All language subtitles for First Wives Club s03e01 You Cant Hurry Love.eng

- Previously
on "First Wives Club"...

- Becoming chief of surgery

would be really great
for your career.

- If we hired a nanny,
you could write your book,

and then I can go after
the chief of surgery position.

- Don't I at least deserve
to know why I'm forced

to hire
a distant second choice?

- I didn't take the job
because of you.

- Any artist
that performs on my label

has to live up to my standards.

- Just find me
that artist soon.

- Hazel has a company

she's trying hard
to get off the ground,

and you have a talent
that's being underserved.

If you two could just put
your petty differences aside...

- I need a formal contract.

- Maxine Hart?
- Yes, yes.

- On behalf of your husband,
Brian Hart, you've been served.

- Who's representing
the husband?

- Jacob Rosen.
- It's a conflict of interest.

- What about
after this case is over?

Can we do dinner then?

- To our new junior partner.
- You're not playing with me.

- You have more than proven
your worth with Maxine's case.

You should go out
and celebrate.

- I'm happy to see you.
- I'm happy to see you, too.

- One powerhouse diva
is amazing,

but four powerhouse
divas together...

- You didn't have to do
this gig in Los Angeles.

I was the one who said

you should move with me
to Albany instead.

- The only option was for me
to give up my career again.

- What's going on, boo?

- His new assistant.
Girl, look.

- Oh, hell, no.

- I want anything
and everything

that points to cheating.

We leave no stone unturned.

- David is on his way now!
He's coming here now!

We got to clean!
[all screaming]

- I needed a minute
to cool off.

But I trust you, David,
and I love you.

- This is Nigel.

We're engaged!

- That's the whole meal--
nothing Jamaican?

- Here in America, the wedding
is all about the bride.

- If this is a preview of what
our life together will be like,

I want out.

- I am so sorry
that I let a wedding

get in the way of our marriage.

Nigel, I love you.
- I love you, too, Hazel.

[car horns honking]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

[indistinct excited chatter]

- There are times when
the wider world takes a pause.

All of the stress
and struggles fade from view.

And you get to focus
on what's really important--

love, joy, community...

the people that are closest
to your heart--

your family and your friends.

And for this precious moment,

you bask in the glow
of being together...

♪ ♪

Building a memory
you will fondly recall

with a smile.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, I might be biased,

but this is the most lit
rehearsal dinner ever.

- And you are
the most beautiful bride-to-be.

- Oh, Nigel.

[glass clinking]

- Welcome, everybody,
to the rehearsal dinner.

[cheers and applause]

All right, first,
I want to say--

what an amazing experience

to be on this beautiful
private island.

[cheers and applause]

- Well, you're welcome.

[laughter]
- All right, all right.

Big up to my cousin Nigel.

Brother, I know
you'd give your right arm

to be
with this beautiful woman.

And that's exactly
what her engagement ring

almost cost you.
[laughter]

But for real, though,
I can't blame you, brother,

when I look at her.

Big up to you for finding your
wifey and a goodasin Hazel.

Mia, please.
[cheers and applause]

And thank you
for such a turn-up party.

- Are you kidding?
- Yeah.

- With all the luggage
that she brought,

I should have known
that she was moving in.

- Listen, you told me
to find a nanny, did you not?

I found a nanny, okay?
It's not that deep.

I made an executive decision.

That's it. I don't want to talk
about it anymore.

- "Executive decision"? What
is that, French for stupid?

Because that was stupid, Gary.
- [clears throat]

- That was so stupid.
- [clears throat]

- Hey, you all right?

You want to get some
hot water and lemon?

What's going on?
- Uh, it's time.

- What is it time for?
- Time for what, boo-boo?

- For your toast.
- Oh, we're doing a toast.

- We are doing--
we're doing a toast?

- We're doing a toast.
- That's right.

That's right.
I did know that.

- We're doing a toast, okay?
- Okay, it's time.

- It's time for a toast!
- Here we go.

Let's get in here.
Let's get in here.

- Hi, everyone.
Yeah, hi.

- Hazel, Nigel.

- [clears throat]
Thank you, Hazel and Nigel.

