Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:36,420
Komolyan, el kell majd
mondanunk nekik egyszer.
2
00:00:36,420 --> 00:00:38,940
Er no, we're going to have to
tell them at no point.
3
00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:42,260
What? The first time we've ever had
girlfriends at the same time?
4
00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:43,540
Do you know how happy mum will be?
5
00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:45,900
Yes, the happiest she's ever
been in her entire life.
6
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:48,540
Exactly. And it will be hell.
It won't be hell.
7
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:52,780
It will be hell, won't it? Total
hell.
8
00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:54,660
Let's definitely not tell them.
9
00:00:56,420 --> 00:00:58,380
Yuck. What's that smell?
10
00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:59,420
Sewers.
11
00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:03,220
Oh. Um, thanks.
12
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:04,340
You're welcome.
13
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,420
Scared of the man? Petrified.
14
00:01:11,140 --> 00:01:13,420
And there it is.
15
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:15,460
Dad's massive, stupid caravan.
16
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,820
It's absolutely disgusting.
17
00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:20,820
It's a dustbin on wheels. Dustbin on
bricks.
18
00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:22,780
Hello, bambinos. Hi. Hello, Dad.
19
00:01:22,780 --> 00:01:24,700
Well, what do you think?
20
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:27,340
Er, were you wearing a blindfold
when you bought that?
21
00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:29,740
What? Or were you just in a coma?
Pillock.
22
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,700
Why the hell did you buy a caravan?
23
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,900
I told you, I went in one
when I was a boy, and...
24
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,060
Whoa.
25
00:01:37,220 --> 00:01:38,540
That's not dangerous.
26
00:01:38,540 --> 00:01:40,300
Yeah, "Safety last", eh, Dad?
27
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,620
Idiots.
28
00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:43,060
Well, come in then.
29
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,220
Really?
30
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,620
Say your prayers.
31
00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:48,940
Well?
32
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,660
And if you thought it looked
nice on the outside...
33
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:58,420
What a dump. What? It's fabulous.
34
00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:00,020
Yes, it's a fabulous shithole.
35
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,700
It's not a shithole. Ow.
36
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,980
Now, listen, I need your help.
37
00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:06,540
Psychological help, or...?
38
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:10,060
How am I going to get that mother
of yours to set foot in my caravan?
39
00:02:10,060 --> 00:02:11,780
Er, have you tried chloroform?
40
00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:13,580
She hates this bloody thing.
41
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:15,940
And might that be because you bought
this shithole behind her back?
42
00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:17,500
It's not a shithole.
43
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:20,860
Well, OK, it needs a bit of work.
44
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,300
Or a bit of dynamite.
45
00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:23,700
So? So, what?
46
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:24,940
Are you going to help me, then?
47
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:27,900
What? Help you make mum like your
horrible caravan? Yes.
48
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,100
BOTH: No.
49
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,780
Why not? Because it's a shithole.
50
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:33,220
Jesus.
51
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,500
Yeah, that needs adjusting.
52
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:36,780
You need adjusting. Goodbye.
53
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:37,940
Now wait...
54
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:41,220
Now, how about we all have
dinner in here tonight?
55
00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:43,180
Sure, Dad. Sure. It'll be lovely.
56
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:45,780
All four of us, the whole family,
eating together.
57
00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:48,700
Dying together. Look, it's got
everything, a kitchen.
58
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,540
Hideous. A dining area. Hideous.
59
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:51,980
Toilet.
60
00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:55,620
That's just terrifying.
61
00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:57,940
OK, then , just look at what
I made for your mum.
62
00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:59,620
Boys...
63
00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:00,900
I thought you were in here.
64
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:03,380
Hi. Hi, Mum. Hello, my sweet, are
you c
65
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:04,820
You know the answer, Martin.
66
00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:07,460
Boys... But you haven't even given
it a chance.
67
00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:09,780
Come on, Jackie, you don't
know what you're missing.
68
00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:11,660
Any number of diseases.
69
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:14,620
Ow. OK, out of that shithole.
70
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,140
Certainly.
71
00:03:16,140 --> 00:03:18,140
It's not a shithole.
72
00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:19,500
And make sure you wash your hands.
73
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,260
What? They don't need to wash their
hands.
74
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,980
Er, we do need to wash our hands.
75
00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:25,300
Um, and dinner's nearly ready. Are
you coming inside or what?
