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Previously on
The L Word: Generation Q...
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00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,010
pulsing, energetic music
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00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,720
How'd it go with Nat?
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,431
Did she give us permission
to live together?
5
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,682
She didn't say no.
6
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,392
She just said she wants to
know you better.
7
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,768
Are you dating me or her?
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00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:19,936
Oh, my. Daniela...
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00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,730
I think I'm gonna go
back to school.
10
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,773
I mean, wow, that's incredible.
11
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,275
Are you breaking up with me?
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00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,069
Worst first night
of college ever.
13
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:29,612
I mean, you're single
and in L.A.
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00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:30,947
Ooh.
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00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,825
This could be, like,
my ho phase.
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00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,494
You and me,
let's open that second bar.
17
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,413
I'll do anything with you.
18
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,458
Oh, no.
You've got the itch.
19
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,500
What itch?
20
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,543
Things get too real,
21
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,128
you get restless,
22
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,380
and then you start to,
like, wiggle.
23
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,465
Please. I don't wiggle.
24
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,466
I need to go.
25
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,800
Yes.
26
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,385
I need to go!
Oh, my God.
27
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,055
You're... you're not
thinking clearly.
28
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,139
You love it here.
29
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,807
You love your friends
and your job.
30
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,017
That's true.
31
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,644
That's all true,
but I love you more.
32
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,105
Please, may I come with you?
33
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,940
No, they just have
something real, you know.
34
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,108
That would be nice.
35
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,902
I'm sorry for reacting
36
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,487
the way I did earlier.
37
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,197
I love you.
38
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:19,079
I don't find trouble, yeah
39
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,247
Trouble finds me
40
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,091
You look good,
41
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,717
but we should bring you in
for observation.
42
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:34,969
Okay. Thank you so much.
43
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,721
White female, conscious,
44
00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,223
presenting with head injuries...
45
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,390
Hi.
46
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,017
Hey, you.
47
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,687
gentle music
48
00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:48,149
Whoa.
- That's my face.
49
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,943
Sorry.
- Mm.
50
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,987
I think I might have just
pressed glass into your skin.
51
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,490
You've always been good
in crisis.
52
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,492
Yeah.
- Sorry, ma'am.
53
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,751
Hey, I'm looking
for my girlfriend.
54
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,419
Yeah, she's there.
- Oh, thank you.
55
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:09,379
Hey.
56
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,588
Hey, I got here
as fast as I could.
57
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,006
Great.
58
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,967
Oh, my God.
59
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,429
Are you okay?
- I am okay.
60
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:20,431
I'll just wait outside.
61
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,434
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- Sorry.
62
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,357
I'll be right back, okay?
63
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,234
Nat?
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00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,823
Uh, thank you for getting here
65
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,324
as fast as you did.
- Oh.
66
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,285
Yeah, I'm her emergency contact,
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00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,245
so I had a head start.
68
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,164
Oh, well, that's...
69
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,791
Which we should change,
you know?
70
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:47,959
It should be you.
71
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:48,918
Right.
72
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,003
Only one of you can ride.
73
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,129
Oh, that-that's me.
74
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,589
Yeah.
75
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,216
Well, call me
if you need anything.
76
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,218
I'll be around.
77
00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,889
"Trouble's Comin'"
by Rayelle
78
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,725
It's going down, down, down
79
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:07,312
You can feel it all around,
round, round
80
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,982
Ain't no way to stop it now,
now, now
81
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,651
Better start running
82
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,363
Running, running
83
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,575
Can you believe
84
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,785
they let me make this show
a hundred times?
85
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:25,079
Yes. It's gonna be
a great show.
86
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,915
Oh, my God,
the dating show segment?
87
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,333
Yeah.
- Genius.
88
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,792
Thank you.
The flowers look great.
89
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,920
And all the contestants
have been vetted, right?
90
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:32,837
Yes.
91
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,255
Okay, 'cause I'm looking
for the one.
92
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,632
Right. No cults,
no mixed martial arts and...
93
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,799
What do you think?
94
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,259
Yes.
- You got it.
95
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,637
...no improvisers of any kind.
96
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,430
Yeah, that last one's
very important.
97
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,599
What if this really works?
98
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,100
I mean, what if
I find my person?
99
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,186
Oh, my God! Yeah.
- Wouldn't it be amazing?
100
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,730
Soso and Allyce?
- That's us.
101
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,398
I'm sorry if
I'm butchering those.
102
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:56,361
My coworker Kim here got bit
by a pig at her family reunion
103
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,196
and her thumb
hasn't been the same.
104
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,698
Oh, sorry about your thumb.
- Thanks.
105
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,742
Right, well, I'll see you
out there.
106
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,868
Okay.
107
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,787
Oh.
108
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,039
Oh! You. Alice.
109
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,041
Uh, yeah, that's me.
110
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,292
Yeah, I mean,
111
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,294
I guess I shouldn't be surprised
given where I am,
112
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,587
I mean, physically...
113
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,381
Oh, in the...
- Here. Yeah.
114
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,840
Yeah. Lines up.
- Yeah.
115
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,300
'Cause the show's
called Alice...
116
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,343
Hang on.
117
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,011
I can add a little something
special here.
118
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:24,430
Kim usually does the latte art,
119
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,058
but I'll give it my best shot.
120
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,477
Ta-da.
121
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,187
Oh, you made a, um...
- I can do a heart,
122
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,814
but that just felt
a little obvious,
123
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,023
so I went with chaos.
124
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:35,566
Or a little modern art.
125
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:36,985
It was nice to meet you.
126
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,653
Yeah, you, too.
- Good luck on the show.
127
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,947
Oh, are you gonna stay
and watch?
128
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,156
No, no, no, no.
129
00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,075
Um, I'll have to overanalyze
this conversation
130
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,493
for like two hours, so...
131
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,828
Why? It's going so well.
132
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,330
No, you should stay and watch.
133
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,999
It's-it's nice to have
real fans in the audience
134
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,334
and not just confused
tourists who think
135
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:54,669
they're here to see Ellen.
136
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,713
Sold.
137
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,339
Okay, great.
138
00:04:58,339 --> 00:04:59,716
slow, wistful music
139
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,192
Hey.
- Hey.
140
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:22,113
Going to the new bar.
Want to break some shit?
141
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,198
Uh... yeah.
- Yeah?
142
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,242
That actually sounds like
a dream come true.
143
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,243
Let's go.
144
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,203
Holy shit.
145
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,873
- Let's have some fun.
- "Pony" by Ginuwine
146
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:35,460
I'm just a bachelor
147
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,755
I'm looking for a partner
148
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,467
Someone who knows
how to ride
149
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:46,179
Without even falling off
150
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,474
Got to be compatible
151
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,643
Takes me to my limits
152
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,897
Girl, when I break you off
153
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,192
I promise that you won't
wanna get off
154
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,568
If you're horny
155
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:06,407
Let's do it,
ride it, my pony
156
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:09,744
My saddle's waiting
157
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:13,247
Come and jump on it
158
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,625
If you're horny, let's do it
159
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:19,504
Ride it, my pony
160
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,673
My saddle's waiting
161
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:27,220
Come and jump on it
162
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,183
Hey.
163
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,354
You think I'd be, like,
good at school?
164
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,648
What?
165
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,567
You know, like, college.
166
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,532
I don't know.
Were you any good before?
167
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,493
No, not really.
-
168
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,372
Yes, I love that place.
I'll meet you there. Um...
169
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:57,083
Sorry, can you hold on
just one second.
170
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,962
Um, hi. What the hell do the two
of you think you're doing?
171
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,338
We don't start demo
until tomorrow.
172
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:03,881
I know. I know, I know, I know,
173
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,591
but we got a head start,
and look how much we got done.
174
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,717
I mean, check that out.
175
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,011
Come on.
Come on, have a whack.
176
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,639
It's a maj stress reliever.
Have a whack.
177
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,891
No, Finley, I don't want to
give it a whack.
178
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,477
All right. Your loss.
179
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,771
Oh, shit! Fuck!
180
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,730
Okay.
181
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,899
I'm gonna stop the water.
182
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,276
I got it!
I got it!
183
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,610
Finley, go around the corner.
184
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,654
It's not a big deal, Tess.
185
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,030
Truly. Just calm down.
- You there?
186
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,283
Yeah, actually,
can you meet me here?
187
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,618
Great, I'm gonna text you
the address right now.
188
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,162
Okay, bye.
189
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:35,872
This is exactly why
190
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,665
you should not be
fucking around in here.
191
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,083
It's just...
- I have got so much
192
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,043
on my plate already
and now, this.
193
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,463
Tess, it's just an accident.
- You're gonna have to tell Alice
194
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,714
that I can't make it tonight
195
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,466
because I'm gonna be here
waiting for a plumber.
196
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,758
Why? No, no, no.
197
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,303
I can help with that.
198
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:54,640
Your help is how this happened.
So thanks, but no thanks.
199
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,728
All right, then.
200
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,272
I should just stay
out of your way then.
201
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,274
Hmm?
202
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,318
Yeah.
- Yeah, I will.
203
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,489
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,990
slow, tranquil music
205
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,992
Did you get
the chocolate fountain?
206
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:16,621
Yup. Whatever Alice
wants, I'll make it happen.
207
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,914
It's her show.
208
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,957
Oh, yeah.
- Okay, leaving now.
209
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:22,418
All right, see you there.
- Bye.
210
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,504
Hi and bye.
211
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,298
Have you seen my other earring?
Is it in the bathroom?
212
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,883
I didn't see it.
213
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:31,719
Mm. I'm sorry.
214
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,845
Just borrow a pair of mine.
215
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,681
Your car's gonna be here
at 3:00.
216
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,808
He's usually
a little early, so...
217
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,394
Okay.
-
218
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:41,646
Not that early.
219
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,023
Oh, it's...
220
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:45,608
Nat.
221
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,986
Hi.
- Hi.
222
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,780
Um...
223
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,115
Sorry, what are you...
what are you doing here?
224
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:56,160
Oh, hi.
Uh, Gigi just called me.
225
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,370
Oh.
226
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,497
I can't get ready on my own,
227
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,957
and I didn't want you
to be late.
228
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,625
Yeah.
229
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,918
Happy to help.
230
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,044
Right.
- Yeah.
231
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,630
No. Sure, that's great.
232
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,758
Yeah. Um, I will...
233
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,552
see you... both
234
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,970
at Alice's show later then?
235
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,179
Oh, yeah.
236
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,222
I will be there.
237
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,890
Margaret Cho
is on my bucket list.
238
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,976
Not to...
- Great.
239
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,519
...fuck, just meet.
240
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,146
Sure. Right. Um...
-
241
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,481
All right. I love you.
242
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,732
Love you.
243
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,068
Bye!
244
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,654
Hi!
- Hi.
245
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,114
How are you doing?
-
246
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,782
Uh, I feel like shit.
247
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,243
But I'm on a lot of drugs.
248
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,578
Nice.
- No, I'm good.
249
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,414
Honestly...
I've had five days off.
250
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,666
I can't remember the last time
I had five days off.
251
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,210
Oh. Well,
I actually do remember.
252
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:50,381
Yeah, it was when you got hand,
foot and mouth from the kids,
253
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:54,594
and I don't think you went out
in public for, like, a week.
254
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,678
Okay, fine.
255
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,556
Last time was when I had
hand, foot and mouth.
256
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,141
Yeah.
257
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,689
Do you want to talk about...
258
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,984
...what happened
the other night?
259
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:12,945
No.
260
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,615
All right. [chuckles]
261
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,200
I mean, honestly, it was...
262
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,827
it was nothing.
263
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,370
Yeah.
- Yeah.
264
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,831
Right?
- Mm. Yes.
265
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:26,000
slow, somber music
266
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,879
Yeah, no, no.
It's-it's good, Mom, I swear.
267
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,965
Jordi's just... having trouble
with boundaries
268
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,759
and, like, texting me a lot.
269
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,594
But I'm fine, you know?
270
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,638
I'm-I'm excited for class,
you know?
271
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,389
I feel like it's, um...
272
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:42,266
a fresh start, you know?
273
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:43,976
Okay. I love you.
274
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,687
Yes. Yes, yes,
it's on my keychain.
275
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:49,523
Okay. I love you. Bye.
276
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:57,531
Hey, y'all!
Um, my name is Samuel Hendrix.
277
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,908
I am your professor.
278
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:03,037
We're gonna investigate our
own individual creativity, 'kay?
279
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,664
Um, I am a poet,
280
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,208
a songwriter,
a lousy piano player
281
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,334
and I wrote a book once.
282
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,794
That therefore qualifies me
283
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:13,214
to be your Introduction
to Creative Writing instructor.
284
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,466
Welcome, y'all.
-
285
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,468
Okay...
- Fuck me.
286
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,512
So...
287
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,055
we're gonna...
288
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,391
we're gonna jump right in.
289
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,476
Hey!
- Hey!
290
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,478
Happy 100th.
-
291
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,896
The chart.
292
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,314
Right?
- Oh!
293
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,732
God, where it all began.
294
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,401
Just a reminder
of your humble beginnings.
295
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,694
I love it. Let's hang it.
296
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,028
Take that down.
I can't stand this picture.
297
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,279
I did your hair for that.
298
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,241
Well, I like my hair. I just...
299
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,951
This is better.
300
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,285
Right?
301
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,453
Love it!
302
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,622
Ugh. Oh--
- Do you still talk to her?
303
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,833
No. No, no.
- She was really cute.
304
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,000
Um, Bette and Tina got me
305
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,252
those flowers.
- That's nice.
306
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,628
Pretty.
- Glad they're making it work.
307
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,588
Mm. Tom got me
a basket of Bic pens.
308
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,633
That's odd.
- Well, you know, I turned down
309
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,968
the marriage proposal.
- Right.
310
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,678
But he's still able
to be a good friend.
311
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,680
Or he's still hoping.
312
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,765
Honestly, either way is fine.
313
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:05,933
Is this for me, too?
314
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,435
What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- This one.
315
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,228
That's just
my old hair products.
316
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,521
Oh. Yeah, I don't want that.
317
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,440
I know you don't, but Ivy does.
318
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,568
And I figured
I'd give 'em to her, so...
319
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,569
Okay.
320
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,945
Do you know
where I can find her?
321
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,947
Yeah. Over here.
-
322
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,283
You two really hit it off
the other night.
323
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,493
No, it was just work.
- Mm.
324
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:25,995
Where's Tess?
325
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,165
Unfortunately,
she's not able to make it.
326
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,542
So she wanted me
to send you her love.
327
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,335
Well, I'm sorry
she's gonna miss it.
328
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:34,211
Me, too.
329
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:36,088
Oh. Real quick--
330
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,256
don't sit in the front.
331
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,591
I don't want
to give too much away,
332
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,426
but there is
a lube slip-and-slide.
333
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,677
It might get a little messy.
334
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,096
How do you come up
with this shit?
335
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:46,515
Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang
336
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,850
in the Alice lounge.
- Huh.
337
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,852
I got this queer winemaker
to sponsor it.
338
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,937
Um, the list
is getting pretty long though,
339
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,981
so I'm thinking we do overflow
in the greenroom.
340
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,733
All right, that sounds... good.
341
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:56,776
I mean, that'll work.
342
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,320
Um...
- Oh, hey, how's Gigi?
343
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,114
Uh, you know,
ribs take a while to heal.
344
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,365
But other than that, she's fine.
345
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,868
Okay. Well, hey, um...
346
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,161
when's she's feeling better,
347
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,079
why don't you guys come over
for dinner?
348
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,956
With me and Finley.
- Uh...
349
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,416
M-Maybe.
350
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,001
Ouch.
351
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,169
I said maybe.
352
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,837
Come on.
-
353
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,798
- This bitch.
- Didn't see that coming
354
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,258
Didn't see that coming
355
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,969
There's also, I think,
like, a pipe or something
356
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,805
rattling in the ceiling.
- Okay.
357
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,806
Could be animals.
358
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,724
Rats.
- Uh-oh.
359
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,059
I stopped feeding 'em.
360
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,477
Okay, I'm gonna check
everything out.
361
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,728
Okay, great. Thank you.
362
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,271
If you need anything from me,
just come
363
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,397
and find me.
I'll be here all day.
364
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:36,649
Sounds great.
-'Kay.
365
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,401
Tess, please don't stay here.
366
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,695
I'm the one
that broke the pipe.
367
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:42,822
I know, but--
368
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,573
Listen, you shouldn't have
to stay with the plumber.
369
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,492
I-I want to. Really. Please?
370
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,743
No, it's fine.
371
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,412
My sponsee's
already on the way and--
372
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,122
I got the highlighter.
I got the book.
373
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:54,083
I know the AA deal.
-
374
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,418
I can't ask you to do that.
- No,
375
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:57,461
you're not asking.
376
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:58,754
Please?
377
00:13:58,754 --> 00:13:59,713
I want to.
378
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:00,673
Let me make this right.
379
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,341
Come on. Go be with Shane.
380
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,303
I was...
381
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,681
way harsh on her earlier.
382
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,350
soft, somber music
383
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,274
Next week's gonna be
a deep dive into structure,
384
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,483
so be ready for that.
385
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,318
Also, if you want
to hear some great writing,
386
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,863
my buddy is doing a reading
at the campus bookstore.
387
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,906
Hi, excuse me.
Will you just wait one second?
388
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,658
Yeah.
- Um, yeah, that's it.
389
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:28,826
Um, hi.
390
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:32,997
Uh, I have a quick question
for you.
391
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,082
Um...
392
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,209
it is you, right?
393
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,088
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I knew it was you. [laughs]
394
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,089
Hi!
395
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:44,133
Um, yes, I just--
396
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,720
I wanted to say
I'm sorry about...
397
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,681
like, kissing you
the other night.
398
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:55,436
Um, just please know that won't,
like, ever happen again.
399
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,521
I had just broken up
with my first girlfriend
400
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:59,690
who I was in love with,
and my moms are, like,
401
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,358
getting back together,
which is, like, a whole thing.
402
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:04,653
And it's my--
it's my first week of college.
403
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,155
Anyway, I just want you to know
404
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:10,242
if-if you want me to, like,
drop your class, I totally will.
405
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:13,871
I'm happy you're in my class.
406
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,541
Okay.
407
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,043
Okay. Great.
408
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,961
I'll see you next week?
409
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:22,796
See ya.
410
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,966
lighthearted music
411
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,477
Give Alice five.
412
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,145
I thought you gave Wardrobe ten.
413
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,022
Yeah, but we got to give Alice
five so she gets here on time.
414
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,441
Oh, gotcha.
- No, no, it's yours.
415
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,610
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
416
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,986
You don't need to thank me.
- Five minutes.
417
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:48,405
That was collecting dust
in my garage.
418
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:49,239
What?
419
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:52,076
This is literally liquid gold.
420
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,119
Y'all hear that?
Nobody touch my shit.
421
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,996
This is a no-fly zone.
- Okay, okay.
422
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,623
15 minutes, everyone.
423
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,416
15 minutes till showtime.
424
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,627
All right,
I'm gonna go get my seat.
425
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,004
You don't want
to hang back here?
426
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,589
This is where all the fun is.
427
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:06,840
"All Diamonds" by Nightgames
428
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,717
I'll find a place
429
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:09,969
For myself...
430
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,887
I feel
lots of love here, people.
431
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,597
Okay.
- Uh-huh.
432
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,099
You know what time it is.
- All right, can I get you
433
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,226
any water or anything?
You want some...
434
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,019
Oh, I heard there was champagne.
435
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:23,190
No, you're-- I mean, you're
probably busy. I-I could get it.
436
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,234
No, I-I can get it.
- You're so busy.
437
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,110
I will get it.
438
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,319
You sure? Okay.
- Yeah.
439
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,362
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
440
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,279
How you feeling?
441
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:30,322
You okay?
- I'm fine.
442
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,740
Go do your thing.
- Okay.
443
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,951
Well, the show starts in ten,
444
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,036
if you need anything
before then.
445
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,037
Oh! I do.
446
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,707
Uh, these are for Alice.
447
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:40,874
Yeah. I wanted
448
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:42,334
to get her flowers,
but the lady by the side
449
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,087
of the freeway
only had oranges today, so...
450
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,005
there you go.
451
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,423
S-So you got oranges?
452
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,507
Okay.
453
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,550
Yep.
- Wonderful.
454
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,552
I'll see she gets these.
455
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,721
Thanks.
- Yeah.
456
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,973
Mm-hmm.
457
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,809
I feel like she didn't think
that was funny.
458
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,145
I wouldn't take it personally.
-
459
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,855
'Kay.
460
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,648
You got some fluff in your hair.
461
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:05,733
Oh.
462
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,985
Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
463
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,319
Got it?
464
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,530
Hair's looking healthy.
465
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,949
You finally using new products?
466
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,452
Yeah, actually.
467
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:19,830
It's, uh,
called Grape Jelly by Eli.
468
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:24,293
Yeah, it's applied by just
flinging it across the table.
469
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,003
It's in high demand.
470
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,254
I'll try and get you his number.
471
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,430
I saw you when I got hit.
472
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:40,350
Yeah, I-I can't believe how fast
I was able to get there.
473
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,769
No.
474
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:46,523
The way they say your life
flashes before your eyes.
475
00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:51,236
I saw you and the kids.
476
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,364
My family.
477
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:57,201
soft, sentimental music
478
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,661
I'm sure it was just...
the adrenaline.
479
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,121
You know? That's all.
- Here you go.
480
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,456
Oh, thank you.
481
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,957
Yeah.
482
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,293
What are they?
483
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,211
That's right.
484
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,505
Um, she didn't bring you
a glass.
485
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,673
No.
486
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,592
You know what?
That's okay. Actually,
487
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,261
I think I have
a reusable straw in here.
488
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,930
Let's see.
489
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,390
upbeat, funky music
490
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,392
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na
491
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:25,479
Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
492
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,606
Whoo!
Let's take it from the top now
493
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,941
Take it from the top...
494
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,359
Finley?
495
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,693
Hi!
- Hi.
496
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:32,903
Carrie, right?
- Yes, hi.
497
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,154
Hi, how are you?
- I'm good.
498
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,572
Nice to meet you.
- Thank you. You, too.
499
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,574
You know,
Tess described you so perfectly.
500
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,618
Oh.
- She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio
501
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:40,911
from Romeo + Juliet."
502
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:42,871
And with the hair and
everything, I totally see it.
503
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:46,041
Wow, that is weirdly the nicest
thing anybody's ever said to me.
504
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,209
Wow.
505
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,837
God, I must be on some kind
of gender journey, huh?
506
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,297
Yeah. I wouldn't know enough
about that to say.
507
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,049
So what do we do?
508
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,175
Uh, yeah, sit down.
509
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,760
Right here?
- Yeah.
510
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,719
Okay.
511
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,888
Wait, so how do you know Tess?
512
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:02,057
I hit rock bottom.
I went on a bender.
513
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,976
That's when Tess
became my sponsor.
514
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,602
So, I'm here
515
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:09,189
to tell you about the tsunami
of depression that...
516
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,941
kicked my ass after I found out
517
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,443
that my fiancée
got back with her ex.
518
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,195
Shit.
- Yeah.
519
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,073
Well, we got this puppy
to guide us.
520
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,075
So, silver lining.
- Okay. Right.
521
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,410
Yeah, it can't hurt, right?
- Yeah.
522
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,078
But, listen,
I got to hit the head first.
523
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,873
I, like, pounded, like, a gallon
of iced tea on the way here.
524
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,541
Course.
Uh, the water's out in here,
525
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,751
but right around the corner
is Dana's.
526
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,378
Pop in there,
there's a bathroom.
527
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:34,798
Okay, great. And, listen, I got
a free sub with my punch card.
528
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,341
If you want one, take it.
529
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,051
Oh, sweet. Thanks.
530
00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:39,178
What-what is it?
531
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,138
Uh, it's turkey and cheese,
no dressing.
532
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,098
I don't like wet bread.
533
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,270
Copy that.
534
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,733
Kegel and hold.
Kegel and hold.
535
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:53,901
Don't sneeze.
536
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,986
Oh, no. Don't sneeze.
537
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,070
Okay.
538
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,031
Almost there.
539
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,036
Oh, occupied!
540
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,871
Oh, geez!
- Oh.
541
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,372
Oh, my, oh...
- Oh, my God.
542
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,458
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God.
543
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,751
Oh, my God, let me look at it.
544
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,252
Oh, it's really coming out.
- Is it? Oh, no.
545
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,420
There's no, um, toilet paper.
546
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,714
You...
- Oh, my God.
547
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,257
Oh, it hurts when I laugh.
- Oh, my God.
548
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,967
Oh, it's in my mouth.
I taste the blood.
549
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,427
What do we do?
- Oh, I have an idea.
550
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,762
Come here, come over here.
- I need something.
551
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:22,971
Come over here, come over here.
552
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,765
Okay, it's working.
553
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:25,849
It feels okay, actually.
554
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,476
It looks amazing.
- Thank you.
555
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,978
Okay. Um, this one?
556
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,271
Yes?
- I'm going to take it out,
557
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,232
because it was kind of
really bleeding,
558
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,942
so I'm gonna stick a new one in.
559
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,235
Okay. Right.
- Okay?
560
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,569
Okay, here we go.
You ready?
561
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:38,570
Go. Gentle.
- Okay.
562
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,614
Don't freak out,
don't freak out.
563
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,115
We did it.
564
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,242
Oh, I can breathe again.
565
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,701
Not for long.
- You got it?
566
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,079
I'm going to jam it slowly...
- Oh? Yeah, that's nice.
567
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,580
You okay?
- Not too hard.
568
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,873
You good?
- That's good.
569
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,166
Okay.
- Thank you.
570
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,709
Looks good.
- My name's Carrie.
571
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,753
I'm Misty.
- It's nice to meet you.
572
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,754
Nice to meet you, yeah.
573
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,214
You do well under pressure.
574
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,925
It's a good thing I know so
much about leaky pipes, I guess.
575
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,176
Right.
- Yeah.
576
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,595
Holy shit,
what the hell happened?
577
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,180
It's a long story.
- Yes, it is.
578
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,473
Yeah, we're all good, though.
579
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:07,891
Yeah, we're good. Yeah.
- Yeah. Don't worry.
580
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,351
Oh, there's, like,
no toilet paper
581
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,228
in this whole entire bathroom.
582
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,521
Oh, that's actually my fault.
583
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,356
I, um, yeah,
I was supposed to do that.
584
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,857
Okay.
- Are you sure you're good?
585
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,234
Yeah, yeah. We're good.
- We're good.
586
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,694
You're good.
- We're good.
587
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,655
Okay...
588
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,073
Ooh, la, la...
589
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,616
All right,
contestants, are you ready?
590
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,326
Here are your microphones,
all right?
591
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,828
You're gonna talk
into them like this,
592
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,204
blah, blah, blah.
-
593
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,164
Wait a minute.
- Somebody cut her off.
594
00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:32,874
Where's contestant number three?
595
00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,459
Are these Beyond Beef,
596
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,752
or are these the real deal?
597
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,463
Guys, just be
aware of what's going on.
598
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:42,134
Anybody-- you don't know.
599
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,218
Mmm...
600
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:46,221
Fuck my life.
601
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,266
You know, I'm much
better with emotional ties.
602
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:53,520
This feels
a little more literal.
603
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:58,400
But it does remind me a lot
of a relationship I was in once.
604
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:00,986
Oh...!
605
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:03,488
I did it!
606
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,073
Thank you.
607
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,409
Hang tight, everyone.
608
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:08,994
15 minutes
until the next segment.
609
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,246
There's nothing suspicious
about anything you're doing.
610
00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,623
What, am I not being discrete?
611
00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:15,792
Uh, no. You'd be
a terrible criminal.
612
00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:18,128
Oh, please.
I could commit crimes.
613
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:19,504
Yeah, and not get away with it.
614
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:23,842
That's just mean.
It's mean and it's wrong.
615
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:26,345
I could... kill.
616
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:32,267
Or maybe pillage something.
617
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:37,814
Can I tell you something?
618
00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:38,982
Mm-hmm.
619
00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:43,195
I keep trying to understand what
I was feeling in that moment.
620
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,699
Like, what it means
that I saw you.
621
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:54,539
Do you think it means anything?
622
00:22:58,293 --> 00:23:00,170
Are you smizing at me?
623
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,338
Smizing?
624
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:02,798
Smizing?
From Top Model?
625
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,343
Can you please
stop making me laugh?
626
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,011
My ribs are bruised.
- What? What do you watch?
627
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:09,763
My ribs are bruised.
628
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,099
Well, stop saying
ridiculous things.
629
00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:13,892
You're the one being ridiculous.
630
00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,895
Um, actually, you're
the one with a head injury.
631
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:20,565
You were concussed and now
you're drinking on painkillers,
632
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:24,152
so I'm pretty sure
you're not thinking straight.
633
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:26,613
Safe to say.
634
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,910
We met at 18.
- I know.
635
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:35,705
Well, you were 19.
- No, you're older than me.
636
00:23:35,705 --> 00:23:37,124
No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
637
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,419
I-I always mix that up.
- I know, I don't understand.
638
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,796
You were 18?
- Yes.
639
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,842
gentle music
640
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:52,973
Dani, Dani, Dani!
- Thank you so much.
641
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:54,558
Dani, I need a favor.
- Thank you.
642
00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:56,393
Why don't you carry
your own tampons?
643
00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:58,145
What? No. I...
- Hi.
644
00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:00,981
I-I lost a contestant
for the dating game,
645
00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:02,107
and I need someone.
646
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,275
Can you please do it for me?
647
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,776
It's in six, six minutes.
648
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:06,820
No. I have to go get
Billie Jean off the red carpet.
649
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,155
She won't stop smiling
for the cameras.
650
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,448
You do it.
You got it. Go.
651
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,451
God! Why are you the worst?
652
00:24:16,371 --> 00:24:19,541
slow, dramatic music
653
00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:25,547
All right,
everyone in the audience,
654
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:28,049
we are gonna start
in just a few minutes.
655
00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:30,844
Please take your seats.
-
656
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:33,013
intriguing music
657
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:44,608
You know, your timing could not
have been more perfect, really.
658
00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,902
Well, I'm just glad it's
getting put to some good use.
659
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:48,528
You know,
I think I need, like,
660
00:24:48,528 --> 00:24:49,738
a little bit of a revamp.
661
00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:51,615
I've just been
on those dating apps.
662
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,116
Like, they're terrible.
663
00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:55,869
Oh, those dating apps... yeah.
- Absolutely terrifying.
664
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:59,164
Yeah. And I've been out
the game for like... two years.
665
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,415
Two years, huh?
- Yeah.
666
00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:02,542
I had a kid.
- I know you had a kid.
667
00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,586
You mentioned that
when I met you.
668
00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,713
You don't seem like the type
that wants to see pictures
669
00:25:06,713 --> 00:25:08,465
so I'm not gonna show you.
670
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:10,467
I'd see, I'd see it if you'd
like to show it to me.
671
00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:11,635
Oh, yeah?
- I'm not against it.
672
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:12,719
Okay.
673
00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:14,554
She is everything
674
00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:16,640
and she has also sucked me dry.
675
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:21,394
I just don't feel like myself
all the way, you know?
676
00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:24,731
Yeah.
677
00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:26,816
Yeah.
I can relate to that.
678
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:29,778
I think I need to get back
on the horse.
679
00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:32,239
I think you're gonna do
just fine.
680
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,577
Hi, guys.
I need a favor. Um...
681
00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:39,788
Can you get her ready in,
like, four minutes?
682
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:42,666
She's not talking to me.
- We'll do it.
683
00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:43,833
Yeah.
- Oh, my God, amazing.
684
00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,043
Okay, sit down.
- Hi.
685
00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:46,378
Hi.
- What's your name?
686
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,088
Taylor.
- Hi, Taylor.
687
00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:50,298
I'm Ivy, this is Shane.
688
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:52,217
Hey, Taylor.
- Hey.
689
00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:54,177
Yeah, we're gonna take
really good care of you.
690
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:56,846
Do you have any do's,
any don'ts?
691
00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:58,056
Uh, just no red lipstick.
692
00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,433
My mom subjected me
to pageants as a toddler,
693
00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:01,810
so it's very triggering.
694
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:04,312
Okay. Take it away.
Do your thing.
695
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:08,316
Taylor.
696
00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:10,735
May I?
697
00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:12,195
Yeah.
698
00:26:12,195 --> 00:26:13,905
And we're rolling.
699
00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:20,245
Welcome back
to my 100th episode.
700
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:22,956
As many of you know,
I'm currently single,
701
00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:25,250
so I figured what better way
to meet someone,
702
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,919
than on TV in front of
a studio audience?
703
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:30,755
So to help me out today,
704
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:34,551
we've brought the original
bisexual comedienne,
705
00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:37,721
a woman who has paved the way
for so many of us,
706
00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:42,559
my first crush,
my friend, Margaret Cho!
707
00:26:46,730 --> 00:26:48,231
Hey!
708
00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:51,151
Thank you!
709
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,777
Oh, this is so exciting.
710
00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:56,698
So, you know how this works,
we have some contestants,
711
00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:58,742
we're gonna ask them
some questions.
712
00:26:58,742 --> 00:26:59,993
Alice is gonna decide
713
00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:02,078
amongst three candidates
who's best, right?
714
00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:03,580
Yes, well,
you're going to help me.
715
00:27:03,580 --> 00:27:06,124
I'm gonna be making
some snide commentary
716
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:08,126
from over here...
-
717
00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:09,294
It's gonna be so fabulous.
718
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:10,795
I'm so excited.
- Sounds dreamy.
719
00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:12,339
Let's start. Okay.
- I love it.
720
00:27:16,176 --> 00:27:17,135
Okay.
721
00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,136
Contestant number one,
722
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:19,262
tell me about yourself.
723
00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:20,972
Hi, Alice.
- Oh.
724
00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:24,225
Ooh, that is a deep baritone.
- Okay.
725
00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:25,226
I'm into it.
726
00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,728
I'm from
a small town in Montana,
727
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:29,314
where rush hour is
a moose in the road.
728
00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,316
Oh, this is gonna be simple.
729
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:32,692
Um, Ivy, can you grab me
730
00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:34,277
that product in your bag?
731
00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:36,988
Yeah, I just want to see
what it is.
732
00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:38,948
No.
733
00:27:38,948 --> 00:27:41,034
Uh, just find a nice backdrop
outside or something.
734
00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:44,371
Get singles, get groups.
I need options.
735
00:27:44,371 --> 00:27:45,664
Thank you. Hi.
736
00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:48,083
Everything looks so good.
737
00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:49,542
Thank you.
738
00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:50,752
I'm gonna go home.
739
00:27:50,752 --> 00:27:54,714
Oh, it's early.
Are you feeling okay?
740
00:27:54,714 --> 00:27:57,926
Yes, but I just really
want to get back.
741
00:27:57,926 --> 00:28:00,095
Okay, okay.
I'll call you a car.
742
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,222
No, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
743
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,599
Nat's going to take me.
744
00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:09,062
What's going on?
745
00:28:09,062 --> 00:28:10,188
What do you mean?
746
00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:12,482
I mean, what's going on
with you and Nat?
747
00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:15,694
Nothing is going on.
- Okay.
748
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,321
We can talk more later.
- No.
749
00:28:18,321 --> 00:28:19,823
I'd like to talk about it now.
750
00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:21,866
Contestant number one,
751
00:28:21,866 --> 00:28:24,744
why don't you tell me
how you spend your days?
752
00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:26,413
I'm a veterinarian
for a nonprofit
753
00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:28,915
that rescues animals
from natural disasters.
754
00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:30,166
Aww.
755
00:28:30,166 --> 00:28:32,711
He's perfect.
756
00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:35,088
Definitely a serial killer.
757
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:37,090
Agreed.
758
00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:39,718
Okay, let's move on
to contestant number two.
759
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:43,430
Can you beat the butt-dialing
rescue vet from Montana?
760
00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,473
I'll try.
-
761
00:28:45,473 --> 00:28:49,102
Um, I was born in India,
raised in New York.
762
00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:53,106
Uh, I run a cold storage
start-up for NFTs.
763
00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:54,399
Oh.
764
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:57,402
Cold storage for NFTs?
- I have no idea what that means.
765
00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:58,945
Number two,
766
00:28:58,945 --> 00:29:00,739
what is the most
embarrassing thing
767
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,157
that's ever happened to you?
768
00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:03,575
The most embarrassing thing
769
00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:08,872
that's happened to me was
I threw up in the front car
770
00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:12,667
of a roller coaster,
on a first date.
771
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:15,086
Ooh...
- Wow.
772
00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:16,713
Looks great.
773
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:17,922
I don't know why
774
00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:19,507
I have to be
on TV right now, but...
775
00:29:19,507 --> 00:29:21,426
All right, we're done. Let's go,
we got to go, we got to go.
776
00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:22,844
Come on.
- Okay, okay.
777
00:29:22,844 --> 00:29:25,054
Oh, wait, don't forget this.
778
00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:27,974
You want a girl
that can just, you know,
779
00:29:27,974 --> 00:29:28,975
really go up...
780
00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:30,143
And down. Yeah.
- ...and go down.
781
00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,812
We like that...
782
00:29:32,812 --> 00:29:35,190
All right, good luck, have fun.
783
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:38,902
She looks great.
- She does, yeah.
784
00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:40,862
Okay, contestant number three.
785
00:29:40,862 --> 00:29:42,739
Same question.
786
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,365
Number three?
- Don't be shy.
787
00:29:44,365 --> 00:29:46,075
Don't be shy, number three.
788
00:29:46,075 --> 00:29:48,036
Okay, go answer the question.
- Number three?
789
00:29:48,036 --> 00:29:49,370
Okay, okay.
What's the question?
790
00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:50,955
Say something
funny about yourself.
791
00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:54,709
Um. Something, um...
I'm, uh...
792
00:29:54,709 --> 00:29:55,794
Something funny about me?
793
00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:57,128
I'm from Normal, Illinois.
794
00:29:57,128 --> 00:29:59,506
That's more
of a fact than a joke,
795
00:29:59,506 --> 00:30:01,674
but, okay, I'll play.
796
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:03,426
What's so normal about it?
797
00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:04,803
And would I fit in?
798
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,805
Um, uh, the people,
799
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:10,183
I-I guess, make it normal, um...
800
00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:12,352
That voice sounds so familiar.
801
00:30:12,352 --> 00:30:15,814
So, number three, what's
the most embarrassing thing
802
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,941
that's ever happened to you?
803
00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:19,651
I mean, well, this moment
804
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,736
would have to be up there.
-
805
00:30:21,736 --> 00:30:23,488
And, number three,
806
00:30:23,488 --> 00:30:26,157
who is your hero, and why?
807
00:30:26,157 --> 00:30:31,079
Oh, gosh, um...
was it animal or human?
808
00:30:31,079 --> 00:30:33,790
Aw, that's so cute.
809
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,166
upbeat, energetic music
810
00:30:35,166 --> 00:30:37,126
All right, I got one for you.
- What's that?
811
00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:41,381
One time, after a bottle
of Goldschläger, remember that?
812
00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:44,551
One-way bus ticket,
Kansas City to L.A.
813
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,386
Just picked up
everything and moved.
814
00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:47,554
God, I hate moving.
815
00:30:47,554 --> 00:30:49,430
It's like the worst thing
in the world to me.
816
00:30:49,430 --> 00:30:51,474
Yeah, but at least
I used to do stuff.
817
00:30:51,474 --> 00:30:52,725
It's like, being sober
818
00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:54,477
makes it harder to make
those moves, you know?
819
00:30:54,477 --> 00:30:55,687
Mm-hmm.
820
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:58,606
Like, I've got a whole list
of shit I just haven't done.
821
00:30:58,606 --> 00:31:00,441
Really, like what?
822
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:03,444
I mean, I got this
college application.
823
00:31:03,444 --> 00:31:05,738
It's been saved on
my desktop for months.
824
00:31:05,738 --> 00:31:06,865
It's due at midnight,
825
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,283
and I just, like,
I can't pull the trigger.
826
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:09,701
Well, you got to do that
827
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:11,953
or you're gonna regret it
your whole life, you know?
828
00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:12,912
Okay.
829
00:31:12,912 --> 00:31:14,205
So everything's done.
830
00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:16,958
Um, if you have any problems,
your boss has my info.
831
00:31:16,958 --> 00:31:19,419
Again, I'm-I'm really sorry
about everything.
832
00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,629
Yeah.
- Really, the nose and, you know.
833
00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:24,007
But the tampons worked.
Your nose looks perfect.
834
00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:26,342
I think it looks better
than when I came in.
835
00:31:26,342 --> 00:31:28,261
It was fun, so...
- Yeah.
836
00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:29,721
You know, it was--
it wasn't good,
837
00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:30,847
but it was good, you know?
838
00:31:30,847 --> 00:31:32,098
Right. Okay.
- All right.
839
00:31:32,098 --> 00:31:33,516
Bye. It's, um...
- Yeah, sorry.
840
00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:35,476
Good night.
841
00:31:35,476 --> 00:31:37,103
You like her.
842
00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:38,813
I don't know her.
843
00:31:38,813 --> 00:31:40,273
You ask her out,
I'll send in
844
00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:42,817
my college application.
-
845
00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:44,736
Deal.
846
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:45,945
Wait, what?
- Deal.
847
00:31:45,945 --> 00:31:47,155
No, I was fucking around!
848
00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:50,074
No, you send that shit.
- Fuck.
849
00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:52,493
Wow, she's doing it. Okay.
850
00:31:55,538 --> 00:31:58,499
upbeat, energetic music
851
00:31:58,499 --> 00:32:02,587
Okay.
852
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,674
Holy shit, I did it.
853
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:09,260
I did it. Did you do it?
- I did it.
854
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,511
I did it!
855
00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:12,221
Can you believe it?
856
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:13,389
No!
- Thursday night.
857
00:32:13,389 --> 00:32:14,849
You got a date.
- Well, no.
858
00:32:14,849 --> 00:32:16,392
It's not actually a date.
- What is it?
859
00:32:16,392 --> 00:32:18,561
I sort of joined
her bowling league.
860
00:32:18,561 --> 00:32:19,729
I'm the newest member of
861
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,273
"I Can't Believe
It's Not Gutter."
862
00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:24,692
You know what?
863
00:32:24,692 --> 00:32:26,527
Playing the long game.
I'll take it.
864
00:32:30,031 --> 00:32:31,157
Okay.
865
00:32:31,157 --> 00:32:33,493
Mama, Gloria,
866
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,827
I'm heading out now.
867
00:32:34,827 --> 00:32:38,081
Don't be late, Deb,
I've got a shift at 8:00.
868
00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:40,375
Mama, it's me.
869
00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:43,294
Remember, your sister Deb
is in Florida.
870
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:44,796
Oh, right.
871
00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:46,923
You never should've married him.
872
00:32:46,923 --> 00:32:48,633
Speaking of songs of yesterday,
873
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:52,178
here's Carly Simon with her hit,
"You Belong to Me."
874
00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:56,599
This is my song.
875
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,647
Oh, my God.
876
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:09,362
She used to blast this song
877
00:33:09,362 --> 00:33:13,199
in the car when she would
drive me to school.
878
00:33:13,199 --> 00:33:14,951
Were you looking
for my reaction?
879
00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:17,704
Like, lean out the window
smoking cigarettes.
880
00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:22,333
It would piss
all the other moms off so much.
881
00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:24,002
I believe it.
882
00:33:24,711 --> 00:33:28,756
Carly Simon once bummed
a cigarette from me.
883
00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:32,677
You never told me that.
That is so cool!
884
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:36,597
There's certain things a mother
should never tell her daughter.
885
00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:40,351
Come dance with me, come on.
886
00:33:40,351 --> 00:33:43,146
I would love to.
887
00:33:45,314 --> 00:33:47,066
You belong to me
888
00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:49,652
Tell her,
tell her you were fooling
889
00:33:49,652 --> 00:33:51,612
You belong to me
890
00:33:51,612 --> 00:33:53,865
You don't even know her
891
00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,700
You belong to me
892
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:58,327
Tell her that I love you
893
00:33:58,327 --> 00:34:01,706
You belong to me
894
00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:04,083
So you've been
working here how long?
895
00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:07,378
Like six, seven months... ish?
896
00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:08,671
Really?
- Yeah.
897
00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:12,550
Surprised I hadn't met you.
- Well, you didn't look.
898
00:34:12,550 --> 00:34:14,635
I didn't know.
- Oh, okay.
899
00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:19,098
You know, it didn't take you
that long to, like,
900
00:34:19,098 --> 00:34:20,349
jump right back in.
901
00:34:20,349 --> 00:34:22,185
And you did that, so...
- No, no, no, no, don't--
902
00:34:22,185 --> 00:34:23,686
You can't give me
that kind of credit.
903
00:34:23,686 --> 00:34:26,314
I was-- I was
following your lead.
904
00:34:26,314 --> 00:34:28,066
Mm.
905
00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,157
"Bad" by Azure
906
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:38,076
Come with me.
907
00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:51,839
Red wine stained keys,
a melody
908
00:34:51,839 --> 00:34:56,844
Suffocation of
a broken heart
909
00:34:57,553 --> 00:35:03,267
Violently sweet,
till I bleed
910
00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:07,271
Your cigarettes,
they linger on my mouth
911
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:10,858
Oh, I never should have
let you call me baby
912
00:35:10,858 --> 00:35:14,403
It burns every time
I hear it lately
913
00:35:14,403 --> 00:35:17,740
I've come undone
914
00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:22,120
Oh, I never thought I'd drown
in your ocean eyes
915
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,249
A part of me lives
on your bedside
916
00:35:27,250 --> 00:35:32,380
I don't know why
I want you so bad
917
00:35:32,380 --> 00:35:34,674
Can't get you out of my head
918
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:39,345
Maybe I'm crazy 'cause
I don't care if you hate me
919
00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:43,391
I don't know why
I want you so bad
920
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:46,102
Can't get you out of my head
921
00:35:46,102 --> 00:35:50,690
Maybe I'm crazy 'cause
I don't care if you hate me
922
00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:55,820
I don't know why
I want you so bad
923
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:02,118
Don't know why
I want you so bad
924
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:06,080
So, what-what is going on
between you two?
925
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:07,123
Nothing.
926
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:09,250
I can feel it, okay?
927
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,170
On the ambulance,
our lips touched.
928
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:13,504
It was nothing.
929
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,923
It was an accident.
- Are you trying to hurt me?
930
00:36:15,923 --> 00:36:17,383
Of course I'm not trying
to hurt you.
931
00:36:17,383 --> 00:36:19,510
Okay, then,
what we have is good.
932
00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:21,137
Why are you doing this?
933
00:36:21,137 --> 00:36:22,597
We have a good thing.
934
00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:24,390
I'm just...
935
00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:26,893
I'm confused.
936
00:36:26,893 --> 00:36:28,561
You're confused?
937
00:36:28,561 --> 00:36:31,355
When I... got hit...
938
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,692
...I saw Nat and the kids.
939
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:37,570
And not me.
940
00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:40,198
I don't know what it means.
That's why I'm telling you.
941
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,533
What are you saying to me
right now?
942
00:36:46,162 --> 00:36:49,832
I don't know,
I need time.
943
00:36:51,584 --> 00:36:54,837
Okay. You take your time.
944
00:36:54,837 --> 00:36:56,380
I'm done.
945
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:02,929
And this all
happened in the backseat
946
00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:04,305
of the family Astro van.
947
00:37:07,016 --> 00:37:09,185
Oh, shit.
Um, you know what?
948
00:37:09,185 --> 00:37:12,688
Uh, Miss Cho, could you actually
just forget I said that?
949
00:37:12,688 --> 00:37:14,148
Oh, contestant three,
950
00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:17,109
I don't think
I can unring that bell.
951
00:37:17,109 --> 00:37:19,946
There's no shame in masturbating
in the back of your family's car
952
00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:21,739
as long as
your family's not there.
953
00:37:21,739 --> 00:37:25,117
No shame at all,
three. No shame.
954
00:37:25,117 --> 00:37:27,870
For me there is a little.
-
955
00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:29,247
Oh, you know
what that bell means,
956
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:32,208
we have time
for one last question.
957
00:37:32,208 --> 00:37:34,752
What do you think, Alice?
- I think I'm ready.
958
00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:36,796
Okay.
- It's very simple.
959
00:37:36,796 --> 00:37:38,089
Yes.
960
00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:40,049
Why do you want to date me?
961
00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:42,218
What's not to love?
962
00:37:42,218 --> 00:37:43,511
Aww!
963
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:47,306
Smart, sexy and beautiful.
The full package.
964
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:50,518
We should do this every episode.
965
00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,188
Uh, well, they promised me
966
00:37:54,188 --> 00:37:55,982
a coffee mug
if I did the show, so...
967
00:37:57,775 --> 00:37:58,859
The free mug?
968
00:37:58,859 --> 00:38:02,363
Wow.
What do you say, Alice?
969
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:05,116
Loveable,
full package, free mug.
970
00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:09,078
And unlike women's
reproductive rights in America,
971
00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:10,788
this choice is entirely yours.
972
00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:13,207
973
00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:15,126
I don't know, Margaret.
They're all so dateable.
974
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:25,886
Mm... There's one person
975
00:38:25,886 --> 00:38:28,764
that I would like
to get to know better.
976
00:38:28,764 --> 00:38:31,392
Contestant three, I choose you!
977
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:34,520
978
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,023
Contestant three, come on down.
979
00:38:37,023 --> 00:38:38,816
Two and one,
980
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,067
uh, meet me in my dressing room.
981
00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:42,528
You.
- It's me.
982
00:38:42,528 --> 00:38:44,780
The coffee stand.
983
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:46,282
Yeah.
984
00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:47,575
You're funny.
985
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,493
For a regular gal. Yeah.
986
00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,037
All right.
987
00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:54,540
We're here, we're queer!
988
00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:56,625
And we have love.
989
00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:58,336
Love is love is love!
- Love it.
990
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:02,048
Until the Supreme Court
takes that away from us, too.
991
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:06,344
And pee after sex,
everyone, don't forget!
992
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:10,639
Thank you so much for
having me, Alice, thank you.
993
00:39:10,639 --> 00:39:13,476
Good night, everyone!
994
00:39:16,270 --> 00:39:17,855
Are you okay?
995
00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:23,319
No.
996
00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:28,199
You can sleep on my couch,
if you want.
997
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,284
No, I'm fine on my own.
998
00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:33,788
But you should
really let me drive.
999
00:39:33,788 --> 00:39:37,208
Oh, don't worry,
I only had a couple sips.
1000
00:39:38,125 --> 00:39:39,710
I just mean you're
a really bad driver.
1001
00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:41,796
Fuck you! Fuck you!
1002
00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:43,923
Whoa!
- Jesus, what is--
1003
00:39:43,923 --> 00:39:45,049
What is that?
1004
00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:46,384
Can you please drive?
- Fuck you!
1005
00:39:46,384 --> 00:39:47,843
They're my oranges!
- Yeah, go!
1006
00:39:47,843 --> 00:39:49,637
Can you please drive?
- Those are a gift!
1007
00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:51,472
Nat, could you please drive?
- I spent $20 on them.
1008
00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:52,807
I understand,
could you please--?
1009
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,725
That was for my ex! Our ex.
- Jesus.
1010
00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:03,275
slow, dramatic music
1011
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:07,113
slow, funky music
1012
00:40:11,492 --> 00:40:12,618
...so much.
1013
00:40:12,618 --> 00:40:15,413
I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
Good job.
1014
00:40:16,288 --> 00:40:20,376
Been feeling defeated
1015
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,170
Oh, no...
1016
00:40:23,170 --> 00:40:24,713
Hey.
1017
00:40:24,713 --> 00:40:27,174
What the hell happened to you?
1018
00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:30,719
This is the second time
1019
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,389
that the person I wanted to
marry ran off with someone else.
1020
00:40:33,389 --> 00:40:35,683
Ha ha.
1021
00:40:37,017 --> 00:40:39,895
Oh... orange?
1022
00:40:39,895 --> 00:40:43,732
Yeah. Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
1023
00:40:44,942 --> 00:40:47,987
Don't fall down, baby,
don't fall down
1024
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,905
Don't fall, just...
1025
00:40:49,905 --> 00:40:53,242
Hey, you're gonna be okay.
- Mm.
1026
00:40:53,242 --> 00:40:55,286
You got this.
You'll bounce back.
1027
00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:56,495
You...
1028
00:40:56,495 --> 00:40:58,664
You're the most
together person I know.
1029
00:40:58,664 --> 00:41:01,709
Not anymore.
1030
00:41:02,585 --> 00:41:05,921
Turns out, that's you.
-
1031
00:41:05,921 --> 00:41:09,884
I don't... mm,
I don't know about that.
1032
00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:12,052
You're crushing at work.
1033
00:41:12,052 --> 00:41:13,929
Made it through rehab
with Finley.
1034
00:41:13,929 --> 00:41:17,600
Been going through changes
1035
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,768
Oh...
1036
00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:20,936
Hey, um,
1037
00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:24,648
I was just gonna grab my stuff
and go home. [chuckles]
1038
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:28,110
Yeah. Me, too.
-
1039
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:30,279
Threw it all away
1040
00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:33,741
Everyone makes
mistakes, yeah
1041
00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:37,536
Oh, no, don't fall down...
1042
00:41:37,536 --> 00:41:39,747
Hey, uh...
1043
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:41,373
You want to come over?
1044
00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:45,211
Don't fall down, baby,
don't fall down...
1045
00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:46,837
Um... Are you...?
1046
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:48,756
Are you trying to get back
together with me right now?
1047
00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:50,216
Because, um...
1048
00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:53,761
No. No, no.
1049
00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:55,930
Not a fucking chance.
1050
00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,891
Yeah. I'll see you
at the house then.
1051
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,601
Okay.
- Yeah.
1052
00:42:00,601 --> 00:42:01,602
See you later.
1053
00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:05,648
Things are gonna get better
1054
00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:11,028
Things are gonna get better
1055
00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,865
I was, like,
this close to falling.
1056
00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,534
I was like...
1057
00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:18,953
Hey! We did it!
-
1058
00:42:20,287 --> 00:42:23,249
Great job, everybody.
Great job.
1059
00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:29,838
Hey!
1060
00:42:29,838 --> 00:42:31,715
Are you-are you leaving?
1061
00:42:31,715 --> 00:42:33,259
The party's just
getting started.
1062
00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:35,719
Yeah, yeah,
I'm just gonna head home.
1063
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:39,848
You don't want to cash in
on that big date?
1064
00:42:41,016 --> 00:42:43,310
Really, no, it's-it's okay.
- Oh.
1065
00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:45,521
I mean, hey,
I-I got the free mug.
1066
00:42:45,521 --> 00:42:48,190
They threw in
two extra T-shirts, so...
1067
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:49,441
Nice.
- I'm good.
1068
00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:51,235
Yeah, that's enough.
1069
00:42:51,235 --> 00:42:52,486
Hey, listen...
- Yeah?
1070
00:42:52,486 --> 00:42:55,072
...really, congratulations
on everything.
1071
00:42:55,072 --> 00:42:58,617
I mean, you should be
really proud of all of it.
1072
00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:02,580
Big chef's kiss for you
and your big night.
1073
00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:12,840
Um, you're not regular.
1074
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,259
Yes, I am.
1075
00:43:15,884 --> 00:43:16,969
Well, so am I.
1076
00:43:16,969 --> 00:43:21,515
There's a 45-foot picture
of you outside.
1077
00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:24,435
Okay, I've been you.
1078
00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:26,437
A long time ago,
I dated someone famous
1079
00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:28,564
when I wasn't,
so I know it's different.
1080
00:43:28,564 --> 00:43:31,108
But I'm just a person.
1081
00:43:32,526 --> 00:43:34,612
And I like your weird
sense of humor.
1082
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,655
You know, that's,
that's not the compliment
1083
00:43:36,655 --> 00:43:38,657
I think you think it is.
1084
00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:39,908
And you're cute.
1085
00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:43,746
Well, you know, I can't speak
to that one so much, so...
1086
00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:46,915
Come on, one date.
One regular date.
1087
00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:49,585
What do you say? Just...
1088
00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:51,670
You can keep the T-shirts.
1089
00:43:52,963 --> 00:43:54,590
I don't know about the mug.
1090
00:43:56,216 --> 00:44:01,013
I cannot believe I missed
Alice in a straitjacket.
1091
00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:03,641
I know, and that Velcro target?
1092
00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:04,933
Oh, my God, that was a hit.
1093
00:44:04,933 --> 00:44:06,560
It was so good.
- I'm sure.
1094
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,729
Oh.
1095
00:44:08,729 --> 00:44:11,690
Well, um, yeah, I think
1096
00:44:11,690 --> 00:44:13,901
Shane's backstage somewhere--
- Hey, Tess.
1097
00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:15,110
You showed up.
1098
00:44:15,110 --> 00:44:17,613
Hi.
- Hi.
1099
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,156
Yeah.
1100
00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:21,492
I'm sorry I'm late.
- Oh.
1101
00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:22,743
I would have been here sooner,
1102
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,453
it's just my mom was
having this, like,
1103
00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:26,789
really amazing moment--
- It's okay, it's okay.
1104
00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:29,291
Yeah, it's okay.
- Okay.
1105
00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:30,584
Um...
1106
00:44:31,293 --> 00:44:34,838
I'm sorry I snapped
at you earlier.
1107
00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:37,633
All is forgiven.
1108
00:44:37,633 --> 00:44:38,717
Yeah.
1109
00:44:38,717 --> 00:44:40,636
But I think they wrapped,
didn't they, Sophie?
1110
00:44:40,636 --> 00:44:41,929
Oh.
- Yeah, we wrapped.
1111
00:44:41,929 --> 00:44:43,555
Yeah.
- Yeah, but there's...
1112
00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:44,973
there's a party.
1113
00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:46,684
I know, but I'm exhausted.
1114
00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:48,143
Okay.
- Is that okay?
1115
00:44:48,143 --> 00:44:49,353
Can we just go home?
1116
00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:50,479
That's okay, let's go home.
1117
00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:51,897
You sure?
- Yeah, let's go home.
1118
00:44:51,897 --> 00:44:53,399
I'm sorry you drove
all the way over here,
1119
00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:54,358
but is that all right?
- No, it's fine.
1120
00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:55,776
Okay.
1121
00:44:55,776 --> 00:44:56,985
Thank you, Sophie.
1122
00:44:56,985 --> 00:44:58,445
Bye, guys, have a good night.
1123
00:44:58,445 --> 00:44:59,780
Bye.
- Bye, Soph.
1124
00:44:59,780 --> 00:45:02,032
Bye.
1125
00:45:03,909 --> 00:45:06,328
Great show.
1126
00:45:06,328 --> 00:45:07,621
Uh...
1127
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,748
Uh, same-same to you.
1128
00:45:09,748 --> 00:45:11,458
'Cause I'd really,
really miss ya
1129
00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:13,961
So cool, cool, cool,
baby, shake that
1130
00:45:13,961 --> 00:45:16,296
You're the best in the room,
you don't have to try
1131
00:45:16,296 --> 00:45:18,507
Show no fear
when you cross the line
1132
00:45:18,507 --> 00:45:20,384
Even when it rains,
you bring the shine...
1133
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:21,343
Hey.
1134
00:45:21,343 --> 00:45:23,220
What...? What'd I say?
1135
00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:25,139
Relax, I'm just going
to get something to drink,
1136
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,390
go to my room,
1137
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:28,016
and you can have your special
night with Sophie.
1138
00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:29,435
You'll be fine.
- Thank you.
1139
00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:31,395
I love you.
- Yeah. You, too. Hey.
1140
00:45:31,395 --> 00:45:33,355
Hey, you know, if there's
any leftovers,
1141
00:45:33,355 --> 00:45:35,441
that steak looks amazing.
1142
00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:37,693
It's chicken.
1143
00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:39,987
Oh.
-
1144
00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:41,363
Hey.
1145
00:45:41,363 --> 00:45:42,448
Hey!
1146
00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:45,492
What is this?
- We're celebrating.
1147
00:45:45,492 --> 00:45:47,411
We are?
- Yeah.
1148
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:50,581
Your 100th episode.
- Aww.
1149
00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:52,624
And...
1150
00:45:52,624 --> 00:45:54,209
I applied to college.
1151
00:45:54,209 --> 00:45:55,377
Stop.
1152
00:45:55,377 --> 00:45:56,962
What?
- I know.
1153
00:45:56,962 --> 00:45:58,130
That's amazing.
1154
00:45:58,130 --> 00:45:59,923
I know.
- I'm so excited for you.
1155
00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:02,801
So I thought we could,
you know, celebrate us,
1156
00:46:02,801 --> 00:46:06,972
and have a little
romantic dinner, and then,
1157
00:46:06,972 --> 00:46:10,559
you know, maybe after...
- Oh, okay.
1158
00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:11,643
Oh.
1159
00:46:11,643 --> 00:46:13,437
Hi.
- Hi. [laughs]
1160
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,022
Hi.
- Hey. Sorry.
1161
00:46:15,022 --> 00:46:19,026
I tried to call you.
Gigi broke up with her.
1162
00:46:19,735 --> 00:46:22,154
Figured I'd come piss
in your hallway for a change.
1163
00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:23,405
Oh.
1164
00:46:23,405 --> 00:46:27,618
I mean, if that'd be helpful,
by all means, please do.
1165
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,621
Truce?
1166
00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:34,625
Now what I really want to do
is pull you into a big old hug.
1167
00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:37,294
You shouldn't do that. Yeah.
- And I won't.
1168
00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:39,421
Is that cake?
1169
00:46:39,421 --> 00:46:40,756
Yes, it is.
- I heard Dani.
1170
00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:42,132
Which means it's not
a date night.
1171
00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:43,717
Not anymore.
- I want some of that cake.
1172
00:46:43,717 --> 00:46:46,011
Wait, you made cake?
- No.
1173
00:46:46,011 --> 00:46:48,013
I was with the,
uh, plumber all day.
1174
00:46:48,013 --> 00:46:50,307
But I picked up tres leches,
1175
00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:54,144
and I also found out what
the tres leches were today.
1176
00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:56,772
Uh, what did you think
they were before?
1177
00:46:56,772 --> 00:46:57,981
Mmm.
1178
00:46:57,981 --> 00:47:00,275
Cow, goat and breast.
1179
00:47:00,275 --> 00:47:02,236
Wow.
- No.
1180
00:47:03,278 --> 00:47:04,822
So, you thought
they put breast milk...?
1181
00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:07,032
Ooh, there's got to be
1182
00:47:07,032 --> 00:47:09,868
Something more
out there for me
1183
00:47:09,868 --> 00:47:13,622
Ooh, I've got to keep
my head up
1184
00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:15,415
Keep my head up
1185
00:47:15,415 --> 00:47:17,668
Ooh, there's nothing like
1186
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:20,212
Rising up after the fight
1187
00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:24,341
Ooh, I've got to keep
my head up
88938
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