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to come to a storage locker auction?
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Oh, this isn't gonna
be just any old auction.
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Trust me. This is gonna be sweet.
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00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:12,586
Sheldon, I thought
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00:00:12,608 --> 00:00:13,975
you hated other people's old crap.
6
00:00:13,983 --> 00:00:16,517
I do. But this is our crap.
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When mom and dad died,
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I took all the stuff from the house
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00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:22,004
and, well, I stored it right in here.
10
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,282
So why do we have to buy it back?
11
00:00:23,292 --> 00:00:25,627
Well, you know how you're
supposed to pay your bills?
12
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I'm familiar.
13
00:00:26,684 --> 00:00:28,884
Well, I did the opposite of that.
14
00:00:29,979 --> 00:00:31,947
Ladies and gentleman,
here are the auction rules.
15
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You have three minutes
to look inside the locker
16
00:00:33,369 --> 00:00:34,603
before the auction begins.
17
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However, you may not enter the locker
18
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until the winning bid has been called.
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Look at this mess.
20
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,998
Are you sure we even want this?
21
00:00:43,926 --> 00:00:45,785
Oh! Those are my old comic books!
22
00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:47,835
Sheldon's right!
23
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We can't just get rid of this!
24
00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:50,915
This represents all of
my childhood memories!
25
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,468
Maybe even the ones I repressed!
26
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,963
Plus, you do always hear about those people
27
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,924
finding priceless
treasures at these things.
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00:00:57,907 --> 00:01:01,409
You know, a rare coin,
a Faberge egg, a Picasso.
29
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,130
A mint-condition "Lite Brite" set,
30
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,254
a Chewbacca piggy-bank,
31
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the first issue of "Hustler" magazine.
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00:01:06,832 --> 00:01:08,066
Okay.
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00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,280
Now, I'm gonna do all
the bidding here, okay?
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00:01:09,296 --> 00:01:10,695
I'm the businessman.
35
00:01:10,702 --> 00:01:12,737
I'll keep the cost way down.
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00:01:12,718 --> 00:01:13,685
Alright, let's start the bidding at...
37
00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:15,810
E-yup!
38
00:01:15,789 --> 00:01:17,056
Sir, I haven't even opened the bid yet.
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Sorry, I just really want this locker bad.
40
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,930
Way to not show your hand.
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00:01:21,867 --> 00:01:23,567
Alright, guys, let's
start the bidding at 400.
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00:01:23,562 --> 00:01:24,529
400, how 'bout a 400...
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Hai-yeah!
44
00:01:26,026 --> 00:01:27,526
450, 450, how 'bout a 450?
45
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Oh, yup!
46
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E-yup!
47
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Hai-yeah!
48
00:01:31,113 --> 00:01:32,213
Guys!
49
00:01:32,232 --> 00:01:33,967
We're bidding against ourselves here.
50
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Ooh-yeah,
ooh-ooh.
51
00:01:35,847 --> 00:01:38,115
550, 550, how 'bout a 550?
52
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I got this.
53
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Hai-yeah!
54
00:01:40,007 --> 00:01:41,007
Guys, stop bidding.
55
00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:42,297
E-yup!
56
00:01:42,309 --> 00:01:44,310
- This is stupid.
- Exactly!
57
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One of us should just...
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$1,500!
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$1,500!
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00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:49,708
Going once,
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00:01:49,731 --> 00:01:50,831
twice, three times...
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Sold to the man who's got
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00:01:52,130 --> 00:01:53,731
absolutely no working
knowledge of an auction!
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00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,297
Yes!
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00:01:55,297 --> 00:01:57,899
Okay, that was stupid.
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00:01:57,857 --> 00:01:59,123
E-yup!
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00:01:59,136 --> 00:02:01,030
I'm agreeing with Danny.
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00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:11,206
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.MY-SUBS.com
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00:02:14,012 --> 00:02:16,380
Propane tanks, briquettes,
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00:02:16,347 --> 00:02:17,380
lighter fluid.
71
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:18,970
Is it safe to be in here?
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00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:19,937
Hey, don't worry, Danny.
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00:02:19,962 --> 00:02:21,262
If a fire breaks out,
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00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,975
we can smother it with this oily tent.
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00:02:23,928 --> 00:02:26,670
And highly-flammable toys.
76
00:02:27,736 --> 00:02:29,937
I remember I won that
for you at the carnival.
77
00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:31,912
Yeah, it still smells like the fairgrounds.
78
00:02:31,894 --> 00:02:33,829
Hot dogs. Cotton candy.
79
00:02:33,813 --> 00:02:35,247
Vomit!
80
00:02:36,693 --> 00:02:39,362
Oh, yeah, vomit bear!
81
00:02:39,316 --> 00:02:40,850
You know, no disrespect to our parents,
82
00:02:40,851 --> 00:02:43,187
but this stuff kind of
looks like junk to me.
83
00:02:43,155 --> 00:02:44,722
Wait a minute. Junk?
84
00:02:44,723 --> 00:02:47,158
Come on! Don't you remember this? Huh?
