All language subtitles for The.sex.lives.of.college.girls.s02e06.1080p.web.h264-cakes

[Moonbeau's "Radio"]

♪ ♪

[door creaks open]
- Guys, I'm freaking out.

Dan O'Connell is performing
at Essex, and I just found out

I get to be his official
student liaison.

- Wait,
Dan O'Connell the stand-up?

He's so funny.
- Yeah.

I love his late-night show.

- He's adorable.
He's so cute

in his little suits.
- Wait.

You guys know who he is?

- Uh, yeah.
He's, like, cool and famous.

- I guess I'm just not used
to you guys

knowing anything
about pop culture.

It's like living
with three of my grandma.

- I know things!

Who told you guys that Al Roker

and Lenny Kravitz were cousins?
- Yeah.

My fashion TikTok
was very well-received

until I forgot my password
and I couldn't log back in.

- So what exactly does
a student liaison do?

It sounds like
a super exciting title.

- It is--I get to pick him up
from the airport,

drive him back to campus,
and make sure he has

his favorite turkey jerky
in the greenroom.

I'm the luckiest girl
in the world.

- So you're basically his free
assistant for two days?

- Yeah, I mean,
if I can get this guy

to think I'm funny,
I could leverage it

into the holy grail

for aspiring comedy writers:

being an unpaid intern

on his late-night show.

- That doesn't sound that good.
- No, it is.

Unpaid internships have been
launching nepo babies

and rich kids into successful
careers for decades.

[phone chimes]
- Oh, is that Jackson?

- Hey!
- "Just checking in on you."

Oh, my God. He is obsessed.
I have never once

checked in on anyone.
- Okay, so first he calls you

hot as the KJ party, and then
he, like, nurses you back

to health Jane Austen-style.

Y'all are gonna bone.
- I don't know.

Ever since Jackson took care
of me after my procedure,

things between us have been,
like, clinical.

- Oh, you got med-zoned.

- What's that?
- Med-zoned.

You know, he saw you
looking weak and pitiful,

and now
that is how he sees you.

- Dude.
- Sorry, not pitiful.

Just unsexual.
Sickly, like Tiny Tim.

- I'm Tiny Tim?
- Wait, I think it's hot

to take care of a sick guy.
- Totally.

Women think it's hot
to take care of men.

Men don't think it's hot
to take care of women.

Lance Armstrong, Sheryl Crow,
it's all right there.

- As a reminder, I'm not sick.

- If Jackson was into you once,
he can be into you again.

The whole med-zone thing,

it's not real.
- Uh--

[knock at door]
- Kimberly?

- Hey.
- Hey, I found these

in the bathroom.
I think they're yours.

- Oh, no.
Those are not mine.

- It says they're leakproof
postoperative pads

for a heavy flow.
- No, my flow's pretty dainty.

- It has your name written on
the package, Kimberly Finkle.

- Cool, I'll just take those
and you can stop reading things

on the package.

- Man, were you sick.

I will never forget
how gray your face was.

- Yeah.

- All right. Anyways, bye.

- Mm.
- I take it back.

Delete his number.

You two are done.
- Mm-hmm.

[MotoGirl's
"Something from Nothing"]

- ♪ Somethin' from nothin' ♪

♪ I'm falling for you ♪

♪ I can't help myself,
it's what I do ♪

- In this lab,
you will try to determine

whether yeast are capable
of metabolizing fructose,

sucrose, glucose, and lactose.

We will be breaking up
in groups of three,

so please find your name
on the wall

for your assigned groups.

[students murmuring
indistinctly]

- Oh, come on.

- Damn, dude, that wasn't even
under your breath.

- Where's Bela?
- Bela's not gonna make it

to class or lab today.

She has some comedy thing.

- Hmm, I don't
really like funny things.

- Yeah, I can see that.

Well, I'm psyched
about his yeast experiment,

which is not a sentence
I ever thought I'd say.

[laughs]
- Look, I'll handle

this lab assignment myself
and get you all an A.

I'd rather do the whole thing
alone than risk

you or Bela messing it up.

