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1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,965
[upbeat saxophone music]
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,717
- Oscar, seagull.
- [imitates seagull cry]
3
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,510
Oh! Five points--
it touched your lips.
4
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,345
Chance, seagull.
- [imitates seagull cry]
5
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,681
- There you go--ten points!
Man, game over. You win.
6
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,474
You're the king
of the garbage birds.
7
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,768
Collect your winnings
off the floor.
8
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,145
- Dad, that's enough.
9
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,688
Last time I took Chance
to the beach,
10
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,857
he fought an actual seagull
for a fry.
11
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:27,527
- Yeah, but he won,
and we ate good that day.
12
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,988
- Mom, did you get
my birthday invitations?
13
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,198
- Yep, thanks to the printer
at work.
14
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,325
Oh, I also swiped
these poop bags
15
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,494
to put the party favors in.
16
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,121
- This is for you, Grandpa.
17
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,539
You're coming, right?
18
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,291
- Of course I'll be there.
We're roommates.
19
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,252
I think it would be
really awkward if I didn't go.
20
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,838
- [clears throat]
Hello. I'm right here.
21
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,925
- We're at full capacity,
but you're on the wait list.
22
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,844
- Then so is your gift.
23
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,096
It's ham.
24
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,391
- His birthday's
at the insect museum?
25
00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,976
- Yeah.
- With all the dead bugs?
26
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:01,186
- Mm-hmm.
27
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,479
- I'll save you
some money, Mayan.
28
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,022
I stepped on a cockroach
this morning.
29
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,233
It's still stuck to my shoe.
I'll show it to you for free.
30
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:09,235
- Do you think the museum
has ladybugs?
31
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,570
I always wondered
what it would be like
32
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,739
to go on a fancy date with one.
33
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,825
[British accent] Hello, milady.
Fancy a crumpet?
34
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,122
- And that's why
you're not invited.
35
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,791
You're a whole freak.
36
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,796
[upbeat saxophone music]
37
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:34,803
* *
38
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,603
- What are you guys doing?
- Paying bills.
39
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,980
- Very responsible.
Got to go.
40
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,649
- Hold up.
41
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:50,193
Look, we know it's been hard
for you losing your home,
42
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,569
keeping your business afloat,
43
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,406
zipping up your pants
after five beers.
44
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:58,118
We're not asking you for rent.
- Whew. Okay, I'll stay.
45
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:01,287
- I'm here.
- Now I want to go again.
46
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,872
- I have exciting news.
47
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,375
Your tíasare coming to town
for Chance's birthday.
48
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,211
- Wait, my actual tíasor the
ladies you made me call "tías,"
49
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,130
like your cousins,
your coworkers,
50
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,424
and your favorite cashier
at Chico's?
51
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,134
- Mm, Janet and I
aren't speaking,
52
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,302
and it's up to her
to make it right.
53
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:19,389
Anyway, it's Daisy, Lily,
and Flor,
54
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,599
the tíasfrom New York
who travel together.
55
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:22,851
- They share one broomstick
56
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:26,479
unless they decided
to go Jet Bruja.
57
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,939
- Well, I've never met them.
58
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,566
So I hope I can make
a good impression.
59
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,318
- Unless your name is
Julio Iglesias, Andy Garcia,
60
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,320
or a Carnival Cruise Line
captain,
61
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,573
they're not going
to be impressed.
62
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:39,617
- I am just excited to
practice my Spanish with them.
63
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,661
See, I already got
my Mexican accent down.
64
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,330
And now I get to showcase
my Cuban one.
65
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:47,250
Ready? In Mexican, it's...
66
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,961
[speaking Spanish]
67
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,256
And in Cuban, it's...
68
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,512
Accent's all in the hands.
69
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,890
I'm going to iron my guayabera.
70
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:07,020
- Don't worry. I'll make sure
he does none of that.
71
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,229
- He should just speak English.
72
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,106
They don't like it
when people try so hard.
73
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,650
- Oh, then they're going
to love the dead bug party,
74
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:16,363
because clearly Mayan didn't
try too hard planning that.
75
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:19,157
Was the roadkill museum
closed?
76
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,909
- Hey, this is
what Chance wants.
77
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,410
I know my son.
78
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,995
- And I know how to show
that kid a good time.
79
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,039
So come on, Mayan,
let me plan this birthday.
80
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,291
Remember all the great
birthday parties I threw you?
81
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:31,419
- I threw them.
You threw up at them.
82
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,380
- I remember one year
you drank so much
83
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,048
that you passed out
in the bounce house.
