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1
00:00:05,888 --> 00:00:09,224
"I prefer Kandinsky to Dali."
2
00:00:09,147 --> 00:00:11,215
So then Chelsea says "Kandinsky?
3
00:00:11,193 --> 00:00:12,593
Who else do you like... Rothko?"
4
00:00:14,837 --> 00:00:16,170
Wow.
5
00:00:16,178 --> 00:00:17,711
How'd you keep a straight face?
6
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:20,047
It was really hard.
7
00:00:20,013 --> 00:00:21,213
Well, it sounds like this Chelsea girl
8
00:00:21,227 --> 00:00:22,261
is a lot of fun, Ryan.
9
00:00:22,281 --> 00:00:24,316
Oh yeah, Chelsea's great.
10
00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:26,063
I mean, we have... we
have tons of chemistry.
11
00:00:26,053 --> 00:00:27,354
Do tell.
12
00:00:27,363 --> 00:00:29,331
What kind of experiments
have you two been performing
13
00:00:29,313 --> 00:00:30,779
between the sheets?
14
00:00:30,783 --> 00:00:33,317
Actually, we haven't quite
made it between the sheets yet.
15
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:35,243
And you're still dating her?
16
00:00:35,224 --> 00:00:37,927
You know, it's hard to
believe we're related.
17
00:00:37,877 --> 00:00:40,946
There is nothing wrong with taking it slow.
18
00:00:40,881 --> 00:00:43,433
Exactly. You guys took it slow, right?
19
00:00:44,748 --> 00:00:45,648
Absolutely.
20
00:00:45,674 --> 00:00:47,575
Oh, yeah.
21
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,361
Just for the record, though...
22
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,718
you and Chelsea have
gotten to first base, right?
23
00:00:51,682 --> 00:00:54,951
Of course, we've been to first base.
24
00:00:54,878 --> 00:00:56,513
First base is kissing, right?
25
00:00:56,509 --> 00:00:58,809
Kissing's not even baseball.
26
00:00:58,777 --> 00:01:00,946
It's more like rowing or tennis.
27
00:01:00,918 --> 00:01:02,853
You know, the stupid sports.
28
00:01:02,836 --> 00:01:04,670
Look, you guys are missing the point.
29
00:01:04,658 --> 00:01:05,925
Chelsea and I are taking the time
30
00:01:05,936 --> 00:01:08,437
to get to know one another
on a deeper level, okay?
31
00:01:08,397 --> 00:01:11,298
We share a lot of things besides sex.
32
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:15,443
Sounds like you share a lot
of things instead of sex.
33
00:01:15,331 --> 00:01:18,133
Look, I mean, she's
smart. She's sophisticated.
34
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,780
And you know what they say...
35
00:01:19,773 --> 00:01:22,875
the biggest sexual organ
is between your ears.
36
00:01:22,809 --> 00:01:25,844
Oh, my God...
37
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,014
it's been so long,
38
00:01:27,027 --> 00:01:28,927
he doesn't remember how to do it anymore.
39
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:40,560
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.MY-SUBS.com
40
00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:44,801
So, is this a social visit,
41
00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:46,029
or are you in trouble with the law?
42
00:01:46,042 --> 00:01:47,910
I'm in trouble with the law.
43
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:49,363
Oh.
44
00:01:49,366 --> 00:01:51,968
Oh, it's not a huge thing.
I'm just in a bit of a pickle.
45
00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:53,556
How big of a pickle?
46
00:01:53,552 --> 00:01:55,786
Smaller than a dill, bigger than a gherkin.
47
00:01:55,756 --> 00:01:57,557
My license got suspended.
48
00:01:57,546 --> 00:01:58,579
Tell me what happened.
49
00:01:58,601 --> 00:02:00,336
I was speeding down the parkway...
50
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:01,594
Allegedly.
51
00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:03,472
I got pulled over for
going a 90 in a 40 zone...
52
00:02:03,459 --> 00:02:04,960
Allegedly.
53
00:02:04,961 --> 00:02:06,828
and the cop wanted to give
me a ticket, so I flashed him.
54
00:02:06,815 --> 00:02:07,915
Alle...
55
00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,733
I'm sorry, what?
56
00:02:09,723 --> 00:02:10,723
I did this.
57
00:02:10,745 --> 00:02:12,412
Stop! I know what flashing is.
58
00:02:12,407 --> 00:02:14,040
Why would you do that?
59
00:02:14,036 --> 00:02:15,536
Because it gets me out of tickets.
60
00:02:15,538 --> 00:02:16,872
Except this time.
61
00:02:16,881 --> 00:02:18,615
The cop was obviously gay.
62
00:02:18,607 --> 00:02:21,675
Do I wanna know what happened next?
63
00:02:21,611 --> 00:02:24,279
I told him he was obviously gay.
64
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,332
For some reason, that got him madder.
65
00:02:26,308 --> 00:02:28,142
I guess I can look into it for you.
66
00:02:28,130 --> 00:02:30,864
But you cannot talk about
this with anyone else.
67
00:02:30,814 --> 00:02:34,017
First rule of criminal defense
is, "never admit to anything."
