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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,230 --> 00:00:02,775 Previously on The L Word: Generation Q 2 00:00:05,191 --> 00:00:06,722 How'd it go with Nat? 3 00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,453 Did she give us permission to live together? 4 00:00:08,887 --> 00:00:10,097 She didn't say no. 5 00:00:10,122 --> 00:00:11,808 She just said she wants to know you better. 6 00:00:11,833 --> 00:00:14,351 - Are you dating me or her? - Oh, my. Daniela... 7 00:00:14,376 --> 00:00:16,161 I think I'm gonna go back to school. 8 00:00:16,186 --> 00:00:18,206 I mean, wow, that's incredible. 9 00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:19,885 Are you breaking up with me? 10 00:00:20,242 --> 00:00:22,764 Worst first night of college ever. 11 00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,002 I mean, you're single and in L.A. 12 00:00:25,027 --> 00:00:25,814 Ooh. 13 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:28,240 This could be, like, my ho phase. 14 00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:30,969 You and me, let's open that second bar. 15 00:00:30,994 --> 00:00:32,527 I'll do anything with you. 16 00:00:32,926 --> 00:00:36,915 - Oh, no. You've got the itch. - What itch? 17 00:00:36,957 --> 00:00:39,543 Things get too real, you get restless, 18 00:00:39,626 --> 00:00:42,897 - and then you start to, like, wiggle. - Please. I don't wiggle. 19 00:00:42,921 --> 00:00:43,881 I need to go. 20 00:00:43,930 --> 00:00:47,100 - Yes. - I need to go! Oh, my God. 21 00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:49,524 You're... you're not thinking clearly. 22 00:00:49,553 --> 00:00:50,613 You love it here. 23 00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:53,450 - You love your friends and your job. - That's true. 24 00:00:53,474 --> 00:00:55,855 That's all true, but I love you more. 25 00:00:56,577 --> 00:00:58,537 Please, may I come with you? 26 00:00:58,562 --> 00:01:00,666 No, they just have something real, you know. 27 00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:01,811 That would be nice. 28 00:01:02,281 --> 00:01:05,154 I'm sorry for reacting the way I did earlier. 29 00:01:05,406 --> 00:01:06,917 - I love you. - _ 30 00:01:24,715 --> 00:01:25,758 You look good, 31 00:01:25,783 --> 00:01:27,386 but we should bring you in for observation. 32 00:01:27,411 --> 00:01:30,051 Okay. Thank you so much. 33 00:01:30,262 --> 00:01:32,726 White female, conscious, presenting with head injuries... 34 00:01:32,751 --> 00:01:35,403 - Hi. - Hey, you. 35 00:01:41,064 --> 00:01:42,876 - Whoa. - That's my face. 36 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,627 - Sorry. - Mm. 37 00:01:44,651 --> 00:01:47,654 I think I might have just pressed glass into your skin. 38 00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:50,157 You've always been good in crisis. 39 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,675 - Yeah. - Sorry, ma'am. 40 00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:01,436 Hey, I'm looking for my girlfriend. 41 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,969 - Yeah, she's there. - Oh, thank you. 42 00:02:02,994 --> 00:02:03,870 Hey. 43 00:02:03,895 --> 00:02:05,039 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 44 00:02:05,171 --> 00:02:06,547 Great. 45 00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:08,449 Oh, my God. 46 00:02:10,511 --> 00:02:12,953 - Are you okay? - I am okay. 47 00:02:13,138 --> 00:02:15,043 I'll just wait outside. 48 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,273 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. - Sorry. 49 00:02:21,313 --> 00:02:22,997 I'll be right back, okay? 50 00:02:23,521 --> 00:02:25,315 Nat? 51 00:02:29,696 --> 00:02:31,490 Uh, thank you for getting here 52 00:02:31,573 --> 00:02:33,009 - as fast as you did. - Oh. 53 00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:34,952 Yeah, I'm her emergency contact, 54 00:02:34,993 --> 00:02:36,485 so I had a head start. 55 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,831 Oh, well, that's... 56 00:02:38,914 --> 00:02:41,458 Which we should change, you know? 57 00:02:41,483 --> 00:02:43,493 - It should be you. - Right. 58 00:02:43,518 --> 00:02:45,814 - Only one of you can ride. - Oh, that-that's me. 59 00:02:45,838 --> 00:02:47,256 Yeah. 60 00:02:47,756 --> 00:02:49,943 Well, call me if you need anything. 61 00:02:49,967 --> 00:02:51,885 I'll be around. 62 00:03:14,116 --> 00:03:15,301 Can you believe 63 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:17,512 they let me make this show a hundred times? 64 00:03:17,536 --> 00:03:19,948 Yes. It's gonna be a great show. 65 00:03:19,973 --> 00:03:21,641 Oh, my God, the dating show segment? 66 00:03:21,665 --> 00:03:23,017 - Yeah. - Genius. 67 00:03:23,041 --> 00:03:24,477 Thank you. The flowers look great. 68 00:03:24,501 --> 00:03:26,646 And all the contestants have been vetted, right? 69 00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:28,940 - Yes. - Okay, 'cause I'm looking for the one. 70 00:03:28,964 --> 00:03:30,316 Right. No cults, no mixed martial arts and... 71 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:31,526 What do you think? 72 00:03:31,550 --> 00:03:32,944 - Yes. - You got it. 73 00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:35,304 No improvisers of any kind. 74 00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,115 Yeah, that last one's very important. 75 00:03:37,139 --> 00:03:38,829 What if this really works? 76 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:40,827 I mean, what if I find my person? 77 00:03:40,851 --> 00:03:42,912 - Oh, my God! Yeah. - Wouldn't it be amazing? 78 00:03:42,936 --> 00:03:45,397 - Soso and Allyce? - That's us. 79 00:03:45,439 --> 00:03:47,083 I'm sorry if I'm butchering those. 80 00:03:47,107 --> 00:03:51,028 My coworker Kim here got bit by a pig at her family reunion 81 00:03:51,053 --> 00:03:52,823 and her thumb hasn't been the same. 82 00:03:52,905 --> 00:03:55,382 - Oh, sorry about your thumb. - Thanks. 83 00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:58,535 - Right, well, I'll see you out there. - Okay. 84 00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:00,454 Oh. 85 00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:04,766 - Oh! You. Alice. - Uh, yeah, that's me. 86 00:04:04,791 --> 00:04:05,977 Yeah, I mean, 87 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,979 I guess I shouldn't be surprised given where I am, 88 00:04:08,003 --> 00:04:09,254 I mean, physically... 89 00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:11,107 - Oh, in the... - Here. Yeah. 90 00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:12,567 - Yeah. Lines up. - Yeah. 91 00:04:12,591 --> 00:04:13,985 'Cause the show's called Alice... 92 00:04:14,009 --> 00:04:15,010 Hang on. 93 00:04:15,052 --> 00:04:16,738 I can add a little something special here. 94 00:04:17,186 --> 00:04:19,097 Kim usually does the latte art, 95 00:04:19,139 --> 00:04:21,073 but I'll give it my best shot. 96 00:04:22,507 --> 00:04:23,550 Ta-da. 97 00:04:23,835 --> 00:04:25,872 - Oh, you made a, um... - I can do a heart, 98 00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:27,498 but that just felt a little obvious, 99 00:04:27,522 --> 00:04:28,690 so I went with chaos. 100 00:04:28,774 --> 00:04:30,233 Or a little modern art. 101 00:04:30,275 --> 00:04:31,669 It was nice to meet you. 102 00:04:31,693 --> 00:04:33,379 - Yeah, you, too. - Good luck on the show. 103 00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:35,632 Oh, are you gonna stay and watch? 104 00:04:35,656 --> 00:04:36,883 No, no, no, no. 105 00:04:36,907 --> 00:04:38,801 Um, I'll have to over-analyze this conversation 106 00:04:38,825 --> 00:04:41,495 - for like two hours, so... - Why? It's going so well. 107 00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,015 No, you should stay and watch. 108 00:04:44,039 --> 00:04:45,725 It's-it's nice to have real fans in the audience 109 00:04:45,749 --> 00:04:48,019 and not just confused tourists who think 110 00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:49,336 they're here to see Ellen. 111 00:04:49,378 --> 00:04:53,006 - Sold. - Okay, great. 112 00:04:57,070 --> 00:05:00,092 _ 113 00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:02,116 _ 114 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,918 - Hey. - Hey. 115 00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:16,780 Going to the new bar. Want to break some shit? 116 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:18,882 - Uh... yeah. - Yeah? 117 00:05:18,907 --> 00:05:20,969 That actually sounds like a dream come true. 118 00:05:20,993 --> 00:05:23,888 - Let's go. - Holy shit. 119 00:05:23,912 --> 00:05:26,540 Let's have some fun. 120 00:06:25,477 --> 00:06:26,792 Hey. 121 00:06:28,085 --> 00:06:30,728 You think I'd be, like, good at school? 122 00:06:31,244 --> 00:06:33,332 What? 123 00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:35,834 You know, like, college. 124 00:06:40,088 --> 00:06:42,543 I don't know. Were you any good before? 125 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:45,353 No, not really. 126 00:06:45,702 --> 00:06:49,039 Yes, I love that place. I'll meet you there. Um... 127 00:06:49,306 --> 00:06:51,750 Sorry, can you hold on just one second. 128 00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:55,146 Um, hi. What the hell do the two of you think you're doing? 129 00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:57,065 We don't start demo until tomorrow. 130 00:06:57,089 --> 00:06:58,608 I know. I know, I know, I know, 131 00:06:58,632 --> 00:07:00,318 but we got a head start, and look how much we got done. 132 00:07:00,342 --> 00:07:01,444 I mean, check that out. 133 00:07:01,468 --> 00:07:03,779 Come on. Come on, have a whack. 134 00:07:04,179 --> 00:07:06,324 It's a maj stress reliever. Have a whack. 135 00:07:06,348 --> 00:07:08,576 No, Finley, I don't want to give it a whack. 136 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:10,670 All right. Your loss. 137 00:07:11,005 --> 00:07:13,445 Oh, shit! Fuck! 138 00:07:13,539 --> 00:07:14,456 Okay. 139 00:07:14,481 --> 00:07:17,960 - I'm gonna stop the water. - I got it! I got it! 140 00:07:17,984 --> 00:07:19,295 Finley, go around the corner. 141 00:07:19,319 --> 00:07:21,379 It's not a big deal, Tess. 142 00:07:21,404 --> 00:07:22,715 - Truly. Just calm down. - You there? 143 00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:24,967 Yeah, actually, can you meet me here? 144 00:07:24,991 --> 00:07:27,303 Great, I'm gonna text you the address right now. 145 00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:28,619 Okay, bye. 146 00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:30,598 This is exactly why 147 00:07:30,622 --> 00:07:32,391 you should not be fucking around in here. 148 00:07:32,415 --> 00:07:33,768 - It's just... - I have got so much 149 00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:35,914 on my plate already and now, this. 150 00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:38,189 - Tess, it's just an accident. - You're gonna have to tell Alice 151 00:07:38,213 --> 00:07:39,398 that I can't make it tonight 152 00:07:39,422 --> 00:07:41,150 because I'm gonna be here waiting for a plumber. 153 00:07:41,174 --> 00:07:42,443 Why? No, no, no. 154 00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:44,814 I can help with that. 155 00:07:45,759 --> 00:07:49,307 Your help is how this happened. So thanks, but no thanks. 156 00:07:51,276 --> 00:07:53,337 All right, then. 157 00:07:53,818 --> 00:07:55,724 I should just stay out of your way then. 158 00:07:56,037 --> 00:07:57,270 Hmm? 159 00:07:57,813 --> 00:08:00,253 - Yeah. - Yeah, I will. 160 00:08:02,372 --> 00:08:04,016 Oh, my God. 161 00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:08,127 Did you get the chocolate fountain? 162 00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:11,288 Yup. Whatever Alice wants, I'll make it happen. 163 00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,640 It's her show. 164 00:08:12,664 --> 00:08:14,642 - Oh, yeah. - Okay, leaving now. 165 00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:17,085 - All right, see you there. - Bye. 166 00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:19,171 Hi and bye. 167 00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:21,965 Have you seen my other earring? Is it in the bathroom? 168 00:08:22,007 --> 00:08:23,550 I didn't see it. 169 00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:26,386 Mm. I'm sorry. 170 00:08:26,469 --> 00:08:27,572 Just borrow a pair of mine. 171 00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,348 Your car's gonna be here at 3:00. 172 00:08:30,373 --> 00:08:32,535 He's usually a little early, so... 173 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,061 Okay. 174 00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:36,274 Not that early. 175 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:38,541 Oh, it's... 176 00:08:39,309 --> 00:08:40,102 Nat. 177 00:08:40,127 --> 00:08:42,697 - Hi. - Hi. 178 00:08:43,171 --> 00:08:44,923 Um... 179 00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:47,800 Sorry, what are you... what are you doing here? 180 00:08:47,824 --> 00:08:51,199 Oh, hi. Uh, Gigi just called me. 181 00:08:51,224 --> 00:08:52,095 Oh. 182 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,683 I can't get ready on my own, and I didn't want you to be late. 183 00:08:55,707 --> 00:08:57,310 Yeah. 184 00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:58,585 Happy to help. 185 00:08:58,627 --> 00:08:59,770 - Right. - Yeah. 186 00:08:59,794 --> 00:09:02,297 No. Sure, that's great. 187 00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:05,162 Yeah. Um, I will... 188 00:09:05,187 --> 00:09:06,898 see you... both 189 00:09:07,302 --> 00:09:09,400 - at Alice's show later then? - Oh, yeah. 190 00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:10,444 I will be there. 191 00:09:10,485 --> 00:09:12,574 Margaret Cho is on my bucket list. 192 00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:14,702 - Not to... - Great. 193 00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:16,186 Fuck, just meet. 194 00:09:16,211 --> 00:09:18,755 Sure. Right. Um... 195 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,265 - All right. I love you. - Love you. 196 00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:22,984 Bye! 197 00:09:25,095 --> 00:09:26,338 - Hi! - Hi. 198 00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:27,798 How are you doing? 199 00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:29,449 Uh, I feel like shit. 200 00:09:29,532 --> 00:09:31,969 But I'm on a lot of drugs. 201 00:09:31,993 --> 00:09:33,262 - Nice. - No, I'm good. 202 00:09:33,286 --> 00:09:36,081 Honestly... I've had five days off. 203 00:09:36,122 --> 00:09:38,392 I can't remember the last time I had five days off. 204 00:09:38,416 --> 00:09:41,286 Oh. Well, I actually do remember. 205 00:09:41,311 --> 00:09:45,123 Yeah, it was when you got hand, foot and mouth from the kids, 206 00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:49,319 and I don't think you went out in public for, like, a week. 207 00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:50,345 Okay, fine. 208 00:09:50,428 --> 00:09:53,014 Last time was when I had hand, foot and mouth. 209 00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,365 Yeah. 210 00:09:58,937 --> 00:10:00,419 Do you want to talk about... 211 00:10:01,815 --> 00:10:03,965 what happened the other night? 212 00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:07,237 No. 213 00:10:07,654 --> 00:10:10,501 All right. 214 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,926 I mean, honestly, it was... 215 00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:14,494 it was nothing. 216 00:10:14,577 --> 00:10:16,097 - Yeah. - Yeah. 217 00:10:16,121 --> 00:10:18,498 - Right? - Mm. Yes. 218 00:10:22,085 --> 00:10:24,563 Yeah, no, no. It's-it's good, Mom, I swear. 219 00:10:24,587 --> 00:10:27,632 Jordi's just... having trouble with boundaries 220 00:10:27,657 --> 00:10:29,367 and, like, texting me a lot. 221 00:10:29,392 --> 00:10:31,144 But I'm fine, you know? 222 00:10:31,303 --> 00:10:33,364 I'm-I'm excited for class, you know? 223 00:10:33,388 --> 00:10:35,056 I feel like it's, um... 224 00:10:35,081 --> 00:10:36,916 a fresh start, you know? 225 00:10:36,941 --> 00:10:38,567 Okay. I love you. 226 00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:41,354 Yes. Yes, yes, it's on my keychain. 227 00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:43,606 Okay. I love you. Bye. 228 00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:52,198 Hey, y'all! Um, my name is Samuel Hendrix. 229 00:10:52,223 --> 00:10:53,591 I am your professor. 230 00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:57,548 We're gonna investigate our own individual creativity, 'kay? 231 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,347 Um, I am a poet, 232 00:10:59,372 --> 00:11:01,892 a songwriter, a lousy piano player 233 00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:03,060 and I wrote a book once. 234 00:11:03,084 --> 00:11:04,461 That therefore qualifies me 235 00:11:04,486 --> 00:11:07,458 to be your Introduction to Creative Writing instructor. 236 00:11:07,922 --> 00:11:10,151 Welcome, y'all. 237 00:11:10,175 --> 00:11:12,153 - Okay... - Fuck me. 238 00:11:12,177 --> 00:11:15,722 So... we're gonna... 239 00:11:15,764 --> 00:11:18,058 we're gonna jump right in. 240 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:20,201 - Hey! - Hey! 241 00:11:20,226 --> 00:11:22,075 Happy 100th. 242 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:23,563 The chart. 243 00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:24,999 - Right? - Oh! 244 00:11:25,023 --> 00:11:26,399 God, where it all began. 245 00:11:26,441 --> 00:11:28,127 Just a reminder of your humble beginnings. 246 00:11:28,151 --> 00:11:29,391 I love it. Let's hang it. 247 00:11:29,444 --> 00:11:30,755 Take that down. I can't stand this picture. 248 00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,006 I did your hair for that. 249 00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:34,028 Well, I like my hair. I just... 250 00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,618 This is better. 251 00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:39,180 - Right? - Love it! 252 00:11:39,204 --> 00:11:41,307 - Ugh. Oh... - Do you still talk to her? 253 00:11:41,331 --> 00:11:43,429 - No. No, no. - She was really cute. 254 00:11:43,454 --> 00:11:44,685 Um, Bette and Tina got me 255 00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:45,978 - those flowers. - That's nice. 256 00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:47,355 - Pretty. - Glad they're making it work. 257 00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,273 Mm. Tom got me a basket of Bic pens. 258 00:11:49,297 --> 00:11:52,359 - That's odd. - Well, you know, I turned down 259 00:11:52,384 --> 00:11:53,694 - the marriage proposal. - Right. 260 00:11:53,718 --> 00:11:55,363 But he's still able to be a good friend. 261 00:11:55,675 --> 00:11:57,347 Or he's still hoping. 262 00:11:58,231 --> 00:11:59,492 Honestly, either way is fine. 263 00:11:59,516 --> 00:12:00,636 Is this for me, too? 264 00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:02,119 - What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. - This one. 265 00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:03,954 That's just my old hair products. 266 00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:05,247 Oh. Yeah, I don't want that. 267 00:12:05,271 --> 00:12:07,107 I know you don't, but Ivy does. 268 00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:09,792 And I figured I'd give 'em to her, so... 269 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,064 Okay. 270 00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:12,442 Do you know where I can find her? 271 00:12:12,562 --> 00:12:14,632 Yeah. Over here. 272 00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:16,967 You two really hit it off the other night. 273 00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:18,995 - No, it was just work. - Mm. 274 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:20,480 Where's Tess? 275 00:12:20,745 --> 00:12:23,832 Unfortunately, she's not able to make it. 276 00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:26,022 So she wanted me to send you her love. 277 00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:28,878 - Well, I'm sorry she's gonna miss it. - Me, too. 278 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,755 Oh. Real quick... 279 00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:33,275 Don't sit in the front. I don't want to give too much away, 280 00:12:33,299 --> 00:12:35,152 but there is a lube slip-and-slide. 281 00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:36,362 It might get a little messy. 282 00:12:36,386 --> 00:12:38,866 How do you come up with this shit? 283 00:12:39,030 --> 00:12:41,182 Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang 284 00:12:41,207 --> 00:12:42,517 - in the Alice lounge. - Huh. 285 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,537 I got this queer winemaker to sponsor it. 286 00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:46,622 Um, the list is getting pretty long though, 287 00:12:46,646 --> 00:12:48,707 so I'm thinking we do overflow in the greenroom. 288 00:12:48,731 --> 00:12:50,400 All right, that sounds... good. 289 00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:51,485 I mean, that'll work. 290 00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:54,030 - Um... - Oh, hey, how's Gigi? 291 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,781 Uh, you know, ribs take a while to heal. 292 00:12:56,823 --> 00:12:58,050 But other than that, she's fine. 293 00:12:58,074 --> 00:13:00,554 Okay. Well, hey, um... 294 00:13:00,618 --> 00:13:03,694 when's she's feeling better, why don't you guys come over for dinner? 295 00:13:03,719 --> 00:13:07,083 - With me and Finley. - Uh... M-Maybe. 296 00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:09,753 - Ouch. - I said maybe. 297 00:13:09,778 --> 00:13:11,564 Come on. 298 00:13:11,588 --> 00:13:13,482 This bitch. 299 00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:18,647 There's also, I think, like, a pipe or something 300 00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:20,354 - rattling in the ceiling. - Okay. 301 00:13:20,379 --> 00:13:21,294 Could be animals. 302 00:13:21,556 --> 00:13:23,409 - Rats. - Uh-oh. 303 00:13:23,433 --> 00:13:24,726 I stopped feeding 'em. 304 00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:26,203 Okay, I'm gonna check everything out. 305 00:13:26,227 --> 00:13:28,956 Okay, great. Thank you. If you need anything from me, just come 306 00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,124 and find me. I'll be here all day. 307 00:13:30,148 --> 00:13:31,333 - Sounds great. - 'Kay. 308 00:13:31,357 --> 00:13:33,890 Tess, please don't stay here. 309 00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:36,093 I'm the one that broke the pipe. 310 00:13:36,118 --> 00:13:37,343 I know, but... 311 00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,300 Listen, you shouldn't have to stay with the plumber. 312 00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,159 I-I want to. Really. Please? 313 00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:45,092 No, it's fine. My sponsee's already on the way and... 314 00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:46,807 I got the highlighter. I got the book. 315 00:13:46,831 --> 00:13:48,809 I know the AA deal. 316 00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:51,972 - I can't ask you to do that. - No, you're not asking. 317 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,431 Please? I want to. 318 00:13:54,456 --> 00:13:57,000 Let me make this right. Come on. Go be with Shane. 319 00:13:59,468 --> 00:14:03,262 I was... way harsh on her earlier. 320 00:14:11,022 --> 00:14:12,958 Next week's gonna be a deep dive into structure, 321 00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,158 so be ready for that. 322 00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:16,002 Also, if you want to hear some great writing, 323 00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:18,589 my buddy is doing a reading at the campus bookstore. 324 00:14:18,613 --> 00:14:20,633 Hi, excuse me. Will you just wait one second? 325 00:14:20,657 --> 00:14:22,151 - Yeah. - Um, yeah, that's it. 326 00:14:22,176 --> 00:14:23,493 Um, hi. 327 00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:26,798 Uh, I have a quick question for you. 328 00:14:27,564 --> 00:14:29,667 Um... 329 00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:31,505 it is you, right? 330 00:14:32,814 --> 00:14:35,755 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it was you. 331 00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:38,800 Hi! Um, yes, I just... 332 00:14:38,841 --> 00:14:41,821 I wanted to say I'm sorry about... 333 00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:45,581 like, kissing you the other night. 334 00:14:45,606 --> 00:14:50,103 Um, just please know that won't, like, ever happen again. 335 00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:52,206 I had just broken up with my first girlfriend 336 00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,416 who I was in love with, and my moms are, like, 337 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,085 getting back together, which is, like, a whole thing. 338 00:14:56,109 --> 00:14:58,649 And it's my... It's my first week of college. 339 00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:00,822 Anyway, I just want you to know 340 00:15:00,863 --> 00:15:04,200 if-if you want me to, like, drop your class, I totally will. 341 00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:07,565 I'm happy you're in my class. 342 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,661 Okay. 343 00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:13,561 Okay. Great. 344 00:15:13,644 --> 00:15:17,111 - I'll see you next week? - See ya. 345 00:15:29,809 --> 00:15:31,203 Give Alice five. 346 00:15:31,227 --> 00:15:32,871 I thought you gave Wardrobe ten. 347 00:15:32,895 --> 00:15:34,707 Yeah, but we got to give Alice five so she gets here on time. 348 00:15:34,731 --> 00:15:36,843 - Oh, gotcha. - No, no, it's yours. 349 00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,277 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. 350 00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:40,713 - You don't need to thank me. - Five minutes. 351 00:15:40,737 --> 00:15:43,906 - That was collecting dust in my garage. - What? 352 00:15:43,948 --> 00:15:46,743 This is literally liquid gold. 353 00:15:46,825 --> 00:15:48,803 Y'all hear that? Nobody touch my shit. 354 00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,723 - This is a no-fly zone. - Okay, okay. 355 00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:52,349 15 minutes, everyone. 356 00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:54,083 15 minutes till showtime. 357 00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:55,917 All right, I'm gonna go get my seat. 358 00:15:56,377 --> 00:15:58,689 You don't want to hang back here? 359 00:15:58,713 --> 00:16:00,256 This is where all the fun is. 360 00:16:04,677 --> 00:16:06,572 I feel lots of love here, people. 361 00:16:06,596 --> 00:16:08,282 - Okay. - Uh-huh. 362 00:16:08,306 --> 00:16:09,825 - You know what time it is. - All right, can I get you 363 00:16:09,849 --> 00:16:11,910 any water or anything? You want some... 364 00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:13,686 Oh, I heard there was champagne. 365 00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:17,875 No, you're... I mean, you're probably busy. I-I could get it. 366 00:16:17,899 --> 00:16:19,918 - No, I-I can get it. - You're so busy. 367 00:16:19,942 --> 00:16:20,777 I will get it. 368 00:16:20,802 --> 00:16:22,045 - You sure? Okay. - Yeah. 369 00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:23,029 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 370 00:16:23,071 --> 00:16:23,946 How you feeling? 371 00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:25,049 - You okay? - I'm fine. 372 00:16:25,073 --> 00:16:26,425 - Go do your thing. - Okay. 373 00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:28,618 Well, the show starts in ten, 374 00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,082 if you need anything before then. 375 00:16:30,107 --> 00:16:31,363 Oh! I do. 376 00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:34,016 Uh, these are for Alice. 377 00:16:34,415 --> 00:16:37,061 Yeah. I wanted to get her flowers, but the lady by the side 378 00:16:37,085 --> 00:16:39,590 of the freeway only had oranges today, so... 379 00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:42,090 - there you go. - S-So you got oranges? 380 00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:43,192 Okay. 381 00:16:43,216 --> 00:16:44,234 - Yep. - Wonderful. 382 00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:46,219 I'll see she gets these. 383 00:16:46,244 --> 00:16:48,078 - Thanks. - Yeah. 384 00:16:48,236 --> 00:16:50,405 Mm-hmm. 385 00:16:51,265 --> 00:16:53,535 I feel like she didn't think that was funny. 386 00:16:53,559 --> 00:16:55,829 I wouldn't take it personally. 387 00:16:55,853 --> 00:16:57,092 'Kay. 388 00:16:57,563 --> 00:16:59,958 - You got some fluff in your hair. - Oh. 389 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,414 - Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 390 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:03,690 Got it? 391 00:17:04,179 --> 00:17:05,806 Hair's looking healthy. 392 00:17:06,147 --> 00:17:08,483 You finally using new products? 393 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:14,639 Yeah, actually. It's, uh, called Grape Jelly by Eli. 394 00:17:15,053 --> 00:17:18,960 Yeah, it's applied by just flinging it across the table. 395 00:17:19,001 --> 00:17:20,688 It's in high demand. 396 00:17:20,712 --> 00:17:23,131 I'll try and get you his number. 397 00:17:28,294 --> 00:17:30,963 I saw you when I got hit. 398 00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:34,905 Yeah, I-I can't believe how fast I was able to get there. 399 00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:36,077 No. 400 00:17:37,038 --> 00:17:40,311 The way they say your life flashes before your eyes. 401 00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,577 I saw you and the kids. 402 00:17:47,251 --> 00:17:48,835 My family. 403 00:17:52,127 --> 00:17:54,346 I'm sure it was just... the adrenaline. 404 00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:55,806 - You know? That's all. - Here you go. 405 00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:57,123 Oh, thank you. 406 00:17:57,148 --> 00:17:58,607 Yeah. 407 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,878 What are they? That's right. 408 00:18:01,903 --> 00:18:04,131 Um, she didn't bring you a glass. 409 00:18:04,156 --> 00:18:05,537 No. 410 00:18:06,883 --> 00:18:08,277 You know what? That's okay. Actually, 411 00:18:08,301 --> 00:18:10,946 I think I have a reusable straw in here. 412 00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:12,614 Let's see. 413 00:18:22,356 --> 00:18:24,968 Finley? 414 00:18:24,993 --> 00:18:26,304 - Hi! - Hi. 415 00:18:26,329 --> 00:18:27,793 - Carrie, right? - Yes, hi. 416 00:18:27,818 --> 00:18:29,145 - Hi, how are you? - I'm good. 417 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,257 - Nice to meet you. - Thank you. You, too. 418 00:18:30,281 --> 00:18:32,259 You know, Tess described you so perfectly. 419 00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:34,303 - Oh. - She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio 420 00:18:34,327 --> 00:18:35,868 from Romeo + Juliet." 421 00:18:36,146 --> 00:18:37,809 And with the hair and everything, I totally see it. 422 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,708 Wow, that is weirdly the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. 423 00:18:41,189 --> 00:18:42,273 Wow. 424 00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,845 God, I must be on some kind of gender journey, huh? 425 00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:47,349 Yeah. I wouldn't know enough about that to say. 426 00:18:47,373 --> 00:18:48,936 So what do we do? 427 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:49,928 Uh, yeah, sit down. 428 00:18:49,953 --> 00:18:51,357 - Right here? - Yeah. 429 00:18:51,382 --> 00:18:52,299 Okay. 430 00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:54,880 Wait, so how do you know Tess? 431 00:18:54,905 --> 00:18:57,092 I hit rock bottom. I went on a bender. 432 00:18:57,117 --> 00:18:58,756 That's when Tess became my sponsor. 433 00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:00,506 So, I'm here 434 00:19:00,531 --> 00:19:03,728 to tell you about the tsunami of depression that... 435 00:19:03,912 --> 00:19:08,125 kicked my ass after I found out that my fiancée got back with her ex. 436 00:19:08,150 --> 00:19:09,878 - Shit. - Yeah. 437 00:19:10,005 --> 00:19:12,799 Well, we got this puppy to guide us. 438 00:19:12,824 --> 00:19:14,553 - So, silver lining. - Okay. Right. 439 00:19:14,578 --> 00:19:16,189 - Yeah, it can't hurt, right? - Yeah. 440 00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:17,817 But, listen, I got to hit the head first. 441 00:19:17,842 --> 00:19:20,595 I, like, pounded, like, a gallon of iced tea on the way here. 442 00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:22,223 Course. Uh, the water's out in here, 443 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,529 but right around the corner is Dana's. 444 00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:26,157 Pop in there, there's a bathroom. 445 00:19:26,182 --> 00:19:29,560 Okay, great. And, listen, I got a free sub with my punch card. 446 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,044 If you want one, take it. 447 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,737 Oh, sweet. Thanks. 448 00:19:32,762 --> 00:19:33,732 What-what is it? 449 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,693 Uh, it's turkey and cheese, no dressing. 450 00:19:35,718 --> 00:19:37,595 I don't like wet bread. 451 00:19:41,577 --> 00:19:42,495 Copy that. 452 00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:47,286 Kegel and hold. Kegel and hold. 453 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,438 Don't sneeze. 454 00:19:48,463 --> 00:19:51,574 Oh, no. Don't sneeze. Okay. 455 00:19:51,599 --> 00:19:53,518 Almost there. 456 00:19:57,818 --> 00:19:59,028 Oh, occupied! 457 00:19:59,069 --> 00:20:00,412 - Oh, geez! - Oh. 458 00:20:00,437 --> 00:20:01,956 - Oh, my, oh... - Oh, my God. 459 00:20:02,112 --> 00:20:04,131 - Oh, boy. Oh, boy. - No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God. 460 00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:05,467 Oh, my God, let me look at it. 461 00:20:05,492 --> 00:20:06,928 - Oh, it's really coming out. - Is it? Oh, no. 462 00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:08,097 There's no, um, toilet paper. 463 00:20:08,122 --> 00:20:10,433 - You... - Oh, my God. 464 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:11,978 - Oh, it hurts when I laugh. - Oh, my God. 465 00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:13,908 Oh, it's in my mouth. I taste the blood. 466 00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:15,327 - What do we do? - Oh, I have an idea. 467 00:20:15,352 --> 00:20:16,704 - Come here, come over here. - I need something. 468 00:20:16,729 --> 00:20:17,915 Come over here, come over here. 469 00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:19,264 Okay, it's working. 470 00:20:19,289 --> 00:20:20,350 It feels okay, actually. 471 00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:21,689 - It looks amazing. - Thank you. 472 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,766 Okay. Um, this one? 473 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,060 - Yes? - I'm going to take it out, 474 00:20:26,085 --> 00:20:28,240 because it was kind of really bleeding, 475 00:20:28,265 --> 00:20:29,934 so I'm gonna stick a new one in. 476 00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:31,186 - Okay. Right. - Okay? 477 00:20:31,211 --> 00:20:32,268 Okay, here we go. You ready? 478 00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:33,312 - Go. Gentle. - Okay. 479 00:20:33,337 --> 00:20:35,400 Don't freak out, don't freak out. 480 00:20:35,425 --> 00:20:36,615 We did it. 481 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:37,742 Oh, I can breathe again. 