Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON...

SOUNDS TO ME AS IF SOMEONE'S LET GO OF HIS RAGE.

MAYBE I HAVE. WELL, I HAVEN'T.

FELICIA TOOK MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS.

YOU WANT ME TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING, I'LL DO IT.

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. KARL PUT THE BALL IN SUSAN'S COURT...

WITH YOUR D.U.I. CHARGE, IT COULD GET UGLY.

WHILE ANDREW TRIED TO TAKE BREE TO COURT...

(Carlos) THERE'S A FATHER. HE'S A KID!

GABRIELLE AND CARLOS TOOK THE BABY... THE PAPERS AREN'T VALID ANYMORE.

DO YOU REALLY WANNA LEAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL

WITH THAT WHITE TRASH FREAK SHOW?

AND RAN WITH IT.

(Mary Alice) LOUISA PATE BELIEVED IN THE POWER OF SHAME.

AS A TEACHER,

SHE HAD FOUND THAT THE BEST WAY TO CONTROL UNRULY STUDENTS

WAS TO INSTILL A STRONG SENSE OF SHAME...

IN THEIR PARENTS.

I LEFT TRISHA ALONE WITH THE SCHOOL HAMSTER

FOR ONLY FIVE MINUTES.

IN THIS BOX IS ALL THAT'S LEFT OF PATCHES.

FOR SHOW AND TELL, TIMMY DECIDED TO BRING IN SOMETHING

FROM YOUR HUSBAND'S COLLECTION OF NAZI MEMORABILIA.

BILLY'S BEEN THREATENING TO BEAT UP THE OTHER KIDS

FOR THEIR MILK MONEY.

WE FOUND THE PROCEEDS IN HIS CUBBY.

OF COURSE, MRS. PATE ALSO KNEW

WHEN IT CAME TO UNRULY CHILDREN,

SOME PARENTS HAD MORE REASON TO BE ASHAMED...

THAN OTHERS.

SO, UM... YOUR MESSAGE SAID THAT PARKER HAD BEEN INVOLVED

IN SOME SORT OF SERIOUS INCIDENT.

WHAT--WHAT KIND OF INCIDENT?

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON,

PARKER OFFERED A COOKIE TO CINDY LOU PEEPLES

IF SHE WOULD SHOW HIM HER VAGINA.

WHAT KIND OF COOKIE?

WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?

OH, IT DOESN'T.

I'M JUST STALLING BECAUSE I AM COMPLETELY MORTIFIED.

THE KIDS WERE IN A BROOM CLOSET. OUR JANITOR WALKED IN ON THEM

JUST AS CINDY WAS LIFTING UP HER PINAFORE. OH, MY GOODNESS.

I'M SURE YOU'VE NOTICED HOW OBSESSIVE PARKER CAN BE.

A CERTAIN SUBJECT WILL CATCH HIS INTEREST,

AND THAT'S ALL HE'LL TALK ABOUT FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS.

OH, RIGHT. THAT HAPPENED WITH DINOSAURS.

OH, YES, WE ALL REMEMBER HIS DINOSAUR PHASE.

MORE FONDLY NOW THAN EVER.

MM-HMM, SO YOU THINK THAT NOW HE'S OBSESSED WITH...

WHAT'S UNDERNEATH THE PINAFORE. YES.

LOOK, I THINK HE'S JUST DEVELOPED

A NORMAL CURIOSITY ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY.

YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM.

REMIND HIM WHAT'S APPROPRIATE AND WHAT ISN'T.

OF COURSE. I WILL TALK TO HIM.

I'LL TALK TO HIM TILL I'M BLUE IN THE FACE.

I PROMISE. TAKE CARE.

YES, LOUISA PATE BELIEVED IN THE POWER OF SHAME.

SHE ALWAYS BELIEVED, WHEN SOMEONE HAS THAT POWER...

SO, MRS. PEEPLES, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS

WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS WILLING TO DO FOR A GINGERSNAP.

IT'S A SHAME NOT TO USE IT.

***

***

***

IT HAD BEEN SIX WEEKS

SINCE ANDREW VAN DE KAMP HAD DECLARED WAR

ON HIS MOTHER BREE.

THE FINAL BATTLE WAS ABOUT TO BE WAGED

AT THE FAIRVIEW COUNTY COURTHOUSE.

BREE KNEW IT WAS ABOUT TO GET BLOODY.

WHAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW WAS...

THE CALVARY WAS ON ITS WAY...

BREE?

WHETHER SHE WANTED THEM THERE OR NOT.

ELEANOR!

OH, THANK GOD I FOUND YOU. THIS PLACE IS A MAZE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, YOUR FATHER AND I GOT A CALL LAST NIGHT FROM DANIELLE,

AND SHE SAID THAT ANDREW WAS TAKING YOU TO COURT.

(scoffs) I MEAN,

TO SAY THAT WE WERE SHOCKED WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

HELLO, I'M ELEANOR MASON, BREE'S STEPMOTHER.

YOU'RE THE LAWYER? WE SHOULD TALK.

UH, NO, I'M NOT HER LAWYER.

GOOD. THE HAIR HAD ME WORRIED.

PETER IS MOM'S SPONSOR FROM A.A.

OH, SWEETIE! (chuckles)

SINCE WHEN ARE YOU IN A.A.?

IT'S A RECENT DEVELOPMENT. WHERE'S DAD?

IN CHAMBERS WITH THE JUDGE.

WHAT?! WHY?

EVERYTHING IS FINE.

THE JUDGE AGREED TO A POSTPONEMENT.

OH, THANK GOD!

LUCKILY, HE REMEMBERED ME. I SPOKE ONCE AT HIS LAW SCHOOL.

PARDON ME, SIR, I'M YOUR DAUGHTER'S LAWYER.

