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1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:03,835
All right, fellas, come on now.
2
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:05,303
Let's go down to the barbershop.
3
00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:07,173
- Babe, we'll see you later.
- Okay, baby.
4
00:00:07,198 --> 00:00:08,719
Come here and give me
some of that sugar, girl.
5
00:00:08,744 --> 00:00:09,832
Uh-uh.
6
00:00:09,857 --> 00:00:11,711
- No!
- What you doing?
7
00:00:11,736 --> 00:00:13,234
Not with all that gray stubble.
8
00:00:13,259 --> 00:00:15,842
I'm too young and hot to be
messing with some old man.
9
00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:18,205
I might be gray in the face,
10
00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:18,694
Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,666
- But I'm young below the waist, girl.
- Uh-uh.
12
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,601
- Uh-uh, uh-uh, get it, get it.
- Come on. Come on now.
13
00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,360
- Oh!
- Ah!
14
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:30,313
Can't believe I still live here.
15
00:00:31,577 --> 00:00:33,947
Yeah, I can't believe
there's only two of us.
16
00:00:37,122 --> 00:00:38,788
Oh, damn. There's Dave.
17
00:00:38,857 --> 00:00:40,757
Shh. Let's sneak to the truck.
Nobody say anything...
18
00:00:40,785 --> 00:00:42,393
Hi, Dave!
19
00:00:43,936 --> 00:00:45,226
Hey, guys.
20
00:00:45,282 --> 00:00:46,493
If I knew you were gonna be like this,
21
00:00:46,518 --> 00:00:48,196
it wouldn't be two of you.
22
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,455
Hey, what's up, Dave?
Where are you headed?
23
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:52,632
Oh, man, all over the place.
24
00:00:52,657 --> 00:00:55,451
Gemma gave me a big honey-do
list to take care of.
25
00:00:55,602 --> 00:00:59,302
Grocery shopping, dry cleaners,
The Container Store.
26
00:01:01,015 --> 00:01:02,752
That last one's just for me.
27
00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,048
How about you guys?
Where are you off to?
28
00:01:06,073 --> 00:01:07,738
We are headed to the barbershop.
29
00:01:07,870 --> 00:01:10,362
Ooh, can I come? I've been
meaning to get my ears lowered.
30
00:01:12,128 --> 00:01:13,483
You've been meaning to what?
31
00:01:13,565 --> 00:01:15,523
Dave, I work with a
lot of white people,
32
00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:17,679
and even I don't know what that means.
33
00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,730
"Getting your ears lowered"
means getting a haircut,
34
00:01:20,755 --> 00:01:23,645
'cause afterwards your shorter
hair looks higher in relation
35
00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:27,842
to your ears, so your ears
look lower by comparison.
36
00:01:30,505 --> 00:01:32,518
Uh, no, you can't come.
37
00:01:33,129 --> 00:01:34,995
Okay, why-why not?
38
00:01:35,324 --> 00:01:39,087
Dave, it's a black barbershop.
It's not Supercuts.
39
00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:40,941
Okay.
40
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:42,956
Hey, look, don't take
it personally, Dave.
41
00:01:42,981 --> 00:01:44,368
It's just, our barbershop
42
00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:46,647
is not the friendliest
place when you're new.
43
00:01:46,672 --> 00:01:48,425
Yeah, it's barely friendly
when you're not new.
44
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,901
It's so... it's so true.
45
00:01:50,926 --> 00:01:52,431
One time when he was six,
46
00:01:52,456 --> 00:01:53,946
he ate a bad bean pie in there,
47
00:01:53,971 --> 00:01:57,039
and ever since then, they've
been calling him Farty Marty.
48
00:01:58,357 --> 00:02:01,481
Look, I'm just saying, Dave,
if-if you walked in there,
49
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:03,253
- they would roast you pretty hard.
- Yeah.
50
00:02:03,278 --> 00:02:05,477
Well, it's cool. I can take it.
You know, back in Michigan,
51
00:02:05,502 --> 00:02:08,203
me and the 'Zoo Crew used to bag
on each other all the time.
52
00:02:09,283 --> 00:02:12,719
Again, work with white people. No clue.
53
00:02:14,077 --> 00:02:16,027
Yeah, uh, what's the 'Zoo Crew?
54
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,819
'Zoo Crew!
55
00:02:18,348 --> 00:02:20,872
That's what me and my boys used
to call ourselves, you know.
56
00:02:20,897 --> 00:02:22,934
Oh, we did everything together.
57
00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:25,040
We even had our own anthem.
