Original subtitles

Rhian: Previously on "moonshine."

- The moonshine is mine. 43 percent mine.

- You lost your right to this place when you left.

- Maybe you and rhian should just have it out,

Once and for all. (fighting grunt)

- Finley-cullens are going down. You know where to find me at.

- Is it serious? Oh! - Married.

- I'm sleeping with your husband.

- This is all your fault.

(goat chomps finger) - whaaaa!

♪♪♪

(waves lap)

Rhian: ♪ do-do-do-do-do ♪

(singing happily) ah!

(pan clatters)

(plates clang)

Whoops, can't forget the syrup!

(plates thud lightly)

(fridge door slams) - you okay?

- Why wouldn't I be?

- Well, we haven't talked about--

- What? Lidia prison raping my future,

Or the psycho goat that ate my finger?

Or that you've been banging my sister,

Like a pop machine that stole your toonie?

- It's just that, I've been reading up on our situation.

"affair, don't despair",

Has a list of do's and don'ts

For an amicable dissolution of a marriage.

- Oh, ter, there's no do's or don't-do's.

We're done.

- Done, like we're, we're done.

- Like dinner. I mean, breakfast.

Oops! Wrong plate. (plates clatter)

- I should go.

Septic truck was stolen off of route 3.

What kind of sicko jacks a septic truck?

- I'll pack this up for you.

(footsteps thud)

♪♪♪

- Have a good day.

- Happiness is a choice.

(footsteps thud)

(door creaks closed)

(lid rattles, coffee splashes)

(gravel crunches underfoot)

(rapping on window, keys thud)

(keys jingle)

(door creaks, sewage sploshes)

(grossed out) - ahhhh!

(coughing)

♪♪♪

(gagging)

♪ it's my life, it's my life ♪

♪ it's my life, my life ♪

♪ it's my life, it's my life ♪

♪ it's my life, my life ♪

Lidia: Okay, moonshine 2.0.

I've laid out a three-tiered plan.

Step one, maintenance, update, and refresh.

- Sounds like a spa date for grandma.

- (squeals) step two: Marketing.

Now, word of mouth is our bread and butter,

But we need more. - Maybe we can take it online.

- Oh, sure, let the campers see what they're not getting,

Instead of complaining when they get here.

- See, we can design a digital strategy

To help build brand recognition revenue

So we can eventually afford... Step three!

(giggles happily, sighs)

So, what do you think?

- It's really somethin'.

- Yeah. You said it.

- I get it, I get it.

You're thinking, how are we gonna pay

For this grand project?

We aren't paying. The bank is.

- You spoke to the bank about this?

- Yeah, I'm meeting the manager today.

If we use our combined revenue to secure

A small business loan for phase one,

And then, after the increased revenue,

We finance a world-class build.

- Does foxton do world-class?

- Best part? You don't have to do a thing.

I will handle it all.

(seagulls cry in the distance)

Except...

- Spit it out. - Rhian. (clears her throat)

I'm just uh, I'm just uh...

- Oh, good lord. You're scared of rhian.

- Everybody's scared of rhian.

- No! No, not me.

No, we're in a great place, yeah.

She's just adjusting to me... Being here.

She wants me gone. Permanently.

You know what? Forget it.

This is so silly. We're adults,

We will work this out ourselves.

(book rustles)

All under control.

(happy exhale)

(receding footsteps thud)

- Well, that was pretty impressive.

(footsteps thud) - (scoffs)

- But it-it's nice she's taking an interest.

- Look, I just don't want lidia

Getting all fired up about this.

We both know she can't go to the bank.

Good lord! As if.

- And rhian? - Oh, she'll be fine.

Just like when she was a baby...

(door creaks open) colicky.

(door slams)

- So, you're saying I'm right about the moonshine

Being a cover for a smuggling operation.

- Listen, I got an anonymous tip

That might corroborate the idea

That there's been smuggling in the area, colin.

If you're right, emphasis on 'if,'

Then maybe we can get out of this hell-hole department

By bringing the big case on our own.

