Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:03,459
Here's your check, Mr. ZZ
and Mr. Top.
2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,299
Would you like a to-go box
3
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:08,506
or are you just gonna put it
in your beard
4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:09,974
with the rest of your sandwich?
5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,102
We're in a beard-growing
contest.
6
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,933
They happen all over the
country. It's a pretty big deal.
7
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:17,774
What's first prize?
Blindfold for your girlfriends?
8
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,768
I'm kidding, I know
you don't have girlfriends.
9
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,146
Actually, this level of hair-art
takes months
10
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,525
of hard work and commitment.
11
00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:29,816
Ah, well, quack, quack,
Duck Dynasty.
12
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,834
My left armpit
could beat you both.
13
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,326
Let me tell you something
on behalf of women everywhere.
14
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:40,211
We-don't-like-beards.
15
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:41,665
Caroline? Beards?
16
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,499
I never liked being one.
17
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,627
Ladies, if his name is Trace,
get the hell out of there.
18
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:52,428
See? So, shave, losers.
19
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,467
If you're chinless
or chin-plentiful,
20
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,519
it's better than
what you've got going on.
21
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,020
There's your tip,
be generous with mine.
22
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,305
You actually insult people
23
00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:05,111
and then expect them
to give you money?
24
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,359
That's how it works
with you and me.
25
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,856
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
26
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,699
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
27
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,751
Thanks. Bye.
28
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:24,335
Everyone's loving
our new cupcake T-shirts.
29
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,248
I've sold four in the last hour.
30
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,469
Three more and we can afford
that towel we've had our eye on.
31
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,054
These T-shirts keep selling.
That means more money.
32
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,599
Mo' money means mo' success.
33
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:39,265
"Mo' Success"?
I think I dated his cousin, Les.
34
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,310
Hey, everybody.
35
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,688
Mind if I stop for a breather?
36
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,480
I've been briding my ass off.
37
00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:52,029
Sophie, are those
all your bridal magazines?
38
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,608
That's only half.
39
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,370
Come on, Oleg.
40
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:58,538
Look, if those are too heavy,
how are you gonna be able
41
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,041
to push the wedding donkey
down the aisle?
42
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,208
Wedding donkey?
43
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,290
My excitement level for this
wedding just skyrocketed.
44
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:08,880
Relax, Sophie.
45
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,585
If I know how to do anything,
it's how to move an ass.
46
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:13,930
That's true. Yeah.
47
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:18,179
Wow, you're carrying more heavy
issues than Amanda Bynes.
48
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,433
Look at all these.
49
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,770
Beautiful Bride, Modern Bride,
City Bride.
50
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,440
And do you really need
African American Bride?
51
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,771
Well, I haven't ruled out
cornrows.
52
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:33,153
Cornrows and a donkey?
RSVP yes.
53
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:38,028
Oh, yeah.
This one's hot.
54
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,163
Save that one for later.
55
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,163
Oh, I forgot
I'm getting married.
56
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,882
Keep her.
I might need a Tuesday off.
57
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,585
Sophie, why don't you get some
help from your maid of honor?
58
00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,545
-I will kill you.
-Or a wedding planner?
59
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:59,974
Oh, Sophie, my cousin, Svetlana,
is a wedding planner.
60
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,386
Okay, but she better be good.
61
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:09,060
Because I want everything
to be perfect on my big day.
62
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:13,686
-Our big day.
-Yeah. Sure.
63
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,028
I can't believe this.
They're getting married
64
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,198
and I don't have a wedding
donkey anywhere on my horizon.
65
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,043
OMG.
66
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,919
You sell these T-shirts?
I just bought one.
67
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,498
Did I just sell you that shirt
and already forgot?
68
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,971
I knew that 9-cent deodorant
was gonna give me brain lesions.
69
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,216
Well, the label did have
a picture of a brain
70
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,224
with "No Bueno" written on it.
71
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,062
No, I bought it at a store
in Manhattan
72
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:45,642
on East Ninth and Broadway.
73
00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:48,148
I know because I'm OCD
and it was 67 steps
74
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,232
and 14 sidewalk cracks
from the corner.
75
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,526
Max, someone else
is selling our shirts.
76
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,397
I know. We're getting hosed
by some other hoes.
77
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,833
I can't believe
they stole our shirt.
78
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,413
The one thing we made
79
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,289
that people
actually wanted to buy.
80
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:08,787
I feel like Myspace.