- Mm-hmm.

- We are so blessed to be here
with you tonight.

We really are, um...

- Especially me.
Can I just--especially me.

- Yes!
- Point of fact--

I actually met Hazel
before you did, remember?

- Yeah, that's, like, really
the only story he has.

[laughs]
- Well, it's a fact.

- Yes.
- It's a fact.

A fact is a fact.

- Can we get to the facts
about us, please?

- Oh! Hazel and Nigel, um...

may you guys have all the joy

and happiness and wonderment
in your marriage

because Lord knows
you're gonna need it

'cause it is not a picnic
at all.

It's just a lot of sacrifice.

- Well, I prefer to call it
compromise.

Remember,
we call it compromise.

- No, we don't.
- Yes, we do.

- That's your word, not mine.

Anyways, you know what, guys?

Um, you do it because...

you love the person
you're with.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

And, um, there's nothing better
than seeing them happy.

- There it is.
And you know what?

Sometimes you get
to drive the minivan.

- Oh, God.
- And then other times,

you got to sit in the back seat

with the dried-up
Cheerios, so...

- It's over.
- Buckle up.

- Cheers!
all: Buckle up!

- Oh, okay.
Okay.

- Hazel and Nigel!
[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

- So this is what Daddy's been
working on all summer.

Mm?

See, this is a sketch of one of
the characters from my story.

This is Kamaria, and her name
means "moonlight" in Swahili.

- She looks weird.

- You think she looks--
No, she doesn't look weird.

Well, you know what?
It's because she's a varwolf.

- What's a varwolf?

- A varwolf is a cross between
a werewolf and a vampire.

- How does that even happen?
- Oh, gosh.

Well, so her mommy
was a werewolf,

and then her daddy was--
- Hey, McMuffins.

- Oh. Oh, God, thank you.
- Hi, Mommy.

- You're home.

- Oh, I missed you guys
so much.

Hi, hi, hi.

What have I missed?

- Daddy was about to tell us
how this vampire dude

and this werewolf lady
had a hookup.

- What? No, I wasn't.

[laughs] No, I wasn't.

- That's your story? That's
what you're gonna talk about?

I would love
to hear this story.

- I think you already know
how the story goes.

And we don't want to bore Mommy

because she's been
at the hospital all day.

You guys got homework to do, so
why don't we take it upstairs?

Let's get it done.
Let's get it done.

- I'll help you get started.
- [chuckles] Thank you, baby.

- Why do we always
have to do homework?

So how was your day?
- It was okay.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, it's just hard being
the new kid on the block,

but I did volunteer to chair

the International
Surgical Outreach Program.

- Oh.

- So, yeah, I mean, I like
that my new hospital has that.

- Yeah, check you out.

Two weeks in, you're already
chairing committees.

I love that.
Oh, guess what.

I had a great meeting
with my lit agent.

He told me that the advance
from my book deal

would be coming in any day,

so you know I'm excited
about that.

- Oh! Gar Boo-Boo Bear, I love
that for you so much.

You better make
that paper, honey.

both: Where are you going?

I'm going out.

- I'm going on with the girls.
- No, you're not. No, you're--

I'm meeting
with my writers' group tonight.

- No, you're not.
You never told me.

- Yes, I did.
It was Monday.

Brought the kids
home from soccer,

and you said, "Hey, Gar Bear,
why don't we get

some of them crazy-good wings
from Frazier's?"

I said, "Great idea, but
you should wait till Friday

because I'm going to be out."

- Gary, that is a terrible
impression of me, okay?

Who says "crazy-good wings"?

What in the 2006
are you even serving right now?

Second, you never put
it in the calendar.

- Yes, it is.
And where's the calendar?

It is in the calendar.
Look here.

Right here, okay?

Between the dinosaur
and Lisa Simpson's foot.

It's right there.
- That's not a real calendar.

You need to be an adult
in the 21st century

and put that
in your phone, honey.

- You know what?

I'll start using
my phone tomorrow.

But tonight I'm going out.
- No, you're not.

I didn't stuff myself into
SPANX like a chicken sausage

at Whole Foods so I could
stay home and explain

what varwolf sex is
to the kids.