- I don't need you doing
the assignment for me.

I've been paying attention
and prepping for the lab too.

I'm gonna do a good job.

- [laughs]

Oh, maybe I do like comedy.

I'm just gonna do it, but if
you really wanna be involved,

you can, um, design
the cover page for our report.

Maybe find some cute clip art?

[upbeat music]

- [scoffs]

- That's about--

- Willow, Willow, Willow!

Hey, friend.
It is so good to see you.

Hi.
- Oh.

You're Whitney's roommate,
right?

Kimberly, is it?
- Kimberly?

[laughs]
You think I'm Kimberly?

I would slap you,
but I need something from you.

- Hey,
y'all go ahead without me.

What's up?
- So you're a sophomore, right?

And you know all the hot girls
on campus.

- I am a keeper
of that information, yes.

- I had a run-in with this girl
the other day,

and I've never seen her before,
so I was wondering

if you could tell me who she is
and I did take a picture.

- Oh, my God,
this is some stalker shit.

- Don't be dramatic.
It's not stalking

if the stalker is
just as hot as the victim.

Shouldn't have said "victim,"
but could you just zoom in

and see if you recognize her?

- [sighs]

Oh, I do know her.
Her name is Tatum.

She's a junior
on the tennis team.

- Yes,
I knew I would figure it out.

- That girl looks exactly
like you.

Oh, are you in the twincest
phase of coming out?

- Twincest?
- Mm-hmm.

- Like I'm interested in Tatum
'cause she reminds me of me?

No. Okay, that's gross.

- Lies, that what I told myself
when I dated Jazmin.

- Hmm. Yeah, that's weird.

- Yes, it is,
but it's not not hot.

- Do you think you know Tatum
well enough to introduce me?

- Do you want that enough
that you'd, like,

buy me a jacket?

- Are you serious?
- I am. I'm being friendly,

but I consider
this transactional.

- Fine, yes. Yes.

If you help me,
I will buy you a jacket.

- Okay, deal.
Now I know this may be

a silly question
to ask a white person,

but do you own a tennis racket?

- Wilson or Babolat?
I have both.

- We just need one.

[mellow music]

- Well,
you're probably wondering

why I called
this staff meeting.

This is one
of the hardest things

I've ever had to say.

- Oh, no.
Did someone die?

- In a way, yes.

This is officially my last day
at Sips.

I have been let go.

- Let go?
- Oh.

- Oh, no.
They found some weird shit

on your computer, huh?
- I knew it.

Oh, my God, we're gonna be
on "Dateline."

- No, it's nothing like that.

The administration said,
and I quote,

"A student could do my job."

[scoffs]
Can you believe that?

both: No.
- What?

- Mm-mm.
- That's crazy.

- It has been the honor

of my life
to oversee this place

for 30 years.

- 30 years?

[softly]
How old is this man?

- We're gonna be starting
a little Venmo fund

for a goodbye gift,
just a little something

to say "Thank you, Roger."

- So we, your employees,

are going to be giving you,
our boss, money?

- That is correct.
I have no savings.

- Well, I think I can say
for all of us when I say,

words cannot espresso
what you bean to us.

- Oh, my God.
- Jesus Christ.

Everything I brew,

I brew it for you?

- Whatever you do next,

I hope it will mocha you
very happy.

- Puns about coffee.
[laughs]

That's my favorite.

[both laugh]

It's why you guys
are my best friends.

Come here.
- Wow.

[The Funk Hunters'
"Say Something"]

- ♪ You've been
way too quiet ♪

♪ I've been way too sober,
don't wanna ♪

- I'm getting a little nervous
about meeting Dan.

Should I say "hi" or "hello"
when I first see him?

Which word is funnier?
- Just try to be normal.

I mean, I know you're incapable
of doing that.

- The good news is,
it's an hour-long trip back

to campus for some
uninterrupted one on one.

So I'll have him trapped.

- Do not use those words
with him.