81
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,920
I haven't seen anything
this upsetting in a window
82
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,456
since that time
I accidentally caught
83
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:16,508
a reflection of myself
in my waitress uniform.
84
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,929
We need to talk to someone
85
00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,512
about those damn shirts
you jacked.
86
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:22,548
We about to rumble.
87
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,640
What she means is,
we wish to speak to someone
88
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,234
about the adorable cupcake
T-shirts in the window
89
00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,353
or we will be about to rumble.
90
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,153
I'm just working here
until I get my PhD
91
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,731
in the Eco-Social Dynamics
of Western Civilization.
92
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,742
So, forever?
93
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,363
Those T-shirts are our design
94
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:40,657
and we need to know
why they're here
95
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:41,948
and who knocked them off.
96
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:44,284
It's the granddaughter
of the woman who owns this shop.
97
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,039
She's kind of a monster
and she's walking in right now.
98
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,705
Hi, Kemberly and Ashlin.
99
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,751
These ladies are interested
in your T-shirts.
100
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,044
-Aren't they cute?
-So cute.
101
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,752
Yeah, super cute.
We designed them.
102
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,010
Yeah, we designed them.
103
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,342
-What?
-Yeah, what?
104
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,889
Ashlin and Kimberly, is it?
105
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,682
It's Kemberly, with an "E."
106
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,144
I changed it myself
because I'm original.
107
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,388
Yeah, she's an original.
108
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,640
You know what's not original?
109
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,108
Those shirts.
You stole them from us.
110
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,193
We did not steal your idea.
111
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,395
Yeah, we did not steal
your idea.
112
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,491
We copied it
from this lame cupcake shop
113
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:21,821
in Brooklyn.
114
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,317
Wait a minute.
115
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,452
We have a lame cupcake shop
in Brooklyn.
116
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,169
Ashlin, you talk too much.
117
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,247
This is why everyone knows
about my lap-band.
118
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,594
I think they know about it
119
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:38,053
because you lost 200 pounds
over spring break.
120
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,045
It's hard to believe she
was once twice this obnoxious.
121
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,388
If you don't stop
selling our T-shirts,
122
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,141
we're gonna have
to get our lawyer involved.
123
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:49,135
Yeah, we're gonna have
to get our lawyer involved.
124
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,308
And he's gonna kill you.
125
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,814
I don't know what lawyers do.
126
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,066
We're totally not doing this
for us.
127
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,863
-We're rich.
-Yeah, we're rich.
128
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,704
A percentage of every shirt
that we sell goes to charity.
129
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,491
Yeah, it goes to charity.
130
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,701
We are the charity
that it needs to go to.
131
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,749
You're old
and desperate for money.
132
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,293
And I totally get it.
133
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,288
My aunt's one of the
Real Housewives of New York.
134
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,790
But, sorry.
135
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,423
It's the one without the leg.
136
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,129
What just happened here?
137
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,215
That girl just called you old.
138
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,062
Earl, I don't think
I'm gonna be buying you
139
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,693
that pinky ring you wanted
any time soon.
140
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,900
No rush, Max,
you got plenty of time.
141
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:44,154
I got like, six or seven months
before I turn to dust.
142
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,413
It's because our T-shirts
got ripped off
143
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,534
by a couple of prep school girls
in Manhattan.
144
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,412
It's like a bad 80's movie.
145
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,286
I don't know whether
to date James Spader,
146
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,706
or teach this town how to dance.
147
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,001
This is so unfair.
148
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,964
Those girls
can't just steal from us.
149
00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,722
This isn't 7-Eleven.
150
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,893
Max, I can't believe
your naiveté.
151
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:12,097
What does my body spray
have to do with anything?
152
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,766
Look, there is no reason to be
so upset about those two girls.
153
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,437
They're not gonna affect
our business.
154
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,864
Plus, they have to live
with themselves.
155
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,440
And karma is a bitch.
156
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,776
I mean, I littered once and,
huh, look what happened to me.
157
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,196
Hey, everybody.
158
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,579
I'm up to my nuts
in bridal junk.
159
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:39,834
There she is.
The love of my life.
160
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:43,802
The yin to my yang.
The zing to my wang.
161
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,087
Save that gold for the vows.
162
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:52,137
I am Svetlana, Oleg's cousin.
163
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,890
Well, darling,
it could be worse.
164
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,977
You could be his sister.
165
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,521
Svetty.
166
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:02,981
-And you must be Sophie.
-Yeah.
167
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,153
No.
168
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,164
But you haven't even heard
any ideas.
169
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:11,238
Caroline.
