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Back in the '80s, my mom always loved
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- celebrating Hanukkah.
- Merry Hanukkah.
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00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,323
It was an over-the-top spectacle
4
00:00:07,324 --> 00:00:08,950
that would rival any Christmas.
5
00:00:08,951 --> 00:00:10,743
Yeah, baby!
6
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,662
And now that there was
a new Goldberg in the house,
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00:00:12,663 --> 00:00:16,332
my mom was ready for it
to be the best Hanukkah ever.
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00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:19,377
- Until...
- What in the holly jolly hell?
9
00:00:19,378 --> 00:00:21,921
Can someone explain to me
the meaning of this?
10
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,507
Aww! Aww. It's Mrs. Claus.
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Squeeze her cookie-baking hand.
12
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:29,137
What a delight.
13
00:00:29,138 --> 00:00:32,682
- Is that a xylophone or a marimba?
- What it is is sacrilege.
14
00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:35,852
- We are a Hanukkah family!
- Calm down, Golda Meir.
15
00:00:35,853 --> 00:00:38,563
The baby just likes her because
she's soft. It's no biggie.
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00:00:38,564 --> 00:00:42,150
By placing Santa's gal pal
in the crib of my grandschmoo,
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00:00:42,151 --> 00:00:44,861
you are disrespecting
the holiday of our people.
18
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:47,488
Please. You don't even know
what Hanukkah's about.
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00:00:47,489 --> 00:00:50,450
- Of course I do!
- Yeah, I'm not talking about the menorah
20
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,368
or the inflatable dreidel on the lawn
21
00:00:52,369 --> 00:00:54,120
that Barry always ends up
getting in a fight with.
22
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,539
I mean the real story of Hanukkah.
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00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:58,624
Let me just gather
my thoughts for a minute
24
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:02,128
because I have
so many specific, clear ones.
25
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,338
You know what would be fun? Blind folds.
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00:01:04,339 --> 00:01:07,216
Boys, tell Erica the true
meaning of Hanukkah.
27
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,051
- No problem.
- Easy peasy.
28
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It begins in ancient times.
29
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,890
Moses led our people
to the championships.
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00:01:13,891 --> 00:01:15,892
And I'm not talking about Moses Malone.
31
00:01:15,893 --> 00:01:18,019
- This guy couldn't even dunk.
- No.
32
00:01:18,020 --> 00:01:20,438
It all started because there
were some bad dudes
33
00:01:20,439 --> 00:01:22,356
being jerks to our distant...
34
00:01:22,357 --> 00:01:25,234
and let's be honest,
gross and sweaty... ancestors.
35
00:01:25,235 --> 00:01:28,488
- A beard in the desert? No, thank you.
- Such a bad start.
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00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,364
I don't want to get bogged down
in the details.
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00:01:30,365 --> 00:01:32,158
I think it's safe to say you didn't.
38
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:33,868
Don't forget, our good guys received
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00:01:33,869 --> 00:01:35,411
a huge treasure of chocolate money,
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00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:36,871
and they were like, "Oh, yeah.
41
00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:40,416
- Oh, yeah. This tastes good."
- Wow. Just wow.
42
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By the way, Erica,
the money is called gelt.
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Okay, great work, everyone.
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00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,589
Proud moment for our people.
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We're officially keeping Lady Santa.
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Um, I'm the only homemaker of the holiday season.
47
00:01:51,303 --> 00:01:54,430
Aww, it wouldn't be Hanukkah
without a physical altercation.
48
00:01:54,431 --> 00:01:56,057
'Tis the season
for mother-daughter wrestling.
49
00:01:56,058 --> 00:01:58,267
I also bought a dreidel. Anyone?
50
00:01:58,268 --> 00:01:59,977
- Stop it!
- Yeah!
51
00:01:59,978 --> 00:02:01,562
? I'm twisted up inside ?
52
00:02:01,563 --> 00:02:04,857
? But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ?
53
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,736
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
54
00:02:07,737 --> 00:02:09,195
? I don't know the future ?
55
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:12,448
? But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ?
56
00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:14,825
It was December 7, 1980-something,
57
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,953
and it was closing time at the diner.
58
00:02:16,954 --> 00:02:19,247
Man, I only made 17 bucks
in tips tonight.
59
00:02:19,248 --> 00:02:21,832
Happy holidays from Reagan's America.
60
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,126
- 'Sup with you and Carmen?
- Oh, I... I don't know.
61
00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:25,253
We haven't talked that much
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00:02:25,254 --> 00:02:27,004
since that night I slept at her place.
63
00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:29,674
You slept over and didn't
talk to her after?
