All language subtitles for ZIWE s02e11 Miss Universe.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu

Original subtitles

elegant�music

[camera�flashes]

The�world�is�so�divided�today, but�what�can�bring�it�together?

Drop-dead�gorgeous women�competing�for�your

viewing�pleasure!

[camera�flash]

[man�VO]�It's Little�Miss�Viacom!

She's�cute,�she's�sweet,�and she's�vertically�integrated.

I�wear�these heels�for�world�peace.

[ding]

I�wear�this lipstick�for�world�peace.

And�I�wear�this�swimsuit because�no�one�would�listen�to

me�otherwise!

Stop�it!

Stop�it!

Stop�it!

No,�just�kidding,�don't�stop�it!

I'll�be�horny!

Ooh,�ahh,�ahh,�ohh,�horny�noise!

[camera�flash]

[man�VO]�What�makes�you different�from�other�girls?

Everything.

[man�VO]�Where�do�you see�yourself�in�five�years?

My�high�school�graduation.

Goo-goo,�ga-ga.

[man�VO]�What's�your favorite�mode�of�transportation?

Private�plane.

I�take�it�to�go�to�the�grocery store�or�to�borrow�a�cup�of

sugar�from�my�neighbor,�or�just when�I�feel�like�releasing�tons

of�carbon.

[man�VO]�How�would you�change�the�world?

I�wouldn't,�it's perfect�just�the�way�it�is.

Unless�you�disagree,�then...

Beyonce�said, "America�has�a�problem."

It's�a�waking�nightmare!

[sighs]

It's�not�easy�being Miss�Congeniality.

[camera�flash]

You�have�to�learn�how�to spell�that�very�difficult�word.

C-O-N...geniality?

-Dang�it! -[camera�flash]

Winning�isn't everything,�but�if�I�don't�win,

I�will�kill�the�judges and�jump�off�a�bridge!

chimes

Tonight,�I'll�be talking�with�Drew�Barrymore.

Which�of�the�78�white�characters you've�played�were�Republicans?

Hmm...

[Ziwe�VO]�Plus,�I'll�be�talking to�professional�media�trainer

Melody�Kimmel.

I�mean,�that's�what�gives this�show�its-�its�edge.

Thank�you!

I�like�to�think�that�my race�makes�me�edgy�too.

Yeah,�well-�[laughs]

[Ziwe�VO]�And�doing�a photoshoot�with�fashion

magazine, � Coveteur � .

Video. Can't�Photoshop�that.

Let�the�pageantry�begin!

eerie�music�box�music

cool�theme�music

My�guest�tonight�has�been America's�Sweetheart�since�she

was�six�years�old.

She's�a�child�star�who�grew up�right�before�our�very�eyes.

Find�out�who�you�are,�and...

try�not�to�be�afraid�of�it.

[Ziwe�VO]�A�teen�icon turned�leading�lady,

author,�and�entrepreneur.

You�may�know�her�as�the�host of � The�Drew�Barrymore�Show � .

Please�welcome,�Drew�Barrymore!

[claps]

Wow.

smooth�jazzy�music

Okay,�twerk, twerk,�twerk.�[laughs]

That�was�sort�of like�the�weirdest�twerk.

It... It�was�beautiful.

-Like,�that's�a�twerk. -Wow!

Oh�my�gosh,�who�knew�she�would throw�it�back�within�the�first

five�seconds?

Hot.

We're�gonna�cut back�to�that�a�lot.

I've�always,�uh,�had�a butt�with�a�mind�of�its�own.

[Ziwe]�Mm!

Would�you�say�that�you identify�as�"stupid�thick?"

What�does�"stupid�thick"�mean?

Like,�thick�in�the�head?

No,�"stupid�thick" is�like,�"Oh�my�gosh,

she's�stupid�thick,"�like, [Latina�accent]�"Stupid�thick."

I�don't�know�that�one.

It's�like,�"Oh!"

Like�Jessica Rabbit�-�stupid�thick.

I�mean,�I'd�like�to relate�to�Jessica�Rabbit.

I've�been�watching,�um,�that movie�with�my�daughters�a�lot

lately,�and�she�is�hot.

Stupid�thick.

She's�stupid�thick.

[Ziwe]�Yes.

So�I�read�your�book � Wildflower � .

You�are�such�a�vision.

I�mean,�this�is�why�you're perfect�for�the�Miss�Universe

episode,�because�you�sort�of embody�that�American�Sweetheart.

So�how�do�I�rebrand�as not�a�scary�Black�woman?

[laughs]

Well,�I...

[sighs]

I�mean,�I�don't�know,�I�don't want�you�to�change�in�any�way,

shape,�or�form.

Wow,�thank�you.

That's�not�exactly helpful,�but�I�appreciate�it.

It�isn't�helpful.

I�feel�like�this�is The�Color�of�Friendship � ,

that�Disney�movie about�South�Africa.

Do�you�have�any�Black friends�at�home,�Mahree?

Yes,�yes,�as�a matter�of�fact,�I�do.

It's�wild�because�you�have such�a�relatable�and�grounded

personality,�so�do�you think�that�you're�appropriating

average�person�culture.

Oh,�God..

[sighs] I�would�like�to�say�that...

that�I�am...

I'm�so�[beep]�normal,�and�yet

I'm�so�embarrassed�and aware�of�how�privileged�I�am.

I�feel�like�Josie�Grossy,�but�am I�appropriating�normal�people?

I�don't�know,�I�just-�like,�my fabulous�Hollywood�family�was

dead�and�gone,�and,�like, had�sold�everything�off.

Like,�I�don't�even have�a�family�heirloom.

-Mm. -I�don't�have�anything.

Same,�but�for different�reasons.

[whispering]�Poverty.

[whispering]�Poverty?

[whispering]�My parents�fled�a�war.

[whispering]�I'm�sorry.

But�it's�weird�because I've�lived�a�privileged�and

blessed�life...

I've�also�[beep]�up�a�lot, and�I've�seen�a�lot�of�shit,

you�know?

And�I've�spent�a�lot�of�time traveling�throughout�the�world

and�looking�around�and trying�not�to�be�some�bougie,

insular,�coastal�person.

And�I�just�wish�that�we�could take�care�of�each�other�in�the

best�way�possible.

I'm�convinced�that's what�we're�here�to�do.

I�mean,�what�do�you�think? Like-

I�think�that�you�just gave�the�perfect�answer,

and�somehow�related�to small-town�people�while�also

centering�yourself in�your�experiences,

and�I'm�kind�of�annoyed�for�how Miss-America-perfect�you�are.

So�Charlies�Angels, are�they�pro-cop?

[dramatic�thud]

Um,�well,�they're�detectives.

So�they�are�the�police?

You�know, � Charlie's�Angels is�what�coined�a�thing�called

"jiggle�TV,"�um, back�in�the�day.

Does�anyone remember�jiggle�TV?

We're�gonna�assume�it�was what�you�were�doing�when�you

walked�out?

We're�gonna�cut back�to�that�a�lot.

At�the�time,�in�1999,

my�big�battle�was�true�female

friendship�and comedy�and�no�guns.

Mm!

But�at�the�time,�I�wasn't�in the�place�in�my�life�where�I

was,�like, feminist,�like,�you�know,

no�touchy-grabby,�no�jokes.

Like,�I-�I�should�go�back�and look�at�those�movies�with�the

eyes�of�today's�culture.

Who�was�someone�-�a�woman�of color�-�that�you�would�consider

a�girl-next-door,�a Miss�America,�Miss�Universe?

I�mean...

I-�I�love�Tina�Turner.

What's�your favorite�Tina�Turner�song?

I�mean,�ironically, it's�the�one�with�Ike.

Oh�my�gosh!

mimicking�Tina�Turner

[mumbling]�the wedding�bells

Wow.

Um,�she's�so pissed�right�now.

She's�just�like,�"Why are�you�doing�that�to�me?"

[Ziwe�VO]�Next�on � Ziwe � ...

I�literally�have, like,�a�white�dog�too,

and�I�feel�guilty.

Would�you�like�to apologize�to�your�white�dog?

I'm�sorry,�Lucy,�I-�I should�never�have�adopted�you.

[laughs]

She's�really�white.

[man�VO]�Cancelled!

jaunty�music

My�normal-sized�little teeth�are�so�small�and�boring.

[woman�VO]�Introducing�Chompers!

Chompers�Cosmetics�believes every�woman�is�born�potentially

deserving�of�love.

And�through�a highly-experimental�Brazilian

teeth�lift,�you�can�finally�have that�smile�that�lets�you�reach

that�potential!

Before�I�got�my�BTL,�my bottom�six�were�rock�bottom.

Now,�the�boys�are�rock hard�because�I'm�a�big-toothed

diva�bitch!

-[pop] -[chuckles]

With�my�new�teeth...

I�thought�teeth�were just�for,�you�know,

chomping�on�hard things�like�apples,

crab�legs,�stuff�like�that.

I�mean,�these chompers�got�me�a�young,

fine-ass�boyfriend.

And�then�I�dumped�him�[laughs] so�I�could�get�an�even�finer,

younger�boyfriend.

[laughs]

[woman�VO]�Fillers, implants,�and�generally�being

sexy�are�out.

You�know�what�they�say: girls�with�big�teeth...

accidentally�bite�it�off.

Oops! [chuckles]

At�first,�I�was�nervous�because 50�percent�of�women�die�during

this�surgery.

But�on�the�bright side,�50�percent�live!

upbeat�music

[woman�VO]�And�guess�what!

The�free�consultation�ensures you're�gonna�feel�like�shit.

[email�sending�whoosh]

I�only�eat�soft�food�now,�okay?

Ricotta�girls,�make�somme�noise!

[trills]

[woman�VO]�Only�at Chompers�Cosmetics.

jaunty�music

Beauty�is�in�the�eye�of�the nice�man�holding�the�crown.

jaunty�music

exciting�strings

You�consume�a�lot�of�news.

I'm�a�news�junkie.

Obsessed.

What's�your favorite�Black�publication?

Um,�I�really�like�what they're�doing�with � Essence � .

They�had�a�new�editor�come�in.

I�would�love�to�see�you�on the�cover�of � Essence�Magazine � .

I�would�love�to�be�on the�cover�of � Essence � .

I�don't�think�I'm�allowed on�the�cover�of � Essence � .

Like,�AARP,�I'm�not�50 yet,�they�won't�let�me�do�it.

Fingers�crossed,�one�day!

But�I'll�get�there�one�day.

I�don't�think�I'm�ever gonna�get�to � Essence � status.

With�the�right bronzer,�you�never�know.

So�you�were emancipated�at�14�years�old.

Where�do�you�stand�on�the Emancipation�Proclamation?

Um,�I�am�for�freedoms.

Is�that�the�right�answer?

You�tell�me,�Drew.

[ticking]

[ding]

Here's�a�question:�at�age�six, you�got�your�first�role�in � ET.

Where�do�you�stand on�child�labor�laws?

There's�no�room for�child�labor.

I�often,�uh,�question whether�they�should�even

allow�child�actors.

Wow!

It's�weird�because�I�love my�life�and�wouldn't�change

a�thing.

But�it�is�a�very strange�thing�for�kids.

Mm.

I�want�my�kids�to�know�how�to do�laundry�and�summer�intern�and

earn�their�money�and�do their�chores�and�all�that�stuff,

and,�um...

It's�funny;�I�was�traveling through�Europe�this�summer�and

it�was�interesting to�be�away�from�home.

[tape�fast-forwarding]

You�know�what?

Paw�Patrol, � with all�due�respect...

[tape�fast-forwarding]

And�it's�funny,�too,�because my�libidos�been�dead�for,

like,�almost�a�decade...

[tape�fast-forwarding]

Love�to�be�compared�or confused�by-�to-�as�Zendaya...

[tape�fast-forwarding]

I�want�a�lot�of,�like, death�and�frying�pans...

[tape�fast-forwarding]

I�was�like,�"Here�I am,�gynecogical�table,

let's�go..."

[tape�fast-forwarding]

Gee�willikers,�we�really learned�a�great�lesson�today!

[tape�fast-forwarding]

And�then�I�walked�into�a�museum in�none�other�than�a�small�town

in�Italy�and�there was�one�of�her�pieces.

Um...but...

Wait,�shit,�what was�the�question?

[beep].

I�went�so�far�off on�my�own�tangent.

[sips]

[Ziwe�VO]�Next�on � Ziwe � ...

How�would�you�empower someone�like�Harriet�Tubman?

She's�one�of�my daughter's�favorites.

Wait,�really?!

She's�really�been�in�love�with important�figures�like�Harriet

Tubman,�Martin�Luther...

Shout�out.

chimes

What's�the�difference�between Miss�America�and�Miss�Universe?

Get�a�passport�and�find�out.

jaunty�music

So�when�I�went�on�your show,�we�played�Drew's�News.

We've�got�a�spooky little�show�for�you�today!

This�is...quorn,�with�a�Q.

I�have�a�lower�back�tattoo,�I don't�wanna�be�called�a�"tramp!"

So,�I�figured�you'd�come�on my�show�and�we'd�play�Ziwe's

Drew's�News.

Make�a�jingle�up!

Ziwe,�Ziwe

The�only�way�I�want

Is�Ziwe

Drew's�News!

Ziwe,�Ziwe

-Shake�it,�shake�it! - � Drew's�News�and�Ziwe

Jiggle�Cam,�Jiggle Cam,�close�up,�close�up!

-Ziwe,�Ziwe -[Ziwe]�Jiggle�Cam,�Jiggle�Cam!

Guess�what way�we're�going

To�Drew's�News!

Okay,�so�you're�gonna�read�the news�on�these�respective�cards,

and�you're�going�to�also tell�us�how�they�make�you�feel.

-[Drew]�laughs] -Sad�or�happy.

[buzzer]

Yup.

-Okay,�read�the�news. -Okay.

"Founding�Father�Benjamin Franklin�wanted�the�national

bird�to�be�a�turkey, and�also,�he�had�slaves."

Happy�or�sad?

[buzzer]

"Sojourner�Truth was�#momgoals�in�1828.

She�sued�for�her�son's�freedom."

Ohh... Yes.

[woman�VO]�Yes,�it�is�bad!

Can�I�keep�this�card?

Yes,�I'll�sign�it�for�you.

I�would�like�to study�her�with�the�girls.

upbeat�lounge�music

"France�required�Haiti�to�pay them�150�million�francs�for

their�freedom�under threat�of�violence."

This�is�wrong.

No,�that's�a�fact,�Drew!

I-�I�know,�but�it's�wrong.

-Ethically. -[Drew]�Yes.�[sighs]

[buzzer]

Drew�Barrymore,�you're an�icon,�you're�a�legend,

you're�America's�Sweetheart-

It's�funny;�I�don't�see myself�any�of�those�ways.

Well,�you�are�those�ways,�and I�can�name�78�films�in�which

you're�exactly�that�person.

All�which�I'm appropriating�normal�people,

I'm�sorry.

Well,�you�can�apologize�again.

If�it's�any�consolation,�when�I know�I've�done�something�wrong,

I�will�beat�the shit�out�of�myself...

-[Ziwe]�Oh�my�gosh! -Until�I�get�it�right.

I�think�of�someone-�a�hero�of mine�who�famously�messed�up�and

named�one�Miss Universe�instead�of�another,

and�then�he�righted�that�wrong, and�then�he�became�the�Miss

Universe�guy,�and that's�Steve�Harvey.

And�today,�you remind�me�of�my�dear,

dear�icon�and hero,�Mr�Steve�Harvey.

[Drew]�That's right,�I�remember�that.

Who�is�your�hero�going�back?

[Ziwe]�Ida�B�Wells.

If�we're�talking�about American�journalism,

she�is�one�of�the�pathfinders.

That's�my�daughter's other�favorite�person!

