Original subtitles

♪

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Today there is a lack of confidence

in our financial system.

♪

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

And since my folks didn't have the resources,

thank goodness for the student loan program.

♪

♪

♪

♪

Everyone here wants those jobs with Peter Hoss.

What? A guy like that doesn't give a shit about

ass kissers with their padded resumes,

he rewards men with vision like us.

Hopefully our video resume sets us apart.

Yeah, it will now.

Class, please welcome our guest, investment banker Peter Hoss.

[applause]

Thank you, thank you.

As you were.

The 2008 Mortgage Crisis

destroyed the world's economy, right?

The best of the best took a hit, even me.

But trust me, there's a lot more money out there.

Isaac, what did you do to our video?

Okay, yeah, so last night I added some like special effects,

some sick music-- yo!

Yeah-- but it was perfect; it was professional--

Relax. They'll love it.

Everyone will.

Everyone?

Every year I hire two grads, are they the two losers with the

highest GPA, or the two winners who understand

the value of competition?

Hm.

You'll never get rich--

No, no--you've gotta switch that back.

No-no-no. Don't be a pussy.

The plan was to show it to him after class.

I know you all wanna be me, right?

Otherwise you wouldn't be here. [chuckes]

I want you to take a look at this latest promo

from our boys in marketing.

It shows why Hoss is boss and why I only hire the best.

Showtime.

♪

Yeah!

Do we know Wall Street?

We mu'fuckin own Wall Street.

Friends since they were depositing dividends

in their diapers, Isaac and Neal were born to banking fathers.

So finance is in their blood.

[wilhelm scream]

Money in their veins!

I always knew Neal would be my homie for life.

And that someday we would be top of our class.

Yo! Top GPA's.

My grandfather believed that banks provide

a vital service to the community.

As President of the National Student Loan Advocacy Committee,

I know gramps would be very proud.

Hero!

Isaac and Neal: destined to revolutionize the finance world.

Yeah!

Out.

[horn blast]

See me after class.

[students laughing]

Sir, I am so sorry. I didn't--

Shut your shit hole.

Well that was career suicide, wasn't it?

[laughs]

No seriously, you boys got balls,

huge, hairy, musky sacks, and you teabagged the competition.

I respect that.

I'm Isaac, that's Neal.

I know who you are.

Right. Of course.

Finkelstein, Jesse's boy.

Since I was born.

Student loans, huh?

Yes sir, one of the biggest sources of debt in this country.

And the students trust you to protect them?

Uh-- well-- yes they do, sir.

I could use a couple of enterprising young

gentlemen like yourselves.

Come in Friday after your finals.

Thank you sir!

Thank--

What's a teabag?

Never mind!

Bro, we're in!

Now you can pay off your loan.

♪

The problem, Mr. Ramsey, is that when you cosigned

your son's loan you used your house as collateral. So--

Apologies for the tardiness.

Glad you could make it.

Charles.

Neal.

As I was saying, the two of you are leveraged to the hilt

and if Neal misses a payment he'll go into default

and the two of you will lose your--

Enviro-solar horticultural--

Oh like hell we will.

We lost everything except that house.

But that's okay son, you just back off--

Yeah.

--I'll handle this. You know what your problem is buddy?

You're a worker drone.

[laughs]

You're just some poor little moron

whose been programmed just to take, take, take.

Mmhm.

This is a loan, sir.

You're the one who takes.

I understand.

We just want it back.

Here. I have an interview with the best investment bank

in the country.

An interview is not a job, Neal.

You have one month to start making payments,

otherwise your parents are gonna lose their...

grow-op.

Next.

Let's go.

Ugh! Hoss and Associates.

There are better ways to make good money.

You could get into importing Tibetan sweaters,

you'd like that--

Yoga studio--

Yeah, yeah--

You could teach tantric massage.

I want to help people like gramps did.

Like gramps did?

They totally ruined him!

The bank hung him out to dry when their backroom deals

didn't pan out,

and he just took the shit because he was a company man.

He is right, you can't beat them.

They'll either crush you or turn you into one of them.

Well, they didn't change dad.

Because I got out.

Well...

And I paid the price.

I partnered with my friend and he robbed me blind,

including your college fund.

Look, it's an evil business--

I investigated a lot of banks and Hoss is an honest one.

It's an honest one!

Listen, I just don't want you making the same mistakes

that I made.

Well, it's not your decision.

Neal? Come-- Come back Neal.

Where are you going?

We'll talk about this! I baked my special brownies.

♪

Come here.

Hi.

Mmm. Mm, mm, mm.

You gonna back that thing up? Should I push up on it?

You know what, I got an idea.

[ringing]

Oh, ahh, fuck, you know what?

Meet my homie Neal with the bowtie.

Best guy ever, soon to be rich as shit.

Enjoy.

He just bumped my ass.

What up J-dog?

What'd you just call me?

Sorry father.

I hear you got an interview at Hoss.

Yeah, they only take the best.

Pete told me about that stunt you pulled.

Don't do anything else idiotic, you got it?

Word.

Do you wanna be a banker or a gangster?

Why can't I be both?

I should have never thrown you that fucking Wu-tang

Bar Mitzvah you little... Mahzeltov.

Mahzeltov--

[dead tone]

Want a hit?

Oh, um, no.

Have you, uh, heard about the new regs?

Fixed versus variable?

Huh?

I mean regarding interest rates.

...Okay...Uh, we're gonna go over there now.

Splendid Neal.

You know, if you could stop turning co-eds into lesbians,

I'd really appreciate it.

This is what I'm gonna do for ya, got new lotion

in the room, take that. Look at my browser history

which is getting weird but exciting

then wipe the keyboard when you're done.

You know, some of us have to study.

Ooh.

Speaking of studying, that one's been eye-fucking me all night.

Which one?

Uh, yeah, the one...

The one with the boobs, what does it matter?

A plain of the snitch is on the bitches, you know?

Don't wait up.

Thanks Dr. Drake.

♪

♪

♪

[rapping] Ridin' in the cut, middle finger up,

no love for the ladies that be dissin' us,

Imma put 'em outta commission, they can't believe all the

money I'm getting', the women I'm hittin...

♪

Chill bro.

I know. A lot riding on this.

Yeah, like a sick crib.

I wouldn't exactly call my parents' house--

No no no no.

My dad promised me a condo if we land this.

Imma need a roommate.

I think we call it the hive for all the honeys

we'll be getting when we crush this interview.

What do you think?

[laughs]

Let's do it.

Please leave the cups--

No--

Please--

--it's garbage.

♪

♪

Oh hey, look. I'm cool with hard to get.

I like a challenge.

What exactly do you do here?

You if you'd let me. Can't you feel the spark?

That's the static in the carpet.

I'll be the static in your carpet.

Mm, unless of course you prefer hardwood.

Have I shown you my stun-gun?

Oh kinky! Now we're getting somewhere.

Ahem, pardon the interruption.

Could you please direct us to Diane.

Neal and Isaac.

Here for your interview.

Yes ma'am but first I require the use of the men's facilities?

Four cups of coffee.

He's a little nervous.

[laughs]

So, like, what do you do here?

Oh, I show people to the bathroom.

Follow me gentlemen.

Thank you sir.

Right this way.

And here we are.

Thanks junior.

Tick-tock boys.

After you.

I built this firm on loyalty.

Pay your dues, you get rewarded.

Money, power, sex.

All a man needs.

Money, power, sex.

Got it.

It's all a pissing contest really.

Actually sir, if I could just use the men's...

[buzzing]

All right.

It's all yours junior.

All right dad.

So, you boys play tennis?

Pops and I swing once a week.

All the noobs have to play us, but don't stress.

You're gonna lose anyway.

Hey, I'm more of a B-boy than a ball boy anyway.

Hm?

I rap.

You know?

Hip hop?

No shit.

Mmhmm.

Well let's hear it.

Now, sir?

Yeah.

I think that's inappropriate.

No, I think that'd be fantastic.

DIANE:Yes, Mr. Hoss?

It's Pete.

Get in here.

Oh and bring Evans and Davidson.

[sighs]

You're gonna love this.

Yup... Okay.

Uhm.

Go on.

Um...

Don't.

I spout like fountainheads, intern for two years now,

I'm countin' spreads, inner bank labor,

I see a sea of red--

Stand up!

Uh--

Drop it.

Uh...

Uh, I'm puttin' Greeks to bed, made a million off a billion,

fuckin' drownin' in debt--

I can't hear you.

I think I've seen enough.

Don't be rude.

That's Jesse Finklestein's kid.

All right, I'm sellin' pious patrons with the wealth

of nations, it's my own collateral debt obligations,

I hedge risk and litigate like John Fisk

and then I pimp my fuckin' vote over lobster bisque.

'cause I'm a one percenter, so don't try to enter these

gates of my estate or I'm a legislate the sinners.

Bitch.

Nice flow Finklestein.

All right, enough of this shit. Out.

Get out!

All right.

My dad wants to hire you.

Starting today.

On a trial basis--

Trial basis?

As in one month's probation.

Without pay.

But--

Do you want the fuckin' job or not?

Of course.

Yeah.

Thank you, sir, you're not gonna regret this--

Are you still here? Diane's waiting for you.

Move it.

Fuck.

Oh, yes.

And...

[sighs]

Sons of bitches.

♪

And now you know what Pete junior does here.

Yeah, Pistol Pete's a real--

Are the men's facilities on the way?

Your offices gentlemen.

Swell--

Nice!

If you ever need a real bitch...

Yo!

What?

She wants to be my bitch.

Sure she does pal.

Hah!

Yeah.

Look, a deal's a deal.

Shh, hold on.

Whoo, aah.

N.

E.

A.

L.

Uh.

Okay.

Okay, I'm alone again.

I need you on board.

This'll make me bigger than before the crisis.

I-- wait, hold on.

Aha, I don't give a fuck if this deal's bad for students.

What's the worst that could happen?

Another bailout?

Everybody's lining up to buy them.

Okay.

Let's do tennis.

[chuckles]

[toilet flushing]

...Then Peter said he knew the deal was bad for students.

Are you sure it was Peter Hoss?

Welcome aboard gents.

Follow me.

We have to figure out who he was talking to

and what they know.

This isn't one of your Campus Investigations Neal,

we're not the Hardy Boys.

Peter's a financial genius.

He probably just knows something we don't.

That's called insider trading.

Have you seen the end of Wall Street?

No.

We could get sucked into whatever this is.

We could go to jail.

It would give us mad street cred.

Look, I'm joking.

Okay?

Relax.

Peter sees something in us.

That's a good thing.

Come with me.

I'm counting on you to get this deal ready.

You know your father's the lead investor.

Really?

Um, absolutely sir.

So we both know who he's gonna blame if it's not.

Oh.

Um, sorry.

Howdy ma'am.

Need a helping hand?

I'm good.

Oh, are you a time traveler from the 50's?

Oh, heck, um, no.

Neal Ramsey.

Very newly of Hoss and Associates.

I'm Jessica Wallace.

In-house council.

Our most photogenic lawyer.

Hey, what's with the bowtie anyway?

Uh, this was my grandfather's.

Oh.

So he was retarded too?

Include this in the investor's pitch,

I wanna close financing in two weeks.

I'll get it to investors right away.

Ready sir?

Always.

Education.

It's the most important investment we can make

in our future.

Neal Ramsey's the former president of the National

Student Loan advocacy committee, and he can promise that these

new bonds will amalgamate over 80% of the student loans in

this country, resulting in lower interest rates

for thousands of students.

A win-win for everyone.

Excellent.

Got it sir.

Sir, I haven't been briefed on the particulars of this deal.

Student loans are regulated by the government.

How is this even possible?

We'll make money.

You're briefed.

Hmgh!

Aah.

Ugh.

I'm not entirely comfortable with what just happened.

Oh. Did somebody touch your bumbum?

Or do you mean Peter Hoss, C.E.O.

putting his trust in you?

A gesture like that can make your career.

Unless of course, you wanna quit...

No.

Okay.

Um, perky tits back there needs a slave to prep

the closing room.

I can be submissive.

Shut up.

Okay.

Bowtie, you're boring and shy, you go help her.

Finklestain, go run some comps.

Now.

Move it.

Tick tock.

The-- these are the comps?

♪

I've been running these numbers and they don't add up.

We're offering loans to students at 1%

but promising investors they'll earn 8%.

There's no way of making that happen.

Yeah. Not only that but three mil's unaccounted for.

Really...

Hey Frank, where's that file I asked for?

Look, maybe it's some sort of pay-out.

Peter's deal is going to

bamboozle thousands of students.

We can't let that happen.

No way. If we fuck this up, my dad will murder me.

And your parents are gonna lose their home.

Not if there's a way for us to stop the deal and keep our jobs.

Just relax.

We just started here and you wanna bring down Peter Hoss?

Calm down.

Look. If things go wrong I will keep you out of it,

but I can't do this alone.

I have supported all your crazy ideas.

Like what?

Like back-up vocals on your demo.

[singing] Cocky bankee.

Fine.

This time I'll support your terrible idea,

which I'll point out lacks any hard evidence.

Okay, the deal closes in like two weeks.

We gather intelligence--

We build relationships.

Figure out where that missing three mil is going.

If you're wrong about this, I will never forgive you.

♪

Bring it.

You got it.

See that?

You're my bitch.

Yeah!

Ow!

Ha hah hah!

It's all right, we'll get him next time.

Stick around, you'll learn something.

You all right?

Yeah, yeah.

Geez--

Hahaha!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Nothing I like better than beating smart asses.

Oh geez!

You got it!

Here we are!

Winner!

MAN:Hey!

Sorry.

Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

Good point for you guys.

Come here, baby.

Yeah baby!

Yeah!

♪

We're just doing the boilerplate, Neal.

Okay? Don't worry about the numbers.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got that.

Come on sweet tits.

Yeah! Haha!

Dad, do not embarrass me out here.

Apologies Mr. Hoss.

I wasn't paying attention.

Yeah, I noticed that.

♪

SMACK

Ow! What the f--

Shhh.

Wanna slap my ass?

Time to make bowtie double fault.

Pops, I'm guarding the net.

I wasn't ready!

Re-serve.

Okay.

Ugh!

HA! Ha ha ha!

It's okay, I got this.

Apologies for showboating.

Don't apologize. What are you doing?

♪

Hngh.

Wow.

Ugh!

Tennis is easy!

Agh.

Whoa.

Fuck.

Now look what you've done.

You're gonna put-- this is not on me.

This is match point.

Ungh.

Whoa.

Ahhh!

Nice!

Boom!

Ugh! Dammit!

God dammit!

Oh ho ho!

Fuck this! Fuck this!

Yo, have you seen her profile pic?

Perky tits has got a slammin' rack.

Could you refrain from speaking about her in that manner?

I'd give her a pearl necklace.

If anybody's giving her jewelry, it would be me.

What?

No, dude, a pearl necklace is-- hold up.

Are you in love?

Huh?

No wonder you've never spent more than ten minutes

with a woman who wasn't your mother.

Very amusing.

I'll have you know that Jessica has become a good friend

and valued colleague.

With a slammin' rack.

Okay, well, Jessica probably has what we need.

She's got access to all the closing documents.

I did see her with a file that said confidential.

That's it. Th-- then she'll have the corporate flowchart.

That'll tell us where the missing three mil's going.

Uh, confidential.

There's no way she'll show it to me.

Then you're gonna have to take it bro.

Do you have the signature pages?

Get in her pants.

Ask if your gentleman can come in her sitting room.

Ahem.

What?

Uh, sometimes I-- I-- get a bit antsy when I'm uh...

Working?

Around a pretty gal.

That's sexual harassment, Neal.

Oh gosh no! I-- I-- I'm sorry.

That was-- that was inappropriate

and I really am so--

Hey!

Relax, I was just kidding, okay?

[sighs]

God, you are so sincere, it's adorable.

Even your granddad's bowtie.

He gave me his whole collection.

He was a good banker.

Yeah?

He actually enjoyed this?

Yeah, it was his passion.

Yours too, I can see.

Not yours.

No, mine's...

You know what, never mind.

No, no tell me! I promise I won't tell a soul.

Okay, um, photography.

Ask to see her dark room.

Better yet-- no, I got it.

Show her your tripod.

[clears throat] Who's your favourite?

You wouldn't know him.

Try me.

Randall Lashby.

'Every subject tells a lie'.

'And in a moment my camera can'...

'capture the truth'.

I-- my parents are into art, and stuff...

Those, are-- are they yours?

That is Rufus.

The lighting isn't very good.

No, I-- I think they're neat.

You could take a class.

With these hours?

The flowchart Romeo or I tell her you're a V-I-R-G-I-N.

Right, well, back to work.

It would really help if I could see the whole picture.

Is there a corporate flowchart?

Uh, they are confidential for a reason, Neal.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, sorry, I just thought big picture.

For your eyes only.

Damn those moves were sick!

[dead tone]

Neal?

[sigh]

[text tone]

[sigh]

Everything okay?

Yeah, uh, just Isaac wondering how everything's going.

What are you gonna tell him?

That I''m going to file a sexual harassment suit against you,

for calling me adorable and all that.

Really?

Is it just me or are you thirsty?

I can get us some water.

♪

♪

Here you go.

Thanks.

The missing three mil's going to a shell company

for a shell company.

Who owns it?

An R.W., whoever that is.

[sigh]

Hey.

That was 007 back there, bro.

I deceived her.

Yeah, for the greater good.

It's like Rakim says, 'by any means necessary'.

Who?

Rakim.

Nope.

Eric B. & Rakim.

Old school hip hop.

Never mind.

Hey limp dicks.

Where are those reports?

Uh, what reports?

The ones I asked for this morning limp dicks.

Not from us.

You callin' me a liar limp dick?

What do you need?

Start with the shit on my desk. Analyze it.

Crunch it.

Figure out what the hell it means.

Limp diiiiiiii-ck-ssss.

Hey!

Paws off.

You can put them somewhere else though.

Oh, are you fucking kidding me?

Dr. Dreidle?

Seriously?

Get outta here.

If I see that again, your ass is fired.

Go.

Get back to work!

Make me look good.

Evans!

In your office!

That memo could be the key.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mmhmm. What Diane looks like naked.

No.

We need to sneak into Peter's office.

What's gotten into you bro?

By any means necessary.

Like it!

Pete junior needs something to occupy himself.

Are you getting in trouble again?

You could say that.

As long as he doesn't pull out his penis.

Not yet, but we're DEFCON 4.

Thank you.

♪

Do I look gangsta?

Try rapist.

♪

Whoa.

♪

[elevator dings]

♪

What?

♪

Hey bitch.

Ahhh!

ZAP

[screaming and groaning]

Diane, ugh!

It's me!

Ugh.

Aah.

You scared me.

That's not funny asshole.

Ah, I know. Uh huh...

Ah hah.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

No, I'm-- I'm good.

S-- sorry about that.

What are you doing here?

The-- the comps for Pistol.

Wh-- what are you doing back so late?

Peter got drunk and forgot his phone.

Again.

Of course pulling me out of my M.B.A classes is no big deal.

It really sucks not being your own boss.

Yeah.

♪

Agh.

Oh yeah, let me--

SLAM

--get that.

Uh, you know what?

I've been to sugar town.

Now it's time to shake the sugar down.

It's about damn time.

[grunts]

Okay.

♪

Yes!

Tennis?

Greed is good.

[elevator dings]

[noises from hallway]

Oh, is this your office?

Yeah.

Wow, it's so...big.

[chuckles]

Check this out.

You wanna see something else big?

Sure.

Look at that balance.

Yeah!

Oh. It is big.

Yeah.

I wonder what else is big around here.

Oh yeah.

Who's got the fattest fucking wallet you know?

You do baby.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Oh yeah.

Thats right.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Oh, oh oh oh! Ugh!

SMACK

Ow!!! Again with the slapping!

[cellphone ringing]

[moaning]

Yeah Peter?

Where are you?

I got your phone, I'll be there in twenty minutes.

What's that sound?

I gotta go. I'm riding the subway.

[laughs]

[enthusiastic moaning]

Mmm, who's the boss around here?

You are.

Yeah!

You're the big boss man!

Mmhmm!

Who's gonna close the deal and make you cum so hard?

You are.

Yeah.

Close it!

Come on, close it!

Don't move, don't move, don't move...don't move.

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Ahhh.

Sh sh sh sh shhh!

Gyaaaaah!

Yes!

Now that is all a man needs.

Uh, oh fifty-three seconds, it's a personal best.

Wow.

Yes.

That's something.

Yeah. Mm.

Hurry up.

I gotta catch a bus.

SLAM.

♪

All a man needs.

Money, power, sex.

Yes!

Okay...

Student loans.

[sigh]

Your nose is bleeding.

[laughs] Oh.

Here.

Use this.

This your first time?

Oh a photocopier, yeah.

With a woman.

Was I too rough?

It was painful...

...ly awesome.

Our secret.

♪

Who is Tricky?

This... and this.

[patterened knocking]

♪

She mauled you.

Bro, until tonight I was a boy.

And then this boy got slap-fucked by a kinky goddess

and now I'm a man!

Yeah, where's my hand been? You don't know.

Yo, for someone who doesn't watch porn,

allegedly, you've got a great eye for spank.

No, it's just an insurance policy.

What?

What? No, we can never use this.

How you gonna explain being in Peter's office when you shot it?

Right! I'll erase it!

Okay, now let's not overreact.

Just send me a copy and then promise you're not gonna

show anyone else.

I promise.

Oh, so nasty!

Okay.

Jessica.

Hi.

What's wrong?

It's nothing, I'm fine.

You're not fine.

Rufus is sick at home and I have so much work to do.

Rufus needs you more than these do.

I have to finish it by tomorrow--

Jessica. Go home.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night.

He's a nice guy.

Yeah, he's great.

No, I mean like really nice.

Like actually a nice guy.

Yeah, no Isaac, I understand.

Okay.

Sorry, is that a tampon up your nose?

Yeah.

...Okay.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

Good night.

[Skype ringing]

Hi.

Honey, forget the buds, I got him.

We've been trying you for days, what's going on?

I've tried the home, the cell, the e-mail, this bullshit.

A psychic telegram is gonna be next.

I know, I'm sorry but I've been swamped by an important project.

Oh.

D-- did you get your first paycheck?

Um, not yet but any time now.

Yo, didn't think I'd bail on ya, did ya?

Ooh!

Um, guys?

Isaac just got back, we're still at the office. I gotta go.

Wait, but--

Okay, bye-bye!

Yo, yo yo yo! Check this out!

Okay, so the numbered company from Peter's email is actually

the shell company where the missing three mil is going.

The one owned by R.W.?

Hells yeah.

So, Tricky is R.W..

Listen, if you need me to solve any more financial mysteries,

you know wheres to find me.

Hey, while you're snoozing?

See if you can figure out who R.W. is.

I am on it.

♪

Hey.

Mm.

[clears throat]

How's Rufus?

Well, I gave him a suppository so that seemed to do the trick.

Thank you.

I owe you.

Bowtie!

Ahh!

Finkelstein!

In my father's office.

Now!

Move it!

Oh hey.

Hey.

Heeeey.

If this job's too much for ya, I could take some of your load.

If you take some of mine.

Hm?

You know, from what I've heard, it's not a very big load.

So I'm sure you can handle it, right?

Sit.

I want to introduce my new corporate head of security.

Junior?

There was a security violation last night.

Someone was on dad's computer.

Ramsey.

You were here.

Uh, he-- here?

Here-- oh gosh!

No we-- we were here in the office, uh, working late--

In the cubicle only.

Yep.

Seen anyone?

Anyone you shouldn't have?

Hm.

You got access to his office.

I was here fetching your phone.

Who'd you see?

No one.

You didn't see each other?

Or anyone else?

That's your story?

SLAM

[sighs]

Get back to work.

Now!

Oh yeah, don't forget about our rematch tomorrow morning.

Prepare to be pummeled.

Your eyes and ears are mine.

And maybe some other fleshy bits.

Mmm.

It was the dorks.

I can feel it in my balls.

Okay, we gotta lay low until this blows over.

Agreed.

Yeah.

That was pretty intense huh?

Yeah, well, we couldn't exactly tell him,

you know, what we were really doing.

By the way thanks for helping him with that.

Bye boys.

All right.

[mail alert tone]

Dude, are you reading about this Dick Wad?

Full details of the proposed legislation

will be released shortly.

A bill that de-regulates student loans?

So the government's selling them off to the private sector.

Yeah, and Peter Hoss is ready to buy them all up.

He saw it coming.

Damn, he's good man.

Nobody's that good.

Actually I am. I need you both over at the campus to make sure

the students know we have their backs.

Do we?

Sir?

Aw, they're a lot better off with us

than they will be with the feds.

Of course, a lot of those geniuses don't realize that.

Tricky dick's new bill could stir up some shit.

[elevator dings]

Tricky is Dick Wadkins.

Yeah, meaning R.W. Is Richard Wadkins.

Peter's bribing Dick Wad with three million dollars

to introduce that bill.

No wonder he's ahead of the curve. He pays to be.

But how is he guaranteeing investors such high returns?

♪

Dammit.

Retard.

How am I supposed to pay for my loans now?

Yes, that is what anger looks like.

I won't be able to afford to get a place, a car...

When this new bill passes, we're fucked.

Here's who you wanna talk to. Neal Ramsey.

Former president of the Student Loan Advocacy committee

and now he's a big shot banker at Hoss and Associates.

Hi, everyone.

Um, I-- I'd like to start by assuring you that if

your loans are with Hoss and Associates,

you will get a lower interest rate

than the government will provide.

Bullshit. If we don't make our payments on time,

the interest rates skyrocket.

Oh, but the rates can't be adjusted.

It said so in the press release twenty minutes ago.

At least with the government there were limits.

Shit. That's how the one percent loans

become eight percent bonds, Peter adjusts the rates.

Great job protecting us asshole!

I promise you I will do everything

I can to make this right.

Uh, you know Neal,

the proposed legislation affects existing loans too.

Not just new ones.

That means you.

And, uh, I haven't seen a pay stub yet.

I-- I will have it next week.

Not to worry.

Oh, I'm not worried.

Your parents?

They're worried.

You guys suck!

♪

HOWARD:Chuck called us. Again.

GALE:We'd love to help you Neal. But we need your help now.

I'm on it.

Don't worry.

Don't worry? It's only the roof over our heads son.

So I-- uh, I can't make dinner tomorrow night.

Mr. Hoss is having his 60th birthday party at the lawn

and tennis club.

Oh, so you'd rather go to that schmooze hole.

I don't miss that place at all. Listen, if you see

Isaac's father, tell him I do not say hello.

Hi Mr. Ramsey.

Hello...

Isaac.

Hey Isaac.

Listen Howard, just don't drag the boys into--

I know, I know.

It's all right Mrs. Ramsey, my dad would say the same thing.

Jesse still evading the security's commission?

Ha ha.

They never actually proved anything Mr. Ramsey.

Okay, well just remember you guys are partners.

That means that you look after each other.

We will.

Partners.

It's an important thing.

Okay. Don't screw each other over.

Yes, be good boys, okay?

You never screw your partner.

Do good.

Good night!

This is not good bro.

Students will lose everything and still not pay off

their loans, we're headed to another '08 meltdown here.

Then we should call the securities commission.

Yeah, but even if they believe us,

Peter will just sue us until we piss blood.

And he's gonna drag his investors down with him.

My father included.

Then it's up to us, we have to find actual evidence that Hoss

is paying off Dick Wadkins.

Yeah, but there's no way we're getting

anywhere near Peter's office now.

We do have tennis in the morning.

Come on, bring it.

Hmh!

Come to daddy.

Ugh, aah!

Oh!

I'm cramping up, that's the potassium deficiency.

Imma grab a banana, you guys play on.

Huh, huh, okay.

Perfect.

Two on one.

Serve it up.

Oh!

♪

Peter doesn't buzz his head.

Oh.

Ugh.

Bingo!

♪

Guh!

Ugh!

Na na na na.

Money, power, sex.

They've already won.

We're on our way.

Stall, I need more time.

Uh, okay.

[panting] Hey, guys, swell...game.

I actually think I left something on the, uh,

the court.

Besides your manhood?

Heh hah.

They're coming.

[hallway chatter]

[laughing]

Why are you laughing?

Hah, ah, did uh-- did Neal win already?

You dorks just got your asses handed to ya.

Oh, steam's for winners.

Yeah.

Champs need to talk business.

[chuckles]

Champs...

Did you find anything?

Only that Wadkins is gonna be at Peter's 60th tonight.

Hah!

Whoop, whoop!

Ha ha!

SMACK

Ow!

[laughing]

Neal, I got your towel!

♪

♪

[chatter]

There they are.

Holy shit.

She looks...

Radiant.

That's swell Isaac, but, uh, let's focus.

Why can't you do this?

Because your father is the lead investor.

You can get in there.

How do I get him to talk?

Ask them to explain the bill.

Play dumb.

You can do that.

Hilarious.

Okay.

I'm going in.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Hey Rodney, your mom's here to pick you up.

Beat it.

[clears throat]

Hi dad.

Shouldn't you be at the office?

[laughing]

That's a fine young man you've got there Jesse.

He remains loyal, no telling how far he can go.

As long as he can stand on his own two feet.

That's what I tell my boy.

Hello there, you want another drink?

No, I'm good.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm great--

come on--

--thank you.

Ahem.

Bowtie.

Tell her to relax and enjoy the party.

Let's get you another drink.

That is a great idea.

Mmm.

Pinot.

There you go. Take your time.

Isaac, you met Dick Wadkins?

Uh, not yet.

A pleasure sir.

How you doing?

Are you the one who's introducing that,

uh, student loan bill thing?

Now what's in it for you exactly?

Sorry gentleman.

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

What the fuck are you doing, huh?

I just--

Want to embarrass me in front of my colleagues?

Trying some idiotic stunt? It stops now.

Or you're on your own.

Two pinot noir's please.

Yes.

I-- I'm out Neal. I'm fuckin' out.

I can't help you anymore.

What-- what-- what happened?

My father...we-- he'll cut me off.

This is our last chance to get them together.

I'm sorry bro. I tried.

Enjoy your trust fund.

You know what, you're an asshole.

Everything is good to go. All right.

All right sweetheart, let's go.

...Right there.

Yup.

Who's the boss around here?

You are.

Yeah!

So I'd like to discuss my initial public--

Neal!

What, are you cock-blocking me?

Call off the student loan deal.

You're the big boss man.

Oh, I knew you limp dicks were in my dad's office.

Isaac had nothing to do with this.

Yeah right.

I will show this video to your father.

[moaning]

Close it! Yes!

Okay fine.

You got me, I'll call it off.

When?

Tomorrow morning.

My dad's office.

Fine.

And stay away from Jessica.

What was that all about?

I told him we still had work to do on the closing.

Ah.

But actually I was wondering if um...

What?

Do you wanna get out of here?

I would love to, yes.

You got me untied.

[laughs]

Well you know...

Dad, dad, do you have a sec?

What?

Nothing.

Mr. Finklestein, can I steal your son for a second?

Please do.

So do all the girls make you space out,

or am I just special?

Oh, sorry, uh...

Isaac and I are fighting.

I'm sorry, did you want to talk about it?

Not really.

But there is something I've been meaning to show you.

What's going on with you tonight?

It's uh, it's Neal, we're fighting.

I know just what you need.

Open them.

[gasp]

Ashby.

♪

I have been wanting to see this piece for so long.

♪

♪

Hot wax, huh.

Do we need like a safe word, or something?

Well, I thought you might enjoy a change of pace.

Did I mention you look radiant?

♪

♪

[knocking]

What's he doing here?

What are you doing here?

Hm, you didn't tell the wife bowtie?

Join us.

Have a seat.

Dad, bowtie's got something to show you.

[clears throat]

Come on.

Come on, let's get this over with.

Let's do this.

Thank you.

Action.

Ooh, yeah!

Who's the boss around here?

You are.

Yeah.

You're the big boss man.

[groaning]

[chuckling]

Francine, huh?

Yeah.

Did she do the old...?

Yeah, twice.

Wow.

Yeah. You're right, she's worth every penny.

But he broke into your computer.

I'm gonna diversify your portfolio.

What the fuck are you doing?

It's foreplay.

Come on.

Relax.

I didn't go into your e-mails.

The dorks did.

Finklestein over here went into your Blackberry too.

Now last time I checked that's a felony, right?

What?

You thought we left that locker open by mistake?

They thought we left it open by mistake.

Oh, and you're not the only ones with a video.

Mmhmm. Check it.

When I asked her to help me out,

she really went the extra mile.

Though in your case, I'd say extra inch. Hm.

You're both fired.

Ughn! Just got a little hard.

Now hold on junior.

Remember Neal, he's gonna be our poster boy

for when this deal goes public.

And what would Jesse think if I were to fire his only son?

Actually, Jesse's making millions on this so I'm sure

he doesn't care.

You, you're fired.

Huh.

I just got a little more hard.

And you.

I own.

[chuckles menacingly]

Look, Isaac, I'm sorry--

Oh, fuck off Neal.

No, I tried to keep you out of it.

You promised me you wouldn't use the video.

And you were supposed to have my back.

Can we just deal with this at home?

No, no no, you don't got a home.

You can find somewhere else to squat.

Isaac, come on!

And find a new best friend while you're at it.

Isaac, what's going on?

Of course it was too good to be true.

What are you talking about?

You were working with Pistol the whole time.

Bitch.

Isaac.

[moaning]

It's the tenth time I've watched this this morning.

Still get a boner.

It's really impressive work.

You fucking asshole.

That is an invasion of privacy.

Actually, it's grounds for dismissal.

I could sue you and your father.

And never work in this town again.

Except, you know, maybe as a whore.

Should be an easy transition.

You got a good demo reel here.

Damn, that should really be me.

I don't know how and I don't know when

but you are going down.

On you?

My pleasure.

I got around five minutes right now, you wanna...

Suck on a bag of dicks.

[knocking]

Hey.

Where's Isaac?

We need him to help us prep the signature pages.

Isaac is gone.

Peter fired him.

I'm a bad person Jess.

I find that hard to believe.

What happened?

I tried to stop the deal by using this video

of Pistol having sex with Peter's escort even though

I promised Isaac that I wouldn't--

H-- hold on, stop the deal?

Peter is paying Dick Wadkins to pass that bill so he can screw

over thousands of students and make a ton of money.

We were trying to stop it.

Are you insane?

Dick is being paid off through that numbered company

on the corporate flow chart.

That's why you wanted to see it, huh?

You used me.

We had to know who was involved.

If people find out that I showed that to you,

I will be crucified.

So what?

You hate this job and you can finally have a go

at photography.

I'm sorry but I am perfectly happy hating my shitty

well-paying job.

Just get out Neal before you get me fired too.

Right.

[sigh]

Mmm, mmm.

Neal?

And then when the deal goes through,

they'll fire me too.

I can't make the payment.

What?

Our home?

I am so sorry.

Neal!

You've been lying to us,

making us think that everything was fine.

But I had to break the law, a-- a bunch of them actually.

I didn't want to make you guys accessories.

That's nice of you, but we'd like to go to jail 'cause we'd

have a roof over our heads!

You never forgave gramps for rolling over.

Least I was trying to do something!

You need a hell of a lot more than

what you've got to take down Peter Hoss.

So I should give up like you did?

At least I didn't become The Man.

Good god, get out.

Didn't you hear me? I said get out!

You ungrateful little--

Okay, Howard.

Can't stand to look at him.

Go to your room.

Now!

Good?

It tastes like strawberries.

You know what honey?

What?

He does not have to pay the same price.

Howard?

Nobody knows what he's going through better than you.

Ah, there's a reason they called this one "Strawberry Fields".

[chuckles]

There's a reason I love you.

♪

♪

[knocking]

Can I come in?

I really loused things up.

Neal...

Don't let this ruin your friendship.

It's too important.

You look after that first,

everything else should just fall into place for you.

How?

You got the balls to do what gramps and I didn't do,

which is to fight.

And all you need now is a plan.

You definitely need a plan.

I need some inspiration.

Just give me a minute.

Hold that thought.

[bubbling]

Phew.

Wow.

Okay, uh, what were we talking about?

[knocking]

[knocking]

Using that video was wrong but I panicked

and I was mad at you.

I know that job meant everything and your father's expectations.

I get that.

No, you don't.

Your dad protects you.

My dad's just tryin' to protect himself.

I should have protected you, you're my best friend.

Isaac please.

I'm sorry.

How long have we been pals?

Long.

Since we were what?

Ten months?

Nine and twenty-two days.

Our fathers gave up on each other.

Look what happened.

Yeah, I need you.

My parents need you, students across this country need you.

Isn't that worth risking out jobs?

I don't actually have a job.

So let's get these fuckers.

♪

♪

♪

You sure this'll work?

Yeah, I changed Peter's singles match.

He's playing Dick now, Pistol's been cancelled.

What if Peter and Dick don't steam after the game?

They're closing the deal this morning,

they'll definitely be talking about it. All right.

♪

Predator's up.

Mission control is a go.

Peep show's live.

How ya doin' big fella?

Now Tricky's in the house.

No sign of big Hoss though.

Chop chop Neal.

Copy that.

Eye in the sky is up.

All right, the trap is set.

[clears throat]

How ya doin'?

♪

That was close bro.

Yeah.

Huh.

Ughh!

Whoa whoa, it's Pistol.

No-no-no-no, what's he doing here?

Don't know, I changed his calendar.

We get Pistol on tape too then.

No-no-no-no, it has to be Peter and Dick. If they need a fourth

for doubles they won't talk about the deal.

Oh, hey Dick.

Who ya playin'?

Pops.

You?

Pops as well.

Who's the fourth?

Okay we need a diversion.

Call Diane.

After the way she betrayed me? No.

You forgave me pal.

What other choice do we have?

[ringing]

Isaac?

Isaac, listen to me,

I didn't know that there were cameras there, I swear.

I--I--I really can't deal with that right now.

I-- but I need your help.

It's an emergency.

What's going on?

I need you to call Pistol.

We're at the tennis club and we need him outta here A.S.A.P.

[sigh] I can't risk my job.

Hi Diane, it's Neal, how are you?

Neal, it's seven AM.

Fair.

Listen, if you wanna get back at Pistol, now's your chance.

How long do you need?

[text tone]

Oh, one sec.

Ahem.

Excuse me Dick.

One of my more attractive investments

has just divested its assets.

Is that code for pussy?

Yes.

Yes it is.

You kids today.

Yeah.

You're leaving?

Yeah, there's a security glitch at the office.

You can't be too careful.

Good work son.

[text tone]

Oh come on Dick! Gimme a game.

Come on, baby!

I'm coming Dick.

OH!

Hotel reservations.

[whistles]

Well, hey there.

I didn't think you had it in ya.

I'll be happy to put it in ya, if you know what I mean.

Yeah I get it.

Yeah? That's good.

I could use a coffee first.

I didn't come across town for a mocha-frappa-cock tease.

Easy Pistol, don't blow your load quite yet.

What did you call me?

Peter.

Pistol.

Pistol.

I like it.

CLANK

Ahem.

I'm good.

Come on, bring it.

Come on.

Here we go.

And it's over.

See you in the shower buddy.

♪

[growls]

[gags]

Come on.

Mmm!

Ahhh.

So how's Gloria?

Ever since she moved into the maids' quarters

I rarely see her.

Mmm.

That isn't such a bad thing, right?

[chuckles]

Well I hope you're not too lonely on the road.

No, thanks to you, I'm well serviced.

But Francine's getting too expensive.

They're not talking about the deal.

Plan B.

Plan B?

Loosen them up.

No, wait bro, if they get too stoned,

they'll be useless.

That shit knocked me out last night.

I'm willing to risk it.

Do the honors?

As you wish.

[bubbling]

Okay.

♪

I think Plan B is my favourite.

Right?

That steam is extra steamy today.

Oooh, yeah it's fragrant.

Like a...

like a field of strawberries.

[chuckles]

I got the munchies.

Mmm.

Rawr, hahahaha.

Oh.

[charging buzz]

Huh?

Mmm...

Mmn Mm.

Ah steam.

You ever wonder about steam?

I mean, there's a journey, ah.

It's gas now but it used to be liquid.

And then bam, one day it could be solid ice.

Whoa.

Okay, Plan C.

What?

I'm going in as Dick.

Peter won't see me in the fog.

Dude, did you smoke this shit too?

You can't impersonate Dick.

No.

But your Ipad can.

Last night I looked up all his speeches online

and spliced them together.

Okay, just one problem genius.

Dick is still in there.

That's where you come in.

Uh, if anyone owns a black Mercedes parked

in the North lot, yeah, it's about to be towed.

Sucks to be that guy.

Don't you have a black Mercedes?

I sure do.

Parked in the North lot?

It sure is.

[chuckles]

You are so fucked.

