Original subtitles

Kind: captions Language: en

(male narrator) In the beginning, there was the word,

and the word was Beli-al.

It was simply the name of a demon.

But to speak it aloud was to risk the wrath of the beast,

and so the word became flesh,

and the flesh became a book,

the Necronomicon.

Legend told that within its pages,

hidden between ancient rituals and archaic superstitions,

lay a spell so powerful that to merely decipher it

was enough to drive the reader insane.

One night, as the clouds gathered

at yet another battle for the soul of mankind,

the Necronomicon simply disappeared.

Centuries passed, and the name of Beli-al faded

into the darkest recesses of time.

[crickets chirping]

[door shuts]

[woman whispering]

Shh. Shh.

[sighs]

Ladies.

So lovely to see you, as always.

You're all looking particularly beautiful this evening.

[laughs]

Did you miss me?

I'm sorry I'm late,

but traffic was...deadly. [snickers]

But to make up for it,

I brought you all something very special for dinner.

Mmm, finger-lickin' good.

[all gasp]

T-t-t-t-t.

[snickers]

[foreboding music]

Ahhh.

Roxie.

[whimpers]

Aahhh.

[ominous music]

Uhhh.

Uhhh.

( squish )

Aw, cripes.

( thud )

I hate rat.

[gasping]

He's gonna be so mad.

Oh. Ow!

[whispers] Let's go.

How you doin', Rox?

I'm not gonna be auditioning for Cats any time soon.

(woman) Anytime, Brigitte.

(Brigitte) Don't rush me.

I don't work well under stress.

I hope he's had this thing tuned.

[engine sputters]

(woman) Did you hear that?

Shit!

Let's get out of here!

I'm trying!

[engine sputters]

Get in the car!

[engine turns over]

Got it!

[screaming]

Drive!

We can't just leave her here.

She's not coming back.

We got to go-- now!

Hit it, Brig!

[tires squealing]

Women.

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[men singing chant in Latin]

♪ ♪

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

(man) Wrong number?

Um...I'm waiting for somebody.

She's gonna be here any minute.

So why don't we keep you company till she shows up?

Yeah.

We're real good company.

Oh, that--that hurts.

That hurt.

Come back, baby.

Come on, pretty girl.

It's cold out here.

Oh, where you goin'?

[all talking]

Mmm. Ohh.

What's up, girl?

Want to get warmed up, huh?

I'm feeli'' very cold right now.

And you look cold too.

Come on, baby.

Don't be like this.

You boys looki'' for a good time?

Leslie.

All right.

Enough to go around for everybody.

(Leslie) I'll make you a deal.

You can do whatever you want to me,

but stay away from my sister.

[snickers] I'll tell you what:

We'll do what we want to you,

and then we'll let you watch what we do to her.

How about that, huh?

You like that, pretty girl, huh?

[grunts]

[moaning]

My car's parked out front. Go.

What about you?

Just go.

You're toast, bitch.

[grunts]

Whoa!

All right, boys.

It's been fun.

Ugh! But no more Mrs. Nice Guy.

[man screams]

(Leslie) You like it?

Where did you--

I mean, how can you afford this car?

Turns out I have a head for business.

Who knew?

[car alarm chirps]

I'm so happy you're here.

What--what happened to those guys?

Oh, nothin' they can't sleep off.

Yeah, but where did you learn how to do that?

Mm, I've been going through some changes

since I left home.

What--what kind of changes?

You and I need to have a talk.

[engine revving]

[beat-heavy rock music]

"Back of the line," my ass.

Don't they know who they dealin' with?

Yo, yo. Check out the hot booty on that bitch.

I think that was a guy.

What?

Damn.

Dog, shut up.

You're messin' with my vibe, my groove.

Come on, you're acting

like you ain't never been to a rave before, homes.

I ain't, and neither have you.

Shut up.

I've been ravin'.

I don't think Uncle Frankie's stag

counts as a rave, Jeff.

I thought I told you not to call me that when we go out here.

Yo, yo. What up, dog?

And lose the hat, okay?

'Cause that's terminally uncool.

[sighs]

You got SAT scores

higher than most people's mortgage payments.

What's with the whole dumb boy thing?

Bro, it's Doughboy.

That's my tag: Doughboy.

See, the bitches here, they think I got dough.

Bitches love dough.

Probably not as much as they love being called bitches.

(Brigitte) Little sister arrives.

Ashley, this is Brigitte,

guardian of all she sees.

(Brigitte) Welcome to Party Central.

Thanks.

Yo, Jim. Earth to Jim.

Ah, forget it, dog.

Strictly lesbionic.

You think?

Yo, homes, in the history of us being cousins,

have I steered you wrong yet?

You mean besides the time

you figured we could make our own acid

and try it out at the family reunion?

Three hours to get Grandma off the chandelier

and another hour to get her clothes back on.

Not pretty.

What up, hos?

Word.

[music and chatting]

(Ashley) Wow, this is cool.

(Leslie) You ain't seen nothin' yet, little sister.

You ready?

I guess so.

Good.

Welcome to your new life.

♪ ♪

Ow-wee!

♪ ♪

Come on; I've got something to show you.

