Original subtitles

(soft jazzy music)

(dramatic jazzy music)

- [Simon] Screen fights are all the same

and not typical to outguess.

Now let's see, a couple of haymakers

followed up by a flying hit throw.

Now a karate chop to the neck, to the midriff,

another to the neck, and into the bath.

Turn on the shower.

(water falling)

Back into the bath.

The mechanical horse.

That must be there for some reason,

which leaves us with the mirror.

(mirror shatters)

Plus, the groping hand bit ...

Dialogue.

- Well hello, Dolly.

- [Simon] Hello Dolly.

- Hello, Charles.

Aren't I divine?

- You stole the scene, darling.

- You must admit.

It does move.

- Oh, it moves all right.

Predictably, but it moves.

- Predictably to you, but then, you're an expert.

The famous Simon Templar.

(pinging)

(soft orchestral music)

(quirky music)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(soft orchestral music)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(cars passing)

(people chattering) (cameras clicking)

- Thank you, Diane.

- Mr. Savage, what do you like best about playing

Charles Lake?

- The money.

- Excuse me, Rip.

- Carol, do you think you're being stereotyped

in the Lake pictures?

- Thank you very much.

- May I have your autograph, please?

- Excuse me. - Thank you very much.

- Miss Henley, can I have a shot of you

and Mr. Savage, please?

- Sorry, Simon.

- You're public.

- Enjoying, Simon?

- Divine.

- Shall we avoid the party?

- Like the plague.

- Mr. Hugoson, how many Amos Klein books have you published?

- Uh, four.

- Will they all be made into films?

- I fervently hope so.

Oh.

- Sorry.

How is it Amos Klein never never attends these premieres?

- Uh, no comment.

- But he does live in England?

- No comment.

- Uh, no autographs.

- Mr. Hugoson, you're his publisher.

What does Amos Klein write?

Is he married?

- I'm sorry gentlemen, no comment.

- How old is Amos Klein?

(people chattering)

(soft music)

- What's all this no comment?

- I'm merely being evasive.

- [Simon] Why?

- Amos Klein is making me rich.

- And?

- I want to protect my investment.

- That's difficult.

- Yes, it looks as though it's going to be.

My flat's just around the next corner.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Finlay, you still haven't said why you're being evasive.

- My dear boy.

Do you know how much I made from publishing

the history of the 38th Regiment Hardfordshire

Veteran Volunteer Infantry, Barack Obande,

with 60 glorious picked in color?

- I haven't the faintest idea.

- A net loss of 2,000.

- I'm not surprised.

(tense music)

(dramatic, jazzy music)

Guests?

- Uninvited.

- Key.

(dramatic, jazzy music)

(hits) (grunts)

(grunts)

(door slams)

(hits) (grunts)

(grunts)

(hits)

(dramatic, jazzy music)

Oh.

You see?

Real life fights aren't so predictable.

(tense music)

- I knew it.

That's what they were after.

- [Simon] What?

- Amos Klein's address.

- Well there must be easier ways of getting it, surely.

- There aren't, it's a deep, dark secret.

- Well I must ask why?

- Because I'm a capitalist, because I'm through with

publishing so-called important books.

I don't want to educate people.

I just want to be a millionaire.

- That's a very laudable ambition.

- Yes, not in this country.

- Well you seem to be doing all right without my help.

- Yes, but you would help me, wouldn't you, Simon?

If only for the sheer delight of keeping

me in Brandy.

Now you saw Pines Field tonight.

Have you read the books?

- Well I skipped through them.

- Ever seen Amos Klein?

- No.

- Or even a photograph?

- Come to mention it, I haven't.

- To our mutual aide.

- Meaning what?

- You like adventure, don't you?

- Who doesn't?

- Doesn't it strike you as odd that a world famous author,

creator of Charles Lake, the greatest hero of modern times,

is unknown?

Faceless?

- I've got it.

Amos Klein is a pen name for the Prime Minister.

- Worse.

Simon, you've got to help me.

I'm getting too old for this sort of suffering.

Amos Klein's real identity must be protected.

- From what? - The press.

The fifth book is due out in two weeks' time.

I promise you, it's desperately urgent.

Now you'll understand it when you get down there.

Now Simon, if you've got a drop of red blood left

in your veins, you'll drive down to Amos Klein's

cottage tonight.

(tense orchestral music)

(knocking)

(tense orchestral music)

(knocking)

(tense orchestral music)

(shucking)

- Help!

(screaming)

(gunshots)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(gunshot)

Well hello.

- At the risk of being impertinent, would you mind

telling me what you're doing?

- Well you see, they're keeping me prisoner in this cellar

and darn that Brody, he's the nice boy whose

mother was killed by the mafia, he slipped me this gun

and I'm gonna kill Warlock with it when he comes

to talk to me, but my wrists are tied, you see?

- You thought I was Warlock?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

This is Warlock.

Help me with him, will you?

He gets better.

Leads a charmed life, that one.

The swine.

- Warlock's a character out of Amos Klein's books.

- That's right.

- And you are Amos Klein.

- That's right.

Well why don't you die of shock?

- Well, I just did.

- So what's holding you up?

- Rigor mortis.

- Try bending.

- Hm?

- Come on.

- Why do write these tough books?

- Oh, something went wrong in the people factory.

They ran out of girly ribbons.

- Not from where I'm bending.

- Oh, that's sweet.

I could learn to love you.

- Most people do.

- Top.

Oh, just pick those up for me, would you?

- Why are you supposed to be a man?

- Well it was my publisher's idea.

You know, to sell the books.

Actually, it's paid off rather well.

Plays habit with my private life.

- I can't imagine the complications.

- Um, how do you happen to be here?

