All language subtitles for Young Rock s03e06 Dwanta Claus.eng

- ♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you--

♪

Hello and Merry Christmas.

I am Dwanta Claus, and during
this time of the year,

I like to rip the sleeves
off my jacket

and put on a hat with a bell,

and I like to reflect back
on family, friends,

and what makes
this holiday so very special.

I love Christmas

because it's all about
the three G's,

gathering, giving,
and getting loose on eggnog.

Now of course,
when you're a little kid,

it's most about one thing:
the toys.

I've been talking a lot about

all the money troubles we had
in Hawaii,

but Christmas 1983
was before all that,

when we were still riding high
and I was about to learn

a very valuable lesson
in gift-giving.

- What are these cartoon shoes
on your feet?

- Nice, right?

They're from the Jane Seymour
for Mervyn's collection.

I can't get over these.
I love them so much.

They're so soft.

Got them as a little Christmas
gift to myself.

- Speaking of
Christmas gifts...

as much
as I love the Radish Baby

that you got me last year...

[dramatic musical sting]
- [indistinct whispering]

[echoing baby cry]

- That doll is not right.

- We knew it wasn't exactly
what I asked for,

which is fine.

But this year I made it
very easy for you.

Here's a page
from the toy catalogue

where I figured Skeletor,
the action figure I want,

so you know what it looks like.

- Why does he have muscles
on his body

but not on his face?

- Also, I called the store to
make sure that it was in stock,

and they've put it aside
on a 48-hour hold.

Here's a map, just in case.

- [laughs] Okay.
Well, thank you, Dewey.

I will make sure to pass all
this info along to Santa.

- [laughs] Sure.

- [laughs]

- But it's on hold
under your name!

- You put a lot of thought
into what gift you want.

- Yeah, well, just between us,

I kind of hate
that Radish Baby.

Don't want another disaster
like that.

[dramatic musical sting]

Wait, where did he go?

[echoing baby cry]

- I hope you put
in the same amount of thought

into the gift you get
for your mom.

- What?
Adults give gifts to kids,

not the other way around.

- I see.
So you don't love your mother.

- That's not what I'm saying.

- Then why do you want
to make her feel unloved?

- I don't.

- Good,
then you will get her a gift.

I'm glad you see it my way,
son.

♪

- I'm telling you, we need
to be making our own baby oil.

That way we don't gotta
keep buying it.

- Oh, no way, brother.

I do not wanna know
how they get oil

out of them babies.

Just saying.
- Hey, Dad.

- Dewey,
what are you doing here?

- I need some advice.

I don't know what
to get my mom for Christmas.

- Join the club.
- Dewey.

You wish to give
the gifts this year, huh?

Not just receive them?

You are like
a little Père Noel.

I'm going to get you a robe.

- You should get her a hot tub,
a big one,

you know,
one that we can all fit in.

- I have a box
of costume jewelry

from my great aunt Deb
that I am looking to unload.

- No, she does not want
any more jewelry.

Last year I got us matching
diamond tennis bracelets.

She said
it was irresponsible...

- Pfft.
- Which is crazy.

These are an investment.

Oh, shoot.

- Then I guess
the hot tub wins.

- Oh, make sure it's a big one,

you know, one
that we could all fit in.

- I don't think
I can buy her a hot tub.

- Wish I could help you, Dewey,

but your mom is very hard
to shop for.

- There's gotta be something
she'd like.

I wish there was
a toy catalogue for adults.

It'd be so much easier
if I could just see a bunch

of gifts and choose one.

- Dewey,
you just described a mall.

- Oh, yeah, a mall.
[André chuckles]

[bright music]

But the mall was a bust.

I wasn't seeing anything
I liked for my mom.

However...

Oh, candy.

No. Gotta stay focused.

I'm here for Mom.

- Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

- [sighs]

- Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

[laughs] Well,
aren't you a little big

to sit on Santa's lap?