64
00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:32,885
Bro. I have never respected you
before this moment.
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00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,888
I... I just passed out on her couch.
Oh, no!
66
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,723
Maybe she's upset because
I didn't fold the blanket after.
67
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,475
- What a rude house guest!
- Dude.
68
00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:43,020
You literally ruin every story,
even the interesting ones.
69
00:02:43,021 --> 00:02:44,897
But she keeps peeking over and smiling.
70
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,902
Good. Very casual.
71
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,571
Why would she be interested in me?
72
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,198
'Cause you're nothing like the
bad boys she's used to dating.
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00:02:54,199 --> 00:02:56,033
You're actually a little sweetie pie.
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00:02:56,034 --> 00:02:58,035
It's disgusting,
but she likes what she likes.
75
00:02:58,036 --> 00:03:00,163
Now go ask her out. Come on.
76
00:03:01,123 --> 00:03:03,374
Hey, Carmen. What's good...
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00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:06,002
in the hood?
78
00:03:06,003 --> 00:03:08,921
Now, I feel like we haven't
talked in a while.
79
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,715
Well, I guess things have been busy,
80
00:03:10,716 --> 00:03:12,300
what with the holidays
and the excitement
81
00:03:12,301 --> 00:03:14,302
about the closing of the calendar year.
82
00:03:16,847 --> 00:03:18,097
Whoa.
83
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:22,351
- Uh, what was that for?
- Mistletoe.
84
00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:25,062
Oh! Thank you,
magical Christmas vegetation!
85
00:03:25,063 --> 00:03:27,023
You are too cute.
86
00:03:27,024 --> 00:03:30,276
So, um, you think, uh, maybe...
87
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,945
and you're free to say no,
I won't be upset.
88
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,780
I mean, I will,
but that's not your problem...
89
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:38,784
- Are you asking me out?
- Yyyyy... nnnnnnn... Yes?
90
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,787
It took you long enough.
91
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,456
Well, first eggnog's on me
92
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,124
because people have been
crazy generous with their tips.
93
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,417
I don't mean to objectify you,
94
00:03:46,418 --> 00:03:47,585
but I think you're being rewarded
95
00:03:47,586 --> 00:03:50,129
- because you're so pretty.
- You think I'm pretty?
96
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,423
Oh, wow, I was accidentally smooth.
97
00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:54,592
I mean... Yeah, girl.
98
00:03:54,593 --> 00:03:57,303
- You fine.
- Shh.
99
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:58,804
Mistletoe.
100
00:04:01,433 --> 00:04:02,767
While things were looking up
with Carmen,
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00:04:02,768 --> 00:04:05,061
my mom was giving Lou and Linda
102
00:04:05,062 --> 00:04:07,271
the lowdown
on her big threat to Hanukkah.
103
00:04:07,272 --> 00:04:09,106
Thank you for convening
for our first ever
104
00:04:09,107 --> 00:04:11,150
Council of Grandparents meeting.
105
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,568
That sounds like nonsense,
106
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:14,195
but you made coffee cake, so I'm here.
107
00:04:14,196 --> 00:04:17,448
I found this monstrosity
in Muriel's crib!
108
00:04:17,449 --> 00:04:19,742
Is that Mrs. Garrett
from "The Facts of Life"?
109
00:04:19,743 --> 00:04:20,910
- No.
- Are you sure?
110
00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:23,913
- She's got that apron.
- Can we go one day without
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00:04:23,914 --> 00:04:27,667
- you talking about Mrs. Garrett?
- Here's a fact of life... No.
112
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:32,129
It's Mrs. Claus.
Of the North Pole Clauses?
113
00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:34,090
Our children bought this
for our granddaughter,
114
00:04:34,091 --> 00:04:36,842
and despite my protestations,
she is keeping it.
115
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,136
- Oh, no, she's not!
- Why not?
116
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:42,765
- This toy is a gateway to Christmas.
- Thank you.
117
00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:44,475
First the baby loves this old lady,
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00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:46,977
next thing you know,
she's making gingerbread houses
119
00:04:46,978 --> 00:04:49,397
and talking lovingly about Connecticut.
120
00:04:49,398 --> 00:04:51,107
And then we've lost her forever.
121
00:04:51,108 --> 00:04:52,149
Because of a toy?
122
00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,318
They have better music.
123
00:04:54,319 --> 00:04:57,154
They get to put trees in their houses.
124
00:04:57,155 --> 00:04:59,615
- Oh!
- Spiral cut ham!
125
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:01,575
My God, that baby is doomed.
