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1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:10,097
♪ Nutri-Grain bar
and a Mountain Dew ♪
2
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,055
[farts]
3
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,710
It's my goldfish's
birthday.
4
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:17,365
I should be having the time
of my life, but I'm troubled.
5
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:19,758
I don't think Klaus's boys
are having a very good time.
6
00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:21,282
I know!
7
00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:23,806
Big Ed is being
a little quiet.
8
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:26,156
Courtney has barely
touched his blunt.
9
00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:29,551
And Vance hasn't thrown a single
bottle cap in my cleavage.
10
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,074
Something is off.
11
00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:33,207
I haven't had one fart
cupped and thrown at me.
12
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,338
[farts]
13
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:35,992
They're just
farting normals.
14
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,559
[grunting]
15
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,300
Hey, Klaus,
do you think maybe
16
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,953
someone else
could get a turn?
17
00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,607
No way!
18
00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,609
No one is touching this piñata
but me!
19
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,176
[grunts]
20
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:49,049
I know it sounds crazy, but does
Klaus not know how to share?
21
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,442
[chain saw revs]
22
00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:52,791
Skittles!
23
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,403
Stay back!
This candy is all mine!
24
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:57,709
We spent months
planning this party,
25
00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:01,017
and Klaus is ruining it
by being Klaus!
26
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,540
Let's do the cake.
27
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,455
That's good,
his boys love cake.
28
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,110
Who wants cake?!
29
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,503
Put away those plates.
30
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,809
This is just for me,
thank you very much.
31
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,944
It's my birthday
and my cake.
32
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,728
Klaus, you're not gonna eat
this whole cake.
33
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,556
Oh, yeah?
34
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:21,385
[munching]
35
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:27,652
[gags]
36
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,960
This is especially hard
because I hate confetti cake.
37
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,353
[gags]
38
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,529
Courtney, I cannot believe
this is your favorite.
39
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,447
Don't go, boys!
40
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,537
I was just about to bring out
the bong decorating station!
41
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:44,756
TOGETHER:
Naw, son.
42
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,149
Uh-oh.
43
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:49,544
You know the boys say "sup"
when they're happy?
44
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:52,590
"Naw, son"
is the exact opposite.
45
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:55,332
Naw, son!
46
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,205
[patriotic music plays]
47
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,816
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
48
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:04,907
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
49
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:08,084
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
50
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:11,783
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
51
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:17,354
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
52
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,661
- ♪ Good--
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
53
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:20,531
Aah!
54
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:25,362
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
55
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,064
Can't sleep?
Me neither.
56
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:35,198
I'm just so damn worried
about Klaus and his boys!
57
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:36,678
We can't sleep either.
58
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,550
We're worried that Mr. Klaus
is gonna lose his boys!
59
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,726
Did you know that Courtney
dis-invited Klaus
60
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:43,075
to his daughter's
quinceañera?
61
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,077
I did not know that.
62
00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:48,385
He's been so much less annoying
since his Tampa boys moved here.
63
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,431
We have to teach Klaus
the importance of sharing
64
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:51,997
before he loses them!
65
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:55,697
And has to bring his electronic
drums back to the house.
66
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,222
I can still hear him
not keeping beat.
67
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,398
[piano playing]
68
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,361
I love how you've kept up
with your piano.
69
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:08,449
How long has it been?
70
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:09,580
600 years.
71
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,886
[piano plays]
72
00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:13,193
And I'm finally gonna have
my first recital.
73
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,629
Thing is,
like all musicians,
74
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,848
I'm much better
when I don't take drugs.
75
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,502
[piano plays]
76
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,244
I need someone to make sure
I don't do any drugs this week.
77
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,724
I'm your man.
78
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:25,509
I've kept Toshi off bath salts
for almost six months.
79
00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:28,164
That's great. Let's celebrate
this arrangement.
80
00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,687
[bong shatters]
81
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:32,212
No way, no drugs.
82
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,910
It's times like this I'm glad
I had Rogu install a...
83
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,781
secret zip line!
84
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,174
Aaaah!
85
00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:39,871
[thud]
86
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,090
Oooh.
87
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,223
Rogu procrastinate.
88
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,791
♪
89
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:50,491
Sharing turns a regular meal
into an experience.
90
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:53,755
With sharing, I can try a little
of Jeff's patatas bravas
91
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,322
and Francine's calamari.
92
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,412
And they can both taste
my balls!
93
00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:00,196
Dad, they're called croquettes.
94
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,285
So sharing is when you get less
of what you want
95
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:05,941
because you're a chump--
sounds pretty stupid to me.
96
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:08,857
Mr. Klaus, how can you not know
the value of sharing?
97
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,120
Didn't you learn this stuff
on Sesame Street?
98
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,383
I never watched
that Big Birdshit.
99
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,907
Growing up in Germany,
we had a real kids show,
100
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,822
Gernot and Strudel.
101
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:22,392
Well, they must've done
an episode about sharing.
102
00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:25,569
You would think so,
wouldn't you?
103
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,615
[thunder crashes]
104
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,097
Ahh, gotta drain
the ol' lizard.
105
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,882
Don't touch my grub,
hippies!
106
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:36,972
Guys, this is great!
107
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,626
All we have to do is find
108
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,845
the "sharing" episode
of his stupid show!
109
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:44,022
Easy-breezy-
tomato-soup-and-grilled-cheesy.
110
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,546
I don't know, guys.
111
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,678
Did you notice how he ominously
looked out that window
112
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,289
when we brought up
the "sharing" episode?
113
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,639
You're worried because...
he looked out a window?
114
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,902
Why do you think
they make windows?
115
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,817
Stop being weird, Hayley.
116
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,166
Look at me!
117
00:04:57,166 --> 00:05:00,343
I'm looking through
the magic window!
118
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,693
Oh, no,
now I have an ominous!
119
00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,739
[laughter]
120
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:05,609
[doors open]
121
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,831
I know that look.
Roger's jonesing.
122
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,271
What the?
123
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,279
Baby carrots?
124
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:27,109
Dr. Slippy's Lock Pick
Switcharoo Carrots Kit.
125
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,328
[ding!]
126
00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:34,290
Oh, God,
his drums are back!
127
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:37,032
I thought we had more time!
128
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,209
Here we go, I found a clip of
the Gernot and Strudel show.
129
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:43,386
[drums playing off-beat]
130
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,780
[theme music playing]
131
00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:50,001
Es ist Zeit,
die Show zu starten!
132
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,395
♪
133
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,832
German Wikipedia
or "Viko-pedia!"
134
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,487
says the show takes place
in the "magical world
135
00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:59,576
of an old
coat hanger factory."
136
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,449
Gernot is a worm
and the flawless leader.
137
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,668
Worm boss. Tight.
138
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:07,105
Next there's Kommandant
Strudel Goofel-berry.
139
00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:08,150
A sassy hippo.
140
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,675
[laughs]
Is there another kind?
141
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:12,981
HAYLEY: Then there's
a two-headed blob,
142
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,809
Uschi and Booshi.
143
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,899
Uschi represents the sadness
of the failed fall harvest.
144
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,467
And Booshi represents
the brief moment of happiness
145
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,904
that washes over you
before death.
146
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:26,124
Finally there's a talking file
cabinet, Doctor Du-Du Dankers,
147
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:28,562
who represents the perfection
of the organizational skills
148
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,564
that every German
child dreams of,
149
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:33,131
but nightmarishly
never achieves.
150
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,438
[gasps]
There's the episode on sharing!
151
00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:36,744
[mouse clicks]
152
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:39,399
Huh, not available
for download.
153
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,184
That's strange. That's the one
episode you can't download.
154
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:43,490
Damn it!
155
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,753
Why does God love
kicking us in the dick?!
156
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,582
Well, if we can't
download the episode,
157
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,453
I guess we'll just have to...
158
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,586
perform it ourselves!
159
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,152
Well,
it took three days,
160
00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:57,417
but I'm glad we finally heard
the end of your sentence!
161
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,467
I must still be dreaming.
162
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:07,731
Gernot,
is that really you?
163
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:10,430
Check out this insane worm voice
I came up with.
164
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,606
[as Roger]
This is no dream, Klaus.
165
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,782
We're gonna teach you
how to share!
166
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:17,132
No, Stan!
Nuh-uh.
167
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,874
♪
168
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:24,182
Oh, my God, you guys are doing
my favorite show!
169
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:28,752
It's Gernot, Uschi, Booshi,
Strudel, and Du-Du!
170
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,494
[goofy voice]
It's good to see you too, Klaus!
171
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,278
We're here to teach you
about sharing!
172
00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,845
Oh, don't be silly!
173
00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:37,152
You can't start with
the big lesson of the day.
174
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,980
That's the end of the show.
175
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,156
First you have to do
the opening song,
176
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:42,331
then the numbers jamboree,
177
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,767
the message from
the legislature
178
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,769
about new
government regulations,
179
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:48,772
the grammar gulag,
a reading of the crop yields,
180
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:52,036
and the time
for undeserved spanking.
181
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,517
[Italian accent] I can't-a
believe-a what I'm a-hearing.
182
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:57,520
I a-guess we have to do
the whole show-a-ghetti.
183
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,261
Why are you doing
an Italian accent?
184
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:03,483
I can do a-Italy
or [normal voice] I can do Jeff.
185
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,962
Italy's good.
186
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:08,226
[Italian accent]
No, Italy is-a the best!
187
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:09,793
♪
188
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:11,926
♪ Gernot and Strudel
189
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:15,451
♪ Children are weak
and have very small brain ♪
190
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,148
♪ Gernot and Strudel
191
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:20,108
♪ Your body can be trained
to not feel pain ♪
192
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,893
♪ The Ministry of Culture
has approved ♪
193
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,592
♪ Your watching of this show
194
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:29,247
♪ If you catch your parents
with rock music ♪
195
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,860
♪ Let the government know
196
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,341
♪ You'll work in a factory
till the day you die ♪
197
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:39,562
♪ Tears are for the French,
you are not allowed to cry ♪
198
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:46,438
♪
199
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,356
♪
200
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,141
♪ Gernot and Strudel
201
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:56,536
♪ Children are weak
and have very small brain ♪
202
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,581
♪ Gernot and Strudel
203
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,410
♪ Your body can be trained
to not feel pain ♪
204
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,720
We near the end
of the show.
205
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,549
And one step closer
to death's embrace.
206
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,161
And that means it's time
for the lesson of the day!
207
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:16,425
Strudel has had success
in the government lottery
208
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:19,123
and has won a potato.
209
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:21,169
I'm very hungry, Strudel.
210
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,171
May I share your potato?
211
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,652
A-no you cannot-a.
212
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:30,091
I'm a-greedy and I will not
a-share this potato with you.
213
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,701
Mangia!
214
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,137
I am dying.
215
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,400
And now I am dead.
216
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,402
Strudel, you Dummkopf!
217
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:40,057
You should have
shared with him!
218
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,364
Sharing is so important!
219
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:45,889
I-- I understand now.
220
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,631
I feel terrible for not sharing
in the past.
221
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,981
I want to start sharing
right away!
222
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,899
Water.
223
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,859
Please, Jeff, allow me to share
my water with you.
224
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:01,426
Drink, my boy.
Drink from my bowl.
225
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,473
[gulping]
226
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,257
Lots of pulp
in this water.
227
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:07,519
That's not pulp.
228
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:12,699
We've had some
ups and downs,
229
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,788
but you've kept me off drugs
for three days.
230
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:18,661
And surprisingly I'm not
having any cravings!
231
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:25,450
♪
232
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:33,371
♪
233
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:42,554
♪
234
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:51,955
♪
235
00:10:56,917 --> 00:11:03,924
♪
236
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:10,582
Aren't we going to keep
doing the show?
237
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,715
Why? You already learned
to share.
238
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,761
Oh.
That's too bad.
239
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:19,026
But I guess when the show's
over, it's over.
240
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,202
Unless...
241
00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:24,553
the show must go on.
242
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:25,989
[thunder crashes]
243
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:28,426
[laughing maniacally]
244
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,476
- Uh, are we gonna talk
about that? - Talk about what?
245
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:36,652
You didn't notice how Klaus
looked out the window and--
246
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,567
Again with
this window business!
247
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,961
Geez, Hayley,
broken record much?
248
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,832
Didn't you hear him
laughing like--
249
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,616
Now you're worried
because he laughed?
250
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,749
He's got
a great sense of humor!
251
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:49,230
Babe, give it a rest.
252
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:52,494
You're embarrassing me
in front of my friends.
253
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,151
♪
254
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,109
STAN: What's going on?
255
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:02,547
FRANCINE: Ugh, the hell
did I drink last night?
256
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,289
HAYLEY: Oof, my heads--
257
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,682
wait, heads?
258
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,947
JEFF: I feel strange.
259
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,255
Where's the zipper?
260
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:16,126
I can't get this thing off!
261
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,954
Wait, I think...
262
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,391
We've been turned
into puppets!
263
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,306
Damn it, I'm the worm.
264
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,091
At least you don't have
two heads!
265
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,657
Two heads
are better than one!
266
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,355
If one of them
isn't a shithead!
267
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:30,053
[gasps]
268
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,968
Klaus!
Did you do this?
269
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:35,755
I did!
And I have wonderful news.
270
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,932
You're all going to keep
doing the show for me!
271
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,803
Why don't we start with
one of the episodes
272
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,849
about properly cleaning
your butthole?
273
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,895
♪
274
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,810
Smells like
Sup Bud in here.
275
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:48,855
What's Sup Bud?
276
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,813
Nothing, bud,
what's up with you?
277
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:52,249
Will you both shut up?!
278
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,338
How did you do this,
Klaus?
279
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:56,471
Dr. Weitzman
at the CIA did it.
280
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:59,039
The CIA has
puppet technology?
281
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,171
Oh, yeah, the CIA is always
installing puppets,
282
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,651
all over the globe.
283
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,393
Fozzie Bear was the Shah of Iran
for seven years.
284
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,221
Klaus, we don't like
being puppets!
285
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,266
- Really?
- Yes!
286
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:13,444
I'm craving a hand up my ass
in a very unnerving way.
287
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:15,969
And I really hate
this dang worm leash.
288
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,361
Stop the complaining!
289
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:18,972
The Gernot and Strudel show
290
00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:21,409
is the most important thing
in the world to me!
291
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,063
And if you don't perform
whenever I want,
292
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:25,195
I'm going to read you
a list of things
293
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,980
that aren't
important to me.
294
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,852
He's bluffing.
No one keeps a list of that.
295
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,506
Championship bull riding.
296
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:34,901
Mustard.
Non-helium balloons.
297
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,859
- Stop, stop!
- Then sing!
298
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,295
[all sigh]
299
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:40,645
♪ Gernot and Strudel
300
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,735
♪
301
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,259
Well, I did it.
302
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:48,175
I got you here clean and sober
for your piano recital.
303
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,481
Thank you, Steve.
304
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:51,526
- I think you're up.
- [applause]
305
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:03,930
[Franz Liszt's
"Liebestraum No. 3" playing]
306
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,366
I know him.
307
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,977
He's sometimes my uncle
but always my friend.
308
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,370
DELMONICO: I feel you, dude.
309
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:12,895
He's sometimes my friend,
but always my customer.
310
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,114
Delmonico?!
311
00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,811
Please tell me you're here
as a friend.
312
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,160
I cannot.
313
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,858
It's strictly business today.
314
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,163
I delivered the piano.
315
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:21,469
Oh, good.
316
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,427
It's basically
made out of drugs.
317
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,603
- Oh, no!
- Oh, yeah!
318
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:28,606
I coated the white piano keys
with ecstasy.
319
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,608
The black keys are
black tar heroin.
320
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,046
The sheet music
is blotter acid paper.
321
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:36,832
The bench he's sitting on
is actually a meth suppository.
322
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:39,530
And the whole thing is dusted
with cocaine and ketamine.
323
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:45,885
♪ Da, da, da-da-da
324
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:51,194
♪ Da, la, da-da, da-dee
325
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:53,370
♪ Da, da, da-da
326
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,943
♪ Da-da-da-da
327
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:04,164
♪ Da, da, da-da-da
328
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,210
[cheers and applause]
329
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,865
What?
How is everybody liking this?!
330
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,954
Oh, they're all
my customers.
331
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,696
[grunting]
332
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,132
This isn't working!
333
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,047
We'll never break out
of this cage!
334
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,701
I'm not gonna
sugarcoat it.
335
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,530
This is not a great situation
we find ourselves in.
336
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:23,705
I've got this dang--
337
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:27,013
Stop complaining
about your worm leash!
338
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,102
I'm a [bleep] file cabinet!
339
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,843
We have a theory about
what's going on with Klaus.
340
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,889
When we re-created the show
for him,
341
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:37,458
we must have triggered
some unresolved trauma.
342
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,547
Something happened to Klaus
with this show.
343
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:43,507
And we need to get him
to share his trauma with us.
344
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,074
Another type of sharing.
345
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,380
Yeah.
346
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,730
And maybe that'll snap him
out of this.
347
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:51,820
Whoa, babes, I couldn't
follow any of that!
348
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,909
- Awww.
- Come here, you!
349
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,174
Yuck.
350
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,220
KLAUS: It's true.
351
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,962
Something terrible
did happen.
352
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,876
No, I-I can't
talk about it.
353
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,139
It's too painful.
354
00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:07,444
You can do it.
355
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:10,752
I, this stupid worm,
believe in you.
356
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:13,363
[breathes deeply]
357
00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:16,584
I was eight years old,
and I was in the audience
358
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:19,979
for my favorite show
in the whole world.
359
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,547
But what started off
as the best day of my life
360
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,854
became the worst.
361
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,987
I was thrilled when I was
called up onto stage
362
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,466
at the end of the show.
363
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,686
At the time,
I had a big crush on Uschi,
364
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:34,080
so of course
I got an erection.
365
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,429
And when I was a child,
366
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,909
I had a very sharp penis.
367
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:40,173
It wasn't big
but it was honed,
368
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,565
like a paring knife.
369
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:44,220
Anyways,
I got a little baby boner
370
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,570
and accidentally poked
Uschi's puppeteer
371
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,398
with my tiny dagger
372
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,270
and she fell off the stage
and was...
373
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,272
electrocuted.
374
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,665
Strudel and Du-Du
rushed to save her.
375
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:59,018
And they too were
immediately electrocuted.
376
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,368
As the studio filled with
the smell of burnt flesh
377
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,587
and polyester fur,
378
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:07,939
me and my for-some-reason-
still-hard baby boner
379
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:11,552
could only watch in shame.
380
00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:13,989
Gernot was
the lone survivor...
381
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:16,687
until that evening when
he shot himself in the face.
382
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:19,821
The episode was banned
and never aired.
383
00:17:19,821 --> 00:17:22,171
They replaced all the puppeteers
and kept making episodes,
384
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:24,347
but it was never the same.
385
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,697
I loved that show
more than anything,
386
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,787
and I was the one
that destroyed it.
387
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,528
Jesus, Klaus.
388
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,748
And that's why
you became a fish?
389
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,576
What? No.
390
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,839
That's how
I became traumatized.
391
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,929
But after sharing it,
I feel so much better.
392
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,409
Thank you.
393
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:45,238
Is there anything I can do
for you?
394
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,631
I guess you could let us
out of this cage.
395
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,851
And I wouldn't mind having
my worm leash removed.
396
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,158
[buzzer]
397
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,856
Oh, baby,
that's the stuff.
398
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:56,249
Oh, and also,
399
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,947
I think we'd all like
to not be puppets anymore.
400
00:17:58,947 --> 00:17:59,817
TOGETHER: Mm-hmm.
401
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,558
Oh, shoot.
402
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,299
We don't have time
to get to Dr. Weitzman
403
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,040
before he leaves
for his summer job--
404
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,435
selling clever T-shirts
on the Atlantic City boardwalk.
405
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,915
I can't be stuck being a worm
all summer!
406
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:13,135
I already put down my deposit
for boogie boarding camp!
407
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:14,745
We could get there in time
408
00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:16,921
if we took a shortcut through
the Langley Dunes.
409
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,532
But how?
410
00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,838
Those dunes are
famously treacherous.
411
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,667
I know!
My boys have badass ATVs!
412
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,755
Let's go!
413
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,671
[grunting]
414
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,155
I refuse
to be fat shamed.
415
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,767
I called it
a "worm leash."
416
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,900
It was very uncomfortable.
417
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,903
You can still see the little
indent it made on my felt.
418
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:45,341
Do you really think your boys
will let us use their ATVs?
419
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,169
They seem mad at you.
420
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,389
You really don't understand
421
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:52,174
how truly tight I am
with my boys.
422
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:53,262
No way!
423
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:54,785
You don't share, man.
424
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,439
Okay,
maybe I didn't use to.
425
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:59,138
But I've learned
how to share!
426
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,835
And I brought you something.
427
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:01,923
- A cake?!
- A piñata?!
428
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,446
You're both right.
429
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:07,189
I brought a broken piñata
filled with old cake!
430
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,584
Mmm. Sup.
431
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:15,197
Sup.
432
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,417
That means
they're boys again!
433
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,767
Francine, I'm a worm,
not an idiot.
434
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,595
♪ Go crazy
435
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:25,686
♪ Yeah, soo, we gone, huh,
stop, we good, stop ♪
436
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,210
♪ Chill, we on, yeah, scale,
let's go ♪
437
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:31,387
[all cheering]
438
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:32,606
♪ Take, huh, let's go, huh
439
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:34,390
♪ Set, let's roll
440
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:37,393
Oh, no-- cliff.
441
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:39,134
How are we going to
get down?
442
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:40,831
Easy!
We're puppets.
443
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,355
We don't have
any bones!
444
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,621
Wait, I have bones!
445
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:49,927
[crack]
446
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,494
Uh, waiter?
447
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:55,324
There's some bones
in my fish.
448
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,413
Come on,
we're so close.
449
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:58,588
Crap,
forgot about the river
450
00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,764
that runs through
the Langley Dunes!
451
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:04,507
What a complex and exciting
ecosystem this town has!
452
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:06,683
But how are we gonna
get across?!
453
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,511
I got this!
454
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:11,079
Everyone on my back!
455
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,646
♪ Straightenin',
straightenin', whoo ♪
456
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,691
♪ Straightenin',
yeah, straight ♪
457
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,432
♪ Straightenin',
straightenin', soo ♪
458
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,042
♪ Straightenin', yeah
459
00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,653
♪ Straight, don't nothing
get straightenin' ♪
460
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:20,088
♪ But straightenin', hey,
don't nothing get ♪
461
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:22,177
[humming]
462
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:28,009
Dr. Weitzman!
We need our bodies back!
463
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,532
Sure thing!
464
00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,317
I actually have your bodies
right here!
465
00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,363
Nothing gross!
466
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,279
I've actually been using them
as a sofa.
467
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,760
[zapping]
468
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,767
Aww, I kinda miss
having two heads.
469
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:49,770
Guys, I hate to say it,
I kinda miss the worm leash.
470
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,076
I feel like we're
forgetting something.
471
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,513
Where's Klaus?
472
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:56,733
KLAUS: Wazzup!
473
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:58,213
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
474
00:20:58,263 --> 00:21:02,813
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