76
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:26,540
Well, actually, Jackie,
77
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,900
the boys said that they'd really
like to have dinner in the caravan.
78
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:31,220
Yes, that is exactly what we said.
79
00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:34,460
Martin, for the 800th time, we are
not having dinner in your...
80
00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:36,260
..murder van, all right?
81
00:03:36,260 --> 00:03:37,780
All right. God.
82
00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,380
See you, Dad. Yeha, enjoy your
murdering.
83
00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:43,980
He wants us to have dinner in that?!
84
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:47,460
Certain death. Can you believe your
stupid dad bought a caravan? 00:03:49,780
Not just any caravan. That caravan.
86
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,380
All week it's been
festering in our drive.
87
00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:53,740
Boys, where can we get a crushing
machine?
88
00:03:53,740 --> 00:03:56,060
You know he wanted to take me
on holiday in that thing?
89
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,500
On holiday?
90
00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,940
What? So you can both plummet off a
cliff?
91
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,940
Hands.
92
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:04,460
It's funny, I haven't
stepped inside it once yet,
93
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:06,300
and it's been sending him quite mad.
94
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,660
We hadn't noticed.
95
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:10,100
What's with the water?
96
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,500
Oh, cos they've been digging
up the silly road.
97
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,820
Looking for dad's victims?
98
00:04:14,820 --> 00:04:17,900
Yes, I'm really enjoying
annoying your father at the moment.
99
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,580
And long may it continue, Mother.
100
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,580
Hm, I'm really enjoying it.
101
00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:28,980
Er, is that, gin?
102
00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:31,380
Sorry. I must just go for a wee.
103
00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:32,900
Mum?
104
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,460
She's drinking gin. That's what she
drinks when she's...
105
00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:38,820
..depressed. We have to tell her our
news. No way.
106
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,900
Adam. Boys. Ugh. God, Dad, what are 00:04:43,140
Shhh. Where's your mother?
108
00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:46,340
What? Where is she? Um, in the
loo.
109
00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:49,380
Just gone in the loo? Or been in
there a while? Does it matter? 00:04:51,340
Has your brain fallen
out of your head tonight?
111
00:04:51,340 --> 00:04:53,300
Just answer the sodding question.
112
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:56,140
Um, she's been in the loo for,
precisely 17 seconds.
113
00:04:56,140 --> 00:04:58,460
Great.
114
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,220
Right, this is the plan.
The plan?
115
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,140
You take the soup,
follow me out through the side door,
116
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:05,140
all the way up to the caravan. What?
117
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:06,940
Dinner in the caravan. Remember?
118
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,700
Erm, no, we don't remember.
119
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:11,220
No, we do remember, we said
we definitely do not
120
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:13,100
want to have dinner in your
disgusting caravan.
121
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,980
God, then I'll have to get the
bloody soup myself then, won't I?
122
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,620
Thanks for nothing.
123
00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:23,300
Martin? What are you doing with my
soup? Huh? Boys, quick.
124
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,660
You little git.
125
00:05:24,660 --> 00:05:26,140
What are you doing?
126
00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:28,460
Dad thinks he's in a prison
movie or something.
127
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,100
Were you stealing my soup?
128
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,580
No. Yes, you were. Shut up.
129
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:34,260
And have a guess where
he was taking it.
130
00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:36,140
Right, I'm having that, thank you.
131
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:38,020
But Jackie, I've made it
all nice in there.
132
00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:39,900
What? You mean you've emptied
the chemical toilet?
133
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,260
Actually, I may need a hand
with that thing,
134
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,620
cos the unit's jammed
and it's brimming with human waste.
135
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:46,940
OK, maybe you shouldn't have
dinner with us tonight.
136
00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:49,420
What? Er, Mum? Shut up, boys.
137
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:52,780
Yes, maybe you should eat
all on your own.
138
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:55,260
But, Jackie. In your shithole.
139
00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:57,540
It's not a shithole!
140
00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,180
Right then.
141
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:00,380
Dinner for three?
142
00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:10,900
This is fun, isn't it?
143
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:15,500
The three of us having dinner,
mummy and her boys.
144
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,420
Uh-huh.
145
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,100
What? Well, I mean,
obviously this is great fun.
146
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:23,100
Great fun. And not at all like we
suddenly don't have a dad any
147
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:26,580
Very good. Even though we always set
a place for him at the table. 00:06:28,500
To remind us of the better times.