85
00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:48,755
When we worked our way
down from the bleachers
86
00:02:48,754 --> 00:02:50,487
and got Michael Jordan to sign it for us?
87
00:02:50,481 --> 00:02:52,382
"To the White boys."
88
00:02:52,368 --> 00:02:53,935
Well, that's unfortunate.
89
00:02:53,935 --> 00:02:56,437
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Gosh!
90
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,000
Look what I found.
91
00:02:57,999 --> 00:03:00,033
It's "Leon Troutsky!"
92
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,048
Oh, I used to love this fish!
93
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,898
Do you remember? It hung over the mantle.
94
00:03:03,885 --> 00:03:05,820
Right next to that picture
of Great-grandma White.
95
00:03:05,804 --> 00:03:09,206
Yeah. I remember. They
both had the same teeth.
96
00:03:09,131 --> 00:03:10,831
Can you just put that thing away?
97
00:03:10,827 --> 00:03:12,460
It always scared the hell out of me.
98
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:13,524
I could never understand
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00:03:13,545 --> 00:03:14,746
why dad insisted it stay up.
100
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,829
Uh, because it's a 20-pound trout.
101
00:03:16,809 --> 00:03:18,276
Uh, it's a pike.
102
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,347
Whatever.
103
00:03:19,368 --> 00:03:20,535
Guess who's got two thumbs
104
00:03:20,552 --> 00:03:21,719
and reeled it in all by himself?
105
00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:22,668
This guy.
106
00:03:22,695 --> 00:03:24,129
Come on, Ryan.
107
00:03:24,135 --> 00:03:25,135
You sucked those thumbs
108
00:03:25,158 --> 00:03:26,425
until you were 12 years old.
109
00:03:26,437 --> 00:03:28,839
Dad was the one who took
the hook out of its mouth.
110
00:03:28,805 --> 00:03:31,006
Oh, like I'm gonna touch a fish?
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00:03:30,981 --> 00:03:33,115
Besides, you're just jealous.
112
00:03:33,092 --> 00:03:35,494
You should've seen Sheldon all boo-hoo
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00:03:35,459 --> 00:03:36,993
with his piddly little 6-inch perch.
114
00:03:36,994 --> 00:03:40,030
And the look on dad's face, all proud...
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00:03:39,971 --> 00:03:42,405
I think I'm gonna lose it.
116
00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:45,571
Oh, boy, looks like we're
about to pull into the cry cafe
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00:03:45,505 --> 00:03:48,373
for a sob salad and a tearachino.
118
00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:51,983
Whoa! Is this mom?
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00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:53,935
She was so young and pretty.
120
00:03:53,918 --> 00:03:55,652
Hey, wow. She looks just like Kim.
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00:03:55,646 --> 00:03:56,879
Wh...
122
00:03:56,893 --> 00:04:00,095
How dare you say that
about our mother? Huh?
123
00:04:00,027 --> 00:04:01,962
Oh, my God. It's uncanny.
124
00:04:01,947 --> 00:04:03,882
She's even got those eyes
125
00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:06,072
that scold you without saying a word.
126
00:04:07,258 --> 00:04:09,092
She doesn't look anything like Kim.
127
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,515
Most of my therapists agree
128
00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:13,222
that men who fall for women
who look just like their mothers
129
00:04:13,176 --> 00:04:16,335
have unresolved sexual issues toward them.
130
00:04:17,239 --> 00:04:20,007
What about men who seek
out women that cheat?
131
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,627
Ironically, brother issues.
132
00:04:22,581 --> 00:04:23,682
Are we about done?
133
00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:24,735
I don't know.
134
00:04:24,757 --> 00:04:26,790
There's still a crap-ton of stuff in here.
135
00:04:26,772 --> 00:04:28,072
So what are you gonna do with it?
136
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:30,718
I was thinking about
renting out a storage locker.
137
00:04:41,104 --> 00:04:43,039
I love vintage comics.
138
00:04:43,023 --> 00:04:45,058
Do you have Spider-Man from the '80s?
139
00:04:45,038 --> 00:04:46,605
No, but somewhere in there
140
00:04:46,606 --> 00:04:47,673
is a Hulk from the '90s.
141
00:04:47,693 --> 00:04:48,761
It's pretty cool.
142
00:04:48,781 --> 00:04:50,716
He beats up hootie and the blowfish.
143
00:04:51,821 --> 00:04:53,689
Whoa! Oh. There's a Playboy in here.
144
00:04:53,676 --> 00:04:54,743
Oh. Yeah.
145
00:04:54,764 --> 00:04:56,130
Sheldon used to swap out the covers
146
00:04:56,139 --> 00:04:57,072
when we were kids
147
00:04:57,099 --> 00:04:58,132
and sell them.
148
00:04:58,155 --> 00:05:00,423
It was his first business venture.
149
00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:05,052
Whoa! That's a lot of hair.
150
00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:07,201
Yeah, perms were very popular back...
151
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,220
Oh. You mean that.
152
00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:17,925
Ooh. That feels good.
153
00:05:17,861 --> 00:05:19,461
Oh, getting a little scruffy back there.
154
00:05:19,461 --> 00:05:21,094
What was that?