482 00:20:37,767 --> 00:20:39,203 - Not for long. - You got it? 483 00:20:39,228 --> 00:20:41,623 - I'm going to jam it slowly... - Oh? Yeah, that's nice. 484 00:20:41,648 --> 00:20:43,126 - You okay? - Not too hard. 485 00:20:43,151 --> 00:20:44,420 - You good? - That's good. 486 00:20:44,445 --> 00:20:45,807 - Okay. - Thank you. 487 00:20:45,831 --> 00:20:47,392 - Looks good. - My name's Carrie. 488 00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,435 - I'm Misty. - It's nice to meet you. 489 00:20:49,459 --> 00:20:50,377 Nice to meet you, yeah. 490 00:20:50,402 --> 00:20:51,779 You do well under pressure. 491 00:20:51,879 --> 00:20:54,566 It's a good thing I know so much about leaky pipes, I guess. 492 00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:55,817 - Right. - Yeah. 493 00:20:55,841 --> 00:20:58,088 Holy shit, what the hell happened? 494 00:20:58,113 --> 00:20:59,821 - It's a long story. - Yes, it is. 495 00:20:59,845 --> 00:21:01,114 Yeah, we're all good, though. 496 00:21:01,138 --> 00:21:02,532 - Yeah, we're good. Yeah. - Yeah. Don't worry. 497 00:21:02,556 --> 00:21:03,992 Oh, there's, like, no toilet paper 498 00:21:04,016 --> 00:21:05,851 in this whole entire bathroom. 499 00:21:05,893 --> 00:21:07,161 Oh, that's actually my fault. 500 00:21:07,192 --> 00:21:09,036 I, um, yeah, I was supposed to do that. 501 00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:10,497 - Okay. - Are you sure you're good? 502 00:21:10,522 --> 00:21:11,875 - Yeah, yeah. We're good. - We're good. 503 00:21:11,899 --> 00:21:13,376 - You're good. - We're good. 504 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,278 Okay... 505 00:21:17,738 --> 00:21:19,299 All right, contestants, are you ready? 506 00:21:19,323 --> 00:21:21,009 Here are your microphones, all right? 507 00:21:21,033 --> 00:21:22,510 You're gonna talk into them like this, 508 00:21:22,534 --> 00:21:23,845 blah, blah, blah. 509 00:21:23,869 --> 00:21:25,805 - Wait a minute. - Somebody cut her off. 510 00:21:25,829 --> 00:21:27,497 Where's contestant number three? 511 00:21:27,522 --> 00:21:29,083 Are these Beyond Beef, 512 00:21:29,108 --> 00:21:30,434 or are these the real deal? 513 00:21:30,459 --> 00:21:33,139 Guys, just be aware of what's going on. 514 00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,757 Anybody... you don't know. 515 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:37,901 Mmm... 516 00:21:37,925 --> 00:21:40,844 Fuck my life. 517 00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:43,873 You know, I'm much better with emotional ties. 518 00:21:45,985 --> 00:21:48,143 This feels a little more literal. 519 00:21:49,436 --> 00:21:53,023 But it does remind me a lot of a relationship I was in once. 520 00:21:54,441 --> 00:21:55,609 Oh... ! 521 00:21:55,651 --> 00:21:58,129 I did it! 522 00:21:58,153 --> 00:21:59,696 Thank you. 523 00:21:59,721 --> 00:22:02,091 Hang tight, everyone. 524 00:22:02,115 --> 00:22:03,635 15 minutes until the next segment. 525 00:22:03,659 --> 00:22:06,233 There's nothing suspicious about anything you're doing. 526 00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:08,246 What, am I not being discrete? 527 00:22:08,288 --> 00:22:10,433 Uh, no. You'd be a terrible criminal. 528 00:22:10,457 --> 00:22:12,810 Oh, please. I could commit crimes. 529 00:22:12,834 --> 00:22:14,187 Yeah, and not get away with it. 530 00:22:14,956 --> 00:22:18,465 That's just mean. It's mean and it's wrong. 531 00:22:18,507 --> 00:22:20,987 I could... kill. 532 00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:26,964 Or maybe pillage something. 533 00:22:30,519 --> 00:22:33,605 - Can I tell you something? - Mm-hmm. 534 00:22:34,211 --> 00:22:37,573 I keep trying to understand what I was feeling in that moment. 535 00:22:38,652 --> 00:22:42,322 Like, what it means that I saw you. 536 00:22:46,745 --> 00:22:48,721 Do you think it means anything? 537 00:22:52,916 --> 00:22:55,961 - Are you smizing at me? - Smizing? 538 00:22:56,003 --> 00:22:59,126 Smizing? From Top Model? 539 00:22:59,876 --> 00:23:00,984 Can you please stop making me laugh? 540 00:23:01,008 --> 00:23:02,694 - My ribs are bruised. - What? What do you watch? 541 00:23:02,718 --> 00:23:04,386 My ribs are bruised. 542 00:23:04,428 --> 00:23:06,739 Well, stop saying ridiculous things. 543 00:23:07,118 --> 00:23:08,804 You're the one being ridiculous. 544 00:23:08,829 --> 00:23:12,210 Um, actually, you're the one with a head injury. 545 00:23:12,235 --> 00:23:15,247 You were concussed and now you're drinking on painkillers, 546 00:23:15,272 --> 00:23:18,165 so I'm pretty sure you're not thinking straight. 547 00:23:19,796 --> 00:23:21,297 Safe to say. 548 00:23:24,361 --> 00:23:26,464 - We met at 18. - I know. 549 00:23:26,699 --> 00:23:30,328 - Well, you were 19. - No, you're older than me. 550 00:23:30,412 --> 00:23:31,764 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 551 00:23:31,788 --> 00:23:35,042 - I-I always mix that up. - I know, I don't understand. 552 00:23:35,067 --> 00:23:36,547 - You were 18? - Yes. 553 00:23:46,219 --> 00:23:47,613 - Dani, Dani, Dani! - Thank you so much. 554 00:23:47,637 --> 00:23:49,240 - Dani, I need a favor. - Thank you. 555 00:23:49,688 --> 00:23:51,075 Why don't you carry your own tampons? 556 00:23:51,099 --> 00:23:52,785 - What? No. I... - Hi. 557 00:23:52,809 --> 00:23:55,604 I-I lost a contestant for the dating game, 558 00:23:55,687 --> 00:23:57,957 and I need someone. Can you please do it for me? 559 00:23:57,981 --> 00:23:59,459 It's in six, six minutes. 560 00:23:59,483 --> 00:24:01,502 No. I have to go get Billie Jean off the red carpet. 561 00:24:01,526 --> 00:24:02,795 She won't stop smiling for the cameras. 562 00:24:02,819 --> 00:24:06,262 - You do it. You got it. Go. - God! Why are you the worst? 563 00:24:17,959 --> 00:24:20,229 All right, everyone in the audience, 564 00:24:20,253 --> 00:24:22,732 we are gonna start in just a few minutes. 565 00:24:22,756 --> 00:24:25,467 Please take your seats. 566 00:24:36,507 --> 00:24:39,289 You know, your timing could not have been more perfect, really. 567 00:24:39,792 --> 00:24:42,049 Well, I'm just glad it's getting put to some good use. 568 00:24:42,074 --> 00:24:44,709 You know, I think I need, like, a little bit of a revamp. 569 00:24:44,734 --> 00:24:48,247 I've just been on those dating apps. Like, they're terrible. 570 00:24:48,389 --> 00:24:51,058 - Oh, those dating apps... yeah. - Absolutely terrifying. 571 00:24:51,083 --> 00:24:53,632 Yeah. And I've been out the game for like... two years. 572 00:24:53,657 --> 00:24:54,885 - Two years, huh? - Yeah. 573 00:24:54,918 --> 00:24:57,253 - I had a kid. - I know you had a kid. 574 00:24:57,278 --> 00:24:59,298 You mentioned that when I met you. 575 00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:01,426 You don't seem like the type that wants to see pictures 576 00:25:01,451 --> 00:25:03,066 so I'm not gonna show you. 577 00:25:03,091 --> 00:25:05,113 I'd see, I'd see it if you'd like to show it to me. 578 00:25:05,138 --> 00:25:06,666 - Oh, yeah? - I'm not against it. 579 00:25:06,691 --> 00:25:09,685 Okay. She is... everything 580 00:25:09,710 --> 00:25:11,712 and she has also sucked me dry. 581 00:25:12,378 --> 00:25:15,472 I just don't feel like myself all the way, you know? 582 00:25:17,401 --> 00:25:19,111 Yeah. 583 00:25:19,530 --> 00:25:21,904 Yeah. I can relate to that. 584 00:25:21,929 --> 00:25:24,443 I think I need to get back on the horse. 585 00:25:24,468 --> 00:25:26,888 I think you're gonna do just fine. 586 00:25:29,570 --> 00:25:32,412 Hi, guys. I need a favor. Um... 587 00:25:32,437 --> 00:25:34,581 Can you get her ready in, like, four minutes? 588 00:25:34,819 --> 00:25:37,295 - She's not talking to me. - We'll do it. 589 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,982 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, amazing. 590 00:25:39,006 --> 00:25:40,192 - Okay, sit down. - Hi. 591 00:25:40,216 --> 00:25:41,526 - Hi. - What's your name? 592 00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:44,505 - Taylor. - Hi, Taylor. I'm Ivy, this is Shane. 593 00:25:45,685 --> 00:25:46,954 - Hey, Taylor. - Hey. 594 00:25:46,979 --> 00:25:48,874 Yeah, we're gonna take really good care of you. 595 00:25:49,509 --> 00:25:52,677 - Do you have any do's, any don'ts? - Uh, just no red lipstick. 596 00:25:52,702 --> 00:25:55,255 My mom subjected me to pageants as a toddler, 597 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:56,615 so it's very triggering. 598 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,101 Okay. Take it away. Do your thing. 599 00:26:02,032 --> 00:26:02,908 Taylor. 600 00:26:02,933 --> 00:26:05,310 May I? 601 00:26:05,385 --> 00:26:06,803 Yeah. 602 00:26:06,868 --> 00:26:08,596 And we're rolling. 603 00:26:11,023 --> 00:26:14,819 Welcome back to my 100th episode. 604 00:26:15,139 --> 00:26:17,572 As many of you know, I'm currently single, 605 00:26:17,597 --> 00:26:20,111 so I figured what better way to meet someone, 606 00:26:20,136 --> 00:26:22,896 than on TV in front of a studio audience? 