149
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:29,940
Thank you, boys.
150
00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:31,700
I hope he's all right in there.
151
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,300
Poor dad.
152
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,620
Poor dad? Right.
153
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:38,460
We'll see if he's all
right in there, shall we?
154
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,100
Jackie to Martin.
155
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,260
BOTH: What is that?
156
00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:45,020
Your dad's stupid thing for
when he's in his stupid, crapmobile.
157
00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:48,220
Martin, it's Jackie,
are you all right in there?
158
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,060
It's a good system.
159
00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:55,980
Martin to Jackie, how many times do
I have to tell you?
160
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:59,340
It's "Are you all
right in there OVER?"
161
00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:00,940
He's all right in there.
162
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:05,140
I'm sorry,
but it's been like this all week.
163
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:07,140
Every night he's
had his dinner out there,
164
00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:11,100
and I've had my dinner in here.
It's been really hard.
165
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:15,940
I've been really lonely.
166
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:20,700
Adam's got a girlfriend. You shit.
167
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:22,980
Ow. What? Jonny's got a girlfriend.
168
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:25,340
Huh? You've both got girlfriends?
169
00:07:25,340 --> 00:07:27,140
BOTH: Yes.
170
00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:28,500
At the same time?
171
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,580
BOTH: Yes.
172
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:32,420
Oh, my God, thank you!
173
00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:36,460
Please. Thank you.
174
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:38,820
Mum. Oh, I am so excited.
175
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:40,580
Martin? Uh.
176
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:43,740
Martin. Come inside right now.
177
00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:45,580
Something incredible's just
happened.
178
00:07:45,580 --> 00:07:47,540
Seriously?
179
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:51,180
Boys, you don't know how happy
you've just made your mother.
180
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,540
We do.
181
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:56,260
Martin to Jackie, it's "Something
incredible's just happened OVER!"
182
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:57,260
God.
183
00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,740
Where are you going?
184
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,100
Martin, bloody come in here right
now.
185
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:05,060
Mum?! The neighbours? Screw the
neighbours.
186
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:09,020
Oh, we are going to celebrate
tonight.
187
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:12,420
Are we? And I am going to hear
everything, about everything.
188
00:08:12,420 --> 00:08:14,100
DOOR BELL RINGS
189
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,420
Coming! Right, stay there. Stay
there.
190
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:19,700
Oooooh. Two weddings.
191
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,180
Hell. Total.
192
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:26,860
Martin, the boys have...
193
00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:29,140
Hello, Jackie. Oh, it's you.
194
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:32,540
The boys have what, Jackie? Cholera?
195
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:34,500
Sorry? Um, terrible time, Jim.
196
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,180
What do you want? Martin?
197
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:41,500
No, I just wanted you to know that
I've finally come up with a name.
198
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:45,900
A name? Yes, Jackie, well,
I couldn't keep calling her Wilson,
199
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,900
so, I've come up with a completely
different name for her.
200
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,340
Oh, right.
201
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:55,620
And, what is it?
202
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:56,900
Milson.
203
00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,140
Milson? Milson.
204
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,540
Hi, Jim. Hello, boys.
205
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:06,740
Um. Jim's got a completely new
name for his dog.
206
00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:09,060
It's Milson.
207
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:11,020
Well, that is a completely new
name.
208
00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,940
Right, well erm, thank you, Jim.
209
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:14,180
Martin?
210
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:19,540
Also, I wondered if you'd noticed a
strange sort of eggy smell outside?
211
00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:21,900
Eggy smell? Yes. Very eggy.
212
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,420
Oh, yeah, well that'll just be
the water people.
213
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:27,420
The Water People? Where?
214
00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:31,860
Um, in the road, Jim, you know,
the people doing the sewers?
215
00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:34,140
The sewers.
216
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,100
MARTIN: So I'm allowed in now, am I?
217
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:39,620
Uh. Been in your special little
house, have you, Martin?
218
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,540
What? Oh, that's right.
219
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,860
I've always wanted to
go in one of those.
220
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,060
Well, you're welcome any time, Jim.
221
00:09:45,060 --> 00:09:47,380
Am I? Stupid bumhole.
222
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:49,700
So is that all, Jim? Yes, of course,
Jackie.
223
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:51,100
Bye all.
224
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,340
Come on, Milson.
225
00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:56,540
Good girl.
