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1
00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:03,745
I called this staff meeting
because lately,
2
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,880
I've noticed our diner family
is drifting apart.
3
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:08,546
Good work, everybody.
Good work.
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,256
Yeah!
5
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,098
Let's start off this powwow
6
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,561
by sharing our highs
and lows of the week.
7
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,772
My high was getting a particularly
interesting Snapple fact.
8
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,096
And my low was...
9
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,938
Your entire body?
10
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,856
I'll go. My high was finding
a barrette in the bathroom,
11
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,316
and my low was imagining
my new life without it.
12
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,199
Max, your high?
13
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,663
I certainly am.
14
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:37,624
And my low will be when it wears off.
15
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:41,827
Well, my high was catching a glimpse
of a customer's lacy G-string,
16
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,799
and my low was seeing his junk.
17
00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,258
My low is this meeting.
18
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,259
And my high is when it wraps up.
19
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:55,311
Can everybody take this serious...
(THUD)
20
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,680
(GRUNTS)
(HIGH-PITCHED) I have a new low.
21
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,938
I have a new high.
22
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:02,645
Me too.
23
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,439
Everybody, please.
24
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,482
Han just clearly injured his vagina.
25
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,568
(THEME MUSIC)
26
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,200
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
27
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,406
(PHONE RINGING)
28
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:29,796
That's not my phone.
29
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,594
My ringtone is "Let It Go,"
and you know that
30
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,336
because you threaten
to beat me every time it rings.
31
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,599
Well, it's not mine.
32
00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:36,971
I keep my phone on vibrate
33
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,887
out of respect for those around me,
34
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,225
and also for little orgasms.
35
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,690
(RINGING CONTINUES)
36
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,850
Max, it's the landline.
37
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:45,899
Oh, God!
38
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,074
Why is it ringing?
39
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,571
You said that phone only rings
40
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,942
if we're in trouble, or if it's you
41
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,697
calling from the future
to tell us we're in trouble.
42
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,198
Ruh-roh.
43
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,290
That's gotta be the landlord.
The lease is up.
44
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,252
Fine, we'll just renew it,
even though I thought
45
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,003
they would have condemned
this place by now.
46
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,705
I mean, I did find a used condom
in the hallway yesterday.
47
00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:08,837
(RINGING)
48
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,090
-Hello?
-No!
49
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,166
Hang up.
We're not on the lease.
50
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,719
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
51
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,757
Good cover.
Now we just have to hope
52
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,471
the original tenant
is a Benihana chef.
53
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:22,940
Okay.
54
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,600
We don't have much time.
Quick!
55
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,940
Grab two things you love.
56
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,776
I love nothing in here!
57
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,196
And why are we even
trying to keep an apartment
58
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,004
that has grass growing
in the bathroom?
59
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,910
I love our toilet lawn.
60
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,211
It's gross.
61
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,541
Max, look at this place.
62
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,667
Our refrigerator door is
held on by Scotch tape,
63
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,545
And, I mean, there is
black mold in there.
64
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,551
At least the black mold
made the other mold
65
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,724
move out of the neighborhood.
66
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:56,839
Come on!
67
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,136
Someone from the real estate company
68
00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,759
is probably on their
way over to make sure
69
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,257
the original tenant still lives here.
70
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,769
(PHONE RINGING)
71
00:03:03,893 --> 00:03:05,643
All right, let's ride!
72
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,601
I know a guy that can drop off
some fake passports
73
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,019
for us in an airport locker.
74
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,647
Well, you know him too.
It's Oleg.
75
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,858
-(RINGING CONTINUES)
-Hey!
76
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,395
(POLISH ACCENT)
Pick up that phone already!
77
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,488
Sounds like a damn
PBS fund-raiser down here.
78
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,244
Sophie, it's the landlord calling.
79
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,657
I just found out we've been
subletting illegally.
80
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,499
Oh, well, I always
wondered how you girls
81
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,793
could afford to live
in this building.
82
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,167
And I ruled out prostitution
once I saw Caroline dance.
83
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:38,965
Good news.
84
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,093
I dug around the apartment
85
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,677
and I found the original lease.
86
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,675
Also found a copy of
my birth certificate.
87
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:48,228
Turns out my father's name
is "Mother has no idea."
88
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,983
Forget that lease.
89
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,694
I've already found
a new place for us.
90
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:56,154
A two-bedroom for 1,300 dollars in
Manhattan.
91
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:59,367
Oh... Manhattan, Kansas.
92
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,320
We can't afford to lose this lease.
93
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,829
As soon as they find out
this Lester Donovan
94
00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:06,043
is no longer living there,
the rent will get higher
95
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,535
than Justin Bieber
on a plane with his dad.
96
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,462
So I tracked down this
original tenant guy, Lester.
97
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,757
He's still alive.
98
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,341
Ugh. Can't catch a break.
99
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,050
He's at a rest home
in Sheepshead Bay.
100
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,391
We just have to go there
and kidnap him.
101
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:27,184
We'll tie some Cream of Wheat
to a pole and lure him out.
102
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,685
First of all, in what world
103
00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:32,652
do we have
Cream of Wheat pole money?
104
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,733
And secondly, I am not gonna
go shake down some old man.
105
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:36,898
You won't have to.
106
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,404
He's probably already shaking.
107
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,119
If you're looking, I know a place.
108
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,910
You share a twin bed
with two other girls.
109
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,406
Oh, and there are cameras.
110
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,496
But you're paid 4.99 a minute
111
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,039
and get to meet
all the singles in your area.
112
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:53,455
Are you one of the singles
in the area?
113
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:55,754
Technically I'd be your co-star.
114
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:02,137
Like it or not, we have
to hold on to our apartment.
115
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,925
Max is right. There are
two things in life you cannot lose.
116
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:09,178
A rent-controlled apartment
and bladder control.
117
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,563
Actually, there's
an apartment in my building
118
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:14,979
that just became available.
119
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,606
Stop by tomorrow.
You can see it.
120
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,162
This place is 1,200 dollars?
121
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,333
Twelve-fifty. It just went up
since we been talking.
122
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,502
We can't fit in here.
123
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:30,960
I'm not talking about me and you.
124
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,671
I'm talking about me and my boobs.
125
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,342
Nice retirement home.
126
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,921
Why don't we just live here?
127
00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,882
Bingo tournaments,
unlimited hard candy,
128
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,219
and you get to crap your pants!
129
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,351
Lester?
130
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,933
That must be him.
131
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,890
I don't know who I am anymore,
but that must be him.
132
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,403
Hi, Mr. Donovan.
133
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:56,901
Lester?
134
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,984
Max, is he dead?
135
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,988
No, he's alive, but just.
136
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,572
This is so sad.
137
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,737
Look at how we treat our elderly.
138
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,865
Wake up!
139
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,752
I need you to wake up for this!
140
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,292
We are currently subletting
your old apartment,
141
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,789
and we need you to pretend
142
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,128
you still live there for a day.
143
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:22,384
Or just to pretend you still live.
144
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,337
Ladies, you're wasting your time.
145
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,348
He can't speak,
and he doesn't like girls.
146
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:29,140
He's a vegetable and a fruit.
147
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:31,983
Lester Donovan.
148
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,480
Oh, you're Lester!
Oh, thank God.
149
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,813
Listen, Lester, we need you...
150
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,607
I know, I know.
You want me to pretend
151
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,650
I still live in your apartment.
I overheard everything.
152
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,744
We're not all comatose, darling.
153
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,740
But I'm afraid...
it's not gonna happen, girls.
154
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,323
because I got a big week.
155
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,200
My special lady is moving in with me.
156
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,286
Because this guy's
not gonna be around much longer.
157
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,873
Eighteen hours tops!
158
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,580
Oh! Here's my princess.
159
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,671
Olivia!
160
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,507
He's still with us.
161
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,473
God bless.
162
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,511
So we'll have to push
the move to Monday.
163
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,136
Yeah...
About that, Lester.
164
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,854
I'm not ready to move in with you.
165
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,306
Olivia, what do you mean?
166
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,685
Max, we should go. No way!
This is like watching
167
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,984
an elder version of The Bachelor!
168
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,528
Literally, the final rose!
169
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,946
Lester, it's not you.
It's me.
170
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,322
That's still in play at their age?
171
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:33,289
I'm just not ready to settle down.
172
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,541
Too many other fish in the sea.
173
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,746
I know, it's about that
new kid on the block,
174
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,585
Morty what's-his-name.
It's about Morty, isn't it?
175
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,961
Lester, please.
176
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,758
I don't want it to be weird
177
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,882
when we see each other at bingo.
178
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,600
You should know this about Morty...
179
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,720
He's not a real man like me.
180
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,676
His middle name is Viagra!
181
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,937
Olivia!
182
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,482
Well, there's no point
hanging around here.
183
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,608
I'll just grab my penis pump,
and we're outta here.
184
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,572
Why is he gonna need that?
185
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:20,041
Here we are. "Home, sweet
at least it's not a rest home."
186
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,667
Lester, not that I minded
pushing you 35 blocks, but...
187
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,545
You could walk at the home.
188
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,302
Why can't you walk now?
189
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,383
I'm too depressed to walk.
190
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:32,049
I've been depressed
since I learned to walk.
191
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,558
I mean, I was nine.
It was time.
192
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,641
I have just lost the love of my life!
193
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,978
Have you ever made love
to a lady with no teeth
194
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,232
and two plastic hips?
195
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,855
I, for one, have not.
196
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:45,819
Max?
197
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:50,202
No. But it just rocketed
to number one on my bucket list.
198
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:54,242
I lived here from 1954 to Studio 54.
199
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,538
Liza Minnelli threw up
in that corner.
200
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,253
The only time I ever saw anybody
201
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,503
take three bows after a vomit.
202
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,340
Why did you leave?
203
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,841
You always think you're
gonna find something better.
204
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:10,384
Yep. The toilet grass
is always greener.
205
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,719
(BUZZING)
206
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,472
Okay.
That's the building rep, Lester.
207
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,465
Do we need to go over
our cover story again?
208
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,309
It's pretty easy.
209
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,812
I'm Carlotta Spaghetta...
210
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,314
mild-mannered pet trainer by day,
211
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,147
hot-tempered Nigerian spy by night.
212
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,324
Lester, only listen to me.
213
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,742
Max is your granddaughter,
214
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,490
and I'm her sober companion.
215
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,951
Which is the only part
of our story that's true.
216
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,572
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
217
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:37,578
That's him.
Now, just sit and smile and nod.
218
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,081
I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile.
219
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,334
Welcome to my grandfather's
220
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,670
happy, happy home.
There's his couch.
221
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:47,714
There's his kitchen.
222
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,917
What's this?
223
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,837
There's his bong.
224
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,221
His bong.
225
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,972
-Glaucoma.
-Chemo.
226
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,346
Well, good afternoon.
227
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:58,851
I'm Roger from building management.
228
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,015
I'm here to verify this lease,
229
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:03,352
and I'd like to do it before the rest
of this doorway caves in.
230
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:07,189
And of course you know
my dear, dear grandfather Lester.
231
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:10,186
I just have a few
questions, Mr. Donovan.
232
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,738
Have you ever made love to a woman
233
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,951
with a silicone hip?
234
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,742
Amazing!
235
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,003
Okay!
I can cross that one off my list.
236
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,868
Hey, girls.
237
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,366
I came through the back
238
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,169
because this junkie's
on the front stoop,
239
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,382
and it's still a little awkward
between us.
240
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,257
Oh, uh, this is Sophie.
She lives upstairs.
241
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,094
As you can see, Roger, no problems.
242
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,429
Everything's totally legit.
243
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:41,104
Hey, who's the old guy?
244
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,564
She lives upstairs,
and she doesn't know Lester?
245
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,397
She knows him.
This is just a sexual game they play
246
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,283
called "Who are you?"
247
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,820
That doesn't sound
like a sexual game.
248
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,315
It is when she's saying it
to his penis.
249
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,041
Sophie, this is
the guy from the agency
250
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,960
who just came by to verify
that Lester actually lives here.
251
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,041
Oh, yeah!
252
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,167
He lives here every day!
253
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:12,173
Yeah, and we've played
that game forever.
254
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,837
Who are you?
255
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,302
Come closer.
He can't hear you.
256
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,854
I'm feeling better already.
257
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,729
So the main takeaway here
258
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,680
is that they both live
in the building legally.
259
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,561
Now, let's just sign that lease.
260
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,437
All right, Mr. Donovan,
I just need your signature here,
261
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,573
and this'll lock you into
the lease for another four years.
262
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,611
What's your hip situation?
263
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,605
Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby!
264
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,237
Now, that's a looker!
265
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,576
-Here you go.
-Yep! All done.
266
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,371
You have the apartment
for another four years.
267
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,996
Enjoy it?
268
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,092
Oh, and I'm required to say,
traces of cancerous stuff
269
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,421
have been found
in some of the apartments.
270
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,507
Have a nice day!
271
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,852
Four more years!
Four more years!
272
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,141
We get to stay in the place
273
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,929
I never thought I'd want to stay in.
274
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,807
Oh, Lester, you're up.
Feeling better?
275
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,733
Like a million bucks.
276
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,272
I'm starting to feel like
my old self again. (CHUCKLES)
277
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,567
Oh, hey.
It's been 18 hours.
278
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,401
Let's go see if your friend's dead.
279
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,315
Yeah, Lester.
Let's get you home.
280
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:18,645
What are you talking about?
I am home.
281
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,822
What do you mean?
This is our place.
282
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,618
Not according to that lease
I just signed.
283
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,542
I'll be in my bedroom.
284
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,416
Good to be home!
285
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,125
BOTH: Ruh-roh.
286
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,923
Ladies, this is delicious!
287
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:42,259
(CHUCKLES) You know, at the home
they keep salt on lockdown.
288
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,846
Salt and the dementia patients.
289
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:50,270
Well, it doesn't look like
bad grandpa's leaving tonight.
290
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,770
Maybe I can help.
291
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:55,898
I can put some ground glass
in his Salisbury steak.
292
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,485
It's called a Ukrainian divorce.
293
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,784
Nah... I'll try this Jell-O first.
294
00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:05,118
Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him.
295
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,212
Lester, I brought you some Jell-O.
296
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:09,960
-Would you like some?
-That's very nice of you,
297
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,421
but I'm not going anywhere.
298
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,882
Lester, really, you don't
want to live with us.
299
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,804
Caroline sings so much,
300
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,973
she should have animated birds
on her.
301
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:24,141
Look, there's no way I'm going
back to that retirement home.
302
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,853
I feel alive
for the first time since...
303
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:30,482
Since I died briefly last year.
304
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:32,811
Oh, my God, really?
305
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,939
Yes, some nurse tripped
over the power cord.
306
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,952
And besides, it's really
helping me get over Olivia.
307
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,660
I'm finally realizing there are
plenty of other fish in the sea.
308
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,162
Hey, everybody!
309
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:50,829
And there's one of them.
310
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,746
She puts the "ass" in "bass."
311
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,835
Friend, I'll be in my booth.
312
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,591
Hey, Sophie.
You remember Lester.
313
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,715
Lester, you remember
when they discovered fire.
314
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:06,012
Please, please, join me.
315
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,638
May I buy you an egg cream?
316
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:11,484
Oh, I do love an egg cream.
317
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,440
Oh, excuse me, I gotta
go powder by nose.
318
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,265
Girls...
319
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,479
Girls, I know you want
your apartment back
320
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,069
and I'm a reasonable man.
321
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,913
So all I want before I go
is a little you-know-what.
322
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,370
More Jell-O?
323
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,703
I'm talking about sex.
Rebound sex!
324
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,580
Rebound sex?
325
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:36,626
Are you sure you'll even be
able to rebound from having sex?
326
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,250
Are you kidding?
327
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,798
There's nothing but sex
at that retirement home.
328
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,882
Why do you think I put myself there?
329
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,379
It's wall-to-wall whoopee,
330
00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:48,009
and you don't even have
to drive home after.
331
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:53,144
Now, I have in mind
a certain elegant lady.
332
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,730
Ah! You're out of TP!
333
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,520
You can set me up
for one night with your friend,
334
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,779
and I will gladly
leave the apartment.
335
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,275
(CHUCKLING)
336
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,413
I'll be in your booth.
337
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,200
Hey, Sophie, you'll get
with that old guy, right?
338
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:13,866
Are you fricking kidding me?
339
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,456
Lester, she didn't go for it.
340
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,165
I'm not going back
to that retirement home
341
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,754
with my tail between my legs.
342
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,919
I gotta sleep with someone
to make Olivia jealous.
343
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:29,469
There's a new thing that
kids are doing called "lying."
344
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,926
Why don't you just make something up?
345
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,926
Pics or it didn't happen.
346
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,100
I need a selfie
with whoever I hook up with
347
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,607
for my Facebook page.
348
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,193
And if it's not gonna be Sophie,
349
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:45,947
my guess, it's gonna be
one of you two up at bat.
350
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,201
Slugger.
351
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:49,782
Slugger.
352
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,753
(SINGING "TAKE ME OUT
TO THE BALLGAME")
353
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,455
Now I know why Liza threw up.
354
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,135
Now I'm depressed.
355
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:15,733
So you lost the straw pull
for who's gonna sleep with Lester.
356
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,305
Look, you've been saying
you wanted to have sex
357
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,269
and you've also been saying
you wanna go antiquing.
358
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,204
So, behind that door are both.
359
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,534
And, Max, I think you
cheated in that straw pull.
360
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,278
Of course I cheated!
361
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,659
Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex.
362
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,498
I once did it
with a clown at a funeral.
363
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,212
But I cannot see that penis pump.
364
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,205
I won't be able
to come back from that.
365
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,674
You think I can?
366
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:50,715
I do, I think the science part
of your brain would enjoy it.
367
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,675
Ladies, I've stretched.
368
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,179
I'm ready.
369
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,694
Fine, I'll take the bullet.
370
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,935
I don't think there are
any bullets in that gun.
371
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,358
Are you sure?
372
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,356
Because I don't want to
have an old baby.
373
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:13,874
This is ridiculous
374
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,662
that we're even entertaining
the thought
375
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,655
of doing anything with an
old man that isn't a Trump.
376
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,583
Max, I can't do this.
377
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:22,788
One of us will just have to take
378
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:23,876
that apartment in Earl's building
379
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,882
and you will find another place.
380
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,256
But then we'd have to live apart.
381
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,972
I know,
but I don't see another choice.
382
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,353
I'm not ready to live without you.
383
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:37,426
I'm not ready to live without you.
384
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,347
(SCREAMING)
385
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,491
(SCREAMING)
386
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:52,323
What?
387
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:55,657
I saw the pump!
Pack your things!
388
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:59,039
Max, I can't believe you were
almost willing to do that
389
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,872
to live with me.
390
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,827
You know what, I'm going in.
391
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,090
Because the thought of not seeing you
392
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:09,801
24 hours a day, seven days
a week, would kill me!
393
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,549
We'll meet every Saturday
morning for coffee.
394
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,769
Less and less over time, of course.
395
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,351
LESTER: That was a good start.
What else you got?
396
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,398
BOTH: Nothing!
(DOOR OPENS)
397
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:29,651
Ah, I'm really liking
this whole back door thing.
398
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,402
Wow, that's the first time
I've ever said that.
399
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,410
Don't get used to it, Sophie.
400
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,115
You never do.
401
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,792
No, I mean, we're gonna
have to leave this place.
402
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,583
We couldn't do it with Lester.
403
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,287
I know, that's why I'm here.
404
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,497
You don't have to do this for us.
405
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,128
If you two didn't live
in this building,
406
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,337
then we'd drift apart
407
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,467
and we'd only see each other
on Saturdays for coffee.
408
00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,306
Well... I'd probably only go once.
409
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:05,807
Look, just give me 90 seconds.
410
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,816
I mean, he's got a pump.
How hard could it be?
411
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,821
She's amazing.
412
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,742
We should probably
get her something for this.
413
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,202
What would be appropriate?
414
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,660
That good candle under the sink?
415
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:17,873
We've only used it once.
416
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,485
That seems right.
417
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:25,288
I don't know what that was,
but I'm not up to it.
418
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,423
I don't think my heart could take it.
419
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,554
Afraid sex with Sophie
would kill you?
420
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,841
Yeah,
that's why I haven't gone there.
421
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,587
You know, I was all excited
about... about all the...
422
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:37,888
all the other fish in the sea.
423
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,220
That was a great white shark!
424
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,023
Hey, come on!
425
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,732
I just stretched.
I'm ready.
426
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,396
Look, could we get a quick pic?
427
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,111
I might've gone there, too,
if I knew he had an iPhone 5S.
428
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,940
-Try to be as sexy as possible.
-Okay. Yeah.
429
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,317
(LAUGHS)
430
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:03,115
When Olivia sees that,
she's gonna say, "Morty who?"
431
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,327
Girls, enjoy your apartment.
432
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,127
I had some lovely times here.
433
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,590
-Thank you so much, Lester.
-Bye, Grandpa.
434
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:15,011
Maybe sometime we could
come visit you in the home.
435
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:18,341
Email me. We'll talk.
436
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,141
That's still in play at his age?
437
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,181
Hey, thanks for the blue balls,
Lester!
438
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:28,984
Nighty-night, girls.
439
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,648
Max, we get to stay together!
440
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,908
(GASPS) And even better,
441
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,370
he left his wheelchair!
442
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,831
Push me into the kitchen,
I want to crack open a beer.
443
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,706
I wonder if I'll be pushing
you like this when you're 70.
444
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,080
You'll be pushing me
like this when I'm 30.
445
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,052
There's no place like home.
446
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,630
I'll go get the Scotch tape.
447
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,052
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
448
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,450
(English US - SDH)
449
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:31,050
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