68
00:02:33,947 --> 00:02:35,214
Got it.
69
00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:36,758
You're not going to tell
Kim about this, are you?
70
00:02:36,759 --> 00:02:39,426
She gets all uptight when I break the law.
71
00:02:39,377 --> 00:02:40,878
I can't tell Kim.
72
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,814
Communications between
lawyers and their clients
73
00:02:42,798 --> 00:02:45,333
are privileged.
74
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,359
So everything I tell you is confidential?
75
00:02:47,336 --> 00:02:50,050
Yeah, anything you say stays between us.
76
00:02:52,289 --> 00:02:54,323
This one time, when I was a teenager?
77
00:02:54,303 --> 00:02:55,937
I made out with my cousin.
78
00:02:55,933 --> 00:02:57,600
I don't mean second or
third cousin, either.
79
00:02:57,593 --> 00:03:00,529
I'm talkin' firsties.
80
00:03:05,742 --> 00:03:06,943
Excuse me.
81
00:03:06,957 --> 00:03:09,292
How long do you think a
man and a woman should wait
82
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,058
before having sex?
83
00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:13,915
Should they wait two weeks, two days,
84
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:17,229
or by the time I finish this drink?
85
00:03:17,151 --> 00:03:19,619
Depends. Are we talking about a mature man,
86
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,014
or some overgrown frat boy?
87
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:25,121
Well, why don't we tap the
kegger and talk about it?
88
00:03:25,013 --> 00:03:26,913
You realize you don't even know my name.
89
00:03:26,898 --> 00:03:27,798
Do I need to?
90
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:29,559
Not really.
91
00:03:29,551 --> 00:03:30,551
But you could buy me a drink.
92
00:03:30,573 --> 00:03:31,640
Do I need to?
93
00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:33,144
Not really.
94
00:03:37,988 --> 00:03:39,221
Ugh.
95
00:03:39,234 --> 00:03:41,035
Great. I see it still stinks in here.
96
00:03:41,023 --> 00:03:42,690
Yeah, sweaty Pete stopped by.
97
00:03:42,685 --> 00:03:44,151
You'd think a guy that sweats that much
98
00:03:44,154 --> 00:03:45,955
would stop drinking hot tea.
99
00:03:45,944 --> 00:03:48,779
It's that new barbecue
restaurant next door.
100
00:03:48,725 --> 00:03:51,494
They park in my spot, they use my dumpster,
101
00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:53,442
and their ventilation
system pumps that meat stink
102
00:03:53,423 --> 00:03:54,356
right into my store.
103
00:03:54,381 --> 00:03:55,414
On the upside,
104
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,426
their pulled pork is outstanding.
105
00:03:58,056 --> 00:04:00,157
So I hear.
106
00:04:00,134 --> 00:04:02,501
They're obviously ignoring
my strongly worded letter.
107
00:04:02,465 --> 00:04:04,901
Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't
feel threatened by words like...
108
00:04:04,862 --> 00:04:06,897
"please," "thank you,"
109
00:04:06,876 --> 00:04:09,545
and "if it wouldn't be too much trouble?"
110
00:04:09,496 --> 00:04:11,030
If they would read between the lines,
111
00:04:11,030 --> 00:04:13,731
they would see that I was
being passive-aggressive.
112
00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:17,219
You should let me handle it Chicago-style.
113
00:04:17,134 --> 00:04:19,235
All I need is a thousand
bucks and a shovel.
114
00:04:19,212 --> 00:04:20,545
Or...
115
00:04:20,554 --> 00:04:23,222
I can go over there and
handle it Kim-style...
116
00:04:23,174 --> 00:04:24,307
polite but firm.
117
00:04:24,324 --> 00:04:26,192
Gotta hand it to ya.
118
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:27,912
You pick something that
doesn't work for you,
119
00:04:27,904 --> 00:04:29,571
and you stick with it.
120
00:04:32,122 --> 00:04:33,790
You ordered a pulled pork sandwich?
121
00:04:33,784 --> 00:04:37,530
Shh! My boss will kill me
if she sees you in here. Go!
122
00:04:40,271 --> 00:04:41,772
What the hell?
123
00:04:41,772 --> 00:04:45,041
I'm sorry, it's just so
good. I think it's the sauce.
124
00:04:44,968 --> 00:04:46,854
Someone smashed into my car!
125
00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:51,099
It must've been those barbecue jerks!
126
00:04:51,072 --> 00:04:52,605
Oh, those bastards.
127
00:04:52,606 --> 00:04:55,108
Those juicy, tasty sandwich bastards.
128
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:57,134
I bet you this was payback
for that letter I sent.
129
00:04:57,111 --> 00:04:58,727
They broke my side mirror right off!
130
00:04:59,987 --> 00:05:02,222
I'm going to go write them such a letter,
131
00:05:02,193 --> 00:05:05,062
and I'm not even gonna say, "thank you!"
132
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,239
Pfft.
133
00:05:06,252 --> 00:05:08,839
Uh, my boobs are clearly
larger than they appear.
134
00:05:11,909 --> 00:05:14,143
Okay... there we go.
135
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,248
Calm down. Drink your wine.
136
00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:18,602
Mm. Wine! Yummers.
137
00:05:19,099 --> 00:05:21,366
I'm not a crazy person, Danny.
138
00:05:21,335 --> 00:05:22,502
I just need to figure out
139
00:05:22,517 --> 00:05:23,517
how to lower the fist of vengeance
140
00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,174
on my new enemies.
141
00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:26,637
Well, you know what they say.
142
00:05:26,641 --> 00:05:30,444
Nothing says "not crazy"
like a fit of biblical rage.
143
00:05:30,348 --> 00:05:31,281
Hey, guys.
144
00:05:31,307 --> 00:05:32,273
Hey.
145
00:05:32,297 --> 00:05:34,063
How's things going with Chelsea?
146
00:05:34,054 --> 00:05:35,388
Oh, amazing.
147
00:05:35,397 --> 00:05:37,064
She's actually gonna be
here in a few minutes.
148
00:05:37,058 --> 00:05:39,326
Ooh! So we finally get to meet Chel-Chel.
149
00:05:40,286 --> 00:05:42,220
What? I'm just trying to think
of a new nickname for her.
150
00:05:42,204 --> 00:05:45,472
Oh, ho ho... here's a nickname. Don't.
151
00:05:45,399 --> 00:05:47,968
So I guess things are getting
pretty serious between you two.
152
00:05:47,924 --> 00:05:49,558
Yeah. As a matter of fact...
153
00:05:49,554 --> 00:05:51,487
I'm thinking about popping the question.
154
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:52,303
You mean...?
155
00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:53,333
Oh, yeah.
156
00:05:53,356 --> 00:05:54,389
I'm gonna ask her permission
157
00:05:54,411 --> 00:05:56,278
to discuss our relationship in therapy.
158
00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:58,465
Wow, that is serious.
159
00:05:58,437 --> 00:06:00,804
So... any movement on
the ol' physical front?
160
00:06:00,769 --> 00:06:03,838
Danny! That is none of our business.
161
00:06:03,774 --> 00:06:06,843
But if you feel comfortable
talking about it, spill.
162
00:06:06,778 --> 00:06:09,712
No, we haven't had sex,
but... you know what?
163
00:06:09,654 --> 00:06:11,220
I like that she's old-fashioned.
164
00:06:11,219 --> 00:06:12,553
I'm willing to wait as long as she wants,
165
00:06:12,562 --> 00:06:14,696
and I don't care who knows it.
166
00:06:14,671 --> 00:06:16,939
Except for Sheldon. He's super mean.
167
00:06:16,907 --> 00:06:19,843
Well, Danny, Kim...
168
00:06:19,783 --> 00:06:21,017
Turtle.
169
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,264
And I call him "Turtle"
170
00:06:22,276 --> 00:06:24,865
because his sex life
moves at a snail's pace.
171
00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:30,231
Well, Ryan, it looks like I win.
172
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,804
The other night, I had
phenomenal sex with a hot chick
173
00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:34,592
within half an hour of saying "hello."
174
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:37,515
Oh, and I didn't even get her name.
175
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:38,456
Pay up.
176
00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:40,579
I never made any bet with you.
177
00:06:40,556 --> 00:06:42,825
Besides, you do that every week.
178
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,961
Yeah, you're right. I guess I do.
179
00:06:44,935 --> 00:06:47,936
Well, a little anonymous
sex never hurt anyone, right?
180
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,608
Pretty sure that's not true.
181
00:06:49,599 --> 00:06:51,234
Can we please talk about this another time?
182
00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:53,064
Or never again? Chelsea's here.
183
00:06:53,052 --> 00:06:53,951
Chelsea!
184
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,278
Hi!
185
00:06:55,288 --> 00:06:56,321
This is the gang.
186
00:06:56,343 --> 00:06:57,710
- Hey.
- How are you?
187
00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,970
Sweet Junebugs on a hot summer night!
188
00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:05,095
Nice to meet you... stranger.
189
00:07:14,154 --> 00:07:16,622
Listen, woman, what the hell?
You're dating my brother?
190
00:07:16,582 --> 00:07:18,383
I didn't know he was your brother!
191
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,373
You guys are... very different.
192
00:07:20,353 --> 00:07:21,753
You are...
193
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:24,294
I know... smarter, sexier, taller.
194
00:07:24,252 --> 00:07:27,254
Yes, yes, yes. It's not easy for him.
195
00:07:27,192 --> 00:07:30,214
It's okay! I haven't had sex with him.
196
00:07:30,643 --> 00:07:32,444
So what do you say?
197
00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:33,800
Wanna meet up for Round
Two in about an hour?
198
00:07:33,807 --> 00:07:36,875
Uh, there's not gonna be a Round Two.
199
00:07:36,811 --> 00:07:38,177
What? Why not?
200
00:07:38,184 --> 00:07:40,252
Hello? My brother, Ryan?
201
00:07:40,229 --> 00:07:43,332
He's more important to me
than filthy, nameless sex.
202
00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:46,113
Don't look so sad.
203
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:47,977
We're always gonna have that magical night
204
00:07:47,964 --> 00:07:50,436
in the back of my truck
behind the taco place.
205
00:07:55,027 --> 00:07:58,328
So it was me and some
Wall Street big shots,
206
00:07:58,254 --> 00:08:00,522
playing an epic game of Truth or Dare,
207
00:08:00,490 --> 00:08:02,058
and next thing you know...
208
00:08:02,057 --> 00:08:05,025
the sub-prime mortgage crisis.
209
00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:09,130
Can you please just sign here?
210
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:12,158
It feels really amazing to
get all this off my chest.
211
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:15,327
Yes, because you're usually so discreet.
212
00:08:15,255 --> 00:08:17,522
This is different. You don't judge me.
213
00:08:17,492 --> 00:08:18,992
It's a... safe place.
214
00:08:18,994 --> 00:08:20,761
Like a warm blanket,
215
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,719
or the inside of a bottle of vodka.
216
00:08:23,659 --> 00:08:25,627
Nikki...
217
00:08:25,608 --> 00:08:28,978
I'm glad you feel free to
share your deepest, darkest,
218
00:08:28,901 --> 00:08:31,202
most truly disturbing secrets with me.
219
00:08:31,169 --> 00:08:32,470
Aw, that's sweet.
220
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,147
But I think you're missing the point
221
00:08:34,141 --> 00:08:36,109
of attorney-client privilege.
222
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:39,593
Maybe you should just talk
to a friend, like Kim, or...
223
00:08:39,509 --> 00:08:41,377
anyone but me.
224
00:08:41,364 --> 00:08:42,865
Oh!
225
00:08:42,865 --> 00:08:45,333
Speaking of Kim, funny story...
I'm the one who smashed her car.
226
00:08:45,294 --> 00:08:47,662
Hang on. That was you?
227
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,628
She thinks it was the
barbecue place next door.
228
00:08:49,609 --> 00:08:52,177
Nikki, you have to tell her!
229
00:08:52,133 --> 00:08:53,534
I can't.
230
00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:54,773
I don't know if you noticed, Danny,
231
00:08:54,786 --> 00:08:57,854
but she's pretty pissed off about it.
232
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:02,866
So, uh... how are things?
233
00:09:02,806 --> 00:09:04,807
Good. You?
234
00:09:04,788 --> 00:09:06,956
Good! Good.
235
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:08,797
Things at home are good?
236
00:09:08,783 --> 00:09:10,484
Like at my apartment?
237
00:09:10,476 --> 00:09:13,145
Like with anyone who might be spending time
238
00:09:13,098 --> 00:09:14,165
at your apartment.
239
00:09:14,184 --> 00:09:16,152
My cleaning lady?
240
00:09:16,134 --> 00:09:19,335
Well, we did have a recent
spat over the fabric softener,
241
00:09:19,265 --> 00:09:22,033
but I think we're past that.
242
00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:24,982
Ryan, I'm asking about your lady friend.
243
00:09:24,921 --> 00:09:26,855
Oh, yeah.
244
00:09:26,838 --> 00:09:28,439
Bad news. I ended that.
245
00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:29,670
You did?
246
00:09:29,683 --> 00:09:31,717
Oh, no, that's horrible.
247
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,897
Please tell me more.
248
00:09:33,869 --> 00:09:36,271
We always had so much to talk about,
249
00:09:36,234 --> 00:09:38,535
but things went downhill really fast.
250
00:09:38,503 --> 00:09:40,637
I mean, she was tense and distracted,
251
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:42,879
like she had all this pent-up frustration.
252
00:09:44,286 --> 00:09:45,320
So it's done now?
253
00:09:45,341 --> 00:09:48,362
Yup. It's a fait accompli.
254
00:09:48,952 --> 00:09:49,885
We're donezo.
255
00:09:49,911 --> 00:09:51,445
Oh. Good.
256
00:09:51,445 --> 00:09:53,012
I mean... bad, but in a good way.
257
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,911
I suppose.
258
00:09:54,896 --> 00:10:00,267
So if you guys, you know,
are 100% completely done...
259
00:10:00,106 --> 00:10:03,941
then it'd be okay for
maybe me to ask her out?
260
00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:06,746
What, are you nuts? She's not your type.
261
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,723
What's that supposed to mean?
262
00:10:08,702 --> 00:10:10,236
I mean she's cultured.
263
00:10:10,236 --> 00:10:12,037
She likes fine wine and good books,
264
00:10:12,025 --> 00:10:13,626
not downing a six pack
265
00:10:13,623 --> 00:10:14,590
and doing it in the back of your truck
266
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,580
out behind a burger place.
267
00:10:15,605 --> 00:10:18,006
Uh, it was a taco place.
268
00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:19,804
Wait a second. What are you saying?
269
00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,025
Did you already go out with her?
270
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,372
It was before I knew you were dating her.
271
00:10:23,338 --> 00:10:25,439
But as soon as I found out, I ended it.
272
00:10:25,415 --> 00:10:27,115
And it's the same girl? You're sure?
273
00:10:27,109 --> 00:10:28,742
Loves opera, abstract impressionism...