226
00:09:56,540 --> 00:10:01,460
Um, goodbye, Jim. Goodnight.
227
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,300
My God.
228
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:05,900
Milson?
229
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:08,660
Martin, the boys have some
incredible news.
230
00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:10,260
Go on, tell your dad.
231
00:10:10,260 --> 00:10:11,540
Adam's got three weeks to live.
232
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:12,740
Ow.
233
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,580
That is a horrible thing to say.
234
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,940
Three weeks?
Can't he make it three days?
235
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:21,020
Argh, Jackie. God. Both the boys
have got girlfriends.
236
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:24,220
Really? These two buggers have both
got females?
237
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:27,020
Uhhh. Yeah, dad, we've both got
"females".
238
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:29,980
Isn't that amazing? Ooh, what are
their names?
239
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:33,180
BOTH: Lucy.
240
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:34,620
Sorry? They're both called Lucy.
241
00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:36,300
Both of your girlfriends are called
Lucy?
242
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,660
Yeah, it's quite annoying actually.
Very annoying.
243
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:41,020
OK, well, we'll call your Lucy, Lucy
one
244
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:42,740
and your Lucy, Lucy two. Great idea,
Mum.
245
00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:44,180
Er, why's my girlfriend number two?
246
00:10:44,180 --> 00:10:45,460
Cos she's second best, obviously.
247
00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:46,780
Ow.
248
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,460
Well, aren't you going to say
anything, Martin?
249
00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:50,980
What? Oh, yes...
250
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,900
..well done. Well done?
251
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:54,700
Both of your sons have got
girlfriends
252
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,540
and that's all you can say?
It's OK, mum. It's not OK.
253
00:10:57,540 --> 00:11:00,180
Do you know how many years I've been
waiting for this bloody moment?
254
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:03,620
You're supposed to be their father.
Say something proper to your sons.
255
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:06,620
OK, boys...
256
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,380
BOTH: Yes?
257
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:10,180
..always wear a sheath.
258
00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:17,620
Ahhh, your girlfriends sound
so nice.
259
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,940
Yes, please ask lots more
questions about them.
260
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,700
Like another 100,000.
261
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:24,100
Stop it. Can we have the rest
of our dinner now?
262
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,980
Come on, photos?
263
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:27,940
Photos? Really? Come on.
264
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:28,940
Uhhh.
265
00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:33,380
Ooh, lovely hair.
266
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:36,740
Yup. Ooh, lovely smile.
267
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:38,500
Mine's definitely the fittest.
The shittest.
268
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,180
Dad? Pissface.
269
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:41,380
Who do you think's the fittest?
270
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:43,340
Oh, how can you say such a thing.
271
00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:45,420
The fittest? How would I know?
272
00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:48,500
Have you tried racing them
against each other?
273
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,660
Huh?
274
00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,540
Fantastic celebration.
275
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:55,420
Well, if you really want to
celebrate,
276
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:56,660
why don't we all go in my caravan?
277
00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:57,860
Or why don't we not?
278
00:11:57,860 --> 00:11:59,940
In fact, if you and your "ladies"
279
00:11:59,940 --> 00:12:02,340
ever want to use the caravan for a
bit of, you know...
280
00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:04,620
"Ar-ar-ar-ah. Ar...ar-ar-ar-ar-ah."
281
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,500
Oh, my God. Just ask.
282
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,300
You're revolting. You know that?
Oh, yes.
283
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,180
Right, go in there
284
00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:16,180
and take the chicken into the dining
room, will you?
285
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,020
Ar-ar-ar-ah. Ar...ar-ar-ar-ar-ah.
286
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:22,140
OK. Nazi interrogation over?
287
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:23,860
All right. Yes.
288
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:25,060
Bring on the chicken.
289
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:26,620
Chicken time.
290
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:30,220
Ahhh, I can't wait to
meet your lovely girls.
291
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:31,660
Sorry? Huh?
292
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:33,940
Well, you want them
to meet mummy, don't you?
293
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:38,260
Right.
294
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:40,860
Thank you for ruining
my celebration.
295
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:43,180
Your celebration?
296
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,820
OK, obviously mum and dad are never
meeting our girlfriends.
297
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:49,260
Obviously. Boys? Boys?
298
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,900
Mum? What's happened?
299
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,540
He's taken the chicken.
300
00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:04,853
This is ridiculous.
