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1
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Yes?
2
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- Hi.
- Can I help you at all?
3
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,313
- Don't you know who I am?
- This is a local shop for local people.
4
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,592
There's nothing for you here.
5
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,679
I'd like to buy the snowstorms. All of them.
6
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,269
- The precious things?
- Yeah.
7
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,519
In fact, I'd like to buy it all.
Everything in the shop.
8
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,472
How much would that be?
9
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:12,309
Well... that's...
10
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,675
Seven and... twelvety pounds.
11
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:23,753
Would you... put it all on this, please?
12
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,632
Look at the name!
13
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,553
Who are you? Are you local?
14
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,718
Yes. It's me, Mum.
15
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,712
David.
16
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,152
David...?
17
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,159
I'm your son.
18
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:02,191
POSTBOX: My next collection's
at 3.30 and my last one's at eight.
19
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,280
Come along, girls.
You'll miss the bus to the farm.
20
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,311
We want Benjamin to come.
21
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,954
- Oh, yes...
- No, he can't.
22
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,031
He doesn't go on school trips, he's a grown-up,
23
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,915
and he and Daddy have
some grown-up things to discuss.
24
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,310
Bye.
25
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,510
So, Benjamin...
26
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:37,474
We do agree that you have to
make amends for this...
27
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,159
...accident?
28
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,113
Yes.
29
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:47,634
And you are prepared to do anything
that might be required of you?
30
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,037
Very well... If you care to
accompany me to the bathroom...
31
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,954
...we can begin. Val!
32
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:02,597
- Do you have the lubricant?
- Yes.
33
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,791
And the rest.
34
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:11,233
BARBARA: It's not like you, Geoff,
getting a taxi to work.
35
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,398
I thought I'd treat myself.
It's a special day for me this.
36
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,116
Me too. I'm going in for me op. It's the biggy.
37
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,437
Oh? Are you nervous about it?
38
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,155
Not really. One little prick and it'll all be over.
39
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,476
- Oh?
- Yeah.
40
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,194
Then they cut me cock off.
41
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,074
Don't you remember? I went away to college.
42
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,236
- Local college?
- No, London.
43
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:52,434
London. Yes, yes, London. You bought me this.
44
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,750
Look, Mum, I wanted to tell you...
45
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,236
Hello, hello, what's all this shouting? We'll...
46
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,117
...have no trouble here.
47
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:08,632
- It's David, he's our son.
- He's no son of mine.
48
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,469
Didn't you see the sign?
Strangers are not welcome here.
49
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,877
- Edward, do you deny him?
- It's all right, Mum.
50
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,356
He left the town of his own free will,
he'll return from whence he came.
51
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,597
- Dad...
- I trust I don't have to use force.
52
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,951
Dad! Mum.
53
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,075
There's something I have to tell you both.
54
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,032
Are you gay?
55
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:38,272
No. When I went away from here
I went to college, as you know.
56
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,119
And then I set up my own business.
57
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,550
It's a construction company.
58
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,310
No.
59
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,308
We specialise in... road building.
60
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,999
No!
61
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,714
- I fought for this contract, Dad.
- Not my son!
62
00:05:55,920 --> 00:06:00,118
- I was trying to bring us closer.
- By tearing down the local shop?
63
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,232
No! It's called "progress".
64
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:07,319
There's a whole world out there,
there's nothing to be afraid of.
65
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,956
Why don't you come and stay with me
in London, just for a weekend?
66
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,469
Yes, a weekend!
67
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,831
- Edward, may we, may we, may we?
- Silence!
68
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,157
You should not have come back here.
69
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,434
Listen, Mum. Pack some things,
I'm taking you with me.
70
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,712
- No, I can't.
- Dad can't keep you here.
71
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:41,311
I have some business to attend to
at the site, then I'll pick you up.
72
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:47,311
Yes, come for me when the fiery ball
weighs heavy in the sky.
73
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,351
About seven, then.
74
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,312
I love you, Mum.
75
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,517
What is... love?
76
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,835
POSTBOX: Thank you
for posting a letter inside me.