Agh.

Excuse me Peter.

Peanut Butter.

All right.

Nice work.

Okay, take over.

You know if we get caught, we're gonna go to a real

prison with real gangsters. I don't know how to tell you

but when you're as pretty as me and as weak as you,

we're gonna end up someone's bitch.

Just keep it going.

Well it's about time you experienced weed bro.

Or not.

Go nerd.

[muffled words]

Can you feel the spark?

MMMMM!

ZAP

[muffled screams]

♪

Is that you Tricky?

Yes.

Everything okay out there?

Yes.

Where the heck is the North lot?

The deal will go through today without any issues?

It's all good.

[tube choking]

Aah.

F-- AH!

Fuck.

Ow.

[crying]

Rrrgh!

Okay.

I'm gonna get back to the office.

Too much steam for us old-timers.

The deal will go through today without any issues?

What the fuck?

You're starting to sound like some half-baked idiot.

Uh, Neal, Plan B is Plan Broken.

I need a bigger cut.

Three million isn't enough?

No.

There are lots of politicians who can be bought.

You just happen to be the cheapest Dick.

Tricky's back.

You're going to bankrupt this country.

Yeah, and you're gonna make millions as a result of it

so stop whining.

Okay, that's it Neal.

Now get outta there.

Backed up toilet.

Um, some nasty shit.

Nasty.

Peter, aren't you showering?

Oh, blow it out your ass.

I'm gonna get back to the office,

close this deal before somebody else threatens me.

We got it!

Okay.

[ringing]

[muffled whining]

No!

Untie me.

See you at the office, Pistol.

Mmm.

Mph!

[heavy breathing]

[notification tone]

Jessica, look, it's Neal, I know you want to make partner

but we're sending you an e-mail with proof.

We need your help.

We gotta get to the office if we're gonna stop the deal.

My father's gonna freak when we show up.

You can still back out buddy.

No.

Fuck it.

He's getting set up, he needs to know.

Okay.

Hola.

Housekeeping.

[murmurs]

So sorry. I go.

Stay!

I no get involved in sex game.

Wah! Augh.

Game my ass!

Untie me!

I no touch your ass.

Untie me!

Porfa-fucking-vor!

Let's get to work boys, show me what you got.

Wrap this up.

Yep.

Put this to bed.

♪

No!

Dad, don't sign that.

Isaac?

It's a crooked deal.

You're not allowed on the premises.

Mr. Finklestein, you cannot be a party to this.

There are lots of politicians who can be bought.

You just happened to be the cheapest Dick.

You're going to bankrupt this country.

Yeah, and you're gonna make millions as a result

of it so stop whining.

That was Dick Wadkins.

Peter's paying him off to pass the student loan bill.

[laughing]

Welcome to the real world boys.

Wait, you knew all along.

You actually think that that dumb-ass video resume

was gonna impress me?

We were hiring you two after class no matter what.

Truth is Neal had value in our student loan venture.

You on the other hand, not so much.

Dad.

There's not gonna be a bill.

Wadkins will drop it when he hears that.

Peter won't be able to renegotiate the loans.

They're gonna stay at one percent.

Forever.

Just sign it Jesse, they don't have the balls.

No, but we do have huge hairy musky sacks,

and we are going to rub bags of tea on your face.

That bullshit recording won't stand up in court.

Doesn't have to.

Only the court of public opinion when we release it to the press.

If you sign that, I will take you down.

No kidding.

No kidding.

Jesse.

I'm not signing my money away if that bill won't pass.

You can swallow the losses.

I'm pulling out boys.

Mark, Benny, come on!

We'll come up with another arrangement.

Actually I do have an alternative strategy.

Sir.

You're in on this too.

I am now.

This contract states that you will hold onto

the student loans

and never raise the interest rates until they mature.

These are 30 year loans,

I-- I'll be bankrupt.

I can't possibly--

Get a bailout?

Oh no no, no bailout for you sir.

This'll put me out of business.

Well it's better than the lock-up.

Bribing a politician is a major felony.

Oh. Ah.

You sadistic bitch.

Yo!

Watch your mouth.

That's my girl you're talkin' about.

Shut up!

I've had enough of your bullshit--

SMACK

Ugh.

Oh.

Oh lord.

SNAP

Come on!

Oh, I give ya one job to do and you let the--

the pis-ants bring us down.

You're fired!

[sighs]

Promotions?

Partners!

Quarter of a million each.

Not if it means working here.

Sign the deal.

And we'll quit.

Except for Jessica.

You're gonna recommend her for partner.

No.

I quit too.

And I also quit.

And you too.

You can just sign there.

None of you will ever work in this town again.

Oou, read your contract Peter.

Apart from the gag order, you're giving us

twelve month's severance and some start-up capitol,

I think we will be fine.

Pleasure doing business with ya.

♪

I'm uh... sorry I called you a bitch.

Well, now you'll be mine.

Sorry you lost your job.

I'm not.

You're lucky Neal.

I was just about to prep their home default papers.

Phenomenal terms from Hoss on these new loans.

Yeah, heard something about that.

But we still administer them so let's have it.

Entire loan.

Paid in full.

[chuckles]

Well...

Looks like congratulations are in order for keeping your house

Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey.

Fuck you Chuck.

Fuck you too Chuck.

Next.

We're so proud of you.

For a moment it didn't look like you were gonna come through.

Hey.

But you did.

Hey, how did it go?

Good, I got all my photography courses.

Oh, mom and dad this is Jessica.

An artist?

Hi.

Well, she used to be a lawyer.

Nice to meet ya!

Nice to meet you too.

Hey Isaac!

Oh Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey.

This is Diane. My--

Girlfriend.

--Girlfriend.

And our new business partner.

Which reminds me.

Proof's arrived.

What do you think?

Here I'll take a look at that.

Student Venture Capital L.L.P.

financial guidance with a conscience.

Yeah.

Yeah, we like that.

Jessica, I want you to take the starch outta my son's bowtie

if you know what I mean...

♪

♪