- Right, well, while we're discussing protocol,

Hypothetically speaking, of course,

W-what are the ethics of having a romantic relationship

With a suspect?

- What's-her-name with nine fingers?

Colin, do not stick your dick in crazy.

- What? No, god, no. I was just wondering.

- It's a no-no. It mucks up the case.

- How so? - (scoffs)

Well, say someone were to acquaint themselves

Doggy-style to a perp they pick up at some

Third-rate tiki bar in niagara falls?

Now, the guy might claim entrapment.

Sure, you vow never to do it again.

Next thing you know,

You are balls deep in a pile of bolivian happy powder

While some calgary rodeo clown gets what's good.

- So, to summarize?

- Pro tip, rookie: Don't do it.

Big mistake.

Big, glorious,

Multi-orgasm mistake.

- Got it.

("run to you" by bryan adams plays)

♪ 'cause when the feeling's right ♪

♪ I'm gonna run all night ♪

♪ I'm gonna run to you ♪

- Okay, so, I talked to the landlord about the apartment

And also about his pit bull, clara.

She was weaned too soon, so the place smells like pee now,

But that is okay because he said he'd knock

A few bucks off the security deposit, which is awesome

Because it means... The place is ours!

As soon as pony up! Ah, ha!

Oh, my god, ryan, come on! We need to figure this out!

Listen, listen, okay.

I know that you're not, like, one of those guys,

You know, with drivers' licences,

And suits,

And bank jobs, and names like barry.

- No, I unclog toilets all week.

- Yeah, like a boss, you do!

You are great at that!

But we have to find ways other than just plumbing

And sweeping, to monetize

And reach our full potential.

- Remember that asshole, johnny d.?

- Yeah, he had cornrows at prom, right?

- Yeah. He thought he was cool as shit.

Everybody thought he was a loser.

Losers don't know they're losers.

That's how come they keep being losers.

What if I'm...

Baby, will you still love me

If we didn't get that apartment?

♪♪♪

- Now, that's not gonna happen.

It's not gonna happen. My vision board says so.

My vision board says so!

(door shuts, lighter clangs)

("run to you" by bryan adams plays)

(light snoring)

(rapping on window) - (gasps) oh!

♪ oh, I'm gonna run to you ♪

- You have two minutes and six seconds

Before bryan adams stops whining. What's up?

- We need to talk.

- Oh, it is too early for vague, lidia.

- The situation with terry. Rhian--

- No. No way, this conversation is not happening.

My situation, I've got it under control.

It will blow over. - I don't--

- Also, don't pretend you're here out of sisterly concern.

- (sighs) I came here out of self-preservation, okay?

- Okay. - You know when rhian used

To freak out when we were younger?

- You mean, like, set fire to the ice castle

At winter formal because someone wore

The same bubble dress as her? What's your point?

- I pitched the moonshine reboot,

And mom and dad didn't shut me down.

- Oh, you're the ice castle.

- When rhian finds out about my plans--

- Hmm, you're being paranoid.

- She's on the warpath. - Relax.

I am the adultery canary in a vengeance coalmine.

And until she comes for my ass, you are in the clear!

Hey? Problem solved. - Mm-hmm.

♪ and I'm gonna run to you ♪

- What? (door creaks open)

What?

♪♪♪

Winter is coming.

(car rumbles, honks)

- Curse your shitty, domestic car!

♪ wanna do whatever, yeah ♪

♪ lemme get high, lemme get low ♪

♪ take my time to put on a show ♪

♪ I'm lovin' you undercover ♪

- Need a lift?

- No, you don't even have a cd player.

- Got a tape deck. - You have a time machine

So I can go back to whenever tapes existed?

- Hey, don't disrespect beulah. She's seen some miles.

I drove her up here from la in '82.

- 1882? - Jump in, girl,

Your mom wants you home.

- Dumpy campground isn't my home.

Come on, bruce, just tell her you never saw me.

50 bucks. - Huh, she paid me $75.