301
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:06,253
Piss off.
302
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,613
How's he got his top off already?
STATIC FEEDBACK
303
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:11,173
Martin, come out with the chicken
this second.
304
00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:15,533
It's, "Martin, come out with
the chicken this second, OVER."
305
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,293
How many bleeding times? Jonny!
306
00:13:18,773 --> 00:13:21,453
Bloody sods! Give us the chicken!
Now!
307
00:13:21,453 --> 00:13:23,293
Get off! Dad!
308
00:13:23,293 --> 00:13:25,853
OK, you can have the chicken,
309
00:13:25,853 --> 00:13:29,173
you can all have the chicken,
if you eat it in here.
310
00:13:29,173 --> 00:13:33,813
What? Your mum thinks it's
so horrible in my caravan, does she? 00:13:36,173
Well, just wait till
she sees what I've done for her.
312
00:13:37,973 --> 00:13:40,493
There, see that?
313
00:13:40,493 --> 00:13:43,573
"Martin and Jackie."
Yes, very nice, dad.
314
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,173
Can we have the chicken now?
315
00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:47,893
And if I press this button...
316
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,653
THEY SCREAM
317
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:52,573
Agh! Now! Sorry, Dad. Oi!
318
00:13:52,573 --> 00:13:56,333
I've got the chicken!
I've got the chicken!
319
00:13:56,333 --> 00:13:58,653
Quickly!
SHE LAUGHS
320
00:13:58,653 --> 00:14:01,013
Give it back, you bastards.
321
00:14:01,013 --> 00:14:03,093
Oh, Bobbles, my heroes.
322
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:05,013
KNOCKS ON DOOR
Give me that chicken!
323
00:14:05,013 --> 00:14:08,333
Go away! He needs locking up.
KNOCKS ON DOOR
324
00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:11,973
Right. Oh, no, the side door.
325
00:14:11,973 --> 00:14:13,413
CRASH
Ow.
326
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:15,693
Wait. Huh?
327
00:14:15,693 --> 00:14:18,093
GRUNTING
328
00:14:18,093 --> 00:14:21,093
Ahhh, of course. Hello, Martin.
329
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:22,573
Well, help me, then.
330
00:14:22,573 --> 00:14:25,533
Certainly, darling,
let me just move this nice,
331
00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:28,613
soft chair out of your way.
Oh, Jackie. Help me for God's sake.
332
00:14:28,613 --> 00:14:31,893
Uh, don't you mean,
"Help me for God's sake, over?"
333
00:14:31,893 --> 00:14:34,613
Why don't you sit down, boys?
Thank you, mother.
334
00:14:34,613 --> 00:14:36,413
You bloody, bleeding...!
335
00:14:36,413 --> 00:14:39,613
HE SHOUTS, THUDS, HE GROANS
336
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:42,693
Agh. I think I've broken my skull.
337
00:14:42,693 --> 00:14:45,693
You are getting scraps tonight.
Do you hear me? Scraps!
338
00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:47,213
Yes.
339
00:14:47,213 --> 00:14:50,573
Our poor girlfriends,
missing all this.
340
00:14:50,573 --> 00:14:52,853
Hello, all. God, Jim! Christ!
THEY SHOU
341
00:14:54,533 --> 00:14:56,053
Jim?
342
00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:57,613
Completely flooded?
343
00:14:57,613 --> 00:15:00,933
Yes, Jackie,
my house is completely flooded.
344
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,653
With, what's the word?
345
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:04,973
Um, water?
346
00:15:04,973 --> 00:15:07,453
Excrement. Excrement? Excrement?
347
00:15:07,453 --> 00:15:12,013
Apparently a sewerage pipe
got redirected into my house.
348
00:15:12,013 --> 00:15:14,653
Th-that's why my shoes are all...
349
00:15:14,653 --> 00:15:16,933
Eeh, ooh...
350
00:15:16,933 --> 00:15:18,773
And, uh...
351
00:15:18,773 --> 00:15:21,333
And then the water people
told me I had to leave
352
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:24,733
while they tried to fix it.
And now I've got nowhere to go.
353
00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:26,013
Oh, God.
354
00:15:26,013 --> 00:15:28,573
Sorry, Jim,
we'd love to invite you in,
355
00:15:28,573 --> 00:15:31,213
but we're sort of celebrating
tonight.
356
00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:33,813
No more cholera? What?! Sorry?
