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1
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Tanya.
2
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You startled me.
3
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You always say that.
4
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Because you always startle me.
5
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The files you requested...
6
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my liege.
7
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Yes?
8
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I just love watching you work.
9
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When do you watch me work?
10
00:00:24,172 --> 00:00:26,921
You'd be surprised!
11
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Not anymore.
12
00:00:28,524 --> 00:00:29,675
Thank God!
13
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If you'll excuse us.
14
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Just holler if you need me.
15
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I'll be close by.
16
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So what's going on, kemosabe? Huh?
17
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We barely see you anymore
since you and Kim broke up.
18
00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:42,922
Yeah. We're starting to worry, Danny.
19
00:00:42,924 --> 00:00:44,106
You're not doing drugs, are you?
20
00:00:44,108 --> 00:00:46,155
Marshmallow reds? Mama Coca?
21
00:00:46,157 --> 00:00:47,823
King Ivory? Pakistani black?
22
00:00:49,356 --> 00:00:52,105
No! I've just been swamped with work.
23
00:00:52,107 --> 00:00:54,025
In fact, I'm working
on a big case right now.
24
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Oh, yeah? What is it?
25
00:00:55,083 --> 00:00:56,585
Murder? Embezzlement?
26
00:00:56,587 --> 00:00:57,642
Insider trading?
27
00:00:57,644 --> 00:00:59,306
Public indecency.
28
00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:02,506
But my client's innocent.
His pants fell off.
29
00:01:02,508 --> 00:01:04,009
Come on, Danny!
30
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You're burying your feelings in work.
31
00:01:05,292 --> 00:01:06,410
You need to get out there.
32
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Well, I guess one night
off wouldn't kill me.
33
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:12,298
Although I would feel bad
for neglecting the case.
34
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:13,290
Just have that temp tell your client
35
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to keep his pants on.
36
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I'm on it!
37
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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.MY-SUBS.com
38
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Oh...
39
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:33,514
Hey. What about her? She's your type.
40
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I'm not here to pick up girls.
41
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I just want to hang out with you guys.
42
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Look, Danny.
43
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You need to get back on the horse, okay?
44
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A nice, flexible horse with low standards.
45
00:01:43,116 --> 00:01:45,517
Speaking of which, what about her?
46
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I just don't know if I'm
ready to date yet, Sheldon.
47
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Mm. I said that once.
48
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Want to know what I did last night?
49
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I ate snack cakes, alone, in the tub.
50
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Not twinkies, either. Off-brand stuff.
51
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Real garbage.
52
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Okay. Maybe you're right.
53
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She is kind of cute.
54
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Attaboy! Go fetch.
55
00:02:07,466 --> 00:02:08,714
Excuse me.
56
00:02:08,716 --> 00:02:10,250
Sorry. I just gotta say,
57
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you are the first thing
58
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to make me smile all day.
59
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Thanks. That's sweet.
60
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,321
It's just I've been stuck in court all day.
61
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Yep, I'm a lawyer.
62
00:02:21,899 --> 00:02:23,434
Criminal defense.
63
00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:24,683
So, if you ever, uh...
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00:02:24,685 --> 00:02:26,154
find yourself arrested,
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give me a call.
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Why would I be arrested?
67
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I don't know.
68
00:02:32,076 --> 00:02:33,834
Maybe you got into credit card debt.
69
00:02:33,836 --> 00:02:35,561
Then some guy...
70
00:02:35,563 --> 00:02:37,481
really nice guy asks
you to carry a "package"
71
00:02:37,483 --> 00:02:38,602
over the border.
72
00:02:38,604 --> 00:02:40,074
You get stopped.
73
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,290
Now you're staring down a felony
74
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'cause you hid a balloon up your rectum.
75
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Will you excuse me?
76
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What the hell was that?
77
00:02:53,964 --> 00:02:55,466
I don't know!
78
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I knew it was wrong the whole time!
79
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I just couldn't stop talking!
80
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Okay, next time
81
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:01,449
you paint yourself into a corner like that,
82
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try telling her,
83
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,969
"I'm gonna have to arrest you...
84
00:03:04,971 --> 00:03:07,306
for stealing my heart."
85
00:03:07,308 --> 00:03:09,140
Oh, that's good! Okay. I'm on it.
86
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,633
Danny, that ship has already sailed.
87
00:03:14,636 --> 00:03:16,043
Also, for future reference,
88
00:03:16,045 --> 00:03:17,546
I've never seen a pick-up line go well
89
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that included the word "rectum."
90
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TJ!
91
00:03:24,876 --> 00:03:27,178
Thank God you're back! Where've you been?
92
00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:28,395
I was in India.