58
00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:28,959
♪ Four best friends from Kalamazoo ♪
59
00:02:28,984 --> 00:02:31,759
♪ Logan, Brad and Dave
and Logan Number Two. ♪
60
00:02:34,832 --> 00:02:37,439
Wait. So-so, your four-man 'Zoo Crew
61
00:02:37,464 --> 00:02:40,468
had not one but two Logans?
62
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,392
Yeah, man, those are my bro-gans.
63
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,042
No, you can't go.
64
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:54,932
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
65
00:02:55,927 --> 00:02:57,439
Hey, hey, now, what's going on?
66
00:02:57,464 --> 00:02:58,990
- What's happening?
- Que, chair open?
67
00:02:59,015 --> 00:03:00,665
It is now. Get up, Trey.
68
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,396
But I'm next.
69
00:03:03,421 --> 00:03:06,096
Well, look at it this
way: you still are.
70
00:03:08,795 --> 00:03:11,062
Hey, Harold, turn that TV on, man.
71
00:03:11,086 --> 00:03:13,459
They're replaying the Rams
game from Thursday night.
72
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,214
Oh, wait.
73
00:03:14,239 --> 00:03:16,323
Come on, Pop. Black
people are not supposed
74
00:03:16,348 --> 00:03:17,999
to be supporting football right now.
75
00:03:18,024 --> 00:03:20,098
I'm not supposed to be
having milk, either,
76
00:03:20,123 --> 00:03:21,034
but it ain't stop me
77
00:03:21,059 --> 00:03:23,603
from eating two bowls
of Cap'n Crunch today.
78
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,887
So you're really not
watching football, Malcolm?
79
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:28,028
Not until Kaepernick
is back on the field.
80
00:03:28,505 --> 00:03:30,506
Well, you better start liking soccer,
81
00:03:31,354 --> 00:03:33,454
'cause the only football
you're gonna see is,
82
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:38,257
"Goal! Barcelona!"
83
00:03:38,282 --> 00:03:40,363
Really?
84
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:42,966
Hey, what's up, everybody?
85
00:03:42,991 --> 00:03:44,737
What's up, Jeremiah?
86
00:03:44,762 --> 00:03:48,204
Look, I got socks, belts
and Spanx for sale.
87
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,260
Keeping it tight ain't
just for the ladies.
88
00:03:50,285 --> 00:03:51,536
Am I right, fellas?
89
00:03:52,349 --> 00:03:55,338
Jeremiah, no self-respecting man
in here wants to buy any Spanx.
90
00:03:55,363 --> 00:03:58,788
Speak for yourself. That Cap'n
Crunch is sitting on me.
91
00:04:01,549 --> 00:04:02,904
Hey, Calvin!
92
00:04:05,889 --> 00:04:07,611
Oh, man, can you believe this?
93
00:04:07,636 --> 00:04:08,434
No.
94
00:04:08,996 --> 00:04:10,056
Tell me the truth, man.
95
00:04:10,081 --> 00:04:12,684
Do you have a LoJack
on me or something?
96
00:04:13,369 --> 00:04:15,149
No, I was just picking up
my dry cleaning next door.
97
00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,628
Hey, everyone, I'm Dave.
98
00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:18,213
Oh.
99
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:20,916
So this the neighbor we've
been hearing about?
100
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,186
Calvin, you told them about me?
101
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:26,230
Only good things, I hope.
102
00:04:26,255 --> 00:04:27,748
Well, keep hope alive.
103
00:04:27,773 --> 00:04:30,206
Well, since I'm here,
104
00:04:30,231 --> 00:04:32,191
why don't I hang out for
a while, get a haircut?
105
00:04:32,216 --> 00:04:34,518
Sorry, man. We only use clippers here.
106
00:04:34,543 --> 00:04:35,691
We ain't got no mousse.
107
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,144
Actually, I don't use mousse.
108
00:04:39,169 --> 00:04:40,544
This is natural volume.
109
00:04:40,858 --> 00:04:42,341
Okay.
110
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,107
Hey, who does he remind you of?
111
00:04:44,132 --> 00:04:46,179
Well, you know, a lot of
people say Tom Cruise.
112
00:04:46,204 --> 00:04:47,731
Nah, nah, that ain't it.
113
00:04:47,756 --> 00:04:49,477
I got it. Rachel Maddow.
114
00:04:52,851 --> 00:04:55,352
I told you, man, it was gonna
get rough around here.
115
00:04:55,377 --> 00:04:57,444
You should have just went
to The Container Store.
