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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,136
Okay, Rock Paper Scissors.
2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,538
Loser has to ask the guy
in gym shorts at table 12
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,508
to stop Sharon Stoneing us his balls.
4
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:17,449
By virtue of having this conversation,
5
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,385
aren't we both losers?
6
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:22,321
Look who's back from Hollywood.
7
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:25,224
If it isn't ScarJo and J-Lo.
8
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:28,093
Said the guy from down low.
9
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,928
Can I get an autograph?
10
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:33,932
Oops, my bad... still just waitresses.
11
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:39,304
Han, don't be upset just because
I'm about to make $250,000
12
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:40,939
and have a movie made about me.
13
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,409
Han already had a
movie made about him...
14
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,677
"Paul Blart: Small Cop."
15
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:51,417
What's your movie called?
"Straight Outta A Job"?
16
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,154
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ?
17
00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,459
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ?
18
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,930
Yeah, about that? You can't fire us now.
19
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,465
The money hasn't come in just yet.
20
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,334
After that, by all means, please fire us
21
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,936
and fire us hard.
22
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:14,773
Yeah, how does firing us
on the 27th work for you?
23
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,642
Don't think I won't do it.
24
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:20,179
I've been wanting another
Asian in the mix for some time.
25
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:23,115
Oh, and, Han,
we're gonna need the day off tomorrow.
26
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,551
You just took ten days off!
27
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,486
No more vacation days.
28
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,822
Freddie Prinze Jr.
works more than you two.
29
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:33,525
Max and I are going to
prison to visit my dad.
30
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,394
As part of his therapy,
he's written a musical,
31
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,563
and he's performing it
with the other inmates.
32
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,832
A musical in prison?
33
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,367
I'd be shaking my damn head right now
34
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:45,137
if my neck still worked.
35
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:49,041
And, again, you can fire us on the 27th.
36
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,476
We're in flux now.
37
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:54,012
And as always,
I'm the one who gets fluxed.
38
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,950
Aw, I missed Han.
39
00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:01,353
I've never heard you say that
without a crossbow in your hand.
40
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,555
I can't wait till we get that money.
41
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:04,857
Think of all the stuff we could buy.
42
00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:07,526
American toothpaste.
43
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:11,864
Some toilet paper so we can
stop using our bath mat.
44
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,665
And since we're unfreezing
our credit card,
45
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,234
maybe I'll get a new dress too.
46
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,003
The invite to this musical said
"cocktail attire."
47
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:21,173
A prison musical with cocktail attire?
48
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,608
Ah, screw it.
49
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:28,213
I'm gonna feel this tomorrow,
but mm, mm!
50
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,215
Mm!
51
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,050
Hey, everybody!
52
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,021
Today's the day Oleg and me find out
53
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:39,858
what kind of sex our baby's gonna have.
54
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,661
I beg you to rephrase that.
55
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,730
Baby, I don't want to know
56
00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,498
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl.
57
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,966
I'd rather be surprised.
58
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:51,203
You know,
like when you get a hooker in Tijuana.
59
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,672
Boy, do I.
60
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,474
Or girl, do I.
61
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:59,211
Oh! We don't know, and that's the fun.
62
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,846
We're gonna have a baker
63
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,649
do one of those gender
reveal cakes for us.
64
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,817
Can you guys recommend a baker?
65
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,188
Uh, excuse me?
66
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,490
Yeah, excuse me?
67
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,026
What the hell is a gender reveal cake?
68
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:17,696
Like, you bake it and then
you pull its pants down?
69
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,298
Jeez, would it kill you
70
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,834
to pick up a "Rachael Ray Every Day"
once in a while?
71
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:26,505
We give the bakers a sealed
envelope with the sex.
72
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,040
Yeah, and then the bakers...
73
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,176
you know, if we can find good ones...
74
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:34,213
will make the icing on the inside pink
75
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:35,681
if it's a Svetlana...
