Original subtitles

Money for grabs!

Go away... get up,

he's far gone!

Get on with shopping.

Keep the change.

Are you blind?

Sorry.

Tell him to come here now!

Excuse me, sir. It's $425.

Are you kidding me?

I just arrived and you gave me the bill!

Want a piece of mine?

Well... maybe I've mistaken,

I'm sorry.

Tell him to come now!

Boss.

Where's my money?

I lost him!

What?

This scammer took my mahjong money

and you lost him,

You idiot!

Where's my car key?

I didn't see it.

How come...

- Isn't it your car? - Thank God!

Go get him!

Stop eating and go!

Stop right there!

What the heck?

Why are you towing my car?

Mr...

It's parked in front of the police station.

We must tow it away even if it's my father's.

We must tow it away even if it's my father's.

Your father, my ass!

This is my car!

Let go of it! Right! Now!

So it's yours!

We found a bag of weapons there.

You're under arrest!

You told us to get equipped, boss.

I hid them well, boss.

Of course you're a gangster boss!

Officer... actually it's not my car.

- Don't know whose is it... - To the police station.

I don't want to go.

Hit your little head, may you die in a tiny shed!

Hit your little hand, may your breathing come to an end!

Hi, can you help us please?

- There... - Ok, thank you.

Beat your little head, your good luck come to end,

hit your little mouth, you always bad result,

hit your little foot, you every thing's no good.

Impressive, you are good!

Thanks, next!

Hi... Well.

Beat him.

Sure, your shoes, left foot.

Here you go.

All right, give the beat.

Hit your little thumb, make you Super dumb!

Beat your little head, wish you fat and sad!

Beat your little face, soon you get the Aids.

Beat your little feet,

you are a piece of... piece of shit!

Yeah!

Thank you!

Ace of spades opens.

Ace of hearts,

US$100,000

I call.

Pair of aces opens.

Double, I'll double the bet, $200,000

Makes sense, I call.

Three of a kind opens.

Three aces already! $500,000, easy.

Ok, I call.

Four cards straight flush opens.

All in this time.

I call, all in.

Four of a kind!

Can't have two ace of hearts in a deck!

I don't need an ace to beat you,

a nine will do.

Straight flush wins.

Yau Wing-Fu, you cheat!

The money'll be used for building schools,

I thank you for the students.

Sleep tight, babe, it's nighttime for you already,

ok, goodnight.

You're still together?

I'm loyal, big brother! Unlike Wing-Chi.

Wrong! I am simply uncommitted,

not disloyal, and poor anyway.

Did you win a lot yesterday? Can I have some?

It's from a conman!

The money is for headmaster Law to build schools.

You'd rather help others than your brother.

I'll go now.

What're you doing! Hey...

Sorry Sorry, I'm sorry.

Bye!

Who's that?

Isn't she your friend?

Big bro?

No wonder you're broke!

Wasting your time on chicks!

- Stop messing around and get married. - That's right.

Marriages won't last!

Look at you,

you've been single since your divorce.

Hey...

I was your goddess before getting married,

now I'm just a maid.

Just you remember!

It's not you who kick me out, it's me who quit,

because your entire family are mad! Mad!

Big bro, come back.

Get her back if you still love her!

Stop thinking only.

Please just call Sheila, get yourself together,

you didn't even touch your breakfast.

And you're obsessed with online dating,

it's bad for health and data limit.

What do you know?

Plato said that,

real love is about communication,

and it's not something physical.

Online dating allows me to focus on understanding her,

accomplishing an epic romance!

You guys either dwell in the past

or online illusions!

How can you two be so lame?

Luckily there's still one sensible man here.

Bo-bo will be back soon,

let's see who's sensible then.

Mr. Hung,

"what comes around goes around".

I know your job nature involves high risk,

I know your job nature involves high risk,

an occasional doctor's visit is unavoidable.

An occasional doctor's visit is unavoidable.

Here's an insurance plan tailor made for you and your staff,

Here's an insurance plan tailor made for you and your staff,

it's very flexible, you can insure just your arm or leg;

but of course the higher the premium the better the coverage!

Also it's amazing!

It doesn't go against the traditional widow's compensation,

It doesn't go against the traditional widow's compensation,

so the protection is doubled!

If they know you care so much for them,

they'll gladly do anything for you,

and Mr. Hung you'll surely be HK's Don Corleone.

And Mr. Hung you'll surely be HK's Don Corleone.

What're your thoughts, Mr. Hung?

Shhh!

I'm counting how many men I have.

Oh, ok, take your time.

All in.

Ooh scary! I call.

You can't be lucky every time,

I've got three aces!

I've a straight, I win!

You've got pretty big... hat.

May I sit down?

You just did.

I wonder if we can work together.

Why should I? I don't know you.

I'm arranging a poker game for a rich man,

all he wants is just to play against a beautiful woman.

You undoubtedly has beauty,

skills and luck.

You're my perfect candidate.

- Not interested! - You do,

because you'll win for sure!

We'll play Texas hold'em again,

I'll be the dealer,

and I'll make you win.

Just keep folding at the beginning,

until I give you a signal,

you'll bet all-in, taking everything from him.

What's in it for me?

The stake on each side will be $1 million,

we can split after winning.

You don't need to pay all the stake from your own pocket.

We'll each chip in half million, how about that?

Chow Wai-Kwan!

Lee Wan-Yeun!

Your water of life.

I had a nightmare again last night.

What's it about?

I was on a beach with dozens of babes,

and they're all naked!

Is that a nightmare?

But I was one of the girls,

old, wrinkly and saggy!

That's really creepy!

Simple game,

choose between 3 glasses of water and 3 whiskeys,

drink as fast as you can,

the only rule is no touching other's glass.

Woah! I almost shit my pants for nothing!

If you lose,

you'll do table dancing with your underpants only,

alright?

Wonderful! I'm not wearing any.

If I win I'll spare you the dancing,

just buy everyone a drink!

Choose your drink.

Since I'm clever, I'll choose the... smaller one!

Ok ready? One, two, three!

Hurry up!

Look how small his drink is!

Hurry up!

Wait,

one should drink with elegance.

Wow, you're so long!

Quick, drink up!

You're a fast usually!

What do you mean?

Hold it for me.

I'm winning!

Hey, don't touch my glass.

Yes, that's the rule!

What does that mean?

[t means...

you can drink after I finish mine and remove this glass.

You...

This round's on him, everybody!

Big bro, have job to do.

Don't be fooled by her looks, she's a cheat,

she's a cheat,

I saw her scam a guy just now.

I've sweet talked her to play poker tomorrow.

Same trick,

let her fold every round, take it all at last.

$1 million stake for each player, I'll split with her,

so we need $1.5 million.

Ok, but she's a cheat,

isn't it silly to take half million from your pocket?

It's sillier to not give her a bait.

Anyway,

big brother will be the rich guy, me the dealer.

And me?

The driver, on the lookout.

Damn! Again!

Don't say that,

it's the most important task of all!

Just watch our back while we make money.

Are you angry?

Gonna piss!

Done, half a million from each of us.

Let's wait for Huang then we're good.

I'll open the door.

Ok.

Let me do the introduction,

the eminent Mr. Huang,

and here's your beautiful opponent Miss Li.

Howdy?

Howdy.

Miss Li's $1 million bet is all set.

Me... me $1 million is here too!

Please check.

What a beauty, me so lucky!

$2 million, including the note you're holding,

thanks.

Let's get movin'!

Are you guys hungry?

I wanna try their Hainanese Chicken Rice.

Ooh I love room service.

Ok... let's start right after.

Everybody's ordered food and used the bathroom?

I'm Yau Wing-Fu,

Then let's get started.

Each side has $1 million worth of chips.

$10,000 blind bet!

Winner takes all,

$2 million stakes in total,

any question?

I'm fine if the lady's fine with it.

That's fine.

Starting round,

Starting round,

I'll raise you, $50,000, easy.

FOLD!

FOLD!

FOLD!

FOLD!

FOLD!

I guess it's room service.

Sweetie,

it's not fun with you folding every round.

I'm a chicken, don't wanna lose everything!

Hey miss... just leave it somewhere.

Let's carry on.

Well not just anywhere...

pick a table outside and leave it there.

I'm sorry.

Everything's fine! The case is fine...

my apologies...

Wait!

Let me check the money.

It's fine, I'm a bit paranoid.

Part False alarm! Let's continue,

just leave and put it on that table.

Please place a bet.

All in.

Sweetie,

you're a chicken then,

and now you're a hawk?

Think it through, I'm gonna wash my hands.

Before eating my Hainanese Chicken Rice.

Give me the menu.

It's a nice hotel, of course they have chicken rice.

Guess what, they don't!

The bathroom's empty.

She's gone.

It's done?

The girl left with the money.

She swapped the case!

Bitch! I'll hunt her down!

Thank god we made a spy watch.

Otherwise I'd have bought the wrong case.

The pretty boy was a cheat,

and the geezer was a perv,

both need a lesson!

Those goons look totally stupid,

they probably have no idea that you're gone!

Big brother, it's them who scammed all my money!

Bro, bro?

How dare you! Scammed his money.

Give him back his money now!

Your brother's money came from Bitcoin mining scam!

I've donated everything,

try getting it back yourself!

You donated all my money?

Tell me then, you!

It's not under the bed...

Piss off.

What's that?

Perfume... ow...

Mess with my little brother?

Hit me!

I'll scar your belly,

and you'll never wear bikinis again.

Big brother, someone's looking for you.

Little brother, even mom won't recognise you.

Who are you?

I want my money back!

So do I, get in line!

No,

my big brother can't wait.

Find a toilet if you can't wait.

Little brother,

I need to go too actually, and I'll massage you with tonic.

Ok.

- Is the tonic good? - Yes, it clears bruises.

You guys are not so stupid after all.

Here's your money.

I don't need your fake money.

Sorry, I've already swapped the case with fake money!

I have the money,

we won no matter how the poker game ended!

Why didn't you tell me?

What?

We are here because you who sprinted out too soon.

Of course.

Anyway we've saved two good people,

Good coordinated work by the way.

Who are you?

Stop your questions.

Let's take off before their people come!

This is just a toy gun!

You don't believe me? I'll show you.

All gone...

Hey, why did you give me a real gun?

I'm Yau Wing-Fu,

my younger brother Wing-Chung,

and little brother Wing-Chi.

Since my great grandfather,

Since my great grandfather,

we've been con artist for generations.