116
00:04:57,469 --> 00:04:58,873
Somebody say containers?
117
00:05:04,059 --> 00:05:06,390
Wow. So, all these socks
for just four dollars?
118
00:05:06,415 --> 00:05:07,523
That's right.
119
00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:09,171
That's cheap. Where'd you get 'em?
120
00:05:09,196 --> 00:05:11,372
Whoa. Whoa.
121
00:05:12,505 --> 00:05:14,471
Oh. Are they... are they stolen?
122
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,561
Dave!
123
00:05:17,322 --> 00:05:18,755
Uh-uh, I don't like this.
124
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,117
Calvin, your neighbor's a cop.
125
00:05:20,142 --> 00:05:22,794
Relax, Jeremiah. He's not a cop.
126
00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:23,818
How you know?
127
00:05:23,849 --> 00:05:26,173
- Dave, are you a cop?
- No.
128
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:30,300
See? I don't know what he
is, but he's not a cop.
129
00:05:30,325 --> 00:05:33,619
And if he were, by law, he
would have to tell you, so...
130
00:05:33,644 --> 00:05:35,191
Oh, actually, that's not true.
131
00:05:35,216 --> 00:05:37,205
What? Oh, of course it is.
132
00:05:37,230 --> 00:05:40,206
Most people think it is because
they see it on TV all the time,
133
00:05:40,231 --> 00:05:42,827
but truth is, totally false.
134
00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:44,728
No, it's not.
135
00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:45,985
Well, how do you know?
136
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:48,073
'Cause I see it on TV all the time!
137
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:51,648
Actually, uh, Dave is right.
138
00:05:51,673 --> 00:05:53,089
Pop, I just looked it up.
139
00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:54,345
Mm-hmm.
140
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:55,653
Look at your boy Dave.
141
00:05:55,678 --> 00:05:59,773
He knows what he's talking
about more than Calvin.
142
00:06:01,605 --> 00:06:03,348
Look, so what, he knew that.
143
00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:07,110
Uh, even a blind squirrel
sometimes finds a nut.
144
00:06:08,122 --> 00:06:10,894
How would a blind squirrel find a nut?
145
00:06:11,059 --> 00:06:12,441
Probably their sense of smell.
146
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:15,462
It's highly-developed in squirrels.
147
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,250
Why are y'all even
listening to this guy?
148
00:06:18,275 --> 00:06:19,898
He just walked in here.
149
00:06:20,035 --> 00:06:21,516
Yeah, but he seems smart.
150
00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:23,230
Yo, Dave, I got a question.
151
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:25,824
Is global warming racist?
Calvin says it is.
152
00:06:25,849 --> 00:06:27,740
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hold on.
153
00:06:27,765 --> 00:06:30,929
I said the concept of
global warming is racist.
154
00:06:30,954 --> 00:06:32,049
I mean, think about it.
155
00:06:32,074 --> 00:06:35,351
Africa been hot all this
time, and nobody cared.
156
00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:37,890
But soon as it get hot in Boston,
157
00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:41,584
ha, all of a sudden,
we got global warming.
158
00:06:43,143 --> 00:06:44,575
You know why?
159
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,382
It's because they're
worried about Tom Brady.
160
00:06:48,601 --> 00:06:50,234
I'm telling you, they're
worried about him.
161
00:06:50,259 --> 00:06:52,910
Well, you know, I-I did
hear on NPR the other day
162
00:06:52,935 --> 00:06:54,828
that seven of the ten
countries most affected
163
00:06:54,853 --> 00:06:57,552
by climate change are
in sub-Saharan Africa.
164
00:06:57,577 --> 00:07:01,513
And wealthier nations do cause
most of the world's pollution.
165
00:07:01,538 --> 00:07:03,290
So it is racist!
166
00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,173
I just said that.
167
00:07:06,198 --> 00:07:09,232
Yeah, but when Dave says it,
it sounds true, though.
168
00:07:09,464 --> 00:07:11,364
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
169
00:07:12,066 --> 00:07:14,586
Maybe that's because I
look like Rachel Maddow.
170
00:07:17,189 --> 00:07:19,041
I can't believe y'all.
171
00:07:19,066 --> 00:07:23,152
He heard it on NPR? So what?
I heard it on Steve Harvey.
172
00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:28,193
Yo, Dave, is Steve Harvey
a reliable source?
173
00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:30,169
All I know is he's killing it
174
00:07:30,194 --> 00:07:32,455
- on the Family Feud!
- Yeah.
175
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:35,019
Yeah. Just like Dave is killing it
176
00:07:35,044 --> 00:07:36,649
in the barbershop, right, Dad?
177
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:39,073
No. Am I right?
178
00:07:39,098 --> 00:07:40,731
Survey says!
179
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,431
Who's the first white guy
180
00:07:47,456 --> 00:07:49,498
to hold his own in Que's barbershop?
181
00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:50,622
Me?
182
00:07:52,425 --> 00:07:54,858
Good answer. Good answer.
183
00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:57,896
Hey, Dave, can I ask
you for some advice?
184
00:07:57,921 --> 00:07:58,718
Yeah, sure.
185
00:07:58,743 --> 00:08:00,543
Well, first off, my
girl Keisha's trippin'.
186
00:08:00,568 --> 00:08:02,520
Well, why is she trippin'?
Because we be beefin'.
187
00:08:02,545 --> 00:08:04,678
- Why do you think you're beefin'?
- 'Cause she be trippin'!
188
00:08:04,703 --> 00:08:07,042
Listen, Trey,
189
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:08,511
I told you, what you need
to do with Keisha...
190
00:08:08,536 --> 00:08:11,100
Shh. I want to hear what he has to say.
191
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,191
Did you just shush me?!
192
00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:16,038
Shh. Calvin, let the man talk.
193
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,687
Well, hold on. Did you just shush me?!
194
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,868
Well, since she seems to be
the one that's trippin',
195
00:08:23,893 --> 00:08:25,466
I'd sit her down and let her know
196
00:08:25,491 --> 00:08:28,012
how it makes you feel when she trips,
197
00:08:28,037 --> 00:08:30,027
and subsequently beefs.
198
00:08:31,705 --> 00:08:34,556
That's it. That is it!
199
00:08:34,762 --> 00:08:37,313
I'm not gonna sit here
and let y'all shush me
200
00:08:37,338 --> 00:08:39,496
while y'all sit around
and listen to that guy.
201
00:08:39,521 --> 00:08:41,311
- But, Daddy, you...
- Shh!
202
00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,990
- But, Calvin, what...?
- Shh!
203
00:08:44,015 --> 00:08:46,107
Shh! Shh!
204
00:08:46,132 --> 00:08:48,488
Shh...!
205
00:08:49,741 --> 00:08:51,558
Shh!
206
00:08:57,953 --> 00:09:00,608
- Hey.
- There you are.
207
00:09:00,633 --> 00:09:01,243
Oh.
208
00:09:01,268 --> 00:09:03,478
I just got your text about
being at the barbershop.
209
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,191
Have you been there this whole time?
210
00:09:05,216 --> 00:09:06,834
Gemma, you should have seen it.
211
00:09:06,859 --> 00:09:08,818
It was amazing. At one point,
212
00:09:08,843 --> 00:09:11,594
the owner brought out drinks
and cigars for everyone.
213
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:12,951
People started gambling.
214
00:09:12,976 --> 00:09:15,604
It was like being below
deck on the Titanic.
215
00:09:16,235 --> 00:09:19,656
That's great, but why does your
hair look exactly the same?
216
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:23,933
I was having so much fun,
I forgot to get it cut.
217
00:09:24,943 --> 00:09:26,380
Oh. Well, I'm happy for you.
218
00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:27,701
I know you've been
missing your friends.
219
00:09:27,726 --> 00:09:29,506
Ugh. Tell me about it.
220
00:09:29,531 --> 00:09:30,514
All I've had for a social life
221
00:09:30,539 --> 00:09:33,235
since we moved here has
been you and Grover.
222
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,394
Which I love.
223
00:09:38,419 --> 00:09:40,911
It's okay. I get it.
224
00:09:40,936 --> 00:09:42,763
Men need other men to hang out with
225
00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:45,724
so you can get out all
your stupid testosterone.
226
00:09:46,473 --> 00:09:49,077
Just felt good to hang
out with guys again.
227
00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:50,875
Can I ask you a question?
228
00:09:51,015 --> 00:09:53,677
Do I look like Rachel Maddow to you?
229
00:09:57,868 --> 00:10:00,622
You do now.
230
00:10:02,395 --> 00:10:05,080
Hey, Tea Cup. Morning, baby.
231
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,569
Don't "morning, baby" me, Calvin.
232
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,355
I had a dream last night
233
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,456
that a wolverine was
attacking my shoulder,
234
00:10:11,481 --> 00:10:13,919
and when I woke up, it was your beard.
235
00:10:14,677 --> 00:10:16,411
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
236
00:10:16,436 --> 00:10:18,261
Man, I was thinking
about keeping it, babe.
237
00:10:18,286 --> 00:10:21,003
You know, I... I look
like a young Barry White.
238
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,250
Oh, yeah, baby.
239
00:10:25,473 --> 00:10:28,741
Ah, no, baby.
240
00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:31,633
You need to go back to that
shop today and get a shave.
241
00:10:31,658 --> 00:10:33,344
I don't want people
thinking I'm married
242
00:10:33,369 --> 00:10:34,786
to Frederick Douglass.
243
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,321
I'm not going back down in there, Tina.
244
00:10:39,346 --> 00:10:40,693
They shushed me.
245
00:10:40,718 --> 00:10:42,279
Like I was some kind of kid.
246
00:10:42,304 --> 00:10:45,216
- Well, you know, Pop, the rea...
- Shh, Malcolm. I'm talking.
247
00:10:46,614 --> 00:10:49,353
I've been going to that
shop for 30 years.
248
00:10:49,378 --> 00:10:51,134
I mean, Dave comes in
there for one hour,
249
00:10:51,159 --> 00:10:53,901
now everybody's started
listening to him instead of me.
250
00:10:53,926 --> 00:10:55,283
It was disrespectful.
251
00:10:55,308 --> 00:10:57,035
I'll show you something disrespectful.
252
00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:58,393
What's that?
253
00:10:58,838 --> 00:11:00,307
What is that?
254
00:11:00,332 --> 00:11:02,941
Keisha burning all of Trey's clothes.
255
00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:06,109
She's live-streaming it right now.
256
00:11:06,134 --> 00:11:08,810
Ooh, when she starts trippin',
257
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:12,152
she sure means it, doesn't she?
258
00:11:12,854 --> 00:11:14,737
Oh, damn, she couldn't wait to exhale.
259
00:11:14,762 --> 00:11:16,323
Mm-mm.
260
00:11:16,664 --> 00:11:19,206
Well, that's what Trey gets
for listening to Dave.
261
00:11:19,552 --> 00:11:20,980
Like.
262
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:24,603
Well, what's he doing
listening to Dave?
263
00:11:24,628 --> 00:11:26,188
He doesn't know him like you do.
264
00:11:26,213 --> 00:11:28,695
- Right.
- You are-Calvin Butler.
265
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,197
Nobody knows this community
better than you do.
266
00:11:31,222 --> 00:11:32,764
That's what I keep saying.
267
00:11:33,775 --> 00:11:35,732
Well, that's why you
need to go to that shop
268
00:11:35,757 --> 00:11:37,957
and remind people who you are.
269
00:11:37,982 --> 00:11:39,356
You damn right.
270
00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:41,266
That's exactly what I'm gonna do, too.
271
00:11:41,291 --> 00:11:43,140
And then you go get a shave.
272
00:11:46,215 --> 00:11:49,470
Come on, boys, come and watch
your daddy go to work down here.
273
00:11:51,152 --> 00:11:52,885
All right, y'all be good.
274
00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:56,448
Ooh, I sure do miss burning clothes.
275
00:11:58,066 --> 00:12:00,123
Well, if you ask me, the
fairest compromise is
276
00:12:00,148 --> 00:12:03,026
you cut the grass one week, and
then you have your roommate
277
00:12:03,051 --> 00:12:05,404
- cut it the next.
- That's a good idea, Dave.
278
00:12:05,429 --> 00:12:08,889
I'm gonna go home and tell my
mama that's how it's gonna be.
279
00:12:10,236 --> 00:12:12,173
- Hey, hey, people.
- Hey!
280
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,774
Oh! Calvin, you're back.
How you doing, man?
281
00:12:14,799 --> 00:12:16,891
I'm doing better than
Trey, that's for sure.
282
00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:18,146
What happened to Trey?
283
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,338
Oh. Show him the video, Marty.
284
00:12:21,029 --> 00:12:23,516
Oh, is that Keisha
burning all his stuff?
285
00:12:25,324 --> 00:12:26,570
Yes.
286
00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:27,796
And that's what happens
287
00:12:27,821 --> 00:12:30,091
around here when you
don't listen to me.
288
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,549
You get roasted.
289
00:12:31,692 --> 00:12:34,045
That's crazy that Keisha would do that.
290
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:36,846
No, it's not. 'Cause Keisha's crazy.
291
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:41,321
But, see, y'all must've
forgot who knows you
292
00:12:41,346 --> 00:12:43,385
and always tries to steer you right.
293
00:12:43,605 --> 00:12:45,392
I mean, like you, Jeremiah.
