All language subtitles for Package Deal s02e05 Dannys New Job.eng
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1
00:00:07,477 --> 00:00:10,446
A young man... a maverick, really, heh,
2
00:00:10,382 --> 00:00:12,884
a guy who looked destiny
hard in the eye and said...
3
00:00:12,842 --> 00:00:15,576
Way more than he needed to?
4
00:00:15,523 --> 00:00:17,992
Sorry. To me!
5
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:20,451
Congrats on the new gig,
Danny. I knew you could do it.
6
00:00:20,408 --> 00:00:21,741
I'm still a little surprised.
7
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:23,200
I didn't think you liked the big law firms.
8
00:00:23,139 --> 00:00:25,357
Oh, come on, Kim. I
mean, MacKenzie, Cromwell,
9
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:26,993
Sharpe, Silverstein, Grebs, Lopez, and Moss
10
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,153
isn't that big.
11
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:30,258
Well, it's smaller now,
12
00:00:30,274 --> 00:00:32,976
since Carpenter and Schmidt died.
13
00:00:32,924 --> 00:00:34,258
And the best part is,
14
00:00:34,265 --> 00:00:36,132
I'll attract a better class of criminal.
15
00:00:36,117 --> 00:00:37,851
Goodbye, drug dealers and hookers,
16
00:00:37,841 --> 00:00:40,609
hello, pharmaceuticals and escorts!
17
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:45,541
I was thinking of, uh,
heading outside to make out.
18
00:00:45,472 --> 00:00:47,573
Care to join me?
19
00:00:53,229 --> 00:00:55,197
Is it just me, or is it them?
20
00:00:55,178 --> 00:00:58,113
And feel free to be honest,
because I know it's not me.
21
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,560
It's obviously them.
22
00:01:00,574 --> 00:01:01,707
I mean, who wouldn't be turned on
23
00:01:01,723 --> 00:01:04,091
by cheap bodyspray and a denim dress shirt?
24
00:01:05,459 --> 00:01:07,527
Exactly. See? Kim gets it.
25
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,603
Maybe you just need a new angle.
26
00:01:09,578 --> 00:01:11,613
You could try one of those
new hookup sites like Findr.
27
00:01:11,589 --> 00:01:12,889
Or you could talk to her
28
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:14,065
like she's a human being
29
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,213
and not a slab of meat.
30
00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:18,031
I like the first idea. What was that?
31
00:01:19,092 --> 00:01:21,260
"Findr." It's an app that uses your GPS
32
00:01:21,232 --> 00:01:23,766
to find people close
by who want to hook up.
33
00:01:23,722 --> 00:01:25,523
My therapist suggested it.
34
00:01:25,510 --> 00:01:26,743
Your therapist suggested
35
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,323
you have random sex with strangers?
36
00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:31,512
I'm pretty sure he doesn't
know what to do with me anymore.
37
00:01:31,481 --> 00:01:33,215
It's just busy work.
38
00:01:33,205 --> 00:01:34,872
Sheldon, please tell me that you're not...
39
00:01:34,865 --> 00:01:35,865
Downloaded!
40
00:01:37,036 --> 00:01:38,236
Yay. That's so great.
41
00:01:38,249 --> 00:01:39,483
Whoa! Whoa.
42
00:01:39,494 --> 00:01:41,996
I just felt a major
disturbance on the Internet,
43
00:01:41,953 --> 00:01:45,422
as if a million single women
all cried out in terror.
44
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,149
Sweet Mother of Invention,
I already got one.
45
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,440
She's not as attractive as her picture,
46
00:01:51,436 --> 00:01:53,845
but she's only 15 feet away!
47
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:56,891
Man! Why didn't they have this thing
48
00:01:56,895 --> 00:01:58,562
when I was single?
49
00:01:58,556 --> 00:02:01,024
I could have met you so much sooner.
50
00:02:06,481 --> 00:02:12,481
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.MY-SUBS.com
51
00:02:14,232 --> 00:02:16,233
There he is!
52
00:02:16,212 --> 00:02:17,780
Hey, come on, no more pictures.
53
00:02:17,777 --> 00:02:19,378
You've been doing it since the parking lot.
54
00:02:19,374 --> 00:02:21,241
It's embarrassing.
55
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:22,892
Oh! Nice one.
56
00:02:23,747 --> 00:02:24,747
Come on.
57
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,670
Well, well, well. Look at this, huh?
58
00:02:26,653 --> 00:02:28,721
Nice digs here, Danny.
59
00:02:28,696 --> 00:02:30,830
But you should think about
getting a new assistant.
60
00:02:30,803 --> 00:02:32,671
What's wrong with my assistant?
61
00:02:32,655 --> 00:02:34,390
Well, for starters, he's a dude.
62
00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,847
For enders, you know, the dude thing still.
63
00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:37,806
Here ya go, Danny.
64
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:40,029
Brought you lunch for your first day.
65
00:02:39,999 --> 00:02:41,332
Wow.
66
00:02:41,340 --> 00:02:44,309
Peanut butter and banana with Nutella.