76
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:38,684
And blue if it's a Svetlenny.
77
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:41,220
Well, it beats the way they did it
78
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,554
in my town in Poland.
79
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,523
You were either a boy
80
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:48,026
or you had to know how to
climb back up out of a well.
81
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,962
Yeah.
82
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:53,298
Um, you know we're bakers, right?
83
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,766
Hell, yeah.
84
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,268
I'm baked right now.
85
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,279
Well, I'm dressed for my
father's prison musical.
86
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,717
Say that three times without crying.
87
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,252
You look good.
88
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,354
If those inmates weren't
hardened criminals before,
89
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,889
they will be once they see you in that.
90
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,359
What's with all the
miniature liquor bottles
91
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,760
you stole from the plane?
92
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,197
Do I have to host a tiny intervention?
93
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,232
I did not steal these from the plane.
94
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,967
I stole them from our hotel room,
95
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,969
the maid cart,
and a few other people's hotel rooms
96
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,337
when I posed as a maid.
97
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,073
This is part of my presentation
98
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:38,076
for my idea on how to
spend the $250,000.
99
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,612
Five years ago,
we were sitting on Chestnut
100
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,880
with our iced coffees.
101
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,650
I remember it like it
was five years ago.
102
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,786
And we said that $250,000
103
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,655
the exact amount of money we're getting,
104
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,291
was what we needed to get
our cupcake business going.
105
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,693
Chestnut was so excited,
he made a little poo.
106
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,496
Not so little.
107
00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:01,400
I remember it knocking
that cat unconscious.
108
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,701
Five years later,
109
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,803
cupcakes alone aren't cutting it.
110
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,405
Ouch. But true.
111
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:09,341
Sure, they're sweet,
delicious, and chic,
112
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:13,211
but what if we add... alcohol?
113
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:17,316
Which is sweet,
delicious, and expensive?
114
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,852
We keep the cupcake window,
115
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,855
but we make it into a bar too.
116
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:26,958
It's two great things put together!
117
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,460
Like you and me?
118
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,462
I was gonna say fat people and tripping,
119
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,230
but yes!
120
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,399
We keep the cupcake dream;
121
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:37,469
we just add overpriced alcohol to it.
122
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,537
I love it!
123
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,073
We can call it Cupcakes & Cocktails.
124
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,442
Or, if we want to be less douchey,
125
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:46,011
we call it Dessert Bar.
126
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,580
That is a genius idea.
127
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,582
Usually when you're drunk,
your best idea is,
128
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,518
"Let's call Home Depot and
ask if they have caulk."
129
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,755
So we're doing it?
130
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,123
We're opening up a dessert bar?
131
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,592
Oh, we're opening up a dessert bar.
132
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:01,927
Celebratory dance?
133
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,765
Am I here yet?
134
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,969
I know I'm either at Max and Caroline's
135
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,138
or a petting zoo.
136
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,775
To be clear,
that horse smell is the couch.
137
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,311
Oh, I just came back from the doctor,
138
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:22,481
and I have the sex of the baby,
but I don't want to see it.
139
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:26,084
So please take it from me
quick so I don't sneak a peek.
140
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,488
Caroline,
141
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,822
you hold on to this
142
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,090
until it's time to bake the cake.
143
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,525
Why are you giving it to her?
144
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,327
I mean,
you really think she can keep a secret
145
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:38,997
with that big Jim Carrey
mouth flapping all the time?
146
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,701
Well, you don't want me to have it.
147
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,002
If I know, I'll spoil it.
148
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,404
I have no poker face.
149
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,472
Neither did my mom,
which is how I became
150
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:51,009
the legal property of
the Borgata Casino.
151
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,178
Caroline, I'm warning you.
152
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,313
Don't let it slip.
153
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:59,251
Even if I beg you, don't tell me.
154
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,485
Okay.
155
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,988
Even if I come downstairs
in the middle of the night
156
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,524
and put a gun to your head,
157
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,926
don't tell me.
158
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,995
Okay, well, if there's a gun involved,
159
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,062
I'm gonna tell you.
160
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,564
See, Max?
161
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,232
That's why I didn't
want to give it to her.
162
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:26,244
Your dad wrote and
directed this thing too?
163
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,114
Dang, he's like the Ben Affleck of jail.
164
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,082
Yikes, it says here
165
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,951
that the guy who was playing
"sadistic guard"
166
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,453
is out for tonight's performance
167
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:37,189
because someone took his eye
out with a plastic spork.
168
00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:39,758
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
169
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,861
We're seeing an understudy?
170
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,597
Oh, look! My dad's opening the show.
171
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:52,804
? Steel bars ?
172
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,208
? Steel bars on my heart ?
173
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:58,810
? Steels bars on my soul ?
174
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,278
? And there's no parole ?
175
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,715
? And it tears me apart ?
176
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:08,119
all: ? Steel bars ?
177
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,790
? Steel bars on our balls ?
178
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,025
? Steel bars on this jail ?
179
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,027
? And there ain't no bail ?
180
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:20,165
? And nobody calls ?
181
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,134
I call him twice a week.
182
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,837
all: ? Steel bars on our balls ?
183
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,974
? Steel bars on our balls ?
184
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,843
? Steel bars on our balls ?
185
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,111
? Steel bars ?
186
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,915
? On our baaaaaalls ?
187
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,952
Oh, hell, yes!
188
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:45,624
all: ? 25 to life ?
189
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:49,294
? Lots of pain and
plenty of strife ?
190
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:53,698
? Loneliness, it cuts like a knife ?
191
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:58,970
? 25 to liiiiiife ?
192
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,810
Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow.
193
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,547
Well,
we won't keep you prisoner much longer.
194
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,917
So we're just gonna take
a brief intermission,
195
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,586
and we'll be back with the second half.
196
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:18,657
Second half? That was three hours!
197
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,260
That was incredible, Dad!
198
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,362
Especially the escape attempt scene.
199
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:27,098
Some of that violence
looked incredibly realistic.
200
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,068
That was because it was real,
not part of the show.
201
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,070
They beat that guy severely.
202
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,706
? Steel bars ?
203
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,775
? Da-dum, something, something ?
204
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,144
Martin, I'm gonna add two more crimes
205
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,412
to your prison sentence:
206
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:44,082
stealing my heart and stealing the show.
207
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,116
Can you sign my playbill?
208
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,551
Caroline, get my playbill.
209
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,820
Oh, here.
Hold Sophie's gender reveal envelope.
210
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,722
Oh, and this envelope I use as a wallet.
211
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,792
And this other envelope
I use as a makeup bag.
212
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,360
Oh, here it is.
213
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,262
Great. I'm gonna use my crayon.
214
00:09:57,264 --> 00:10:00,165
We can't have pens.
215
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,633
Oh, here. Sign mine too.
216
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,435
I'll put it next to that
framed picture I have
217
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:06,204
of you and Donald Trump
when he was a liberal.
218
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,406
Well, enough about me.
219
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:09,874
Who's playing me in your movie, hon?
220
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:13,111
Not Brad Pitt. It's too on the nose.
221
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,746
Well, they haven't cast it yet,
222
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:18,583
but they are giving me
$250,000 for my story.
223
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,353
Honey, this is your ticket.
224
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:22,854
Now you can start your own business.
225
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,290
I have my own business with Max.
226
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,259
The cupcakes?
227
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,062
I'll admit business has been slow.
228
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,364
But we're gonna use the money
229
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,832
to take our business to the next level.
230
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:38,236
Max had the genius idea of
making it a dessert bar.
231
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,671
We still sell our cupcakes,
232
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,073
but we also serve high-end cocktails.
233
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,642
You can just say the word "muddle"
234
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,744
and charge $20.
235
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,980
That is a fantastic idea, ladies.