357
00:15:33,813 --> 00:15:35,373
Um, it's all right, Jackie.
358
00:15:35,373 --> 00:15:37,253
I wasn't going to ask
if I could come in.
359
00:15:37,253 --> 00:15:40,413
Good. Oh. No, I just wondered
360
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:45,173
if maybe I could have a little
piece of chicken to eat.
361
00:15:45,173 --> 00:15:47,013
Er, OK.
362
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:49,293
And maybe if I could have it
in the...
363
00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,693
..special little house.
364
00:15:53,693 --> 00:15:56,333
MUSIC: 1901
by Phoenix
365
00:15:59,773 --> 00:16:03,413
Oof. Nice bone and gristle, Martin?
366
00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:04,613
Ooh.
367
00:16:04,613 --> 00:16:07,773
Jim to Martin on the talkie walkie,
over.
368
00:16:07,773 --> 00:16:10,653
Not again. Definitely going to
be like this all night.
369
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:12,373
Martin reading, over.
370
00:16:12,373 --> 00:16:15,813
Um, where's the mustard? Over.
371
00:16:15,813 --> 00:16:18,093
The man's driving me bloody mad.
372
00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:19,773
Ahhh, is he?
373
00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:21,973
Martin to Jim.
374
00:16:21,973 --> 00:16:25,453
The mustard's in the little drawer
on the right, over.
375
00:16:25,453 --> 00:16:27,693
Thank you, Martin. Over and out.
376
00:16:28,733 --> 00:16:31,533
Well, at least he follows the
correct communications procedure.
377
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,093
On the talkie walkie.
378
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,373
Jim to Martin on the talkie walkie.
379
00:16:35,373 --> 00:16:36,333
Bleeding hell.
380
00:16:37,373 --> 00:16:39,053
Martin reading. Over.
381
00:16:39,053 --> 00:16:42,613
Do you have anything that looks
and tastes like a lemon,
382
00:16:42,613 --> 00:16:45,573
but isn't a lemon? Over.
383
00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:47,853
Oh, turn the wretched thing off,
will you?
384
00:16:49,173 --> 00:16:51,453
Do your lady friends like caravans?
385
00:16:51,453 --> 00:16:53,053
Do they like caravans?
386
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:55,653
Martin, our sons announce that
they've both got girlfriends,
387
00:16:55,653 --> 00:16:57,413
and that's the first thing
you want to ask?
388
00:16:57,413 --> 00:17:00,253
Um, sorry, dad I don't actually know
if my girlfriend likes caravans.
389
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,773
Yeah, funny,
I don't really know either.
390
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:05,213
You don't know
if they like caravans?
391
00:17:05,213 --> 00:17:07,093
What the hell do you talk about?
392
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,893
Not caravans, I hope.
393
00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:11,893
I mean, I can ask
if you'd like me to.
394
00:17:11,893 --> 00:17:13,293
I would, actually.
395
00:17:16,253 --> 00:17:19,053
"Do you like caravans?"
396
00:17:19,053 --> 00:17:23,813
I'll ask as well, just texting
Lucy One, the best Lucy.
397
00:17:23,813 --> 00:17:26,173
So when am I going to
bloody meet them?
398
00:17:26,173 --> 00:17:29,053
100 years? 1,000 years?
1,000 years.
399
00:17:29,053 --> 00:17:31,453
Boys.
PHONE DINGS
400
00:17:31,453 --> 00:17:35,253
OK. She says, "What do you mean,
caravans?"
401
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:37,573
PHONE VIBRATES
Oh!
402
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:39,413
"Caravans? What do you mean?"
403
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:41,373
They've never heard of caravans?
PHONE RINGS
404
00:17:41,373 --> 00:17:45,053
Oh! Hi. No, sorry, it was just
405
00:17:45,053 --> 00:17:47,413
my stupid dad, yep.
PHONE RINGS
406
00:17:47,413 --> 00:17:50,533
Sorry, babe, my stupid,
stupid dad just wanted to know.
407
00:17:50,533 --> 00:17:53,613
Yeah, right... It's the girls!
408
00:17:53,613 --> 00:17:56,533
Ooh, let me say hello to them.
Mum, get off.
409
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:59,853
Ah, please. God, Mum! Adam. No,
Adam. A
410
00:17:59,853 --> 00:18:01,893
Leave me alone! Aw, Adam!