67
00:02:44,245 --> 00:02:45,912
Are you trying to get him beaten up?
68
00:02:45,905 --> 00:02:46,872
It's tradition!
69
00:02:46,895 --> 00:02:48,296
I made that for him on his first day
70
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,600
of elementary school, middle school
71
00:02:49,609 --> 00:02:50,776
and college.
72
00:02:50,791 --> 00:02:51,857
Well, interestingly enough,
73
00:02:51,876 --> 00:02:53,710
he got beat up his first day
74
00:02:53,697 --> 00:02:55,464
of elementary school, middle school
75
00:02:55,453 --> 00:02:56,987
and college.
76
00:02:57,815 --> 00:02:59,482
That's very sweet, Ryan,
77
00:02:59,474 --> 00:03:00,841
but I'm actually hoping to have lunch
78
00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:02,349
with my new boss, Jillian.
79
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,415
Wait a minute.
80
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,268
A chick boss, a dude assistant?
81
00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:08,626
Have I just woken up in the 25th century?
82
00:03:09,373 --> 00:03:11,007
Jillian is not a "chick."
83
00:03:11,002 --> 00:03:13,904
She's a legend, and the
reason I took this job.
84
00:03:13,843 --> 00:03:15,911
She even got the "Red Valley Killer" off,
85
00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:17,754
and he bludgeoned 13 people!
86
00:03:17,738 --> 00:03:18,938
So, because of her,
87
00:03:18,952 --> 00:03:20,586
there's a serial killer on the loose?
88
00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:21,746
Thanks to Jillian,
89
00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:24,663
there are several serial
killers on the loose.
90
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:26,671
If you ever talk to me that way again,
91
00:03:26,646 --> 00:03:28,214
it'll be your sorry ass.
92
00:03:28,211 --> 00:03:30,045
Alright, John, stop crying.
93
00:03:30,031 --> 00:03:32,799
Because it's embarrassing!
94
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:33,745
You know what? Why don't you
95
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:35,667
call me back when you grow a pair?
96
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,651
Stupid judge.
97
00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:40,830
Jillian Sharpe.
98
00:03:40,822 --> 00:03:42,323
Oh, I know who you are. I'm...
99
00:03:42,324 --> 00:03:43,257
Let me guess.
100
00:03:43,281 --> 00:03:44,314
Danny White.
101
00:03:44,335 --> 00:03:46,436
Guilty as charged.
102
00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:47,811
I didn't mean that as a law pun.
103
00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:50,015
Not that there's anything
wrong with law puns.
104
00:03:49,986 --> 00:03:51,387
I mean, unless you object...
105
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:52,790
then sue me.
106
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:57,069
So you're the newbie they
hired while I was in Maui.
107
00:03:57,010 --> 00:03:58,310
Uh, did he also tell you
108
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,264
that they hired a new dude assistant
109
00:04:00,182 --> 00:04:01,963
while you were gone?
110
00:04:01,895 --> 00:04:04,096
I have to say, it is a
real honor to meet you.
111
00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:05,800
I am such a huge fan of your law career.
112
00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:07,257
Your argument on Larken V....
113
00:04:07,259 --> 00:04:08,659
Is that a peanut butter
and banana sandwich?
114
00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,698
Oh, yeah! With, uh, with Nutella.
115
00:04:10,675 --> 00:04:12,243
Yeah, I was just getting rid of this.
116
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,540
Yeah?
117
00:04:13,549 --> 00:04:15,250
I used to beat kids up
for those in grade school.
118
00:04:15,241 --> 00:04:16,375
I haven't had one in years.
119
00:04:16,391 --> 00:04:18,858
Oh, well, take it, please.
120
00:04:18,817 --> 00:04:20,251
Well, thank you.
121
00:04:20,254 --> 00:04:23,589
These are my brothers, Ryan and Sheldon.
122
00:04:23,511 --> 00:04:24,511
They were just leaving.
123
00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:25,733
Not before I pop a selfie!
124
00:04:25,746 --> 00:04:26,846
Everybody say "new boss!"
125
00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:30,297
Make sure you send me a copy of that.
126
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,847
Ryan, Sheldon,
127
00:04:31,844 --> 00:04:33,311
nice to meet you both.
128
00:04:34,526 --> 00:04:36,660
New guy.
129
00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:42,190
Wow. That did not go
quite as well as I'd hoped.
130
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,926
I don't know, I think she's amazing.
131
00:04:43,913 --> 00:04:46,648
Yeah. She can examine my briefs any time.
132
00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:49,253
Now, that's a law pun.
133
00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:53,509
I'm back from lunch.
134
00:04:53,524 --> 00:04:54,824
It's 4:00.
135
00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:58,336
Damn! I missed my coffee break.
136
00:04:58,249 --> 00:05:00,917
Well, I see you've been swamped.
137
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:01,967
We will be soon.
138
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:04,753
I took a marketing seminar this weekend
139
00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:08,000
on how to "crush social
media and rock your business."
140
00:05:07,922 --> 00:05:11,024
What, they charge you 300 bucks
to tell you how to use Twitter?
141
00:05:10,956 --> 00:05:11,889
No!
142
00:05:11,914 --> 00:05:14,616
It was 289.
143
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,365
I'll be in the back, updating my resume.
144
00:05:16,353 --> 00:05:18,287
I wish I could invent some kind of app
145
00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:19,402
to help drum up business.
146
00:05:19,417 --> 00:05:21,285
Like a dating app, but for customers.
147
00:05:21,270 --> 00:05:23,937
Oh, like an escort service?
148
00:05:23,887 --> 00:05:26,389
I tried that. The margins are razor thin.
149
00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:28,780
No, I mean like "Findr,"
150
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:31,108
but instead of having sex, you drink tea.
151
00:05:31,071 --> 00:05:33,740
Really? And would it
send me tea-related news?
152
00:05:33,689 --> 00:05:35,790
That's a good idea!
153
00:05:35,765 --> 00:05:37,932
No. It's terrible.
154
00:05:38,542 --> 00:05:40,176
Why don't we just use Findr?
155
00:05:40,171 --> 00:05:41,705
Nikki, hook up on your own time.
156
00:05:41,703 --> 00:05:43,271
Oh... I do.
157
00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:46,203
No, we find a photo of a hot girl
158
00:05:46,141 --> 00:05:48,342
and open an account under an alias.
159
00:05:48,312 --> 00:05:49,312
Then we use it
160
00:05:49,334 --> 00:05:51,569
to lure men into the tea shop
161
00:05:51,538 --> 00:05:53,038
to "meet her."
162
00:05:53,037 --> 00:05:55,505
Okay, and by "meet her,"
163
00:05:55,464 --> 00:05:57,465
you mean "drink tea."
164
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:02,017
Wow, you catch on slow.
165
00:06:01,882 --> 00:06:03,883
What happens when they find out
166
00:06:03,861 --> 00:06:04,762
she's not actually here?
167
00:06:04,788 --> 00:06:06,088
Too late! We'll have their money.
168
00:06:06,097 --> 00:06:07,598
Seems kind of unethical.
169
00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:10,565
No. We're merely promoting
the virtues of tea
170
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:13,237
to legions of perverts.
171
00:06:13,185 --> 00:06:15,787
And you might get your 289 bucks back.
172
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:17,006
I'm in.
173
00:06:18,517 --> 00:06:20,651
So we're all getting ready to
sit around the conference table,
174
00:06:20,624 --> 00:06:22,225
and I pull out a chair for Jillian,
175
00:06:22,221 --> 00:06:23,254
and I swear,
176
00:06:23,274 --> 00:06:24,841
she purposely sat in another seat.
177
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:28,174
Ohh! But you always pick such good seats!
178
00:06:28,095 --> 00:06:29,995
I'm telling you, Ryan, she doesn't like me.
179
00:06:29,979 --> 00:06:31,280
Well, that's ironic,
180
00:06:31,289 --> 00:06:33,823
considering she was the
whole reason you took the job.
181
00:06:33,779 --> 00:06:35,780
You see it, right? The irony?
182
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,792
Yes, I see it.
183
00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:39,237
Look, it's probably just in your head.
184
00:06:39,239 --> 00:06:40,872
Were you nice to her the rest of the day?
185
00:06:40,866 --> 00:06:42,767
Did you compliment her
blazer, like I suggested?
186
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:46,620
Yes. Just before I realized
she wasn't wearing one.
187
00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:49,553
No blazer? What is she, a dirt-farmer?
188
00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:52,320
Well, evening, gents.
189
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,330
Beautiful night to take
a stroll through the park,
190
00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:57,934
meet a depraved nympho who wants
to have sex on a swing set...
191
00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,958
like I just did.
192
00:07:00,791 --> 00:07:02,792
So I take it you're enjoying Findr?
193
00:07:02,769 --> 00:07:04,970
Ha. It is amazing.
194
00:07:04,941 --> 00:07:06,675
You know, I just can't figure out
195
00:07:06,665 --> 00:07:08,799
if the site has caused
women to lose their morals,
196
00:07:08,772 --> 00:07:11,406
or just finally given them a forum.
197
00:07:12,411 --> 00:07:14,545
Sounds like an interesting
sociological experiment.
198
00:07:14,519 --> 00:07:16,087
That's exactly what I said
199
00:07:16,084 --> 00:07:18,351
to the sociologist I banged last night.
200
00:07:18,319 --> 00:07:20,988
Ooh. Look at that. A stockbroker.
201
00:07:20,937 --> 00:07:24,364
And I do like to play the market.
202
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:26,524
Can we just bring it back
to me for a second here?
203
00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:27,960
Okay? I really do have a problem.
204
00:07:27,961 --> 00:07:29,861
Danny, calm down. Your boss likes you.
205
00:07:29,845 --> 00:07:31,579
She's probably just that way with everyone.
206
00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:33,670
Yeah, you're right. I'm
sure it's in my head.
207
00:07:33,645 --> 00:07:35,212
Oh! Here we go.
208
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:37,443
There's my stockbroker. I'm off, gents.
