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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:08,786 --> 00:01:11,247 I believe in the Church of Baseball. 2 00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:14,750 I've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. 3 00:01:14,834 --> 00:01:18,045 I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu... 4 00:01:18,087 --> 00:01:21,507 Siva, trees, mushrooms and Isadora Duncan. 5 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,759 I know things. 6 00:01:23,843 --> 00:01:27,054 For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary... 7 00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:30,183 and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. 8 00:01:30,266 --> 00:01:32,727 When I learned that, I gaveJesus a chance. 9 00:01:33,936 --> 00:01:36,230 But it just didn't work out between us. 10 00:01:36,272 --> 00:01:38,733 The Lord laid too much guilt on me. 11 00:01:39,358 --> 00:01:42,111 I prefer metaphysics to theology. 12 00:01:42,195 --> 00:01:44,238 You see, there's no guilt in baseball... 13 00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:45,990 and it's never boring... 14 00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,075 which makes it like sex. 15 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,204 There's never been a ballplayer who slept with me... 16 00:01:51,287 --> 00:01:53,581 who didn't have the best year of his career. 17 00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:57,376 Making love is like hitting a baseball... 18 00:01:57,460 --> 00:01:59,754 you just gotta relax and concentrate. 19 00:02:01,172 --> 00:02:04,091 Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under.250... 20 00:02:04,133 --> 00:02:08,137 unless he had a lot of RBI's or was a great glove man up the middle. 21 00:02:10,848 --> 00:02:14,602 You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. 22 00:02:14,644 --> 00:02:16,938 I can expand their minds. 23 00:02:16,979 --> 00:02:18,940 Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone... 24 00:02:18,981 --> 00:02:22,276 I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him. 25 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,112 And the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 26 00:02:25,988 --> 00:02:29,075 Of course, a guy will listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. 27 00:02:30,868 --> 00:02:34,539 I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe... 28 00:02:35,206 --> 00:02:37,291 and pretty. 29 00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:40,127 Of course, what I give them lasts a lifetime. 30 00:02:40,211 --> 00:02:43,339 What they give me lasts 142 games. 31 00:02:43,422 --> 00:02:46,509 Sometimes it seems like a bad trade... 32 00:02:46,592 --> 00:02:48,803 but bad trades is a part of baseball. 33 00:02:48,845 --> 00:02:52,974 Who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? 34 00:02:53,015 --> 00:02:56,102 It's a long season, and you gotta trust it. 35 00:02:56,185 --> 00:02:58,104 I've tried 'em all, I really have. 36 00:02:58,187 --> 00:03:00,898 And the only church that truly feeds the soul... 37 00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:04,527 day in, day out... is the Church of Baseball. 38 00:03:40,771 --> 00:03:43,107 Hey, Skip, that Max, hell of a guy. 39 00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:45,860 Where's Ebby? 40 00:03:45,943 --> 00:03:48,029 Ain't he warming up yet? 41 00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:51,532 No. His professional debut tonight, and he forgets about it. 42 00:03:51,616 --> 00:03:53,826 Better find our 'bonus baby.' 43 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:55,703 Have you seen Ebby? 44 00:03:55,786 --> 00:03:57,413 No. 45 00:04:05,338 --> 00:04:07,548 Ebby! 46 00:04:09,634 --> 00:04:11,761 Jesus. 47 00:04:11,844 --> 00:04:15,348 Game starts in four minutes. Why ain't you warm? 48 00:04:15,431 --> 00:04:17,266 I am warm. 49 00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:19,809 Jesus, this is your professional debut tonight. 50 00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:22,979 Million guys give their left nut to be in your shoes. 51 00:04:23,064 --> 00:04:25,983 You're leaving your fastball in the locker room for some piece of ass. 52 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,236 Skip, it is me. 53 00:04:28,277 --> 00:04:32,364 I am not some, quote, piece of ass, unquote. 54 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,284 Oh, Millie. 55 00:04:35,368 --> 00:04:38,079 Jeez, sorry. Didn't recognize you. 56 00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:42,583 Don't take this personally, Millie, but if I catch you in here again... 57 00:04:42,624 --> 00:04:44,417 you're banned from the ballpark. 58 00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,461 You can't ban me from the ballpark... 59 00:04:46,546 --> 00:04:48,588 'cause my daddy donated that scoreboard. 60 00:04:48,673 --> 00:04:51,926 And if you ban me, he just might take that scoreboard away. 61 00:04:51,968 --> 00:04:54,219 What do we need a scoreboard for? 62 00:04:54,303 --> 00:04:56,471 We ain't scored any runs all year. 63 00:04:56,556 --> 00:04:58,933 Now you get your ass out there! 64 00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:00,601 Hey, boss, I got a question. 65 00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:02,353 What? 66 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,897 You think I need a nickname? I think I need a nickname. 67 00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:07,065 We were talking about it. All the great ones have nicknames. 68 00:05:07,149 --> 00:05:09,442 Like 'Oil Can,' 'Catfish.' What was the one you were... 69 00:05:09,485 --> 00:05:10,610 'Pokey.' 70 00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:12,488 What do you think of'Pokey'? 71 00:05:12,571 --> 00:05:15,157 You got three minutes. 72 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,994 Goddamn, son of a bitchin', motherfuckin' shithead! 73 00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:20,121 Time for another quickie. 74 00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:23,415 Jesus, you got a game to pitch. 75 00:05:23,499 --> 00:05:25,542 We got three minutes. 76 00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:39,514 Come on, folks. Let's hear it for Max Patkin... 77 00:05:39,599 --> 00:05:41,684 the clown prince of baseball. 78 00:05:41,766 --> 00:05:43,810 You gonna sit there all day? 79 00:05:43,852 --> 00:05:46,022 And now 'The Greatest Show on Dirt'... 80 00:05:46,104 --> 00:05:49,065 your own Durham Bulls! 81 00:05:53,863 --> 00:05:56,699 I'm there. I'm ready. 82 00:06:01,162 --> 00:06:03,330 And now WRDU radio presents... 83 00:06:03,414 --> 00:06:05,916 the voice of the Durham Bulls, Teddy Garland. 84 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,752 The Bulls off to a slow start, having dropped their first three games. 85 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:11,546 But hope to turn it around tonight with the professional debut... 86 00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:15,510 of heralded young pitcher, Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. 87 00:06:18,471 --> 00:06:20,431 Millie, you gotta stay out of the clubhouse. 88 00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:22,016 You're gonna get everybody in trouble. 89 00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:23,976 I got lured. 90 00:06:24,059 --> 00:06:26,187 You did not get lured. Women do not get lured. 91 00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:28,355 They are too strong and powerful for that. Now say it... 92 00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:31,400 'I did not get lured. I accept full responsibility for my actions.' 93 00:06:31,483 --> 00:06:34,862 'I did not get lured. I accept full responsibility for my actions.' 94 00:06:34,903 --> 00:06:38,699 That's better. You got your radar ready? 95 00:06:38,741 --> 00:06:40,617 - Ready. - Go to it. 96 00:06:42,244 --> 00:06:43,870 Steppin' in for the Peninsula White Sox... 97 00:06:43,955 --> 00:06:45,915 is leadoff hitter Willie Foster. 98 00:06:45,998 --> 00:06:48,084 Word on LaLoosh is that the good-looking, young pitcher... 99 00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:51,795 has a major-league fastball, but sometimes has problems with control. 100 00:07:06,769 --> 00:07:08,646 Damn. 101 00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:11,482 One ball, no strikes to Willie Foster. 102 00:07:17,029 --> 00:07:18,572 No problem! 103 00:07:18,656 --> 00:07:20,741 Go get 'em, one, two, three, babe. Get 'em, big guy. 104 00:07:22,368 --> 00:07:24,661 Ninety-five miles an hour. 105 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,247 That's great. He looks just great. 106 00:07:35,214 --> 00:07:38,091 Stepping in for the Peninsula White Sox... 107 00:07:38,134 --> 00:07:40,428 second baseman Allen Powley. 108 00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:41,762 What's it say? 109 00:07:41,803 --> 00:07:45,308 It says he's not bending his back on his follow-through. 110 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:50,186 Scotty, baby, take this to Ebby Calvin. 111 00:07:51,689 --> 00:07:55,735 All right, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh? 112 00:07:55,817 --> 00:07:58,279 Well, he fucks like he pitches. 113 00:07:58,361 --> 00:08:01,031 Sort of all over the place. 114 00:08:26,098 --> 00:08:27,808 My! 115 00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:38,820 He walked 18. 116 00:08:38,902 --> 00:08:40,987 A new league record. 117 00:08:42,073 --> 00:08:45,242 - Struck out 18. - Another new league record. 118 00:08:45,326 --> 00:08:47,536 In addition, he hit the sportswriter... 119 00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:50,873 the public address announcer, the Bull mascot twice. 120 00:08:50,957 --> 00:08:53,668 Also, new league records. 121 00:08:55,044 --> 00:08:57,546 But, Joe... 122 00:08:57,588 --> 00:09:00,800 this guy's got some serious shit. 123 00:09:00,882 --> 00:09:03,928 Yeah, serious shit. 124 00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:12,895 Who are you? Who's he? 125 00:09:12,936 --> 00:09:15,439 I'm 'the player to be named later.' 126 00:09:15,523 --> 00:09:18,693 Crash Davis? I'm Joe Riggins. 127 00:09:19,985 --> 00:09:22,280 And you, Larry Hockett, should recognize me... 128 00:09:22,363 --> 00:09:25,448 'cause five years ago in the Texas League... 129 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:28,451 you were pitching for El Paso, I was hitting cleanup for Shreveport. 130 00:09:28,536 --> 00:09:31,955 You hung a curveball on an 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game... 131 00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:36,169 in the bottom of the eighth, and I tattooed it... 132 00:09:36,252 --> 00:09:38,879 over the Michelin Tire sign, beat you 4-3. 133 00:09:38,921 --> 00:09:40,880 I remember. I should have thrown a slider. 134 00:09:40,923 --> 00:09:42,550 Damn, Crash, how ya doin? 135 00:09:42,591 --> 00:09:44,885 I'm too old for this shit. 136 00:09:45,761 --> 00:09:48,222 Why in the hell am I back in A ball? 137 00:09:48,263 --> 00:09:51,684 'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. 138 00:09:51,766 --> 00:09:53,519 Big club's got a hundred grand in him. 139 00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:56,230 He's got a million-dollar arm with a five-cent head. 140 00:09:57,106 --> 00:09:58,983 Had a gun on him tonight. 141 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:02,068 Last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five. 142 00:10:02,945 --> 00:10:06,073 He's got the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. 143 00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,866 You've been around. 144 00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:10,244 You're smart. You're a professional. 145 00:10:11,328 --> 00:10:13,288 We want you to mature the kid. 146 00:10:13,331 --> 00:10:16,250 We want you to room with him on the road. 147 00:10:16,291 --> 00:10:19,837 Stay on his case all year. He can go all the way. 148 00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:23,424 Yeah? Where can I go? 149 00:10:23,465 --> 00:10:25,008 You can keep going to the ballpark... 150 00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,802 keep getting paid to do it. 151 00:10:27,886 --> 00:10:29,763 Beats the hell out of working at Sears. 