Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:18,192
Satan,
2
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:20,107
the Devil,
3
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,847
Lucifer,
4
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:24,111
Prince of Darkness,
5
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,591
Yanluowang,
6
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:27,940
Belial,
7
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,247
Abaddon,
8
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,423
Beelzebub,
9
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,209
Prince of Darkness.
10
00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:43,434
Beelzebub,
11
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:44,870
Belial,
12
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:49,179
Abaddon,
13
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,181
Satan,
14
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,879
the Devil,
15
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:56,230
Lucifer,
16
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,058
Beelzebub,
17
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:58,884
Belial,
18
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,756
Prince of Darkness.
19
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:04,325
Good morning.
20
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,109
Neil!
21
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,589
Eh?
22
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,073
What? Too daring?
23
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:16,032
Not if you're daring people
to kick your ass.
24
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,599
It's called pea-cocking, bro.
25
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:20,167
Alright, females are attracted
to bright colours.
26
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:20,950
How's it...
27
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,604
How's it working so far?
28
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:24,258
You know, it's working well.
29
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:25,389
You've got to play
to your strengths.
30
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,304
Style and charm,
you know what I mean.
31
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:28,740
You should play to yours,
32
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,220
you should bust out
those panty dropping card tricks
33
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:31,961
that you never show anyone.
34
00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,789
Girls don't like card tricks.
35
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,269
Are you kidding?
36
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:36,183
Of course they do.
37
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:36,835
No, they don't.
38
00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,098
Yeah, they do.
39
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,143
Dude. According to Men's Health
40
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:43,146
females are 18 percent
more likely to sleep with a guy
41
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,757
after seeing a card trick.
42
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:46,367
Really?
43
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,324
Yeah,
44
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:49,283
May 2010. Look it up.
45
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:51,154
Hey gorgeous.
46
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:55,289
Gorgeous, would you like
to see a card trick?
47
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,073
Sure.
48
00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:01,121
Alright, pick one
and don't show me.
49
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,690
Now tear it up.
50
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,392
Can I have that back.
51
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,481
Give it to him.
52
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,314
Is this your card?
53
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:23,360
No, not even close.
54
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,276
Check your bra.
55
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,192
What?
56
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,194
Check your bra.
57
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:39,202
That's amazing,
how did you do that?
58
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,161
I can't tell you.
59
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,074
She's coming back...
60
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,033
Oh my god, it's working!
61
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:47,906
Listen, I'm having a party
at my house next weekend.
62
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,431
You should come.
63
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,563
That sounds amazing,
64
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:55,131
but I've got this
church thing so...
65
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,438
Church thing.
66
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,527
Church thing...
67
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,658
No, no, no, no, no.
68
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,486
Neil just gets exhausted
after a show,
69
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:06,403
you've got to give him
a break.
70
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,449
What?
71
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,103
What the hell was that, man, church?
72
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,931
You're supposed to try to get
in her pants, you know,
73
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:14,324
not convert her.
74
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,021
I know, I blew it.
75
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,327
You at least touched
her boob.
76
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,415
I didn't.
77
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:19,851
Well, then how did you?
78
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,027
It was magic.
79
00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,204
Are you magically touching
a boob right now?
80
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,336
Hey Denise, he just totally
felt up Cheryl.
81
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,250
Yeah, I know.
82
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:28,599
And so does Kent.
83
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,210
He's on a rampage,
you'd better hide your ass.
84
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:33,387
Oh shit, oh shit, hurry up.
85
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,477
Over here.
86
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,391
Oh fuck.
87
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,957
Oh shit.
88
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,875
Oh shit.
89
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:50,621
Where is that little shit?
90
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,885
Uh, the, uh...
91
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,365
Neil!
92
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,368
Neil, yeah Neil is you
know Neil.
93
00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:00,283
He put a card in
my girlfriends bra,
94
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,067
I'm going to tear him in half
like a phone book.
95
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:06,333
Open the door or
I'll put you through it.
96
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,639
No, no, don't.
97
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,945
Uh, alright man just alright.
98
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:14,776
Matt, fuck.
99
00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:17,213
What the fuck are you doing
in there?
100
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,562
You jacking it?
101
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:21,086
Hey everyone, Neil's jerking
off in the closet,
102
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,871
what a fucking
gross little perv.
103
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,351
Eew!
104
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,353
Leave him alone, asshole.
105
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,572
Go.
106
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,618
Lets let him finish.
107
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,464
I don't know, wouldn't
you rather be sleeping in
108
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,030
on the weekends?
109
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:54,206
It's only an hour a week and
it makes our parents happy.
110
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,818
I fucking hate church,
so lame.
111
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,602
Come on, put your robe on.
112
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,474
Wait, wait.
113
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:03,041
In Nomina Satanas.
114
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,913
Hail Satan!
115
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,218
Hail Satan.
116
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:12,355
Hail Satan, and thank you Satan.
117
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,712
Brothers and sisters,
118
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:24,585
as the celebration of Astaroth approaches
119
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:30,068
it is time to ask ourselves
why do we worship Satan?
120
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,984
Is it for the power he has
promised us?
121
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,508
Is it to be on
the winning side
122
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:37,598
at the final battle
of Armageddon?
123
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:41,297
The worship of Satan allows
us to eat freely
124
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:46,520
from the tree of knowledge,
of good and evil.
125
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:51,089
It gives us the freedom
to indulge our senses
126
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:57,400
in the pleasures of Earth,
Heaven and Hell.
127
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,402
Jesus Christ.
128
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,838
Blasphemy!
129
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:06,322
If we could have everybody's
undivided attention?
130
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,369
Thank you.
131
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,457
Where was I.
132
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,458
Side of truth.
133
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,156
Oh yes, brothers and sisters
134
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:17,986
the worship of Satan
is all of these things.
135
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:23,557
But most of all it is to be
on the side of the truth.
136
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,516
Let the scales fall
from your eyes
137
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:34,176
for God is the deceiver
and Satan is the salvation.
138
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:38,920
Soon we will perform the
celebration of Astaroth,
139
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:42,619
our young brother Neil will give
himself over completely
140
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:49,234
to our Lord to foil the accursed
forces of Heaven.
141
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:50,975
Hail Satan!
142
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,587
Hail Satan!
143
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:56,241
Bring forth the offering.
144
00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:02,465
Aw, look at the goat.
145
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:07,514
Lord, please accept
this humble sacrifice.
146
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,473
I would totally trade places
with that goat right now.
147
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,692
As a token of our faith.
148
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,737
Just keep watching.
149
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,436
In Nomina Satanas!
150
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,746
And remember, this Wednesday
we're having a bake sale
151
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,968
to raise money for our bowling
team and also the star
152
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:30,319
of our upcoming celebration
of Astaroth ceremony,
153
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:33,061
Neil, is working
so hard to prepare.
154
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,367
Lets show him our support.
155
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,806
Oh yeah.
156
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:41,939
Oh yeah.
157
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:45,508
Hey, so this talking
during church thing.
158
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:47,075
Pretty fun, is it?
159
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,077
Mom, Dad, listen.
160
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,295
No, no, no, no, no.
161
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,559
I can actually see how joking
and laughing
162
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,865
and embarrassing your family
you know instead of
163
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:57,564
paying attention to the sermon
could be a little entertaining.
164
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:58,869
Matt totally started it.
165
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:00,523
Okay, it's always Matt's
fault huh?
166
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,656
Yes, actually it is.
167
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,745
Are you going to go through
the rest of your life
168
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,921
never taking responsibility
for your actions?
169
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:07,835
Huh?
170
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:08,792
Yeah.
171
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,577
Oh really.
172
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:16,191
Sheldon, hi, we were just
talking about how sorry we are
173
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,106
for that interruption
during the sermon.
174
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:21,457
I should certainly hope so.
175
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:26,506
You understand that next time
it's quite a different story?
176
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:27,811
Yes sir.
177
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,552
How are the preparations going?
178
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,859
Oh, he's ready.
179
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:35,515
In fact, why don't you recite
for them the names of our Lord.
180
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:40,824
Yes, do tell.
181
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,609
Tell us.
182
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:46,221
Lucifer, Affamet, Beezelbub.
183
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:49,267
That's Beelzebub.
184
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:54,316
Beelzebub, Belial, Abbadon.
185
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,234
There are over 40 of them
you know.
186
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:03,238
You should take time
to learn them.
187
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:07,285
There are such fabulous things
in store for you.
188
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:14,510
Can I go?
189
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:23,127
We're all very excited
for the ceremony.
190
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,912
So am I.
191
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:28,132
Should be fun.
192
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,617
So, you've kept him chaste?
193
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,838
Oh, that problem kind of
took care of itself.
194
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,491
You know, I never got
into trouble
195
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,363
until your family
joined this church.
196
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:42,973
Yeah, and you never had
any fun either.
197
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:43,887
Did you? Did you?
198
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,150
Get off me.
199
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:49,806
You know, I still just
don't understand
200
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,026
this whole oath business.
201
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:53,593
Like, they made you lock up
your dick
202
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,682
while they're all getting it on.
203
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:58,423
That doesn't make any sense,
it's not fucking fair.
204
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,774
They're stealing the greatest
part of your youth,
205
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,777
the hot steamy sexual part.
206
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,301
Why would you agree
with something like that?
207
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:07,911
I'm not getting laid
because I'm not allowed to,
208
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,304
what's your excuse?
209
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,653
Oh, I see, I see.
210
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,612
So, you're scared huh?
211
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,656
I'm not scared.
212
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,918
No, no?
213
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:15,832
You've got a little case
of the vagaphobia.
214
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,094
I don't have vagaphobia.
215
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:18,269
Seriously though,
you've just got to,
216
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,488
you've got to figure
this shit out man.
217
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,663
Before it's too late.
218
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:21,969
Hey Dad.
219
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,753
Because really Neil,
what we should be doing
220
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,059
is tripping over each others
dicks to see
221
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:28,671
who can bag the most babes,
you know?
222
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,673
Fuck something.
223
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,893
Anything.
224
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,938
That kids got problems.
225
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,723
Yeah, and that problem
is you.
226
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,463
Bye Neil!
227
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,074
We just wanted to make sure
that both of you
228
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,685
were spiritually prepared
for what's going to happen.
229
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:47,124
Of course, it's a great honour.
230
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,823
It will all be over very
quickly, right?
231
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,826
Oh, just as quick as
I can make it my dear.
232
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,436
I can assure you that -
233
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:58,875
That the dagger plunges into
the flesh swiftly, smoothly.
234
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,660
It sounds so painful.
235
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:02,226
No, no, no.
236
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:04,707
He'll feel a little pinch
but for no more than an instant.
237
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,143
So, no pain.
238
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:07,623
No, there will be pain.
239
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,798
Extreme pain.
240
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:12,802
And blood, lots
and lots of it.
241
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,196
I'm so sorry.
242
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:18,721
As I was saying this whole
process is not only painless
243
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,853
but euphoric.
244
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:23,770
I have a crazy idea.
245
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:28,688
Why don't we just sit him down
and explain everything to him,
246
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,428
that way he'll be prepared.
247
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,213
What are you going to tell
him, okay,
248
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,824
that his best friend is going
to have to mop him up
249
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,391
after the ceremony?
250
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:37,871
No. Shelly, come on.
251
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,568
He'll accept it.
252
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,352
He loves Satan.
253
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:42,702
Sheldon, I'm so sorry.
254
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:45,313
No, no, please please.
255
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:50,622
There's no reason to confuse
the little fellow.
256
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:54,235
We don't have time
for second thoughts.
257
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:56,498
If we don't perform the ritual
258
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,935
on the equinox of
his 18th year
259
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:02,852
Jesus Christ will return and
usher in a thousand years
260
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,289
of peace on Earth.
261
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:08,249
Is that what you want?
262
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:11,295
No.
263
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:14,777
I didn't think so.
264
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,867
So, my advice to you is to
put your misgivings aside
265
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:21,915
and focus on the positive.
266
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:29,792
Eat some cake.
267
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,315
Yeah, you should be
enjoying your big night.
268
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,535
Want some ice cream on that?
269
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,930
You should be eating like
there's no tomorrow.
270
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,192
It's a clown, dad.
271
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,236
I'm 18.
272
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,326
Why don't you tell us
what's wrong?
273
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:44,720
Is it a girl?
274
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,767
No.
275
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:53,033
Actually, yeah kind of.
276
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,777
Oh.
277
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,389
Did something happen?
278
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,695
I'm not going to bore you
with the details.
279
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,175
You're going to look me
in the eye
280
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,742
and you're going to answer
me truthfully,
281
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,613
was there
any physical contact?
282
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:09,832
No.
283
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,703
So, there was no intercourse?
284
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,053
Inter... No.
285
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,663
And no oral?
286
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,578
Giving or receiving?
287
00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:17,535
No.
288
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:18,798
What about anal?
289
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:19,929
Jesus, mom!
290
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,539
Answer your mother,
was there anal?
291
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:22,889
No.
292
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,065
Okay, look, something
happened that will ensure
293
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:28,851
I will never get laid
in my whole life.
294
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:31,854
Son, look, you know you can talk
to me about anything.
295
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,465
I didn't break my stupid oath, alright.
296
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,515
Okay then.
297
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:43,039
The oath isn't stupid honey,
298
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:45,825
it's the whole reason
you were born.
299
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,479
We were your age when I
conceived and we just,
300
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:51,787
we didn't know what to do
but Sheldon told us
301
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,835
that you had a special purpose.
302
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,924
Look, I'm sure you're
going through
303
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,927
some pretty depressing
teenage stuff right now.
304
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:04,060
Been there, done that, even
I had a stupid haircut once
305
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,933
didn't I?
306
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:10,371
But you are representing
our family and our church,
307
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,939
when it is all over you will
have a fuller understanding
308
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,419
of what it is all about.
309
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:18,727
I've got to take a leak.
310
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,994
Gary, we need to tell him.
311
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,040
You know how he hates surprises,
312
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,563
if we just explain it to him.
313
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,391
Absolutely not!
314
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,394
He'll cause a scene, crying
and kicking and screaming.
315
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:36,179
Do you want other people
to see that?
316
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,529
Look, you heard, okay,
317
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:41,837
he has suffered enough
humiliation, trust me.
318
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,885
We did not choose
Neil's destiny.
319
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:47,974
He did.
320
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,894
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
321
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:57,984
Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial,
322
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,942
Prince of Darkness,
323
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:03,076
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
324
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,773
Abbadon, Beelzebub...
325
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,384
I want you to know that it
won't just be Neil
326
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,953
who will be rewarded
for his sacrifice.
327
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,955
To a new era.
328
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,479
To a new era.
329
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,742
Thank you.
330
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,095
It's almost sundown, dear.
331
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,401
Oh, would you kindly excuse us?
332
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,447
Of course.
333
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:34,934
Good evening.
334
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,590
Good evening.
335
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,246
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
336
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,989
Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial.
337
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,992
I am so proud of you.
338
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,646
Thanks.
339
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:54,649
You've been such a good son.
340
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:14,669
There he is buddy, huh?
341
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:16,888
Man of the hour.
342
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,890
Listen, I heard that
after the confirmation
343
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,023
you get to bone any woman
you want
344
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,678
from within the congregation.
345
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,027
If it were me I'd go for Colette
346
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,942
and make her boyfriend
fucking watch.
347
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,031
Don't embarrass me.
348
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,467
Do I ever?
349
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,994
Okay everybody,
time to get started.
350
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,928
Are you excited?
351
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,635
Brothers and sisters,
352
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:11,160
we are gathered together
for an ancient ceremony.
353
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:14,163
Momentous and beautiful.
354
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:18,080
Before we begin please turn
off your cell phones
355
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,604
and all other electronic devices.
356
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:30,919
Eighteen years ago our Lord
chose this young man
357
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:34,966
to join him in battle
against the Great Deceiver.
358
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:40,233
His spirit will join with
the Father on this night.
359
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,104
We now ask young Neil
360
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:47,979
to lay his earthly vessel
upon our altar.
361
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:52,027
Handmaidens of our Lord.
362
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,345
Dude.
363
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,260
I think they're
going to fuck you
364
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,218
right here
in front of everyone.
365
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:11,916
In Nomina Satanas.
366
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,310
In Nomina Satanas.
367
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:17,183
Now the time approaches
to release his spirit
368
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:20,925
into the arms of our father
369
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:28,281
whereupon his soul will join
our King for all eternity.
370
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:35,157
The sacrificial lamb will stand
with Lucifer in Hades.
371
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,159
Whoa, whoa, sacrificial lamb?
372
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:38,552
It's a metaphor.
373
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:41,424
As we tear the virgins
flesh asunder
374
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:46,168
so that the blood may spill
forth in holy offering.
375
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:49,780
In Nomina Satanas,
376
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:52,914
In Nomina Satanas...
377
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:54,959
In Nomina Satanas,
378
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,526
Dude.
379
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,180
Satanas Rex.
380
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,312
Dude!
381
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,270
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the?
382
00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:02,315
In Nomina...
383
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:03,185
What the fuck!
384
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,144
Satanas!
385
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,101
Neil! Neil!
386
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:06,797
Hey!
387
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,408
Neil!
388
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:09,800
After him!
389
00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:11,193
Neil!
390
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,893
Get back here!
391
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,068
Go, go, go!
392
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,983
Move, move, move!
393
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,378
Okay, holy shit.
394
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:23,771
Come on.
395
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:34,390
Oh fuck!!!!!!!
396
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:51,929
Come here, quickly!
397
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,148
Come on.
398
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,715
Are they there?
399
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:55,672
Where's my other shoe?
400
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:58,980
Where's my other shoe?
401
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,460
I am so sorry, Sheldon.
402
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,898
I mean, what can I say?
403
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:06,335
You can say nothing!
404
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,904
Get that.
405
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:11,253
Hello?
406
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,124
We have until sunrise
or the window will close.
407
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:17,259
If we fail his wrath
will fall on us all!
408
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,348
No, that won't happen.
409
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:21,481
I'll go get him he'll be back
on that altar in no time.
410
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:27,138
No! You stay right here.
411
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:31,273
Take these two with you
and fetch them back.
412
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:36,235
We need a soft touch to lure
them back.
413
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:39,281
You know what I'm talking about,
don't you Colette?
414
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,022
I think so.
415
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:44,591
Good girl, now go.
416
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:52,207
And remember, as always
to keep a low profile.
417
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,518
And you, if they don't return
418
00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:01,347
consider yourself excommunicated
419
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:04,393
and you will never see
the gates of Hell!
420
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:15,143
Matt! Matt!
421
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:16,884
What the fuck are you doing, Matt!
422
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:17,972
What the fuck, man?
423
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,321
You can't take that,
424
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,975
that's my families
Mexico money for the summer.
425
00:21:21,018 --> 00:21:22,368
Oh, I'm sorry
426
00:21:22,411 --> 00:21:24,544
why don't you enjoy your
lovely time in Acapulco
427
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:25,893
and don't forget to
send me a postcard
428
00:21:25,936 --> 00:21:29,288
before they murder you.
429
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:33,466
Dude, look my Dad's
an asshole too, okay.
430
00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:36,730
I know.
431
00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:38,384
Oh fuck me.
432
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:39,602
I'm calling the cops.
433
00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:40,429
What?
434
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:41,343
No, no, no, don't do that.
435
00:21:41,387 --> 00:21:41,996
Don't do that.
436
00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:42,649
Fuck off.
437
00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,259
Don't do that.
438
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,391
Alright, my Dad's a cop and half
the force goes to our church.
439
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:46,305
Police, please.
440
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:47,654
No, give me.
441
00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:48,481
Hello?
442
00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:49,351
This is the police.
443
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:50,352
Hey. It's Matt, Paul's kid.
444
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:51,962
My Dad's gone rogue.
445
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:53,181
Matt, where are you?
446
00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:54,356
I'm at my friend Neil's house.
447
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,053
Is Neil with you?
448
00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:57,577
Stay where you are, we'll
send somebody right now.
449
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:58,752
Who are you sending?
450
00:21:58,795 --> 00:22:00,362
st stay where you are Matt.
451
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:01,537
Oh shit, fuck!
452
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:03,147
We've got to go!
453
00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:08,414
This sucks, alright, we could
be at Cheryl's party right now
454
00:22:08,457 --> 00:22:10,764
totally enjoying the all
you can eat vagina buffet
455
00:22:10,807 --> 00:22:13,027
or muffet if you will.
456
00:22:13,070 --> 00:22:14,420
Wait.
457
00:22:14,463 --> 00:22:17,510
This all happened because
you're a virgin right,
458
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:21,252
so we get you laid
problem solved.
459
00:22:22,732 --> 00:22:24,560
Oh, I've got it.
460
00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:25,909
Who are you calling?
461
00:22:25,953 --> 00:22:27,476
Stop, stop, stop calling people.
462
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,348
Okay, what?
463
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:30,479
Denise!
464
00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,263
A friend fuck, oh
that's brilliant.
465
00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:34,353
Come on, I mean we give
her rides all the time I mean.
466
00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:58,507
Neil!
467
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:04,818
Matty?
468
00:23:04,861 --> 00:23:05,601
You guys here?
469
00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:07,124
Come on out!
470
00:23:34,369 --> 00:23:36,023
You're overthinking this, man.
471
00:23:36,066 --> 00:23:37,416
She's my friend, alright,
472
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:39,722
I just don't want her to feel
like she's being used.
473
00:23:39,766 --> 00:23:42,377
She's not being used,
she's saving your life.
474
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,596
I know, she's saving
my life.
475
00:23:43,639 --> 00:23:45,162
Exactly.
476
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:46,599
That's why I'm just going to
tell her the truth, alright.
477
00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:49,166
Denise is super cool,
man, she'll totally get it.
478
00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:52,300
No, that's sweet okay but
women don't really respond well
479
00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:55,477
to the truth okay, it's
like they like mystery.
480
00:23:55,521 --> 00:23:56,652
It's like your magic.
481
00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:57,827
If you told them how you did
the magic
482
00:23:57,871 --> 00:24:00,134
you lose the magic, right?
483
00:24:00,177 --> 00:24:01,831
Ask me how big my dick is.
484
00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:02,789
What?
485
00:24:02,832 --> 00:24:04,268
Why would I ask you that?
486
00:24:04,312 --> 00:24:05,618
Besides, I've seen it.
487
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:06,749
It looks like a toe.
488
00:24:06,793 --> 00:24:10,449
Just bear with me okay,
just ask.
489
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:13,495
How big is your dick.
490
00:24:13,539 --> 00:24:15,932
Well, I don't really like to
talk about it but, you know,
491
00:24:15,976 --> 00:24:17,412
it's 9 and a half inches.
492
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:21,851
Okay, see, now I'll ask you,
how big is your dick?
493
00:24:21,895 --> 00:24:23,157
I don't know, I've never
measured it.
494
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:23,810
Average?
495
00:24:23,853 --> 00:24:25,464
Wrong! Ten inches.
496
00:24:25,507 --> 00:24:26,639
Why would I lie?
497
00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:27,770
If the lie works I'm going
to get caught.
498
00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:29,337
It doesn't matter
that's the thing.
499
00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,295
Okay, by the time she finds
out that it's only five inches
500
00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:33,341
it's two inches deep.
501
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:37,388
Oh, okay, okay Matt you're
going to stay outside, okay.
502
00:24:37,432 --> 00:24:38,520
I'm not doing this for
an audience.
503
00:24:38,564 --> 00:24:39,782
Fine.
504
00:24:39,826 --> 00:24:41,218
That's fine.
505
00:24:41,262 --> 00:24:42,611
I wash my hands of this,
506
00:24:42,655 --> 00:24:46,049
I just I'll just be out here
making phone calls.
507
00:24:50,924 --> 00:24:52,578
No Cheryl's, huh?
508
00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:54,580
Wasn't... Wasn't feeling it,
509
00:24:54,623 --> 00:24:57,670
um, can I come in?
510
00:24:57,713 --> 00:24:58,975
Yeah, sure, why not.
511
00:25:03,371 --> 00:25:04,372
Are your parents home?
512
00:25:04,415 --> 00:25:07,549
No.
513
00:25:07,593 --> 00:25:10,160
I've been stuck on this level
for like two days.
514
00:25:10,204 --> 00:25:12,293
I swear, one more day of this
and I am pillaging the internet
515
00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:13,686
for cheat codes.
516
00:25:13,729 --> 00:25:15,601
Dude, can you sit down,
this is pretty annoying.
517
00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:20,954
Okay, okay, I really need
to talk.
518
00:25:20,997 --> 00:25:24,653
I really need to talk to you
about something.
519
00:25:24,697 --> 00:25:26,568
It's kind of a big deal.
520
00:25:26,612 --> 00:25:28,918
Okay, talk.
521
00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:30,354
Yeah.
522
00:25:30,398 --> 00:25:34,402
Only Denise can be this busy!
523
00:25:34,445 --> 00:25:35,708
Okay.
524
00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:37,057
Hey, Amy.
525
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,537
It's Matt, listen.
526
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:42,105
There's some crazy shit going
down tonight
527
00:25:42,149 --> 00:25:45,065
like end of the world type stuff
528
00:25:45,108 --> 00:25:47,241
so Cheryl's party might
be your last chance
529
00:25:47,284 --> 00:25:49,112
to get with me, alright?
530
00:25:49,156 --> 00:25:51,419
Holler back.
531
00:25:51,462 --> 00:25:53,421
You know how much
I respect you.
532
00:25:53,464 --> 00:25:54,117
Yeah.
533
00:25:54,161 --> 00:25:57,773
So much, yeah, okay.
534
00:25:57,817 --> 00:26:01,560
Um, I think you're awesome.
535
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:05,259
I think you're kind of
a dork.
536
00:26:05,302 --> 00:26:06,608
Uh, what I am about to ask
537
00:26:06,652 --> 00:26:10,003
I can never ask anybody else.
538
00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:14,616
Okay, drama queen.
539
00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:18,272
I just need you to say that you
will do this one thing for me
540
00:26:18,315 --> 00:26:21,841
and I promise I will never ask
you for anything ever again
541
00:26:21,884 --> 00:26:24,887
as long as I live, which
might not be for long.
542
00:26:24,931 --> 00:26:28,630
Lets hear it.
543
00:26:28,674 --> 00:26:31,677
I need you to have sex
with me tonight.
544
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,681
If you don't I'm going to die.
545
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:37,987
I just, I just need to put it in
546
00:26:38,031 --> 00:26:39,902
it doesn't have to be
anything special.
547
00:26:39,946 --> 00:26:41,643
I don't know what the fuck
I'm going to be doing
548
00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:43,732
but I don't even know the rules
I don't know I just -
549
00:26:43,776 --> 00:26:45,778
What the fuck, Neil?
550
00:26:50,391 --> 00:26:52,393
There's some crazy shit
going down tonight
551
00:26:52,436 --> 00:26:55,657
like end of the world type stuff
so Cheryl's party might be
552
00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:59,008
your last chance to get
with me so.
553
00:26:59,052 --> 00:27:00,619
Holler back.
554
00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:02,316
Normally I would never
think of doing anything
555
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:03,752
remotely sexual with you
556
00:27:03,796 --> 00:27:05,667
but I am
really fucking desperate.
557
00:27:05,711 --> 00:27:08,539
I just need you to just let me
just fuck
558
00:27:08,583 --> 00:27:11,368
like just no meaning to it,
559
00:27:11,412 --> 00:27:13,632
just the tip, anything
will work.
560
00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:15,590
Oh, keep going lover boy
really my panties are dripping,
561
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,199
I swear.
562
00:27:17,853 --> 00:27:18,637
They're here!
563
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,377
Holy fuck!
564
00:27:20,421 --> 00:27:21,683
Oh.
565
00:27:21,727 --> 00:27:22,510
Denise.
566
00:27:22,553 --> 00:27:23,816
Okay, lets do it.
567
00:27:23,859 --> 00:27:24,773
Really, the sheer balls of
it is impressive.
568
00:27:24,817 --> 00:27:26,253
I'm not fucking
with you okay,
569
00:27:26,296 --> 00:27:27,994
you know the church
my family belongs to?
570
00:27:28,037 --> 00:27:29,822
It's kind of different.
571
00:27:29,865 --> 00:27:32,215
Well, they just tried
to sacrifice me
572
00:27:32,259 --> 00:27:33,652
because I'm a virgin.
573
00:27:33,695 --> 00:27:35,175
What?
574
00:27:36,785 --> 00:27:37,917
I've never had sex before.
575
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,092
Yeah, I know what a
fucking virgin is
576
00:27:39,135 --> 00:27:40,484
but what the fuck
are you talking about?
577
00:27:40,528 --> 00:27:43,052
Unless I lose my virginity tonight
578
00:27:43,096 --> 00:27:44,967
they're going to sacrifice
my ass!
579
00:27:45,011 --> 00:27:46,186
To Satan!
580
00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:48,405
They're here! Come on!
581
00:27:48,449 --> 00:27:49,015
Oh my god!
582
00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:51,887
Denise, it's not fucking funny!
583
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,239
Oh.
584
00:27:56,283 --> 00:27:58,764
Listen, I need to know if
this is going to happen
585
00:27:58,807 --> 00:28:00,026
or I've really got to run.
586
00:28:00,069 --> 00:28:01,462
Neil, I don't know what
the fuck you're on
587
00:28:01,505 --> 00:28:03,377
but you're being a real
asshole right now.
588
00:28:03,420 --> 00:28:04,378
I'm going to get the door.
589
00:28:04,421 --> 00:28:05,727
Oh my god, listen to me.
590
00:28:05,771 --> 00:28:07,773
Oh fuck.
591
00:28:09,992 --> 00:28:11,820
Yeah?
592
00:28:11,864 --> 00:28:13,256
Hey, oh my god this is
so annoying
593
00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:15,998
but you wouldn't happen
to have seen Neil?
594
00:28:16,042 --> 00:28:17,521
No.
595
00:28:17,565 --> 00:28:19,610
Well, we were all just hanging
out at the mall you know,
596
00:28:19,654 --> 00:28:23,832
listening to CD's
and he just ran off.
597
00:28:23,876 --> 00:28:25,225
We think he might be
losing his mind
598
00:28:25,268 --> 00:28:27,749
we were just really worried so.
599
00:28:27,793 --> 00:28:30,317
Well, he was babbling nonsense.
600
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:33,233
So, you saw him?
601
00:28:33,276 --> 00:28:34,451
Yeah.
602
00:28:34,495 --> 00:28:36,453
Do you want to maybe tell us
where he went?
603
00:28:36,497 --> 00:28:38,891
Sorry, who are you guys?
604
00:28:38,934 --> 00:28:42,155
Oh hi, I'm Brad and it would
be really helpful
605
00:28:42,198 --> 00:28:44,984
if you could help us find him.
606
00:28:46,942 --> 00:28:49,162
Alright, uh yeah, come in.
607
00:28:52,861 --> 00:28:54,428
How'd they know we were here?
608
00:28:54,471 --> 00:28:55,124
I don't know.
609
00:28:55,168 --> 00:28:56,169
Fucked!
610
00:28:56,212 --> 00:28:58,475
Oh shit, shit, shit.
611
00:28:59,259 --> 00:28:59,999
These pants are too tight.
612
00:29:00,042 --> 00:29:00,521
Okay.
613
00:29:00,564 --> 00:29:01,435
Ow, my nuts!
614
00:29:01,478 --> 00:29:03,393
Come on, come on. I've got you.
615
00:29:03,437 --> 00:29:04,133
Lets go.
616
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:05,265
Go.
617
00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:06,919
So, it's just down this
street here
618
00:29:06,962 --> 00:29:10,792
oh but it's a one way so you
should just go around via Oak
619
00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:13,839
and Cheryl's house should
just be right there.
620
00:29:19,148 --> 00:29:21,672
You've been incredibly helpful,
thank you.
621
00:29:21,716 --> 00:29:23,674
Yeah, how do you guys know
Neal again?
622
00:29:23,718 --> 00:29:24,806
From church.
623
00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:25,938
What church is that?
624
00:29:25,981 --> 00:29:27,853
You've never heard of it.
625
00:29:27,896 --> 00:29:29,898
We worship Satan.
626
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:40,953
Fuck.
627
00:29:43,433 --> 00:29:46,132
Dude, you have nothing
to lose.
628
00:29:46,175 --> 00:29:50,789
No, humiliation is worse
than death.
629
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:52,834
You've never walked into
a room where everybody
630
00:29:52,878 --> 00:29:54,227
has seen you wearing jizz.
631
00:29:54,270 --> 00:29:58,231
Ah, yes. I have.
632
00:29:58,274 --> 00:30:00,233
I can't do it, I choose death.
633
00:30:00,276 --> 00:30:02,061
No, no, no, no, no.
634
00:30:02,104 --> 00:30:03,279
Wait, wait, wait okay.
635
00:30:03,323 --> 00:30:04,846
Your parents almost
killing you tonight
636
00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:07,109
that's the best thing that
could have happened to you.
637
00:30:07,153 --> 00:30:09,851
They lit a fire under your ass
to go out there grab
638
00:30:09,895 --> 00:30:15,552
life by the ears and make
sweet sweet love to his mouth.
639
00:30:15,596 --> 00:30:19,643
Fuck, you're a selfish prick
you know that?
640
00:30:19,687 --> 00:30:21,036
How am I selfish?
641
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,604
Because this is your
last chance, Neal.
642
00:30:23,647 --> 00:30:25,171
If you don't go in there
and bust your hymen
643
00:30:25,214 --> 00:30:26,825
then you're a dead man.
644
00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,130
And then that's on my head
645
00:30:28,174 --> 00:30:33,483
and I can't live with that
shit so fuck you.
646
00:30:33,527 --> 00:30:36,138
I wouldn't want me dying to
be a source of guilt for you
647
00:30:36,182 --> 00:30:38,488
or anything.
648
00:30:38,532 --> 00:30:41,013
Yes!
649
00:30:49,412 --> 00:30:52,851
Aw, see, it's not so bad huh?
650
00:30:52,894 --> 00:30:57,899
Uh, shit, uh lets get you
a beer this way.
651
00:30:57,943 --> 00:31:00,336
Ladies, you guys know Neal right?
652
00:31:00,380 --> 00:31:00,946
Hi Neal.
653
00:31:00,989 --> 00:31:01,903
Hey.
654
00:31:01,947 --> 00:31:03,949
Oh, can I play one with you?
655
00:31:03,992 --> 00:31:06,168
Here we go, here we go,
beer pong baby.
656
00:31:11,086 --> 00:31:14,960
Neal, wait, Neal. Neal!
657
00:31:15,003 --> 00:31:18,615
Hey, look everybody
it's the man himself!
658
00:31:18,659 --> 00:31:20,661
Lets all do the fucking Neal!
659
00:31:30,932 --> 00:31:32,716
Dude, hey.
660
00:31:35,850 --> 00:31:37,069
Oh my god, that was
the worst thing
661
00:31:37,112 --> 00:31:39,288
I've ever seen happen
to anybody.
662
00:31:39,332 --> 00:31:42,335
You need a shot.
663
00:31:46,861 --> 00:31:47,949
To hitting bottom.
664
00:31:47,993 --> 00:31:49,472
Nowhere to go but up.
665
00:31:49,516 --> 00:31:52,040
Nowhere.
666
00:31:52,084 --> 00:31:55,261
Oh, oh that's awful.
667
00:32:17,109 --> 00:32:18,458
Who's in there?
668
00:32:18,501 --> 00:32:21,330
I think it's that
masturbating guy.
669
00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:22,984
Hey man, you jerking off in there?
670
00:32:23,985 --> 00:32:25,160
Need some rhythm bro?
671
00:32:25,204 --> 00:32:28,468
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
672
00:32:28,511 --> 00:32:30,122
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
673
00:32:30,165 --> 00:32:31,601
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
674
00:32:31,645 --> 00:32:33,952
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
675
00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:35,997
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
676
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,130
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
677
00:32:38,173 --> 00:32:40,175
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
678
00:32:40,219 --> 00:32:42,308
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
679
00:32:42,351 --> 00:32:44,136
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
680
00:32:44,179 --> 00:32:46,007
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
681
00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:47,704
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
682
00:32:47,748 --> 00:32:50,533
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
683
00:32:50,577 --> 00:32:51,970
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
684
00:32:59,281 --> 00:33:01,892
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
685
00:33:03,372 --> 00:33:05,635
Whoa!!!
686
00:33:05,679 --> 00:33:07,115
Behold!
687
00:33:07,159 --> 00:33:10,771
The Great Master Bater.
688
00:33:13,643 --> 00:33:17,996
And I give to you my fabulous
phallus of fun.
689
00:33:18,039 --> 00:33:20,868
Oooh!
690
00:33:31,792 --> 00:33:33,228
Thank you, thank you.
691
00:33:33,272 --> 00:33:36,927
Now, I need a volunteer
for this next trick.
692
00:33:36,971 --> 00:33:40,105
How about um you.
693
00:33:41,497 --> 00:33:42,411
Fuck that.
694
00:33:42,455 --> 00:33:44,326
We've got a bashful one, folks.
695
00:33:44,370 --> 00:33:46,154
Lets give him
some encouragement.
696
00:33:46,198 --> 00:33:47,025
Kent!
697
00:33:47,068 --> 00:33:48,330
Kent!
698
00:33:48,374 --> 00:33:50,071
Kent! Kent!
699
00:33:50,115 --> 00:33:52,117
Kent! Kent.
700
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:53,683
Kent! Kent.
701
00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:55,076
Kent! Kent.
702
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,817
Kent! Kent.
703
00:33:56,860 --> 00:33:58,079
Kent! Kent.
704
00:34:04,477 --> 00:34:08,524
Now, I need complete silence
for this next trick.
705
00:34:08,568 --> 00:34:11,310
Touch me and you're
a dead man.
706
00:34:11,353 --> 00:34:13,094
Oooh!!!!!
707
00:34:13,138 --> 00:34:15,009
Alright.
708
00:34:17,403 --> 00:34:20,145
Pick a card, any card.
709
00:34:20,188 --> 00:34:22,843
What? A stupid card trick?
710
00:34:22,886 --> 00:34:24,888
Any card at all.
711
00:34:27,978 --> 00:34:31,112
Now show it to the room.
712
00:34:31,156 --> 00:34:33,158
Did you guys get
a good look?
713
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:35,203
Now put it back.
714
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:38,119
Alright.
715
00:34:38,163 --> 00:34:42,080
Kent, is this your card?
716
00:34:42,123 --> 00:34:43,820
Fuck no.
717
00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:45,213
Is this his card?
718
00:34:45,257 --> 00:34:47,085
No.
719
00:34:49,696 --> 00:34:51,306
Oh. Check your pants.
720
00:34:51,350 --> 00:34:53,265
Check my what?
721
00:34:53,308 --> 00:34:55,005
Your pants.
722
00:34:56,616 --> 00:34:59,053
Fuck!
723
00:34:59,097 --> 00:34:59,923
What the fuck!
724
00:35:06,974 --> 00:35:09,107
Thank you.
725
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:15,287
That was, that was
pretty awesome.
726
00:35:15,330 --> 00:35:18,899
Yeah, you want to see
another one?
727
00:35:18,942 --> 00:35:20,944
Maybe.
728
00:35:49,277 --> 00:35:50,496
Oh fuck.
729
00:35:50,539 --> 00:35:51,975
Just!
730
00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:08,209
Like my outfit?
731
00:36:08,253 --> 00:36:09,297
It's really pretty.
732
00:36:09,341 --> 00:36:12,779
Thanks.
733
00:36:12,822 --> 00:36:14,520
Take the back of the knee, right,
734
00:36:14,563 --> 00:36:16,783
it's surprisingly sensitive.
735
00:36:16,826 --> 00:36:19,568
It can't always be about
the clitoris.
736
00:36:19,612 --> 00:36:21,831
Oh hey, you go
to my church.
737
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:22,832
Oh, that's right.
738
00:36:22,876 --> 00:36:24,530
It is so good to see you.
739
00:36:24,573 --> 00:36:26,401
It's good to see you.
740
00:36:26,445 --> 00:36:27,881
So, where's Neal?
741
00:36:27,924 --> 00:36:30,100
Neal, Neal's amazing.
742
00:36:30,144 --> 00:36:31,189
I know, right?
743
00:36:31,232 --> 00:36:32,668
Where is he?
744
00:36:32,712 --> 00:36:35,193
No, no, no, no,
I'm not telling you.
745
00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:37,238
You I'm not going to tell.
746
00:36:37,282 --> 00:36:39,893
Please tell me?
747
00:36:39,936 --> 00:36:42,330
Please? Please?
748
00:36:42,374 --> 00:36:43,766
Tell me?
749
00:36:43,810 --> 00:36:45,986
You smell like cinnamon.
750
00:36:46,029 --> 00:36:48,815
Okay, okay, okay I'll tell
you okay
751
00:36:48,858 --> 00:36:53,863
but you're a little late because
he's already having sex.
752
00:37:02,002 --> 00:37:03,569
So, what are you into?
753
00:37:03,612 --> 00:37:06,963
Besides magic I like
video games,
754
00:37:07,007 --> 00:37:08,313
I kind of like the retro stuff
755
00:37:08,356 --> 00:37:11,577
because it's more
about the game play.
756
00:37:11,620 --> 00:37:14,841
I meant like in bed.
757
00:37:14,884 --> 00:37:16,712
Uh.
758
00:37:18,061 --> 00:37:21,195
You want to fuck me,
don't you?
759
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:25,286
That would be super helpful.
760
00:37:25,330 --> 00:37:26,418
Yeah.
761
00:37:26,461 --> 00:37:27,245
I mean yes.
762
00:37:27,288 --> 00:37:29,247
Ok.
763
00:37:33,468 --> 00:37:36,906
Neal?
764
00:37:36,950 --> 00:37:39,344
Neal, are you up here?
765
00:37:42,521 --> 00:37:44,000
Are you ready?
766
00:37:44,044 --> 00:37:45,306
I think so.
767
00:37:45,350 --> 00:37:46,438
You feel ready.
768
00:37:46,481 --> 00:37:48,091
I feel ready.
769
00:37:51,486 --> 00:37:53,271
This is not what it looks like!
770
00:37:53,314 --> 00:37:55,708
Cheryl? Really?
771
00:37:55,751 --> 00:37:57,100
I asked you first.
772
00:37:57,144 --> 00:37:58,711
You know I just came to warn
you that these people
773
00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:01,104
from your church are coming.
774
00:38:01,148 --> 00:38:02,802
Oh. Can we still do this?
775
00:38:02,845 --> 00:38:05,152
You're kidding, right?
776
00:38:11,245 --> 00:38:12,986
Oh shit, fuck.
777
00:38:13,029 --> 00:38:14,988
Do something.
778
00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:28,871
That was close.
779
00:38:28,915 --> 00:38:30,220
Lets go.
780
00:38:30,264 --> 00:38:32,440
No, I'll stay here and buy you
some time.
781
00:38:32,484 --> 00:38:33,354
Denise, it's not safe.
782
00:38:33,398 --> 00:38:34,616
They're not after me okay,
783
00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:36,749
we'll catch up later and
see what happens.
784
00:38:36,792 --> 00:38:38,272
So, you believe me now?
785
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:41,362
Yes, I believe you're being
hunted by a Satanic cult.
786
00:38:41,406 --> 00:38:42,972
Go.
787
00:38:47,412 --> 00:38:48,935
Did you see Neal?
788
00:38:48,978 --> 00:38:51,981
Jesus, is every girl at this
party trying to get with him?
789
00:38:52,025 --> 00:38:53,374
Where is he?
790
00:38:53,418 --> 00:38:54,462
Hi.
791
00:38:54,506 --> 00:38:56,421
Hey.
792
00:39:02,514 --> 00:39:03,515
Matt?
793
00:39:07,997 --> 00:39:09,695
Oh my god, hey!
794
00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:12,175
You know, I was wondering
where all the hot guys were.
795
00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:14,264
What are you doing here?
796
00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:21,620
Matt, come on we have to go.
797
00:39:21,663 --> 00:39:22,621
What?
798
00:39:22,664 --> 00:39:24,449
We have to go, get up.
799
00:39:24,492 --> 00:39:26,842
Wait, wait, wait, do I have puke
in my teeth?
800
00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:28,191
Where's your friend?
801
00:39:28,235 --> 00:39:28,931
Who?
802
00:39:28,975 --> 00:39:30,629
Neal?
803
00:39:30,672 --> 00:39:32,718
Uh, did you try upstairs?
804
00:39:32,761 --> 00:39:34,415
Yeah.
805
00:39:38,637 --> 00:39:41,509
Oh, I've just got to sit
for a sec.
806
00:39:41,553 --> 00:39:42,467
Oooh!!!
807
00:39:42,510 --> 00:39:43,424
Ow.
808
00:39:43,468 --> 00:39:44,425
Dude!
809
00:39:44,469 --> 00:39:45,383
Oh, the keys.
810
00:39:45,426 --> 00:39:47,080
We've got to go man!
811
00:39:47,123 --> 00:39:47,950
Alright.
812
00:39:47,994 --> 00:39:49,691
I've got the key.
813
00:39:49,735 --> 00:39:51,867
You're all smiling.
814
00:39:54,609 --> 00:39:57,786
Hey guys, wait,
where are you going?
815
00:39:57,830 --> 00:39:59,353
We're not stealing a car.
816
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:01,573
No, we're borrowing it.
817
00:40:08,580 --> 00:40:10,146
That's it, that's it for you.
818
00:40:15,064 --> 00:40:18,546
Oh hey, so this church is it
like any regular church or?
819
00:40:18,590 --> 00:40:21,114
No, it's the exact opposite.
820
00:40:21,157 --> 00:40:24,160
Oh okay, so your altar boys
molest your priests then?
821
00:40:24,204 --> 00:40:26,424
I don't really know.
822
00:40:30,340 --> 00:40:31,211
Oh shit, sorry.
823
00:40:32,038 --> 00:40:33,474
There.
824
00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:36,564
You'd better drive, you've
got to be responsible here.
825
00:40:39,175 --> 00:40:40,655
Ahhhh!!!!!!!
826
00:40:40,699 --> 00:40:41,874
We're not going to hurt you!
827
00:40:41,917 --> 00:40:42,483
Go! Go!
828
00:40:42,527 --> 00:40:43,702
Go! Go!
829
00:40:43,745 --> 00:40:45,007
Get out of the goddamn car!
830
00:40:45,051 --> 00:40:46,531
Go, go, go, go, go!
831
00:40:46,574 --> 00:40:48,402
Come on!
832
00:40:51,710 --> 00:40:53,363
Get the truck.
833
00:40:54,495 --> 00:40:57,063
Put her in the car!
834
00:41:03,678 --> 00:41:05,201
How the fuck did they
find us?
835
00:41:05,245 --> 00:41:09,467
I'll tell you how, your friend
without benefits sold us out.
836
00:41:09,510 --> 00:41:10,816
Denise?
837
00:41:10,859 --> 00:41:12,905
No fucking way man,
she helped us escape dude.
838
00:41:12,948 --> 00:41:14,167
Aw, barely.
839
00:41:14,210 --> 00:41:15,385
You don't know what you're
talking about,
840
00:41:15,429 --> 00:41:16,648
how about your dad?
841
00:41:16,691 --> 00:41:18,301
The cop?
842
00:41:18,345 --> 00:41:20,086
I bet you 50 bucks he's got some
kind of tracking chip implanted
843
00:41:20,129 --> 00:41:21,914
into your nut sack.
844
00:41:21,957 --> 00:41:24,612
Listen, there are Satanists
all over this town.
845
00:41:24,656 --> 00:41:25,961
It could be anyone, okay?
846
00:41:26,005 --> 00:41:28,616
It could be you know
the fucking taxi drivers,
847
00:41:28,660 --> 00:41:33,403
waitresses, cops, hobos,
fucking baristas,
848
00:41:33,447 --> 00:41:37,059
dog groomers, fucking vegans,
fucking hipsters man.
849
00:41:37,103 --> 00:41:38,800
You're right, you're right,
850
00:41:38,844 --> 00:41:40,498
we've got to keep
our eyes peeled.
851
00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:45,372
Bottom line, the only people we
can trust are each other, okay?
852
00:41:45,415 --> 00:41:50,203
Wait, what if you just lied.
853
00:41:50,246 --> 00:41:51,683
How would they know?
854
00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:54,076
They will know, my mom is
a bloodhound for bullshit.
855
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,252
What self respecting teenager
doesn't know how to lie
856
00:41:56,296 --> 00:41:57,558
to his own mother?
857
00:41:57,602 --> 00:42:00,474
She can smell it on my breath.
858
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:02,650
Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck.
859
00:42:03,999 --> 00:42:04,696
What?
860
00:42:04,739 --> 00:42:05,566
Fuck!
861
00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:06,872
What?
862
00:42:06,915 --> 00:42:08,656
What's wrong?
863
00:42:08,700 --> 00:42:09,701
We're out of gas.
864
00:42:15,358 --> 00:42:17,360
Maybe the Satanists will be
too scared to follow us here.
865
00:42:27,762 --> 00:42:30,156
It's one of those
pre-paid deals.
866
00:42:30,199 --> 00:42:32,201
I got it.
867
00:42:36,902 --> 00:42:40,383
Hi, fifty bucks on pump two.
868
00:42:45,258 --> 00:42:48,217
Let the scales fall from your eyes
869
00:42:48,261 --> 00:42:54,746
for God is the
deceiver and Satan is the salvation.
870
00:42:54,789 --> 00:42:57,792
il's mom]: Sheldon told
us t you had a special purpose.
871
00:43:09,499 --> 00:43:10,283
What?
872
00:43:10,326 --> 00:43:12,328
I'm going to pay for it.
873
00:43:16,942 --> 00:43:19,771
Yo dude, what the fuck
is all that?
874
00:43:19,814 --> 00:43:22,338
Provisions, in case we have
to go into hiding.
875
00:43:22,382 --> 00:43:24,689
Yeah, hiding, about that.
876
00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:27,213
I've been thinking hiding
might not be the best idea,
877
00:43:27,256 --> 00:43:28,170
I mean.
878
00:43:28,214 --> 00:43:29,911
Okay, come on,
get in the car.
879
00:43:29,955 --> 00:43:31,521
No, no, no this might sound
a little fucked up
880
00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:33,349
but if any of this shit is real
881
00:43:33,393 --> 00:43:38,137
then getting me laid might
actually save the world.
882
00:43:40,313 --> 00:43:42,402
Get in the car,
come on.
883
00:43:42,445 --> 00:43:44,447
What? I'm kind of serious.
884
00:43:44,491 --> 00:43:46,232
I know you're serious,
that's why this is
885
00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:47,625
so fucking insane man.
886
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:49,452
That's like delusions
of grandeur much?
887
00:43:49,496 --> 00:43:51,019
They tried to kill me.
888
00:43:51,063 --> 00:43:53,631
If this shit is real nobody
is safe, you get that right?
889
00:43:53,674 --> 00:43:55,545
Dude, there is no Hell.
890
00:43:55,589 --> 00:43:57,809
There's no Satan
or any of that shit.
891
00:43:57,852 --> 00:44:00,681
I mean, your parents, my
parents, Sheldon, Mary,
892
00:44:00,725 --> 00:44:02,640
they're all just brainwashed
lunatics dude.
893
00:44:02,683 --> 00:44:04,772
The sooner you realize that
the freer you'll be,
894
00:44:04,816 --> 00:44:07,557
come on dude look at me.
895
00:44:07,601 --> 00:44:10,256
I'm just living in the moment
having a fucking blast
896
00:44:10,299 --> 00:44:13,520
enjoying not one but
two flavours of beef jerky.
897
00:44:13,563 --> 00:44:17,306
It's no big deal because I
know at the end of the day
898
00:44:17,350 --> 00:44:20,745
the only asshole who
is judging me is me.
899
00:44:20,788 --> 00:44:23,443
You know why I'm here, right?
900
00:44:23,486 --> 00:44:25,271
Because I'm your only friend.
901
00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:27,665
Yes, that and because
I want to be there
902
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:33,366
for the first moment that your
dick tastes vaginal glory.
903
00:44:33,409 --> 00:44:34,802
You want to watch me have sex?
904
00:44:34,846 --> 00:44:35,890
No, no dude.
905
00:44:35,934 --> 00:44:38,676
I just want to see you be happy.
906
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,503
Come on, man.
907
00:44:40,547 --> 00:44:42,288
Be happy?
908
00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:43,985
You just want to live
vicariously through me
909
00:44:44,029 --> 00:44:45,900
because you're not.
910
00:44:45,944 --> 00:44:47,728
Not what?
911
00:44:47,772 --> 00:44:49,991
Nothing.
912
00:44:50,035 --> 00:44:51,253
Never mind, I didn't say that.
913
00:44:51,297 --> 00:44:52,472
Oh.
914
00:44:52,515 --> 00:44:56,345
Because I'm not cool enough
for you?
915
00:44:56,389 --> 00:44:59,522
Because I'm just your tag-a-long
friend, right?
916
00:44:59,566 --> 00:45:01,089
And now all of a sudden that
you're Mr. Popular
917
00:45:01,133 --> 00:45:03,744
you can't hang out
with a loser like me?
918
00:45:03,788 --> 00:45:04,702
Did I say that?
919
00:45:04,745 --> 00:45:05,964
Oh please, Neal.
920
00:45:06,007 --> 00:45:06,834
Be my friend.
921
00:45:06,878 --> 00:45:08,662
Here, take my jerky.
922
00:45:08,706 --> 00:45:09,750
How much for a sleepover.
923
00:45:09,794 --> 00:45:10,925
You want to hang out now?
924
00:45:10,969 --> 00:45:11,665
Huh?
925
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:12,492
Take everything.
926
00:45:12,535 --> 00:45:13,188
Stop.
927
00:45:13,232 --> 00:45:13,798
Everything I have.
928
00:45:13,841 --> 00:45:16,757
Stop. Stop.
929
00:45:16,801 --> 00:45:18,237
Whoa.
930
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,455
What?
931
00:45:19,499 --> 00:45:21,849
I can't believe I'm even
suggesting this.
932
00:45:21,893 --> 00:45:23,938
What?
933
00:45:23,982 --> 00:45:25,984
Prostitutes.
934
00:45:27,942 --> 00:45:28,943
Prostitutes.
935
00:45:28,987 --> 00:45:30,640
Prostitutes.
936
00:45:30,684 --> 00:45:32,512
Prostitutes!
937
00:45:32,555 --> 00:45:36,777
Prostitutes!
938
00:45:36,821 --> 00:45:37,909
Fuck yeah.
939
00:45:37,952 --> 00:45:39,867
Fuck yeah man.
940
00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:47,440
Alright.
941
00:45:47,483 --> 00:45:49,485
Keep looking.
942
00:45:52,227 --> 00:45:55,404
It does not look good
I'm afraid.
943
00:45:55,448 --> 00:45:57,624
He'll show up Sheldon,
trust me.
944
00:45:57,667 --> 00:46:00,409
You don't have to fear me, Gary.
945
00:46:00,453 --> 00:46:02,194
I'm on your side.
946
00:46:02,237 --> 00:46:06,720
But you need to fear,
what we all need to fear,
947
00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,548
is our Lord below.
948
00:46:08,591 --> 00:46:13,422
I'm merely an instrument
of his wrath.
949
00:46:13,466 --> 00:46:15,598
What Sheldon is trying
to say is that -
950
00:46:15,642 --> 00:46:17,426
Yes, Mary.
951
00:46:17,470 --> 00:46:21,604
Explain to them what
I'm trying to say.
952
00:46:21,648 --> 00:46:27,610
What Sheldon is trying to say
is that if Neal doesn't show up
953
00:46:27,654 --> 00:46:32,267
we're going to need to find some
kind of replacement offering.
954
00:46:32,311 --> 00:46:35,488
Thank you for clarifying
my dear.
955
00:46:37,142 --> 00:46:39,579
Oh.
956
00:46:48,849 --> 00:46:50,372
Oh, this is sad.
957
00:46:50,416 --> 00:46:52,635
We should be helping these women
not exploiting them.
958
00:46:52,679 --> 00:46:56,204
Hey, hey, hey, this was
this was your idea.
959
00:46:56,248 --> 00:46:59,338
I know I just thought it
would be less tragic somehow.
960
00:46:59,381 --> 00:47:03,124
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
961
00:47:03,168 --> 00:47:06,954
Hey, you looking to make
some real cash money
962
00:47:06,998 --> 00:47:11,045
and get serviced by a couple of
barely legal studs?
963
00:47:14,875 --> 00:47:15,571
Both of you looking?
964
00:47:15,615 --> 00:47:16,485
No.
965
00:47:16,529 --> 00:47:17,965
Yes, yes.
966
00:47:18,009 --> 00:47:21,969
How much?
967
00:47:22,013 --> 00:47:24,493
That depends on what
you want.
968
00:47:24,537 --> 00:47:28,541
Uh, I just really need to lose
my virginity tonight so.
969
00:47:36,941 --> 00:47:41,293
Yeah, I can help you out.
970
00:47:41,336 --> 00:47:43,512
But not here.
971
00:47:43,556 --> 00:47:46,385
Meet me there and ask
for Ashley.
972
00:47:46,428 --> 00:47:48,648
Oh.
973
00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:02,053
Is this it?
974
00:48:02,096 --> 00:48:07,014
Yeah, yeah.
975
00:48:07,058 --> 00:48:10,539
Can I help you?
976
00:48:10,583 --> 00:48:13,716
Is this the house of
ill repute?
977
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,936
You don't have to whisper.
978
00:48:15,980 --> 00:48:18,983
Oh, oh okay.
979
00:48:19,026 --> 00:48:21,942
I'd like one prostitute please.
980
00:48:21,986 --> 00:48:22,987
Alright.
981
00:48:23,030 --> 00:48:24,814
What were you looking
for exactly?
982
00:48:24,858 --> 00:48:26,947
I'd like a good personality,
983
00:48:26,991 --> 00:48:31,169
I'd like a cute laugh,
and boobs.
984
00:48:31,212 --> 00:48:32,344
They all have boobs.
985
00:48:32,387 --> 00:48:33,998
We'll take Ashley.
986
00:48:34,041 --> 00:48:35,956
Great.
987
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:36,870
Great.
988
00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:37,958
Yeah.
989
00:48:38,002 --> 00:48:38,785
Go with that.
990
00:48:38,828 --> 00:48:39,655
Great.
991
00:48:39,699 --> 00:48:41,527
Have a seat.
992
00:48:45,096 --> 00:48:47,098
The things have got red eyes.
993
00:48:54,757 --> 00:48:56,716
You come with me.
994
00:48:56,759 --> 00:48:57,369
You sit tight.
995
00:48:57,412 --> 00:48:57,978
Oh.
996
00:48:58,022 --> 00:48:59,588
No, no, no, no.
997
00:48:59,632 --> 00:49:01,068
See, the thing like.
998
00:49:01,112 --> 00:49:02,983
Do you want to do this?
999
00:49:03,027 --> 00:49:04,071
Yes.
1000
00:49:04,115 --> 00:49:04,724
Please.
1001
00:49:04,767 --> 00:49:06,073
Yes, please.
1002
00:49:06,117 --> 00:49:08,510
Then he goes first.
1003
00:49:09,163 --> 00:49:09,947
Well.
1004
00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:11,252
Whoa, ah.
1005
00:49:11,296 --> 00:49:12,123
Wait, Ashley.
1006
00:49:12,166 --> 00:49:14,125
Uh, baby.
1007
00:49:14,168 --> 00:49:17,650
Look, I cannot wait to get
with you
1008
00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:20,653
and I'm so flattered that
you feel the same way
1009
00:49:20,696 --> 00:49:24,657
but he really should go first.
1010
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:27,747
Yeah.
1011
00:49:27,790 --> 00:49:29,792
I really need to go first.
1012
00:49:34,014 --> 00:49:35,494
Matt?
1013
00:49:35,537 --> 00:49:37,017
Come on.
1014
00:49:37,061 --> 00:49:38,932
Matt? Matt? Matt?
1015
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:39,977
I don't know, man.
1016
00:49:55,601 --> 00:50:00,040
So, what's your deal?
1017
00:50:00,084 --> 00:50:06,046
Well, I'm thinking I'd like
to start off with a hand job
1018
00:50:06,090 --> 00:50:12,096
and then you know work
my way up to a blow job
1019
00:50:12,139 --> 00:50:15,360
and then finish off with
a vagina job?
1020
00:50:15,403 --> 00:50:16,752
Okay.
1021
00:50:16,796 --> 00:50:17,666
Yeah?
1022
00:50:17,710 --> 00:50:19,581
Uh, cool.
1023
00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:23,063
And the same exact same
goes for my friend out there.
1024
00:50:23,107 --> 00:50:25,544
I really can't stress enough
how important it is
1025
00:50:25,587 --> 00:50:29,113
that he gets a proper
vagina job.
1026
00:50:29,156 --> 00:50:31,158
Well, how much money
do you got?
1027
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,162
Yes, currency.
1028
00:51:07,629 --> 00:51:12,765
So, how did you get
into prostituting?
1029
00:51:12,808 --> 00:51:17,813
So, I mean you must have
some wild stories.
1030
00:51:17,857 --> 00:51:19,337
Not really.
1031
00:51:19,380 --> 00:51:21,295
No?
1032
00:51:21,339 --> 00:51:25,734
You, I mean meet any crazy
characters at least or?
1033
00:51:25,778 --> 00:51:27,519
I guess.
1034
00:51:27,562 --> 00:51:30,783
What's the weirdest thing
1035
00:51:30,826 --> 00:51:34,091
that anyone's ever
asked you to do?
1036
00:51:34,134 --> 00:51:36,571
This one guy pays me to poop
on his dog.
1037
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,183
Oh.
1038
00:51:42,534 --> 00:51:44,101
What kind of dog?
1039
00:51:44,144 --> 00:51:46,103
I don't know, a brown one.
1040
00:51:51,064 --> 00:51:52,196
Can I see your boobs
at least?
1041
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:55,112
Shhhh!!!!!!!
1042
00:52:02,162 --> 00:52:06,166
What if I told you this
is my first time?
1043
00:52:06,210 --> 00:52:08,081
Please don't cry.
1044
00:52:08,125 --> 00:52:11,171
I'm done, I'm done,
I'm done.
1045
00:52:11,215 --> 00:52:12,172
Good.
1046
00:52:26,621 --> 00:52:28,710
Wooo-hooooo!!!!!!!!!
1047
00:52:28,754 --> 00:52:29,537
And?
1048
00:52:29,581 --> 00:52:30,669
So, what happened?
1049
00:52:30,712 --> 00:52:31,409
Talk to me buddy.
1050
00:52:31,452 --> 00:52:34,455
Oh man, was it awesome.
1051
00:52:34,499 --> 00:52:40,722
Uh, I just, I mean not only
was the sex amazing
1052
00:52:40,766 --> 00:52:46,859
but... but you know I think that
the best part was
1053
00:52:46,902 --> 00:52:49,992
that Ashley and I really
connected you know.
1054
00:52:50,036 --> 00:52:50,602
Really?
1055
00:52:50,645 --> 00:52:52,212
Yeah.
1056
00:52:52,256 --> 00:52:53,387
Wow.
1057
00:52:53,431 --> 00:52:54,040
Wow.
1058
00:52:54,083 --> 00:52:57,217
Okay.
1059
00:52:57,261 --> 00:52:58,914
So, where is she?
1060
00:52:58,958 --> 00:52:59,828
Ashley?
1061
00:52:59,872 --> 00:53:01,569
Oh, uh, poor thing is exhausted.
1062
00:53:01,613 --> 00:53:04,268
You know I really gave it to
her in there but don't worry
1063
00:53:04,311 --> 00:53:06,748
you know I'm sure she's got
another one in her
1064
00:53:06,792 --> 00:53:11,362
just don't be mad at me if
she still has Matt on the mind.
1065
00:53:11,405 --> 00:53:13,190
I'm going to have sex.
1066
00:53:13,233 --> 00:53:15,235
You're going to have sex.
1067
00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:16,541
And I'm not going to die.
1068
00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:20,545
You're not going to die,
go in there do it.
1069
00:53:20,588 --> 00:53:21,415
You're ready.
1070
00:53:21,459 --> 00:53:23,069
I'm ready, man.
1071
00:53:23,112 --> 00:53:25,071
Have a great time.
1072
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:29,423
I am a fucking pussy.
1073
00:53:37,388 --> 00:53:39,216
Ashley...
1074
00:53:56,363 --> 00:53:59,366
Hey, it's my turn.
1075
00:54:03,109 --> 00:54:04,545
You just sit there, okay.
1076
00:54:04,589 --> 00:54:07,679
Hey, where are you going?
1077
00:54:10,029 --> 00:54:11,813
I'll be right back.
1078
00:54:28,439 --> 00:54:30,397
Matt!
1079
00:54:30,441 --> 00:54:32,312
Matt!
1080
00:54:32,356 --> 00:54:33,879
Matt!
1081
00:54:33,922 --> 00:54:35,968
Hey Neal, we just need to talk
to you for a minute.
1082
00:54:36,011 --> 00:54:37,317
Everything is okay,
everything is okay
1083
00:54:37,361 --> 00:54:39,972
we just need to talk to you
for just a second.
1084
00:54:40,015 --> 00:54:40,625
This is a raid!
1085
00:54:40,668 --> 00:54:41,669
Everybody out!
1086
00:54:41,713 --> 00:54:42,496
Neal, Neal, Neal.
1087
00:54:42,540 --> 00:54:44,019
Open up, it's the police!
1088
00:55:06,955 --> 00:55:08,957
Colette, you seen them?
1089
00:55:30,414 --> 00:55:31,937
Go, go, go!
1090
00:55:31,980 --> 00:55:33,547
Hey, get back here!
1091
00:55:33,591 --> 00:55:35,027
Rod, it's not Neal!
1092
00:55:35,070 --> 00:55:36,376
Greg!
1093
00:55:36,420 --> 00:55:37,812
Neal!
1094
00:55:37,856 --> 00:55:39,336
Get the fuck back here!
1095
00:55:39,379 --> 00:55:41,512
Greg!
1096
00:55:41,555 --> 00:55:42,730
Greg get back here!
1097
00:55:42,774 --> 00:55:44,602
Get the fuck back here!
1098
00:55:44,645 --> 00:55:46,255
Oh, you goddamn idiot.
1099
00:55:49,433 --> 00:55:51,348
Rod, he stole the car!
1100
00:55:51,391 --> 00:55:52,566
What?
1101
00:55:55,439 --> 00:55:56,831
Greg, come on!
1102
00:55:58,398 --> 00:55:59,791
Shit!
1103
00:55:59,834 --> 00:56:01,270
Well, I have to hand it
to you.
1104
00:56:01,314 --> 00:56:03,621
It's pretty brave of you
to come back for me.
1105
00:56:03,664 --> 00:56:05,013
What happened to you?
1106
00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:06,232
Just tried to keep them busy.
1107
00:56:06,275 --> 00:56:08,060
Tried to buy you some time,
1108
00:56:08,103 --> 00:56:10,454
I did get pretty friendly
with Brad.
1109
00:56:10,497 --> 00:56:11,411
Denise, he's the enemy.
1110
00:56:11,455 --> 00:56:12,412
For fucks sake, Neal.
1111
00:56:12,456 --> 00:56:14,632
I'm joking.
1112
00:56:17,591 --> 00:56:19,288
You're never going to get it
are you?
1113
00:56:19,332 --> 00:56:20,594
Get what?
1114
00:56:20,638 --> 00:56:22,901
That I like you, you moron.
1115
00:56:22,944 --> 00:56:25,120
I like you too but you don't
have to be a bitch about it.
1116
00:56:25,164 --> 00:56:26,774
No, Neal.
1117
00:56:26,818 --> 00:56:29,647
Fuck, I like like you.
1118
00:56:29,690 --> 00:56:31,431
Like like.
1119
00:56:31,475 --> 00:56:34,521
What? Why?
1120
00:56:34,565 --> 00:56:36,436
I don't know, because you're
like the coolest person
1121
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:38,090
I've ever met?
1122
00:56:38,133 --> 00:56:40,397
I'm not cool Denise, I don't
even know how to be cool.
1123
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:42,007
Exactly, Neal.
1124
00:56:42,050 --> 00:56:43,748
Oh wow.
1125
00:56:43,791 --> 00:56:46,228
Awesome, does that mean
we get to have sex now?
1126
00:56:46,272 --> 00:56:47,186
No.
1127
00:56:47,229 --> 00:56:48,535
Make love.
1128
00:56:48,579 --> 00:56:49,710
Okay, you really have to do
better than that.
1129
00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:51,582
You smell nice.
1130
00:56:51,625 --> 00:56:52,931
No, Neal.
1131
00:56:52,974 --> 00:56:54,454
Jesus, what do you want me
to say?
1132
00:56:54,498 --> 00:56:56,674
That I like you but I've
always liked you but I thought.
1133
00:56:56,717 --> 00:56:58,676
I knew it, you're a fucking chicken.
1134
00:56:58,719 --> 00:56:59,720
Fuck.
1135
00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:00,591
Okay.
1136
00:57:00,634 --> 00:57:02,070
Lets just go back in time,
1137
00:57:02,114 --> 00:57:04,377
pretend I had the guts to ask
you out on a real date.
1138
00:57:04,421 --> 00:57:05,683
A date.
1139
00:57:05,726 --> 00:57:07,728
Okay, where are we going?
1140
00:57:07,772 --> 00:57:09,469
It's a surprise
but you say yes,
1141
00:57:09,513 --> 00:57:13,473
I pick you up at your house
with one perfect red rose
1142
00:57:13,517 --> 00:57:15,823
and I'm really nervous
because this is the night
1143
00:57:15,867 --> 00:57:17,999
I'm going to tell you everything
1144
00:57:18,043 --> 00:57:21,133
and you're really nervous too
because you know what's coming.
1145
00:57:21,176 --> 00:57:23,091
Alright, tell me more.
1146
00:57:23,135 --> 00:57:27,574
We start with something fun
like go-carting
1147
00:57:27,618 --> 00:57:31,491
and after we walk down to
that fancy vegan restaurant.
1148
00:57:31,535 --> 00:57:33,493
Nice touch.
1149
00:57:33,537 --> 00:57:35,582
After dinner we walk by
the beach
1150
00:57:35,626 --> 00:57:37,454
and I gather every
bit of courage I have
1151
00:57:37,497 --> 00:57:40,674
and tell you what I've always
needed to.
1152
00:57:42,502 --> 00:57:44,765
What do you say?
1153
00:57:44,809 --> 00:57:48,116
That I've liked you since I
was old enough to like girls
1154
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:52,599
but I was terrified that if
I made a move on you
1155
00:57:52,643 --> 00:57:54,775
I would ruin it and screw it up
1156
00:57:54,819 --> 00:57:57,386
and you would never
talk to me again.
1157
00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:07,484
Oh boy.
1158
00:58:07,527 --> 00:58:10,051
Hold on.
1159
00:58:39,777 --> 00:58:40,908
Oh.
1160
00:58:42,606 --> 00:58:43,650
Are you fucking kidding me, Neal?
1161
00:58:43,694 --> 00:58:44,956
Ohhhh!!!!!!
1162
00:58:44,999 --> 00:58:46,871
Neal, are you fucking kidding me?
1163
00:58:46,914 --> 00:58:47,959
Oh, fuck me.
1164
00:58:48,002 --> 00:58:48,786
Sorry.
1165
00:58:48,829 --> 00:58:50,831
Oh my god.
1166
00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:52,616
Neal.
1167
00:58:52,659 --> 00:58:53,660
Come on.
1168
00:58:53,704 --> 00:58:56,968
I'm sorry, I'm just
really sorry.
1169
00:58:57,011 --> 00:58:58,709
It's a mess.
1170
00:58:58,752 --> 00:59:00,798
Denise, I really...
1171
00:59:04,628 --> 00:59:05,585
What the?
1172
00:59:07,631 --> 00:59:08,545
Dude.
1173
00:59:08,588 --> 00:59:11,025
Was there penetration?
1174
00:59:11,069 --> 00:59:12,549
A bunch.
1175
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,597
Really, so tell me what
it felt like.
1176
00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:19,207
Like a fucking.
1177
00:59:19,251 --> 00:59:24,735
Put a sock on a foot man
and it fits just right.
1178
00:59:24,778 --> 00:59:25,866
He's still a virgin.
1179
00:59:25,910 --> 00:59:27,912
Lets go, lets go.
1180
00:59:27,955 --> 00:59:28,565
Lets go.
1181
00:59:28,608 --> 00:59:29,653
I'm so sorry.
1182
00:59:29,696 --> 00:59:30,697
It's okay.
1183
00:59:30,741 --> 00:59:32,090
Call me tomorrow.
1184
00:59:32,133 --> 00:59:32,960
I will.
1185
00:59:33,004 --> 00:59:34,745
Did you, did you get it in?
1186
00:59:34,788 --> 00:59:36,355
Did you get it in her?
1187
00:59:45,886 --> 00:59:48,628
So? What happened?
1188
00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:49,760
Are you going to say anything?
1189
00:59:49,803 --> 00:59:51,283
Are you going to tell me
what happened?
1190
00:59:51,326 --> 00:59:51,936
Alright, what happened.
1191
00:59:51,979 --> 00:59:52,763
Okay.
1192
00:59:52,806 --> 00:59:54,982
I told Denise I liked her,
1193
00:59:55,026 --> 00:59:57,637
she said she liked me back
which was great
1194
00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:00,640
and then I came all over
her fucking leg.
1195
01:00:00,684 --> 01:00:02,686
Happy?
1196
01:00:02,729 --> 01:00:05,732
That's awesome dude, shit if
you would have told her sooner
1197
01:00:05,776 --> 01:00:08,692
you could have been breaking
your oath all over the place.
1198
01:00:08,735 --> 01:00:10,519
We wouldn't even be here.
1199
01:00:10,563 --> 01:00:12,434
Oh, so this is my fault now Matt?
1200
01:00:12,478 --> 01:00:13,044
What?
1201
01:00:13,087 --> 01:00:13,653
No.
1202
01:00:13,697 --> 01:00:14,567
No, no, no, no.
1203
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:15,742
I'm just saying.
1204
01:00:15,786 --> 01:00:16,874
Oh, you're just saying.
1205
01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:19,572
Good, okay good you're
just saying.
1206
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:22,619
Ah, okay well what I'm saying
1207
01:00:22,662 --> 01:00:25,665
is that you've made this whole
night about you.
1208
01:00:25,709 --> 01:00:27,798
I was the one who was supposed
to get laid tonight,
1209
01:00:27,841 --> 01:00:31,671
you got in line and
you were the one who had sex.
1210
01:00:31,715 --> 01:00:34,282
Yeah, I had sex with a dirty
hoe okay,
1211
01:00:34,326 --> 01:00:36,415
what you have with Denise
that's special,
1212
01:00:36,458 --> 01:00:38,069
that's that's nice.
1213
01:00:38,112 --> 01:00:39,592
Fuck you, man.
1214
01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:41,072
Fuck me?
1215
01:00:41,115 --> 01:00:43,552
It's too late, there's no
more me and Denise, dude.
1216
01:00:43,596 --> 01:00:44,771
I'm not going to school again, dude,
1217
01:00:44,815 --> 01:00:46,555
I'm dead like fucking dead.
1218
01:00:46,599 --> 01:00:47,687
Dead, dead, dead.
1219
01:00:47,731 --> 01:00:49,689
You're not dead yet okay,
1220
01:00:49,733 --> 01:00:52,083
you still... we can still
get out of here
1221
01:00:52,126 --> 01:00:53,562
and don't blame me for this.
1222
01:00:53,606 --> 01:00:55,739
How am I going to get out,
my hands are fucking tied.
1223
01:00:55,782 --> 01:00:56,696
My hands are tied!
1224
01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:59,699
My hands are tied too.
1225
01:01:00,744 --> 01:01:02,746
Did you just kick me?
1226
01:01:07,576 --> 01:01:08,534
Did you just fucking
kick me?
1227
01:01:08,577 --> 01:01:10,014
Yeah I fucking kicked you.
1228
01:01:10,057 --> 01:01:10,971
What are you doing, man?
1229
01:01:11,015 --> 01:01:12,059
You fucking kicked me first.
1230
01:01:12,103 --> 01:01:13,800
When you kicked me
it fucking hurt.
1231
01:01:13,844 --> 01:01:14,932
Hey, shut the fuck up back there.
1232
01:01:14,975 --> 01:01:17,064
No, you shut the fuck up man.
1233
01:01:17,108 --> 01:01:19,371
Fuck you, man.
1234
01:01:19,414 --> 01:01:20,372
Fuck.
1235
01:01:23,418 --> 01:01:24,637
Want to fucking go?
1236
01:01:31,383 --> 01:01:32,732
Don't even.
1237
01:01:32,776 --> 01:01:35,866
Ah, there you are.
1238
01:01:35,909 --> 01:01:40,218
You are more trouble
than you're worth.
1239
01:01:40,261 --> 01:01:43,308
And you have kept us waiting.
1240
01:01:43,351 --> 01:01:45,092
Well, I've got to hand it
to you Neal,
1241
01:01:45,136 --> 01:01:49,575
you continually find new ways
to humiliate your family.
1242
01:01:49,618 --> 01:01:52,360
I'm the embarrassment,
really Dad, me?
1243
01:01:52,404 --> 01:01:53,187
I'm the embarrassment?
1244
01:01:53,231 --> 01:01:55,624
Yeah, that's right buster.
1245
01:01:55,668 --> 01:01:58,802
This stupid religion has
fucked with your heads so bad
1246
01:01:58,845 --> 01:02:00,412
you're actually willing
to sacrifice
1247
01:02:00,455 --> 01:02:01,718
your own flesh and blood
1248
01:02:01,761 --> 01:02:04,068
for some red guy
with a tail.
1249
01:02:04,111 --> 01:02:06,070
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's where you go easy.
1250
01:02:06,113 --> 01:02:08,550
You worship a fucking
Halloween costume.
1251
01:02:08,594 --> 01:02:09,508
Yeah.
1252
01:02:09,551 --> 01:02:10,988
Shut up.
1253
01:02:11,031 --> 01:02:13,991
You dragged Mom down
with you, look at her,
1254
01:02:14,034 --> 01:02:16,341
does she look okay to you?
1255
01:02:16,384 --> 01:02:19,779
I'm not the embarrassment.
1256
01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:22,390
How very sweet.
1257
01:02:22,434 --> 01:02:26,830
I wish we had more time for
such touching family reunions
1258
01:02:26,873 --> 01:02:29,615
but alas we do not.
1259
01:02:29,658 --> 01:02:31,791
Get them ready.
1260
01:02:31,835 --> 01:02:34,663
Everything is going to be
okay now.
1261
01:02:54,858 --> 01:02:58,818
Real nice, real fucking nice.
1262
01:02:58,862 --> 01:03:00,646
Your own son?
1263
01:03:00,689 --> 01:03:02,430
You're gutless.
1264
01:03:15,008 --> 01:03:18,795
Neal.
1265
01:03:18,838 --> 01:03:20,797
Come on, Neal.
1266
01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:22,799
Don't talk to me.
1267
01:03:34,985 --> 01:03:38,640
I cried.
1268
01:03:38,684 --> 01:03:41,078
What?
1269
01:03:41,121 --> 01:03:43,428
I cried.
1270
01:03:43,471 --> 01:03:44,777
What are you saying?
1271
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:45,734
What do you mean you cried?
1272
01:03:45,778 --> 01:03:47,258
What are you talking about?
1273
01:03:47,301 --> 01:03:50,652
I lost my virginity to a
prostitute tonight and I cried.
1274
01:03:54,439 --> 01:03:58,835
Yeah, alright.
1275
01:03:58,878 --> 01:04:02,360
I don't know what happened
man, I just lost it.
1276
01:04:02,403 --> 01:04:04,928
I mean, I had it
but then I don't know
1277
01:04:04,971 --> 01:04:10,020
something just snapped
and I just.
1278
01:04:10,063 --> 01:04:12,022
Well, at least you didn't come
on her leg.
1279
01:04:12,065 --> 01:04:13,545
Right on the leg?
1280
01:04:13,588 --> 01:04:15,068
The leg, the seat.
1281
01:04:15,112 --> 01:04:17,114
It's fucking embarrassing.
1282
01:04:19,420 --> 01:04:21,335
Come here man, come here.
1283
01:04:21,379 --> 01:04:23,294
I'm sorry dude,
I'm sorry man.
1284
01:04:23,337 --> 01:04:24,904
Come here, come here man.
1285
01:04:24,948 --> 01:04:26,906
I'm sorry man, this whole night
has been so fucked up dude.
1286
01:04:26,950 --> 01:04:29,953
No, no, no.
1287
01:04:29,996 --> 01:04:31,911
This is nice.
1288
01:04:31,955 --> 01:04:33,957
I needed this.
1289
01:04:36,916 --> 01:04:39,571
Well, this is it buddy.
1290
01:04:39,614 --> 01:04:44,271
Wait, there still might be
a way out of this.
1291
01:04:44,315 --> 01:04:45,316
No, there isn't.
1292
01:04:45,359 --> 01:04:46,795
No, no, no, stop.
1293
01:04:46,839 --> 01:04:49,059
Just stop being so at peace
with everything okay
1294
01:04:49,102 --> 01:04:50,887
just listen to me here,
hear me out okay
1295
01:04:50,930 --> 01:04:54,238
I'm not going to give up on you.
1296
01:04:54,281 --> 01:04:57,110
When does a guys virginity
really end, right?
1297
01:04:57,154 --> 01:05:01,810
It's when he penetrates
something with his erect penis.
1298
01:05:01,854 --> 01:05:03,943
Right.
1299
01:05:03,987 --> 01:05:06,163
Who says it has to be
a vagina.
1300
01:05:07,468 --> 01:05:09,079
Oh god no.
1301
01:05:09,122 --> 01:05:14,171
No, no, no, I'm telling you dude
if it's going to save your life
1302
01:05:14,214 --> 01:05:15,259
you've got to do me.
