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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,918 --> 00:00:04,458 Well, you, me and the cupcakes are ready. Now we just need people. 2 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,553 Ooh, here we go. This one looks like she might come in. 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,683 Yeah, keep walking, ugly. 4 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,596 Ugly? She's like a supermodel. 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,425 Did she come in and buy something? 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,890 -No. -Then she ugly. 7 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:22,770 Okay, yes, business is slow, but we don't have to drop to that level. 8 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:25,824 Ooh, this guy is definitely coming in. 9 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,862 Keep walking, fatty! 10 00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:31,568 And he ugly. 11 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,743 BOTH: Welcome to Max's Homemade Cupcakes! 12 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,489 Hello. 13 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,251 How much are your cupcakes? 14 00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:39,464 Four dollars. 15 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,584 No. 16 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,585 BOTH: Whore. 17 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,545 Jinx, you owe me a Coke! 18 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:50,176 -We both called an old lady a whore. -I know. We are in complete sync. 19 00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:53,091 That is so good for business. 20 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,144 I'll give you $3. 21 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,062 I'm sorry. They're 4. 22 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,805 There's no one in here. You'll take what you get. 23 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,148 I'm in love with that whore. 24 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,325 Hello, I'm calling from Max's Homemade Cupcakes... 25 00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:23,458 ...to acquaint you with our new Morning with Max's special. 26 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,956 No, sir, that is not what our special is. 27 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:31,049 And I haven't even done that with my boyfriend yet, so don't be rude. 28 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,301 Give me that phone. 29 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,220 You fat, you ugly, you fugly. 30 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,177 We have got to get more business going. 31 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,850 The money Sophie gave us to open will only cover next month's rent. 32 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,901 We already have next month's rent? 33 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:49,654 Why are we worried? We're doing better than everyone else in America. 34 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:53,614 Well, well, well, if it isn't Prince Charming. 35 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:57,031 But Earl, is Prince charming? Or is he just a diva in purple? 36 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:02,080 So psyched. Finally got a personalized hello from Earl. 37 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:05,668 He called me Prince Charming. I'm in, baby, I am in. 38 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:09,304 I wouldn't get too excited. He probably just forgot your name. 39 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:13,052 He calls every Puerto Rican guy that comes in here "La Bamba." 40 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,640 (PHONE PLAYING RINGTONE) 41 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,104 Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 42 00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:19,764 -Yes, I'll hold. -Heh. 43 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:24,517 Of course we do sugar-free and gluten-free. 44 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,437 I'll be right back, I just gotta take this call. Mm-hm. 45 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:30,725 Mm-hm, I understand. But, like, how diabetic? 46 00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,571 I feel a little sick to my stomach. 47 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:36,316 Why? You haven't even eaten here yet. 48 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,780 No, I'm nervous. I came here to tell Caroline something kind of big. 49 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:43,291 -You have a secret family on Long Island? -No. 50 00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,334 You have hep C? D? One of the new heps? 51 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,918 Nope. 52 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,424 Don't have any of the heps. 53 00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,706 Wow. Now telling her I'm in love with her is gonna sound boring. 54 00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:55,631 You're gonna tell her you love her? Here in the diner? 55 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,970 Why, was the dump closed? 56 00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:02,468 Hey, we need more coffee, La Bamba. 57 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,231 This isn't where you tell someone "I love you." 58 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:08,984 This is where you tell someone their sex change looks passable. 59 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,114 What's the big deal? If I feel it, why shouldn't I say it? 60 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:13,526 She'd be all over that. 61 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,993 If it didn't happen to Kate Hudson in some stupid romantic comedy... 62 00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:18,986 ...then it won't work for Caroline. 63 00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:23,658 Sorry, what? I left and went into another theater in my mind while you were talking. 64 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,999 I know, it's so creepy, but she likes it. 65 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:31,165 If you could arrange for it to rain, or run after her to the airport in the rain... 66 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:35,626 ...but end up on the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day, that'd be best. 67 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,010 Well, I just sold three dozen cupcakes. 68 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:41,346 We just have to mark "no sugar" on one of the boxes. 69 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,733 What did you wanna say to me? 70 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:50,153 Oh, nothing, I just came by to say hi. I gotta go download a couple movies. 71 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,029 Hey, Oleg, where's my food? 72 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:57,864 Cheeseburger with fries, pick up. 73 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:03,664 Han, you look so tall in the window. Are you standing on another tiny person? 74 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,367 No. 75 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:11,878 On the box. 76 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,011 Oleg had to leave. 77 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:20,593 Sophie came back from her trip to Poland and he's worried because she's depressed. 78 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,061 Why, did she see you in that hair net? 79 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,851 Come on, listen. When Sophie went to see her new house, there was no house. 80 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,556 Her Polish contractor ripped off her money. 81 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:35,231 Poor Sophie, I feel terrible. I know what it feels like to be ripped off. 82 00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:40,781 I once bought a Fendi purse, but when I looked inside it said "Rendi." 83 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,239 What kind of God would let that happen? 84 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,080 Max, I went to a party with that. 85 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:53,167 We should stop by after work, see how she is, and bring her some cupcakes. 86 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,384 Or you could give her that $20,000 she loaned you. 87 00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,127 "Loaned us?" Sophie gave us that money as a gift. 88 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:02,088 Not what I hear. Pick up. 89 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,221 We're out of spaghetti. There's no sauce. 90 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,007 No, Han, there's plenty of sauce. 91 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,893 (WHISPERS) I know, but I can't reach the shelf. 92 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,860 Hey, are we sure that money Sophie gave us was a gift? 93 00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:19,356 Yes. She gave it to us to support our dream. 94 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:23,618 When I had money, I gave it out freely, and never expected anything in return. 95 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:26,491 Like when I gave my maid that gorgeous Rendi. 96 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,576 I don't know about people not expecting stuff back. 97 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:33,877 One time, a guy bought me a Slushie and for the next three weeks, he owned me. 98 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:40,383 No, he really owned me. Eight days in, I almost got traded to a trucker. 99 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:44,432 I wouldn't even mention her gift. It will only insult her. 100 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,965 And I promise, nobody is expecting us to give the money back. 101 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,266 Come in, girls. Did you bring the check? 102 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:56,185 No, because it was a gift. A big-ass gift. 103 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:59,355 But we brought our love and we brought cupcakes. 104 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,566 Well, I doubt she'll eat them. 105 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:05,068 She hasn't even touched her kapusniak ... 106 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,121 ...which is the dish traditionally served to Polish women... 107 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,535 ...who have been wronged by their contractors. 108 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,327 Such a specific culture. 109 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:18,340 But that's not the worst thing. She is so depressed, no sex. 110 00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:23,344 Which is big problem for me because I find depressed women very hot. 111 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:29,847 A lot of guys do. Why do you think I haven't paid for a drink in six years? 112 00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:35,734 I'll go in and tell her you're here. She's just lying there on the bed, lifeless. 113 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,476 Hot. The big tease. 114 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,702 Sophie, the two girls who you loaned the money to are here to see you. 115 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:53,831 It was a gift. A generous, generous gift, but still a gift. 116 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:57,537 Are we sure about that? Because I was Slushie Boy's bitch for three weeks. 117 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,129 And I did things. 118 00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:02,959 Look, Max brought you cupcakes. Your favorite. 119 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:05,382 Vanilla with bacon fat drizzle. 120 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,679 Oh. No. I can't eat when I have been betrayed. 121 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,846 What kind again? 122 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:16,063 Sophie, I am patient man, but I am also horny man. 123 00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:18,688 Any idea when you will snap out of this? 124 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,895 Oh. 125 00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:24,284 Why don't you just unzip and climb on top of me now, and get it over with? 126 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,114 -Oh, no. -We should be going. 127 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,819 No, girls, stay. 128 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:31,700 If she's not even going to put up a fight, what's the fun? 129 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:36,501 Are you sure? Bacon drizzle. Little bit of heaven. 130 00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,535 No, I don't want them. 131 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,629 Okay. I'll just put the cupcakes here in case you change your mind. 132 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,045 -Is this a gun? -Oh! 133 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,885 Yes. I'm not going to stab myself to death. 134 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,852 Do you know how much this outfit costs? 135 00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:56,774 Sophie, you're gonna get through this. And, by the way, you look amazing in black. 136 00:07:57,226 --> 00:08:02,266 Oh, well, no more bright colors for me now, I'm in mourning. 137 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:08,400 See? Black bra. Black garters. And look, black panties. 138 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:12,406 Um, you're not wearing any panties. 139 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:16,253 I'm not? Oh.... 140 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,833 I'm sorry about that wild mess down there. 141 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,919 Look, Sophie, I feel bad you got ripped off. 142 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:27,716 Here are all my tips from tonight. Twenty-seven dollars. 143 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,965 For eight hours? 144 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:35,644 Oh, now I'm depressed for you. You wanna borrow my gun? 145 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,180 Know what? You just need to eat something. 146 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,021 And pretty soon, you'll be back to your old self. 147 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,067 A woman who gives gifts and expects nothing in return. 148 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,822 Because that's what a gift is. 149 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:51,111 Sophie, is that doing anything for you? 150 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,830 Yeah, well, I'm not hating it. 151 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,874 Here, this soup smells amazing. 152 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,707 Oh, no, I don't have the energy to eat. 153 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,213 Sophie, open your mouth and put this in. 154 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,166 Oh, come on, now you're as bad as Oleg. 155 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,180 -There. Better? -That's cold. 156 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:15,474 Sophie, just say the word, and I will rob a bank for you. 157 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,306 I understand you're hurting... 158 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,314 ...but we've already spent most of the money on the shop... 159 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,189 ...and business just isn't good. 160 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:25,274 It's not the money. Everybody thinks it's the money. 161 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:30,151 It's more than that. My lake house was my dream and I lost my dream. 162 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:35,160 Oh. Thank God! Well, I'm glad that's cleared up. Not about the money. 163 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,035 Max, come on, she's had a shock, we should let her sleep. 164 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,372 You girls are so lucky, you still have your dream. 165 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,999 Sophie, what if you were part of our dream? 166 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,497 I'm sorry? Whose dream? 167 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,788 Our dream. 168 00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:50,169 Your dream? Where's that cupcake? 169 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,181 MAX: Sophie's the only reason we have a shop. 170 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,552 We should make her partner. 171 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,925 Mm, partner. 172 00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,979 You and I are already partners. I feel like we're partnered out. 173 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,733 What about a silent partner? 174 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:06,234 Mm, silent partner. I like that. 175 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:09,613 Mm. I'm getting my appetite back. 176 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,605 And also, my sex drive. 177 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,657 Go or stay, girls. Either way, I'm going in. 178 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,790 I'm sorry I said Sophie could be part of the store. 179 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:30,376 I just felt bad for her, lying there, in black, too sad to even make her junk pretty. 180 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:34,218 It's fine. Silent partner is just a figure-head role anyway. 181 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,724 And it's nice to know you have such a big heart. 182 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:40,636 It's not my heart. What I saw down there changed me. 183 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,902 It looks like something an animal built to live in for the winter. 184 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,905 Wait. What is Sophie's chandelier doing here? 185 00:10:56,072 --> 00:11:01,372 Is this the Polish version of home invasion, they break in and leave something tacky? 186 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:04,080 Good morning, partners. 187 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:08,246 I didn't know the dress code, so I went business casual. 188 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:13,505 Look, the chandelier that I bought for my lake house. 189 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,973 Oh, now our dreams are together. 190 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:19,224 Sophie, it's not the look we were going for. 191 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,388 Oh, I know. 192 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,934 Much better, right? 193 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:29,688 That is definitely not our style. It looks like a Tim Burton movie just spit up in here. 194 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,980 I think it's kind of pretty. 195 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:36,569 But what do I know? I once spent my last 50 bucks on a frog piƱata. 196 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,278 Had to have it. 197 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,777 (PHONE PLAYING RINGTONE) 198 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,123 Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 199 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:44,834 Yes, we're an upscale bakery, and-- 200 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,245 Now we sell hoagies. 201 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,170 Oh, no, sir, we do not sell hoagies. 202 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,915 Yes, we do. 203 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,764 How many would you like? Let me get a pen. 204 00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,173 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 205 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:04,138 What's happening? Are we finally gonna trash Caroline? 206 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,680 No. I need your help. 207 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:10,060 I watched four chick flicks, then made a list of ways to tell Caroline I love her. 208 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,230 I was gonna make more, but I got my period. 209 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:19,408 Okay, run the choices past me. 210 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,162 Whichever one makes me wanna hurl the most, that's your winner. 211 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:26,406 I can play a song for her outside her apartment. Keep in mind... 212 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,750 ...how hard it is to find a boom box in 2012. 213 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:32,634 Plus, if you do that outside our apartment, you'll be shot. 214 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,593 By me. 215 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:39,552 Okay, what about sharing cocoa and a hot dog on the ice rink in Central Park. 216 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:43,434 That's it. Makes we wanna take my head off and throw it into the street. 217 00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:46,891 Cool. Oh, and Max, I think I'm the only straight guy... 218 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:50,557 ...who knows the difference between Dylan McDermott and Dermott Mulroney. 219 00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,519 And that, my friend, is love. 220 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,107 Oh. What's that funky-ass smell? 221 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,697 Do they finally sell pepperoni Febreze? 222 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:05,775 Max, this already isn't working. The stinky salami, the gaudy chandelier. 223 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:08,751 It's like a haunted Quiznos in here. 224 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,293 Hey. 225 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:14,626 I'm sending Oleg to Queens to pick up a flat of Fresca. 226 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:18,379 There's nothing better with a hoagie than an ice cold Fresca. 227 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,931 That's what I wanted. 228 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:22,799 And look... 229 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:26,219 ...they'll go great with the pickled eggs. 230 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,637 This just went from my dream to a nightmare. 231 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,311 Oh, my God, Caroline! It is you! 232 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,270 Stacy, no way! I haven't seen you since graduation. 233 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,942 We went to Wharton together. 234 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,030 This girl is a genius. 235 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,906 Always top of the class. 236 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:47,282 So, what are you doing here? Buying a cupcake on your way to running the world? 237 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,201 No, I own this shop. 238 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:52,868 Oh. You own this little cupcake shop? 239 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:58,250 And many other bigger shops. This is our new Williamsburg location. 240 00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:01,341 Yes, I know the chandelier is all wrong. I told the designer. 241 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:05,048 None of our Pacific Northwest locations will have the chandeliers. 242 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:08,720 Of course you'd own a cupcake empire at 25. 243 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:10,677 Oh, and this is Max. 244 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:15,440 -Hi. -I just transferred from our Boise location. 245 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,978 What's that horrible smell? 246 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,197 It's something called a hoagie. The workers like them. 247 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,573 Right, Max? 248 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:28,119 Si, gracias por la hoagie. 249 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:32,714 Well, I have to go. I'm consulting upstairs at BBD&L. 250 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,618 -Oh, upstairs. -Yeah. 251 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,750 Always knew you'd land on your feet. Let's go for drinks. 252 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,588 And you're paying, mogul. 253 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,801 I hope she likes water. 254 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:48,184 Now what am I gonna do? Stacy's in the building. 255 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:53,726 Well, you could move to Narnia and run that branch, you pathological liar. 256 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:59,189 Max, this is not how I want people to see me. Or smell me, quite frankly. 257 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:02,276 We have to get rid of the salami, the chandelier, and Sophie. 258 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,953 This is our dream, not hers. 259 00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,781 Okay, fine, I'll tell her. 260 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:09,115 Hey, Sophie, can we talk to you? 261 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:14,003 Good news, girls. Now we sell scratchers. 262 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,291 But I have even a better idea. 263 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:22,958 You two should dress up as big cupcakes and pass out free samples. 264 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,639 Sophie, Max has something she wants to say to you. 265 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:34,482 Wait. Girls, I have something to say first. 266 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,845 (SIGHS) 267 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:40,819 Two days ago, I was on the verge of suicide. 268 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:44,441 Seriously, I hadn't eaten all afternoon. 269 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,070 But your generosity with your dream... 270 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:52,489 ...has given me a reason to get up and get a wax. 271 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:59,035 Oh.... Max, there's something you wanted to say? 272 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:03,004 I was going to say.... 273 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,299 You look delicious. 274 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,563 I look like Honey Boo Boo's mom at the prom. 275 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,064 This is so humiliating. 276 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,439 Now I know how Tyra felt when she went undercover as that fat person. 277 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,489 Please tell me this is our bottom. 278 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,742 It's your bottom. I went to happy hour once and woke up naked... 279 00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:32,204 ...in the penguin habitat at the Bronx Zoo. 280 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,656 And I did things. 281 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:41,000 Hey, girls. What are you two doing just standing there? 282 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,377 God gave cupcakes legs for a reason. 283 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:50,876 You need to hit the streets, shake your cake maker, and show people your goods. 284 00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:53,052 Don't look at me. It's Vanilla. 285 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:56,681 I was looking forward to going up to strangers on the street and saying: 286 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,770 "Eat me," but she won't leave. 287 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:03,056 Well, if you're not going to go out and get the customers... 288 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,190 ...then I'll bring the customers to you. 289 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:08,607 I gotta do everything around here. 290 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,195 I can't believe we're just standing here... 291 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:16,945 ...when we could be chasing fat people down yelling, "you ate my brother!" 292 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:21,708 Look at you two. What I wouldn't give for a giant glass of milk. 293 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,205 Look at you, though. You look so cute. 294 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,546 No, don't look at me. I'm totally embarrassed in this thing. 295 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:34,303 Yes, she's cute and embarrassed in a larger-than-life, colorful public setting. 296 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,602 Ah. Right. So, Caroline, listen, I wanted to-- 297 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:42,057 Look, girls, some young professionals. 298 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,898 God, she's bringing Stacy. She can't see me in this. 299 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,734 I was her valedictorian. Take this. 300 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,857 Ooh. Unh. 301 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,492 Wait. Help me up, Max! Help me up! 302 00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,000 Oh, great, now you're like my mom. 303 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,922 Here, give me your left hand. 304 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,585 Give me your right hand. 305 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,763 Get up, get up! Five second rule! 306 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,925 (MAX GRUNTS) 307 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,232 (SIGHS) 308 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,058 What are you two crazy cakes doing? 309 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,519 You lost your customers, they ran away. 310 00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,319 Oh, thank God. 311 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:32,652 Oh, I don't get it. You won't push the hoagies or the pickled eggs. 312 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,280 You must really have a fear of success. 313 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,124 Well, at least we missed Stacy. 314 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,616 Well, you know what else you missed? Andy. 315 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,790 He was about to tell you he loves you. 316 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,038 What? 317 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:50,459 Just now, in the hall. And the ice rink. He's been trying to tell you all week. 318 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:56,220 But I've been too preoccupied with work, like Sandra Bullock in The Proposal. 319 00:18:57,010 --> 00:19:00,890 So he was gonna tell me at the ice rink? The one in Central Park? 320 00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:04,597 Yes, while having cocoa and splitting a hot dog. 321 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,610 Oh, my God, that's like my dream "I love you" scenario. 322 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,111 Why didn't you tell me sooner? 323 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:16,817 When it comes to other people's creepy love stuff, that's when I'm a silent partner. 324 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,660 And you need to stop with this creepy romcom stuff. 325 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,326 Life isn't like a movie. 326 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,953 Sometimes you're not a success right away. 327 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,712 Sometimes you have to just eat it and be a cupcake... 328 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:30,915 ...and sometimes you have to take your "I love you" whichever way it comes. 329 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,797 You are so right. 330 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,473 I don't have to wait for the moment to be perfect... 331 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,513 ...like it was for Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. 332 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,391 My life's not a romantic comedy. 333 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:45,176 I can do it my own way, like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. 334 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,943 Andy, it's me! 335 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,282 ANDY: I'll be right out! 336 00:19:57,447 --> 00:20:01,077 No, this can't wait any longer. I don't need a big romantic comedy moment. 337 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:05,374 -No-- -Ooh! Sorry, I thought it was the office. 338 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,208 Not the office. 339 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,535 I'm stuck. 340 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,959 Oh, I wanna go, but I can't. 341 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,667 And I'll never be able to go again. 342 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,798 I'm on the toilet and you're in a cupcake, it can't get any creepier than this, so... 343 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:24,059 ...Caroline, I love you. 344 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,931 I love you too. 345 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,269 Now please push me out. 346 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,783 How'd it go? Was it romantic? 347 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,704 He told me he loved me on the toilet. 348 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,485 Oh, man, that's my dream scenario. 349 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:43,829 (CHUCKLES) 350 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:47,042 Hey. I'm only gonna do this for an hour... 351 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:50,924 ...to show you how it's done, and then I'm out. 352 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,344 This is your dream, not mine. 353 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:56,762 Cupcakes! Free cupcakes! 354 00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:01,093 Come on, get them while they're hot! 355 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,621 English - US - SDH 356 00:21:30,671 --> 00:21:35,221 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 29501

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