All language subtitles for Darby and the Dead (2022)

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If I had to pick a
yearbook quote, it would be,

"Lonely in life,
popular in death."

See that girl flying up in the air?

That's me, Darby Harper.

My upbringing was
pretty awesome at first.

That's my mom.

I was following in her
iconic cheer footsteps.

Back then, I thought I knew who
I was and who I wanted to be.

- Until everything came crashing down.
- There's Dad.

Darby!

My mom and I died
on the same day.

One. Two…

And even though I technically
came back from the other side,

I was never the same.

What was different about me?
Are you sitting down for this?

I see dead people.

Everywhere.

And it turns out the dead,

or "Deados" as I like to
call them, - Excuse me.

Actually needed my help.

Hey.

So, that's when I turned
my back on the living world

and decided to start
my little side hustle,

- counseling local spirits.
- Hello.

Over time, I learned that not
every person who died stuck around.

Only those who have some
unfinished business.

And this is where I come in…

…as a spiritual messenger of sorts,

making sure the Deados don't get stuck
in a world that no longer sees them.

With my assistance, these
spirits were able to cross over,

which is pretty beautiful.

Word spread in the purgatory circuit,
and my after-school job took off.

Hey, how are you?

There's no pay,

but if dead people gratitude
had monetary value,

I'd be Jeff Bezos.

You'd think witnessing dead people
say, "Goodbye" over and over again

would be my biggest burden,

but it is a distant second

to the torturous realm where I am
forced to spend my days, high school.

I can't believe you think this is a
better education than homeschooling.

I mean, look at them.

Honey, I have a hard time getting
you to come out for dinner.

I mean, how else can I
get you to socialize?

I make, like, ten new dead friends a
week. How much more social can I get?

I love you.

Love you too.

Try to have a good day.

- Hey, babe.
- Hey, isn't that Capri Donahue?

Honey, I just don't get why
you two stopped hanging out.

You were joined at the hip.
Maybe y'all should reconnect.

Oh, no. I lost my
hard-earned smile.

It truly amazes me that at the
most formative time of their lives,

a time that should be
about self-discovery,

and finding what is individual
and unique about themselves,

they instead choose to
homogenize in groups

that give them the unhealthy
acceptance they so deeply crave.

You're so lucky
your mom let you.

I was going under the knife
for my deviated septum anyway,

so we just thought that we'd get
my boobs done at the same time.

And that's why I'd rather hang out
with the unliving than the unwoke.

- Gross, sorry.
- Hey, dude,

La Croix eruption at
Mount McMuffin, dude.

Did I mention that I spent last
Friday night discussing modern art

with a woman who claimed to be
Frida Kahlo's lover? Just saying.

In the ecosystem of high school,

I'm basically a hermit
crab hiding under a reef.

And I wouldn't have
it any other way.

That's my friend, Gary. He's a
"Stayer." A Stayer is a Deado who...

- Oh, my God. No way!
- I know. And she said, "Fetch."

- Ew.
- Your jacket is really cute, by the way.

Oh, thanks. It's amazing what I can do
with a sewing machine and a little thread.

Capri Donahue.

Head phony. Ever heard of someone
described as having solid character?

Oh, my God. The Sweet
Seventeen promo video?

- I know.
- Oh, I'm living for it.

Well, Capri's is
pure particle board.

I know!

Good morning, Miss Lyman. You
look like a breath of fresh air.

Kiss ass.

Oh, Darby. Forgot you went here.

Hmm.

- Babe.
- Jamesy!

I missed you.

In case you couldn't tell by that
dramatic Bachelor Nation -style spin,

that's Capri's boyfriend.

James Harris was a band geek

who had been completely
invisible to Capri until...

Even though he didn't make it
past the blind audition round,

it was enough fame for Capri

to turn her chair and set
her thirsty hooks in him.

Good morning, newly minted junior class.

- Whoo!
- Welcome to biology lab.

Before you get too comfortable, I've
paired you up with your lab partner

alphabetically by last name.

Go ahead and take a
seat with that person.

I don't even have to look at the list.
Ever since first grade, it's always...

- Harper.
- Harris.

Uh, Miss Lyman, I need to
be partnered with James

because I'm trained to assist
him with his learning disability.

He has dyslexia.

No, he doesn't.

I'm sure James will
manage on his own, Capri.

Capri knows I'm the one person
she can't get to like her.

I'm the one girl in school
who doesn't wanna be her,

the one person who can
see through her bullshit.

Hi, baby.

Babe, I'm at a different table.
I'm not going off to war.

Oh, my God. Don't even say that.

All right. Let's get started.

Uh, excuse me, Miss Lyman?
There's an ass on my desk.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is a fresh blowout.

I didn't even see
anyone was sitting here.

Freak show.

I'm sorry. She can be a little
extra sometimes.

Extra psychotic.

- I like your Chucks.
- Oh, thanks.

Yeah.

James is a good guy.

He was actually my first crush back
in sixth grade.

Before I realized that romantic
relationships are just a social construct

people created to avoid the fact that
we're all helplessly alone in this world.

Mmm. I got you this time.

I do.

- Hmm. Boom.
- Eh, nah, nah, nah, nah. Bishop to e4.

Ugh, crap. That's...

Yeah, that's... That
would be checkmate.

Mmm.

And that would also
be two more bucks you owe me, kid.

Come on. You don't
even use money.

I know, I know. But I love
to leave it in Linda's purse.

She gets a big boost when she finds it.
Treat herself to some fancy coffee drink.

All right. That is
pretty frigging adorable.

All right,
come on. Pay up.

I really
wish you took Venmo.

I hope you have a
wonderful rest of the day.

Thank you, Gary. I
appreciate it. I'll try.

Hey, hi. Uh, you're the girl
from the bleachers, right?

Uh, I don't talk
to clients here.

Uh.

Come by my office Friday night,
okay? That's where I work.

Work...

- Oh, shit.
- Are you okay?

I mean, you look like
you've just seen a ghost.

The opposite,
actually. I thought you were...

Never mind. I just... I
haven't seen you before.

Great. You two found each other.

- Alex is new, and he's gonna need…
- Oh, God. Please, no.

…a junior study buddy
to show him the ropes.

He just transferred
in from a Montessori school,

so all this is pretty
foreign to him.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know if
I'm the best person to do that.

Sure, you are. You're an honors
student, and you both seem like such...

- He's thinking, "Weirdos."
- Abstract thinkers.

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

Extracurricular activities
meet-and-greet starts in ten minutes.

Walk Alex through it. Help him
acclimatize.

- That guy. Uh, we're... Yep.
- Yep. Okay.

So, do you have any burning questions
about Frederick Douglass High

I can answer in the
next two minutes?

Uh, that for starters.

Yeah, the superintendent passed a
bill allowing corporate sponsorship

of cafeterias so that schools could
save on the cost of lunches.

Jeez.

My old school didn't have
this type of structure.

You know, the bell telling
you when and where to go,

having to raise your hand to
get permission to take a leak.

Public school is only a few
rules away from the Marines.

Yeah. That's funny.

So, why did you
leave Montessori?

I had a bit of a rough patch last
year. You know, some issues, so...

I feel your pain,
junior class buddy.

So, who do you hang with?

Uh, I don't.

Oh. The lone wolf.

You said something
earlier about your work?

Oh, no. N... It was
nothing.

I thought you were someone else.

Um, I do some social
work on Friday nights.

Social work?

When in doubt, the truth gets
people to bug off every time.

Yeah. Yeah, it's for dead people. I
help them pass on to the next realm.

Uh...

That's really cool. I'm actually
into psychic mediums too.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. What are the odds?

That backfired.

So, uh, are you
in any of these clubs?

Maybe in another lifetime.

At my old school, I had
a Stephen King book club.

Oh, uh-huh.

But you know, if I'm forced
to be here, which I am,

I've decided I want the most public
school experience ever known to man.

Wow. You're quite
the glass half-full guy.

I mean, if you don't embrace
the absurdities in life, right?

It's unlivable.

Mmm.

Ooh, prom. I've seen
that in the movies.

Uh, I gotta run.

Oh. Okay, uh...

I-I'd love to talk to you more
about the paranormal stuff.

Lone wolf, Alex.

- "Lone" being the key adjective there.
- Right.

Yeah. See you.

Yeah.