- Okay, fine. It's too late
to get a babysitter.

- Mm-hmm.

- But one of us
has to stay home.

- Absolutely.
You couldn't be more right.

I'll be back at 11:00, okay?

- No, w-- What's that Ollie?

You're bleeding?
Where are you bleeding from?

- Oh, boo, let me tell you
where the Band-Aids are.

- I can't find my markers.

- I found them!

- Son of a bitch!

[sultry music]

- Mm.
[giggles] Mm.

- Ooh. [chuckles]
- Mm.

Ooh.

[giggles] Ah.

- Oh.
- Mm.

Okay, can we now...

[chuckles] Please get
to finishing dinner?

[both chuckle]

- I can't help it
you like my big knife.

- Oh, don't flatter
yourself, okay?

- Oh, really?

- I could do a lot more with
this knife than just cook.

- I would love to see that.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Okay, can you do your part?
- Sorry. Pasta.

- And wipe your hands.
I know where they've been.

- Though I am a big fan of
not wearing pants for dinner...

I feel like we haven't been
out for a meal in weeks.

- Oh, well, baby, you already
know we work long hours,

and the last thing I want
to do when I get home

is change to go back out.

- Now, a sly lawyer
might conjecture

that maybe you're worried...

about us being seen together
in public.

- Okay, Jacob, I like to keep
my personal life buttoned up.

Don't look--Listen.

People--if they
see us together,

they're gonna start talking?

- So what?
I mean, we are together, right?

- Yes, we are together.
- Okay.

Okay, so answer me this.

Am I your boyfriend,
or am I just a hookup?

Or am I your hot
little sous chef?

I mean, baby...

what are you so afraid of?

- I'm afraid--
- Yeah?

[water bubbling]

- That you overcooked
the pasta.

- Oh, shit.
Um, I, uh--

- [scoffs]
This is not al dente.

- I didn't know
you speak French.

[smooth music]

- [laughs]

- And the award for
best-dressed new author

goes to Gary Washington!

- Actually, you know what?

My nom de plume
is G.R. Washington.

- Say what now?
- It's G.R. Washington.

It's like J.D. Salinger
or E.L. Doctorow--

not that I'm trying
to compare myself.

- As long as you're
managing your expectations.

- Yeah.
Man, thank you.

And thank you, man.

I don't know the last time
I bought a, uh--

I bought a suit, man,
especially a suit like this.

Dude, this--
Oh, my God.

Dude, this costs more
than my first car.

- Oh.

- Man, I wonder what kind
of mileage will I get?

- Hey, man, do not worry
about the price,

because you deserve it.

- [laughs] Yeah.
- That's right.

- Yeah.
- Hey, column's blowing up.

Been killing it on the website.
And now a book deal?

- I know.
- A book deal!

- I didn't see it coming, man.

I couldn't have done it
without you.

- Oh.
- No, seriously,

if you hadn't asked me to write
the article for "Essence,"

I'd still be teaching
sixth graders

and stealing dark roast
out the teachers' lounge.

- [laughs]

- Man, that was
some good dark roast.

- I hope it was good
if you were stealing it.

Maybe you'd be willing to do
a follow-up piece on me

to kick off
the U.S. Senate run.

[cell phone chimes]

- Man, I wish I could,
but I'm busy, man.

- Really, Gary?
You can't do one piece?

- I'm just messing
with you, man!

Come on.
- You know you had me.

- Yeah, give me
a few weeks, man,

because I'm right
in the middle of it. Ugh.

- Oh, is that why your
phone's been blowing up?

- No, this is Bree.
[chuckles]

See, the other night
we both had plans, right?

So I ghost her ass.
- "Ghost"?

- I ghosted her, slipped
right out of the front door,

and now she's pissed, wants
us to share a calendar.

And she's just trying to fill
it up before I get a chance to.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. yeah.

Ari and I have always shared
a calendar.

- Really?

- Man, I cannot
wait to get to L.A.

Ooh!
Two whole weeks together?

You know what that means.
- Look, I cheers to that.

You know I will, dog.
[cell phone chimes]

God, here she goes.
Is she serious?

♪ ♪

[cell phone chimes]

- Everything okay?
- No, it's not.

Look at this.

Uh, between 2:00 to 4:00 on
Thursday, "Irritate Gary.

Ha ha ha."

This is the level of petty
that I'm dealing with, man.

I'm cutting that off.
- She hates you.

- I'm not dealing with it.
- [laughs]

- Dude, for this much, man,
do I get shoes with this?

[upbeat music]

- Hey. Good news.

Over the weekend, I hit gold

with that Cardalucci
custody case.

- Ooh, I love morning dirt.
- [laughs]

- What do we got?

- So there he is on Saturday,

taking his kids
to The Fun Zone on 87th Street.

- Hmm.

- And there he is leaving
his kids to go have drinks

with his girlfriend next door.

- [scoffs] Damn, girl.

See, whatever we're paying
you, it is not enough.

- Got to admit--I wasn't sure
doing this whole P.I. thing

full-time
was going to be all that,

but it is very satisfying
outing these pieces of shit.

[both laugh]

- Wait. Is this him in the hot
tub with two girls?

- Uh, no.
[chuckles]

Sorry, that is not him.

Uh, that is a girl
that I met on OkCupid.

- Versace, when are you
gonna stop investigating

everyone you're going out with?

- [scoffs] When they stop
being treacherous,

untrustworthy liars.

- Okay, I get you
being cautious,

but maybe you should think

about getting to know
the person in person

before you just write them off.

You got to just relax,
trust the universe.

It got you.
- Uh-huh.

So is that why you're
still hiding the fact

that you're dating Jacob?

- Um...
- Ah!

- I'm not hiding him.

I just want people
to focus on my work

and not my relationships.

- Mm-hmm, or, you know,

maybe you're just a little bit
afraid of commitment.

- Maybe a little bit.
[door closes]

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- Senior partners
in the conference room.

Lots of private conversations,
whispers--

something's going down.

- Well, you're the snoop.
Sniff it out.

- [sniffing]

- I don't get that girl.

But she's good.

[smooth music]

- Hey, babe.

- Hey, did you pick up
the dry cleaning yet?

- No, no, no. I didn't, uh--

I didn't get anything
on the calendar.

- Yes, it is.

- No, it wasn't--
wait a second.

Okay.
[exhales sharply]

"Pick up dry cleaning."
Okay, see, you can't do that.

- I can't do what?

- You can't put stuff on the
calendar at the last minute.

- Says who?

- Ah, there it is.

There it is. Listen, I know
that you're still angry

'cause I got to go out
the other night,

but let's not act
like that hasn't happened,

like, 1,000 times
in reverse, okay?

You can't always get your way.
- Excuse me.

I don't always get my way.
- Oh, the new couch.

The new couch--
I wanted the gray.

You wanted the blue.
Who won that one, Bree, huh?

Who?
- Okay, yes.

I won on the couch
because a gray couch is stupid.

This isn't
a therapist's office.

It's our family room.

- Okay, Bree, my point is this,
all right?

You got the win,
and I didn't sit around

and complain for a week

and then put a bunch of bogus
appointments on the calendar.

- Okay, those appointments
are not bogus.

- There's more.

Friday, 2:00 p.m.,
"fly to private island."

Come on, Bree, for real?

- Okay, that is not
a bogus appointment.

That's Hazel's wedding.

She's getting married
on a private island.

- I thought that was on pause.
- Well, no.

She's getting married now,
and I'm going.

- So, what, I'm not invited?

- Of course you're invited,
but who's gonna watch the kids?

- What?
Why should it be you?

I've known Hazel longer.
- Excuse me.

I met Hazel in college
at the dorm.

- Yeah, and I met her
a half hour earlier

when I took her trunk
up to her dorm room, okay?

I'm not saying
that we're BFFs,

but, you know,
she tipped me ten bucks?

- Oh. Okay, well, $10 is a lot
of money, all right?

Fine.
You can go to the wedding.

I'll put it in the calendar.
- Thank you very much.

Wait.
[cell phone chimes]

"Gary and Bree
to Hazel's wedding.

"But probably just
Bree, 'cause Gary

will have to find a babysitter,
so good luck with that. LOL."

That's not funny.
That's not funny at all.

Here we go.
Let's get it. Let's get it.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]
- Ooh, what do we have here?

- Well, we have
a triple-shot "expresso"

with a touch of whipped cream.

- [scoffs]

You do realize we're standing

in front of your building,
right?

I mean,
shouldn't we be standing

our regulation four feet apart?

- Well, then how would I be
able to do this?

[both chuckle]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait.

What is in your cup right now?

- Nothing's in my cup.
I just--

I don't care what people
have to say about me anymore.

Let them talk, 'cause
I'm a damn good lawyer...

- Yeah.

- With a damn
good-looking sous chef.

- Yeah.

- So let the tongues
get to wagging,

'cause you my man.
- That's right. I'm her man.

- [laughs]

And I wanted to invite you
to Hazel's wedding.

- [scoffs] Really?

I'd be honored.

- Okay, listen,
I got to get back to work.

- Right.

- Um...
[giggles]

Meet me at my place at 7:00,
'cause I'm taking you out.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.
But wear something cute.

- Cu--cute?
This--this isn't cute?

♪ ♪

- Okay, this
is what I'm saying.

You wrote on the calendar,
"Gary, find a babysitter."

So I found a babysitter.
Baby, what's the problem?

- I didn't mean Cousin Pam.
- But Pam loves the kids.

The kids love Pam.

- Yeah, because she
doesn't drink their wine

or watch their TV, okay?

And you know what?
I'm hiding my good chocolate.

This is my good chocolate
with truffle,

and she is not gonna get it.

These chocolates are delicious.
They have truffles.

She doesn't deserve this shit.

- Baby, we have an opportunity
to go to a private island

together without the kids.

Can we just enjoy that?
- Yes, baby.

I'm so glad you're coming,
especially now

that I have Pam-proofed
the house!

- All right. Okay.

Here we go.
[doorbell rings]

Ah, there she is.
There she is.

All right, come on, be nice.

Okay, she's here. She's here.
Come on, come on, come on.

- Okay.
- Come on, come on, come on.

It's cousin Pam!
She's here!

- Hey!
- Hello!

- Hey, everybody.
Ah!

- Yay, Cousin Pam's here.
- Cousin Pam!

- Yay!

How are my favorite kids
of my favorite baby cousin?

both: Good.

- We got a new "Sackboy" game
for PlayStation.

Want to play?
- You did? Yes, I want to play.

Go get it.

- All right, guys, we love you.
both: Bye, Mom.

- We'll see you later.
both: Bye, Dad.

- Oh, my goodness.
Thank you so much.

We really appreciate you
watching the kids.

Don't we, Bree?
- Hmm?

- Don't we appreciate her
for watching the kids?

- We do appreciate you,
Cousin Pam.

And you know what?
- Huh?

- Make yourself feel at home.
- Yep. Okay.

- You know I will.

- I know you will.
- Yep, we got to go.

- Okay.
All right, we have to go.

I love you guys.

- Love you guys!
- Love you, too.

We'll call you when we land.
See you later.

- Don't bring home
any more babies.

We'll try not to.
- [laughs]

[steady music]

♪ ♪

[laughs]

Ah, she thinks she's slick.

She not.

Boom.

Yes!

- ♪ We ain't got a love ♪

♪ Like everyone else ♪

[all swooning]

- Am I in an episode
of "The Bachelor"?

Because I'm ready to
get a rose, honey.

- Oh, wow!

- Welcome to Maxine's island!

[cheering]

Nigel would be here,
but I wore him out.

[laughter]
- Okay.

Oh, and this is Jacob,
everyone.

- Hey, everybody.
- Welcome, Jacob.

Welcome, everyone.

Your bags are filled
with everything

you need to make
yourselves comfortable.

[all gasping]

- I didn't even see
all of this.

- Shit.

- I think I'm
gonna like it here.

- Excuse me, a sarong,
overpriced towels,

and really nice flip-flops for
the people with the flat feet?

What in the Fantasy Island
is going on, man?

- Yo, look, they got rum.
They got Cuban cigars, a robe.

If this is how the better half
lives, I'm all-in.

- We're equal-opportunity
gifters.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

- Man.
- Uh, where's Ari and David?

- Yes, about that,
David--he reached out to me.

Unfortunately, they missed
the first flight out of L.A.

But they got on the next one,

and they should be able to get
to their second flight

in time to get
to their third one.

- Baby, this isn't
a fourth-grade class, okay?

- I know.
- You don't have to do the--

I know, but it's a lot with
him--it's a lot of circles.

They're going to
be here soon, okay?

- Well, they damn well better.

Wait till I show you the house.

[women cheering]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

- Well, ladies, in addition to
the usual creature comforts,

I highly recommend the Hakali.

It is the island's specialty.

- [gasps] Let me get some
Hakali for Haka-me.

What's in it?

- Well, it's a warm mixture

of prickly pear cactus
and Mexican liquor.

And then Amanda
will gently apply it

to your body
using a spine-free paddle

from the cactus plant.

- I can't believe Ari's missing
this--this cactus spanking.

- Oh.
[chuckles] She'll be here.

But I also wanted to thank you
for allowing me to bring Jacob.

- Well, it is about time you
brought him out the shadows.

- Mm-hmm.
- Girl, he is pretty.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- But let's not
get too excited.

He's still
on a 90-day probationary period

before he gets
the full-benefit package.

- Yes!

You know what?
This is delicious.

Can I have some more
of this spa water?

This shit is the bomb.
Mmm.

- Wah gwaan,ladies?

- Hi.

- Hazel, a gift
from me and Coco.

- Oh.
- She sent them from Jamaica.

- Ooh, thank you.

Do you want to come in
and stay for a mani-pedi

or the
"prickly pear cactus" thingy?

- Tempting, but, no.

Me got to make sure
everything perfect tomorrow

for my new sister.

- Oh, my sweet.
- Enjoy.

- Wow.
Mia sure has come around.

- Yeah.

We had some really
good heart-to-hearts.

Plus, I hooked her up with VIP
concert tickets all summer.

- Yeah, she's your friend.

- No, that's gonna make
anybody kiss your ass.

- I could see it in her heart.

[upbeat music]

- All right, this is not good.

- Hmm?

- So David and Ari's flight
is canceled.

Now, they're on the next one
that comes in the morning,

but they'll have ten minutes
to get the ferry.

- Yikes.
- Oh, this is the medium?

Oh, that's heavy.
That's got some weight to it.

- Thank you. Wow.
It's like a little fish bowl.

I think this place is perfect.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I'm just glad
I could get my cousin Pam

to watch the kids, man.

There's nothing like having
a family member

that doesn't have a life
of their own.

- Right.
Lucky for you and Bree.

- Well, for me, mainly.

I was thinking
this will finally prove

what an advantage it is
to have her around.

Hell, I asked her to move in.
- What did Bree say?

- I haven't told her yet.

I was gonna tell her
over the weekend,

maybe get her a little drunk,

and then do it in front
of some witnesses.

- Now you're talking
like a lawyer.

- Well...

- That's good,
'cause she might kill you.

- Oh, she'll probably kill me.
- Whatcha know?

- Hey.
- Look like somebody's

already drinking
the island Kool-Aid.

- Yeah, man.

- Brothers, you coming
to the bachelor party, right?

- Oh, no.

I'm--I'm jetlagged.

- Yeah, I'm tired.
- I got to write.

- Yo, I promise you,
nothing crazy.

Just the guys going to
kick it with the GOAT.

See you there.
- To the GOAT.

- To the--to the GOAT.

[laughs]
Who the hell is the GOAT?

- I don't know.
- Could it be Tiger Woods?

Michael Jordan?

- LeBron?
- No, man.

That's--that's crazy.

- Well, okay, let's
think about it.

We're on a private island
at Hazel Rachelle's wedding.

- Hazel Rachelle's
wedding, yeah.

- She knows a lot of people.
- A lot of people.

- It could be anyone.

- We'd be out
our goddamn minds to miss this.

- Right?
Let's go kick it with the GOAT.

- Go kick it with the GOAT.

- After we finish
these delicious drinks.

- Yes, yes, yes.

♪ ♪

- I don't get it.

I mean, all we had
was the delicious spa water

and a couple
of those chocolatey chocolates.

[laughs]
- No, it wasn't the water.

It was the vodka in the water.
[laughter]

- There's vodka in the water?

- I'm so high.

Hi.

- Mia!
- What happened here?

- [laughs]

- Don't tell me
you ate all of these.

- Yeah, of course.

- They were good.
- Uh-huh.

- They were so good.

- You did hear me say they
were from my aunt in Jamaica?

One Love chocolates
infused with cannabis.

- [laughs]
- I love your Aunt Jamaica.

She's amazing.
She's such a good person.

- Okay, why don't all you
nice ladies just stay here?

And I'll keep Tony away
so he doesn't kill me.

- I'm not scared of Tony.

- Oh, the only thing
about being high

is you're, like, horny
and hungry at the same time.

- Mm.

- It's like I want ox tails
and a side of dick.

- I have that.

- You know what?
- What?

- I'm hungry, and I'm horny.

I don't care.

I'm not having sex with Gary,
and I'm not having ox tails.

- What?
- What?

- Because I'm not
on his alpha male bullshit

because executive decisions--

hiring his cousin as our nanny?

No, thank you.

- I'm just glad that I don't
have to deal with that,

like, child, kid drama.

Nigel and I--
we sorted everything out,

and it is going to be pure,
"unadultertated" joy.

all: Aw.

- Our Hazel baby's
getting married.

- I am.
- Again.

- Oh, my God!

- I'm gonna get you
some drunk stoners some coffee.

- Was she talking to me?

- No.
- No.

- Did my hand get bigger?

- I want cheesecake.

- Oh, that's much better.

- Oh... with pineapple.

[reggae music]

♪ ♪

- Pardon me. Oop.
I'm gonna just slide through.

Excuse me. My bad.
I'm sorry, sorry.

God, I hope nobody realizes
that I stole this from the gym.

Hey. How you doing?
Okay, good times.

- Fortunately, I think
we're blending right in.

- Yeah, let's just find
the GOAT

and, uh, get on out of here.

Oh, that looks good.
Excuse me. All right.

- Yeah, this seems
like the type of place

where a man in a relationship
could get in some trouble.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Yo, yo.

- Hey.
- You guys made is it.

- What's up?

- Yeah, we didn't want to
miss the guest of honor,

of course, besides you.

- No, man, everybody is
the guest of honor here.

- Right, right, yeah, but
we're talking about theguest.

- What do y'all mean?
- The GOAT.

- Yes, greatest of all time?

- Oh!

[laughs] The GOAT.
You want to meet the GOAT?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Yeah, man, the GOAT
is right over there, son.

- [gasps] Oh, my God.

- Go on.

- Um...

[clears throat] King?

- Sir.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- Oh, God. Oh, God.

- Don't be shy.
Introduce yourselves.

His name is Wedding Dinner.

[laughter]

[soft music]

- Oh, let me help you.
- Oh, my gosh.

Wet nails.
Thank you.

- Nice colors.
- Thank you.

- Last time I got my nails
done, I got winky faces.

So, when someone looked at
them, they got kind of spooked.

- That's actually
a really good idea.

I should try that next time.

Um, if you're looking
for the bridal party,

everyone's in the spa.

- To be honest,
I usually skip them.

- You know, actually, me too.

The last one I went to, they
had penis-shaped lollipops,

so I just dug a hole
and buried mine.

For all I know, there's
a penis-shaped tree

growing somewhere in Brooklyn.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Um...

- Versace.

- Oh, my not-so-evil
stepmother needs me.

They're, um, drunk on water
and high on chocolate.

And so I'm gonna take them
this coffee to sober up.

- I was gonna go
down to the beach

and take a swim,
if you're interested.

- Sober up a bunch of drunks

or go for a swim.

Yeah, I'm totally
gonna do that one.

[both chuckle]
- Let's go.

[upbeat music]

- Well, you know, it's not like
I've never eaten goat before.

I've just never met it first.

- Okay, I'm sorry.
We have to go.

It was--it was really nice
to meet you, Wedding Dinner.

- Oh, I hate that name.
- It's terrible.

- We're taking the goat.
- We can't take the goat.

- We're taking the goat.

- I guess
we're taking the goat.

- Hello.
I'm just gonna take these.

Let me just scoop you up
like this.

I got the package.
Let's go.

Let's roll, let's roll.
Come on, come on.

Come on, keep it moving,
keep it moving, keep it moving.

♪ ♪

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

♪ ♪

[sighs] How do they get
every day to be so perfect

on a private island?

Can't be cheap.

[laughter]

- Nights aren't
so bad either.

- Mm.

Okay.

I'm going to sound as corny
as a Bruno Mars mixtape,

but...

I don't usually do this.

I'm a lot more...

cautious and cynical.

- Me too.

And if you give me a Bruno Mars
mixtape, I will hurt you.

- [gasps] Oh.
- [laughs]

However...

[cell phone chimes]
- [gasps]

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

- Everything okay?
- Not really.

I just have to tell
my new coworker

that her boyfriend
is now our new coworker.

It's weird, yeah. Um...

But I'll see you
at the wedding.

♪ ♪

- See you at the wedding.

♪ ♪

- Wait, so you're telling me
you stole a goat?

- No, we liberated him.

And once we got him outside,

we changed his name
to Vincent van Goat.

- That's good.
- Right?

- That's--Yeah.

- I think Gary wanted to name
him Gary the Goat.

- Jayla, I have been
looking all over for you.

I just got a text
from an inside source.

The firm is doing a merger.

- With who?
- Well, let me put it this way.

The guy you've been sleeping
with is your new office mate.

Both of your firms are joining
a larger firm--

Rembrandt & Pierce,
to be exact.

- If everyone would make
their way to their seats...

- You guys, wait a minute.
- Okay.

So, listen, I just got
off the phone with David,

and, unfortunately,
he and Ari--

they're not gonna make it
in time.

- Aw, Hazel's gonna
be so heartbroken.

- Okay, Ari's not gonna be
in the wedding,

so you have to take her place.
- What?

No, absolutely not.
That's not even my color.

- Excuse me, you went
to all the fittings, okay?

You have to do it for Ari
and for Hazel, too.

♪ ♪

- Give me the dress.
- Oh, God, I could kiss you.

- Or better still, him.
- Oh, that's sweet.

- Come on, come on, come on.
- We got to go.

[soft music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Every step that I take ♪

♪ Is a page in our story
that brought me here to you ♪

♪ And if I could ♪

♪ I wouldn't change ♪

♪ Nothing at all ♪

♪ Not even a line or two ♪

♪ I know you're deserving ♪

♪ Of all of me ♪

♪ You know the way
love should be ♪

♪ You show you know my worth ♪

♪ You make sure I see ♪

♪ I see big ♪

♪ Found the one
I'm giving my heart ♪

♪ You're everything ♪

♪ All that
I have been dreaming of ♪

♪ I can see myself
in your love ♪

♪ The way
we're different, too ♪

♪ You reciprocate
the love I give to you ♪

♪ Feel like I'm in a dream ♪

♪ Now I've found the one,
the only one I need ♪

[light music playing]

♪ ♪

♪ I see love in your eyes

♪ Every time you look at me
and smile ♪

♪ Fell for you ♪

♪ Only took a while ♪

♪ Now for you,
I'd walk a million miles ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[music stops,
indistinct chatter]

- Where is she?
Do you see her?

- Anybody see her?

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- I don't know.

[gasps]
Damn it to hell.

What in the Black version
of "Runaway Bride" is going on?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Hell, yeah, number one,
Yeah, I'm still number one ♪

♪ Hell yeah, number one,
always be number one ♪

♪ Held you down, took you
from minor to major ♪

♪ You won't admit you're
the fruits of my labor ♪

♪ Hell, yeah, number one,
yeah, I'm still number one ♪

♪ Hell, yeah, number one,
always be number one ♪

♪ Don't forget, yeah,
I'm still number one ♪

♪ Hell, yeah ♪

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