411
00:18:01,893 --> 00:18:05,853
I know. Sorry, Luce, she's mad.
Crazy.
412
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:09,493
Right. But I want to speak to them.
Mum!
413
00:18:09,493 --> 00:18:11,253
Give me your phones!
Get off, you lunatic!
414
00:18:11,253 --> 00:18:15,213
Get in there! In there!
Wait, no, boys!
415
00:18:15,213 --> 00:18:16,653
Horrible!
416
00:18:16,653 --> 00:18:18,133
She's insane!
417
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:20,093
It's not fair.
418
00:18:21,773 --> 00:18:25,213
So do they like caravans?
419
00:18:25,213 --> 00:18:26,573
Sorry, Luce, she's mad.
420
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:27,853
DOORBELL RINGS
I know, crazy.
421
00:18:27,853 --> 00:18:29,573
Yeah, see you later.
Yep, anyway, bye.
422
00:18:29,573 --> 00:18:31,573
Absolutely insane.
Absolutely insane.
423
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:32,813
Ugh.
424
00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:34,093
Insane! Insane.
425
00:18:35,773 --> 00:18:38,773
Thank you so much for that.
Yes, thanks, Mum.
426
00:18:38,773 --> 00:18:40,533
Horrible boys.
427
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:43,173
Hello, all. Oh, yeah, Jim's here.
428
00:18:43,173 --> 00:18:44,533
What are you bloody doing?
429
00:18:44,533 --> 00:18:49,853
Um, I've been told by the water
people that I can go back home now.
430
00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:53,773
Oh, right. Really?
There's still excrement everywhere,
431
00:18:53,773 --> 00:18:57,413
but there's not quite so much
excrement everywhere as before.
432
00:18:57,413 --> 00:19:00,773
Lovely. Ugh, what is that smell?
433
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,733
Close the window, will you?
HE SIGHS
434
00:19:02,733 --> 00:19:08,213
Oh, and Martin, I noticed the loo
in your caravan was all blocked up,
435
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,533
so I...
DOG WHINES
436
00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:14,013
Remain. So I, um...
437
00:19:16,453 --> 00:19:21,493
..I managed to get
the waste unit out for you.
438
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,813
My God.
439
00:19:23,813 --> 00:19:26,533
Ugh! Jim! Don't leave it there!
Thanks, Jim.
440
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:30,373
Maybe take that back outside again?
Yes, but slowly.
441
00:19:30,373 --> 00:19:34,933
Yes, course, slowly,
cos it is rather full.
442
00:19:34,933 --> 00:19:36,373
DOG BARKS
443
00:19:36,373 --> 00:19:39,853
THEY SCREAM
444
00:19:39,853 --> 00:19:42,573
Great! Now our house
is flooded with excrement.
445
00:19:42,573 --> 00:19:44,413
My lovely dining room!
446
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:47,573
Oh, I think I'm going to be sick.
Oh, Martin, get a mop.
447
00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:50,893
What?! I'm not walking through
that...! Sea of shit?
448
00:19:50,893 --> 00:19:53,573
We'll have to go through the window.
The window? Come on.
449
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:56,013
Oh, my God.
450
00:19:56,013 --> 00:20:00,333
No, no, Milson,
you've had your supper.
451
00:20:01,573 --> 00:20:02,813
THEY WHIMPER
452
00:20:02,813 --> 00:20:05,413
Hold me, Jackie. Never let go.
453
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,053
Yes, all right, Jim.
454
00:20:07,053 --> 00:20:13,493
I-I really am so sorry for spilling
all that, well, you know.
455
00:20:13,493 --> 00:20:19,333
Yes, Jim. All I can say
is that at least it's your own.
456
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:21,653
And a little bit of mine.
457
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:25,453
Bye, all!
HE GRUNTS
458
00:20:25,453 --> 00:20:28,413
Thanks, Jim. So what do we do now?
459
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:30,253
Just go back in the house. Really?
460
00:20:31,613 --> 00:20:34,293
OK, we're not going
back in the house.
461
00:20:34,293 --> 00:20:36,013
HE CLEARS THROAT
462
00:20:42,373 --> 00:20:43,853
?500?
463
00:20:43,853 --> 00:20:46,973
I know it's Friday night,
but 500 quid
464
00:20:46,973 --> 00:20:48,333
to come and clean up some mess?
465
00:20:48,333 --> 00:20:50,293
Have you told them it's shit?
It's actual shit?
466
00:20:50,293 --> 00:20:54,053
Just shut up. Uh, OK, two hours.
467
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:56,373
But please hurry.
468
00:20:56,373 --> 00:20:59,013
SHE GROANS
Terrific.
469
00:20:59,013 --> 00:21:01,533
Well, Martin, you've finally
got your dinner in your caravan.
470
00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:04,213
Are you happy now? Yes. Very. Hm.
471
00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:06,693
Actually, it's not so bad in here.
See?
472
00:21:06,693 --> 00:21:09,013
Yeah, it's all right, really.
473
00:21:09,013 --> 00:21:12,093
It was meant to be a celebration,
a family celebration.
474
00:21:12,093 --> 00:21:14,533
It is a family celebration.
475
00:21:14,533 --> 00:21:19,733
Is it? Dad? What? Your thing.
476
00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:23,733
Oh, yeah, Jackie, look,
I got this made especially for you.
477
00:21:27,693 --> 00:21:29,973
"Martin and Jackie."
478
00:21:29,973 --> 00:21:31,493
You got that made for me?
479
00:21:31,493 --> 00:21:34,133
And if I just press
this little button...
480
00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:35,373
Careful, Dad.
481
00:21:37,653 --> 00:21:38,653
There.
482
00:21:40,093 --> 00:21:42,653
Oh, Martin.
483
00:21:42,653 --> 00:21:44,493
"Martin and Ackie."
484
00:21:44,493 --> 00:21:46,493
Oh, shut up.
485
00:21:46,493 --> 00:21:51,573
Bloody bulbs. Thanks, sweetheart.
SHE GIGGLES
486
00:21:51,573 --> 00:21:53,893
Okey dokey,
487
00:21:53,893 --> 00:21:56,213
anyone for a grotty butter sandwich,
over?
488
00:21:56,213 --> 00:21:58,733
Er, piss off, over.
489
00:21:58,733 --> 00:22:00,333
You silly sods.
490
00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:03,973
Right, let's get this
bloody thing sorted. Uh...
491
00:22:03,973 --> 00:22:07,013
THEY SCREAM
492
00:22:07,013 --> 00:22:08,413
Stop!
493
00:22:08,413 --> 00:22:10,653
CRASHING
494
00:22:12,893 --> 00:22:15,173
Oh, my God!
495
00:22:15,173 --> 00:22:16,333
SHE GASPS
496
00:22:16,333 --> 00:22:19,573
My caravan. My beautiful caravan.
497
00:22:19,573 --> 00:22:22,053
Just look at it, Jackie!
It's a wreck!
498
00:22:22,053 --> 00:22:23,533
Oh, Dad.
499
00:22:23,533 --> 00:22:24,693
Aw.
500
00:22:27,733 --> 00:22:32,053
Martin, look.
501
00:22:32,053 --> 00:22:33,133
SHE GASPS
502
00:22:36,253 --> 00:22:38,933
We can get this thing fixed,
you know.
503
00:22:38,933 --> 00:22:42,693
What? We can, we will.
We'll get it fixed, I promise.
504
00:22:42,693 --> 00:22:44,053
Really? BOTH: Really?
505
00:22:44,053 --> 00:22:46,493
SHE TUTS
Yes, darling.
506
00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:50,453
Come on, let's wait in the car.
507
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:53,973
We'll order a pizza, yeah?
Pizza! Skill!
508
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,773
Yeah, come on, then. Pizza.
509
00:22:57,653 --> 00:22:59,493
Jonny to Dad, over.
510
00:23:00,893 --> 00:23:02,533
Roger, Jonny, go ahead.
511
00:23:02,533 --> 00:23:04,413
Your caravan's on fire, over.
512
00:23:08,773 --> 00:23:11,693
Shit on it, over.
513
00:23:11,693 --> 00:23:14,693
# I change shapes
just to hide in this place
514
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:19,173
# But I'm still, I'm still an animal
515
00:23:19,173 --> 00:23:22,213
# Nobody knows it but me when I slip
516
00:23:22,213 --> 00:23:26,253
# Yeah, I slip, I'm still an animal
517
00:23:26,253 --> 00:23:29,773
# I change shapes
just to hide in this place
518
00:23:29,773 --> 00:23:34,373
# But I'm still, I'm still an animal
37404
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof