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1
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,090
[upbeat pop music]
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,466
- ♪ Hey, yeah ♪
3
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,760
♪ ♪
4
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,303
- [sighs] This place looks
so fucking good.
5
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,264
- Yeah, who cares
if the frats won't let us in?
6
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,224
We'll just throw our own party.
- Yeah!
7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,059
And now, we don't have
to wait in some long lines
8
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,477
freezing our asses off,
9
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,646
hoping some power-hungry
douchebags let us in.
10
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,231
- Yes, Bela.
Go off.
11
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,483
- Now, we get to be
the power-hungry douchebags.
12
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,111
Can't wait to reject people.
- Oh.
13
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,488
- Oh, my God.
This looks amazing.
14
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:33,408
- Yeah, you guys killed this.
We brought more booze.
15
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,326
- Oh!
- I got high-end for the VIPs.
16
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,786
- Seniors, populars,
attractives.
17
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,872
- And bargain bin
for the gen pop.
18
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,582
- Ugs, randos,
people less cool than us.
19
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:41,791
- Yeah.
[laughter]
20
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,293
- This is gonna be amazing.
21
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,044
- Okay, so now,
all we have to do
22
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,172
is just sit back
and let the people come.
23
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,799
[cheering]
24
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,428
- I can't believe no one came.
25
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,013
- Honestly, I'm having fun.
26
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,306
Should I put a podcast on?
27
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,682
I just head a great one about
28
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,893
the etymology
of the word etymology.
29
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:00,977
[knock on door]
30
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,145
[gasps]
Someone's here.
31
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,313
- Quick,
someone start the music.
32
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,481
- Yeah.
- Dance, dance!
33
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,399
[upbeat pop music playing]
34
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,235
- Come in!
35
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,653
- Oh, it's Frude.
36
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,322
- Are you here for the party?
- Sadly, no.
37
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:15,241
Girls, I know you attempted
to throw a social event
38
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,744
this evening and
it is clear no one came.
39
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:18,870
- There's still time.
40
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,830
- Mm, it is 1:30 in the morning
41
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,500
and a good party
would be peaking right now.
42
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,834
- Damn, Frude.
43
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,503
- But just because
you don't have friends
44
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,588
doesn't mean
your life doesn't have value.
45
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:30,006
- Thanks?
- Mm?
46
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:31,716
- I would normally
confiscate your alcohol,
47
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,929
but this situation is so sad,
you can keep it.
48
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,013
- [sighs softly]
49
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,181
- And hey,
50
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,016
make as much noise
as you like.
51
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:41,184
No one else is home.
52
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,103
- [sighs]
- Bye, Frude.
53
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,981
- Guys, Frude just pitied us.
54
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,483
- Oh, my God.
55
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,527
We need to fix things
with the frats.
56
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,362
- ♪ Burning me up,
burning me up ♪
57
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,280
♪ Burning me down ♪
58
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,573
♪ Turning me up,
turning me up ♪
59
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,158
♪ Turning me out ♪
60
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,994
- Good luck asking your mom
about the loan.
61
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:03,122
[computer chimes]
- Okay.
62
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,624
- Oh, hi, honey.
63
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,042
- Hi, Mom.
64
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:08,211
I love your new earrings.
- Thank you.
65
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,588
Someone left them
in the Walgreens bathroom.
66
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,590
Finders keepers, right?
[chuckles]
67
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,552
- So look, there's something
I need to talk to you about.
68
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,886
- Oh, my gosh.
There's something I need
69
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,221
to talk to you about
and I just can't
70
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,514
keep it from you any longer.
71
00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,099
- What's going on?
72
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,351
- Well, Biscuit almost died.
- [gasps]
73
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:26,020
What?
Whoa, what happened?
74
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,064
- Well, he needed a new colon,
didn't you?
75
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,942
- Oh, my God, Biscuit.
Is he okay?
76
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,735
- Oh, yeah, he's fine.
He got into your dad's
77
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,906
Metamucil and it just
blew him right out.
78
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,992
- Aren't surgeries
like that expensive?
79
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:42,078
- Oh, your dad and I will be
paying it off till we're dead,
80
00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:44,789
but we know how much Biscuit
means to you,
81
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,457
so totally worth it.
82
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:47,792
- Yeah, he's a great dog.
83
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,920
I mean,
he's almost 12 though, so...
84
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,006
- It's fine.
No, dad took some extra shifts
85
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,591
on the weekend
and I've decided
86
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,301
to sell leggings on Etsy.
87
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:59,220
But, sweetie,
what did you want to tell me?
88
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,723
- It's nothing.
Don't worry about it.
89
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,433
- You sure?