155
00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:23,027
Oh, time for a haircut, mister.
156
00:05:29,217 --> 00:05:31,652
Come on, scruffy. It's bedtime.
157
00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:33,050
Yeah, I don't know.
158
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:34,923
I just, uh, I just got started on these
159
00:05:34,911 --> 00:05:36,011
and, well, I'd like
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00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,599
to cross-catalog them all alphabetically,
161
00:05:37,599 --> 00:05:39,733
and by villain.
162
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:44,692
Oh, well, if that's what you wanna do.
163
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,604
I'll be upstairs.
164
00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:52,219
Danny! Can you please stop
leaving your shoes everywhere?
165
00:05:52,155 --> 00:05:53,755
Honestly, if I've asked you once,
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00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,688
I've asked you a million times!
167
00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:11,497
Nice lamp, nice lamp.
Give you $30 for the lamp.
168
00:06:11,477 --> 00:06:14,346
Do you ever talk normally?
169
00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:17,228
Going once, going twice... Sold!
170
00:06:17,171 --> 00:06:18,338
Wait a minute. I didn't
say it was for sale.
171
00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:19,588
Not sold.
172
00:06:19,602 --> 00:06:22,304
Uh, hold on a sec.
Okay. Okay. I'll take it.
173
00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:24,558
Nice jacket. Looks like
you got it from a crackhead.
174
00:06:24,529 --> 00:06:25,663
Crackhead, crackhead. Do I hear crackhead?
175
00:06:25,681 --> 00:06:27,849
Hey, this is my jacket.
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00:06:27,824 --> 00:06:29,358
You got a lot of nice stuff here.
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00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,427
You gonna make a lot of money.
You gonna make a lot of money.
178
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:32,640
825, 825,
179
00:06:32,654 --> 00:06:35,289
who wants a hockey player no longer alive?
180
00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:36,146
Yop!
181
00:06:36,174 --> 00:06:37,574
He's got a stick, he's got a puck,
182
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:38,948
if you're not here to bid,
then hey, what the f...
183
00:06:38,957 --> 00:06:40,958
Hey-ya!
184
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:43,986
Sold, to the lady with the
nicotine-stained fingers.
185
00:06:45,643 --> 00:06:47,711
Alright, last item up for bid.
186
00:06:47,691 --> 00:06:51,793
A toilet seat from the
greenroom at Caesar's palace!
187
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,289
Hey, come on! Elvis's
ass touched this thing!
188
00:06:55,272 --> 00:06:57,607
I'm talking about the King himself!
189
00:06:57,575 --> 00:06:58,575
Well, I'll give you 50!
190
00:06:58,599 --> 00:07:00,032
150.
191
00:07:00,038 --> 00:07:01,439
Sold!
192
00:07:01,446 --> 00:07:03,980
I thank you. I
thank-you-very-much.
193
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:07,960
Sheldon, what is that guy doing
194
00:07:07,972 --> 00:07:09,506
holding our old downstairs toilet seat?
195
00:07:09,508 --> 00:07:13,143
Well, turns out I'm a natural auctioneer.
196
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,426
I was able to unload a
bunch of this locker junk.
197
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:16,794
No more storage fees.
198
00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:18,302
A bunch of it? You sold everything!
199
00:07:18,306 --> 00:07:19,672
Well, not everything.
200
00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:23,116
We've still got the VCR machine
and a box of video tapes.
201
00:07:23,039 --> 00:07:25,073
Sheldon, what the hell? You
got rid of Leon Troutsky!
202
00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:27,056
Man, that fish represented
203
00:07:27,038 --> 00:07:28,405
the best moment of my entire childhood,
204
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:29,814
and you just got rid of it!
205
00:07:29,822 --> 00:07:31,256
Ahh, this is worse than the time
206
00:07:31,262 --> 00:07:33,129
Alison sold her wedding dress on eBay.
207
00:07:33,117 --> 00:07:34,684
Well, a lot of women do that.
208
00:07:34,684 --> 00:07:37,386
It was three days before the wedding.
209
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:38,340
I'll tell you what.
210
00:07:38,363 --> 00:07:39,630
I made 60 bucks.
211
00:07:39,643 --> 00:07:41,544
Why don't you come shopping with me?
212
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:43,963
Help me pick something out for myself.
213
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:50,695
I can't believe
214
00:07:50,715 --> 00:07:52,216
Sheldon would just sell off that fish.
215
00:07:52,218 --> 00:07:54,452
I can't believe you actually caught a fish.
216
00:07:54,425 --> 00:07:56,526
Well, I also caught poison oak, poison ivy,
217
00:07:56,505 --> 00:08:00,174
and a mysterious rash
that reoccurs every summer.
218
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:01,355
I thought you loved those trips.
219
00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:04,503
Oh, I hated those trips!
Dad and Sheldon loved them.
220
00:08:04,438 --> 00:08:06,540
Toughin' it out. Eating tree bark.
221
00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:08,860
One time, I got a tick in my scrotum!
222
00:08:10,581 --> 00:08:11,781
That explains why you're always
223
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:14,297
scratching yourself in the vacation photos.