152 00:10:29,805 --> 00:10:34,185 Sears sucks. I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmores. 153 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,977 Nasty work. 154 00:10:37,062 --> 00:10:39,022 Even if it is the Carolina League... 155 00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,942 this is a chance to play every day. 156 00:10:41,025 --> 00:10:43,276 You don't want a player. You want a stable pony. 157 00:10:43,361 --> 00:10:44,278 No. 158 00:10:44,319 --> 00:10:46,280 My triple A contract gets bought out... 159 00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:48,783 so I can hold the flavor of the month's dick. 160 00:10:48,825 --> 00:10:51,702 Is that it? Fuck this fucking game! 161 00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:03,129 I fuckin' quit, all right? 162 00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:23,901 Who we play tomorrow? 163 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,320 Winston-Salem. Batting practice, 11:30. 164 00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:33,827 How's it feel to get your first professional win? 165 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:37,497 It feels out there. It's a major rush. 166 00:11:37,539 --> 00:11:41,668 It doesn't just feel out there, it feels out there. 167 00:11:41,752 --> 00:11:44,588 Kind of radical in a kind of tubular way. 168 00:11:44,672 --> 00:11:46,423 But most of all, it's out there. 169 00:11:46,507 --> 00:11:51,177 This is hopeless. This is utterly, fucking hopeless. 170 00:12:03,316 --> 00:12:05,233 Hey, I'm Millie. 171 00:12:07,068 --> 00:12:08,361 I'm Tony. I play second base. 172 00:12:08,404 --> 00:12:09,530 I know. 173 00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:14,660 How do you just keep coming back every year? 174 00:12:14,744 --> 00:12:17,954 'Cause I love the game, Annie. I love it. 175 00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:20,124 - Here you go. - We didn't order these. 176 00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:22,043 - He did. - Who? 177 00:12:22,084 --> 00:12:23,960 The guy in the booth. 178 00:12:27,507 --> 00:12:28,590 Who's that? 179 00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:33,261 That's Crash Davis. Hey, Crash, come here. 180 00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:34,763 Get over here. 181 00:12:36,598 --> 00:12:38,600 He's kinda cute. 182 00:12:38,643 --> 00:12:41,228 He's played in more ballparks than I have. 183 00:12:41,269 --> 00:12:42,646 Hell of a guy. 184 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,731 He's really different. 185 00:12:44,814 --> 00:12:47,902 I actually saw him read a book without pictures once. 186 00:12:50,446 --> 00:12:53,115 - Hi, Max. - How you doing? 187 00:12:53,198 --> 00:12:55,742 Come over and sit down. 188 00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:57,786 I'm Crash. 189 00:12:57,827 --> 00:13:00,998 Annie Savoy. Wanna dance? 190 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,582 I don't dance. 191 00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,835 How embarrassing. 192 00:13:07,964 --> 00:13:10,174 What is that? 193 00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:24,813 Who's he dancing with? 194 00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:27,107 All of them, I think. 195 00:13:40,997 --> 00:13:42,747 You Annie Savoy? 196 00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:44,792 Thanks for your note. You're right. I wasn't bending my back. 197 00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,627 You have a live arm there. 198 00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:48,629 Thanks. 199 00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:51,131 Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. 200 00:13:51,174 --> 00:13:52,841 You need a nickname, honey. 201 00:13:52,925 --> 00:13:54,969 I've been telling everybody that. 202 00:13:56,262 --> 00:13:58,723 - You wanna dance? - Yeah. 203 00:13:58,806 --> 00:14:00,641 She's dancing with me. 204 00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:02,894 'Fraid not, pal. 205 00:14:02,977 --> 00:14:05,812 You boys gonna fight over little ol' me? 206 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,692 - No. - Let's go. 207 00:14:10,775 --> 00:14:12,737 Step outside and party, man. 208 00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:18,074 Don't be such guys. 209 00:14:18,159 --> 00:14:19,994 Max, let's dance. 210 00:14:27,919 --> 00:14:29,879 You comin' or not, homeboy? 211 00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:46,603 Let's go. Come on. We're waitin'. 212 00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:49,232 - Let's go, homeboy. - Come on, Ebby. There he is. 213 00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:02,203 I don't believe in fighting. Let's just... 214 00:15:03,704 --> 00:15:07,416 That's really sweet. Fuck you, you pussy. 215 00:15:10,252 --> 00:15:13,548 All right. Take the first shot at me. 216 00:15:13,631 --> 00:15:16,092 No way. I don't hit no man first. 217 00:15:19,844 --> 00:15:21,263 All right, then. 218 00:15:23,306 --> 00:15:24,892 Hit me in the chest with that. 219 00:15:28,562 --> 00:15:29,730 I'd kill you. 220 00:15:29,772 --> 00:15:32,357 From what I hear, you couldn't hit water... 221 00:15:32,441 --> 00:15:34,485 if you fell out of a fuckin' boat. 222 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,448 Go ahead, man. 223 00:15:40,533 --> 00:15:43,327 Go ahead, come on. Right in the chest. 224 00:15:43,411 --> 00:15:45,662 - No way. - Come on, Meat. 225 00:15:45,746 --> 00:15:48,582 You're not gonna hit me 'cause you're thinking about it already. 226 00:15:50,167 --> 00:15:52,128 Starting to think how embarrassing it would be... 227 00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:55,131 to miss in front of these people, how somebody might laugh. 228 00:15:56,131 --> 00:15:58,926 Come on, Rook. Show us that million-dollar arm... 229 00:15:58,968 --> 00:16:03,638 'cause I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours. 230 00:16:03,723 --> 00:16:05,140 Hit 'im, man! 231 00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:11,105 Fuck! 232 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,441 Ball four. 233 00:16:14,484 --> 00:16:16,819 Who the fuck are you? 234 00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,951 Good punch. 235 00:16:23,993 --> 00:16:25,953 I'm Crash Davis. I'm your new catcher... 236 00:16:25,994 --> 00:16:28,873 and you just got lesson number one: 237 00:16:28,956 --> 00:16:30,040 Don't think. 238 00:16:30,124 --> 00:16:32,125 It can only hurt the ball club. 239 00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:40,551 Come inside, I'll buy you a drink. 240 00:16:48,016 --> 00:16:49,352 He's my new catcher. 241 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,657 We fight, she gets the clown. How's that happen? 242 00:17:04,908 --> 00:17:06,744 God, I like this song. 243 00:17:18,713 --> 00:17:21,758 Did you boys stop fightin'? 244 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,386 Pals now? 245 00:17:23,468 --> 00:17:25,596 That's good. 246 00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:28,975 I love a little macho male bonding. 247 00:17:29,057 --> 00:17:31,017 I think it's sweet. I do. 248 00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:34,063 Even if it probably is latent homosexuality being rechanneled. 249 00:17:34,104 --> 00:17:36,399 I'm all for rechanneling, so who cares, right? 250 00:17:41,737 --> 00:17:43,865 Okay, shall we go to my place? 251 00:17:45,658 --> 00:17:47,618 Which one of us? 252 00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:49,704 Both of you, of course. 253 00:18:26,324 --> 00:18:28,284 These are the ground rules. 254 00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:29,994 I hook up with one guy a season. 255 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,537 Usually takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy. 256 00:18:32,622 --> 00:18:34,790 Kind of my own spring training. 257 00:18:34,873 --> 00:18:39,544 You two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. 258 00:18:40,254 --> 00:18:43,007 I just thought we should kinda get to know each other. 259 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:47,470 Time-out. Why do you get to choose? 260 00:18:47,553 --> 00:18:49,846 - Why? - Why do you get to choose? 261 00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:52,891 Why don't I get to choose? Why doesn't he get to choose? 262 00:18:52,974 --> 00:18:57,104 Actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. 263 00:18:57,187 --> 00:18:59,481 It's all a question of quantum physics... 264 00:18:59,565 --> 00:19:01,483 molecular attraction and timing. 265 00:19:01,566 --> 00:19:04,444 Laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart. 266 00:19:05,154 --> 00:19:07,657 It's like pheromones. 267 00:19:07,739 --> 00:19:10,493 You get three ants together, they can't do dick. 268 00:19:10,575 --> 00:19:14,120 You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral. 269 00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,627 Is somebody gonna go to bed with somebody? 270 00:19:19,669 --> 00:19:22,045 Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. 271 00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:23,840 You better cool off. 272 00:19:26,717 --> 00:19:28,928 Where you going? 273 00:19:29,011 --> 00:19:32,056 After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. 274 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:33,849 Besides... 275 00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:37,060 I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart. 276 00:19:38,271 --> 00:19:40,523 What do you believe in, then? 277 00:19:40,606 --> 00:19:43,234 I believe in the soul... 278 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,945 the cock, the pussy... 279 00:19:46,027 --> 00:19:48,072 the small of a woman's back... 280 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:51,033 the hanging curveball, high-fiver, good scotch... 281 00:19:51,116 --> 00:19:54,661 that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. 282 00:19:54,704 --> 00:19:56,830 I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. 283 00:19:56,871 --> 00:19:59,125 I believe there oughta be a constitutional amendment... 284 00:19:59,207 --> 00:20:01,502 outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. 285 00:20:01,543 --> 00:20:04,546 I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography... 286 00:20:04,589 --> 00:20:07,216 open your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve... 287 00:20:07,299 --> 00:20:10,344 and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses... 288 00:20:10,427 --> 00:20:12,013 that last three days. 289 00:20:14,098 --> 00:20:15,890 Good night. 290 00:20:15,975 --> 00:20:17,268 Oh, my. 291 00:20:19,604 --> 00:20:22,190 Hey, what's all this molecule stuff? 292 00:20:24,817 --> 00:20:25,942 Crash, wait! 293 00:20:26,026 --> 00:20:27,570 All's I want is a date. 294 00:20:27,653 --> 00:20:29,906 I'm not gonna fall in love with you or nothing. 295 00:20:29,988 --> 00:20:33,534 I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy. 296 00:20:33,617 --> 00:20:34,784 Good night. 297 00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:37,245 - I'm not interested yet. - Who you calling a boy? 298 00:20:37,330 --> 00:20:38,955 See you at the yard, Meat. 299 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,543 Damn, nobody's ever said no to a date with me before. 300 00:20:42,626 --> 00:20:44,461 He's crazy. 301 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:46,088 I want you bad. 302 00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:56,891 Honey, hold on. Slow down. 303 00:20:58,559 --> 00:21:00,227 I wanna watch. 304 00:21:03,438 --> 00:21:05,483 Go ahead. Put it back on. 305 00:21:06,858 --> 00:21:09,153 Jesus, what kind of chick are you? 306 00:21:10,779 --> 00:21:13,574 When you know how to make love, then you'll know how to pitch. 307 00:21:15,243 --> 00:21:16,953 I know how to pitch. 308 00:21:17,995 --> 00:21:19,496 Good. 309 00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:22,792 Now take it off slowly. 310 00:21:35,637 --> 00:21:36,930 That's nice. 311 00:21:44,020 --> 00:21:46,982 Oh, my, what a nice back. 312 00:21:48,776 --> 00:21:52,487 Honey. Sweetheart. 313 00:21:52,570 --> 00:21:55,157 Try taking off your shoes and socks first. 314 00:21:55,241 --> 00:21:57,784 My socks? It's cold in here. 315 00:21:59,536 --> 00:22:00,621 What? 316 00:22:00,662 --> 00:22:02,957 You think Dwight Gooden leaves his socks on? 317 00:22:35,531 --> 00:22:36,906 Ebby, honey. 318 00:22:39,534 --> 00:22:41,995 Have you ever been tied up in bed? 319 00:23:12,609 --> 00:23:14,694 Bring it on, baby! 320 00:23:14,736 --> 00:23:16,864 I heard about shit like this. 321 00:23:16,905 --> 00:23:18,907 You ever heard about Walt Whitman? 322 00:23:18,950 --> 00:23:20,117 Who's he play for? 323 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,620 He sort of pitches for the Cosmic All-Stars. 324 00:23:22,703 --> 00:23:24,956 - Never heard of him. - Oh, good. 325 00:23:25,038 --> 00:23:26,289 Listen to this. 326 00:23:29,502 --> 00:23:31,754 'I sing the body electric. 327 00:23:31,838 --> 00:23:35,715 The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them. 328 00:23:35,758 --> 00:23:38,386 They will not let me off till I go with them... 329 00:23:38,469 --> 00:23:40,471 respond to them and discorrupt them... 330 00:23:40,555 --> 00:23:43,599 and charge them full with the charge of the soul. 331 00:23:46,393 --> 00:23:51,524 But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face... 332 00:23:51,606 --> 00:23:54,317 it is in his limbs and joints also.' 333 00:23:54,402 --> 00:23:59,365 Excuse me. Are we gonna fuck or what? 334 00:24:01,826 --> 00:24:06,746 'It is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists. 335 00:24:06,789 --> 00:24:10,293 Love flesh swelling and deliciously aching. 336 00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:15,756 Limitless limpid jets of love, hot and enormous.' 337 00:24:22,887 --> 00:24:26,141 Listen up, guys. Can I have your attention a minute? 338 00:24:26,225 --> 00:24:28,476 I'm gonna be leading a daily chapel service here in the locker room... 339 00:24:28,561 --> 00:24:30,937 - at 3:00 in the afternoon. - Amen, brother! 340 00:24:30,979 --> 00:24:34,275 Y'all are invited to stop on by and worship before batting practice. 341 00:24:34,357 --> 00:24:37,193 Jimmy, goddamn it. Loosen up and get laid. 342 00:24:39,029 --> 00:24:42,867 I know y'all think I'm pretty square, but... 343 00:24:42,949 --> 00:24:44,534 I believe what I believe. 344 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,250 Jesus, Ebby, you look like a truck ran over you. 345 00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:55,045 Nuke. Call me Nuke. 346 00:24:56,254 --> 00:24:58,925 Annie says it's my new nickname. 347 00:24:59,007 --> 00:25:01,636 Okay, Nuke. Go get 'em. 348 00:25:01,677 --> 00:25:03,471 Annie nailed you? Annie did? 349 00:25:03,553 --> 00:25:05,807 That's great. That means you're gonna have a great year. 350 00:25:05,889 --> 00:25:10,269 Is she as good as they say? 351 00:25:12,230 --> 00:25:14,190 No, man, we didn't fuck. 352 00:25:15,858 --> 00:25:18,652 No, she read poetry to me all night. 353 00:25:18,736 --> 00:25:20,987 It's more tiring than fucking. 354 00:25:26,285 --> 00:25:28,453 'Limpid jets of love.' 355 00:25:30,372 --> 00:25:34,377 Hey, Crash. Does that mean what I think it means? 356 00:25:34,459 --> 00:25:36,212 'Limpid jets of love.' 357 00:25:36,295 --> 00:25:38,713 Your shower shoes have fungus on them. 358 00:25:38,798 --> 00:25:43,009 You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. 359 00:25:43,094 --> 00:25:45,804 Think classy, you'll be classy. 360 00:25:45,887 --> 00:25:47,515 If you win 20 in the Show... 361 00:25:47,597 --> 00:25:50,058 you can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes... 362 00:25:50,142 --> 00:25:52,185 and the press will think you're colorful. 363 00:25:52,228 --> 00:25:55,106 Until you win 20 in the Show, however... 364 00:25:55,188 --> 00:25:57,899 means you're a slob. 365 00:26:02,405 --> 00:26:05,533 Y'all don't forget Saturday is Bull Day... 366 00:26:05,615 --> 00:26:07,368 down at the Northgate Mall. 367 00:26:08,494 --> 00:26:09,662 Strike! 368 00:26:09,744 --> 00:26:11,705 Whoa, too bad, Butch. 369 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:16,042 Charge! 370 00:26:17,335 --> 00:26:20,006 Not getting that cheese by me, Meat. 371 00:26:20,089 --> 00:26:24,260 And now batting for the Bulls, number eight, Crash Davis. 372 00:26:34,562 --> 00:26:35,897 Foul ball! 373 00:26:35,979 --> 00:26:38,565 God, stupid fuck, Crash. 374 00:26:38,649 --> 00:26:40,610 What'd you swing at a breaking ball for? 375 00:26:40,650 --> 00:26:41,777 Fuck me. 376 00:26:46,656 --> 00:26:49,035 You usually start me off with a hammer. 377 00:26:49,117 --> 00:26:52,955 You're thinking too much, Crash. Get out of your fuckin'head. 378 00:26:53,038 --> 00:26:54,956 Don't let him in your kitchen. 379 00:26:55,041 --> 00:26:58,752 Come on, Crash. Just relax. You got it, honey. 380 00:26:58,793 --> 00:27:01,755 All right, here we go. Stay back. Relax. 381 00:27:01,797 --> 00:27:03,257 Quick bat. 382 00:27:04,341 --> 00:27:05,593 Foul ball! 383 00:27:10,096 --> 00:27:13,767 Throw that shit again, Meat. Throw that weak-ass shit again. 384 00:27:14,727 --> 00:27:18,438 Okay, get close. You got it. One more, baby. 385 00:27:19,273 --> 00:27:22,026 He's gonna throw the deuce now. 386 00:27:22,108 --> 00:27:23,777 He's gotta waste one. 387 00:27:23,818 --> 00:27:27,447 Stay back and wipe that silly grin off his face. 388 00:27:27,490 --> 00:27:30,117 Come on. Bring it. 389 00:27:30,825 --> 00:27:31,953 Jesus Christ! 390 00:27:32,036 --> 00:27:33,996 What the hell was that? 391 00:27:34,038 --> 00:27:35,832 What goes around, comes around. 392 00:27:35,914 --> 00:27:37,792 Son of a bitch throws hard. 393 00:27:39,793 --> 00:27:42,505 It's okay, Crash. You take it easy, honey. 394 00:27:45,132 --> 00:27:49,011 All right, one and two. You can eat this shit. Relax. 395 00:27:49,094 --> 00:27:51,805 Annie. 396 00:27:51,889 --> 00:27:53,724 Who's this Annie? 397 00:27:53,808 --> 00:27:56,518 Jesus, get out of the box, idiot. Where's your head? 398 00:27:56,602 --> 00:27:58,521 Get the broad outta your head! 399 00:27:58,603 --> 00:27:59,730 Time-out! 400 00:28:03,024 --> 00:28:04,067 Give me a rag. 401 00:28:07,363 --> 00:28:09,155 Get a hit, Crash. 402 00:28:10,157 --> 00:28:11,325 Shut up. 403 00:28:19,207 --> 00:28:21,752 All right, you've seen all his pitches. 404 00:28:21,836 --> 00:28:23,546 You've seen them all. 405 00:28:23,628 --> 00:28:27,967 Shorten up, Crash. Bring me the gas, kid. 406 00:28:32,595 --> 00:28:34,556 Quick bat. 407 00:28:35,516 --> 00:28:36,726 Strike! 408 00:28:41,898 --> 00:28:44,775 Scotty, baby, take this to Crash. 409 00:28:45,985 --> 00:28:49,363 Folks, we have a little lost girl up here. 410 00:28:49,404 --> 00:28:53,159 Says her name is Lana Ann Baker. 411 00:28:53,242 --> 00:28:55,160 - She'll be waiting... - It's for Crash. 412 00:28:55,244 --> 00:28:57,370 At the ticket box for her daddy, Cedar Baker. 413 00:28:57,455 --> 00:28:59,540 Cedar, come get your little girl. 414 00:28:59,624 --> 00:29:02,167 - What? - From Annie. 415 00:29:02,251 --> 00:29:03,376 Read it. 416 00:29:07,172 --> 00:29:09,842 'Dear Crash, you have a lovely swing... 417 00:29:09,926 --> 00:29:12,553 but you're pulling your hips out too early. 418 00:29:12,594 --> 00:29:16,307 I'd be happy to meet you tomorrow at the batting cage to discuss it. 419 00:29:16,389 --> 00:29:17,974 Signed, Annie.' 420 00:29:19,060 --> 00:29:21,520 If there's one chick who'd know you were pulling your hips out early... 421 00:29:21,603 --> 00:29:22,896 it'd be Annie. 422 00:29:31,655 --> 00:29:34,532 It's kind of a personal note, kid, so don't read it. 423 00:29:34,617 --> 00:29:35,660 There you go. 424 00:29:44,460 --> 00:29:46,462 Here, Millie. 425 00:29:46,503 --> 00:29:48,005 What's it say? 426 00:29:49,089 --> 00:29:53,301 It says, 'I wanna make love to you. Crash.' 427 00:29:54,011 --> 00:29:55,095 Oh, my. 428 00:30:04,021 --> 00:30:05,314 See my hips? 429 00:30:05,397 --> 00:30:06,481 Yep. 430 00:30:08,109 --> 00:30:11,988 And I think Susan Sontag is brilliant. 431 00:30:13,071 --> 00:30:15,616 Is this gonna happen? Us? 432 00:30:18,201 --> 00:30:20,454 I'm committed to Nuke for the season. 433 00:30:20,496 --> 00:30:21,622 Oh. 434 00:30:22,707 --> 00:30:25,458 You had your chance the other day. 435 00:30:25,543 --> 00:30:27,586 What is it you see in this guy? 436 00:30:27,669 --> 00:30:31,631 He's a young, wild... 437 00:30:31,715 --> 00:30:33,509 dim, pretty boy. 438 00:30:33,592 --> 00:30:36,762 Young men are uncomplicated. 439 00:30:36,845 --> 00:30:40,766 And he's not dim. He's just inexperienced. 440 00:30:41,601 --> 00:30:43,519 It's my job to give him life wisdom... 441 00:30:43,602 --> 00:30:46,689 and help him get on to the major leagues. 442 00:30:46,772 --> 00:30:49,150 That's funny, that's my job too. 443 00:30:50,233 --> 00:30:51,693 Damn! 444 00:30:53,528 --> 00:30:54,696 You're pulling your hips. 445 00:30:54,779 --> 00:30:58,700 I know, but they're nice hips. 446 00:30:58,784 --> 00:31:00,620 I looked up your records. 447 00:31:00,702 --> 00:31:01,703 You what? 448 00:31:01,787 --> 00:31:04,415 You hit 227 home runs in the minors. 449 00:31:04,499 --> 00:31:06,166 That's not bad. 450 00:31:06,249 --> 00:31:07,919 Don't tell anybody. 451 00:31:08,001 --> 00:31:09,962 Why not? You hit 20 more this year... 452 00:31:10,045 --> 00:31:11,964 you're gonna be the all-time minor-league champ. 453 00:31:12,048 --> 00:31:13,173 The record's 246. 454 00:31:13,214 --> 00:31:16,176 Well, 247 home runs in the minor leagues... 455 00:31:16,218 --> 00:31:19,347 would be a kind of dubious honor. 456 00:31:19,429 --> 00:31:22,432 I think it would be great. The Sporting News should know it. 457 00:31:22,516 --> 00:31:25,895 No. Just no. Please. 458 00:31:27,145 --> 00:31:28,731 Okay. 459 00:31:29,898 --> 00:31:33,777 Last chance, your place or mine? 460 00:31:33,861 --> 00:31:36,739 Despite my rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics... 461 00:31:36,822 --> 00:31:40,868 I am, within the framework of the baseball season, monogamous. 462 00:31:42,995 --> 00:31:44,621 - Gimme a break. - It's true. 463 00:31:44,704 --> 00:31:45,789 Stop it. 464 00:31:48,792 --> 00:31:51,045 Jeez, the fact is... 465 00:31:51,127 --> 00:31:53,588 you're afraid of meeting a guy like me, 'cause it might be real... 466 00:31:53,673 --> 00:31:57,426 so you sabotage it with some, what is it... 467 00:31:57,509 --> 00:32:00,429 bullshit about commitment to a young boy you can boss around. 468 00:32:00,512 --> 00:32:02,390 That's a great deal. 469 00:32:02,472 --> 00:32:03,598 Nice. 470 00:32:03,683 --> 00:32:05,393 I know women like you. 471 00:32:08,271 --> 00:32:10,563 You're a regular patron saint. 472 00:32:10,647 --> 00:32:13,900 Stray cats, lost causes... 473 00:32:13,942 --> 00:32:17,821 or 6'3' homeless studs. 474 00:32:17,905 --> 00:32:20,741 Oh, Crash, you do make speeches. 475 00:32:36,257 --> 00:32:38,425 Crash, that was fabulous. 476 00:32:40,219 --> 00:32:41,303 Crash? 477 00:32:42,846 --> 00:32:45,724 You mean Nuke. You said Crash. 478 00:32:48,895 --> 00:32:52,064 No, I said Nuke. 479 00:32:52,148 --> 00:32:53,608 You said Crash. 480 00:32:53,648 --> 00:32:55,192 Oh, no. 481 00:32:55,276 --> 00:32:57,236 Sweetie, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says... 482 00:32:57,319 --> 00:33:00,489 when she's in the throes of passion. 483 00:33:00,572 --> 00:33:02,782 They say the darndest things. 484 00:33:02,867 --> 00:33:04,660 Yeah, you said Crash. 485 00:33:06,203 --> 00:33:08,121 Honey... 486 00:33:08,163 --> 00:33:10,666 would you rather I'd be making love to him using your name... 487 00:33:10,708 --> 00:33:13,836 or making love to you using his name? 488 00:33:19,550 --> 00:33:21,551 Yeah, maybe you're right. 489 00:33:25,139 --> 00:33:28,350 Welcome to the Eastern Seaboard Tobacco Growers... 490 00:33:28,434 --> 00:33:31,478 City Council Little League Cash Drop Day. 491 00:33:31,562 --> 00:33:36,024 These young fellas... young men, I should say... over here to my left. 492 00:33:36,066 --> 00:33:39,111 Hi, 18. Hi, 12. 493 00:33:39,194 --> 00:33:40,655 Hey, Dino. 494 00:33:45,243 --> 00:33:46,826 Hey, Millie. 495 00:33:50,246 --> 00:33:52,958 Hey. I'm Millie. 496 00:33:53,750 --> 00:33:55,168 I'm married. 497 00:34:02,593 --> 00:34:04,052 What is that? 498 00:34:04,136 --> 00:34:06,304 Chicken bone cross. 499 00:34:06,388 --> 00:34:08,683 Takes the curse off the bat that brings me hits. 500 00:34:09,641 --> 00:34:12,186 What are you, a goddamn witch? 501 00:34:12,269 --> 00:34:15,271 Yes, a switch-hitting witch. 502 00:34:16,439 --> 00:34:18,442 Will that work for me? 503 00:34:18,525 --> 00:34:20,528 If you believe in voodoo. 504 00:34:20,610 --> 00:34:23,531 Jose, I am zero for 16. 505 00:34:23,572 --> 00:34:25,616 A big fucking doughnut hole for 16. 506 00:34:25,699 --> 00:34:28,284 I can't remember the last time I had a base hit. 507 00:34:28,369 --> 00:34:30,204 Let me have some of that stuff. 508 00:34:30,245 --> 00:34:32,873 That is not belief. That's desperation. 509 00:34:32,957 --> 00:34:36,210 Jose, come on. Just touch my bat once. 510 00:34:37,669 --> 00:34:40,046 Come on, just once. I won't bother you the rest of the day. 511 00:34:40,089 --> 00:34:42,049 I swear to God. Just touch the bat once. 512 00:34:42,090 --> 00:34:46,052 Ladies and gentlemen, five, four... 513 00:34:46,095 --> 00:34:49,724 three, two, one. 514 00:34:49,806 --> 00:34:52,392 Let it go! 515 00:34:52,434 --> 00:34:55,104 One thousand big ones! 516 00:35:09,285 --> 00:35:11,077 That batter ain't nothin'. Come on, Nuke. 517 00:35:22,380 --> 00:35:23,465 Cut it! 518 00:35:25,968 --> 00:35:26,968 Time-out. 519 00:35:27,053 --> 00:35:29,220 Let's play ball! 520 00:35:29,931 --> 00:35:32,098 Stay there. Give me the ball. 521 00:35:33,225 --> 00:35:34,143 Hey. 522 00:35:35,687 --> 00:35:37,521 Relax, all right? 523 00:35:37,604 --> 00:35:40,107 Don't try to strike everybody out. 524 00:35:40,190 --> 00:35:43,568 Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist. 525 00:35:43,652 --> 00:35:45,946 Throw some ground balls. 526 00:35:45,987 --> 00:35:48,366 More democratic. 527 00:35:48,449 --> 00:35:50,493 What's this guy know, anyway? 528 00:35:50,576 --> 00:35:53,579 If he's so great, how come he's been in the minors for ten years? 529 00:35:53,663 --> 00:35:56,873 If he's so hot, how come Annie wants me instead of him? 530 00:35:56,957 --> 00:36:00,378 And another thing, Meat, you don't know shit. 531 00:36:00,461 --> 00:36:02,629 You wanna make it to the Show, you'll listen to me. 532 00:36:02,671 --> 00:36:05,465 Annie only wants you 'cause she can boss you around. Got it? 533 00:36:07,176 --> 00:36:08,970 Relax. Let's have some fun out here. 534 00:36:09,011 --> 00:36:11,138 This game's fun. 535 00:36:11,221 --> 00:36:13,348 Fun, goddamn it. 536 00:36:13,432 --> 00:36:15,934 And don't hold the ball so hard. 537 00:36:16,018 --> 00:36:18,980 It's an egg. Hold it like an egg. 538 00:36:22,732 --> 00:36:26,529 What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun. 539 00:36:26,611 --> 00:36:29,323 Old man, he don't know nothin' about fun. 540 00:36:29,407 --> 00:36:31,659 Nobody's goin' out there. 541 00:36:34,411 --> 00:36:36,622 Why's he calling for a curveball? 542 00:36:37,749 --> 00:36:39,292 I wanna bring heat. 543 00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:43,837 Shake him off. Throw what you want. 544 00:36:48,926 --> 00:36:50,219 Goddamn it. Time-out. 545 00:36:50,302 --> 00:36:53,763 Hey, why you shaking me off? 546 00:36:54,682 --> 00:36:57,727 I wanna bring the heater. Announce my presence with authority. 547 00:36:57,810 --> 00:37:00,186 - To announce what? - Announce my presence with authority. 548 00:37:00,270 --> 00:37:02,231 'Announce your presence with authority'? 549 00:37:02,272 --> 00:37:04,399 This guy's a fastball hitter, looking for heat. 550 00:37:04,483 --> 00:37:06,402 So what. He ain't seen my heat. 551 00:37:09,739 --> 00:37:12,366 All right, Meat. Give him your heat. 552 00:37:14,744 --> 00:37:17,245 Why does he always call me Meat? 553 00:37:17,330 --> 00:37:19,247 I'm the guy driving a Porsche. 554 00:37:20,832 --> 00:37:22,543 Fastball. 555 00:37:25,754 --> 00:37:28,924 Come on, Nuke. Settle down. Take your time. 556 00:37:39,519 --> 00:37:43,606 Home run for Bud Shelton of the Fayetteville Generals. 557 00:37:43,689 --> 00:37:46,608 What are you doing standing here? I gave you a gift. 558 00:37:46,691 --> 00:37:49,696 You stand here showing up my pitcher? Run, dummy! 559 00:37:52,906 --> 00:37:54,575 Give me the ball. 560 00:37:56,034 --> 00:37:58,454 He really hit the shit out of that one, didn't he? 561 00:38:00,205 --> 00:38:01,582 Held it like an egg. 562 00:38:01,666 --> 00:38:04,417 And he scrambled the son of a bitch. He hit the fuckin' bull. 563 00:38:04,460 --> 00:38:06,669 Guy gets a free steak. 564 00:38:08,296 --> 00:38:09,715 You havin' fun yet? 565 00:38:09,798 --> 00:38:11,383 Oh, yeah, I've havin' a blast. 566 00:38:11,466 --> 00:38:12,593 Good. 567 00:38:13,718 --> 00:38:16,764 Sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. 568 00:38:16,846 --> 00:38:19,684 - He did know. - How? 569 00:38:19,766 --> 00:38:21,017 I told him. 570 00:38:22,812 --> 00:38:24,814 One down now! 571 00:38:24,897 --> 00:38:28,108 Come on, Nuke. You're the man. No batter. Chuck hard, baby. 572 00:38:28,149 --> 00:38:30,652 Don't think, just throw. 573 00:38:42,290 --> 00:38:43,707 Strike! 574 00:38:45,126 --> 00:38:47,837 God, that was beautiful. What did I do? 575 00:38:55,218 --> 00:38:57,554 Hang on, Millie. Here we go again. 576 00:39:21,036 --> 00:39:24,499 That's the first home run of the year for Crash Davis. 577 00:39:24,582 --> 00:39:29,003 That brings the score to Fayetteville 14, Durham 2. 578 00:39:31,047 --> 00:39:33,674 Hell of a shot. 579 00:39:33,716 --> 00:39:35,676 Sorry it got wasted. 580 00:39:37,385 --> 00:39:39,889 I don't know what to do with these guys. 581 00:39:39,972 --> 00:39:43,683 I beg. I plead. I try to be a nice guy. 582 00:39:43,725 --> 00:39:45,810 I'm a nice guy. 583 00:39:46,896 --> 00:39:48,773 They're kids. Scare 'em. 584 00:39:51,232 --> 00:39:52,859 That's what I'd do. 585 00:39:54,487 --> 00:39:55,571 Yeah. 586 00:40:02,744 --> 00:40:04,372 Everybody into the shower! 587 00:40:04,455 --> 00:40:08,292 Anybody ain't in this shower in ten seconds gonna get fined $ 100. 588 00:40:08,376 --> 00:40:10,293 - Larry. - One Mississippi... 589 00:40:10,378 --> 00:40:12,255 two Mississippi, three Mississippi... 590 00:40:12,337 --> 00:40:15,133 - four Mississippi. - Get in there! Hurry it up! 591 00:40:15,215 --> 00:40:18,051 Seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi... 592 00:40:18,093 --> 00:40:19,886 nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi. 593 00:40:19,928 --> 00:40:25,183 You guys, you lollygag the ball around the infield. 594 00:40:25,268 --> 00:40:27,812 You lollygag your way down to first. 595 00:40:27,895 --> 00:40:31,482 You lollygag in and out of the dugout. 596 00:40:31,566 --> 00:40:34,402 You know what that makes you? Larry. 597 00:40:34,484 --> 00:40:36,403 Lollygaggers. 598 00:40:37,445 --> 00:40:39,824 - What's our record, Larry? - Eight and sixteen. 599 00:40:39,907 --> 00:40:42,867 Eight and sixteen. 600 00:40:43,618 --> 00:40:45,245 How'd we ever win eight? 601 00:40:45,329 --> 00:40:47,373 It's a miracle. 602 00:40:48,791 --> 00:40:52,336 This is a simple game. 603 00:40:53,212 --> 00:40:55,630 You throw the ball. 604 00:40:55,715 --> 00:40:57,465 You hit the ball. 605 00:40:58,843 --> 00:41:00,802 You catch the ball. 606 00:41:00,885 --> 00:41:02,679 You got it! 607 00:41:04,098 --> 00:41:07,268 We have got a 12-day road trip... 608 00:41:07,350 --> 00:41:10,354 starting tomorrow. 609 00:41:11,439 --> 00:41:13,064 Bus leaves 6:00 in the morning. 610 00:41:14,567 --> 00:41:17,945 Goddamn, son of a bitchin', motherfuckin' shithead. Goddamn it! 611 00:41:22,366 --> 00:41:24,284 Yeah, Skipper, you wanted to see me? 612 00:41:24,367 --> 00:41:27,830 Yeah, Bobby. Shut the door. 613 00:41:37,589 --> 00:41:41,301 This the toughest job a manager has. 614 00:41:41,385 --> 00:41:46,098 But the organization has decided to make a change. 615 00:41:46,181 --> 00:41:48,308 They're releasing you from your contract. 616 00:41:48,392 --> 00:41:52,145 Skip, I know I'm in a goddamn slump, but I hit the ball hard today. 617 00:41:52,229 --> 00:41:55,149 Couple flares drop in for me, I'm right back in the groove. 618 00:41:57,068 --> 00:41:58,735 Sorry. 619 00:42:08,955 --> 00:42:10,123 Let's go. Come on. 620 00:42:10,205 --> 00:42:12,332 Nuke, honey! 621 00:42:13,125 --> 00:42:15,586 Let's go. We got five hours. 622 00:42:20,382 --> 00:42:22,885 Honey, I want you to wear these when you're pitching on the road. 623 00:42:22,968 --> 00:42:24,844 - What are they? - They're garters. 624 00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:27,097 They're gonna hug your waist and snuggle... 625 00:42:27,180 --> 00:42:29,350 and dangle off your thighs and buns in such a wonderful way. 626 00:42:29,432 --> 00:42:31,101 It'll help you see things differently. 627 00:42:31,185 --> 00:42:33,521 Plus, it'll remind you of me, which is a lot nicer... 628 00:42:33,563 --> 00:42:35,939 than thinking about all those nasty hitters. 629 00:42:36,022 --> 00:42:38,858 Jesus, Annie, I don't know. 630 00:42:38,900 --> 00:42:40,862 You've been pitching on the wrong side of your brain. 631 00:42:40,902 --> 00:42:42,988 This will help put things on the right side. 632 00:42:43,572 --> 00:42:45,783 Big-league pitchers don't use these. 633 00:42:45,865 --> 00:42:48,327 They did when they were in the Carolina League. 634 00:42:48,411 --> 00:42:51,831 Nuke, excuse me. Time to go to work. 635 00:42:51,913 --> 00:42:52,998 All right. 636 00:43:00,673 --> 00:43:02,299 Bye, y'all. 637 00:43:02,382 --> 00:43:03,633 Gimme a break. 638 00:43:05,011 --> 00:43:07,388 Go get 'em, boys! Hit 'em where they ain't. 639 00:43:26,407 --> 00:43:29,619 She may get woolly 640 00:43:31,286 --> 00:43:34,706 Young girls they do get woolly 641 00:43:34,791 --> 00:43:38,334 'Cause of all the stress 642 00:43:38,961 --> 00:43:41,589 Yeah 643 00:43:41,671 --> 00:43:44,425 When they get woolly 644 00:43:44,467 --> 00:43:49,721 Try a little tenderness 645 00:43:49,804 --> 00:43:51,640 Stop it. 646 00:43:51,724 --> 00:43:53,641 Thank you. 647 00:43:53,725 --> 00:43:54,726 What? 648 00:43:54,811 --> 00:43:56,811 It's not 'woolly.' 649 00:43:56,896 --> 00:43:59,065 Nobody gets 'woolly.' Women get 'weary.' 650 00:43:59,147 --> 00:44:01,317 They don't get 'woolly.' 651 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,736 Nobody's got 'stress,' they're wearing a 'dress.' 652 00:44:03,818 --> 00:44:06,030 Damn, I hate people that get the words wrong. 653 00:44:08,908 --> 00:44:10,535 How come you don't like me? 654 00:44:10,617 --> 00:44:13,663 You don't respect yourself, which is your problem. 655 00:44:15,706 --> 00:44:18,500 But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem. 656 00:44:18,584 --> 00:44:21,462 - You got a gift. - What do I got? 657 00:44:21,544 --> 00:44:24,006 You got a gift. When you were a baby, the gods reached down... 658 00:44:24,090 --> 00:44:26,299 and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. 659 00:44:26,342 --> 00:44:29,093 You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away. 660 00:44:29,177 --> 00:44:31,806 I ain't pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already. 661 00:44:31,847 --> 00:44:34,976 I got a 9-11, with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. 662 00:44:35,059 --> 00:44:37,061 You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. 663 00:44:37,145 --> 00:44:39,062 What you need is a curveball. 664 00:44:39,146 --> 00:44:41,356 In the Show, everybody can hit a fastball. 665 00:44:41,439 --> 00:44:43,441 How would you know? 666 00:44:43,525 --> 00:44:45,318 You've been in the majors? 667 00:44:48,864 --> 00:44:50,700 Yeah, I've been in the majors. 668 00:44:50,782 --> 00:44:53,076 You were? 669 00:44:53,159 --> 00:44:55,161 You've been in the Show? 670 00:44:55,245 --> 00:44:57,206 Yeah, I was in the Show. 671 00:44:58,290 --> 00:45:02,293 I was in the Show for 21 days once. 672 00:45:03,963 --> 00:45:06,172 Twenty-one greatest days of my life. 673 00:45:07,091 --> 00:45:09,343 You never handle your luggage in the Show. 674 00:45:09,385 --> 00:45:11,094 Somebody else carries your bags. 675 00:45:11,178 --> 00:45:13,014 It's great. 676 00:45:13,097 --> 00:45:15,683 You hit white balls for batting practice. 677 00:45:16,892 --> 00:45:19,896 Ballparks are like cathedrals. 678 00:45:21,563 --> 00:45:23,691 The hotels all have room service. 679 00:45:25,442 --> 00:45:28,028 The women all have long legs and brains. 680 00:45:31,406 --> 00:45:32,699 They're really hot? 681 00:45:32,741 --> 00:45:34,452 Yeah, and so are the pitchers. 682 00:45:34,534 --> 00:45:36,996 They throw ungodly breaking stuff in the Show. 683 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:38,747 Exploding sliders. 684 00:45:41,709 --> 00:45:43,626 You could be one of those guys. 685 00:45:44,378 --> 00:45:47,715 Nuke could be one of those guys, but you don't give a fuck, Meat. 686 00:45:47,757 --> 00:45:51,217 I am sick and fuckin' tired of you calling me Meat. 687 00:45:52,678 --> 00:45:54,764 You wanna step outside? 688 00:45:54,846 --> 00:45:57,308 Yeah, I'll step outside. 689 00:46:03,521 --> 00:46:07,108 What's the problem? What's happening? 690 00:46:07,192 --> 00:46:11,112 I was just gonna ask Crash to show me how to throw a breaking ball. 691 00:46:11,197 --> 00:46:14,784 Good idea. Did anybody bring a ball? 692 00:46:52,028 --> 00:46:53,906 Double off the wall by Higgins. 693 00:46:53,990 --> 00:46:56,868 Once again, Durham pitchers are unable to get the first out of the inning. 694 00:47:18,431 --> 00:47:21,100 The Bulls will attempt to end a six-game losing streak... 695 00:47:21,182 --> 00:47:24,228 against the Greensboro Hornets with Nuke LaLoosh on the hill. 696 00:47:34,822 --> 00:47:36,991 Base hit to center field off LaLoosh. 697 00:47:43,622 --> 00:47:45,750 That closes the book on LaLoosh today. 698 00:47:45,833 --> 00:47:48,377 Five earned runs, five hits, five strikeouts... 699 00:47:48,461 --> 00:47:50,755 five walks and five wild pitches. 700 00:47:50,837 --> 00:47:53,132 It's time to tell it like it is, sports fans. 701 00:47:53,214 --> 00:47:56,426 This is the most wretched road trip I've seen in 20 years. 702 00:47:56,510 --> 00:47:59,597 And possibly the worst Durham team in half a century. 703 00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,809 Is the modern-day athlete a pale imitation of the great warriors? 704 00:48:02,891 --> 00:48:04,852 Only Crash Davis stands out this year. 705 00:48:04,934 --> 00:48:07,312 Begging the question, what are these boys thinking about? 706 00:48:07,396 --> 00:48:09,147 'Cause it sure ain't baseball. 707 00:48:27,500 --> 00:48:30,502 Hey, Mr. Hormone, check out this. 708 00:48:30,586 --> 00:48:33,880 Ice-skaters. God, look at 'em. 709 00:48:33,922 --> 00:48:36,216 Hey, fellas, that's what we need, man. 710 00:48:36,299 --> 00:48:38,885 One night with these skaters, we can get right back on track. 711 00:48:38,928 --> 00:48:39,886 Yeah, right. 712 00:48:39,928 --> 00:48:42,514 Just need a night off to end our losing streak. 713 00:48:42,598 --> 00:48:44,725 What we need is a rain-out. 714 00:48:44,767 --> 00:48:46,476 I can get us a rain-out. 715 00:48:46,561 --> 00:48:48,979 There ain't been a cloud in the sky in weeks. 716 00:48:50,773 --> 00:48:53,400 Hundred bucks says I can get us a rain-out for tomorrow. 717 00:49:00,157 --> 00:49:01,993 You're on. 718 00:49:08,916 --> 00:49:11,544 I ain't paying for this. Crash, pay for this. 719 00:49:11,627 --> 00:49:13,921 Shut up. You're gonna wake everybody up. 720 00:49:13,963 --> 00:49:16,048 Let the bonus baby pay for it. 721 00:49:18,551 --> 00:49:20,051 Jesus, man. 722 00:49:38,404 --> 00:49:40,448 Crash, what are you doing? 723 00:49:50,332 --> 00:49:51,833 Oh, my goodness! 724 00:49:54,378 --> 00:49:57,631 We got ourselves a natural disaster. 725 00:51:42,944 --> 00:51:44,572 Wake up. 726 00:51:44,614 --> 00:51:46,657 You're awake. 727 00:51:46,741 --> 00:51:47,783 You're okay. 728 00:51:49,451 --> 00:51:50,786 You were dreaming. 729 00:51:53,414 --> 00:51:54,499 You're okay. 730 00:51:55,583 --> 00:51:57,959 I was playing damn near naked. 731 00:51:58,042 --> 00:52:00,920 - What? - I was naked. 732 00:52:00,963 --> 00:52:02,048 Playing naked. 733 00:52:04,133 --> 00:52:05,218 I know. 734 00:52:06,301 --> 00:52:08,720 I know. I had that dream all the time too. 735 00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,307 We're almost home. 736 00:52:19,689 --> 00:52:21,609 Watch your head. 737 00:52:21,691 --> 00:52:24,195 Here you go. Let me get that back there. 738 00:52:24,278 --> 00:52:26,905 - I'm not your slave. - No, that one over there. 739 00:52:36,249 --> 00:52:37,332 Hi. 740 00:52:59,562 --> 00:53:01,106 God, I'm tired. 741 00:53:02,483 --> 00:53:03,818 What a trip. 742 00:53:04,944 --> 00:53:08,322 I was lousy. I was worse than lousy. 743 00:53:08,405 --> 00:53:12,952 But every time I pitched, it was like throwing gasoline on a fire. 744 00:53:17,789 --> 00:53:18,708 I mean... 745 00:53:18,790 --> 00:53:21,960 What is all this I, I, I? What about me? 746 00:53:22,044 --> 00:53:24,003 Aren't you glad to see me? 747 00:53:24,087 --> 00:53:26,131 Don't I look nice? 748 00:53:27,341 --> 00:53:29,677 You look great. I'm sorry. 749 00:53:29,718 --> 00:53:32,095 I'm just totally exhausted. 750 00:53:32,178 --> 00:53:35,433 Good. Physical exhaustion can be spiritually fabulous. 751 00:53:35,515 --> 00:53:38,852 What you need is a good game of catch. 752 00:53:38,893 --> 00:53:39,978 Catch? 753 00:53:41,397 --> 00:53:44,107 Baby, come on. Fire one in here. 754 00:53:44,191 --> 00:53:46,527 This is ridiculous. I'm a professional. 755 00:53:46,569 --> 00:53:49,197 Will you just give it a try and lean in? 756 00:53:51,782 --> 00:53:52,867 Thank you. 757 00:53:55,203 --> 00:53:57,370 I want you to breathe through your eyelids. 758 00:53:57,454 --> 00:53:58,372 My eyelids? 759 00:53:58,455 --> 00:54:00,708 Like the lava lizards of the Galapagos Islands. 760 00:54:00,790 --> 00:54:03,918 Some have a parietal eye behind their heads so they can see backwards. 761 00:54:04,003 --> 00:54:06,296 Haven't you ever noticed how Fernando Valenzuela... 762 00:54:06,380 --> 00:54:09,467 he just doesn't even look when he pitches? 763 00:54:09,550 --> 00:54:11,594 He's a Mayan Indian. 764 00:54:11,677 --> 00:54:13,763 Or an Aztec. I forget which one. I get 'em confused. 765 00:54:13,845 --> 00:54:16,098 - So do I. - Stand up for a second. 766 00:54:16,181 --> 00:54:18,100 I want you to be aware of the chakra connection... 767 00:54:18,184 --> 00:54:20,101 between your feet and your testicles. 768 00:54:20,186 --> 00:54:23,147 - Chakra. - Your right leg and left testicle... 769 00:54:23,229 --> 00:54:24,814 and your left leg and your right testicle. 770 00:54:24,899 --> 00:54:26,234 I like that. 771 00:54:26,275 --> 00:54:27,568 I bet you do. 772 00:54:27,651 --> 00:54:29,778 Give me the ball. I'm tired of hearing this. 773 00:54:29,862 --> 00:54:31,780 Fire one in there. Come on. 774 00:54:33,114 --> 00:54:34,407 Okay. 775 00:54:36,619 --> 00:54:39,497 You're patronizing me, and I will not be patronized. 776 00:54:39,579 --> 00:54:42,625 If I throw too hard, I'm gonna hurt the girl. 777 00:54:42,707 --> 00:54:44,792 This girl has handled a lot of pitchers... 778 00:54:44,876 --> 00:54:47,797 whose records are a lot better than 1-7. 779 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,882 1-6. Give me the goddamn ball. 780 00:54:59,058 --> 00:55:01,309 - How do you like that? - That was much better. 781 00:55:01,394 --> 00:55:03,521 You see that? Because your delivery was fully integrated... 782 00:55:03,603 --> 00:55:06,399 'cause you weren't thinking about it 'cause you were pissed off at me. 783 00:55:06,481 --> 00:55:08,985 That's progress. Get your butt up here. 784 00:55:09,067 --> 00:55:10,987 Let's bend over, and I'm gonna show you... 785 00:55:11,070 --> 00:55:15,283 I give up. Let's go inside and make love and fall asleep... 786 00:55:15,365 --> 00:55:17,492 until it's time to go to the ballpark. 787 00:55:19,328 --> 00:55:23,415 Or we could just take all that sexual energy... 788 00:55:23,499 --> 00:55:26,584 and kind of hold onto it for a few hours... 789 00:55:26,669 --> 00:55:30,089 and then rechannel it into your pitching tonight. 790 00:55:32,591 --> 00:55:35,261 You're a powerful young thing, Ebby Calvin. 791 00:55:38,222 --> 00:55:40,140 You want something for that sore shoulder? 792 00:55:40,182 --> 00:55:43,018 I want that shit that don't smell bad. 793 00:55:43,102 --> 00:55:46,022 - It's on back order. - Give him some of that shit. 794 00:55:59,035 --> 00:56:00,369 That's hot. 795 00:56:01,453 --> 00:56:03,330 I mean it, that's very hot. 796 00:56:05,541 --> 00:56:07,792 Annie says it'll keep one side of my brain... 797 00:56:07,877 --> 00:56:10,920 occupied while I'm on the mound, keeping my brain slightly off center... 798 00:56:11,005 --> 00:56:13,465 which is where it should be for artists and pitchers. 799 00:56:15,342 --> 00:56:16,469 Okay. 800 00:56:18,596 --> 00:56:22,807 She also said I should throw whatever pitches you call for. 801 00:56:24,226 --> 00:56:26,187 Annie's a very smart lady. 802 00:56:29,482 --> 00:56:30,566 What? 803 00:56:33,777 --> 00:56:36,072 The rose goes in the front, big guy. 804 00:56:40,867 --> 00:56:42,829 Now batting for the Salem Buffs... 805 00:56:42,911 --> 00:56:45,330 center fielder, Joe McCorkle. 806 00:56:48,042 --> 00:56:50,293 This underwear feels kinda sexy. 807 00:56:51,503 --> 00:56:53,756 That don't make me queer, right? Right. 808 00:56:59,011 --> 00:57:00,887 Breaking ball. 809 00:57:05,434 --> 00:57:06,434 Yeah! 810 00:57:06,519 --> 00:57:08,646 All right! Way to start, baby. 811 00:57:11,815 --> 00:57:13,860 I ain't queer. No, I ain't. 812 00:57:19,073 --> 00:57:20,616 Fastball. 813 00:57:23,536 --> 00:57:24,911 Strike! 814 00:57:26,664 --> 00:57:29,000 Ninety-six miles an hour. He looks good... 815 00:57:29,082 --> 00:57:30,917 but why is he all twisting up like that? 816 00:57:31,002 --> 00:57:33,671 He's using his parietal eye, just like Fernando. 817 00:57:34,714 --> 00:57:36,007 That was a humdinger. 818 00:57:37,550 --> 00:57:38,466 Yeah. 819 00:57:42,471 --> 00:57:44,180 Fastball again? Why's he want the heat? 820 00:57:44,265 --> 00:57:46,642 I just threw heat. Don't think, Meat. 821 00:57:46,726 --> 00:57:48,728 Just give 'em the gas. 822 00:57:52,606 --> 00:57:53,691 Strike! 823 00:57:54,899 --> 00:57:58,112 Jesus, what's got into Nuke? 824 00:57:58,154 --> 00:57:59,529 He's wearing garters... 825 00:57:59,613 --> 00:58:02,867 and he's breathing out of his eyelids like a lava lizard. 826 00:58:02,949 --> 00:58:04,534 It's an old Mayan deal. 827 00:58:04,619 --> 00:58:06,454 - Aztec. - Aztec deal. 828 00:58:13,376 --> 00:58:14,545 Got it! 829 00:58:14,629 --> 00:58:15,671 I got it! 830 00:58:18,674 --> 00:58:20,133 Way to go. Hustle in! 831 00:58:22,887 --> 00:58:25,430 Have my mojo working. 832 00:58:25,473 --> 00:58:27,600 You know what a mojo is? 833 00:58:27,642 --> 00:58:29,227 - Sure. - No, you don't. 834 00:58:29,309 --> 00:58:31,394 I was great, huh? 835 00:58:32,521 --> 00:58:35,231 Your fastball was up. Your curveball was hanging. 836 00:58:35,315 --> 00:58:38,109 In the Show, they would have ripped you. 837 00:58:39,486 --> 00:58:41,364 Can't you even let me enjoy the moment? 838 00:58:41,447 --> 00:58:42,990 The moment's over. 839 00:58:46,701 --> 00:58:47,995 Come on, Crash. 840 00:58:48,078 --> 00:58:50,331 This guy starts me off with a breaking ball... 841 00:58:51,748 --> 00:58:54,292 I'm taking him downtown. 842 00:58:59,839 --> 00:59:01,801 I dare you to throw me the hammer. 843 00:59:02,802 --> 00:59:04,177 You ain't that stupid. 844 00:59:04,219 --> 00:59:07,265 Stepping up to the plate for Durham, our own Crash Davis. 845 00:59:07,347 --> 00:59:09,933 Come on. Put your hands together for Crash. 846 00:59:10,016 --> 00:59:11,185 Let's hear it! 847 00:59:13,812 --> 00:59:14,980 Let's go. 848 00:59:15,064 --> 00:59:18,943 Come on, Meat. Bring me that weak-ass shit. 849 00:59:19,025 --> 00:59:20,443 Bring it. 850 00:59:26,408 --> 00:59:28,493 Oh, my. 851 00:59:37,169 --> 00:59:38,878 Two-nothing Bulls in the second. 852 00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:40,840 First time the Bulls have been ahead in weeks, eh, Whitey? 853 00:59:40,922 --> 00:59:41,924 Mm-hmm. 854 00:59:42,007 --> 00:59:44,010 Let's see if the real Nuke LaLoosh will show up. 855 00:59:45,718 --> 00:59:48,555 There you go! Dig in there! 856 00:59:57,439 --> 00:59:58,900 Back! 857 00:59:58,940 --> 01:00:00,610 Crash, you got room! 858 01:00:10,786 --> 01:00:13,206 What are you doing out here? I'm cruising. 859 01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:16,250 I want you to throw the next one at the mascot. 860 01:00:16,292 --> 01:00:18,377 I'm finally throwing it where I want to throw it. 861 01:00:18,459 --> 01:00:20,545 Just throw it at the bull, all right? 862 01:00:20,587 --> 01:00:21,714 Trust me. 863 01:00:24,926 --> 01:00:26,427 He's the boss. 864 01:00:32,057 --> 01:00:33,768 A staggering start by LaLoosh. 865 01:00:33,810 --> 01:00:36,896 He's thrown five outs on nine pitches, all of'em strikes. 866 01:00:36,978 --> 01:00:39,647 He's got pinpoint control here tonight, Bull fans. 867 01:00:39,732 --> 01:00:40,940 Here's the pitch. 868 01:00:50,784 --> 01:00:52,160 This guy's crazy. 869 01:00:52,245 --> 01:00:55,122 Yep. I wouldn't dig in there if I was you. 870 01:00:55,164 --> 01:00:57,123 Next one might be at your head. 871 01:00:58,501 --> 01:01:00,752 I don't know where it's gonna go. 872 01:01:00,794 --> 01:01:02,129 Swear to God. 873 01:01:18,270 --> 01:01:21,356 You're the man! Easy game! 874 01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:25,777 Top of the ninth. Two outs. 875 01:01:25,819 --> 01:01:29,364 One out away from a stunning two-hit shutout for LaLoosh. 876 01:01:30,282 --> 01:01:33,284 Bring it on, Meat. Don't let up. 877 01:01:33,368 --> 01:01:34,996 You own these guys. 878 01:01:36,581 --> 01:01:38,582 Dad would love a shutout. 879 01:01:43,002 --> 01:01:45,296 No. 880 01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:50,510 No, he's looking for heat. 881 01:01:50,593 --> 01:01:51,971 Let me give him the deuce. 882 01:01:53,014 --> 01:01:54,807 Play ball! 883 01:01:54,849 --> 01:01:58,059 Oh, no, he's shaking off the signs. 884 01:01:58,143 --> 01:01:59,270 Big mistake. 885 01:01:59,352 --> 01:02:01,980 This son of a bitch is throwing a two-hit shutout. 886 01:02:02,021 --> 01:02:04,357 He's shaking me off. You believe that shit? 887 01:02:06,234 --> 01:02:09,779 Charlie, here comes the deuce. 888 01:02:09,863 --> 01:02:11,824 And when you speak of me, speak well. 889 01:02:17,580 --> 01:02:19,205 No, serve it up. 890 01:02:19,247 --> 01:02:20,333 Yeah. 891 01:02:29,591 --> 01:02:31,510 Home run. 892 01:02:32,637 --> 01:02:33,888 Give me the ball. 893 01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:42,605 You told him I was gonna throw a deuce, right? 894 01:02:42,687 --> 01:02:43,606 Yep. 895 01:02:45,441 --> 01:02:47,651 That ball got out of here in a hurry. 896 01:02:49,278 --> 01:02:52,280 Anything that travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it. 897 01:02:52,364 --> 01:02:53,615 Don't you think? 898 01:03:30,278 --> 01:03:34,156 When Nuke started listening to Crash, everything fell into place. 899 01:03:34,239 --> 01:03:37,450 He started throwing strikes, and we started to win. 900 01:03:37,493 --> 01:03:39,829 But Nuke was still confused. 901 01:03:39,912 --> 01:03:41,830 He was so encouraged by his victory... 902 01:03:41,914 --> 01:03:44,666 that he vowed not to have sex until he lost. 903 01:03:44,749 --> 01:03:46,751 Unfortunately, however, he kept on winning... 904 01:03:46,793 --> 01:03:49,297 and for one extraordinary June and July... 905 01:03:49,379 --> 01:03:51,214 the Durham Bulls began playing baseball... 906 01:03:51,299 --> 01:03:54,719 with joy and verve and poetry. 907 01:03:55,595 --> 01:03:59,347 The two sides of my own brain werejumbled up and cross-wired. 908 01:03:59,432 --> 01:04:02,142 While one side was being neglected... 909 01:04:02,183 --> 01:04:03,977 the other was in paradise watching our Bulls play... 910 01:04:04,019 --> 01:04:05,604 like big leaguers. 911 01:04:05,688 --> 01:04:07,939 We swept a four-game series at Kinston... 912 01:04:07,982 --> 01:04:09,567 two games at Winston-Salem... 913 01:04:09,650 --> 01:04:12,819 and kicked the holy shit out of Greensboro in a three-game set. 914 01:04:12,861 --> 01:04:14,446 And Crash, who kept hitting dingers... 915 01:04:14,530 --> 01:04:17,615 was approaching the minor-league record... 916 01:04:17,700 --> 01:04:19,159 though I told nobody. 917 01:04:20,536 --> 01:04:22,787 After sweeping theJuly 4 doubleheader... 918 01:04:22,829 --> 01:04:25,624 the Durham Bulls were tied for first. 919 01:04:25,708 --> 01:04:30,171 Beautiful as the winning streak was, I was getting damn lonely. 920 01:04:30,254 --> 01:04:32,298 Something had to be done. 921 01:04:32,340 --> 01:04:34,175 I needed a man. 922 01:04:43,976 --> 01:04:46,186 I love winning, man. 923 01:04:46,227 --> 01:04:48,689 I fuckin' love winning. 924 01:04:48,731 --> 01:04:52,109 You know what I'm saying? It's like better than losing. 925 01:04:53,861 --> 01:04:56,363 Teach me something new. I need to learn. 926 01:04:56,905 --> 01:04:58,990 Teach me something. 927 01:04:59,075 --> 01:05:00,660 You got something to write with? 928 01:05:00,743 --> 01:05:02,702 Good. It's time to work on your interviews. 929 01:05:02,787 --> 01:05:05,081 My interviews? What do I gotta do? 930 01:05:05,164 --> 01:05:07,208 You have to learn your cliches. 931 01:05:07,290 --> 01:05:10,710 You're gonna have to study them, gonna have to know them. 932 01:05:10,794 --> 01:05:13,546 They're your friends. Write this down. 933 01:05:14,757 --> 01:05:17,427 'We gotta play 'em one day at a time.' 934 01:05:17,509 --> 01:05:20,471 'Got to play...' 935 01:05:20,555 --> 01:05:22,222 - It's pretty boring. - Of course it's boring. 936 01:05:22,263 --> 01:05:23,891 That's the point. Write it down. 937 01:05:23,973 --> 01:05:27,228 'One day at a time.' 938 01:05:27,270 --> 01:05:30,356 'I'm just happy to be here. 939 01:05:30,439 --> 01:05:32,525 Hope I can help the ball club.' 940 01:05:33,650 --> 01:05:35,611 I know. Write it down. 941 01:05:36,569 --> 01:05:40,657 'I just wanna give it my best shot. 942 01:05:40,740 --> 01:05:44,954 And the good Lord willing, things will work out.' 943 01:05:45,870 --> 01:05:49,208 'Good Lord willing... 944 01:05:49,250 --> 01:05:51,126 things will work out.' 945 01:05:52,086 --> 01:05:53,461 How's Annie? 946 01:05:57,340 --> 01:05:59,718 She's getting pretty steamed, actually... 947 01:05:59,801 --> 01:06:02,763 'cause I'm still rechanneling my sexual energy. 948 01:06:05,850 --> 01:06:07,894 I'm figurin' I'm just gonna cave in and sleep with her. 949 01:06:07,977 --> 01:06:11,063 You know, calm her down. 950 01:06:11,147 --> 01:06:12,981 Are you out of your mind? 951 01:06:13,064 --> 01:06:15,318 I'm just... Talking about one time. 952 01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:18,236 If you give in now, you might start losing. 953 01:06:22,325 --> 01:06:25,995 Never fuck with a winning streak. 954 01:06:31,876 --> 01:06:33,294 Hi, boys. 955 01:06:34,461 --> 01:06:36,755 Hi, darlin'. Get in here. 956 01:06:36,839 --> 01:06:38,674 Hey, Jimmy! 957 01:06:38,758 --> 01:06:40,051 Want a ride? 958 01:06:41,426 --> 01:06:45,138 Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? 959 01:06:46,057 --> 01:06:47,432 No. 960 01:06:47,474 --> 01:06:49,977 Can I give you my testimony? 961 01:06:51,061 --> 01:06:53,188 You can do anything you want. 962 01:06:58,069 --> 01:06:59,278 Hop in. 963 01:07:03,615 --> 01:07:06,035 I am so proud of you guys. 964 01:07:10,705 --> 01:07:11,874 You want some more soup, honey? 965 01:07:11,957 --> 01:07:14,084 No, thanks. That was great. 966 01:07:18,339 --> 01:07:21,509 How about a little back rub? 967 01:07:21,549 --> 01:07:23,344 No, I'm okay. 968 01:07:23,426 --> 01:07:25,303 I think I'll just take a little nap. 969 01:07:26,097 --> 01:07:27,806 You want me to tuck you in? 970 01:07:27,889 --> 01:07:30,183 Annie, you can't seduce me. 971 01:07:31,518 --> 01:07:34,814 Sweetie, I'm not gonna try to seduce you. 972 01:07:37,816 --> 01:07:38,858 What's that? 973 01:07:38,943 --> 01:07:40,568 That's my leg. 974 01:07:40,652 --> 01:07:41,863 I know what it is. 975 01:07:41,903 --> 01:07:44,239 I thought maybe we could work on some fundamentals... 976 01:07:44,322 --> 01:07:48,828 since we're not gonna make love and improve your hand-eye coordination. 977 01:07:48,910 --> 01:07:50,328 My hand-eye coordination? 978 01:07:50,371 --> 01:07:52,498 Unsnap my stocking. 979 01:07:54,207 --> 01:07:58,294 The other day, Crash called a woman's pu... 980 01:07:58,378 --> 01:07:59,421 pussy... 981 01:08:00,213 --> 01:08:03,676 You know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape? 982 01:08:04,634 --> 01:08:05,635 Yes, I do. 983 01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:08,347 He called it the Bermuda Triangle. 984 01:08:08,389 --> 01:08:11,726 He said a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again. 985 01:08:11,809 --> 01:08:13,977 What a nasty thing to say. 986 01:08:14,062 --> 01:08:15,479 He didn't mean it nasty. 987 01:08:17,231 --> 01:08:21,152 He said getting lost and disappearing from the face of the earth... 988 01:08:21,234 --> 01:08:25,072 was sometimes a good thing to do, especially like that. 989 01:08:25,114 --> 01:08:27,742 But, he also said that there were times... 990 01:08:27,824 --> 01:08:31,244 for discipline and self-control. 991 01:08:31,287 --> 01:08:33,456 And I think this is one of those times. 992 01:08:33,538 --> 01:08:36,083 Crash is a very smart man. 993 01:08:36,166 --> 01:08:38,586 Honey, let's give it a try. 994 01:08:44,342 --> 01:08:45,800 Here, wait. Watch. 995 01:08:51,806 --> 01:08:53,308 You try. Go ahead. 996 01:09:03,735 --> 01:09:05,612 Yep. 997 01:09:10,325 --> 01:09:11,576 You're playing with my mind. 998 01:09:11,618 --> 01:09:13,246 I'm trying to play with your body. 999 01:09:13,329 --> 01:09:14,872 You're trying to seduce me. 1000 01:09:14,955 --> 01:09:17,000 Of course I'm trying to seduce you. 1001 01:09:17,082 --> 01:09:19,543 I'm doing a damn poor job of it. Aren't I pretty? 1002 01:09:19,626 --> 01:09:22,045 God, I think you're real cute. 1003 01:09:22,129 --> 01:09:24,672 Cute? Baby ducks are cute. 1004 01:09:24,757 --> 01:09:26,550 I hate cute. 1005 01:09:26,634 --> 01:09:29,552 I wanna be exotic and mysterious. 1006 01:09:29,636 --> 01:09:33,433 You're exotic and mysterious and cute. 1007 01:09:35,100 --> 01:09:36,811 That's why I better leave. 1008 01:09:36,851 --> 01:09:38,813 Nuke, you got it all wrong. 1009 01:09:38,854 --> 01:09:41,522 There's no relationship between sex and baseball. 1010 01:09:41,606 --> 01:09:43,191 - Ask Crash. - I did. 1011 01:09:43,275 --> 01:09:44,777 What did he say? 1012 01:09:44,819 --> 01:09:47,362 If I give into you, I'll start losing again. 1013 01:09:47,446 --> 01:09:49,364 He did? 1014 01:09:49,447 --> 01:09:50,867 Yeah. 1015 01:09:50,949 --> 01:09:53,411 I'll be back when we lose. 1016 01:09:59,291 --> 01:10:00,501 Damn it! 1017 01:10:14,431 --> 01:10:17,350 How dare you tell Nuke to stay out of my bed. 1018 01:10:17,435 --> 01:10:20,521 You are messin' with my private life! 1019 01:10:20,604 --> 01:10:22,690 Knock-knock, you know? Come in. 1020 01:10:22,772 --> 01:10:24,816 - You're confusing him. - Like, thank you. 1021 01:10:24,899 --> 01:10:26,693 You're bending his mind all out of shape. 1022 01:10:26,735 --> 01:10:28,362 - I'm what? - You're confusing him! 1023 01:10:28,444 --> 01:10:31,865 I'm confusing him? You got him breathing out of the wrong eyelid. 1024 01:10:31,948 --> 01:10:34,284 You got him parading around the locker room like a fruit. 1025 01:10:34,368 --> 01:10:38,039 That is a religious ritual and happens to be working. 1026 01:10:38,121 --> 01:10:40,875 Wait a second. Who dresses you? 1027 01:10:40,916 --> 01:10:43,002 - What? - Who dresses you? 1028 01:10:43,084 --> 01:10:45,546 You think this is a little excessive for the Carolina League? 1029 01:10:45,588 --> 01:10:49,550 'The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.' William Blake. 1030 01:10:49,591 --> 01:10:51,760 William Blake? 1031 01:10:53,053 --> 01:10:56,015 - What do you mean 'William Blake'? - I mean 'William Blake.' 1032 01:10:59,185 --> 01:11:00,436 Who are you? 1033 01:11:00,518 --> 01:11:02,312 Do you have a job? 1034 01:11:02,395 --> 01:11:05,523 I teach part-time at Alamance Junior College... 1035 01:11:05,565 --> 01:11:08,361 English 101 and Beginning Composition. 1036 01:11:08,402 --> 01:11:12,448 Having a conversation with you is like... 1037 01:11:12,532 --> 01:11:15,118 is like a martian talking to a fungo. 1038 01:11:15,201 --> 01:11:18,912 That's really cute. Just because sometimes you manage to be clever... 1039 01:11:18,995 --> 01:11:21,539 and have a nice smile, does not mean you are not full of shit. 1040 01:11:21,581 --> 01:11:23,583 I'm full of shit? 1041 01:11:23,625 --> 01:11:25,086 You are full of shit. 1042 01:11:25,168 --> 01:11:27,962 - Chastity was your idea. - I know! 1043 01:11:28,047 --> 01:11:29,757 - Keep your hands out of this. - I never told him... 1044 01:11:29,839 --> 01:11:31,843 - to stay out of your bed. - You certainly did. 1045 01:11:31,925 --> 01:11:33,509 I never told him to stay out of your bed. 1046 01:11:33,593 --> 01:11:37,056 I told him a player on a streak has to respect the streak. 1047 01:11:37,138 --> 01:11:39,100 - Fine. - You know why? 1048 01:11:39,183 --> 01:11:40,727 They don't happen very often. 1049 01:11:40,768 --> 01:11:42,894 If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid... 1050 01:11:42,978 --> 01:11:46,357 or you're not getting laid, or you wear women's underwear... 1051 01:11:46,440 --> 01:11:49,402 then you are, and you should know that. 1052 01:11:54,740 --> 01:11:57,285 Come on. Think of something clever to say. 1053 01:11:59,202 --> 01:12:03,458 Something full of magic and religion bullshit. 1054 01:12:04,166 --> 01:12:06,376 Come on. Dazzle me. 1055 01:12:09,087 --> 01:12:11,047 I want you. 1056 01:12:11,130 --> 01:12:12,842 What? 1057 01:12:12,925 --> 01:12:14,801 I said, 'I want you.' 1058 01:12:14,884 --> 01:12:16,803 Stop it. 1059 01:12:22,268 --> 01:12:23,811 You're scared. 1060 01:12:29,024 --> 01:12:30,609 Maybe I am. 1061 01:12:31,526 --> 01:12:33,987 But I still think you should leave. 1062 01:12:36,991 --> 01:12:39,577 Okay. Well... 1063 01:12:39,661 --> 01:12:42,495 this is the damnedest season I've ever seen. 1064 01:12:42,537 --> 01:12:45,624 The Durham Bulls can't lose, and I can't get laid. 1065 01:12:51,754 --> 01:12:53,798 Come on. Show 'em what you got, Super Nuke! 1066 01:12:53,882 --> 01:12:55,718 Show 'em there, Super Nuke! 1067 01:12:56,803 --> 01:12:58,178 LaLoosh. L.A. Loosh! 1068 01:13:01,474 --> 01:13:04,225 Just relax out there. Don't aim the ball. 1069 01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:10,274 Nuke's overthrowing tonight. Don't look loose. 1070 01:13:10,358 --> 01:13:12,485 Anything bothering him? 1071 01:13:12,567 --> 01:13:14,319 He says his chakras are jammed. 1072 01:13:14,362 --> 01:13:16,656 He's having trouble breathing out of his left eye. 1073 01:13:16,698 --> 01:13:17,864 - Left eye? - Right eyelid. 1074 01:13:17,947 --> 01:13:19,075 Right eyelid. 1075 01:13:24,330 --> 01:13:25,622 Give me the ball. 1076 01:13:25,705 --> 01:13:26,958 Fuck! 1077 01:13:30,086 --> 01:13:31,087 Time-out! 1078 01:13:31,170 --> 01:13:33,630 Up to the plate, Junior Chavley. 1079 01:13:33,714 --> 01:13:35,048 What's wrong? 1080 01:13:35,131 --> 01:13:37,217 I'm a little nervous. My old man's here. 1081 01:13:37,301 --> 01:13:39,554 Your dad's here? Where's he at? 1082 01:13:39,637 --> 01:13:42,263 He's right behind home plate. Don't look. 1083 01:13:45,685 --> 01:13:48,103 Look, he's waving, and he's just your old man. 1084 01:13:48,186 --> 01:13:50,022 He's as full of shit as anybody. 1085 01:13:50,064 --> 01:13:51,107 What's going on? 1086 01:13:51,189 --> 01:13:53,484 You breathing through the wrong fucking eyelid again? 1087 01:13:53,567 --> 01:13:55,902 - Shut up. - You hear about Jimmy and Millie? 1088 01:13:55,985 --> 01:13:58,613 They got engaged. Can you believe that? 1089 01:13:58,698 --> 01:14:01,700 Yeah? Wait till I tell him she's gone down on half the Carolina League. 1090 01:14:01,741 --> 01:14:05,079 Anybody says anything bad about Millie, I break his neck. 1091 01:14:05,121 --> 01:14:07,665 Excuse me. I've got a game to pitch here. 1092 01:14:10,583 --> 01:14:12,543 Hey, you guys. Don't throw me anything. 1093 01:14:12,585 --> 01:14:14,212 My girlfriend put a curse on my glove. 1094 01:14:14,295 --> 01:14:16,673 I'll take the hex off. Give me the glove. 1095 01:14:16,756 --> 01:14:18,593 You gotta cut the head off a live rooster. 1096 01:14:18,634 --> 01:14:20,762 Play ball! 1097 01:14:22,554 --> 01:14:24,932 What the hell's going on out there? 1098 01:14:25,014 --> 01:14:27,851 Looks like a convention. Pretty soon they're gonna call roll. 1099 01:14:29,604 --> 01:14:31,564 Get your ass out there and check it out. 1100 01:14:31,605 --> 01:14:32,732 You bet. 1101 01:14:36,151 --> 01:14:38,236 Let's play some baseball! 1102 01:14:38,321 --> 01:14:39,779 Hurry up! 1103 01:14:40,280 --> 01:14:43,534 Excuse me. What the hell's going on out here? 1104 01:14:43,618 --> 01:14:45,328 Well, Nuke's scared... 1105 01:14:45,410 --> 01:14:48,206 'cause his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. 1106 01:14:48,289 --> 01:14:50,749 We need a live... Is it a live rooster? 1107 01:14:50,791 --> 01:14:53,251 We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove... 1108 01:14:53,293 --> 01:14:55,962 and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy... 1109 01:14:56,047 --> 01:14:57,673 for their wedding present. 1110 01:14:57,757 --> 01:15:00,550 That about right? We're dealing with a lot of shit. 1111 01:15:01,969 --> 01:15:05,014 Okay, well, candlesticks always make a nice gift. 1112 01:15:05,098 --> 01:15:07,183 And maybe you could find out where she's registered. 1113 01:15:07,265 --> 01:15:09,769 Maybe a place setting or a silverware pattern's good. 1114 01:15:09,811 --> 01:15:12,145 Let's get to it. Go get 'em. 1115 01:15:13,272 --> 01:15:15,483 Come on. Get your ass in gear. 1116 01:15:19,111 --> 01:15:22,114 LaLoosh looks in for the sign. Here's the pitch. 1117 01:15:22,156 --> 01:15:24,991 Ball hit deep in the right field, off the wall. 1118 01:15:25,075 --> 01:15:27,036 You should be at the game, Annie. 1119 01:15:27,118 --> 01:15:28,580 No, I'm fine. 1120 01:15:28,661 --> 01:15:31,082 Beautiful night for baseball here in Durham. 1121 01:15:31,165 --> 01:15:32,958 And as the batter steps in... 1122 01:15:32,999 --> 01:15:36,796 How much time did you and Jimmy spend together... 1123 01:15:36,837 --> 01:15:39,088 before he proposed? 1124 01:15:39,172 --> 01:15:41,299 About five hours, I guess. 1125 01:15:41,341 --> 01:15:42,842 We both just knew. 1126 01:15:42,926 --> 01:15:45,011 Once again, he goes to the resin bag. 1127 01:15:45,096 --> 01:15:47,223 Annie... 1128 01:15:47,307 --> 01:15:49,683 do you think I deserve to wear white? 1129 01:15:50,852 --> 01:15:52,602 Honey, we all deserve to wear white. 1130 01:15:52,686 --> 01:15:53,812 Ball two, in the dirt. 1131 01:15:57,815 --> 01:15:59,819 Shit! Piss! Fuck! 1132 01:16:01,486 --> 01:16:02,405 Bring it! 1133 01:16:03,489 --> 01:16:04,448 Come on! 1134 01:16:04,532 --> 01:16:05,992 He's coming. Go home! 1135 01:16:06,075 --> 01:16:08,035 We got 'im! 1136 01:16:09,327 --> 01:16:12,165 - Safe! - No, I got him! 1137 01:16:12,206 --> 01:16:14,166 - You missed him! - I didn't miss him! 1138 01:16:14,207 --> 01:16:17,710 - Don't bump me. - He still hasn't touched the plate! 1139 01:16:18,378 --> 01:16:20,673 He still ain't touched the plate! 1140 01:16:20,715 --> 01:16:24,302 Fuck it! It's a cocksucking call! 1141 01:16:24,385 --> 01:16:26,804 Did you call me a cocksucker? 1142 01:16:26,888 --> 01:16:29,432 I said it was a cocksucking call! You can't throw me for that. 1143 01:16:29,515 --> 01:16:31,643 You missed the tag! 1144 01:16:31,725 --> 01:16:34,770 - You just spit on me! - I did not spit on you! 1145 01:16:34,853 --> 01:16:37,898 You're in the wrong business! You're Sears & Roebuck material! 1146 01:16:37,980 --> 01:16:40,484 You're pushing it, buddy! You want me to run you out? 1147 01:16:40,566 --> 01:16:43,403 - You want me to call you a cocksucker? - Go ahead. Try it. 1148 01:16:43,446 --> 01:16:46,531 Beg me! Pretty please, beg! 1149 01:16:46,616 --> 01:16:49,075 Call me a cocksucker, and you're outta here! 1150 01:16:49,117 --> 01:16:51,077 You're a cocksucker. 1151 01:16:51,119 --> 01:16:52,620 - You're outta here! - Shit! 1152 01:16:53,705 --> 01:16:56,291 - What the fuck is that? - Holy shit! 1153 01:17:01,255 --> 01:17:04,215 He called me a cocksucker! He missed the tag! 1154 01:17:04,257 --> 01:17:06,676 I've never seen Crash so angry. 1155 01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:09,013 And frankly, sports fans, he used a certain word... 1156 01:17:09,097 --> 01:17:11,014 that's a no-no with umpires. 1157 01:17:13,267 --> 01:17:15,602 Crash must have called the guy a cocksucker. 1158 01:17:16,603 --> 01:17:18,939 God, he's so romantic. 1159 01:17:21,399 --> 01:17:24,402 When Crash got thrown out, the game got out of hand. 1160 01:17:25,238 --> 01:17:28,615 Jose made three errors with his cursed mitt... 1161 01:17:28,656 --> 01:17:32,120 Nuke never quite got in the groove, though he didn't pitch bad... 1162 01:17:32,202 --> 01:17:35,830 and the winning streak came to an end with a 3-2 loss. 1163 01:17:35,914 --> 01:17:39,251 The good news was that a man was about to come calling. 1164 01:17:39,877 --> 01:17:42,964 Bad news was it was the wrong guy. 1165 01:18:18,958 --> 01:18:20,918 Annie. 1166 01:18:25,380 --> 01:18:26,674 Annie. 1167 01:18:28,885 --> 01:18:32,178 I know you're in there. I can hear that crazy Mexican singer. 1168 01:18:38,018 --> 01:18:39,519 We lost. 1169 01:18:40,396 --> 01:18:41,729 It's okay. 1170 01:18:43,314 --> 01:18:46,194 Oh, Annie, I'd like you to meet my father. 1171 01:18:46,276 --> 01:18:47,612 Oh, my! 1172 01:18:47,695 --> 01:18:50,239 Ebby's told me a lot about you. 1173 01:18:50,323 --> 01:18:54,701 Ebby tells me you taught him a lot about discipline and self-control. 1174 01:18:54,743 --> 01:18:57,329 We were worried that he might get involved in the wrong crowd. 1175 01:18:57,413 --> 01:18:59,666 We're so pleased he met a Christian woman. 1176 01:18:59,707 --> 01:19:00,916 Praise the Lord. 1177 01:19:00,999 --> 01:19:03,210 Praise the Lord. 1178 01:19:03,294 --> 01:19:04,712 Excuse me. 1179 01:19:04,754 --> 01:19:06,045 Excuse me, Dad. 1180 01:19:10,509 --> 01:19:11,594 What? 1181 01:19:14,096 --> 01:19:16,681 - We got a lot of catching up to do. - Your father is right there. 1182 01:19:16,724 --> 01:19:18,683 Crash tells me I gotta quit worrying about him... 1183 01:19:18,725 --> 01:19:21,227 so I think it's a good opportunity to go for a quickie. 1184 01:19:21,311 --> 01:19:23,689 We gotta talk. 1185 01:19:23,731 --> 01:19:25,232 Hello? 1186 01:19:26,065 --> 01:19:29,027 Yes, he most certainly is here. 1187 01:19:29,068 --> 01:19:30,570 It's for you. 1188 01:19:31,864 --> 01:19:33,365 Hey, Skip, it's me. 1189 01:19:38,121 --> 01:19:39,247 What? 1190 01:19:41,749 --> 01:19:42,917 My God. 1191 01:19:46,169 --> 01:19:47,337 Okay. 1192 01:19:48,254 --> 01:19:50,216 Yeah. All right. 1193 01:19:50,258 --> 01:19:52,092 What? 1194 01:19:52,176 --> 01:19:53,761 I'm going to the Show. 1195 01:20:00,101 --> 01:20:01,476 Dad! 1196 01:20:01,561 --> 01:20:04,562 They're sending me up to the majors. I leave first thing in the morning. 1197 01:20:04,604 --> 01:20:06,273 Can you believe it? 1198 01:20:08,401 --> 01:20:10,276 Let's have a quick word of prayer. 1199 01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:11,861 Oh, let's not. 1200 01:20:12,946 --> 01:20:14,573 I gotta find Crash. Come on. I'll dump you off. 1201 01:20:14,657 --> 01:20:15,616 Wait. 1202 01:20:17,450 --> 01:20:19,996 Not so fast. He'll be right with you. 1203 01:20:20,078 --> 01:20:23,541 Come on, sweetie. I just want to have you alone for a second... 1204 01:20:23,625 --> 01:20:26,085 so we can say good-bye. 1205 01:20:26,127 --> 01:20:27,628 I'll be back. 1206 01:20:27,670 --> 01:20:30,171 When somebody leaves Durham, they don't come back. 1207 01:20:30,256 --> 01:20:31,841 I mean later. 1208 01:20:35,636 --> 01:20:36,721 Oh. 1209 01:20:46,897 --> 01:20:49,150 Oh, God, Annie. 1210 01:20:49,233 --> 01:20:50,316 Jeez. 1211 01:20:52,320 --> 01:20:54,322 What do you have in there? 1212 01:20:54,405 --> 01:20:56,824 Nothing. 1213 01:20:56,908 --> 01:20:59,701 You're not going to be needing these anymore. 1214 01:20:59,784 --> 01:21:02,747 - I'd better take them. - No, you're ready. 1215 01:21:02,829 --> 01:21:05,166 You think I'm ready for this? 1216 01:21:06,166 --> 01:21:08,710 Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh. 1217 01:21:12,255 --> 01:21:14,217 Don't think too much. 1218 01:21:17,136 --> 01:21:19,012 I won't. 1219 01:21:21,681 --> 01:21:23,643 You know something, Annie. 1220 01:21:25,478 --> 01:21:28,230 You can't breathe through your eyelids. 1221 01:21:29,315 --> 01:21:31,233 Of course you can't breathe through your eyelids. 1222 01:21:31,317 --> 01:21:34,403 Whoever told you such a ridiculous thing? 1223 01:21:48,208 --> 01:21:50,044 Now, get. Come on. 1224 01:21:54,215 --> 01:21:56,132 Drive careful. 1225 01:21:58,718 --> 01:22:00,261 Oh, my. 1226 01:22:16,237 --> 01:22:18,071 Hey, there you are. 1227 01:22:19,072 --> 01:22:20,825 Crash. 1228 01:22:21,909 --> 01:22:23,995 Hey, Crash... 1229 01:22:24,078 --> 01:22:25,203 guess what. 1230 01:22:29,916 --> 01:22:31,668 I'm going to the Show. 1231 01:22:33,211 --> 01:22:36,048 Big club's expanding its roster to finish out the season. 1232 01:22:36,090 --> 01:22:37,340 Nice shot. 1233 01:22:37,425 --> 01:22:39,467 And I am going to the Show. 1234 01:22:40,678 --> 01:22:42,638 So why don't you go then? 1235 01:22:42,722 --> 01:22:44,597 Let's celebrate! 1236 01:22:46,182 --> 01:22:47,852 Congratulations. 1237 01:22:49,686 --> 01:22:51,564 Hope you end up on the cover of Sports Illustrated... 1238 01:22:51,605 --> 01:22:53,232 or maybe a cereal box. 1239 01:22:54,775 --> 01:22:56,861 What's your problem, man? 1240 01:22:57,778 --> 01:22:59,572 I'm trying to thank you. Let's get out of this dump. 1241 01:22:59,612 --> 01:23:01,364 - I'll buy you a beer. - Hey. 1242 01:23:01,449 --> 01:23:03,241 You callin' my place a dump? 1243 01:23:03,283 --> 01:23:05,161 No, he's not. 1244 01:23:06,536 --> 01:23:07,537 He's not. Are you? 1245 01:23:07,621 --> 01:23:09,080 - No. - He's not. 1246 01:23:09,122 --> 01:23:11,500 All right? 1247 01:23:11,583 --> 01:23:12,960 Do you know who this is? 1248 01:23:13,668 --> 01:23:15,630 This is Sandy Grimes. 1249 01:23:15,713 --> 01:23:19,048 Sandy Grimes hit.371 in Louisville in 1967. 1250 01:23:19,133 --> 01:23:21,260 .376. 1251 01:23:21,302 --> 01:23:24,262 I'm sorry. He hit.376. 1252 01:23:24,304 --> 01:23:26,516 That's a career, man. 1253 01:23:28,685 --> 01:23:30,645 - In any league. - Got that right. 1254 01:23:30,728 --> 01:23:34,522 Did you hear what I said? I'm going to the Show. 1255 01:23:35,648 --> 01:23:39,111 You know what the difference between hitting.250 and.300 is? 1256 01:23:39,861 --> 01:23:42,447 It's 25 hits. 1257 01:23:42,489 --> 01:23:46,869 Twenty-five hits in 500 at-bats is 500 points. 1258 01:23:46,953 --> 01:23:50,123 There's six months in a season. That's about 25 weeks. 1259 01:23:50,163 --> 01:23:53,375 That means if you get one extra flare a week. 1260 01:23:53,458 --> 01:23:55,878 A gork. You get a ground ball. 1261 01:23:55,960 --> 01:23:58,255 You get a ground ball with eyes. 1262 01:23:58,339 --> 01:24:00,590 You get a dying quail. 1263 01:24:02,051 --> 01:24:04,802 Just one more dying quail a week... 1264 01:24:04,844 --> 01:24:06,554 and you're in Yankee Stadium. 1265 01:24:08,391 --> 01:24:10,768 You still don't know what I'm talking about. 1266 01:24:10,852 --> 01:24:12,769 Get the hell outta here. 1267 01:24:12,854 --> 01:24:15,064 All right. 1268 01:24:15,147 --> 01:24:16,773 Fuck. 1269 01:24:16,856 --> 01:24:18,818 Send you a postcard. 1270 01:24:18,858 --> 01:24:20,736 Send me a postcard? Hey, I made it. 1271 01:24:20,820 --> 01:24:22,528 You made it. You made shit. 1272 01:24:22,570 --> 01:24:24,572 Hey! 1273 01:24:27,826 --> 01:24:29,120 You crazy? 1274 01:24:29,203 --> 01:24:30,829 What the hell's wrong with you? 1275 01:24:30,870 --> 01:24:33,875 - I'll be all right. - I'm talking about my mirror. 1276 01:24:35,334 --> 01:24:37,752 Shit, I'm sorry. Hey! 1277 01:24:37,836 --> 01:24:39,505 I'm not gonna fight you. 1278 01:24:39,547 --> 01:24:41,757 What do you mean you're not gonna fight me, you fuck? 1279 01:24:41,839 --> 01:24:44,092 Why am I a fuck? 1280 01:24:44,176 --> 01:24:45,426 Because you got talent. 1281 01:24:45,510 --> 01:24:48,263 I got brains, but you got talent. 1282 01:24:49,723 --> 01:24:53,144 See this right arm? Worth a million bucks a year. 1283 01:24:53,228 --> 01:24:55,895 All my limbs put together aren't worth seven cents a pound. 1284 01:24:55,979 --> 01:24:57,899 What are you talking about? You're a great catcher. 1285 01:24:57,939 --> 01:25:00,901 I'm a great catcher? 1286 01:25:00,943 --> 01:25:03,029 - Forget it. - Hey. 1287 01:25:03,112 --> 01:25:04,614 - Fucking forget it. - Hey, Meat. 1288 01:25:07,742 --> 01:25:09,492 Damn! 1289 01:25:10,577 --> 01:25:12,413 I didn't mean to hit you. 1290 01:25:15,665 --> 01:25:17,875 You hurt my eye! 1291 01:25:19,044 --> 01:25:20,671 Sorry. 1292 01:25:20,755 --> 01:25:24,632 Did you hit me with your right or left? 1293 01:25:26,427 --> 01:25:29,262 Did you hit me with your right hand or with your left? 1294 01:25:29,345 --> 01:25:30,346 My left. 1295 01:25:30,430 --> 01:25:32,266 That's good. 1296 01:25:32,348 --> 01:25:35,644 You get in a fight with a drunk, you don't hit with your pitching hand. 1297 01:25:36,603 --> 01:25:39,856 I can't keep giving you these free lessons. 1298 01:25:39,940 --> 01:25:42,568 Quit screwing around and help me up. 1299 01:25:49,283 --> 01:25:50,742 You look great, man. 1300 01:26:02,253 --> 01:26:04,672 Be careful with those now. 1301 01:26:04,756 --> 01:26:06,676 We got a boy going to the Show. 1302 01:26:36,372 --> 01:26:38,332 Sorry about last night. 1303 01:26:42,628 --> 01:26:44,003 Forget it. 1304 01:26:46,923 --> 01:26:50,176 I have been known on occasion to... 1305 01:26:50,218 --> 01:26:52,013 howl at the moon. 1306 01:26:53,473 --> 01:26:55,016 You understand? 1307 01:27:00,103 --> 01:27:01,646 No. 1308 01:27:01,688 --> 01:27:03,815 Well, you will. 1309 01:27:06,152 --> 01:27:08,029 Look, Nuke... 1310 01:27:08,070 --> 01:27:11,157 these big-league hitters are going to light you up like a pinball machine... 1311 01:27:11,198 --> 01:27:13,826 for a while, all right? 1312 01:27:13,910 --> 01:27:15,702 Don't worry about it. 1313 01:27:15,744 --> 01:27:19,582 You be cocky and arrogant, even when you're getting beat. 1314 01:27:21,292 --> 01:27:22,793 That's the secret. 1315 01:27:25,002 --> 01:27:29,008 You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance. 1316 01:27:31,010 --> 01:27:32,553 Fear and ignorance. 1317 01:27:34,054 --> 01:27:38,768 No, fear and arrogance, you hayseed, not ignorance. 1318 01:27:38,851 --> 01:27:41,311 I know. 1319 01:27:41,395 --> 01:27:43,771 I just like seeing you get all worked up. 1320 01:27:50,237 --> 01:27:51,322 Listen. 1321 01:27:55,200 --> 01:27:56,368 Thanks. 1322 01:28:13,635 --> 01:28:14,846 Hey, Nuke. 1323 01:28:17,056 --> 01:28:19,058 Good luck. 1324 01:28:19,100 --> 01:28:21,686 You too... 1325 01:28:21,769 --> 01:28:23,019 Meat. 1326 01:28:42,582 --> 01:28:45,084 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 1327 01:28:45,167 --> 01:28:46,752 You may kiss the bride. 1328 01:29:19,826 --> 01:29:24,414 Jimmy, we all pitched in, and we got you a little gift. 1329 01:29:24,497 --> 01:29:25,457 Tony. 1330 01:29:25,540 --> 01:29:28,461 Kind of a special wedding cake from the Durham Bulls. 1331 01:29:31,380 --> 01:29:33,466 Oh, my Lord! 1332 01:29:38,888 --> 01:29:41,765 Yeah, Skip? 1333 01:29:41,849 --> 01:29:43,767 You wanted to see me? 1334 01:29:44,519 --> 01:29:47,979 Crash, shut the door. 1335 01:29:53,067 --> 01:29:54,152 I wanna thank everyone! 1336 01:29:54,235 --> 01:29:56,030 Gimme a piece of that! 1337 01:30:08,417 --> 01:30:11,377 This is the toughest job a manager has. 1338 01:30:14,715 --> 01:30:15,800 But... 1339 01:30:18,928 --> 01:30:21,430 the organization wants to make a change. 1340 01:30:22,724 --> 01:30:27,519 Now that Nuke's gone, they wanna bring up some young catcher. 1341 01:30:27,561 --> 01:30:30,188 Some kid hitting.300 in Bluefield. 1342 01:30:30,229 --> 01:30:32,648 He's probably a bust. 1343 01:30:32,732 --> 01:30:35,944 I put in a word for you with the organization. 1344 01:30:36,028 --> 01:30:40,366 Told them I thought you might make a fine minor-league manager someday. 1345 01:30:42,952 --> 01:30:47,455 There might be an opening at Visalia next year. 1346 01:30:50,458 --> 01:30:52,543 You had a hell of a year, Crash. 1347 01:30:54,087 --> 01:30:55,296 But... 1348 01:30:56,465 --> 01:30:58,425 you know how it is. 1349 01:32:21,716 --> 01:32:23,678 I got released. 1350 01:32:24,886 --> 01:32:26,429 I heard already. 1351 01:33:42,840 --> 01:33:44,800 Oh, my. 1352 01:34:42,982 --> 01:34:45,444 I think probably with my love for four-legged creatures... 1353 01:34:45,486 --> 01:34:48,364 and hooves and everything, that in another lifetime... 1354 01:34:48,447 --> 01:34:51,200 I was probably Catherine the Great or Francis of Assisi. 1355 01:34:51,282 --> 01:34:53,202 I'm not sure which one. 1356 01:34:54,494 --> 01:34:56,121 What do you think, honey? 1357 01:34:58,332 --> 01:35:00,708 How come in former lifetimes... 1358 01:35:00,792 --> 01:35:02,794 everybody is somebody famous? 1359 01:35:12,513 --> 01:35:15,516 How come nobody ever says they were 'Joe Schmoe'? 1360 01:35:15,600 --> 01:35:18,893 Because it doesn't work that way, you fool. 1361 01:35:27,360 --> 01:35:29,071 God, you are gorgeous. 1362 01:35:31,948 --> 01:35:33,658 You wanna dance? 1363 01:35:49,008 --> 01:35:50,092 Yes. 1364 01:35:50,968 --> 01:35:52,886 I guess you do. 1365 01:38:26,499 --> 01:38:29,375 Crash took off at dawn. 1366 01:38:29,460 --> 01:38:31,545 Said he heard there might be an opening for a catcher... 1367 01:38:31,629 --> 01:38:33,631 in Asheville on the South Atlantic League. 1368 01:38:34,841 --> 01:38:39,594 A woman should be so strong that she's not affected by such things. 1369 01:38:39,677 --> 01:38:42,181 It wasn't the first time I went to bed with a guy... 1370 01:38:42,263 --> 01:38:44,642 and woke up with a note. 1371 01:38:44,726 --> 01:38:47,395 At least the son of a bitch left me breakfast. 1372 01:38:50,062 --> 01:38:54,151 You have to respect a ballplayer who's trying to finish the season. 1373 01:38:54,233 --> 01:38:56,486 At least, that's what I told myself. 1374 01:38:57,529 --> 01:39:00,783 Baseball may be a religion full of magic cosmic truth... 1375 01:39:00,867 --> 01:39:03,953 in the fundamental ontological riddles of our time... 1376 01:39:04,037 --> 01:39:06,039 but it's also a job. 1377 01:39:07,914 --> 01:39:10,875 Come on, Meat. Throw me that weak-ass shit. 1378 01:39:12,420 --> 01:39:14,629 You ain't gettin' that cheese by me. 1379 01:39:14,712 --> 01:39:17,049 Bring it. 1380 01:39:19,759 --> 01:39:24,682 When Crash hit his 247th home run, I knew the moment it happened. 1381 01:39:24,766 --> 01:39:26,476 But I'm sure nobody else did. 1382 01:39:26,558 --> 01:39:29,979 And The Sporting News didn't say anything about it. 1383 01:39:31,771 --> 01:39:35,024 'Full many a flower is born to blush unseen. 1384 01:39:35,109 --> 01:39:37,737 And waste its sweetness on the desert air.' 1385 01:39:37,820 --> 01:39:39,947 Thomas Gray. 1386 01:39:40,031 --> 01:39:41,616 Or William Cullen Bryant. 1387 01:39:41,698 --> 01:39:43,659 I don't know. I get 'em mixed up. 1388 01:39:43,741 --> 01:39:47,622 Anyway, my attempts at housekeeping were feeble as usual. 1389 01:39:47,663 --> 01:39:50,624 I sometimes get easily distracted. 1390 01:39:50,707 --> 01:39:54,045 Funny thing was I stopped worrying about Nuke. 1391 01:39:54,128 --> 01:39:56,838 Somehow I knew nothing would stop him. 1392 01:39:56,921 --> 01:40:01,009 The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness. 1393 01:40:01,092 --> 01:40:04,179 Crash was right... Nuke had a gift. 1394 01:40:04,262 --> 01:40:08,224 I'm just happy to be here, and I hope I can help the ball club. 1395 01:40:08,308 --> 01:40:10,228 You know, I just wanna give it my best shot... 1396 01:40:10,310 --> 01:40:12,520 and good Lord willing, things will work out. 1397 01:40:12,604 --> 01:40:14,815 You gotta play them one day at a time, though. 1398 01:40:14,899 --> 01:40:16,817 Raye Anne, right? That's a beautiful name. 1399 01:40:16,901 --> 01:40:20,278 Is that Greek? It's a beautiful name. 1400 01:40:20,320 --> 01:40:22,822 There's a great song by Motley Crue. Do you know it? 1401 01:40:22,864 --> 01:40:25,326 'Raye Anne, she's a stay in.' 1402 01:40:25,368 --> 01:40:27,495 Anyway, a good friend of mine used to say... 1403 01:40:27,577 --> 01:40:29,330 'This is a very simple game. 1404 01:40:29,414 --> 01:40:32,083 You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. 1405 01:40:32,166 --> 01:40:35,334 Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. 1406 01:40:35,418 --> 01:40:38,463 Sometimes it rains.' 1407 01:40:38,504 --> 01:40:40,131 Think about that for a while. 1408 01:42:12,809 --> 01:42:14,268 What happened? 1409 01:42:16,019 --> 01:42:17,103 I quit. 1410 01:42:19,899 --> 01:42:22,026 Hit my dinger and I hung them up. 1411 01:42:29,032 --> 01:42:30,952 I'm quittin' too. 1412 01:42:31,035 --> 01:42:33,244 I mean boys, not baseball. 1413 01:42:35,830 --> 01:42:39,959 There might be an opening for a manager in Visalia next spring. 1414 01:42:44,465 --> 01:42:46,967 Think I could make it to the Show as a manager? 1415 01:42:49,469 --> 01:42:51,429 You'd be great. 1416 01:42:56,685 --> 01:43:01,274 Because you understand about nonlinear thinking. 1417 01:43:01,355 --> 01:43:05,403 Baseball seems like a linear game with all those lines and box scores. 1418 01:43:05,485 --> 01:43:09,322 But the fact is, it's a spacious non-time kind of time to it. 1419 01:43:10,491 --> 01:43:11,617 What? 1420 01:43:11,701 --> 01:43:15,453 I got a lot of time to hear your theories. 1421 01:43:15,495 --> 01:43:18,291 And I wanna hear every damn one of them, but... 1422 01:43:20,501 --> 01:43:23,795 now I'm tired and I don't want to think about baseball. 1423 01:43:23,836 --> 01:43:26,548 And I don't wanna think about quantum physics. 1424 01:43:26,632 --> 01:43:28,550 And I don't wanna think about nothing. 1425 01:43:33,014 --> 01:43:35,516 I just wanna be. 1426 01:43:37,143 --> 01:43:39,060 I can do that too. 1427 01:43:41,521 --> 01:43:45,859 Walt Whitman once said, 'I see great things in baseball. 1428 01:43:45,901 --> 01:43:49,155 It's our game. The American game. 1429 01:43:49,197 --> 01:43:52,532 It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us.' 1430 01:43:53,284 --> 01:43:55,286 You could look it up. 104969