- (exasperated exhale)

♪ I've seen men suffer ♪

(tires squeal)

♪ concocting potion ♪

♪ with a devil's dance ♪

(papers rustle)

(sighs)

♪♪♪

(items clatter)

(door creaks open)

- Big date? (door closes)

- Hmm?

- You know you're only wearing one shoe, right?

- Oh, bank meeting.

Apparently, in addition to my missing shoe,

I also need proof I own shares in this place.

- We have felicia's will.

- Turns out, she could've willed me

A fireman with an eight-pack. Doesn't mean he exists.

I need a copy of a shareholder's agreement,

A deed, something. - Have you asked mom and dad?

- No way.

- Told them you had things under control

And don't want to admit you don't?

Or rhian wants you dead. - She's out for blood,

And I'm afraid I'm next.

- (scoffs) is that-- - hm?

(gasps) my shoe!

Handcrafted in milan.

Worth more than a human child.

- Huh.

(gravel crunches) (engine cuts out)

- Ugh! Is that shit?

- I've been thinking sewage.

Stops me from puking in my mask.

- Well, rhian got me, too. Graffitied a king-kong-sized

Vagina at the station, so-- - I'm pretty sure king kong

Was the dude with a thing for blondes.

- As much as I'd love to sit here

And discuss fictional primate genitalia,

I'm gonna need ya to sack up

And go and arrest your wife, terry.

- Rhian's going through a lot. - Yeah, I know. I get it.

She's hurt, and angry.

Doesn't excuse the fact that she has become

A one-woman terrorist organization.

- It's gonna take her awhile

To come to terms with our relationship, okay.

- We don't have a relationship. We have sex.

- Nora, things are out in the open now.

We can be together.

Dating, boyfriend, girlfriend. - Uh--

- You've heard of that, right? - Terry, no, we're not,

This is, we're not dating, okay.

We're not going steady. I don't want you to ask me to the dance.

This whole thing was a mistake.

- You wanna break up? - We're not breaking up,

Because there's nothing to break.

You can't end something that never started.

- Okay, okay. Then this is our start.

Wednesday, 11:06 a.M..

You and me are now us.

Here, now,

And hopefully, forever.

- Oh god. I gotta go.

(engine starts, gravel crunches)

(passing car horn blares) (tires screech)

- Asshole!

(sharp exhales)

- Oh, good! Good, good, good. I need to talk to you.

- Same! Wow, finley-cullen voodoo.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Ha!

- Speaking of, has rhian said anything to you lately?

- Yeah, she called me stupid. Twice. Today.

You don't recover from some hurts.

- Uh, about the moonshine. Revenge plots.

Anything that might get in the way of my plans for this place.

- That's right!

You are the planning one of this fam.

Goal-oriented, ambitious.

Making it happen with the intensity of charles manson

Or céline dion! - Thanks?

- That's why I wanted to talk to you, lids.

I get this vibe from crystal,

That she might dump me if I don't get my shit together.

I need to make money.

- You wanna get your life together?

You can't do it for someone else,

You gotta work it out for yourself.

(playful laughter in the distance)

- Can I get a hint? - Ryan! God!

You really want my honest opinion?

- Truth is the mother of change.

- Finish high school. Get a haircut.

Go to aa.

♪♪♪

- That's it!

You're a genius, lids! Namaste!

♪♪♪

(door slams) - ooh!

- Jumpy, much? (footsteps thud)

♪♪♪

Nora: Well, the rumour mill's working overtime,

Thanks to the giant tribute to yoni, at the studio.

And I get it. But you know what really chaps my ass?

None of you know the real story, and you're judging.

Well, guess what, open book time, bitches!

That's right! Gimme a call.

We can talk about the truth, then, judge away!

Careful though, she who casts the first stone--

Wow, lot of curious cats and eager beavers out there.

Caller, you're on the air. Don't beat around my bush.

Woman: Are you sleeping with my husband, too?

- No, kate, I'm not.

But, you might wanna have a chat with mr. Parker,

The middle school phys-ed

Teacher about the rubby he gave your hubby!