84
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,383
- Best sleep of my life.
85
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,550
It's soft in there,
86
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,553
hugs your curves
in all the right places.
87
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,055
- You never even got me gifts.
88
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,933
I asked you for a puppy
every year until I was 14,
89
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:48,019
but the closest I got was that
woman you dated named Fifi.
90
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,273
- She always came
when I called her.
91
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,527
Good Fifi.
92
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,945
Mayan, if I had given you
a dog,
93
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,697
you would have gotten
your fill of dogs,
94
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,989
and then you
would have never wanted
95
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:03,076
to pursue a career as a vet,
so you're welcome.
96
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:06,204
- I wanted to be a vet
because of "Air Bud."
97
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,666
- I thought it was because
of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."
98
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,503
Come on, Mayan, this is my
first birthday with Chance.
99
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,423
Let me throw him
a classic Lopez backyard banger
100
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,550
with a bounce house,
a piñata, and chickens
101
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,928
that start out as entertainment
and end up as dinner.
102
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,014
- Mayan and Quentin
can't afford all that.
103
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,516
Look how they dress.
104
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:30,812
- They can't,
but you can, sugar mama.
105
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,981
Picture this--
a banner that says
106
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,524
"Chance's Seventh Birthday,
107
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,986
"sponsored
by Rosie La Reina's Insurance.
108
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,946
Se habla inglés."
109
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:42,782
You know how many people
110
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,284
come to a Latino kid's
birthday party?
111
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,453
And I can guarantee you none
of them will have insurance.
112
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,622
- I'm in.
113
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,915
- All right,
I got to go talk to Oscar.
114
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,250
He's got a hookup
at the party store.
115
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,003
Her name is Brenda,
and she's got nice balloons.
116
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,215
- There's no way he actually
follows through with this.
117
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,842
- Oh, no way in hell.
118
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,678
All he's going to do is hit on
that girl at the party store.
119
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,638
Oh, I should call ahead
and warn her.
120
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,518
* *
121
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,897
[birds chirping]
122
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,693
- What's going on?
123
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,528
You actually came through?
124
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,489
If there's one thing
I can rely on you for,
125
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,866
it's being unreliable.
126
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,035
- I'm adulting.
I'm an adulterer.
127
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,538
- I got some bad news.
128
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,998
I think the bounce house
is broken.
129
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,085
I tried blowing into it,
but it won't inflate.
130
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,504
- It has a motor, fool.
131
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,090
What did you even blow into?
132
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:42,133
- Before you start
blowing anything up,
133
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,510
we should check with Chance
134
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,553
to see if this
is what he really wants.
135
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,764
I'm sure he wants a bug party.
136
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,517
He's so excited that he started
his own bug collection,
137
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:53,186
and now I have
to burn his sheets.
138
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:56,981
- Oh, those ants are my fault.
I keep hot dogs under the bed.
139
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,441
Why do you think
I'm never hungover?
140
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,859
- Chance?
141
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,986
- Eh, I was just about
to do that--Chance.
142
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,697
- It's not a competition.
Chance!
143
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,783
- Then why am I winning?
Chance!
144
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,996
- I got a bounce house?
This party's about to be lit!
145
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,499
- What about the bugs?
- They're dead.
146
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,544
They'll still be dead next
week.
147
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,546
- I guess he's okay with it.
148
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,256
Want to see a live chicken?
149
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,509
Say hello to Hennifer Lopez.
150
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,760
- Whoa!
151
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,929
- Don't get too attached.
152
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:36,229
[upbeat saxophone music]
153
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,522
* *
154
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,190
- Hey, gordo,
enjoying the party?
155
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,859
- It's the best, Grandpa.
156
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,068
- Did you do what I said?
157
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,446
- Yes, I got
three girls' numbers...
158
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,991
as soon as they're old enough
to have phones.
159
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,201
- And as soon as you're
old enough to get a phone,
160
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,494
I'll show you
how to save their numbers
161
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,705
as Domino's, Pizza Hut,
and Little Caesars.
162
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,998
- Why?
163
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,416
- Because when you get older,
164
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,084
you're going to want to eat
a lot of different pizza
165
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,086
from a lot
of different places...
166
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,380
thin and thick crust.
167
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,385
- Your dad and I really nailed
this party, didn't we?
168
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,220
- Yeah, it's great--
169
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,389
almost like two adult children
got high
170
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,350
and planned a birthday party.
171
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,227
- Okay, what's going on
with your vibe?
172
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,729
- What are you talking about?