90
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,352
Okay, well, I'm gonna send
the leggings to all of you,
91
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,730
but which one
do you think Bela would like?
92
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:12,025
The surfing turtles
or the cupcakes?
93
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,818
They're both so fun!
94
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,487
[upbeat pop music]
95
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,573
- [moans]
Damn.
96
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,992
That was, like, great.
97
00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,619
How'd you get so good at sex?
98
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,287
- One summer in high school,
99
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,457
I met this older woman
who showed me the ways of love.
100
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,666
- Shut up. Really?
101
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,293
- No. I just watch
a lot of porn.
102
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,295
- Oh.
Cool.
103
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,467
- Wait, seriously,
you're on a dating app already?
104
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,843
- What do you mean?
105
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,386
- I mean, I was
inside you 30 seconds ago.
106
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,138
- I thought we talked
about this already.
107
00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:43,306
Aren't we both allowed
to hook up with other people?
108
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,807
- Yeah, I just assumed
109
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,392
we'd kind of tactfully look
for those hookups.
110
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,478
Like, not while
we're lying naked together.
111
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,146
- Hey, what are you up to?
Want to hang out tonight?
112
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,315
- You've come over,
like, three nights in a row.
113
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,150
- I just love
spending time with you.
114
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:55,526
- Oh, this is 'cause
115
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,695
you and your roommates
are banned from parties.
116
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,155
- Yes. It's horrible.
117
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,531
I had to do homework
last night.
118
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,741
I don't know what to do
with myself.
119
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,284
- Look, guys love flattery
120
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,994
and I hesitate to tell you this
121
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,705
'cause you are
pathologically overconfident,
122
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,332
but you're cute.
123
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,125
- Thank you.
I know.
124
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,460
- So just beg them
to let you back in.
125
00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:14,045
- Smart,
like how I begged you
126
00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,588
to keep your glasses on
during sex.
127
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,340
- I need to take them off
when I go down on you.
128
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,092
They get foggy.
I can't see what I'm doing.
129
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,718
- [chuckles]
130
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,680
♪ ♪
131
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,516
- I have got to get at least
a B on this Spanish final
132
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,018
or my mom's gonna go
no bueno on my ass.
133
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,896
- See? This is why
I take easy classes.
134
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,356
Next trimester,
I'm taking a class
135
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,025
that's just called Textures.
136
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,860
- Mm.
137
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,028
Hmm.
138
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,446
Sweet mother
of Kristen Stewart,
139
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:44,075
that is a smoking hot woman.
Mm!
140
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,535
- Do you know who that girl is?
141
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,953
- I know exactly who she is.
142
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,496
She's hot, she works as Sips,
143
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,456
and she just
touched your man's arm.
144
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,583
♪ ♪
145
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,876
- I will be right back.
146
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,044
- It's crazy how
you can make that happen.
147
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,212
- You are catching on fast.
148
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,630
Maybe you should
be training me.
149
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,799
Oh, Whit, this is
our new coworker, Zoe.
150
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,426
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Whitney.
151
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,219
I live with Kimberly.
152
00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:05,138
- Kimberly, yes.
Oh, my God, I love her.
153
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:06,472
She reminds me
of my grandmother.
154
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,724
- [chuckles]
155
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,142
- Zoe just
fixed our register system
156
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,727
so that it's all
automated to the iPad.
157
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,228
- Oh.
158
00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:14,397
- Mostly so I could make
the minimum tip option 30%.
159
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,566
- She's like some
mad coder genius.
160
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,110
How cool is that?
- That's cool.
161
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,404
- Oh, she also
jailbroke my iPhone.
162
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:22,947
It's like damn, Zoe.
163
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,907
Leave something for
the rest of us to be good at.
164
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,284
Right?
165
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,618
- [forced laugh]
166
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,580
- ♪ Never seem to mind ♪
167
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:34,751
♪ Shine like a diamond
always ♪
168
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,877
- I'm so glad you DM'd me.
169
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,211
- ♪ And nobody knows ♪
170
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,546
♪ I just want some real shit ♪
171
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:39,881
- By the time I leave here,
172
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,716
you'll be glad
I did a lot of things.
173
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,385
- ♪ I guess
I should walk away ♪
174
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,262
♪ Baby girl, you're drippin' ♪
175
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,890
♪ Thought you had a vision ♪
- [moans]
176
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,099
- ♪ I think I'll be okay ♪
177
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,226
- That was fun.
- Yeah.
178
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,937
- Yeah? Okay.
[laughter]
179
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:59,650
- Leighton, why are you
all messy and happy-looking?
180
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,444
- Wait, did you just hook up?
181
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:02,987
[whispers]
With her?
182
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,113
- I did.
183
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,698
- Oh. I'm Leighton's roommate.
184
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,117
I've seen her change
and you are one lucky lady.
185
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,411
- Okay. All right.
Well, I'm gonna see you later.
186
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,537
- Okay.
187
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,758
- [chuckles]
- Later. Bye.
188
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,510
- Bye.
189
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:28,888
Okay.
That was a lot even for me.
190
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,264
- Right?
191
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,974
- Oh, actually,
I'm so glad I ran into you.
192
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,560
I'm on my way to talk
to the Theta guys at the gym.
193
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,062
I have a plan to get us back
on their good side.
194
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:37,855
It's genius and it cannot fail.
195
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,816
- Did you come up with it?
- I did.
196
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,692
- Yeah, I'm gonna go with you.
- Okay.
197
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,320
- ♪ Always felt like
I could walk through fire ♪
198
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:47,782
- So did you tell your mom
about your scholarship?
199
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,575
- It's not gonna happen.
- Oh.
200
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:50,660
- But I'll figure it out.
201
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,120
I just signed up for 23andMe
202
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,579
to see if
I have any rich relatives
203
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,580
I don't know about yet.
204
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,624
- Oh, I love that site.
205
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,960
It told me J Lo
was a distant great-aunt.
206
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:00,670
Can you see it?
207
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,380
- Mm-hmm.
- Me too.
208
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,966
- Kimberly.
- [gasps] Professor Hennessey.
209
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:06,717
It's so good to see you.
What can I get you?
210
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,137
- I came to see you, actually.
- Oh.
211
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,055
- I wanted to ask
if you could come
212
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,808
to a small dinner party
at my home tomorrow.
213
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,477
- Like, to cater it.
- No, as a guest.
214
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,687
- Mm.
215
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,397
- I'm inviting
a group of students
216
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,690
who I think would enjoy
a spirited exchange of ideas.
217
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,150
- I love spirited exchanges.
218
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,860
What can I bring?
Like, dessert?
219
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,862
Or a clipping
from a feminist magazine?
220
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,031
- No. Just you.
Arif will be there as well.
221
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,032
- Hi.
- Hi.
222
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,701
- He's a student from Syria
223
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:35,079
staying in our guest room
until he finishes his studies.
224
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,123
- So you like
helping students in need.
225
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,916
- Of course.
- Even the white ones?
226
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,209
- I would love to come.
227
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,878
- Great.
It'll be fun.
228
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,212
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye.
229
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,965
- Bye.
- Oh, and bring a friend.
230
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,675
- Okay, we're going
to that dinner.
231
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:49,552
You're gonna get that lady
to cosign your loan for you.
232
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,220
- What? No.
She's my professor.
233
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,972
- Okay, yeah,
but if she can financially aid
234
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:56,267
that Syrian snack,
maybe she can help you too.
235
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,560
- She does love me.
236
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,854
- Absolutely.
This will work.
237
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:04,400
Now, let me see if hot-rif and
I have any mutuals in common,
238
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,695
and oh, my God.
We both follow Malala.
239
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,530
I can work with that.
240
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:14,577
- ♪ We are wild
and wonderful ♪
241
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,079
- Go, go, go, go!
- I got it!
242
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,331
Got it, got it!
243
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,957
- Yeah, nice, nice!
244
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,500
- What are you two doing here?
245
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,127
- Yeah, what part of us
actively hating you
246
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,087
did you not understand?
247
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,756
- Look, I hear you.
248
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,842
On behalf of all our roommates,
we are here to apologize.
249
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,219
What we did was wrong
250
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,846
and we are
stupid fucking bitches.
251
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,389
- Hmm.
252
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,141
- You and your brother
should've been allowed to cheat
253
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,893
as much as you want and
use those grades to get into
254
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,144
grad schools you could've
never gotten into otherwise.
255
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,437
- Okay, what the hell?
256
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,480
- You're making us
sound even worse.
257
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,940
- Yeah, you kind of are.
258
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,608
- That apology sucked
and your hand was clammy.
259
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,443
- Well, you got to forgive us.
This is killing me.
260
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:48,986
Without an active social life,
I'm having regular,
261
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,404
monogamous sex with someone
262
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,615
I only intended
to be a casual hookup.
263
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,658
It's hell.
264
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,117
- Yeah, this isn't compelling
265
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,827
and we've got bigger
things to worry about.
266
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,120
Theta might lose their charter
267
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,747
because of the stunt
you pulled.
268
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,457
- Look, if you want to get
Theta out of trouble,
269
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,292
prove to the administration
that you're good guys.
270
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,170
You know, throw a fundraiser
for something Essex cares about
271
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,381
like climate change
or something.