But it's hard to con in the age of technology,

let alone avoid getting caught.

We've bowed out for ages,

only doing cameos to punish baddies.

I thought you scammed the boy,

so we set you up.

My brothers are serious men,

but I'm different, I'm sexier.

We do stick to our ancestral teaching of,

not scamming the weak though.

Tell us about yourself.

I'm Lui Lei Monroe,

this is my big sister Mona.

Our parents were pursued by scammers

and died jumping off the building,

leaving us both behind.

That's why we hate scammers,

so we scam them back for revenge.

You can't go home cos they'll come after you!

We're joined by fate,

why don't you stay at ours to wait it out?

Hi.

Bottled soda vs canned soda!

Everyone knows bottled soda tastes better.

You're right.

Wing-Chi, I'm leaving,

can you give me a ride?

Thank you, Miss, I'll study hard,

see you next week, bye!

She's my tutor,

ain't I a good student?

For which subject?

Nephrology.

Well... You look stunning today,

like a flower!

What flower ?

Cauliflower.

Wing-Chi,

You look so skinny today.

Really? How skinny?

Like a animal.

No use trying to beat a animal,

won't do you any good.

Why not?

You'll just prove yourself a stronger animal!

Exactly!

I can never beat a animal.

You're worse than a animal then.

Ok, good night.

Bon appétit.

Eat well, ok?

Monroe, are you free this afternoon?

Why do you give me a fork?

Fork you!

Stop bickering. I'm off to work, bro.

OK

Laters, bye!

Bye!

Mister,

investing in stocks can be done over a phone call,

it's way better than buying flats.

No no, madame,

investing in stocks is just giving away your money.

Slow down, it's red light.

I know...

The brake is broken!

No freaking way!

Real estate is different,

you become the owner by paying just 10%,

you can live there,

or you can rent it out, right ?

Also you can keep it for your children.

What do we do now?

Watch out!

Oh no... it burst!

Yes.

The durian, want one?

No thanks.

No!

Not again!

Why are you following me?

I'm sorry! My brake's broken.

Use your handbrake!

I did! Didn't work!

Use neutral gear!

I was even on park!

I'll go left, you go right! One, two, three!

What happened?

You've got visitors!

Big brother.

How did you get a car accident from selling flats?

No! This bitch hit me with her car!

Which bitch?

How do I know which bitch was it?

Why did the bitch hit you?

How do I know why the bitch hit me!

Can I help you, Miss?

I am the bitch...

I'm really sorry,

- I can't tell left from right. - Never mind.

We should count our lucky stars for being alive!

How's your father?

My father's dead!

What? I was the one who got hit... how did he...

Oh you're talking about my husband!

He's in a coma...

I'd better check on him,

take care, sorry again.

Go home if it's nothing serious.

No I'm under observation in case of concussion.

No I'm under observation in case of concussion.

Check this out bro.

Isn't it this hospital?

Your showtime!

And you're...?

We've never met,

I've never spoken to you,

What happens now is all just your illusion!

I don't have any illusion!

I repeat!

We've never met,

What happens now is all just your illusion!

It's all just your illusion!

I don't have any illusion!

Integrity issues in the hospital will affect the Hospital Authority,

patient's confidence and the entire healthcare system!

Patient's confidence and the entire healthcare system!

Understand?

We have a new mission, chief.

Ok!

There's a tabloid reporter spying in your hospital!

There's a tabloid reporter spying in your hospital!

His name is Yau Wing-Chung.

You know what hospitality means?

Chief... Who... are...

We've never met,

I've never spoken to you,

It's all just your illusion!

The name what chief have just said...

"Yau Wing-Chung."

Congratulations Mr. Yau!

You've been selected as our VIP,

you can enjoy all services for free.

Tonight we have king crab,

and grilled Iberico pork knuckle.

We also have lobster risotto,

A5 grade wagyu tartare and Tomahawk steak,

what would you like?

I'm not that hungry actually... please just leave them here!

Mr. Yau! We offer massages too,

where you want massage,

would you like a foot massage?

No no no need, thanks.

Oh you're soaked!

No worries I'll dry it in the bathroom.

We can go with you!

No thanks I'll go alone.

Take off your shirt, I'll wash it for you

No no no no thanks.

Hey... I'm a bit tired, and you seem bored,

let's play drinking game!

I don't know any drinking game.

Really? Neither do I,

let's play something educational, solving riddles.

What's the punishment?

Let's return to nature,

who lost who take off a piece of clothing, ok?

Who lost who take off a piece of clothing, ok?

Ok.

Here we go!

Hmm... which animal has two heads, three arms and four legs?

I don't know, what is it?

Neither do I, I'll take something off.

- Come on. - You're so tricky...

Hey!

My turn!

S has two older brothers,

the big bro's called I, the other's called M,

S's name is S,

but why he calls himself XXL?

Why?

Because he's a liar!

My turn!

Four letter word,

begins with F and ends with K,

if you can't get it, you can use your hands

F-O-R-K, fork!

You're a smart cookie!

Let me take one of my contact lenses off!

This one's easy,

which two body parts hate each other?

How can body parts hate one another?

Left and right eyes! They can't see eye to eye.

Fine, now let's get serious,

camera comes back, I'm not done yet.

I come in a lot of different sizes

Sometimes, I drip a little.

If you blow me, it feels really good.

What am I?

Gotcha! Strip!

It's a nose!

Every nose is different,

it drips when you have a cold,

and it feels good when you blow your nose!

Miss Monroe is a true whizkid!

Gotta go now!

Hey, a bet's a bet!

Don't threaten me!

I can get harden up!

Nothing scares me, take off your pants!

Don't be shy, just show it.

Alright. Showdown time,

I'll draw my sword.

Oh My God!

Impressive huh?

I didn't say that, she did.

Headmaster Law,

holy moly.

Did you catch a cold?

No.

I wanna thank you for your generosity on behalf of the poor kids!

Cheers!

Nice to meet you, Mr. Yau!

I'm Adam, aka Third Hand,

I've heard so much about your conning arts,

and your scams are simply unparalleled!

You're my idol! Could you be my master?

Sorry, wrong person!

He doesn't live here?

What did the guy say? What cons and scams?

He pressed the wrong bell,

should be for our neighbour... let's eat.

My watch is gone.

I'll deal with him.

Don't be smug about stealing my brother's watch!

It's nothing!

Ring our bell again and you're dead!

Sorry Sorry

I'm so sorry, wow look at your biceps.

Dead!

I get it, sorry...

I showed him the right path to his life, he won't veer off again.

Did you lose something?

Of course not,

wait, where's my wallet?

- Let me talk to this lost sheep. - Don't worry,

we will do it.

We'll deal with him, you eat up.

Thank god my $20's still there.

Babe, it's just me in this room,

I'm so lonely and cold.

There's a feast in front of me,

but I can't taste anything without you sharing with me.

But I can't taste anything without you sharing with me.

I'll get fat if I share your food,

I'll get fat if I share your food,

you'll break up with me!

No, if you become a fat girl,

then I'll be a fat guy too,

we'll be perfect for each other.

Let me show you the food.

See?

Hey... Why are you here?

- I'm in trouble! - Wait...

I'll call you back babe, bye...

What kind of trouble?

My husband woke up...

My sincerest congratulations...

No, he said it's not an accident when he woke up...

No, he said it's not an accident when he woke up...

but attempted murder!

You attempted to murder me.

There're some weirdos in his room.

How weird?

See it for yourself and you'll know,

Come on!

Look,

he's practicing Taichi with a knife,

isn't he weird?

He's not the only weirdo,

you see that way...

that guy's pretending to be watching his phone,

but in fact he's watching us.

Another way too...

And that dude's pretending to be pouring water,

but he doesn't stop even though it's overflowing.

Very weird.

What should we do now?

Get my big brother.

Please don't die, hubby

Sit down everyone! Don't get in the doctor's way!

Check his vitals.

Hubby...

No response.

Adrenaline!

- No pulse. - Shock him!

- Please move over. - Charge! Clear!

Charge! Clear!

Charge! Clear!

Charge! Clear!

Charge! Clear!

Boss,

the guy died before I could Kill him myself.

Mother frigger!

God help me kill this rat!

I want his chick dead too!

Yes, boss.

Are you a family of the deceased?

No...

Certified,

time of death 22:22:28.

Take him to the morgue!

No... hubby!

You died too young! What should I do without you...

hubby.

Hurry up,

patients, sit tight.

Seat belts, everyone!

I'm the driver again?

Thank you all so much.

Why are they after you two?

My hubby's the accountant of a gang,

he knew where all the money's from.

I got pregnant recently,

he didn't want bad karma on the baby,

so he went collecting evidence to report them to the police.

He hadn't even reached the police station...

Late bloomer.

You've still got it.

I tried my best.

Congratulations. Got a name yet? Boy or girl?

Wait, who are these man eaters?

He's called Crooked Tam,

the boss of Dragon Gang,

he's the most villainous criminal ever,

drug trafficking,

prostitution, robbery... he does it all!

He thought you're dead,

but he'll go after your wife.

You need a hideout for you and baby.

Hubby!

Tam Tai-Ngok, nicknamed Crooked Tam,

his pet phrase is "mother frigger”,

used to be a street soldier for Dragon Gang,

rose his ranks to the top with his ruthless fists.

He started a trading company three years ago,

running trading business as a legitimate businessman,

and it's a listed company now.

But the gang still does criminal dealings.

But the gang still does criminal dealings.

He's a legit businessman on the surface,

but a despicable thug underneath.

He likes showing off yet is extremely petty.

He won't hesitate to smack whoever offends him.

Although he makes money from hurting people,

which fits our rule of engagement,

this guy's not a scammer, but a gangster boss,

we may die for tackling him!

Exactly, we should vote for a decision.

Since we're all here, let's vote now.

This gangster will hurt more people if we don't take action,

so I'll do it at all costs!

Me too!

Mm... I'll follow Monroe.

That's 3 out of 5 votes already,

let's do it then.

The problem is not taking on him,

but we don't know his weakness.

This guy has money and men,

we can't just go and guess his Achille's heel.

Actually I've found out his soft spot,

he loves diamonds.

Such a sacrilege!

Problem solved then.

I got the information that,

he will attend a diamond auction on Sunday,

it'll be a great chance to approach him.

Then I can disguise as a diamond broker to set him up.

Then I can disguise as a diamond broker to set him up.

I'm not gonna be the driver this time.

The following item is an 18-carat diamond,

which has been worn by Beyoncé on her performances...

should be 30-carat.

The minimum bid is $10 million, with one million increment.

The auction begins now.

10 million,

11 million,

12 million,

13 million,

14 million,

15 million,

any higher bid?

Twenty

20 million

21 million!

Mr. Chen, we will get the Beyoncé diamond.

Anything on the diamond?

Nothing, the entry has been deleted.

Of course, it's been deleted!

Really?

- Twenty two, - 22 million.

23 million.

- Twenty four, - 24 million.

25 million.

- Twenty six, - 26 million.

27 million.

Are you done yet?

I won't last much longer.

Cutting power is easy,

just flip a switch in the electrical room.

Wait...

so many switches here!

33 million,

going once.

No more bidding?

We're gangsters, can't let this loser win.

Bid, bid!

Going twice.

Hubby!

We'll kill him after the auction,

rob the diamond for free!

Seriously? I thought so too.

Seems like they're quitting,

I'll quit too if you don't cut the power.

How come! I've turned everything off already!

Hurry up!

Going 3000th times...

3300th times...

Going 300th...

Going third, got it right finally.

One, two, three

Sold!

Calm down everyone, it's just a power cut,

please proceed to the room next door and have a seat.

I'm going home.

Don't tell anyone.

Yes, Mr. Chan,

it's just a power cut.

The ring is yours, I guarantee you!

No worries... ok?

Mr. Lee!

I found your diamond,

that's why I'm called the Diamond Hunter,

that's why I'm called the Diamond Hunter,

just wait for your stone...

My boss'd like to have a word with you.

Hello.

The Diamond Hunter?

That's me.

I've met loads of brokers, but how come I don't know you?

Why?

Brokers come in different ranks,

Brokers come in different ranks,

I only serve big clients, trying to keep a low profile.

Sounds like hot air to me!

Get me "the Eternal Star" then.

The Eternal Star

The Eternal Star

The Eternal Star

"The Eternal Star"! I'll Google it.

I'll use Baidu.

I'll check the dictionary.

The Eternal Star

You mother frigger, you have no idea!

Bullshit, Diamond Hunter!

A humongous raw stone called "the Eternal Diamond"

was discovered in India's Golconda mine.

A merchant cut it up into three 100 carat diamonds,

A merchant cut it up into three 100 carat diamonds,

naming them "the Eternal Stars”

The three Eternal Stars were made into three identical necklaces.

One is in the British Museum,

which is not for sale.

The second one belongs to a Brazilian called FaRay de Lama,

The second one belongs to a Brazilian called FaRay de Lama,

her net worth is US$30 billion,

don't dream of acquiring it from her.

As for the third one,

nobody knows its whereabouts...

but me.

Really?

I know its price too.

How much?

$100 million, black market price.

$100 million only?

I want it.

Get me before Sunday,

I'll cut you a fat commission!

Cash?

Cash,

I'll wait at my office with cash.

If I don't see the diamond on Sunday,

I'll get your family coffins.

How generous.

Don't worry!

We get 50% off for coffins.

Uncle Four!

We are a big client.

Our mission:

to bring "the Eternal Star" to Tam's office,

I'm sure,

there will be a gemologist for verification,

so we must use a real diamond this time.

It so happens that

the Eternal Star from British Museum is in HK now,

and will be exhibited on Monday.

It's now sleeping in the safety vault.

It's now sleeping in the safety vault.

So we'll steal the diamond from the vault.

No, we're borrowing it,

it'll be returned before the exhibition.

That means we need to get the diamond from the vault,

sell it to the gangsters,

get it back from them,

put it back inside the vault as if nothing happened.

It's hard enough breaking into the vault once,

and to do it twice...

Easy,

just hack into their system,

turn off the CCTV,

unlock the vault, turn off the infrared alarm...

we can even cut their connection to the police station.

All we need is a way to hack in.

Better hack a man.

This guy is the vault's security manager,

a perv who likes hiring girls for photo snapping,

we should make good use of it.

Honey trap! Not my game then.

Why Tam insists on Sunday?

It's his birthday,

he has invited the press to his party.

He wanna show off the diamond obviously.

They'll hire a magician for performance,

we must disguise as one,

swap the diamond from Tam

during the performance with a fake.

Let's get going.

Monroe will deal with the security manager,

Wing-Chung and Mona will take care of the magician,

Wing-Chi, get a fake diamond.

I have something important to do.

Ming!

Your camera looks so pro!

What do you do?

I work in security.

Security? You must know how to fight,

like a real man!

Pretty boys are so annoying,

I prefer real men like you!

Sorry my memory card is full,

I'll get another one, wait.

I don't drink.

Come on! Don't be such a killjoy.

So what kind of security are you?

I'm a senior security manager of a safety vault.

I'm a senior security manager of a safety vault.

A vault, that's so cool!

Let's take our pictures there instead!

There're only some stupid trees here.

I don't think it's a good idea.

It's a brilliant idea!

New place will stimulate you.

It's my first time to visit a vault,

and your first time to bring someone in,

so it's a first for us both!

Don't get the wrong idea,

I'm just talking about photography!

You're a real man, so don't tell me that you can't...

I can, I can!

Can I take your photo first?

Hey! You... Get me some cigarettes... and snacks.

You have a toothache, boss?

Yes, hurry up!

What's in this vault?

House deeds, antiques, jewellery, money, that sort of things.

What's the most valuable thing here then?

A 100 carat diamond

"the Eternal Star".

I love diamond since I was little!

100 carat is huge, it enormous!

Can I see it, please?

No you can't.

Just a peek...

No...

If you satisfy me, I'll satisfy you too.

Wow! This diamond is stunning!

Careful there!

Can you help me put it on?

Well... be careful! Easy! Easy!

Oh no!

Where is it?

I won't touch it,

get it yourself.

Ah... this is too much,

I can't take it,

let's go back to the studio.

Time's up.

What?

You've booked me for two hours, time's up now.

I'm not done yet, I'll extend it.

I'm fully booked today,

book me longer next time, cheapskate.

Bye-bye.

Got it, big sister!

I need a prop for this magic trick.

Miss... Can you take off your...

ring, please?

Sure.

Such a beautiful ring,

what should I change? Its colour, shape,

or make duplicates?

Watch.

Where did it go?

I lost your ring, let me get you a drink.

No, no, don't stop.

Thank you,

you're so awesome, so cool!

I'm not a loose guy,

just on the lips,

no cheeks.

Who else wanna try?

Me!

Another beautiful lady,

have a seat.

I have a ring too.

A ring again!

Normally guys can't have another go...

right after he finishes,

you know,

but since you're so pretty, I'll try.

This ring... watch.

I lost your ring again,

why don't... I wanna search you.

Told you I'm not loose.

Hey, not this pocket.

There's nothing right?

Let me get you a drink.

How come there're so many?

Excuse me, move over please, thanks.

We heard someone is stealing...

in disguise as a magician,

who's the pickpocketing magician?

Sir I'm the magician,

but I didn't pickpocket.

I did lose my ring.

Even the Secretary of Justice'll get arrested for stealing,

let alone a magician.

I've just put the ring into the glass just now.

Any proof?

No.

Just kidding my dear,

of course I do, these are all my people,

I just handed the ring to him,

he threw it to her,

she passed it to her,

she put the ring into the glass,

that's it!

Yes I did throw the ring!

Yes I did pass it!

Yes I did put it into the glass!

You heard it, Officer,

I just don't know why there're so many drinks now.

To prove your innocence,

do you mind if I pat you down?

Here,

take your time.

This is my phone!

When did you steal my bracelet?

You guys are under arrest on suspicion of stealing collectively!

Follow me to the police station.

We're innocent.

Come with me!

Sir I only do magic tricks, Officer.

Do it at the police station then!

Go.

Grab a few nice props quickly,

so that Wing-Fu can play with them.

Is it necessary to text back at once?

Are you a woman?

She'll get paranoid if I'm slow.

Just call if you want to reply instantly!

She can't hear you over a text,

it's so impersonal.

Being personal is to love on a spiritual level,

Being personal is to love on a spiritual level,

it's not just about kissing, hugging and sweet talking,

it's not just about kissing, hugging and sweet talking,

it's about communication.

That's the way to indestructible love,

done.

Nonsense!

I knew you wouldn't get it!

After all smart people are in minority.

Words are our weapons, not fists.

Since you're a brute,

you're probably quite dim.

Dating online at your age isn't a clever thing either.

What do you think if I pour this in?

Nothing's happening...

I was just asking, why did you put your face there?

Do it yourself then!

Where're you going?

Shower!

Gotcha at last, god damn it!

You're getting more handsome now...

why has your tattoo moved?

Cut the crap!

Give me back my money!

I almost ended up in prison last time,

I'm gonna beat you to a pulp now!

Hit him.

It hurts.

Don't move,

did you hit my head? I'll blow up yours now.

Stop peeking, your boyfriend owes me money,

I'll let him go if you pay for him.

It's not my business,

it's him who owes you, not me.

Look at you,

you obviously dress like his chick...

or perhaps you can be mine.

Nobody leaves without paying me.

Ok,

let's just all stay here.

I'm scared... I'll do it myself,

here...

it's worse...

So, Mr. Smarty Pants?

I didn't see anything just now.

Are you kidding me?

I'll call you back.

Boss,

the magician's master said his student is arrested,

either we cancel or he'll stand in,

see if you're ok with him.

Of course! Who else?

I thought so too.

Get me the bill!

Yes...

cheque!

I stole your wallet.

Smart ass!

Come steal my gun then.

Your gun? No.

Your bullets? Yes.

Bravo!

That's awesome!

I wanna work for you.

Work for me?

Sorry,

but I never steal, I only rob people.

Why should we hire you? To eat with us?

I can stop thieves from stealing from you.

Ok, you're hired.

Right, so when did you steal it?

The fake looks totally phoney next to the real one.

It's less phoney by itself.

Take the real one for the deal,

then swap it with the fake later.

Why am I the only one changed for the rehearsal?

Why are you wearing these pants?

There're ladies here.

They said they're fine.

Haha... ok, let's try moving around.

Come on.

The sisters will help me with the show,

Wing-Chi will swap the necklaces,

we have one minute.

Go.

One minute? I can do it in seconds.

Ok, one minute sharp.

That's it,

we'll leave at 5:00 to kick some ass!

Now let's get changed.

Ok!

Hey, Lance Armstrong, let me out.

Sorry, I totally forgot.

Don't be so petty.

What're you doing here?

I'm the magician.

I help the magician setting up.

I'm the magician's assistant.

Mm... I'm the assistant's assistant.

I'm... not related to the magician.

Come with me.

Alright magic people, follow me.

Have a look around, isn't it beautiful?

Isn't it beautiful? It's crazy cheap,

just $30 million.

Even the FBI can't crack this system,

my place here is as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar,

I can do whatever I want.

I'm sorry.

You'll be very safe.

Let me introduce you,

this is Asia's most authoritative gemologist,

who will verify the authenticity of your diamond.

Listen.

If the diamond's real, this case of money is yours;

but if it's fake, it'll carry your dead body.

Just curious,

how did you find this stone

out of 7.6 billion people on earth?

The diamond was in the hands of a village chief back in India.

The village is in Baharja.

A friend of mine had a wedding there,

I was his groomsman.

The village is in Baharja,

Northern India,

I've been there,

the chief's called Burada, I know him.

You know him?

Seriously?

Don't you know Burada died of testicular cancer?

His son Buraklada is the chief now.

And can I count my money quietly?

$100 million is a lot.

You distracted me so I'll have to start over again.

You distracted me so I'll have to start over again.

You do it then!

Boss,

the diamond is real.

Really?

Let me see...

I knew it,

you are the Diamond Hunter after all!

Stop counting,

I won't shortchange you...

everyone turn around!

Happy birthday to Boss, happy birthday to Boss...

Turn on the light!

Enough, Uncle Four,

it's the same birthday song for decades!

Be creative!

Yes boss, it's coming

Congratulations... and celebrations...

Shut up!

You, stop drinking tea.

Show me some creativity

or you don't get a penny.

Hurry up!

Mm... creativity?

Creativity?

Namo Amitaba,

happy birthday!

Namo Amitaba,

happy birthday!

Arise!

Bow...

bow again,

Bow once more...

- Happy birthday! - Thank you guys.

How's that?

Terrific, very good.

So may I...

Get lost!

Excuse me.

Don't drop your money.

Boss,

letting him go with $100 million,

is not economical,

why don't I... and take the money back?

No,

we robbed those money,

it's free money laundering,

isn't it great?

- Let's dance. - I thought so too.

Boss, cut, boss, cut.

I'm out, it's your showtime now!

Sorry guys!

I'm truly, madly, deeply happy today,

very happy,

my friends from the press, for joining my gathering.

Please keep the red envelopes as a token!

Take more pictures!

Mr. Tam, you're so bling tonight!

Are you wearing the legendary "Eternal Star"?

You're so smart! That's correct,

there're only three in this world!

One of them is due to be exhibited tomorrow,

are you trying to steal the thunder from them?

Really the exhibition is tomorrow?

Your readers can have a sneak peek tonight then.

That's true.

Get some photos.

Shit,

Tam's not wearing the Eternal Star!

Shitty piece of shit!

How's my hair?

Nice...

Enjoy the show!

"Wing Chung : He may have the diamond on him, pat him down!"

Cheers, everyone!

Don't stop applauding!

Because...

I will have a VIP perform the first segment with me!

I will have a VIP perform the first segment with me!

Please welcome your dearest boss,

Mr. Tam!

Boss, boss, You're so cool!

Let me trim my face.

Boss, Boss...

Boss so smart... boss

Mr. Tam,

today's your big day, we wish you a happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Mr Tam,

I have a gift for you.

Really?

It's in your pocket.

- Marvelous. - Dig it out, pretty.

Dig?

- Dig all his pockets. - Hurry, where is it?

Get it out.

Hey.

Let me see.

What the hell is that?

Haha... is it yours? That one there?

So gross!

Take it home!

I've searched everywhere, what now?

He must have locked it in the safe!

We need the password and fingerprints...

and the lift is face-activated!

Get his fingerprints and photo now!

Would you like a glass of water?

Yes please.

Wait, let's take a photo.

Thank you.

- You're leaving? - Hold it for me.

Ok, I'll hold it...

You're so lame.

How come?

Under your arm then.

It's the same, wow!

Hey, doesn't work with photo, gotta be him in person.

Then we need to make a scene.

I got an idea! Just make him do the magic.

- Trust me. - Mother frigger!

Who's the magician now?

Boss, we need you for the next part,

it's the world's best magic called "Stab the boss".

"Stab the boss", "Stab the boss"

Get go in side, please.

Really? Is it safe?

"Stab the boss", "Stab the boss"

Hey! Where're you taking me?

It's called teleportation,

you'll emerge from another exit,

David Copperfield did this too.

Really? Cool! Hurry up then,

don't mess up my hair!

Stabbing's done, let's dismember him.

Yay... dismember him.

Yay...

Boss, you ok with it?

He said ok.

Boss, there're lots of journalists!

Let's have your photo taken inside the box!

It'll be cool!

Good idea, cool!

Ready? One, two, three.

Let's go.

Already? I didn't see anything.

Need to rush.

I don't.

The journalists do.

His men were everywhere,

maybe they're still there, watch yourself.

It's empty.

Wonderful!

First, triple jump over the sofa,

dive and roll on the table,

land with a cartwheel,

then fly over with a whirlwind kick and you're there.

It's ok if you couldn't do everything,

It's ok if you couldn't do everything,

just make sure you press the button under the table.

Just say "press the button”.

I was trying to make it interesting,

you didn't do it right?

There're 256 possible combination for a four number password,

I can compute the most likely combination for you.

Be quick.

It's open?

You knew the combination?

There's only one number, 8888.

Someone's here.

Hide under the bar table,

hey, can you hear me?

Hello...?

Hello...?

Hello...?

Mr Tam, please wave to the audience,

I need to stack them again.

Hey! Who are you?

I'm your boss's.

Why are you here?

Your boss put me here.

Get up.

Your boss told me not to.

Enough with saying "your boss", get up now!

Ah... I see,

sit down, Miss, careful with the belly,

I'll get the boss now.

What happened? Can you hear me?

It's fine, just a guard.

You beat him up?

I didn't! Pure brain power this time.

Done! Run!

Mr Tam, please come out on my countdown,

the press are waiting,

it'll be awesome!

Really? Great!

Let's count down from ten,

your boss will miraculously jump out,

ready?

Ok,

10, 9,8,7,6,5, 4, 3,

2, 1!

Yeah get snapping!

Where're the journalists?

Mother frigger, mother frigger...

What the heck! On my own turf, with tonnes of men,

an FBI-proof system,

I still got stolen!

So what now?

It's just temporarily taken,

we'll get it back,

I know who and where he isl!

I want the diamond back,

and him vanished on earth!

Yes sir! I'll do my best.

Mother frigger!

This should be handled by a professional!

Call Mak,

I want the best hit man in the world!

Sorry.

Were you trying to kill me?

No no no,

boss is looking for you everywhere,

about the hit man.

It takes time ok?

I just got his number.

Ok, Ok.

Listen carefully, if you bumped into me again,

I'll throw you off with Taichi.

Yes yes...

this way please.

Cheers.

We made it! All thanks to me,

I was calm, quick,

genial and simply awesome!

You were no doubt awesome!

We really worked as a team,

and overcame many crises.

Big bro was right!

Shall we share the money by the way?

It's dirty money, you'll get bad karma.

Get a real job if you need money.

I'll accompany you.

You thieves took my money and diamond,

and now you're philanthropists?

Give me back my diamond.

Monsieur Tam,

the diamond has been returned to the museum.

But I think you should be happy,

because at least you took a selfie with it.

We should appreciate the beauty of regret,

We should appreciate the beauty of regret,

don't we?

Cut his tongue.

Cut his tongue.

You lot wanna be good?

Here's how you'll end up being good!

Kill them!

The law matters in HK,

you'll go to jail for murder! Don't...

Big brother!

Big sister!

I've waited ten years,

to show my impenetrable Golden...

what the heck,

I haven't opened my shield yet!

Wing-Chi!

You can aim with sunglasses! A real pro!

Here is your reward,

take it!

I'm arresting you now for conspiracy to murder!

Are you kidding?

It's you who killed them!

You hired me to Kill,

here's the evidence and I'm the witness.

Let's call it a day!

Great!

Let's go, get up.

Who said the table's soft? My back's broken.

I told you so! I was talking about this one.

Police! Freeze, move over!

Is it necessary?

Nobody died!

You did pay me to murder!

Bad news!

The police came to our office,

and found our books, see?

How come! Not even the FBI could enter!

Unbelievable!

Look who's here.

We have a witness also.

Mother frigger!

You hired a cop!

I didn't know...

It wasn't your fault really,

I swapped his note with the wrong number.

Master! You're so right to put me as a mole.

- You asshole! - Mother frigger!

Sir,

Since you enjoy frigging,

please frig at the police station,

this way.

Sheila,

Just wondering, you used to hate us so much,

and you have divorced big brother,

so why did you help us?

Because of three words,

which I had been waiting for ten years.

Women love sweet words!

"I love you" can melt any heart, right Sheila?

Not those three words.

Your beer's been sitting for one hour,

what do you wanna say?

I am sorry.

Thank you so much!

We wouldn't have caught Tam without you.

Handcuffs? Sweet!

I'm a born-again man,

won't you forgive me?

Something never changes,

I'm a cop and you're a thief, stealing diamond is unlawful

Wait! Nobody reported to the police,

meaning nothing is stolen, am I right madam?

Thanks.

We did a lot of things in vain,

but at least we sent a baddie to jail,

the world's a better place now.

Someone rang the door bell.

Must be your girlfriend.

What're you talking about? I'm very loyal, don't believe him.

It is a girl,

but she's looking for Wing-Chung

Chung-Chung! I'm Bo-Bo.

Bo-Bo who?

Bo-Bo

You don't look like her.

Oh... it's the app, made my face smaller and smoother,

legs longer, waist thinner,

I couldn't help it...

This is online scam!

You said you wouldn't mind if I were fat,

and you'd get fat with me.

Not this fat.

It's not your fault,

it's technology's fault.

She's not bad,

may I borrow her?

Come on I'll take a photo of you.

Help.

I'm his girlfriend,

please stop bothering us, OK?

You said we're a perfect match!

What am I supposed to do?

Find another perfect match for yourself.

Yes.

Oh my god, she groped me.

Oh... gotta run, bye.

Hey, handsome.

Bye.

Let us sing

All's well that end's well

Happiness

and auspiciousness

May you get rich.