274
00:10:28,739 --> 00:10:30,773
And being spanked. Very same girl.
275
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:31,718
I don't get this.
276
00:10:31,742 --> 00:10:33,777
Why would she wait to have sex with me
277
00:10:33,755 --> 00:10:35,056
but not you?
278
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:38,535
Ryan, now is not the
time for stupid questions.
279
00:10:38,453 --> 00:10:39,787
The important thing
280
00:10:39,796 --> 00:10:42,664
is that Chelsea and I can
now pursue a relationship
281
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,274
of meaningless sex.
282
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,003
You know what? Fine.
283
00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:47,296
You have my blessing.
284
00:10:47,305 --> 00:10:49,273
She's obviously not the girl
I thought she was anyway.
285
00:10:49,255 --> 00:10:51,789
Oh, thanks, Ryan.
286
00:10:51,747 --> 00:10:53,181
Because I gotta tell ya, the sex we had...
287
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,798
Oh, I think we're done here.
288
00:10:57,916 --> 00:11:00,818
If you're not gonna pay,
then you're gonna pay.
289
00:11:03,859 --> 00:11:05,760
That flesh peddler is denying it!
290
00:11:05,744 --> 00:11:08,313
Please tell me you're
not at war with a pimp.
291
00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:11,104
Yeah, trust me, that never ends well.
292
00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:13,118
No, I'm talking about the
owner of the barbecue place.
293
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:16,931
"I didn't hit your car.
Nope, you have no proof."
294
00:11:16,835 --> 00:11:19,302
Sounds like someone doesn't
understand how the law works.
295
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:22,765
Actually, it sounds like he
understands it pretty well.
296
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,016
You know, maybe we should
just let this one go, huh?
297
00:11:24,982 --> 00:11:27,283
Isn't living well the best revenge?
298
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:30,253
No. The best revenge is murder.
299
00:11:30,192 --> 00:11:32,493
They broke the side
mirror off your car, Kim.
300
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:35,129
They didn't wipe out your whole family.
301
00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:35,981
Yeah, well,
302
00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:37,842
they're gonna have to pay somehow.
303
00:11:37,829 --> 00:11:39,664
An eye for an eye.
304
00:11:39,651 --> 00:11:43,286
Again, not how the law works.
305
00:11:43,198 --> 00:11:44,832
What are you doing?
306
00:11:44,827 --> 00:11:46,362
The guy next door is innocent.
307
00:11:46,361 --> 00:11:47,628
Oh, I see,
308
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,907
he's innocent just because
he didn't do anything.
309
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,278
Suppose that makes sense.
310
00:11:52,242 --> 00:11:53,475
You have to tell her!
311
00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:54,788
I can't.
312
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:57,499
My lawyer advised me to
never admit to anything.
313
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:03,583
Oh, I love how the dying fire
mirrored the end of their love.
314
00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:04,791
What did you think of the movie?
315
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,635
What, that thing with the subtitles?
316
00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,048
I think if God had wanted us to read,
317
00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:11,686
he would have made movies books.
318
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,774
Look... what are we doing here?
319
00:12:13,749 --> 00:12:15,416
We're on a date.
320
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:17,145
Yeah, but why?
321
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,304
Think of it as foreplay.
322
00:12:19,278 --> 00:12:20,411
Do you like opera?
323
00:12:20,428 --> 00:12:24,230
Not since she got her own network.
324
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,169
So... sex?
325
00:12:26,147 --> 00:12:28,615
I can't just "do it."
326
00:12:28,576 --> 00:12:30,543
I need a little romance first...
327
00:12:30,525 --> 00:12:34,028
an art gallery, some good food,
some interesting conversation.
328
00:12:33,946 --> 00:12:35,479
We never did that before.
329
00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:36,780
No...
330
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,223
me and Ryan did.
331
00:12:38,227 --> 00:12:39,628
Oh...
332
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:43,135
so Ryan's lighting the fuse
and I'm firing the cannon.
333
00:12:43,052 --> 00:12:44,253
What was that?
334
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:45,901
I was just saying, in your movie,
335
00:12:45,896 --> 00:12:46,863
the whole battle scene
336
00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:47,987
when everything spiraled...
337
00:12:48,006 --> 00:12:48,972
Oh, forget it.
338
00:12:48,997 --> 00:12:51,198
Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?
339
00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:52,937
I'm going to talk to Ryan
340
00:12:52,928 --> 00:12:56,096
about something totally
unrelated to us, obviously.
341
00:12:56,027 --> 00:12:57,561
Okay, well, will you call me later?
342
00:12:57,498 --> 00:12:58,064
Maybe.
343
00:12:58,042 --> 00:13:00,382
Depends on how things go with Ryan.
344
00:13:03,377 --> 00:13:04,543
Regular sugar?
345
00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:07,093
Don't you have anything sustainably grown?
346
00:13:07,051 --> 00:13:09,220
What do you need sugar for?
347
00:13:09,193 --> 00:13:11,094
There's a lot of reasons.
348
00:13:11,079 --> 00:13:13,013
There's tea, there's coffee,
349
00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:14,720
and pouring it into someone's gas tank.