This way.

♪ ♪

[muffled music]

They're here.

You think she told her yet?

Ten bucks says no.

$20.

You're on.

[music louder]

♪ ♪

(Leslie) Ready?

Come on.

It's just you and the other girls?

Mm-hmm.

You're running the whole thing yourselves?

Well, that's the best part of it.

We answer to nobody but us.

Sounds great.

[giggles] It is.

(Ashley) Oh, my God.

(Leslie) You don't like it?

Are you kidding? I love it.

You all live here?

Well, saves on rent,

travels with us wherever we go.

Home, sweet home.

Your home too now, if you want it to be.

Oh, my God.

What have you got in here--rocks?

Just some schoolbooks.

I thought I'd try and take one of those mail-order courses,

you know, to keep up.

You always were the bookworm of the family, huh?

Well, I'll see what I can find out about schools around here.

That's okay.

I don't want to bother you.

Hey, we're family.

We belong together.

You remember that.

Now, the first thing

we got to do is get you a new outfit.

Oh, God.

It got that bad?

Just when-- Dad, when he drank.

I knew I should've taken you with me when I left,

but I couldn't.

I mean, a lot of things happened,

and I just--I couldn't.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

When I heard that the old bastard--

when I heard that he was dead,

I knew it was finally time

for you to come here and live with us.

I used to lie in bed at night-- on the quiet nights, anyway--

and I would try to imagine

where you were and what you were doing,

but I never imagined anything like this.

Well, there's a lot more to come.

So why don't you change and relax a bit

and just come on down when you're ready?

I'm working the bar with Buzz tonight,

and she's probably freakin' right now, so...

Les?

What happened back there?

How did you--

Yeah, um, you and I,

we're gonna need to have a talk.

[music and shouting in background]

♪ ♪

You're getting slow.

You're getting noisy.

[chuckles]

So how is she?

Tired.

You know what I meant.

I haven't told her yet.

Oh, Leslie.

I know. I know. I will.

As soon as the time is right, I will.

The time better be right soon.

It's not that long till midnight.

This is all yours?

It's not much, but... I call it home.

Look, um, I just wanted you to know

that I've never done this before.

This is Rennie.

He takes care of things for me

when I'm...indisposed.

Hi.

[breathlessly] Warm.

[giggles breathlessly]

Thank you, Rennie.

[giggles nervously] Yes.

[chuckling louder]

Thank you, Rennie.

I hope you like champagne.

This is a very special vintage.

It's been in my cellar for centuries.

Uh, what I was saying before,

about, I mean, tonight:

That was the first time

that I ever went to that street.

I know.

You do?

Mm, I could tell

by the way you were standing there:

your poise, your...elegance.

I knew you were different than all the rest.

I could tell... that you were a lady, hmm?

And I knew...

that you would be mine.

crunch!

[glass shatters]

(man) Leslie, what are you crying for?

Come over here.

I'll give you something to cry about.

Oh, my chest!

thud!

(Ashley) Daddy?

No. Daddy.

[crying] Oh, God, no.

No!

[percussive rock music]

♪ ♪

(woman) You're 36.

Yo, I moisturize.

Yo, bitch, don't be disrespectin' me.

Don't call me bitch.

Diet Pepsi, please.

You weren't really gonna--

And waste one of my expensive silver bullets?

Yeah, right.

[man in background] Whoo!

(woman) Can we get some drinks over here, please?

Hey.

What do you want?

Bottle of water?

Bottle of water?

Two bottles of water coming right up.

Hi.

Hi.

I saw you in line with her.

Oh, yeah, Leslie.

So, um, you two, uh, you know?

She's my sister.

Sister! Good; that's great.

Sisters are good.

This is my first rave.

This is my first rave.

Yeah, me too.

On the house.

[woman over PA] Boys and girls,

boys who are girls,

girls who are boys,

boys who do boys who do girls,

and everybody in between,

welcome to the longest night of the year.

That's right, kids:

the winter solstice, longest night of the year.

The sun went down at 4:39,

and it's not gonna show its ugly face again

until 7:38 tomorrow morning.

And until then, the night is ours, babies,

and we are gonna party.

[crowd cheering]

Bro, I've just seen an angel

right up there in heaven.

She's hot.

Hot enough to make the Doughboy rise.

Later.

Want to dance?

Have you seen the bats?

Yeah, right.

Swine.

♪ ♪

(Ashley) Excuse me.

(woman) Watch where you're walking.

Thank you.

[clears throat]

A pretty girl should dance.

No, thank you.

Cisco doesn't take no for an answer.

[snapping fingers]

Whoo! Yeah, baby.

You move good.

You mind if I cut in?

Mind if I cut in?

[laughs]

Check out Richie fucking Cunningham.

No, you may not cut in.

You may fuck off.

Maybe we should ask the lady.

I don't like being touched.

Then you're gonna hate this.

Who sent you?

[crowd cheering]

Okay, everybody, let's just chill.

Let's just keep things nice and smooth.

♪ ♪

Free shooters!

[crowd cheering]

♪ ♪

I thought he might have been one of Jones' goons.

(Brigitte) He's too hot to be a goon.