236
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,348
Wow, it's so great.
237
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,449
Honey, do me a favor.
238
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,984
Could you get me some water?
239
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,886
I want to stay hydrated
for tomorrow's matinee.
240
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,722
There's talk of Robert Durst
transferring in just to see it,
241
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,791
and I don't want to jinx it, you know.
242
00:11:02,396 --> 00:11:04,262
Oh.
243
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,698
Wanted to ditch the square, huh?
244
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,533
I get it.
245
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,235
Is this finally happening?
246
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:13,438
Celebration make-out sesh?
247
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,676
Uh, yeah,
we got to keep our hands in plain view.
248
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,278
This whole cupcake business
is not for Caroline.
249
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,113
Well, she's not the baker; I am.
250
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,515
She's the idea person.
251
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,817
Yeah, but you had the dessert bar idea,
right?
252
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,420
And you just said it
was a terrific idea.
253
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:31,089
Well, as you saw...
254
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,924
I'm a really good actor.
255
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,027
Can I itch my nose?
256
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,131
Look, my baby was brought
up around Wall Street.
257
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,766
She's Wharton bred.
258
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:45,603
She could never be happy doing
this whole baking business,
259
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,405
and this is her big chance to get out.
260
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,107
But wouldn't she have told me?
261
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:52,343
She tells me every single
feeling she's having.
262
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,113
And some of it, I even listen to.
263
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,015
What if I just ask her?
264
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,249
She'll only deny it.
265
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,484
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
266
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,985
That's why I'm doing it.
267
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,388
But she said she was happy
about the dessert bar.
268
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,923
We danced about it.
269
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,725
Max, listen to me.
270
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,160
I'm her father, and I know her.
271
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,929
And this is her big chance.
272
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,931
You just got to let her go.
273
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,399
I do?
274
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,201
Yeah, and you got to be firm about it,
275
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,602
or she's not going to get the message.
276
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,137
Like in "Poltergeist,"
277
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,673
where they have to be
really stern with Carol Anne
278
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:24,576
or else she'll stay with the ghosts?
279
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,345
And I'm the ghosts?
280
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,817
Ooch!
281
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,620
Max, what is going on with you?
282
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:36,855
Are you all right?
283
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,323
I'm fine.
284
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,225
I'm just making Sophie's gender cake.
285
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:43,128
If you don't want to be here,
go back to Wall Street.
286
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,629
What?
287
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,431
What is going on with you?
288
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,833
You've been pouty ever
since we left the prison.
289
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,401
I'm not gonna take you there anymore
290
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,037
if you're sad to leave.
291
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,172
You know what?
292
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,775
While I'm doing all the work,
293
00:12:56,777 --> 00:13:00,111
why don't you go get
me the gender envelope?
294
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,648
Okay, Moody Giuliani.
295
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,455
Do not tell me you lost the envelope
296
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,524
with the gender of
Sophie's baby in there.
297
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,292
I didn't lose it.
298
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,593
I just don't have it,
299
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:18,496
and I don't know where it is.
300
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,665
Oh, we probably left it at the prison
301
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,400
when you made me get out the playbill.
302
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,636
Oh, so this is my fault.
303
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:27,405
The one thing you had to do,
you didn't do.
304
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,440
Like a waitress at a vegan restaurant,
305
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:32,811
you're bringing almost
nothing to the table.
306
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:37,015
The $250,000 I'm bringing to the table,
307
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,149
that's nothing?
308
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,318
Oh, so that's your money.
309
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,753
There it is.
310
00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:43,388
So why don't you take your money
311
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,856
and go back to Wall Street?
312
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,157
I'll be fine.
313
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,526
Who came up with combining
desserts and alcohol?
314
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,329
I mean, obviously,
you've been holding me back.
315
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,232
I've been holding you back?
316
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:57,902
You forgot to wear pants
to a business meeting.
317
00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,671
How dare you?