JUST SO YOU KNOW,

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS HEARING FOR WEEKS,

SON, I'VE BEEN AN ATTORNEY FOR 45 YEARS.

YOU AND I BOTH KNOW

HOW THESE CASES CAN TURN INTO PUBLIC SPECTACLES.

OUR FAMILY IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF HANDLING THIS IN HOUSE.

DAD, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS HAS GOTTEN REALLY UGLY.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

WE'RE GONNA PUT THIS FAMILY BACK TOGETHER.

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

(Beale) AND THAT'S WHEN MR. AND MRS. SOLIS,

FEARING FOR THE WELFARE OF THIS HELPLESS CHILD,

FLED THE HOSPITAL.

YOU MEAN, THEY KIDNAPPED HER.

WELL, TECHNICALLY, THAT'S TRUE,

BUT GIVEN THE SITUATION THAT LED UP TO THE RESCUE...

KIDNAPPING.

YOUR HONOR, YES, IN RETROSPECT,

THE PLAN WAS A LITTLE BIT RASH, NOT ENTIRELY WELL THOUGHT OUT.

IDIOTIC.

(whispers) CAN WE OBJECT TO THAT? SHH!

BUT THE CHILD IS SAFE, YOUR HONOR.

AND ALL WE ASK THE COURT IS TO ALLOW BABY LILY

A LIFETIME OF THE CARE AND LOVE

SHE HAS BEEN RECEIVING FROM THE SOLISES.

AS MUCH AS YOUR STORY TUGS AT MY HEART,

THERE IS THE ISSUE OF PARENTAL RIGHTS.

WHAT DOES THE STATE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS?

WE HAVE LOCATED THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER--

MR. DALE HELM.

UNFORTUNATELY, UH, CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRE THAT HE BE OUT OF TOWN.

HE'S IN FORT LAUDERDALE TODAY.

ON BUSINESS?

SPRING BREAK, ACTUALLY.

MR. HELM IS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT.

CHARMING. IN BETWEEN KEG STANDS, DID THE FATHER HAPPEN TO MENTION

IF HE PLANS TO WAIVE PARENTAL RIGHTS?

I'VE LEFT A NUMBER OF VOICE MAILS,

BUT THE ONLY RESPONSE I'VE GOTTEN IS A TEXT MESSAGE

THAT SAYS THIS "BLOWS HIS MIND" AND HE'S EXTREMELY "BUMMED OUT."

ALL RIGHT...

MR. AND MRS. SOLIS, SINCE YOU ACTUALLY WANT LILY,

IT SEEMS YOU'RE THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS.

I'M GRANTING YOU TEMPORARY CUSTODY

UNTIL WE CAN GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER FROM THE BIRTH FATHER.

THANK YOU, UH, YOUR HONOR.

IN THE MEANTIME, TRY NOT TO STEAL ANY MORE BABIES.

OH, WE JUST NEEDED THE ONE. (chuckles)

SWEETIE?

UM, COULD YOU PUT THE CRAYONS DOWN FOR A SECOND?

WE NEED TO TALK.

SO I SPOKE TO YOUR TEACHER TODAY,

AND SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THE...

COOKIE DEAL YOU MADE WITH CINDY LOU.

OH. ARE YOU MAD?

(chuckles) NO, NOT EXACTLY. I'M JUST...

I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU...

DID THAT.

TOMMY KEENAN TOLD ME BABIES COME FROM DOWN THERE.

IT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT TO ME.

WELL...

ACTUALLY, HE'S KINDA RIGHT. HE'S GOT THE CONCEPT DOWN.

THAT'S WEIRD. HOW'S A BABY GET IN THERE?

DADDY WILL BE HOME FROM HIS BUSINESS TRIP IN A FEW DAYS.

WHY DON'T YOU WAIT FOR HIM?

OKAY. OKAY.

OR I CAN ASK TOMMY'S BROTHER.

HE'S 14, AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

AND THEN THE MOMMY AND THE DADDY,

BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH,

THEY HUG.

REAL TIGHT.

AND, UH, A SEED IS MAGICALLY IMPLANTED.

(clucks) AND NINE MONTHS LATER...

A BABY IS BORN. HERE.

WHAT KIND OF SEED?

OH, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

PARKER, I'M YOUR MOTHER. MOTHERS DON'T LIE TO THEIR SONS.

NOW GO WASH YOUR HANDS

OR SANTA'S NOT GONNA BRING YOU ANYTHING FOR CHRISTMAS.

I JUST SAW EDIE DRIVE OFF. HOW LONG IS SHE GONNA BE GONE?

I DON'T KNOW. SHE JUST WENT TO SHOW A HOUSE.

MOVE.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

YOU MAULED ME IN EDIE'S BED LAST NIGHT.

I THINK THAT DESERVES A CONVERSATION.

WELL, WHAT'S THERE TO TALK ABOUT? I'M JUST A FOOL IN LOVE.

OH, NO! YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

YES, I DO. LOOK, I REALIZE MY TIMING'S A LITTLE OFF.

(scoffs) A LITTLE?

UGH... THE HELIUM HASN'T EVEN GONE OUT OF THE BALLOONS

FROM YOUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY.

(sighs) OKAY... WHEN ARE YOU GONNA TELL EDIE? TELL HER WHAT?

THAT THE WEDDING'S OFF. IS IT?

WELL, ISN'T IT? IT'S UP TO YOU.

ARE... ARE YOU SAYING...

THAT YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH WITH THIS WEDDING...

UNLESS I TELL YOU NOT TO?

JUST GIVE ME A COMMITMENT, SUSIE Q.,

AND I'LL PUT A BULLET IN EDIE. THIS IS INSANE!

COME ON.

ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS AGAIN.