93
00:03:28,397 --> 00:03:30,059
I was building schools
for the underprivileged.
94
00:03:30,061 --> 00:03:31,275
Well, that sounds like fun.
95
00:03:31,276 --> 00:03:33,832
Except for the malaria, extreme poverty,
96
00:03:33,835 --> 00:03:36,329
and, well, that's more than enough.
97
00:03:36,331 --> 00:03:37,865
You know, I met this one kid,
98
00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:39,593
could not have been older than six.
99
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:40,714
He was going blind
100
00:03:40,716 --> 00:03:41,963
due to the poor quality of the water...
101
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:43,370
Yeah, that's terrible.
102
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Listen, do you have any of
those really crunchy apples?
103
00:03:46,347 --> 00:03:48,777
Yeah, I think I do right here.
104
00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:50,441
Oh, and we got some bitchin' cantaloupes.
105
00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:51,434
You've gotta try these.
106
00:03:51,436 --> 00:03:53,194
Oh, what's happening here? Oatmeal?
107
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Kale... chia seeds?
108
00:03:55,371 --> 00:03:57,472
Dude. Nice basket.
109
00:03:58,410 --> 00:04:00,809
Well, you know me. Always
trying to be healthy.
110
00:04:00,811 --> 00:04:04,936
Lots of germs everywhere.
Lots and... lots of germs.
111
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,058
You know, you would've loved
112
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this tea that I tried in India.
113
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Cures everything.
114
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Wish I could find it.
115
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I might know a tea shop that has it.
116
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Awesome. Can you take me?
117
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In my car?
118
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But you smell like produce.
119
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Why don't I just give you the address?
120
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It's only 15 minutes away.
121
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Yeah, by car.
122
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I only bike.
123
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You ever heard of climate change?
124
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Of course, and I do my part.
125
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All right, I'll take you.
126
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Wicked. You got a bike rack?
127
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No, but I have plenty of room.
128
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I have a massive SUV.
129
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Hey.
130
00:04:35,563 --> 00:04:36,873
How was your date last night?
131
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Ah, it was okay.
132
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Well, I don't see any shame on you,
133
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so I'm guessing it wasn't that great.
134
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He talked a lot about his work.
135
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,809
Let me guess. Lawyer?
136
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Yes! How'd you know?
137
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Far be it for me to offer advice,
138
00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:50,058
but since you didn't ask...
139
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,617
maybe you should try dating people
140
00:04:52,619 --> 00:04:54,825
who aren't exactly like Danny.
141
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:57,418
Daniel's not like Danny.
142
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:58,570
He's a real estate lawyer.
143
00:04:58,572 --> 00:05:00,330
He has two sisters.
144
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:02,761
You need to date people more like you.
145
00:05:02,763 --> 00:05:04,330
Hello, stranger.
146
00:05:04,332 --> 00:05:06,121
Ryan. What are you doing here?
147
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:08,169
Hey, I'm TJ. Friend of Ryan's.
148
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"Friend."
149
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TJ works at the market near my house.
150
00:05:12,363 --> 00:05:13,578
"Organic Orchard."
151
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:14,601
You know how
152
00:05:14,603 --> 00:05:15,818
everyone pretends to like kale now?
153
00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:17,253
That was us.
154
00:05:18,507 --> 00:05:19,786
TJ just got back from India,
155
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where he found some rare tea.
156
00:05:21,515 --> 00:05:25,448
Yeah. It's called "Maharaja Magic."
157
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That stuff is amazing.
158
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I don't have any in, but I can order it.
159
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Just give me a second.
160
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Awesome!
161
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,226
Pfft. Look at that guy.
162
00:05:33,228 --> 00:05:36,009
Pimps organic groceries,
wears sandals... ugh.
163
00:05:36,011 --> 00:05:38,985
Now, that's the kind of
guy you should be with.
164
00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:40,937
He is kind of cute.
165
00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:42,985
Hey, TJ?
166
00:05:42,987 --> 00:05:44,905
Why don't you just write your number down?
167
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I'll give you a call when it gets in.
168
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I should have it by Saturday.
169
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,161
Cool.
170
00:05:49,163 --> 00:05:50,314
Saturday works for me.
171
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:51,338
How about you?
172
00:05:51,339 --> 00:05:52,042
Me?
173
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Yeah, I'll need a lift.
174
00:05:56,938 --> 00:05:58,408
Well, it's not huge,
175
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but I've been told it's
bigger than average.
176
00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:03,689
Sounds like a very impressive...
177
00:06:03,691 --> 00:06:05,097
loft.
178
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,433
Maybe you'd, uh, like to come see it?
179
00:06:07,436 --> 00:06:09,354
I don't think my husband
would be too happy about that.
180
00:06:09,356 --> 00:06:11,155
Oh! Heh...
181
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I am so...
182
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I hope you guys have a wonderful evening.
183
00:06:18,314 --> 00:06:19,370
What was that?
184
00:06:19,371 --> 00:06:20,937
How was I to know she was married?
185
00:06:20,939 --> 00:06:22,441
It's the little things, Danny.
186
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The gleam in her eye,
187
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the way she carries herself,
188
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the giant diamond sitting right there
189
00:06:27,499 --> 00:06:29,499
on top of her wedding finger.
190
00:06:30,539 --> 00:06:31,786
Forget it.
191
00:06:31,788 --> 00:06:33,769
You know, I should be
focusing on my case anyway.
192
00:06:33,771 --> 00:06:36,458
My client's pants fell off again.
193
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:38,460
This time at a waterpark.
194
00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:41,417
Oh, no, no. You're not quitting. Okay?
195
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:43,625
Picking up chicks is just like sales.
196
00:06:43,627 --> 00:06:47,368
You knock on a hundred doors
until one finally lets you in...
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side.
198
00:06:49,323 --> 00:06:50,761
Fine.
199
00:06:50,763 --> 00:06:52,797
One more.
200
00:06:54,890 --> 00:06:56,825
Can I buy you a drink?
201
00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:03,529
I don't get it.
202
00:07:03,531 --> 00:07:04,489
What am I doing wrong?
203
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:05,994
I've seen this before.
204
00:07:05,995 --> 00:07:08,872
You've got dump-stink.
205
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:10,441
Is this another one of your theories?
206
00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:12,041
Oh, no. This is science.
207
00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:13,801
The dumpee... that's you...
208
00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:18,023
gives off an aura of desperation
that actually repels women.
209
00:07:18,026 --> 00:07:20,648
So how long does this
so-called dump stink last?
210
00:07:20,651 --> 00:07:22,537
Nobody knows. A day, a week...
211
00:07:22,539 --> 00:07:24,338
sometimes it never goes away.
212
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:30,314
What's this?
213
00:07:30,315 --> 00:07:31,497
Ah, that is jicama.
214
00:07:31,499 --> 00:07:33,225
It's a root vegetable. Very high in fibre.
215
00:07:33,227 --> 00:07:33,930
How's it taste?
216
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:35,273
Like crap.
217
00:07:35,274 --> 00:07:36,841
Hey, TJ.
218
00:07:36,843 --> 00:07:38,057
- Hey.
- Oh.
219
00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:38,986
Hi, Ryan.
220
00:07:38,987 --> 00:07:40,073
Kim, what are you doing here?
221
00:07:40,075 --> 00:07:41,033
Oh, I'm here to see TJ.
222
00:07:41,035 --> 00:07:43,369
Hmm. We're going out.
223
00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:44,650
You're going out?
224
00:07:44,652 --> 00:07:46,857
Like, as in outside?
225
00:07:46,859 --> 00:07:49,288
As in a picnic and a hike.
226
00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:51,016
Oh. What a nice thing
227
00:07:51,018 --> 00:07:53,385
for two new "friends" to do.
228
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,408
I'll just go clock out.
229
00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:02,153
So...
230
00:08:02,155 --> 00:08:03,454
jicama?
231
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:08,328
I'm not telling you
anything about Kim and TJ!
232
00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:09,385
She's my friend!
233
00:08:09,387 --> 00:08:10,569
Drink whatever you want. It's on me.
234
00:08:10,571 --> 00:08:12,489
So they're really into each other.
235
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:15,401
Dining, hiking, composting.
236
00:08:15,403 --> 00:08:17,096
Well, is it serious?
237
00:08:17,098 --> 00:08:18,344
Oh, there's some talk
238
00:08:18,346 --> 00:08:20,552
of taking a hemp-weaving class together.
239
00:08:20,554 --> 00:08:22,376
Oh, no. What have I done?
240
00:08:22,379 --> 00:08:23,529
What's the big deal?
241
00:08:23,530 --> 00:08:25,352
So you set Kim up with
the man of her dreams.
242
00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:26,632
Don't talk like that.
243
00:08:26,634 --> 00:08:28,041
What if Danny finds out? He'll kill me.
244
00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:29,961
Why? Isn't he over her?
245
00:08:29,963 --> 00:08:31,624
Oh, pfft! Completely!
246
00:08:31,626 --> 00:08:33,416
Wait... what's the word?
247
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:35,496
Not at all.
248
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:36,776
Really?
249
00:08:36,778 --> 00:08:39,751
Kim doesn't seem like
someone you'd get hung up on.
250
00:08:39,754 --> 00:08:41,097
Tell me about it!
251
00:08:41,098 --> 00:08:42,057
But I can't be the one
252
00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:43,496
responsible for Kim falling in love.
253
00:08:43,498 --> 00:08:45,224
So what? You want her to be miserable
254
00:08:45,226 --> 00:08:46,057
for the rest of her life?
255
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:47,400
Of course not.
256
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,992
Just until Danny's happy.
257
00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:52,071
Well, you better find
someone for him quick.
258
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,536
TJ called her his "little polar bear,"
259
00:08:54,538 --> 00:08:57,639
then cried because they're endangered.
260
00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:00,756
Hey, Danny!
261
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:02,793
Tanya.
262
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:04,717
Don't you ever knock?
263
00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:06,952
I made you a smoothie.
264
00:09:06,954 --> 00:09:08,456
You need to stay healthy.
265
00:09:08,458 --> 00:09:11,293
Thank you. That's very thoughtful.
266
00:09:12,361 --> 00:09:13,864
What's in it?
267
00:09:13,866 --> 00:09:15,303
Fresh strawberries,
blueberries, and bananas.
268
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,672
Oh, and I also put in a few sugar packets,
269
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:19,464
two shots of espresso, and ginseng.
270
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:20,522
I just had one!
271
00:09:20,523 --> 00:09:21,822
Rainbows!
272
00:09:22,761 --> 00:09:24,455
Why did I just say "rainbows"?
273
00:09:24,457 --> 00:09:25,416
Rainbows!
274
00:09:25,418 --> 00:09:27,485
There. I said it again!
275
00:09:30,666 --> 00:09:31,624
Hey, Danny.
276
00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:33,225
I think I solved your...
277
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:35,983
dump-stink.
278
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:39,912
I wasn't dumped, and I
don't have dump-stink.
279
00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:41,064
You're right. You're a winner, Danny!
280
00:09:41,066 --> 00:09:42,332
Even if all the women hate you.
281
00:09:43,561 --> 00:09:45,352
You need to face the facts, man.
282
00:09:45,354 --> 00:09:47,271
You smell real bad.
283
00:09:47,274 --> 00:09:49,129
And I think it's rubbing off on me.
284
00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:50,473
I'm stink-adjacent here, okay?
285
00:09:50,474 --> 00:09:52,488
We need to get you
286
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:54,440
an easy lay.
287
00:09:54,442 --> 00:09:55,561
Forget it, Sheldon.
288
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,416
Look, it's way too soon after Kim anyway.
289
00:09:57,418 --> 00:10:00,391
Look, Danny. You need to forget about Kim.
290
00:10:00,394 --> 00:10:02,599
You think she's just sitting
around taking it slow?
291
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:03,900
Definitely not.
292
00:10:05,002 --> 00:10:06,889
I mean, I would think.
293
00:10:06,891 --> 00:10:08,041
Do you know something about Kim?
294
00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:09,481
Well, I... I ran into her.
295
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:10,855
And she said she was dating?
296
00:10:10,857 --> 00:10:12,232
Yeah, but I'm sure it's nothing serious.
297
00:10:12,234 --> 00:10:15,068
I mean, she's probably
dating hundreds of guys.
298
00:10:16,105 --> 00:10:18,376
Wow. Kim's dating.
299
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:20,329
I guess this is really real.
300
00:10:20,331 --> 00:10:22,792
Right. Now we've gotta
get you back in the sack.
301
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:23,785
Now.
302
00:10:23,787 --> 00:10:25,992
Where can we find a chick desperate enough
303
00:10:25,994 --> 00:10:28,008
to overlook the foul stench of desperation
304
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:30,543
that's emanating from your every pore?
305
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,617
I just read your brief
on that triple homicide.
306
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:38,136
You're a poet, Danny.
307
00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:41,991
Where are we gonna find
a girl? Do you know any?
308
00:10:41,993 --> 00:10:43,687
- What's your temp's name?
- Tanya.
309
00:10:43,689 --> 00:10:46,523
I know a girl named Tanya.
310
00:10:48,713 --> 00:10:49,832
Here.
311
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:51,176
I got you a little something.
312
00:10:51,177 --> 00:10:52,743
Call it a one-week anniversary gift.
313
00:10:52,745 --> 00:10:53,991
Aww. A present?
314
00:10:53,993 --> 00:10:55,048
- Yeah.
- What is it?
315
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:56,008
Well, why don't you guess?
316
00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:58,509
A bike lock?
317
00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:01,736
Oh, my God!
318
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:02,824
It's awesome.
319
00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:04,456
Is that a spa certificate?
320
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:07,271
It's a free high colonic.
321
00:11:07,274 --> 00:11:10,311
I would've gone with the bike lock.
322
00:11:10,314 --> 00:11:11,721
I love it. Thank you.
323
00:11:11,722 --> 00:11:13,319
Mm.
324
00:11:13,321 --> 00:11:14,280
I better get going.
325
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,040
My shift starts at four.
326
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,192
It's 1:30.
327
00:11:17,194 --> 00:11:18,824
Yeah, but I gotta bike
all the way across town,
328
00:11:18,825 --> 00:11:22,293
and then use the produce
hose to shower off.
329
00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:27,815
He sure is serious about saving the world.
330
00:11:27,818 --> 00:11:29,672
Yeah. Super, super serious.
331
00:11:29,674 --> 00:11:31,975
I mean, he caught yellow fever in India.
332
00:11:31,977 --> 00:11:33,416
How sexy is that?
333
00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:35,943
Oh, almost as sexy as that bike helmet.
334
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,280
So you're, uh, really into this guy, huh?
335
00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:39,944
What's that supposed to mean?
336
00:11:39,946 --> 00:11:41,321
Oh, nothing.
337
00:11:41,322 --> 00:11:42,760
He's just really different from Danny.
338
00:11:42,762 --> 00:11:43,976
Aren't you the one who told me
339
00:11:43,978 --> 00:11:44,967
to date people more like me?
340
00:11:44,969 --> 00:11:46,312
Yeah. I also told you to date
341
00:11:46,313 --> 00:11:47,815
a long-haul trucker.
342
00:11:47,817 --> 00:11:49,703
You really should give him another shot.
343
00:11:49,705 --> 00:11:52,231
No offense, but he was really creepy.
344
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:53,512
As opposed to this guy,
345
00:11:53,514 --> 00:11:55,614
who's really into your colon?
346
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:00,871
I can't believe I'm actually on
347
00:12:00,873 --> 00:12:02,280
a date with Danny White.
348
00:12:02,282 --> 00:12:04,936
Danny White!
349
00:12:04,938 --> 00:12:07,367
In the flesh.
350
00:12:07,370 --> 00:12:08,648
So what happened
351
00:12:08,649 --> 00:12:09,928
to that girl you were dating?
352
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,912
She seemed super-nice.
353
00:12:11,914 --> 00:12:14,215
Kim? Oh, we, uh, we broke up.
354
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:17,126
It was mutual. No one dumped me.
355
00:12:17,129 --> 00:12:18,344
Well, her loss.
356
00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:21,096
She was a bitch anyway.
357
00:12:21,098 --> 00:12:22,599
Hey, forget her.
358
00:12:22,601 --> 00:12:25,268
You and I... are on a date.
359
00:12:26,249 --> 00:12:27,976
It's like a dream.
360
00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:30,612
More like a dream come true.
361
00:12:36,842 --> 00:12:39,560
Wow. That was...
362
00:12:39,562 --> 00:12:43,079
not what I thought it would be.
363
00:12:43,082 --> 00:12:44,200
What do you mean?
364
00:12:44,202 --> 00:12:46,268
Kiss me again!
365
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:50,695
Yup. Nothin'. Nope.
366
00:12:50,698 --> 00:12:51,336
Nothing?
367
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:52,680
I guess the fantasy
368
00:12:52,682 --> 00:12:54,948
is better than reality sometimes.
369
00:12:56,104 --> 00:12:58,120
I don't think this is
gonna work out, Danny.
370
00:12:58,122 --> 00:13:00,775
Whoa whoa whoa. Wait a
minute. Are you... dumping me?
371
00:13:00,777 --> 00:13:02,503
Aww!
372
00:13:02,505 --> 00:13:04,438
We can still be friends.
373
00:13:09,308 --> 00:13:11,451
What am I gonna do? Huh?
374
00:13:11,454 --> 00:13:13,371
What if Kim ends up marrying this guy?
375
00:13:13,373 --> 00:13:15,003
Look, will you calm down?
376
00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:17,243
What you did was a good
thing for all of us, okay?
377
00:13:17,245 --> 00:13:20,135
Because of you, now
Danny can finally move on.
378
00:13:20,764 --> 00:13:22,203
Danny. How'd things go with Tanya?
379
00:13:22,205 --> 00:13:24,858
She bailed in the middle of our date.
380
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,427
I actually repelled my stalker.
381
00:13:28,699 --> 00:13:30,713
How could you not score with Tanya?
382
00:13:30,716 --> 00:13:33,151
A lower-hanging fruit does not exist!
383
00:13:34,236 --> 00:13:35,610
What are you doing?
384
00:13:35,611 --> 00:13:37,402
I'm ordering you a Russian bride.
385
00:13:37,405 --> 00:13:39,930
Look. Look at this. Huh?
386
00:13:39,932 --> 00:13:41,084
A wide selection.
387
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,843
Plus free shipping.
388
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:45,210
Sheldon, I don't need a mail-order bride.
389
00:13:45,212 --> 00:13:47,866
Danny, you don't have a
lot of options anymore.
390
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,979
What you need is a woman that's happy with
391
00:13:49,981 --> 00:13:51,643
the occasional pair of new jeans
392
00:13:51,645 --> 00:13:54,522
and an apartment with running water.
393
00:13:54,524 --> 00:13:56,249
Stop!
394
00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:57,883
What I need is Kim.
395
00:13:57,885 --> 00:13:59,227
Who am I kidding, guys?
396
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,147
I'm still in love with her.
397
00:14:01,149 --> 00:14:02,715
You know what? You gotta forget about Kim.
398
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,826
Move on. She's found the man of her dreams,
399
00:14:04,828 --> 00:14:06,370
thanks to Ryan.
400
00:14:08,796 --> 00:14:11,993
What do you mean, "thanks to Ryan"?
401
00:14:11,996 --> 00:14:13,755
Okay, fine!
402
00:14:13,757 --> 00:14:15,483
I kind of inadvertently set Kim up.
403
00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:16,763
What? So-so-so
you introduced her
404
00:14:16,764 --> 00:14:17,979
to some friend of yours?
405
00:14:17,981 --> 00:14:19,963
Well, I wouldn't exactly call TJ a friend.
406
00:14:19,965 --> 00:14:21,307
I mean, not to be elitist,
407
00:14:21,309 --> 00:14:23,509
but, well, you know, he's a stockboy!
408
00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:27,226
Why would you even set her
up? You can't stand Kim.
409
00:14:27,228 --> 00:14:28,410
I didn't mean to!
410
00:14:28,412 --> 00:14:29,947
I mean, how was I
supposed to know she'd fall
411
00:14:29,949 --> 00:14:31,834
for a vegetarian eco-hipster?
412
00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:32,935
Dammit! I should've seen that coming.
413
00:14:34,684 --> 00:14:35,643
What am I gonna do?
414
00:14:35,644 --> 00:14:37,210
Got one!
415
00:14:37,212 --> 00:14:39,413
How do you feel about unibrows?
416
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,620
Ooh... banana-rama rum cake! My favorite!
417
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:51,226
Don't tell TJ.
418
00:14:51,228 --> 00:14:52,251
He thinks this company's evil.
419
00:14:52,253 --> 00:14:54,778
Divine bovine creamery?
420
00:14:54,780 --> 00:14:55,770
We had a big fight about it.
421
00:14:55,772 --> 00:14:57,658
Sounds like there's trouble in paradise.
422
00:14:57,660 --> 00:15:00,032
No! He's great.
423
00:15:00,571 --> 00:15:02,619
Okay. His need to make
the world a better place
424
00:15:02,621 --> 00:15:03,995
is a little irritating.
425
00:15:03,997 --> 00:15:05,818
On the bright side, now you understand
426
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,887
why people find you so irritating.
427
00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:11,482
I gotta run.
428
00:15:11,484 --> 00:15:12,795
I'm picking TJ up at the market.
429
00:15:12,797 --> 00:15:14,075
He's making me dinner tonight,
430
00:15:14,076 --> 00:15:15,962
and he can't carry all
the groceries on his bike.
431
00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:18,329
Dinner at his place. Ooh.
You know what that means.
432
00:15:18,332 --> 00:15:19,995
What?
433
00:15:19,997 --> 00:15:21,626
What else is at his place?
434
00:15:21,628 --> 00:15:22,747
His herb garden?
435
00:15:22,748 --> 00:15:24,569
His bed!
436
00:15:24,571 --> 00:15:26,457
But he doesn't have a bed.
437
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:29,946
He has a futon, which is also his couch.
438
00:15:29,949 --> 00:15:31,259
Oh. You're right.
439
00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:32,890
What am I going to do?
440
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:36,057
I'm guessing you'll be having
a lot of college flashbacks.
441
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,594
I don't know if I'm ready.
442
00:15:37,596 --> 00:15:39,067
I mean, Danny and I broke up a month ago.
443
00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:40,091
A whole month?
444
00:15:40,092 --> 00:15:41,402
You keep going like that,
445
00:15:41,404 --> 00:15:44,105
your lady business is going to close up.
446
00:15:45,179 --> 00:15:46,395
Maybe I'm over-thinking this.
447
00:15:46,397 --> 00:15:48,538
I should just be more
like you and have fun.
448
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:50,170
Hey, if being like me were easy,
449
00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:52,005
everyone would be easy.
450
00:15:55,611 --> 00:15:56,698
Hey, Ry.
451
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,706
Good news. The clementines arrived.
452
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,827
That's awesome.
453
00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:02,170
So, how are things going with you and Kim?
454
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:03,419
Have you two broken up yet?
455
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:04,794
Broken up?
456
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:06,010
God, no, she's great.
457
00:16:06,011 --> 00:16:07,802
In fact, I'm having her over tonight.
458
00:16:07,804 --> 00:16:09,689
Really? Tonight.
459
00:16:09,692 --> 00:16:10,875
- Mm.
- At your place?
460
00:16:10,876 --> 00:16:11,803
Yeah. It's cool.
461
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:12,891
I mean, my roommate's
462
00:16:12,892 --> 00:16:14,810
going to a midnight
screening of Eraserhead,
463
00:16:14,812 --> 00:16:16,686
so should give us enough time.
464
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:19,035
Enough time to...
465
00:16:19,037 --> 00:16:21,946
write sappy letters on behalf
of Amnesty International?
466
00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:23,578
You see, Ryan, I think it's time
467
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:26,074
for Kim and I to conjoin.
468
00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:28,244
Well, TJ, there's no reason to be graphic.
469
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:31,162
Look, I'm afraid I'm gonna need
470
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,410
you to not see Kim anymore.
471
00:16:32,412 --> 00:16:34,330
- What? Why?
- Well, it's complicated.
472
00:16:34,332 --> 00:16:36,602
But it involves a lot of emotional baggage,
473
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,498
desperation,
474
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,578
and something called dump-stink.
475
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:42,617
However, I am prepared to
make it worth your while.
476
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,730
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're gonna try and bribe me?
477
00:16:44,732 --> 00:16:46,649
Oh, right. You probably hate money.
478
00:16:46,651 --> 00:16:48,187
Hate is toxic.
479
00:16:48,189 --> 00:16:50,554
But so is money.
480
00:16:50,556 --> 00:16:51,642
Tell you what.
481
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,019
You agree to never see Kim again,
482
00:16:53,021 --> 00:16:55,962
and I will sponsor a child on your behalf.
483
00:16:55,964 --> 00:16:58,329
Now, you mentioned some boy in India?
484
00:16:58,332 --> 00:16:59,963
I think $100 would be more than enough
485
00:16:59,965 --> 00:17:02,778
to put him and the entire
village through college.
486
00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:04,569
What the hell's going on?
487
00:17:04,571 --> 00:17:05,437
Kim!
488
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,527
Well, the clementines have arrived!
489
00:17:12,539 --> 00:17:14,074
Where's Kim?
490
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,003
I need to talk to her.
491
00:17:15,004 --> 00:17:16,090
Why should I tell you?
492
00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:18,074
Kim's my friend, and I respect her privacy.
493
00:17:18,076 --> 00:17:19,258
How about a $100 bar tab?
494
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:20,187
200 and a favor.
495
00:17:20,188 --> 00:17:23,065
Fine. But no nudity.
496
00:17:23,068 --> 00:17:24,507
She's meeting TJ at Organic Orchard,
497
00:17:24,509 --> 00:17:26,458
and then they're going over
to his place for dinner.
498
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:28,090
And you know what that means.
499
00:17:28,092 --> 00:17:30,329
Oh, God! They're gonna have sex!
500
00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:31,322
Exactly.
501
00:17:31,324 --> 00:17:33,274
How the hell does Kim not get that?
502
00:17:33,276 --> 00:17:34,843
Thank you.
503
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,282
He won't be thanking me
504
00:17:36,284 --> 00:17:39,218
when he finds out what the favor is.
505
00:17:40,379 --> 00:17:42,427
Nikki. Was Danny in here?
506
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,770
Why should I tell you?
507
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,178
What do you want? I'll give you anything!
508
00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:48,148
This day just gets better and better.
509
00:17:49,147 --> 00:17:50,235
It's bad enough
510
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,090
that you helped ruin my
relationship with Danny,
511
00:17:52,092 --> 00:17:54,490
now you want to ruin
my relationship with TJ?
512
00:17:54,492 --> 00:17:55,738
Stay out of my life!
513
00:17:55,740 --> 00:18:00,088
But Kim, think of the
little Indian children!
514
00:18:00,091 --> 00:18:01,338
Guys, relax.
515
00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:05,016
Let's just split a starfruit,
and we'll talk about it.
516
00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,427
Kim!
517
00:18:06,429 --> 00:18:07,323
And Ryan?
518
00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:09,082
Hey, buddy.
519
00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:10,842
Well, what a coincidence.
520
00:18:10,845 --> 00:18:12,858
Hey. I'm TJ.
521
00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:14,559
Starfruit?
522
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,562
Danny, what are you doing here?
523
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,650
I want you back.
524
00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:20,570
Please, don't go through with this.
525
00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:22,649
Danny! Please...
526
00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:24,651
don't go through with this.
527
00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:27,002
Kim! Please!
528
00:18:27,004 --> 00:18:29,529
I need next Thursday off.
529
00:18:29,531 --> 00:18:31,801
Sheldon, give it up.
530
00:18:31,804 --> 00:18:34,585
Look, Kim, I may not be
certain about our future,
531
00:18:34,587 --> 00:18:36,697
but I'm certain that I love you.
532
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,106
Then why did you break up with me?
533
00:18:38,108 --> 00:18:40,601
Wait? I broke up with you?
I thought you dumped me!
534
00:18:40,604 --> 00:18:42,778
It doesn't matter who gets the credit.
535
00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:47,288
The important thing is you broke up.
536
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,689
I don't know, Danny. Maybe it's too late.
537
00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:52,154
I'm not giving up until you take me back.
538
00:18:52,156 --> 00:18:53,273
In fact...
539
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:56,817
I'm not leaving this store
until you take me back.
540
00:18:59,034 --> 00:19:00,698
Fine.
541
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,199
I'm with Danny.
542
00:19:03,035 --> 00:19:04,409
Kind of.
543
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,944
God knows what's on this floor.
544
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:11,282
Now you owe me two favors.
545
00:19:14,267 --> 00:19:16,442
Danny, this is ridiculous.
546
00:19:16,444 --> 00:19:18,265
Tell me you don't feel the same way.
547
00:19:18,267 --> 00:19:19,962
TJ and I have a lot in common.
548
00:19:19,964 --> 00:19:21,945
He's an activist,
549
00:19:21,948 --> 00:19:24,538
vegetarian, Earth-conscious.
550
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:28,842
I also make dreamcatchers
out of caterpillar silk.
551
00:19:30,427 --> 00:19:31,897
Oh, who am I kidding?
552
00:19:31,899 --> 00:19:33,466
He's unbearable!
553
00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:35,514
I love you.
554
00:19:35,515 --> 00:19:36,481
I love you.
555
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,386
Seriously?
556
00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:41,115
Oh, thank God.
557
00:19:41,117 --> 00:19:42,849
A vomit bag.
558
00:19:47,031 --> 00:19:48,661
Can you believe this? Huh?
559
00:19:48,663 --> 00:19:50,102
Another mealy apple!
560
00:19:50,104 --> 00:19:51,509
Thanks a lot, Kim.
561
00:19:51,511 --> 00:19:53,078
Hey! I didn't tell TJ
562
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,349
to go find himself in India.
563
00:19:55,351 --> 00:19:56,598
Now I'm stuck with Calvin.
564
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,800
He can't even tell a
honeydew from a horse turd!
565
00:20:01,206 --> 00:20:02,340
Thanks.
566
00:20:03,254 --> 00:20:06,227
Wow. Looks like someone thinks you're cute.
567
00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:07,925
I don't know. It's weird.
568
00:20:07,927 --> 00:20:09,109
You know, when we were broken up,
569
00:20:09,111 --> 00:20:10,870
I couldn't even get a
girl to say "hello" to me.
570
00:20:10,872 --> 00:20:12,598
It's the opposite of dump-stink.
571
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,741
It's called "boyfriend mojo."
572
00:20:14,743 --> 00:20:17,908
You see, women are attracted
to men that are already taken.
573
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:19,611
It's true.
574
00:20:20,629 --> 00:20:21,909
Excuse me.
575
00:20:21,911 --> 00:20:23,350
You Mr. Sheldon?
576
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:26,217
Well, looks like I'm mojo-adjacent.
577
00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:28,597
I am Oksana from Russia.
578
00:20:28,599 --> 00:20:30,036
This is my family.
579
00:20:30,038 --> 00:20:32,372
We are here to marry you!
580
00:20:32,374 --> 00:20:33,364
Whoops.
581
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:36,367
Looks like I forgot to cancel that order.
582
00:20:37,142 --> 00:20:39,540
Okay. Come along, comrades.
583
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:40,564
Let's go.
584
00:20:40,566 --> 00:20:43,601
Thank God for that free shipping.
585
00:20:43,651 --> 00:20:48,201
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