- What are you talking-- - keep those calls comin',

Like you're mr. Parker, y'all!

The truth is on tap

And it is happy hour all day long.

♪♪♪

♪ gotta work it out ♪

♪ gonna work it out, gonna work it out ♪

♪ gonna work it out ♪

♪♪♪

- Sick uniform. (camera clicks)

- Post that, and I sue.

- Hey, that's no way to talk to a customer, come on.

(ketchup splatters) - oh!

- Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you?

- Yo, can you hook me up with some fries, or like--

- Probably.

- So, why are you working here if you hate it so much?

- Mom sentenced me to hard labour after I tried to runaway.

Whatever. Just means I can save up

To pay for a ticket back to new york.

- You're making minimum wage, minus taxes,

Plus the fact that no one ever gets paid around here,

Means that you'll have enough for a bus ticket

In like, 20 years. - (chuckles sarcastically)

(ketchup splatters) - oh!

- Oh, well, this is fun.

Have a kick-ass day doing nothing,

While I get grease acne. - Okay!

(upset exhale)

- I'm gonna dip. Later, man!

- Hey, I, I thought we were gonna hang.

- Yeah, I'm gonna go to the beach with some friends.

- Yeah, that sounds cool.

- Kind of like a me and them... Thing.

- Oh, yeah. No, I wasn't inviting myself.

- Cool. - I-I was gonna...

I probably shouldn't say.

- Hey, come on.

- Magic mushrooms. - You have shrooms?

- Well, found my uncle's shroom shack.

- That's sick! Are you gonna show me, or what?

- Well... I don't know.

- Hey, you can trust me, come on.

♪♪♪

Lidia: Jill, hey!

- You in the market for some art?

- Oh, yeah, not just yet.

Felicia's trailer is a design challenge.

Boho-chic-spinster.

- You mean it's a dump. - It is.

I have to go through her mountain of journals

To find paperwork for the moonshine.

- I didn't know you kept all her old junk.

- Felt wrong to throw it all out.

Mostly just old lotto tickets and porn.

At least, I think it's porn.

- I'd be happy to go through it with ya, hun.

- Really? Yes! Yes, thank you!

That would be amazing. - Okay.

- Okay, I'll call you. - Okay.

- Um, could you maybe not tell my mother?

Trying to keep a whole I've got things under control,

So relax, vibe. - Yeah, secret's safe with me.

- Thank you.

(footsteps rustle in grass)

- She's digging around. She's looking for records.

- There is nothing to be concerned about.

- She kept felicia's journals.

This is not her screwing around with your goat festival, bea.

♪♪♪

- My daughter. My problem.

Have a lovely afternoon.

♪♪♪

(indistinct chatter)

(footsteps approach)

- Hey, man. Fills my heart to see ya here.

- You guys, uh, aa-ing it up in there?

Steps, and stuff? - You bet! Come on in!

- Oh, no, I'm not really a surrender to higher power guy.

Also, could you let your tribe of truth know

I got mushrooms for sale.

Organic, home-grown, limited batch,

Psilocybin awesome.

- You here to sell drugs? - Mushrooms!

My one-way path to sobriety! See, when I'm super high,

I don't even think about booze. That's the magic!

- Ryan, you get that I can't have you out here

Selling shrooms, right?

- We'll let the people decide. - Not happening.

Why don't you come on in?

♪♪♪

(indistinct chatter)

- Uh, I'm not gonna lie to you,

Those donuts are callin' my name,

And I'm the mayor of munchie town, right now.

- Ah, donuts on me, cuz!

- Namaste, brother. Keep doin' you. Sprinkles!

- Hmm. - Now we're talkin'!

♪♪♪

(bike rattles)

(running footsteps thud)

- Don't worry, eleanor and finn are okay!

- Wait, what do you mean, okay?

Oh, my god!

(running footsteps)

(pants heavily)

No, no, no!

(fire crackles and roars)

(sinister music)

♪♪♪

(fire extinguisher whooshes) - rhian!