173
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,440
- Mm, I can tell when
something's bothering a woman.
174
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:24,444
I have, how do you say,
women's intuition.
175
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,822
- Oh, Lord.
176
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,658
- I'm getting the feeling
that you're bummed
177
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,745
that Chance chose
this big party over your idea.
178
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,080
- No.
179
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,748
I want him to be happy.
180
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,792
If he's happy, I'm happy.
181
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,253
- But you don't sound happy.
182
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:46,216
- I'm having the time
of my life, menso.
183
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,425
- Okay, this is
184
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,637
women-on-women's-intuition
violence.
185
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,889
- Ay, there he is.
186
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:56,518
Quinten, this is Tía Daisy.
187
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,437
- Your kind eyes remind me
188
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,899
of my late husband, Raymundo.
189
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,859
- I'm sorry for your loss.
When did he pass?
190
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,529
- 25 years ago.
191
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,281
But when you wear him
in a locket around your neck,
192
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,867
it's like it was yesterday.
193
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,581
- And this is Tía Lily.
194
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:21,501
- It's actually
Mrs. Dr. Lily Rodriguez.
195
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,169
- Oh, are you a doctor?
196
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,881
- My husband is,
so pretty much.
197
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,843
- And my cousin Flor.
198
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,386
- I love your sparkly visor.
199
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,430
- Would you believe
I make them myself?
200
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,016
I sell them on "Es-ty."
201
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,976
- Well, Quinten does well, too.
202
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,311
He works
at the Apple Genius Bar.
203
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,855
- Oh!
- Mm-hmm.
204
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,648
I'm going to go
make us some drinks.
205
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,191
Why don't you tell them
about the time
206
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,777
that you fixed
Enrique Iglesias's phone.
207
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,779
[ladies gasp]
208
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,992
- Okay, so, uh,
he brought it in,
209
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,827
and I fixed it.
210
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,912
- But where was Julio?
211
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,001
- Can you reset
my facial recognition?
212
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,795
It hasn't worked since I got
stung on the lips by a bee
213
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:09,049
and the swelling spread
to my breasts.
214
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,468
- Sure, no problem.
215
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,430
- [speaking Spanish]
216
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,396
- [speaking Spanish]
217
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,446
- Déjame decirte algo...
218
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,740
[speaking Spanish]
219
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,870
[laughter]
220
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,501
- Oh, hey, papa.
221
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,544
How about you hang
with your mom for a little bit?
222
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,755
- Maybe later.
Right now I'm having fun.
223
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,382
- So am I!
224
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,761
- Girl...
225
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,222
- We're going to play
Pin the Tail on the Donkey.
226
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,723
Grandpa says he's the best
227
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,518
because he's been chasing tail
his whole life.
228
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,271
I didn't get it,
but I laughed anyways.
229
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,234
[cumbia music]
230
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:16,282
* *
231
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,803
- Ow!
232
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:43,018
* *
233
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,111
- Oh!
234
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:57,490
* *
235
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,206
[upbeat saxophone music]
236
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,751
* *
237
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,754
- Rosie, I need to tell you
something,
238
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,255
and it might be upsetting.
239
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,674
- Oh, I already know
about your inverted nipples.
240
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,761
- Not what I was going to say.
241
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,722
But update--they reverted.
242
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,309
I overheard the tíastalking
about you.
243
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,562
They didn't realize
that I understand Spanish.
244
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,814
- Interesting.
What did they say?
245
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,317
- Oh, just g-general stuff,
246
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,194
like how you're struggling
with business
247
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:37,906
and fashion choices and lack
of romantic fulfillment.
248
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,827
- So they called me a hoochie
who can't get laid?
249
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,205
- A broke hoochie.
250
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,998
Sorry.
251
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,334
If you hate me for telling you,
I completely understand.
252
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,752
- I don't hate you.
253
00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:53,797
That was a test.
You passed.
254
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,382
- I'm sorry, what?
255
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,801
- I left you alone
with those chismosason purpose
256
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,136
to see if you would report
back, and you did.
257
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,514
I trust you now.
258
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,182
- You didn't trust me before?
259
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:07,644
Rosie, I've been with Mayan
for eight years.
260
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,187
- But you're not married,
261
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,939
so you have to keep proving
your loyalty.
262
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,942
If you want the tests to stop,
put a ring on it.
263
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,819
- It's always fun.
No matter where we start,
264
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,863
we always end up
right back here.
265
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,950
So are you mad at the tíasnow?
- Ay, no.
266
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:26,037
In our family,
chismeis our love language.
267
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,789
If we stop talking crap
about you,
268
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,541
we don't care anymore.
269
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,042
I say stuff, too.
270
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:34,713
Daisy's amazing husband,
Raymundo--
271
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,297
scam artist.
272
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:39,759
I think he faked his own death
to get away from her.
273
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,220
- Oh, my.
- Mm-hmm.
274
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,890
And Lily's big-deal doctor
husband works at the morgue.
275
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,143
I think he helped Raymundo
fake his death.
276
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,521
- No!
277
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,148
- Mm-hmm.
278
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,483
And you want to hear
the biggest shock of them all?
279
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,902
Flor doesn't bedazzle
her own visors.
280
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,239
She outsources to Thailand.
281
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,074
- Get out!
282
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,410
I mean, her visors are nice,
283
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,245
but they aren't even
that sparkly, right?
284
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,955
- Don't talk about my family.
285
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,876
- I thought you--
because you said--
286
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,878
Isn't that how you show
that you care?
287
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,588
- Yes, us.
288
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,424
But not you.
289
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,301
Pero...
290
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:25,472
you can help me talk to them
in my other love language--
291
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,474
revenge.
292
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,395
- Thank God I passed your test.
293
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,024
- [laughs]
294
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,069
- Just coming over
for a feelings check.
295
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:42,614
Talk to me.
This is a safe space.
296
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,783
- Not for you.
297
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,868
- Let's just be honest
with each other.
298
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,453
I'll go first.
299
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:52,874
Sometimes I think
about your mom in the shower.
300
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,211
- What?
301
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,254
- Now you admit that
you're jealous of this party.
302
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:02,550
- No. I'm just annoyed
that my dad has Chance thinking
303
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,428
that every birthday
has to be bigger and better.
304
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,181
So next year he's going
to expect a private party
305
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,017
on a yacht like he's El Chapo.
306
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,561
They're already
the same height.
307
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,021
- I don't buy it.
308
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,525
- Ugh.
309
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,195
And now his big head
is in the bounce house.
310
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,322
Adults aren't allowed in there.
311
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,907
I'm going in.
- Wait.
312
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,827
I don't think it's safe to go
in there with the cake cutter.
313
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,912
- Dad, get out of there.
314
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:34,040
[pop, air hissing]
315
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,211
- What the hell, Mayan?
You stabbed the bounce house!
316
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,714
I was going to sleep
in here tonight.
317
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,882
- It was an accident!
318
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,220
- I blew it up with my mouth.
319
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,812
- Agh!
320
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,897
Can someone get us
out of here?
321
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,067
- Not yet.
It's still hugging my curves.
322
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,532
- Look what you did.
323
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,908
Now I'll never get
my deposit back.
324
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,660
- That's Mom's deposit.
She paid for it.
325
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,246
- I know.
I was going to keep it.
326
00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,914
So what gives, Mayan?
327
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,875
I give Chance a great
birthday party, and you're mad?
328
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,543
It's like you don't want me
to have fun with my grandson.
329
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:22,380
- Why does he get
that when I never did?
330
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,049
- Oh, so that's what it is.
331
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,468
- I never got to do
a piñata with you
332
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,178
or blow out candles.
333
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,846
I wanted to be spun so hard
334
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:32,390
that I stuck a pin
in a tía'sbutt.
335
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,894
- So I do everything right,
336
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,313
and you're still throwing
the past in my face.
337
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,814
- No!
338
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,734
Yeah.
339
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,112
It's screwed up.
340
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,406
I mean, you're finally
showing up for him
341
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,034
in ways you never showed up
for me,
342
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,536
and I can't handle it.
343
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,663
And now my kid's birthday
is ruined
344
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,082
because I'm jealous.
345
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,422
- I'll go.
You've hurt her enough.
346
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,554
* *
347
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,099
- Having fun?
- Claro que sí.
348
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,060
Even though the bounce house
got destroyed,
349
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,645
my ass got stabbed,
350
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:22,565
and this cake appears
to only have dos leches...
351
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,360
this has been
a beautiful party.
352
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,278
- Oh, thank you.
353
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,072
Well, it's about to get better.
354
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,448
Quinten has offered
355
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,075
to upgrade your phones...
[ladies gasp]
356
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,744
With the latest
top-secret technology
357
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,914
that only white
and Asian people get.
358
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,876
- I knew it!
359
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,588
- Yeah, you'll get reception
in an elevator, on the moon,
360
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:49,134
the third-floor
parking below TJ Maxx.
361
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:53,054
- Well, I prefer Marshalls,
but okay.
362
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,184
- Oh, your voice recorder
is on.
363
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,604
You must have accidentally hit
the button earlier.
364
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,773
- Oh, that's okay.
365
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,275
[chuckles]
I'll just delete it.
366
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,943
- Ay, no.
367
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:10,780
If it's been recording this
whole time, we should keep it.
368
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,116
You know,
as a memory for Chance
369
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:16,619
so he can listen to the sounds
of his party
370
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,622
and the tíastalking.
371
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,958
Shall we have a listen?
372
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,169
- Oh, no, I don't--
- Ay!
373
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,927
- I'm sorry.
374
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,346
A-a spasm.
375
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,264
I-it's the ghost of Raymundo.
376
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:39,517
He still like to slap my ass
from the beyond.
377
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,311
Ay! Ay!
378
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,188
Stop it, Ray!
379
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,568
- Really?
380
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,612
You'd rather destroy
a $900 phone
381
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,238
than admit that you called me
a hoochie?
382
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,657
- I don't know what you're
talking about, Rosie.
383
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:57,077
It was an accident.
384
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:59,204
Can the Apple genie
fix it for me?
385
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,455
- I don't know.
386
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,040
Let me ask.
387
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,833
- ¿Puedes arreglarel teléfono?
388
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,460
- Por supuesto que sí.
389
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,337
[ladies gasp]
390
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,715
- El gringo e-speaks e-Spanish?
391
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,012
- Busted!
392
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:22,268
* *
393
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,270
- How's our birthday boy?
394
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,981
- He said it's the best banger
he's ever been to.
395
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,693
- It's the only banger
he's ever been to.
396
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,277
But I'll take it.
397
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,075
- About earlier...
398
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,370
I'm sorry about letting
old stuff get in the way.
399
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,872
It's really nice that you did
all that for Chance.
400
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:46,209
- Well, Mayan, you know,
not all heroes wear capes.
401
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,963
Some wear corduroy slippers
and knee-high white socks.
402
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,884
- The higher the sock,
the downer the fool.
403
00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:56,970
- That's what's up.
404
00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,681
So I get why you were upset.
405
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,683
- You do?
- Yeah.
406
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,184
I felt the same way
407
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,228
when my grandma was nice to you
when you were little.
408
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,396
- Really?
409
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:07,856
- Yeah, I mean, Mayan,
410
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,399
I didn't have any birthday
parties or any gifts.
411
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,401
I mean, my grandma said the
fact that I called her Grandma
412
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,779
and that she fed me was a gift
that I didn't deserve.
413
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,532
So I told her that I thought
calling her Grandma
414
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:19,451
was a gift
that she didn't deserve.
415
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,245
And she said, "Well, then
call me Doña Pow Pow."
416
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:27,375
And the rest of
my formative years are blank.
417
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,336
Ay,I got you something.
418
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,096
I got you that puppy
you always wanted.
419
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,557
- Oh, Dad, I--
420
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,601
Wait. This isn't a puppy.
421
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,354
This is a very small,
very old dog.
422
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,025
- Yeah, uh, it was a puppy
when you were 14.
423
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,986
Don't squeeze it too hard
424
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,988
because the filling
will come out like a churro.
425
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,032
That should be
the dog's name, Mayan--Churro.
426
00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:02,118
- I think I get to name
my birthday puppy, thank you.
427
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,037
- What are you going
to name it?
428
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:06,623
- Churro.
429
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,375
She even smells old.
430
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:13,129
- No, she got
in my hot dog stash.
431
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:18,468
* *
432
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,804
- If I had to say something bad
about my boss,
433
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,056
it would be that she is...
434
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,976
Too nice?
435
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:30,146
- Ay.
- Is this fool for real?
436
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,898
- I'm sorry, my chismesucks.
437
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:34,317
- It should come natural.
438
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:38,071
- Yeah, no need to be out
here doing the "chis-most."
439
00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:41,241
- I see you added some
white diversity to your coven.
440
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,829
Maybe you can sacrifice him
instead of one of the chickens.
441
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,372
[imitates chicken clucking]
442
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,836
- [inhales deeply] Okay.
443
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:56,214
[speaking Spanish]
444
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,017
Hot dogs.
445
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:16,901
- Oh, Quinten, you are
un oso chismoso.
446
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:22,115
- And your Cuban accent
is good.
447
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,744
- It's all in the hands, baby.
448
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,662
- Don't do that.
- Okay.
449
00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:30,331
* *
450
00:21:30,381 --> 00:21:34,931
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