Shut�up,�you�know who�Ida�B.�Wells�is?

[Drew]�Yes!

-heartwarming�music -[electronic�chimes]

[both]�[chanting]�Ida�B�Wells! Ida�B�Wells!

Ida�B�Wells!

And�that's�our�show.

Drew�Barrymore,�everyone!

[applause]

What�a�star!

[both�VO] [chanting]�Ida�B�Wells!

Ida�B�Wells!

Ida�B�Wells!

Ida�B�Wells!

[ding]

elegant�music

When�women�compete...

we�all�win.

jaunty�music

Media�training.

It's�the foundation�of�our�industry.

Is�there�anything�or�nothing in�that�list�you�would�like�to

clear�up?

[Ziwe�VO]�That's�why�I'll be�talking�to�Melody�Kimmel.

She's�a�professional�media trainer�who�works�with�public

figures�to�shape�positive interactions�with�the�press.

Hi,�Melody!

I'm�excited�to chat�with�you�today.

You�know,�I'm�a�public�figure, I'm�hoping�to�get�better�at

media,�so�this�is going�to�be�great.

Can�I�tell�you�a�traumatic�story from�my�childhood�and�you�tell

me�if�it's�good�for packaging�in�interviews?

-Oh,�that�doesn't�sound�good. -All�my�life�[bleep].

[bleep]

Okay.

Should�I-�should�we- should�I�keep�moving?

cheerful�muzak

So�there's�three�really important�steps�to�preparation.

First�of�all,�you�wanna know�what�you're�getting�into.

Think�about�the questions�you're�going�to�get...

Mm.

'Cause�then�you�can�think about�how�you�wanna�answer�them.

-Okay,�question. -[Melody]�Yes,�ma'am.

So�whenever�I�do press,�usually,

maybe�90�percent�of�the time,�the�reporter�says,

"I'm�terrified�of�you." What�do�I�do�about�that?

I�know�the�feeling. Go�on,�sorry.

Does�that�happen to�you�all�the�time?

No,�I�feel�terrified talking�with�you�too.

-You're�terrified�of�it?! -[Melody]�[laughs]

And�why�are�you�afraid�of�me?

Well,�um,�I'm�not�at�this moment�and�I'm�thinking�I�should

be�because�I'll let�my�guard�down.

But�this�isn't�about me,�this�is�about�you.

What�were�you�gonna�say?

[Ziwe]�No,�tell�me�more about�your�fear�of�me.

What�would�you�say is�scary�about�me?

Is�it�my�pink�top�or is�it�my�blonde�hair?

Neither,�I�think�they're all�absolutely�fabulous,

and�you�left�out your�pink�boots.�[laughs]

Good�at�turning�that�into�a compliment�when�I�was�expressing

my�deep-seated�trauma.

cheerful�muzak

So�you've�spent�some time�thinking�about�what�the

questions�might�be...

Mm.

Now,�you�wanna�think about�your�answers.

[Ziwe]�Mm.

But�it's�bigger�than�that; you�wanna�set�your�own�agenda.

Sometimes,�people�even have�a�call�for�action.

[Ziwe]�Mm.

I�do�a�call�for�action�at�my live�shows�for�people�to�rate�my

WikiFeet�because�my WikiFeet�is�really�low.

Uh-huh,�okay.

-Do�you�know�what�WikiFeet�is? -Yeah.

cheerful�muzak

So�when�you're doing�an�interview,

Ziwe,�use�almost�every�answer�as a�chance�to�express�one�or�more

of�your�themes.

Great,�so�ask�me�a�question.

Okay,�so�who�do�you�like to�find�when�you're�looking

for�guests?

What-�what's-�what are�you�looking�for?

Well,�when�I'm looking�for�guests,

I�align�myself�with�guests who�are�not�terrified�of�me...

-[Melody]�Mm-hm. -And�who�think�I�have�nice�feet.

-[ding] -[applause]

-Is�that�a�good�answer? -That's�lovely.

-Thank�you. -You�are...

an�accelerated�student.

Well,�tell�us�about�the Showtime�relationship.

Do�they-�do�they�give you�a�lot�of�guardrails?

Are�there�some�no-fly�zones in�terms�of�the�humor�you're

allowed�to�get�to?

This�is�what�I�would�say;�I would�say�"I�have�no�problems

with�my�Showtime�familia.

I�love�Paramount+�and�it's�a pleasure�to�be�on�this�network.

[ding]

-That's�lovely. -[Ziwe]�Thank�you.

I�hear�smiles�in�the�distance.

[ding] [ding]

[ding]

cheerful�muzak

So�when�you�get�a�question that�is�not�on�topic�for�you...

Yeah.

[Melody]�Ziwe, you're�gonna�love�this.

The�harder�the�question...

-Yeah. -The�longer�you�should�pause.

What�is�the�hardest�question you�had�on�your�question�sheet

for�me?

For�you? Oh...

I�guess�it�was...

A�lot�of�your�humor springs�from�really

mocking�racial�microaggression,

so�I'm�just�wondering:�are�a lot�of�these�incidents�coming

directly�from experiences�that�you've�had?

dramatic�music

Good�question.

Hm.

[ding]

cheerful�muzak

-Um... -[Ziwe]�[laughs]

Well,�this�one�got a�little�funny�but,�uh...

-"Be�yoursel!" -Yeah.

-[Ziwe]�"Be�yoursel!" -[Melody]�"Be�yoursel...f."

Thank�you,�Melody!

I'm�going�to�never forget�you�called�me�"scary."

I've�learned�so�much�about how�to�interact�with�humans,

so�this�is�going to�be�great�for�me.

Are�you�stressed�out�about�this?

Not�anymore,�should�I?

-Should�you? -Should�I?

-Should�you? -[Melody]�Should�I?

Should�you?

We'll�see. Carry�on.

elegant�music

She's�beauty�and�she's�grace.

She's�serving�body�and�face.

jaunty�music

A�long�tradition�of�being Miss�Universe�is�interacting

with�the�press.

I've�gotta�be�at�work�in,�like, 25�minutes�in�New�York,�so...

[Ziwe�VO]�I�knew�I�had my�work�cut�out�for�me.

I�had�a�photoshoot�with fashion�magazine � Coveteur � .

[woman]�Do�you�have�a getting-ready�ritual?

In�the�morning�to...

to�wear�clothes?

Luckily,�I�had�Melody's media�training�fresh�in�my�mind.

Please,�imitate�a Black�woman�again.

How�am�I�doing? [gasps]

You�know,�this�is�a day�in�the�life�of�me.

Yeah,�a�Feminist�American Sweetheart�Miss�Universe.

It's�not�easy.

But�someone's�gotta�do�it, and�if�someone's�gonna�do�it,

they�better�be�humble�and modest�and�kind�like�myself.

You�wanna�set�your�own�agenda before�you�do�any�interview.

Contrary�to�popular�disbelief, I�am�down-to-[beep]-Earth.

I'm�a�regular�girl,�you�know?

I�like�cheeseburgers,�I like�a�slice�of�pizza...

just�more�expensive ones�than�most�people.

cool�music

-Claire,�hi. -Hi�Claire,�nice�to�meet�you!

You�know�a�little�bit�about�the reporter�and�the�media�outlet.

Or�should�I�say�"Bonjour?"

[Claire]�Bonjour!

Tell�me�how�to�move�my�body?

[woman]�So�you know�what,�I�think,

for�photos,�what�would�be�good, since�we�don't�wanna�see�you,

like,�talking,�[laughing]�right?

As�you're�talking, every�now�and�then,�pause.

Stay�there�and�just�no�talking.

No�talking.

The�longer�you�talk,�the further�you're�straying�from

your�message.

This�makeup�is�to�make me�look�older�than�I�am,

obviously,�as�a�19-year-old.

Redundant�is�success.

Natural.

-[woman]�Natural. -Natural.

[woman]�No�talking.

curious�music

Can�I�tell�you:�everything I�learned�about�modeling,

I�learned�from America's�Next�Top�Model � .

