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♪ Love ♪
2
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♪ Exciting and new ♪
3
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,752
♪ Come aboard ♪
4
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:26,703
♪ We're expecting you ♪
5
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,694
♪ And love ♪
6
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:33,731
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
7
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,901
♪ Let it flow ♪
8
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:42,985
♪ It floats back to you ♪
9
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:46,522
♪ The Love Boat ♪
10
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:51,294
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
11
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:54,164
♪ The Love Boat ♪
12
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:59,102
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
13
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:01,471
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
14
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:05,630
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
15
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:11,081
♪ And love ♪
16
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,206
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
17
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:19,255
♪ It's an open smile ♪
18
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:23,593
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
19
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:28,064
♪ It's love ♪
20
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:33,758
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
21
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,231
Hello.
22
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,101
Danny, Paul, Lee
and Kyle, right?
23
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,302
Yeah.
24
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,303
That's pretty good.
25
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,304
How'd you know?
26
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,605
Trick of the trade.
27
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,273
Just don't ask me which
one of you is which,
28
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,941
all right?
29
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,044
You're in 117 and
119 on the Fiesta Deck.
30
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,479
Uh, thanks. Uh...
31
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:19,182
I, uh, understand
that there's a lot of, uh,
32
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,084
action on this ship.
33
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,453
Nothing but. All day, all night.
34
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,720
It just doesn't quit.
35
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:25,721
Well, all right.
36
00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:26,822
No, I mean it.
37
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,725
We got bingo,
shuffleboard, Ping-Pong.
38
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,194
You name it, we've got it.
39
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,194
Great plan.
40
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,997
Coming on a cruise.
41
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:37,100
Oh. If you were talking
about female companionship,
42
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,134
don't worry.
43
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,836
We got lots of opportunities.
44
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,237
Well, that's good.
45
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:44,073
Because Danny here is about
as available as you can get.
46
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:47,010
You make it sound like
I'm only after one thing.
47
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,077
Aren't you?
48
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,534
No.
49
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:56,752
Hello.
50
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,121
Believe me, Shirley,
51
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,723
this is the place for
you to find a husband.
52
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:06,562
Grandma... I won't
say another word.
53
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:09,265
Come on, Grams, this
is your birthday present.
54
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,301
I brought you on this
cruise so we could have fun,
55
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,636
not so you could
find me a husband.
56
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,539
I gave my promise and
I'm going to stick to it.
57
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,974
No interference in your life.
58
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,378
You're a big girl now. You
know what you're doing.
59
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,980
You don't need a
meddling old lady.
60
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,217
Oh, Gram.
61
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,986
Well, now you've
had the grand tour.
62
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,487
Ah, the Love Boat.
63
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,289
It's a big waterbed.
64
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:35,658
I heard of sex, but
this is going overboard.
65
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,128
Boy, you haven't changed a bit.
66
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,730
Yeah, but you have.
67
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:41,831
And I can't get over it. Hm.
68
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,132
I really can't.
69
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,535
I remember you were this
big. Came right up to the thigh.
70
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,337
And here you are
now, the cruise director
71
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,905
of the big,
beautiful floatel. Hm.
72
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,741
I bet your dad's tickled pink.
73
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,644
He is. And he asked me to
say hello to you, Mr. Keys.
74
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,646
Barry. Barry.
75
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,047
Oh.
76
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,615
Yeah. His delivery's so good.
77
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:01,451
Freddy Stevens!
78
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:02,686
One of the biggest agents
79
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,254
we have here in the business.
80
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,723
Barry... Uh, uh... If
you came on this boat
81
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,725
to sign me up, forget it.
82
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,825
I'm on vacation.
83
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,769
Right, Barry. Anything you say.
84
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,880
Don't be such a sore loser.
85
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,601
Uh, yoo-hoo.
86
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,591
Uh... Uh, sailor person.
87
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,073
Welcome aboard, ladies.
88
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,074
I'm Yeoman-Purser Smith.
89
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,075
How can I help you?
90
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,577
Hello, I'm Shirley Warner.
91
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,646
This is my grandmother,
Mrs. Warner.
92
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,881
Ah, we'd like to have our meals
93
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,705
at a table for singles.
94
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,352
Huh.
95
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:38,755
Can't tell you how
the hotel was murder.
96
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,257
The rooms were so small,
you had to go out in the hall
97
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,281
just to change your mind.
98
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,495
You're gonna take the
elevator down three decks,
99
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,230
and then you turn left,
go down the passage...
100
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,431
Whoa, wait a minute.
101
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,566
Aren't you gonna
escort me to my suite?
102
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,036
Well, Barry, see,
according to this,
103
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,071
you're not exactly in a suite.
104
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,239
Well, that's okay.
105
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,708
I remember when I
starred at the Thunderbird,
106
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,076
they overbooked
the hotel so much,
107
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,980
they could only put
me up in a broom closet.
108
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,880
I had a choice: sleep or sweep.
109
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,182
Oh. No, seriously,
110
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,484
I'm gonna be up on the deck.
111
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,418
I'll socialize, mingle
with the little people.
112
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:10,620
You know how it is.
113
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,388
I'm sure you'll have
a wonderful time.
114
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,457
Hey, here's the elevator.
115
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,691
Hey! I got scared.
116
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:16,993
I thought this
was my room first.
117
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,595
But, uh, look at that.
A captive audience.
118
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:20,830
What do you know about that?
119
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,088
Did you ever hear the
story about the one-armed...
120
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,403
Welcome aboard, ladies.
121
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,872
I'm Captain Stubing.
122
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:29,872
Hello.
123
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:30,874
Oh, hello. Hello.
124
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,608
You're Captain Stubing. Yes.
125
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,443
Well, Leonard Keller
126
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,813
never stopped
mentioning your name.
127
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,381
Leonard Keller?
128
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:42,385
Uh, he took this cruise
about, uh, four years ago. Oh.
129
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:43,886
Pale, frail.
130
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:47,056
And when he came home,
he had put on 12 pounds.
131
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,926
Said he never felt
healthier in his life.
132
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,294
Well, that's just marvelous.
133
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,852
Well, uh, how is,
uh, Leonard Keller?
134
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:58,223
Uh...
135
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,959
Oh, uh, he died.
136
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,640
Oh.
137
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,708
I'm sorry.
138
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,875
Yeah.
139
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,443
Well, that's life.
140
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:09,845
Come on, Shirley.
141
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:40,610
No, it's cool.
142
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,401
I got a friend who
owes me a favor.
143
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,213
Thank you.
144
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,249
Listen, I got another friend
who owes me some caviar.
145
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,884
No, that's okay, Isaac.
146
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,620
I just want Barry to
feel like he's still on top.
147
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,787
You know, when he was a star,
148
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:53,456
he gave my dad his
start in the business.
149
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,091
No kidding?
150
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,894
You know, I think I remember
Barry when I was a kid.
151
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,763
Didn't he used to appear
on The Ed Sullivan Show?
152
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,431
Yeah, he was on
all those shows then.
153
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:04,099
And didn't he wear a
crazy hat and carry a cane?
154
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,468
He still does.
155
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:06,802
And didn't he tell old jokes?
156
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:09,038
He still does.
157
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:12,096
But he sure deserves more
than the cheapest cabin on a ship.
158
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,167
Thanks again.
159
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,369
Anytime.
160
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:21,872
Coming.
161
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:24,988
Oops.
162
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,222
Special delivery.
163
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,523
Compliments of the captain.
164
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:28,792
Cap?
165
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,159
Uh, how nice.
166
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,161
I guess you're old enough
167
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:32,545
to have a little
bubbly these days.
168
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,665
Oh, Barry, it's been
such a long time
169
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:37,855
since I've seen you.
170
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,637
You remember when you
were just a little bitty thing,
171
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,873
and your dad used to
bring you backstage?
172
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,275
I remember.
173
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:48,478
Your father was one
of the nicest persons
174
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:49,834
I ever helped.
175
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,482
Oh, if you hadn't
helped my father,
176
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,617
he might not have
gone into show business.
177
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,119
Speaking of show business,
178
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,686
what do you do here on board?
179
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,588
I mean, you got any
entertainment here?
180
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,390
Oh, yeah. There's a terrific
181
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,825
combo in the Acapulco Lounge,
182
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,160
and we've got some great acts...
183
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,795
I know what you're thinking.
184
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:09,232
You're wondering if old
Uncle Barry will do his act.
185
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,533
I'll tell you, Julie,
186
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,917
I really came on the
cruise to take a rest.
187
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,072
Oh, I wouldn't dream
of imposing on you.
188
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,507
I'm sure the last
thing you want to do
189
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,476
while you're on
this ship is to work.
190
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,345
Julie, if it'll help you
out, I'll do 15 minutes.
191
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,069
Not my whole act.
192
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,749
We... I'd love it,
193
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:30,019
but I really don't
think that's necessary.
194
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,254
Fine with me, but do you think
195
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,256
I should disappoint the captain?
196
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,257
Captain?
197
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,992
Come on, Julie.
198
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,561
What do you think he
sent the champagne for?
199
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,174
Gonna take a picture?
200
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,409
No. I'm going bowling.
201
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,110
Can't you tell by my shoes?
202
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,481
That's... That's funny.
203
00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,748
That's funny.
204
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:00,916
You know, this, uh,
205
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,219
photography thing
must be fascinating.
206
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,643
You got so many
things to shoot here.
207
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,191
Uh... Hey...
208
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,892
Hey, why don't
you take a picture of
209
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,861
Mr. Man-About-Boat?
210
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,863
I don't do still life.
211
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,087
And you're blocking my light.
212
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,276
Where would you like me to move?
213
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,325
Cleveland.
214
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:34,340
Sorry.
215
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,608
Ah!
216
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:39,912
Shirley.
217
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:41,958
Dave?
218
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,361
Dave King. Ha.
219
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,564
Oh, what a c... How are you?
220
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,365
I haven't seen you
since the reunion.
221
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,833
Well, what's it
been? Five years?
222
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,501
Just about.
223
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:53,502
I hear you got married.
224
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,338
Also, uh... we're divorced.
225
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:57,540
Oh.
226
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,576
So how about you?
You, uh, still single?
227
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,111
Yeah, still single.
228
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,913
That's great.
229
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,481
Not according to my grandmother.
230
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,786
Oh! Gram?!
231
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,554
Gram, come here, I want
you to meet somebody.
232
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,223
Oh.
233
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,792
You remember my grandmother.
234
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,259
Uh, what a wonderful character.
235
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,595
Yeah, well, she hasn't
mellowed with age.
236
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,596
Mm.
237
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,665
Gram. You remember Dave King?
238
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,267
I went with him
in my senior year.
239
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,435
Hello, Mrs. Warner.
240
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,269
Uh, Dave King, Dave King.
241
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:30,706
Uh, Shirley always
had so many fellas.
242
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:33,342
I had to figure a way
to remember them all.
243
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,411
Uh, oh, yeah.
244
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,915
Oh, now I remember,
you were O.D.D.
245
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,941
Uh, Old DeSoto, Dandruff.
246
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,356
Well, actually, I got
rid of them both. Huh.
247
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,420
You know, he's got me
pretty well pegged, all right.
248
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:50,426
Well, uh... Now, uh...
249
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,962
Listen, David, um...
since you graduated,
250
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,531
what have you been
doing with yourself?
251
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,687
Oh, I'm a teacher.
252
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,735
How wonderful.
253
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,370
Did you hear that, Shirley?
254
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,605
A teacher.
255
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,740
What college do you teach at?
256
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,776
Oh, no, no. I... I
don't teach college.
257
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,577
I... I teach 6th
grade arithmetic.
258
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:09,878
Oh.
259
00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:12,348
Uh... excuse me, uh...
260
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,651
Uh, I have to talk
to her in private.
261
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,653
It's very important.
262
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,387
E-excuse me, Dave.
I'll be right back.
263
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,388
Grandma.
264
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,622
Grandma.
265
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:22,725
Gram, are you gonna start again?
266
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,794
I am not interfering with you,
267
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,328
I'm talking to you as a friend.
268
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,297
He's not right for you.
269
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,032
What is this "right for me?"
270
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,233
He's a person I know.
271
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,368
I'm talking to him.
272
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,437
Do you know what a
schoolteacher makes?
273
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:38,774
On his pay, he is
probably a stowaway.
274
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,410
Oh, Gram, honestly.
275
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,514
Far be it for me to
tell you what to do.
276
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:45,848
But?
277
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,085
But this is a place for you
278
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,653
to find a nice boy.
279
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,823
Promise me that you won't spend
280
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,207
all your time with Mr. Wrong?
281
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,494
I promise.
282
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:01,363
And that you will go
and mix and mingle.
283
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,733
I'll mix, I'll mingle.
284
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,157
Maybe show a
little more cleavage.
285
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,752
You're a male, right?
286
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,753
You're 19 years old.
287
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:24,754
And a half.
288
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,556
Nineteen and a half.
289
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,023
You're a freshman in college,
290
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,925
one of the finest
pledges in our fraternity.
291
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:31,894
You just got this
one little problem.
292
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,395
You're still a...
293
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,831
Oh. Oh, what's the
word I'm looking for? A...
294
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:36,921
Virgin.
295
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,736
That's the word.
296
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,471
So what are you sitting
around do nothing for?
297
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,806
There is a boat, uh,
loaded with women.
298
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,943
You're the one who said,
"By the time I get to Acapulco."
299
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,577
Yes, sir.
300
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,513
Come on. Lay off of him.
301
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,814
Will you two leave?
302
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,081
You know, there are worse things
303
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:57,320
in the world than
being a... In your state.
304
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,188
Yeah, you could have
a couple broken legs.
305
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,856
My brother has the same problem.
306
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:01,991
Your brother?
307
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,126
The attorney?
308
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,694
No, my brother the
Little League pitcher.
309
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,118
But as soon as he
hits puberty, watch out.
310
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:11,690
Later.
311
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,711
Well, now we're
coming to the punch!
312
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,647
Waiter. Hey, hey.
Come here, come here.
313
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,483
Bring me a plate of
oysters, and hold the pearls.
314
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:29,786
Now that's the first joke.
315
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,187
Wanna hear the second one?
316
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,313
He could wipe the
smile off the Mona Lisa.
317
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,860
I don't know what to do.
318
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:40,364
He's angling for me
to put him in the show.
319
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,100
Just tell him we have a
new entertainment policy.
320
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,202
We only use entertainers.
321
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,536
Thanks.
322
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:48,637
Say, Captain.
323
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,138
Would you pass me
the butter, please?
324
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,642
I would appreciate it very much.
325
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,509
If I could only get
the waiter over here,
326
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,693
I would appreciate
this, uh, even a lot more.
327
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,949
That's the way it is for folks
who, uh, keep... Take advantage,
328
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,933
and all that stuff.
Uh, there you go...
329
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,190
Hello.
330
00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:35,717
I couldn't help but
notice you here.
331
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,420
You certainly are attractive.
332
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,656
Tsk. I was wondering
if you'd like to...
333
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:43,892
What?
334
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:50,567
Come down to my cabin tonight!
335
00:14:58,330 --> 00:14:59,442
Nice talking to you.
336
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,466
Uh-huh.
337
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,617
How many days does he have left?
338
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,486
I don't know. But he's gonna
need every one of them.
339
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:16,925
Oh, boy.
340
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:18,327
So then the guy says:
341
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,329
"Listen, how do I
know that you know
342
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:23,699
"why there's 652
cows in the herd?
343
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,200
Exactly how?"
344
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:26,869
He says, "That's easy.
345
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:30,039
You count the legs,
you divide by four."
346
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,342
Isn't that wild?
347
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,011
Huh? Is that beautiful?
348
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,155
I mean...
349
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:41,683
- I mean, uh, the...
- Well...
350
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,055
Ooh. Excuse me.
351
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:49,280
I, uh, never fool around
with young people.
352
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,728
Hey, Julie.
353
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:53,729
How are you?
354
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,797
Now, when am I on the bill?
355
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:57,767
I mean, uh, I'm a
headliner, you know.
356
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,234
I don't go on first.
357
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,702
Well, uh, Barry,
358
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:03,739
I haven't actually had time
to reschedule the show yet.
359
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,741
I, uh... Ah, details.
360
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:06,976
I'll leave that to you.
361
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,277
Listen, I gotta go rehearse.
362
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,379
So I'll see you
later, huh, kiddo?
363
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:11,447
You don't have to thank me.
364
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,638
I'd do anything for you, okay?
365
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,353
What do you say, captain?
366
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:19,855
Hey, who's watching the store?
367
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:20,879
Yeah. Heh.
368
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,762
He was bothering you too, hm?
369
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,198
Who? Mr. Keys? Bothering me?
370
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,768
Ha. Why he's the
funniest man in the world.
371
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,204
Miss McCoy, there
is funny "ha-ha,"
372
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,605
there is funny peculiar.
373
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,607
Woody Allen is funny "ha-ha."
374
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,231
Buttering one's hand
is funny peculiar.
375
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,435
You're right, sir.
376
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,450
But he's expecting me
to put him in the show.
377
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,885
Well, you're the officer in
charge of entertainment.
378
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,153
Tell him no.
379
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,621
But he's an old
friend of my father's.
380
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:53,655
I feel obligated.
381
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:54,656
Then put him in.
382
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,158
But he's not funny.
383
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,392
Then don't put him in.
384
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:59,761
But I like him, and it would
mean so much to him.
385
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,130
Then put him in.
386
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,198
But I have a responsibility
to the other passengers.
387
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:04,533
Then don't put him in.
388
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,102
Miss McCoy, when one is
in the position of authority,
389
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,538
one has to make
difficult decisions...
390
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,040
Decisions that
affect people's lives
391
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,342
but you have to do it.
392
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,099
You have to be rough.
393
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,080
Thank you, sir.
394
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,449
I'm going to be
honest, tell him he stinks
395
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,906
and he's not going on.
396
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,176
That's rough.
397
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,217
Hi, there.
398
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,087
Hi.
399
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:38,789
You live around here?
400
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,331
Nice talking to you.
401
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,480
Just take one of
these before bedtime.
402
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,584
It'll help you to sleep.
403
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,365
I hope so.
404
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,921
Things go whirling
around in my head all night.
405
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,225
What kind of things?
406
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,891
Family things.
407
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,860
There's so much left unfinished.
408
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,628
And I'm not getting any younger.
409
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,933
Well, you're just as young
as you feel, Mrs. Warner.
410
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,266
And you feel pretty young to me.
411
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,570
Little medical joke.
412
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,470
Doctor, your hand.
413
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,906
Yeah. I got one on
the other arm too.
414
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,296
There's no wedding ring.
415
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,710
Right.
416
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,046
Mrs. Warner, is this a proposal?
417
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,347
Ah, ha-ha-ha. Yeah.
418
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,216
How about your insomnia?
419
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,584
What insomnia?
420
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,186
Soon I'll be
sleeping like a baby.
421
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,289
What about that.
I'm a faith healer.
422
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:37,726
How would you like to
meet a young, gorgeous,
423
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,562
sexy person?
424
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,764
I've already met one today.
425
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,535
It's my granddaughter, Shirley.
426
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,637
She's got a brand new car,
427
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,140
she's got a stereo tape deck...
428
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,942
Mrs. Warner, I've been
accused of many things.
429
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,112
But being a fortune
hunter isn't one of them.
430
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,313
What kind of car?
431
00:18:58,337 --> 00:18:59,949
What... Believe me, Mrs. Warner,
432
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,783
I'd love to meet
her, but really...
433
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:05,354
Shall we say in the
Acapulco Lounge, 7:00?
434
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,388
Oh, 7.
435
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,722
I've got an awful
lot of things...
436
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,746
Wonderful. I'll see you then.
437
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:17,221
Another fine mess
you've got me into.
438
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:19,868
How's that? That all right?
439
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,236
Yeah, it sounds all right.
440
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,472
Bring it up a little bit.
Yeah. Let's do it that way.
441
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,673
Testing!
442
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:28,043
One, two, three.
443
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,178
Yeah, that sounds all right.
444
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,178
Hold it right there.
445
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:31,981
Hey, Ronnie?
446
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,083
Give me the spotlight.
447
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:35,116
That's good.
448
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:36,385
You know, it would
be a good idea
449
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,586
if you iris in on my head
450
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:40,110
when I'm doing a
parody, right? Good.
451
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:42,457
Julie, how are you?
452
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:44,641
Just straightening
out the spotlight.
453
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,796
Can I talk to you
a minute, Barry?
454
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,520
Yeah, sure. Ronnie, take five.
455
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,837
Barry, you know
that when we book
456
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,138
the shows for these cruises,
457
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,273
that they're pretty well
worked out in advance, right?
458
00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,975
Yeah. Go ahead.
459
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,410
Well, I don't know how
to tell you this, but I...
460
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,313
What's wrong?
461
00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:06,815
What is it?
462
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,550
I'm all right. Let me
get the doctor for you.
463
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:10,152
No, no, no, no,
no. I'll be all right.
464
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,286
Let me catch my breath.
465
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,923
I'll be... I'll be
okay. I... Uh, really.
466
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:15,090
What is it, Barry? Your heart?
467
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,124
No, no, no. Look.
468
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,126
I'll be all right.
469
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,894
Just... let me rest a second.
470
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,496
Are you sure?
471
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,880
Do you know what I really need?
472
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,703
The sound of applause.
473
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,202
I'll bet you after
the show tonight,
474
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,704
I'll feel real good.
475
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,462
Wild horses couldn't
stop me from performing.
476
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,847
The show must go on, Julie.
477
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:37,509
Right?
478
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,749
Right.
479
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:41,939
The show will go on.
480
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:45,676
And you will too.
481
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,729
Okay. Let's try
some jumping jacks.
482
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,153
As my old army
sergeant used to say...
483
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,734
I'll tell you guys later
what he used to say.
484
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,758
Here we go.
485
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,972
Hello, my name is Danny.
486
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:07,042
Would you like to come
for a drink with me later?
487
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,345
See that man lifting weights?
488
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,347
That is my husband.
489
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:16,072
Well... nice talking to you.
490
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:23,848
Hi.
491
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,761
Hi.
492
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:27,918
You look kind of beat.
493
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,099
I am.
494
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:32,434
Uh, in case you're wondering,
495
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,936
my name is Barbara Holmes.
496
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,738
I'm sorry. I'm Danny.
497
00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:36,993
Yeah, I know.
498
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:45,068
Are you meditating,
or... are you just bored?
499
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,284
I got a lot on my mind.
500
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,518
Like, with school?
501
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,053
No. Hey, school's always
been a piece of cake.
502
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:53,688
I wish I could say that.
503
00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:56,413
I'm majoring in communications,
and it's killing me.
504
00:21:57,115 --> 00:21:58,627
Communications.
505
00:21:58,651 --> 00:21:59,761
Yeah.
506
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:00,929
Yeah, me too.
507
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:03,665
Well, then, we should
be able to communicate.
508
00:22:03,689 --> 00:22:04,866
I guess so.
509
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:06,268
I better get going.
510
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:07,757
How about a toast?
511
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,872
Sure, why not?
512
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,396
To, uh...
513
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:15,277
To success.
514
00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:17,112
To success.
515
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,642
It's been very
nice talking to you.
516
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:37,621
You really dig him, don't you?
517
00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:39,635
Yeah.
518
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:43,672
It's none of my
business, but... why?
519
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,840
I mean, he's only
after one thing.
520
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:49,210
No. There's a lot
more to him than that.
521
00:22:49,234 --> 00:22:51,112
He's bright, he's sweet,
522
00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:52,681
he's a really nice guy.
523
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,551
Are they selling rose-colored
glasses in the gift shop?
524
00:22:55,575 --> 00:22:57,652
Come on, he's under a lot
of pressure from his friends,
525
00:22:57,676 --> 00:22:58,787
you know?
526
00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:00,321
If he could just get
past this one thing,
527
00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:01,723
he could be himself.
528
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:04,660
You know, you're pretty
sharp for such a young girl.
529
00:23:04,684 --> 00:23:06,995
It's not gonna do me any good.
530
00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:08,518
He doesn't even know I exist.
531
00:23:09,922 --> 00:23:12,022
Well... nice talking to you.
532
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:18,073
Tsk.
533
00:23:18,097 --> 00:23:19,296
That's what they all say.
534
00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:21,643
Seven o'clock!
535
00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:22,844
I can't make it.
536
00:23:22,868 --> 00:23:25,214
Believe me, Shirley,
he's handsome,
537
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:29,551
Johns Hopkins, single,
and you can't make it.
538
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:31,786
Where are you when I need you?
539
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:34,989
Gram, Dave King
invited me for a drink at 7,
540
00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:36,491
and, Gram, he's very nice.
541
00:23:36,515 --> 00:23:39,328
Can nice buy you a condominium?
542
00:23:39,352 --> 00:23:41,029
I'm talking doctor.
543
00:23:41,053 --> 00:23:42,753
I'm sorry. I've made my plans.
544
00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:46,000
What are you doing?
545
00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:47,169
What... What are you doing?
546
00:23:47,193 --> 00:23:49,638
I'm throwing myself overboard.
547
00:23:49,662 --> 00:23:53,275
What is the point of living,
when my granddaughter
548
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:55,377
gives up a doctor for a nobody.
549
00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:59,013
Where are you when I need you?
550
00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:00,515
Stop that.
551
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:03,585
Really?
552
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:04,953
I mean, you're
gonna let Barry Keys
553
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:05,953
do the show tomorrow?
554
00:24:05,977 --> 00:24:07,489
Yes, I am.
555
00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:10,214
Well... I mean, it might work.
556
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:12,995
Disaster movies are in.
557
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:17,465
Isaac, just between you and me,
558
00:24:17,489 --> 00:24:19,634
he's a very sick man.
559
00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:21,036
And this could
be his last chance
560
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:23,005
to be in the spotlight.
561
00:24:23,029 --> 00:24:24,269
You understand.
562
00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:28,276
Julie, you're all right.
563
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:29,678
Oh, let me take it in.
564
00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:30,678
Okay.
565
00:24:30,702 --> 00:24:31,902
Thanks.
566
00:24:32,938 --> 00:24:33,938
Julie.
567
00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:37,452
Maybe if I'm extra
generous with the drinks,
568
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:40,043
the audience will be
too bombed to walk out.
569
00:24:46,352 --> 00:24:47,352
Come in.
570
00:24:57,062 --> 00:24:58,573
Is that what you call resting?
571
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:01,310
Uh, uh... Uh, let me explain.
572
00:25:01,334 --> 00:25:03,111
That was a phony
heart attack, wasn't it?
573
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:04,579
Always thought I
could have made it
574
00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,470
as a straight actor. I...
575
00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:08,540
Julie...
576
00:25:11,577 --> 00:25:12,776
Okay, I'm a phony.
577
00:25:14,347 --> 00:25:15,545
But a desperate one.
578
00:25:16,782 --> 00:25:18,827
Why do you think I
came on this cruise for?
579
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:20,695
Because I knew that
Freddy Stevens, the agent,
580
00:25:20,719 --> 00:25:22,497
was gonna be on it.
581
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:23,865
Back in Hollywood
582
00:25:23,889 --> 00:25:26,435
they won't even let me
in the office to audition.
583
00:25:26,459 --> 00:25:27,459
Ain't that a laugh?
584
00:25:29,161 --> 00:25:31,594
I was a star when he
was pressing pants.
585
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:37,179
So you used me?
586
00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:39,080
Guilty.
587
00:25:39,104 --> 00:25:41,249
But I helped your father.
588
00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:42,572
You owe me one.
589
00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:47,723
Right.
590
00:25:47,747 --> 00:25:49,791
But after you do
the show tonight...
591
00:25:49,815 --> 00:25:51,348
the slate's clean.
592
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:12,214
Is there no end to a
doctor's self-sacrifice?
593
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:13,448
Give her a chance, Doc.
594
00:26:13,472 --> 00:26:15,283
I mean, how bad can she be?
595
00:26:16,308 --> 00:26:17,419
Is that her?
596
00:26:17,443 --> 00:26:19,187
Uh-oh. The moment of truth.
597
00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:21,423
Ah, there you are, doctor.
598
00:26:21,447 --> 00:26:23,758
Ah, there you are, Mrs. Warner.
599
00:26:23,782 --> 00:26:26,161
Come and meet
my beautiful Shirley
600
00:26:26,185 --> 00:26:27,963
with the warm disposition,
601
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:31,121
who can cook and
sew like a bandit.
602
00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:36,793
A sewing bandit?
603
00:26:37,997 --> 00:26:39,775
Oh, Mrs. Warner, I forgot.
604
00:26:39,799 --> 00:26:42,643
I've... I've got to perform an
emergency appendectomy.
605
00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:43,779
Ridiculous.
606
00:26:43,803 --> 00:26:46,314
No, on myself.
607
00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:47,649
You're just nervous.
608
00:26:47,673 --> 00:26:48,649
Oh, yes.
609
00:26:48,673 --> 00:26:49,885
Shirley will make you relax.
610
00:26:49,909 --> 00:26:50,886
But I'm not dressed.
611
00:26:50,910 --> 00:26:52,087
Y... My dear fellow.
612
00:26:53,111 --> 00:26:54,455
Just to keep my
grandmother happy,
613
00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:56,892
I've invited him over
for a drink, okay?
614
00:26:56,916 --> 00:26:58,226
Okay, but just one drink.
615
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:01,730
I am not sharing you
for more than 15 minutes.
616
00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:08,403
Dr. Bricker, may I
present my granddaughter,
617
00:27:08,427 --> 00:27:09,838
Shirley Warner.
618
00:27:09,862 --> 00:27:11,328
How do you do, doctor?
619
00:27:12,731 --> 00:27:14,497
Hello, Shirley.
620
00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:19,314
I'd, uh, like you to meet
my friend, Dave King.
621
00:27:19,338 --> 00:27:20,582
Dave, nice to see you.
622
00:27:20,606 --> 00:27:22,350
How are you? Nice...
Good to... Good to know you.
623
00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:23,719
Well. Uh,
624
00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:27,055
now, uh, I'll leave you
two alone in peace.
625
00:27:27,079 --> 00:27:30,158
Dave, they're playing our song.
626
00:27:30,182 --> 00:27:31,192
Oh!
627
00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:32,193
Oh.
628
00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:33,962
Shirley, Shirley, Shirley.
629
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,764
Where have you been all my life?
630
00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:37,832
Ah-huh.
631
00:27:50,536 --> 00:27:52,480
Okay. "Prentice."
632
00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:54,649
Sandy Prentice.
633
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:57,385
Is she the one with
the great left jab?
634
00:27:57,409 --> 00:27:59,454
Hi. Hi. How come
you didn't go ashore?
635
00:27:59,478 --> 00:28:00,855
Ah, no time. No time.
636
00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,423
"Harriet Langdon."
637
00:28:02,447 --> 00:28:03,925
She's 72 years old.
638
00:28:03,949 --> 00:28:05,149
Ah, is she single?
639
00:28:06,819 --> 00:28:09,498
Well, we can scratch
Harriet Langdon.
640
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:13,001
"Jones, Carmel Lois."
641
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:15,504
Ah, forget her. She's the
one I spilled spaghetti on.
642
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:17,572
Danny... "Beverly Amato."
643
00:28:17,596 --> 00:28:18,707
He's a guy.
644
00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:20,541
Danny, could I talk to
you for a minute, please?
645
00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:22,277
Uh, sure. Yeah, sure, sure.
646
00:28:22,301 --> 00:28:24,046
I mean as a friend. Yeah.
647
00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:25,513
Okay, now, you've
been on this cruise
648
00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:26,781
for a couple of days now.
649
00:28:26,805 --> 00:28:29,050
And I was wondering,
have you had any fun?
650
00:28:29,074 --> 00:28:30,052
Fun?
651
00:28:30,076 --> 00:28:31,608
Sure I had fun.
652
00:28:32,778 --> 00:28:35,022
Maybe not exactly fun.
653
00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:36,424
Look, I didn't come
here to have fun.
654
00:28:36,448 --> 00:28:37,814
I came here to find a woman.
655
00:28:39,751 --> 00:28:40,962
Ah, that didn't come out right,
656
00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:42,364
but you know what I mean.
657
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:43,731
No, I don't know what you mean.
658
00:28:43,755 --> 00:28:45,233
I don't think you
know what you mean.
659
00:28:45,257 --> 00:28:46,734
I mean, you've got
this point to prove,
660
00:28:46,758 --> 00:28:48,518
and I think it's
making you miserable.
661
00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:51,540
This is all so unnecessary.
662
00:28:51,564 --> 00:28:52,640
Ah, to you, maybe,
663
00:28:52,664 --> 00:28:54,108
but I'm all this
ship talks about.
664
00:28:54,132 --> 00:28:56,378
I mean, this guy came
up to me and he said,
665
00:28:56,402 --> 00:29:00,782
"Is it," uh... "Is it true
what they say about you?"
666
00:29:00,806 --> 00:29:02,350
I said yes, and...
667
00:29:02,374 --> 00:29:04,319
he asked me for my autograph.
668
00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:07,010
I think you're exaggerating.
669
00:29:08,514 --> 00:29:10,325
Danny, I'm a woman,
670
00:29:10,349 --> 00:29:13,328
and I can tell you that
sex is only a small part
671
00:29:13,352 --> 00:29:14,862
of what makes a
good relationship.
672
00:29:14,886 --> 00:29:17,032
I mean, there is
much, much more.
673
00:29:17,056 --> 00:29:19,034
Okay, maybe I'm crazy,
674
00:29:19,058 --> 00:29:21,258
but if I don't, uh...
675
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,173
I'm never gonna
hear the end of it.
676
00:29:25,197 --> 00:29:28,143
Hey, maybe I should
become a monk.
677
00:29:28,167 --> 00:29:30,245
I've already got the
celibacy part mastered.
678
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:32,713
I think you're trying too hard.
679
00:29:32,737 --> 00:29:34,082
Yeah?
680
00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:36,717
It's probably like
studying for finals.
681
00:29:36,741 --> 00:29:39,141
Everything comes to
you on the last night.
682
00:29:40,479 --> 00:29:43,859
Couldn't you try to think
of something besides sex?
683
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:49,964
Well, I have to
admit it, Mrs. Warner,
684
00:29:49,988 --> 00:29:52,167
everything you said
about Shirley is true.
685
00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:55,269
Would I lie to a
professional man?
686
00:29:55,293 --> 00:29:56,871
There they are.
687
00:29:56,895 --> 00:29:59,941
Ha-ha. Shirley, and,
uh, acquaintance.
688
00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:01,142
Hi, Shirley.
689
00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:02,711
Hi, uh, acquaintance.
690
00:30:02,735 --> 00:30:04,613
David King to the purser's desk.
691
00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:06,848
David King, please.
692
00:30:06,872 --> 00:30:07,949
Ah, excuse me.
693
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:10,533
I'd better go see
what they want.
694
00:30:11,543 --> 00:30:13,621
Thought he'd never leave.
695
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,623
Well, let's see, uh,
your move or mine?
696
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,125
I don't believe this.
697
00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:19,394
Gram, did you deliberately
have David paged?
698
00:30:19,418 --> 00:30:20,394
No.
699
00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:21,618
I did.
700
00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:43,040
You are missing the party.
701
00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:45,653
Are all the women weeping?
702
00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:46,688
Come on.
703
00:30:46,712 --> 00:30:48,356
Tonight might be
your lucky night.
704
00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:49,657
Yeah.
705
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,259
I might fall overboard.
706
00:30:56,754 --> 00:30:58,021
Hello, Danny.
707
00:30:59,557 --> 00:31:01,236
Barbara.
708
00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:03,437
Have you come to
gawk at the eternal virgin
709
00:31:03,461 --> 00:31:05,206
in his natural habitat?
710
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:07,508
Hey. I'm here because, well...
711
00:31:07,532 --> 00:31:09,477
Well, I was hoping that
before the trip was over,
712
00:31:09,501 --> 00:31:11,346
that we might get the
chance to know each other.
713
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:13,581
You mean that?
714
00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,872
I'm here, aren't I?
715
00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:19,742
Yeah, you are.
716
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,160
Do you want to take a
walk around the ship?
717
00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:25,393
Sure.
718
00:31:25,417 --> 00:31:26,695
Sure. Why not?
719
00:31:26,719 --> 00:31:29,719
Or I guess we could always
go down to your cabin.
720
00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:31,508
My cabin?
721
00:31:34,927 --> 00:31:36,193
Sure. My cabin.
722
00:31:37,529 --> 00:31:39,607
Uh, it's this way, isn't it?
723
00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:41,776
Uh... right.
724
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,078
But, ah... Ah, it's left.
725
00:31:44,102 --> 00:31:45,446
But, uh, that's right.
726
00:31:46,639 --> 00:31:48,917
Uh... I mean, uh,
that... That's correct.
727
00:31:48,941 --> 00:31:51,774
Right. That's... That's correct.
728
00:31:58,617 --> 00:32:00,537
Uh...
729
00:32:07,559 --> 00:32:09,258
Why don't you sit over there?
730
00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:17,200
Well, why don't
you sit next to me?
731
00:32:19,337 --> 00:32:20,314
Good.
732
00:32:20,338 --> 00:32:22,378
It's, uh...
733
00:32:28,580 --> 00:32:30,158
Here we are.
734
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,060
Yeah.
735
00:32:32,084 --> 00:32:35,663
Ah... Uh...
736
00:32:35,687 --> 00:32:37,899
would you like a
little champagne or...
737
00:32:37,923 --> 00:32:39,222
No, I don't drink.
738
00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:41,624
Neither do I.
739
00:32:43,162 --> 00:32:46,508
Uh... little music, huh?
740
00:32:46,532 --> 00:32:49,777
Something... soft and lyrical,
741
00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,247
and lovely as you are.
742
00:32:52,271 --> 00:32:55,205
I got a cassette of the
Led Zeppelin over here.
743
00:32:56,542 --> 00:32:57,985
Uh, Danny?
744
00:32:58,009 --> 00:33:00,121
Uh... poetry, huh?
745
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:03,925
I know this little
piece by John Donne.
746
00:33:03,949 --> 00:33:06,393
I wandered lonely as a cloud
747
00:33:06,417 --> 00:33:09,297
That floats on high
o'er hill and dale,
748
00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:12,466
When all at once I saw a crowd,
749
00:33:12,490 --> 00:33:16,237
A host, of lovely daffodils.
750
00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:18,773
Danny, that's Wordsworth.
751
00:33:18,797 --> 00:33:19,774
Yeah.
752
00:33:19,798 --> 00:33:22,331
And Danny... Yeah?
753
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,847
Knock it off.
754
00:33:35,947 --> 00:33:38,359
What's wrong?
755
00:33:38,383 --> 00:33:39,883
What are you doing here?
756
00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:41,952
Huh. What?
757
00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:45,400
I, uh... I can't figure out
758
00:33:45,424 --> 00:33:46,934
what you're doing here.
759
00:33:46,958 --> 00:33:49,837
I'm here because I like you.
760
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:52,173
Why?
761
00:33:52,197 --> 00:33:53,408
Do you want a list?
762
00:33:53,432 --> 00:33:54,432
Yeah.
763
00:33:57,569 --> 00:33:58,868
Uh...
764
00:34:04,576 --> 00:34:06,209
I think you're a nice guy.
765
00:34:07,312 --> 00:34:08,623
And... And I thought, well,
766
00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:11,993
maybe the two of us
could get along, you know?
767
00:34:12,017 --> 00:34:14,584
Maybe you could like me and...
768
00:34:16,088 --> 00:34:17,598
Well, I know I'm
not beautiful, but...
769
00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:18,666
Oh, come on, knock it off.
770
00:34:18,690 --> 00:34:20,534
You're... You're beautiful.
771
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:21,535
No, I'm not.
772
00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:22,736
No, yes you are.
773
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,737
No.
774
00:34:23,761 --> 00:34:26,440
Hey. Yes. Yes, you are.
775
00:34:26,464 --> 00:34:28,609
You're beautiful.
776
00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:31,033
You are. You're beautiful.
777
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:40,576
Now that's what I
call communicating.
778
00:35:02,033 --> 00:35:03,111
Ladies and gentlemen,
779
00:35:03,135 --> 00:35:04,845
we're privileged to
have with us tonight,
780
00:35:04,869 --> 00:35:06,147
for a special performance,
781
00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:08,383
one of America's finest comics.
782
00:35:08,407 --> 00:35:11,219
Let's have a big
welcome for Barry Keys.
783
00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:20,695
Thank you.
784
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,064
Now, uh, I'd... I'd like
to get one thing straight.
785
00:35:23,088 --> 00:35:26,333
Uh, first of all, I want you
to know I'm 67 years old.
786
00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:28,803
I'm a lot different than other
comics, uh, the same age,
787
00:35:28,827 --> 00:35:30,437
you know, 'cause I'm really 84.
788
00:35:32,097 --> 00:35:35,310
I... Uh, 85?
789
00:35:35,334 --> 00:35:36,310
It's on?
790
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,346
The mike, it's on?
791
00:35:38,370 --> 00:35:40,036
Can you hear me?!
792
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:42,139
Uh...
793
00:35:43,442 --> 00:35:45,886
Uh, speaking about
inflation, because, ha-ha...
794
00:35:45,910 --> 00:35:48,356
Uh, you remember
the old days when, uh...
795
00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:50,624
Uh... Uh, you wouldn't
give two cents for a guy.
796
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:52,093
Remember them? Huh?
797
00:35:52,117 --> 00:35:55,362
Well, today it's, uh...
They're three for a dollar. Ha!
798
00:35:55,386 --> 00:35:58,499
Isn't that wild?
799
00:35:58,523 --> 00:36:01,024
Uh, the... I know you're
out there, I hear breathing.
800
00:36:02,393 --> 00:36:04,593
Uh, you are an
English-speaking audience?
801
00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,377
Well, listen. I mean,
802
00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:12,568
those used to get big laughs
in the old days, you know?
803
00:36:14,873 --> 00:36:17,885
That's what it is,
old jokes. You know?
804
00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:19,354
Why don't I get
a stool, sit down,
805
00:36:19,378 --> 00:36:21,489
we'll talk a little
bit, we'll rap and...
806
00:36:21,513 --> 00:36:23,353
Don't go away.
I'll be right back.
807
00:36:24,316 --> 00:36:26,382
Thanks, man. Thank you.
808
00:36:28,085 --> 00:36:29,863
Things have changed.
809
00:36:29,887 --> 00:36:34,102
Let's talk a little bit
about the generation gap.
810
00:36:34,126 --> 00:36:35,569
And I'm here to make it wider.
811
00:36:52,577 --> 00:36:54,888
He once did my father a favor.
812
00:36:54,912 --> 00:36:56,657
I know what the favor was.
813
00:36:56,681 --> 00:36:58,748
He didn't make him sit
through the act. A-romp-bump.
814
00:37:02,354 --> 00:37:03,474
Sorry.
815
00:37:04,956 --> 00:37:06,236
No, you're right.
816
00:37:07,158 --> 00:37:10,504
I never should have put him on.
817
00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:12,773
I never should have
let my personal feelings
818
00:37:12,797 --> 00:37:15,237
get in the way of doing my job.
819
00:37:16,168 --> 00:37:17,845
That was a big mistake.
820
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:19,680
True.
821
00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:22,583
But come on, Julie,
don't take it so hard.
822
00:37:22,607 --> 00:37:24,285
You know, I bet you in
a couple of years time,
823
00:37:24,309 --> 00:37:26,421
you'll look back on this
whole thing and laugh.
824
00:37:26,445 --> 00:37:27,521
I don't think so.
825
00:37:27,545 --> 00:37:28,545
I bet you will.
826
00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:30,991
Maybe in ten years.
827
00:37:31,015 --> 00:37:32,282
At least.
828
00:37:34,319 --> 00:37:37,498
Yeah. I am responsible.
829
00:37:37,522 --> 00:37:39,066
I'm gonna go back there
830
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,650
and take it like everybody else.
831
00:37:48,833 --> 00:37:50,566
Not everybody else.
832
00:37:54,773 --> 00:37:56,718
Thank you. Thank you.
833
00:37:56,742 --> 00:37:58,920
And the names
they give kids today.
834
00:37:58,944 --> 00:38:00,955
A lot different than
it was in my day.
835
00:38:00,979 --> 00:38:02,023
My day you had names like
836
00:38:02,047 --> 00:38:04,792
Tom, Dick, Harry,
and Charlie, Mike.
837
00:38:04,816 --> 00:38:06,393
You know, today,
you go to the park,
838
00:38:06,417 --> 00:38:09,663
you hear mothers say names
like, uh, "Michael Jeffrey?"
839
00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:13,101
Or Lafayette?
840
00:38:13,125 --> 00:38:14,935
That's a first name.
841
00:38:14,959 --> 00:38:16,671
Grandma said "Lafayette there?"
842
00:38:19,564 --> 00:38:21,843
I'll tell you, kids
today... born today
843
00:38:21,867 --> 00:38:22,977
are a little bit different.
844
00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:24,144
Let's face it.
845
00:38:24,168 --> 00:38:27,081
Most kids born
today have no spines.
846
00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:28,616
Think I'm joking, huh?
847
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,951
Go to any corner.
This is how they stand:
848
00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:31,953
"Hey.
849
00:38:31,977 --> 00:38:33,654
"Hey, hey.
850
00:38:33,678 --> 00:38:35,011
Where you wanna go, huh?"
851
00:38:36,414 --> 00:38:38,192
And another thing.
852
00:38:38,216 --> 00:38:41,396
When we used
to take out girls...
853
00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:44,331
we didn't go home after
we took the girl home.
854
00:38:44,355 --> 00:38:47,234
We had to go back to
the corner in the old days.
855
00:38:47,258 --> 00:38:48,235
No matter what time,
856
00:38:48,259 --> 00:38:49,270
you went back to the corner
857
00:38:49,294 --> 00:38:50,574
because you had
to give a report.
858
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:54,642
You had to find out
how you made out.
859
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,243
Get to the corner,
there'd be a lot of guys
860
00:38:56,267 --> 00:38:58,027
doing something
like this to you:
861
00:38:59,705 --> 00:39:00,681
And you'd go:
862
00:39:00,705 --> 00:39:02,038
Oh.
863
00:39:04,609 --> 00:39:05,852
But we knew you lied.
864
00:39:13,284 --> 00:39:16,397
Thank you. All right, listen. I
want to thank you very much.
865
00:39:16,421 --> 00:39:18,565
You've been a most
wonderful audience.
866
00:39:18,589 --> 00:39:20,401
And I am a little tired...
867
00:39:20,425 --> 00:39:21,769
and I'm not lying.
868
00:39:21,793 --> 00:39:22,793
Good night.
869
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,753
Fantastic, Barry. Fantastic.
870
00:39:39,777 --> 00:39:42,089
Congratulations,
Barry. You were terrific.
871
00:39:42,113 --> 00:39:43,690
I w... I was good? Right? Yes.
872
00:39:43,714 --> 00:39:45,626
Barry Keys, where
have you been hiding?
873
00:39:45,650 --> 00:39:46,627
Huh?
874
00:39:46,651 --> 00:39:48,629
I've got plans for you, pal.
875
00:39:48,653 --> 00:39:49,997
Come on, we've got to talk.
876
00:39:50,021 --> 00:39:51,899
We'll start out with
some small clubs.
877
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:54,701
Maybe in a couple of months
Las Vegas, TV, you know?
878
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:56,470
Later. Later, okay?
879
00:39:56,494 --> 00:39:58,572
Look, this is important.
880
00:39:58,596 --> 00:40:01,042
This is more important.
881
00:40:01,066 --> 00:40:02,066
I'll see you later.
882
00:40:04,302 --> 00:40:06,913
Mm. Julie, can you
ever forgive me?
883
00:40:06,937 --> 00:40:08,182
Oh.
884
00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:09,584
When you've
been in the spotlight
885
00:40:09,608 --> 00:40:10,618
all your life, and suddenly
886
00:40:10,642 --> 00:40:12,620
people begin to
ignore you, you...
887
00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:13,788
You panic.
888
00:40:13,812 --> 00:40:16,824
You'd do anything
to get their attention.
889
00:40:16,848 --> 00:40:19,368
Anything to get on top again.
890
00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,362
But if it means
losing the respect
891
00:40:22,386 --> 00:40:25,399
of a decent girl
like yourself...
892
00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:27,503
then this time the
price is too high.
893
00:40:28,392 --> 00:40:30,092
Oh, Barry.
894
00:40:31,295 --> 00:40:33,241
It pains me to say this, but...
895
00:40:33,265 --> 00:40:34,345
You still hate me?
896
00:40:35,867 --> 00:40:37,600
You're standing on my foot.
897
00:40:41,739 --> 00:40:43,239
You were terrific.
898
00:40:52,617 --> 00:40:54,027
Hold on.
899
00:40:55,253 --> 00:40:57,765
Doc. I'm sorry to
bother you this late.
900
00:40:57,789 --> 00:40:59,567
Shirley, you cute thing.
901
00:40:59,591 --> 00:41:01,831
At last you see things my way.
902
00:41:02,159 --> 00:41:04,872
Doc... have you
ever been in love?
903
00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:07,775
Oh. At least once
during every cruise.
904
00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:10,978
Uh, no. You see,
with Dave and me...
905
00:41:11,002 --> 00:41:12,368
it's the real thing.
906
00:41:14,639 --> 00:41:16,650
Aha.
907
00:41:16,674 --> 00:41:18,586
Well, why didn't you tell me?
908
00:41:18,610 --> 00:41:19,853
I tried.
909
00:41:19,877 --> 00:41:21,255
But this whole thing mushroomed,
910
00:41:21,279 --> 00:41:23,958
and now my grandmother is
set on the idea of you and me.
911
00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:26,259
I am quite a catch.
912
00:41:26,283 --> 00:41:27,861
Why don't you just
tell your grandmother
913
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,430
what you just told me?
914
00:41:29,454 --> 00:41:32,014
Oh, I don't know how to do
that without hurting her feelings.
915
00:41:33,391 --> 00:41:35,369
She's an old lady.
916
00:41:35,393 --> 00:41:37,705
She's been both
mother and father to me.
917
00:41:37,729 --> 00:41:40,674
She has such high
hopes for my future.
918
00:41:40,698 --> 00:41:42,443
I'm all she has.
919
00:41:42,467 --> 00:41:44,178
And you're scared
to mess with her.
920
00:41:44,202 --> 00:41:45,368
Right.
921
00:41:46,505 --> 00:41:47,948
Oh, I'd never
hear the end of it.
922
00:41:47,972 --> 00:41:51,618
How she found me this terrific
doctor, and I turned him down.
923
00:41:51,642 --> 00:41:53,954
Well, maybe she just
doesn't know me well enough.
924
00:41:53,978 --> 00:41:54,955
What do you mean?
925
00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:56,190
Shirley, ask your grandmother
926
00:41:56,214 --> 00:41:59,827
to be here in my office
about 3 tomorrow.
927
00:41:59,851 --> 00:42:02,129
I might just be able
to turn her around.
928
00:42:02,153 --> 00:42:06,033
Oh, Doc, I thank
you. Dave thanks you.
929
00:42:06,057 --> 00:42:08,069
Yeah. Well, I'm a
poor loser, Shirley,
930
00:42:08,093 --> 00:42:10,493
so don't come to me
for your Wasserman.
931
00:42:21,906 --> 00:42:23,350
Oh, what a dream.
932
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,887
This beautiful corsage
from the doctor.
933
00:42:26,911 --> 00:42:28,422
Him asking us to be here,
934
00:42:28,446 --> 00:42:31,859
because he has
something important to say.
935
00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:33,661
Thank you, thank you,
936
00:42:33,685 --> 00:42:36,964
big matchmaker up in the sky.
937
00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:39,834
We've always wanted
a doctor in the family.
938
00:42:39,858 --> 00:42:42,236
And what a practice.
939
00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:45,906
People come to him
from all over the ship. Oh.
940
00:42:45,930 --> 00:42:48,743
♪ So set 'em up, Joe ♪
941
00:42:48,767 --> 00:42:52,145
♪ I got a lot A lot of stories ♪
942
00:42:52,169 --> 00:42:54,415
♪ You don't wanna know ♪
943
00:42:54,439 --> 00:42:57,150
Oh, my Lord.
944
00:42:57,174 --> 00:43:01,088
♪ To-doodle-de-do ♪
945
00:43:01,112 --> 00:43:03,190
All ready to operate, nurse.
946
00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:04,425
Hiccup. Take off your uniform.
947
00:43:05,449 --> 00:43:08,261
Take your hands off of her!
948
00:43:08,285 --> 00:43:10,163
Oh, it's all right, Gram,
we're almost engaged.
949
00:43:10,187 --> 00:43:12,032
Over my dead body.
950
00:43:12,056 --> 00:43:15,524
Leave her alone, you
degenerate rat. Oh!
951
00:43:17,028 --> 00:43:19,072
Oh.
952
00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:21,997
How did I ever get into this?
953
00:43:25,570 --> 00:43:31,586
I am a stupid,
old meddling fool.
954
00:43:31,610 --> 00:43:33,008
That's right.
955
00:43:34,378 --> 00:43:35,378
Uh...
956
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,325
You're also a wonderful person,
957
00:43:38,349 --> 00:43:40,828
and I love you... very much.
958
00:43:40,852 --> 00:43:42,629
Doc was just putting
on an act for you,
959
00:43:42,653 --> 00:43:46,133
because... I didn't
have the guts to tell you.
960
00:43:46,157 --> 00:43:47,490
I'm in love with Dave.
961
00:43:50,028 --> 00:43:51,338
Oh, I see.
962
00:43:51,362 --> 00:43:52,573
Do you, Gram?
963
00:43:52,597 --> 00:43:54,708
You always look at the
surface of everything.
964
00:43:54,732 --> 00:43:56,677
Do you think that a man
is a better human being
965
00:43:56,701 --> 00:43:57,811
because he's a doctor?
966
00:43:57,835 --> 00:43:59,168
I always thought so.
967
00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:02,583
Gram... Dave is a wonderful guy,
968
00:44:02,607 --> 00:44:04,518
we have everything in common.
969
00:44:04,542 --> 00:44:07,776
I think we can make a go of it.
970
00:44:11,249 --> 00:44:13,427
Then what are you waiting for?
971
00:44:13,451 --> 00:44:15,162
Let's go find him
972
00:44:15,186 --> 00:44:17,864
before he throws you
over for some nobody.
973
00:44:17,888 --> 00:44:20,467
Ah, thanks, Gram.
974
00:44:20,491 --> 00:44:23,170
And I promise you from now on
975
00:44:23,194 --> 00:44:25,928
I will stay out of your affairs.
976
00:44:35,173 --> 00:44:36,850
We're gonna be
docking in San Pedro
977
00:44:36,874 --> 00:44:38,040
in about a half hour.
978
00:44:40,912 --> 00:44:43,272
I wish we had met earlier.
979
00:44:53,458 --> 00:44:57,404
Um... I have to
go see the purser,
980
00:44:57,428 --> 00:44:59,473
and everyone's gonna be
hanging around when we dock,
981
00:44:59,497 --> 00:45:02,231
so... why don't we
say goodbye now?
982
00:45:03,067 --> 00:45:04,378
Okay.
983
00:45:04,402 --> 00:45:06,580
Goodbye.
984
00:45:06,604 --> 00:45:10,339
And... hello.
985
00:45:19,950 --> 00:45:21,070
Goodbye.
986
00:45:26,357 --> 00:45:27,334
Hey, hey.
987
00:45:27,358 --> 00:45:29,503
Hey. Where have you been?
988
00:45:29,527 --> 00:45:30,938
We've been looking
all over for you.
989
00:45:30,962 --> 00:45:32,472
I was just saying
goodbye to somebody.
990
00:45:32,496 --> 00:45:34,775
And does that somebody have
anything to do with the towel
991
00:45:34,799 --> 00:45:36,977
hung on your door last night?
992
00:45:37,001 --> 00:45:38,445
A towel? Yes.
993
00:45:38,469 --> 00:45:39,713
On my door, huh?
994
00:45:39,737 --> 00:45:40,981
Right.
995
00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:43,973
Ah, does that smile look
like the smile of a lover?
996
00:45:45,510 --> 00:45:47,821
Yes, ladies and
gentlemen, it does.
997
00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:49,189
Who was she, Romeo?
998
00:45:49,213 --> 00:45:50,324
A name. We gotta have a name.
999
00:45:50,348 --> 00:45:51,858
Half the ship's
money is riding on this.
1000
00:45:51,882 --> 00:45:53,327
Hey, leave him alone.
1001
00:45:53,351 --> 00:45:55,029
Who was she? A real dog, huh?
1002
00:45:55,053 --> 00:45:56,731
Bow-wow city. Real mercy case.
1003
00:45:56,755 --> 00:45:58,465
Let's have a name.
1004
00:45:58,489 --> 00:46:00,600
I, uh... I don't know her name.
1005
00:46:00,624 --> 00:46:01,902
No name, no proof.
1006
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:04,438
Come on, I tell you about
all my bimbos, don't I?
1007
00:46:04,462 --> 00:46:05,472
She wasn't a bimbo.
1008
00:46:05,496 --> 00:46:06,974
Oh, great. Okay.
So it's true love.
1009
00:46:06,998 --> 00:46:08,342
So what's her name?
1010
00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:10,244
Danny!
1011
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,046
See you!
1012
00:46:12,070 --> 00:46:13,614
See you.
1013
00:46:13,638 --> 00:46:14,736
That's her, isn't it?
1014
00:46:15,873 --> 00:46:17,173
Her? No. No.
1015
00:46:19,877 --> 00:46:22,857
Look, I, uh... There
wasn't any, uh...
1016
00:46:22,881 --> 00:46:24,291
There wasn't anybody.
1017
00:46:24,315 --> 00:46:25,814
There wasn't any girl.
1018
00:46:26,951 --> 00:46:28,028
Tsk. I made it up.
1019
00:46:28,052 --> 00:46:30,664
Phew. Right. Let's
go get our bundle.
1020
00:46:30,688 --> 00:46:32,666
Pick up our money
before they leave the ship.
1021
00:46:32,690 --> 00:46:33,690
Whoo!
1022
00:46:34,893 --> 00:46:38,338
Uh... Danny? Hm?
1023
00:46:38,362 --> 00:46:42,525
If that was no
girl... who was that?
1024
00:46:44,835 --> 00:46:46,613
It's just, uh, somebody who sits
1025
00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:48,682
behind me in chemistry class.
1026
00:46:54,512 --> 00:46:56,912
I gotta go get
my stuff together.
1027
00:47:21,773 --> 00:47:23,517
Barry. Barry.
1028
00:47:23,541 --> 00:47:24,885
If you don't call
me in the morning,
1029
00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:26,453
I'll be planted
outside your doorstep.
1030
00:47:26,477 --> 00:47:28,488
Wonderful. I live
on the 15th floor.
1031
00:47:31,415 --> 00:47:33,661
Oh, folks, that's it.
Gotta cut out now.
1032
00:47:33,685 --> 00:47:34,762
Thanks for everything.
1033
00:47:34,786 --> 00:47:37,330
I'm glad I caught
you before you left.
1034
00:47:37,354 --> 00:47:39,133
Bye-bye, Barry.
1035
00:47:39,157 --> 00:47:40,633
Bye-bye, Julie.
1036
00:47:40,657 --> 00:47:43,203
Listen, you tell
your father for me
1037
00:47:43,227 --> 00:47:45,747
he's got a great,
beautiful daughter.
1038
00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,541
You do have a
sister, haven't you?
1039
00:47:51,569 --> 00:47:52,701
Bye-bye.
1040
00:48:02,313 --> 00:48:03,479
Hey, Danny!
1041
00:48:13,824 --> 00:48:16,470
A wonderful voyage.
1042
00:48:16,494 --> 00:48:19,807
I have a hat, pair
of leather sandals,
1043
00:48:19,831 --> 00:48:22,909
and a potential
member of the family.
1044
00:48:22,933 --> 00:48:25,211
Now, Gram, you
promised not to rush things.
1045
00:48:25,235 --> 00:48:27,347
Dave hasn't even asked
me to marry him yet.
1046
00:48:27,371 --> 00:48:29,750
And I may not. At least
for a couple of weeks yet.
1047
00:48:29,774 --> 00:48:31,585
Hi, I just want to say adios
1048
00:48:31,609 --> 00:48:34,555
and, uh, warn you about
the drinking water in L.A.
1049
00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:36,690
And wish you two a lot of luck.
1050
00:48:36,714 --> 00:48:38,091
Which they're gonna need
1051
00:48:38,115 --> 00:48:40,126
with a grandmother
like me around.
1052
00:48:40,150 --> 00:48:43,363
Mrs. Warner, I hope you're
around for a long, long time.
1053
00:48:43,387 --> 00:48:46,066
Heh. Hey, Doc,
thanks for everything.
1054
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:47,333
Goodbye, Doc.
1055
00:48:47,357 --> 00:48:52,205
Yeah. Oh, well... I
wasn't so far off base.
1056
00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:54,675
You're a nice person.
You're a terrible actor,
1057
00:48:54,699 --> 00:48:56,109
but a nice person.
1058
00:48:56,133 --> 00:48:58,812
How would you like
to meet my niece?
1059
00:48:58,836 --> 00:49:02,182
She has a pleasing personality.
1060
00:49:02,206 --> 00:49:03,450
She can type.
1061
00:49:03,474 --> 00:49:04,618
Come on, Gram!
1062
00:49:04,642 --> 00:49:07,643
And her meat loaf
is a joy to the palate.
1063
00:49:08,913 --> 00:49:12,014
Oh. And... And she's
a former Miss Illinois.
1064
00:49:13,984 --> 00:49:15,618
Did you say meat loaf?
72058
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