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[♪]
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*THE
SIMPSONS*
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00:00:06,216 --> 00:00:07,546
Season 34 Episode 08
Aired on: November 20, 2022.
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00:00:07,630 --> 00:00:08,925
Episode Title: "Step Brother
From the Same Planet"
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{\an8}Everything here
is made out of garbage.
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{\an8}Up cycling is at the very core
of the modern maker movement.
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{\an8}It's very responsible.
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{\an8}Like these doggie chew toys
made out of...
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{\an8}used retainers?
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00:00:21,379 --> 00:00:23,014
{\an8}Ugh! Too responsible!
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(laughing)
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00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:27,404
{\an8}Hey, guys.
You're craft fair fans, too?
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{\an8}Ew, no. We're doing
a photo scavenger hunt
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{\an8}for Francine's birthday party.
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{\an8}We need a picture
of something sad.
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{\an8}I wonder why I wasn't invited.
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{\an8}'Cause you're a party narc
who ruins everybody's fun.
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{\an8}What?
When have I ever done that?
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{\an8}You once deflated a bouncy house
'cause you smelled mildew.
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{\an8}You shut down a pool party
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{\an8}'cause the diving board
wasn't code.
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{\an8}You stopped a barbecue
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{\an8}because the fire extinguishers
were expired.
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{\an8}Okay, okay, I get it.
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00:00:53,964 --> 00:00:55,821
{\an8}Basically, you're a wet blanket.
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{\an8}That's not true,
she's more like a blanket
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{\an8}that tattles and kills all joy.
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{\an8}Ooh, that's sad.
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(laughs)
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(groans)
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{\an8}Oh, what a beautiful little box.
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{\an8}I'll take this.
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{\an8}You'll need this polish.
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{\an8}It's my blend
of secret ingredients,
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{\an8}including carnauba wax.
That-that one's not a secret.
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{\an8}Okay, I'll take both.
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{\an8}I have to explain to the box
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{\an8}that it's going
to live with you now.
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{\an8}Okay, baby, you're gonna go...
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{\an8}Are you
seeing this?
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{\an8}Are you seeing that?
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{\an8}(chuckles) Man bun.
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{\an8}Pathetic old dude
thinks death won't find him
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if he has a freaky hair lump.
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(chuckles) Stupid bun.
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(shrieks)
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Homer, Marge!
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You finally get
to meet my special lady.
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This is Blythe.
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Special lady? Since when?
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Oh. Oh, it's been
almost six months.
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And we're just
hearing about it now?
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What do you mean?
I left you tons of messages.
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I thought those were
all butt-dials.
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(beeps)
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GRAMPA:
Homer, I've met someone...
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00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,422
- (beeps)
- I'm in lo...
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00:02:05,507 --> 00:02:07,867
- (beeps)
- Blythe and I are getting seri...
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- (beeps)
- I fell out of the senior van and I'm lost...
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How did you two meet?
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I was hired by
the Retirement Castle
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to cleanse auras with
a therapeutic sound bath.
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But I don't want inner peace.
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(grunts)
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(chiming harmoniously)
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GRAMPA: But when she
started gongin' her gongs,
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it felt like I stuck my tongue
in love's power outlet.
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(moaning):
Oh, wow.
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BLYTHE:
As Abe vibrated past,
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there was something inside him
that called to me.
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GRAMPA: It was the bullet I
fired into my foot during the war
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to get out of KP duty.
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(gasps)
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(sighs)
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(both moaning)
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We're not wasting
any more time.
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I'm moving in with her.
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I finally found true love.
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And I finally won't have to pay
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for your retirement home.
(cries happily)
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(chimes ringing)
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You have so many chimes.
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You're not going
to miss any wind.
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Ooh, this is my son Calvin.
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Felicitous greetings
on this day to you.
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That's how this one guy talked
in Star Trek
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when they went
to a Shakespeare planet.
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It's how I'm saying hello
these days.