224
00:08:14,259 --> 00:08:16,193
Anyway, consider yourself the lucky one.
225
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:17,279
You were just a baby.
226
00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:18,966
You were still home,
suckling on mom's breast.
227
00:08:18,962 --> 00:08:20,996
Oh! Please don't go there.
228
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,745
I don't know if it was just the lighting,
229
00:08:22,737 --> 00:08:25,906
but last night, I swear,
I saw mom in Kim's face.
230
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:26,940
Really?
231
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,993
Well, did she tell you she loved me?
232
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:31,043
It didn't come up.
233
00:08:31,023 --> 00:08:33,390
In fact... nothing did.
234
00:08:33,357 --> 00:08:34,891
What if this ruins our sex life?
235
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:36,427
Been there.
236
00:08:36,429 --> 00:08:38,496
Toward the end, Alison would
only let me have fruit-fly sex.
237
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,676
What the hell is that?
238
00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:41,025
Fruit flies only mate once a year,
239
00:08:41,035 --> 00:08:42,269
and then they die.
240
00:08:42,284 --> 00:08:44,117
She always seemed so
disappointed afterward.
241
00:08:45,385 --> 00:08:46,753
Don't feel too bad, okay?
242
00:08:46,762 --> 00:08:47,895
It's not like you're
the first guy in history
243
00:08:47,913 --> 00:08:48,913
to have mommy issues.
244
00:08:48,937 --> 00:08:51,739
I don't have "mommy issues."
245
00:08:51,688 --> 00:08:52,788
"Norman, come closer.
246
00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:53,907
"Come closer to the bed
247
00:08:53,927 --> 00:08:56,463
where mother can see you, Norman."
248
00:08:57,574 --> 00:09:00,242
Psycho.
249
00:09:00,198 --> 00:09:01,532
Ryan.
250
00:09:02,788 --> 00:09:04,956
I brought you a peace offering.
251
00:09:04,932 --> 00:09:06,233
It's a can of tuna.
252
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:09,346
A fish is a fish. At
least it's travel-size.
253
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,918
I'm not talking to you
until I get that fish back.
254
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,275
Look, I told you I'm sorry, okay?
255
00:09:13,282 --> 00:09:15,750
This auctioneer-speak is just too good.
256
00:09:15,713 --> 00:09:16,780
It speeds everything up.
257
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,768
Like picking up chicks.
258
00:09:18,752 --> 00:09:20,653
You've got great hair.
You've got nice boobs.
259
00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:22,700
Really like your ass. Hate your red shoes.
260
00:09:25,374 --> 00:09:26,808
See? It's a gift.
261
00:09:26,814 --> 00:09:27,980
You know what I'm beginning to think?
262
00:09:27,998 --> 00:09:29,465
You did it on purpose.
263
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,336
You're still mad because I
caught a bigger trout than you!
264
00:09:31,325 --> 00:09:33,426
- Pike!
- Whatever!
265
00:09:33,404 --> 00:09:36,039
Look, it's a stupid stuffed fish.
266
00:09:35,995 --> 00:09:37,162
If you really want the damn thing,
267
00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:38,179
I'll get it back for you.
268
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,870
Do you really have to?
269
00:09:39,866 --> 00:09:42,134
Look, I got enough disturbing
images floating around in my head.
270
00:09:42,105 --> 00:09:43,973
Wait. What's that supposed to mean?
271
00:09:43,961 --> 00:09:46,495
Danny can't sleep with Kim now
because she reminds him of mom.
272
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,357
I knew it! Mother issues.
273
00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:50,377
I don't have mother issues!
274
00:09:52,565 --> 00:09:54,366
Psycho!
275
00:09:54,357 --> 00:09:56,027
Look. See? Sheldon gets it.
276
00:09:57,301 --> 00:09:59,001
Look, I feel sorry for you, little dude.
277
00:09:58,996 --> 00:10:00,163
You'd better get back
in there and get some,
278
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,079
before it's too late.
279
00:10:01,107 --> 00:10:02,241
Too late?
280
00:10:02,259 --> 00:10:03,760
Yeah. I know this guy who realized
281
00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:05,530
his wife looked like Alex Trebek.
282
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,989
And what, they never
had sex again after that?
283
00:10:06,994 --> 00:10:08,694
No. They didn't have sex before.
284
00:10:08,689 --> 00:10:11,157
She had a moustache, for crying out loud.
285
00:10:16,079 --> 00:10:17,180
Wild night?
286
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,398
What makes you say that?
287
00:10:18,414 --> 00:10:20,214
'Cause you're actually
drinking caffeinated tea.
288
00:10:20,205 --> 00:10:23,040
That's about as rock
'n' roll as you ever get.
289
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,423
Danny was up half the night
290
00:10:24,429 --> 00:10:27,030
looking at comics he found
in that stupid storage locker.
291
00:10:26,988 --> 00:10:29,156
He finally comes to bed. I gear up...
292
00:10:29,132 --> 00:10:30,699
Mm-hmm. And?
293
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,933
And he throws me back into neutral!
294
00:10:32,906 --> 00:10:33,906
I get it.
295
00:10:33,929 --> 00:10:35,530
You're feeling... unfulfilled?
296
00:10:35,530 --> 00:10:36,463
Easy fix.
297
00:10:36,489 --> 00:10:37,656
Go lean against that corner.
298
00:10:37,672 --> 00:10:39,373
When the subway comes by,
299
00:10:39,368 --> 00:10:41,769
it vibrates like a son of a bitch.
300
00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:43,857
Nikki!
301
00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:45,880
Have you been doing that when I'm not here?
302
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,863
I got an eight-hour shift, I get bored!
303
00:10:47,846 --> 00:10:50,947
You're just in luck. The 2:15 is coming.
304
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,117
It's not that simple.
305
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,666
He was acting weird.
306
00:10:53,668 --> 00:10:55,102
He wouldn't even look me in the eye.
307
00:10:55,108 --> 00:10:56,808
Who cares about eye contact?
308
00:10:56,803 --> 00:10:57,836
There's nothing that interesting
309
00:10:57,859 --> 00:11:00,227
going on above the waist anyway.
310
00:11:00,194 --> 00:11:02,295
No, it was something else.
311
00:11:02,273 --> 00:11:04,641
I think something about that
storage locker set him off.
312
00:11:04,609 --> 00:11:07,076
Well, he did lose his
parents at a young age.
313
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,242
We all saw what that did to Batman.
314
00:11:10,175 --> 00:11:12,309
Maybe he just...
315
00:11:12,286 --> 00:11:13,853
Needs a little extra comforting right now.
316
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:15,121
You know, I guess it wouldn't hurt
317
00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:16,634
to just mother him a little.
318
00:11:16,637 --> 00:11:17,837
Yeah, sure. Try it your way.
319
00:11:17,853 --> 00:11:19,086
But if that doesn't work,
320
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,767
I know another great
trick with a metal chair
321
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,464
and a couple of jumper cables.
322
00:11:28,057 --> 00:11:29,190
Hey.
323
00:11:29,209 --> 00:11:32,211
Now, that is what I
call a room with a view.
324
00:11:32,152 --> 00:11:33,352
We may not even get up...
325
00:11:33,368 --> 00:11:35,102
Cookie?
326
00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:39,122
They're oatmeal. Your favorite!
327
00:11:39,094 --> 00:11:40,528
Suddenly not hungry.
328
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,801
Oh, come on! Sit down.
329
00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:43,781
I'll get you a nice tall glass of milk.
330
00:11:43,765 --> 00:11:45,699
Might need something a little stronger.
331
00:11:45,685 --> 00:11:47,118
Ooh! Do you want me to make you cocoa?
332
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,326
No. Not what I was thinking.
333
00:11:49,299 --> 00:11:50,433
Do you know what, Kim? Forget the cookies.
334
00:11:50,451 --> 00:11:52,052
Come over here.
335
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:53,951
I want you.
336
00:11:55,025 --> 00:11:56,693
What's wrong?
337
00:11:56,689 --> 00:11:58,156
Nothing. Nothing's wrong.
338
00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,894
Why-Why-Why would
anything be wrong?
339
00:11:59,888 --> 00:12:01,188
Well, you're not looking at me.
340
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,134
Of course, I'm looking at you.
341
00:12:03,119 --> 00:12:05,086
I just... I... well, I
have something in my eye.
342
00:12:05,071 --> 00:12:07,272
- Shh, hold on. I'll get it.
- No. No, it's okay.
343
00:12:07,246 --> 00:12:08,413
It's really... it's...
344
00:12:08,430 --> 00:12:10,464
There you go. Make a wish!
345
00:12:14,412 --> 00:12:16,613
Now, where were we?
346
00:12:16,587 --> 00:12:18,254
Yeah! So...
347
00:12:18,251 --> 00:12:20,986
that was... really, really nice.
348
00:12:20,938 --> 00:12:22,038
Um, ahem.
349
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:23,859
But I'm gonna be upstairs, doing some work.
350
00:12:23,849 --> 00:12:25,983
Hah. Hoo.
351
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:26,759
Where are you going?
352
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:28,460
Oh, the tea shop.
353
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,356
If I hurry, I can make the 8:05.
354
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:35,217
So, uh...
355
00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:37,339
Gale, can I get you a drink?
356
00:12:37,317 --> 00:12:40,552
Maybe a tequila? Bloody Mary? Sambuca?
357
00:12:40,484 --> 00:12:41,384
I'm an alcoholic.
358
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:43,879
So all three, then?
359
00:12:43,843 --> 00:12:45,044
Are we doing this or not?
360
00:12:45,058 --> 00:12:46,759
I gotta see a guy about an Alaskan halibut.
361
00:12:46,753 --> 00:12:49,189
Listen, I'll give you
100 bucks for that thing.
362
00:12:49,153 --> 00:12:52,155
Ha! Sorry, I had it appraised.
It's worth a lot more than that.
363
00:12:52,097 --> 00:12:54,264
Gale, baby. It's Sheldon talking.
364
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,273
Okay? Come on!
365
00:12:55,295 --> 00:12:56,862
We're both fish-lovers here.
366
00:12:56,863 --> 00:13:00,266
"Affishianados," if you will.
367
00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:03,926
I'm sure we can come up
with a deal that's win-win.
368
00:13:03,837 --> 00:13:05,370
200 and not a penny less.
369
00:13:05,372 --> 00:13:06,540
You know what?
370
00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:08,056
This fish really doesn't
mean that much to me.
371
00:13:08,060 --> 00:13:08,960
Leon Troutsky!
372
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,189
You got him back!
373
00:13:11,163 --> 00:13:12,930
Oh, this fish means everything to me.
374
00:13:14,138 --> 00:13:15,171
500.
375
00:13:15,193 --> 00:13:16,828
Wait! I thought you just said 200!
376
00:13:16,825 --> 00:13:18,793
Well, you got a little bit of a tell.
377
00:13:18,777 --> 00:13:20,611
You know what? Why don't you get lost?
378
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,566
Wait a second! No way!
379
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:22,559
I'd pay anything for this.
380
00:13:22,583 --> 00:13:24,017
- 1,000!
- Deal!
381
00:13:24,022 --> 00:13:25,156
Ryan, quit it.
382
00:13:25,175 --> 00:13:26,609
- Why don't we make it two?
- Double deal!
383
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:28,515
Ryan, I'm not gonna let you
pay two grand for that fish!
384
00:13:28,501 --> 00:13:29,501
I'd pay 10!
385
00:13:29,526 --> 00:13:31,226
Well, now, that's just a little sad.
386
00:13:33,907 --> 00:13:35,141
Ryan, you don't understand.
387
00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:37,791
You didn't catch that fish, okay?
388
00:13:37,746 --> 00:13:38,846
I did.
389
00:13:38,866 --> 00:13:40,634
Oh, Sheldon, this is pathetic.
390
00:13:40,626 --> 00:13:41,660
Just accept it!
391
00:13:41,681 --> 00:13:43,582
I'm a better trout fisherman than you.
392
00:13:43,569 --> 00:13:44,869
It's a pike!
393
00:13:44,881 --> 00:13:47,716
And you were too squeamish
to pull it up, okay?
394
00:13:47,664 --> 00:13:50,266
I had that fish stored
under a dock on a stringer.
395
00:13:50,223 --> 00:13:51,423
I switched them out.
396
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:52,939
Oh, for the... I can't
believe I'm hearing this.
397
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:53,875
Do you believe this?
398
00:13:53,902 --> 00:13:55,269
To be honest,
399
00:13:55,278 --> 00:13:56,812
I'm not really getting the
"fisherman" vibe from you.
400
00:13:56,813 --> 00:13:59,715
More like "gay optometrist."
401
00:14:01,963 --> 00:14:03,631
Listen. Ryan, think about it.
402
00:14:03,627 --> 00:14:05,861
How many fish did you
catch before that day?
403
00:14:05,834 --> 00:14:07,802
And how many fish have
you caught after that day?
404
00:14:07,786 --> 00:14:09,453
Well, I...
405
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:10,783
You switched the fish!
406
00:14:10,794 --> 00:14:12,027
Why would you do that?
407
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,641
Because I couldn't take
your whining anymore
408
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,907
about the trip!
409
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,420
"Oh! It's too hot." "It's too cold."
410
00:14:16,424 --> 00:14:18,624
"There's a tick in my scrotum."
411
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:24,062
Look, you even made dad drive
45 minutes to a McDonald's
412
00:14:23,973 --> 00:14:25,741
just so you could use a real toilet!
413
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:28,669
Oh, what, so I'm supposed to
go in the woods like an animal?
414
00:14:28,612 --> 00:14:29,746
I'll tell you what.
415
00:14:29,763 --> 00:14:30,964
I'll give you the fish.
416
00:14:30,979 --> 00:14:33,457
I don't want your pity-fish, Gale.
417
00:14:34,434 --> 00:14:36,302
It's his fish! Give it to him!
418
00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:37,256
Wait! I don't want it!
419
00:14:37,281 --> 00:14:39,049
I don't want it. It's bad juju.
420
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,774
Take it!
421
00:14:44,895 --> 00:14:47,796
Look. I really don't know
what you're so upset about.
422
00:14:47,742 --> 00:14:49,575
That was 20 years ago.
423
00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:51,466
Sheldon, if you don't know,
I'm not going to tell you.
424
00:14:51,453 --> 00:14:53,487
You just don't get it, do you?
425
00:14:53,468 --> 00:14:54,301
Wait! Where are you going?
426
00:14:54,332 --> 00:14:55,332
I'm going to the bathroom!
427
00:14:55,355 --> 00:14:56,723
Well, it's not that way!
428
00:14:56,732 --> 00:14:58,999
I don't use the bathrooms
here! I'm going to McDonald's.
429
00:15:05,218 --> 00:15:07,186
Uh, Ryan, would you mind
giving me that comic book
430
00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,270
if you're done with it?
431
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:09,756
Danny, would you please tell your brother
432
00:15:09,761 --> 00:15:11,062
if he'd like to read a comic,
433
00:15:11,073 --> 00:15:12,507
there's a perfectly good Wonder Twins
434
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:13,996
in the pile on the table.
435
00:15:14,911 --> 00:15:16,145
Will you two shut up?
436
00:15:16,159 --> 00:15:17,660
I'm trying to read this Playboy interview
437
00:15:17,663 --> 00:15:19,564
with Gary Coleman.
438
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,871
Look, I'm not the one who's acting like
439
00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:24,154
someone who got stood up for the prom.
440
00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:26,592
As you well know, I was stood up for prom!
441
00:15:26,556 --> 00:15:28,624
Did you orchestrate that, too?
442
00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:30,171
Look, are you still mad at me?
443
00:15:30,171 --> 00:15:31,739
Because I've done a lot worse.
444
00:15:31,739 --> 00:15:34,106
Remember the time I shot you
in the hand with a BB gun?
445
00:15:34,074 --> 00:15:36,710
Oh. Big deal. So I can't
make a full fist now.
446
00:15:36,665 --> 00:15:39,734
It's not like I was gonna
join the Black Panthers.
447
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,073
Okay, what about the time
448
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,981
I googled "how to make a pipe bomb"
449
00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:44,267
in your laptop,
450
00:15:44,279 --> 00:15:45,646
and you got put on the no-fly list?
451
00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:47,656
Or that time he slept with Ingrid,
452
00:15:47,639 --> 00:15:49,105
that girl you had a crush on.
453
00:15:49,109 --> 00:15:52,312
That was the girl that
stood me up for the prom!
454
00:15:52,245 --> 00:15:54,913
That was supposed to be between us.
455
00:15:54,868 --> 00:15:57,937
Look, how much worse can
this fish incident be?
456
00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,042
You really want to know?
457
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,459
Way worse.
458
00:16:00,466 --> 00:16:03,000
Because that was the one
moment of my entire childhood
459
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:04,695
when I finally got dad's approval.
460
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,489
It wasn't even real!
461
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,786
Where is that Wonder Twins?
462
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:13,309
Come on, Ryan.
463
00:16:13,295 --> 00:16:14,928
Dad loved you.
464
00:16:14,926 --> 00:16:16,093
Yeah, but he never got me.
465
00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:18,111
To be honest, we don't get you.
466
00:16:19,181 --> 00:16:20,915
You and dad were so tight.
467
00:16:20,908 --> 00:16:23,243
I was always the odd man out.
468
00:16:23,211 --> 00:16:24,578
When I caught that fish,
469
00:16:24,587 --> 00:16:26,688
I finally felt like I was part of the club.
470
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:28,800
Well, if you're talking about the time
471
00:16:28,777 --> 00:16:30,311
dad and I went into that club
472
00:16:30,313 --> 00:16:31,746
and left you sitting outside,
473
00:16:31,752 --> 00:16:33,220
it's because you weren't old enough.
474
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:35,870
Then why'd you leave me with
a six-pack and a dirty bong?
475
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:39,597
Because I care about you, Ryan!
476
00:16:39,559 --> 00:16:42,026
You know, if I could turn
back the hands of time
477
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,323
and make it right, I would!
478
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,734
There's nothing I want
more in the whole world.
479
00:16:45,701 --> 00:16:47,668
Except for maybe meeting Miss October here
480
00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:49,120
when she was in her prime.
481
00:16:49,124 --> 00:16:52,694
Ho-ho-ho! Look at
those "wonder twins."
482
00:16:55,298 --> 00:16:56,532
Do you see it now?
483
00:16:56,545 --> 00:16:58,412
That you look exactly like my mother?
484
00:16:58,401 --> 00:16:59,668
No.
485
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,248
Oh, come on!
486
00:17:01,247 --> 00:17:02,247
The eyes, the hair, the lips...
487
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,338
I can't kiss without feeling like
488
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:05,461
I'm going to hell!
489
00:17:05,438 --> 00:17:07,306
Danny, it's all in your head.
490
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,595
I mean, if you looked like my dad,
491
00:17:09,566 --> 00:17:11,634
I wouldn't have trouble having se...
492
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:12,813
Oh...
493
00:17:12,828 --> 00:17:14,762
yeah...
494
00:17:14,748 --> 00:17:16,048
- that is a problem.
- Yeah-huh.
495
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:17,627
Well, now I see why the
oven mitts and cookies
496
00:17:17,627 --> 00:17:18,927
weren't doing it for you.
497
00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:21,240
I might as well have
offered to tuck you into bed.
498
00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:22,143
You did.
499
00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:24,320
I was feeling sleepy after my bath.
500
00:17:26,072 --> 00:17:28,274
Well, I'm glad you told me.
501
00:17:28,249 --> 00:17:29,381
You know what?
502
00:17:29,399 --> 00:17:32,001
It's actually made me feel much better.
503
00:17:31,958 --> 00:17:33,959
Ooh. Well, how much better?
504
00:17:33,942 --> 00:17:36,110
Gah! I can see down your shirt!
505
00:17:36,086 --> 00:17:37,558
I'm going.
506
00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:44,498
Don't feel too badly, Danny.