170
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,041
Sophie, why did you just say
my name?
171
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,041
Oh, it's Oleg's
and my safe word.
172
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,338
Yeah. It means no.
173
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:30,257
It's the one word we both agreed
we would never say during sex.
174
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,223
Are you sure?
175
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,099
Because I give free oil change
with every wedding.
176
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:40,774
Caroline!
177
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,736
All right, well,
I'll be in my booth.
178
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,818
You know,
this wedding planner thing
179
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,077
is as crappy as the movie
of the same name.
180
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,285
Girls, I forgot to tell you,
181
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,745
a man came by today
with this letter for you.
182
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,631
This reminds me
of when I was a young,
183
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,383
hot-shot courier.
184
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,012
I was a young,
hot-shot courier once, too.
185
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,176
I used to deliver drugs
to my mother at work
186
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,892
on my tricycle.
187
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,181
Oh, my God, Max,
you're not gonna believe this
188
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:19,477
but those two girls have issued
a cease and desist order.
189
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,524
Those bitches!
What's that?
190
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:25,355
They're saying we have
to stop selling our T-shirts.
191
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,105
That's what I told them
we were gonna do.
192
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,065
They even copied this idea.
193
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,610
We need to get a lawyer.
194
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:34,161
How? We can't even afford
Law & Order on iTunes.
195
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:36,405
Hey, do you think
we could afford that lawyer
196
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,624
on the subway billboards?
197
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,447
The one who has a gavel
in one hand
198
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,830
and a chicken in the other?
199
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,963
I think he just does accidentes.
200
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,956
What is going on here?
201
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,761
There's food
waiting in the window,
202
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,628
periodicals strewn about.
203
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,429
Someone's on his periodical.
204
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,300
Han, we just got served.
205
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,808
At least someone
in the diner has.
206
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,640
You're lucky your boss
is so chill.
207
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,271
Of course you're chill,
208
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,107
you're one
of Mr. Popper's penguins.
209
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:12,993
How about this?
210
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,742
We'll do the jobs
you already pay us for
211
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,240
if you agree to pretend
to be our lawyer.
212
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,331
You have a suit, right?
213
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,251
Why would I pretend
to be a lawyer?
214
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:24,253
You can't even pretend
to be waitresses.
215
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,670
No one's gonna believe
Han's our lawyer, anyway.
216
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,716
He can't pass the bar,
he can barely see over one.
217
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,336
That's it.
I've had it with you two
218
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,639
and your non-work ethic.
219
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:40,012
And this area is for customers.
I want these out of here.
220
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,352
-(CLATTERING)
-(MAX SCREAMS)
221
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,524
Uh-oh.
222
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,192
Max?
223
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:52,186
I suppose I could dig up a suit
if that could, somehow,
224
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,608
make this boss striking
his employee thing go away.
225
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:03,499
Max, of course,
these girls go to Dalby Hall,
226
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,213
all my archenemies did.
227
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,709
I guess Lady Gaga
won in the end, though.
228
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,458
In other news,
I kind of like this eye-patch.
229
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,629
I know you do,
230
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,798
you were pretending to be
the pirate queen of the subway.
231
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,385
Well, no one arrrgh-ued with us.
232
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,564
How long did the eye doctor say
you have to keep it on?
233
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,018
And by eye doctor, I mean,
that first-year med student
234
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,016
we gave the free dessert to.
235
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:30,397
A few days, which is a bummer,
236
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,265
because only seeing half
of how sad we are
237
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,610
is kind of a blessing.
238
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,445
How are we gonna find them?
239
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,736
Follow the scent of our decaying
T-shirts business?
240
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,825
According to Instagram,
they're in the cafeteria, see?
241
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,365
Ashlin just posted a pic
of a mini-pizza.
242
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,133
"#ThatPizzaLife."
243
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,502
They have mini-pizzas here?
244
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,959
My high school
didn't even have heat.
245
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:58,505
Sorry I'm late. I had to pick up
a suit at the Men's Warehouse.
246
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:01,889
Don't you mean the
Not Quite A Man's Warehouse?
247
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,139
Han, I love your lawyer costume.
So authentic.
248
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:08,888
Only thing missing is the hole
where your soul should be.
249
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,519
Well, as I always say,
250
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:11,648
if you're going
to do something...
251
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:12,685
Do it with your left hand
252
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,437
so it will feel like
someone else?
253
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,658
No, if you're going
to do something, do it right.