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Oh, uh, hello-eth to you.
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What a charmer.
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00:03:31,468 --> 00:03:33,737
- How old is Calvin?
- 11.
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Hmm, so you had him
when you were...
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Oh, he's adopted.
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Cute kid, but, man,
my dad's gonna eat him alive.
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Hey, there's my guy.
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00:03:47,168 --> 00:03:48,419
Wha?
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Uppies!
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(gasps)
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He never gave me uppies.
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(groaning)
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Abe and Calvin
love to cook for company.
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Final looks on
the plating, chef.
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That one needs a sweep
of balsamic, chef.
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Nobody's refilled
my water glass.
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This restaurant
would get zero Michelin tires.
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Tonight we've made for you
a roasted chicken
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00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:18,431
with apricot and fennel.
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- MARGE: Mmm.
- How are we enjoying the first bites?
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Hmm...
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Well, I'm not
getting fennel at all.
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So that's a fail.
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(whispering):
Don't be rude.
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(shrieks) Shelf rat!
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Well, they're both rodents,
but this little dude
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is a Sciuridae, or squirrel,
if you prefer.
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I'd prefer that it not
stare into my soul
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like it knows my sins.
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Calvin does taxidermy.
That's one of his pieces.
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He's a rising star in the field.
He takes classes with adults.
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You can't even see
the tire tracks
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- on this guy anymore.
- (alarm beeps)
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Uhp, time for your
glocky-drops, Abe.
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Aw, that stuff makes me blinder
than an umpire in a mineshaft.
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You know the drill, commodore.
Head back, eyes open.
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BOTH:
Rain, rain.
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Windshield wipers!
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(Calvin hums happily)
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00:05:12,214 --> 00:05:14,299
Here you go, sweetie.
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00:05:14,383 --> 00:05:18,436
We made that chestnut stuffing
I know you love.
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00:05:18,554 --> 00:05:21,991
BLYTHE: Abe, you're
feeding the thermostat again.
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00:05:22,075 --> 00:05:24,743
D'oh! Damn glocky-drops!
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00:05:25,912 --> 00:05:29,390
Yo, our grandfather
Abe Simpson moved out,
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but left his...
(shudders) denture cup.
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00:05:31,752 --> 00:05:33,227
Do you have a lost and found?
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00:05:33,311 --> 00:05:34,896
Please say you don't have
a lost and found.
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00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:36,155
Oh, Abe's moved out?
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00:05:36,239 --> 00:05:38,582
Well, his room is paid up
for the next two weeks.
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00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:41,085
Uh, actually, I misspoke.
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Um, Abe is still using the room.
Using it like crazy.
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(Lisa exclaims)
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We own this place
for two whole weeks.
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- Hmm.
- We can take a shower in a chair,
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00:05:51,513 --> 00:05:53,856
- flush the toilet a million times...
- Interesting.
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Oh, you're gonna tell Mom and
Dad about this, aren't you?
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00:05:57,110 --> 00:06:01,197
Nope, this is one whistle
I'm not gonna blow.
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00:06:01,281 --> 00:06:05,760
Instead,
what if we used this room
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00:06:05,844 --> 00:06:08,930
to throw the greatest
slumber party ever?
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No rules, no limits,
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and, dare I say it,
no slumbering.
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(straining):
Tell me more.
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Also, that kid
is not that good of a cook.
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There's such a thing
as chicken being
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00:06:23,693 --> 00:06:25,611
too tender and juicy, you know?
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Our wood is really loving
this carnauba stuff.
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00:06:29,358 --> 00:06:32,210
And what kind of kid
does taxidermy?
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Dead animals are meant to be
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poked with a stick,
end of story.
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Homer, you've been complaining
about Calvin for three days.
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00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,793
Why are you
so obsessed with him?
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What? I don't
think about him at all.
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00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:47,616
But did you notice
how he asked to be excused?
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00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:49,971
That speaks to
a guilty conscience.
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And another thing.