318
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,272
I did wear pants.
319
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,274
I just left them in the bathroom.
320
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,779
Okay, well...
321
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:12,917
Well, this is a historic event.
322
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,286
We've sold cupcakes for five years,
323
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,956
and this is the first time
you've touched batter.
324
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,725
It's a historic event
325
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,728
because you finally had a business idea
326
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,197
that didn't have the word "fart" in it.
327
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,269
If my hair gets involved, we are done.
328
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,704
Good.
329
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,505
Girls, I'm going to...
330
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:42,614
What have you done?
331
00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:46,484
I have an egg allergy!
332
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:55,693
? 25 to li... ?
333
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,329
Hey, what a nice surprise.
334
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,098
You know what else is a surprise?
335
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,034
That the makeup lights in
a prison are so flattering.
336
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,840
I don't remember him being in the show.
337
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,174
Yeah, he's not.
338
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:13,144
He's just a felon who
likes false eyelashes.
339
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:14,379
So what are you doing here?
340
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,347
I think I left an
important envelope here.
341
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,548
I tried calling, but they said
342
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,250
your phone privileges were taken away.
343
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,485
Yeah, well, I had a fight
344
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,920
with the prison theater critic.
345
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,688
That's the headline you go with, Eddie?
346
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,124
"Shanks for Nothing"?
347
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,725
He sure is a big man on his blog,
348
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,928
but he can't look me in the eye.
349
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:34,766
Well, I would have gone with
"It's A Prison Riot."
350
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,834
I think I left an envelope here,
351
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,470
and I think it ruined
me and Max's friendship
352
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,072
and our partnership.
353
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,007
All right, well, here you go.
354
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,142
Here's your envelope,
355
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,644
and here's your makeup bag.
356
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,013
Hey, um...
357
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:51,349
I'm real sorry to hear
about you and Max.
358
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,650
Yeah.
359
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,619
Unless maybe it's a good thing
360
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,987
and it's happening for the best
361
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,488
and you get to go back to Wall Street
362
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,023
and reclaim your life.
363
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,391
Wall Street?
364
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,627
Why does every single
person keep telling me
365
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,262
to go back to Wall Street?
366
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,264
Max, you...
367
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:09,100
all right, it's just Max and you.
368
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,069
Here. Let me do that.
369
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,603
Okay.
370
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,038
Listen, honey.
371
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,374
You only have to work on Wall Street,
okay?
372
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,976
You can live on the Upper East Side
373
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,510
and eventually move to Westchester
374
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,579
if you want a tennis court.
375
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,015
Daddy, did you and Max talk about this?
376
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:27,518
Kitten, I know you better than anybody,
377
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,287
and I know that you do not belong
378
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,456
in a cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
379
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,024
You could still be friends with Max.
380
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,259
She like tennis?
381
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,261
How do you know where I belong?
382
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:38,930
Go like this.
383
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:46,170
I'm not the same spoiled
little rich girl that I was.
384
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,306
Well, now you can be.
385
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,474
These last five years
386
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,042
have made me a different person.
387
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,410
For example, when I walk
388
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,379
into a combination Taco Bell-Dunkin'
Donuts,
389
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,546
you know what they say?
390
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,315
"Hi, Caroline."
391
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,117
Son of a bitch.
392
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,486
See, Daddy, I'm Taco Bell,
393
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,021
and Max is Dunkin' Donuts.
394
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,656
On the surface,
it seems like we shouldn't be together,
395
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,493
but we make an amazing team.
396
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,428
And we have a dream together.
397
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:13,965
It's not just hers; it's mine too.
398
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:17,869
Well, that's the hardest thing
I've had to take in all day.
399
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,972
And for lunch,
they served us something called "brown."
400
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,808
See, Daddy, this is where I belong.
401
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:27,311
Well, not here,
even though I will miss the lighting,
402
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,013
but with Max.
403
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:31,182
Well...
404
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,518
I guess I can support that.
405
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,053
Look, I'm sorry. Sorry.
406
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,187
You know, I worry, okay?
407
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,388
That's what parents do,
408
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,790
and there's lots of time to worry
409
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:40,124
when you're in prison,
410
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:43,227
which is why I focused all my energies
411
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:48,166
on creating groundbreaking
musical theater.
412
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:54,138
Are you sure you didn't tell your dad
413
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,741
that I told you that he
told me to tell you that?
414
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,577
'Cause snitches get stitches.
415
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,579
My dad wouldn't hurt a fly.
416
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,715
He'd just steal $1 billion from it.
417
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,684
Not bad for my first cake, right?
418
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,252
Well, if you don't count all the ones
419
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,887
I threw in the garbage.
420
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,557
I did count them. There were seven.
421
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,026
Two of them were fizzing.
422
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,161
But thanks for trying.
423
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,731
Max, Caroline, come on!
424
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,800
How long is this gonna take?
425
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:26,637
I didn't wait this long
for the polio vaccine.
426
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,940
There's a polio vaccine?
427
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:31,576
Well,
you might have to wait a little longer
428
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,111
to find out the sex of the baby,
429
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,947
because Max and I have a new
business announcement too.
430
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,149
Is it about me firing you?
431
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,984
Because I already
reserved a karaoke machine
432
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,719
for your Good Riddance party.
433
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,789
I'm not saying cancel it,
but you can't fire us
434
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,725
till we have our new
business idea up and running.
435
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,494
And I'm talking dibs
on the "Thong Song."
436
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,629
All right, so here's our big news.
437
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,331
We should have gone to Rosebud's Bakery
438
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,765
for the cake.
439
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,334
You know,
'cause when you order one there,
440
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:58,870
they don't say, "Hey,
guess what happened to me!"
441
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,939
Pretty tacky, Caroline.
442
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,674
Says the guy in a tank top
443
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,078
from the Steven Seagal
for Target collection.
444
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,813
Now the wind's out of my sails.
445
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,549
No, it's not!
We're opening a dessert bar!
446
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,217
All right, give me the knife.
447
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:14,619
To cut the cake?
448
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,587
No.
449
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,590
Well, then I'm not gonna give it to you.
450
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,126
Like I said at this
diner a million times,
451
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,761
give it to me, Caroline.
452
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,732
Okay, baby, you do the honors.
453
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:30,434
Why do we need to know
the gender anyway?
454
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,970
They all switch 'em now.
455
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,542
All right, one, two, three.
456
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,710
Boy or girl?
457
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,380
It's white. What does that mean?
458
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:45,082
Well, it means it has a chance
459
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:48,686
of getting nominated for Academy Awards.
460
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,190
Oh, no!
461
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,025
I was so busy putting
out that oven mitt fire,
462
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,760
I forgot to put the color in it.
463
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,195
But I could just tell everybody.
464
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,530
No, 'cause if I hear it from you,
465
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,533
I'll already be mad at the baby.
466
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,768
You know what, Sophie?
467
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,236
Maybe it's a sign
468
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,738
that we shouldn't know
what the baby's gonna be.
469
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,207
You're right.
470
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,875
Keep the cake, girls.
471
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,076
We're not gonna pay.
472
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:18,115
Well, do you guys want to try it?
473
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,083
No, thanks.
474
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,952
I've got a lady coming over.
475
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:24,188
We're gonna try to figure
out how Netflix works
476
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,323
and chill.
477
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,061
I also have a lady coming over.
478
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,531
Yes,
it's a lesbian masseuse for my ferret,
479
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,333
but it counts.
480
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:37,802
I guess you're the only one
481
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,804
who's gonna taste my first cake.
482
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:43,641
I also have a lady coming over,
question mark.
483
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,943
Come on. One bite.
484
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,614
Wow.
485
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,949
Could you dial 911, please?
486
00:20:51,999 --> 00:20:56,549
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