350
00:13:15,393 --> 00:13:16,894
So you're okay with vandalism,
351
00:13:16,895 --> 00:13:19,062
but your sugar needs to be fair trade.
352
00:13:19,036 --> 00:13:22,305
They may have won the battle,
I'm gonna win the bigger battle.
353
00:13:22,231 --> 00:13:23,532
You mean "the war?"
354
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,243
That's even better.
355
00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:29,205
It wasn't the barbecue place!
They didn't hit your car!
356
00:13:29,102 --> 00:13:30,035
How do you know?
357
00:13:30,061 --> 00:13:32,529
Because...
358
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:34,157
it was me.
359
00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:36,654
It was you? Why didn't you tell me?
360
00:13:36,612 --> 00:13:38,212
Why does it matter? Okay?
361
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:40,044
Mystery solved.
362
00:13:40,032 --> 00:13:42,700
I am so sorry.
363
00:13:42,652 --> 00:13:44,946
But there's no damage to your car.
364
00:13:45,687 --> 00:13:47,455
To the what now?
365
00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:49,180
You're hiding something.
366
00:13:49,171 --> 00:13:51,239
Wha? Wha? Wha?
367
00:13:51,217 --> 00:13:53,051
Yeah... I can tell you're lying
368
00:13:53,038 --> 00:13:56,107
'cause you're making that
gaspy "wha? wha?" sound.
369
00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:58,043
Wha?
370
00:13:58,024 --> 00:14:00,125
Okay, fine! I know who hit your car.
371
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,601
But I have a very good
reason for not telling you.
372
00:14:02,785 --> 00:14:03,851
It was one of your brothers!
373
00:14:03,871 --> 00:14:05,905
Why would I cover for my brothers?
374
00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:08,486
Because I already don't
get along with them,
375
00:14:08,441 --> 00:14:10,442
and you're afraid this would
just add fuel to the fire.
376
00:14:10,422 --> 00:14:12,423
Actually, that's pretty good reasoning.
377
00:14:12,404 --> 00:14:13,637
You know what?
378
00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:15,451
Tell Sheldon he's in a lot of trouble.
379
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,540
What makes you think it was Sheldon?
380
00:14:17,516 --> 00:14:20,185
Only Sheldon would be a big
enough jerk to hit my car
381
00:14:20,137 --> 00:14:21,504
and try to get away with it.
382
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:24,980
Again, I cannot fault your logic.
383
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,841
So that's it, then? It was Sheldon.
384
00:14:28,541 --> 00:14:31,276
Okay, fine...
385
00:14:31,226 --> 00:14:32,624
it was Sheldon.
386
00:14:38,389 --> 00:14:41,293
Come on, just take Chelsea
out a few more times, huh?
387
00:14:41,173 --> 00:14:42,034
For me.
388
00:14:41,999 --> 00:14:43,802
No, okay? Look, it's weird.
389
00:14:43,728 --> 00:14:44,833
Just do it!
390
00:14:44,788 --> 00:14:46,317
- Make me!
- Okay!
391
00:14:46,314 --> 00:14:48,015
Ouch! Ow! Come on!
392
00:14:48,008 --> 00:14:48,941
This might have worked when I was 10,
393
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:51,135
but I'm a grown
man now... Ow-ow-ow!
394
00:14:51,108 --> 00:14:53,009
Hey, hey! Guys, hey!
395
00:14:52,994 --> 00:14:55,262
Come on, Ryan, just do it. It could work.
396
00:14:55,231 --> 00:14:56,298
It did work!
397
00:14:56,318 --> 00:14:57,952
When both of us were dating Chelsea,
398
00:14:57,947 --> 00:14:59,714
she was happy, I was happy,
399
00:14:59,705 --> 00:15:02,540
Mr. Happy was happy!
400
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,186
I wasn't happy!
401
00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:06,279
Oh, why is it always about you?
402
00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:07,155
No, no, guys, guys!
403
00:15:07,182 --> 00:15:09,484
Stop! Just stop!
404
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,219
Grow up and act like adults!
405
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,100
Fine.
406
00:15:13,126 --> 00:15:14,427
Thank you.
407
00:15:14,436 --> 00:15:17,639
Sheldon, I need you to
pretend you hit Kim's car.
408
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,102
But I didn't.
409
00:15:19,103 --> 00:15:20,636
I know you didn't.
410
00:15:20,636 --> 00:15:21,870
I just need you to say you did
411
00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:23,116
and that you didn't bother to tell her.
412
00:15:23,129 --> 00:15:27,665
Well, now, that does sound
like something I would do.
413
00:15:27,538 --> 00:15:28,939
Wait a minute. Why am I doing this?
414
00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:31,079
I can't explain. Just trust me, okay?
415
00:15:31,054 --> 00:15:32,321
I will pay for the damage.
416
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,434
You just need to pretend
the money is yours.
417
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:37,978
Don't worry. I got your back, bro.
418
00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:39,793
Because that's what some brothers do.
419
00:15:39,778 --> 00:15:41,179
They get their other brother's back.
420
00:15:41,184 --> 00:15:42,784
All right, fine!
421
00:15:42,782 --> 00:15:43,982
I'll take Chelsea out again.
422
00:15:43,996 --> 00:15:45,496
But you're paying for the date,
423
00:15:45,497 --> 00:15:46,298
and I'm getting the steak, the shrimp
424
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:47,562
and the blueberry confit.
425
00:15:47,575 --> 00:15:51,946
The ol' surf, turf and
smurf. Well-played, my friend.
426
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,775
Danny, looks like I'm gonna
need a little more repair money.
427
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,621
You're a couple hundred short.
428
00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:06,109
I thought it was an old beater!
429
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,077
How much could it be?
430
00:16:07,101 --> 00:16:09,202
I drive a brand-new hybrid.
431
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,978
Figures... only you would drive a car
432
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:13,770
that runs on sunshine and hugs.
433
00:16:13,716 --> 00:16:15,850
Sheldon...
434
00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:17,459
what color is my car?
435
00:16:17,456 --> 00:16:18,589
You know, the one that you hit?
436
00:16:18,606 --> 00:16:19,672
Red!
437
00:16:19,692 --> 00:16:21,531
It's silver.
438
00:16:22,951 --> 00:16:25,019
Reddish-silver.
439
00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:27,063
You didn't hit my car, did you?
440
00:16:27,777 --> 00:16:29,578
Okay, well, I guess the jig's up.
441
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,568
Can I take off now, buddy?
442
00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:33,115
For someone who lies so much,
443
00:16:33,114 --> 00:16:34,831
you'd think you'd be better at it.
444
00:16:36,182 --> 00:16:38,650
Why did you get him to lie to me, hmm?
445
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:41,272
Who are you protecting?
446
00:16:41,172 --> 00:16:41,978
Is it Ryan?
447
00:16:41,946 --> 00:16:42,609
Oh, please.
448
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:46,043
Like Ryan would park
anywhere near a dumpster.
449
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,128
It's true.
450
00:16:48,102 --> 00:16:49,369
So if it wasn't you...
451
00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:52,282
and it wasn't you...
452
00:16:52,224 --> 00:16:54,960
and it wasn't Ryan...
453
00:16:54,909 --> 00:16:58,812
there's only one other
person it could possibly be.
454
00:16:58,712 --> 00:17:01,498
Nikki?
455
00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:05,315
Did you hit my car?
456
00:17:05,263 --> 00:17:07,330
Oh, what, you're gonna pin this on me
457
00:17:07,308 --> 00:17:09,109
just 'cause no else could've
possibly have done it?
458
00:17:09,098 --> 00:17:12,066
Then fine! You know, I guess I did do it!
459
00:17:12,006 --> 00:17:13,907
Seriously, though, I did.
460
00:17:13,892 --> 00:17:15,258
So you hit my car
461
00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:16,899
and let someone else take the fall for it?
462
00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:18,596
That is...
463
00:17:18,588 --> 00:17:19,988
exactly what I would expect from you.
464
00:17:19,994 --> 00:17:21,462
I'm sorry.
465
00:17:21,464 --> 00:17:22,831
Just didn't want you to be mad at me.
466
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:23,939
Great!
467
00:17:23,957 --> 00:17:25,091
Now that we've solved that problem,
468
00:17:25,108 --> 00:17:26,075
who wants ice cream?
469
00:17:26,099 --> 00:17:27,265
Not so fast.
470
00:17:27,281 --> 00:17:29,416
Why are you protecting her?
471
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:32,425
It's not his fault. Danny's my lawyer.
472
00:17:32,362 --> 00:17:34,463
Why do you need a criminal lawyer?
473
00:17:34,439 --> 00:17:35,740
It's not a huge thing.
474
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,618
I just got in an
altercation with a gay cop...
475
00:17:38,562 --> 00:17:40,496
allegedly.
476
00:17:40,479 --> 00:17:42,190
No, you did.
477
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,979
And then this came up,
and I couldn't say anything
478
00:17:44,952 --> 00:17:46,420
due to attorney-client privilege.
479
00:17:46,423 --> 00:17:49,225
It's pretty awesome.
Best money I never spent.
480
00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:50,372
Wait a minute.
481
00:17:50,385 --> 00:17:52,286
You do know I'm not doing this for free?
482
00:17:53,357 --> 00:17:55,458
All right, I'll show you the girls.
483
00:17:55,435 --> 00:17:57,402
Pro-bono will be fine.
484
00:17:57,384 --> 00:17:59,118
No, no, no. A deal's a deal.
485
00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:00,877
Better pay the man.
486
00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:04,641
I still don't think we're
spending enough money.
487
00:18:04,606 --> 00:18:06,842
I think we should order
another couple mains.
488
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,746
So I watched this
fascinating documentary...
489
00:18:08,729 --> 00:18:10,263
Yeah, movies are fun.
490
00:18:10,262 --> 00:18:13,198
Ooh, chipotle chicken quesadilla.
491
00:18:13,138 --> 00:18:15,739
Is something wrong? You
seem kind of distant.
492
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,996
And hungry.
