All language subtitles for Orange is the New Black - 04x08 - Friends in Low Places.SEM.English.HI.C.updated.Addic7ed.com-en

[cell door slams]

[theme song playing]

[cell door slams]

[cell door slams]

[sobbing]

[inmates snoring]

Chiert,

- Help me.
- suki, bliadi.

What are you looking for?

[whispering] My mirror.
Where is my mirror?

It's not there?

Not unless it's suddenly
turned invisible.

I've been robbed.

- Where is my mirror?
- What?

The magnifying mirror.
The one from my desk.

The one I've seen you
use for your eyebrows.

I don't know.

No one sleeps when my things go missing.

I'm not sleeping. I can't sleep.

Wake up. My mirror is missing.

We have to live together. It would
be pretty dumb to steal from you.

Like you're all geniuses.

- [snoring]
- Wake up, motorboat.

Please, I didn't go to sleep
until you left for the shower.

I swear, I kept myself up.

- Where is my mirror?
- On the desk?

She wouldn't steal from
you. She's terrified of you.

Why would I want to look
at myself in the mirror?

Hey, Reznikov. It's
time to make the donuts.

I'm not ready. And my mirror is missing.

I don't give a tiger's testicle.

Look, the faster I deliver you,

the faster I can get back
to my mindfulness practice.

So, let's go!

Do you think your time is
more valuable than mine?

Fine. Fine.

I'll put my face on in the kitchen, huh?

[inmate] Shut up! I'm still asleep!

Wait.

Where's my lip pencil?

[whimpers]

Where the hell is my lip pencil?

Now, Reznikov.

Fucking thieves. I will find you!

[inmate] Shut the fuck up.

Oh, shoot. She left the light on.

Thank you.

[sobs]

You okay?

Not even a little bit.

[inmates talking indistinctly]

I'm not even looking. I don't care.

You're not even that hot.

- Wait, maybe you are.
- [Judy whistles]

[Judy] Now this is starting
to feel like overkill.

- You think so?
- [Judy] Mmm.

More like looks could kill.

Check out the stink eye in this place.

You know, maybe that's 'cause
there's a boy in the girls' room.

These ladies don't
seem too bothered by me.

[Judy groans]

The bathroom is where
you're the most vulnerable.

- [scoffs]
- I mean, haven't you ever seen Psycho?

Or read an actuarial table?

Yoga Jones ordered this protection.

Frankly, I think it was
an overreaction. [Chuckles]

[singing] ♪ I've been stealing ♪
♪ Them other ladies' pies ♪

♪ And, ooh, that was a bust ♪

♪ 'Cause them other ladies ♪
♪ Been fakin' when they bakin' ♪

♪ Using that store-bought crust ♪

♪ But Judy's pies is oh-so-tasty ♪
♪ And I never get my fill ♪

♪ So blame it on... ♪

On the other hand...

[Suzanne continues singing]

I'll be, uh, right outside.

Oh, hey, you got the new O?
I was reading a good article.

Oh, you know, I think
McCullough walked off with that.

Oh, here.

You want Women's Health?

- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

Well, I believe those are my eggs.

I only took one bite.
It was getting cold.

[sighs]

You know, this is getting ridiculous.

I can't spend the rest of my time

with some ding-dong like
that following me around.

Isolation perpetuates the rumors.

That you hate black people?

Look, it was the '80s, all right?
Everybody was a moron in the '80s.

I just want to be able
to walk around here

without everybody looking at me like
I'm some kind of terrified bigot.

Out there is overrated.

[inhales sharply] Why don't
we have a TV brought in?

Oh, no.

You know, I wouldn't wanna risk

sullying your karma, your chi or
whatever with such a base object.

Idiot box. I believe that's
what you called it last week.

Did I? I don't remember.

Mmm-hmm. And I think you called
me the idiot on the idiot box.

Right?

Well, it's starting
to look like it's true.

And there... there's gotta
be some way to clear the air.

Make reparations.

Forty acres and some eggs.

Why don't you tell them again

how many black friends you have
in your kitchen and your field?

Okay, you shut up, you
PC hippie hypocrite.

I would wager that your last
address before you came here

wasn't exactly in the inner city.

At least I didn't talk to puppets
that used the word "jigaboo."

[Judy] Hmm?

No more eggs for you.

[inmates talking indistinctly]

[woman] An inmate from
Litchfield Federal Prison

is attempting to contact you.

- Cal!
- Piper!

Cal! Cal, you have no idea
how badly I've wanted...

to hear your voice.

Well, would you rather hear my voice?

Or a pre-war Gibson banjo that
Earl Scruggs played at the Opry?

- Your voice, for sure.
- You're right.

You're right. I haven't earned
it yet. I need to practice more.

So, you got Neri's message, didn't you?