Mmm. That's not good.

All right. Listen up, people.

We got a few cheerleaders here who want
to do a special presentation just for you.

And action!

Let's go.

Hi, Cougars! I'm Capri
Donahue, and this is...

Taylor.

Taylor, Bree, Piper and Todd.

And we're here to tell all the gym
classes about cheer tryouts next week.

Here's a little skit we
prepared. Hope you enjoy!

Hi! Are you new here?

Yes, I'm a freshman.

And I've always dreamed of being

a cheerleader, but I'm
so intimidated by it.

Isn't it just for
shallow, hot girls?

I'm so glad you asked. And the
answer is, that's offensive.

Cheerleaders aren't just pretty
people who are happy all the time.

We face the same
challenges. Just like you.

Really? Even you,
the head cheerleader?

- Yes, even me.
- Yeah.

But cheer allows us to be
the change that we wanna see.

We support female
empowerment, just like Beyoncé.

When one of us falls...

- The sisterhood is there to catch us.
- Jesus.

Next week, I'll be there.

Piper, at the end.

But cheer keeps
the world moving.

Because when something
gets us down...

- Cheer...
- Lifts us back up.

Let's hear it, Cougars!

Tryouts next
week, show us what you can do.

Tryouts next week!

- Now, Piper!
- "Now," what?

Next week? I'll be there.

- Shit.
- Whoo!

- Let's go, Cougars!
- Whoo!

My dad said I can only invite
50 people, but I was, like,

"Come on, the DJ tent
holds at least a hundo."

Ugh! Can we get a
corporate sponsor from…

…the electric company or
something? This is ridiculous.

Give me my clothes.

Why would I take your clothes? Not
planning on attending a funeral.

I have no problem walking up to
Principal Morgan's office in my towel

to discuss his zero
tolerance bullying policy.

Oh, my God! You're totally
gaslighting me right now.

You're the one who bullied me in front
of the entire class this morning.

You called me an ass.

Technically, I called
your actual ass an ass.

Maybe you'll understand that more when
we get to the anatomy section of bio lab.

It was just a joke. No need to go
crying to the principal, freak show.

Ow! My ass.

- Capri!
- Are you okay?

I'm fine. Just...
I slipped.

Miss Harper, thank you so
much for giving us your statement.

We'll be in touch if we have
any follow-up questions.

Miss Harper?

Uh... Yeah, yes.
Okay.

Okay.

All right, ladies.

Go home, get some rest.

Remember, we have grief
counselors available.

Seeing a dead person is a
very traumatic experience

which none of us
are equipped for.

Sorry.

Something in the
throat.

Hey.

Hey.

Yeah. She was a beauty.

I know you don't like
talking about your mom.

And I'm not trying to push you.

I know Capri's death is
probably a trigger. Right?

No. No, really. I'm... I'm fine.

Honey.

I'm just tired.

So... But thank you.

Night.

- I love you.
- Love you.

Wake up, bitch. Wake up!

Oh, goddamn it.

So it's true. You can see me.

How did
you even... Uh...

Remember groundskeeper Gary?

- Uh...
- Yeah.

He told me all about
your little "ability."

Bring me back.

Darby!

Bring me back. Now!

Capri, I can't bring you back.
I can only help you move on.

Move on?

No. Cheer tryouts are next week.

My Sweet Seventeen is
coming up in a month.

I've planned it the whole year. It
costs more than my sister's wedding.

Denial.
It's the hardest stage.

Listen, I'm...
…I'm really sorry you died.

I truly am. But you are dead,

and neither I, nor anyone
else can bring you back.

Holy crap!

Did I do that?

- Am I coming back to life?
- No, dude, you're a form of energy.

So, with intense
focus and practice,

or I guess just pure,
unfiltered teenage rage,

Deados can manipulate
things in the real world.

- "Deados?"
- Yeah. Yeah, that's what I call your kind.

The in-betweeners like you.

Okay, but-but-but
what about, um, Gary?

- I mean, he died our freshman year, right?
- Yeah.

He's a Stayer. It means
he chooses to be here.

He's waiting for his wife to die
so they can pass on together.

Okay, cute. Um. Then,
I will be a Stayer too.

Yeah. I don't wanna go to some…
…creepy afterlife. No, thank you.

No, no. Capri, this is not
where you're meant to be,

so it'll be very difficult
for you to be at peace here.

Especially you, feeling like you're
missing out on all that stupid shit

you think is so important.

Oh, it might be stupid
shit to you, freak show,

but this is the best
year of my life.

Everyone thinks senior
year is peak, but no.

Seniors have one foot
out the door to college.

I am at the epicenter of the
ultimate high school experience.

I'm not
going anywhere.

You literally will never be
able to see yourself again.

You're dead.

So is all that shit
you care about.

Cheer championships,
homecoming, your birthday.

You can't experience it anymore.

I'm sorry.

Look, I can deliver whatever
message you want to whomever.

But once you make the decision
to move on, you move on.

Look, you can stay here
tonight if you're freaked out.

But I'm going to sleep
because, well, I'm alive,

and I have another day
of living hell tomorrow.

I'm sorry you died.

I'm Katlyn Kelley, reporting live
from Frederick Douglass High School,

where yesterday, students witnessed
the shocking and tragic death

of their popular classmate,
head cheerleader,

Capricorn Donahue.

I'm on TV, and
I can't even enjoy it.

Grieving students have
been visiting this memorial

for the beloved cheerleader.

Could you tell us a little about
what made Capri so special?

She was an amazing
person and such a great friend.

And I'm just gonna
miss her so much.

I've literally never seen
you before in my life.

Capri was planning a big Sweet
Seventeen birthday for next month.

Can you tell us more about that?

Yeah, she
was so excited about the party.

She put everything she
had into planning it.

Oh, guys! I'm still
here...

Is there anything else you would
like our viewers to know about Capri?

Just that she was the glue that
bonded together our sisterhood.

She was actually a Scorpio.

Also, follow us on
Instagram. Thank you.

A young spark of life, gone in
a flash. A cheer heard no more.

Are you sure you wanna do this?
Maybe you should stay at home.

Signing off.

Nah, it's just putting
off the inevitable.

That's the photo
you brought to my shrine?

Taylor, you look adorable, and
my eyes are literally closed!

Did you guys see that?

That practice killed me.
Capri would have been so proud.

Nationals,
here we come!

So, where
are we going tonight?

I just can't believe
that she's gone.

I had my nose
modeled after hers.

I heard she shot 50 feet in the
air, and her pants flew off.

Do you think James Harris
will rejoin jazz band now?

"Dead Cheerleader"
is a killer name for a band.

Alive Capricorn Donahue was
an "it girl," but dead Capri Donahue?

Oh, she's a legend, honey.

Hey, here she is...
Hey, Darby. My buddy, Mel.

- Hi.
- He passed last night.

- Uh, heart attack.
- Yeah.

- Oh. Sorry.
- You know. So if you don't mind,

he's gonna sit and watch
our lunchtime chess games

- until you can help him move on.
- Yeah, sure.

My wife, Deb, uh, she
passed 17 years ago,

and you know,
that's a long time.

I was in a lot better
shape then, right?

Uh, what if she's not

- attracted to me anymore?
- Maybe.

Well, I like to think
that when you pass on,

you pass as your optimal self.

And I'm pretty sure that has nothing
to do with your superficial exterior.

Oh, my optimal self?

- Yeah.
- I like that.

Okay.

- Well, we'll talk soon.
- Way to be, Darby. Thank you.

- She is good!
- I told you, huh?

Oh, no.

Oh, thank God.

- Hola! Oh!
- Oh! Jeez...

- God, you scared the shit out of me.
- Oh. Sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah, fine. I...

It's just someone I'm
trying to avoid.

Oh. Got a little
stalker?

Potentially.

Oh, you're serious.

Oh, my bad. Okay. Uh…

You wanna talk about it?

Well, the frustrating thing is, is I
don't think anyone would understand.

Mmm. I get that.

Don't have to explain anything to
me, I'm just making sure you're okay.

Thanks.

- Um...
- So, what's up?

So, you were there with
the cheerleader yesterday?

That's pretty intense.

Yeah.

Whoo! Sorry, Alex.
Too much caffeine.

Uh, sorry. Uh, I... I gotta go
but I'll s... Thanks for the...

Just thanks.

- I need to talk to you.
- Okay.

I don't work at school, Capri.

What do you mean, "Work"? I'm
not asking you to do my taxes.

Okay, what do you want?

I have decided that I do,
in fact, want to move on.

It's incredibly boring being
here and being invisible.

Also, apparently, I'm
stuck in this outfit.

If I knew I was gonna die, I
would've worn way more accessories.

Smart decision. Come
see me Friday night.

Whoa! I haven't told you
when I wanna move on.

Okay, I don't have
time for this.

It'll be next month.
After my Sweet Seventeen.

No. No, just go to your funeral.
Yeah, everyone will be crying

and talking about how awesome
you were. You'll love it.

Ew, no. I hate funerals,
they're mad depressing.

I want the party. Which
is where you come in.

You're gonna make sure
the party still happens.

I think that curling iron incident
fried your last remaining brain cell.

I...

Game on.

Ideally, you'll do
this voluntarily.

But I've been practicing the whole
manipulation of objects thing all morning.

So, I can make life very weird
for you if it comes down to it.

Psycho.

I just wanted
to let you know.

- Sorry I'm late.
- That's okay, Darby.

As I was saying, James
will not be in today.

For obvious reasons.

Bree, Taylor, Piper, my condolences.
I know you girls were very close.

She really would've wanted
us to be here today.

To remember her
with everyone else.

That's true. I mean, they're no
good to me crying in private.

All right. Let's get started.
If you uncover the tray in front of you,

you'll find today's project.

- Ugh.
- Gross!

- Cool!
- I'm reporting this to PETA.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Um, Darby, I wanted to
see if you wouldn't mind

dropping off James's lab
homework for him until he's back.

Oh. Uh, I don't really
think that'd be approp...

- What? Say yes!
- Yes, of course.

Oh, my God.

Capri's Sweet Seventeen promo video
has over, like, 200,000 views.

- Really?
- Yeah. They played it on the news.

It's so tragic that it's canceled.

Darby!

Don't ignore me.

Hey! I'm serious.

- Hmm.
- What are you doing? Stop.

- Help me get the party back on.
- No.

- Stop it.
- Darby, is everything okay?

Yes, fine.

- Ew. Gross!
- Oh, my God.

- What the f...
- Oh... I'm...

Sorry, my hand slipped.

Haven't you done enough?

Excuse me. I don't feel well.

- My God.
- What just happened?

- Okay, class. Carry on.
- Oh, my God.

What a freak.

- Clearly, she needs therapy.
- Hmm.

What the hell are
you doing to me?

- Just say you'll help me.
- No.

What are you... No!

No! No, no, no, no!

No! No, no!

- Sorry, I just really have to pee.
- Mm-hmm.

- No. What are you... No!
- It's just till the party's back on.

No way in hell!

Stop. No. Capri!

Stop, stop!

No, no, no, no!

A public toilet?

I could've contracted any
number of deadly diseases.

This is criminal bullying.

I think it's criminally
good haunting.

Fine. You know what? Have at it.

I'll just keep ignoring you until
I'm committed to a psych ward.

Or you could help me
and be free in a month.

All I want is to go to this party.
To see my friends having fun,

and to dance next to
James one last time.

And then I'll move on.

- I promise.
- And in what worldly dimension

do you think I can
throw your dream party?

Me, the girl you
call, "Freak show"?

In a world where I make you
popular enough to do it.

I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret.

Being popular is an illusion.

Like a magic trick,
or cryptocurrency.

You just have to believe in
it. And then they will too.

First, you'll need to get
close to Taylor and Bree,

so you can convince them to
throw the party in my honor.

Yeah, that
sounds attainable,

since they hate me with the
passion of a thousand suns.

Excuse me. You won't be able to
avoid them once you join cheer.

Never.

Aw, look at us little nuggets
in our cheesy matching uniforms.

Hey, get outta there.

I forgot we were even
friends that summer.

Then you were all weird
when we got back to school.

Oh, sorry. I was just going through
a little thing called my mom died.

Your mom was so boss.

Top of the pyramid
at the '93 Nationals.

Did she come to you
too after she died?

Get out.

Okay! Touchy subject.

But don't you think that she'd want
you to be like she was in that picture?

Happy? Smiling? Do
you even have teeth?

You're really
blowing your pitch, Capri.

Well, I just don't understand

why you wouldn't wanna be,
at the very least, normal.

Well, I'm not normal.

I've spent my childhood being
a travel agent for dead people.

Okay, and? We all have baggage.

Yeah, like getting zits and wondering
if anyone will ask you to prom.

Deep.

You're the most judgmental and
self-righteous person I've ever met.

What? No, I'm not.

Okay, then prove it. If you really
don't care what people think about you,

then what does it matter if you hang
out with the popular crew for a month

or less, even?

So, as soon as the
party is back on, do you promise to leave?

Do I have your word you'll
leave after the party?

Okay, yes. I promise. Cross my
heart and hope to die. Again.

Okay, fine.

Yes!

The first order of business
is a full head-to-toe glow up.

Hey.

- What's wrong with this?
- It's a lot of black, Darbs.

No.

My God. Burn that.

What's all this stuff?

My mom's old clothes
from the '90s.

Retro.

I dig it!

Darby, stop it.

Ooh, it's a two-piece suit.
Oh, it's a suit.

Darby.

Stay still.

Nope. No.

Congratulations.

You actually look kind of hot!
You need to post a selfie.

To what?

What are you, an
alien? Or Amish or something?

- I found out to be popular…
- Here.

…you need to post
a lot of selfies.

Hold it. Find your angles.

- You've never taken...
- What is... What's my angle?

Some selfies should be silly.

And you should test out every filter
until your eyes lose all perspective,

and you pick one where it
looks like you have jaundice.

Using too many emojis comes
off as desperate and thirsty.

But three carefully curated emojis,
radiates sophistication and class.

Eggplants? Penises.
Kitty cats? Vaginas.

And a peach is a butt.

Well that certainly changes the meaning of
that text I sent my grandma this morning.

Just keep the captions simple.

Two hours and 88 photos later,

I had six usable selfies
posted to my feed.

If you don't embarrass
yourself on Instagram,

maybe I'll train you on TikTok.

Don't... Don't do that.

I can imagine James
trying to block the party,

thinking the girls are only
doing it for followers.

- So you'll have to get him on board, okay?
- I'll try.

Here it is. Aw, the
tree house of love.

That was our favorite
make-out spot.

Barf.

Oh, Mrs. Harris? Hi, it's Darby.
I brought James's homework.

Oh, go right on up. He
hasn't left his room all day.

Darby?

Jamesy.

Hi, Jamesy... I mean, James.
I brought your homework.

You look different.

Yeah, yeah. My cousin just
started cosmetology school

- and needed a guinea pig.
- Nice. Natural liar.

- I love you.
- Sorry, it's such a mess in here.

- Just let me clean it up.
- Oh. No worries.

He listens to oldies.

Isn't it adorable?

I'm
really sorry about Capri.

I know she loved you a lot.

Didn't you hate each other?

Hmm. Love-hate. We were
close when we were younger.

And we still talk, sometimes.
Uh, talked, sometimes.

Oh. Right, I didn't
realize that.

It's so weird, like
I... I know she's gone,

but it still feels like
she's here with me.

I mean, she was the most kind,
selfless person I've ever met.

Really?

I mean, really.
Yeah. I totally get that.

And when I didn't make it
past the blinds on The Voice …

…I felt
like such a loser.

But when I came back to
school, Capri helped me realize

that failures are just life's
way of making you stronger.

It's true. I was so supportive.

I'm sorry.
I'm rambling.

No. It's okay, really. I get it.
My mom died when I was seven.

Yeah, I remember. Can't even
imagine how hard that's gotta be.

Yeah. It's just so disorienting,

like, one day your whole
world is flipped upside down

and it feels like you're
on Mars or something,

and you don't know how
to feel normal again.

Yeah.

That's totally how it feels.

Uh, I should go.

Look, thank you for
bringing that over.

It was nice to actually
talk to someone.

Hey, Darby.

Death has a funny way of teaching
you what's most important.

Like finally making
that apology.

Encouraging your child
to embrace who they are.

And the one that always gets
me, that final, "I love you."

The Deados never asked for
anything petty or superficial…

…until now.

Whoa!

Good morning, sweetheart.

Morning. Don't make
it a thing, okay?

It's just a temporary
experiment for social studies.

- It's just...
- What?

You look like your mom.

Okay, this is weird.
What is happening?

Who is that? I want her butt.

Damn, smoke show. You got steez.

Who is that? Is
that Darby Harper?

- What is everyone looking at?
- You, dummy.

Shoulders back, head up, walk.

Who's the new chick?

That's head-to-toe
vintage. Who's that girl?

I don't know. But she's serving '90s
realness, and I'm so here for it.

- Don't scowl, smile a little.
- They like you. Let them in.

Okay, don't smile. Um,
try pouty. Cute pouty.

How?

- God, she is fire.
- Super fresh.

Is she wearing a couch cover?

Hey.

Darby? You look different.

I mean a good
different.

I mean, you always look great.

- You wanna have a seat?
- Yeah.

No.

- Um...
- Darby, no. Absolutely not.

Is she trying
to sit with the new guy?

No. Uh, no.

- Stupid chair. Come on.
- No.

You know, I'll just stand.
Yeah, it's better for digestion.

Hey, hey, new girl. You wanna
come, uh, eat lunch with us?

That's Todd. He's the cutest
guy in the cheer squad.

- You should definitely sit with us.
- No.

Oh.

No, what?

No, I forgot that I have
something to get from my locker.

No time for lunch.

Darby! Hey, Darby!

- What?
- What are you doing?

Go sit at Todd's table.
Don't be such a weirdo.

Well, I am a weirdo.

My anonymity was my only means
of survival in this place.

- I'm done.
- No. We have a deal.

Oh, right.
Your brilliant plan.

Hey.

- What are you doing?
- You wanna know what I was thinking?

Even though you hate me, I could
sit at your table at lunch,

join cheer and we could all
become besties.

Have you gone fully mental?

What? You don't
wanna be my friend

just 'cause I got a new
haircut and some lip gloss?

Oh, my God.

There, I tried.

Your new style is hideous.

You wouldn't know real
fashion if it bit you on the tit.

I thought it was cool.

- I like her socks.
- Guys.

What the hell was that back there?

You have zero chill. You need
to get your shit together.

I'm crawling back into
my hermit shell tomorrow.

Why are you
such a defeatist?

Oh, Darby, what are you doing?

- You've just left your king wide open.
- Defeatist is right.

This is like watching The
Queen's Gambit. Except she sucks.

- Hey, hey. Darby, girl.
- Burn.

Why don't you just do the cheer
thing? You know you want to.

It'll be good, you'll meet
new friends. Ones with pulses.

Yeah. And if you follow my plan,

then you'll earn their
respect organically.

And if I refuse?

- Oh... Oh, my...
- Whoa!

Bitch, was that a
frog? What the hell!

I've been saving him since science class.
I am not giving up on my party, Darby.

There's more where that came from.

Damn it! Fine! Fine.

But this is a hostage situation,

and that is on your karma
report card, not mine.

Cheer tryouts are
less than a week away.

We're training every day during
lunch and after school. Hey!

Your days of chess
and donuts, over.

Donuts. I will miss them.

Hmm.

Four.

You gonna do anything?

Excuse me?

Eight. Nine.

Three. Five. Seven. Again.

Everything okay?

Yeah, just need a sec to focus.

I haven't done this since,
well, you know, since my mom.

- Hey, fresh homework.
- Thanks.

No problem.

What's up? Did you hurt your ankle?

It's fine. It's nothing, I
just... I don't like the beach.

You're gonna kill it
at tryouts tomorrow.

You're the best tumbler I've ever seen,
and I've been to Nationals, twice.

Why did you quit
when we were younger?

You're honestly a natural,
just like she was.

I don't wanna talk
about my mother.

Why?

You know, I used to wish I
had your mom instead of mine.

At least your mom waited till
she was dead to ignore you.

Sometimes I think she
might have stayed.

But if she did, then
why... Forget it.

If she had stayed,
then why what?

I don't wanna talk
about my mom, okay?

Okay.

Do you wanna scream
about her instead?

What?

I said, do you
want to scream about her?

Cut it out.

No. I think you'll feel a lot better
if you just scream a little bit!

Stop.

Come on!

Stop.

Are we gonna make
the team tomorrow, Darby Harper?

Yes.

I said, are we
gonna make the team tomorrow?

Yes! Yes! Okay?

- Yes!
- Yes!

Okay! That's what
I'm talking about!

I'm
gonna make the team!

You're gonna make the team!

All right. For those of you who don't
know who I am, I am Coach Paula.

You gotta be kidding me.

And we have some
very exciting news.

So, without further ado,

he's your mascot and mine…

…Douglas The Donut!

- Look at this guy.
- Come on.

Oh, my God! So cute. Go, Dougie!

Oh, wow.

Time
to rumble, time to go nuts!

- Time to cheer for the Fighting Donuts!
- She's pretty good.

- Oh.
- Oh, nice try.

Let me see it.

Show 'em your moneymaker, Darbs.

Yay!

Suck on that, Taylor!

- Yeah.
- So good.

You slayed that shit.

I'm so proud of you.
How does it feel?

I actually forgot how empowering
it feels. It's such a high.

I feel like I have lockjaw from
forcing a smile for an hour.

Great job
out there.

No way.

You... You know the donut?

Yeah, I never would've thought
cheering was your thing.

- You're full of surprises.
- I'm full of surprises?

You weren't kidding when you said you were
gonna find the most ridiculous activity.

Well, it counts as a gym class credit.
I get a free dozen donuts every game.

And, come on, the
outfit is sexy as hell.

No, no, no, no.

You cannot be friends with the
donut. This is social suicide.

Uh, so... Uh, update on
your stalker situation?

- It's ongoing.
- Ooh. Sorry to hear that.

Step away from the donut.

I'll talk to you
later. Okay, Alex?

Okay.

I mean, that new cheer girl's
just sick on the mat. And cute.

She's not new. That's Darby Harper.
And she's, like, a witch or something.

Yeah. She basically
killed Capri.

Thank you
for your patience.

If I call out your name, welcome
to the Fighting Donuts cheer team.

You made it.

Yes! I knew you could do it.
God, I haven't felt this alive since...

Well, since I was alive.

Darby Harper, is that
a smile on your face?

Congrats on making the team,
Darbs. See you on the field.

- Say thanks, weirdo.
- Thanks, weirdo, you.

- How does he know I made the team?
- Probably posted it to IG. Check.

Okay! Look at you
with 756 followers.

Congrats, you're actually
becoming a real person.

Now, repost it to your
story. And, um, humble brag.

Pretend like you
don't actually care.

Uh, I don't really care.

Perfect! God, you're
so good at that.

I actually did care.

I'd finally started making
it in the living world,

but it turns out there are a
lot of rules to being popular.

Don't brag, only humble brag.

It's okay to be moody, but
never sad. Sad is cringe.

Don't try too hard.

Be woke, but not a woke fisher.

Don't be thirsty. Do listen. Do
smile. Speak clearly. Don't be angry.

Be a winner. Don't worry. Dress
to impress. Don't overgram.

I prefer the Deados any day.

Sure, they're dead, but at
least they don't play games.

The admiration and envy
hang so heavily in the air,

even a dead girl can
smell its sweet musk.

Hey, hey, Darby!

- Ah! Ah, ah.
- I'll check you later.

- But I have chess with Gary.
- Mm-mmm. Not today, you don't.

Sit.

Full
set. Unbelievable.

Yeah. Cool.

Say hi. Jesus Christ, I
feel like a ventriloquist.

Hi.

Hey, Todd.

Nice catch, bro.

Darby. You lit that
mat on fire. Seriously.

- Welcome to the team.
- Thanks.

- Hey, Darby. Looking good.
- Oh, thanks.

Aw! Look at you all
flush with endorphins.

This is probably the first time
you've experienced popularity, huh?

Own it, girl. Also, smile? Yeah,
you have spinach in your teeth.

- What?
- Phase one of my plan is complete.

You've joined the team
and gained influence.

Now on to phase two.

That's phase two.

Oh, my God.

I swore I had a tampon in here.

She did. I put it in your locker.
You're welcome.

I wore white jeans.
Do you have anything?

Still trans.

Go on, this is your cue.