JUST SAY THE WORD... AND I LET GO.

OH, NO! NO, DON'T YOU DARE!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME TO. JUST SAY IT, SUSIE Q.

YOU'RE...

SICK!

(chuckling)

ZACH, I'M GOING TO THE DRUGSTORE.

I'LL BE BACK IN 20 MINUTES.

WHOA!

OH!

(groans)

(grunts)

PAUL?!

I WAS MAKING COOKIES, AND I HEARD THE MOST SICKENING THUD.

ARE YOU OKAY?

THERE'S...

SHORTENING ON MY DOORSTEP.

SHORTENING?

THAT'S THE LAST THING YOU'D WANT ON YOUR FRONT PORCH.

IT'S MEANT FOR BAKING.

(Bree) SHE IS SO ADORABLE, AND I JUST LOVE THE NAME LILY.

IT WAS MY GRANDMOTHER'S NAME.

SO HOW YOU HOLDING UP? YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE TIRED, BUT IT'S NOT TOO BAD. OH, WAIT A COUPLE MONTHS.

SHE'LL START SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.

OH, HONEY, PLEASE. DO I LOOK LIKE A MASOCHIST?

FIRS THING TOMORROW, I'M HIRING A NANNY AND A NIGHT NURSE.

NO, WE'RE NOT.

(laughs) MY HUSBAND, THE COMEDIAN.

I'M SERIOUS. I DON'T WANT SOME STRANGER RAISING OUR BABY.

WELL, YOU GUYS ARE BUSY. WE SHOULD GO.

MM-HMM.

NO, IT'S OKAY. I'LL WIN THIS BATTLE LATER.

WE ARE NOT GONNA BE SOME YUPPIE COUPLE

PAWNING OFF OUR KID ON OTHER PEOPLE. END OF DISCUSSION.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD GO.

YEAH. OKAY, BYE.

GOOD LUCK.

(Lily fussing)

PUT DOWN THE BURRITO.

WHAT IS ALL THIS CRAP ABOUT ME NOT GETTING HELP?

LOOK, A BRAND-NEW BABY NEEDS TO BOND WITH ITS MOTHER.

THE CHURCH KNOWS IT, SCIENCE KNOWS IT, NATURE KNOWS IT.

WE HAVE THE MONEY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH GETTING A LITTLE HELP?

THEN I'LL BE ABLE TO RELAX ONCE IN A WHILE,

AND I'LL BE ABLE TO BE A BETTER MOTHER.

YOU WANNA BE A BETTER MOTHER?

DO WHAT MY MAMá DID-- MAKE SACRIFICES.

MY MAMá WORKED HER FINGERS TO THE BONE FOR ME.

AND THAT'S WHAT PUT HER IN AN EARLY GRAVE!

WELL, THAT AND THE HIT-AND-RUN THING.

(fusses)

(sighs)

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WANT TO BE EMANCIPATED,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING TO DRIVE HIM CRAZY.

BOTTOM LINE--IT'S OVER.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR YOU TWO TO KISS AND MAKE UP.

AND JUST HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

HERE'S A THOUGHT...

JUST LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE AND SAY,

"I FORGIVE YOU."

(laughs) THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION?

IT'S ACTUALLY A TECHNIQUE INVENTED

BY THIS DUTCH THERAPIST.

I SAW HIM ON TV.

HE SAYS, IF YOU VERBALIZE FORGIVENESS,

THE BRAIN CAN TRICK THE HEART INTO LETTING GO OF RESENTMENT.

IT REALLY WORKS.

I DID IT WITH OUR CLEANING LADY.

UM, I'M SORRY, DAD, BUT I THINK MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ANDREW

IS JUST A BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN--

WOULD IT KILL YOU TO AT LEAST TRY?

I'LL DO IT... FOR YOU, GRANDPA.

THAT'S MY BOY. BREE?

FINE!

YES, UM... SO, UM, WHO GOES FIRST?

EITHER OR. DOESN'T MATTER.

MOM, I FORGIVE YOU.

ANDREW, I FORGIVE YOU.

THAT WASN'T SO HARD, WAS IT?

NOW DON'T EXPECT TO FEEL DIFFERENTLY RIGHT AWAY.

IT TAKES A WHILE. IT TOOK ME A WEEK TO FORGIVE ESPERANZA.

BUT NOW SHE'S LIKE FAMILY AGAIN. FAMILY WHO STOLE FROM US.

SO LET'S GET BACK TO THE WAY WE WERE,

AND FORGET ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT EMANCIPATION.

UM...

WELL, GRANDPA, I'M--I'M STILL GONNA NEED MY TRUST FUND.

YOU SEE, I-I CAN'T LIVE IN A PLACE

WHERE I... I DON'T FEEL SAFE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, COULD YOU LIVE WITH A WOMAN WHO HITS YOU?

BREE! I SLAPPED HIM ONCE, AND HE DESERVED IT.

WELL, I JUST ASKED HER TO STOP DRINKING.

YOU WERE DRINKING?

SHE'S IN A.A. HER SPONSOR HAS LONG HAIR.

ANDREW, I FIND YOUR CONCERN IRONIC,

GIVEN HOW TANKED YOU WERE WHEN YOU RAN OVER

OUR NEIGHBOR'S MOTHER WITH YOUR CAR.

IS SHE OKAY? SHE'S DEAD!

WELL...

MOM WATCHED AS HER BOYFRIEND COMMITTED SUICIDE.

AND HE WAS THE SAME GUY WHO KILLED DAD!

ANDREW FALSELY ACCUSED ME OF MOLESTATION...

IN A MALL!

YOU KNOW, THE TECHNIQUE WORKS BEST

IF YOU DON'T TALK RIGHT AWAY.

