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1
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:04,960
-Max?
-No.
2
00:00:05,131 --> 00:00:07,011
Don't come over here with that
"I'm the boss,
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,184
you're the waitress" look, 'cause
I could just as easily give you
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,183
the "I'm the murderer,
you're the victim" look.
5
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,601
The muscular woman at table two
is sending her bagel back.
6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,266
She said she ordered a plain one.
7
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,855
I'm sorry, did you say
she wanted a multi-grain?
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,571
-No, plain.
-Whole grain?
9
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:23,771
No, plain.
10
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:27,490
-Garlic?
-No. The plain! The plain!
11
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:35,409
It took me two years,
but I finally got him to say it.
12
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,786
(THEME MUSIC)
13
00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:41,379
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
14
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,756
(CAT MEOWING)
15
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,722
Are you telling me
you don't hear that cat?
16
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,560
We have to let it in.
It's clearly a stray,
17
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,225
or this marine I met last week
at a blood drive.
18
00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:05,936
Last week there was a man
outside our door screaming,
19
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:09,608
"I've been stabbed," and all you did
was yell, "Shut up."
20
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,833
Because he said,
"I think I've been stabbed."
21
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:20,747
You're either stabbed,
or you're not stabbed, my friend.
22
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,206
(CAT CONTINUES)
23
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,714
Listen, it sounds like
the cat's saying hello.
24
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,837
(MEOWING)
25
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,680
Hello, hello.
26
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,303
(MEOWING CONTINUES)
27
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,392
Listen, it's talking.
28
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:39,845
It's saying,
"Help. Can I come in?"
29
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,136
Really?
'Cause I think it's saying,
30
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:45,021
"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
31
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,606
(MEOWING)
32
00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:48,976
Come on, it clearly just said,
33
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:52,661
"Let me in. Ignore the blonde.
She's a bitch."
34
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,071
Look, you can't just
let in everything
35
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,870
that shows up at our door
and says hello.
36
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,793
Yeah, I can. I've done it.
37
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:02,463
Max, we can't.
We can't become cat ladies.
38
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,833
And it always starts out innocently,
rescuing a stray,
39
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,341
but then you have
to get another one
40
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,303
so that they can entertain each other
while you're at work.
41
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,012
And then somewhere along the line,
four more sneak in, and you think,
42
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,094
"We're good. We're cool.
We're the cute girls with six cats."
43
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,220
And then, one day, there
you are on Animal Cops,
44
00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:21,559
screaming, "Don't take my babies!
45
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:25,404
These 27 angels is all I got!"
46
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:31,567
That's how it goes, Max.
Once you get one, you get 27.
47
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,319
-Not true.
-Really?
48
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,737
How many garden gnomes
do you have under your bed?
49
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,776
Twenty-seven.
50
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,251
What? They understand I'm only
keeping them there
51
00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,163
until I get a yard.
52
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,208
Come on. I want a kitty.
53
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,086
Kitty for Max!
Kitty for Max!
54
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,802
Max, we already have a horse.
We can't afford another animal.
55
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,715
-We're broke.
-Come on.
56
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,384
Chestnut needs a friend.
57
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,551
He is dying to
trash us to someone,
58
00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:01,681
and all he's got is that rat,
who is super self-involved.
59
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:02,966
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
60
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,269
Who the hell is that?
It's so late.
61
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,846
It's probably the cat, or the guy
who's raping girls in Brooklyn.
62
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,611
Open the door,
and roll the dice.
63
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,494
Oh, please.
64
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:21,950
(POLISH ACCENT) Please, somebody
tell me they killed that damn cat.
65
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:26,123
And where did it learn
how to say hello?
66
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,036
Told you.
67
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:30,537
It's been keeping me up all night.
68
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,131
This poor cat has been
crying at our door
69
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,006
every night trying to get in,
trying to get a little warm milk,
70
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,965
maybe a skosh of tuna.
71
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,894
Max, that's our dinner tomorrow.
72
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,305
Wait. Be careful.
73
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,983
A cat is not always a cat.
74
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,773
Oh, please continue.
75
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:52,147
In Poland, we believe
if you die outside,
76
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,776
you're reincarnated as a cat.
77
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:59,815
Am I the only one who thinks Poland
sounds like a real freak show?
78
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:01,821
So never let a cat in,
79
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,831
because it's just a person
that's been reincarnated
80
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,325
and will bring in all the bad jus.
81
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,376
I think you mean juju.
82
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,094
Oh, do I?