1303
01:05:15,302 --> 01:05:16,782
I can't, I can't.
1304
01:05:16,825 --> 01:05:18,218
You have to.
1305
01:05:18,262 --> 01:05:19,785
Are you saying that you couldn't
fuck your best friend
1306
01:05:19,828 --> 01:05:20,917
to save your own life?
1307
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:22,179
Is that what you're saying?
1308
01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:23,745
I'm just not sure the equipment
would work.
1309
01:05:23,789 --> 01:05:26,923
Be totally mean right now okay,
just, I'm at least an 8.
1310
01:05:26,966 --> 01:05:28,011
Even if you were a 10.
1311
01:05:28,054 --> 01:05:31,318
I'm just saying how hard
could it be?
1312
01:05:37,237 --> 01:05:37,934
Give me a sec.
1313
01:05:37,977 --> 01:05:41,546
Okay, yeah, just think.
1314
01:05:41,589 --> 01:05:42,155
Okay, I'll try.
1315
01:05:42,199 --> 01:05:43,374
What?
1316
01:05:43,417 --> 01:05:44,636
I mean, really?
1317
01:05:44,679 --> 01:05:45,245
Yeah.
1318
01:05:45,289 --> 01:05:46,159
Okay, yeah.
1319
01:05:46,203 --> 01:05:47,117
I mean, I want to live right.
1320
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:49,249
Yeah, I want you
to live man.
1321
01:05:51,686 --> 01:05:53,384
Whoa, whoa, what are
you doing?
1322
01:05:53,427 --> 01:05:54,211
What was that?
1323
01:05:54,254 --> 01:05:55,473
Sorry, I thought maybe.
1324
01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:56,822
No extras man,
no time.
1325
01:05:56,865 --> 01:05:57,823
No time for extras.
1326
01:05:57,866 --> 01:05:59,172
Lets just, we've just got
to go.
1327
01:05:59,216 --> 01:06:00,217
How do we start?
1328
01:06:00,260 --> 01:06:04,090
Uh, uh, come here.
1329
01:06:04,134 --> 01:06:11,228
Just, just alright, you know.
1330
01:06:11,271 --> 01:06:13,708
Oh fuck, oh my god.
1331
01:06:13,752 --> 01:06:16,668
You're my best friend, man,
you're my best friend.
1332
01:06:16,711 --> 01:06:18,975
Best friend.
1333
01:06:24,067 --> 01:06:26,025
So, what are we going
to do with her?
1334
01:06:26,069 --> 01:06:27,505
You stay here and watch her.
1335
01:06:27,548 --> 01:06:29,681
But no, I want to watch
the sacrifice you said that.
1336
01:06:29,724 --> 01:06:31,813
That's enough Bradley.
1337
01:06:34,338 --> 01:06:36,035
Oh my god.
1338
01:06:36,079 --> 01:06:38,124
She talks to you
like you're a child.
1339
01:06:38,168 --> 01:06:41,040
I am not allowed to talk
to you anymore.
1340
01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:43,129
Come on Brad.
1341
01:06:43,173 --> 01:06:47,786
You're this smart, sexy guy
1342
01:06:47,829 --> 01:06:52,008
and with your arms
and abs, this chest
1343
01:06:52,051 --> 01:06:57,143
I mean girls must be hitting
on you all the time.
1344
01:06:57,187 --> 01:06:59,624
It is hard to find single women
in this church.
1345
01:06:59,667 --> 01:07:03,367
Well, as a single woman how
would I go about becoming
1346
01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:05,412
part of the church?
1347
01:07:05,456 --> 01:07:07,023
You've got to renounce God,
get a tattoo,
1348
01:07:07,066 --> 01:07:09,112
take a whiz on a bible.
1349
01:07:09,155 --> 01:07:12,289
It's a whole thing.
1350
01:07:12,332 --> 01:07:14,030
You know, if you really want
to go out there
1351
01:07:14,073 --> 01:07:16,162
you should just go.
1352
01:07:16,206 --> 01:07:18,077
Yeah, I know I just can't
because I have to stay here
1353
01:07:18,121 --> 01:07:22,603
and babysit you.
1354
01:07:22,647 --> 01:07:24,431
I think I'll be fine.
1355
01:07:35,442 --> 01:07:36,661
What's going on back there?
1356
01:07:36,704 --> 01:07:38,010
I'm not hard.
1357
01:07:38,054 --> 01:07:40,708
Well, I'm sorry I'm not going
to blow you dude.
1358
01:07:40,752 --> 01:07:42,058
I didn't ask you to blow me, Matt.
1359
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:44,625
I know, it's just just get
it in you know.
1360
01:07:44,669 --> 01:07:46,149
Oh god.
1361
01:07:46,192 --> 01:07:48,194
Oh shit, we were just,
hi, hi Dad.
1362
01:07:48,238 --> 01:07:50,892
Alright, break it up.
1363
01:07:50,936 --> 01:07:54,505
It's time.
1364
01:07:54,548 --> 01:07:56,811
Hey, there's no judgement.
1365
01:07:56,855 --> 01:07:58,117
I fucked a lady prostitute.
1366
01:07:58,161 --> 01:08:01,033
A lady prostitute
and she was hot.
1367
01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:02,556
Few hours ago, real hot.
1368
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,384
Like, you want to get to him
you got to go through me.
1369
01:08:05,690 --> 01:08:06,691
Oh, alright.
1370
01:08:10,608 --> 01:08:11,435
Whoa, Neal.
1371
01:08:11,478 --> 01:08:12,262
It's all good, man.
1372
01:08:12,305 --> 01:08:14,351
Neal. Neal.
1373
01:08:18,181 --> 01:08:21,575
I'm right here man,
I'm right beside you.
1374
01:08:21,619 --> 01:08:24,230
In Nomina Satanas,
1375
01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:27,146
In Nomina Satanas...
1376
01:08:27,190 --> 01:08:29,844
In Nomina Satanas...
1377
01:08:29,888 --> 01:08:32,282
Satanas Rex.
1378
01:08:32,325 --> 01:08:34,893
Satanas Rex.
1379
01:08:34,936 --> 01:08:39,376
I invoke his power
by these names.
1380
01:08:39,419 --> 01:08:47,427
Belial, Baphomet,
Beelzebub, Lucifer,
1381
01:08:47,471 --> 01:08:49,255
Awful Monster.
1382
01:08:49,299 --> 01:08:51,475
Skip the names.
1383
01:08:51,518 --> 01:08:52,650
What are you talking about?
1384
01:08:52,693 --> 01:08:53,955
We can't skip the names.
1385
01:08:53,999 --> 01:08:55,218
It's almost sunrise.
1386
01:08:55,261 --> 01:08:56,523
I know what time it is,
1387
01:08:56,567 --> 01:08:58,177
I've got a bloody watch
you know.
1388
01:08:58,221 --> 01:09:00,353
Then you know it's time
to get on with it.
1389
01:09:00,397 --> 01:09:02,268
If you can do better
why don't you do it then,
1390
01:09:02,312 --> 01:09:03,182
go on take the knife.
1391
01:09:03,226 --> 01:09:04,052
No, no, no.
1392
01:09:04,096 --> 01:09:05,619
Take the book, take my robe,
1393
01:09:05,663 --> 01:09:08,187
I'm so sorry for
this interruption.
1394
01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:11,190
No one cares about the names
for fuck sake.
1395
01:09:11,234 --> 01:09:14,324
Alright, alright.
1396
01:09:14,367 --> 01:09:17,718
In Nomina Satanas...
1397
01:09:17,762 --> 01:09:23,202
Lord, we offer this virgin
flesh unto you
1398
01:09:23,246 --> 01:09:27,511
that you may draw strength
from the blood of innocence.
1399
01:09:30,644 --> 01:09:33,908
For the glory of your kingdom.
1400
01:09:40,263 --> 01:09:41,786
I'm sorry, Neal.
1401
01:09:43,614 --> 01:09:46,356
In Nomina Sat...
1402
01:09:51,274 --> 01:09:54,625
Hells own inferno has come!
1403
01:09:54,668 --> 01:09:57,932
I see his face
in the flames!
1404
01:10:00,544 --> 01:10:02,241
In Nomina Satanas.
1405
01:10:02,285 --> 01:10:03,373
Gary!
1406
01:10:03,416 --> 01:10:05,723
Ow, ow, Satan burned
my hand!
1407
01:10:05,766 --> 01:10:07,942
No, the curtains are
on fire.
1408
01:10:07,986 --> 01:10:10,293
Ow my hand,
it's fucking hot!
1409
01:10:12,730 --> 01:10:14,906
Children!
1410
01:10:16,734 --> 01:10:18,910
Back, back!
1411
01:10:28,528 --> 01:10:30,138
Back!
1412
01:10:40,888 --> 01:10:43,891
No!
1413
01:10:54,902 --> 01:10:57,427
No!
1414
01:11:02,562 --> 01:11:04,651
Yeah!
1415
01:11:04,695 --> 01:11:08,264
Aw, I love you man!
1416
01:11:36,466 --> 01:11:39,382
Alright, is this your card?
1417
01:11:39,425 --> 01:11:41,297
No.
1418
01:11:41,340 --> 01:11:42,907
Do I check my bra now?
1419
01:11:42,950 --> 01:11:46,693
Well, I could check for you.
1420
01:11:46,737 --> 01:11:48,347
What?
1421
01:11:48,391 --> 01:11:50,088
Oh my god, that's amazing.
1422
01:11:50,131 --> 01:11:53,352
It will make you an all powerful
video game god.
1423
01:11:53,396 --> 01:11:55,354
I've been looking for this
online for like months.
1424
01:11:55,398 --> 01:11:56,660
How did you find it?
1425
01:11:56,703 --> 01:11:58,357
One of my birthday party
clients hooked it up,
1426
01:11:58,401 --> 01:12:00,359
I did an extra hour
for his 5 year old.
1427
01:12:00,403 --> 01:12:01,360
Aw, awesome.
1428
01:12:01,404 --> 01:12:04,320
Yeah, magic.
1429
01:12:10,630 --> 01:12:13,459
You missed a wonderful service.
1430
01:12:13,503 --> 01:12:14,591
We're good, mom.
1431
01:12:14,634 --> 01:12:19,378
Honey, just remember
Jesus loves you.
1432
01:12:19,422 --> 01:12:21,380
He died for your sins.
1433
01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:27,038
Give me the keys.
1434
01:12:27,081 --> 01:12:28,909
I'm going to drive.
1435
01:12:34,219 --> 01:12:35,481
Matt?
1436
01:12:35,525 --> 01:12:38,832
Guys, oh Shelly
looking beautiful as always.
1437
01:12:38,876 --> 01:12:42,053
Oh, you're so sweet Matt.
1438
01:12:42,096 --> 01:12:43,576
Maybe going to grab
some vegan,
1439
01:12:43,620 --> 01:12:45,491
hit the go-cart track.
1440
01:12:45,535 --> 01:12:46,536
Cool, cool.
1441
01:12:46,579 --> 01:12:47,798
I mean, I'd tell you
to come along.
1442
01:12:47,841 --> 01:12:48,842
No, no, no, no.
1443
01:12:48,886 --> 01:12:53,151
I'm fine, I've got my Bible study,
1444
01:12:53,194 --> 01:12:55,414
catch you guys later.
1445
01:12:55,458 --> 01:12:56,372
Alright.
1446
01:12:56,415 --> 01:12:58,069
Alright.
1447
01:13:03,117 --> 01:13:04,510
Is that all you ate?
1448
01:13:04,554 --> 01:13:08,558
You had one crepe,
you're ridiculous.
1449
01:13:08,601 --> 01:13:10,690
Ridiculous.
1450
01:13:15,782 --> 01:13:17,697
Could you put on that
Christian rock station?
1451
01:13:17,741 --> 01:13:18,655
Sure.
90549
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese