Original subtitles

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- Hello, my favorite freshthems.

Tomorrow is the start of Pre-Frosh Weekend,

where newly accepted students visit to get their first taste

of the Essex experience.

- How exciting. I'll never forget

my Pre-Frosh Weekend.

My host was so fun.

But she got really drunk,

and I had to watch them pump her stomach.

Oh! And I tried Thai food

for the first time.

Not for me.

- If any of you are hosting

potential new students,

please be responsible with them.

- FYI, we are hosting one.

- Wait, we are? - Yeah, it's my friend

from back home. Her name's Priya.

She's a sweet Indian nerd.

I just sent an old pic of us to our thread.

[phones dinging]

[phone honks] - [gasps]

- Oh, wow.

- Damn, no one zoom in. It made me sad.

- Bela, for your well-being,

don't send photos like that.

- Okay, fine, but everyone be nice to Priya.

She always looked up to me like I was

her way-cooler big sister.

- Aw. - And you were cooler than her

when this photo was taken?

- Clearly. - Mm.

- So nobody make a big thing about this,

but my dad texted me saying that he's bringing up

my cousin to campus for Pre-Frosh Weekend,

and I have decided to come out to him.

- You are? [all exclaim]

- That's awesome.

- Yeah, I'm ready. It's time.

- Maybe you can do it in a fun way.

My cousin proposed using a nursing home flash mob.

It was slow, but moving.

- Yeah, I think I'm just gonna tell him

with words. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- I'm just sick of keeping this a secret.

- I also have a secret.

- Oh, my God! You're gay too!

- What? No.

- Oh. - No, I had sex with Andrew.

- What? - You did?

- The bio bro? - Wait, don't you two, like,

hate each other? - Yes, he's insufferable.

But also, he has, like, secret surprise arm muscles.

- Ooh...

- But it was a one-time thing.

Sleeping with my lab partner is way too complicated.

[knock at door] - Okay, oh, my God,

that's Priya.

Everyone, stop talking about sex.

Her dorky, little ears cannot handle that.

Talk about Microsoft Excel.

- Bela! - Priya?

- It's so good to see you!

- Wow! Uh,

I didn't even recognize you.

You got hot and grew boobs.

- Mm. Mm-mm. - Come in!

- ♪ I run the show, my chest be big, yo ♪

♪ We run the streets from west to east coast ♪

♪ I'm a really big deal ♪

- I'm so excited you got into Essex.

Here's the place I knew you'd wanna visit first--

the library. - Stop.

Your friends are gonna think I'm an epic loser.

- One summer, Priya spent so much time reading

that she got something called juvenile hunchback.

She had to wear a brace. - I made it look cool.

- You're gonna love Essex.

It's like the best place in the world.

- I'm so excited to be here.

This is actually my first night ever away from home.

- Aw.

- Right, you weren't allowed

to do anything in high school.

We had to have all

our sleepovers at your house.

Remember that time you got your

braces caught in a knit blanket

and you cried so hard

that you barfed? - I don't think

we need to tell your friends that story.

I'm gonna go peek inside the building.

- Yeah.

- She seems great. - No, agreed.

She's so cool. - Wait,

even you think she's cool? - Oh, my God, yeah.

I mean, she has great style, gorgeous hair,

a well-curated but effortless social media vibe.

She's cool as hell.

- Huh, took you months to call me cool.

- I called you "cool"?

I don't think I ever said that.

- Weird, I feel like you say it a lot.

[upbeat electronic music]

- Ooh, Kimberly, here comes Jackson.

- [gasps] How do I look?

- Who cares? What about me?

- Hey, I'd like to order a coffee Kimberly-style.

- What's Kimberly style?

- [whispers] Extra hot. - Oh, wow.

- Damn. - [chuckles]

We actually do have to serve

all our coffee at a standard temperature,

because of a recent lawsuit though.

- That's okay. Just came by

to say a quick hello before class.

I'll see you later.

- Bye.

[squeals] - So you still hangin' out

with the action figure, huh? - Leave her alone.

I'm proud of our girl. She loves herself a hot boy.

- What does that mean? - First, Nico.

Now, Farmer Long John.

You go for the ripped, big hotties.

- Not just 'cause they're hot. - Oh, please.

- You work this whole Ruth Bader Ginsburg angle,

but you like the hot guy.

It's okay to be a little shallow.

- I'm not shallow. - [laughs] It's fine.

I love it when people only like me for my looks.

It happens very frequently.

- Okay, name one thing you have in common with that guy.

- Uh, we both...

are born during winter months.

- [laughs] - Ah.

- That's a bad answer.

- Okay, so maybe I don't know what we have in common yet.

But I'll find it, all right?

- Whoa. - Whew.

- Okay. - Okay, it's getting

pretty heated.

I suggest everyone take an unpaid five.

Unpaid five!

I am such a great manager.

[upbeat music]

- God, I love this campus!

It's so nice up here.

- I'm really glad we got a chance to catch up.

- It's just your mom and I are going through a bit

of a hard time right now,

the whole thing with your brother,

you know? - Yeah.

- And then her charity is being investigated by the D.A.,

so she could be in a lot of trouble, you know?

And I'm not going down for that, you know?

I won't. And then, also,

please don't tell anybody about this,

but her Japanese hair transplant didn't take,

and so she's got a tiny bald spot.

But act like you don't notice it.

- That's a lot. - It is a lot.

It is a lot. - Yeah.

- But that's why I'm happy to be here.

So what's going on with you?

- Me? Pff.

Nothing.

Really nothing. - Nothing?

- No, no, nothing. [laughs] You know,

just the same old stuff.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Andrew.

I think we need to talk

about the other day.

- Yeah, I've been thinking, and we shouldn't hook up again.

It's just not worth it for me. [slurps]

- Wait, you're saying sleeping with me isn't worth it for you?

- Yeah. - Do you not see

how much hotter than you I am?

- Listen, I did the math, and I'm 3% more productive

without you as a distraction.

- What's so distracting about me?

- Well, for one, you're wearing

a skirt to the lab

when all legs should be covered

in case of chemical spillage.

But instead, you're...

- A distraction?

[romantic music]

Damn it.

♪ ♪

- I wouldn't say I'm a campus celebrity,

but sure, I guess other people might.

- Hey, you're Priya, right? - Yeah.

- I'm Graham.

- Hi, Graham. - Oh, like the cracker--

motherfucker. - Shit, I'm sorry.

I didn't even see you there--

didn't even register there was another person here.

A bunch of us are planning a party in the woods,

like a fire and stuff, if you wanna come.

- Wow, um, yeah, I've never been to a party like that before.

It sounds super fun. Can my friend come?

- Oh, is this your friend?

I thought she was

your accountant or something.

But if it means you'll be there,

sure, bring her. - Actually,

we already have plans.

- Sorry--we do?

- Yeah, our dorm is hosting

a big floor party.

It's gonna be huge! You didn't think

I'd invite you to campus and not show you

how hard we kick it, did you? - [laughs] Okay.

I'm sorry. - It's all good.

[pop music]

- Yeah, boys invite me to parties all the time.

I can barely keep track of all the invites.

We're throwing a party tonight, and it has to be good.

- But I already had plans to finish my vision board.

I finally found a picture of AOC playing chess.

- Well, you can forget about that,

because we need to show Priya how cool I am

by throwing a rager.

- Wait, where is Priya? - At a Pre-Frosh event,

which gives us time to get this place in order.

- Wait, why are you stressed?

Doesn't Priya, like, look up to you or something?

- Oh, she used to, before her face cleared up

and she grew perfect tits and amazing peach ass.

- Is she old enough for you to be talking about her like that?

- A cute guy just hit on her in front of me

and made it clear I gave him absolutely no boner.

It's like the student has become the teacher.

- Isn't that a good thing?

Isn't that what the teacher wants?

- No. Teachers want their students

to fall in love with them

and worship them forever.

- No... - I don't think so.

- Why is Priya's approval so important to you?

- Because she used to think I was the best,

and that made me feel good about myself.

I don't want to lose that. - Yeah, I get that.

- Okay, we need to make sure we have a ton of booze

and a packed house. Leighton,

is your dad still here? Can he buy us a bunch

of top shelf stuff? - No, he's taking a walk

in a sculpture garden.

He's not really in a good place.

So I didn't come out to him.

- Aw, I'm sorry. - Yeah.

- Does Priya know you're gay? Can I tell her?

I think she might like that.

- Mm-mm.

- Fine, I'll let you tell her.

- That is not what that look meant.

- [gasps] Is that Jackson?

Jackson!

- Oh, hey. - What are you listening to?

Is it the podcast on erosion I told you about?

I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did.

- Oh, no. It's my workout mix.

It's a mashup of EDM and country.

Do you listen to either of those?

- No, my workout mix is mostly talk radio and think pieces.

- Hey, I'm gonna go watch "SmackDown."

You wanna join? - Oh, and that is?

- Wrestling. - Right, yeah, I knew that--

sanctioned violence. Whoo-hoo!

- Come on.

[percussive music]

- ♪ Different, mm ♪

♪ It be different, mm ♪

- Whitney!

- What's up, girl?

- Where are you guys coming from?

- Ah, you know, just gettin' our steps in.

200? What the hell?

This campus is tiny.

- Hold on. Who is that?

Did you two-- - You hooked up with him again?

You said you can't stand him. - Shh.

It just keeps happening.

- Interesting trajectory

to go from Canaan to that.

- Whoa! Hey, you almost hit me!

Scooters are vehicles,

and they should be in the street!

- If you wanna stop hooking up with him,

quit spending time alone with him.

- The thing is he's smart. So working with him is helpful.

- Well, keep it in public then, not some little lab

where you two keep getting freaky.

- Honestly, though, I get it.

Nerds are hot--

like Albert Einstein.

What? I love a thick 'stache.

[upbeat pop music]

- It shouldn't be a problem that I parked in the fire lane

just this one time, right? - It's always a problem.

- Murray, is that you?

- George. - Yes.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm on the commencement committee.

I'm--I just came up for a meeting.

- Come on! Great to see you, buddy.

- You too, man.

- Leighton, this is my old friend, George.

We were in the same pledge class together.

both: Alphi Psi until I die!

[laughter]

- Oh, by the way, this is my daughter, Tatum.

- Actually, Leighton and I know each other.

- Yeah, we're friends-- or, um, acquaintances.

- Oh, the next generation of the unbreakable Essex bond.

- Yeah, well, heads up though, Murray.

They are packed tonight.

We couldn't even get a seat at the bar.

- Oh. - Oh...

- Well, we have a reservation. Just sit with us.

- Oh, Dad, they don't wanna eat with us.

- We'd love to. - Oh!

- Great. - Great.

- Come on. - Tatum, can I talk to you

for a second?

- Hi, I am so sorry.

This is awkward. My dad doesn't know

that I'm gay, and I'm sure you think

that is super closeted of me, and I get it, okay?

My ex-girlfriend, Alicia,

really hated it when it came to that,

because I could never talk-- - Okay, chill.

It's fine.

There's no timeline on coming out.

Also, we just started dating, so it's cool.

I got you.

- Okay, thanks.

One more thing--my dad also orders a dirty martini

in a very uncomfortable way,

so I do just wanna get ahead of that.

- I will prepare myself. - Yeah, you should.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I know I'm constantly complaining,

but it's freezing in here.

You want my hoodie? - Uh, no, I'm good.

- You have goosebumps.

Here.

- Oh, you don't have to take it--

- It's fine.

- Thank you.

That's very nice.

I love how quiet it is up here.

- ♪ Who that pressing on me ♪

- Hurry up before someone comes.

- You're seriously telling me to hurry up right now?

- [chuckles]

- ♪ Who your baby mama ♪

- Whitney?

- Canaan! - Oh, shit!

I'm s--I'm sorry. I jus--I came--

I came to get a book about--

Ronald Reagan. - Yeah.

- Yup, and I got it,

so you're good--so... - Okay.

- I'ma go.

- Sounds great.

Fuck.

- What are you-- pull your pants up.

- Oh, we're stopping for sure? - Yeah, we're done.

- Okay, yeah, got it.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ It's okay to let my pain go ♪

♪ I dance for one ♪

[camera shutter clicks] - Doesn't this party

look so fucking good? I've really outdone myself.

- Damn, Bela, where'd you get all of that?

- I conned a grad student into buying it for me.

All I had to do was pay him double the cost of the alcohol.

What a deal, right? - Uh...

- Oh... - Hey, how do I look?

Priya texted and said that she'll try and be here soon.

both: Ooh...

- She said "try"?

As someone who loves to bail on things,

that's something I would say a lot.

- Oh, she might be superhot

and look like a mean girl now,

but trust me, she wouldn't just

blow me off like that.

Come on. We've been friends

for, like, ten years now.

She'll be here.

- You guys goin' to this party in the woods?

Priya just texted me it's poppin' off!

- What the hell? She's bailing on my party

and texting you? How'd she even get your number?

You won't even give it to me. - Uh, we just clicked.

We're both the hottest of our siblings.

You wouldn't understand.

- That's it. I'm goin' to the woods.

- Okay, well, I guess we're going.

- I'm not gonna miss this. She's gonna go slap

a little girl in the woods.

[laughter]

- Tatum, your dad in college

was the king of pranks-- the king of pranks.

He used to do this thing where he would put shaving cream

in our shoes. - Yup, I called it creamy toes.

- Right! [both laughing]

You're literally the funniest person I've ever met.

I'm gonna order another drink. - Mm.

- 'Scuse me. Hi, may I have another

dirty martini, please? But this one, I'd like to be

extra dirty.

Like, filthy dirty.

[laughs] Like, I want this martini

to be ashamed of itself. - [laughs]

- He gets it. - You haven't changed a bit,

Murray. - Oh, come on.

- Well, this dinner has been great.

Um, but what if we just go ahead and, like, box this up,

and then I can go home and get all my math homework done?

- Oh, honey. - Damn, raised yourself

a real nerd here. [both laugh]

Uh-oh, nerd alert. - Okay...

- Tatum, you should find a smart girl like her.

- Well, I am trying. - Yeah?

Well, what about that girl, Lydia?

I miss her. - Oh, God, no.

Do not miss Lydia.

Her personality was as ugly as her name.

- Mean, but fair. [laughs]

Okay, not a looker, not a looker.

- Hey, I gotta say, guys, I think this is so cool

that you guys can just talk about dating like this.

Like, I ask Leighton anything about her dating life,

and she just ices me out. - Oh.

- That's not true. - [laughs] It is true.

I've asked you a million times. You are a closed book.

- [scoffs] Okay, well, that is because I c--

[clears throat]

- 'Cause what?

- I'm gay.

I'm gay, and, um, I've actually been dating Tatum.

- What? - It's true.

- We've been going on dates. We've been on, like,

three dates-- like four, if you include

this insanely weird dinner with our dads.

But yeah, I'm gay. I'm gonna order a drink.

- Okay, uh, cool.

Yeah, cool.

Will you excuse me for just a second?

- Are you--

[music playing distantly]

- It's late to be playing music out here.

I hope it's not disrupting the nocturnal creatures

who call these woods home.

- Oh, damn, this party looks great--

way better than the one you threw, Bela.

♪ ♪

- Priya, what the hell? - What are you doing here?

I love this fit. - I have to talk to you.

- Uh--what?

- I can't believe you ditched the very cool party

I threw for you. I invited, like, 200 people,

and I only know, like, 25 of them.

I even got you George Clooney tequila.

- I didn't ask you to do that. - Well, you've changed,

and it's not just 'cause you're hotter with bigger tits

and perfect complexion and lip fillers.

- I didn't get lip fillers. Those are just my lips.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

- That's amazing. - Stunning.

- Thank you. - I'd love some beauty tips.

But later. You two keep fighting.

- Bela, I'm sorry for ditching you, but I just--

I wanted to be around people

who didn't make me feel like the loser I used to be.

The first thing you did when I got here was

tell your roommates a story that made me sound like

a giant nerd. - Oh, I didn't realize...

- I'm trying to reinvent myself.

I thought you of all people would understand that.

I wanna feel good about myself and, like, kiss a boy

and post a cute picture of him

to make mean girls back home jealous.

- I get that. I guess I was just worried

that you're, like, so cool now

that you'd, like, leave me behind.

- Are you kidding?

Bela, I'm coming to Essex for you, okay?

I have always looked up to you.

- Fuck. Come here.

- Okay. [both laugh]

I love you. - I love you too.

Guess I'll just head back to the party then.

- Okay. I will be seeing you

back there though, okay?

I'm just gonna make out with Graham first.

- Yeah, you will. - Yeah, girl!

You go get that young tongue. [flicking tongue]

- Come on, let's give her some space.

- Do you guys think we should make

an anonymous call to the fire marshal?

- Hell no. - These open flames

are very dangerous.

- Hey, Dad, you okay?

- Yeah.

Yeah, of course, honey.

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to add

any more stress to your life.

I know that there's a lot going on.

- No, honey, don't apologize, please.

That's not why I--

Leighton, I love you.

My reaction was about me.

I was just shocked, you know?

And the fact that I didn't see this coming,

I don't know what that says about me as a parent.

- It might mean that I'm just really good at being closeted.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah, I don't know. Is that a good thing?

- Yeah, no, no, probably not.

- Are you happy?

- That is a big question.

[chuckles] But in terms of who I am

and my sexuality,

yes.

Yes, I am.

- Well, I'm so happy you told me,

and I'm so proud of you.

For what it's worth, I really like Tatum for you.

- Oh, you do not have to say that.

- No, I really do. When you look at her, you smile

with your teeth and everything.

That's your tell, kiddo. - Oh, my...

- You can't ignore that. - Ha!

I will not be discussing gay dating with my dad.

- Oh, yes, you will.

I'm gonna be calling you every week.

- ♪ I like the way you're moving to the rhythm ♪

♪ Like you go on up ♪

- Oh, wait, how did ending things with Andrew go?

Was he upset?

- Not really--

mostly because I didn't end things,

then we had sex in the library.

[both scream] - In the library?

- Mm-hmm.

And then Canaan walked in. [both gasp]

- Whoa. - Holy shit.

- Hi. - Hey!

- Well, I did it.

I finally came out to my dad. [all cheer]

- Wait, how did it go? - Good, and he definitely

likes Tatum, maybe, like, a little too much.

- He invited me golfing. - He just assumed

she golfs because she's gay.

- And he was right.

- ♪ I'm having some trouble believing you ♪

♪ I'm hearing the drums just follow you ♪

- Whitney.

Nice to see you-- for the second time today, huh?

- Mm-hmm, okay, yeah, don't do that.

- You, uh, get any good studying in?

Read some new books? - Please do not make me

leave my own dorm party. I have nowhere else to go.

- So who's the guy?

- He's just some guy from class.

It's casual.

- Kay.

Well, casual looks good on you.

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I know they hatin', I know they talkin' ♪

♪ I call 'em tree bitches, they steady barkin' ♪

- There she is! Did you kiss that boy?

- I did! - [screams]

- He was really bad at it. - Most are.

- His tongue, like, darted in, and it just stayed there.

[both groan] - Been there.

Let's find you someone else. - No, no, no, no, no.

Not tonight. I wanna hang with you.

- Aw, that is so sweet.

Well, if that's the case, let's all work on finding

someone for me. I'm not picky as long as

he is perfect looking.

♪ ♪

- So I wanted to talk to you

about something. - Okay, what's up?

- I'm starting to think that we don't have a lot in common.

- Yeah.

You might be right, but...

I think it's good that we're different.

You don't spend time worrying

about how much you do and don't

have in common with your friends, do you?

- No. - So why would it be

an issue for us? I like learning new things

from you, like that podcast you told me about.

- You listened to the series on erosion?

- Yeah. It wasn't good to run to,

but it was eye-opening.

I'm just sayin' I don't wanna date someone

who's just like me. - You said "date."

Are we dating? - I think so.

Is that cool? - Yeah.

But I don't wanna watch wrestling with you.

The stories are so lazy. - Oh, those aren't stories.

Those are real.

- Oh... - [chuckles] I'm kidding.

I'm not an idiot. [both laugh]

["Are You All Alone?" by Lyrah]

- [giggles]

- ♪ I'm caught up in a loop ♪

♪ That I can't break ♪

♪ But I don't mind you on my mind ♪

♪ I-I-I-I can't slow ♪

[phone chimes]

♪ Watch you, watch me come undone ♪

♪ Hold on, you've got me ♪

♪ Throwing myself around ♪

♪ You know you've got me won ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You know you've got me won ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You know you've got me won ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm thinking about thinking about you ♪

♪ I'm thinking about thinking about you ♪

♪ I'm thinking about thinking about you ♪

♪ I-I-I-I ♪

♪ Can't slow how I'm falling ♪

♪ Watch you watch me come undone ♪

♪ Hold on, you've got me throwing myself around ♪

♪ You know you've got me won ♪

♪ Oh, oh, you've got me throwing myself around ♪

- Go to bed.