OKAY, LET'S GO. I DON'T WANNA BE LATE FOR THE MOVIE.

OH, THOSE ARE PRETTY. WHO SENT THOSE?

WHAT?

"SAY THE WORD AND I'M YOURS. LOVE, KARL."

MOM, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

WHEN YOU STARTED HANGING AROUND TOGETHER,

ALL OF YOUR OLD FEELINGS RESURFACING.

NO, HIS FEELINGS.

HE'S THE ONE WITH THE FEELINGS, NOT ME.

UH-HUH.

OKAY, DON'T "UH-HUH" ME. YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO DO THAT.

OH, NO? WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS--

I'M NOT GONNA GO TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME GO BY MYSELF?

WELL, YOU COULD ALWAYS ASK DAD TO GO.

IN FACT, IF YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH,

WHY DON'T YOU MARRY HIM?

OH, WAIT, YOU ALREADY DID. TWICE.

(sighs)

(indistinct conversations)

(woman) HEY, CAROL, COME ON. SIT WITH US.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME NAPKINS WITH THIS.

OH, OKAY, I'LL GO BACK. THANKS.

MY EX-BOYFRIEND'S HERE. IF HE SEES ME ALONE, I'LL DIE.

I'M BEGGING YOU, PLEASE, ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME.

SUSAN? HEY!

MIKE, HI! (chuckles) WHAT A SURPRISE.

HOW ARE YA? GOOD.

OH! GOD, I--I'M BEING SO RUDE.

UM, MIKE, I-I WANT YOU TO MEET...

ORSON HODGE.

NICE TO MEET YOU, MIKE.

WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE

I'M FINALLY SEEING THE MAN HIMSELF IN THE FLESH.

SO... HOW'D YOU TWO MEET?

OH, GOD, I'VE BEEN HER DENTIST FOR YEARS.

(Susan chuckles)

BUT LAST WEEK, I WAS LOOKING IN HER MOUTH

AND DECIDED TO STICK MY TONGUE IN IT.

(laughs)

I'LL SEE YA, SUSAN.

(sighs)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME OUT.

HEY, I'M GREAT IN A CRISIS.

(chuckles)

WELL, I DEFINITELY PICKED THE RIGHT PERSON TO SIT NEXT TO.

ACTUALLY, IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?

NO.

OKAY, YOU CAN SHARE MY POPCORN.

UM, SUSAN...

THIS IS BECKY.

I'LL PROBABLY BE SHARING HER POPCORN.

I'LL JUST WAIT TILL THE LIGHTS GO OUT,

AND THEN I'LL...

WHILE I GET THIS GOING, CAN YOU BRING OUT THE BUNS?

UH, YEAH.

(whoosh)

WHAT THE HELL? YOU ALL RIGHT?

THIS ISN'T LIGHTER FLUID. IT'S GASOLINE.

WHAT?

HOW'D THAT GET IN THERE?

HOW DO YOU THINK?

SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD OVER THERE.

WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS SHE TRYING TO KILL YOU?

NO, SHE'S TRYING TO PISS ME OFF.

WHY?

I'M NOT SURE YET,

BUT I DO KNOW I'M NOT GONNA PLAY ALONG.

WE GOT PLENTY OF BURGERS IF YOU WANT TO POP OVER.

AND BRING YOUR APPETITE.

(Lily crying)

GABY, THE BABY.

NO, I GOT UP TWICE ALREADY. IT'S YOUR TURN.

GABY, I HAVE SEVERAL JOB INTERVIEWS TOMORROW.

I NEED MY SLEEP.

WHAT ABOUT MY SLEEP?

YOU SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS.

EVERY 40 MINUTES?

WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIFE?

WHAT ARE YOU WHINING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW, XIAO-MEI DOES ALL THE HOUSEWORK AROUND HERE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE CARE OF THE BABY.

FINE, FINE, FINE!

(Lily wailing)

PSST!

(whispers) XIAO-MEI.

PSST, WAKE UP.

MRS. SOLIS?

SOMETHING WRONG?

(normal voice) THE BABY WON'T STOP CRYING,

AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS.

WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE LILY FOR A WHILE? UH...

OH, COME ON. I WON'T MAKE YOU DO WINDOWS TOMORROW.

OKAY. WHAT DO I DO?

WELL, SHE'S A BABY. YOU HOLD HER.

YOU BOUNCE HER

AND, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE SING A LITTLE SOMETHING.

AHH.

OH, AND XIAO-MEI,

MR. SOLIS DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS, OKAY? OKAY.

OKAY.

(singing in Chinese)

YEAH, HONEY, CAN YOU TAKE THAT DOWNSTAIRS?

THANK YOU.

ELEANOR, I THOUGHT YOU'D GONE TO BED.

OH, NO, NOT YET. I HAD TO DO MY HAIR NOW.

THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH TIME IN THE MORNING.

UH, SIT.

THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.

YOUR FATHER AND I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE ANDREW

BACK TO RHODE ISLAND WITH US.

REALLY?

AND WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT?

ANDREW'S.

BUT HENRY AND I FEEL IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

IF WE LEAVE HIM HERE,

THE TWO OF YOU WILL WIND UP IN COURT,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO ALLOW THAT.

DO YOU REALLY THINK

THAT I AM ENJOYING AIRING MY DIRTY LAUNDRY IN PUBLIC?

THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS MORTIFYING.

BUT I CAN'T BACK DOWN BECAUSE HE IS MY SON,

AND I NEED MORE TIME TO GET THROUGH TO HIM.

YOU NEVER GIVE UP.

I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED THAT ABOUT YOU.

WHEN YOU WERE A KID,

YOU USED TO MAKE THESE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES

THAT WERE GOD-AWFUL.