254
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:24,198
Last Halloween, I went as Sprout
from the Green Giant commercial
255
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:27,082
and I even put pea pods
over my pee-pee.
256
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,746
You laugh,
but I won 500 dollars.
257
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,040
Okay, I created my own cease
and desist order.
258
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,379
Where did you get this?
259
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,304
Same place Max printed out
that fake,
260
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,126
"I don't have herpes"
doctor's certificate.
261
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,217
It works.
262
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,852
And here's your business card.
263
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,677
Where? Where is it?
I can't see.
264
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,647
Here. And Han, I hope
you're a better actor than Max.
265
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,230
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
is a better actor than Max.
266
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,525
"Mr. Lu Su"?
That's what you came up with?
267
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:00,986
"Mr. Lu Su"?
268
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,987
Well, you're a lawyer,
269
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,910
so the "Su" part
is totally on point.
270
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:10,000
But "Lu Su"?
No Asian was ever named that.
271
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,924
Maybe not in this galaxy
272
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:16,750
but might I remind you
of a Mr. Sulu.
273
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,303
Oh, yeah. I mixed it up.
Genius.
274
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,392
Han, you don't have
to use the cards.
275
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:25,801
I can make it work.
276
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,266
Two Halloweens ago,
I was an Ewok
277
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,892
and turned an orange bath-towel
into a turban.
278
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,809
Second place. 250 dollars.
279
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,068
And next Halloween,
you can wear that
280
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,191
and goes as a lesbian minister.
281
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,413
Okay, so the plan is,
we go in there
282
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,370
and calmly confront them
with our attorney.
283
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,578
I'll do the talking.
284
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,829
Han, you stand there
and try to look smart.
285
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,750
I'm already Asian.
So, done.
286
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,498
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
287
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,172
Wow, this brings me back.
288
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,258
I had a seat
at the popular table,
289
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,546
the Debate Team table,
the Student Council table
290
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,178
and the Waiting
For Marriage table.
291
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,641
But that table
kind of fell apart
292
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,602
when everybody got pregnant
but me.
293
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,443
I ate in the school parking lot
with a wino.
294
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,440
He was so nice to me,
I thought he might be my dad.
295
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,654
But then he never made a move
on me,
296
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,235
so I guess he wasn't.
297
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,525
Attention everyone, attention.
298
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:26,834
Yeah, attention everyone,
attention.
299
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,828
Ashlin and I are here today
to sell our T-shirts
300
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:33,001
and to talk about bullying
and how it's not cool.
301
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,128
It's so not cool.
302
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,835
-I was talking, Ash.
-Yeah, she was talking.
303
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,337
Their charity is bullying?
304
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:46,051
That's like Kanye West trying
to raise money for laying low.
305
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,638
A three dollar donation will be
made to our anti-bullying fund
306
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,727
with each purchase of one
of our super, super cute tees.
307
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,099
Super, super cute tees.
308
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,190
My super cute tee!
309
00:14:58,523 --> 00:14:59,903
Best idea I ever had.
310
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,281
Right up there with the bong
with a chin strap
311
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,402
so you could be hands-free
to change the channel.
312
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,582
So buy one right now
and then we'll be back later
313
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,411
for the rest
of our anti-bully talk.
314
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,664
Yeah, buy them
or my dad won't pay
315
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,456
for the lacrosse equipment
this year.
316
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,996
Let's go.
They are making a fortune on us.
317
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,879
And if I'm gonna get screwed,
it better be by someone over 21.
318
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,389
Yeah, that sounds like a job
with a two drink minimum.
319
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,180
Han, don't mess this up
320
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,894
or you'll be eating
those glasses.
321
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,440
Might I interest you
in an anti-bullying pamphlet?
322
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:39,859
Might I interest you
in a seat on my finger?
323
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,228
Hey, how did you two
get in here?
324
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,030
The school pays guards out front
to keep out the homeless.
325
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,530
Yeah, well, jokes on you.
326
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,574
Because they just let us
walk in.
327
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,703
Hello, girls.
You can "cease and desist"
328
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,246
selling our T-shirts as of now.
329
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,710
This is our attorney, Mr. Lu Su.
330
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:00,289
And he is holding
our cease and desist
331
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,543
to counter
your cease and desist.
332
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:05,049
Okay, well, first,
333
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,585
your lawyer looks like
a teacher on a Disney show.
334
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,354
Is that a bad thing?
335
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,219
And if you have
anything further to say,
336
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,269
you can take it up
with my lawyer. Her dad.
337
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,890
And he's real good.
