Original subtitles

On an outer-space adventure

They got hit by cosmic rays

And the four were changed forever

In some most fantastic ways

No need to fear, they're here

Just call the Four

Fantastic Four

- Don't need no more! - That's ungrammatical!

Reed Richards is elastic

Sue can fade from sight

Johnny is the Human Torch

The Thing just loves to fight

Call the Four

Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four

Let me tell you what happened in the first two parts of Dr Doom's story,

in case you foolishly missed them.

Doom kidnapped Sue

and then after trapping Reed, Johnny and the Thing,

he carried them off to his castle, deep in the Black Forest.

Reed now knows that their captor is the same Victor von Doom

who had been his classmate in college.

He was an evil scientific genius

who had survived a dangerous experiment

to menace the world years later as the dreaded Dr Doom.

Doom captured the Fantastic Four

to force them to carry out a deadly, mysterious mission.

Sue tried to keep him talking long enough

to give Reed, Johnny and Ben enough time to escape.

Luckily, the power-mad tyrant was willing to tell her his life story.

It was a story he had kept locked within him all those tortured years.

With the tale concluded at last,

Doom tricked our heroes

into entering the room where Sue was held captive.

A room that grew smaller with each passing minute.

They only had 48 hours to travel to ancient Greece,

in Dr Doom's time machine,

to bring him back the mysterious Coffin of Argos.

And now, let the wonderment begin!

Your room grows smaller, my dear.

If your husband and his friends are not successful,

you have less than 47 hours

before you are considerably smaller as well.

Reed will return, Dr Doom, and when he does...

He will make me more powerful than you could imagine. Look!

The Coffin of Argos is more than an archaeological trinket.

It holds an alien power generator of incalculable force.

The ancients feared it and with good reason.

I shall use it to dominate the earth!

Reed will never put such power in your hands!

Of course he will to save the woman he loves.

Discussion is pointless.

He may soon be lost in the mists of time,

in which case I will be rid of him, your fiery brother

and that grotesque orange brute forever!

Either way, I win!

Amazing!

Doom's device penetrated the space-time continuum

by accessing a fourth-dimensional wormhole.

Yeah, Doom's just the kind of worm who'd do junk like that.

The time machine, it's gone!

Yeah. How the Sam Hill are we gonna get back now?

We don't need to worry about that, Ben.

Oh, yeah? How come?

Because they'll probably kill us first.

It's a Persian invasion force.

I don't wanna jump to conclusions,

but it looks like they ain't too crazy about us.

We don't want to affect the course of history,

but the Persians were merciless tyrants,

while the Greeks gave birth to the ideals of democracy so...

So?

So we'd better punt.

Stick around! I'm just warming up!

Good work, Johnny, Ben.

Now we can start searching for the Coffin of Argos.

What did he say?

A salutation in ancient Greek, naturally.

Luckily, I still have those translingual patches

we used in fighting the Skrull invaders.

Greetings, men of Athens. We come in peace.

By all the gods, stranger, we owe you our lives.

Ask what you will and it shall be yours.

I, Xanthus, swear it.

OK. We're looking for the Coffin of Argos.

What? Not the coffin! You can't be serious?

Do we look like we're kidding?

Come on! We've got things to do.

The Coffin of Argos is cursed.

Our legends tell us great Zeus himself cast it into the underworld

when it brought dissension to the gods.

To seek it is to seek death!

So we got a lousy hobby. Where is it?

Yes, we must find it. No matter the risk.

Then you must look there on the slopes of Mount Olympus,

home of the gods.

The Temple of the Oracle.

If anyone knows its whereabouts, it will be she.

But the road is dangerous.

I wish I could do more to help you.

But we must go to warn the countryside. The Persians will return!

And if we must die to preserve our freedom,

we shall do so willingly!

Farewell!

Wait! There is something you can do.

We may have less trouble if we don't look quite so foreign.

Can you give us something more appropriate to wear?

Yeah. They lost our bags at the airport.

Man, I look like the keyboards guy in a heavy-metal retro band!

Nonetheless, these clothes should enable us to move about

without attracting undue attention.

Look at big brain.

Guess you're gonna need a head transplant, huh?

We've got to reach the Oracle. The clock is ticking.

Hurry! Sue's life depends on us fulfilling this mission.

Steady, Hauptmann.

Begin the fusion process carefully.

The energy demands of a time machine strain even my resources,

but I must maintain its effectiveness until Richards returns with my prize.

Come on, Susan!

You can't power yourself out of this but you can still think!

Johnny would melt himself free.

Reed would thin down and slip out.

And Ben, well, he would just flex his muscles and pop these.

Wait. I can flex the capsule of my invisible shield.

Now get going, girl!

Maintain constant quark flow. What?

I'll be seeing you, Doctor, but you won't be seeing me.

I cannot leave the energising process to pursue her.

Send the creeper!

At once, Excellency!

Search and recover.

Temple of the Oracle.

I've read about it, of course,

but I never dreamed I'd actually see it as it was.

Who seeks the Oracle this day?

Speak or be gone.

Strangers from another land.

Smells like rotten eggs.

Didn't these Grecians never hear about air fresheners?

That's hydrogen sulphide from the mineral spring in the crevice.

The ancients believed such things had magical powers.

This is no place for non-believers.

But we need to find the Coffin of Argos.

You lie!

Only fools and conjurers seek that which does not exist.

But you, you're neither.

You're young.

You are, too.

And incredibly gorgeous.

I am Oracle.

My destiny is to sit before a crack in the world

and look into the dark face of the unknown.

It is for you to question me.

More than that is not to be.

My name is Johnny.

I know all.

You must go to the River Styx.

If the Coffin of Argos truly exists,

would it not have come to rest

when mighty Zeus cast it down from Olympus?

Look to the River of Death.

Farewell, Johnny.

She's gone.

And a fat lot of good she done us.

All that gobbledygook about some dumb river

ain't gonna do us diddly-squat.

That waterfall.

If the Coffin of Argos travelled down from this mountain into a river,

this stream could have carried it.

But the Oracle said that the god Zeus threw it into the underworld.

You see, Johnny, Greek myths, like all legends,

are often based on actual events poetically retold.

Let's just hope that's true in this instance.

Now get on board.

Easy!

Hang on! We're gonna shoot the rapids!

Jeez, Louise!

Look out, Reed!

The myth was right.

Over the centuries, treasures have washed down Mount Olympus,

and accumulated in this natural grotto

which was converted into a shrine to the gods.

Look!

The Whatchamacallit of Whosis!

Let's see what's inside.

No! If Dr Doom wants it so badly,

the contents are undoubtedly powerful and dangerous.

But we've found what he sent us for. We've gotta get back.

Back, before Sue...

...gets squished.

I can't keep my baby blues open.

The brazier.

It emits a form of sleep gas when it's lit.

Can't lose the coffin now!

The invincible threesome who drove our ground forces off yesterday

defeated by a simple ancient trap set to thwart thieves.

Haul them on board.

I'll use them as galley slaves

when we attack the Greek fleet at Salamis tomorrow.

And should they survive the battle, I'll hang them!

Heave! Heave!

Stroke! Stroke! Faster!

Our invasion fleet awaits!

My head!

Auntie Em!

Feels like a weasel died in my mouth.

We've been out for hours and now we're at sea.

And that promontory coastline looks strangely familiar.

Watch it! You could hurt somebody.

I could and I will, slave! Now put your back into your oars.

Today, mighty Persia shall bring Greece to her knees!

Who are you calling slave, sleazeball?

Let's 86 these chains. Bondage makes me nervous!

Put them to the lash!

Catch!

I guess them sailor guys forgot to eat their spinach!

Now I know why I recognise that coastline.

I studied it in college.

We're about to enter the Battle of Salamis.

Look!

In 480 BC, the Persian king, Xerxes,

assembled the largest invasion armada in the history of the ancient world.

The Greeks could muster only a small defence force.

- Where's the Coffin of Argos? - Here, but it's shrunk.

Must be a weird molecular compression.

This is one time we must make sure that history comes out right.

One of the strangers who saved us yesterday!

Ben, Johnny, hurry!

Attack!

Again, you find us in unequal battle to defend our freedom.

When I lower my sword, ram the Persian flagship!

Now!

Wait! There's a better way.

The gooey substance you burn for torchlight.

What is it?

A foul-smelling gift from the sea

which washes up on our beaches in globules.

Once lit, water cannot put it out.

By any chance is it called Greek fire?

Yes, but I do not understand.

This gunk is crude petroleum.

Precisely. It washes ashore from a suboceanic oilfield.

Oil, schmoil!

We're gonna be suboceanic

if you don't stop gassing about torch fire water don't put out...

Them Persian ships are made of...

Wood!

- What's he doing? - Stop him!

He's incredible!

Batter up!

Water will not extinguish the flames!

It is Greek fire! Abandon ship!

My invisible shield! It's my only chance.

Prisoner recovered.

Bring her to me.

Again have you rescued us and preserved our democracy.

Stay and be our honoured brothers!

Thank you, Xanthus, but we must return to our time at once.

My wife's life depends on it.

- We're waiting, Ben. - I ain't going.

- What? - You have to!

Well, I ain't a freak here.

They like me just the way I am.

- But we'll never see you again. - There's no time to reason with him.

Goodbye, Ben. We'll miss you.

I'll never forget you, big guy.

Yeah, well, I'll miss you, too.

Jeez, the wind must have got into my eyeballs or something.

What's happening?

Waterspout!

Look out, Reed!

The Coffin of Argos! Lts contents are lost!

- Johnny? - I'm OK, Reed.

But the waterspout sank all the ships.

That means that Ben...

Yes, Ben.

Doom's time machine! We must go!

No, not without Ben.

Sue wouldn't want us to leave him behind even if he drowned.

Your friend survived, Johnny.

Wait for me!

Thank you, Oracle.

Remember me.

So I made a mistake. Sue me!

What?

Reed, darling! Johnny! Ben! Are you alright?

Yes, sweetheart. We're fine.

I never lost hope I'd see you again, darling.

I knew you'd come back. You had to!

Your touching reunion must wait.

You found it!

The Coffin of Argos in exchange for Sue

or I'll have Ben squash it.

You heard him, fenderface!

Release her.

The Coffin of Argos! Fools!

The power this contains will enable me to dominate the earth!

You and all mankind shall be helpless to resist me!

- Greek fire! You tricked me! - Not at all.

You asked for the Coffin of Argos and we delivered it,

just as I intend to deliver you to the proper authorities.

I used the energy in your own time machine

to summon the Fantasticar.

Grab him, Ben!

I hope you like stripes, creepo.

I'm afraid I have a previous engagement.

But never fear. We shall meet again!

And when we do, we'll be ready!

Subtitles by IMS