294
00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:46,868
I mean, you up in here
295
00:12:46,893 --> 00:12:51,111
selling belts and socks like
some common barbershop hustler.
296
00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:52,943
Who the one told you
that the real money
297
00:12:52,968 --> 00:12:55,588
was in men's compression undergarments?
298
00:12:57,072 --> 00:12:59,235
Calvin, that's not fair.
299
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,662
I'm gonna tell you what's not fair.
300
00:13:00,687 --> 00:13:02,247
You making your mama cut the grass
301
00:13:02,272 --> 00:13:04,083
when she got asthma and a push mower.
302
00:13:04,108 --> 00:13:06,112
- Oh!
- Ooh!
303
00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:07,675
Que, you hear that?
304
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,667
Dave, see, you don't hear nothing.
305
00:13:09,692 --> 00:13:11,642
You're just out here giving out advice,
306
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,659
when you don't know the whole story.
307
00:13:13,684 --> 00:13:15,572
See this right here? This is my shop.
308
00:13:15,597 --> 00:13:17,731
Actually, Pop, this is Que's shop.
309
00:13:17,913 --> 00:13:20,063
Boy, do you want to get shushed again?
310
00:13:21,943 --> 00:13:23,787
Okay, you know what, uh, Calvin?
311
00:13:23,812 --> 00:13:25,986
- I really don't think that...
- You know what, Dave?
312
00:13:26,011 --> 00:13:29,583
I think you need to stop giving
out advice and start listening.
313
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,090
I mean, that's your problem.
314
00:13:31,115 --> 00:13:33,512
You're in here, you're
sitting in my chair,
315
00:13:33,537 --> 00:13:34,954
and you're overstepping.
316
00:13:34,979 --> 00:13:36,495
Come on, Pop.
317
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,435
Now, get up and get out.
318
00:13:40,342 --> 00:13:41,674
Okay.
319
00:13:42,337 --> 00:13:44,017
I hear you. I'll go.
320
00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:45,613
Uh, Que, thanks for the cut.
321
00:13:45,638 --> 00:13:47,036
Jeremiah, I'll see you later.
322
00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:49,825
I'll call Trey and tell
him that I'm sorry.
323
00:13:50,252 --> 00:13:54,245
You can't. His phone got
thrown in the fire. Ha!
324
00:13:56,564 --> 00:13:57,463
Hi, guys.
325
00:13:57,531 --> 00:13:58,712
Oh, hey, Gemma.
326
00:13:59,158 --> 00:14:01,320
Hey, Calvin, you shaved your beard.
327
00:14:01,345 --> 00:14:04,215
Uh, yeah. Tina likes
it better this way.
328
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,160
Oh, I know. She is not
shy about her opinions.
329
00:14:07,802 --> 00:14:10,565
She told me I looked like
I was going to a hoedown.
330
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:14,051
So, is Dave still down at the shop?
331
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,743
No. N-No, he left a while ago.
332
00:14:17,768 --> 00:14:19,437
That's weird. He hasn't come home.
333
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:21,077
Did he say where he was going?
334
00:14:21,581 --> 00:14:24,414
He did not, no.
335
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:26,465
He must be doing all the things
336
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,322
on his honey-do list he
forgot to do yesterday.
337
00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:32,325
Or he's crying in the corner
at The Container Store.
338
00:14:33,913 --> 00:14:36,663
Well, I just want to thank you guys.
339
00:14:36,688 --> 00:14:38,521
- For what?
- Since we moved here,
340
00:14:38,546 --> 00:14:41,369
Dave's been having a really
hard time missing his friends.
341
00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:42,587
I just really appreciate you
342
00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:45,307
being so willing to welcome
him down at the barbershop.
343
00:14:45,561 --> 00:14:48,421
We are so lucky to have you
guys as our neighbors.
344
00:14:49,337 --> 00:14:50,866
See ya.
345
00:14:51,855 --> 00:14:54,316
Why the hell they have to move here?
346
00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:00,901
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
347
00:15:00,926 --> 00:15:05,900
Look at that smooth baby skin, yes!
348
00:15:06,563 --> 00:15:09,081
Let me sit right here
349
00:15:09,106 --> 00:15:11,367
- and kiss that baby face! Mwa!
- Mmm.
350
00:15:11,392 --> 00:15:14,106
Mwa! Mwa!
351
00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:15,809
What's the matter, baby?
352
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,700
Eh, I'm just thinking.
353
00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:19,593
You ain't missing that hedgehog
354
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:21,273
that was on your face, are you?
355
00:15:22,808 --> 00:15:24,577
No, babe, it's nothing like that.
356
00:15:24,602 --> 00:15:28,461
I just... I think I went
too hard on Dave today
357
00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:30,308
down at the barbershop.
358
00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:33,647
Oh, you know, you did warn him that...
359
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,434
joking around can be
pretty rough down there.
360
00:15:36,682 --> 00:15:38,782
Yeah, I know, but this was different.
361
00:15:39,101 --> 00:15:41,257
You know what, baby, I
would not worry about it.
362
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:43,548
Dave is, like, the
happiest guy I ever met.
363
00:15:43,573 --> 00:15:46,222
You know, the other day, I
saw him high-five himself.
364
00:15:47,597 --> 00:15:48,705
Who does that?
365
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:51,007
Yeah, one day, I saw him miss.
366
00:15:56,202 --> 00:15:57,879
You're right, you're right.
367
00:15:57,904 --> 00:16:01,282
You know what? He's a big boy.
I'm sure he'll be fine.
368
00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:03,938
- It's cool.
- He'll be fine, but in the meantime,
369
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,478
let me get that... that sugar.
370
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:11,868
♪ Four best friends from Kalamazoo ♪
371
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:14,600
What's that?
372
00:16:15,181 --> 00:16:18,933
It's... Dave singing
the 'Zoo Crew anthem.
373
00:16:20,005 --> 00:16:22,021
♪ Logan, Brad and Dave ♪
374
00:16:22,046 --> 00:16:24,714
♪ And Logan Number Two ♪
375
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,244
♪ Need a good time? ♪
376
00:16:28,269 --> 00:16:30,010
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
377
00:16:30,035 --> 00:16:31,766
♪ Gonna kick it hard-core ♪
378
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,764
♪ With the 'Zoo... ♪
379
00:16:34,353 --> 00:16:35,640
♪ Crew. ♪
380
00:16:37,794 --> 00:16:39,164
Hey, Dave.
381
00:16:39,189 --> 00:16:40,746
Hey, Calvin.
382
00:16:40,868 --> 00:16:43,246
So, you're missing your
friends back home, huh?
383
00:16:43,271 --> 00:16:45,104
Yeah. What gave it away?
Was it the song?
384
00:16:47,029 --> 00:16:49,011
Look, man, I know I came down on you
385
00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:51,029
kind of hard at the
barbershop today, man.
386
00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:52,944
I'm surprised at how
much it's affected me.
387
00:16:53,324 --> 00:16:55,033
You know, I'm usually pretty tough.
388
00:16:55,058 --> 00:16:57,511
Look, but I told you what it
was like down there, man.
389
00:16:57,536 --> 00:17:00,849
We-we laugh, we snap on each other,
390
00:17:00,999 --> 00:17:03,883
we buy wholesale items
of questionable origin.
391
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:06,714
Yeah, but...
392
00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:09,249
it feels like what you
did to me was different.
393
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,748
Look, I tried to tell you, man,
394
00:17:11,773 --> 00:17:13,519
you don't belong in the barbershop.
395
00:17:13,544 --> 00:17:15,303
Man, you just...
396
00:17:15,426 --> 00:17:16,999
you're a little too sensitive for it.
397
00:17:17,024 --> 00:17:18,270
No, that's not true.
398
00:17:18,295 --> 00:17:21,244
I have no problem with jokes
about my awesome hair
399
00:17:21,386 --> 00:17:24,191
or how I look like
numerous celebrities,
400
00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:26,194
both male and female.
401
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:30,113
But what you did wasn't cool.
402
00:17:30,736 --> 00:17:32,403
But think about my position.
403
00:17:32,661 --> 00:17:35,696
I mean, I've been going to
that barbershop for 30 years.
404
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:38,448
I know all those people in there...
I know their history
405
00:17:38,473 --> 00:17:40,566
and their circumstance...
And then you come in
406
00:17:40,591 --> 00:17:44,738
with your NPR and
obscure animal facts...
407
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:49,097
and everybody starts listening
to you instead of me.
408
00:17:49,221 --> 00:17:50,974
I mean, how you think
that makes me feel?
409
00:17:50,999 --> 00:17:53,366
- Like they forgot about you?
- Exactly.
410
00:17:53,391 --> 00:17:55,837
Yeah, I know how that feels.
411
00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:57,914
Check that out.
412
00:17:57,939 --> 00:18:00,544
Why-why are you showing me a
picture of a dude's butt?
413
00:18:01,844 --> 00:18:04,138
Look at the tattoo.