507
00:17:44,499 --> 00:17:46,233
It's like Alison used to say,
508
00:17:46,226 --> 00:17:47,560
"solving the problems of love
509
00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:50,004
is as easy as calculating infinity."
510
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,137
That's beautiful!
511
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,320
When did she say that?
512
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:53,504
When I found her doing her yoga instructor
513
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,855
in the back of my Infinity.
514
00:17:57,263 --> 00:17:59,631
Ryan? I was wrong.
515
00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:01,165
I think I figured out a way
516
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,851
to turn back the hands of time after all.
517
00:18:05,612 --> 00:18:06,812
I was up all night,
518
00:18:06,828 --> 00:18:08,896
watching these videos
from the storage locker.
519
00:18:08,876 --> 00:18:11,811
Went through seven seasons of Knight Rider.
520
00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:14,456
How David Hasselhoff did not win an Emmy
521
00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:17,078
is beyond me.
522
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,180
Anyways, I think I struck gold.
523
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,547
"O."
524
00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:25,785
"B."
525
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:28,501
"I..."
526
00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:29,788
"A."
527
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:32,366
"Myso... phobia?"
528
00:18:32,325 --> 00:18:33,791
You making that up?
529
00:18:33,797 --> 00:18:36,431
Nope. It's fear of
dirt. You can look it up.
530
00:18:36,387 --> 00:18:38,088
Oh, no. I trust you on that.
531
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,251
Okay, well, adding that score
532
00:18:40,226 --> 00:18:42,961
to "antiseptic"...
533
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,581
I'd say you creamed me.
534
00:18:44,577 --> 00:18:45,844
Let's play again.
535
00:18:45,856 --> 00:18:47,791
Do you think we should ask Sheldon to play?
536
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:49,177
Nah, this is our thing.
537
00:18:49,183 --> 00:18:51,752
Plus, he's kind of a bonehead.
538
00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:58,710
Wow! I'd completely forgotten
539
00:18:58,685 --> 00:19:00,419
what put you into that coma.
540
00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:03,468
And also, playing games with dad!
541
00:19:03,411 --> 00:19:04,453
I used to love that.
542
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,778
See? I told you,
543
00:19:05,787 --> 00:19:07,220
there were repressed
memories in that locker.
544
00:19:07,226 --> 00:19:09,938
See? And that's a club I never got into.
545
00:19:10,585 --> 00:19:12,886
I think I'm gonna lose it.
546
00:19:12,857 --> 00:19:15,025
Another stop for a tearachino?
547
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,402
Looks like it's gonna be a double.
548
00:19:19,702 --> 00:19:21,202
Hey, baby.
549
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:26,608
Do I still remind you of your mother?
550
00:19:26,517 --> 00:19:28,385
Sheldon. Ryan.
551
00:19:28,373 --> 00:19:30,359
Let yourselves out.
552
00:19:32,594 --> 00:19:34,129
Come on, Ryan.
553
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,898
I've got a 112 episodes
of "Alf" we can watch.
554
00:19:36,849 --> 00:19:39,784
It was surprisingly
sophisticated for its time.
555
00:19:42,289 --> 00:19:44,089
I'm gonna do things to you
556
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,147
that make your toes curl.
557
00:19:45,168 --> 00:19:46,601
Oh, mama!
558
00:19:46,607 --> 00:19:48,074
Don't go there.
559
00:19:55,339 --> 00:19:57,773
Hey-hey-hey, guys! How
was the big fishing...
560
00:19:57,737 --> 00:20:01,540
Holy crap! You guys smell horrible.
561
00:20:01,449 --> 00:20:03,216
First off, you'd be proud of me.
562
00:20:03,208 --> 00:20:05,609
I actually went to the bathroom outside!
563
00:20:05,575 --> 00:20:07,309
Number one. I'm not an animal.
564
00:20:08,422 --> 00:20:11,324
And two, I caught a 30-pound trout!
565
00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:12,570
It was a pike. It was a pike.
566
00:20:12,581 --> 00:20:14,648
It was a
pi-i-ike!
567
00:20:15,941 --> 00:20:18,275
Yeah, whatever. Drinks
and gloating are on me.
568
00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,010
So you switched the fish again, huh?
569
00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:22,204
No! And I don't want to talk about it.
570
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,680
Hey! Can we just order some food, please?
571
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:25,908
You got five seconds. Kitchen's closing.
572
00:20:25,922 --> 00:20:26,721
How long?
573
00:20:26,753 --> 00:20:28,687
Five seconds.
574
00:20:28,673 --> 00:20:30,573
Perfect. Meatloaf, gravy, extra fries,
575
00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:32,194
now I'll pass it off to these other guys.
576
00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:34,259
Tuna melt, 5-grain bun, tomato
soup. That's it, I'm done.
577
00:20:34,238 --> 00:20:35,272
Veggie sandwich, no peppers, please,
578
00:20:35,294 --> 00:20:36,495
sourdough bread, with extra cheese.
579
00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:38,345
Nope. Too late.
580
00:20:39,421 --> 00:20:41,196
E...
581
00:20:41,124 --> 00:20:41,687
yup!
582
00:20:41,666 --> 00:20:43,360
Hoo-hoo.
583
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:47,960
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