Original subtitles

On an outer-space adventure

They got hit by cosmic rays

And the four were changed forever

In some most fantastic ways

No need to fear, they're here

Just call the Four

Fantastic Four

- Don't need no more! - That's ungrammatical!

Reed Richards is elastic

Sue can fade from sight

Johnny is the Human Torch

The Thing just loves to fight

Call the Four

Fantastic Four

Paris thrills to this gala parade of new fashion,

representing the avant-garde of style.

It's a quake.

Oh, dear!

We come all the way from California to be in another earthquake?

And now a word from His Royal Highness, Prince Charles.

First and foremost I would like to dispel the ugly rumour

that I have, in any way, become involved with Roseanne Barr, and...

Run for it, Charlie, it's a bleedin' monster!

Crumbs!

Reed, we'll be late for the dance.

That's wonderful, sweetheart.

Ben and Alicia are waiting, and Johnny will be here with Melinda.

- Reed. - Sorry, darling.

I've been triangulating the source of those strange landmark sinkings.

If I'm right, New York City could be the next target.

Ben, you're so light on your feet.

Yeah, just call me Twinkletoes.

This is thirsty work. Would you like some cola drink?

That'd be lovely.

Here, choose your beverage, baby.

Ben, you're so gallant.

Good evening, Ben. Alicia.

I understand Johnny is bringing Melinda.

- Yes, so I hear. - That's nice.

- Who is she? - Our landlady's niece.

You're putting me on.

Just because Miss Forbes is a pill, don't mean the kid's a lemon.

Besides, the little hotfoot's crazy about her.

Let me put a chill on that. Warm soda tastes like garbage.

Just the sort of tasteless vulgarity I'd expect from you, Mr Grimm.

Quick, tell Dorothy and Toto to hide.

It's the Wicked Witch of the West.

When Melinda told me who her escort was to be,

I didn't know whether to accompany her as a chaperone

or throw up.

You look like you did both.

Stay close to me, child.

If you're not alert, he'll flame up and raise your temperature.

Forbesy, don't be a wallflower. Let's cut us some carpet.

Put me down. People are staring.

Then let's give them something to stare at.

- Good grief. - Relax, babe. We're a smash.

Cool. I mean, the lights of the city stretched out all around.

Great music. And you. In my arms.

It's very nice in an unsophisticated way.

Dancing on the Champs-Élysées in Paris is much more romantic.

Yeah, right, the Champs Alisa. That's my favourite hangout.

And now, folks, a surprise treat.

The Human Torch himself, Johnny Storm, performing his own song.

This is for you, Melinda. I hope you like it.

They oughta teach this in school It's not always cool to be cool

You try to play me for a fool

Like you see a girl who's unique It's a treat cos she's sweet

And she really seems to knock you off your feet

You wanna say "hey" but you don't

Your mom says tell her how you feel but you won't

Cos you're just too cool to tell her truly

That your feelings are getting unruly Don't try to school me

So she passes you by in the hallway

You're staring at the wall, trying to play while I say "You're cool"

Really cool, just like ice

But she didn't realise you'd never get this chance twice

So you're busy playing cool Now she's gone

Gone on to another while I sing my funky song

I never passed up a chance I know this story seems long

But when I know the time is right for me and you, I'll just flame on

And on and on, flame on

Keep calm, everyone. Don't panic.

Flame on.

What's happening?

We're sinking into the centre of the earth.

We're miles beneath the surface of the earth, Sue,

in some bizarre series of caverns.

Yes, but how? And why?

I don't know, but it's tied to the disappearance of those other landmarks.

The building has stabilised for now.

Everyone must maintain your composure and remain here

while my colleagues and I address this predicament.

He means, hang loose, we're working.

Chief, can't you ever talk plain English?

I want to go home, Aunt Lavinia.

So do I. If you' gone out with Leland Armbrooster as I wanted,

we wouldn't be in this pickle.

But Leland Armbrooster is a dork.

Better a rich dork than an inflammable weirdo.

Alicia, I am leaving you in charge. Try to keep the calm.

A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four...

The explanation to all this lies somewhere out there.

Wait for me, will you?

Melinda?

I'm afraid to stay there with Aunt Lavinia and the others.

I want to come with you.

We've got to get started.

Coming, Reed.

Hang on.

- Did you have to do that? - Heck, yeah. Now, come on.

- Johnny! - Melinda?

- I specifically requested... - I'm sure that she'll be no trouble.

- We have no time to take her back. - With your yadda-yadda!

Let's get going already. We get hassled underwater by Prince Namor,

bugged in ancient Greece by Dr Doom,

and now we're stranded in a cockamamie cavern.

Just once I'd like a problem that took us to Vegas.

What can be causing this strange light so far under the earth?

Phosphorescent minerals in the cavern walls,

gaining their intensity from some incredibly powerful energy source.

Almost like an underground sun.

Great. You've explained it, but we're still up the creek without a paddle.

Let's split up here. We can use our communicators to keep in touch.

Johnny and Melinda, come with me. Sue and Ben, try that tunnel.

This way.

Gas. Could be explosive, Johnny.

You'd better not flame up until we're clear of it.

- Must flame up, Reed. - No.

Hold tight. I think I can ride the geothermal updrafts.

There.

It's so dark and it smells bad. I hate it.

This isn't anybody's idea of fun city. Shape up, we got a job to do.

Johnny. Melinda. There seems to be a light source up ahead.

- I feel dizzy. - What's happening?

Don't look.

- What on earth? - Or under it.

Unbelievable. Diamonds as big as boulders.

And we're not alone in this crystalline kingdom.

Look out.

It's some species of belligerent troglodyte.

Bye-bye, batties!

I am the Mole Man,

supreme ruler of the world within the earth.

All that is here is mine!

This is your doing? The Arch of Triumph? The Pyramid?

The Parliament? And now Rock Center?

Rock Center is now at the centre of this rock!

- Ironic, isn't it? - Crazy's more like it.

Not crazy! Brilliant.

By bringing the world's landmarks into my domain,

I have displayed the awesome power

with which I will seize control of the surface of the earth as well!

And none will dare stand against me because I have defeated you.

Reed Richards. Johnny Storm.

You and your colleagues, the so-called Fantastic Four.

Then you took Radio City just to get us?

Of course! You are the only surface beings who might've changed my power.

Reed Richards, the only scientist who is my equal.

And you have been neutralised!

We're not quite neutralised yet.

Flame on.

Watch out for his staff, Johnny.

It's a power generator. He's using it on those stalactites.

The next one will pin her to the floor of the cavern.

- Permanently. - That won't be necessary.

I knew you'd respond to reason. Follow me.

Johnny, make them stop. Leland Armbrooster would sue them.

Reed, can you hear me?

Something must be wrong.

The clay is like walking in glue.

- The clay is alive. It's a monster. - Alright.

I never clobbered clay before, though.

I think you did it. It returned to wherever it came from.

Yeah, lucky I got it off so easy.

Come on. Let's blow this dump.

Ben, look, an underground ocean. It's incredible.

And me without my rubber ducky.

Holy baloney!

The cavern is alive with clay monsters.

Head for that island. Water dissolves clay.

They won't be able to follow us.

Yeah, for once we'll do it the easy way.

Do you hear her, everybody? Come along and sing along. All of you.

Alright, scratch that.

That's quite enough gloom and doom for one evening.

When I was a child, we British came through the Blitz

with a song on our lips, and that song was...

Remove their protective garments!

- Careful. - Don't mess my hair, you little creep!

Your initial sensitivity

to the mineral brilliance of my kingdom has passed.

It is now safe for you to look upon my wealth without harm.

Why are you doing this, Mole Man? We've never harmed you.

You and all who live above these caverns harmed me, Reed Richards!

And now my masterpiece.

An earth suction generator.

I used it to bring down the Pyramids,

Parliament and Rockefeller Center,

using only a fraction of its power.

And tomorrow morning,

the great cities of the world will sink into my domain.

The reign of Mole Man shall begin.

Don't let him drop me. Please don't.

Back off or I flambé the Valley girl.

The only chance we have now is Sue and Ben.

I pray they're alright.

Stroke. Kick.

What a drag.

Let's get to the top of the ridge.

Maybe I can get through to Reed from there.

Well, it ain't Coney Island, but at least it ain't clay.

Funny. It felt like the whole island just kinda twitched.

I felt it, too. Ben, Reed's homing signal.

I've locked on to it.

It's twitching again, Susie.

Oh, boy! Look, it's a blasted turtle as big as the Bronx.

I ain't dinner, honey. I'm a passenger.

- Which way to Reed, Susie? - There.

Giddy up, horsey! Ride 'em, cowboy.

Once the process has begun, it cannot be reversed.

I leave you now to take my post beneath Washington.

When the White House sinks, I will be there to take control.

Upon my return as all-powerful ruler of the surface world,

I will deal with you and the other two members of the Fantastic Four,

if they survive my guardian monsters!

Farewell!

The Mole Man's suction generator is fuelled by power from the earth's core.

Even if we get free, we can't turn it off without splitting the planet in two.

What's happening? I'm getting seasick.

Here's Benny boy.

Look out below.

Thanks for the ride.

Take a hike.

Sue, I knew you'd find us.

I never gave up hope, darling.

- It's good to see you both. - Get me down.

I can't stand heights.

Bring her down with your invisible force shield.

- Johnny and I have work to do. - Right, Reed.

When I give you the signal, inject a flame into that circuit.

You said you can't stop the suction process.

I'm not going to stop it. I'm going to accelerate it.

Now.

I don't get it, but OK.

Quick. Everyone, back to the Rainbow Room. We haven't much time.

- I don't understand. - I never understand nothing he says.

Hurry.

Can't you turn down the barbecue? Will you?

- Miss Forbes, we're back. - Melinda. Dr Richards.

Mr Grimm and whatshisname.

Shut up, Foo Foo. What's happening?

I'm a busy person. I have no more time to waste on this.

You'll be glad that we're returning to the surface.

But how?

It was impossible to turn off or reverse Mole Man's earth suction generator.

But it was simple to reprogram the target of its power.

Spray that again, big brain.

I simply aimed the suction generator's power on the Mole Man's kingdom.

You mean he goes down as we go up?

Better than that. It means he stays down.

No one bests the Mole Man.

My power is irresistible.

We're going down again.

- No, Reed. - Help. Dial 911.

Not to worry. The Mole Man created the suction generator.

It's ironic but not even he has the power to stop it.

What? No.

It's not possible.

And it looks like a bright new day.

Subtitles by IMS