- Yeah, I'm not here for me.

I need to get a gift
for my mom.

- Well, uh,
what does your mom like?

- Me.

- Anything else?

["Hark!
The Herald Angels Sing"]

- ♪ Hark!
The Herald angels-- ♪

- I got nothing.

- Look, kid, my honest opinion,

it doesn't really matter
what the gift is.

What matters is how
it makes the person feel.

Well, I'm sure
your mom's gonna like anything

you give her, even if you just
slap googly eyes on a coconut.

[rattling]

- Nice.

Might have overdone it
with the glitter paint.

Gonna have to sun dry.

[laughs]

Ah! No!

[dramatic music]

[in slow motion]
No!

No, no, no, no, no.

[keys jingling]

No!

- I'm home.

- Hi, Mom.

- Were you doing crafts?
- No!

I was just...
organizing the craft supplies.

Someone put a glue stick inside
of the Magic Marker tray.

People are animals.

- What a great idea.

Hey, if you're in the mood
for organizing,

the linen closet is a disaster.

- Yeah, I'll get on that later.

I have an errand to run
for Grandma.

- What errand?

[suspenseful music]

- Her--her mango shipment
was late

so she asked me to go
to the store and get her some.

Okay, bye.

Smooth, right?

So now I had a Christmas
disaster to clean up.

[sighs]

Yes, they're not sold-out.

$15?

What are these made out of,
gold doubloons?

- Can I help you?

You look too young to be here,
but too old to be lost.

- Um, I need
to get these slippers,

but I can't afford them.

- Okay, well,
come back when you can.

[laughs] Merry Christmas.

- Wait.

What if I gave you...

four dollars and...

this wallet?

- No, sorry.

- Look, Brig-itty.

- Brigitte.

- Bresheet.
- No.

- I'm a businessman,
and you're a businesswoman.

And as businesspeople,
we can both agree

that $15 is way too much
for a pair of slippers.

- [laughs] You're too young
to know how embarrassing

this is for you,
but this is a Mervyn's.

We don't haggle.

[laughs]

- I was gonna need
a Christmas miracle.

.

- I failed to get my mom
new slippers,

and my frustrations
were at an all-time high.

Hey!

One of your colleagues gave me
some very bad advice earlier.

He said my mom would be happy
with anything,

so I made her a stupid coconut
with googly eyes,

and then I dropped it
on her Jane Seymour slippers.

But I can't replace them

because Mervyn's
doesn't haggle.

So now her entire Christmas
is ruined,

and she's literally
a Christmas angel.

- Maybe you should ask Santa
to bring you some slippers.

Ho, ho, ho. [laughs]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Enjoy your orange chicken.
- [chuckles]

- My time had run out.

It was Christmas morning
and I got my Skeletor,

which made me feel even worse
about the slippers.

- Back to socks like the rest
of us.

What happened
to your poodle shoes?

- Can't find them.

I'm hoping they're buried
somewhere in the linen closet.

- Last gift and it's for you.

- But you already gave me
my gift,

this, uh, lovely umbrella hat.

- So my baby will always have
some shade.

- Ah. [laughs]
- But this one's not from me.

It's from Dewey.

- It is?

- Oh, Dewey, you didn't have
to get me anything.

That's so sweet.

Aww.

- What is it?

- It's a little coconut
with googly eyes.

Look at his little hat.

Dewey, I love it so much.

- God damn, I could've
just been making coconuts.

- Okay, let's eat breakfast.

Mr. Coconut gets
a special place on the table.

- Good job, Dewey.

[soft mysterious music]

♪

- The slippers.

♪

Mom, I found your slippers.

So to this very day...
- Oh!

- I don't know if that was
Santa Claus or not,

but I do know that I am
a believer in Christmas magic

and the gift of giving.

Now that Christmas in Hawaii
was the first time

I ever experienced the joy
of giving a gift.

And from then on,

I was absolutely obsessed
with it.

The coconut with googly eyes
became a tradition

for me and my mom.

I still make her one
every year.

- Hey, can that one be
from both of us?

I have no idea what to get her.

- Sorry, Dad.
These coconuts are all mine.

- Dewey, I need you to come
to work with me today.

- Why?

- My client Suzanne is hosting
a big Christmas party tonight.

I need extra help with,
you know, cleaning,

getting everything set up
for her.

- Hey, at least you don't have
to go to the party.

Probably boring as hell.

Don't include me
in your conversation.

No, I don't ski.

- We're going to the party
as well, you too.

- I love how you just assume

that I have nothing
to do all day

and free to come to work
with you and go to a party.

- Do you have something
to do today?

- No.

[mellow holiday music]

Bathrooms are all cleaned
and stocked

with Christmas tree hand soaps.
- [chuckles]

- Which I'm pretty sure
permanently stained my hands.

- [gasps] Oh.
[door closes]

- How's everything going?

- We're all done.
- Oh, good.

Well, before you go,

I just wanted
to give you a little something.

- Damn, that's not
a little anything.

- Oh, you didn't have
to give us a gift.

- I just wanted to thank you
for all your hard work

this year.

Go ahead. Open it.

- Oh!
Oh, wow, an ice cream maker.

Oh, this is so nice.
Thank you so much.

- Yeah, thanks.

We got you something too, uh,
just left it at home.

We'll bring it to the party.
- Mm-hmm.

- Aw, you got me a present?

That is so sweet.

I love presents.

See you tonight?

- We didn't get her a present.

- We'll figure something out.

That started my next lesson
in gift-giving.

As a teenager, I thought
it was pretty simple.

You get a gift,
and you give a gift.

But it's not always
that cut and dry.

- He's unable to get up now.
A nice--

- Rocky, get up.

We need to go to the mall
and get Suzanne a gift.

- A gift?

But she's your boss.
You don't gift up.

Did I ever get a gift
for Vince?

- You never got a gift
for Vince?

- The man owns a T. rex skull.
The hell can I buy him?

- Dewey promised Suzanne
a gift,

so now we have
to get her a gift,

and it needs to be something
as nice

as this beautiful
ice cream maker.

♪

Come on.
The party's in a couple hours.

♪

- [growls]

.

- Okay, we need a nice gift
that costs almost nothing.

- Our prayers
have been answered.

- You wanna enter
a radio contest for an ATV?

- It's free, ain't it?

- I say we just go
to Le Chic Boutique

and buy the least expensive
thing we can find.

We can get the store to wrap it
so it looks fancy.

- Sounds like a plan.
- Come on, Rocky.

- And go!
[air horn blasts]

- Rocky.

- Oh, trust me.
I can win this thing.

- [sighs]
We'll see you at home.

- Fans of wrestling, anyone?

- Eh, mm.

♪

- Ooh, so graceful.

$300?

What, does it grant wishes?

- This is the cheapest thing
I could find.

- [sighs]

"You wash... I'll die."

- Instead of "I'll dry."

[laughs]
- This is no use.

Everything in here
is too expensive.

- You know, I could...

- What?

- [whispering]
I could get us something

without paying for it.

- How?
Do you have a coupon?

- No. I mean...

- Stealing?

At Christmastime?

- Certainly not anymore.

Should probably pay for this.
They're definitely gonna think

we stole something.

- [sighs]

Well, at least it's cheap.

[gasps]

- What?
- I know what her gift can be.

We can make ice cream
for Suzanne.

There's no better feeling
than knowing

that someone really appreciates
the gift you give them, right?

- That's what
that gasp was for?

I thought you saw a rat.
- [groans]

There's so many parts
to assemble.

First it says
we need the driver ring?

[pieces clattering]

- Wait, this is open?
- Yeah.

And what's this on the manual?

Is this red wine?

Suzanne must have used this.

- This is a regift?

She didn't put any thought
into this.

But all she did was wrap up
something she didn't want.

That's not even a gift.
That's decorated trash.

[mysterious holiday music]

- And that's exactly
what we're gonna give her.

- Two contestants left.

Who's gonna win?
- Aw, you gotta tinkle winkle?

There's a bathroom
right over there.

[laughs]

- Whoa!
- Ah.

- Rocky Johnson!

Can I get your autograph?
- Hell yeah.

- We have a winner!

[air horn blows]
[applause]

- Aw, man!

[sighs]
Price of fame.

Come on.

[doorbell rings]

- Hi!
- You made it.

- We did.
[laughs]

Merry Christmas.
- [laughing] Oh.

You didn't have
to get me anything.

Oh.

Oh.

Uh...I don't wash dishes.

- Well, maybe you could spill
some red wine on it

and give it to someone else.

[laughs]

- Oh.

Thank you.
Come in, come in.

Is your husband coming?
- Oh, he had to work late.

- Oh.

- I never forgot
that negative experience

with my mom's rich boss.

So when I got to the point
in my life

where I had a little more
than 7 bucks in my pocket,

I wanted to share it and try
to give people the best gifts

they ever got.

Like I remember
this one Christmas

at Mick Foley's house.

Now there's one thing
you should know about Mick.

He loves Christmas.

- God, I love Christmas.

- Every year he would host
a Christmas party for the guys

and we would all do
our Secret Santa.

- All right,
time for Secret Santa.

Dwayne,
since this is your first time

at my Christmas soirée,
you get to open first.

Welcome, brother.
- Thanks, Mick.

- Oh, it's not from me.
It's from your Secret Santa.

- Oh, okay.

[inhales deeply]

Oh, wow.
Nice.

My dad used
to have one just like it.

Who was this from?
- Me.

I almost got it engraved
to say "Never shuts up"...

But it's Christmas.
[laughter]

- Thank you.

- This one's for...

[gasps] Me.
[laughs]

- When I drew Mick's name
for Secret Santa,

I knew I had to go all-out,

so I got him
an incredible gift.

- Wow. This is...
[Dwayne chuckles]

What am I looking at here?

- Well, the coconut
is a family tradition.

I make one
for my mom every year.

It used to be
he was the only gift,

but now he brings other gifts
with him.

And he's brought you

an all-inclusive
first-class trip

to the Bahamas.

You and your family
leave tomorrow

for the weekend.
[people murmuring]

Merry Christmas! [laughs]

Or at least I thought
it was an incredible gift.

Turns out I had another lesson
to learn.

- Wow, that's very generous.
Thank you.

All right, who's next?

- Not quite the reaction
I was expecting.

.

- Hey, do you guys think
it was weird,

Mick's reaction to my gift?

It seemed like
he didn't like it.

- I mean, he said thank you.

What more could you ask for,
right?

[people chattering]

- Ho, ho, ho, ho!
- Hey, Santa.

- Hey.
Excited for your trip?

This time tomorrow,
you'll be sitting by the pool.

Actually, this time tomorrow
you'll be on your layover

in Charlotte,
but it's a nice airport.

- Yeah, um, listen, man.

I'm sorry, but I can't go.

It's just I've a thing tomorrow
I can't miss.

But I love the coconut.
- Oh, my bad.

I, uh--I thought since we had
the next few days off work

you'd be okay
to travel on the weekend.

- Wish I could, but hey,
why don't you go?

Have some fun in the sun?
- [laughs]

I felt like I had
ruined Christmas for Mick.

A bad gift is worse
than no gift at all,

so I was determined
to get him something better.

Hey, it turns out
Mick can't make the trip.

So how 'bout you trade me
your Secret Santa gift,

I'll give it to Mick,
and you can go to the Bahamas.

- Ah, I don't know, man.

You know,
I'm just not a huge fan

of flying over water.

- ♪ Tra-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la

- Hey, Undertaker,

wanna trade me that--
- No.

- Hey, big head.

- Triple H.
- I'll trade you.

I'm not a robe guy.

Thanks to my father who could
never find the belt for his.

- Okay.

[upbeat music]

Hey, Mick.

Merry Christmas.

- Is this for me?
You already got me a gift.

- Yeah, but I traded it.

I'm sorry, man.

I know how much
you love Christmas,

and I ruined your Secret Santa.

I just wanted
to get you something great.

- Hey, come with me.
I wanna show you something.

- Okay.

- You know how in matches
I fall onto thumbtacks?

- Of course.

You're the most hardcore
out of all of us.

- Well, this is every tack

I've ever pulled out
of my back after a match,

fused together to form
a life-sized Tori Amos.

- Wow, I got a lot of questions
about this.

- I had it made as a reminder
of how far I'm willing to go

to give a good show.

And as a reminder
of how much I love Tori Amos.

- Has Tori seen this?

And if so, is she flattered

or is this a restraining order
situation?

- I love that feeling, man,

knowing that you gave it
absolutely everything you had

and hearing
how the crowd loves it.

Giving is what
makes me the happiest.

I don't even like
receiving gifts.

- Oh, I get that.
I mean, I'm only wearing this

because I don't wanna hurt
Stone Cold's feelings.

- Yeah, giving gifts to adults

who can buy whatever they want,
it's no fun.

You're just swapping stuff.

That's why I drop toys off at
this youth center every year.

That's a real Christmas gift,

donating your time
and resources

to help people less fortunate.

I love putting on a show
for those kids,

seeing their faces light up.

- And I thought André the Giant
was Christmas personified.

- Oh, ho, ho.

- You give him a run
for his money.

- [laughing] Wow.

- But you know what?
That toy drive sounds awesome.

I'd love to come with.

- I'd love your help with it,
but you can't come.

Heels can't do charity events
for kids.

- [sighs]
- Good guys only.

- Right.

But do you know what would make
for a good show?

- Huh?

You kids must've been real good
this year

'cause the big guy sent lots
of presents!

[cheers and applause]
Yay!

- There was one heel
that could be at the event.

- Well, well, well.

[kids whispering]

What do we have here?

The ultimate heel.

- Oh, no! It's the Grinch!

[all booing]

- You better get out of here,
Grinch,

before Stone Cold
sticks his mistletoe

right up your chimney.

- I'm stealing all the toys
I can find

and giving the People's Elbow
to every Santa I see.

[kids screaming]

- The only thing
you're getting, Grinch,

is a whuppin'!

- Yeah?
[both grunting]

[kids cheering]

[Stevie Wonder's
"What Christmas Means to Me"]

- ♪ Lots of mistletoe

- [groans]

- ♪ Lots of snow and ice
- Ooh!

Ah!

- ♪ Everywhere we go

- Merry Christmas, Mick.

- Back at you, buddy.

[kids cheering]

- And so it turns out
the best gift advice

I ever got was
from that mall Santa

all those years ago in Hawaii.

It's not about
what the gift is.

It's about
how it makes the person feel.

Whether they're a fancy gift,

or a homemade gift,

or even just a simple gesture,

gifts are my love language.

[soft Christmas music]

This one's a pepper mill

for my good friend,
Stanley Tucci.

Merry Christmas, Tooch.

[exhales] Well, I really
enjoyed spending this time

with you all.

And don't forget
on Christmas Eve

to leave out some tequila,
some sandwiches,

and some cookies
for old Dwanta Claus here.

But hold the sandwiches,
and hold the cookies.

That's right.

Dwanta's gettin' loaded.

[laughs] Good night, everyone.

Merry Christmas,
Mele Kalikimaka,

and happy holidays to you
and your families.

[blows kiss]

♪

And for all
the little kids out there

that might wanna
get their parents

the perfect gift,
don't worry.

They'll love it
no matter what.

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