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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:07,924 Previously on The L Word: Generation Q... 2 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,010 pulsing, energetic music 3 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,720 How'd it go with Nat? 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,431 Did she give us permission to live together? 5 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,682 She didn't say no. 6 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,392 She just said she wants to know you better. 7 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,768 Are you dating me or her? 8 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:19,936 Oh, my. Daniela... 9 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,730 I think I'm gonna go back to school. 10 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,773 I mean, wow, that's incredible. 11 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,275 Are you breaking up with me? 12 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,069 Worst first night of college ever. 13 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:29,612 I mean, you're single and in L.A. 14 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:30,947 Ooh. 15 00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,825 This could be, like, my ho phase. 16 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,494 You and me, let's open that second bar. 17 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,413 I'll do anything with you. 18 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,458 Oh, no. You've got the itch. 19 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,500 What itch? 20 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,543 Things get too real, 21 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,128 you get restless, 22 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,380 and then you start to, like, wiggle. 23 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,465 Please. I don't wiggle. 24 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,466 I need to go. 25 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,800 Yes. 26 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,385 I need to go! Oh, my God. 27 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,055 You're... you're not thinking clearly. 28 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,139 You love it here. 29 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,807 You love your friends and your job. 30 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,017 That's true. 31 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,644 That's all true, but I love you more. 32 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,105 Please, may I come with you? 33 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,940 No, they just have something real, you know. 34 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,108 That would be nice. 35 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,902 I'm sorry for reacting 36 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,487 the way I did earlier. 37 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,197 I love you. 38 00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:19,079 I don't find trouble, yeah 39 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,247 Trouble finds me 40 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,091 You look good, 41 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,717 but we should bring you in for observation. 42 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:34,969 Okay. Thank you so much. 43 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,721 White female, conscious, 44 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,223 presenting with head injuries... 45 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,390 Hi. 46 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,017 Hey, you. 47 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,687 gentle music 48 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:48,149 Whoa. - That's my face. 49 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,943 Sorry. - Mm. 50 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,987 I think I might have just pressed glass into your skin. 51 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,490 You've always been good in crisis. 52 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,492 Yeah. - Sorry, ma'am. 53 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,751 Hey, I'm looking for my girlfriend. 54 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,419 Yeah, she's there. - Oh, thank you. 55 00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:09,379 Hey. 56 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,588 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 57 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,006 Great. 58 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,967 Oh, my God. 59 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,429 Are you okay? - I am okay. 60 00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:20,431 I'll just wait outside. 61 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,434 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. - Sorry. 62 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,357 I'll be right back, okay? 63 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,234 Nat? 64 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,823 Uh, thank you for getting here 65 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,324 as fast as you did. - Oh. 66 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,285 Yeah, I'm her emergency contact, 67 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,245 so I had a head start. 68 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,164 Oh, well, that's... 69 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,791 Which we should change, you know? 70 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:47,959 It should be you. 71 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:48,918 Right. 72 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,003 Only one of you can ride. 73 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,129 Oh, that-that's me. 74 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,589 Yeah. 75 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,216 Well, call me if you need anything. 76 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,218 I'll be around. 77 00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,889 "Trouble's Comin'" by Rayelle 78 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,725 It's going down, down, down 79 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:07,312 You can feel it all around, round, round 80 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,982 Ain't no way to stop it now, now, now 81 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,651 Better start running 82 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,363 Running, running 83 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,575 Can you believe 84 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,785 they let me make this show a hundred times? 85 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:25,079 Yes. It's gonna be a great show. 86 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,915 Oh, my God, the dating show segment? 87 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,333 Yeah. - Genius. 88 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,792 Thank you. The flowers look great. 89 00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,920 And all the contestants have been vetted, right? 90 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:32,837 Yes. 91 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,255 Okay, 'cause I'm looking for the one. 92 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,632 Right. No cults, no mixed martial arts and... 93 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,799 What do you think? 94 00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,259 Yes. - You got it. 95 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,637 ...no improvisers of any kind. 96 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,430 Yeah, that last one's very important. 97 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,599 What if this really works? 98 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,100 I mean, what if I find my person? 99 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,186 Oh, my God! Yeah. - Wouldn't it be amazing? 100 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,730 Soso and Allyce? - That's us. 101 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,398 I'm sorry if I'm butchering those. 102 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:56,361 My coworker Kim here got bit by a pig at her family reunion 103 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,196 and her thumb hasn't been the same. 104 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,698 Oh, sorry about your thumb. - Thanks. 105 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,742 Right, well, I'll see you out there. 106 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,868 Okay. 107 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,787 Oh. 108 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,039 Oh! You. Alice. 109 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,041 Uh, yeah, that's me. 110 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,292 Yeah, I mean, 111 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,294 I guess I shouldn't be surprised given where I am, 112 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,587 I mean, physically... 113 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,381 Oh, in the... - Here. Yeah. 114 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,840 Yeah. Lines up. - Yeah. 115 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,300 'Cause the show's called Alice... 116 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,343 Hang on. 117 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,011 I can add a little something special here. 118 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:24,430 Kim usually does the latte art, 119 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,058 but I'll give it my best shot. 120 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,477 Ta-da. 121 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,187 Oh, you made a, um... - I can do a heart, 122 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,814 but that just felt a little obvious, 123 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,023 so I went with chaos. 124 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:35,566 Or a little modern art. 125 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:36,985 It was nice to meet you. 126 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,653 Yeah, you, too. - Good luck on the show. 127 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,947 Oh, are you gonna stay and watch? 128 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,156 No, no, no, no. 129 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,075 Um, I'll have to overanalyze this conversation 130 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,493 for like two hours, so... 131 00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,828 Why? It's going so well. 132 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,330 No, you should stay and watch. 133 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,999 It's-it's nice to have real fans in the audience 134 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,334 and not just confused tourists who think 135 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:54,669 they're here to see Ellen. 136 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,713 Sold. 137 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,339 Okay, great. 138 00:04:58,339 --> 00:04:59,716 slow, wistful music 139 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,192 Hey. - Hey. 140 00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:22,113 Going to the new bar. Want to break some shit? 141 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,198 Uh... yeah. - Yeah? 142 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,242 That actually sounds like a dream come true. 143 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,243 Let's go. 144 00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,203 Holy shit. 145 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,873 - Let's have some fun. - "Pony" by Ginuwine 146 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:35,460 I'm just a bachelor 147 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,755 I'm looking for a partner 148 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,467 Someone who knows how to ride 149 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:46,179 Without even falling off 150 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,474 Got to be compatible 151 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,643 Takes me to my limits 152 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,897 Girl, when I break you off 153 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,192 I promise that you won't wanna get off 154 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,568 If you're horny 155 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:06,407 Let's do it, ride it, my pony 156 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:09,744 My saddle's waiting 157 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:13,247 Come and jump on it 158 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,625 If you're horny, let's do it 159 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:19,504 Ride it, my pony 160 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,673 My saddle's waiting 161 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:27,220 Come and jump on it 162 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,183 Hey. 163 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,354 You think I'd be, like, good at school? 164 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,648 What? 165 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,567 You know, like, college. 166 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,532 I don't know. Were you any good before? 167 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,493 No, not really. - 168 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,372 Yes, I love that place. I'll meet you there. Um... 169 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:57,083 Sorry, can you hold on just one second. 170 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,962 Um, hi. What the hell do the two of you think you're doing? 171 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,338 We don't start demo until tomorrow. 172 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:03,881 I know. I know, I know, I know, 173 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,591 but we got a head start, and look how much we got done. 174 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,717 I mean, check that out. 175 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,011 Come on. Come on, have a whack. 176 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,639 It's a maj stress reliever. Have a whack. 177 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,891 No, Finley, I don't want to give it a whack. 178 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,477 All right. Your loss. 179 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,771 Oh, shit! Fuck! 180 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,730 Okay. 181 00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,899 I'm gonna stop the water. 182 00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,276 I got it! I got it! 183 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,610 Finley, go around the corner. 184 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,654 It's not a big deal, Tess. 185 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,030 Truly. Just calm down. - You there? 186 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,283 Yeah, actually, can you meet me here? 187 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,618 Great, I'm gonna text you the address right now. 188 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,162 Okay, bye. 189 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:35,872 This is exactly why 190 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,665 you should not be fucking around in here. 191 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,083 It's just... - I have got so much 192 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,043 on my plate already and now, this. 193 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,463 Tess, it's just an accident. - You're gonna have to tell Alice 194 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,714 that I can't make it tonight 195 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,466 because I'm gonna be here waiting for a plumber. 196 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,758 Why? No, no, no. 197 00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,303 I can help with that. 198 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:54,640 Your help is how this happened. So thanks, but no thanks. 199 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,728 All right, then. 200 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,272 I should just stay out of your way then. 201 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,274 Hmm? 202 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,318 Yeah. - Yeah, I will. 203 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,489 Oh, my God. 204 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,990 slow, tranquil music 205 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,992 Did you get the chocolate fountain? 206 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:16,621 Yup. Whatever Alice wants, I'll make it happen. 207 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,914 It's her show. 208 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,957 Oh, yeah. - Okay, leaving now. 209 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:22,418 All right, see you there. - Bye. 210 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,504 Hi and bye. 211 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,298 Have you seen my other earring? Is it in the bathroom? 212 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,883 I didn't see it. 213 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:31,719 Mm. I'm sorry. 214 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,845 Just borrow a pair of mine. 215 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,681 Your car's gonna be here at 3:00. 216 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,808 He's usually a little early, so... 217 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,394 Okay. - 218 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:41,646 Not that early. 219 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,023 Oh, it's... 220 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:45,608 Nat. 221 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,986 Hi. - Hi. 222 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,780 Um... 223 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,115 Sorry, what are you... what are you doing here? 224 00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:56,160 Oh, hi. Uh, Gigi just called me. 225 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,370 Oh. 226 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,497 I can't get ready on my own, 227 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,957 and I didn't want you to be late. 228 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,625 Yeah. 229 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,918 Happy to help. 230 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,044 Right. - Yeah. 231 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,630 No. Sure, that's great. 232 00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,758 Yeah. Um, I will... 233 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,552 see you... both 234 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,970 at Alice's show later then? 235 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,179 Oh, yeah. 236 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,222 I will be there. 237 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,890 Margaret Cho is on my bucket list. 238 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,976 Not to... - Great. 239 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,519 ...fuck, just meet. 240 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,146 Sure. Right. Um... - 241 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,481 All right. I love you. 242 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,732 Love you. 243 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,068 Bye! 244 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,654 Hi! - Hi. 245 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,114 How are you doing? - 246 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,782 Uh, I feel like shit. 247 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,243 But I'm on a lot of drugs. 248 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,578 Nice. - No, I'm good. 249 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,414 Honestly... I've had five days off. 250 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,666 I can't remember the last time I had five days off. 251 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,210 Oh. Well, I actually do remember. 252 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:50,381 Yeah, it was when you got hand, foot and mouth from the kids, 253 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:54,594 and I don't think you went out in public for, like, a week. 254 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,678 Okay, fine. 255 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,556 Last time was when I had hand, foot and mouth. 256 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,141 Yeah. 257 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,689 Do you want to talk about... 258 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,984 ...what happened the other night? 259 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:12,945 No. 260 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,615 All right. [chuckles] 261 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,200 I mean, honestly, it was... 262 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,827 it was nothing. 263 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,370 Yeah. - Yeah. 264 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,831 Right? - Mm. Yes. 265 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:26,000 slow, somber music 266 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,879 Yeah, no, no. It's-it's good, Mom, I swear. 267 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,965 Jordi's just... having trouble with boundaries 268 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,759 and, like, texting me a lot. 269 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,594 But I'm fine, you know? 270 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,638 I'm-I'm excited for class, you know? 271 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,389 I feel like it's, um... 272 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:42,266 a fresh start, you know? 273 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:43,976 Okay. I love you. 274 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,687 Yes. Yes, yes, it's on my keychain. 275 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:49,523 Okay. I love you. Bye. 276 00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:57,531 Hey, y'all! Um, my name is Samuel Hendrix. 277 00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,908 I am your professor. 278 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:03,037 We're gonna investigate our own individual creativity, 'kay? 279 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,664 Um, I am a poet, 280 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,208 a songwriter, a lousy piano player 281 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,334 and I wrote a book once. 282 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,794 That therefore qualifies me 283 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:13,214 to be your Introduction to Creative Writing instructor. 284 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,466 Welcome, y'all. - 285 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,468 Okay... - Fuck me. 286 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,512 So... 287 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,055 we're gonna... 288 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,391 we're gonna jump right in. 289 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,476 Hey! - Hey! 290 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,478 Happy 100th. - 291 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,896 The chart. 292 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,314 Right? - Oh! 293 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,732 God, where it all began. 294 00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,401 Just a reminder of your humble beginnings. 295 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,694 I love it. Let's hang it. 296 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,028 Take that down. I can't stand this picture. 297 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,279 I did your hair for that. 298 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,241 Well, I like my hair. I just... 299 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,951 This is better. 300 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,285 Right? 301 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,453 Love it! 302 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,622 Ugh. Oh-- - Do you still talk to her? 303 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,833 No. No, no. - She was really cute. 304 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,000 Um, Bette and Tina got me 305 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,252 those flowers. - That's nice. 306 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,628 Pretty. - Glad they're making it work. 307 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,588 Mm. Tom got me a basket of Bic pens. 308 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,633 That's odd. - Well, you know, I turned down 309 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,968 the marriage proposal. - Right. 310 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,678 But he's still able to be a good friend. 311 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,680 Or he's still hoping. 312 00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,765 Honestly, either way is fine. 313 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:05,933 Is this for me, too? 314 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,435 What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. - This one. 315 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,228 That's just my old hair products. 316 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,521 Oh. Yeah, I don't want that. 317 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,440 I know you don't, but Ivy does. 318 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,568 And I figured I'd give 'em to her, so... 319 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,569 Okay. 320 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,945 Do you know where I can find her? 321 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,947 Yeah. Over here. - 322 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,283 You two really hit it off the other night. 323 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,493 No, it was just work. - Mm. 324 00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:25,995 Where's Tess? 325 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,165 Unfortunately, she's not able to make it. 326 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,542 So she wanted me to send you her love. 327 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,335 Well, I'm sorry she's gonna miss it. 328 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:34,211 Me, too. 329 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:36,088 Oh. Real quick-- 330 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,256 don't sit in the front. 331 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,591 I don't want to give too much away, 332 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,426 but there is a lube slip-and-slide. 333 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,677 It might get a little messy. 334 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,096 How do you come up with this shit? 335 00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:46,515 Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang 336 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,850 in the Alice lounge. - Huh. 337 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,852 I got this queer winemaker to sponsor it. 338 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,937 Um, the list is getting pretty long though, 339 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,981 so I'm thinking we do overflow in the greenroom. 340 00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,733 All right, that sounds... good. 341 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:56,776 I mean, that'll work. 342 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,320 Um... - Oh, hey, how's Gigi? 343 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,114 Uh, you know, ribs take a while to heal. 344 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,365 But other than that, she's fine. 345 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,868 Okay. Well, hey, um... 346 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,161 when's she's feeling better, 347 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,079 why don't you guys come over for dinner? 348 00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,956 With me and Finley. - Uh... 349 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,416 M-Maybe. 350 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,001 Ouch. 351 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,169 I said maybe. 352 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,837 Come on. - 353 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,798 - This bitch. - Didn't see that coming 354 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,258 Didn't see that coming 355 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,969 There's also, I think, like, a pipe or something 356 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,805 rattling in the ceiling. - Okay. 357 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,806 Could be animals. 358 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,724 Rats. - Uh-oh. 359 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,059 I stopped feeding 'em. 360 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,477 Okay, I'm gonna check everything out. 361 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,728 Okay, great. Thank you. 362 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,271 If you need anything from me, just come 363 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,397 and find me. I'll be here all day. 364 00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:36,649 Sounds great. -'Kay. 365 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,401 Tess, please don't stay here. 366 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,695 I'm the one that broke the pipe. 367 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:42,822 I know, but-- 368 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,573 Listen, you shouldn't have to stay with the plumber. 369 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,492 I-I want to. Really. Please? 370 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,743 No, it's fine. 371 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,412 My sponsee's already on the way and-- 372 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,122 I got the highlighter. I got the book. 373 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:54,083 I know the AA deal. - 374 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,418 I can't ask you to do that. - No, 375 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:57,461 you're not asking. 376 00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:58,754 Please? 377 00:13:58,754 --> 00:13:59,713 I want to. 378 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:00,673 Let me make this right. 379 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,341 Come on. Go be with Shane. 380 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,303 I was... 381 00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,681 way harsh on her earlier. 382 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,350 soft, somber music 383 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,274 Next week's gonna be a deep dive into structure, 384 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,483 so be ready for that. 385 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,318 Also, if you want to hear some great writing, 386 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,863 my buddy is doing a reading at the campus bookstore. 387 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,906 Hi, excuse me. Will you just wait one second? 388 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,658 Yeah. - Um, yeah, that's it. 389 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:28,826 Um, hi. 390 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:32,997 Uh, I have a quick question for you. 391 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,082 Um... 392 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,209 it is you, right? 393 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,088 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it was you. [laughs] 394 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,089 Hi! 395 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:44,133 Um, yes, I just-- 396 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,720 I wanted to say I'm sorry about... 397 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,681 like, kissing you the other night. 398 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:55,436 Um, just please know that won't, like, ever happen again. 399 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,521 I had just broken up with my first girlfriend 400 00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:59,690 who I was in love with, and my moms are, like, 401 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,358 getting back together, which is, like, a whole thing. 402 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:04,653 And it's my-- it's my first week of college. 403 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,155 Anyway, I just want you to know 404 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:10,242 if-if you want me to, like, drop your class, I totally will. 405 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:13,871 I'm happy you're in my class. 406 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,541 Okay. 407 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,043 Okay. Great. 408 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,961 I'll see you next week? 409 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:22,796 See ya. 410 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,966 lighthearted music 411 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,477 Give Alice five. 412 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,145 I thought you gave Wardrobe ten. 413 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,022 Yeah, but we got to give Alice five so she gets here on time. 414 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,441 Oh, gotcha. - No, no, it's yours. 415 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,610 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. 416 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,986 You don't need to thank me. - Five minutes. 417 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:48,405 That was collecting dust in my garage. 418 00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:49,239 What? 419 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:52,076 This is literally liquid gold. 420 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,119 Y'all hear that? Nobody touch my shit. 421 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,996 This is a no-fly zone. - Okay, okay. 422 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,623 15 minutes, everyone. 423 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,416 15 minutes till showtime. 424 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,627 All right, I'm gonna go get my seat. 425 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,004 You don't want to hang back here? 426 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,589 This is where all the fun is. 427 00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:06,840 "All Diamonds" by Nightgames 428 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,717 I'll find a place 429 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:09,969 For myself... 430 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,887 I feel lots of love here, people. 431 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,597 Okay. - Uh-huh. 432 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,099 You know what time it is. - All right, can I get you 433 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,226 any water or anything? You want some... 434 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,019 Oh, I heard there was champagne. 435 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:23,190 No, you're-- I mean, you're probably busy. I-I could get it. 436 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,234 No, I-I can get it. - You're so busy. 437 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,110 I will get it. 438 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,319 You sure? Okay. - Yeah. 439 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,362 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 440 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,279 How you feeling? 441 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:30,322 You okay? - I'm fine. 442 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,740 Go do your thing. - Okay. 443 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,951 Well, the show starts in ten, 444 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,036 if you need anything before then. 445 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,037 Oh! I do. 446 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,707 Uh, these are for Alice. 447 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:40,874 Yeah. I wanted 448 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:42,334 to get her flowers, but the lady by the side 449 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,087 of the freeway only had oranges today, so... 450 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,005 there you go. 451 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,423 S-So you got oranges? 452 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,507 Okay. 453 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,550 Yep. - Wonderful. 454 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,552 I'll see she gets these. 455 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,721 Thanks. - Yeah. 456 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,973 Mm-hmm. 457 00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,809 I feel like she didn't think that was funny. 458 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,145 I wouldn't take it personally. - 459 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,855 'Kay. 460 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,648 You got some fluff in your hair. 461 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:05,733 Oh. 462 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,985 Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 463 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,319 Got it? 464 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,530 Hair's looking healthy. 465 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,949 You finally using new products? 466 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,452 Yeah, actually. 467 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:19,830 It's, uh, called Grape Jelly by Eli. 468 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:24,293 Yeah, it's applied by just flinging it across the table. 469 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,003 It's in high demand. 470 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,254 I'll try and get you his number. 471 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,430 I saw you when I got hit. 472 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:40,350 Yeah, I-I can't believe how fast I was able to get there. 473 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,769 No. 474 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:46,523 The way they say your life flashes before your eyes. 475 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:51,236 I saw you and the kids. 476 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,364 My family. 477 00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:57,201 soft, sentimental music 478 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,661 I'm sure it was just... the adrenaline. 479 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,121 You know? That's all. - Here you go. 480 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,456 Oh, thank you. 481 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,957 Yeah. 482 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,293 What are they? 483 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,211 That's right. 484 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,505 Um, she didn't bring you a glass. 485 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,673 No. 486 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,592 You know what? That's okay. Actually, 487 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,261 I think I have a reusable straw in here. 488 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,930 Let's see. 489 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,390 upbeat, funky music 490 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,392 Na-na-na, na-na-na-na 491 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:25,479 Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na 492 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,606 Whoo! Let's take it from the top now 493 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,941 Take it from the top... 494 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,359 Finley? 495 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,693 Hi! - Hi. 496 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:32,903 Carrie, right? - Yes, hi. 497 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,154 Hi, how are you? - I'm good. 498 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,572 Nice to meet you. - Thank you. You, too. 499 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,574 You know, Tess described you so perfectly. 500 00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,618 Oh. - She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio 501 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:40,911 from Romeo + Juliet." 502 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:42,871 And with the hair and everything, I totally see it. 503 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:46,041 Wow, that is weirdly the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. 504 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,209 Wow. 505 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,837 God, I must be on some kind of gender journey, huh? 506 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,297 Yeah. I wouldn't know enough about that to say. 507 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,049 So what do we do? 508 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,175 Uh, yeah, sit down. 509 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,760 Right here? - Yeah. 510 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,719 Okay. 511 00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,888 Wait, so how do you know Tess? 512 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:02,057 I hit rock bottom. I went on a bender. 513 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,976 That's when Tess became my sponsor. 514 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,602 So, I'm here 515 00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:09,189 to tell you about the tsunami of depression that... 516 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,941 kicked my ass after I found out 517 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,443 that my fiancée got back with her ex. 518 00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,195 Shit. - Yeah. 519 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,073 Well, we got this puppy to guide us. 520 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,075 So, silver lining. - Okay. Right. 521 00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,410 Yeah, it can't hurt, right? - Yeah. 522 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,078 But, listen, I got to hit the head first. 523 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,873 I, like, pounded, like, a gallon of iced tea on the way here. 524 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,541 Course. Uh, the water's out in here, 525 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,751 but right around the corner is Dana's. 526 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,378 Pop in there, there's a bathroom. 527 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:34,798 Okay, great. And, listen, I got a free sub with my punch card. 528 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,341 If you want one, take it. 529 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,051 Oh, sweet. Thanks. 530 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:39,178 What-what is it? 531 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,138 Uh, it's turkey and cheese, no dressing. 532 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,098 I don't like wet bread. 533 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,270 Copy that. 534 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,733 Kegel and hold. Kegel and hold. 535 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:53,901 Don't sneeze. 536 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,986 Oh, no. Don't sneeze. 537 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,070 Okay. 538 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,031 Almost there. 539 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,036 Oh, occupied! 540 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,871 Oh, geez! - Oh. 541 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,372 Oh, my, oh... - Oh, my God. 542 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,458 Oh, boy. Oh, boy. - No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God. 543 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,751 Oh, my God, let me look at it. 544 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,252 Oh, it's really coming out. - Is it? Oh, no. 545 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,420 There's no, um, toilet paper. 546 00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,714 You... - Oh, my God. 547 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,257 Oh, it hurts when I laugh. - Oh, my God. 548 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,967 Oh, it's in my mouth. I taste the blood. 549 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,427 What do we do? - Oh, I have an idea. 550 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,762 Come here, come over here. - I need something. 551 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:22,971 Come over here, come over here. 552 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,765 Okay, it's working. 553 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:25,849 It feels okay, actually. 554 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,476 It looks amazing. - Thank you. 555 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,978 Okay. Um, this one? 556 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,271 Yes? - I'm going to take it out, 557 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,232 because it was kind of really bleeding, 558 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,942 so I'm gonna stick a new one in. 559 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,235 Okay. Right. - Okay? 560 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,569 Okay, here we go. You ready? 561 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:38,570 Go. Gentle. - Okay. 562 00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,614 Don't freak out, don't freak out. 563 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,115 We did it. 564 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,242 Oh, I can breathe again. 565 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,701 Not for long. - You got it? 566 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,079 I'm going to jam it slowly... - Oh? Yeah, that's nice. 567 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,580 You okay? - Not too hard. 568 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,873 You good? - That's good. 569 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,166 Okay. - Thank you. 570 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,709 Looks good. - My name's Carrie. 571 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,753 I'm Misty. - It's nice to meet you. 572 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,754 Nice to meet you, yeah. 573 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,214 You do well under pressure. 574 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,925 It's a good thing I know so much about leaky pipes, I guess. 575 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,176 Right. - Yeah. 576 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,595 Holy shit, what the hell happened? 577 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,180 It's a long story. - Yes, it is. 578 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,473 Yeah, we're all good, though. 579 00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:07,891 Yeah, we're good. Yeah. - Yeah. Don't worry. 580 00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,351 Oh, there's, like, no toilet paper 581 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,228 in this whole entire bathroom. 582 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,521 Oh, that's actually my fault. 583 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,356 I, um, yeah, I was supposed to do that. 584 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,857 Okay. - Are you sure you're good? 585 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,234 Yeah, yeah. We're good. - We're good. 586 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,694 You're good. - We're good. 587 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,655 Okay... 588 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,073 Ooh, la, la... 589 00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,616 All right, contestants, are you ready? 590 00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,326 Here are your microphones, all right? 591 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,828 You're gonna talk into them like this, 592 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,204 blah, blah, blah. - 593 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,164 Wait a minute. - Somebody cut her off. 594 00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:32,874 Where's contestant number three? 595 00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,459 Are these Beyond Beef, 596 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,752 or are these the real deal? 597 00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,463 Guys, just be aware of what's going on. 598 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:42,134 Anybody-- you don't know. 599 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,218 Mmm... 600 00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:46,221 Fuck my life. 601 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,266 You know, I'm much better with emotional ties. 602 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:53,520 This feels a little more literal. 603 00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:58,400 But it does remind me a lot of a relationship I was in once. 604 00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:00,986 Oh...! 605 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:03,488 I did it! 606 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,073 Thank you. 607 00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,409 Hang tight, everyone. 608 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:08,994 15 minutes until the next segment. 609 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,246 There's nothing suspicious about anything you're doing. 610 00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,623 What, am I not being discrete? 611 00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:15,792 Uh, no. You'd be a terrible criminal. 612 00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:18,128 Oh, please. I could commit crimes. 613 00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:19,504 Yeah, and not get away with it. 614 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:23,842 That's just mean. It's mean and it's wrong. 615 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:26,345 I could... kill. 616 00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:32,267 Or maybe pillage something. 617 00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:37,814 Can I tell you something? 618 00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:38,982 Mm-hmm. 619 00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:43,195 I keep trying to understand what I was feeling in that moment. 620 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,699 Like, what it means that I saw you. 621 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:54,539 Do you think it means anything? 622 00:22:58,293 --> 00:23:00,170 Are you smizing at me? 623 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,338 Smizing? 624 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:02,798 Smizing? From Top Model? 625 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,343 Can you please stop making me laugh? 626 00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,011 My ribs are bruised. - What? What do you watch? 627 00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:09,763 My ribs are bruised. 628 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,099 Well, stop saying ridiculous things. 629 00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:13,892 You're the one being ridiculous. 630 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,895 Um, actually, you're the one with a head injury. 631 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:20,565 You were concussed and now you're drinking on painkillers, 632 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:24,152 so I'm pretty sure you're not thinking straight. 633 00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:26,613 Safe to say. 634 00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,910 We met at 18. - I know. 635 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:35,705 Well, you were 19. - No, you're older than me. 636 00:23:35,705 --> 00:23:37,124 No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 637 00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,419 I-I always mix that up. - I know, I don't understand. 638 00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,796 You were 18? - Yes. 639 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,842 gentle music 640 00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:52,973 Dani, Dani, Dani! - Thank you so much. 641 00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:54,558 Dani, I need a favor. - Thank you. 642 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:56,393 Why don't you carry your own tampons? 643 00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:58,145 What? No. I... - Hi. 644 00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:00,981 I-I lost a contestant for the dating game, 645 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:02,107 and I need someone. 646 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,275 Can you please do it for me? 647 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,776 It's in six, six minutes. 648 00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:06,820 No. I have to go get Billie Jean off the red carpet. 649 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,155 She won't stop smiling for the cameras. 650 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,448 You do it. You got it. Go. 651 00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,451 God! Why are you the worst? 652 00:24:16,371 --> 00:24:19,541 slow, dramatic music 653 00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:25,547 All right, everyone in the audience, 654 00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:28,049 we are gonna start in just a few minutes. 655 00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:30,844 Please take your seats. - 656 00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:33,013 intriguing music 657 00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:44,608 You know, your timing could not have been more perfect, really. 658 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,902 Well, I'm just glad it's getting put to some good use. 659 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:48,528 You know, I think I need, like, 660 00:24:48,528 --> 00:24:49,738 a little bit of a revamp. 661 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:51,615 I've just been on those dating apps. 662 00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,116 Like, they're terrible. 663 00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:55,869 Oh, those dating apps... yeah. - Absolutely terrifying. 664 00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:59,164 Yeah. And I've been out the game for like... two years. 665 00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,415 Two years, huh? - Yeah. 666 00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:02,542 I had a kid. - I know you had a kid. 667 00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,586 You mentioned that when I met you. 668 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,713 You don't seem like the type that wants to see pictures 669 00:25:06,713 --> 00:25:08,465 so I'm not gonna show you. 670 00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:10,467 I'd see, I'd see it if you'd like to show it to me. 671 00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:11,635 Oh, yeah? - I'm not against it. 672 00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:12,719 Okay. 673 00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:14,554 She is everything 674 00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:16,640 and she has also sucked me dry. 675 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:21,394 I just don't feel like myself all the way, you know? 676 00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:24,731 Yeah. 677 00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:26,816 Yeah. I can relate to that. 678 00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:29,778 I think I need to get back on the horse. 679 00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:32,239 I think you're gonna do just fine. 680 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,577 Hi, guys. I need a favor. Um... 681 00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:39,788 Can you get her ready in, like, four minutes? 682 00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:42,666 She's not talking to me. - We'll do it. 683 00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:43,833 Yeah. - Oh, my God, amazing. 684 00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,043 Okay, sit down. - Hi. 685 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:46,378 Hi. - What's your name? 686 00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,088 Taylor. - Hi, Taylor. 687 00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:50,298 I'm Ivy, this is Shane. 688 00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:52,217 Hey, Taylor. - Hey. 689 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:54,177 Yeah, we're gonna take really good care of you. 690 00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:56,846 Do you have any do's, any don'ts? 691 00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:58,056 Uh, just no red lipstick. 692 00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,433 My mom subjected me to pageants as a toddler, 693 00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:01,810 so it's very triggering. 694 00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:04,312 Okay. Take it away. Do your thing. 695 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:08,316 Taylor. 696 00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:10,735 May I? 697 00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:12,195 Yeah. 698 00:26:12,195 --> 00:26:13,905 And we're rolling. 699 00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:20,245 Welcome back to my 100th episode. 700 00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:22,956 As many of you know, I'm currently single, 701 00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:25,250 so I figured what better way to meet someone, 702 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,919 than on TV in front of a studio audience? 703 00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:30,755 So to help me out today, 704 00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:34,551 we've brought the original bisexual comedienne, 705 00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:37,721 a woman who has paved the way for so many of us, 706 00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:42,559 my first crush, my friend, Margaret Cho! 707 00:26:46,730 --> 00:26:48,231 Hey! 708 00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:51,151 Thank you! 709 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,777 Oh, this is so exciting. 710 00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:56,698 So, you know how this works, we have some contestants, 711 00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:58,742 we're gonna ask them some questions. 712 00:26:58,742 --> 00:26:59,993 Alice is gonna decide 713 00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:02,078 amongst three candidates who's best, right? 714 00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:03,580 Yes, well, you're going to help me. 715 00:27:03,580 --> 00:27:06,124 I'm gonna be making some snide commentary 716 00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:08,126 from over here... - 717 00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:09,294 It's gonna be so fabulous. 718 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:10,795 I'm so excited. - Sounds dreamy. 719 00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:12,339 Let's start. Okay. - I love it. 720 00:27:16,176 --> 00:27:17,135 Okay. 721 00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,136 Contestant number one, 722 00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:19,262 tell me about yourself. 723 00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:20,972 Hi, Alice. - Oh. 724 00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:24,225 Ooh, that is a deep baritone. - Okay. 725 00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:25,226 I'm into it. 726 00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,728 I'm from a small town in Montana, 727 00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:29,314 where rush hour is a moose in the road. 728 00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,316 Oh, this is gonna be simple. 729 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:32,692 Um, Ivy, can you grab me 730 00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:34,277 that product in your bag? 731 00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:36,988 Yeah, I just want to see what it is. 732 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:38,948 No. 733 00:27:38,948 --> 00:27:41,034 Uh, just find a nice backdrop outside or something. 734 00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:44,371 Get singles, get groups. I need options. 735 00:27:44,371 --> 00:27:45,664 Thank you. Hi. 736 00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:48,083 Everything looks so good. 737 00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:49,542 Thank you. 738 00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:50,752 I'm gonna go home. 739 00:27:50,752 --> 00:27:54,714 Oh, it's early. Are you feeling okay? 740 00:27:54,714 --> 00:27:57,926 Yes, but I just really want to get back. 741 00:27:57,926 --> 00:28:00,095 Okay, okay. I'll call you a car. 742 00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,222 No, no, no. Don't worry about it. 743 00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,599 Nat's going to take me. 744 00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:09,062 What's going on? 745 00:28:09,062 --> 00:28:10,188 What do you mean? 746 00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:12,482 I mean, what's going on with you and Nat? 747 00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:15,694 Nothing is going on. - Okay. 748 00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,321 We can talk more later. - No. 749 00:28:18,321 --> 00:28:19,823 I'd like to talk about it now. 750 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:21,866 Contestant number one, 751 00:28:21,866 --> 00:28:24,744 why don't you tell me how you spend your days? 752 00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:26,413 I'm a veterinarian for a nonprofit 753 00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:28,915 that rescues animals from natural disasters. 754 00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:30,166 Aww. 755 00:28:30,166 --> 00:28:32,711 He's perfect. 756 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:35,088 Definitely a serial killer. 757 00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:37,090 Agreed. 758 00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:39,718 Okay, let's move on to contestant number two. 759 00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:43,430 Can you beat the butt-dialing rescue vet from Montana? 760 00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,473 I'll try. - 761 00:28:45,473 --> 00:28:49,102 Um, I was born in India, raised in New York. 762 00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:53,106 Uh, I run a cold storage start-up for NFTs. 763 00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:54,399 Oh. 764 00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:57,402 Cold storage for NFTs? - I have no idea what that means. 765 00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:58,945 Number two, 766 00:28:58,945 --> 00:29:00,739 what is the most embarrassing thing 767 00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,157 that's ever happened to you? 768 00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:03,575 The most embarrassing thing 769 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:08,872 that's happened to me was I threw up in the front car 770 00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:12,667 of a roller coaster, on a first date. 771 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:15,086 Ooh... - Wow. 772 00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:16,713 Looks great. 773 00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:17,922 I don't know why 774 00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:19,507 I have to be on TV right now, but... 775 00:29:19,507 --> 00:29:21,426 All right, we're done. Let's go, we got to go, we got to go. 776 00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:22,844 Come on. - Okay, okay. 777 00:29:22,844 --> 00:29:25,054 Oh, wait, don't forget this. 778 00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:27,974 You want a girl that can just, you know, 779 00:29:27,974 --> 00:29:28,975 really go up... 780 00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:30,143 And down. Yeah. - ...and go down. 781 00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,812 We like that... 782 00:29:32,812 --> 00:29:35,190 All right, good luck, have fun. 783 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:38,902 She looks great. - She does, yeah. 784 00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:40,862 Okay, contestant number three. 785 00:29:40,862 --> 00:29:42,739 Same question. 786 00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,365 Number three? - Don't be shy. 787 00:29:44,365 --> 00:29:46,075 Don't be shy, number three. 788 00:29:46,075 --> 00:29:48,036 Okay, go answer the question. - Number three? 789 00:29:48,036 --> 00:29:49,370 Okay, okay. What's the question? 790 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:50,955 Say something funny about yourself. 791 00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:54,709 Um. Something, um... I'm, uh... 792 00:29:54,709 --> 00:29:55,794 Something funny about me? 793 00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:57,128 I'm from Normal, Illinois. 794 00:29:57,128 --> 00:29:59,506 That's more of a fact than a joke, 795 00:29:59,506 --> 00:30:01,674 but, okay, I'll play. 796 00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:03,426 What's so normal about it? 797 00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:04,803 And would I fit in? 798 00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,805 Um, uh, the people, 799 00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:10,183 I-I guess, make it normal, um... 800 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:12,352 That voice sounds so familiar. 801 00:30:12,352 --> 00:30:15,814 So, number three, what's the most embarrassing thing 802 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,941 that's ever happened to you? 803 00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:19,651 I mean, well, this moment 804 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,736 would have to be up there. - 805 00:30:21,736 --> 00:30:23,488 And, number three, 806 00:30:23,488 --> 00:30:26,157 who is your hero, and why? 807 00:30:26,157 --> 00:30:31,079 Oh, gosh, um... was it animal or human? 808 00:30:31,079 --> 00:30:33,790 Aw, that's so cute. 809 00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,166 upbeat, energetic music 810 00:30:35,166 --> 00:30:37,126 All right, I got one for you. - What's that? 811 00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:41,381 One time, after a bottle of Goldschläger, remember that? 812 00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:44,551 One-way bus ticket, Kansas City to L.A. 813 00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,386 Just picked up everything and moved. 814 00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:47,554 God, I hate moving. 815 00:30:47,554 --> 00:30:49,430 It's like the worst thing in the world to me. 816 00:30:49,430 --> 00:30:51,474 Yeah, but at least I used to do stuff. 817 00:30:51,474 --> 00:30:52,725 It's like, being sober 818 00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:54,477 makes it harder to make those moves, you know? 819 00:30:54,477 --> 00:30:55,687 Mm-hmm. 820 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:58,606 Like, I've got a whole list of shit I just haven't done. 821 00:30:58,606 --> 00:31:00,441 Really, like what? 822 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:03,444 I mean, I got this college application. 823 00:31:03,444 --> 00:31:05,738 It's been saved on my desktop for months. 824 00:31:05,738 --> 00:31:06,865 It's due at midnight, 825 00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,283 and I just, like, I can't pull the trigger. 826 00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:09,701 Well, you got to do that 827 00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:11,953 or you're gonna regret it your whole life, you know? 828 00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:12,912 Okay. 829 00:31:12,912 --> 00:31:14,205 So everything's done. 830 00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:16,958 Um, if you have any problems, your boss has my info. 831 00:31:16,958 --> 00:31:19,419 Again, I'm-I'm really sorry about everything. 832 00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,629 Yeah. - Really, the nose and, you know. 833 00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:24,007 But the tampons worked. Your nose looks perfect. 834 00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:26,342 I think it looks better than when I came in. 835 00:31:26,342 --> 00:31:28,261 It was fun, so... - Yeah. 836 00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:29,721 You know, it was-- it wasn't good, 837 00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:30,847 but it was good, you know? 838 00:31:30,847 --> 00:31:32,098 Right. Okay. - All right. 839 00:31:32,098 --> 00:31:33,516 Bye. It's, um... - Yeah, sorry. 840 00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:35,476 Good night. 841 00:31:35,476 --> 00:31:37,103 You like her. 842 00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:38,813 I don't know her. 843 00:31:38,813 --> 00:31:40,273 You ask her out, I'll send in 844 00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:42,817 my college application. - 845 00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:44,736 Deal. 846 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:45,945 Wait, what? - Deal. 847 00:31:45,945 --> 00:31:47,155 No, I was fucking around! 848 00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:50,074 No, you send that shit. - Fuck. 849 00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:52,493 Wow, she's doing it. Okay. 850 00:31:55,538 --> 00:31:58,499 upbeat, energetic music 851 00:31:58,499 --> 00:32:02,587 Okay. 852 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,674 Holy shit, I did it. 853 00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:09,260 I did it. Did you do it? - I did it. 854 00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,511 I did it! 855 00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:12,221 Can you believe it? 856 00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:13,389 No! - Thursday night. 857 00:32:13,389 --> 00:32:14,849 You got a date. - Well, no. 858 00:32:14,849 --> 00:32:16,392 It's not actually a date. - What is it? 859 00:32:16,392 --> 00:32:18,561 I sort of joined her bowling league. 860 00:32:18,561 --> 00:32:19,729 I'm the newest member of 861 00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,273 "I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter." 862 00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:24,692 You know what? 863 00:32:24,692 --> 00:32:26,527 Playing the long game. I'll take it. 864 00:32:30,031 --> 00:32:31,157 Okay. 865 00:32:31,157 --> 00:32:33,493 Mama, Gloria, 866 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,827 I'm heading out now. 867 00:32:34,827 --> 00:32:38,081 Don't be late, Deb, I've got a shift at 8:00. 868 00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:40,375 Mama, it's me. 869 00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:43,294 Remember, your sister Deb is in Florida. 870 00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:44,796 Oh, right. 871 00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:46,923 You never should've married him. 872 00:32:46,923 --> 00:32:48,633 Speaking of songs of yesterday, 873 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:52,178 here's Carly Simon with her hit, "You Belong to Me." 874 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:56,599 This is my song. 875 00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,647 Oh, my God. 876 00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:09,362 She used to blast this song 877 00:33:09,362 --> 00:33:13,199 in the car when she would drive me to school. 878 00:33:13,199 --> 00:33:14,951 Were you looking for my reaction? 879 00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:17,704 Like, lean out the window smoking cigarettes. 880 00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:22,333 It would piss all the other moms off so much. 881 00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:24,002 I believe it. 882 00:33:24,711 --> 00:33:28,756 Carly Simon once bummed a cigarette from me. 883 00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:32,677 You never told me that. That is so cool! 884 00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:36,597 There's certain things a mother should never tell her daughter. 885 00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:40,351 Come dance with me, come on. 886 00:33:40,351 --> 00:33:43,146 I would love to. 887 00:33:45,314 --> 00:33:47,066 You belong to me 888 00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:49,652 Tell her, tell her you were fooling 889 00:33:49,652 --> 00:33:51,612 You belong to me 890 00:33:51,612 --> 00:33:53,865 You don't even know her 891 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,700 You belong to me 892 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:58,327 Tell her that I love you 893 00:33:58,327 --> 00:34:01,706 You belong to me 894 00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:04,083 So you've been working here how long? 895 00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:07,378 Like six, seven months... ish? 896 00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:08,671 Really? - Yeah. 897 00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:12,550 Surprised I hadn't met you. - Well, you didn't look. 898 00:34:12,550 --> 00:34:14,635 I didn't know. - Oh, okay. 899 00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:19,098 You know, it didn't take you that long to, like, 900 00:34:19,098 --> 00:34:20,349 jump right back in. 901 00:34:20,349 --> 00:34:22,185 And you did that, so... - No, no, no, no, don't-- 902 00:34:22,185 --> 00:34:23,686 You can't give me that kind of credit. 903 00:34:23,686 --> 00:34:26,314 I was-- I was following your lead. 904 00:34:26,314 --> 00:34:28,066 Mm. 905 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,157 "Bad" by Azure 906 00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:38,076 Come with me. 907 00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:51,839 Red wine stained keys, a melody 908 00:34:51,839 --> 00:34:56,844 Suffocation of a broken heart 909 00:34:57,553 --> 00:35:03,267 Violently sweet, till I bleed 910 00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:07,271 Your cigarettes, they linger on my mouth 911 00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:10,858 Oh, I never should have let you call me baby 912 00:35:10,858 --> 00:35:14,403 It burns every time I hear it lately 913 00:35:14,403 --> 00:35:17,740 I've come undone 914 00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:22,120 Oh, I never thought I'd drown in your ocean eyes 915 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,249 A part of me lives on your bedside 916 00:35:27,250 --> 00:35:32,380 I don't know why I want you so bad 917 00:35:32,380 --> 00:35:34,674 Can't get you out of my head 918 00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:39,345 Maybe I'm crazy 'cause I don't care if you hate me 919 00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:43,391 I don't know why I want you so bad 920 00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:46,102 Can't get you out of my head 921 00:35:46,102 --> 00:35:50,690 Maybe I'm crazy 'cause I don't care if you hate me 922 00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:55,820 I don't know why I want you so bad 923 00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:02,118 Don't know why I want you so bad 924 00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:06,080 So, what-what is going on between you two? 925 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:07,123 Nothing. 926 00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:09,250 I can feel it, okay? 927 00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,170 On the ambulance, our lips touched. 928 00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:13,504 It was nothing. 929 00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,923 It was an accident. - Are you trying to hurt me? 930 00:36:15,923 --> 00:36:17,383 Of course I'm not trying to hurt you. 931 00:36:17,383 --> 00:36:19,510 Okay, then, what we have is good. 932 00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:21,137 Why are you doing this? 933 00:36:21,137 --> 00:36:22,597 We have a good thing. 934 00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:24,390 I'm just... 935 00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:26,893 I'm confused. 936 00:36:26,893 --> 00:36:28,561 You're confused? 937 00:36:28,561 --> 00:36:31,355 When I... got hit... 938 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,692 ...I saw Nat and the kids. 939 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:37,570 And not me. 940 00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:40,198 I don't know what it means. That's why I'm telling you. 941 00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,533 What are you saying to me right now? 942 00:36:46,162 --> 00:36:49,832 I don't know, I need time. 943 00:36:51,584 --> 00:36:54,837 Okay. You take your time. 944 00:36:54,837 --> 00:36:56,380 I'm done. 945 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:02,929 And this all happened in the backseat 946 00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:04,305 of the family Astro van. 947 00:37:07,016 --> 00:37:09,185 Oh, shit. Um, you know what? 948 00:37:09,185 --> 00:37:12,688 Uh, Miss Cho, could you actually just forget I said that? 949 00:37:12,688 --> 00:37:14,148 Oh, contestant three, 950 00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:17,109 I don't think I can unring that bell. 951 00:37:17,109 --> 00:37:19,946 There's no shame in masturbating in the back of your family's car 952 00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:21,739 as long as your family's not there. 953 00:37:21,739 --> 00:37:25,117 No shame at all, three. No shame. 954 00:37:25,117 --> 00:37:27,870 For me there is a little. - 955 00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:29,247 Oh, you know what that bell means, 956 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:32,208 we have time for one last question. 957 00:37:32,208 --> 00:37:34,752 What do you think, Alice? - I think I'm ready. 958 00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:36,796 Okay. - It's very simple. 959 00:37:36,796 --> 00:37:38,089 Yes. 960 00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:40,049 Why do you want to date me? 961 00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:42,218 What's not to love? 962 00:37:42,218 --> 00:37:43,511 Aww! 963 00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:47,306 Smart, sexy and beautiful. The full package. 964 00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:50,518 We should do this every episode. 965 00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,188 Uh, well, they promised me 966 00:37:54,188 --> 00:37:55,982 a coffee mug if I did the show, so... 967 00:37:57,775 --> 00:37:58,859 The free mug? 968 00:37:58,859 --> 00:38:02,363 Wow. What do you say, Alice? 969 00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:05,116 Loveable, full package, free mug. 970 00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:09,078 And unlike women's reproductive rights in America, 971 00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:10,788 this choice is entirely yours. 972 00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:13,207 973 00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:15,126 I don't know, Margaret. They're all so dateable. 974 00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:25,886 Mm... There's one person 975 00:38:25,886 --> 00:38:28,764 that I would like to get to know better. 976 00:38:28,764 --> 00:38:31,392 Contestant three, I choose you! 977 00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:34,520 978 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,023 Contestant three, come on down. 979 00:38:37,023 --> 00:38:38,816 Two and one, 980 00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,067 uh, meet me in my dressing room. 981 00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:42,528 You. - It's me. 982 00:38:42,528 --> 00:38:44,780 The coffee stand. 983 00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:46,282 Yeah. 984 00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:47,575 You're funny. 985 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,493 For a regular gal. Yeah. 986 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,037 All right. 987 00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:54,540 We're here, we're queer! 988 00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:56,625 And we have love. 989 00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:58,336 Love is love is love! - Love it. 990 00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:02,048 Until the Supreme Court takes that away from us, too. 991 00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:06,344 And pee after sex, everyone, don't forget! 992 00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:10,639 Thank you so much for having me, Alice, thank you. 993 00:39:10,639 --> 00:39:13,476 Good night, everyone! 994 00:39:16,270 --> 00:39:17,855 Are you okay? 995 00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:23,319 No. 996 00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:28,199 You can sleep on my couch, if you want. 997 00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,284 No, I'm fine on my own. 998 00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:33,788 But you should really let me drive. 999 00:39:33,788 --> 00:39:37,208 Oh, don't worry, I only had a couple sips. 1000 00:39:38,125 --> 00:39:39,710 I just mean you're a really bad driver. 1001 00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:41,796 Fuck you! Fuck you! 1002 00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:43,923 Whoa! - Jesus, what is-- 1003 00:39:43,923 --> 00:39:45,049 What is that? 1004 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:46,384 Can you please drive? - Fuck you! 1005 00:39:46,384 --> 00:39:47,843 They're my oranges! - Yeah, go! 1006 00:39:47,843 --> 00:39:49,637 Can you please drive? - Those are a gift! 1007 00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:51,472 Nat, could you please drive? - I spent $20 on them. 1008 00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:52,807 I understand, could you please--? 1009 00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,725 That was for my ex! Our ex. - Jesus. 1010 00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:03,275 slow, dramatic music 1011 00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:07,113 slow, funky music 1012 00:40:11,492 --> 00:40:12,618 ...so much. 1013 00:40:12,618 --> 00:40:15,413 I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Good job. 1014 00:40:16,288 --> 00:40:20,376 Been feeling defeated 1015 00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,170 Oh, no... 1016 00:40:23,170 --> 00:40:24,713 Hey. 1017 00:40:24,713 --> 00:40:27,174 What the hell happened to you? 1018 00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:30,719 This is the second time 1019 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,389 that the person I wanted to marry ran off with someone else. 1020 00:40:33,389 --> 00:40:35,683 Ha ha. 1021 00:40:37,017 --> 00:40:39,895 Oh... orange? 1022 00:40:39,895 --> 00:40:43,732 Yeah. Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 1023 00:40:44,942 --> 00:40:47,987 Don't fall down, baby, don't fall down 1024 00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,905 Don't fall, just... 1025 00:40:49,905 --> 00:40:53,242 Hey, you're gonna be okay. - Mm. 1026 00:40:53,242 --> 00:40:55,286 You got this. You'll bounce back. 1027 00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:56,495 You... 1028 00:40:56,495 --> 00:40:58,664 You're the most together person I know. 1029 00:40:58,664 --> 00:41:01,709 Not anymore. 1030 00:41:02,585 --> 00:41:05,921 Turns out, that's you. - 1031 00:41:05,921 --> 00:41:09,884 I don't... mm, I don't know about that. 1032 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:12,052 You're crushing at work. 1033 00:41:12,052 --> 00:41:13,929 Made it through rehab with Finley. 1034 00:41:13,929 --> 00:41:17,600 Been going through changes 1035 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,768 Oh... 1036 00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:20,936 Hey, um, 1037 00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:24,648 I was just gonna grab my stuff and go home. [chuckles] 1038 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:28,110 Yeah. Me, too. - 1039 00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:30,279 Threw it all away 1040 00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:33,741 Everyone makes mistakes, yeah 1041 00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:37,536 Oh, no, don't fall down... 1042 00:41:37,536 --> 00:41:39,747 Hey, uh... 1043 00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:41,373 You want to come over? 1044 00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:45,211 Don't fall down, baby, don't fall down... 1045 00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:46,837 Um... Are you...? 1046 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:48,756 Are you trying to get back together with me right now? 1047 00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:50,216 Because, um... 1048 00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:53,761 No. No, no. 1049 00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:55,930 Not a fucking chance. 1050 00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,891 Yeah. I'll see you at the house then. 1051 00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,601 Okay. - Yeah. 1052 00:42:00,601 --> 00:42:01,602 See you later. 1053 00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:05,648 Things are gonna get better 1054 00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:11,028 Things are gonna get better 1055 00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,865 I was, like, this close to falling. 1056 00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,534 I was like... 1057 00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:18,953 Hey! We did it! - 1058 00:42:20,287 --> 00:42:23,249 Great job, everybody. Great job. 1059 00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:29,838 Hey! 1060 00:42:29,838 --> 00:42:31,715 Are you-are you leaving? 1061 00:42:31,715 --> 00:42:33,259 The party's just getting started. 1062 00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:35,719 Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna head home. 1063 00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:39,848 You don't want to cash in on that big date? 1064 00:42:41,016 --> 00:42:43,310 Really, no, it's-it's okay. - Oh. 1065 00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:45,521 I mean, hey, I-I got the free mug. 1066 00:42:45,521 --> 00:42:48,190 They threw in two extra T-shirts, so... 1067 00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:49,441 Nice. - I'm good. 1068 00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:51,235 Yeah, that's enough. 1069 00:42:51,235 --> 00:42:52,486 Hey, listen... - Yeah? 1070 00:42:52,486 --> 00:42:55,072 ...really, congratulations on everything. 1071 00:42:55,072 --> 00:42:58,617 I mean, you should be really proud of all of it. 1072 00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:02,580 Big chef's kiss for you and your big night. 1073 00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:12,840 Um, you're not regular. 1074 00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,259 Yes, I am. 1075 00:43:15,884 --> 00:43:16,969 Well, so am I. 1076 00:43:16,969 --> 00:43:21,515 There's a 45-foot picture of you outside. 1077 00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:24,435 Okay, I've been you. 1078 00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:26,437 A long time ago, I dated someone famous 1079 00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:28,564 when I wasn't, so I know it's different. 1080 00:43:28,564 --> 00:43:31,108 But I'm just a person. 1081 00:43:32,526 --> 00:43:34,612 And I like your weird sense of humor. 1082 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,655 You know, that's, that's not the compliment 1083 00:43:36,655 --> 00:43:38,657 I think you think it is. 1084 00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:39,908 And you're cute. 1085 00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:43,746 Well, you know, I can't speak to that one so much, so... 1086 00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:46,915 Come on, one date. One regular date. 1087 00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:49,585 What do you say? Just... 1088 00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:51,670 You can keep the T-shirts. 1089 00:43:52,963 --> 00:43:54,590 I don't know about the mug. 1090 00:43:56,216 --> 00:44:01,013 I cannot believe I missed Alice in a straitjacket. 1091 00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:03,641 I know, and that Velcro target? 1092 00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:04,933 Oh, my God, that was a hit. 1093 00:44:04,933 --> 00:44:06,560 It was so good. - I'm sure. 1094 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,729 Oh. 1095 00:44:08,729 --> 00:44:11,690 Well, um, yeah, I think 1096 00:44:11,690 --> 00:44:13,901 Shane's backstage somewhere-- - Hey, Tess. 1097 00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:15,110 You showed up. 1098 00:44:15,110 --> 00:44:17,613 Hi. - Hi. 1099 00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,156 Yeah. 1100 00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:21,492 I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh. 1101 00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:22,743 I would have been here sooner, 1102 00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,453 it's just my mom was having this, like, 1103 00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:26,789 really amazing moment-- - It's okay, it's okay. 1104 00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:29,291 Yeah, it's okay. - Okay. 1105 00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:30,584 Um... 1106 00:44:31,293 --> 00:44:34,838 I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. 1107 00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:37,633 All is forgiven. 1108 00:44:37,633 --> 00:44:38,717 Yeah. 1109 00:44:38,717 --> 00:44:40,636 But I think they wrapped, didn't they, Sophie? 1110 00:44:40,636 --> 00:44:41,929 Oh. - Yeah, we wrapped. 1111 00:44:41,929 --> 00:44:43,555 Yeah. - Yeah, but there's... 1112 00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:44,973 there's a party. 1113 00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:46,684 I know, but I'm exhausted. 1114 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:48,143 Okay. - Is that okay? 1115 00:44:48,143 --> 00:44:49,353 Can we just go home? 1116 00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:50,479 That's okay, let's go home. 1117 00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:51,897 You sure? - Yeah, let's go home. 1118 00:44:51,897 --> 00:44:53,399 I'm sorry you drove all the way over here, 1119 00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:54,358 but is that all right? - No, it's fine. 1120 00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:55,776 Okay. 1121 00:44:55,776 --> 00:44:56,985 Thank you, Sophie. 1122 00:44:56,985 --> 00:44:58,445 Bye, guys, have a good night. 1123 00:44:58,445 --> 00:44:59,780 Bye. - Bye, Soph. 1124 00:44:59,780 --> 00:45:02,032 Bye. 1125 00:45:03,909 --> 00:45:06,328 Great show. 1126 00:45:06,328 --> 00:45:07,621 Uh... 1127 00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,748 Uh, same-same to you. 1128 00:45:09,748 --> 00:45:11,458 'Cause I'd really, really miss ya 1129 00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:13,961 So cool, cool, cool, baby, shake that 1130 00:45:13,961 --> 00:45:16,296 You're the best in the room, you don't have to try 1131 00:45:16,296 --> 00:45:18,507 Show no fear when you cross the line 1132 00:45:18,507 --> 00:45:20,384 Even when it rains, you bring the shine... 1133 00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:21,343 Hey. 1134 00:45:21,343 --> 00:45:23,220 What...? What'd I say? 1135 00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:25,139 Relax, I'm just going to get something to drink, 1136 00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,390 go to my room, 1137 00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:28,016 and you can have your special night with Sophie. 1138 00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:29,435 You'll be fine. - Thank you. 1139 00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:31,395 I love you. - Yeah. You, too. Hey. 1140 00:45:31,395 --> 00:45:33,355 Hey, you know, if there's any leftovers, 1141 00:45:33,355 --> 00:45:35,441 that steak looks amazing. 1142 00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:37,693 It's chicken. 1143 00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:39,987 Oh. - 1144 00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:41,363 Hey. 1145 00:45:41,363 --> 00:45:42,448 Hey! 1146 00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:45,492 What is this? - We're celebrating. 1147 00:45:45,492 --> 00:45:47,411 We are? - Yeah. 1148 00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:50,581 Your 100th episode. - Aww. 1149 00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:52,624 And... 1150 00:45:52,624 --> 00:45:54,209 I applied to college. 1151 00:45:54,209 --> 00:45:55,377 Stop. 1152 00:45:55,377 --> 00:45:56,962 What? - I know. 1153 00:45:56,962 --> 00:45:58,130 That's amazing. 1154 00:45:58,130 --> 00:45:59,923 I know. - I'm so excited for you. 1155 00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:02,801 So I thought we could, you know, celebrate us, 1156 00:46:02,801 --> 00:46:06,972 and have a little romantic dinner, and then, 1157 00:46:06,972 --> 00:46:10,559 you know, maybe after... - Oh, okay. 1158 00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:11,643 Oh. 1159 00:46:11,643 --> 00:46:13,437 Hi. - Hi. [laughs] 1160 00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,022 Hi. - Hey. Sorry. 1161 00:46:15,022 --> 00:46:19,026 I tried to call you. Gigi broke up with her. 1162 00:46:19,735 --> 00:46:22,154 Figured I'd come piss in your hallway for a change. 1163 00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:23,405 Oh. 1164 00:46:23,405 --> 00:46:27,618 I mean, if that'd be helpful, by all means, please do. 1165 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,621 Truce? 1166 00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:34,625 Now what I really want to do is pull you into a big old hug. 1167 00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:37,294 You shouldn't do that. Yeah. - And I won't. 1168 00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:39,421 Is that cake? 1169 00:46:39,421 --> 00:46:40,756 Yes, it is. - I heard Dani. 1170 00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:42,132 Which means it's not a date night. 1171 00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:43,717 Not anymore. - I want some of that cake. 1172 00:46:43,717 --> 00:46:46,011 Wait, you made cake? - No. 1173 00:46:46,011 --> 00:46:48,013 I was with the, uh, plumber all day. 1174 00:46:48,013 --> 00:46:50,307 But I picked up tres leches, 1175 00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:54,144 and I also found out what the tres leches were today. 1176 00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:56,772 Uh, what did you think they were before? 1177 00:46:56,772 --> 00:46:57,981 Mmm. 1178 00:46:57,981 --> 00:47:00,275 Cow, goat and breast. 1179 00:47:00,275 --> 00:47:02,236 Wow. - No. 1180 00:47:03,278 --> 00:47:04,822 So, you thought they put breast milk...? 1181 00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:07,032 Ooh, there's got to be 1182 00:47:07,032 --> 00:47:09,868 Something more out there for me 1183 00:47:09,868 --> 00:47:13,622 Ooh, I've got to keep my head up 1184 00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:15,415 Keep my head up 1185 00:47:15,415 --> 00:47:17,668 Ooh, there's nothing like 1186 00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:20,212 Rising up after the fight 1187 00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:24,341 Ooh, I've got to keep my head up 88938

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