83
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:16,844
Nighty-night.
84
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,843
(CAT CONTINUES)
85
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,759
Look, we just have to
put up with it,
86
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,807
and after a while,
it'll go away on its own.
87
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,511
Go away on its own?
88
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,732
It's a stray cat, not my father.
89
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,691
Good night, Max.
90
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,901
Fine. No kitty for Max.
No kitty for Max.
91
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,779
See, Max, I told you
the cat would stop.
92
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,571
Max?
93
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,529
Max!
94
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,701
Can we keep it, Ma?
Can we keep it?
95
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,287
Earl, you don't want a cat,
do you?
96
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,589
A cat? God, no.
Cats steal your weed.
97
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,588
See, Caroline?
Nobody wants the cat.
98
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:04,049
We're keeping it, and I think we
should start celebrating right meow.
99
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,016
Max, you didn't even try
to convince him.
100
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,272
Come on, Earl.
Don't you want a cat?
101
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,685
Kitty for Earl.
Kitty for Earl.
102
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,483
I'm too old to have a cat.
103
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:17,146
I'm about six months away
from crapping in a box myself.
104
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,238
Oleg, how do you feel about cats?
105
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,826
Loved it.
Saw it nine times on Broadway.
106
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,576
Very clever show,
but a little expensive.
107
00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:33,207
The most I've ever paid
to see a pussy dance.
108
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,916
So far, we're keeping the cat.
109
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,182
Hey, Han, do you want a cat?
110
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,471
You could finally have
a friend your own size.
111
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,310
Come on, you could
ride it to work.
112
00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,353
No, I can't have a cat.
113
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,186
They're lazy, moody,
and judgmental.
114
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,230
I don't need another you.
115
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,651
-Plus, they don't show affection.
-Sure they do.
116
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,777
You just have to know
how to get it out of them.
117
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,284
Cats love to be lightly
spanked on their bottom.
118
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,117
I don't understand why
a cat would like that.
119
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,533
It's so mysterious.
120
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,450
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
121
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,290
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
122
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,879
Hmm...
123
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,839
Well, I can't have a cat.
I work all the time.
124
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,803
Why did I like that so much?
125
00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:26,302
I don't know, something
with boobs was touching you?
126
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:30,310
-People with boobs touch me.
-She means aside from your mom.
127
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,813
Then, no.
128
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,810
Well, we've asked
everyone we know,
129
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,688
and now I'm depressed,
because this is everyone we know.
130
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,318
Let's start asking people
in the diner.
131
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,775
We need to find it
a place to live.
132
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,704
Why? Why can't it live
right here in my arm
133
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,073
in between my hot naturals?
134
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,497
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
135
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,791
I have to admit,
that does feel kind of good.
136
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:59,336
Excuse me. I overheard you two
asking people if they want a cat.
137
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,342
And I'd really love one.
138
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,165
Really?
Well, we have your cat.
139
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,181
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.
I got a couple of questions first.
140
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,013
-Do you smoke?
-Yes.
141
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,218
-Drink?
-Yes.
142
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,519
-Prescription drugs?
-Occasionally.
143
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,726
Forget the cat.
Will you take me home?
144
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,479
Kitty, you're gonna
love this lady.
145
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,989
She smokes, drinks,
does prescription drugs,
146
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,783
which we all know means oxy.
147
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:27,737
Hi.
148
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,276
Oh, my God.
There she is.
149
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,289
She's purr-fect.
150
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,290
Come in.
Welcome home, you.
151
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,076
See, Max?
It's great.
152
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,327
(LOUD MEOWING)
153
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,304
What the hell is
going on in here?
154
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:45,131
Look at all these cats
crammed in this little space.
155
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,628
It's so sad.
156
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,720
The only thing missing is
157
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,509
Sarah McLachlan
singing in the corner.
158
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,603
What? It's fine.
There's not that many.
159
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,184
They're attacking!
160
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,685
Sorry.
He loves blondes.
161
00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:00,023
And apparently pooping
on the carpet.
162
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,729
No, Twinkles, no.
163
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:04,358
Okay, quick introductions.
164
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:07,986
That's Bethany, Radford, Sellers,
Franklin, Eleanor,
165
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,704
Pudding, Mustachio,
Mitzi, Meredith, Baxter, Birney.
166
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,077
She remembers
all of their names?
167
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:17,084
I don't even remember the name
of the guy I lost my virginity to.
168
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,117
Best I can do
is "Coach" something.
169
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,130
Well, Catherine,
I think it's lovely
170
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:24,253
that you have such a big,
loving, hairy family.
171
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,710
Kind of like the Kardashians.
172
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,343
There's only 24.
173
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,891
Thirty-one.
174
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,177
Let's go before one of
these rabid cats bites us
175
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,271
and we become half-human,
half-cat hybrids
176
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,857
who wander the streets
but are never cold.
177
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,983
We're just gonna go have
a little conversation in the hall.
178
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:49,400
And FYI, the mother looks
like she's eating the little one.
179
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,491
Just a thought. I'm only saying that
'cause it's in her mouth.
180
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,990
Mitzi, release!
181
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:56,826
Let's go!
182
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:59,205
In less than five minutes,
it went from 24 to 31,
183
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,673
and I saw two cats in the corner
doing it doggie style,
184
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,342
so in two months,
we could be looking at 50 cats.
185
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:07,213
Max, you can't get pregnant
doggie style.
186
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,665
Right?
187
00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,506
We can't go back in.
There's so much hair in there,
188
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,142
I saw a cat using a lint roller.
189
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,904
Okay, but if we don't leave her here,
we only have one other option.
190
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,362
No, Kitty is not
going to a shelter.
191
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:29,114
Why? Lots of cats get adopted
and end up in beautiful homes.
192
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:33,948
Look, I didn't want to say this,
but she's not pretty enough.
193
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:38,540
-What are you talking about?
-She's not pretty enough.
194
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,870
Come on, she doesn't have
classic good looks,
195
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,580
but she's adorkable.
196
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,800
We cannot take her to a shelter.
She'll die there.
197
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,592
And, yeah, everyone says they
want one with a nice personality,
198
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:53,046
but they really just want
a hot, sexy, young kitten
199
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,137
who still gets excited
about balls in her face.
200
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,314
Everything okay, ladies?
201
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,975
No, everything is far from okay.
202
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,774
My boots are now UGGs,
thanks to all the cat hair in there.
203
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:09,570
Ow! Stop it!
Sorry, that's Gina.
204
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:11,985
She's bipolar, and she refuses
to take her meds.
205
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,113
Stop it, Gina!
206
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,330
I'm sorry, Catherine.
This isn't gonna work out.
207
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,700
It's nothing personal.
It's just that you're crazy.
208
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,581
Truly, I'm heartbroken.
Ow. Ow!
209
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:25,376
I already have a name
picked out for her. Veronica Two.
210
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,632
Ow! Stop it!
211
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,381
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
212
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,804
I got to go!
Who wants treats?
213
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:37,389
Um, just so we all know, Veronica One
committed suicide, right?
214
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,934
Kitty, we're gonna
find you a nice home.
215
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,770
Psst! Want a cat?
216
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,069
Free cat?
217
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,355
Want a cat?
218
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,873
You are going to love it here.
219
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,043
Park Slope is like the
Beverly Hills of Brooklyn.
220
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,041
Here comes a good one.
221
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,326
Hey. Want a cat.
222
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,460
-Excuse me?
-Cat?
223
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,884
Yeah, I'll take some crack.
224
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,338
She said "cat."
225
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,549
We're looking for
a nice home for a cat.
226
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,849
-Oh, so no crack?
-No.
227
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,023
Well, why would I want a cat?
I'm a crackhead.
228
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,812
Well, Kitty, as hard as this is,
229
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,400
I think it's time to let you
back out there into the world.
230
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,236
At least if we leave you
in a rich neighborhood
231
00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:34,902
you'll have a better shot at life.
232
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,740
Max, you are okay with this?
233
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:39,914
Well, I was more okay when
I did this with my cousin's baby.
234
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,747
There you go.
235
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,254
Oh, yeah.
Move him to the next house.
236
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,259
South-facing sun.
Pre-war building. She'll love it.
237
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,843
There you go.
238
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:59,014
You live in Park Slope now.
239
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:03,717
You can adopt an African baby and
wheel it around in a $900 stroller.
240
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,849
Can you believe
that was my plan B?
241
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,186
Run! Run away.
242
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,774
Go.
243
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,725
Oh, screw it.
She lives here now.
244
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,238
Ooh, look, they have a piano!
245
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:24,407
You can make videos.
You'll be a YouTube star.
246
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,963
Bye, Kitty.
247
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:32,207
Wow, I'm shocked
you didn't stop me.
248
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,706
Stop you?
If I had known that was an option,
249
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,419
I would have had you
stuff me in there.
250
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,599
I wonder what Kitty's doing
in her fancy townhouse right now.
251
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,183
She's probably snuggling with
an older gay guy who likes to read.
252
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,980
You know, 'cause gay guys
are the only ones who still read.
253
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,444
They're probably on the couch right
now with A Tale of Two Kitties.
254
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,199
I'm proud of us. We selflessly
gave that cat a better life
255
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,820
than we could ever
afford for ourselves.
256
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,738
Don't try to get in on that.
I did the right thing.
257
00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:06,288
You tried to leave her
at that crazy lady's pussy riot.
258
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,657
Hi. Excuse me.
259
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,830
Would it be okay if I put this
flier next to your window?
260
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,829
-No.
-Sure.
261
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,960
We lost our cat, Jinxy, like,
a week ago in this neighborhood.
262
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,839
Have you seen her?
263
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,415
No. No.
264
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,801
I haven't seen a cat in a long time.
I was just saying to her yesterday,
265
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,757
"I haven't seen a cat
in a long time."
266
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,098
Um...
267
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,386
How come you didn't
have a collar on her?
268
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:29,887
And where's her ID tag?
269
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,019
Even my mother had
an ID tag on me.
270
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,017
Well, it was a flea collar, but...
271
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,360
Why did it take you so long
to put the signs up?
272
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,454
Um, what's happening?
273
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:41,901
Um, here's what's happening.
274
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,532
We are more than happy
to put up this flier of your cat,
275
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,078
which we have never, ever seen.
276
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,503
I mean, seriously,
where did all the cats go?
277
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,252
Queens?
Staten Island?
278
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,503
'Cause they're not
in this neighborhood.
279
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,535
Okay. This was weird.
280
00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,376
Is there any way
this cat isn't Kitty?
281
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,588
Nope, that's her. Same green eyes,
same notch in the ear.
282
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,049
Hello.
Hello.
283
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,811
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
284
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:11,024
Hey, girls.
What's shaking?
285
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,063
Not me, 'cause I'm all held in.
286
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,652
Sorry, Sophie, the cupcake window
isn't open during the day.
287
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:21,186
I don't need your life story.
I just need a damn cupcake.
288
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,196
Sophie, do you remember that cat
that was crying outside our building?
289
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,985
-Yeah, you put it down?
-We thought it was a stray,
290
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:31,409
so we tried to find a home for it,
but couldn't.
291
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,750
-So you put it down.
-No.
292
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,785
We left it in a really
nice neighborhood.
293
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,840
So a rich person put it down?
294
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,014
It turns out
it wasn't a stray at all.
295
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,633
-We just met its owner.
-This is the cat, Sophie.
296
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,102
Her name's Jinxy.
297
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,761
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
298
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,015
You remember how I told you
that if you die outside in Poland,
299
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,856
you come back as a cat?
300
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,862
Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget.
301
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:02,944
That's not Jinxy.
That's my friend, Nancy.
302
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,779
Look at her.
303
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,617
Same green eyes,
same notch in the ear.
304
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,793
Same whiskers.
305
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:14,462
-I don't think that this is Nancy.
-Oh, yes.
306
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,673
She and I got in a big fight
307
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,172
and how she's come back
to haunt me.
308
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,206
She died waiting
for an apology from me,
309
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,129
and now she's back.
310
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,128
Guess what?
311
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,761
She's not gonna get it.
312
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,268
Jinxy!
Jinxy!
313
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,267
Jinxy, come on, girl.
314
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,990
Look, I said on the phone, this area
is where we randomly spotted her.
315
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,493
I wonder how Jinxy got
all the way to Park Slope.
316
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,195
Just wait.
She's here, I promise.
317
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,405
Jinxy! Jinxy!
318
00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,326
Nancy.
319
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,286
-Nancy!
-Nancy!
320
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,996
-Nancy!
-Nancy!
321
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,337
Come on, Nancy!
322
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:06,053
(IMITATING SOPHIE'S ACCENT) Nancy,
it's Sophie! I'm here to apologize!
323
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,011
Um, what's happening?
324
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,096
Oh, my God, it's Nancy!
I mean, Jinxy.
325
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,774
I mean, Kitty.
326
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,564
Hello.
Hello.
327
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,940
Hi, baby.
328
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,357
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
329
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:28,447
What she's doing, they like it.
I know, because I liked it.
330
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:31,573
Anyway, we found your cat.
Isn't that great?
331
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,450
-Actually, she's my boyfriend's cat.
-I'm keeping her.
332
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,370
Max, just close your
eyes and look away,
333
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,078
like you do whenever
those people ask you
334
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,079
if you have a minute
to save the Earth.
335
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:45,551
Just stick it in here.
336
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,303
"Just stick it in here"?
337
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,715
That's what I say when
my hand gets tired.
338
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:05,147
Maxy. Maxy.
339
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,323
Maxy, Maxy, Maxy.
340
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,044
Now, do me.
341
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:29,006
First of all, I own the diner now.
342
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:34,509
Secondly, don't ever do that again.
343
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,516
I guess I'll just
have to spank myself.
344
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,813
No surprise there.
345
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,439
I hope you're happy.
346
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,186
I found Jinxy's owners on Facebook.
347
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:48,647
Not one pic of Kitty,
348
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,817
not even a status update saying,
"We found our cat."
349
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,317
But she is more than willing
350
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:53,869
to talk about her
reverse French manicure
351
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,531
and posts pictures of a meal
352
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,370
I know she's gonna make
herself throw up later.
353
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,621
Come on, Max.
There's got to be one photo of Kitty.
354
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,658
(GASPS)
Oh, wow!
355
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,209
-You found one?
-No, that manicure is heaven.
356
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:09,051
Max, photos or not,
we need to focus on the fact
357
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,053
that the cat is back with
the guy who loves her.
358
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,425
The guy who loves her?
He doesn't love Kitty.
359
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,553
If he did, why aren't there any
pictures of her at his first wedding?
360
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,351
What, he couldn't spring
for a cat tuxedo?
361
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,516
They're, like, 20 bucks.
362
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,733
I know because I have one
on my garden gnome.
363
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,321
This is not a loving home.
Pics, or it didn't happen.
364
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,191
Okay, Max. Okay, just say it.
365
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,648
I put the cat
in an abusive home.
366
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,398
You put the cat
in an abusive home.
367
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,739
I have a gift for you.
368
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,789
(KITTY MEOWS "HELLO")
369
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,003
No way!
No way!
370
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,254
Oh, yeah, it's Jinxy.
371
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,456
It's Nancy.
Jinxy was her slave name.
372
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,422
Oh, Nancy, I missed you.
373
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,550
I missed you so much.
374
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,718
What did you do?
How did you get her?
375
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,636
Well, it was really complicated.
376
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,466
I went to their apartment, and
I said, "You don't love that cat,"
377
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,482
and they said,
"You're right. Take it."
378
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,073
Oh, my God!
Is this what happiness feels like?
379
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,441
So what made you
change your mind?
380
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,201
Because two years ago
I was outside your door,
381
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:19,534
saying,
(MIMICS MEOWING) "Hello. Hello."
382
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,331
And you let me in,
and it changed my life.
383
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,116
That's kind of different, though,
because I didn't want to let you in,
384
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,540
and I did want to let the cat in.
385
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,166
But you did let me in.
386
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,046
You let me in, and you gave me food
and shelter and love.
387
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,174
Not the way I wanted
to give to the cat.
388
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,049
Max, are you trying to equate
a person's love with a cat's love?
389
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,471
Not really.
A cat's love is eternal.
390
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,598
Hey, girls.
391
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,057
I'm heading over to
the bodega salad bar.
392
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:49,108
They just added hot ribs
and a sneeze guard.
393
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,231
You need anything?
394
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,318
Sophie, we got the cat back.
395
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,743
She was in a house
where she wasn't wanted.
396
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:59,873
Oh, yeah.
That is so Nancy.
397
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,202
Sophie, do you want
to see the cat?
398
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,246
She's in the apartment?
399
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,339
No, no, no.
400
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,132
No, no.
I can't see her right now!
401
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,258
It's too much!
402
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,554
I'm happy for you, Nancy!
403
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,679
But I can't do this right now!
404
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,602
(SCREAMING)
405
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,361
Wait, where did the cat go?
406
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,691
Oh, no, Chestnut.
I left the back door open.
407
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:42,615
Oh, my God, look!
She's on top of Chestnut.
408
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:45,494
-They like each other.
-Why wouldn't they?
409
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,212
She's a foxy redhead,
and he's a stud.
410
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,544
You did the right thing.
411
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,838
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
412
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,211
Why do I like that so much?
413
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,670
'Cause something with boobs
is touching you?
414
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:01,893
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
415
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,410
(English US - SDH)
416
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:32,010
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