126
00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:04,495
Maybe Muriel could have
a little bit of Christmas.
127
00:05:04,496 --> 00:05:06,497
My cousin's gynecologist's daughter
128
00:05:06,498 --> 00:05:08,249
celebrated Christmas once
129
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,459
and got all caught up in the spirit.
130
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:13,170
Well, she fell off a ladder
hanging ornaments,
131
00:05:13,171 --> 00:05:14,672
broke her pelvis,
132
00:05:14,673 --> 00:05:17,800
and now she water-skis
from a special chair.
133
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:20,344
So she's still kinda doing it?
134
00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:22,513
Our people don't water-ski, Linda!
135
00:05:22,514 --> 00:05:24,557
I don't care how many pelvises you have.
136
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,934
We have to put a stop to this, but how?
137
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:30,896
- Maybe the toy goes missing.
- Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:34,275
Babies lose things all the time.
139
00:05:34,276 --> 00:05:37,153
No, they don't. She lives in a crib.
140
00:05:37,154 --> 00:05:40,197
Listen to me very carefully, Linda.
141
00:05:40,198 --> 00:05:44,618
Mrs. Kringle here
is gonna sleep with the fishes.
142
00:05:44,619 --> 00:05:46,162
Is that supposed to be menacing?
143
00:05:46,163 --> 00:05:48,038
Because it looks like you ate a bad egg.
144
00:05:48,039 --> 00:05:50,583
Lou scares no one,
but the sentiment is right.
145
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,335
Yay! We're gonna whack a child's toy!
146
00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:55,963
Ho, ho, ho.
147
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,174
While the grandparents
were planning a hit,
148
00:05:58,175 --> 00:06:00,050
Dave Kim and I were hitting the town.
149
00:06:00,051 --> 00:06:01,927
Carmen just walked up to me in the diner
150
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,679
and had to have me.
151
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:04,847
That's remarkable.
152
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:06,140
Even as I hear it a third time.
153
00:06:06,141 --> 00:06:08,851
Sorry. How's your romantic life at NYU?
154
00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:11,020
My roommate seems to be
getting tons of action.
155
00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,898
Sometimes I wake up to
his guest's enthusiastic noises,
156
00:06:13,899 --> 00:06:17,276
- so I'm kinda part of it.
- Oh, balls.
157
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,944
Balls, indeed.
158
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,655
It was my ex-girlfriend, and
she was headed right for me.
159
00:06:21,656 --> 00:06:23,282
- Hey, guys.
- Brea!
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00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,992
I didn't know you were
back from Brown yet.
161
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,702
Sorry. I... I was gonna call you.
162
00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:28,162
Joanne picked me up
from the train station
163
00:06:28,163 --> 00:06:29,663
and we just came straight here.
164
00:06:29,664 --> 00:06:31,207
I wasn't aware you two were
165
00:06:31,208 --> 00:06:33,375
"get each other from
the train station" type homies.
166
00:06:33,376 --> 00:06:37,213
Well, when you date a Goldberg,
you're homies for life.
167
00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:38,672
You know, 'cause they crazy.
168
00:06:38,673 --> 00:06:42,259
Good stuff.
169
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,346
Sure, it was awkward running into my ex,
170
00:06:45,347 --> 00:06:47,014
but we seemed to be in a good place.
171
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,975
Brea! Or so I thought.
172
00:06:50,852 --> 00:06:53,687
Hey, bro. I'm Kirk, Brea's boyfriend.
173
00:06:53,688 --> 00:06:57,650
My world was upside down,
and I needed answers.
174
00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,319
She has a boyfriend?! And you knew?!
175
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,820
You and Brea aren't together anymore.
176
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,656
Broken up, split, nada, no moresies.
177
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,449
I knew this would happen.
178
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,076
I just thought it would be
in a distant future
179
00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:08,452
where there are flying cars
180
00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,037
and love is just a pill you take.
181
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,706
But it's now. Today.
182
00:07:12,707 --> 00:07:14,959
Barry, did you know about Kirk?
183
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,919
I'm meeting him tonight. Tonight?
184
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,712
Everyone is moving so fast.
185
00:07:18,713 --> 00:07:21,590
Relax, it's just dinner
at a fast-casual restaurant.
186
00:07:21,591 --> 00:07:24,593
My brother is double-dating
with my girlfriend?
187
00:07:24,594 --> 00:07:26,053
Ex-girlfriend!
188
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:27,930
Dissolved, terminated,
undone, splintered,
189
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,682
poof, the Grand Canyon.
190
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,101
But Brea and I still talk all the time.
191
00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:33,435
Why hasn't she mentioned him?
192
00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:35,104
Maybe because she knew
you would act all nuts,
193
00:07:35,105 --> 00:07:36,188
like you're doing now.
194
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,233
You know what? Don't worry, bro.
I'm Team Adam.
195
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:41,026
I'm gonna destroy this kid tonight.
196
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,403
- Thank you!
- Come again?
197
00:07:42,404 --> 00:07:45,364
I'm sorry, Joanne, but it is
my fraternal duty to humiliate
198
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,992
and debase his ex-paramour's
current steady.
199
00:07:47,993 --> 00:07:50,244
Whatever. I'm getting two wines.
200
00:07:50,245 --> 00:07:53,622
Thanks, Bar.
You're finally a good person.
201
00:07:53,623 --> 00:07:56,417
While I was anxious for Barry
to bring down Kirk,
202
00:07:56,418 --> 00:07:58,586
the grandparents were trying
to keep Hanukkah alive.
203
00:07:58,587 --> 00:07:59,962
Oh, hey, Mom and Dad.
204
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,255
Didn't know you were here.
205
00:08:01,256 --> 00:08:03,299
Do we need a reason for hanging out?
206
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,844
We're just enjoying some of Beverly's...
207
00:08:06,845 --> 00:08:10,556
- periodicals.
- Fun stuff. I'm going to change the baby.
208
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:13,058
Is it weird that I love
her little tushie so much?
209
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:16,645
No, it is not weird.
210
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,608
- Do you hear something?
- Yeah. What is that?
211
00:08:24,946 --> 00:08:27,364
What the hell? Mrs. Claus!
212
00:08:27,365 --> 00:08:29,783
Okay. Which one of you
made Santa single?
213
00:08:29,784 --> 00:08:31,410
Damn it, Linda!
214
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,411
You were supposed to rip
the music box out of her belly
215
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:35,706
- so she'd stay quiet!
- Why am I on dismemberment duty?
216
00:08:35,707 --> 00:08:38,792
- Okay, this is very, very dark.
- It doesn't matter.
217
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,628
What matters is that this family
218
00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:43,005
is not in the market
for any new traditions.
219
00:08:43,006 --> 00:08:44,924
Last time I checked,
you weren't in charge
220
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,843
- of how we raise our baby.
- No, you are not.
221
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:49,678
And maybe we don't even know how
we want to raise our child yet.
222
00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,389
- No, we do not.
- What are you saying?
223
00:08:52,390 --> 00:08:54,099
What I'm saying is,
you may not be in the market
224
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:58,145
for new traditions, but we are.
May the best holiday win.
225
00:09:01,983 --> 00:09:04,986
Oh! I hate how cute she looks
in that Santa suit!
226
00:09:07,197 --> 00:09:10,199
My mom thought that
Erica's love for Christmas
227
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,159
would be a phase, but instead,
she doubled down...
228
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:16,622
Bah humbug!
229
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:19,541
... even reading Muriel
a Dr. Seuss Christmas classic.
230
00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:22,628
"And the Grinch grabbed the tree
and he started to shove,
231
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:25,506
when he heard a small sound
like the coo of a dove."
232
00:09:26,841 --> 00:09:29,677
Oh, no! That Grinch
is stealing Christmas.
233
00:09:29,678 --> 00:09:33,430
What kind of monster
would deny anyone Christmas?
234
00:09:33,431 --> 00:09:35,099
And it didn't stop at the Grinch.
235
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:39,478
? Tidings of comfort and joy,
comfort and joy ?
236
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:45,479
? O, tidings of comfort and joy ?
237
00:09:46,277 --> 00:09:48,988
Erica, I just love
your Christmas spirit.
238
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,573
Oh, yep. I'm here
for all the right reasons.
239
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:54,994
What an odd and worrying thing to say.
240
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:58,330
Oh, hi, Mom! Check us out!
241
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,792
Grandma Ginzy is embracing us
with songs and merriment.
242
00:10:01,793 --> 00:10:03,669
No, no, no! No, no, no, no.
243
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,045
I'm not part of this!
244
00:10:05,046 --> 00:10:07,006
The only baby in my life is Jesus!
245
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,883
Please don't hurt me! [Bleep]
246
00:10:09,884 --> 00:10:12,720
Erica had officially gone too far.
247
00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:16,724
So my mom decided to fight fire
with religious fire.
248
00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:19,518
- Hello, wayward sheep.
- What's going on here?
249
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,270
And who's our yarmulked guest?
250
00:10:21,271 --> 00:10:22,896
This is Rabbi Adler.
251
00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:25,107
I thought I'd invite him over
for the first night of Hanukkah.
252
00:10:25,108 --> 00:10:27,026
- Fifth.
- Get on with it.
253
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,153
Tell us about all the delicious
food we can't eat, padre.
254
00:10:29,154 --> 00:10:31,488
Well, I'd start with the shrimp parmesan
255
00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,907
- your mother served me.
- God forgives!
256
00:10:33,908 --> 00:10:37,494
But you should know,
Erica was singing noels
257
00:10:37,495 --> 00:10:39,872
with the people
that buy all the poinsettias.
258
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:43,042
Okay, I'm so confused.
What's going on here, Dad?
259
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,127
We all made a very generous donation
260
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:48,088
to the temple on Muriel's behalf.
261
00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:51,050
They're finally gonna get
to reseal that parking lot.
262
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,634
So while we were having a date night,
263
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,636
you were indoctrinating our child?
264
00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:55,971
Well, I gotta hand it to you.
265
00:10:55,972 --> 00:10:57,389
It was a nice move,
266
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,766
but I'm afraid you're a little too late.
267
00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:00,434
What does that mean?
268
00:11:00,435 --> 00:11:02,603
It meant that Erica
had already gotten help
269
00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:05,272
turning Muriel's room
into a Christmas wonderland.
270
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:10,027
Virginia Gregory Kremp!
271
00:11:10,028 --> 00:11:11,862
Okay, Erica asked me to do this,
272
00:11:11,863 --> 00:11:14,490
and it's the season for giving,
so I had to.
273
00:11:14,491 --> 00:11:17,201
- I'm so scared.
- We've made our choice.
274
00:11:17,202 --> 00:11:20,287
Our child is a Christmas baby now.
275
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,873
I should skedaddle.
Thank you for the new driveway.
276
00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:25,292
Happy Hanu... Holidays.
277
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,127
Yep, Erica had created Christmas cheer
278
00:11:27,128 --> 00:11:28,545
in the Goldberg house.
279
00:11:28,546 --> 00:11:31,757
Meanwhile, Barry was determined
to destroy Kirk.
280
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,842
- Ooh. I'm sorry, friend.
- Oh!
281
00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:35,344
I almost made you trip so badly,
282
00:11:35,345 --> 00:11:38,472
- no woman could love or respect you.
- No worries.
283
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:40,849
But that was gonna be harder
than he thought.
284
00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:45,312
Fun idea... Should we get
all 27 cheesecakes?
285
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:46,897
That's not a fun idea.
286
00:11:49,984 --> 00:11:53,362
- That's a perfect one, Kirk.
- Hello, dummies.
287
00:11:53,363 --> 00:11:56,740
You can't get all the cheesecakes.
That's like $200.
288
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:59,910
Despite Barry's best efforts
to make life hell for Kirk,
289
00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:01,286
it wasn't happening...
290
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,705
... because Kirk was kinda great.
291
00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:05,082
I can't tell you how much I admire
292
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:08,585
- that you're studying to be a doctor.
- Oh. Y... You could try.
293
00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:10,671
Cheers.
294
00:12:10,672 --> 00:12:11,964
And specifically,
295
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,298
he was Barry's kind of great.
296
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,175
You are so much more jacked than me.
297
00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:16,927
Eh, you're squeezing too hard, but yeah.
298
00:12:16,928 --> 00:12:18,595
And finally...
299
00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:21,849
Ninjas are by far the warriors
that I respect the most.
300
00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:23,851
After dinner, we'll put on black pajamas
301
00:12:23,852 --> 00:12:25,978
and pretend to kill a shogun.
302
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,646
- Yeah!
- Yes!
303
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,606
Yep, Barry's feelings
for Brea's new beau
304
00:12:29,607 --> 00:12:31,150
were not what I expected.
305
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,986
I love Kirk.
306
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,154
Whatever. He's just a rebound.
307
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,238
He's not even Brea's type.
308
00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:39,658
Adam, look at me. He's everybody's type.
309
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,286
Sorry, bud, but maybe you should
give him a chance.
310
00:12:42,287 --> 00:12:44,413
He's coming with Brea
to the JTP's holiday party.
311
00:12:44,414 --> 00:12:46,456
You mean the thing
I'm definitely not going to now?
312
00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:49,084
Then you'll be missing out
on a lot of funny Kirk stories.
313
00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:53,755
One time, he jumped so high,
he almost touched a branch.
314
00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:55,007
He tells it better.
315
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,133
You guys have fun.
316
00:12:56,134 --> 00:12:58,302
I'll be home, imagining the worst.
317
00:12:58,303 --> 00:13:01,054
Adam, you don't have to go
to the party alone.
318
00:13:01,055 --> 00:13:03,348
Why don't you invite that girl
from the diner?
319
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:06,351
Carmen. Of course.
She's as pretty as Kirk is.
320
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,229
And once Brea sees her,
we'll both be miserable!
321
00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:10,772
It's a perfect plan.
322
00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:13,692
As I was excited to ruin
Brea's relationship with Kirk,
323
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,195
Erica was disappointed
to find Christmas erased
324
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,615
- from the baby's nursery.
- Mom!
325
00:13:19,616 --> 00:13:21,491
You just couldn't help yourself,
could you?
326
00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:24,494
- Excuse me?
- Sure, I got a little carried away,
327
00:13:24,495 --> 00:13:27,289
- but this is too far!
- Well, that certainly does sound like me,
328
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:28,874
but I don't know
what you're talking about.
329
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,668
You ripped down
all of the baby's decorations.
330
00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:33,295
You're the Grinch who stole Christmas.
331
00:13:33,296 --> 00:13:36,798
- Erica, I didn't so it. I swear.
- Stop. It was me, okay?
332
00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:40,469
I'm the Grinch. Everyone happy?
333
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,763
With that, Geoff had spilled his secret.
334
00:13:42,764 --> 00:13:45,474
Meanwhile, it was time for
my plan to take down Kirk...
335
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:47,142
a secret gift for Brea
336
00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:49,603
that would remind her
of everything we had.
337
00:13:49,604 --> 00:13:51,772
Hey, everyone.
I'd like you to meet Carmen.
338
00:13:51,773 --> 00:13:53,273
- Welcome.
- Hey.
339
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:54,650
Is this one of those
"Can't Buy Me Love" situations
340
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:56,109
where you're paying her
to be your girlfriend
341
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,736
with the earnings from your
successful mowing business?
342
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,530
- No, it's not.
- Didn't hurt to ask.
343
00:14:00,531 --> 00:14:02,699
In fact, it did.
344
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:06,119
Alright, everybody's here.
Ruffles are on our one plate.
345
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,372
- Yankee Swap time!
- Whoo!
346
00:14:08,373 --> 00:14:11,917
So everyone takes a number, and
put your presents on the table.
347
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,335
Yankee Swap?
348
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,045
It's just a way for Barry
and his cheap buddies
349
00:14:15,046 --> 00:14:17,089
to get out of buying everyone a gift.
350
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,257
- Got it.
- Alright.
351
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:23,303
Now, if your present is awesome,
you can keep it.
352
00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:27,391
But if your present is trash,
you can steal someone else's.
353
00:14:27,392 --> 00:14:31,311
Lastly, if your present is
stolen, you can pick a new one.
354
00:14:31,312 --> 00:14:33,522
- Who's got number one?
- Ooh! I do!
355
00:14:33,523 --> 00:14:34,691
Let's go!
356
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:40,070
Ah! "The Shining" by Stephen King.
357
00:14:40,071 --> 00:14:41,321
Well, the movie was hilarious,
358
00:14:41,322 --> 00:14:43,198
so let's see what chuckles
the book brings.
359
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:46,493
- Words on paper? Lame. Who's next?
- I'm the deuce.
360
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:50,998
Oh! A Discman?
361
00:14:50,999 --> 00:14:54,710
- No way. Oh!
- I bought that, Kirk.
362
00:14:54,711 --> 00:14:56,378
I'm the one who made you this happy.
363
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:59,464
- Barry, that's too expensive.
- I'm number three.
364
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:02,509
Which means, of course,
I will be taking that.
365
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,136
- Nooooo!
- It's cool.
366
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,846
Bar, I'll just get something else.
367
00:15:05,847 --> 00:15:07,222
- It's okay.
- Okay.
368
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:09,099
And Kirk did get something else...
369
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,143
my secret present for Brea.
370
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,352
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
371
00:15:12,353 --> 00:15:14,354
- That's not meant for...
- Whoa.
372
00:15:14,355 --> 00:15:15,939
It's a necklace.
373
00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:18,567
Brea, help me get
this tasteful bad boy on.
374
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,444
Not a lot of guys
can pull off a necklace,
375
00:15:20,445 --> 00:15:22,571
- but leave it to Kirk.
- It looks like a locket.
376
00:15:22,572 --> 00:15:24,990
Nope. Definitely not a locket.
377
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:29,453
Oh, Brea, it's you and...
378
00:15:29,454 --> 00:15:31,413
- Adam.
- What?
379
00:15:31,414 --> 00:15:34,624
- Yeah, same. What?
- So weird!
380
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:37,085
Who brought this incredibly
intimate gift?
381
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:39,254
- It's clearly you.
- Scandalous.
382
00:15:39,255 --> 00:15:42,174
- I have a Discman.
- Holidays. Am I right?
383
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,675
So I'll be stealing that back
from you, Kirk,
384
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:46,178
- when it's my turn.
- Kirk can't catch a break.
385
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,889
Hey, if you think about it,
he's the one who stole
386
00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:51,683
- Brea from me in the first place.
- Stole me?
387
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,227
- Digging himself deeper.
- I'm outraged.
388
00:15:54,228 --> 00:15:57,731
- It has a stabilizer for jogging.
- Let me explain.
389
00:15:57,732 --> 00:16:00,985
See, Kirk... sucks?
390
00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:03,070
Oh, my...
391
00:16:03,071 --> 00:16:04,321
Brea, wait!
392
00:16:04,322 --> 00:16:06,274
Adam, I was wrong about you.
393
00:16:06,407 --> 00:16:08,283
You are like
all the other guys I dated...
394
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:10,911
- a jerk.
- Carmen, wait!
395
00:16:10,912 --> 00:16:13,121
How dare you speak to Kirk like that?
396
00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:17,125
- Kirk, get our coats.
- Barry, wait!
397
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:24,049
With Geoff having admitted
to out-Grinching Beverly,
398
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,425
Erica was full of questions.
399
00:16:25,426 --> 00:16:27,469
Why the hell did you steal Christmas?
400
00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:29,638
How the hell did you steal Christmas?
401
00:16:29,639 --> 00:16:31,431
Well, it wasn't easy.
402
00:16:31,432 --> 00:16:34,684
I went in her room and saw
those candy canes hung in a row.
403
00:16:34,685 --> 00:16:38,980
"These candy canes," I said,
"are the first things to go."
404
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:41,274
Okay, so you're gonna do the
whole Dr. Seuss rhyming thing?
405
00:16:41,275 --> 00:16:42,400
I'm just trying to stay on theme.
406
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,194
Alright, well, keep going
until I figure out
407
00:16:44,195 --> 00:16:45,862
how to punch you
without leaving a bruise.
408
00:16:45,863 --> 00:16:48,365
- I slithered and slunk.
- Slunk?
409
00:16:48,366 --> 00:16:50,325
But with a smile most pleasant,
410
00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:52,494
I went around the room
and I took every present.
411
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:55,080
Sure, but how did you manage
to get the tree
412
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,665
out of there without anyone noticing?
413
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:59,459
That was a toughie 'cause
I ran into a little setback.
414
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:02,838
Geoff, why are you taking out
the Christmas tree?
415
00:17:02,839 --> 00:17:04,756
But you know me.
I'm smart and I'm slick.
416
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,551
So I thought up a lie
and I thought it up quick.
417
00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:10,512
- 'Cause I got an even better one.
- Oh, okay. Great!
418
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:13,014
- Seasons greetings.
- Yeah.
419
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:15,642
What a fun little distraction
from the real question.
420
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,102
Why did you do it?
421
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,979
Erica, I know Christmas is wonderful.
422
00:17:18,980 --> 00:17:21,064
Everyone knows Christmas is wonderful.
423
00:17:21,065 --> 00:17:22,858
But it's not who we are.
424
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:25,610
- But it can be.
- Why?
425
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,445
Because you want to throw it
in our parents' faces,
426
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,656
or because it's actually
meaningful to you?
427
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:32,200
What if the throwing it in their
faces is what's meaningful?
428
00:17:33,494 --> 00:17:36,663
Look, I know I haven't always
been the most observant,
429
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,081
but our traditions matter to me,
430
00:17:38,082 --> 00:17:42,627
- and I thought they mattered to you, too.
- They do.
431
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,005
Well, I want Muriel to be raised
like we were.
432
00:17:45,006 --> 00:17:49,509
- Because she's part of us.
- The best part of us.
433
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:55,223
Okay, so our baby won't be
a Christmas kid.
434
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:56,600
But can we at least
use some of the presents
435
00:17:56,601 --> 00:17:59,978
- for her first Hanukkah?
- Oh, you mean these?
436
00:18:03,274 --> 00:18:05,984
Worst Grinch ever.
437
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,945
Geoff had managed to save the holidays.
438
00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:11,865
Meanwhile, I was trying
to save face with Brea.
439
00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:17,120
- Hey. So, that was strange.
- I wonder who made it strange.
440
00:18:17,121 --> 00:18:20,832
Look, I was blindsided
seeing you with a guy.
441
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,960
- You never mentioned him.
- I'm sorry.
442
00:18:23,961 --> 00:18:26,963
But it's hard to say out loud
that we're moving on.
443
00:18:26,964 --> 00:18:30,342
- Obviously, for both of us.
- It might just be one of us.
444
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,802
Carmen looked a tiny bit upset.
445
00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:35,847
- You'll figure it out.
- I hope so.
446
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,058
She's great.
447
00:18:38,809 --> 00:18:44,105
And, for what it's worth,
Kirk seems great, too.
448
00:18:44,106 --> 00:18:45,482
I should apologize to him.
449
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:47,526
I think there's someone else
you should talk to first.
450
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:52,906
- You're right.
- I always am.
451
00:18:52,907 --> 00:18:57,911
- Now go.
- Just know, I'm happy for you.
452
00:18:57,912 --> 00:18:59,037
Seriously.
453
00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:06,044
- Happy Holidays, Adam Goldberg.
- Happy Holidays, Brea Bee.
454
00:19:09,257 --> 00:19:12,217
It was weird, but I actually felt okay.
455
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,667
I realized I had just been
456
00:19:13,668 --> 00:19:16,638
holding on to the past
by trying to hold on to Brea...
457
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:19,267
when there was something pretty
amazing right in front of me.
458
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:24,354
- Yeah?
- Carmen, I don't deserve it,
459
00:19:24,355 --> 00:19:26,064
but can I please try
to make up for tonight?
460
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,482
It's fine.
461
00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:29,818
Clearly, you have
unfinished stuff with your ex.
462
00:19:29,819 --> 00:19:32,696
No, I don't. Not anymore.
463
00:19:32,697 --> 00:19:35,407
And I swear to you, I am a good guy.
464
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,993
The thing is, good guys
don't have to say that.
465
00:19:37,994 --> 00:19:42,831
- They just are.
- Fair enough.
466
00:19:42,832 --> 00:19:44,124
Thank you for your time.
467
00:19:44,125 --> 00:19:47,127
So you're just gonna give up?
468
00:19:47,128 --> 00:19:50,088
I'm not worth fighting for?
469
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,882
Okay. Well, here it goes.
470
00:19:52,883 --> 00:19:56,011
Carmen, I've had
an incredibly difficult year
471
00:19:56,012 --> 00:19:58,722
with a million different setbacks,
472
00:19:58,723 --> 00:20:02,517
but seeing you every day at the diner
473
00:20:02,518 --> 00:20:04,686
is the one thing I look forward to,
474
00:20:04,687 --> 00:20:07,480
and I really don't want to lose that.
475
00:20:09,692 --> 00:20:12,861
- Then don't.
- Oh, whoa.
476
00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:18,116
- You seem receptive.
- Little bit.
477
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,745
Guess what we're standing under?
478
00:20:21,746 --> 00:20:26,666
- So the good guy gets the girl?
- We'll see.
479
00:20:26,667 --> 00:20:30,754
? Don't stop thinking about tomorrow ?
480
00:20:30,755 --> 00:20:33,757
? Don't stop, it'll soon be here ?
481
00:20:33,758 --> 00:20:36,134
And that's the thing about the holidays.
482
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,803
Whether it's old traditions
that remind us who we are...
483
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,306
? Don't stop thinking ?
484
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:43,058
... or new experiences
that fill us with hope...
485
00:20:43,059 --> 00:20:47,604
? Don't stop, it'll soon be here ?
486
00:20:47,605 --> 00:20:50,231
... being there for one another
always makes
487
00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:52,400
for a season full of joy
488
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:55,195
that no Grinch could ever steal.
489
00:20:55,196 --> 00:20:56,947
? Ooh ?
490
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:02,035
What the hell am I looking at?
Are you bedazzling?!
491
00:21:02,036 --> 00:21:05,622
- It's for the baby. Check it!
- "I love you a latke."
492
00:21:05,623 --> 00:21:08,750
Oh! My perfect angel is so clever!
493
00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:13,171
- And on the back...
- "Oy to the world!"
494
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:16,800
So many puns. I am dying
from holiday happiness.
495
00:21:16,801 --> 00:21:18,635
Yeah. I did learn from the best.
496
00:21:18,636 --> 00:21:20,220
You cherish and honor me.
497
00:21:20,221 --> 00:21:22,013
But your sewing is crap. Give it to me.
498
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,973
I'll redo it and make five more.
499
00:21:24,975 --> 00:21:29,975
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
39119
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