Original subtitles

♪ We are the Vikings Of Venzance, hurray ♪

All right, actors. Take five. Stagehand?

Your seltzer, Madam Director.

Oh, I was just thinking about having seltzer.

A good stagehand knows what the director needs before they ask.

Love you enthusiasm. Why don't you...

Organize the set transitions? Done.

Oh, then how about you...

Restock the craft table? Done.

In that case, you can...

Check on the actors, while you go talk to Fred and Kevin?

On it.

Uh, now it's unsettling.

That cannon ready to test out?

We need it to run the big finale.

Almost, but I must point out again,

that Vikings did not have cannons. Or singing.

Mmm, wouldn't be much of a musical without the singing.

A girl can dream. (SIGHS)

Fantastic. Prop department, update.

The Viking helmets and costumes I ordered are gonna be here any minute.

In the meantime, I was thinking that we could use these as oars.

Mr. Prop Master, sir?

I don't think this baguette will work as a sword.

Duct tape! Everything looks like a sword

if you put duct tape on it.

(IN SING-SONG VOICE) Faith in your team.

(WHISPERS) Trust the process.

Stagehand check-in. Anyone need anything?

Can you turn the heat up? I'm freezing to death.

The Viking Queen's entrance is the most important part of the show.

I can't say my lines if I'm an icicle.

I'll look into it, Miranda.

This role is going to Miranda's head.

I wish you had auditioned, Gretel.

Oh, no. I'd much rather be a stagehand.

Besides, I tried acting, once.

Once.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I am a ham.

Hams are an important source of... Whoa!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Uh, protein.

That performance was flat and unconvincing.

Cut the school's art budget, now!

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm much happier being a stagehand.

Okay, cannons ready! Let's run the grand finale.

♪ Fire the cannon

♪ And summon The Viking Queen

♪ Fire the cannon! Fire the cannon!

♪ Fire the cannon! Fire the cannon! ♪

(FAINT EXPLOSION)

Are you kidding me?

Hold. Miranda, that's not your line.

Your line is... "Hello, Vikings, I'm here."

I know my lines!

What I don't know, is how you expect me to make a grand entrance

with a wimpy cannon. I quit!

Oh, no! We've lost our lead right before opening!

How could this happen?

FRED: It's the curse of the Bantam.

The Bantam of the Opera.

(SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(TAPE RIPPING)

What's a bantam?

A bantam is a small chicken but way more aggressive.

It all started decades ago, way back,

in the mid-1990s.

Back then, the school's team was the Eastside Bantams.

♪ Bantams! Bantams! So impressive!

♪ Like tiny chickens But more aggressive! ♪

FRED: But when they changed the mascot,

the Bantam placed a curse on the school.

(CAWING)

That same night, Christine DePoulet,

who was playing the lead in the school's first production

of The Vikings Of Venzance,

disappeared. Neither were ever seen again.

So, people blamed the mascot.

And that's the origin of the curse of the Bantam.

And since she disappeared, every single school play has been a disaster.

Thanks... (IN SPOOKY VOICE) ... to the Bantam!

(ALL GASP)

Eh, it's just a silly school myth.

You guys are gonna have an awesome opening tomorrow.

But we don't have a Viking Queen!

Wait, what about Gretel?

Me?

That's a great idea.

You know the play inside and out.

And you're the most reliable person in the show.

But I haven't acted since...

(GRETEL'S VOICE ECHOING) I am a ham. I am a ham.

(VOICES SCREAMING)

I don't think it's a good idea.

It's just a few lines at the end.

(IN SING-SONG VOICE) You'd be saving the play.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Please?

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

I guess I can try.

(ALL CHEERING)

BOY: Yeah! All right. Places, everybody.

Let's run this from the top.

Wardrobe has arrived.

Oh, great. Let's take a look at those

astronaut costumes?

Where'd you order these from?

Need costumes for a play?

Come to Frank's Discounted Discount Costumes.

I got what you need, or maybe I don't.

But, I promise, you'll get something in a box.

♪ Frank's Discounted Discount Costumes

♪ You'll get something In a box ♪

Sorry, I was working on a budget.

No, we can work with this.

We can set the play in space.

Oh, cool. I can duct tape the backdrop to look like a moon.

(RIPS) And I can spend four hours

redoing the sound cues to make them more "science-fictiony."

Awesome! Let's get to work.

I'm not changing the sound cues.

Oh, why did I agree to do this? I hate being on stage?

You're gonna do great.

We just need to find you a crown that fits.

Miranda stretched out the last one,

because of her big head.

Ooh, I'm on fire today.

Hey, guys! We're running the fly wire anti-gravity scene.

The anti-gravity scene?

The play's in space now.

Why does this helmet smell like onions?

I'm not saying that your costume's gonna smell like onions,

but it's probably gonna smell like onions.

♪ Frank's Discounted Discount Costumes

♪ They may smell like onions ♪

All right. On my cue!

And... BAILEY: Whoa!

Whoa! Fred!

I didn't cue you. That wasn't me.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Whoa! Somebody get an adult!

Bantam!

But it was just... Where'd it... How?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Superhero Gretel, thank you.

How did you know we were in trouble?

I was just passing through.

Through the auditorium?

Yeah, it cuts five minutes off my commute.

Speaking of, gotta go!

What happened up there, anyway?

I saw it. It was the Bantam.

ALL: The Bantam?

Yeah, you know, like...

A chicken, but more aggressive?

Though I'd like to blame this on a ghost chicken,

the real culprit is society's neglect of public school arts programs.

Just look at this shoddy wiring.

But it was... It's okay, Gretel.

I know you're nervous, but you're really saving the show.

You're gonna do great.

Yep, sure will.

When I'm on stage. In front of everyone.

(GRETEL'S VOICE ECHOING) I am a ham.

And Kevin, since Fred's handling the fly wires,

do you mind trying to fix the cannon?

Of course, there's nothing duct tape can't fix, right?

Uh, right.

Faith in the team. Trust the process.

Deep breath. (INHALES DEEPLY)

Okay, see you all tomorrow.

Acting is the most terrifying thing I've ever done.

You literally fought a villain called "The Terrifier" last week.

That's different. When I fight bad guys,

I'm strong and confident.

But on stage, I don't feel like a hero at all.

Sometimes, being a hero is showing up, even when you're afraid.

You got this, Gretel. You'll see.

Um, hello, Vikings. I'm... (SIGHS)

Line? KEVIN: I'm a ham. You're ham.

(ALL LAUGHING) GRETEL: No!

It's happening again.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Whoa! (GASPS)

(ALARM BELL BEEPING) It was just a dream.

HAMSTER: Oh, good.

You're awake. Now you can do the school play.

(GROANS)

Hello, Vikings. I'm...

Um... Line?

"Here. I'm here."

You ready? Places in five.

I can't do it, Kevin.

I know I'm just gonna mess up the whole play.

Calm down, you just need to...

(CRASHING)

What the... (GASPS) The Bantam.

KEVIN: No way. It's real! Whoa! It is a more aggressive chicken.

I knew it wasn't all in my head.

KEVIN: Hey! Hey, stop!

We need that cannon for the finale.

GRETEL: We're on it.

(CAWING)

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What was all that noise?

I don't have time to explain without sounding insane,

suffice it to say, we've lost the cannon.

(CLANGS) BAILEY: Oh, no!

It's minutes to curtain! (SIGHS) It's no use.

Looks like we have to cancel opening night.

We've all put too much into this

to let a giant chicken ruin your vision.

We can do this, just tell us what to do.

Okay. Fred.

Get me all the duct tape we have, now.

Bailey, you and the Vikings swap costumes with the crew.

Kevin, how good are you at standing still?

Um, great.

Excellent, because this play is about to get postmodern.

Where's Gretel?

Um, she's getting into character.

She'll be back soon, I hope.

Where are we?

WOMAN: In the lair of the Bantam.

Also known as the basement under the basement.

Leave this place! Leave, and never return!

Leave, or the Bantam will...

(GASPS)

Christine? Christine DePoulet?

You're the Bantam?

I thought you disappeared 25 years ago.

I didn't disappear. I ran away.

When the cannon sounded on my opening night,

I froze.

I had such bad stage fright.

I came down here.

I found this old mascot outfit,

and I started my new life.

I also found my husband, Jerry. Say hi, Jerry.

Jerry says hi.

♪ Fire the cannon

♪ And summon The Viking Queen ♪

And I am the cannon.

Prop master has become the prop.

Wow. How postmodern.

Boom!

(SOFTLY) Where is Gretel?

I never got the applause I deserved.

Validation means nothing unless it's coming from a room full of strangers.

And if I couldn't have it, nobody else could, either.

I get it. I used to hide in the wings because I was scared, too.

But a teenage prop master once said,

"Sometimes being a hero is showing up even when you're afraid."

So, what do you say we confront our fears,

and get back to the surface?

No, thanks. I'm fine down here.

I have everything I need.

(CREAKS)

On second thought, get me out of here!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(RUMBLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BOTH GASPING)

Hey, Kevin.

This is Jerry. Uh, hi, Jerry.

He can't hear you. He's cardboard.

Hello, Vikings. I'm here.

For when you are lost and afraid...

BOTH: A Viking Queen will be there to give you aid.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

I was once lost and afraid.

Increase the school's art budget, immediately.

See? Nothing to be afraid of.

Oh, how I've missed the stage.

But I'm an attention starved misfit with a grade school education.

What kind of job can I get on the surface?

So, come on down and meet our new mascot, the Bantam, at...

♪ Frank's Discounted Discount Costumes

♪ Where misfits Get a new life ♪

(CAWING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ It's Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ Hamster, Hamster, Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ If they can't do it Then nobody can

♪ Hamster, Hamster, Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ There's also Kevin In the minivan ♪

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