77
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:30,078
Okey, cokey, pig in a pokey!
Good morning, job seekers!
78
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,748
Morning, Pauline.
79
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,190
As I'm sure you're all aware,
today's a very special day,
80
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,995
because we've all come to the end of
our restart course.
81
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,156
- Ahhh...
- Thank God.
82
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,476
I want to thank you for being so well-behaved.
83
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,433
You've been a lovely bunch on the whole.
84
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:53,953
I know it's been hard getting up
at 9 am six weeks in a row,
85
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,993
but it was either that
or have your benefit stopped.
86
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,715
And let's face it, job seekers,
you all need your beer money.
87
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:05,277
How would you stagger from one giro
to the next if you weren't pissed?
88
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,436
You'd probably all kill yourselves.
89
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,872
That's a thought, that would get
the unemployment figures down.
90
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,994
I was joking, gents.
91
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,998
As it's the last day, I thought
we'd play a game I've invented
92
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,430
called Shop a Scrounger.
93
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,437
Here, Pauline.
94
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,871
- What's this, Mickey?
- I've brung you a present.
95
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,390
A present? For me? Why?
96
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,353
Don't know. I think I like you.
97
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,393
- What is it?
- A pen.
98
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,830
I can see that, but...
99
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,514
Like Swap Shop.
100
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,034
Thank you, Mickey.
101
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,878
I shall treasure this.
102
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,309
Can I have a word with you, Pauline?
103
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:11,513
What is it, Ross? What have you
bought for me, a lump of poison?
104
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,154
No, it's better than that.
105
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:19,878
Come on then. Spit it out.
Don't be so egregious.
106
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,755
I regret to inform you that as of 4 pm today
107
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,679
you are suspended from
the Employment Service
108
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,438
pending further investigation.
109
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,312
Oh, piss off!
110
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:36,834
I work for the Social Security, Pauline.
Internal investigations.
111
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,191
I've been assessing your working
practices over the last weeks,
112
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,958
and I'm appalled.
113
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,194
You what? You work?
114
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,995
You don't have to come here if you work, Ross.
115
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,512
This is all the evidence I need for your
dismissal, and I'll push for that.
116
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,915
- What is it?
- My report.
117
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,588
"Use of abusive and threatening language."
118
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,189
"Unprompted violence and physical attacks."
119
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,551
Sit down, Ross. Do you think
I'm going to fall for that one?
120
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,439
You work-shy set of bastards...
121
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,598
Sit up straight, you lazy cunt...
122
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,675
- What's that?
- Your workshop on self-esteem.
123
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,875
- It was only a bit of fun.
- It's not a joke, Pauline.
124
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:30,110
You're finished. You'll never work
in the Employment Service again.
125
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,073
- I'll have to ask for your pens back.
- No, Ross.
126
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,236
Leave me my pens.
127
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,519
Please.
128
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,518
They're no longer your property.
129
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,190
You'll be hearing from us.
This course is finished, everyone.
130
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,675
Wait! Wait, wait!
131
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,194
- You'll never get away with this.
- All I have to do is file the report.
132
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,470
I'm not talking about your report.
133
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:03,194
I wouldn't wipe my fat arse on it.
134
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,474
What then?
135
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,956
You've been working and signing on.
136
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:13,358
And that, job seekers, is a crime.
137
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,518
We lose millions a year to people like Ross.
138
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:20,633
If you do any part-time work,
you have to declare it.
139
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:25,152
Don't you see, gents?
He's nothing but a dole cheat.
140
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,955
Maybe, but I'm not unemployed.
141
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,634
- What?
- I'm not unemployed. You are.
142
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:02,635
All right, everyone. I hope you enjoy
your trip to Mr Tinsel's farm.
143
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,990
Now what I hope will be the highlight.
144
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:10,752
The chance for us all to witness
the first steps of a new life.
145
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:15,238
And this is the star of our show,
as it were; Monica the cow.
146
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,718
Monica has been in labour for almost 12 hours.
147
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:24,630
The little baby cow has been trying to
get out of its mummy's womb. Yes?
148
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,353
What's a womb?
149
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:30,269
The womb is a special place inside
Monica, where the baby grows.
150
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,074
But sometimes the baby cow
needs help coming out,
151
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,838
and that's what we're going to do now.
152
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,191
So I have to put my hand inside Monica.
153
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,152
Eeewww!
154
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,999
And attach this rope to the baby's hooves
155
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:48,513
and give a big tug, and out will pop
the calf. So, here we go.
156
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,477
Mooo!
157
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,716
He's stuck his hand up his bum.
158
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,957
I know that's what it looks like.
159
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,879
Mooo!
160
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:07,676
I am of course inserting my arm
into the other passage.
161
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:13,159
It is its bottom. I saw it lift its tail
and poo came out of it.
162
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,839
No, no, no, no.
163
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:19,591
My father knows about these things.
It is its rectum.
164
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,360
No, no.
165
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,632
It is tight, though.
166
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,471
Mooo!
167
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,750
No wonder it's a difficult labour.
168
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,838
Ah! These feel like the hooves.
169
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,600
I'lljust get the rope around them.
170
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:40,271
Who would like to come up here
and help me pull the baby calf out?
171
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,436
- I will.
- OK. What's your name, love?
172
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,232
Natalie.
173
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:48,558
OK, Natalie, just get hold of that there,
174
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,876
and we'll pull together.
175
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,957
- Pull!
- Mooo!
176
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,671
- Pull!
- Mooo!
177
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,110
Pull!
178
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,274
There we go.
179
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,274
It looks like offal, Mr Chinnery.
180
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:13,519
No, that's just the... birth sack.
181
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,153
Isn't that a liver?
182
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:21,118
Oh, Christ! Don't look, Natalie. Don't look.
183
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,753
You all right, veterinary? How's she doing?
184
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,839
I'm afraid there have been
one or two complications.
185
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,953
NURSE: I just have to run a few tests
before the operation.
186
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:54,517
Make sure everything's in full working order.
187
00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,316
So if you could just give us a specimen.
188
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,272
Right... Um...
189
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,118
NURSE: Hrm, hrm, hrm...
190
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:09,030
I just want to do it standing up.
For old times' sake.
191
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,797
And He will come and give strength
to hands that tremble with weakness
192
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,514
and to legs that are lame.
193
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:23,478
The crippled will cast away
their crutches, leap and dance,
194
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,319
jump up and down in praise of the Lord
195
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:31,071
and receive all the blessings of Heaven.
196
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:37,110
But it doesn't say they have to have
six parking bays at Safeway's.
197
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,790
They're always empty.
I left the car for five minutes.
198
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:45,835
I only nipped in for a bottle of Taboo.
When I came out it was clamped.
199
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:51,272
I said to the feller: "Would it be
different if I had a stick and a limp?"
200
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:55,359
Ramps outside libraries,
and their toilets are massive.
201
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:02,231
Hymn number 168. Glad That I Live Am I.
202
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,190
Dad?
203
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,316
We need to talk.
204
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,751
That set the cat amongst the pigeons,
205
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,918
because the report's not ready,
but I've given a specific date.
206
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,951
- Bloody hell!
- Do you want another drink?
207
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,559
No thanks, Geoff.
208
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,389
- So I find myself at this conference...
- Give it a rest, Brian!
209
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,673
- Eh?
- Can't you talk about something else?
210
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,077
There are other things to talk about than work.
211
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,748
Leave him alone, he's only telling a story.
212
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,678
But he's boring, ain't he, Mike?
213
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,872
- I'm sorry, Geoff.
- Carry on, Brian.
214
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:06,631
- Oh, no!
- Please. I'm sorry. Carry on.
215
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:15,078
- I find myself at a conference...
- It's just that...
216
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,716
Well, today is me birthday.
217
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,593
- Oh, Geoff, it's not!
- Oh, happy...
218
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,231
- Happy birthday!
- It doesn't matter.
219
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,829
- Why didn't you tell us?
- I have now, haven't I?
220
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,349
We should've remembered,
we were here last year.
221
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,074
Yeah... And the year before that.
222
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,474
Happy birthday, Geoff!
How old are you now, 43?
223
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,353
- He's older than that, aren't you?
- 40.
224
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,558
- I'm 40.
- Oh...
225
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,672
You don't... look it.
226
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,956
Well, many happy returns.
227
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,436
- Cheers!
- Thanks. Cheers, Brian.
228
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,311
Go on, Brian. You were at this conference.
229
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,193
I'm sitting there and Butler
finishes the introductions...
230
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,755
I brought these hats.
231
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,349
You don't have to wear them.
232
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,357
No, we will, won't we?
233
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,916
- Do you want the yellow one, Brian?
- Why not.
234
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,680
- Don't bother.
- Get yours on, birthday boy.
235
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,236
All right, Mike, Brian...
236
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,672
I want to say thanks.
Thanks for coming out with me today.
237
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:33,236
It's no bother, we were coming here
anyway, weren't we, Mike?
238
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,750
I know sometimes I get mad, and...
239
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:41,556
Recently I've said some stupid things.
I can't help it, it's the way I am.
240
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,034
But I'm older now...
241
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,879
You're only as old as the woman you feel.
242
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,834
All right, now serious, Mike. I'm older now and...
243
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,794
Well, I've made a decision and I'm sticking to it.
244
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,037
I'm glad to hear it, because
sometimes you can be a right psycho.
245
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,198
Brian! That's very good that is, Geoff.
246
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,597
I want nothing but the best for you.
You've got your life ahead of you.
247
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,552
Life begins at 40.
248
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,675
So they say. I've said my piece
and that's me done.
249
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,952
I'm parched, I'm off to the lav.
Get them drinks in, you.
250
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:15,752
Waiter!
251
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,359
You can let them all in now.
252
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,029
I couldn't keep a straight face.
253
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,595
Hi, Cheryl. Come on, hurry up. Come on.
254
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,472
Who's got banner?
255
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,753
- I can't believe he thinks we forgot.
- He's brought his own hats.
256
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,352
He'll get the shock of his life.
257
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,677
I know. Be quiet, he's only in bogs, you know.
258
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,668
- What's that?
- He's brought his own birthday card.
259
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,672
What does it say?
260
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,991
"I hate you, Mike."
261
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,509
"Tell Brian I hate him too."
262
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,149
"I needed your help."
263
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,073
"You always knew I had this gun."
264
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,591
"Geoff."
265
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,951
Geoff!
(GUN SHOT)
266
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,032
Grip the shaft firmly.
267
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,037
Nearer the base.
268
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,558
Try going round and round
rather than up and down.
269
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,751
You're doing very well.
270
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,236
It's basic hygiene, Benjamin.
271
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,908
The cleaning items must be spick and span.
272
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,872
A dirty brush is a useless brush.
273
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:40,995
Now turn your attention to the items
with which you've been cleaning.
274
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,395
- What about them?
- They need cleaning too.
275
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,950
- What should I clean them with?
- These.
276
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:54,151
In this house we wage a constant
battle against microbes and germs.
277
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:58,035
- And I have to clean them too?
- Naturally.
278
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,231
For Christ's sake!
279
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:04,513
As if it matters! As if any of it matters!
280
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,278
I'm going to hang the black scissors
on the blue hook.
281
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,869
No!
282
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,038
I need to dry my hands.
What shall I dry them with?
283
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:18,711
What happens if I use the white towel
instead of the brown?!
284
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,869
I can't even have a shit without
someone peeping through the keyhole!
285
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,275
Conducting yourself in the solo symphony.
286
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,357
Let me out!
287
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,915
Oh, Benjamin... Benjamin.
288
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,197
Life writes many different stories upon us.
289
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,551
Stories that make us what we are.
290
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,511
I myself was a shy and awkward boy
291
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,599
afflicted with terrible facial warts.
292
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,189
Oh, yes.
293
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,436
People would whisper behind my back;
294
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,756
"There goes Harvey toad face."
295
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,793
"Quick, hide! Toad face Denton is coming."
296
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,195
And that was just his mother and father.
297
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,038
But the toad can teach us many lessons.
298
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,437
Its life cycle is a model of order and simplicity.
299
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:17,556
All we've sought to do is create a
similar harmony for ourselves and...
300
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,836
...those we love.
301
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,277
Look, I didn't mean to upset you.
302
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:31,432
If you feel uncomfortable,
then of course you must go.
303
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,835
But don't judge us too harshly.
304
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,713
We simply sought to...
305
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,309
...express our love in the only way we knew how.
306
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,830
Benjamin.
307
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,600
Before you go, we'd like to give you something.
308
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,315
Of course. What is it?
309
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,511
It's this.
310
00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,474
An itemised bill covering expenses
incurred during your stay.
311
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,275
- Wear and tear to carpets.
- Dust creation and removal.
312
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,074
Disproportionate consumption of toilet tissue,
313
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,955
used while pleasuring yourself
to wicked extremes.
314
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,038
Cheque or Visa will be fine.
315
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,989
Um... Brian's waiting for the police.
316
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,111
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
317
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,195
Oh, Geoff.
318
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,073
You had everything to live for.
319
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,589
Why did you have to go and do
something stupid like this?
320
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,118
To see the look on your faces.
321
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,038
Geoff?
322
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:21,272
Oh, I got you, didn't I? They were blanks.
323
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,192
Oh, you... baby!
324
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,069
Only a joke.
325
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:42,192
Hello, Tubbs! What's all this shouting?
We'll have no trouble here.
326
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,836
I'm leaving you, Edward.
327
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,153
- What?
- I'm leaving you.
328
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,636
I hate this town and I hate this shop.
329
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,071
- David's taking me to London.
- No.
330
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,840
We're going shopping at Harvey Nick's,
331
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,191
and then we're off to Leicester Square
for a pizza.
332
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,550
Tubbs, listen to yourself.
333
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,751
You cannot trust this boy.
334
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:14,080
His mind has been corrupted
by colours, sounds and shapes.
335
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,514
I want to see Les Mis.
336
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,598
Or any of the big shows really.
337
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:25,672
Goodbye, Edward.
338
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,671
I... love you.
339
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:37,877
Tubbs.
340
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:43,192
I... have to tell you something.
341
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:47,188
I saw David earlier this afternoon. We...
342
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,392
...had a little chat.
343
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,319
He's decided he's not building
the new road after all.
344
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,479
Oh, Edward! I don't care about
your stupid road.
345
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,511
We're going on the choo train.
346
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,036
Go!
347
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,234
David must be waiting for you.
348
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:22,114
- David!
- Hello, Mum.
349
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,517
I've changed my mind.
350
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,633
I want to live locally.
351
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,635
EDWARD: Tubbs?
352
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,676
POSTBOX: Thank you for posting...
353
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,713
All right, it's me.
354
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,836
- Had a good day?
- It's all right, yeah.
355
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,910
See you tomorrow.
356
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,553
- Will you look after this for me?
- Course I will, Barbara.
357
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,035
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
358
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,869
Just try and relax. The anaesthetic
will kick in quite soon.
359
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,231
Good. I've heard that Dr Mikos
is one of the best in the country.
360
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,876
He is. Shame he had that skiing accident.
361
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,150
- Eh?
- It's all right, Barbara.
362
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:37,478
We have a replacement who's just as capable.
363
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:43,399
Hello, Barbara. Don't you worry about a thing.
364
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,556
Right. What am I doing?
365
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,956
BENJAMIN: Excuse me.
366
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,194
Excuse me.
367
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,595
You don't know if there's
a shop around here, do you?
368
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,076
I'm starving, and I really want to
get away tonight.
369
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,556
Yes. Come with me.
370
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,320
Oh, I like your boots.
371
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,590
My friend's got a pair just like that.
372
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,878
So, are you local?
373
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,470
Yes. Yes, I am.
28659
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