209
00:07:37,412 --> 00:07:41,148
And believe me, the old "NASDAQ"
will be going up tonight.
210
00:07:41,052 --> 00:07:43,052
And down.
211
00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:45,866
And up. And down.
212
00:07:45,809 --> 00:07:49,712
Wow. He really is good with those puns.
213
00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:51,642
So I said,
214
00:07:51,652 --> 00:07:52,885
give it to the Dubai office,
215
00:07:52,897 --> 00:07:54,231
let them deal with it.
216
00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:55,139
Ow. Ow!
217
00:07:56,921 --> 00:07:59,054
That sounds hysterical!
218
00:07:59,027 --> 00:08:01,161
I mean, screw Dubai, am I right?
219
00:08:01,135 --> 00:08:03,836
Danny, this is Bryce.
220
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,319
He runs the Dubai office.
221
00:08:07,201 --> 00:08:09,535
Oh, no, see... see, when I said "screw,"
222
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,235
I meant... so, hey.
223
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,992
I bought an apple fritter this morning,
224
00:08:12,981 --> 00:08:14,347
but I'm too full.
225
00:08:14,353 --> 00:08:16,654
Did you... Did you maybe want it?
226
00:08:16,619 --> 00:08:18,620
It's no big deal.
227
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,834
You eat crap like that,
228
00:08:20,803 --> 00:08:22,237
with the hours that we keep?
229
00:08:22,239 --> 00:08:24,941
No! No-No, no, I would never eat that.
230
00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:25,890
But you would give it to me?
231
00:08:25,912 --> 00:08:27,512
Of course not!
232
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,409
No, I mean not that you
couldn't get away with it.
233
00:08:30,349 --> 00:08:33,920
I mean, you look fantastic for your age.
234
00:08:34,564 --> 00:08:36,497
No, no, no, not that you look old
235
00:08:36,479 --> 00:08:38,413
or-or anything...
236
00:08:38,395 --> 00:08:40,396
What's your cholesterol?
237
00:08:41,652 --> 00:08:44,019
I think we're done here.
238
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:44,982
Yeah, yeah. No, look...
239
00:08:45,004 --> 00:08:46,337
forget the fritter.
240
00:08:46,345 --> 00:08:48,013
Um, I was on my way out, and I thought,
241
00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:49,205
"Hey, great idea..."
242
00:08:49,219 --> 00:08:51,754
Why don't you and me
go grab a cup of coffee?
243
00:08:51,709 --> 00:08:52,842
Together?
244
00:08:52,859 --> 00:08:54,626
Danny, I make it a policy
245
00:08:54,615 --> 00:08:57,016
not to socialize with
people who work for me.
246
00:08:56,977 --> 00:08:59,045
Hey, Boss. Just going
to go grab some coffee.
247
00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,020
You want to come?
248
00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:02,143
Great! I would love one.
249
00:09:08,930 --> 00:09:10,363
I can't believe how low I've sunk.
250
00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:11,367
You think this is low?
251
00:09:11,389 --> 00:09:14,191
I once sucked tequila out of a bar rag.
252
00:09:15,124 --> 00:09:16,524
Check to see if anyone's responded
253
00:09:16,528 --> 00:09:18,330
to Sonata's invitation.
254
00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:20,285
I'm not sure about that name. "Sonata"?
255
00:09:20,265 --> 00:09:23,333
"Sonata." As in
"'S-Not-A Real Girl."
256
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:26,068
Get it? It's my little joke.
257
00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:27,746
And it's "Sonata" very funny.
258
00:09:27,736 --> 00:09:29,437
I feel like this whole plan
259
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,229
is setting the women's
movement back 100 years.
260
00:09:31,216 --> 00:09:32,349
Hey! 100 years ago,
261
00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:34,566
women weren't allowed to own businesses.
262
00:09:34,537 --> 00:09:35,570
If anything...
263
00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:38,558
we're heroes to feminists everywhere.
264
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:41,263
You're right! We're trailblazers!
265
00:09:41,209 --> 00:09:42,844
Great. Now, which of these ass shots
266
00:09:42,838 --> 00:09:44,773
do you like better?
267
00:09:45,648 --> 00:09:48,683
Whoa! Sonata's getting a lot of replies!
268
00:09:48,617 --> 00:09:49,918
Oh, my God!
269
00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,159
What?
270
00:09:51,171 --> 00:09:52,806
This guy just sent me
a picture of his thing.
271
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,568
Men are so predictable.
272
00:09:54,555 --> 00:09:55,756
Let me see.
273
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,546
Aww! That's a cute one.
274
00:09:59,122 --> 00:10:00,956
Okay... what should I say?
275
00:10:00,941 --> 00:10:02,442
Just tell him to pack up his junk
276
00:10:02,442 --> 00:10:03,542
and come to the loose leaf.
277
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,694
Oh, and probably mention you're horny.
278
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:07,133
Okay.
279
00:10:07,135 --> 00:10:08,636
Here I go...
280
00:10:08,637 --> 00:10:11,438
I guess.
281
00:10:12,084 --> 00:10:14,886
Hey! I think this guy is here for Sonata.
282
00:10:18,087 --> 00:10:19,787
He is! He just texted to say he arrived.
283
00:10:19,779 --> 00:10:23,782
Looks like we got our first fly in the web.
284
00:10:25,589 --> 00:10:27,857
Hi there. Can I help you?
285
00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:30,027
No. Thank you. I'm meeting someone.
286
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:30,996
Oh, let me guess.
287
00:10:31,018 --> 00:10:33,319
Tall, blonde, leggy. Nice set of cans?
288
00:10:33,285 --> 00:10:34,786
Actually, yes.
289
00:10:34,785 --> 00:10:36,219
She said she'd be right back.
290
00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:38,023
- Yep.
- She had to...
291
00:10:38,010 --> 00:10:40,845
Run to Victoria's Secret
to buy some panties.
292
00:10:40,788 --> 00:10:42,355
Yes. Panties.
293
00:10:42,352 --> 00:10:45,822
Dirty, dirty panties.
294
00:10:45,705 --> 00:10:48,582
Here, why don't you have
a seat while you wait?
295
00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:50,954
Now, what would you like to order?
296
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:54,212
I overheard the woman
say scones make her hot.
297
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:55,734
Really?
298
00:10:55,731 --> 00:10:57,899
What kind of scones?
299
00:10:57,870 --> 00:10:59,804
Better just order one of everything,
300
00:10:59,786 --> 00:11:01,319
to be safe.
301
00:11:06,427 --> 00:11:07,727
Look, I may not
302
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,603
technically be a psychologist,
303
00:11:09,588 --> 00:11:12,890
but after 20 years of very intense therapy,
304
00:11:12,813 --> 00:11:14,046
I'm pretty damn close,
305
00:11:14,057 --> 00:11:15,057
and I think I know
306
00:11:15,079 --> 00:11:16,313
what's going on with you and your boss.
307
00:11:16,325 --> 00:11:17,758
I'm all ears.
308
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:18,894
This morning, I was so nervous,
309
00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:22,045
I started talking to
her in an Irish accent.
310
00:11:22,965 --> 00:11:24,566
Look, it's apparent
311
00:11:24,562 --> 00:11:25,929
that you are desperate for her approval,
312
00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:27,435
so much so, in fact,
313
00:11:27,435 --> 00:11:29,203
that you're misinterpreting
her opinion of you
314
00:11:29,191 --> 00:11:30,291
based on your own inner-feelings
315
00:11:30,309 --> 00:11:31,576
of self-loathing.
316
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:33,287
So she doesn't hate me?
317
00:11:33,278 --> 00:11:34,378
No.
318
00:11:34,396 --> 00:11:37,231
You just hate yourself.
319
00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:38,874
Oh, thank goodness.
320
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,900
She's here. Why is she here?
321
00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:42,611
Oh, it's the universe trying to help you!
322
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,502
Wait. That, or it's wing night.
323
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,411
Either way, man. Go talk to her.
324
00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:49,325
You're right.
325
00:11:49,306 --> 00:11:50,606
This is stupid.
326
00:11:54,032 --> 00:11:55,365
Hey... stranger!
327
00:11:55,373 --> 00:11:56,974
Can I buy you a drink?
328
00:11:56,969 --> 00:11:59,070
Danny, are you stalking me?
329
00:11:59,045 --> 00:12:01,180
Good one.
330
00:12:01,152 --> 00:12:02,886
Can I grab two greyhounds
over here, please?
331
00:12:03,451 --> 00:12:04,784
Read an article once where you said
332
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:05,992
that that was your favorite drink.
333
00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:08,807
And I was like, "Get outta town! Mine too."
334
00:12:08,752 --> 00:12:09,985
I don't mean to be rude,
335
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,330
but I have a lot of work to do.
336
00:12:11,336 --> 00:12:12,737
Perfect! Can I help?
337
00:12:12,742 --> 00:12:14,176
Don't know if you know this about me,
338
00:12:14,178 --> 00:12:15,712
but I'm a lawyer.
339
00:12:15,711 --> 00:12:18,112
Jury's still out on that one.
340
00:12:18,074 --> 00:12:19,541
Nice law pun.
341
00:12:19,543 --> 00:12:21,410
I was being serious.
342
00:12:21,905 --> 00:12:23,739
No! No, of course, no, I-I didn't mean...
343
00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,360
Well, you're Jillian Sharpe.
344
00:12:25,354 --> 00:12:27,587
You definitely don't need my help.
345
00:12:27,557 --> 00:12:28,523
So, heh...
346
00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:29,981
enjoy your night!
347
00:12:33,048 --> 00:12:35,116
I'll, uh... I'll see you in the A.M.
348
00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:38,972
Can I ask you something?
349
00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:39,922
No!
350
00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:41,245
I just...
351
00:12:41,254 --> 00:12:44,322
I-I get the sense that
maybe you don't care for me.
352
00:12:44,254 --> 00:12:45,121
Now, I know this sounds crazy...
353
00:12:45,149 --> 00:12:47,384
I don't like you.
354
00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:49,119
Why? Did I do something?
355
00:12:49,109 --> 00:12:51,042
'Cause if this is about
the smell in the copy room,
356
00:12:51,025 --> 00:12:53,158
that was an intern who had just left.
357
00:12:53,994 --> 00:12:56,295
Danny, I'm a busy woman.
358
00:12:56,261 --> 00:12:57,627
I run a law firm,
359
00:12:57,633 --> 00:12:59,534
I have three ex-husbands to support,
360
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,051
and a shih tzu that won't crap outside.
361
00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:03,341
I don't have time
362
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:06,197
for insecure lawyers kissing my ass.
363
00:13:06,604 --> 00:13:09,340
You know, I have a very
funny story about a shih tzu.
364
00:13:09,926 --> 00:13:11,717
I'll just go.
365
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,962
Wow, that is a... nice blazer!
366
00:13:21,515 --> 00:13:23,016
Thanks for staying past close.
367
00:13:23,017 --> 00:13:24,250
I've never seen this place so busy.
368
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:25,394
No problem.
369
00:13:25,411 --> 00:13:26,612
I kinda like the primal energy
370
00:13:26,624 --> 00:13:29,525
of a room full of frustrated, horny guys.
371
00:13:29,465 --> 00:13:32,134
It reminds me of gym class.
372
00:13:32,084 --> 00:13:34,018
Everyone is asking where Sonata is.
373
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,199
Just tell them she had to pop out
374
00:13:35,213 --> 00:13:36,981
for a quick bikini car wash.
375
00:13:36,969 --> 00:13:38,536
For charity!
376
00:13:38,534 --> 00:13:40,000
Okay, I've already have her running home
377
00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:41,069
to get her baby oil,
378
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,789
sexy handcuffs, and her personal massager.
379
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,781
Now you got her stuck in the bathroom?
380
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,360
Well, I don't know!
381
00:13:46,355 --> 00:13:49,224
The scones didn't agree with her?
382
00:13:49,165 --> 00:13:50,966
You suck at this.
383
00:13:50,953 --> 00:13:52,521
How long do you think these guys
384
00:13:52,518 --> 00:13:54,919
are gonna be here till they give up?
385
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,181
In the words of Oscar Wilde,
386
00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:58,224
there's no optimism greater
387
00:13:58,202 --> 00:14:01,040
than that of a dude with a boner.
388
00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:08,787
Whoa! Nachos, pizza, and fries?
389
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,392
Looks like somebody's eating her feelings.
390
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:14,507
My boss hates me.
391
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:17,439
Well, keep eating.
Maybe she likes fat guys.
392
00:14:18,781 --> 00:14:19,748
Truth be told,
393
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,438
I'm feeling a little depressed myself.
394
00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:22,999
I just scored with twins.
395
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,197
I don't know how you get up in the morning.
396
00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:26,467
Yeah. You know, it's weird.
397
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:27,676
You'd think I'd be happier.
398
00:14:27,688 --> 00:14:29,356
I've been on Findr for two days,
399
00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:30,383
and, already,
400
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,658
- I've completed my bucket list.
- But...
401
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:35,141
Your bucket list is just sex?
402
00:14:35,096 --> 00:14:37,264
That's what a bucket list is.
403
00:14:37,236 --> 00:14:39,103
"Scoring with a contortionist."
404
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,154
Check.
405
00:14:40,173 --> 00:14:41,773
"Scoring with twins."
406
00:14:41,769 --> 00:14:44,370
Check... and check.
407
00:14:44,323 --> 00:14:46,491
"Scoring with a trumpet player"...
408
00:14:46,463 --> 00:14:47,863
A trumpet player?
409
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:49,535
Strong lips. Nimble fingers.
410
00:14:49,528 --> 00:14:51,296
Spit valves?
411
00:14:51,284 --> 00:14:53,551
Ryan, that's gross.
412
00:14:54,924 --> 00:14:56,457
You know, this stupid Findr app
413
00:14:56,456 --> 00:14:58,423
has taken all the fun out of scoring.
414
00:14:58,405 --> 00:15:01,006
Well, I mean, no, not all of it, obviously,
415
00:15:00,958 --> 00:15:02,826
but just the thrill of the hunt.
416
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:05,245
It's like fishing with sonar.
417
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,239
I mean, where's the sportsmanship?
418
00:15:07,217 --> 00:15:09,618
You once went fishing with dynamite.
419
00:15:09,579 --> 00:15:11,414
Yeah. Dynamite fishing.
420
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:13,734
It's a sport.
421
00:15:14,656 --> 00:15:15,889
I think somebody may be trying
422
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,401
to get in touch with you.
423
00:15:17,401 --> 00:15:18,834
Men keep texting me.
424
00:15:18,838 --> 00:15:20,539
They see a pretty girl and they won't quit.
425
00:15:20,531 --> 00:15:23,666
Well, someone thinks highly of themselves.
426
00:15:23,596 --> 00:15:25,264
Why are men texting you?
427
00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:28,925
Don't worry, I'm just leading them on.
428
00:15:28,831 --> 00:15:31,100
What's with the sad-sack buffet?
429
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:33,468
Don't tell me you're
still down about your boss.
430
00:15:33,429 --> 00:15:34,463
She clearly has issues.
431
00:15:34,483 --> 00:15:36,118
Danny, you're the best.
432
00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:37,879
So there are some people
that don't like you.
433
00:15:37,868 --> 00:15:38,868
That's just life.
434
00:15:38,889 --> 00:15:40,657
Are you saying
435
00:15:40,646 --> 00:15:42,579
you know other people that don't like me?
436
00:15:42,561 --> 00:15:43,394
I mean, a few.
437
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:46,843
What's the big deal?
438
00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:48,273
I mean, sometimes, you can come off
439
00:15:48,276 --> 00:15:49,410
as a little overeager.
440
00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:51,213
Don't listen to her,
Danny! No one likes her.
441
00:15:53,544 --> 00:15:54,845
Do you remember Rob and Katie?
442
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,254
Yeah, we went out with them a few times?
443
00:15:56,258 --> 00:15:57,559
Yeah! Yeah, they don't call anymore.
444
00:15:57,567 --> 00:15:58,500
What happened?
445
00:15:58,524 --> 00:15:59,859
You complimented them so much,
446
00:15:59,866 --> 00:16:02,267
that they thought that we wanted to swing.
447
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,496
That's ridiculous.
448
00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:06,107
I'd be honored to swing with Danny!
449
00:16:07,273 --> 00:16:08,907
You can't shield him from the truth.
450
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:09,868
We don't have to!
451
00:16:09,892 --> 00:16:12,127
Why? Because, Danny, you're the best.
452
00:16:13,309 --> 00:16:14,575
Look, I mean, at the end of the day,
453
00:16:14,585 --> 00:16:16,553
isn't it more important
that you like yourself?
454
00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:17,600
Yeah. Of course.
455
00:16:17,619 --> 00:16:18,852
But in order to do that,
456
00:16:18,864 --> 00:16:20,931
I need everyone else to like me, too.
457
00:16:20,907 --> 00:16:21,940
Excuse me.
458
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,461
You like me, don't you?
459
00:16:23,462 --> 00:16:24,495
Oh, yeah.
460
00:16:24,515 --> 00:16:26,382
I love customers who bus their own tables
461
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,468
and make me look bad in front of my boss.
462
00:16:28,442 --> 00:16:29,708
So, what, I should just leave all this
463
00:16:29,719 --> 00:16:31,387
on the table?
464
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:32,979
Yeah, but now she's giving you the finger.
465
00:16:32,975 --> 00:16:34,376
Uh, that's probably for me.
466
00:16:34,381 --> 00:16:36,815
We did it in the stock room.
467
00:16:36,775 --> 00:16:38,176
"Doing it in the stockroom
468
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:39,881
with a waitress."
469
00:16:39,872 --> 00:16:42,207
Check.
470
00:16:45,906 --> 00:16:48,441
There's so much cash in this register.
471
00:16:48,397 --> 00:16:51,466
I could steal some and
you wouldn't even notice.
472
00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:54,034
Yeah, but this isn't what I wanted.
473
00:16:53,985 --> 00:16:55,953
I mean, I'm supposed
to be selling tea balls,
474
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:58,034
not blue balls.
475
00:16:58,009 --> 00:16:59,743
Hello, ladies.
476
00:16:59,732 --> 00:17:00,933
Oh, no.
477
00:17:00,945 --> 00:17:02,745
Please tell me you're just
here looking for Danny.
478
00:17:02,733 --> 00:17:04,200
Actually, I'm here for a date.
479
00:17:04,202 --> 00:17:06,136
A sweet blonde from Switzerland
480
00:17:06,118 --> 00:17:08,552
who likes to sunbathe in the nude.
481
00:17:08,512 --> 00:17:10,346
And give lap dances to Aerosmith songs?
482
00:17:10,332 --> 00:17:11,666
Yeah, we know.
483
00:17:11,673 --> 00:17:14,041
She just stepped out for
a quick hot oil massage.
484
00:17:14,004 --> 00:17:15,138
Can I get you anything?
485
00:17:15,153 --> 00:17:17,188
Nikki. Okay, we can't do this anymore.
486
00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:19,399
Sheldon, she's not real, okay?
487
00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:21,302
We just made it up to attract customers.
488
00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:24,452
Well, first of all, well played,
489
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:25,747
and second of all, what the hell?
490
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:26,888
How could you do that?
491
00:17:26,903 --> 00:17:27,936
Oh, please!
492
00:17:27,956 --> 00:17:28,989
You're the one running around
493
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:32,045
screwing anyone with boobs and a data plan.
494
00:17:31,979 --> 00:17:33,913
Touché.
495
00:17:33,895 --> 00:17:36,163
This Findr app is ruining my life.
496
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:38,666
Would you like a $6 scone? Always helps.
497
00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:40,355
No.
498
00:17:40,345 --> 00:17:42,546
Enough is enough.
499
00:17:42,516 --> 00:17:44,384
Everybody?
500
00:17:44,368 --> 00:17:46,775
I need you to put down your phones.
501
00:17:47,593 --> 00:17:50,027
Sex isn't about clicking "yes,"
502
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:53,022
sex is about hitting on real women,
503
00:17:52,956 --> 00:17:54,857
plying them with booze,
504
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,407
and telling them whatever
you need to tell them
505
00:17:56,405 --> 00:17:58,206
in order to score.
506
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:00,962
Are we men?
507
00:18:00,971 --> 00:18:02,905
Or are we machines?
508
00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:06,255
Or are we man-machine hybrids?
509
00:18:06,175 --> 00:18:09,665
"Manchines," perhaps.
510
00:18:11,379 --> 00:18:12,546
The point is,
511
00:18:12,561 --> 00:18:14,762
what I need you to do is join me now
512
00:18:14,732 --> 00:18:16,366
and delete your Findr app.
513
00:18:18,468 --> 00:18:19,568
Seriously?
514
00:18:19,585 --> 00:18:21,218
Nobody?
515
00:18:21,213 --> 00:18:24,048
Okay. Well, just so you
know, Sonata's not real.
516
00:18:23,991 --> 00:18:25,258
You've all been played.
517
00:18:25,269 --> 00:18:26,468
What?
518
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,749
She's not real?
519
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,959
But how can that be?
520
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:35,649
Look, even though
521
00:18:35,645 --> 00:18:37,511
that speech was loud and offensive,
522
00:18:37,496 --> 00:18:38,797
and chauvinistic,
523
00:18:38,806 --> 00:18:41,708
I've got to say, it was oddly inspiring.
524
00:18:41,647 --> 00:18:43,882
Well, even though you
toying with my emotions
525
00:18:43,851 --> 00:18:46,486
was cruel, annoying and manipulative,
526
00:18:46,437 --> 00:18:47,303
I got to say,
527
00:18:47,331 --> 00:18:49,398
bite me.
528
00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:50,941
Kim, isn't that...
529
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,027
The real Sonata!
530
00:18:53,046 --> 00:18:53,946
Excuse me,
531
00:18:53,971 --> 00:18:55,171
but, apparently,
532
00:18:55,185 --> 00:18:57,587
somebody has been using
my photo to meet men here.
533
00:18:57,547 --> 00:19:01,950
Excuse me. Detective Sheldon White, S.V.U.
534
00:19:01,826 --> 00:19:04,428
I've been assigned to
your identity-theft case,
535
00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:07,834
and, uh, I'm gonna have
to ask you a few questions.
536
00:19:08,404 --> 00:19:10,505
Over drinks.
537
00:19:17,439 --> 00:19:18,672
Jillian...
538
00:19:18,684 --> 00:19:21,686
Ugh! I'm gonna have to put a bell on you.
539
00:19:22,899 --> 00:19:24,399
I just wanted to let you know
540
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,334
that I am done caring what you think of me,
541
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:28,216
that, sure, you're an incredible lawyer,
542
00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:30,067
and the reason I joined this firm,
543
00:19:30,051 --> 00:19:31,384
but I'm here to do a job,
544
00:19:31,392 --> 00:19:32,625
and I'm going to do it.
545
00:19:32,637 --> 00:19:34,338
You can dislike me all you want.
546
00:19:34,329 --> 00:19:35,930
To be honest, I could care less.
547
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,794
"Couldn't care less."
548
00:19:37,778 --> 00:19:40,246
Dammit! I always screw that up.
549
00:19:40,204 --> 00:19:41,637
But you know what?
550
00:19:41,641 --> 00:19:43,542
That's the first thing that you've said
551
00:19:43,524 --> 00:19:44,758
that makes me like you.
552
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:47,371
Now, that I can respect.
553
00:19:47,324 --> 00:19:48,658
Really? Oh! 'Cause if you like that,
554
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,665
there's plenty more where that came from.
555
00:19:51,251 --> 00:19:52,652
So you have a dog?
556
00:19:52,657 --> 00:19:53,657
Listen, if you ever need a sitter,
557
00:19:53,678 --> 00:19:55,379
I am just a phone call away!
558
00:19:55,370 --> 00:19:56,904
And it would by my honor
559
00:19:56,903 --> 00:19:59,171
to try and train him to crap outside.
560
00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:08,168
Did you get that top on sale?
561
00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:09,848
Because, at my house,
562
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,241
it would be 100% off.
563
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,987
Nice try.
564
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:20,564
Are you from Tennessee?
565
00:20:20,538 --> 00:20:23,406
You're the only "10" I see.
566
00:20:24,017 --> 00:20:25,884
Get lost.
567
00:20:25,868 --> 00:20:28,036
Uh, there's something on your chest.
568
00:20:28,007 --> 00:20:30,641
My eyes.
569
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,838
Oh, what the hell.
570
00:20:32,828 --> 00:20:34,562
It's late.
571
00:20:34,553 --> 00:20:37,488
The classics never go out of style.
572
00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:42,316
Are you wearing space pants?
573
00:20:42,311 --> 00:20:43,278
Because your booty...
574
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,268
You got the job.
575
00:20:45,318 --> 00:20:49,868
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