- Sorry, boo. I don't have any.
- Oh, my God. Come on.

Here, Taylor.

Thanks.

Retreat. Retreat!
Act natural. Come on.

Yeah.

So, I guess we have
to practice the stunt.

You can come over
tomorrow after school.

Yeah, sounds good.

I will see you then. I guess.

Why the sudden desire to
join cheer, Darby Harper?

Whoa. What's happening?

- She thinks you're an undercover narc.
- Like 21 Jump Street.

- She's clean.
- Nice.

Uh... Say something.
Um, something good.

Well, honestly, you guys,

that recruitment skit that you guys
did in gym class really spoke to me.

I wrote that.

After I said, "Let's
write a script."

And I just thought, "Wow." I
mean, "I wish I had such cool friends."

Yeah, we're definitely an
upgrade from that weird donut kid.

- Yeah. Are you dating the donut?
- Squash that. Now.

No. No, I
don't really know him.

Ooh, I wonder how
James is doing.

Bitch, I will drown
you in a toilet bowl

if you think for one
second about dating Jamesy.

I think he's coming
back to school soon.

It's gonna be so sad
seeing him without Capri.

- I still can't believe that she's gone.
- Here's your in.

Um, well, isn't Capri's
birthday coming up?

Do you guys have, I don't know,
anything special planned for it?

Well, she had this big
Coachella-themed party planned.

- Yes, Bree. Keep going.
- It's canceled, obviously.

Well, you know, what would be so cool...

Okay, easy.
Don't force it.

Actually, you know what, never
mind. It's none of my business.

I wasn't friends with
her. I'm gonna go.

Wait, wait. What
were you gonna say?

Well,
wouldn't it be great

if you guys did something
to celebrate her,

and remember all of her
amazing qualities? Like...

Being named after pants.

Right. But, you know...

There were so many things
about Capri, right? Like...

I mean, she was,
uh, pretty and...

Oh! Bossy. Yeah, she was bossy.

Well, anyway. Wouldn't it
be cool if you guys threw

Capri's Sweet Seventeen
party in her honor?

A birthday party for
our dead best friend?

That seems
kind of inappropriate.

- Bad form.
- Yeah. Super weird.

Uh, followers!
Instagram followers.

Well, what if it was to support
accidental electrocution awareness?

- What?
- Huh?

I mean, I'm sure it'd make the
news and draw national attention.

Genius.

"Hashtag Capri's
Sweet Seventeen."

A celebration of her life, thrown
by her three best friends.

Yeah, this could make you
guys legit influencers.

Influencers for accidental
electrocution awareness, of course.

- Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.
- Electrical.

Yes!

- Oh, I... Hi. Sorry.
- Uh. Hi. Hi.

Jelly legs. Eat a banana.

- I'm gonna stretch.
- Bye.

Oops.

We did it.

Ugh. Honestly, I think the party will
be even more iconic now that I'm dead.

Ooh, you know, we should
do something special

at midnight to symbolize
you passing on.

Ooh! Like, uh, releasing
a white dove or something?

- Oh.
- That's fresh.

Yeah, that's cool. I actually
haven't done that for anyone yet.

You know,

I used to think you were
such a stuck-up bitch,

but you're actually kinda cool.

You thought I was
a stuck-up bitch?

Oh, please.

You acted like you
were so edgy and cool,

and everyone else was basic
and below you or something.

What?

Of course, that was before I knew
you were dealing with all this…

dead people shit.

Must be very isolating for you.

Capri Donahue, did you just
express empathy for another person?

Well, I didn't really
think about it before I died

but being popular
can be isolating too.

Isn't that an oxymoron?

No.

Imagine everyone has these
high expectations of you,

and you don't wanna
disappoint them,

so you just keep all your
imperfections bottled up inside.

You have imperfections?

Well, not my looks or
personality in general, but…

my mom used to say that I wasn't smart
and that I'd only get by on my looks.

I've never
told anyone that.

Capri, I think you're smart.

Like, maybe even dangerously so.

Thanks.

I just don't think your looks
are anything to write home about.

How are the numbers
on the bikini selfie?

Did you Photoshop this?

- No.
- I can teach you how to Facetune.

- Okay. It's fine.
- Why?

Ooh! "Slay, Queen!

You are the hottest girl to
ever walk the halls of FDHS."

Whoo!

Let's go
Cougars! Let's go, ladies!

- Let's go! Come on!
- Yeah!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Darby! Darby!
Darby! Darby! Darby!

Yo!

Whoo!

I am accepted, admired,
maybe even adored.

People who couldn't pick me
out of a lineup a month ago

now comment with things like...

Fire emoji, fire emoji.

Crown emoji.

And...

Dying! Heart eye emoji.

And even...

- Eggplant emoji.
- Water spray emoji.

Any press is good press.

Every like, every comment, every
regram is a rush of dopamine.

I feel a certain sense of power.

And on game nights,
I feel extra alive.

Ladies and gentlemen!

It's time to make the donut!

Donut! Donut! Donut!

Here we go! Here we go!

Go, Darby! Go,
Darby! Go, Darby! Go, Darby!

Here we go!

Wait, no!

- Dude.
- Hello.

- You got some moves, huh?
- Yeah, I do.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God. I haven't
laughed this hard in li...

I've never laughed this hard.
My cheeks hurt.

Wait, wait, your cheeks hurt?

At least the padded icing
cushioned your fall.

Okay.

Look, Darby, there's something
I really wanted to tell you.

Hey, Darby. You
coming to the lake?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, awesome.

Awesome.

- Sorry.
- Don't be.

I'm dying to go take this
stupid thing off anyway.

But, uh, maybe we could
go get a coffee next week?

How about Thursday,
right after school?

Go to Indie Roasters? It's downtown.

- I'll be there.
- Okay.

Cool, cool. Very cool.

Okay, let's
take another one.

- Okay, ready? Smile.
- Let's go.

You know you don't have to talk to
the mascot after the game ends, right?

Oh, yeah. He was just seeing if I
wanted to grab a coffee next week.

Could you imagine?

Douglas The Donut
takes you to Starbucks.

What a scandal.

Oh, my God!

My uncle said we can use
his house for the party.

- No way.
- Oh, my God.

You know that giant
glass house on the lake?

Wait, that's your uncle's house?

Yeah. Her uncle invented that
crypto banking app, Money Grab.

It's an app
that's like a bank

but instead of going to an actual bank,
you go to the app and like grab money.

No, Bree, it's an actual bank.

It's just, like, the
money that isn't real.

Anyway, it'll be
sick for the party.

Tell 'em how big it is.

The chandelier has a chandelier.

- Yeah.
- Guys, let's go to the lake.

Let's pop some
tops, okay? Right?

Oh, Darby can't hang out
on Friday nights, remember?

- Her daddy wants her home early.
- Yeah.

But the head of the
homecoming committee will be there.

We can kiss her ass
for a queen nomination.

It's gonna suck.

- You should come.
- Uh...

Don't you have work tonight?

Isn't that your whole thing?

- Please?
- Come on, Harper.

Break the rules.

- Come on, Harper.
- Do it.

- It'll be fun.
- Okay. Just give me a sec.

- I'm gonna call my dad, okay?
- Awesome.

- Whoo-hoo! Nice.
- Gotta get permission.

- Ooh!
- Okay.

Hey, can you please tell
the Deados something came up

- and I can't make it tonight?
- What?

You're really gonna blow off the Deados
just so you can drink hard seltzer

that literally tastes like
Strawberry Shortcake's butt crack?

Come on. Please?

I have literally never taken
a Friday off work before.

We just won the game.

I don't feel like hanging
with dead people tonight.

No offense.

Okay, well, I don't feel like
hanging out with dead people either.

Then come with us.

So I can hide in the
bushes like Michael Myers

and watch you guys have fun?

No, thank you.

- Come on, Harper!
- Come on!

Coming!

Did you hear that they're using
Taylor's uncle's mansion for the party?

Great news, right?

Yay.

There you are!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Let's go.

- Party time! All right.
- Let's go!

I'll go back to being a
mole person after the party

but until then, fooling all the normies
is actually kind of satisfying.

Shoulders back, head up.

Although, I won't deny the influencing
has become slightly intoxicating.

I mean, I had single-handedly
started a fashion trend.

Me. The invisible girl.

