay. All right, we have to go.

I love you guys.

- Love you guys! - Love you, too.

We'll call you when we land. See you later.

- Don't bring home any more babies.

We'll try not to. - [laughs]

[steady music]

♪ ♪

[laughs]

Ah, she thinks she's slick.

She not.

Boom.

Yes!

- ♪ We ain't got a love ♪

♪ Like everyone else ♪

[all swooning]

- Am I in an episode of "The Bachelor"?

Because I'm ready to get a rose, honey.

- Oh, wow!

- Welcome to Maxine's island!

[cheering]

Nigel would be here, but I wore him out.

[laughter] - Okay.

Oh, and this is Jacob, everyone.

- Hey, everybody. - Welcome, Jacob.

Welcome, everyone.

Your bags are filled with everything

you need to make yourselves comfortable.

[all gasping]

- I didn't even see all of this.

- Shit.

- I think I'm gonna like it here.

- Excuse me, a sarong, overpriced towels,

and really nice flip-flops for the people with the flat feet?

What in the Fantasy Island is going on, man?

- Yo, look, they got rum. They got Cuban cigars, a robe.

If this is how the better half lives, I'm all-in.

- We're equal-opportunity gifters.

- Thank you. - Yes.

- Man. - Uh, where's Ari and David?

- Yes, about that, David--he reached out to me.

Unfortunately, they missed the first flight out of L.A.

But they got on the next one,

and they should be able to get to their second flight

in time to get to their third one.

- Baby, this isn't a fourth-grade class, okay?

- I know. - You don't have to do the--

I know, but it's a lot with him--it's a lot of circles.

They're going to be here soon, okay?

- Well, they damn well better.

Wait till I show you the house.

[women cheering]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

- Well, ladies, in addition to the usual creature comforts,

I highly recommend the Hakali.

It is the island's specialty.

- [gasps] Let me get some Hakali for Haka-me.

What's in it?

- Well, it's a warm mixture

of prickly pear cactus and Mexican liquor.

And then Amanda will gently apply it

to your body using a spine-free paddle

from the cactus plant.

- I can't believe Ari's missing this--this cactus spanking.

- Oh. [chuckles] She'll be here.

But I also wanted to thank you for allowing me to bring Jacob.

- Well, it is about time you brought him out the shadows.

- Mm-hmm. - Girl, he is pretty.

- Yeah. - Yes.

- But let's not get too excited.

He's still on a 90-day probationary period

before he gets the full-benefit package.

- Yes!

You know what? This is delicious.

Can I have some more of this spa water?

This shit is the bomb. Mmm.

- Wah gwaan,ladies?

- Hi.

- Hazel, a gift from me and Coco.

- Oh. - She sent them from Jamaica.

- Ooh, thank you.

Do you want to come in and stay for a mani-pedi

or the "prickly pear cactus" thingy?

- Tempting, but, no.

Me got to make sure everything perfect tomorrow

for my new sister.

- Oh, my sweet. - Enjoy.

- Wow. Mia sure has come around.

- Yeah.

We had some really good heart-to-hearts.

Plus, I hooked her up with VIP concert tickets all summer.

- Yeah, she's your friend.

- No, that's gonna make anybody kiss your ass.

- I could see it in her heart.

[upbeat music]

- All right, this is not good.

- Hmm?

- So David and Ari's flight is canceled.

Now, they're on the next one that comes in the morning,

but they'll have ten minutes to get the ferry.

- Yikes. - Oh, this is the medium?

Oh, that's heavy. That's got some weight to it.

- Thank you. Wow. It's like a little fish bowl.

I think this place is perfect.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I'm just glad I could get my cousin Pam

to watch the kids, man.

There's nothing like having a family member

that doesn't have a life of their own.

- Right. Lucky for you and Bree.

- Well, for me, mainly.

I was thinking this will finally prove

what an advantage it is to have her around.

Hell, I asked her to move in. - What did Bree say?

- I haven't told her yet.

I was gonna tell her over the weekend,

maybe get her a little drunk,

and then do it in front of some witnesses.

- Now you're talking like a lawyer.

- Well...

- That's good, 'cause she might kill you.

- Oh, she'll probably kill me. - Whatcha know?

- Hey. - Look like somebody's

already drinking the island Kool-Aid.

- Yeah, man.

- Brothers, you coming to the bachelor party, right?

- Oh, no.

