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elegant�music
[camera�flashes]
The�world�is�so�divided�today, but�what�can�bring�it�together?
Drop-dead�gorgeous women�competing�for�your
viewing�pleasure!
[camera�flash]
[man�VO]�It's Little�Miss�Viacom!
She's�cute,�she's�sweet,�and she's�vertically�integrated.
I�wear�these heels�for�world�peace.
[ding]
I�wear�this lipstick�for�world�peace.
And�I�wear�this�swimsuit because�no�one�would�listen�to
me�otherwise!
Stop�it!
Stop�it!
Stop�it!
No,�just�kidding,�don't�stop�it!
I'll�be�horny!
Ooh,�ahh,�ahh,�ohh,�horny�noise!
[camera�flash]
[man�VO]�What�makes�you different�from�other�girls?
Everything.
[man�VO]�Where�do�you see�yourself�in�five�years?
My�high�school�graduation.
Goo-goo,�ga-ga.
[man�VO]�What's�your favorite�mode�of�transportation?
Private�plane.
I�take�it�to�go�to�the�grocery store�or�to�borrow�a�cup�of
sugar�from�my�neighbor,�or�just when�I�feel�like�releasing�tons
of�carbon.
[man�VO]�How�would you�change�the�world?
I�wouldn't,�it's perfect�just�the�way�it�is.
Unless�you�disagree,�then...
Beyonce�said, "America�has�a�problem."
It's�a�waking�nightmare!
[sighs]
It's�not�easy�being Miss�Congeniality.
[camera�flash]
You�have�to�learn�how�to spell�that�very�difficult�word.
C-O-N...geniality?
-Dang�it! -[camera�flash]
Winning�isn't everything,�but�if�I�don't�win,
I�will�kill�the�judges and�jump�off�a�bridge!
chimes
Tonight,�I'll�be talking�with�Drew�Barrymore.
Which�of�the�78�white�characters you've�played�were�Republicans?
Hmm...
[Ziwe�VO]�Plus,�I'll�be�talking to�professional�media�trainer
Melody�Kimmel.
I�mean,�that's�what�gives this�show�its-�its�edge.
Thank�you!
I�like�to�think�that�my race�makes�me�edgy�too.
Yeah,�well-�[laughs]
[Ziwe�VO]�And�doing�a photoshoot�with�fashion
magazine, � Coveteur � .
Video. Can't�Photoshop�that.
Let�the�pageantry�begin!
eerie�music�box�music
cool�theme�music
My�guest�tonight�has�been America's�Sweetheart�since�she
was�six�years�old.
She's�a�child�star�who�grew up�right�before�our�very�eyes.
Find�out�who�you�are,�and...
try�not�to�be�afraid�of�it.
[Ziwe�VO]�A�teen�icon turned�leading�lady,
author,�and�entrepreneur.
You�may�know�her�as�the�host of � The�Drew�Barrymore�Show � .
Please�welcome,�Drew�Barrymore!
[claps]
Wow.
smooth�jazzy�music
Okay,�twerk, twerk,�twerk.�[laughs]
That�was�sort�of like�the�weirdest�twerk.
It... It�was�beautiful.
-Like,�that's�a�twerk. -Wow!
Oh�my�gosh,�who�knew�she�would throw�it�back�within�the�first
five�seconds?
Hot.
We're�gonna�cut back�to�that�a�lot.
I've�always,�uh,�had�a butt�with�a�mind�of�its�own.
[Ziwe]�Mm!
Would�you�say�that�you identify�as�"stupid�thick?"
What�does�"stupid�thick"�mean?
Like,�thick�in�the�head?
No,�"stupid�thick" is�like,�"Oh�my�gosh,
she's�stupid�thick,"�like, [Latina�accent]�"Stupid�thick."
I�don't�know�that�one.
It's�like,�"Oh!"
Like�Jessica Rabbit�-�stupid�thick.
I�mean,�I'd�like�to relate�to�Jessica�Rabbit.
I've�been�watching,�um,�that movie�with�my�daughters�a�lot
lately,�and�she�is�hot.