The girl no one even
realized existed.

Hey, Darbs.

Are you stoked for
the game on Friday?

"Darbs"?

I'll be more stoked if you guys
can score a touchdown this time.

Oh, oh.

Okay, the tent is
arriving Saturday morning.

DJ Linky Dinky Dog will create a
collaborative playlist on Spotify

so we can all add
our favorite songs.

- Uh, Capri's favorite songs.
- Got it.

Uh, Todd is bringing the kegs,
and where are we on the dove?

Oh, my mom ordered
us one on Amazon.

She cried when I told her your
plan to release it at midnight.

Mmm, it's so poetic.
Genius really.

Well,

I feel like I can't
take credit for that.

I think it's something
Capri would've come up with.

Uh, no. She
really wasn't that deep.

- What the f...
- Oh, look...

Look the... the editor sent
me the final cut of the promo.

- Ooh.
- I'm gonna post it tonight.

This Saturday, Capri
Donahue's Coachella-themed R.I.P.

Rest In Party.

A party so epic they'll
hear it in the afterlife.

Hashtag electrocution
awareness week.

Follow us on Insta.

Party on.

Iconic.

Well, I have chills.

It's literally the best memorial
party promo I have ever seen.

Right?

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God!
- What? What?

They just posted homecoming
queen nominations.

Congrats, girl!

What?

- Uh, no, no, no. That can't be right.
- Oh, my God. You'll totally win.

Especially because your party is
gonna be the coolest of all time.

Oh, is it your party now? Is
that what we're calling it?

My party? No,
guys, it's not my party.

It's Capri's party.

- Totally. Of course.
- Yeah, right.

Not really.

But I mean, it's kind
of become your party.

It was your idea, and you
planned the whole thing.

No. My idea, Taylor.

- I planned the whole thing!
- Shh!

Sure, sure. But it's
all for Capri, remember?

Just tell them I'm here. I'm
so sick of being invisible!

- Uh...
- Um, ow.

- It was a bee.
- Really?

- It was a bee.
- Did you just do that?

- Yeah.
- You wanna go?

No, I got it.
It was buzzing around.

Okay.

You guys should go to the
locker room. I'm gonna warm up.

Warm up? We just
finished practice.

You don't make it to Nationals
by losing all your warmth, Bree.

You're weird.

- But so right.
- Yeah, I am right.

Whatever. Okay. Bye.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

Bye.

- You're my hero.
- Oh.

Are you trying
to blow my cover?

This party's supposed
to be my moment.

You've hijacked it!
It's all about you now!

What? No, it's not.

Capri, there's literally
gonna be a 40-foot projection

of your face in the night sky.

Like a friggin' Bat-Signal.

Yeah, which the homecoming committee
will probably give you credit for.

I'm not really gonna be homecoming
queen. It's probably just a joke,

and they're gonna pour pig's
blood on me or something.

Ew.

Look, I know it sucks
for you not to be here

but there's really no
need to be jealous...

No, I'm not jealous.
Don't flatter yourself.

I'm sleeping at my
house this week.

Good luck picking out a homecoming
dress without me to do it for you.

What is it, Gary?

It's my buddy, Mel.

He came to see you Friday
night, you weren't there,

and he's... he's in
a bad way, Darby.

You know. He says he doesn't
feel right. It's unnatural.

He's really ready to move on.

Okay, well, I'm not the border
patrol for the afterlife.

He can go on his own.

'Course he can, but-but...

See, he needs you to get a...
A message to his kid first.

He wants to tell him that he's
sorry he didn't accept him as a gay.

He's not a gay. He's gay.

Yes, my son, Allen. He's gay.

And I love him anyway
and his husband,

and I think they're
gonna be great parents.

Like he said.

Gosh, I'm sorry I
wasn't there, Mel.

- Great practice, Darbs.
- Yeah,

you too, dude.

Look.

Come see me Friday night. I'll
be there. I'll help you, okay?

- Okay.
- Promise.

- Thank you, Darby.
- Thank you, Darby.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.

- Take it you're not staying for dinner?
- Uh, no. I gotta go to James's.

Oh.

Honey, listen, I am glad that
you're making friends this year.

But is everything okay?

I mean… …you just don't
seem like yourself anymore.

God, Dad. I mean, you pressure
me to get a social life,

and then you give me
crap when I have one?

- Make up your mind.
- Okay.

That's valid.

But, honey, I'm just
checking in on you.

Well, you don't have to
worry about me, 'kay?

I'm fine, really.

Same old Darby.

Oh, and can I get a studio
lighting kit for my birthday?

The lamps in my room are a little,
like, warm and cozy. It's gross.

- Mmm.
- You know?

Anyway, bye.

Bye.

Yep, same old Darby.

Did you know that octopus
have three brains?

Um, wrong.

- What do you mean?
- I'm not... I mean, wrong!

They have nine brains.

Come on, man. The
test is next week.

Oh.

Hey, uh, look what I
found the other day.

Mmm?

Look at this. Our, uh…

…sixth-grade field trip
to the planetarium.

Oh, wow.

Harper and Harris.

I
thought you were so cool.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, you were so different
from everyone else.

It's going to be so weird to go
back to school without Capri tomorrow.

Did you hear about that idiotic
Sweet Seventeen party for her?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Think I heard
someone talking about that.

Good to know Taylor, Bree and Piper
are so desperate for attention

that they're willing to whore
out Capri's memory to get it.

But isn't it for a good cause?

Accidental
electrocution awareness?

Which one of those
morons came up with that?

- Oh, c-cool tree house.
- Yeah.

Wanna come check it out?

Whoa.

I haven't been up here since…

I didn't wanna leave my
room for months after my mom died.

I just…

I felt like if I just
returned to regular life

and ignored the fact that
she wasn't there anymore,

it'd be like living
a lie or something.

But it does get easier. It does.

And I know you can do this.

Thanks.

You really get it.

Why's he looking
at me like that?

What's going on?

Darby, will you come to
school with me tomorrow?

U-Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be there.

No, I... I mean, can
I... can I pick you up?

It's gonna be tough for me
to face without Capri there

and, you know, I could really
use someone by my side.

Sure, sure. I don't
see why not.

Thanks, Darby.

Oh.

Your hair
smells so good.

Thanks, it's
shampoo. I gotta go.

It's getting late.

- All right.
- Yeah.

- See you tomorrow?
- Sure.

- Be careful on the way down.
- I'll just leap down.

- Need help?
- No, I got it.

It's just some environmentally
conscious carpooling.

You know, Capri will probably thank
me for being there to support him.

I will drown
you in a toilet bowl

if you think for one
second about dating Jamesy.

Gonna introduce
me to your boyfriend?

What? Who told you that?

No, no. That's just
my biology partner.

Okay. Well, boyfriend, biology
partner, whatever you kids call it.

Time to face the music.

Okay, well, see you in bio.

Hang on. Will you walk with me?

Oh, no.

Sure, James.

- Oh, ho ho!
- James Harris is back.

How'd Darby Harper
manage to pull him

before the bell even rang
on his first day back?

Are they,
like, together now?

James.

Well, that's gotta be
the world's fastest rebound.

James.
Welcome back, brother.

Nothing to see here, folks.
Just me and James Harris.

Just me and the boy
Blake Shelton called,

"A talented guy I should
have turned my chair for."

Who, I guess, has a crush on
me now?

Nothing out of the ordinary
going on here.

They're
holding hands.

Capri Donahue's gonna
drown me in a toilet bowl.

What?

So, are you and James,
like, a thing now?

'Cause everyone is saying that you
made out in the hallway this morning.

No. No, we didn't.

His hand just brushed
mine for a few seconds.

He's having a hard time
being back without Capri.

Oh, yes, poor James.
The wounded bird.

Yeah, I would be careful.

He's so codependent and
definitely on the rebound.

And morally, it's gross.

Totally. Capri's not even
cold in her grave yet.

You guys, it was just a
one-time ride to school.

Darby.

You, uh... You want a ride home?

No! No, thanks.

I'm just gonna get my cardio
in, you know?

All right, well, come by later.

Wrote a song for you.

- There's a song.
- Oh, my God.

Gotta run. You know?

She's running in that?

She doesn't live close.

It's Thursday.

Only two more days
till the party.

I can lay low until…

Shit, it's Thursday.

I mean, I used to have
crates of 12-inch vinyl in my den.

And you could read the liner notes, you
could touch 'em, you could feel 'em.

But…
…the music cloud.

- Where is it? I don't get it.
- Ha!

Oh, my God! Can you guys stop?

I cannot believe I'm
spending my junior year

listening to some dead boomers

talking about newspapers and
typewriters and network television.

Then why don't you just
make up with Darby then?

I mean, so what?

She's the Homeroom Queen
and you're not. Big deal.

That's, uh, Homecoming Queen.

- Thank you.
- Listen, Capri,

you should be very
proud of yourself.

You were able to pry Darby out of
her shell when no one else could.

Yeah, well, now she's taking the
attention and credit for my party!

Yeah.

My sister-in-law, Rose,
sang at my funeral.

All anybody could talk about
was how great Rose sounded.

What a great voice Rose had.

At my funeral! And you know
what they said about me?

"He's looked better."

- The audacity!
- Guys, guys, guys.

Who cares?

You're dead.

You're throwing a temper tantrum

about a party in a dimension
that you no longer exist in.

Do you know how crazy that is?

Well, then what's the point?

What's my purpose?

Well, you're gonna find
that out on the other side.

I mean, listen, I have a reason
to stick around, you know?

I wanna be with Linda.

But you, you're so
young and whip-smart.

You got your whole
death in front of you.

Why would you wanna stay
here and be invisible?

You just have to get
the heck out of here.

Thanks, Gary.

Okay.

She has a lot of electricity.

You know
that's how she died, right?

Hey, Alex.

Look, I'm so sorry
about missing our coffee date.

It's okay.

Uh, you're busy.

I hear you're dating
James Harris now.

Oh, no. No, I'm
not dating James.

You could have just texted me.

I was waiting like 20 minutes.

Uh, look, I gotta
go but I really do...

Talk to you later. Right.

Hey, Capri.
H-How was your Dad's?

Not great.

My mom turned my bedroom into
her personal yoga studio.

- Mmm.
- So...

Okay, well, I-I kind
of wanna talk to you.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, I'm glad you're here.

- There's something I need to tell you.
- Me too.

I wanted to apologize about
overreacting about the party.

I've decided that I am proud of
your... Our Homecoming nomination.

I just had to remind myself

that I'm the Michelangelo
behind your David, you know?

Great. Well, I have
something to tell you,

but before you freak out, I
want you to let me explain.

- It's about me and...
- Good to have you back.

James. Oh,
he's at school today.

Look at him, he's so
cute. Look, he's glowing.

Okay,
Capri. Listen to me, okay?

There's been a misunderstanding.
You'll think it's funny...

There you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

This too much?

What the hell is going on?

Uh, okay. How
am I gonna do this?

All right, James.

I-I can't stop thinking about you
since the other night at my place.

- Did you hook up with James?
- No.

I know we both felt something, and
yesterday when you held my hand...

- You what?
- No, no.

No, I didn't hold your
hand, you held mine.

You slut!

I felt this spark and...

- Just really ti... I'm exhausted. Yeah.
- Are you okay?

Whoo!

I know I'm still grieving
Capri. But it just...

- It just felt good to finally feel…
- Stop.

…a moment of happiness again,
and it's been so long, and I...

I think she'd want that.

No, I really don't
think she would.

Uh, sorry, James.

I gotta get to class.
Have a good day.

Oh, my God. How many times
do I have to tell you?

Nothing happened.

You won't admit it.

- Not even now.
- Admit what?

Admit that you love my life so
much that you want to be me.

I am nothing like you, okay?

You don't have to worry
about me and James.

Oh, my God. What is this?
The Young and the Restless?

I'm outta here.

I'm not worried about
James. He's just trauma-bonding.

You don't think in a million years
he would actually like you, do you?

Well, that's
a little harsh.

You're not even a real person!

I created you! I made you!

I dressed you up and told you how
to act so you could be popular.

But deep down,

you know you're just a
freak that sees dead people.

Maybe that's why your mom
didn't wanna come and see you.

Hey, ladies. It's
my big bon voyage.

E-Everybody out! All of you!

Not optimum.

It's not my fault your boyfriend
finds me a refreshing change of pace

from a talking push-up bra who's wasted
her entire life on superficial bullshit.

I built you.

I can just as easily
tear you down.

Don't even think of going
to my party tomorrow night.

Well, you forgot one vital
difference between us, babe.

I'm alive.

I'm not spooked by some
jealous dead girl stomping her feet.

I'll go to that party
if I damn well please.

Hell, I'm the one who
planned the thing!

Okay, I am a little spooked by a
jealous dead girl stomping her feet.

And I am definitely not going
anywhere near that party tomorrow.

Hey, kid.

What? School on
Saturday?

Word on the street is, uh,

you had a little freak out last
night, and I thought I'd check on you.

I've been looking for you.

I'm sorry, but I...

I can't talk to
you anymore, Gary.

I just wanna be normal.

Oh, Darby, don't you
think you're normal?

Uh…

To clarify, I wanna be

the-girl-who-doesn't-talk-to-dead-people
version of normal.

How about that?

Well, honey, you know, but that's...
That's kind of what makes you, you.

Have you maybe talked
to Capri about this?

Maybe a friend your
age could help...

I'm not talking to Capri.

She's not my friend.
She never was.

She just used me like a pawn.

Well, yeah, I guess…

I guess, uh, that's one
way of looking at it.

But... You know, but from
a different point of view,

maybe she's the one who opened you up
to a whole new world of possibilities.

She didn't do anything for me.

She's just another loser
Stayer who can't move on.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry you
feel that way, Darby.

After losing their daughter,
Capricorn, just a month ago,

more tragedy strikes
the Donahue residence.

Police are asking anyone with knowledge
of the arson attack to come forward.

Hey, sweetie.
Dinner's ready.

Uh, I'll get it.

James?

Can you take a drive
with me, please?

I'm freaking out right now.
This is gonna sound crazy,

but I feel like Capri is
communicating with me.

Like today, her picture
fell off my dresser,

and, I don't know, the TV turned
on without me even touching it,

and it was playing the news story
about the party tonight! And I...

- I-I swear it happened.
- Oh, I'm sure it did.

It's been a rough day.

This grief stuff comes in waves.

Mmm.

Also, I'm sorry, Darby.

I don't think I'm ready
to be in a relationship.

Oh, thank God that
you told me that.

Because I-I was thinking
something else was happening.

But I hope we can
still be friends.

Yeah. Yeah, of course, James.

I-I appreciate your honesty.

My heart will go on.

I can't believe we fake dated,
and I for real got broken up with.

This is not good.
This is very not good.

James, I thought you
were protesting this.

Taylor, Piper and Bree are using
Capri's death to up their social status.

- It's sick, remember?
- I don't care about them!

Okay? I wanna say
goodbye to Capri.

Well, well, if it
isn't the happy couple.

I'm here for Capri.

Not to promote myself under the guise
of some bogus awareness campaign.

Sure it's not to ruin another
party with an acoustic guitar?

You mean the bogus awareness
campaign your new girlfriend came up with?

What?

This was your idea?

- Not that she bothered to dress up.
- Mm-mmm.

The theme's Coachella,
not Stagecoach.

No, I-I mean, not... not technically.

Look, I can explain in the
car, but we should go. Now.

Darby, it's not cool that
the two of you came together.

Capri would be so pissed.

- Oh.
- Oh. Oh, my God. No.

No. No!

Those were supposed
to go off at midnight!

Go. Go. Go.

Really, you're gonna go full
Poltergeist on a keg party?

Wow, Capri.

Ah, this must be the electrocution
awareness part of the festivities.

Alex?

What are you doing here?

You know, I'm never gonna
pass on a free drink

and a chance to see the party's latest
Coachella fashion trends.

Sorry, I'm sure you don't wanna be
seen talking to the weirdo donut kid.

You're cool now.

Have a good night, Darby.

Wait. No, no.

I mean, I'm a weirdo
too.

Or, at least, I used to be.

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Hey, what's up, Darbs?

- You all good?
- Yeah, have you seen James?

Uh, yeah, yeah. I think, uh,
I think he went upstairs.

But look, James looked
kinda bummed, Darbs.

James.

Hey, J-James.

She's here. She's really here.

Who's here? I don't see anyone.

Look, this is just a stupid
game, okay? It doesn't work.

Hi, bitch.

It's okay. Don't
be scared. It's her.

She's trying to
tell me something.

I know she's here.

I think it's about you.

It would be a lot easier
if you just came clean

and told everyone
what a freak you are.

- Did you see that?
- Is that an Ouija board?

Who is doing that? Stop!

Shit.

- Nearly hit me, man.
- Freaky.

Follow it.

Go, go, go.

Hey,
cut the music, man.

Is someone flying a freaking
drone in my uncle's house?

Dude, did
they hire a magician?

James, what is going on?

I'd hold off on preparing
that Homecoming Queen speech.

I don't think you're gonna test
too well in the polls after this.

Who cut
the music, man?

Oh, my God.

- Uh...
- Is anyone else seeing this too?

Is this a drama club
thing or something?

I'm scared.
Get me out of here.

C-A-P-R-I.

Capri? Capri!

- Oh, my God!
- This is freaky.

Okay, cut the shit.
You're scaring people.

- I told you not to come here.
- Darby, you can see her?

- What's he talking about?
- I...

- Who?
- Huh?

Okay, fine.

You win. What do you want?

Surprise me.

What is even happening?

- No, where's she...
- Darby!

- No, no, no. Oh, she's... she's up there.
- Okay.

- That's happening.
- Hey, guys! Guess what?

I'm a freak of nature
who can see dead people.

I'm only popular because the ghost of
Capri Donahue molded me into her image.

I'm just a puppet!

Yeah, I'm loving this
narrative. Keep going.

She told me what to wear and
what to say and how to act

in order to make friends,

and it worked.

She instilled confidence
in me when I had none.

I was just an insecure hater

who hid in the corner judging all of
you for just being normal teenagers.

But, I mean, none of us
are... Are normal, really.

We're all flawed and insecure
and beautiful and ugly...

- You're not ugly.
- Oh, you either.

I couldn't see that from
inside my closed-minded shell.

Capri changed that.

Capri was special.

And I'm…

Wrap it up.

…just a freak show.

- Boo! You suck!
- What a fake.

Hey, Ghost Cheerleader, can you,
like, turn the music back on?

All right, posers.

Put your mother freakin' hands up! Yeah!

Yeah!

Cannonball!

You'd think the ghost of a dead
cheerleader crashing her own party

would result in total chaos.

But people like to find an
explanation for the inexplicable.

No, I'm telling you, dude,
someone laced the keg with Molly.

Brody told me.

But there were magnets attached
to the bottom of the Ouija Board.

I saw 'em when it
flew over my head.

And others seem to simply ignore
what they cannot understand.

You missed an epic party,
bro. You hear what happened?

Coop streaked the crowd and
cannonballed into the pool.

In the span of a month,

- I'd gone from…
- It's her!

…invisible,

to queen bee,

to social poison.

She totally
lost her shit.

"Oh, my
God. That is all Facetune."

You pretend to see dead
people. Hashtag cancel Darby Harper.

The phrase, "I wouldn't
be caught dead with you"

has never been more accurate.

It's so weird
to admit it now.

But you're my best...

My only friend.

Oh, come on. You don't wanna hurt
Gary's feelings, now, do you?

You're still here?

Yeah.

After you left the
party, I realized…

I shouldn't have forced
you to become someone else

just so I could
have a stupid party.

Sorry.

Yeah, it
was a pretty stupid party.

But, hey, at least I got
a cool pet out of it.

I named it Capricorn.

God, I can't
believe I acted like

some kind of pathetic
attention-seeking haunter.

Flying around?

Scaring high schoolers? Ugh.

And now James is a mess.

He sits in front of a Ouija Board all
day and lays out cookies at night.

Like I'm Santa
Claus or something.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

I've totally blown it with
the guy I actually do like.

Wait, what?

I never got coffee
with the donut.

Donut?

The guy you called
social suicide.

Oh, God.

Don't listen to me, or
Taylor or Bree or Piper.

We're full of shit.

You're the one who should
decide who and what you like.

I'm digging this
woke Barbie vibe.

Thanks. She's new.

How are you feeling
about moving on?

I'm… …so ready.

I've already confronted
my worst fear.

Being in the same outfit
for more than a week.

Anyway,

I felt pretty terrible about what I
said about your mom the other night.

And it made me realize how
selfish I've been all these years.

So I did some asking around.

And...

Hi, Darby.

You did stay.

- Yes.
- But you never...

I never wanted to leave you.

I tried to move on. But…

I wanted to make sure
that you'd be okay…

and open up your
heart to people again.

Living people.

And you have.

You were my unfinished
business, Darby.

Do you believe
in reincarnation?

I was pretty fortunate
in this life,

so I figure in the next
one, I'll level up and be…

the next Meghan Markle or something.

Promise you'll look after James
and let him know that I moved on?

Yeah, I promise.

Thank you for forcibly

and, at times,
somewhat violently

pushing me out of my cocoon.

You are definitely the coolest, most
special-est person I've ever met.

Right back at you. Seriously.

Obviously.

Bye, bitch.

You know, I don't
consider high school

to be so torturous anymore.

Hey, Harper.

My fake boyfriend turned
out to be a real friend.

- Harris.
- Yeah!

Whoa!

And I stayed in cheer.

It makes me feel closer to a
couple pretty important people.

Hey, Darby.

Hey, Gary.

Been a while.

Uh...

Listen, I-I wanna apologize
for the way I behaved.

What are you talking
about? You kidding me?

Come on. This... This stuff can
get pretty confusing, right?

Yeah.

Hey, by the way, you know.

They took Linda to a hospice.
She doesn't have long.

Wow.

- Gary, that's fantastic news.
- I know.

I know, I know, now we can finally
blow this pop stand, and...

And be together again.

Oh, shoot.

Um, I feel horrible about never
delivering that message for Mel.

- Oh.
- Do you know where his son lives?

That's okay, the, uh, the
donut took care of that.

- The what?
- The donut.

What do you...

- Hey, Gary. Looking good.
- Thanks.

- See you.
- Take it easy, man.

What?

Wait, you can see him too?

- Yeah.
- Why didn't you tell me?

I tried.

My first day here I saw
you talking to Gary.

But not something
you just blurt out.

Then I tried to get you someplace private
to tell you, and you didn't show up.

Right.

Well, but... but how?

I was in a coma last year after
a pretty bad car accident,

and when I woke up,

I became really good friends with
the guy in the bed next to me,

only to realize he had
died two days earlier.

Wow.

The head shrinker said it was
a psychotic hallucination.

My parents freaked out.

Took me out of school.

I got so good at pretending
not to see the dead

that the dead didn't even
know I could see them.

You know, helping
Mel cross over,

it was like, finally, this curse
felt like it could be a gift.

Yeah, uh, wow.

Look, I just need a second.

I can't believe this.

I mean, I've never been able
to talk to anyone about this.

Well, anyone that's living anyway,
except you, but you're not really here.

You're wherever
you are.

Who are you talk... Oh.

Hi.

Wait, you... you
can see them too?

Yeah, sure. I see them,

and I see them.

And I see you,

Darby Harper.

Well, I'm reopening my business
and currently taking applications.

Well, I-I was an assistant
manager at Jamba Juice.

Wow, impressive.

Reason for leaving?

Got committed to a psych
ward for seeing dead people.

- You're hired.
- It's a date.

Oh, G...

That practice killed me.

Yeah, it was
brutal.

I got a date with the donut.

Yeah, you do.

- Nice.
- That's so sweet.

- Yeah.
- I love you.

Hey, what's that?

That is a light kit
for your videos.

So you can get your glamour on.

Oh. Thanks,
Dad. You're the best. But…

Uh, you can return it though.

- I'm not making those videos anymore.
- Why not?

Mostly because social media makes us
feel insecure about the way we look

for the sole purpose of selling
us stuff we don't need.

Oh, now that is the
Darby Harper that I know.

So,

are you going out with your
friends for dinner tonight?

Actually, I was thinking maybe we
could order pizza and share stories.

We should
do that together.

Mm-hmm. I don't
know if I could.

You could.

Oh, that was before we moved.

- Yeah.
- That was the best.

The slide. We should
have kept that.

Ah, that was so fun.

Wait, me too?

Hey. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Get a room.

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