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- (lisping): Why is my tongue swelling up?
- (gasps)
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What is this rash?
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00:06:55,205 --> 00:06:57,032
Oh, my gosh.
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00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,720
You must be having an allergic
reaction to the carnauba wax.
168
00:07:00,805 --> 00:07:03,131
Well, stop using it!
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00:07:03,216 --> 00:07:06,319
I-I've rubbed it
into the floors, the windows.
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00:07:06,404 --> 00:07:09,562
Every wood surface in the house
has been carnauba'd!
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00:07:09,647 --> 00:07:11,718
It'll take weeks to dissipate!
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But where do I go to breathe?
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(groans)
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00:07:17,028 --> 00:07:18,646
Yay, you're here.
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00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,834
I was putting up
glow-in-the-dark stars.
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00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,664
I'll let you
distribute the other half,
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00:07:22,749 --> 00:07:25,030
since you're
kind of like my brother now.
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00:07:25,115 --> 00:07:27,766
Brother? (Scoffs)
I'm a grown man.
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Half?
This is barely a third. No fair!
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00:07:31,179 --> 00:07:32,272
Dad!
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00:07:35,390 --> 00:07:39,953
Okay, Harry Potter
chapter read, pillow fluffed...
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00:07:40,147 --> 00:07:42,908
Scary German puppet
turned to face the wall.
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00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:44,283
GRAMPA:
Uh-huh.
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00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:47,804
And now, a good-night kiss.
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00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:49,186
Mmm...
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00:07:49,306 --> 00:07:50,557
Watch your feet!
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00:07:50,642 --> 00:07:53,394
(both grunting, groaning)
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00:07:53,479 --> 00:07:55,247
- Night, Calvin.
- (light switch clicks)
189
00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:59,464
Psst. Homer.
Want to play 20 questions?
190
00:07:59,548 --> 00:08:03,102
Okay.
Question number one: Shut up.
191
00:08:03,186 --> 00:08:05,109
(laughs) You're funny.
192
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,726
We should go out
on our bikes tomorrow.
193
00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:09,952
I know this place by the nuclear
plant that has the best jumps.
194
00:08:10,085 --> 00:08:11,687
Oh, wait.
Did you bring your bike?
195
00:08:11,771 --> 00:08:14,081
I don't have a bike,
I have a car.
196
00:08:14,165 --> 00:08:16,147
And I don't play
at the nuclear plant,
197
00:08:16,232 --> 00:08:20,696
I work there
because I am a grown-up.
198
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,698
Abe says I'm mature for my age.
199
00:08:22,782 --> 00:08:24,335
When we check in
at a restaurant,
200
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,504
he gives the host my name,
201
00:08:25,662 --> 00:08:28,007
so I'm practically
a grown-up, too.
202
00:08:28,145 --> 00:08:30,039
No, you're not.
You're a pants-wetting baby.
203
00:08:30,123 --> 00:08:33,024
(sputters)
That is patently untrue.
204
00:08:33,108 --> 00:08:34,710
I have
excellent bladder control.
205
00:08:34,794 --> 00:08:37,621
If anything,
I hold it in too long.
206
00:08:37,705 --> 00:08:38,789
Pants-wetting baby!
207
00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:41,217
Stop lying! (Grunts)
208
00:08:41,301 --> 00:08:44,202
(gasps)
You threw that zipper-first!
209
00:08:44,362 --> 00:08:45,295
(grunts)
210
00:08:45,379 --> 00:08:49,040
(gasps) My orrery!
Eat gas giants!
211
00:08:49,124 --> 00:08:51,819
I'll give you a gas giant!
212
00:08:51,904 --> 00:08:53,136
(both grunting)
213
00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:56,805
Stop squirming
and let me fart...
214
00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:58,734
- No!
- ...on your head!
215
00:08:58,818 --> 00:09:00,994
Never! (Grunts)
216
00:09:01,078 --> 00:09:02,078
- Ow!