Stupid�thick.
She's�stupid�thick.
[Ziwe]�Yes.
So�I�read�your�book � Wildflower � .
You�are�such�a�vision.
I�mean,�this�is�why�you're perfect�for�the�Miss�Universe
episode,�because�you�sort�of embody�that�American�Sweetheart.
So�how�do�I�rebrand�as not�a�scary�Black�woman?
[laughs]
Well,�I...
[sighs]
I�mean,�I�don't�know,�I�don't want�you�to�change�in�any�way,
shape,�or�form.
Wow,�thank�you.
That's�not�exactly helpful,�but�I�appreciate�it.
It�isn't�helpful.
I�feel�like�this�is The�Color�of�Friendship � ,
that�Disney�movie about�South�Africa.
Do�you�have�any�Black friends�at�home,�Mahree?
Yes,�yes,�as�a matter�of�fact,�I�do.
It's�wild�because�you�have such�a�relatable�and�grounded
personality,�so�do�you think�that�you're�appropriating
average�person�culture.
Oh,�God..
[sighs] I�would�like�to�say�that...
that�I�am...
I'm�so�[beep]�normal,�and�yet
I'm�so�embarrassed�and aware�of�how�privileged�I�am.
I�feel�like�Josie�Grossy,�but�am I�appropriating�normal�people?
I�don't�know,�I�just-�like,�my fabulous�Hollywood�family�was
dead�and�gone,�and,�like, had�sold�everything�off.
Like,�I�don't�even have�a�family�heirloom.
-Mm. -I�don't�have�anything.
Same,�but�for different�reasons.
[whispering]�Poverty.
[whispering]�Poverty?
[whispering]�My parents�fled�a�war.
[whispering]�I'm�sorry.
But�it's�weird�because I've�lived�a�privileged�and
blessed�life...
I've�also�[beep]�up�a�lot, and�I've�seen�a�lot�of�shit,
you�know?
And�I've�spent�a�lot�of�time traveling�throughout�the�world
and�looking�around�and trying�not�to�be�some�bougie,
insular,�coastal�person.
And�I�just�wish�that�we�could take�care�of�each�other�in�the
best�way�possible.
I'm�convinced�that's what�we're�here�to�do.
I�mean,�what�do�you�think? Like-
I�think�that�you�just gave�the�perfect�answer,
and�somehow�related�to small-town�people�while�also
centering�yourself in�your�experiences,
and�I'm�kind�of�annoyed�for�how Miss-America-perfect�you�are.
So�Charlies�Angels, are�they�pro-cop?
[dramatic�thud]
Um,�well,�they're�detectives.
So�they�are�the�police?
You�know, � Charlie's�Angels is�what�coined�a�thing�called
"jiggle�TV,"�um, back�in�the�day.
Does�anyone remember�jiggle�TV?
We're�gonna�assume�it�was what�you�were�doing�when�you
walked�out?
We're�gonna�cut back�to�that�a�lot.
At�the�time,�in�1999,
my�big�battle�was�true�female
friendship�and comedy�and�no�guns.
Mm!
But�at�the�time,�I�wasn't�in the�place�in�my�life�where�I
was,�like, feminist,�like,�you�know,
no�touchy-grabby,�no�jokes.
Like,�I-�I�should�go�back�and look�at�those�movies�with�the
eyes�of�today's�culture.
Who�was�someone�-�a�woman�of color�-�that�you�would�consider
a�girl-next-door,�a Miss�America,�Miss�Universe?
I�mean...
I-�I�love�Tina�Turner.
What's�your favorite�Tina�Turner�song?
I�mean,�ironically, it's�the�one�with�Ike.
Oh�my�gosh!
mimicking�Tina�Turner
[mumbling]�the wedding�bells
Wow.
Um,�she's�so pissed�right�now.
She's�just�like,�"Why are�you�doing�that�to�me?"
[Ziwe�VO]�Next�on � Ziwe � ...
I�literally�have, like,�a�white�dog�too,
and�I�feel�guilty.