- I mapped out a route
that takes us

by a Taco Bell
because I came up with a joke

about Taco Bell.
It adds 23 minutes to the trip,

but I think it's worth it.
- Bela, you sound insane.

You just need to be yourself
and I'm sure this guy'll think

you're great and funny.
- Thank you.

I needed to hear that.
Shit, he's here.

Okay. I gotta go, bye.

Hi.
- Hi.

- Hello. I'm Bela Malhotra,

your student liaison.
It's an honor to meet you

and have the opportunity
to pick that brilliant brain

of yours.

Okay, I'll take your bag.

- Oh, are you sure?
- Yeah, I go to the gym.

You sure you wouldn't be
more comfortable up front?

I don't mind.
- Oh, that's great.

- Okay, great, I'll pull over
maybe at a Taco Bell

that's coming up?
You know, the funny thing about

Taco Bell is that even though
it thinks--

Sorry.
I was talking to my agent.

- Ah.
- Sorry, yeah, uh-huh.

Look, listen, I know
that it's a Super Bowl ad,

but mayonnaise just seems
kind of gross.

Hey, Bela.
- Yeah.

- It's a little chilly
back here.

- Yeah, I guess the question is

how much mayo
would I have to eat?

[upbeat music]

- I got you, boo.
A cappuccino

and a white chocolate biscotti.

- And you drew Shakespeare

in the foam!
[both laugh]

- You're one of a kind, Lila.

- Oh.
- Isn't she great?

- She's definitely
a big presence here.

- Enjoy it, Professor Dobson.

And try not to fall asleep
on the table again.

- How could I,
with a drink like this?

- [laughs]

- Lila,
I have sort of a crazy idea.

- That we should
get new uniforms

now the management's changing?

Agreed,
'cause this maroon polo,

it's not emphasizing my assets.
- No.

Lila, I think you would be
a really good manager of Sips.

You should apply for the job.

- You think I want Roger's job?

- You would make so much money,

and you'd be the boss.

- What makes you think
I'd have any interest

in climbing
the corporate ladder

of some little coffee shop?

- You're just personable
and caring.

It's just an idea.

- Yeah, a bad one.

I'm going on a break.

- Wait, how am I always
the only one working?

♪ ♪

- And then she completely flew
off the handle.

I don't get what I said wrong.

- Well, telling somebody
that they should do a job

that you wouldn't
wanna do yourself,

it's like telling someone
their mom is hot.

No one wants to hear it.

- Yours really is though.

- For the last time, stop.

- Yeah,
my day's been pretty bad too.

This bio bro
in Professor Harpin's class

keeps icing me out
of our lab assignment.

I'm sure he'll get us an A,
but still.

It's infuriating.

- Not to be anti-feminist,

but I don't see the problem.

I would die for somebody to do
my boring science homework.

- Okay, believe it or not,
I genuinely like this class.

We're determining
the respiration rate of yeast

using different sugars.

- Who are you and what have you
done with Whitney?

- Okay, don't diss me
for liking science, math nerd.

- Math is objectively cooler
than biochem.

Ask anyone, calculated
variables are the shit.

- You wish.
- Wait, are you nerds,

and am I the cool roommate now?

both: No.

- Oh.
[phone chimes]

- Oh, shit.

- You good?
You're eating your food

like you're mad at it.

- I just got a text from Dan.

He has a zit.
Duty calls.

- How did it go in the car?

Did he agree
to read your stuff?

- The moment didn't feel right,
so I haven't asked him yet.

I didn't want to bug him
and come off like a try-hard.

- Why not? That's, like,
one of your defining qualities.

- It's okay.
I have a plan.

First of all,
show him I'm above nothing

and don't respect myself,
and then he'll hire me

to keep doing that.

- Again, that doesn't sound
like a good job.

- Okay.

- ♪ Do it, do it, do it,
do it like a boss ♪

♪ Do it, do it like a boss ♪

♪ I'ma do it, do it, do it
like a boss.

- [grunts]

Yes! That is match point!

In your face!

- I know we agreed
that I would lose to you,

but you don't have
to be so annoying about it.

- It needs to be impressive.

Do you think she saw?

- Mm-mm.
- Damn it!

Tatum hasn't looked
over here once.

I wonder
if it's my backhand form.

- I think
it's that she doesn't know

or care who you are.

- She is so indifferent.

It's so fucking hot.
- Mm.

- Okay,
they're taking a water break.

This is our chance. Come on.
Be cool.

- Can I still peel my orange?
- Just--

- Hey, what's up, Kate?

- What are you guys up to
tonight?

Anything good?

- Um, I might go
to that Dan O'Connell show.

My roommate helped organize it,
so I kind of have an in.

[laughs]

Do you think, um, you might go?

It's Tatum, right?

- Yeah, no, I'm not really
into campus-sponsored events.

But that should be fun
for, like, gen pop.

- Oh, agree.
Agree.

I hate campus-sponsored events.

Oh, my God.
I was only going

so I could, like, make fun
of it.

[laughs]
- Just own it

if that's what you're into.

All right, come on.
Let's get back to it.

- That was humiliating.

Not only did she reject me,

but she condemned
my personhood.

- I'm really sorry.
It happens to everyone.

- No, not young,
beautiful blonde women

who have gone to the Met Gala.
- You're losing me

- Take my credit card.
Buy your jacket.

- Like, right now?

[acoustic music]

♪ ♪

- It's your lucky day.

I brought fancy doughnuts,

coffee, and my big ol' brain

to help us destroy this lab.

- First of all,
I hate this kind of doughnut.

I don't need, like, a slice
of bacon on my doughnut.

And secondly, why are you here?
I told you not to come.

- Well, I don't just do
what you tell me to, bro.

- Look, I know your mom
is a senator or whatever,

so I'm trying to be respectful.

- This is your respectful?

- But this class is important
to me.

I wanna go to med school
and be a doctor.

I'm not some rich soccer jock
party girl

whose mom will bankroll
the rest of my life.

- You don't know me at all.

I've been working my ass off

in this class,
and I understand this lab.

Give me a chance
to prove that I--

[gasps]
Shit! Fuck.

- Well, I'll hand it to you.

You did destroy this lab.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Kimberly! Wait up.

- Oh, hey.

- Uh, it's a latte.

I drew Elena Kagan on it
because I know you like her,

but then I tripped
on the way coming over here,

so now she looks like
Chris Farley.

- [laughs weakly]

I'm sorry
if suggesting the manager job

at Sips was insulting.

I just thought about
who I would want to be my boss

and it would obviously be you.

- Girl, I overreacted.

Honestly,
I think I'd be good at it too,

but the idea
of interviewing for it,

it scares me.

I've never been good
at interviews.

- You're not good
at interviewing?

I don't believe that.

You can be so charming

when you're not angry
or hungry.

- Thank you, bitch.
I agree.

I'm charming as shit.

It's an aura,
but for some reason,

when people with authority
ask me questions,

I just--I get so nervous.

- Oh,
but everyone gets nervous.

It shouldn't stop you
from going after the job

if you want it.
You know what?

Let's do a mock interview.

We can practice, and that way

you won't be nervous
on the day.

- Okay.

But I have never done
role-playing

outside of a sexual context.

- I believe in you.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Let's do this.

[lively electronic music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]
Again, sorry you were cold.

They're gonna make sure
the temperature's

exactly at 75.

- Thank you.
Yeah, it's just the cold

is, like, hurting my bones.

- Hey, I just wanted to say,

you've been such an inspiration
to me.

I've been trying to play
it cool,

but I'm a huge comedy nerd,

and I hope to do cool stuff
like you one day.

- That's really sweet to hear.
You know,

I was like you in college.
- Really?

- Conan O'Brien did a show
at UPenn when I was there,

and I was so nervous
to meet him

that my hand was dripping
with sweat.

- Well, that's me right now,
but it's my armpits.

Shouldn't have worn wool.

- [laughs]

Hey, if you like comedy,

I actually have a question
you could be helpful with.

