Original subtitles

Personal journal of Dr Robert Bruce Banner continued.

The New York skyline is within reach and with some long, overdue luck,

maybe, just hopefully, a cure as well.

I'm desperate to meet with Dr Reed Richards.

And I pray his much-publicised experimental anti-gamma generator

can reverse a terrible wrong.

However unintended, it was my fault. I had to do something.

My cousin, Jennifer, was dying.

But in saving her life, I turned her into a mutant freak.

Like me.

Oh, please. Where's my violin? Poor, poor, pitiful us.

Six years I dragged myself

kicking and screaming into health clubs and zilch.

Now, one little green-blooded transfusion from you and va-voom!

Oh, yeah.

Not even Jane Fonda can crack concrete like this girl.

Tell that ferry boat to hustle, Brucie,

cos New York is where this girl wants to be.

I think I'll start with a little power shopping.

Hello? We're trying to keep a low profile.

We have to stay focused on finding a cure.

Oh, cure, schmure. Ain't it clear?

Gamma is a girl's best friend.

Holy mother of pearl!

Calmness, cuz.

This is a job for She-Hulk!

Hey, babe, you got a phone number?

I'm way out of your area code, babe.

Now pardon me, cos I'm feeling my super oats.

Well, time to bob for the Big Apple.

Oh, man. This thing's stalled worse than my love life.

Come on. Get me out of Creep City before I get blind-sided again.

The homing beacon has been attached, my beloved Leader.

Most excellent, dear Ogress.

That adolescent roadrunner, Jones,

will undoubtedly lead us right to Banner.

Oh, rest assured.

Control your moods, my home-grown femme fatale.

When the time is right, and my forces are ready,

we will strike fast and hard.

So says the Leader.

Hulk lost. Hate big city.

She's tall, green, and gorgeous, Hulkster.

Remind you of any other liberated lady you know?

- Jennifer. - On the button, cousin.

Now, no more hide-and-seek, OK?

We gotta pay a house call on the Fantastic Four.

- Thing Hulk enemy. - According to Bruce Banner,

we wanna see the rubber-band man.

Old Doc Richards. Or at least get into his lab.

Puny Banner Hulk enemy.

Come on, chuckles, we gotta take the low road.

- You're way too high profile. - *SUBWAY

See you in Tahiti, Ben. We'll reserve some blue sky and white sand for you.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be all coconut-buttered and snorkelling alongside you

- before you know it, Stretcho. - And remember,

call Alicia and straighten things out. She's still your girl.

Yeah? Well, dumping me is a funny way of showing it.

Yo, taxi.

Figures. You try to be polite in this town.

Pardon my fingers. To the zoo's grand reopening.

The Thing. What luck.

Thing. Hey, Thing, Rick Jones. Remember me?

Yeah. You were the kid that was always hanging around Doc Banner. What's up?

I was on my way to see you guys, figuring you might...

Bad timing, kid. Before I head off to Tahiti,

I gotta dedicate the Big Ape exhibit at the zoo.

Wait. Have you seen...

..Dr Banner?

Kinda get the transformation blues after a while, cousin Brucie?

I never get used to it. I'm grateful it's one side effect

that didn't carry over to you. Though I'm not sure why you don't.

Tall, lean, and evergreen, that's me. Now move your puny Banner butt.

Fantastic Four's service says three are on vacation, but the Thing's at the zoo.

It's a start. OK, that way, then. We can get to the zoo without being seen.

New York's loss.

Ain't nobody here.

Don't tell me this invite's a stinking phony.

Thing. Mr Grimm. I need to ask you something.

- Have you seen...? - No, I ain't seen nothing.

Where's the crowds? Where's the cameras?

Where's that big ape?

Presenting the big ape.

And it's feeding time.

That stinking Yancy Street gang!

What a revolting development.

Them bozos are always busting my chops for a laugh.

Slick move, carrot bottom.

You paper-weight palookas have punked me for the last time.

It's clobbering...

The mighty Thing decked by Yancy Streeters?

No, by a that. A female that.

The name is Ogress.

And consider this a lesson in affirmative action.

Power down, big Bertha. Leave him...

- Let's bail! This joke's gone wacko! - Thing's getting his keester walloped!

Now hold it. It's just lucky for you I don't fight ladies.

- Not even really homely ones. - Your chivalry is wasted on me.

Thing? A little help.

Sorry, toots, but you're coming on a little too strong.

- Slow down, squat, green and ugly. - Banner. At last.

Have your hand stamped on the way out.

There, you lousy, no good...

Holy Jekyll and Hyde! Doc Banner is that big old mouldy green avocado!

- You challenge Ogress? - I'm shaking like green Jell-O.

Now that was dirty, lady.

- Hulk is back! - It's clobbering time!

- Come on, kid. - Leave friend alone.

- Hulk? - Friend not hurt?

Hulk escapes!

That nasty mama's noggin is ram-tough.

Say now, tall, orange and crusty.

What's this? Gamma Mutant Day at the zoo?

Let me guess, big boy, you're the Thing.

Yeah, I'm Ben. Mr Grimm. Hey, listen, I already got a girlfriend. Kind of.

Either way, you look hunky enough to share.