493
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,098
It's just... look, there's
something I don't get.
494
00:18:20,073 --> 00:18:21,974
Why would you wait to have sex with me,
495
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:23,126
but be willing
496
00:18:23,142 --> 00:18:24,608
to just jump right into bed with Sheldon?
497
00:18:24,611 --> 00:18:26,045
Oh, Ryan...
498
00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:27,883
it's not like that at all.
499
00:18:27,871 --> 00:18:29,438
It isn't?
500
00:18:29,436 --> 00:18:31,351
Phew. I feel much better now.
501
00:18:31,272 --> 00:18:31,926
Yeah.
502
00:18:31,962 --> 00:18:34,113
Truth is, I was never
going to have sex with you.
503
00:18:34,024 --> 00:18:35,875
Well, that was short-lived.
504
00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:39,228
You satisfy me emotionally, intellectually.
505
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:40,985
You are like the main course.
506
00:18:40,973 --> 00:18:42,907
And Sheldon is dessert.
507
00:18:42,890 --> 00:18:45,425
Oh, so I'm like an old plate of whitefish,
508
00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,117
and Sheldon is a delicious eclair.
509
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,275
Mm...
510
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:49,992
more like a lump of fudge.
511
00:18:49,985 --> 00:18:50,985
But yes.
512
00:18:51,007 --> 00:18:53,507
Together, you make the perfect man.
513
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:57,470
You mean you were just using me for my...
514
00:18:57,366 --> 00:18:59,634
personality?
515
00:18:59,603 --> 00:19:00,893
It's not that simple.
516
00:19:00,841 --> 00:19:03,120
Oh, it's that simple, sister! Yeah!
517
00:19:03,086 --> 00:19:04,521
No, this was all just a come-on
518
00:19:04,524 --> 00:19:06,125
so you could get your cheap thrills
519
00:19:06,122 --> 00:19:07,490
discussing music, poetry
520
00:19:07,497 --> 00:19:09,697
and the early films of Francois Truffaut.
521
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:14,674
Wham, bam, thank you,
thoughtful, intelligent man.
522
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:15,561
Can we just...
523
00:19:15,582 --> 00:19:17,816
I will say good day to you, miss.
524
00:19:17,787 --> 00:19:18,587
But...
525
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:20,385
I said good day.
526
00:19:23,635 --> 00:19:25,169
Hey, baby.
527
00:19:25,169 --> 00:19:28,571
Listen, now that Ryan's
stimulated your frontal lobe,
528
00:19:28,492 --> 00:19:30,793
why don't we work out your limbic system?
529
00:19:30,761 --> 00:19:32,130
Goodbye, Sheldon.
530
00:19:36,035 --> 00:19:37,435
What the hell did you do?
531
00:19:37,441 --> 00:19:38,774
Get this!
532
00:19:38,783 --> 00:19:40,784
According to Chelsea, we
were each just half a man!
533
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,833
So? That's twice the man I usually am.
534
00:19:43,769 --> 00:19:45,792
Sorry, buddy. I had to end it, okay?
535
00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:46,487
For us.
536
00:19:46,516 --> 00:19:48,450
I don't know. This hurts.
537
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:49,681
I'm gonna need time to heal.
538
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:50,500
You want a shrimp plate?
539
00:19:50,465 --> 00:19:52,350
And I'm healed.
540
00:19:56,837 --> 00:19:59,272
Come on, you can tell me.
541
00:19:59,234 --> 00:20:00,866
What other things has Nikki done?
542
00:20:00,862 --> 00:20:03,630
Kim, I told you, I can't say anything.
543
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,546
Attorney-client privilege
applies in perpetuity.
544
00:20:05,528 --> 00:20:06,562
Whatever.
545
00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:07,449
Did she ever steal a car?
546
00:20:07,478 --> 00:20:08,444
I can't say.
547
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:09,435
Did she ever rob a bank?
548
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,026
I can't say.
549
00:20:11,025 --> 00:20:13,198
Was she involved in the
sub-prime mortgage crisis?
550
00:20:13,789 --> 00:20:15,213
I can't say.
551
00:20:16,873 --> 00:20:17,614
Here you go, Kim.
552
00:20:17,585 --> 00:20:18,941
Picked up your car from the shop,
553
00:20:18,886 --> 00:20:20,393
had it washed and waxed,
554
00:20:20,331 --> 00:20:22,388
and I even shampooed the floor mats myself.
555
00:20:22,303 --> 00:20:24,168
Aw, thank you, Nikki.
556
00:20:24,091 --> 00:20:26,080
So am I out of the doghouse now?
557
00:20:25,998 --> 00:20:26,810
Yes.
558
00:20:26,778 --> 00:20:28,010
Good.
559
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,748
Oh, by the way, someone
accidentally broke the knob
560
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:33,249
off your car stereo.
561
00:20:33,181 --> 00:20:35,786
Someone? Was it you?
562
00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:37,307
Just because I picked up your car,
563
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,635
and I was the only one that drove it,
564
00:20:38,578 --> 00:20:40,061
you think it was me?
565
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,253
It was me.
566
00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:45,853
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