- Oh, my God, yes.
- So could you tell me,

like, any details about what's
going on at Essex these days?

- Ah, okay. Lemme think.

- Yeah.
- Um...

a sophomore got trampled
in the crowd at fajita night.

A bunch of students are suing
the school

from being scalded
by the showers.

- Okay.
Well, maybe not those.

- Um, the girls softball team
got suspended for doing MDMA.

- Really?

High female athletes

tripping balls
instead of throwing them.

That's perfect.
Thank you.

- [sighs]

Hey, I love your show

and would kill to be considered
for an internship.

It would mean the world to me,
and I would do such a good job.

- You know what?
Send me your résumé.

I'm always setting up
new projects,

and we're always looking
for free labor.

- Oh, my God, thank you.

[knock at door]
- Of course.

- It's time to go on.

- [laughing]
Okay, great.

Thank you.

Here we go.

- Have a good show.

Yes! Yes!

[upbeat disco music]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Dan O'Connell.

- Hello! My goodness!
[cheers and applause]

Holy cow!

Hello, Essex College!

My God.

A little amped up, aren't we?

Yeah!

Wow, have we been partying

with the girls softball team?

[laughter]

That's what I thought.

A student named Bela
helped me with that one.

Thank you, Bela.

So who's single?

[upbeat music]

- Okay, so I'll play
the interviewer.

- Thank you so much
for applying for the job.

What made you interested in it?

- Easy.
The money and the power, bitch.

- That might be too honest,
and I don't think

you should call
the interviewer "bitch."

- My authenticity
is my greatest gift.

- Let's start over.

How are your customer
relations?

- Oh, so good.

And I'm not above giving
a butt squeeze

to a good tipper.

- That is problematic,

and I think illegal.
Can you take this seriously?

- [groans]
Kimberly, this is impossible.

I can't be this polite,
professional

little miss perfect.

- You don't have to be perfect.

You just have to show them
the real Lila,

not the tough, outrageous Lila

who doesn't care
what people think.

The one who does care.

- I don't think I can do this.

- Yes, you can.

Now again, why do you,
Lila Flores,

wanna be the manager of Sips?

- I started working at Sips
because I needed the money.

- Mm-hmm.
- But then I actually

started liking it.

I like scheduling.

I like making oat milk lattes

and seeing how happy
it makes people.

Sips is my community,

and I want the chance to be
the leader of my community.

- That was so great.

- It was?
- Yes.

- [laughs]
Yes, honey.

I'ma breathe
and body this thing.

- Oh, and just remember
the most important thing

I told you.
- Oh, I know, I know, I know.

Wear a bra.
I got this.

- And he used my joke.

Well, not my joke exactly,
but my observation,

which he turned he turned
into a funny topical shout-out,

which is, like, a quarter
of a joke, I think.

- And he agreed to consider you
for an internship?

That's amazing.
- I know, right?

But right now, I need to hurry
up and get him a beer.

He specified
that he wanted it ice-cold.

- Oh, yeah. Cool. I got it.
Can I get a beer, please?

- No, that's okay. I--
- Let's go.

I'm dying to meet him.

- Nice to meet you guys.

- Want an icy cold beer?
Heard ya weirdly like 'em

like that.
- Thanks, man.

- Dan, this is Eric.

- I'm a huge fan,
and I'm the editor in chief

of "The Catullan."
- "The Catullan!" No shit?

About half my writing staff's
from "The Catullan."

You run the whole thing?
- Look, that's only a big deal

to, like, two dozen people
in the whole world,

so I'm really glad
you're one of 'em.

- [laughs]
- You know, people said

late-night variety shows
were dead,

but you're, like,
making 'em cool again.

- Thanks, man.

Yeah, it is so much work,

so that really means a lot.

You know,
you guys should really work

on your writers'
submission packets

for the show.

- Writers' packets?
- Yeah.

- Hypothetically,
what do you like to see

in a typical writer's packet?

- Well, ideally it would be

50 monologue jokes,
3 pages of segment ideas,

a handful of sketches,
some hard-hitting desk pieces,

and nothing
I've ever seen before.

- I'm gonna be real with you,
Dan.

I don't have any of that stuff,

but I'm gonna work really hard
tonight and make sure--

- Uh, Dan,
I actually have a packet

that meets the criteria,
and I would love

to have it be considered.

- Yeah, sure.
You know, hey.

Gimme your phone.
Yeah, come on.

I'm gonna put my info in it.

I like your attitude.

Here you go.
- Thanks.

- Well, if you excuse me,
I'm gonna find

a bathroom in this frat house,

and I really hope a drunk guy
hugs me at the urinal.

[both laugh]
- All right, have fun.

- What the hell was that?
- What?

- You know how important
this was to me.

I've been Dan's slave
for two days now.

I had to get him a Zyrtec
at 2:00 a.m. last night

because Vermont
makes him sneezy.

- Bela, in case you forgot,
being a comedy writer

is also my dream.
- Yeah.

But I clearly had dibs on him.

- Dibs? Are you serious?
This is my future too.

That doesn't change
just 'cause we're dating.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes,
just like you.

♪ ♪

- Great, so instead of being
here until 2:00 a.m.,

we'll be here until morning.
Now I'm stress eating

your crappy doughnuts.

Are you happy?

- Wait, you made a mistake.

- By not tricking you
into thinking

this lab
was in a different building?

Yeah, that was a mistake.

- No, in the lab.

I'm looking at your work,

and your penmanship
is horrible,

by the way,
but your math is off.

We're measuring the rate of CO2
as the yeast respires.

Yeast can metabolize sugar
in two ways,

but you didn't account
for aerobic and anaerobic.

- I probably just made an error
'cause you were distracting me.

- You did this
before I got here.

- [quietly]
I guess I did.

- Mm, you did what?

- I made a mistake.
- I guess

it's a good thing I came,

otherwise you'd have ended up

doing the entire thing wrong.

You should be grateful
I spilled on your papers.

- Okay,
you did one thing right.

Let's not get carried away.

But thank you
for catching that.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

- [softly]
Hmm.

♪ ♪

- [laughs, gasps]

Oh, my God, it's Tatum.

No, no, no. Do not look, okay?

I had
a super embarrassing run-in

with her earlier.
- Wait. That girl?

Earlier I talked
to her for, like, 20 minutes,

thinking it was you.
- Oh.

- Leighton,
you should go say hi.

- I can't. It was brutal.
All right?

My only move now
is to avoid her

at all costs until I graduate.

- Sometimes you build things
up in your head,

and they're really not
as bad as...

Oh, my God, she hates us.

I didn't know it was possible
to bully someone

with just your eyes.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Sorry.

♪ ♪

- Hey.
- Oh, hi.

How was the comedy show?

- You know what?
It was great.

There was nothing cool
about it,

but I fuckin' loved it.

It was fun to be around

other excited gen pop

all enjoying
something together.

- Wow, okay.

- So you can be as judgmental

as you want,
but I promise you, babe,

there is no way
you are as judgmental as me.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

And yeah, like, you know,
um, I used to have

those exact same Prada boots

until I realized that they were
way too many seasons old

to keep in my closet.

[both laugh]
- Damn.

Okay, I've never been
Prada shamed before.

- Mm.
- Here.

Put your number in my phone.

♪ ♪

- There.

- 917, cool.

I'm from New York too.

I just texted you.

- New York, huh?

Brave thing to say
when you're a 516 number.

Long Island.
How sad.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God, him.
It's Jackson.

- Wait, that's Jackson?

He looks like Thor's stand-in.

- Yeah, I know,
but it doesn't matter.

He saw me at my lowest point,

and now that's all
he associates me with.

I've been med-zoned,
which means--

- Yeah, yeah. I get it.

You need to practice
what you preach.

I thought no one
would ever see me

as management material,
but you did.

And just because no one would
ever see you

in a million, billion years
pulling

that luscious Midwestern
corn-fed motherfucker,

does not mean
that he might not be into it.

♪ ♪

- Go get him.

♪ ♪

- Oh, hey, champ.
How you feeling today?

- While I appreciate
your concern, I'm good.

Like, 100% healed.

I'm not fragile, not Tiny Tim.
I'm good.

It's almost
as if it never happened.

So you don't have
to ask me how I am anymore.

I'm ready for anything.

♪ ♪

- Is that so?
- Mm-hmm.

- ♪ I don't care
what you think ♪

♪ Fuck what
your people think ♪

♪ I gotta go through it ♪

♪ Let me go through it,
through it, through it, yeah ♪

♪ Wait, I don't care
what you think ♪

♪ Fuck what
your people think ♪

♪ I gotta go through it ♪

♪ Let me go through it ♪

- Are you looking at my arms?

- No, no. I mean,
I thought you had a stain

on your shirt, but you don't.

- [laughs softly]

It's okay.
I don't mind.

So I'm gonna head out.

- Yeah, sounds good.

Good night.
- Good night.

[Ofelia K's
"I Love my Lawyer"]

- ♪ Let me be your witness ♪

♪ Everybody's looking
for a way out ♪

♪ I want in ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I wanna lose control ♪

- I'm officially serving
corporate realness.

I got the job.

- Oh, my God!
- Ay, congratulations.

- I'm so happy
the interview went well.

- I still blurted out
a few awkward

and highly inappropriate
things,

but I got the earnest shit out
first, so they ate it up.

- [gasps] Should we honor
your achievement

by ending our shift early...

- And playing a little pong
at the KJ house?

- Are you out of your minds?
Cutting out early

to dick around
on the company's dime?

Not on my watch.

Get back to work.

- We're just trying
to celebrate you.

- Yeah, but the thing is,

I work for the man now,
bitches.

And I found
out I get a big, old bonus

if I keep profits up.

Oh, I'm gonna like this.
[laughs]

- Can't believe I miss Roger.

- ♪ I don't pick up
when you call no more ♪

♪ ♪

- How's your packet going?

I've never seen you pull
an all-nighter before.

I'm impressed,
and it was way easier

to sleep without
all your snoring.

- I don't know how to do any

of this shit.
It's so annoying.

The only reason Eric even knows
is because

of years of patriarchal access

to the old boys' network.

- Oh, my God,
it is way too early

for all this
angry feminist shit.

- I'm never gonna have
this submission in

before Eric,
and his is gonna be

so much better.

- Hey, he's got nothing on you,
okay?

You make me laugh
every single day,

even when you don't mean to.

You're funny as hell.

- Thank you.
- I'm sure

that you've already impressed
Dan.

You just gotta take
every opportunity

to make him remember you.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

[knocks]

- Hey.
Whoa.

Oh, thank you.

You know,
no one should look that good

this early in the morning.

That's why I look like shit.

- [laughs]

I have the car downstairs ready

to take you to the airport.

- Great. I'll grab my luggage.

- ♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ Now my heart
is beating hard ♪

♪ Heaven knows
what you've done to me ♪

♪ 'Cause I smile ♪

♪ Through a frown ♪

♪ Swear I'm up ♪

♪ When I'm six feet
underground ♪

♪ Take me now ♪

♪ I'm in love
With a heartless lover ♪

♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ Now my heart
is beating hard ♪

♪ Heaven knows
what you've done to me ♪

♪ Oh, my God, nail my heart up
to the cross ♪

♪ I'm a wreck,
but I'll never leave ♪

♪ Karma is a lie ♪

♪ She and I come back to you ♪

♪ Drenched in neon light ♪

♪ But my eyes
are black and blue ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ Now my heart
is beating hard ♪

♪ Heaven knows
what you've done to me ♪

♪ Oh, my God, nail my heart up
to the cross ♪

♪ I'm a wreck,
but I'll never leave ♪

♪ 'Cause I smile ♪

♪ Through a frown ♪

♪ Swear I'm up ♪

♪ When I'm six feet
underground ♪

♪ Take me now ♪

♪ I'm in love
With a heartless lover ♪

- Go to bed.