You take care of him, then.

I was hoping she was gonna say that.

Come on. I'll get you some ice.

It's okay. I'll take care of him.

You must be Leslie's little sister.

Oh, I bet you're Marlene.

Just Lean.

When my mama had me, she said, "No mar."

After you get him fixed up,

get him a beer on me.

Thanks.

Domestic.

Come on.

[gasps]

[hinge squeaks]

[door closes]

Hey.

What the fuck?

Where are my fucking clothes?

Relax.

Stress is bad for the blood.

What the fuck is this?

This...

this is where we put troublemakers.

Should I be afraid?

A man like you should always be afraid.

[sighs]

[loud rock music]

♪ ♪

Excuse me.

Sorry.

What?

Sorry...for this.

Wasn't your fault.

Yes, it was.

It's just that

no guy's ever done that before.

Done what?

Stuck up for me.

Then you've been hanging out with the wrong guys.

You live around here?

I'm just visiting my cousin.

I, uh, live with my folks out near Tagger's Corners.

That's nice.

Do you know where Tagger's Corners is?

No.

Oh, you're still bleeding.

There's a first aid kit in the back.

Don't go anywhere.

No problem.

(Leslie) Compliments of the management.

Thanks.

That was my sister you were talking to.

Yeah, I know.

You like her?

Yeah, maybe, I guess.

Okay, but you hurt her,

and there won't be enough napkins in the bar.

Got it, Green Acres?

Got it.

These are some serious chicks.

[heavy breathing]

(Brigitte) Are you ready, baby?

(Cisco) Yeah.

Do it.

Let's do it.

Hey, do it.

Just do it.

[Cisco moaning]

Don't go anywhere.

No problem.

♪ ♪

Hey, what took you so long?

Was it something I said?

Leslie.

Leslie!

Leslie!

Leslie.

Hi.

Hi.

Having a good time?

Yeah, great.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

You okay?

You walked right past me.

Looked like you'd seen a ghost or something.

I love this song. Let's dance.

Come on.

I thought you wanted to dance.

I guess I should introduce myself, huh?

My name's Jim.

Hey.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

[sniffing]

Oh.

(Jim) Weak bladder.

Okay, you got to tell me: What's your name?

Sorry. Ashley.

Okay, that's a good start.

Ashley, you want to tell me what's going on?

You're not gonna believe me.

I followed you into the toilet.

Okay.

In the back room,

when I went to get the first aid kit,

I-I saw something very strange.

Like Michael Jackson strange?

The girl working the door, Brigitte,

she had that guy, the one who hit you,

in the back room.

[whispers] They were naked.

So they were having sex.

No, it wasn't like that.

She bit him.

Okay, so they're having rough sex.

[whispers] No, she bit him on the...

Okay, so they're having really rough sex.

How did you see all this?

I was watching them through a vent in the door.

And you think there's something strange about them.

About her.

When she opened her mouth, I could see--

I could see she had fangs.

Fangs.

She didn't just bite him.

She was--she was sucking his blood.

So you're saying the girl at the door is a...

A...

vam...

pire.

Man, they told me you city girls were weird,

but they never told me you were crazy too.

You have to believe me.

Come on; let's just go in that room.

There's a guy lying on the floor in there dead.

[zipper zips]

What the fuck are you two lookin' at?

One good thing about being raised on a farm.

You know bullshit when you smell it.

Jim, I'm telling you the truth.

Yeah. Have a good night.

I'll see you around.

Hey, baby, want to give me a hand here?

Doctor said no heavy lifting.

This track is 11 minutes and 17 seconds.

Think that's enough time?

Oh, yeah, I'll be done way before then.

Yo, let's get busy, bitch.

You diggin' my bling-bling?

I'm more interested in your thing than your bling.

Yo, um...

you got a lot of nice equipment.

(Roxie) Mm, so do you.

What's that one?

That's a psychometer.

What's it for?

(Roxie) It measures and records

the psychic energy in the room.

W-what would you want to do that for?

You ask a lot of questions

for a guy who wants to get laid.

I'll stop talking now.

(Jim) Hello.

Fuck off.

Looking for my cousin Jeff.

That's Jim.

I'm busy.

Jeff; I thought you said your name was Doughboy.

Yeah.

I mean, yo, that's my rap name, yo.

Sorry to bother you.

Give me the keys.

Are you kidding me?

Have you seen this place?

It's wall-to-wall bitches, bro.

Yeah, and they're all nuts.

No offense.

None taken.

What are you talking about, homes?

What am I talking about?

Her.

Yo, the lesbian.

She's not--okay, whatever.

You know what she just told me?

She said she saw that brunette working the door

turn into a vampire and bite some guy on the dick.

Dog. Is it wrong?

I think that's kind of hot.

Gimme the keys.

How am I gonna get home?

Maybe you can get one of your bitches

to give you a ride.

Keep an eye on my reels.

I'll be right back.

Yo.

Yo.

And I've been waiting in this line for a half an hour.

Don't you know what this night air can do to a girl's coiffure?

You're lucky it's not loaded.

And may I remind you that I am not one of these riffraff here,

poppin' horse tranquilizers down their gullets

or snortin' God knows what up their nose.

I'm one of you.

And how do you figure that, Anesta?

You came to me, remember?

I helped you find the place.

I scored the equipment,

the booze, the go-go dancers.

The least you could do is show me the same respect

you'd show any stranger on the street.

Or should I tell

these pathetic morons

just what kind of party they're getting themselves into?

And just what sort of party is that?

Don't play dumb with me, missy.

I've seen things.

I know what you are.

[whispering]

Are you sure?

Don't let anybody else in

till I get back.

Uh, 'scuse me, hello.

When does Christine Aguilera want her pants back?

So guess you owe me 20 bucks.

I was afraid this was gonna happen.

Where'd she go?

Back room.

Go get Leslie.

Tell her we need to talk.

[boys' choir singing in Latin]

♪ ♪

(woman) ♪ Hallelujah. ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Alleluia. ♪

♪ ♪

Lean?

You're not trying to leave me, are you?

No.

Because that would hurt my feelings.

And you don't want to hurt my feelings, do you?

Please.

I'm a very sensitive man, Lean.

You know that, hmm?

[sobbing] Please.

What?

I want you...to...

You want me...

You want me to what?

You want me to turn you?

You want me to turn you?

Oh, please.

Is that what you want?

[sniffling]

Hmm?

Please.

Okay.

I'll turn you.

But you have to do one little thing first.

[raucous rock music]

♪ ♪

Leaving us so soon?

Uh...yeah, yes.

I--this isn't gonna work out for me.

I just feel it.

I'm gonna go back, you know, home.

Leslie told me

things weren't so good for you back there.

Why the sudden change of heart?

Leslie--she's been so good to me and everything.

I just--I don't want to be a bother...

to...

her.

Listen, Ashley,

this isn't exactly my place to tell you this,

but, well, your sister and me

and Roxie and Brigitte and Buzz,

we--we're different.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I was hoping that Leslie was gonna tell you this,

but we're not like normal girls.

We...God, this is so hard every time,

no matter how many times you do it.

We're...

Vampires!

Why do I always fall for that?

♪ ♪

Help me, please.

There's a vampire in the hallway.

Vampire!

Oow!

♪ ♪

No!

[Ashley panting]

[Doughboy over PA] Yo, can you feel me?

Make some noise.

Yeah, all you homeys say, "Yo, yo."

All you brothers say, "Ho, ho."

Feel me. Ugh! Ugh!

Yo, yo. What up, party people?

This is Doughboy!

And I'm allowed to play for a while.

So all you bitches, line up for your wishes.

[panting]

'Cause I'll be here to make 'em come true.

Yo, can you feel me?

Make some noise.

[frantically] Let me in! Please, somebody!

They're gonna kill me!

Let's get this party started. Whoo! Whoo!

Vampires! Somebody please let me in!

Spankin' here, baby. Whoo.

(Lean) Just relax, Ashley.

All we want to do is talk to you.

Explain the facts of life.

[hyperventilating]

Les, I got to talk to you.

Yeah, well, it's gonna have to wait.

Have you seen Buzz?

I am swamped back here.

♪ ♪

What's going on up there?

(Roxie) That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Please; I won't tell anyone.

I won't...ever tell anyone.

Ashley, be careful.

Just stay away!

[screaming]

Grab her!

[crowd cheering]

I guess it's time we had that talk.

Ooh.

"Come on, Jimbo.

"Come to the big city.

"Come check out all the hot babes.

Let's party."

[exhales loudly]

Oh, shit.

[wings flapping]

[sniffing]

Maybe all city girls aren't crazy.

Nice evening.

[laughing]

Ehh.

[heartbeat]

(Roxie) All we want to do is talk to you.

(Ashley) Please, I won't tell anyone.

I won't ever tell anyone.

Please let me go.

(Lean) Just relax, Ashley.

(Ashley) Stay away.

Just stay away!

[screaming]

(man) Where are you goin?

Come back, baby.

Aren't you cold?

Plenty to go around for everybody.

Pretty girl should dance.

(Jim) You've been hanging out with the wrong guys.

Ohh.

Ahh!

(Ashley) Leslie?

Leslie!

Leslie!

Leslie!

Leslie?

Leslie!

Leslie?

Leslie!

Leslie!

I've been going through some changes.

We'd better have a talk.

No!

(Lean) When my mama had me, she said "No mar."

No!

(Leslie) It's okay.

You're okay.

No! No, don't touch me.

You--you're one of them!

Ashley, just a second.

Just listen to me.

No! Get away from me.

I'd say it's going well.

(Ashley) You're not my sister.

You're not Leslie.

Yes, I am.

I'm the same person that you've always known...

more or less.

Depending on your point of view.

You're a vampire.

No, not exactly.

Not exactly--what is that supposed to mean?

(Roxie) It means we're lower than vampires.

We're like the white trash of vampires.

They call us thralls.

What's the difference? You still kill people.

No, we don't.

We just take enough blood to survive.

(Roxie) And only from guys

who seem like they have enough blood to spare.

(Lean) Not that they're complaining.

They get off on it.

They say it's better than sex.

Well, they do.

Yeah, until they turn into vampires.

(Leslie) No, they don't.

We can't turn people into vampires.

And we can't fly, either.

We can't do any of the fun stuff.

But how--

How did this happen to you?

His name's Jones.

Mmm, delicious.

Another one, Master?

(Jones) I don't think so, Rennie.

I'll be having dinner out tonight.

And I don't want to ruin my appetite.

Ladies.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Are you all right?

Better than all right.

I think I just found our way out of this.

What is that?

It's called a book. You read them.

Ha, ha, ha.

[giggles]

Necromonicon.

It's Latin.

It basically means Book of the Dead.

You speak Latin?

Vassar, class of '96.

(Brigitte) You're kidding, right?

An old book is gonna get us out of here?

Why don't you get a broom, a black cat,

and a cauldron while you're at it?

You got a better idea?

I'm sorry; I don't believe in witchcraft.

Do you believe in vampires?

Here. "Thralls:

"Living a half life, neither fully vampire nor fully human,

"Thralls are things to be pitied.

"But all is not hopeless

"for these mixed-breed creatures,

"for on the winter solstice,

"the longest night of the year,

"the ritual of Beli-al can transform them

into complete creatures of the undead."

Which means...

Into vampires.

Who's Beli-al?

Who cares?

But whoever he was,

he left the ritual for us in this book.

All we need to do is follow it.

And Pinocchio becomes a real boy.

And we can kick Jones' ass.

I'm in.

Me too.

Okay, okay, but don't come crying to me

when it doesn't work.

(Lean) So we drew straws.

Roxie got the short one.

[crunching sounds]

Get in the car!

(Lean) And then we lost Tanya.

And we've been running from them ever since.

Until tonight.

We finish the ritual,

and Jones won't be able to control us anymore.

No one will.

Look, if you hate me,

I understand if you want to go.

No.

No, I--

I don't-- I don't hate you.

I-I don't hate any of you.

You caught me when I was falling.

You saved my life.

Any sister of Leslie's is a sister of ours.

[door opens]

I hate to interrupt

this very special episode of Touched By a Vampire,

but we've got a fight going on out there.

Hey, no, no, no.

You're not going anywhere.

What?

It took this long for us to get together again.

I'm not gonna lose you

to some gangbanger with bad aim.

I'll come and get you when it's over.

I promise.

Be careful.

We've got the home team advantage.

Yeah, like I'm gonna miss all the fun?

[door rattling]

Shit.

Whoo!

[crowd yelling]

Ohh!

[punches landing]

Didn't your mother ever tell you not to hit girls?

Ooh!

(man) Yeah!

Whoa, Elvis.

No butting in.

I'm on the list, precious.

Honey, I don't care if you're on Schindler's list.

The back of the line's that way.

Really?

Really.

[crowd shrieking]

No!

[screams]

(man) Oh, my God! What just happened?

Oh, no!

I guess you'll need a ride home.

Great.

[key clinks]

[foreboding music]

♪ ♪

[rock and roll music playing]

♪ ♪

The fight helped.

Another ten should do it.

11:15. We need all the psychic energy we can get.

Do either of you guys want one of these?

[grunts]

(Roxie) Nah.

I've already got some junk food.

It's your lucky day, boys.

You're going home full.

Full?

Do you really think this is going to work?

It has to.

20 minutes.

Give me the book.

I don't have the book. I thought you had it.

I gave it to you.

Uh, hello, I've been a little busy

summoning up the forces of darkness.

Do I have to do everything myself?

[scoffs]

20 minutes.

Now, where was I?

Hmm.

Yo.

"Beli-al."

The ritual of Beli-al.

Enough.

No more flies, no more spiders.

Finally, a real human of my own.

Haaa.

[chuckles]

[grunts]

[hisses]

clunk

Ooh!

Oh.

clunk-squish

[grunts]

(Roxie) Yeah, baby.

That's it.

That's right.

You are the best bitch ever.

And you sure know

the right words to say to a girl.

Now, how about we stop talking

and get down to business?

Yo.

Ohh.

You like 'em?

Oh, yeah.

Good.

They like you too.

[squealing]

[screaming]

[Doughboy grunting]

[man screams]

[loud rock and roll music]

♪ ♪

"Power.

"Invoc--invocat--

"invocation of the demon.

Enslave--enslavement."

And if I ever see any of you guys around here again...

Oh, shit.

[knock at door]

Coming.

Hello, Roxie.

Miss me?

[record scratches]

[music stops]

(woman) What's going on?

Hey.

Turn back the music.

(man) Where's the tunes?

What happened to the music?

Guys, we've got a--

Oh, God.

Hardly.

Uh, everyone just--

Ladies and gentlemen,

I regret to inform you that this party is now over.

[crowd murmuring]

(man) I don't even know what time it is.

Yes, would you kindly leave

through the exit doors

in a calm and orderly fashion?

(Cisco) Hey!

Who died and left you king?

You did.

[squishing sound]

[crowd yelling]

Freeze, bloodsucker!

(Jones) Buzz, how good to see you.

(Buzz) Maybe you can tell the feeling's not mutual.

(Jones) I'll have to admit I'm a little disappointed.

After all the time we spent together,

do you think you can kill me with a bullet?

Yeah? What about a silver bullet, asshole?

That's right; now, drop the stake

before I pull a Lone Ranger on your ass.

Okay.

[metal clanks]

Good work, Buzz.

I'll take it from here.

Got any more guns around?

(Buzz) No.

(Lean) Good.

[gunshot]

No!

Lean, what are you doing?

Surviving.

Right, Jonesy?

Jonesy?

[laughing]

Now, for the last time,

everybody out!

[people screaming]

[screaming]

Eeh, blood!

Oh, the humanity!

[women laughing softly]

[kissing sounds]

[Rennie grunts]

[kissing sounds]

Move!

I got nothing against you.

I'm just not gay, all right?

That one time at summer camp, but that was just--

I vant your blood.

[chuckling]

You should be dead.

Yeah, well...

Well, I was,

but the master needed me, so...

Who's the master?

That guy.

You're one of 'em.

No, not yet, no.

I got to go find Ashley.

No, wait. Come back!

You're mine; the master said I could have you!

Arrr.

Fine.

If you're not gonna give it to me,

then I'm just gonna take it.

[laughing]

[grunts]

[coughing]

Pwah!

[sighs]

Oh, crap.

[blows]

[horn honks]

Ohh.

[electronic zapping]

Oh, this is so beautiful.

Have we prepared for the rest of the ritual?

Roxie, insolence is not an attractive quality in a woman.

Now, are we ready, or aren't we?

[grunts]

[metal rattles]

How can you do this, Lean?

It's really pretty simple.

I was tired of being a slave.

I'll turn you.

But first, you have to do one little thing for me.

Just one.

[whimpering] Anything.

[growls]

(Leslie) But the ritual.

We could've been full vampires.

We could've had power.

Do you really think that's what this is all about?

(Jones) Girls, girls, girls.

Hasn't it occurred to you

that this has all been just a little easy, hmm?

Think about it.

Finding the book, escaping from the house,

planning the biggest party of the year?

And where, pray tell, do you think

all this money came from, hmm?

You said that Texas oil guy you bit

gave it to you.

Hey, Virginia.

There ain't no Santa Claus.

[Jones laughs]

It's almost time.

Where's the book?

I'll go get it.

Roxie left it in the back with Leslie's little sister.

Little sister?

Mm-hmm.

Well, allow me.

No.

Leave her alone, Jones!

Relax, Leslie.

Everybody's got to have their first.

Oh, my God.

Leslie?

Uh, Leslie's a little busy right now.

She sent me to get you.

Who are you?

The name is Jones,

Mr. Jones,

a friend of the family.

What's taking so long up there?

Screw you, Lean.

Relax, Leslie.

You know Jones.

I'm sure he'll be gentle.

What do you get out of all this?

Me?

He's promised to turn me.

I'll be a full vampire, his bride,

and rule by his side for eternity.

And you bought that.

This is bullshit.

There's only one of her and three of us.

Which gives me two bullets left.

(Jones) You are really quite beautiful. Do you know that?

I think you're even prettier than your sister.

(Ashley) No, she's the pretty one.

(Jones) And shy too.

That is so nice.

Young women that are modest these days are so rare.

Where's Leslie?

Oh, she can take care of herself.

But I think sometimes you need a little help, don't you?

No.

Yes.

Yes, you do.

I can see that.

I can see it in those big blue eyes.

There's just a little girl in there,

waiting for Daddy to come home and make everything better.

No.

But Daddy wasn't very nice, was he?

He was angry.

Something else too.

Stop it.

But you promised you would never tell,

and you never have,

not a soul all these years.

Such a good little girl.

So brave.

But you don't have to worry anymore.

I'll take care of you.

You'll be safe with me.

You can be my little girl now,

my little girl.

My little girl forever.

I don't need another daddy.

One was enough. Thanks.

That was a mistake.

[crackling sounds]

[growling]

(Jim) Aah!

Hi.

I came to rescue you.

Come on.

The book.

Come on.

Wait!

I'm glad you care, but we got to get out of here.

Lean lied to them.

We have to stop her!

Okay, what about that vampire asshole?

That's Mr. Vampire Asshole to you.

[screeching]

skree!

Ashley, get out of here!

Listen to your sister, Ashley.

(Lean) Give me the book.

Screw you.

Let them live, or this thing is charcoal.

[banging]

Let's get out of here, Ash!

You have no idea what you're messing with, little sister.

I know what the ritual of Beli-al really is.

[banging]

She told you it would turn you into vampires, right?

Well, it won't; that's not what the ritual is for.

Lean lied to you.

You mean you didn't even go to Vassar?

(Ashley) Beli-al is an incredibly powerful demon,

end-of-the-world stuff.

Whoever resurrects it controls it.

That's what Jones is trying to do,

but it has to happen tonight.

The winter solstice, or else.

No! Ashley!

[chuckles]

[squelching]

Am I bugging you?

crash!

Ohh.

[chuckling]

Don't do this to me.

Not now. Come on.

(Ashley) I'm sorry.

Guess I got in the way, after all.

[footsteps]

Your book, Master.

Oh, very good, very good, very good, very good, very good.

[watch ticking]

Almost midnight.

It's demon time.

[laughing]

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[keyboard clacking]

[electronic beeping]

[indistinguishable male voice]

[laughing]

Come on, Ashley, please.

Ashley, please.

Can't you do something?

Like what?

Keep her alive?

How are we supposed to do that?

I don't know. Vampirize her.

We're not full vampires.

We're just thralls.

We can't turn somebody into a full vampire.

How do you know if you've never tried?

(Brigitte) Jones told us that--

Oh, yeah.

He's been real honest so far.

When's the last time you listened to a man?

Oh, Beli-al...

[chanting in unknown language]

(Leslie) No, I can't.

I can't do that to my sister.

I can't make her one of us.

She's gonna die.

[Jones chanting]

What do you have to lose?

[Jones chanting]

Ashley.

Here, honey. You have to drink this.

Swallow it, please.

[chanting]

[thunder booming]

[chanting]

Yes, come to me.

Come to me.

Come to me, Beli-al!

Yes.

Yes, come to me.

Come to me.

Do my bidding.

Ugh.

[howling]

(Brigitte) Is it working?

(Leslie) I don't know.

Brigitte.

We're half vampires, right?

So maybe it takes

two of us to make a full one.

[electronic beeping]

[whirring decelerates]

[roars]

No.

[keyboard clacking]

[deceleration continues]

[grunts]

[keyboard clacking]

[electrical zapping]

More power!

More power!

[squealing]

[Rennie cackling]

Holy shit.

[roaring]

Ahh!

Ooh!

[shrieks]

[electrical zapping]

(Jones) Yes, come to me.

More power.

Give me more power.

[keyboard clacking]

Yes. Yes!

[laughing]

[screeching]

[zapping]

[screeching]

No.

No! No! No.

No. No!

No, come back! No!

Come back!

Come back!

No!

No. No.

No!

No!

[crying] No.

Ashley.

Jonesy?

Honey, you see, what happened was,

Roxie, she had the stake.

Stay away.

Jonesy, it wasn't my fault.

You can't leave me here alone.

You're right.

Rennie.

Yes, Master.

She's all yours.

No.

[chuckles]

No; you said we would be together forever.

You said we would rule side by side for eternity.

People change.

[laughing]

Get away from me, you freak.

(Jones) And now I have

some unfinished business to take care of.

Leave them alone. Take me.

I don't eat corn-fed meat.

Oh, Miss Lean,

you have no idea

how much I've been looking forward to this.

You're gonna be my first.

Not in this life, you little--

Oh. Unh.

[squishy sounds]

What have you done?

[coughing]

Oh, rats.

Men.

(Jones) You two are coming home with me.

And what I'm going to do to you is nothing

compared to what I'm gonna do to your--

Where's your sister?

Hey, Jones.

Looking for a good time?

Thralls can't fly.

She's not a thrall.

She's a vampire.

Rawrr!

[growls]

[growling]

[punches landing]

[roars]

Come on!

Welcome to the family, little sister.

[clinking]

whoosh!

No!

Ahh! Ahh!

Ohh!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

[summoning whistle]

Hey, Jones.

You wanted me once before.

Leave them alone, let them live,

and you can have me.

[roars]

Come on, Jones. You've already tasted them.

Don't you want some fresh meat?

[roars]

Whoa!

Ohh!

Sayonara, bad man.

Aahh!

You made me a vampire.

What are sisters for?

(Jim) Somebody, please tell me

what the hell just happened.

Hi.

Can we talk about this?

But first,

can one of you please

take this sword out of my body?

Unh.

Anybody.

Oh.

Thank you...

so much.

Don't mention it.

You know, I think this whole party thing

is a great idea of yours.

I mean, I really, really do.

Wow.

So since I put in the seed money,

maybe we can come up with

some sort of a mutually beneficial agreement?

Yeah? Like what?

Well, I want to be fair.

Let's say, um...80-20,

80% going to me?

[snickers]

Okay, um...70-30?

60-40?

How about a nice, even split,

five ways?

Uh-oh.

squoosh!

So what do we do now?

I don't know.

I kind of liked running a nightclub.

Yeah, maybe we should find another place.

Maybe a bunch of other places.

We could have a chain.

We could call it Thralls.

Yeah, and serve Bloody Marys.

And Bloody Eddies and Bloody Richards.

[both laugh]

Sun's coming up.

I guess you gotta go, huh?

Yeah.

Um, thanks... for everything.

It's good to know all men aren't bloodsuckers.

Well, enough are,

but looks like you can handle yourself

pretty well now.

Hey, why don't you come with us?

We could use an extra hand running the business,

especially somebody who could work the daylight shift.

Nah, I don't think so.

It's a girl thing.

[horn honking]

Come on, Ashley.

Real women don't tan.

Well...

Maybe it is time

I get in touch with my feminine side.

So this whole vampire thing--

what's it like?

Not bad, once you get used to it.

You're not gonna bite me or anything, are you?

Not unless you want me to.

Let me get back to you on that.

[engine revs]

Yo.

Jim boy?

Aw, dog, he's got my keys.

( crash )

(Jones) Hey, don't you see me here?

Hey. Hey, watch it.

[snickers]

Huh?

Oh, laugh it up,

fun boy.

Ha-ha, ha-ha.

There. See? See that?

Hmm?

I'm gonna be a whole person

very soon, and you're gonna be very, very dead.

Ass wipe.

Gonna be dawn soon, bro.

This isn't fair.

Hey, come on, come on.

I scratch your back; you scratch mine?

What do you say?

I can give you money.

I can give you power.

Hmm?

Can you get me some bitches?

Yo.

No!

[driving rock music]

♪ ♪

(Steele) ♪ Late last night, I went to sleep ♪

♪ and found myself as someone feared. ♪

♪ ♪

Was it something I said?

(Steele) ♪ Liposuction. ♪

♪ Watch this thing drop to my feet. ♪

♪ ♪

I was hoping she was gonna say that.

(Steele) ♪ Can't you tell that we're dying? ♪

Freeze, bloodsucker!

(Steele) ♪ You're the only way to ever get through. ♪

Shit. Whoa!

Yo, can you feel me? Make some noise.

Yo.

Mom, I'm ho-ome.

Ugh.

I've sat on my wallet.

Ugh.

Fuck are you two lookin' at?

Excuse me.

When does Christina Aguilera want her pants back?

(Steele) ♪ I don't know what I'm thinking. ♪

[funky hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

♪ Ever heard of vertigo? ♪

♪ Well, ain't no way else to go. ♪

♪ Prevail knows the faculties. Our poison lay you vertical. ♪

♪ It's only murder ♪

♪ for every small animal committed. ♪

♪ The only difference is, I won't admit I did it. ♪

♪ There's a limit as to how far my posse's willing to bend. ♪

♪ The dawn of a burgundy autumn blinds the minds of most men. ♪

♪ Vomiting from the quarantine, praying for the end. ♪

♪ You can tell by the stench that the venom's setting in. ♪

♪ On the plane in which you reign, ♪

♪ it's classified as do or die. ♪

♪ But in the realm in which we dwell, ♪

♪ it's puncture necks and multiply. ♪

♪ Imagine the madness, the return of the Jew from Nazareth

♪ the hunter and the hunted, ♪

♪ the colonizing savages. The only challenge is, ♪

♪ did they bring enough dirt to bury us? ♪

♪ Be aware, I hunt with the daughters of Cerebus. ♪

♪ Where we're going, don't stress. ♪

♪ There'll be plenty of time to rest. ♪

♪ Close the curtains; brace your sternum. ♪

♪ This is just a contest. ♪

[woman singing in Arabic]

♪ ♪

[thunder rumbles]

♪ The ultimate experience, I've already felt it. ♪

♪ Madchild tasting her tongue, ♪

♪ his heart melts with the second chance ♪

♪ for this demon that she dealt with. ♪

♪ Few and far between. ♪

♪ From Beauty and the Beast to a perfect combination ♪

♪ once this passion is unleashed. ♪

♪ Golden angel, precious princess, ♪

♪ and since this is more than just lust, ♪

♪ trust if not now, then soon. ♪

♪ One love. ♪

♪ We'll have our chance to dance on the moon. ♪

♪ Now feel the trance of this goddess, ♪

♪ vicious vibrations. Lap dances. ♪

♪ Venomous serpents of temptation. ♪

♪ Awkward balance, scars on my back from her talons ♪

♪ an evil evening, drinking blood by the gallons. ♪

♪ Drenched, venting tension, adrenaline rush. ♪

♪ Pain stains the carpet when you run into us. ♪

♪ An effortless task, cold hearts and iron masks. ♪

♪ Nightmares have been implanted ♪

♪ that you shouldn't try and grasp. ♪

[woman singing in Arabic]

♪ ♪

♪ Come stand amongst us. ♪

♪ Just don't ask us who brung us There's one of them amongst us ♪

♪ Come on, you can trust us. ♪

♪ We're the league that serves the justice. ♪

♪ We're the confident ones. ♪

♪ Come run amongst us and conquer someone. ♪

♪ Some come to seek honor. Some seek to wreak havoc. ♪

♪ Either you do or don't have it If we speak, it's tragic. ♪

♪ When the sun rises, ♪

♪ are you surprised that I'm a beast? ♪

♪ Leatherface withers, cracks, and starts to crease. ♪

♪ Feel your heart rate decrease, ♪

♪ the unveiling of the vain white widow, ♪

♪ crystal palace, champagne. Who calls them strange? ♪

♪ And down here, it's the strangest thing. ♪

♪ Flaming skies start to fall

♪ My jaws of life the cause of death, ♪

♪ my breath swing a wrecking ball. ♪

♪ This is your beckoning call. While we're checkin' you all ♪

♪ all praise the circuit breaker ♪

♪ that circulates through your walls ♪

♪ and appalls all who call. I brawl, maul, and maim. ♪

♪ We bless and destroy with strength still out of range. ♪

[woman singing in Arabic]

♪ ♪

[growling]

♪ ♪