I'm--I'm jetlagged.

- Yeah, I'm tired. - I got to write.

- Yo, I promise you, nothing crazy.

Just the guys going to kick it with the GOAT.

See you there. - To the GOAT.

- To the--to the GOAT.

[laughs] Who the hell is the GOAT?

- I don't know. - Could it be Tiger Woods?

Michael Jordan?

- LeBron? - No, man.

That's--that's crazy.

- Well, okay, let's think about it.

We're on a private island at Hazel Rachelle's wedding.

- Hazel Rachelle's wedding, yeah.

- She knows a lot of people. - A lot of people.

- It could be anyone.

- We'd be out our goddamn minds to miss this.

- Right? Let's go kick it with the GOAT.

- Go kick it with the GOAT.

- After we finish these delicious drinks.

- Yes, yes, yes.

♪ ♪

- I don't get it.

I mean, all we had was the delicious spa water

and a couple of those chocolatey chocolates.

[laughs] - No, it wasn't the water.

It was the vodka in the water. [laughter]

- There's vodka in the water?

- I'm so high.

Hi.

- Mia! - What happened here?

- [laughs]

- Don't tell me you ate all of these.

- Yeah, of course.

- They were good. - Uh-huh.

- They were so good.

- You did hear me say they were from my aunt in Jamaica?

One Love chocolates infused with cannabis.

- [laughs] - I love your Aunt Jamaica.

She's amazing. She's such a good person.

- Okay, why don't all you nice ladies just stay here?

And I'll keep Tony away so he doesn't kill me.

- I'm not scared of Tony.

- Oh, the only thing about being high

is you're, like, horny and hungry at the same time.

- Mm.

- It's like I want ox tails and a side of dick.

- I have that.

- You know what? - What?

- I'm hungry, and I'm horny.

I don't care.

I'm not having sex with Gary, and I'm not having ox tails.

- What? - What?

- Because I'm not on his alpha male bullshit

because executive decisions--

hiring his cousin as our nanny?

No, thank you.

- I'm just glad that I don't have to deal with that,

like, child, kid drama.

Nigel and I-- we sorted everything out,

and it is going to be pure, "unadultertated" joy.

all: Aw.

- Our Hazel baby's getting married.

- I am. - Again.

- Oh, my God!

- I'm gonna get you some drunk stoners some coffee.

- Was she talking to me?

- No. - No.

- Did my hand get bigger?

- I want cheesecake.

- Oh, that's much better.

- Oh... with pineapple.

[reggae music]

♪ ♪

- Pardon me. Oop. I'm gonna just slide through.

Excuse me. My bad. I'm sorry, sorry.

God, I hope nobody realizes that I stole this from the gym.

Hey. How you doing? Okay, good times.

- Fortunately, I think we're blending right in.

- Yeah, let's just find the GOAT

and, uh, get on out of here.

Oh, that looks good. Excuse me. All right.

- Yeah, this seems like the type of place

where a man in a relationship could get in some trouble.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Yo, yo.

- Hey. - You guys made is it.

- What's up?

- Yeah, we didn't want to miss the guest of honor,

of course, besides you.

- No, man, everybody is the guest of honor here.

- Right, right, yeah, but we're talking about theguest.

- What do y'all mean? - The GOAT.

- Yes, greatest of all time?

- Oh!

[laughs] The GOAT. You want to meet the GOAT?

- Yes. - Yes.

- Yeah, man, the GOAT is right over there, son.

- [gasps] Oh, my God.

- Go on.

- Um...

[clears throat] King?

- Sir.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- Oh, God. Oh, God.

- Don't be shy. Introduce yourselves.

His name is Wedding Dinner.

[laughter]

[soft music]

- Oh, let me help you. - Oh, my gosh.

Wet nails. Thank you.

- Nice colors. - Thank you.

- Last time I got my nails done, I got winky faces.

So, when someone looked at them, they got kind of spooked.

- That's actually a really good idea.

I should try that next time.

Um, if you're looking for the bridal party,

everyone's in the spa.

- To be honest, I usually skip them.

- You know, actually, me too.

The last one I went to, they had penis-shaped lollipops,

so I just dug a hole and buried mine.

For all I know, there's a penis-shaped tree

growing somewhere in Brooklyn.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Um...

- Versace.

- Oh, my not-so-evil stepmother needs me.

They're, um, drunk on water and high on chocolate.

And so I'm gonna take them this coffee to sober up.

- I was gonna go down to the beach

and take a swim, if you're interested.

- Sober up a bunch of drunks

or go for a swim.

Yeah, I'm totally gonna do that one.

[both chuckle] - Let's go.

[upbeat music]

- Well, you know, it's not like I've never eaten goat before.

I've just never met it first.

- Okay, I'm sorry. We have to go.

It was--it was really nice to meet you, Wedding Dinner.

- Oh, I hate that name. - It's terrible.

- We're taking the goat. - We can't take the goat.

- We're taking the goat.

- I guess we're taking the goat.

- Hello. I'm just gonna take these.

Let me just scoop you up like this.

I got the package. Let's go.

Let's roll, let's roll. Come on, come on.

Come on, keep it moving, keep it moving, keep it moving.

♪ ♪

- Good morning. - Good morning.

♪ ♪

[sighs] How do they get every day to be so perfect

on a private island?

Can't be cheap.

[laughter]

- Nights aren't so bad either.

- Mm.

Okay.

I'm going to sound as corny as a Bruno Mars mixtape,

but...

I don't usually do this.

I'm a lot more...

cautious and cynical.

- Me too.

And if you give me a Bruno Mars mixtape, I will hurt you.

- [gasps] Oh. - [laughs]

However...

[cell phone chimes] - [gasps]

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

- Everything okay? - Not really.

I just have to tell my new coworker

that her boyfriend is now our new coworker.

It's weird, yeah. Um...

But I'll see you at the wedding.

♪ ♪

- See you at the wedding.

♪ ♪

- Wait, so you're telling me you stole a goat?

- No, we liberated him.

And once we got him outside,

we changed his name to Vincent van Goat.

- That's good. - Right?

- That's--Yeah.

- I think Gary wanted to name him Gary the Goat.

- Jayla, I have been looking all over for you.

I just got a text from an inside source.

The firm is doing a merger.

- With who? - Well, let me put it this way.

The guy you've been sleeping with is your new office mate.

Both of your firms are joining a larger firm--

Rembrandt & Pierce, to be exact.

- If everyone would make their way to their seats...

- You guys, wait a minute. - Okay.

So, listen, I just got off the phone with David,

and, unfortunately, he and Ari--

they're not gonna make it in time.

- Aw, Hazel's gonna be so heartbroken.

- Okay, Ari's not gonna be in the wedding,

so you have to take her place. - What?

No, absolutely not. That's not even my color.

- Excuse me, you went to all the fittings, okay?

You have to do it for Ari and for Hazel, too.

♪ ♪

- Give me the dress. - Oh, God, I could kiss you.

- Or better still, him. - Oh, that's sweet.

- Come on, come on, come on. - We got to go.

[soft music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Every step that I take ♪

♪ Is a page in our story that brought me here to you ♪

♪ And if I could ♪

♪ I wouldn't change ♪

♪ Nothing at all ♪

♪ Not even a line or two ♪

♪ I know you're deserving ♪

♪ Of all of me ♪

♪ You know the way love should be ♪

♪ You show you know my worth ♪

♪ You make sure I see ♪

♪ I see big ♪

♪ Found the one I'm giving my heart ♪

♪ You're everything ♪

♪ All that I have been dreaming of ♪

♪ I can see myself in your love ♪

♪ The way we're different, too ♪

♪ You reciprocate the love I give to you ♪

♪ Feel like I'm in a dream ♪

♪ Now I've found the one, the only one I need ♪

[light music playing]

♪ ♪

♪ I see love in your eyes

♪ Every time you look at me and smile ♪

♪ Fell for you ♪

♪ Only took a while ♪

♪ Now for you, I'd walk a million miles ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[music stops, indistinct chatter]

- Where is she? Do you see her?

- Anybody see her?

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- I don't know.

[gasps] Damn it to hell.

What in the Black version of "Runaway Bride" is going on?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Hell, yeah, number one, Yeah, I'm still number one ♪

♪ Hell yeah, number one, always be number one ♪

♪ Held you down, took you from minor to major ♪

♪ You won't admit you're the fruits of my labor ♪

♪ Hell, yeah, number one, yeah, I'm still number one ♪

♪ Hell, yeah, number one, always be number one ♪

♪ Don't forget, yeah, I'm still number one ♪

♪ Hell, yeah ♪

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