607 00:26:22,921 --> 00:26:25,673 So to help me out today, 608 00:26:25,698 --> 00:26:29,452 we've brought the original bisexual comedienne, 609 00:26:29,477 --> 00:26:32,564 a woman who has paved the way for so many of us, 610 00:26:32,589 --> 00:26:37,386 my first crush, my friend, Margaret Cho! 611 00:26:41,507 --> 00:26:42,925 Hey! 612 00:26:44,814 --> 00:26:46,024 Thank you! 613 00:26:46,049 --> 00:26:47,857 Oh, this is so exciting. 614 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,887 So, you know how this works, we have some contestants, 615 00:26:51,912 --> 00:26:53,295 we're gonna ask them some questions. 616 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,755 Alice is gonna decide 617 00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,268 amongst three candidates who's best, right? 618 00:26:57,293 --> 00:26:58,770 Yes, well, you're going to help me. 619 00:26:58,794 --> 00:27:01,273 I'm gonna be making some snide commentary 620 00:27:01,297 --> 00:27:03,084 from over here... 621 00:27:03,109 --> 00:27:04,253 It's gonna be so fabulous. 622 00:27:04,278 --> 00:27:05,595 - I'm so excited. - Sounds dreamy. 623 00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:07,097 - Let's start. Okay. - I love it. 624 00:27:10,234 --> 00:27:11,588 Okay. 625 00:27:11,611 --> 00:27:13,764 Contestant number one, tell me about yourself. 626 00:27:13,788 --> 00:27:15,474 - Hi, Alice. - Oh. 627 00:27:15,498 --> 00:27:18,667 - Ooh, that is a deep baritone. - Okay. 628 00:27:18,751 --> 00:27:21,129 - I'm into it. - I'm from a small town in Montana, 629 00:27:21,154 --> 00:27:23,714 where rush hour is a moose in the road. 630 00:27:23,839 --> 00:27:25,361 Oh, this is gonna be simple. 631 00:27:25,386 --> 00:27:26,720 Um, Ivy, can you grab me 632 00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:28,459 that product in your bag? 633 00:27:28,484 --> 00:27:31,153 Yeah, I just want to see what it is. 634 00:27:32,365 --> 00:27:33,449 No. 635 00:27:33,474 --> 00:27:35,494 Uh, just find a nice backdrop outside or something. 636 00:27:35,518 --> 00:27:38,813 Get singles, get groups. I need options. 637 00:27:38,854 --> 00:27:40,106 Thank you. Hi. 638 00:27:40,189 --> 00:27:43,984 - Everything looks so good. - Thank you. 639 00:27:44,033 --> 00:27:49,156 - I'm gonna go home. - Oh, it's early. Are you feeling okay? 640 00:27:49,198 --> 00:27:52,368 Yes, but I just really want to get back. 641 00:27:52,451 --> 00:27:56,723 - Okay, okay. I'll call you a car. - No, no, no. Don't worry about it. 642 00:27:56,747 --> 00:27:59,041 Nat's going to take me. 643 00:28:01,877 --> 00:28:04,667 - What's going on? - What do you mean? 644 00:28:04,713 --> 00:28:06,983 I mean, what's going on with you and Nat? 645 00:28:07,382 --> 00:28:10,511 - Nothing is going on. - Okay. 646 00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:14,265 - We can talk more later. - No. I'd like to talk about it now. 647 00:28:14,306 --> 00:28:16,773 Contestant number one, 648 00:28:16,798 --> 00:28:19,186 why don't you tell me how you spend your days? 649 00:28:19,228 --> 00:28:20,914 I'm a veterinarian for a nonprofit 650 00:28:20,938 --> 00:28:23,375 that rescues animals from natural disasters. 651 00:28:23,399 --> 00:28:24,668 Aww. 652 00:28:24,692 --> 00:28:27,488 He's perfect. 653 00:28:27,513 --> 00:28:29,530 Definitely a serial killer. 654 00:28:29,572 --> 00:28:31,591 Agreed. 655 00:28:31,970 --> 00:28:34,652 Okay, let's move on to contestant number two. 656 00:28:34,677 --> 00:28:38,492 Can you beat the butt-dialing rescue vet from Montana? 657 00:28:38,904 --> 00:28:40,320 I'll try. 658 00:28:40,345 --> 00:28:43,957 Um, I was born in India, raised in New York. 659 00:28:43,982 --> 00:28:47,548 Uh, I run a cold storage start-up for NFTs. 660 00:28:47,590 --> 00:28:48,859 Oh. 661 00:28:48,883 --> 00:28:51,844 - Cold storage for NFTs? - I have no idea what that means. 662 00:28:51,927 --> 00:28:53,446 Number two, 663 00:28:53,470 --> 00:28:55,240 what is the most embarrassing thing 664 00:28:55,264 --> 00:28:56,599 that's ever happened to you? 665 00:28:56,740 --> 00:28:58,075 The most embarrassing thing 666 00:28:58,100 --> 00:29:04,277 that's happened to me was I threw up in the front car 667 00:29:04,302 --> 00:29:07,231 of a roller coaster, on a first date. 668 00:29:07,256 --> 00:29:09,736 - Ooh... - Wow. 669 00:29:10,112 --> 00:29:12,424 - Looks great. - I don't know why 670 00:29:12,448 --> 00:29:13,967 I have to be on TV right now, but... 671 00:29:13,991 --> 00:29:15,927 All right, we're done. Let's go, we got to go, we got to go. 672 00:29:15,951 --> 00:29:17,345 - Come on. - Okay, okay. 673 00:29:17,369 --> 00:29:19,496 Oh, wait, don't forget this. 674 00:29:20,408 --> 00:29:23,417 You want a girl that can just, you know, really go up... 675 00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:24,603 - And down. Yeah. - And go down. 676 00:29:24,627 --> 00:29:27,254 We like that... 677 00:29:27,279 --> 00:29:30,079 All right, good luck, have fun. 678 00:29:31,050 --> 00:29:33,403 - She looks great. - She does, yeah. 679 00:29:33,427 --> 00:29:35,322 Okay, contestant number three. 680 00:29:35,346 --> 00:29:37,181 Same question. 681 00:29:37,264 --> 00:29:39,063 - Number three? - Don't be shy. 682 00:29:39,088 --> 00:29:40,535 Don't be shy, number three. 683 00:29:40,559 --> 00:29:42,537 - Okay, go answer the question. - Number three? 684 00:29:42,561 --> 00:29:43,872 Okay, okay. What's the question? 685 00:29:43,896 --> 00:29:45,719 Say something funny about yourself. 686 00:29:45,744 --> 00:29:49,210 Um. Something, um... I'm, uh... 687 00:29:49,235 --> 00:29:51,570 Something funny about me? I'm from Normal, Illinois. 688 00:29:51,612 --> 00:29:53,965 That's more of a fact than a joke, 689 00:29:53,989 --> 00:29:56,369 but, okay, I'll play. 690 00:29:56,394 --> 00:29:58,104 What's so normal about it? 691 00:29:58,146 --> 00:29:59,540 And would I fit in? 692 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:04,861 Um, uh, the people, I-I guess, make it normal, um... 693 00:30:04,903 --> 00:30:07,030 That voice sounds so familiar. 694 00:30:07,129 --> 00:30:10,550 So, number three, what's the most embarrassing thing 695 00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:12,619 that's ever happened to you? 696 00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,271 I mean, well, this moment 697 00:30:14,296 --> 00:30:16,316 would have to be up there. 698 00:30:16,473 --> 00:30:18,183 And, number three, 699 00:30:18,208 --> 00:30:20,835 who is your hero, and why? 700 00:30:21,643 --> 00:30:25,788 Oh, gosh, um... was it animal or human? 701 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,468 Aw, that's so cute. 702 00:30:29,869 --> 00:30:31,863 - All right, I got one for you. - What's that? 703 00:30:32,109 --> 00:30:35,544 One time, after a bottle of Goldschläger, remember that? 704 00:30:36,935 --> 00:30:39,288 One-way bus ticket, Kansas City to L.A. 705 00:30:39,312 --> 00:30:42,267 - Just picked up everything and moved. - God, I hate moving. 706 00:30:42,292 --> 00:30:44,103 It's like the worst thing in the world to me. 707 00:30:44,128 --> 00:30:46,148 Yeah, but at least I used to do stuff. 708 00:30:46,194 --> 00:30:47,403 It's like, being sober 709 00:30:47,445 --> 00:30:49,215 makes it harder to make those moves, you know? 710 00:30:49,239 --> 00:30:50,099 Mm-hmm. 711 00:30:50,124 --> 00:30:53,138 Like, I've got a whole list of shit I just haven't done. 712 00:30:53,163 --> 00:30:54,956 Really, like what? 713 00:30:56,496 --> 00:30:58,182 I mean, I got this college application. 714 00:30:58,206 --> 00:31:00,434 It's been saved on my desktop for months. 715 00:31:00,458 --> 00:31:01,602 It's due at midnight, 716 00:31:01,633 --> 00:31:03,405 and I just, like, I can't pull the trigger. 717 00:31:03,430 --> 00:31:05,523 Well, you got to do that or you're gonna regret it 718 00:31:05,547 --> 00:31:08,866 - your whole life, you know? - Okay. So everything's done. 719 00:31:08,891 --> 00:31:11,560 Um, if you have any problems, your boss has my info. 720 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:14,502 Again, I'm-I'm really sorry about everything. 721 00:31:14,527 --> 00:31:16,325 - Yeah. - Really, the nose and, you know. 722 00:31:16,349 --> 00:31:19,030 But the tampons worked. Your nose looks perfect. 723 00:31:19,055 --> 00:31:20,711 I think it looks better than when I came in. 724 00:31:20,736 --> 00:31:22,957 - It was fun, so... - Yeah. 725 00:31:22,981 --> 00:31:25,390 You know, it was... It wasn't good, but it was good, you know? 726 00:31:25,415 --> 00:31:26,642 - Right. Okay. - All right. 727 00:31:26,667 --> 00:31:28,103 - Bye. It's, um... - Yeah, sorry. 728 00:31:28,278 --> 00:31:31,764 - Good night. - You like her. 729 00:31:31,864 --> 00:31:35,010 - I don't know her. - You ask her out, I'll send in 730 00:31:35,034 --> 00:31:37,495 my college application. 731 00:31:38,413 --> 00:31:39,414 Deal. 732 00:31:39,455 --> 00:31:40,683 - Wait, what? - Deal. 733 00:31:40,707 --> 00:31:41,892 No, I was fucking around! 734 00:31:41,916 --> 00:31:44,752 - No, you send that shit. - Fuck. 735 00:31:44,777 --> 00:31:47,154 Wow, she's doing it. Okay. 736 00:31:53,219 --> 00:31:57,265 Okay. 737 00:31:59,278 --> 00:32:01,196 Holy shit, I did it. 738 00:32:02,103 --> 00:32:03,998 - I did it. Did you do it? - I did it. 739 00:32:04,022 --> 00:32:05,249 I did it! 740 00:32:05,273 --> 00:32:06,917 Can you believe it? 741 00:32:06,941 --> 00:32:08,053 - No! - Thursday night. 742 00:32:08,078 --> 00:32:09,545 - You got a date. - Well, no. 743 00:32:09,569 --> 00:32:11,088 - It's not actually a date. - What is it? 744 00:32:11,112 --> 00:32:13,257 I sort of joined her bowling league. 745 00:32:13,281 --> 00:32:16,969 I'm the newest member of "I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter." 746 00:32:16,993 --> 00:32:19,430 You know what? 747 00:32:19,454 --> 00:32:21,265 Playing the long game. I'll take it. 748 00:32:24,751 --> 00:32:25,835 Okay. 749 00:32:25,877 --> 00:32:28,171 Mama, Gloria, 750 00:32:28,254 --> 00:32:29,505 I'm heading out now. 751 00:32:29,530 --> 00:32:32,700 Don't be late, Deb, I've got a shift at 8:00. 752 00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:35,069 Mama, it's me. 753 00:32:35,094 --> 00:32:37,972 Remember, your sister Deb is in Florida. 754 00:32:38,014 --> 00:32:39,474 Oh, right. 755 00:32:40,210 --> 00:32:41,601 You never should've married him. 756 00:32:41,684 --> 00:32:43,329 Speaking of songs of yesterday, 757 00:32:43,353 --> 00:32:46,856 here's Carly Simon with her hit, "You Belong to Me." 758 00:32:48,691 --> 00:32:51,277 This is my song. 759 00:32:55,657 --> 00:32:57,325 Oh, my God. 760 00:32:59,786 --> 00:33:04,815 She used to blast this song 761 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,935 in the car when she would drive me to school. 762 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,688 ♪ Were you looking for my reaction? ♪ 763 00:33:09,712 --> 00:33:12,382 Like, lean out the window smoking cigarettes. 764 00:33:12,423 --> 00:33:17,011 It would piss all the other moms off so much. 765 00:33:17,053 --> 00:33:18,680 I believe it. 766 00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:23,434 Carly Simon once bummed a cigarette from me. 767 00:33:24,278 --> 00:33:27,413 You never told me that. That is so cool! 768 00:33:27,438 --> 00:33:31,275 There's certain things a mother should never tell her daughter. 769 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,912 Come dance with me, come on. 770 00:33:35,453 --> 00:33:37,169 I would love to. 771 00:33:39,992 --> 00:33:41,744 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 772 00:33:41,828 --> 00:33:44,390 ♪ Tell her, tell her you were fooling ♪ 773 00:33:44,414 --> 00:33:46,290 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 774 00:33:46,374 --> 00:33:48,543 ♪ You don't even know her ♪ 775 00:33:48,626 --> 00:33:50,378 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 776 00:33:50,461 --> 00:33:53,005 ♪ Tell her that I love you ♪ 777 00:33:53,089 --> 00:33:56,384 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 778 00:33:56,409 --> 00:33:58,721 So you've been working here how long? 779 00:33:58,746 --> 00:34:01,999 Like six, seven months... ish? 780 00:34:02,024 --> 00:34:03,293 - Really? - Yeah. 781 00:34:03,450 --> 00:34:07,245 - Surprised I hadn't met you. - Well, you didn't look. 782 00:34:07,270 --> 00:34:09,119 - I didn't know. - Oh, okay. 783 00:34:10,999 --> 00:34:13,835 You know, it didn't take you that long to, like, 784 00:34:13,860 --> 00:34:15,027 jump right back in. 785 00:34:15,052 --> 00:34:16,863 - And you did that, so... - No, no, no, no, don't... 786 00:34:16,946 --> 00:34:18,382 You can't give me that kind of credit. 787 00:34:18,406 --> 00:34:20,992 I was... I was following your lead. 788 00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:22,686 Mm. 789 00:34:30,877 --> 00:34:32,754 Come with me. 790 00:35:57,797 --> 00:36:00,758 So, what-what is going on between you two? 791 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,870 - Nothing. - I can feel it, okay? 792 00:36:04,011 --> 00:36:06,848 On the ambulance, our lips touched. 793 00:36:06,889 --> 00:36:08,242 It was nothing. 794 00:36:08,266 --> 00:36:10,619 - It was an accident. - Are you trying to hurt me? 795 00:36:10,643 --> 00:36:12,079 Of course I'm not trying to hurt you. 796 00:36:12,103 --> 00:36:14,248 Okay, then, what we have is good. 797 00:36:14,645 --> 00:36:17,275 - Why are you doing this? - We have a good thing. 798 00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,010 I'm just... 799 00:36:19,825 --> 00:36:23,239 - I'm confused. - You're confused? 800 00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,544 When I... got hit... 801 00:36:26,891 --> 00:36:29,143 I saw Nat and the kids. 802 00:36:31,096 --> 00:36:32,306 And not me. 803 00:36:32,548 --> 00:36:34,893 I don't know what it means. That's why I'm telling you. 804 00:36:34,917 --> 00:36:37,277 What are you saying to me right now? 805 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,890 I don't know, I need time. 806 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,874 Okay. You take your time. 807 00:36:49,310 --> 00:36:50,769 I'm done. 808 00:36:55,563 --> 00:36:57,624 And this all happened in the backseat 809 00:36:57,648 --> 00:36:58,983 of the family Astro van. 810 00:37:01,536 --> 00:37:04,037 Oh, shit. Um, you know what? 811 00:37:04,062 --> 00:37:07,366 Uh, Miss Cho, could you actually just forget I said that? 812 00:37:07,408 --> 00:37:11,787 Oh, contestant three, I don't think I can unring that bell. 813 00:37:11,929 --> 00:37:14,682 There's no shame in masturbating in the back of your family's car 814 00:37:14,707 --> 00:37:16,435 as long as your family's not there. 815 00:37:16,459 --> 00:37:19,795 No shame at all, three. No shame. 816 00:37:19,879 --> 00:37:22,548 For me there is a little. 817 00:37:22,590 --> 00:37:23,942 Oh, you know what that bell means, 818 00:37:23,966 --> 00:37:27,013 we have time for one last question. 819 00:37:27,038 --> 00:37:29,488 - What do you think, Alice? - I think I'm ready. 820 00:37:29,513 --> 00:37:31,491 - Okay. - It's very simple. 821 00:37:31,515 --> 00:37:34,727 - Yes. - Why do you want to date me? 822 00:37:35,261 --> 00:37:36,896 What's not to love? 823 00:37:36,979 --> 00:37:38,189 Aww! 824 00:37:39,109 --> 00:37:42,043 Smart, sexy and beautiful. The full package. 825 00:37:43,454 --> 00:37:45,255 We should do this every episode. 826 00:37:47,156 --> 00:37:50,719 Uh, well, they promised me a coffee mug if I did the show, so... 827 00:37:50,743 --> 00:37:53,537 The free mug? 828 00:37:53,621 --> 00:37:57,041 Wow. What do you say, Alice? 829 00:37:57,140 --> 00:37:59,810 Loveable, full package, free mug. 830 00:37:59,991 --> 00:38:03,756 And unlike women's reproductive rights in America, 831 00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:05,670 this choice is entirely yours. 832 00:38:07,927 --> 00:38:10,312 I don't know, Margaret. They're all so dateable. 833 00:38:18,064 --> 00:38:20,564 Mm... There's one person 834 00:38:20,606 --> 00:38:22,970 that I would like to get to know better. 835 00:38:23,439 --> 00:38:26,128 Contestant three, I choose you! 836 00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,760 Contestant three, come on down. 837 00:38:31,784 --> 00:38:34,763 Two and one, uh, meet me in my dressing room. 838 00:38:34,787 --> 00:38:37,206 - You. - It's me. 839 00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:39,052 The coffee stand. 840 00:38:39,077 --> 00:38:40,537 Yeah. 841 00:38:41,060 --> 00:38:44,231 - You're funny. - For a regular gal. Yeah. 842 00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:49,218 All right. We're here, we're queer! 843 00:38:49,243 --> 00:38:51,320 And we have love. 844 00:38:51,345 --> 00:38:53,031 - Love is love is love! - Love it. 845 00:38:53,055 --> 00:38:56,726 Until the Supreme Court takes that away from us, too. 846 00:38:58,144 --> 00:39:01,517 And pee after sex, everyone, don't forget! 847 00:39:01,542 --> 00:39:05,317 Thank you so much for having me, Alice, thank you. 848 00:39:05,342 --> 00:39:08,137 Good night, everyone! 849 00:39:11,065 --> 00:39:12,650 Are you okay? 850 00:39:15,917 --> 00:39:16,968 No. 851 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,158 You can sleep on my couch, if you want. 852 00:39:23,183 --> 00:39:24,962 No, I'm fine on my own. 853 00:39:25,004 --> 00:39:28,466 But you should really let me drive. 854 00:39:29,140 --> 00:39:31,886 Oh, don't worry, I only had a couple sips. 855 00:39:33,086 --> 00:39:34,405 I just mean you're a really bad driver. 856 00:39:34,430 --> 00:39:36,491 Fuck you! Fuck you! 857 00:39:36,515 --> 00:39:38,618 - Whoa! - Jesus, what is... 858 00:39:38,642 --> 00:39:39,727 What is that? 859 00:39:39,810 --> 00:39:41,079 - Can you please drive? - Fuck you! 860 00:39:41,103 --> 00:39:42,581 - They're my oranges! - Yeah, go! 861 00:39:42,605 --> 00:39:44,332 - Can you please drive? - Those are a gift! 862 00:39:44,356 --> 00:39:46,168 - Nat, could you please drive? - I spent $20 on them. 863 00:39:46,192 --> 00:39:47,544 I understand, could you please... ? 864 00:39:47,568 --> 00:39:49,421 - That was for my ex! Our ex. - Jesus. 865 00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:07,355 so much. 866 00:40:07,379 --> 00:40:10,091 I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Good job. 867 00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:21,776 Hey. What the hell happened to you? 868 00:40:24,105 --> 00:40:25,397 This is the second time 869 00:40:25,439 --> 00:40:27,787 that the person I wanted to marry ran off with someone else. 870 00:40:27,812 --> 00:40:29,365 Ha ha. 871 00:40:31,959 --> 00:40:34,573 Oh... orange? 872 00:40:34,598 --> 00:40:37,459 - Yeah. Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 873 00:40:44,667 --> 00:40:47,920 - Hey, you're gonna be okay. - Mm. 874 00:40:47,962 --> 00:40:50,023 You got this. You'll bounce back. 875 00:40:50,047 --> 00:40:51,233 You... 876 00:40:51,257 --> 00:40:53,360 You're the most together person I know. 877 00:40:53,384 --> 00:40:56,387 Not anymore. 878 00:40:57,263 --> 00:41:00,599 Turns out, that's you. 879 00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:03,799 I don't... mm, I don't know about that. 880 00:41:04,048 --> 00:41:06,175 You're crushing at work. 881 00:41:06,772 --> 00:41:08,625 Made it through rehab with Finley. 882 00:41:14,050 --> 00:41:15,176 Hey, um, 883 00:41:15,562 --> 00:41:19,232 I was just gonna grab my stuff and go home. 884 00:41:19,759 --> 00:41:22,805 Yeah. Me, too. 885 00:41:32,256 --> 00:41:33,635 Hey, uh... 886 00:41:34,606 --> 00:41:36,191 You want to come over? 887 00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,457 Um... Are you... ? 888 00:41:41,557 --> 00:41:43,493 Are you trying to get back together with me right now? 889 00:41:43,517 --> 00:41:44,953 Because, um... 890 00:41:44,977 --> 00:41:48,439 No. No, no. 891 00:41:48,605 --> 00:41:50,733 Not a fucking chance. 892 00:41:51,108 --> 00:41:53,628 Yeah. I'll see you at the house then. 893 00:41:53,652 --> 00:41:55,297 - Okay. - Yeah. 894 00:41:55,321 --> 00:41:56,280 See you later. 895 00:42:07,314 --> 00:42:09,603 I was, like, this close to falling. 896 00:42:09,627 --> 00:42:10,771 I was like... 897 00:42:10,796 --> 00:42:13,648 Hey! We did it! 898 00:42:15,049 --> 00:42:17,927 Great job, everybody. Great job. 899 00:42:23,641 --> 00:42:24,516 Hey! 900 00:42:24,617 --> 00:42:27,996 Are you-are you leaving? The party's just getting started. 901 00:42:28,020 --> 00:42:30,198 Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna head home. 902 00:42:31,602 --> 00:42:34,354 You don't want to cash in on that big date? 903 00:42:35,778 --> 00:42:38,006 - Really, no, it's-it's okay. - Oh. 904 00:42:38,030 --> 00:42:40,217 I mean, hey, I-I got the free mug. 905 00:42:40,241 --> 00:42:42,921 They threw in two extra T-shirts, so... 906 00:42:42,952 --> 00:42:44,179 - Nice. - I'm good. 907 00:42:44,203 --> 00:42:45,913 Yeah, that's enough. 908 00:42:45,955 --> 00:42:47,224 - Hey, listen... - Yeah? 909 00:42:47,248 --> 00:42:49,750 Really, congratulations on everything. 910 00:42:49,892 --> 00:42:53,354 I mean, you should be really proud of all of it. 911 00:42:53,684 --> 00:42:57,258 Big chef's kiss for you and your big night. 912 00:43:04,718 --> 00:43:06,747 Um, you're not regular. 913 00:43:07,791 --> 00:43:10,151 Yes, I am. 914 00:43:10,562 --> 00:43:11,647 Well, so am I. 915 00:43:12,431 --> 00:43:16,193 There's a 45-foot picture of you outside. 916 00:43:17,697 --> 00:43:19,113 Okay, I've been you. 917 00:43:19,196 --> 00:43:21,132 A long time ago, I dated someone famous 918 00:43:21,156 --> 00:43:23,260 when I wasn't, so I know it's different. 919 00:43:23,776 --> 00:43:25,353 But I'm just a person. 920 00:43:27,204 --> 00:43:29,349 And I like your weird sense of humor. 921 00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:31,351 You know, that's, that's not the compliment 922 00:43:31,375 --> 00:43:33,335 I think you think it is. 923 00:43:33,436 --> 00:43:34,645 And you're cute. 924 00:43:34,833 --> 00:43:38,424 Well, you know, I can't speak to that one so much, so... 925 00:43:38,685 --> 00:43:41,593 Come on, one date. One regular date. 926 00:43:41,618 --> 00:43:43,501 What do you say? Just... 927 00:43:45,006 --> 00:43:46,340 You can keep the T-shirts. 928 00:43:47,725 --> 00:43:50,894 I don't know about the mug. 929 00:43:50,936 --> 00:43:55,691 I cannot believe I missed Alice in a straitjacket. 930 00:43:55,733 --> 00:43:58,378 I know, and that Velcro target? 931 00:43:58,402 --> 00:43:59,629 Oh, my God, that was a hit. 932 00:43:59,653 --> 00:44:01,298 - It was so good. - I'm sure. 933 00:44:01,322 --> 00:44:03,425 Oh. 934 00:44:03,449 --> 00:44:06,368 Well, um, yeah, I think 935 00:44:06,393 --> 00:44:08,579 - Shane's backstage somewhere... - Hey, Tess. 936 00:44:08,604 --> 00:44:09,772 You showed up. 937 00:44:09,797 --> 00:44:12,216 - Hi. - Hi. 938 00:44:12,241 --> 00:44:13,892 Yeah. 939 00:44:13,917 --> 00:44:16,170 - I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh. 940 00:44:16,211 --> 00:44:19,190 I would have been here sooner, it's just my mom was having this, like, 941 00:44:19,214 --> 00:44:21,484 - really amazing moment... - It's okay, it's okay. 942 00:44:21,508 --> 00:44:23,259 - Yeah, it's okay. - Okay. 943 00:44:23,284 --> 00:44:24,535 Um... 944 00:44:25,830 --> 00:44:29,375 I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. 945 00:44:30,601 --> 00:44:31,889 All is forgiven. 946 00:44:31,914 --> 00:44:32,956 Yeah. 947 00:44:32,981 --> 00:44:35,332 But I think they wrapped, didn't they, Sophie? 948 00:44:35,356 --> 00:44:36,666 - Oh. - Yeah, we wrapped. 949 00:44:36,690 --> 00:44:38,251 - Yeah. - Yeah, but there's... 950 00:44:38,275 --> 00:44:39,651 there's a party. 951 00:44:39,693 --> 00:44:41,362 I know, but I'm exhausted. 952 00:44:41,445 --> 00:44:42,881 - Okay. - Is that okay? 953 00:44:42,905 --> 00:44:44,031 Can we just go home? 954 00:44:44,056 --> 00:44:45,158 That's okay, let's go home. 955 00:44:45,183 --> 00:44:46,536 - You sure? - Yeah, let's go home. 956 00:44:46,617 --> 00:44:48,136 I'm sorry you drove all the way over here, 957 00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:49,036 - but is that all right? - No, it's fine. 958 00:44:49,078 --> 00:44:50,454 Okay. 959 00:44:50,496 --> 00:44:51,663 Thank you, Sophie. 960 00:44:51,747 --> 00:44:53,141 Bye, guys, have a good night. 961 00:44:53,165 --> 00:44:54,517 - Bye. - Bye, Soph. 962 00:44:54,541 --> 00:44:55,737 Bye. 963 00:44:58,095 --> 00:45:00,514 Great show. 964 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:01,971 Uh... 965 00:45:02,341 --> 00:45:04,426 Uh, same-same to you. 966 00:45:15,145 --> 00:45:17,957 - Hey. - What... 967 00:45:17,981 --> 00:45:21,068 Relax, I'm just going to get something to drink, go to my room, 968 00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,711 and you can have your special night with Sophie. 969 00:45:22,736 --> 00:45:24,130 - You'll be fine. - Thank you. 970 00:45:24,154 --> 00:45:26,091 - I love you. - Yeah. You, too. Hey. 971 00:45:26,115 --> 00:45:29,549 Hey, you know, if there's any leftovers, that steak looks amazing. 972 00:45:30,401 --> 00:45:32,371 It's chicken. 973 00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:34,707 Oh. 974 00:45:34,748 --> 00:45:37,126 - Hey. - Hey! 975 00:45:37,209 --> 00:45:40,170 - What is this? - We're celebrating. 976 00:45:40,195 --> 00:45:42,048 - We are? - Yeah. 977 00:45:42,131 --> 00:45:45,259 - Your 100th episode. - Aww. 978 00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:47,262 And... 979 00:45:47,287 --> 00:45:49,981 - I applied to college. - Stop. 980 00:45:50,006 --> 00:45:51,608 - What? - I know. 981 00:45:51,633 --> 00:45:52,718 That's amazing. 982 00:45:52,743 --> 00:45:54,618 - I know. - I'm so excited for you. 983 00:45:54,643 --> 00:45:57,479 So I thought we could, you know, celebrate us, 984 00:45:57,521 --> 00:46:01,650 and have a little romantic dinner, and then, 985 00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:05,571 - you know, maybe after... - Oh, okay. 986 00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:06,338 Oh. 987 00:46:06,363 --> 00:46:08,174 - Hi. - Hi. 988 00:46:08,198 --> 00:46:09,717 - Hi. - Hey. Sorry. 989 00:46:09,741 --> 00:46:13,704 I tried to call you. Gigi broke up with her. 990 00:46:15,045 --> 00:46:16,850 Figured I'd come piss in your hallway for a change. 991 00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:17,990 Oh. 992 00:46:18,015 --> 00:46:21,545 I mean, if that'd be helpful, by all means, please do. 993 00:46:23,277 --> 00:46:25,112 Truce? 994 00:46:26,611 --> 00:46:29,303 Now what I really want to do is pull you into a big old hug. 995 00:46:29,328 --> 00:46:31,576 - You shouldn't do that. Yeah. - And I won't. 996 00:46:32,014 --> 00:46:33,771 Is that cake? 997 00:46:33,796 --> 00:46:35,452 - Yes, it is. - I heard Dani. 998 00:46:35,476 --> 00:46:36,870 Which means it's not a date night. 999 00:46:36,894 --> 00:46:38,413 - Not anymore. - I want some of that cake. 1000 00:46:38,437 --> 00:46:40,748 - Wait, you made cake? - No. 1001 00:46:40,772 --> 00:46:42,709 I was with the, uh, plumber all day. 1002 00:46:42,733 --> 00:46:44,985 But I picked up tres leches, 1003 00:46:45,068 --> 00:46:48,822 and I also found out what the tres leches were today. 1004 00:46:48,847 --> 00:46:51,433 Uh, what did you think they were before? 1005 00:46:51,458 --> 00:46:52,584 Mmm. 1006 00:46:52,609 --> 00:46:54,861 Cow, goat and breast. 1007 00:46:54,995 --> 00:46:56,931 - Wow. - No. 1008 00:46:57,998 --> 00:46:59,435 So, you thought they put breast milk... ? 1009 00:46:59,449 --> 00:47:01,449 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com -- 71835

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