- Arson, maybe.

Lidia: (gasps)

Rhian. - We don't know that.

- Yeah, sewage and graffiti is one thing, but this?

- She was wearing these exact same gardening gloves all day.

- I bet there's a whole supply shed full of those things.

- Rhian knew I was searching for proof of my inheritance,

And aunt felicia's journals just happened to get destroyed?

No. No. I demand a full investigation.

- It's a bit of burnt paper. You're being dramatic.

- Arson brings that out in me! I'm quirky like that.

- Rhian is a lot of something, but she's not a criminal.

- Oh, she'd never do something crazy like

Pump a cop car full of raw sewage,

Or spray paint a massive cooch on the side of a building!

- You two have got to stop bickering!

- You're seriously not gonna do anything?

- Right. This is on us.

We're terrible parents. Pile it on.

- I'm out, okay? You guys settle this.

- I'm gonna go find my children before she sells them for parts.

(grass rustles underfoot)

- (sighs) this was an accident.

- We don't know that.

- This was an accident.

Private property.

Private problem. - Bea--

- You've been playing games with my daughters, terry.

♪♪♪

(items rattle)

- You're gonna give me this one.

♪♪♪

(grass rustles underfoot) (bea exhales)

(birds chirp, frogs croak)

(foliage rustles)

(branch snaps)

- I'm armed and dangerous!

- Huh. - Oh.

- What are the odds we'd bump into each other out here?

- Pretty good, actually.

You've been following me all day, which is annoying!

(birds chirp)

Look, what happened between us, our little, you know,

Interlude, can't happen again. - Okay.

- That's it?

No pleading?

No passionate indignation?

You're a real boy scout, huh?

- I was actually.

I'm the only one at the jamboree

To get the nut culture badge. It's a real thing.

You have to grow nuts in the wild.

I'm a lawyer.

- Interesting.

I'm in the market for a lawyer.

Any experience contesting wills?

- Oh, yeah. Family law was my jam.

I had to leave that all behind, though,

So I might be a bit rusty.

Got burned-out, needed some time away, so,

That's why I'm here at the moonshine.

(laughter in distance)

- Did you hear that? Indiscriminate campers.

They think they can squat for free.

I hate them with the passion of a thousand hells.

- No, no, no, rules are meant to be followed, not broken.

- Yes!

Well, if you're gonna be out here, you know,

Tromping around, you might as well come along.

- Sweet!

- One-time deal. Strictly professional.

You touch me, I end you.

♪♪♪

(foliage crunches underfoot)

(door creaks open) - whoa!

There's gotta be like, 500 pounds or something

In here, man.

- Yeah, pretty cool, eh? - Yeah!

Man, we're gonna get sea god high!

- You don't know much about shrooms, do you?

You have to let them dry out first. They're not ready.

- Hmm. Too bad.

Be fun to trip with you.

♪♪♪

I like it here. - Me too.

- Except for like, the sheep shit and the dust.

(taps) - yeah, it's gross.

- Hey, we should go. - Beach?

- Yeah, it's sounds fun. - Sweet.

(papers rustle)

- Oh, look! The arsonist.

(door creaks and closes)

- What are you doing?

- Oh, just catching up on my "go rot in hell, lidia."

Campers aren't allowed in the office.

- Oscar... Is my attorney.

- I don't practice much anymore.

But have been retained by your sister,

To assist in the matter. - You got served!

- You don't even know what that means.

- My client intends to contest your will.

- Secret plan that, bitch.

- Your client is going to jail for arson.

- You don't actually think I started that fire.

- Yes, I actually think you started that fire.

- If I had,

I would've finished the job.

- See? A threat!

You've hated me since we were kids.

Resented me, envied me, wanted me gone.

Well, guess what, sister, there's a new sheriff in town,

And she may not have had her roots coloured in weeks,

But that just makes her meaner! You are going down!

- Oscar, would you please instruct my so-called sister

To direct any future disrespect to my attorney?

- Shut your pro bono. This is between me and her.

- Bring it! - Already brought!

(flip-flop smacks loudly) - you were warned!

- (scoffs) you can't be serious.

- Act like asshole kids,

Get treated like asshole kids.

The "flip-flop of truth" will settle this.

(ominous music)

♪♪♪

- You showed up to this bucket of crazy?

- Never miss 'em. Especially when it's rhian.

Primo content. Popcorn? - No.

- Feelin' better, babe? - Yeah! Totally!

I got a plan for the shrooms.

Practically sellin' themselves.

- Good, I knew you could do it!

- I don't get it.

- Old finley-cullen judiciary system.

Crunchy granola way to resolve fights.

- What's with the flip-flop?

- So, each rival party has a minute to explain

To the flip-flop, why they deserve an apology.

- Right.

- So, the family anonymously votes the winner.

So, once the flip-flop has spoken

And the apology has been tendered,

The conflict may never be mentioned again.

- Ah! Makes sense.

- (sighs) we are gathered here,

Torn by conflict. (strums a slow tune)

To hear the tragic tale of lenny rogers.

♪♪♪

"lenny rogers was a hippie.

And a friend to all, it's true.

Until that night he had a spat with a pal,

By the name of blue.

And on that dark and forlorn night,

That little spat, it grew.

Insults were thrown, and then a fist or two.

When it was done, lenny left,

Hate in his heart and dreams, askew.

The fog rolled in and lenny took off

In flip-flops and an old canoe.

That was the last anyone saw of len.

(strumming stops) except for this one shoe.

(tune begins again) so, today, we heed this tale

For what lenny taught is true:

You bury the hatchet with those you love,

Or fate will bury you."

(strums final notes)

(light applause) - no.

- Lidia stole my legacy.

When she abandoned us, in 1998,

She swore she would never come back.

Plus, she doesn't own squat.

No shareholder's agreement, no inheritance.

- 'cause you burned it to the ground!

- No, I didn't. - Uh, p.S., this is crazy.

Adults don't settle criminal charges

By talking to a flip-flop! (gong rings)

- No flip-flop, no talking.

In the name of lenny.

All: In lenny's name.

- Len-ny! Len-ny! - Stop it!

This is serious! - So is mental illness.

- And those shorts! Cuffs! No bueno.

- I am the holder of the flip-flop! Me!

So, shut up! Both of you!

Anyways, I was saying,

It's no secret to anyone that lidia sucks.

She turned goddess fest, and my life, to shit,

And now we're more broke than usual.

She doesn't know how hard I have worked

All of these years.

Bloody finger, sweat, and tears.

That's what keeps the moonshine afloat.

(emotional exhale)

Not her stupid new york ideas.

Lidia should apologize.

More importantly, she should leave.

♪♪♪

(chair crinkles) - oh.

- Good, tough stuff, but you know.

- Here we go! What you got?

- Yes, I swore I would never come back to the moonshine.

Nora vowed she'd marry kurt cobain and start a punk band.

Oh, and ryan wanted to be prime minister.

- (gasps) oh, my god, I can totally see that!

You are way hotter than trudeau.

- Rhian shouldn't apologize. - Nope.

- You all should, to me.

I sacrificed everything to be here.

- Oh, come on, lids! Get off the cross!

You've been here a few weeks, what did you sacrifice,

Soul cycle pass? Mani-pedis?

- You do not have the flip-flop, I have the flip-flop!

Rhian is angry.

Okay, yeah, I get that.

But you can't excuse her psycho behaviour.

You're enablers. Okay, fine, I get that, too.

You can't fight genetics.

But how come someone can't enable me, for once?

I mean, I'm trying to save the moonshine,

And I can't even have two shoes!

After what I'm trying to do,

I deserve my mani-pedi, damnit! (bangs gong)

- Okay, we've heard rhian's flip,

And lidia's flop.

- Now is the time to vote on the truth.

Apologize and bury this conflict forever.

(pail clangs)

- That was quick.

- Uh, sorry, family only.

- Suck my dick, rhian. - (nora laughs)

Rhian: Girlfriend's a pig. Ryan: (laughs)

(papers rustle, pail clangs)

- Okay.

As it is written,

So shall it be.

Rhian wins. - Oh! Oh!

- Lidia, apologize.

- What?! That's bullshit!

- Flip-flop has spoken!

- I won. You have to.

- No, actually, I don't.

I invoke oars! - Oh!

- What?! All: Okay! Yes!

(laughing)

- Yes! - Okay!

- When's the last time that's happened?

♪♪♪

(waves lap)

(seagulls cry)

- (readying exhale)

- So, invoking oars is like a veto?

- More like, sudden death. You win the boat race,

The other person has to apologize,

Unless they declare cheese heads.

- Cheese heads? - Yeah, I'm kidding.

It ends with this.

Uh, you can only invoke oars once in a lifetime.

In finley-cullen land, this is actually a very big deal.

(water ripples)

- Lookin' a little rusty, over there.

- When I beat you, I'm gonna rip your head off

And put it on the front of my boat.

- Get ready to drown, nine fingers!

- Let's go, ladies!

(bangs gong)

("barracuda" by heart plays)

(cheering on) come on!

♪♪♪

- Ooh! - (groans)

- Come on, lids, give it to her!

♪♪♪

- Lidia, yeah! - No, no, no, damnit!

- Yes! Yes! Yes! - Come on!

♪ so this ain't the end, I saw you again ♪

♪ today ♪

♪ I had to turn my heart away ♪

- Keep going! Come on! - Do you see that?

♪ smiled like the sun, kisses for everyone ♪

(cheering continues) - ow!

♪ it tails, it never fades ♪

(music slows and fades)

(water splashes)

- All right, halfway there!

♪♪♪

(oars splash in water)

(oar splashes in water)

- What is happening? Get the thing!

("barracuda" intensifies)

(cheering)

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(laughs maniacally)

- Let's do it!

Almost there! Almost there! - Yeah.

Come on, guys!

- Wooooooo!

There is it!

I am the winner! Woo! Suck it!

(indistinct chatter)

- Hey, what's up with the line?

- Bro, you see that hot chick at the counter?

- That's my sister.

- Well, if you ask your hot sister for extra tartar sauce,

And slip her $10,

You get a gram of shrooms with your order.

- Gimme one second. - Michael!

(indistinct chatter) - why is the line so long?

- This is big money.

- You said that you wouldn't tell anyone, michael.

- Chill. We've already made like $500.

We'll cut you in.

- What do you think's gonna happen when uncle ryan finds out?

- He's fried all the time. He's not gonna notice.

- What does this have to do with him?

(grunts, door slams)

- Michael! - What?

- You told me those were your shrooms.

- Yeah, they were, once I took 'em.

- Just get out of here. - Oh.

- Go! - Fine!

- (stressed exhale)

♪♪♪

- Oh, what's comin' in?

(footsteps thud)

- I'm sorry, rhian. - Hmm.

- I didn't mean what I said. - Mm-hmm.

- (sighs)

You know what? Actually, I did mean it.

Especially the part about making this place special again.

For all of us.

I want my kids to be able to come here when they're adults,

And bring their kids.

I want them to be proud of what we've built.

(footsteps thud)

(dock creaks)

(waves lap)

- I was always better at water sports.

Did you see her stroke?

I think one arm is shorter than the other.

(both chuckle)

(waves ripple)

- I don't mean to desecrate your victory,

But I know how much you appreciate following the rules,

Doing the right thing.

- Spit it out.

- Lidia threw the race.

I saw.

She dropped her oar on purpose.

She-she let you win.

(waves lap)

- She thinks I need her pity? (laughs maniacally)

Damn her, and her perfect nose. (gasps)

- I had to tell you the truth.

- This is why I don't trust anyone.

- I'm not just anyone.

(waves lap)

Ryan: (singing indistinctly)

(door creaks open)

(boxes rattle and thud)

Whoa.

(rock song ends)

- Sorry for the extended musical interlude, folks.

I had to visit the moonshine asylum.

My producer tells me advertisers are pulling out

Like golers at a family reunion.

No more calls. Well, the truth hurts!

And like a dominatrix of real, nora has spanked you all.

Oh, look at that, one last brave soul.

You've got nora slinging honestly and puking truth.

What's your question?

- Long-time listener; first-time caller.

- I, I didn't expect to hear from you.

Hope you didn't call to request "creep."

- What about "nothing compares 2u?"

- Not familiar. - I caught you singin' it once.

- All right, caller, I'll hook you up,

But I'm playing the chris cornell version.

Thanks for the call. - Wait.

I want some truth, too.

- I can feel myself aging. Something on your mind, caller?

- I need you to know that I'm not playing games.

And I hope you aren't, either.

I need to know...

Do you love me?

(silence)

- Well, caller...

I'm not sure I can do love.

Not now.

("nothing compares 2u" by chris cornell plays)

Not ever.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

- Why don't I do love? Let me tell ya.

Love is like a semi

Doing 100 in the wrong lane,

And you're the blind asshole hell-bent on playing chicken.

It forces you to put skin in the game,

But it is a sucker's bet.

Love makes you do things you never would.

End up places you never wanted to be.

♪♪♪

Is it worth it, listener?

(headphones rattle)

♪♪♪

Ryan: Hey um, before you say anything,

I have to tell you something.

I screwed up! We were robbed.

The shroom stash is gone.

- But-but that was all that we had!

I-I already told my mom that we were moving.

And everything. What do I do now?

Go out and find some guy who crushes life,

Raking in $40,000 a year. Not some loser, like me.

- Is that what you want?

♪♪♪

- You know, I... I've been out there,

Trying to figure out what I'm here for.

What my life's about. What's my plan?

It's not out there.

It's right here.

You're my plan, crystal.

(grass rustles) - oh!

♪♪♪

- You are not a loser.

Okay? I don't date losers.

And we'll just um,

We'll just figure out some other way

Of getting the apartment, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah!

- Yeah! - Yeah.

- Yeah. (laughs)

(oscar's phone buzzes)

- Hey, can't really talk.

Moira: I'm assuming you didn't find anything

And we should book you a flight back.

- No, I found something. Something big.

(clears throat) just can't really get into it right now.

- All right, paranoia pete. And the sister?

Digitally challenged goat cookie?

- Her name is rhian. - Her name is who cares.

You didn't do anything stupid, did you?

- (scoffs) no!

Of course not.

I can't talk. I'll call ya later.

♪♪♪

(waves lap)

♪♪♪

(door creaks)

- Bea, I'm headin' up to bed.

- I'll be in soon. - Good.

(door closes)

(footsteps approach)

(glass clinks)

- You know me too well.

- Yep. Well, you've had a long day.

- It's not over yet. - Hmm.

Oh, I figured out what's been goin' on

With the oscar guy. - Who?

- The guy, snoopin' around, asking ryan questions.

I don't think he's anything to worry about.

Not for us, at least.

- Do tell!

- I think he has a crush on rhian!

- (gasps) well, well.

Oh, god knows that child

Needs a bit of sunshine. - Uh huh!

- You think she did it?

- It wasn't her.

- I mean, felicia had the wiring replaced last spring.

Things don't just combust.

- No, they don't.

(crickets chirp, waves lap)

♪♪♪

It had to be done, sammy.

I couldn't have lidia pokin' around in those journals.

This is not her cross to bear.

Your aunt felicia knew about jill, the smuggling,

And the deal I made with her, to save this place.

- (sighs) no, you don't have to explain anything.

(glass clinks)

No one got hurt.

It's all good.

- Ah, I'm sorry.

I didn't wanna drag you into this.

- I know. I wanna help.

- I know, sammy.

(sighs) I know.

♪♪♪

- Good night. (light kiss)

- Goodnight.

(footsteps recede)

♪♪♪

(sighs)

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