[woman]�[laughs]

But�only�the problematic�episodes.

[camera�shutter�clicking]

An�18-year-old�was�crying, that�was�when�I�was�in�my�bag.

[pop]

[camera�clicks]

[Claire]�Uh,�I�have�been with � Coveteur � since�November.

[Ziwe]�Oh,�cool! Well,�congratulations.

-[Claire]�Thank�you! -We�love�women...in�STEM.

-[Claire]�Mm-hm. -[Ziwe]�[softly]�Yeah.

[Claire]�What�inspired�you to�wear�this�outfit�today?

-[pop] -The�harder�the�question...

The�longer�you�should�pause.

I�think�it�is�the combination�of�fun�and�business,

because�I�identify as�a�powerful�woman,

but�also,�I'm�not afraid�to,�like,

drink�apple juice�out�of�a�straw.

[Claire]�Love�that.

[pop]

You�are...an accelerated�student.

Basically,�my personal�style�is�Clueless,

it's�Dionne,�it's�Stacey Dash�before�we�got�really�upset

with�her.

curious�music

They�look�kinda�bored�or�like they'd�rather�be�somewhere�else,

but�you�have�to�be�you, even�when�they're�not�helping.

This�is�inspired by�Condoleezza�Rice.

Whenever�I'm thinking�about�looks,

I'm�channeling characters,�right?

So�there�is�this one-�this�look!

And�it�was�inspired by,�um,�Patrick�Starr.

So�it's�a�very�famous�meme in�which�Patrick�Starr-

-[Claire]�I'm-�I'm�familiar. -[Ziwe]�Yeah,�exactly!

So�I�was�like,�"Okay, like,�I�wanna�dress�like�a

slutty�starfish."

-[pop] -You�do�you.

Who�else�can�do�it�better?

[woman]�It's�so�weird;�we usually�have,�like,�music.

[laughs]

I�think�you�can�listen�to the�sound�of�me�humming.

La�la�la�la�la

-[pop] -I�love�gospel�music.

We�also�have music�prepared,�too.

We�found�some license-free�beats.

-[woman]�Oh,�we�did? -Hit�the�song!

[camera�clicking]

"The Star-Spangled�Banner"

[woman]�And�then�lean�back and�go�back�to�the�one�where�you

were�just,�like,�really�relaxed.

Yeah.

[camera�clicking]

No,�you're�good,�you're�good.

[Ziwe]�I�said�that�you guys�would�all�know�the�words!

[woman]�[laughs]

Nice!

Cool!

Awesome!

[Ziwe]�Thank�you�for letting�us�shoot�you�shoot�us.

Merci, � Coveteur � !

This�is�the�magic�of � Ziwe � .

Wow,�we�did�it!

Guys,�this�was�so�fun!

Thank�you!

[camera�clicking]

My�work�is�done�here.

[camera�click]

jaunty�music

"Butterflies�don't�poop."

I�remember�the�first�time�I�was going�away�with�a�guy�for�the

weekend,�and�I-�I�didn't-�I didn't�know�how�that�was�all

gonna�function.

I�was�so�intimidated.

You�didn't�take�a dump�in�front�of�him?

[tape�fast-forwarding]

I�found�a�bathroom downstairs�in�the�lobby.

Now,�years�laters,�can you�shit�in�front�of�a�date?

[tape�fast-forwarding]

Well,�not�in�front�of.

Or�on�top�of�- who�am�I�to�judge?

[laughs]

Two�Girls,�One�Cup?

-[tape�fast-forwarding] -[Drew]�Um...

How�do�you�know what�that�is,�Drew?!

And,�by�the�way, it�didn't�look�real.

As�a�child�star,�you were�like,�"I�could�see-"

"I�see�the�cables.

That�is...

frothy�mousse�and�not�poop."

So�what�you're�saying�is-

I�believe�that�Two Girls,�One�Cup�is�fake.

[tape�fast-forwarding]

More�like�Two�Girls, One,�like,�Parfait.

[tape�fast-forwarding]

Or�Budino.

Wow,�she's�a�truther.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.