What? What message?

Neri sent you a psychic
message to call us.

[stammering] I was skeptical at
first, but, I mean, here you are.

Cal, I've missed you so much.

There's really nobody in here
for me to... talk to right now.

We are pregnant!

You got pregnant in the basement?

[squeals] I mean, we...
we think that it might have

actually happened in the laundry
room or maybe in the dining room.

Um, we're not sure.

Mom has a standing hair appointment,
Tuesdays from 11:00 to 1:00.

And yet, her hair has never
changed. It's a mystery.

I mean, we're not technically
supposed to tell anyone yet,

because it's only eight weeks,
but I don't care, fuck it.

Holy shit.

Wow! Congratulations.

That's wonderful.

It is pretty cool.

I'm already bonding with the baby.

I talk to him and I sing to
him. In English and in Korean.

Did I tell you that we're
all learning Korean?

Oh, we've got a whole
new business, Pipes.

We ship used clothes over to Korea.

Vintage. Uh, podo suhwag.

I mean, we're killing
it. They can't get enough.

Neri sweeps through
Goodwill, Sally Army, St. V's,

and then she ships it over to
our friend, Helen Hong, in Seoul.

I mean, ever since the panties dried up,

we were... we were in real trouble,

but babies bring luck and inspiration.

Yeong-gam.

What do you think of
the name "Clarence," huh?

- Clarence Chapman?
- Do you know it's a boy?

I don't. Not yet.

But I'm willing it to be a boy
because women are terrifying.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.

Neri is pretty psyched and I'm
here to buy him his first banjo.

- You can never start it too early.
- [sniffles]

Music education sucks in schools now
which is, like, a total travesty...

- [voice breaking] Cal...
- No, I know. I... I know, I know.

If it is a girl, and it could
be, she will play the fiddle.

So, maybe... maybe I shouldn't
pull the trigger yet on the banjo.

You're gonna be an amazing dad.

I'm totally fucking scared
that I'm gonna fuck it all up.

[sighs] I mean, you
know where we came from.

You are so much warmer,
you are so much lovelier,

and you are so much awesomer.

Plus, you married the
anti-Mom. There's no way.

Stop it.

Wow. That is so nice of you to say.

I'm really glad you called, Pipes.

I just wanted to check in,
and, um, hear your voice.

[man speaking on PA] All Whispers
employees report to the yard.

Whispers employees to the yard.

Cal, I, uh... I gotta go.

I love you, Daddy.

Okay, yeah, love you. Bye, Aunty Piper.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

[sobs]

[sniffling]

[breath trembling]

[man speaking indistinctly on PA]

Looks like you got light bugs.

- Might be an infestation.
- Oh, gee. [Chuckles]

I don't know what to do about that.

You got any advice for me, Miss Nichols?

Darkness, Miss Morello.

You fight the light with darkness.

Care to visit me on the dark side?

Well, actually, it's Mrs. Muccio now.

Didn't even spring
for the hyphenate, huh?

We're very traditional.

Looks like you might need to do a
little bit of cleaning up in here.

Yeah, yeah. I'll get to that one later.

That's our stall.

Yeah, I'm aware.

I'm married now.

I took vows.

You know, it's, uh...

it's not cheating if you're
in different zip codes, right?

And, uh, there's no dick.

So... that's a freebie.

It's cheating if I even
think about somebody else.

Lusting in the heart and all
that? Just like Jimmy Carter says.

You're really telling me
you didn't miss me at all?

[whispering] You didn't think about me?

'Cause I sure missed you.

Of course I missed you...

but that was because I
was worried about you.

[man speaking indistinctly on PA]

Look.

Look, there's the little chip in
the tile from when you cut your arm.

Aw, remember you didn't notice
until after your third orgasm?

Okay, no. No, you are not helping me.

You're making me think about things
I should not be thinking about.

It's not right, Nicky. [Sighs]

Where'd you go?

No, stay there. Don't!

[groaning] Leave me alone.

Baby, I'm here.

I can touch you. You need to be touched.

He can't give that to you.

Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, no!

Vinny and I, we have a future.

Sure.

Or you have no future

'cause you're virtual strangers
living in a fantasy world.

And it's gonna shatter
into a million pieces

when the mundane realities
of day-to-day life

intrude on your maiden-in-a-tower,
prince-down-below fairy-tale bullshit.

'Cause it's retarded.

Plus he's probably been banging the single
mom next door the whole time, anyway,

because who can live on fantasy
and promises for that long, right?

People get lonely.

Or not. Okay?

Maybe it's the real thing.

I've never met the guy.

For all I know, maybe
it's true love, right?

Are you sure he wouldn't get off on
hearing about you with another chick?

- [Piscatella] Owens!
- [Owens] Here.

- [Piscatella] Piendak!
- [Piendak] Here.

- [Piscatella] Sankey!
- [Sankey] Here.

[Piscatella] Watson!

Let me hear a verbal
confirmation, inmate.

[softly] Here.

A little bit louder now!

- [shouts] Here!
- Ow!

- What?
- Nothing, sorry.

My ear was too close
to your mouth. My bad.

Now, ladies, due to the breach in
security at the Whispers factory,

it has been decided that
all employees of Whispers

will be replaced with
more trustworthy inmates.

Wait, you mean we
ain't got jobs no more?

Means you ain't got that job no more.

But lucky for you, a new
opportunity has knocked.

- Welcome to Construction 101.
- [inmates groan]

So, wait, is this a
job or is this a class?

This is vocational training.

Well, uh, paid vocational training?

We was makin' a dollar
an hour at Whispers.

If you are able to master these skills
and get a job once you're released,

- the paycheck could be in your future.
- [indistinct chatter]

But to be clear as crystal, no money.

For whatever this is.

This is a class.

[inmates groan]

[Ouija] Thanks, jefe.

- Hope it was worth it.
- [Janae] Mmm-hmm.

You gonna fill my commissary now?

Hey, back the fuck off.

[Piscatella] Hey, hey!

Eyes up front.

I will now introduce you to your
construction foreman instructor,

Mr. McDonald.

- [inmates whistling]
- He will walk you through safety training

so we can have an efficient

and incident-free
work-learning environment.

[cheering]

Ooh, baby, I'd let him jackhammer me.

Mmm, I think I'm gonna
need a lot of instruction.

Please let him be straight.

Wrangler jeans. He's straight.

Yeah, right. You can keep
me safe, Mr. Mackadocious.

Quiet down, inmates.

Mr. Piscatella?

I have a heart condition, and I
don't know if this whole, you know,

manual labor and heat thing...
it's gonna work for me.

I think I got a bad heart, too.
[whispers] Really bad heart.

Yeah, me, too.

Come up here and we'll find
you an appropriate position...

DeMarco.

I know what position I'd like.

- [clicks tongue]
- [inmates cheer]

That's enough, ma'am.

Ladies, safety is number
one on the job site.

And safety comes with confidence and
comfort using tools and equipment.

Confidence and comfort come
from practice and common sense.

I will be your guide and supervisor
as we erect this structure.

He said "erect."

What exactly is this structure?

From the plans I've been given,
it's a giant cube with a roof.

Now, anyone here have any carpentry
or construction experience?

Show of hands?

- I need an apprentice.
- [inmates] Oh, here!

I love your enthusiasm, ladies.

[Piscatella] Let's wait to choose an
apprentice 'til we see who earns it.

Inmates, give us a minute while we
figure out your work assignments.

If we're gonna make
anything off of this,

we gotta get that paparazzi pizza dough.

You got to get the phone charged.

Juice up the box.

Juice up the box?

Like a juice box.

Only the juice is electricity
and the box is the...

You called money
"paparazzi pizza dough."

- Okay, fine.
- I'll give you half a point for effort.

Hell, no, you ain't. This
ain't no participation trophy.

Look, that's what's
wrong with this country.

You either score or you miss.

- [backhoe engine stops]
- [backhoe rattling]

God damn it! We lost the hydraulics!

- Try downshifting!
- [driver] I tried that already.

- Can you fix it?
- I'm not a mechanic.

McDonald, let's put our new trainees
to work while we wait on the fix.

Everyone, grab a shovel
and let's get started.

Uh, shouldn't we finish
going through safety training

- before we get started?
- [Piscatella] You did.

Practice and common sense. Stay safe.

Let's get to work.

[McDonald] Let's go!

Hard hats, first, please.

How is this educational?

Lesson one, don't do crime
because prison is unpleasant.

Start digging, ladies. You
have a hard hat and a shovel.

Oops!

Silly me. I'm so clumsy.

Got 'em!

- Let's do this.
- [gasps] What?

Don't hold out on me.

I'm not holdin' nothin'.

But you promised to show me how
to do eye makeup like you do.

[gasps] Oh! That.

Right, yeah, right.

Okay, I've been thinking, though,
you gotta bring your own pencil,

'cause if you use mine, you could
get, like, pinkeye or something.

Do you have pinkeye?

I don't think so,

but I don't know, and you gotta
be really careful around here.

Okay, so listen, you
go to the drug store,

you get yourself a really
good black eyeliner pencil

and then I'll show you everything.

And it doesn't even have
to be expensive, neither.

Maybe pick up a mascara,
too. Uh, the pink one.

And then we'll do a whole
lesson, okay? [Chuckles]

- Yeah, okay. [Chuckles]
- Okay.

Great, I gotta go. I'm
gonna think about ways

on how to make your eyes really
pop and make you really cute.

Mmm-mmm!

Man.

You know, I don't know
what your secret is, Specs,

but you are looking even
hotter than I remember.

- Suck it, Nichols.
- Come on.

You're single. I'm single.

The birds are singing.
The grass is soft.

The grass is covered in
off-brand weed killer.

Pretty please? Okay?

I just spent 94 days in
Max in an eight-bed cell

with, among others, two random shriekers

and a woman who put her
baby through a dryer cycle.

Oh, that is sexy.

Oh! Oh, that's nothing.

I learned to shit in
front of an audience.

Yeah, of course what you're flushing

is mainly just whatever's
left of your humanity. So...

Yeah, well, it's not like
it's been a fun-fest over here.

Fuck you, Vause.

This place is like a camp.

[stuttering] What happened?

The commissary run
out of chocolate chips?

It's been a shitty
couple of months, Nicky.

You're not the only one
that has rough times.

Okay, new plan.

You and me go on a magic
carpet ride to happy town.

Jesus, you've got a one-track mind.

[chuckles] For your information,
I have a two-track mind.

All right, come join me on track deux.

Look...

you can even keep your clothes on.

Oh, of course, you know,

if you don't need a vacation
from your reality, then, uh...

hey, by all means, decline.

[inmates talking indistinctly]

Hey, smells good.

You leave that stuff in the place?

I need to talk to you about that.

Why? Something went wrong?

No, no, no, no. No, it was fine.

- I mean... sorry. I left it.
- [microwave beeping]

It's all fine.

[sighs]

Ooh, you got the shrimp
flavor. That's a good one.

I haven't been... eating so good lately

'cause I'm so nervous all the time.

Have you tried meditating?

Maria, I need to stop.

I almost got caught today.

I think the key word there is "almost."

Almost don't count.

So, you're gonna calm yourself,

and you're going to keep
doing what you're doing.

And if I don't want to?

Ain't about want.

[sighs]

- [male officer] Keep going!
- [inmates grunting]

Hey, Boo! Are you thirsty?

[Big Boo] Oh, fuck, yeah!

What, is this some kind
of lesbian superpower

that you can fix machines
like this, like a man?

[chuckles] Are you kidding?

- Oh!
- [chuckles]

Ah.

- I got no fucking clue what I'm doing.
- You don't?

I figure if I loosen and
tighten the bolt repeatedly,

it eats up the whole fucking day
and keeps me out of the trenches.

That's... that's pretty smart.

Now, scram, girl.
You're blowing my cover.

Oh, no, no, no. It's totally cool.

They assigned me to learn from you,

just in case if anything breaks,
somebody else knows how to fix it.

'Cause, like, what if you
get let out... or you're busy?

How do you like them apples?

All About Eve, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

'Cause Adam... Adam told
her not to eat that apple.

And she ate it, she
became wise. Just like me.

Yeah. Tell you what.

Come on under here, I'll
show you what we're doing.

Keep working, inmate.

Oh, Jesus, you cutting yourself now?

I thought I was the emo one.

- What?
- You're bleeding.

Fuck.

I used to cut myself. But
in, like, cool designs.

She should cut herself.

We're all out of work because of her.

[Blake] If you can't dig
and talk at the same time,

then you dig and shut up.

Shovels in the dirt. Now!

And don't touch 'em for a half an hour.

I'm not doing free fixing
'cause you were a moron

and felt like seeing if they were dry.

Okay, I said it was a mistake.
Some lint got stuck to it.

Pa' fuera.

Got time for a walk-in?

Don't expect a family discount.

You been chewing on these again?

Some of us got a lot on our minds.

You don't think I got a lot on my mind?

I gotta figure out a place
to set up the salon out there.

I gotta hire girls to help me.

Maybe a receptionist with great nails

so that everyone can see the
work right when they walk in.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm talkin' about my future.

You gotta get your cosmetology license.

You gotta rent a place.

Fill it with chairs and foot buckets

and get the machine that
kills the germs on the tools.

Where you gonna get money for all that?

You lucky if you could afford
a few bottles of polish.

Got a lot on your mind.

[scoffs] Got some nerve.

You got make-believe on your mind.

You know, maybe you can...

start in someone else's place.

Learn the business and
take over that shit.

You'll run it in no time.

You're like that bug that
takes over the other bug

and controls it and everything.

And you're really good at
figuring out business stuff, so...

What color you want?

[sighs]

Oh, CO Bayley, I asked you
politely to please wait outside.

Miss Washington is a friend.

Right, but I'm your shadow, you know.

[imitating The Shadow] Who knows
what evil lurks in the hearts of man?

The Shadow knows! [Cackling]

Been listening to a retro radio podcast.

Podcast? No, okay.

All right. I'll, uh, I'll wait outside.

Ooh, The Wise Man's Fear.

I loved The Name of the Wind.
Can I, uh... Can I borrow that?

Knock yourself out.

What's goin' on with that?

- [door closes]
- [chuckles]

I... I've been assigned protection
and it's driving me bananas.

Now... I know your friends
are frustrated with me,

but surely we can find
some way to work that out.

Wait. Wait, wait.

You think the black
girls are gonna jump you?

Well, uh, the crazy one has been
taunting me with songs from the show.

And the big one with the puffy hair,

she cornered me in the hallway
with the... gal with the head wrap.

I didn't make that up.

[sighs] It's not like you wouldn't
deserve it after that chitlin' mess.

[sighs]

They were puppets.

Yeah, puppets that reinforce stereotypes

that black people are
dumb and superstitious.

They steal and they love
being indentured servants.

And don't get me started
on the cannibalism.

I gotta tell you, it's disappointing.

All right, look, I sincerely regret it.

But they did promote fresh food.
I mean, there was a message.

Oh, all right.

Listen, I'm gonna tell you the truth.

I did a lot of blow
back in the early '80s,

and it kept me thin and awake,

but it didn't do much for
my cultural sensitivity,

or my bank account, or
my gynecological health.

Now, the chips fell,
I eventually moved on.

And here I am.

But it can get lonely, you know?

I'm... I'm trying to
put a brave face on it,

but to tell you the truth,
I could use some friends.

Other than a skinny
hippie always in crisis.

You know, it's hard enough being in here

without feelin' everybody hates me.

It ever occur to you
that it's racist to assume

that black people are gonna
beat you up for bein' racist?

And you have a good point
there. Right, all right, look,

I'm tryin'.

I mean, maybe I am a racist. Maybe
I'm just too stupid to know it,

but shit, I am the friendliest
racist that you are ever gonna meet,

- so can't we all just get along?
- [scoffs]

[sighs]

All right. All right, I'll
talk to 'em. See what's up.

Great, thank you. Thank
you. I really appreciate it.

You are one of the good ones.

No, I meant that as
in people in general.

Just...

Shh.

[Nicky giggling]

[Nicky] She saw me!

Nicky?

Nicky?

- [Nicky yells]
- [both laughing]

What are you doing?

Hey, Bummer Chapman,

[chuckling] get the fuck
down or fuck the fuck off.

[sing-song] Bum, bum-bum, bum, bummer.

My tongue feels delightful.

- [Nicky] Hey!
- [laughing]

[Piper] Ow!

Argh!

Shit!

Psst! You know, from this angle,

your nose hairs are
pretty prominent, no?

- Oh, my God.
- Look at that.

- Well, she used to trim them.
- [Piper sighs]

You are really letting
yourself go, Chapman.

Are you two crazy? What
the fuck are you doing?

[Nicky] It's a weekly meeting, okay,

for the morally morose and
successfully challenged.

So we're just going back and forth

and, uh, talking about all the
truly dreadful, horrible shit

that we have to slog
through on a daily basis...

- And we're smoking crack.
- Oh, yeah! That, too. [Clears throat]

Are you two fucking serious?

While not my first choice,

crack in small amounts
is actually good for you.

It's gotten a bad rap over
the years. I don't even...

- [inhales sharply]
- Yeah, yeah.

Drug beggars can't be
drug choosers, you know.

Perfect. So you guys are
cracked out of your minds.

Hmm.

[Nicky inhales] Ah!

[exhales heavily]

[sighs]

And you can be, too. Here.

Uh, full disclosure, that
crack's been up someone's ass.

- Probably Angie's.
- Oh, definitely Angie's.

Yeah, I traded her a
lipstick for it. [Sniffs]

- [Alex] Here you go.
- [Nicky] And don't worry, Piper.

It's sterilized by the flame.

[giggling]

[breathes heavily]

Fuck it.

Whoa! Seriously?

Why would you offer it to me,

if you weren't actually
gonna share it with me?

[stammering] No, I'm just... surprised.

Well, don't be.

Hand it over.

Okay, so, what do I do?

Now breathe in. Real deep.

[inhales deeply]

[Nicky] Real deep, hold it!

[exhales]

Wow.

Wow.

Take it easy. [Chuckles]

Take it easy? Fuck that!
I was branded, okay?

Man, I did not see that coming.

Holy shit!

You're a Nazi now?

Not a Nazi. I think
I'm a Nazi sympathizer.

I think that was the message.

I brought this on myself.

This is what I've become.
This is what I've become.

This is what I've
fucking become, you guys.

How do I come back from this?

I sent Stella down the hill.
Why did I have to do that?

She stole your money.

I was acquainted with her in Max.

My parents didn't teach
me to be like this.

What I did to Maria...

I didn't feel bad.

I didn't think twice.

I just...

went too far.

I always go too far.

I always go too fucking far.

And I can't fucking stop it.

You're not the worst
person in here, Piper.

I think that I've been
trying to win prison.

And I've destroyed people's lives.

[sighs] Gimme that shit again.

- Yeah.
- Gimme that.

[clears throat]

[inhales deeply]

I killed someone.

[laughing] Fuck, man.

[chuckles]

[chuckles] What, by accident?

No. No, I killed him.

On purpose.

[laughing] Fuck...

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

What? How?

That's impossible. You
couldn't do that. I know you.

Last month. Kubra sent
someone in here to kill me.

Like I said he would.

I mean, in here?

- Fuckin' A.
- How?

Alex, what did you do with the body?

[chuckles]

You're sitting on him.

Parts of him. I mean,
he's all over. [Sobbing]

Oh, God.

[sobbing] Stop.

Look, just because I
sit behind a desk all day

does not mean your job
is harder than mine.

As a matter of fact, it does.

You dig a hole for four hours
and tell us if your job is harder.

Do you know how complicated phones
have gotten since we've been inside?

As complicated as
findin' chargers for them?

[Taystee] I'm tryin'. Caputo's
got a different brand going on.

There go my girl. P,
please tell these bitches

that my job is just as
hard as diggin' a ditch.

- It's not.
- [both] Ah!

Look, why y'all trying
to beat up Judy King?

Because she racist.

Why would we beat up an old white lady?

[scoffs] One pop and she down.

And it would ruin the photo.

Ain't nobody trying
to beat down Judy King.

- Who told you that?
- She did.

She told me y'all chased
her down the hallway

and Crazy Eyes was
singing like a murder doll.

Wait, what photo? What are you...

We're trying to get a picture.

- A picture of what?
- Of Judy King.

That's it?

- Just a picture?
- Just a picture.

- [inmates grunt]
- [indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

Chapman? Wow. You look even
worse than this morning.

Are you sure you don't
wanna go to medical?

No, this crash...

is bad.

Just processing a lot
of stuff right now.

Ooh. Did you have diarrhea?
You need to stay hydrated.

I wanna say, you're all
doing a great job. Keep it up.

Bet you don't have that problem.

- [inmates laugh]
- Right.

You hear there's a
time machine in laundry?

Oh, yeah, and there's a fountain
of youth in the ghetto toilet.

[McDonald] Yeah, blue helmet.

Do any y'all want water?

You know, if that shit was true,
I'd go back and see my dead mom.

Tell her not to date
the guy that killed her.

I'd go back and not end
up in this fucking place.

Y'all ever think about, like,
going back and killing Hitler?

Or maybe I'd go back,
raise Hitler right.

You know, give him lots of love
and encourage his artistic side,

try to be a good mom figure to him.

Maybe he'd have less anger issues.

I'd go back and tell him to
seize the Suez Canal early on.

That'd secure most of the Mediterranean,

giving the Third Reich
easy access to oil.

[inmate 1] I can't.
They need it over here.

[inmate 2 grunts]

Where would you go, back in time?

- Me?
- Yeah.

Uh... well, summer of '99,

I was supposed to see Judas Priest
at, uh, Ralph Wilson Stadium,

but my friend, Champ Silvers,

he challenged me to drink a
dirty 30 pack in the parking lot.

Of Coors Light.

And, uh, I puked everywhere.

I never even got in to
see Rob Halford on stage.

- Regrets, you know?
- Yeah.

[Piscatella] Put some
tape on it. It's all right.

- [both moaning]
- [Franny] I'm telling you, Lorna,

if I would have known Jack
was gonna try something,

I would've locked the door.

The kid's got unusual sleep patterns.

I look up, the doors
open and there's Tommy.

And his eyes are going, "What?"

And he makes a noise, "Oh."

[chuckles] Oh, my goodness.

And you and Jack, you just kept going?

Oh, yeah, basically.

I said, "Tommy, go back to your room,
your mommy and daddy are making love."

[laughs]

Well, I guess at that age, he
doesn't know what that means.

I hardly know what it means at my age.

Jack and I are like ships in the night.

That's why I didn't stop
when I saw the kid there.

Yeah, well, Vinny and I
just had the honeymoon, so...

You know what Tommy said last week?

He says, "I'm never getting married."

I said, "Well, never's a long time."

He says, "I don't want some
girl spending all my money."

He don't get that mouth from me.

Franny, I... I think
Vinny's cheating on me.

Oh, Lorn, you don't know that.

From what you told me, he
don't sound like the type.

He hasn't visited in weeks. We
barely even talk on the phone.

Honey, you're letting your
mind run away with you.

I'm sure it's nothing. You gotta trust.

- I gotta know.
- Then you gotta ask.

What if I don't believe
him? I can't live with that.

That's marriage.

You think I don't wonder where Jack's
been when he comes home after 11:00

and says he's been "bowling"?

You get to see Jack every day.

[sighs]

Honey, will you just
go... visit him for me?

- What, like, at his house?
- Mmm-hmm.

What good will that do?

Lorna, this is the kinda
garbage that got you in here.

[voice breaking] No, no. He is family.

And I don't mean like that.

I... I mean,

I mean, just get to know him a little.

- He's your brother, for Christ's sake!
- [groans]

Please, I'm begging you! You
know I would do this for you.

I would do this for you!

I just can't live thinking that he's
using some other housewife's oven mitt.

- [crying]
- All right.

[chuckles] I'll go to his house.

Thank you so much. I
love you, my sister.

I love you.

Uh... [clears throat]

- You got an appointment?
- [Nicky] Uh-uh.

Walk-in.

- Is that okay?
- That depends.

Take a seat.

That's a lot of hair.

Are we really playing Barbie
Styling Head here? [Stutters]

You know, I got places to be. So...

Updo it is.

Ow. Yeah, that's nice. You really
know what you're doing, huh?

Fabulous.

Yeah... I'm like a real
Audrey Hepburn, huh?

Thank you.

Can you do that somewhere else?

You can paint nails anywhere.

Of course.

I finally find a job I'm good at.

Turns out to be a drug front.

I got two days left in this shithole.

I can't screw it up.

Then don't screw it up.

[scoffs]

[inmates talking indistinctly]

How's everything looking here?

Oh, you mean this? [Scoffs]

- She's totally fucking dead.
- Oh, yeah?

I mean, I can't get her to start at all.

- You wanna give it a shot?
- Yeah.

All right.

- Whoa!
- [grunting] Here you go, man.

Well, first off, you needed to
have it in neutral to restart it.

- Uh-huh. - It looks
like it just overheated.

- I see.
- Yeah, should work fine now.

So if it conks out, let it cool,

put it in neutral, restart it. Easy fix.

Huh! Listen, um...

if anyone should ask,

could you make it sound way
more complicated than that?

[engine starts]

[inmates talking indistinctly]

Man, oh, man, I'm gonna be so
fucking sore tomorrow. [Sucks teeth]

I gotta start exercising.

Man, did you see how fast that
thing took dirt out a hole?

- I know.
- Like, whoosh.

Man, I feel like an autoworker
in Detroit after the robots came.

Like, "Oh, shit, I'm an autoworker
and now I'm out of a job"?

Or like, "Yay! The robots are here

to do this shitty, horrible
autoworker work. Thank God"?

[Black Cindy] Hmm...

Uh, why is she running at me like that?

[grunting]

[blabbering] Ah! What
the fuck was that for?

- That was dope.
- Did you get it? Let me see.

Damn, she taste like strawberry.

Okay. Yeah, come on.

All right, the second one
is a winner. Don't you think?

- Huh? What?
- [Judy] Look, what do you think?

Interracial lesbian
love behind bars, okay.

We're gonna hold out for the
big bucks, ladies, you know?

Make the rags fight over it.

All right, you did so good.

My mamma gonna see me
kissing a white woman.

What? I'm a mammal.

[sighs] But maybe you're
right, I should shave this shit.

It's like my hormones are out of whack.

Where did you get that?

Commissary.

They haven't sold those since '92.

Tell me where it came from.

I got it in the salon. On trade.

I was not aware the salon
was back up and running.

Oh, yeah. Updos, downdos.

[chuckles] We got any 'do you wanna do.

[chuckles] I can see.

Vidal Sassoon's got nothing on you.

Business is business.

Stop giving me the side-eye.

I know how it got there.

[sighs]

Life is so tough you can't
make it into your own bunk?

I don't feel good.

[whispering] I heard that Alex
told you how our garden grows.

If you say a word, I'll end you.

I would... never.

[sniffs]

I just can't...

I can't believe she did what she did.

It needed to be done.

She told me...

and I didn't listen.

She was all on her own.

Maybe she was, but now she's not.

I've been helping her. So has Frieda.

She has friends. Maybe
not you, but other people.

- I should have been there for her.
- You had other things on your mind.

Being a panty kingpin
took a lot of work.

If I had known, I would
have done something.

Honey... what she did
was morally defensible.

I think, ultimately, she
will find comfort in that.

It was kill or be killed.

Maybe you should worry about the
choices you've made a little more.

[crying] She's in pain.

We are all in pain.

I miss my mirror.

And you hurt your arm.

Hot plate accident?

Another tattoo?

Don't think I didn't hear your
tossing and turning all night.

It's nothing.

Show me.

[crying]

Who did that to you?

[sighs] Doesn't matter. It's done.

Well, you can't go
around with that horror.

[sobbing] I probably deserve it.

We all need help.

- [sobbing]
- [shushing]

[man speaking indistinctly on PA]

Hey. Hey, there!

We gotta stop running
into each other like this.

Yeah, or you could, uh,
just stop followin' me.

That, uh, that whole Judas Priest
thing, that was a stupid joke.

Oh.

Truth be told, I'd probably
go back to when we first met.

- Okay.
- I would have treated you like a person.

Not like a duck. Or... a thing.

And I... I...

[sighs]

I would have liked our first time,

if we had gotten there,
to have been... nice.

And I would have
wanted to see your face.

And to have told you
what I told you about...

uh, loving you, but softer.

[Pennsatucky clears throat]

I wish I hadn't been so mad.

It wasn't fair what happened and...

So yeah, that's probably
what I'd go back to.

And I'm still trying to
figure out why it happened.

Why...

I did what I did.

I'm sorry, Doggett.

Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

The backhoe broke down
within the first ten minutes.

Then it turned into a scene
out of Cool Hand Luke,

with the inmates digging
trenches in the sun.

Never seen that movie.

I've let them all down.

Well, you didn't let me down.

- Not now.
- Why not?

[sighs] Because I'm upset.

Is that not obvious?

You know, the school had no chance.

Don't make me feel like I'm
some kind of dream killer.

At least a new dorm will
help with overcrowding.

Might help boost morale a little bit.

Okay. Good then.

Morale... is... boosted.

[chuckles]

- Or not boosted?
- [knocking on door]

- I'll get that.
- [sighs]

Will you watch the sauce? Keep stirring.

- Who was it?
- Oh, it was no one.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it. I'll get it.

[knocking continues]

- Who the hell is that?
- It's no one.

It's probably just a salesperson.

[Crystal] I hear you, Mr. Caputo.

And don't you even think about turning
that sprinkler back on me again.

Again? How many times has she been here?

Shh! Keep it down.

- [scoffs]
- Keep it down. Keep it down.

[Crystal] I'm not going
anywhere! I know you're in there!

- Who is that?
- It's Crystal Burset.

Am I supposed to know who that is?

She's married to Sophia Burset,

the inmate you guys made me
put in a four-by-four box.

The human being you won't allow me
to release from inhumane captivity.

Why do you keep saying "you"?

It's not me. I'm Linda.

I'm here to eat pasta
and spend the night.

Can you separate me from the
corporation we both work for?

[sighs]

You're right.

You're right. I'm sorry.

It's been going on for too long,
and it's starting to get to me.

Hey, hey, you're not MCC.

[doorbell ringing]

[Crystal] Hello? I know
you're in there, Mr. MCC.

All right. I'm calling the cops.

- Don't do that.
- No, this is ridiculous.

- She's harassing us.
- I will handle it.

[scoffs]

Crystal, it's late.

MCC denied our request under
the Freedom of Information Act.

I need to know what's going on.

Pasta. And I made a salad.

And we've been at work
all day. So, good night.

Everything okay over there?

- Who the hell is that?
- I have no idea.

I told you I will handle this.

Please. Go check on the sauce.

[sighs]

I need to know that she's okay.

I mean, I don't even
know if she's alive.

MCC is hiding behind its
private corporate status

and not complying with federal laws.

Our lawsuit just goes on and
on and she's lost in there!

I assure you she is alive and well.

Well, I need proof.

I need documentation.

I need records. I need a paper trail.

I'm entitled to that.

She's a federal prisoner.

What the fuck?

I got mugged once in Newark.
Don't worry, it's registered.

- What the fuck?
- No.

No, no, no guns. Put the gun away.

This is a registered gun and you
are trespassing on private property.

You've been asked to leave and
I'm going to ask you one more time.

Please leave. Now.

- Get back in your car, sir.
- Oh, Jesus.

You've got a gun on my girlfriend.

Well, if your girlfriend
joins you in your car,

she'll be far away from the gun.

Okay?

[Caputo] Call the office next
time. We will talk on the phone.

[door closes]

[sighs]

That was so hot.

[both moaning]

[Piper sobbing]

Are we sure about this? I mean,
that's still really tender.

- [Piper sighs]
- We have to do it now or it won't match.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Okay.

- Hold her tight.
- [whimpers]

[crying]

- [flesh burning]
- [screaming]

[sobbing]

I'm so sorry.

[wailing]

I know. I know.

I'm so sorry...

- [wailing]
- Oh.

When God gives you a
swastika, he opens a window.

[Piper continues sobbing]

And then you remember...

there is no God.

[soul music playing]