Shouldn't we try to find the Bulk,... Hulk,

Doc Banner or whoever he's dressed as at the moment?

I'll tell you a secret. He'll head to Four Freedoms Plaza.

You know what that means? You're taking me back to your place.

Alicia, I know you gave me the heave-ho,

but my heart's still yours, I promise.

Exactly what part of your orders did you not comprehend?

- I was provoked. - Silence!

Go to the headquarters of the Fantastic Four.

That must be their ultimate destination.

And keen logic dictates

that if Bruce Banner visits Dr Richard's lab,

he most assuredly will endeavour to cure himself.

Until I can siphon off the Hulk's only asset,

his limitless power, and merge it with my own unequalled intellect,

strategic intervention is required.

If I have to double-simmer some warriors into readiness, then so be it.

Because, from this simple, purloined strand of the Hulk's hair,

his DNA has given life to an army.

Life that will bring me victory

and... power.

Go forth, bring me the Hulk, and dare not fail me.

So says the Leader.

Where could they be? With a gamma mutant like Ogress behind me...

- The Leader will be waiting up front. - Oh, Ben. Thank goodness you're here.

- Thank goodness you're here. - I guess it's back to business.

I must get into the lab.

Dr Richard's anti-gamma generator is my best hope to....

I gather you're aware of my...condition?

Your condition knocked me through a wall. It ain't something I'd overlook.

How long is this all gonna take?

Because you know I'm basically on my way to Tahiti.

It's sun, fun, umbrella drinks, grass skirts.

It's taken Stretcho two years to spit and glue this hunk of hardware together.

He hasn't worked out all the chinks.

The margin of risk is acceptable enough to chance my using it.

So by skooching between the two, you're put back to basics?

Well, I hope so. And not just for me,

but, more importantly, for Jennifer. It's my fault she's become a freak.

Yeah? If that's your idea of a freak...

Tell me something, doc. What was she like before?

Before? I don't know. A regular girl.

If you don't mind my saying so, you may not be doing her a favour here.

I mean, she's kind of loving not being regular.

No! See, you don't know what it's like living as a monster!

Doc, I'm gonna let that one pass, I think.

- Ben, I'm sorry. I... - It's OK.

But to my mind, you're the lucky one.

I mean, at least you get to spend some time as a human.

Me, I'm always stuck. Like a lumpy pile of orange granite.

Tell me something, doll. You're Brucie's best pal.

Why is he so driven to drag me back to the dull life?

For the same reason I keep an eye on the Hulk.

If Bruce hadn't had to bail my tail during that reactor explosion,

he wouldn't be in his predicament.

Yeah, that's Bruce.

Always one to try and fix things, even when they didn't need it.

You see, Alicia was gonna go to Tahiti with us and I kept moping around,

figuring that she was only sticking with an ugly bum like me out of pity.

So, finally, my sweetie pie cut me loose.

Said my heart would let me see the truth someday.

That she loves the inside, not the outside.

Well, what have you learned?

That my insides are aching without her.

You think I ought to give my patootie a call?

I think you know the answer to that, Ben.

Maybe tonight we'll all get our lives back to where they should be.

The theory is once I step between the grids,

the anti-gamma lasers should neutralise the gamma radiation in my cells.

If it works on me, you're next, Jen, right?

I'll think about it.

Stay between this rock and a hard place, kid.

Not the experiment! No!

Those broccoli-hided bushwhackers copped the doc.

Leap before you think, guys. Banzai!

No heroics, kid. Just hit these books and stay clear of the crosshairs.

Can do with a helping hand from Lady Liberty.

People stand in line to do this?

Nice plan, Benjy boy.

Cousin hurt?

Nothing that a little physical discussion won't cure.

- The Thing needs you up there, man. - Thing? Rock man Hulk enemy.

No, Hulk. My friend, like you are.

Can't freeze-dry me, lady. I'm way too fresh.

You're about to see why I ain't one quarter

of the Fan Four just for my good looks, pal.

Let me guess. The old "Thing is Hulk's enemy," song and dance, right?

Thing... Rick's friend. Hulk's friend.

Well, I'll be Aunt Petunia's orange-peeled nephew.

Mr Jones.

Freeze, sister. And I mean that literally.

Hey, pretty lady. Way to ice that hissy-fitting Lizzie.

Sheer unmitigated incompetence!

My premature prototype warriors failed me miserably.

However, a true leader learns from failure.

So when I strike again,

my forces will be properly aged and triple the threat,

thus ensuring the Hulk's power will be mine.

So says the Leader.

Cousin go with Hulk?

I just can't, Hulkster. Not only am I an impressively statuesque man magnet,

1, on occasion, draw a teensy bit too much attention.

And you, my caring kin, you don't need any more of that.

I'll think about you all the time.

Hulk, you gotta bolt, buddy.

Kid's OK. And you just take care of yourself.

Goodbye.

Now, big city boy, as for you.

Only someone true blue to their sweetheart

could possibly resist my bewitching ways.

So give that gal of yours a call. Capisce?

Yeah.

You know something? I'm gonna do just that.

Because this being single sure makes me sweat.

What? "Thing whupped by woman."

Them no good, slandering Yancy Streeters!

One of these days, one of these days...

Pow! To the moon, Alice!

Subtitles by IMS