Are you a laborer or something?

- Well my name is Simon Templar.

- The Simon Templar?

- Well, if there's more than one of us, I am he.

No, Finlay Hugoson asked me to come down.

He thinks you may be having gate crashers.

- Liar.

(papers scatter)

- I hope they're in page order.

- Back against the wall, buster.

- Why? You're not gonna shoot me.

- I'll give you three seconds.

One,

two--

- You can count until the cows come home,

but you won't shoot me. - Why not?

- That happens to be a Hungarian Femaru.

They only pack six shoots and you shot them all off.

- Yes, you're right.

Pass, friend.

You really are The Saint.

Whiskey?

- Thanks, but, that is gin.

- Oh dear.

So it is.

Ta.

So Finlay sent you down, did he?

- Yes, his flat was broken into tonight.

Someone got into your confidential file

and took your address.

We interrupted them.

- Oh, was it a good fight?

- No.

No, they were more interested in getting away.

- How did they?

- Well they beat me to the elevator.

- Oh you could have stopped them.

You could have fused the elevator power circuit.

- From above the car? - Mm.

You just put a coin in behind the call button.

- I never carry small change.

- Here's to friendship.

- To friendship.

Tell me, what am I going to call you?

Amos seems to be a little out of place.

- Um.

Call me Darling.

Did you happen to recognize the characters

you saw tonight?

- No, Darling.

- Couldn't be reporters, could they?

I mean, um, after tonight's premiere?

(chuckles)

- A bit violent for Fleet Street, hm?

- Yes, I suppose so.

- Hang on.

Wait, wait.

- You buried a bone?

- No, no, it's a letter.

Oh, I say, look. (chuckles)

There's a tiny microphone in there.

It was a present from the Turkish police.

Sweet.

Here we are.

It came to me through Finlay's office.

Read it.

- \"Dear Mr. Klein,

\"Enclosed it a check for 50--\"

- 50,000 pounds.

- Woo.

\"Being half payment for your writing services,

\"which we are most anxious to acquire.

\"Period of employment: two months.

\"Balance on completion.

\"The work is secret, challenging, and to your taste.

\"Your cashing this check with be regarded as full

\"acceptance of the contract, whereupon you will be

\"contacted and given further instructions.

\"Signed, Warlock.\"

- My fictional villain.

Kooky, isn't it?

And look at the letter heading.

- [Simon] S.W.O.R.D.

- Secret World Organization for Retribution and Destruction.

- Warlock's dastardly organization.

- That's right.

- So it's dated a month ago.

- Yes.

Yeah, so it is.

- What have you done about it?

- Nothing.

- Haven't you even called the bank?

- Why?

- Well to find out if there's a man called Warlock

and if he has a bank account.

- Oh, I couldn't be bothered.

I mean, I get all sort of fan mail.

This is obviously from some kind of a nut.

(car approaching)

- Hm, the police.

- Police? Why?

- Darling, six gunshots.

Remember?

- Good evening, officer.

- Good evening, sir.

Are you Mr. Amos Klein?

- Well you'd better come along in.

- PC Jarvis, sir, Hanscom Police.

- Oh well, what seems to be the trouble?

- Well sir, the inspector would like to have

a word with you down at the station.

- Oh really?

What about?

- I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Klein,

but Mr. Cranmall lives down the road,

claims to have heard some shots.

- Shots?

- Shots?

- Shots.

Uh yes, sir, apparently coming from your cottage.

- Why, it's all a misunderstanding.

- Really, sir?

- Well, may I offer you a drink?

- Not on duty, thank you sir.

- Cigarette?

- Well, thank you very much, sir.

Very kind of you sir.

- Not at all.

You see, officer, I, I don't just make my stories up,

I have to live them, every step of the way.

Why, I have to get inside my characters, don't I, Darling?

- Oh yes.

- I know them as well, as well as I know myself.

By the way, uh, how's my old friend Charlie Huggins?

- Huggins?

- BC Huggins.

You do know him, don't you?

- Oh, Huggins, he's fine.

He's not on duty this evening.

Now sir, about those shots.

- Oh yes, yes, I was coming to that.

You see, my secretary and I were

working on a scene.

Yeah.

Where a man gets shot. (dramatic music)

- What was the idea of that?

- The turquoise ring.

And there is no such person as Charlie Huggins.

Shall we?

(dramatic music) (Amos gasps)

(dramatic music)

(dart shoots)

- Put me down!

How dare you!

Put me down!

Put me down!

- So that's Amos Klein.

(tense orchestral music)

- Good morning Mr. Klein.

Your pajamas fit?

I had to guess the size.

- Frankly miss, um?

- [Woman] Galaxy.

Galaxy Rose.

- Galaxy? - From your novel,

Volcano Seven.

- Hey wait--

- I'm not leaving you, Mr. Klein.

I'm here to serve you.

With everything you want.

Comfy? - Very.

- The London papers.

But no mail, sorry.

- Look, why don't cut out the floor show

and you tell me exactly where I am.

- In a private house in the country.

- Whose house?

- For that information, you'll have to wait 40 seconds.

Your secretary's in the room next door, still asleep.

What's her name, by the way?

- Oh, Darling.

- Oh.

- Joyce Darling.

- Oh, how nice.

Bath, or shower?

- Shower.

- I'll see everything's ready for you.

(soft jazzy music)

(birds chirping)

(soft jazzy music)

(fanfare music)

- Good morning and welcome, Mr. Klein. (chuckles)

Firstly, let me apologize for the rather severe

method of bringing you here.

But when it became obvious you weren't going to

cash my check, I had to, uh, force the issue. (chuckles)

Yes, Mr. Klein, I am Warlock.

No doubt you are wondering what this is all about.

- To say the least.

- Warlock is not my real name.

It is assumed in your honor.

Your books have given me great pleasure, Mr. Klein,

and I take great delight in welcoming you to the

headquarters of S.W.O.R.D. (chuckles)

Everything is exactly as you describe it in your books.

If, when you're bathed and dressed,

you'll join us in the planning room,

I'll explain everything to you.

In the meantime, if there's anything you want,

don't hesitate to ask.

Good bye for now, Mr. Klein.

- Good bye.

Well.

Do you hear that, Galaxy?

Anything I want, I only have to ask.

- What have you in mind?

- A gun.

- Oh, what a shame.

- Oh, the gray, I think.

It's so much cooler.

No gun?

- No gun.

- This is not part of the goodwill we just had advertised.

- There are other kinds of the goodwill, Mr. Klein.

- Such as?

- Such as, you take a shower, and I'll scrub your back.

- Hm.

You're far too generous.

- I've only just started.

(soft, romantic music)

(soft jazzy music)

It locks electronically.

- Electronically.

- Elec-tra-lon-ically.

(soft jazzy music)

Elevator?

- The stairs lead to the same place?

- Of course. - I need the exercise.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Mr. Amos Klein.

- My dear Mr. Klein, we meet at last.

What a pleasure.

- Rather one-sided.

- I hope not for long. (chuckles)

That will be all, thank you.

Of course, you know these gentlemen.

- Do I?

- Well after all, you created them. (chuckles)

But, to refresh your memory, the Bishop.

Nero Jones.

Frug.

- Haven't I seen you somewhere?

- Oh, it's more than possible I have been somewhere.

(chuckles) - And, Simeon Monk.

(grunts)

Nice casting, you'll admit. - Wonderful.

- Now, if you'll sit at the head of the table.

You are the father and we are merely your brain children.

- Will somebody tell father, is this rag week?

(laughs) - Not quite, not quite.

Mr. Klein, all business is based on something.

Albeit, only a successful competitor.

Now, I had an unusual idea, arrived at after reading

your books, oh, half a dozen times.

It is simply this: S.W.O.R.D. works, Mr. Klein,

it actually works.

And because it works, I made it come to life.

- Hence the, uh, careful typecasting.

(chuckles)

- Using some of its methods, we've managed to acquire

a train load of currency notes,

the foundation of this establishment, as you might say.

However, the prime ingredient of S.W.O.R.D.

has been missing.

The ingredient that makes S.W.O.R.D. unique.

Your own quite remarkable brain.

- That's why you had me bring it along?

- Well I did offer an ample remuneration in the

first place, you remember.

- I remember the second place.

- Yes, well, we mustn't have any ill feeling, must we?

So down to business.

Bishop, Frug.

(dramatic orchestral music)

Nice.

I got the idea from Volcano Seven.

All right, Frug.

Explain to your creator what it is.

- It was the Templeton Culliary in North Wales.

- Now it's been taken over by a private company

called Hermetico.

They've converted it into a safe deposit

for hyper valuables.

Two of the Middle Eastern countries keep

their gold reserves there.

- One of them keeps his crown jewels there.

Three of Debeer's subsidiaries keep their

diamond stocks, they are never less than

two million pounds worth.

- An immense store house of treasure.

Hermetico.

Both atom bomb proof, and theft proof.

Fences, 12 feet high, barbed,

and every strand wired to the alarm system.

Grills, at intervals throughout the storage area,

each with a different locking system,

and automatic sealing devices.

The control room, the electronic nerve center.

And in case of alarm, the whole storage area

can be flooded.

Now that is just a brief resume.

We have a dossier containing complete details.

Bishop.

- It's in my office, I'll get it.

- Sit down, Bishop.

I, uh, I dislike people who forget things.

- That's right.

(slaps) (Bishop grunts)

- Now let that be a warning to you.

And Mr. Klein?

Please don't make the mistake of not taking me seriously.

- Wait.

I've got it.

- Is it catching?

- I remember where I saw you.

This is not Amos Klein.

- Well what do you mean?

- I mean he's a fake, this isn't Amos Klein.

- An interesting conclusion.

How did you arrive at it?

- I saw him last night in Finlay Hugoson's flat.

(scoffs)

- There's nothing unusual about that.

Finally Hugoson's my publisher.

Why, I often stop by his flat.

I keep my petty cash there.

(laughs)

- Of course.

Now, where were we?

- Uh, this.

You've got it intact, just as it was in Volcano Seven.

Except that was the Bank of England, I think.

- Marvelously written.

And I'm sure you'll write just as good a story this time.

(clears throat)

- Story?

- Telling how S.W.O.R.D. ransacked Hermetico,

how, through brilliant thinking,

we breached every defense.

Penetrated to the core of this invulnerable fortress

and laid it bare. (laughs)

- Mr. Warlock, you're crazy.

(laughs) - Please.

Don't use that word.

And you will write it, just like any other story.

Breaking down every problem, detail by detail.

You will write it, and we, your characters,

will live it.

- And, uh, what if I refuse?

- Oh, you yourself have provided me with far too many

gruesome methods of torture to make such a refusal

even thinkable.

- Amos?

- Well.

- Like it?

- Gorgeous.

- I had the bath of my life.

Soaked its colored ward of the lot.

- We are in a spot, Miss Darling.

- Yes I know.

- You are working for a bunch of nuts,

you know that, don't you?

She put you in the picture?

- All the way.

Oh, what's he like?

Warlock, I mean.

Who is he really?

- Yes.

- Well in the books, that was never known, was it?

- No.

Still, we know who you are.

They compelled you to work for them.

- Oh yes, your father owed Warlock a great deal of money.

(knocking)

- Come in. - Come in.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Here's the model, Amos, buddy.

- And the dossier.

- So punch the time clock, and you're away.

- Fascinating.

- The only thing that fascinates me is how

we get out of here.

- Well don't look at me.

In the books, I never helped anybody to escape.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- What's to, uh, stop us walking out right now?

- Oh, don't be silly.

We know.

Electrified steel fence, right?

And the grounds are patrolled by guards with dogs.

- Take a look.

Come on.

(soft jazzy music)

- And at dusk, there's a photoelectric device that

locks the windows and all the outer doors.

- And sets the alarms? - Mhm.

- You've got it.

And I'll give you one for free.

You remember what was in all the S.W.O.R.D. bedrooms?

- Yes.

Bugged.

and there was a closed circuit TV camera.

- Hey, which one of you writes the books?

- I do.

Where are the mics?

- There are three of them.

You can spot them if you look for them.

They can hear every word you say, except out here.

And that's as far as I can stick my neck out.

(soft jazzy music)

- I hope Galaxy takes me seriously.

- Quote, \"With a sad, sexy twist of her lissome body,

\"Galaxy Rose turned away.

\"'Farewell, fellow suckers,' she atoned as she

\"left the room,\" unquote.

(door closes)

(sighs)

- All right.

You invented S.W.O.R.D., now invent a way out

of its clutches.

- I did.

For Charles Lake in Hate Lover.

- What happened?

- He was electrocuted.

(laughing) (dramatic orchestral music)

- With your arrangements I am most impressed.

- Well thank you, General.

- You understand, of course, that I must

consult with my government.

- Oh, at your convenience, General.

Hermetico is anxious to serve you.

(chuckles)

- Your precautions are ingenious.

- Our precautions, General, are fool proof.

You have your green card?

- Oh, of course.

- Well then I'll say good morning.

- Well thank you for your courtesy Mr. Carson.

(birds chirping)

- [Machine] If your green pass card bears today's date,

please insert it in the slot below.

(machine whirs) (gate buzzes)

(birds chirping)

(gate buzzes)

(birds chirping)

(car starts up)

- Well?

- Fantastic.

Absolutely impregnable, except to the mind of Amos Klein.

- And when?

How long's it gonna take him?

- Soon Frug, soon, be patient.

After all, Einstein worked on relativity for years,

so we can give Mr. Klein a couple of days.

(upbeat jazzy music)

- If you ask me, Amos Klein's a nut.

- I didn't ask you.

(upbeat band music)

What on earth are they doing?

- What's it look like?

They're dancing.

- Dancing?

- Dancing.

- For two solid hours.

(upbeat band music)

- Amos, baby, I'm waiting. - For what?

- For you to dream up the big escape scene.

- Well in Earthquake Four, Charles Lake escapes

from the castle.

- How?

- Balloon.

- Where did he get it?

- Well it was rolled up inside his umbrella,

and he filled it with gas from his cigarette lighter.

- Oh boy.

- Well, it's just a simple structural problem after all.

- Lody doh.

(upbeat band music)

(smacking)

(records crash)

- I demand an explanation.

- Of what?

- You were dancing.

Why?

- Exercise.

- Mr. Klein.

Do you remember what S.W.O.R.D. did to the police sergeant

in Sunburst Five?

- Oh no.

(chuckles)

- The equipment is fully operational in the cellar.

It can be filled with acid in one minute.

- Oh, you wouldn't.

(Simon tsking)

- Warlock, I'm ashamed of you.

- Ashamed?

- Yes, ashamed.

You're completely out of character.

Why, in my books you were evil, of course.

But you were also intelligent,

and sensitive.

- So?

- So, now you're behaving like a mentally deficient buffalo.

- Buffalo?

- A buffalo.

Have you any idea what it is like to be a writer?

The constant struggle trying to figure out

what comes next?

You think it's as easy as saying,

\"After Monday comes Tuesday?\"

- Well, I, I've never underestimated your genius.

- Yet you expect me to work when I'm a prisoner.

- In a cage, alone.

- Yes, locked up like an animal.

Stifled, hemmed in by these walls.

- Panting for a breath of fresh air.

- Yes, just look at the sky.

I tell you, it's driving me mad!

And yet you expect me to create.

- Ridiculous.

- Mr. Klein.

You make me feel deeply ashamed.

- You should be.

- Do forgive me.

I'll arrange with Galaxy to take you for a walk

in the garden at once.

- Yippee!

- Not you, Miss Darling.

We can't have you both out of the house at once. (chuckles)

Just a simple precaution.

- Mr. Klein?

What happens to me in your next book?

- You marry Charles Lake.

- I do?

- [Simon] Unfortunately, he's terribly wounded.

- Where?

- Well, Galaxy dear, I'm afraid you'll just have to

wait and read the book.

- How does Charles Lake get wounded?

Monk?

I never did like that one.

- Oh and, another thing.

- Yes?

- Warlock double crosses you.

- He wouldn't.

- He promised you a million for this medigo caper right?

- Yes.

- You don't get it.

- The dirty stinker.

- Is the gate electrified?

- If you know Warlock double crosses me,

how come you don't know about the gates?

- Mr. Klein's tour of the grounds could provide

him with food for thought.

We must be on our toes tonight.

- Double guards.

- The full drill, Frug.

The full drill.

(soft orchestral music)

(yawns)

(soft orchestral music)

(clears throat)

(soft jazzy music)

(clears throat)

(snoring on recording)

- Is your tape recorder working?

- Yes.

(snoring on recording)

(soft jazzy music)

(ripping)

(soft jazzy music)

(snoring on recording)

(soft jazzy music)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(soft jazzy music)

(cracking)

- Klein's working late tonight.

- What are you talking about?

He's asleep.

- There's a light on in his room.

- There isn't.

- I don't care what you say.

There's a light in his room.

I saw it from outside.

(snoring on recording)

- Take a look.

(soft jazzy music)

(gasps) - Shh.

(soft jazzy music)

- There you are.

- You're right.

(dog barking)

(soft jazzy music)

- The light was on, I tell ya.

- What the devil is going on?

Why am I being disturbed?

- Oh sorry, Mr. Klein, I--

- How am I expected to work if I don't get my rest, hm?

- What is the matter?

- What's the matter?

I'll tell you what the matter is, Warlock.

They are a bunch of idiots.

No consideration at all.

Barging, barging in on me in the middle of the night

for no reason, waking me up.

I tell you, I cannot function without eight hours

uninterrupted sleep. (yawns)

- What on earth is all the noise about?

- Ask Warlock.

- Explain this.

- Um.

It was my fault, Mr. Warlock, I--

- Out.

My profound apologies Mr. Klein.

I assure you, this won't happen again.

Eh, good night.

He is not to be disturbed again.

The usual precautions are quite sufficient.

Do you hear?

(grunting)

(tense jazzy music)

(soft jazzy music)

(dog growls)

- [Guard] That's it.

Come on.

(snoring on recording)

(tense music)

- So far, it's marvelous.

- And there's more to come.

(soft jazzy music)

(dog barking)

(tiles clatter)

- Shh. (dog barking)

(tense music)

- [Guard] Come on.

(dog barks)

- Come on.

(soft jazzy music)

(Amos grunts)

(soft jazzy music)

- Well what now, brother tomcat?

You know, at this point, I usually write in a helicopter.

(tense music)

(dog barking)

(tense music)

(dog barking)

(tense music)

- Get off.

(tense music)

(dog barking)

(dog barking)

- Keep that dog quiet!

(tense music)

(leaves crunch)

(footsteps in the distance)

- There's only one way through those gates.

- Yes, we'll have to burst through them with a car.

(Simon grunts)

(jazzy music)

- You don't have as spare ignition key on you, do you?

- Wait a minute, in Earthquake Four, Warlock lost the

key to this.

He was trying to get away from Charles Lake,

he nearly didn't.

So he had a second ignition switch installed.

Where was it?

Got it.

Now try the starter.

(dramatic music) (car starts up)

- [Nero] Shoot out the tires.

(gunshots)

(dramatic music)

(crashing)

(tires skid)

(laughing)

- We've done it!

Oh, Simon, we've done it, we've actually escaped

from S.W.O.R.D., yippee!

- Missed ingenious.

- I can't believe it.

- Don't be concerned, dear boy.

The ignition in their car will cut out automatically

in six more miles.

We will pick them up at Northfield Corners in

seven minutes.

(beeping)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- You were marvelous.

- Oh, so were you.

- Thank you.

I say, I wonder what would have happened if they'd

find out that I was Amos Klein.

- I know what would have happened if they found out

I was really Simon Templar.

(jazzy music)

- I thought no one ever escaped from S.W.O.R.D.

- Who said they've escaped? (chuckles)

(beeping)

They're ahead of us, approaching Northfield Corners.

(tires skid)

There's no need to drive so recklessly, Monk.

They can't possibly get away from us.

(beeping)

Five, four, three, two, one

now.

(car stalls)

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Oh dear.

- Your idea?

- Yes, I'm afraid so, it was in my last book.

It's an automatic cut out device on the

car's electrical system.

We're locked.

- A playboy's dream car.

- Look, it's no good Simon.

The car's hermetically sealed.

The device is fool proof.

- The device may be, not me.

- I'd give a fortune to see the expression on

Mr. Klein's face right now

(jazzy music)

(ripping)

- Can you get through?

- Yes, if I would go on a diet.

(jazzy music)

(beeping)

- Be careful, you'll blow us all up.

- It'd be a quick way of getting out.

(jazzy music)

Come on.

(beeping)

- 'Round the next bend.

Poor Mr. Klein. (chuckles)

(jazzy music)

(car approaching) - This way.

(jazzy music)

- Brilliant.

Brilliant.

- And you said they couldn't possibly get away.

- I underestimated Amos Klein every step of the way.

What a magnificent brain he has.

- So he's got a brain, what do we do now?

- Warlock to S.W.O.R.D., Warlock to S.W.O.R.D.

Operation Foxhunt, Operation Foxhunt. (chuckles)

- [Amos] What are they doing?

- What do S.W.O.R.D. usually do under these circumstances?

- Oh any number of things: flamethrowers, tanks,

death ray machine, infrared probes.

- Yes, and what do we do?

- I don't know.

- I do.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Hey, wait, what are you trying to beat?

The three minute mile?

- I'm sorry.

- Can't we rest?

My feet are killing me.

- You should be glad S.W.O.R.D.'s

not killing you, come on.

(dogs barking) (growling)

- Dogs?

Oh now we've had everything.

- Everything except little Eva crossing the ice.

- The night is still young. (dogs barking)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(Amos yells)

- Did you break anything?

- No.

- Good, this is no time for lying around.

Come on, keep moving.

(Amos groans)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(dogs barking) (dramatic jazzy music)

Here, come on.

- No, no, no, no, I'll drown!

- It'll throw the dogs off. - No, I'll drown!

- Not if you hold your breath. (Amos groans)

(dramatic jazzy music)

- [Amos] Oh, it's getting deeper.

(Amos groans)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(Amos screams)

- Be quiet, what's the matter?

- Water snakes, get away!

Ah, get away!

- Don't be silly.

Water snakes, it's probably alligators.

Now come on, give me your hand, quick.

- Let me go!

(dogs panting)

- You know, it's just dawned on me why you are not married.

- I'm sorry Simon.

- Oh it's fine, the mud's delicious.

- I didn't mean to push you in.

- Well at least the dogs have lost our scent.

- The dogs may have lost it but, phew, woo wee.

(dogs barking) - Get down!

(splashing)

- Well.

Nero and I will go this way,

and you two that way.

Come on.

(wading)

- No.

No, I can't,

another step.

- Hey, look.

Give me your hand.

(knocking)

(knocking)

- I say!

(knocking)

- Who is it?

- Uh, we need help.

(gasps)

- Ma, the shot gun!

- You don't need a shot gun.

We're friends. - Come on.

We need help, please, open the door. (knocking)

(sighs)

- There's no reason to be afraid.

- No, we just--

- We're not gonna hurt you, I promise.

- No, we just want to use your telephone.

- You can't. - Well why not?

- Oh come on, don't be silly, we'll pay for the call.

- We don't own a phone

- Don't move.

Now, what's all this about?

- Have you ever heard of Amos Klein?

- No, who's he?

- I'm he.

Well, that is to say, I'm an author and Amos Klein

is my alter ego and what I mean is everyone

thinks I'm a man.

- I see.

- Well tell them titles of some of yours books.

- Ah yes, um, um Sunburst Five.

- No.

- Volcano Seven?

- No.

- Anyway, Amos here invented an organization

called S.W.O.R.D.

- Yes, it stands for Secret World Organization

for Retribution and Destruction.

- And there's this man.

- Nutcase, actually.

- Well he thought he could make it work.

- So he recreated it down to the last detail.

- They've been holding us prisoners.

Locked up.

- Locked up?

- [Amos] But we managed to escape.

- Escape?

- How?

- Details don't matter.

The point is, these people are after us.

- Eh, Ma, why don't you make a cup of tea

and we'll sit down and talk this over calm like?

- Well that's awfully kind of you, but really,

we haven't got the time.

- We must get to the police.

- What for?

- Well you see, if they catch us, well Warlock will kill us.

(Amos sobs)

You don't understand.

(Amos sobs)

- Look.

I'll give you 50 pounds for the use of your car.

- 50 pounds?

- Wet, but negotiable.

Just to drive to the nearest village to get

to a police station.

- Get the car.

- Yeah.

- Here, I'll get it.

You just give me the keys.

- No, it won't start for nobody but me.

- You uh, won't need that, I promise you.

- I expect not.

Hasn't been fired for 20 years anyway.

Well, uh (clears throat) how long have you been out?

- About an hour.

- I see.

- They were chasing us with dogs.

(car approaching) - Terrible.

- Well, we'll leave your car outside the police station.

- All right.

- So, well uh-- - Well don't worry.

- Sorry we came in, frightened you.

Sorry about the mess on the floor.

- [Ma] I understand.

Oh good luck.

- Thank you.

(dramatic music)

Oh, don't let them, please.

Don't let them!

Oh Simon, Simon.

Oh please, help him, Simon!

- And now the girl.

I'm terribly sorry if my patients have frightened you.

- It's a lie!

We're not his patients.

He's the head of S.W.O.R.D.

- Hold her!

But be very gentle.

Advanced delusions of persecution and

paranoid maladjustment. - Oh my.

- They're both suffering from acute schizophrenia.

- Oh, it's very sad.

(Warlock yells)

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Mr. Klein and Miss Darling.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Mr. Klein.

You have annoyed me intensely.

You seem to forget that we are your characters.

That you, you created you.

That you must cooperate with us.

Now, let me show you what will happen if you don't.

Bring them down to the cellar.

(machines whirring)

- The S.W.O.R.D. laboratory!

- Reproduced exactly as described in Volcano Seven.

All the marvelous devices of your fertile brain,

Mr. Klein, and they all work perfectly.

- Congratulations.

- Wait a minute.

What's that?

- This is the single deviation from the book.

It originated in Russia, the multi laser destructor,

scores of lasers working in consecutive concentration.

Now I should hate to have to use it on you, Mr. Klein,

but I will, unless you work out within 48 hours how

we can rob Hermetico.

- I can't do it.

- You can and you will.

- I can't.

Not without seeing what we are up against.

- You have the model. - And the dossier.

- And the aid of my scientific knowledge.

We've thought of everything.

- Not everything.

I insist on seeing Hermetico for myself.

- I see.

Well, gentlemen.

- It was in the book, they made two visits.

- And you can't diverge from the book.

- Yeah, stick to the book.

- Very well.

We'll visit Hermetico this afternoon.

Galaxy, you will make all the arrangements.

- Sure thing, Mr. Warlock.

- Oh one moment if you please.

Mr. Klein, may I have your jacket?

Monk.

The accelerator please, Frug.

Highest frequency at maximum concentration.

Galaxy, if you please.

Now if, by so much as a raised eyebrow, Mr. Klein,

you attempt to betray me to Hermetico,

Miss Darling will be placed in the tender care

of this exquisite machine.

(machine buzzing)

(blasts)

(machine buzzing)

- [Simon] What's in the briefcase?

- [Galaxy] Nothing.

- And I'm supposed to be some sort of diplomat?

- Warlock will tell you.

- Galaxy, you're not mad at me, are you?

- No.

Just worried.

(soft, jazzy music)

- Careful now, Big Brother may be watching.

- This is one part of the room the TV camera can't reach.

- Oh?

- Now, you won't try to escape or do anything silly?

- You wouldn't really put Miss Darling on the toaster,

would you?

- Amos, baby, for all that money, I'd put anybody

on the toaster, even you.

(moaning)

- May I take notes?

- Well, I'm always ready to help an amateur.

- I'd like to say good bye to Amos.

- Go ahead.

- Goodbye Amos.

- Good bye Miss Darling.

What's in it?

- Everything.

(soft jazzy music)

Warlock is waiting.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- The red card is your entrance pass.

The green one?

Your exit pass.

You are Heir Frederic Guddard, my chief security officer.

And Mr. Klein.

- Yes?

- Just one move, one false move, and Miss Darling dies.

- Well, gentlemen, this is the main loading area.

Now valuables are delivered here and packed into

our own special containers.

Lester, I am taking these two gentlemen downside.

- Yes, sir.

Duty, keymen.

- The badges are specially coated.

And without one, a hidden sensor mechanism

sounds an immediate alarm.

- Oh, consisting of what?

- Oh, bells, klaxons, dreadful noise.

Every grill in the place then automatically

clamps shut, sealing off each area independently.

No one can enter, not even us.

Gentlemen.

(tense music)

- Suppose, Mr. Carson, there was a raid.

Some men break in from above.

- Yes, with guns.

They force the man with the keys to admit them

to this lift.

- Oh they wouldn't get five yards.

You see, there are concealed alarm buttons everywhere.

Three within reach of my hand at this moment.

- Very admirable.

- Now this will give you some idea of how deep we're going.

You see this lift is the only entrance to the mine.

All the other shafts were filled in.

You will note that the keys must be inserted simultaneously.

No one man on his own can ever gain entry.

Some prospective clients.

Now the infrared and sensor alarms are coordinated in here.

Gas can be pumped into the ventilating system

at the flick of a switch, knocking out an intruder in, oh,

a matter of seconds.

- Most impressive.

- And discouraging.

I mean, if one were rash enough to contemplate robbery.

- Uh, quite so.

- Come on.

- The door code number is changed daily.

And now, our main storage area.

Some potential customers, Morgan.

- Very good sir.

- Well, gentlemen, there it is.

I think your valuables will be safe here, don't you?

- Indubitably.

I am most satisfied.

- Mr. Carson, one question.

- Of course.

- How do you know that General and myself

are not imposters?

- Well I suppose it is just possible for people

to gain access here under false pretenses, but,

once they've seen our security arrangements, well.

- They would be discouraged, eh?

- Uh, quite.

- [Warlock] Shall we go then?

- After you General.

Well thank you very much for coming, gentlemen.

You have your green cards? - Yes, of course.

- [Machine] If your green pass card bears today's date,

please insert it in the slot below.

- I take it, General, that head office will hear

from you in due course?

- I think you can guarantee that.

Whoa!

- Don't go, don't go!

(explosion)

(alarms blaring)

It's Carson, I'm taking clients.

Now turn the thing off you fool.

- What happened?

- We, uh, we have a radar scanner.

Anything moving above the height of the fence

automatically sets it off.

Except birds of course.

It's programmed to ignore them.

It's really to guard against anyone using a helicopter.

- But, the explosion.

- Well, we don't tell anyone but this outer perimeter

is criss crossed with thousands of invisible

infrared beams.

Now, a break in any one of those causes the mine

directly below it to explode.

- Remarkable.

- Gentlemen, I'm so sorry about, about the dust.

(sneezes)

Oh, Lord, excuse me.

Well thank you, thank you so much for coming.

I'll say good day to you gentlemen.

- Oh good day, Mr. Carson. - Good day, thank you.

- Good day sir.

General, if perhaps you'd let me have the name

of your hatter?

- And how many other devices are there you don't know about?

- Well, I admit the infrared beams across the

neutral strip did come as somewhat of a surprise.

- A surprise?

Warlock, it's impossible.

- Oh not to you Amos.

- The answer is no, N-O.

- But Amos, I've had it with you.

- I am through.

I resign.

- Gentlemen.

Mr. Klein wishes to resign.

What do we do?

Your resignation is not accepted, Mr. Klein.

Now then.

You have 48 hours in which to solve the problem.

Or else, we shall invoke chapter 12 of Volcano Seven.

(gasps)

- We have got to, that's all there is to it.

Oh now, come on.

Let's kick it around the way we do at home.

- But you know I'm no good at it, Amos.

- Oh, I don't know, you come up with some quite good

ideas sometimes.

Now, let's begin with the basics.

The radar system, put that down.

How do we get at it?

- At last, we've got them working.

- Fascinating.

Absolutely fascinating.

(chuckles)

(typewriter clicks)

(sighs)

- Well everything else works like a dream.

We keep coming back to the first big problem.

- Yes, the invisible infrared beams.

Criss cross the whole strip.

- And if you break through them, you set off a mine.

- There's only some way we can see them.

- Well look, I've had it for tonight.

I feel a wreck.

- I'm a heel for driving as hard.

- No, I don't mind.

I enjoy working with you.

- Put 'em on. - What?

- You know something, Miss Darling?

You're gorgeous.

- But without specks, I'm blind.

- With or without them, you're quite something.

- Well there you are.

Now you're invisible.

Glasses.

- That's it.

Special glasses.

Polaroid lens with a thin coating.

Mercury sulfide.

- Sensitive to infrared light.

- Mhm.

- You could see the beams and step right over them.

(soft romantic music)

- Infrared rays between the two terminals,

completely invisible to the naked eye.

(buzzing)

(dramatic jazzy music)

Now, look at it through the glass.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- It works.

- Of course.

Miss Darling?

(chuckles)

Then you load the stuff on the vans,

and you drive away.

(laughing)

- [Bishop] Brilliant, brilliant.

- Yes, but there's one thing.

The way we get across that neutral strip,

it's suicide and you know it.

- Yeah, those mines are all over the ground.

- Gentlemen.

You play for big stakes.

You take big risks.

- Exactly.

Now, when do we mark the operation?

- Well after purchase of equipment,

work shops will have a lot of construction to do.

- Well suppose we say the 23rd, huh?

(men agreeing)

All right, the 23rd it is.

- What about Miss Darling and myself?

- Oh, you'll be released, of course.

- When?

- When Hermetico is empty.

- Who goes through the neutral strip first?

- Oh it's quite simple.

Miss Darling.

You draw lots.

(birds chirping)

(buzzing)

(tense jazzy music)

(buzzing)

- That's the 14th time you've blown us all to smithereens.

- It's impossible.

- Not if you concentrate.

- And pick up your big feet.

- You're trying to kill us. (buzzing)

That's what you're doing.

- Frug!

(grunts)

Monk, quickly.

- It's all right, I can handle it.

(buzzing)

(birds chirping)

And tonight's the night.

- I'm scared.

You know what S.W.O.R.D. did to the prisoners

in Volcano Seven.

- Well I've rewritten it.

In your version, all the S.W.O.R.D. members got back.

In mine, they don't.

- You are sure those mines will go off

if someone steps on them?

- Positive.

(tense jazzy music)

Eh, let's give some more though to the ventilating system.

- Well we could short circuit the fan.

- Would you?

No, it would flash red and last control.

(tense jazzy music)

(tense orchestral music)

- Don't you find anything better to do?

- I've cleaned all the guns!

(tense orchestral music)

Mr. Warlock.

Look.

(tense orchestral music)

- So you are really Simon Templar.

- That's right.

- You deliberately misled me.

- Oh, it wasn't difficult.

Rather good picture, don't you think?

- Uh yes, excellent.

- I am not amused.

- Shame, he has no sense of humor.

- Take her to the cellar.

- Don't push.

- You have three minutes to get dressed.

- Meaning I am going with you?

- Not only are you going with us, Mr. Templar,

you are going to cross the neutral strip first.

- So you'd better be right about those mines.

- Or else you'll be blown right into the next world.

(machines whirring)

Now then, Mr. Templar.

If all goes according to plan,

we shall be leaving Hermetico at two o'clock.

However, if Monk is not notified of our safe departure...

- She fries.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- So it's true? - Yes.

- And all those prophecies you made,

like I'd marry Charles Lake.

- Galaxy, I have no idea who you'll marry.

- I have, and we'll be very happy.

Once she's out of the way.

Oh by the way, I nearly forgot.

I believe this is yours.

I explained to the garbage man you were a mental patient.

He was so sympathetic.

I let him keep your money.

- Thank you.

(sighs) - Can't win 'em all.

- Just think, Mr. Templar.

In two hours, either I'll be a multi-millionaire,

or you'll be dead.

(tense music)

(tense jazzy music)

(tense jazzy music)

(tense jazzy music)

(tense jazzy music)

- Thanks, Tom.

- Okay.

(tense jazzy music)

- Psst.

(tense jazzy music)

(flame crackling)

(tense jazzy music)

(tense orchestral music)

- All right now, it's time for your break.

And don't take too long.

- Okay.

(gates open)

(gates close)

(dart shoots)

- He's out.

(tense jazzy music)

- We're back Dave.

What's he up to?

- It'll be 40 winks, I'll bet.

- Hey, Dave.

Wakey, wakey.

(dart shoots)

(dart shoots)

(tense jazzy music)

(dart shoots)

(tense jazzy music)

(guards chattering)

(tense jazzy music)

- Just one move gentlemen, and you're dead.

Frug, the cards.

And get the van in.

- [Machine] If your green pass card bears

today's date, please insert it in the slot below.

(van starts up)

(machines whirring) (tense music)

- What are you so nervous about?

If anything goes wrong, I'm the one that's gonna be

the pot roast.

(tense jazzy music)

- Where's Bishop?

- Number 10, strong room.

- Oh.

Good.

(grunts)

(tense jazzy music)

(hits) (grunts)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(hits)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(alarms blaring)

(gunshot)

(gunshots) (alarms blaring)

- Well, it looks like you've had it, sweetie.

- Am I allowed a last request?

- Such as?

- Cigarette?

(tense jazzy music)

Thanks.

Oh, my holder, it's in my bag.

I'm so used to it.

(tense jazzy music)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(dramatic jazzy music)

Fascinating, isn't it?

I wonder how Warlock got it.

- What happened?

- Oh, well the electromagnetic belt can be short circuited.

- How?

- Woman's eternal weapon.

Across the link connection.

- That's brilliant.

What about them?

Hm, he's not dead.

- No, neither is she.

- Well how did you do it?

- Well, it was rather ingenious, I must admit.

- Come on now, tell me, how did you do it?

- No, no, no, you have to wait for that

until you read my next book.

- You'll never live to write it.

You created S.W.O.R.D., but I built it.

And it worked!

There's no limit to what we might have done.

And you are foolish enough to destroy it.

Destroy it all, including yourselves!

(dramatic jazzy music)

(hits) (grunts)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(beakers shattering)

- Oh, come on Simon, come on!

(hits)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(dart shoots)

(soft jazzy music)

- Oh, so that's how you did it.

- Yes.

Clever, isn't it?

- Darling, Miss Klein, it is brilliant.

- With or without glasses?

- Who cares.

(soft orchestral music)

- Is there any room for me in this story?

(soft orchestral music)

(blasts)

(dramatic jazzy music)

(soft jazzy music)

(soft orchestral music)

(upbeat jazzy music)