Would�you�like�to apologize�to�your�white�dog?
I'm�sorry,�Lucy,�I-�I should�never�have�adopted�you.
[laughs]
She's�really�white.
[man�VO]�Cancelled!
jaunty�music
My�normal-sized�little teeth�are�so�small�and�boring.
[woman�VO]�Introducing�Chompers!
Chompers�Cosmetics�believes every�woman�is�born�potentially
deserving�of�love.
And�through�a highly-experimental�Brazilian
teeth�lift,�you�can�finally�have that�smile�that�lets�you�reach
that�potential!
Before�I�got�my�BTL,�my bottom�six�were�rock�bottom.
Now,�the�boys�are�rock hard�because�I'm�a�big-toothed
diva�bitch!
-[pop] -[chuckles]
With�my�new�teeth...
I�thought�teeth�were just�for,�you�know,
chomping�on�hard things�like�apples,
crab�legs,�stuff�like�that.
I�mean,�these chompers�got�me�a�young,
fine-ass�boyfriend.
And�then�I�dumped�him�[laughs] so�I�could�get�an�even�finer,
younger�boyfriend.
[laughs]
[woman�VO]�Fillers, implants,�and�generally�being
sexy�are�out.
You�know�what�they�say: girls�with�big�teeth...
accidentally�bite�it�off.
Oops! [chuckles]
At�first,�I�was�nervous�because 50�percent�of�women�die�during
this�surgery.
But�on�the�bright side,�50�percent�live!
upbeat�music
[woman�VO]�And�guess�what!
The�free�consultation�ensures you're�gonna�feel�like�shit.
[email�sending�whoosh]
I�only�eat�soft�food�now,�okay?
Ricotta�girls,�make�somme�noise!
[trills]
[woman�VO]�Only�at Chompers�Cosmetics.
jaunty�music
Beauty�is�in�the�eye�of�the nice�man�holding�the�crown.
jaunty�music
exciting�strings
You�consume�a�lot�of�news.
I'm�a�news�junkie.
Obsessed.
What's�your favorite�Black�publication?
Um,�I�really�like�what they're�doing�with � Essence � .
They�had�a�new�editor�come�in.
I�would�love�to�see�you�on the�cover�of � Essence�Magazine � .
I�would�love�to�be�on the�cover�of � Essence � .
I�don't�think�I'm�allowed on�the�cover�of � Essence � .
Like,�AARP,�I'm�not�50 yet,�they�won't�let�me�do�it.
Fingers�crossed,�one�day!
But�I'll�get�there�one�day.
I�don't�think�I'm�ever gonna�get�to � Essence � status.
With�the�right bronzer,�you�never�know.
So�you�were emancipated�at�14�years�old.
Where�do�you�stand�on�the Emancipation�Proclamation?
Um,�I�am�for�freedoms.
Is�that�the�right�answer?
You�tell�me,�Drew.
[ticking]
[ding]
Here's�a�question:�at�age�six, you�got�your�first�role�in � ET.
Where�do�you�stand on�child�labor�laws?
There's�no�room for�child�labor.
I�often,�uh,�question whether�they�should�even
allow�child�actors.
Wow!
It's�weird�because�I�love my�life�and�wouldn't�change
a�thing.
But�it�is�a�very strange�thing�for�kids.
Mm.
I�want�my�kids�to�know�how�to do�laundry�and�summer�intern�and
earn�their�money�and�do their�chores�and�all�that�stuff,
and,�um...
It's�funny;�I�was�traveling through�Europe�this�summer�and
it�was�interesting to�be�away�from�home.
[tape�fast-forwarding]
You�know�what?
Paw�Patrol, � with all�due�respect...
[tape�fast-forwarding]
And�it's�funny,�too,�because my�libidos�been�dead�for,
like,�almost�a�decade...
[tape�fast-forwarding]
Love�to�be�compared�or confused�by-�to-�as�Zendaya...
[tape�fast-forwarding]
I�want�a�lot�of,�like, death�and�frying�pans...
[tape�fast-forwarding]
I�was�like,�"Here�I am,�gynecogical�table,
let's�go..."