BUT YOU KEPT BAKING THEM,

AND YOU KEPT FORCING EVERYONE TO EAT THEM.

(chuckles)

YOU WERE SO DETERMINED TO GET THEM RIGHT.

MY MOTHER DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE AWFUL.

WHEN I MADE THOSE SAME COOKIES FOR HER, SHE LOVED THEM.

WELL, SOME PEOPLE PRAISE CHILDREN

EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T DESERVE IT.

OH, BUT NOT YOU.

WITH YOU, I HAD TO WORK FOR EVERY KIND WORD I EVER GOT.

WELL, YOU ALWAYS RESENTED ME BECAUSE OF MY HIGH STANDARDS.

NO.

I RESENTED YOU

BECAUSE THOSE WERE KICK-ASS PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES.

WE'RE TAKING ANDREW.

ELEANOR, PLEASE...

HE HATES YOU, BREE.

YOUR OWN SON.

YOU KNOW, PART OF BEING AN ADULT

IS ADMITTING THAT YOU'VE FAILED,

AND THEN MOVING ON...

WITH GRACE.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I AM A FAILURE AS A PARENT?

(sighs) WELL, I'D LOVE TO LIE AND SAY SOMETHING SUPPORTIVE,

BUT AS YOU POINTED OUT,

THAT WAS MORE YOUR MOTHER'S THING.

XIAO-MEI?

SO SORRY. I JUST TAKE BREAK.

OH, NO, XIAO-MEI, THAT'S OKAY. THAT'S OKAY.

I KNOW YOU WERE UP ALL NIGHT WITH THE BABY,

AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

YOU KNOW, I'M VERY GRATEFUL

FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR LILY.

SO TO THANK YOU, I BOUGHT YOU A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO MY SPA.

AND YOU CAN TAKE A WHOLE DAY OFF AND JUST REALLY PAMPER YOURSELF.

REALLY? MM-HMM.

THANK YOU!

OH, THANK YOU!

OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

ALL RIGHT, LILY NEEDS TO BE BATHED AND PUT TO BED.

I DON'T WANNA MISS MY YOGA CLASS. HI.

HI, PRETTY GIRL. OH, YES, MOMMY HAS TO GO.

MOMMY HAS TO GO,

SO SHE CAN STAY PRETTY AND THIN AND YOU CAN BE PROUD OF HER.

(chuckles)

MOTHERHOOD IS SUCH A BLESSING.

I HOPE YOU GET TO EXPERIENCE IT ONE DAY.

(front door opens, shuts)

(Andrew) BECAUSE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL!

(Justin) "IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL"? OKAY!

IT'S NOT THAT FAR AWAY. RIGHT. OH, IT'S NOT THAT FAR AWAY?

DUDE, IT-- WHATEVER, OKAY?

YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE TO TELL ME BEFORE? BYE.

(tires squealing)

(sighs)

JUSTIN, WHAT HAPPENED?

ANDREW JUST TOLD ME HE'S MOVING IN WITH HIS GRANDPARENTS.

THEY LIVE SO FAR AWAY,

I'M NEVER GONNA SEE HIM ANYMORE.

I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GOOD FRIENDS.

WE'RE MORE THAN FRIENDS, MRS. VAN DE KAMP.

I LOVE HIM.

OH.

WHY?

WHY?

YES. I'D BE CURIOUS TO KNOW

JUST WHAT IT IS YOU SEE IN HIM.

WELL, WHEN MY PARENTS FIRST HEARD I WAS GAY,

THEY KICKED ME OUT.

THEY SAID I HAD DEBASED THE ENTIRE FAMILY

AND THAT THEY COULDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE

UNTIL I CHANGED.

BUT ANDREW--HE SAID THAT I SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEM,

'CAUSE THEY WERE TOO STUPID TO KNOW HOW GREAT I WAS.

THAT'S THE THING ABOUT ANDREW.

HE DOESN'T TAKE CRAP FROM ANYONE.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

YOU KNOW, IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME

HOW PEOPLE CAN TURN THEIR BACKS ON THEIR OWN FAMILY.

I MEAN--BUT IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY, DOESN'T IT?

I GUESS.

YOU KNOW, JUSTIN, IF YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO HELP,

I'M PRETTY SURE

THAT I COULD FIND A WAY TO KEEP ANDREW FROM MOVING.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I'M HOME.

OH, HI.

HEY, MRS. McCLUSKEY.

SO HOW DID EVERYTHING GO?

FINE. PENNY FUSSED A BIT.

I THINK HER MOLARS ARE COMING IN. OH.

AND THE TWINS FOUGHT OVER THE REMOTE.

THERE'S NOTHING NEW THERE. NO. (chuckles)

HERE'S THE BIG NEWS--

PARKER OFFERED ME A FUDGSICLE IF I WOULD SHOW HIM MY VAGINA.

OH, GOOD GOD, LYNETTE, RELAX. I DIDN'T DO IT.

I JUST GOT THIS OUT OF THE FREEZER A SECOND AGO.

UH, YEAH. OF COURSE. NO, SORRY.

APPARENTLY, PARKER WANTED TO PUT A SUNFLOWER SEED INSIDE ME

AND SEE IF A BABY WOULD GROW. WHERE DO KIDS GET THIS STUFF?

OH... THAT WAS ME.

HE WAS ASKING ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES,

AND I FUDGED A FEW OF THE DETAILS.

WELL, HE'S ONLY 7 YEARS OLD.

I DON'T THINK HE NEEDS TO KNOW EVERYTHING YET.

I DON'T WANNA ROB HIM OF HIS INNOCENCE.

WELL, NOW, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU GET 'EM WHEN THEY'RE YOUNG.

GIVE THEM ALL THE GORY DETAILS.

AND THEN WHEN THEY'RE GOOD AND DISGUSTED, YOU SHAME 'EM.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU TELL THEM SEX IS DIRTY AND WRONG

AND HE SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT,

AND IF HE DOES, HE'S GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL.

(laughing) THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE LIBERAL IDIOT.

NO, I'M NOT GONNA SHAME MY SON.

MM, I'M TELLING YA, IT WORKS.

IT KEEPS PEOPLE IN THEIR PLACE,

IT KEEPS PARENTS FROM BEING HUMILIATED,

AND IT KEEPS ME FROM HAVING TO SPEND THE AFTERNOON

TALKING ABOUT MY WOO-WOO.

(doorbell rings)

IN YOUR HASTE TO DUCK OUT BEFORE THE CREDITS ROLLED, YOU...

OH, MY GOD! OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I STUCK A CARD IN THERE, JUST IN CASE YOU EVER WANTED

TO PURPOSELY SIT NEXT TO ME AT A MOVIE, SO...

ORSON, I'M FLATTERED. UH, REALLY.

(sighs) YOU-- YOU DON'T WANNA DATE ME.

I-I MEAN, MY LOVE LIFE IS JUST SO COMPLICATED RIGHT NOW.

WELL... NO, I WON'T BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS.

SO THE EX-BOYFRIEND HAS NO IDEA YOU'RE SECRETLY MARRIED

TO THE EX-HUSBAND, WHO STILL LOVES YOU,

BUT UNLESS YOU GIVE HIM A REASON NOT TO,

IS GONNA MARRY THE NEIGHBORHOOD SLUT?

DID I CALL EDIE A SLUT? MM-HMM.

WELL, THAT'S OVERSTATING IT. EDIE'S NOT A SLUT.

SHE'S JUST... POPULAR WITH INDISCRIMINATE MEN.

ANYWAY... YES, THOSE ARE THE RELEVANT PLAYERS.

OKAY. NOW I'M ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED

THAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY,

BUT THERE'S NOBODY ELSE I CAN TALK TO WHO WON'T JUDGE ME.

AND SINCE YOU'RE A COMPLETE STRANGER,

I'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN

UNLESS I RANDOMLY RUN INTO YOU ON THE STREET,

IN WHICH CASE, YOU'LL IGNORE ME 'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY I AM.

SO HERE GOES...

I'M HAVING FEELINGS FOR KARL AGAIN.

(sighs) DOES THAT MAKE ME A TERRIBLE PERSON?

YOU WANT MY UNVARNISHED OPINION?

LAY IT ON ME.

IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A TERRIBLE PERSON,

BUT IT DOES MAKE YOU A...

WELL... A SUCKER.

THIS KARL'S A COWARD.

HE WANTS YOU TO BE THE HEAVY AND TAKE ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY.

IF YOU'RE HAVING FEELINGS FOR A GUY LIKE THAT,

I SAY RUN... FAR, FAR AWAY.

HE LIVES THREE HOUSES DOWN.

HMM. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, THEN.

(chuckles)

BUT LIKE I SAID, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN A TOOTH WHITENING,

MY CARD'S STILL IN YOUR WALLET.

XIAO-MEI?

XIAO-MEI?

I'M LATE TO MEET MRS. VAN DE KAMP.

I'LL BE BACK IN A LITTLE WHILE.

(indistinct conversations)

BREE... I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.

OH, HONEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, WITH THE NEW BABY AT HOME,

I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT AT ALL.

OOH, I'LL HAVE A DRINK. ANYTHING WITH AN UMBRELLA.

SO TELL ME, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I MEAN, YOUR ENTIRE WORLD MUST BE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.

YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN CHALLENGING, BUT I-I SOLDIER ON. (chuckles)

SO WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU LOOK SO RESTED.

I JUST GOT A MASSAGE AT MISTY SPRING.

THINGS HAVE BEEN A LITTLE TENSE AT HOME,

AND I NEEDED AN HOUR TO RELAX.

GOOD FOR YOU. I LOVE THAT SPA.

MM. UM, OH, BY THE WAY, WHILE I WAS THERE,

I SAW YOUR, UH, YOUR HOUSEKEEPER.

XIAO-MEI?

OH, NO, YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.

I JUST LEFT HER. SHE'S AT HOME WORKING.

ARE YOU SURE? I WAS TALKING TO HER IN THE STEAM ROOM

FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES. WHAT?

YEAH, APPARENTLY YOU GAVE HER A GIFT CERTIFICATE.

(tires squealing)

LILY?

LILY, MOMMY'S COMING!

OH, THANK GOD! OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M NEVER GONNA LEAVE YOU AGAIN. OH!

YES. YES.

I'M HOME!

MY INTERVIEW GOT CANCELED.

(cooing) OH, THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL.

YOUR CHAKRA LINING UP NICE FOR MOMMY?

THAT'S MY GIRL.

(chuckles) HEY, LET ME TAKE HER OFF YOUR CHEST

SO YOU CAN DO YOUR YOGA.

NO! NO, NO, NO. WE'RE DOING JUST FINE.

AREN'T WE, LILY?

(chuckles)

(playing rock version of "Hava Nagila")

BRIDEZILLA'S GOT ME AUDITIONING WEDDING BANDS,

AND I'M CLUELESS ABOUT EDIE'S TASTE IN MUSIC.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE GUYS?

THAT'S WHY YOU BROUGHT ME DOWN HERE? MM-HMM.

KARL, YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.

IT IS! I NEED TO HAVE SOMEBODY TO DANCE WITH SO I CAN SEE

IF THESE GUYS HAVE THE POWER TO HELP ME GET MY GROOVE ON.

KARL... UH-OH!

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU LIKE IT LAID-BACK AND ROMANTIC, DON'T YOU?

GUYS, CAN WE PLAY SOMETHING MELLOW?

NO, DON'T BOTHER, 'CAUSE I'M GOING.

(drumstick clicks) (man) TWO...

(playing "You Are So Beautiful")

* YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL...

THAT WAS NOT A COINCIDENCE.

THIS WAS PLAYING THE NIGHT WE FIRST KISSED.

* TO ME... IT'S OUR SONG. REMEMBER?

I REMEMBER. I ALSO REMEMBER THAT

YOU ARE PLANNING ON MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE.

NOT IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO.

COME ON, SUSIE Q.

I CAN SEE YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME,

AND I KNOW I HAVE NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU.

OKAY, YOU WANT THE TRUTH?

I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU,

BUT I KEEP LOOKING AT YOU,

TRYING TO SEE IF YOU'VE CHANGED, IF YOU'VE GROWN UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE?

I SEE THE SAME WEAK COWARD

THAT WALKED OUT ON ME THREE YEARS AGO.

OF COURSE I'VE CHANGED.

I DON'T THINK SO.

* EVERYTHING I NEED...

SO I THINK YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY WITH EDIE.

* YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL...

AND THE BAND IS GOOD. YOU SHOULD HIRE 'EM.

* TO ME

* CAN'T YOU SEE?

(construction work banging in distance)

(flapping sound)

WHAT THE HELL?

FOR GOD'S SAKES...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!

THIS IS MY HOUSE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE TENTING FOR TERMITES. WE GOT A WORK ORDER.

SIGNED BY WHO?

PAUL...

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TENTING MY HOUSE.

I MUST'VE WRITTEN THE ADDRESS DOWN WRONG.

(haltingly) MUCHACHOS, MI CASA ESTá AQUí.

YOU'VE TAKEN IT TOO FAR THIS TIME.

THESE LITTLE MIND GAMES ARE GONNA STOP RIGHT NOW!

(lowers voice) AND IF THEY DON'T, WHATCHA GONNA DO?

BLOW OUT YOUR BRAINS LIKE YOUR WIFE DID?

(grunts) AHH!

(man) HEY, HEY!

HEY, YOU OKAY? DID YOU HEAR THAT?

HE ASSAULTED ME FOR AN HONEST MISTAKE.

GOD KNOWS WHAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T BEEN HERE.

LET GO!

DAD, DAD, DAD. COME ON.

COME ON. COME ON, OKAY?

I TALKED TO MRS. McCLUSKEY, AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, PARKER,

YOU CAN'T ASK PEOPLE THINGS LIKE THAT.

WHY?

BECAUSE...

IT'S RUDE.

I SAID "PLEASE."

WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER!

YOU GOTTA QUIT TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR BODIES,

AND ABOUT WHERE, YOU KNOW, BABIES COME FROM.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT AN APPROPRIATE SUBJECT.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT.

WHY?

UGH! BECAUSE IT'S DIRTY AND WRONG,

AND I'LL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP! THAT'S WHY.

IN THAT MOMENT,

LYNETTE SAW A LOOK ON HER SON'S FACE

SHE HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE...

AND SHE THOUGHT OF THE LOOK HE HAD ON HIS FACE

WHEN HE HAD BECOME OBSESSED WITH DINOSAURS...

OBSESSED WITH BASEBALL

AND OBSESSED WITH TRAINS.

AND IT OCCURRED TO LYNETTE

SHE DIDN'T NEED TO SHAME HER SON.

ALL HE NEEDED WAS A BRAND-NEW OBSESSION.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE COULDN'T HAVE A PUPPY.

WELL... IT TURNS OUT WE REALLY NEEDED ONE.

YOU CAN GO AND PLAY.

AND THOUGH SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE TIME,

IT WOULD BE ANOTHER THREE YEARS

BEFORE PARKER SCAVO WOULD EVER ASK ABOUT SEX AGAIN.

KARL. WHAT'S GOING ON?

UH, I'M ON MY WAY TO A MOTEL.

I-I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THE WEDDING IS OFF.

IT IS?

I TOLD EDIE I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH HER--

AT LEAST, NOT IN THE WAY THAT SHE DESERVES.

WOW.

WHY DID YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

I MEAN, I HOPE IT WASN'T BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE I TOLD YOU-- IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

NO?

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I HAVE BEEN A COWARD.

I WAS A COWARD THREE YEARS AGO WHEN I WALKED OUT

ON THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

AND I WAS BEING A COWARD WITH EDIE.

(chuckles) I MEAN, TO EVEN CONSIDER MARRYING HER

WHEN I KNOW WHAT REAL PASSION AND REAL LOVE FEELS LIKE.

ANYWAY, I-I-I JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW.

KARL...

YOU LOOK PRETTY BEAT UP.

(scoffs)

WHY--WHY DON'T YOU... WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND...

WE'LL CRACK OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE.

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

THIS IS THE LAST OF ANDREW'S THINGS.

ONCE WE TAPE UP THESE BOXES, WE CAN START LOADING THE CAR.

I'M PROUD OF YOU, BREE.

YOU'RE BEING AWFULLY BIG ABOUT THIS.

WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WAS A BIT UPSET AT FIRST.

BUT THEN IT HIT ME. YOU'RE HIS GRANDPARENTS.

YOU SHOULD BOND, GET TO KNOW THE REAL ANDREW.

(gasps)

OH, DAD, I-I FORGOT TO WARN YOU.

THESE ARE SOME OF ANDREW'S ADULT VIDEOS.

I DON'T APPROVE, BUT BOYS WILL BE BOYS.

OH, HENRY, STOP LOOKING AT THAT FILTH.

I DON'T GET IT.

WHERE ARE THE WOMEN?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THIS IS ALL JUST A BUNCH OF... NAKED MEN.

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?

I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT.

HENRY, THIS IS PORNOGRAPHY FOR HO-HOMOSEXUALS.

OH, SHOOT! I WISH YOU HADN'T GONE THROUGH THAT.

NOW WE HAVE TO HAVE AN UNPLEASANT CONVERSATION,

AND WE WERE HAVING SUCH A NICE TIME.

BREE, IS...

IS ANDREW... GAY?

OH, DAD, ANDREW HATES LABELS. I'M SURE IT'S JUST A PHASE.

EXCUSE ME,

BUT HE HAS A MAGAZINE TITLED "LEATHER DADDIES IN LOVE."

THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A PHASE TO ME.

MAYBE NOT, BUT IT'S NO LONGER MY CONCERN

NOW THAT HE'LL BE LIVING WITH YOU.

WE HAVE TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK.

LET'S DON'T FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS.

THE DUTCH THERAPIST SAYS--

FORGET THE DUTCH THERAPIST! IN THE KITCHEN!

(Eleanor) NOW!

(sizzling)

HEY, WHERE'S GRANDMA AND GRANDPA?

I NEED TO START LOADING UP MY STUFF.

OH, THEY, UH, THEY ALREADY LEFT.

WAIT... THEY LEFT?

WITHOUT ME?

UH, YEAH, THEY WROTE YOU A LETTER.

IT SEEMS THEY CAME ACROSS SOME PERSONAL ITEMS OF YOURS

THAT, UM, UPSET THEM.

THEY'RE TAKING AWAY MY TRUST FUND?

THEY CAN'T DO THAT!

WELL, ACTUALLY THEY CAN.

I MEAN, IT'S THEIR MONEY TO DISPENSE WITH AS THEY SEE FIT.

I KNOW IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR, BUT--

NO, IT'S REALLY UNFAIR. IN FACT, IT SUCKS.

WHAT--WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

WELL, NOW THAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BECOME EMANCIPATED,

I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STAY HERE WITH ME.

ANDREW, WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK.

WE JUST HAVE TO LET GO OF OUR ANGER.

NO.

OH, I, UM, HAD A CHANCE

TO HAVE A NICE CHAT WITH JUSTIN THE OTHER DAY.

HE REALLY SEEMS VERY SWEET.

I'VE INVITED HIM OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

NOW I WISH I HADN'T TORCHED OUR WEDDING PHOTOS.

(chuckles)

WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT,

AFTER EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED,

THAT WE WOULD'VE ENDED UP BACK HERE AGAIN?

IT'S BEEN ONE HELL OF A RIDE, HUH?

YEAH.

(sighs) SO HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?

ABOUT US?

MM.

I FEEL GOOD. (giggles)

I FEEL HAPPY.

YOU'RE NOT HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS.

YOU REALLY HAVE CHANGED.

HEY, THIS IS THE NEW KARL, BABY.

HE'S NOT AFRAID TO CRY. (chuckles)

(telephone rings)

HELLO?

(sighs)

OH, HI, EDIE.

UH... YEAH, HE'S HERE.

HOLD ON.

(whispering) HOW DOES SHE KNOW YOU'RE HERE?

(whispers) I DON'T KNOW.

(normal voice) HI. AHEM.

YEAH, I JUST CAME BY TO HELP JULIE WITH HER CIVICS HOMEWORK.

UH-HUH.

OKAY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. WHAT KIND OF JUICE DO YOU WANT?

RIGHT. BYE, BYE.

ARE YOU GETTING JUICE FOR HER?

YEAH, JUST ONE CARTON.

YOU RIPPED THE WOMAN'S HEART OUT.

WHY WOULD SHE WANT JUICE FROM YOU?

OKAY. (clears throat) NOW DON'T FREAK OUT,

BUT THIS BREAKUP IS SORT OF A WORK IN PROGRESS.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW? WILL YOU CALM DOWN? I CAN EXPLAIN.

SO IF EDIE DOESN'T KNOW, THEN THAT MEANS

THAT YOU JUST CHEATED ON HER... WITH ME!

YOU MADE ME THE OTHER WOMAN! PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY. I TRIED TO BREAK UP WITH HER,

BUT BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE YOU WANTED ME BACK,

THE WORDS JUST WOULDN'T COME OUT OF MY MOUTH.

NOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU WANT ME AND LOVE ME AGAIN,

IT'S A DONE DEAL.

(Susan) GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU MISERABLE SON OF A BITCH!

(Karl) CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

NO, JUST GET OUT! GET OUT!

SUSIE, SUSIE! OUR MARRIAGE WAS GARBAGE!

STUPID, DISGUSTING PILE OF GARBAGE! NO, NO, DON'T SAY THAT.

AND I REGRET EVERYTHING THAT CAME OF IT! DON'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

UGH! EXCEPT YOU, HONEY. YOU'RE MY ROCK.

OOH, OUT! GET OUT!

I... UGH!

I PROMISE YOU I'M GONNA BREAK UP WITH EDIE AND MAKE THIS RIGHT.

I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S DONE. DON'T BOTHER! I WON'T PICK UP.

(door slams)

WE'VE ALL DONE SOMETHING IN OUR LIVES WE'RE ASHAMED OF.

SOME OF US HAVE FALLEN FOR THE WRONG MAN.

SOME HAVE LET GO OF THE RIGHT WOMAN.

THERE ARE THOSE WHO HAVE HUMILIATED THEIR PARENTS...

AND THOSE WHO HAVE FAILED THEIR CHILDREN.

YES,

WE'VE ALL MADE MISTAKES THAT DIMINISH US AND THOSE WE LOVE.

BUT THERE IS REDEMPTION

IF WE TRY TO LEARN FROM THOSE MISTAKES... AND GROW.