272
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,800
- How? We can't throw parties
in the house anymore.
273
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,343
They won't even let
my book club meet.
274
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,552
I guess I'll just read
"The Secret History"
275
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,304
and talk about it with no one.
276
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,306
- Well, why don't you let us
figure out where to throw it?
277
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,351
- Yeah, and if this works,
and I'm not sure it will
278
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:21,811
because I have
no experience doing this,
279
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,896
you let us back into parties.
280
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,564
- Okay, but I don't get
why anyone
281
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,191
would go to
a Theta fundraiser.
282
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,526
- It's a good point.
283
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,529
[net swishes]
- Damn, I am so money!
284
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:34,699
- ♪ Shake that thing ♪
285
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,702
- Do you know what
"Magic Mike Live" is?
286
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:40,329
- A strip show?
- It's not a strip show.
287
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,498
It's a sex-positive,
female-forward,
288
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,375
entertainment strip-tacular.
289
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,460
- It's also a fundraiser
for climate change.
290
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,004
- Yeah, those two things
don't mix.
291
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,338
- People aren't gonna pay
to watch
292
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,007
these Theta guys
take their shirts off?
293
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,508
They're already
never wearing shirts.
294
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,927
- This is different.
This is spectacle.
295
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,929
I'm talking tear away pants,
body oil,
296
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,681
happy trails,
both front and back.
297
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,684
There won't be a dry, pardon
my French, panty in the house.
298
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,227
- I can't believe
I'm saying this,
299
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,854
but I think
Bela might be right.
300
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,023
- I agree. I do think
people will pay for this.
301
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,899
- I know they will
and when this works,
302
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,192
you all will be thanking me.
303
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,569
Hopefully,
while holding my hair
304
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,029
while I puke
into a frat's urinal.
305
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,530
- Why are you
fantasizing about that?
306
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,782
- Oh, who knows
where fantasies come from?
307
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,035
I'm gonna go work
on a playlist of songs
308
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,536
that's good to hump a floor to.
309
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,912
Text me if you have any ideas.
310
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,165
I'll be trying some out
in my room.
311
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,709
- Hey, so I met
your new coworker.
312
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,877
- Zoe?
[gasps]
313
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,754
She is so smart and so funny.
314
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,422
She saw how much
apple juice I drank
315
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,549
and she started calling it
my usual.
316
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,926
Like, that's your usual.
- That's good. [chuckles]
317
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,137
- [chuckles]
So everyone likes her.
318
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:42,224
Like, Lila, your boss, Canaan.
319
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,476
- Yeah. I mean, she's amazing.
320
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,102
AOC even follows her
on Twitter.
321
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,605
- I mean, is that special?
AOC follows my mom too.
322
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,065
- Yeah, but your mom's
a senator.
323
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,816
Zoe's just a student
and a former model.
324
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,401
It's different.
325
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,571
- Wait. Are you--are you, like,
jealous of this girl?
326
00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:56,572
- No.
- Oh.
327
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:57,990
- No, no, I'm not jealous.
328
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:01,410
She should be jealous
of how not jealous I am.
329
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,913
[chuckles]
330
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,290
You guys should join
Bela's comedy magazine thing
331
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,793
'cause that is hilarious.
332
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:11,504
[laughs]
333
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,590
[upbeat dreamy music]
334
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:18,094
- Bela, why are there a bunch
of male thongs on your bed?
335
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,846
- Because I am jazzing up
some booty shorts
336
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,681
for the Theta boys to dance in.
337
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,768
They are sexy
and biodegradable.
338
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,311
- Oh.
- Only if someone asks.
339
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,604
They're not actually
biodegradable.
340
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,189
- Oh.
- Oh, fuck.
341
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,066
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- What happened?
342
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,026
- Oh, God. Did your mom
get assassinated?
343
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,903
- What? No.
- Oh.
344
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,822
- No, I was on
that girl Zoe's Insta
345
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,950
and I accidentally liked a pic.
Like, a super deep one.
346
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,451
- How deep?
- June.
347
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,245
- That's not bad.
- Of 2014.
348
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:45,496
- Okay, that's bad.
- Whitney!
349
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,580
- This doesn't
have to be weird.
350
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,124
What is the post?
351
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,584
- It says, "Miss you, Gam Gam,
today and every day."
352
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:51,836
Oh, fuck me.
353
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:52,920
I liked a picture
of her dead grandmother.
354
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,213
What am I supposed to do?
355
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,297
- Just start liking
all her pics.
356
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,632
It'll confuse her.
357
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:57,925
- No, no. That'll make it
so much worse.
358
00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,385
- Can one of you
help me please?
359
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,803
- Okay, report her account
for terrorism
360
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,304
and then maybe
they'll take it down.
361
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,472
- She's like a hot
Black Mark Zuckerberg.
362
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,974
She's gonna figure that out.
363
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,643
- Okay, everybody, calm down.
I know what to do.
364
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:10,604
Zoe will see that notification
and she will know that
365
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,982
it's from you because your face
is on your profile pic
366
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,692
and Whitney's
in your Insta name,
367
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,986
but she won't know it's you
if you change those things.
368
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,654
So make your account private,
369
00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,615
change your profile picture
to a stock image of a burrito,
370
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:24,785
and make your account name
@ChipotleAbluqeurque.
371
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,328
She'll think
you're a random like
372
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,705
from a Chipotle promo account
in New Mexico.
373
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:30,124
- Holy shit.
That is wildly brilliant.
374
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,459
- It really is.
375
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,752
That's like Zoe level smart.
376
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,629
- Could you not?
377
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,923
♪ ♪
378
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:41,135
- Professor Hennessey,
this dinner has been so fun.
379
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,636
Can I help you
with those dishes?
380
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,388
- Oh, don't worry about it.
381
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,389
I have a dishwasher.
382
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,016
His name is Craig.
383
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,685
- [laughs]
384
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:52,396
- So I probably should say this
as I haven't posted
385
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,648
the final trimester grades yet,
but you got an A.
386
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:55,858
- I did?
- Yes.
387
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,443
- Oh.
- One of two in the class.
388
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,487
- [squeals excitedly]
389
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,030
Professor Hennessey,
can I ask you something?
390
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,323
- Yes, of course.
Anything.
391
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,575
- I lost my scholarship.
- Mm-hmm.
392
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,702
- And I need someone
to cosign a loan for me
393
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,287
so I can stay here.
394
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,290
I hate to ask you, but my
parents can't know about this
395
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,958
and I don't know
what else to do.
396
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,752
All I need--
- Let me stop you...
397
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:15,878
- Okay.
- For a second.
398
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,171
- Yeah.
399
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,839
- I see a lot of myself
in you, Kimberly,
400
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,925
and I would never want to lose
a student like you.
401
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:25,429
Just give me a minute
to think on it, okay?
402
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,388
- Okay.
403
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,433
[upbeat pop music]
404
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,895
- Yes! This dining hall
was born to be a strip club.
405
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,146
Looking good, guys.
406
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,981
Time to get fluffed
and stuffed.
407
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,068
Let's make our climate
daddy proud.
408
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,322
Okay, DJ, keep it peppy.
I want 80 humps per minute.
409
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,406
[clicks tongue]
410
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,575
Okay, Cody, work it.
411
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,993
Get that chair pregnant.
412
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,287
- Bela, we've sold
so many tickets
413
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,957
that my Venmo just froze.
God, this is incredible!
414
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,084
- I know. You know, I think
this might be my calling.
415
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,752
It combines my two loves.
416
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,754
Sexy, greasy men
and bossing people around.
417
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:00,589
- Okay, I got
to give you credit.
418
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,717
I think this fundraiser could
really get our frat reinstated.
419
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,928
- It's my pleasure
and if you take any pictures
420
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,763
in the dressing room,
my AirDrop's always on.
421
00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,975
- Excuse me?
What on Earth is going on?
422
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,894
- Dean Miller?
Are you here to buy a ticket?
423
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,312
- To a strip show?
424
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,315
Essex is a respected,
feminist institution,
425
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:21,235
a cornerstone
of Vermont herstory.
426
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,362
Whatever this is, it's over.
427
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,072
- Dean Miller,
if you let me explain,
428
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,157
this is a legitimate
and tasteful event.
429
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,285
- Okay, I didn't spend
three decades marching
430
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,495
in support of women's rights
to support that.
431
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,956
- Yo, he's making
his dick bounce!
432
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,959
- Okay, ma'am, we at Theta,
we're trying to prove
433
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,877
that our bodies
aren't just for pleasure.
434
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,588
They are also for service.
435
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,424
I promise, if you could just
stay and watch my performance
436
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,135
of "Thot Shit" by Megan
Thee Stallion, you'll agree.
437
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,636
- Yeah, that's not happening.
438
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,181
The Vermont constitution
was ratified in this room.
439
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,560
It's not where we gyrate
to "Thot Shit."
440
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,437
- Keep her here
till I get back.
441
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,982
- Dean Miller, can I tell you
a long story about
442
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,610
why the environment
is so important to me?