[tape�fast-forwarding]
Gee�willikers,�we�really learned�a�great�lesson�today!
[tape�fast-forwarding]
And�then�I�walked�into�a�museum in�none�other�than�a�small�town
in�Italy�and�there was�one�of�her�pieces.
Um...but...
Wait,�shit,�what was�the�question?
[beep].
I�went�so�far�off on�my�own�tangent.
[sips]
[Ziwe�VO]�Next�on � Ziwe � ...
How�would�you�empower someone�like�Harriet�Tubman?
She's�one�of�my daughter's�favorites.
Wait,�really?!
She's�really�been�in�love�with important�figures�like�Harriet
Tubman,�Martin�Luther...
Shout�out.
chimes
What's�the�difference�between Miss�America�and�Miss�Universe?
Get�a�passport�and�find�out.
jaunty�music
So�when�I�went�on�your show,�we�played�Drew's�News.
We've�got�a�spooky little�show�for�you�today!
This�is...quorn,�with�a�Q.
I�have�a�lower�back�tattoo,�I don't�wanna�be�called�a�"tramp!"
So,�I�figured�you'd�come�on my�show�and�we'd�play�Ziwe's
Drew's�News.
Make�a�jingle�up!
Ziwe,�Ziwe
The�only�way�I�want
Is�Ziwe
Drew's�News!
Ziwe,�Ziwe
-Shake�it,�shake�it! - � Drew's�News�and�Ziwe
Jiggle�Cam,�Jiggle Cam,�close�up,�close�up!
-Ziwe,�Ziwe -[Ziwe]�Jiggle�Cam,�Jiggle�Cam!
Guess�what way�we're�going
To�Drew's�News!
Okay,�so�you're�gonna�read�the news�on�these�respective�cards,
and�you're�going�to�also tell�us�how�they�make�you�feel.
-[Drew]�laughs] -Sad�or�happy.
[buzzer]
Yup.
-Okay,�read�the�news. -Okay.
"Founding�Father�Benjamin Franklin�wanted�the�national
bird�to�be�a�turkey, and�also,�he�had�slaves."
Happy�or�sad?
[buzzer]
"Sojourner�Truth was�#momgoals�in�1828.
She�sued�for�her�son's�freedom."
Ohh... Yes.
[woman�VO]�Yes,�it�is�bad!
Can�I�keep�this�card?
Yes,�I'll�sign�it�for�you.
I�would�like�to study�her�with�the�girls.
upbeat�lounge�music
"France�required�Haiti�to�pay them�150�million�francs�for
their�freedom�under threat�of�violence."
This�is�wrong.
No,�that's�a�fact,�Drew!
I-�I�know,�but�it's�wrong.
-Ethically. -[Drew]�Yes.�[sighs]
[buzzer]
Drew�Barrymore,�you're an�icon,�you're�a�legend,
you're�America's�Sweetheart-
It's�funny;�I�don't�see myself�any�of�those�ways.
Well,�you�are�those�ways,�and I�can�name�78�films�in�which
you're�exactly�that�person.
All�which�I'm appropriating�normal�people,
I'm�sorry.
Well,�you�can�apologize�again.
If�it's�any�consolation,�when�I know�I've�done�something�wrong,
I�will�beat�the shit�out�of�myself...
-[Ziwe]�Oh�my�gosh! -Until�I�get�it�right.
I�think�of�someone-�a�hero�of mine�who�famously�messed�up�and
named�one�Miss Universe�instead�of�another,
and�then�he�righted�that�wrong, and�then�he�became�the�Miss
Universe�guy,�and that's�Steve�Harvey.
And�today,�you remind�me�of�my�dear,
dear�icon�and hero,�Mr�Steve�Harvey.
[Drew]�That's right,�I�remember�that.
Who�is�your�hero�going�back?
[Ziwe]�Ida�B�Wells.
If�we're�talking�about American�journalism,
she�is�one�of�the�pathfinders.
That's�my�daughter's other�favorite�person!
Shut�up,�you�know who�Ida�B.�Wells�is?
[Drew]�Yes!
-heartwarming�music -[electronic�chimes]
[both]�[chanting]�Ida�B�Wells! Ida�B�Wells!
Ida�B�Wells!
And�that's�our�show.
Drew�Barrymore,�everyone!
[applause]
What�a�star!
[both�VO] [chanting]�Ida�B�Wells!
Ida�B�Wells!
Ida�B�Wells!
Ida�B�Wells!
[ding]
elegant�music
When�women�compete...
we�all�win.
jaunty�music
Media�training.
It's�the foundation�of�our�industry.
Is�there�anything�or�nothing in�that�list�you�would�like�to
clear�up?
[Ziwe�VO]�That's�why�I'll be�talking�to�Melody�Kimmel.
She's�a�professional�media trainer�who�works�with�public
figures�to�shape�positive interactions�with�the�press.
Hi,�Melody!
I'm�excited�to chat�with�you�today.
You�know,�I'm�a�public�figure, I'm�hoping�to�get�better�at
media,�so�this�is going�to�be�great.
Can�I�tell�you�a�traumatic�story from�my�childhood�and�you�tell
me�if�it's�good�for packaging�in�interviews?
-Oh,�that�doesn't�sound�good. -All�my�life�[bleep].
[bleep]
Okay.
Should�I-�should�we- should�I�keep�moving?
cheerful�muzak
So�there's�three�really important�steps�to�preparation.
First�of�all,�you�wanna know�what�you're�getting�into.
Think�about�the questions�you're�going�to�get...
Mm.
'Cause�then�you�can�think about�how�you�wanna�answer�them.
-Okay,�question. -[Melody]�Yes,�ma'am.
So�whenever�I�do press,�usually,
maybe�90�percent�of�the time,�the�reporter�says,
"I'm�terrified�of�you." What�do�I�do�about�that?
I�know�the�feeling. Go�on,�sorry.
Does�that�happen to�you�all�the�time?
No,�I�feel�terrified talking�with�you�too.
-You're�terrified�of�it?! -[Melody]�[laughs]
And�why�are�you�afraid�of�me?
Well,�um,�I'm�not�at�this moment�and�I'm�thinking�I�should
be�because�I'll let�my�guard�down.
But�this�isn't�about me,�this�is�about�you.
What�were�you�gonna�say?
[Ziwe]�No,�tell�me�more about�your�fear�of�me.
What�would�you�say is�scary�about�me?
Is�it�my�pink�top�or is�it�my�blonde�hair?
Neither,�I�think�they're all�absolutely�fabulous,
and�you�left�out your�pink�boots.�[laughs]
Good�at�turning�that�into�a compliment�when�I�was�expressing
my�deep-seated�trauma.
cheerful�muzak
So�you've�spent�some time�thinking�about�what�the
questions�might�be...
Mm.
Now,�you�wanna�think about�your�answers.
[Ziwe]�Mm.
But�it's�bigger�than�that; you�wanna�set�your�own�agenda.
Sometimes,�people�even have�a�call�for�action.
[Ziwe]�Mm.
I�do�a�call�for�action�at�my live�shows�for�people�to�rate�my
WikiFeet�because�my WikiFeet�is�really�low.
Uh-huh,�okay.
-Do�you�know�what�WikiFeet�is? -Yeah.
cheerful�muzak
So�when�you're doing�an�interview,
Ziwe,�use�almost�every�answer�as a�chance�to�express�one�or�more
of�your�themes.
Great,�so�ask�me�a�question.
Okay,�so�who�do�you�like to�find�when�you're�looking
for�guests?
What-�what's-�what are�you�looking�for?
Well,�when�I'm looking�for�guests,
I�align�myself�with�guests who�are�not�terrified�of�me...
-[Melody]�Mm-hm. -And�who�think�I�have�nice�feet.
-[ding] -[applause]
-Is�that�a�good�answer? -That's�lovely.
-Thank�you. -You�are...
an�accelerated�student.
Well,�tell�us�about�the Showtime�relationship.
Do�they-�do�they�give you�a�lot�of�guardrails?
Are�there�some�no-fly�zones in�terms�of�the�humor�you're
allowed�to�get�to?
This�is�what�I�would�say;�I would�say�"I�have�no�problems
with�my�Showtime�familia.
I�love�Paramount+�and�it's�a pleasure�to�be�on�this�network.
[ding]
-That's�lovely. -[Ziwe]�Thank�you.
I�hear�smiles�in�the�distance.
[ding] [ding]
[ding]
cheerful�muzak
So�when�you�get�a�question that�is�not�on�topic�for�you...
Yeah.
[Melody]�Ziwe, you're�gonna�love�this.
The�harder�the�question...
-Yeah. -The�longer�you�should�pause.
What�is�the�hardest�question you�had�on�your�question�sheet
for�me?
For�you? Oh...
I�guess�it�was...
A�lot�of�your�humor springs�from�really
mocking�racial�microaggression,
so�I'm�just�wondering:�are�a lot�of�these�incidents�coming
directly�from experiences�that�you've�had?
dramatic�music
Good�question.
Hm.
[ding]
cheerful�muzak
-Um... -[Ziwe]�[laughs]
Well,�this�one�got a�little�funny�but,�uh...
-"Be�yoursel!" -Yeah.
-[Ziwe]�"Be�yoursel!" -[Melody]�"Be�yoursel...f."
Thank�you,�Melody!
I'm�going�to�never forget�you�called�me�"scary."
I've�learned�so�much�about how�to�interact�with�humans,
so�this�is�going to�be�great�for�me.
Are�you�stressed�out�about�this?
Not�anymore,�should�I?
-Should�you? -Should�I?
-Should�you? -[Melody]�Should�I?
Should�you?
We'll�see. Carry�on.
elegant�music
She's�beauty�and�she's�grace.
She's�serving�body�and�face.
jaunty�music
A�long�tradition�of�being Miss�Universe�is�interacting
with�the�press.
I've�gotta�be�at�work�in,�like, 25�minutes�in�New�York,�so...
[Ziwe�VO]�I�knew�I�had my�work�cut�out�for�me.
I�had�a�photoshoot�with fashion�magazine � Coveteur � .
[woman]�Do�you�have�a getting-ready�ritual?
In�the�morning�to...
to�wear�clothes?
Luckily,�I�had�Melody's media�training�fresh�in�my�mind.
Please,�imitate�a Black�woman�again.
How�am�I�doing? [gasps]
You�know,�this�is�a day�in�the�life�of�me.
Yeah,�a�Feminist�American Sweetheart�Miss�Universe.
It's�not�easy.
But�someone's�gotta�do�it, and�if�someone's�gonna�do�it,
they�better�be�humble�and modest�and�kind�like�myself.
You�wanna�set�your�own�agenda before�you�do�any�interview.
Contrary�to�popular�disbelief, I�am�down-to-[beep]-Earth.
I'm�a�regular�girl,�you�know?
I�like�cheeseburgers,�I like�a�slice�of�pizza...
just�more�expensive ones�than�most�people.
cool�music
-Claire,�hi. -Hi�Claire,�nice�to�meet�you!
You�know�a�little�bit�about�the reporter�and�the�media�outlet.
Or�should�I�say�"Bonjour?"
[Claire]�Bonjour!
Tell�me�how�to�move�my�body?
[woman]�So�you know�what,�I�think,
for�photos,�what�would�be�good, since�we�don't�wanna�see�you,
like,�talking,�[laughing]�right?
As�you're�talking, every�now�and�then,�pause.
Stay�there�and�just�no�talking.
No�talking.
The�longer�you�talk,�the further�you're�straying�from
your�message.
This�makeup�is�to�make me�look�older�than�I�am,
obviously,�as�a�19-year-old.
Redundant�is�success.
Natural.
-[woman]�Natural. -Natural.
[woman]�No�talking.
curious�music
Can�I�tell�you:�everything I�learned�about�modeling,
I�learned�from America's�Next�Top�Model � .
[woman]�[laughs]
But�only�the problematic�episodes.
[camera�shutter�clicking]
An�18-year-old�was�crying, that�was�when�I�was�in�my�bag.
[pop]
[camera�clicks]
[Claire]�Uh,�I�have�been with � Coveteur � since�November.
[Ziwe]�Oh,�cool! Well,�congratulations.
-[Claire]�Thank�you! -We�love�women...in�STEM.
-[Claire]�Mm-hm. -[Ziwe]�[softly]�Yeah.
[Claire]�What�inspired�you to�wear�this�outfit�today?
-[pop] -The�harder�the�question...
The�longer�you�should�pause.
I�think�it�is�the combination�of�fun�and�business,
because�I�identify as�a�powerful�woman,
but�also,�I'm�not afraid�to,�like,
drink�apple juice�out�of�a�straw.
[Claire]�Love�that.
[pop]
You�are...an accelerated�student.
Basically,�my personal�style�is�Clueless,
it's�Dionne,�it's�Stacey Dash�before�we�got�really�upset
with�her.
curious�music
They�look�kinda�bored�or�like they'd�rather�be�somewhere�else,
but�you�have�to�be�you, even�when�they're�not�helping.
This�is�inspired by�Condoleezza�Rice.
Whenever�I'm thinking�about�looks,
I'm�channeling characters,�right?
So�there�is�this one-�this�look!
And�it�was�inspired by,�um,�Patrick�Starr.
So�it's�a�very�famous�meme in�which�Patrick�Starr-
-[Claire]�I'm-�I'm�familiar. -[Ziwe]�Yeah,�exactly!
So�I�was�like,�"Okay, like,�I�wanna�dress�like�a
slutty�starfish."
-[pop] -You�do�you.
Who�else�can�do�it�better?
[woman]�It's�so�weird;�we usually�have,�like,�music.
[laughs]
I�think�you�can�listen�to the�sound�of�me�humming.
La�la�la�la�la
-[pop] -I�love�gospel�music.
We�also�have music�prepared,�too.
We�found�some license-free�beats.
-[woman]�Oh,�we�did? -Hit�the�song!
[camera�clicking]
"The Star-Spangled�Banner"
[woman]�And�then�lean�back and�go�back�to�the�one�where�you
were�just,�like,�really�relaxed.
Yeah.
[camera�clicking]
No,�you're�good,�you're�good.
[Ziwe]�I�said�that�you guys�would�all�know�the�words!
[woman]�[laughs]
Nice!
Cool!
Awesome!
[Ziwe]�Thank�you�for letting�us�shoot�you�shoot�us.
Merci, � Coveteur � !
This�is�the�magic�of � Ziwe � .
Wow,�we�did�it!
Guys,�this�was�so�fun!
Thank�you!
[camera�clicking]
My�work�is�done�here.
[camera�click]
jaunty�music
"Butterflies�don't�poop."
I�remember�the�first�time�I�was going�away�with�a�guy�for�the
weekend,�and�I-�I�didn't-�I didn't�know�how�that�was�all
gonna�function.
I�was�so�intimidated.
You�didn't�take�a dump�in�front�of�him?
[tape�fast-forwarding]
I�found�a�bathroom downstairs�in�the�lobby.
Now,�years�laters,�can you�shit�in�front�of�a�date?
[tape�fast-forwarding]
Well,�not�in�front�of.
Or�on�top�of�- who�am�I�to�judge?
[laughs]
Two�Girls,�One�Cup?
-[tape�fast-forwarding] -[Drew]�Um...
How�do�you�know what�that�is,�Drew?!
And,�by�the�way, it�didn't�look�real.
As�a�child�star,�you were�like,�"I�could�see-"
"I�see�the�cables.
That�is...
frothy�mousse�and�not�poop."
So�what�you're�saying�is-
I�believe�that�Two Girls,�One�Cup�is�fake.
[tape�fast-forwarding]
More�like�Two�Girls, One,�like,�Parfait.
[tape�fast-forwarding]
Or�Budino.
Wow,�she's�a�truther.
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