- (shouts)
217
00:09:02,666 --> 00:09:05,983
I welcomed you into my home,
218
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:09,525
my room,
where I keep my artifacts.
219
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:13,363
But you, sir, are a butt brain!
220
00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:16,718
From here on out, it's war.
221
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:18,403
(groans)
222
00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:20,345
[♪]
223
00:09:20,650 --> 00:09:22,292
- (toilet flushes)
- (Calvin shrieks)
224
00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:24,198
(Homer shouts)
225
00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:25,426
(laughs)
226
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:28,989
(stammers, grunts)
227
00:09:29,073 --> 00:09:30,431
[♪]
228
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,476
(whimpers)
229
00:09:38,507 --> 00:09:39,942
(gasps)
230
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:41,392
(groans)
231
00:09:41,477 --> 00:09:42,561
(Homer chuckles)
232
00:09:42,678 --> 00:09:44,021
[♪]
233
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:46,486
- (Calvin laughs)
- (screaming)
234
00:09:46,571 --> 00:09:49,158
(yelling)
235
00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:51,952
(chuckles)
236
00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:56,683
Thank you, Mother.
Pickup is noon tomorrow.
237
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:59,502
Don't be early.
Bye, now.
238
00:10:01,105 --> 00:10:04,215
Drive away. Don't look back.
239
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:07,527
(muffled music playing)
240
00:10:07,612 --> 00:10:10,089
[♪]
241
00:10:10,281 --> 00:10:13,033
Welcome to our pop-up sleepover.
242
00:10:13,117 --> 00:10:15,460
Do you have the "birthday gift"?
243
00:10:15,544 --> 00:10:18,221
One $25 gift card.
244
00:10:18,697 --> 00:10:19,939
(Bart chuckles)
245
00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:25,045
Take off your shoes,
we have unlimited bed-jumping.
246
00:10:25,129 --> 00:10:27,548
(laughing hysterically)
247
00:10:27,632 --> 00:10:29,733
I've never felt so alive!
248
00:10:29,817 --> 00:10:33,887
We got PG-13 movies,
rated "M" video games.
249
00:10:33,971 --> 00:10:35,480
What if Mother calls?
250
00:10:35,564 --> 00:10:39,059
We got Milhouse in the closet
standing by. Guy's a pro.
251
00:10:39,143 --> 00:10:41,670
(imitating adult):
Oh, hello, Wendell's mom.
252
00:10:41,754 --> 00:10:44,823
Yes, I will remind him
to wear his night guard,
253
00:10:44,907 --> 00:10:48,050
because I am another parent.
(normal voice): Love you.
254
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:54,338
Lis, take a moment.
We did this. You did this.
255
00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:56,849
(clamoring, laughter)
256
00:10:57,011 --> 00:10:59,096
- [♪]
- (Nelson grunts)
257
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,813
(laughing)
258
00:11:02,591 --> 00:11:05,602
I am Lisa, bringer of fun.
259
00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:08,446
Driest of blankets.
260
00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:10,849
(car rattles)
261
00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:12,759
Must you hit every bump?
262
00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:13,760
(tires screech)
263
00:11:13,844 --> 00:11:14,761
- Oh!
- (car rattles)
264
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,096
Oops.
265
00:11:16,381 --> 00:11:18,724
I make a million dollars a year.
Did you know that?
266
00:11:18,809 --> 00:11:20,485
- No, you don't.
- Oh, yeah?
267
00:11:20,627 --> 00:11:22,627
Then why do
I have a ton of DVDs?
268
00:11:22,712 --> 00:11:24,387
What's a DVD?
269
00:11:25,298 --> 00:11:27,941
Ugh, your car smells like
fried chicken.
270
00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:30,806
No, I smell like fried chicken.
271
00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:33,862
Can you breathe
through your mouth?
272
00:11:33,947 --> 00:11:35,697
Your nose is squeaky.
273
00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:38,572
(breathes loudly)
274
00:11:38,749 --> 00:11:40,334
(breathes louder)
275
00:11:40,419 --> 00:11:41,619
Yeah?
276
00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:44,473
(both breathing loudly)
277
00:11:44,697 --> 00:11:47,470
(both wheezing)
278
00:11:47,728 --> 00:11:49,445
(both straining and wheezing)
279
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:52,260
(Calvin coughs)
280
00:11:52,562 --> 00:11:54,329
(Homer whimpers)
281
00:12:02,111 --> 00:12:05,714
Wow, Calvin, what a great start.
282
00:12:05,814 --> 00:12:09,236
But how would a pelican have
access to a freshwater fish?
283
00:12:09,408 --> 00:12:12,261
(laughs) Well, that's the joke!
284
00:12:12,345 --> 00:12:14,078
(sarcastic laughter)
285
00:12:14,181 --> 00:12:17,791
Oh, so funny to murder
innocent water birds.
286
00:12:17,892 --> 00:12:20,784
Uh, it died
of natural causes, ding-dong.
287
00:12:20,869 --> 00:12:23,010
I have a network
of park ranger friends
288
00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:24,691
who save dead animals for me.
289
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:28,453
So you're not a psychopath,
just a weirdo. Got it.
290
00:12:28,537 --> 00:12:31,048
It's always sad
when an animal dies,
291
00:12:31,132 --> 00:12:34,924
but this pelican gets to
speak to the world as art.
292
00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:37,220
I was inspired to make this
293
00:12:37,305 --> 00:12:39,649
after Abe told me about
his time in the war.
294
00:12:39,733 --> 00:12:43,416
His stories are so cool,
but disturbing.
295
00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:45,010
I will not sit here
296
00:12:45,095 --> 00:12:48,033
and have you call
my father's stories cool!
297
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:50,094
They're meandering and endless.
298
00:12:50,179 --> 00:12:53,619
I'm going to Moe's,
where people know what's boring.
299
00:12:53,704 --> 00:12:55,121
(scoffs)
300
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:56,791
And it's not just taxidermy,
301
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,266
Calvin's got
a million creepy hobbies.
302
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:01,814
And my dad
thinks they're all great.
303
00:13:01,922 --> 00:13:05,824
When I was his age, I was
cleaning pool covers from below.
304
00:13:05,908 --> 00:13:09,345
Yeah, going house to house
with my scrub brush and Speedo.
305
00:13:09,429 --> 00:13:12,348
I stuck googly eyes on shells
and sold them at the beach.
306
00:13:12,432 --> 00:13:14,666
Till my dad
told me to knock it off
307
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,853
because people would think
I was a freak.
308
00:13:16,937 --> 00:13:19,752
Yeah, my pop also
told me to lay low.
309
00:13:19,837 --> 00:13:21,650
Literally.
We were gravediggers.
310
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:24,268
We took turns
sleeping in open graves.
311
00:13:24,352 --> 00:13:26,195
Heh. Nothin' builds character
312
00:13:26,279 --> 00:13:29,666
like waking up to a coffin
being lowered on top of yo use.
313
00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:31,741
To unprocessed trauma.
314
00:13:34,270 --> 00:13:36,650
- Hi, Lisa!
- She waved to us!
315
00:13:36,790 --> 00:13:37,533
(both laughing)
316
00:13:37,618 --> 00:13:39,002
Our sleepover is a hit.
317
00:13:39,141 --> 00:13:40,950
We have the room
for one more weekend.
318
00:13:41,035 --> 00:13:43,287
We're gonna be
gift card thousand-aires.
319
00:13:43,371 --> 00:13:46,123
No, Bart, we have
to reinvest in our next party.
320
00:13:46,207 --> 00:13:47,550
We have to top ourselves.
321
00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:51,128
I'm thinking face painters,
walk-around Sponge Bob,
322
00:13:51,212 --> 00:13:53,781
one of those pools
you can surf in.
323
00:13:53,865 --> 00:13:57,393
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you chain-sucking lollypops?
324
00:13:57,477 --> 00:13:59,136
Just need a little something
325
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:01,063
'cause I didn't sleep much
last night.
326
00:14:01,147 --> 00:14:03,548
I was pricing
mashed potato stations.
327
00:14:03,632 --> 00:14:07,799
Lisa, in the non-weekend world,
you have to have a bedtime.
328
00:14:07,994 --> 00:14:10,182
I don't want to live in
the non-weekend world.
329
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,628
We've only got one more chance
330
00:14:12,713 --> 00:14:15,745
to scrawl our names
across the slumber party sky.
331
00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:17,870
I'll sleep when I'm nine.
332
00:14:18,906 --> 00:14:20,498
(groans)
333
00:14:22,836 --> 00:14:26,166
(grunting)
334
00:14:26,251 --> 00:14:27,836
Hmm? Hmm.
335
00:14:28,198 --> 00:14:29,995
(imitating Calvin):
Look at me, I'm Calvin.
336
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,401
I'm little but I use big words.
337
00:14:32,486 --> 00:14:35,247
Son, I know it's hard
sharing a room
338
00:14:35,331 --> 00:14:39,084
with someone so,
uh, different than you.
339
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:42,562
But you've handled it
with grace and maturity.
340
00:14:43,727 --> 00:14:45,920
Anyway, I just wanted to say
341
00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:48,924
- I'm so proud of you... Calvin.
- (gasps)
342
00:14:49,009 --> 00:14:51,486
Ooh, aah, dah!
343
00:14:51,571 --> 00:14:55,767
I can't see a thing with
these glaucoma drops. (Sighs)
344
00:14:56,036 --> 00:14:57,344
HOMER:
He thinks I'm Calvin.
345
00:14:57,525 --> 00:14:59,271
Look at how he looks at him.
346
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:01,290
He never looked at me that way.
347
00:15:01,374 --> 00:15:03,884
Are you okay, kid?
You seem kind of quiet.
348
00:15:03,968 --> 00:15:06,462
(imitating Calvin): It's just...
I've never heard you say
349
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:10,900
you were proud of me.
Ever. In my entire life.
350
00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:12,493
What are you talking about?
351
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:15,787
I say that to you
all the time, Calvin.
352
00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:18,549
Oh. (Laughs weakly)
353
00:15:18,633 --> 00:15:19,883
I forgot.
354
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:21,392
(Grampa chuckles)
355
00:15:27,642 --> 00:15:31,153
Homer, you villain!
Do not harm that birdhouse.
356
00:15:31,237 --> 00:15:33,489
The nuthatches
did nothing to you!
357
00:15:33,573 --> 00:15:35,065
(sighs heavily)
358
00:15:35,149 --> 00:15:36,567
What's wrong with you?
359
00:15:36,651 --> 00:15:40,070
My dad kisses the butt
you walk on.
360
00:15:40,154 --> 00:15:42,239
I'd get it
if you were great at sports,
361
00:15:42,323 --> 00:15:45,392
or fixing cars,
or demolishing buildings,
362
00:15:45,476 --> 00:15:47,895
but you're just
a weird little kid.
363
00:15:47,979 --> 00:15:50,172
And my dad
hates weird little kids.
364
00:15:50,256 --> 00:15:53,083
At least... he sure hated me.
365
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:56,328
Homer, Abe doesn't hate you.
366
00:15:56,412 --> 00:15:57,680
Oh, yeah? I'll show you.
367
00:15:57,764 --> 00:16:00,591
We got ten minutes
until his eye drops wear off.
368
00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:02,767
(grunts)
You be me.
369
00:16:04,771 --> 00:16:06,522
Dad, do you have a second?
370
00:16:06,848 --> 00:16:10,016
Dang it, Homer. Do you think
I'm made of seconds?
371
00:16:10,822 --> 00:16:14,369
I was in the middle of a very
important word find puzzle.
372
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,284
I was about to find the longest
diagonal of my career.
373
00:16:17,369 --> 00:16:18,517
Now what do you want?!
374
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,036
Um, I-I...
375
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,703
You, you, you nothing!
376
00:16:24,877 --> 00:16:27,043
Wow, that was harsh.
377
00:16:27,127 --> 00:16:29,620
Do you ever tell him
how he makes you feel?
378
00:16:29,704 --> 00:16:32,864
Kinda. I stuck him in the worst
nursing home I could find.
379
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,625
Figured he'd
read between the lines.
380
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:38,054
I think you need to find a new
way to express your feelings.
381
00:16:38,138 --> 00:16:40,890
It might need to be more
than just words.
382
00:16:41,088 --> 00:16:45,544
But my way with words be my
best mouth a-ma-call its. Aw.
383
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:48,380
You'll figure out a way
to get through to your dad.
384
00:16:48,464 --> 00:16:51,107
You just need to put on
your thinking cap.
385
00:16:51,995 --> 00:16:54,580
(muffled music playing)
386
00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:56,888
(clamoring)
387
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,056
(Bart grunts)
388
00:16:58,140 --> 00:16:59,241
Where have you been?
389
00:16:59,325 --> 00:17:00,801
I had to get Band-Aids.
390
00:17:00,885 --> 00:17:03,135
Lewis got stabbed
with a juice box straw.
391
00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:06,495
Somebody fed the pony Pop Rocks
and he kicked out the TV.
392
00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:08,084
His poop is popping!
393
00:17:08,168 --> 00:17:10,753
(crashing, creaking)
394
00:17:10,837 --> 00:17:14,517
The climbing wall collapsed
onto the Reptile Rodeo.
395
00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:16,822
There's loose tails everywhere.
396
00:17:17,049 --> 00:17:21,142
I tried to throw a party,
but the party threw me.
397
00:17:21,275 --> 00:17:22,823
I'm putting a stop to this.
398
00:17:22,907 --> 00:17:24,082
Are you sure?
399
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,861
You know
what that will make you.
400
00:17:26,686 --> 00:17:29,421
Hello? Yes,
I'd like to blow the whistle
401
00:17:29,505 --> 00:17:33,091
on an out-of-control party
at The Retirement Castle.
402
00:17:33,175 --> 00:17:37,770
Oh, my name?
It's Lisa Simpson, party narc.
403
00:17:38,773 --> 00:17:42,192
Well, the party's shut down,
kids are packing up their stuff.
404
00:17:42,276 --> 00:17:44,620
Great.
I'm sure they all hate me.
405
00:17:44,704 --> 00:17:46,680
- Yeah, probably.
- (sighs)
406
00:17:46,764 --> 00:17:49,959
I gotta dump the churro sugar
out of my shoes.
407
00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:52,294
(laughter)
408
00:17:52,378 --> 00:17:53,945
- (gasps)
- They've arrested Lisa!
409
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:58,127
She's paying the ultimate price
for throwing the ultimate party.
410
00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:00,021
You're our hero, Lisa!
411
00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:01,910
(gasps)
412
00:18:02,871 --> 00:18:04,893
If you drive me home
with the siren on,
413
00:18:04,978 --> 00:18:07,718
we've got a freezer
full of Snickers.
414
00:18:07,802 --> 00:18:09,553
- (siren wailing)
- Go, Lisa!
415
00:18:09,637 --> 00:18:12,695
- Lisa, you're the best!
- You got this, Lisa!
416
00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,538
Call your lawyer!
417
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:19,804
(indistinct chatter)
418
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:23,572
There's some really
inspiring work here tonight.
419
00:18:23,985 --> 00:18:27,888
Yours is a blistering indictment
of American consumerism.
420
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,723
I love how the middle joey
421
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:31,483
is looking in
the opposite direction,
422
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:34,362
as if imagining
a different future.
423
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,128
Glad you got that.
I worried it was too subtle.
424
00:18:37,213 --> 00:18:39,752
Oh, it hit me
like a ton of bricks.
425
00:18:39,955 --> 00:18:42,661
[♪]
426
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:46,690
Now, let's announce
tonight's winners.
427
00:18:46,775 --> 00:18:50,010
Hold on, there's one more entry!
428
00:18:50,220 --> 00:18:54,104
A strange man with an object
hidden under a pillowcase?
429
00:18:54,189 --> 00:18:57,572
Come on up!
I want to see this.
430
00:18:57,852 --> 00:19:00,948
I was told to find
a new way to communicate.
431
00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:04,932
My stepbrother Calvin expresses
his feelings through taxidermy,
432
00:19:05,017 --> 00:19:08,445
so I decided
I would do the same.
433
00:19:08,845 --> 00:19:11,573
That's not taxidermy, you idjit!
434
00:19:11,658 --> 00:19:15,394
But it's very deep. And... sad.
435
00:19:15,479 --> 00:19:19,236
The small shell pleading with
its eyes to the larger one.
436
00:19:19,321 --> 00:19:23,517
It is clearly about a son's need
for his father's approval.
437
00:19:23,602 --> 00:19:27,263
What? It's just two smelly
shells glued on a board.
438
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:31,845
Abe, look at it.
Really look at it.
439
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:33,824
Hmm.
440
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:35,491
[♪]
441
00:19:35,722 --> 00:19:37,288
(groans)
442
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,110
(gasps)
443
00:19:41,350 --> 00:19:46,271
(sniffles) What these shells are
saying, is that how you feel?
444
00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:49,650
You seem to love
being a dad to Calvin,
445
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:53,845
but you hated
being a dad to me. (Sobs)
446
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:58,654
No, son, no.
See, when you were a kid,
447
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:02,366
being a dad felt like
the end of my youth.
448
00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:04,517
But now with Calvin,
449
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,739
it's my last chance
to feel young.
450
00:20:07,824 --> 00:20:12,544
Oh, so what you're saying is
no matter how old you are,
451
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:16,582
it's only ever been about
what you need.
452
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:18,994
You finally get me.
453
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:21,648
It wasn't because
I was a bad kid.
454
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:25,259
You're just horribly flawed.
455
00:20:25,415 --> 00:20:27,426
I am!
456
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,791
(cheering)
457
00:20:29,876 --> 00:20:32,595
Another family
saved by taxidermy.
458
00:20:32,728 --> 00:20:34,329
All right, let's wrap things up.
459
00:20:34,437 --> 00:20:36,688
We have 20 minutes
before this room is taken over
460
00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:38,759
by the Massage Table Expo.
461
00:20:38,966 --> 00:20:40,347
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
462
00:20:40,431 --> 00:20:42,108
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
463
00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:43,610
and TOYOTA.
464
00:20:43,695 --> 00:20:45,955
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
465
00:20:50,821 --> 00:20:52,982
{\an8}So, Blythe dumped me for a guy
466
00:20:53,153 --> 00:20:55,424
{\an8}she says is a better
spiritual match for her.
467
00:20:55,509 --> 00:20:58,103
{\an8}Also, he's super rich
and can eat corn.
468
00:20:58,188 --> 00:21:00,667
{\an8}He's taking Calvin to Africa
to study animals
469
00:21:00,751 --> 00:21:02,228
{\an8}in their natural habitat.
470
00:21:02,466 --> 00:21:05,220
{\an8}I'll miss that little scamp,
but you know,
471
00:21:05,408 --> 00:21:08,222
{\an8}I'm glad you and I
are finally communicating.
472
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:11,962
{\an8}I love you, son.
Anyway, call me back.
473
00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:14,705
{\an8}- (phone chimes)
- Your dad left you another message.
474
00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:17,207
Eh, it's probably
just a butt-dial.
475
00:21:30,012 --> 00:21:31,012
Shh!
34963
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