443
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,279
- ♪ I wanna feel like
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
444
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:08,157
♪ I-I wanna feel like ♪
445
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,742
♪ Yeah, yeah
I-I wanna ♪
446
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:11,410
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
447
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,954
♪ Feel like that
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
448
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,914
♪ ♪
449
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,499
- Hi. I'm Bela.
450
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,835
I live next door to you
and I really need your help.
451
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:21,420
- Okay.
452
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:23,255
- Also, can I have some water?
I ran all the way here.
453
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,757
♪ ♪
454
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,717
- How are you liking Essex,
Arif?
455
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,218
- It's very nice.
456
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,429
The professor and her husband
have been very generous.
457
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,680
- Arif, forget about college.
458
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,973
You can make a killing
modeling.
459
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,183
Your bone structure is sick.
460
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,060
- Aw, thanks, Lila.
461
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,353
You're very sick too.
462
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,730
- Kimberly.
- Yeah.
463
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,190
- I thought about
what you asked me.
464
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,691
- Uh-huh.
465
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,026
- And if it means keeping
a student like you at Essex,
466
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,778
I would be happy
to cosign for you.
467
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,364
- Seriously?
Oh, thank you.
468
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,616
Thank you so much.
Oh!
469
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,326
- My pleasure.
470
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,913
All right, gang, I'm gonna
call it a night for myself,
471
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,373
but please stay and enjoy.
472
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,584
- Okay.
Thank you.
473
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,753
- You having a good time?
- Yeah, great.
474
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:05,547
Dinner was awesome
and your wife is the best.
475
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,300
She's so smart and impressive.
- Yeah, she really is.
476
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,052
Although, she would kill me
if I told you
477
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,012
stories about her from college.
[laughter]
478
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,390
Maybe after one more drink.
[laughter]
479
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,891
- I love the life you two have.
480
00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:19,186
Two smart, cool, academics
in this cute house
481
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,313
with all your books
and worldly knickknacks.
482
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,731
It's like a dream.
483
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,235
- I can see why
Elizabeth likes you so much.
484
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,697
We should fuck sometime.
485
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,032
♪ ♪
486
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,410
- As a climate refugee,
the fact that these students
487
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,662
would work so hard to raise
money for the environment,
488
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,956
it almost makes me forget
the day that I lost
489
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,959
two close friends in
a "Wizard of Oz"-style tornado.
490
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,502
You should be proud
of the campus community
491
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,753
that you've created here.
492
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,755
- Also, Theta raised
$11,000 tonight.
493
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,549
- You know, I don't care--
oh, my God, what?
494
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:52,094
$11,000?
- Yup.
495
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,887
- Okay.
You can do your show.
496
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:57,099
But lights out by midnight
and no full nudity.
497
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,434
- Don't worry, Dean.
498
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,768
All penises will remain
safely stowed.
499
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,603
- Okay.
500
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,105
- Holy shit.
That actually worked.
501
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,774
- Thanks, new hot friend.
- Yeah, I got you.
502
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,776
Hey, I'm gonna go back
to my room because
503
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,403
I'm expecting a girl in,
like, five minutes,
504
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,072
but have fun with this.
505
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,782
- All right, everyone.
It's go time.
506
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,409
Line up for
your good luck butt slap.
507
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,745
- ♪ Yo,
the level has risen again ♪
508
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,873
- Hello, Essex.
How is everyone doing tonight?
509
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,875
[cheers and applause]
510
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,002
It's about to get real heated
up in this room
511
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,671
and it's not because
of carbon emissions.
512
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:31,258
Give it up for
the boys of Theta.
513
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,051
[cheers and applause]
514
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,513
[Latto's "Wheelie"]
515
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,973
- ♪ Pop it like a wheelie ♪
516
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,641
♪ Hop on top
and I go silly ♪
517
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,226
♪ Pretty, tight, and sticky ♪
518
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,479
♪ Fuck him once,
he won't forget me ♪
519
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,147
♪ Wet, wet ♪
520
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,107
♪ Bust it like the blicky ♪
521
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,693
♪ If I fuck around and
leak the tape, I win an Emmy ♪
522
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,111
- [laughs]
Yeah?
523
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,321
- Come here.
- You got it?
524
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,655
- Damn. You blinked in this one
525
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,240
and somehow
you still look fine.
526
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,159
- Thank you.
- It's going on the main.
527
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,495
- Oh, okay.
- [laughs]
528
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,581
Wait. What's up?
I can't find your profile.
529
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,917
- Oh, yeah. Something weird
must've happened.
530
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,168
- Oh, here. Let me see.
I can fix it.
531
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,003
- No, no. It's good.
I can--
532
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:10,506
- Wait. What the--
- Don't--
533
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,674
- Whit, did you
rename your account
534
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,510
to @ChipotleAlbuquerque?
535
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,428
There's wraps and burritos
and shit.
536
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,721
Why would you do that?
537
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,014
- [chuckles]
Okay, listen.
538
00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:20,265
It's so stupid.
539
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,601
So I was, you know,
lightly perusing
540
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:24,603
your coworker Zoe's profile
and I accidentally liked
541
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,021
a picture of her dead grandma,
542
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,398
so Bela changed my profile
to a Chipotle.
543
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,819
- I understood, like,
half of that sentence.
544
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:37,074
- I guess I was jealous of
how impressed you are with Zoe
545
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:38,659
and how smart she is.
546
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:43,247
And it made me feel--
I don't know, unimpressive.
547
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,208
- You have nothing
to be jealous about.
548
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,377
You're a dream girl.
549
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,212
And I'm not even
into Zoe like that.
550
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,382
Like--like at all.
551
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:57,094
- Also, I was right behind you
552
00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:58,846
at Omega Pi
when you told your friend
553
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,557
I'm a loser
who doesn't have a thing.
554
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,309
- Well, I definitely
didn't say you were a loser.
555
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,437
But I'm sorry for saying
anything behind your back.
556
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:10,440
That was wrong.
- Thanks.
557
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,234
- But do I think you have
too much time on your hands?
558
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:15,279
I mean, seems like it, right?
- Okay, okay, sure.
559
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,281
Maybe I could find
more constructive ways
560
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,241
to use my time, yes.
- Maybe, maybe.
561
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,493
- But for now,
I'm just gonna focus
562
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,161
on the dream girl part
of all of this.
563
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,413
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That was cute. That was good.
564
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,164
- As you should.
[laughter]
565
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,251
[hip-hop music playing]
566
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,962
[cheering]
567
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,591
♪ ♪
568
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,551
- Was I nuts to dump her?
569
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,303
She's, like, one of
the hottest girls on campus.
570
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,763
- [chuckles] Sure,
but given all the texts
571
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,223
I've gotten
about you this week,
572
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,766
I'm pretty sure
you're one of the hottest
573
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,727
queer girls on campus now too.
574
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,437
- What? Really?
575
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,439
- Uh, to be clear,
you're not my type.
576
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,566
I'm into gingers.
I'd die for Shiv Roy.
577
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,819
But you don't notice the way
they all look at you?
578
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,738
♪ ♪
579
00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,281
Shit,
they used to do that for me.
580
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,783
Look, sis is
practically drooling.
581
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,911
- Hmm.
582
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,329
- ♪ Blow the whistle
on a bitch ♪
583
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:06,872
♪ I dismiss a bitch ♪
584
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,457
♪ Blow the whistle
on a bitch ♪
585
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,000
♪ I dismiss a bitch ♪
586
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:11,376
♪ Blow the whistle
on a bitch ♪
587
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,211
[overlapping chatter]
588
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,671
- Hey!
- Hey.
589
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,423
- This is amazing.
590
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:19,426
It somehow manages to be both
erotic and thought-provoking.
591
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,553
- Yeah, who said
you can't save polar bears
592
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,680
and admire a dude's V muscles
at the same time?
593
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,475
- [laughs]
Hey, how was the dinner party?
594
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,851
- Good, I guess.
595
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,519
My professor said
she'd cosign my loan.
596
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,313
- Yes!
- Oh, my God, that's so great.
597
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,482
- Yeah, but then
I was talking to her husband
598
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,944
and he said,
"We should fuck sometime."
599
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:37,986
- What?
- Huh?
600
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,821
- Oh, that's so gross.
601
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,073
- What did you tell him?
602
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,491
- Oh, don't worry.
I shut it down.
603
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,868
- Okay, but what did
you say exactly?
604
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,329
- I think I said cool,
but in a way
605
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,331
that clearly communicated
that meant not cool.
606
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,167
Like, not cool, man.
Not cool.
607
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:55,295
- But did you say the not part
or just the cool part?
608
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,838
- Just cool.
- Mm.
609
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,507
- Kimberly, cool means cool.
610
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,175
You told him yes.
- No, I didn't.
611
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,885
- Okay, say it to me
like you said it in the moment.
612
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,512
We should fuck sometime.
613
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,930
- Cool.
614
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,057
- Yeah, so you just
told this man
615
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:08,684
that you want
to have sex with him.
616
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,603
- Yeah, I hear that now.
617
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,606
[cheering]
- ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
618
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,234
[Doja Cat's "Vegas"]
♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
619
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:20,153
- Uh--uh-oh.
I think you're being summoned.
620
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:23,699
- ♪ Ah, get it ♪
621
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,201
- [laughs]
- I think we all are.
622
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:28,704
- ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
623
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:31,039
- Okay, but I have to go
to church twice tomorrow.
624
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,582
- Yeah, you do.
- Okay.
625
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,419
- ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
626
00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,963
♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
627
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:39,715
♪ ♪
628
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,384
♪ You ain't nothing but a ♪
- ♪ Dog ♪
629
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:44,636
♪ Player, ah, get it ♪
630
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,222
♪ Fraud, player, ah, get it ♪
631
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:50,225
♪ I understand, I understand ♪
- Oh, my God! [laughs]
632
00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:51,852
- ♪ You ain't the man ♪
633
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,478
- Weirdly, I'm into this.
634
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,523
- ♪ Hound dog, hound dog ♪
635
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:57,774
♪ Hound dog ♪
636
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,943
- ♪ You ain't nothin' but a ♪
637
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,070
♪ Yeah,
you ain't nothing but a ♪
638
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,363
[knock on door]
639
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,158
- Kimberly,
I'm glad you're here.
640
00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:09,119
- I brought this to say
thanks for the lovely dinner
641
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:11,496
and you know, the other thing.
[chuckles]
642
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,665
- That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
643
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,042
I'm so sorry, Kimberly,
644
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:19,171
but I cannot
cosign your loan for you.
645
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:20,714
- Oh, my God.
646
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:22,424
Professor Hennessey,
I am so sorry.
647
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,135
I never would've done anything
sexual with your husband.
648
00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:26,928
I should've said no
in the moment,
649
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,638
but I was confused.
It was just an--
650
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:30,390
- What are you talking about?
651
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,101
- What were you talking about?
652
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,103
- My accountant was worried
that cosigning a loan
653
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,564
would affect my credit score
too much.
654
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:40,776
Did my husband
make a pass at you?
655
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,861
- You know, I think
656
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,072
I just might've misunderstood
what he said.
657
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,365
- What did he say?
658
00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:50,952
- I think he said
something like,
659
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,829
"We should fuck sometime."
660
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,041
I am so sorry, Professor.
661
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,834
- No.
You've done nothing wrong.
662
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,879
You are not
my unemployed husband
663
00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:04,508
who is trying to fuck a coed
for not the first time.
664
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:06,009
Excuse me.
665
00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:07,511
Craig, hi.
666
00:23:07,594 --> 00:23:10,472
It's your wife,
you piece of shit.
667
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:12,557
Have you seen yourself
in the mirror?
668
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:13,934
- I'm just gonna
leave the plant.
669
00:23:14,017 --> 00:23:15,268
- Seriously?
670
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,729
You hit on another student?
That's it.
671
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,272
I'm calling your sister
to pick you up.
672
00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:21,733
Pack your stuff.
You're Nancy's problem now.
673
00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,735
No, you can't
get your guitars later.
674
00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,821
Take them now!
675
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,197
- Shit!
676
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,157
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
677
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:31,284
[Barrie's "Hutch"]
678
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,662
- ♪ We can do better ♪
679
00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:36,123
♪ We can do better
than before ♪
680
00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:41,211
♪ Better than before again and
better than before again and ♪
681
00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:43,672
♪ We could keep loving ♪
682
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,341
♪ We could keep loving
some more ♪
683
00:23:46,424 --> 00:23:47,884
♪ Love a little more again ♪
684
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:51,388
♪ And love a little more
again and ♪
685
00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:56,309
♪ A body, body so different
from your own ♪
686
00:23:56,393 --> 00:24:01,189
♪ ♪
687
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:04,025
♪ Not to know it,
not to feel it ♪
688
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,361
♪ But sit beside it slow ♪
689
00:24:06,444 --> 00:24:10,740
♪ ♪
690
00:24:10,824 --> 00:24:14,244
♪ What you got, who you with,
where you going? ♪
691
00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:15,954
♪ ♪
692
00:24:16,037 --> 00:24:19,583
♪ What you got, who you with,
where you going? ♪
693
00:24:19,666 --> 00:24:21,418
♪ ♪
694
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,712
♪ We can do better ♪
695
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:26,047
♪ We can do better
than before ♪
696
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:31,219
♪ Better than before again and
better than before again and ♪
697
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,680
♪ We could keep loving ♪
698
00:24:33,763 --> 00:24:36,016
♪ We could keep loving
some more ♪
699
00:24:36,099 --> 00:24:40,562
♪ Love a little more again and
love a little more again and ♪
700
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:45,942
♪ We're gonna treat you
so much better ♪
701
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:49,738
♪ ♪
702
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:50,947
- Go to bed.
703
00:24:50,997 --> 00:24:55,547
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