414
00:18:04,163 --> 00:18:07,181
Everyone in the 'Zoo Crew got
these last week without me.
415
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:10,048
I've only been gone two months,
and it already feels like
416
00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:11,970
it doesn't matter that I'm not there.
417
00:18:12,423 --> 00:18:14,737
So you feel left behind...
418
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:20,044
by a bunch of dudes that got
tattoos on their behind?
419
00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,466
It's just been really
tough making friends
420
00:18:25,491 --> 00:18:27,430
since I moved here, Calvin.
421
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:34,986
You know, back at home, I mean,
I used to be the coolest.
422
00:18:36,846 --> 00:18:39,031
I mean, you know, you're...
423
00:18:39,396 --> 00:18:41,820
you're cool, you know?
424
00:18:42,630 --> 00:18:44,352
I mean, Dave, come on, man.
425
00:18:44,377 --> 00:18:48,361
You walked into Que's barbershop
and you held your own.
426
00:18:49,312 --> 00:18:51,221
It was pretty cool that I did that.
427
00:18:52,168 --> 00:18:54,122
Won $200 playing dice.
428
00:18:54,147 --> 00:18:56,829
You might want to check those twenties
429
00:18:56,854 --> 00:18:59,342
and make sure Obama's
face is not on them.
430
00:19:02,304 --> 00:19:05,054
Hey, look, I'm sorry I messed
things up for you down at Que's.
431
00:19:05,079 --> 00:19:07,057
I promise I won't come back.
432
00:19:07,082 --> 00:19:09,473
Oh, man, no, it's cool. I
mean, you're welcome in there
433
00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:12,525
anytime you want to...
get your ears lowered.
434
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:15,498
Well, good,
435
00:19:15,523 --> 00:19:18,122
'cause I don't anybody else who's
gonna take my Obama bucks.
436
00:19:20,365 --> 00:19:22,623
All right, man, I'll see you
down there next Saturday?
437
00:19:22,648 --> 00:19:25,570
Next Saturday? That's in a week.
438
00:19:25,595 --> 00:19:27,627
Yo, how often you get your hair cut?
439
00:19:27,652 --> 00:19:29,309
I don't know, like, every two months.
440
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,762
Two months?
441
00:19:31,445 --> 00:19:33,118
How often do you get your hair cut?
442
00:19:33,143 --> 00:19:34,591
Once a week.
443
00:19:34,616 --> 00:19:36,165
Seriously?
444
00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:38,497
Wouldn't have guessed you
were so high-maintenance.
445
00:19:38,859 --> 00:19:43,094
I know. I only make looking
this good seem effortless.
446
00:19:46,548 --> 00:19:50,114
- ♪ Two best friends... ♪
- I'm not your best friend, Dave.
447
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:57,425
Hey, everybody.
448
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,003
Hey, we were just in the neighborhood.
449
00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:00,665
I wanted to introduce
you all to my wife.
450
00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:01,431
Everyone, this is Gemma.
451
00:20:01,456 --> 00:20:03,241
Gemma, these are all my new friends.
452
00:20:03,266 --> 00:20:05,075
- Hi. Hey. Nice to meet you.
- Hey, Gemma. Hey.
453
00:20:05,114 --> 00:20:06,126
Damn, Dave,
454
00:20:06,151 --> 00:20:07,646
if my wife was that fine,
455
00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:09,338
I wouldn't need no friends.
456
00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:13,923
Really, Que? 'Cause...
you live with your mama.
457
00:20:13,948 --> 00:20:16,403
Seems like you need all
the friends you can get.
458
00:20:16,428 --> 00:20:19,333
Oh!
459
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,294
Ooh, hey, uh, this is Jeremiah.
460
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:24,472
Oh, you're the one who
sold him the Spanx.
461
00:20:24,497 --> 00:20:25,724
I'm wearing them right now.
462
00:20:25,749 --> 00:20:27,560
So is Que.
463
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,896
Well, look, if you like those Spanx,
464
00:20:31,921 --> 00:20:33,823
you're gonna love these
cashmere scarves.
465
00:20:33,848 --> 00:20:36,106
- Just ten dollars each.
- Really?
466
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:36,661
Mm-hmm.
467
00:20:36,686 --> 00:20:38,408
That's so cheap. Where
did you get them?
468
00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:40,282
Whoa! Whoa!
469
00:20:41,619 --> 00:20:42,946
What?
470
00:20:43,323 --> 00:20:44,492
Oh, are they stolen?
471
00:20:44,517 --> 00:20:46,498
Oh!
34683
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