338
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,481
He got that CEO guy
339
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,444
who admitted he killed
his whole family
340
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,573
out on a technicality.
341
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,031
I forgot how mean girls can be.
342
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,855
How? I'm your roommate.
343
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,661
Thank you, Kemberly.
Thank you, Ashlin.
344
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,661
A little help.
345
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,918
Hello, girls,
you all look very nice.
346
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,549
What is he doing?
347
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,010
Hopefully a tight 10
348
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,723
and then he'll bring up
the headliner.
349
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,854
This may be hard to believe
350
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,010
looking at me
in this totally awesome suit,
351
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:57,061
but I know a little something
about being bullied.
352
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,233
-As a little child...
-And as a slightly bigger adult.
353
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,900
Seriously? In the middle
of his bullying speech,
354
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,112
-youre bullying?
-Kind of surprised even myself.
355
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,236
I have someone who bullies me.
356
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,874
Okay, let's get out of here
while I can.
357
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,702
It's not just the hitting
and the name-calling.
358
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,081
Although, not gonna lie,
that's a real bummer.
359
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:22,584
You see, girls, the bad thing
about being bullied
360
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,540
is that every time it happens,
361
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,591
it steals a little piece
of who you are.
362
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,592
And then, if it happens enough,
little by little,
363
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:35,309
you become just a little less
of who you were meant to be.
364
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:37,772
And that's not cool.
365
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,226
And these two girls up here,
without knowing it,
366
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:43,727
I'm sure, stole a little piece
of Max and Caroline.
367
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,438
When they stole
their little idea.
368
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,982
And that's so not cool.
369
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,032
Yeah, that's so not cool.
370
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,697
Max, Caroline,
we'll stop making the shirts.
371
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,700
-Ash, I never said that.
-Ah, no, Kemberly. I did.
372
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,657
And I liked you more
before the lap-band.
373
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,498
When you were still Kimberly
with an "I."
374
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,375
(GASPING)
375
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:20,351
-Max, did Han just save us?
-I wasn't listening,
376
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,347
I was putting mini-pizzas
in my pocket.
377
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:34,152
Girls, your shift started
40 minutes ago.
378
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,237
What are you doing here
so early?
379
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,952
Earl, good news.
380
00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:43,288
We are now the sole owners
of all those cupcake T-shirts.
381
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,750
And, literally, nothing else.
382
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:47,884
Maybe I could rent a parrot
383
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,004
and pick up some shifts
at Long John Silver's.
384
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:51,963
Hey, girls.
385
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:54,379
I'm about to meet
another wedding planner.
386
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:58,053
And this one's gonna be good.
He's gay.
387
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,813
Sophie Kachinsky?
Yes, God.
388
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,308
From the second
I walked in here,
389
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,355
I said to myself,
"That has to be her."
390
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:10,821
And I can see it. We're gonna
make magic together.
391
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,952
Now, what's gay for "no"?
392
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,780
Okay.
393
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,537
Wow, I think
we just survived a torgaydo.
394
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,459
(MOANS)
395
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:32,706
Where am I gonna find
another gay wedding planner
396
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,051
in New York now?
397
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,103
Just throw a tantrum
in a Crate & Barrel
398
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,927
and five of them
will come running.
399
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,524
Hey, nice legal work today.
400
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,975
You should be
on the Little People's Court.
401
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:53,527
Yeah, from now on,
I'm calling you "Hanny Cochran."
402
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,703
Okay. Next time you want
to thank me,
403
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,664
just send me
an Edible Arrangement.
404
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,485
I don't know many times
I have to drop that hint.
405
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,076
But that's just, like,
a two-inch drop.
406
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,340
Sorry. I can't help myself.
But I'm going to try.
407
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,092
Because I know I was the bully
408
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:15,875
you were talking about
on that speech.
409
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:19,258
What? I was talking about
the doorwoman in my building.
410
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,346
I have to submit
to a purple-nurple
411
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,891
just to get my mail.
412
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,968
There's another woman?
413
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,601
Max, I think Han
has a side bully.
414
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,820
Well, I'll just have
to try harder.
415
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,568
Because if anyone
is gonna mercilessly nurple you
416
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,112
into an early grave,
it's got to be me.
417
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:41,449
I'd like to think so, Max.
418
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,870
You'd also like to ride
in a car facing forwards.
419
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:49,874
Back to normal.
420
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,761
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
421
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,546
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
422
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:21,073
(English US - SDH)
423
00:21:21,123 --> 00:21:25,673
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
32062
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof