Original subtitles

BIRDS TWEET

MUSIC PLAYS

ORGAN DRONE

Remember, remember The 5th of November

Gunpowder treason and plot

We know no reason why gunpowder treason

Should ever be for God.

Morning, Scarecrow.

Can I interest you in a...?

No?

CHUCKLES

You know, I envy you.

When did you last miss a sunset

or a dawn chorus?

You get to watch the crops grow,

seasons change.

You probably understand it all better than me.

Can you believe autumn's come round again?

They've set up the stack on the green for Bonfire Night.

You know, that's where I first saw Renie.

Bonfire Night on the green.

But she doesn't know that.

She don't remember it, and I never told her.

I've never told anyone.

She thinks we met a few weeks later

at the Harvest Dance in the Village Hall.

By that time, I'd worked out my strategy.

Sharp suit, snazzy dance moves...

I turned on the charm.

Anyway...

..good job this year, scarecrow.

You can have a raise.

CHUCKLES

Snazzy dance moves.

CAT MEOWS

BIKE BELL RINGS

DOG BARKS

Morning, kiddos.

What can I get you?

Do you have Mrs Braithwaite's list?

You say it.

Eh, can we have four cream horns

and a large flowery bloom?

Please...

Please. FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

Where's my badge? My committee badge.

Have you seen it?

I'm meeting the committee on the green.

Which committee? The Horticultural Society Committee?

We don't have badges in the Horticultural Society Committee.

We have lanyards.

The Pancake Day Committee?

Of course not. It's November.

The Bonfire Night Committee.

You belong to too many committees.

You need a committee committee.

What's that, dear?

A committee committee...

..to manage all the different committees.

You might be onto something there.

Let's have a look.

Right.

Oh.

Bonfire... Bonfire...

Oh, here it is. Bonfire Night Committee.

Oh.

Good. I'll see you for lunch. All right.

I've no idea why they need name badges.

It's the same six old farts on all these committees.

They've known each other since school.

It's just an excuse to go to the pub.

Well, shall we go see?

Sorry. Hi, I'm late.

Sorry.

Here he is. Mr Whitebread.

Ah, present.

Apologies all around.

Apology accepted.

Myself, the mayor, Mr Whittington,

present.

The alderman, Mr Wheelturn.

Present.

The postmaster, Mr Whistler.

Present.

Mr Winkleman, the butcher.

Mr Winkleman, the butcher.

What? What's that?

And the publican, Mr Wheatsheaf.

Present.

All members present and correct.

I hereby declare this meeting started.

Item one on the agenda.

The stack.

What do we think?

Oh, it's...it's all right, that.

I like it, too.

Well made. It's a good size.

I think it could be bigger.

I think it could be bigger, too.

No, I think it could be bigger.

What do you think, kid?

Yeah, go bigger.

Why not? Bigger is better, so...

I like that.

Bigger is better.

So are we all agreed?

Agreed. Absolutely.

Bigger the better.

Well, we can always discuss this later in the pub

after the site visit.

Oh, speaking of which,

shouldn't you be getting ready for opening time, Mr publican?

Eh? Yes, right, eh, Mayor.

Oh, gosh, that split's critical, isn't it?

Now, then. Item number two...

..the Guy.

What do we think?

Are we pleased with it?

I like the Guy.

I like the Guy.

Good Guy. I think it's an excellent Guy.

What do you think?

It's great. Who made it?

Who made it? Let me see.

The person responsible for making it was Mr Whitebread.

Not me.

I thought it was you, Mr Whistler.

No, I didn't make the Guy.

I thought it was you, Mr Winkleman?

What? No, I didn't make no Guy, no.

Must be the publican.

It must be the publican.

Yes. Of course. It must be him.

Yes. Good. Good.

Well, are we happy with it?

Couldn't be happier.

Very good. Well, site visit concluded.

Shall we adjourn to the pub to continue this meeting?

Yes.

MAYOR: Cheerio.

SUSAN: Bye.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Nobody knows who made him.

He's got those sulk eyes.

Well, ask him.

Good morning.

I'm Susan and this is my brother, John.

We're friends of Worzel Gummidge, we thought you might know him.

It's just a dummy.

I don't know.

Let's drop this home and go find Worzel.

SERENE MUSIC PLAYS

WHISTLES WITH GRASS

SERENE MUSIC PLAYS

How do, fruit-cups?

How do, Scarecrow? What's on the cards?

Fun and games? That's the plan.

Have you shrunk?

Shrunk?

No.

Hm, you look smaller.

They've got the stack for Bonfire Night on the village green.

I know, farmer told me. Have you been down to have a look?

The farmer? You mean Mr Braithwaite knowns you can come alive and talk?

No, no, no. I don't speaks to him,

but he quite often comes by, tells me what's on his mind.

You'd be surprised how many people stop and say hello.

That's so funny.

He mentioned Bonfire Night cos it's an anniversary or something.

I think that's where him and the missus first met.

It's the day after tomorrow, fireworks and everything.

But there was a Guy on top, and no-one knows who made him.

There's a very good reason for that.

Erm, do you know him? I say, I do.

A cousin of mine, Guy Forks.

Well, we mentioned you, but he didn't speak up.

Yeah, strange old fish, Guy.

Thinks he's the bee's knees, but I like him

Except when he calls me Gumbo,

I hates it when he calls me that.

Don't yous two never call me Gumbo. I don't like it.

We'll go there now. I'll introduce you.

INDISTINCT CHATTERING, BLISSFUL MUSIC

Onion?

No, thanks.

Please yourselves.

There he is. Looking good this year.

Proper forks for hands.

Worzel, onion breath.

So that's your cousin?

Sort of. Go back years, me and Guy.

I thought you said he gets burned every year.

That he does. And very good at it, he is, too.

And the same one comes back next year?

Same, but different.

I don't understand.

That don't matter, do it? Lots of things I don't understand.

Here, look. They're going.

Go.

How do, Guido?

It's me, Worzel.

Is that you, Worzel?

That's what I said, pal.

Who you with? Oh, these two?

They're all right.

Honour-r-r-r-r-r-rary scarecrows,

Susan and John, or vice versa.

Catholics?

I don't think so.

We'll see. Pleased to meet you.

Well made stack you've got there.

Yeah, I prefer one a bit more rickety,

one that could collapse at any moment....

Don't. ..topple towards the crowd.

That's what makes a good show.

Don't, mate, I can't stand it.

It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Look at you, though, champ.

You' looking forward to the big night? Oh, not half.

We'll be there cheering you on.

How many years is it now?

413 years.

Is it really? Aye. The big four-one-three?

Aye. Should be a good show.

I've got a few surprises up me sleeves.

I don't doubt it, cousin.

Smashing head, what's it filled with?

Acorns. Oh, those will go up with a crackle and a pop.

Yeah, the legs are applewood,

should be slow-burning and fragrant,

and the cape is fully synthetic.

Should fizz up nice and green.

Good touch.

How's our Sally?

Oh, you know, same face like a splintered chair leg.

She's in the museum these days.

You should go and see her if you get a chance. She likes a visitor.

I will before I get incinerated.

I'm going to do a bit more work on this stack overnight.

Here, if you've got any spare wood that needs burning,

bring it down. Let's make this thing worthwhile, eh?

We'll see what we can find. Cheerio for now.

Ta-ra.

There'll be some old bits of wood round at the allotments.

Oh, splendid move.

SERENE MUSIC PLAYS

Earthy? Where are you, old girl?

Worzel?

Is that you?

Where are you, Scarecrow?

I can hear you, but I can't see you.

I'm in the asparagus patch.

There she is.

How do, chum?

How do?

Come and sit down.

Has someone been eating onions?

He has. Only one.

A massive one.

CHUCKLES

That's so pretty.

Thank you.

What are you...?

Why...?

Oh. Why...why did you...?

Well, I don't want the little hooligans around here, do I?

Eating the sprouts and the winter greens.

Don't worry.

I pitch them over towards the compost heap

so they have a soft landing.

Why did you paint the flowers on them, Earthy?

Ah, so I know which ones are coming back.

See ya.

Do you have anything that we can use for the fire?

What fire?! Is there a fire?!

No, no, no, no, no.

On the village green.

It's Bonfire Night.

Oh, no.

Is it the 5th again?

Earthy's not a big fan of Bonfire Night,

and she don't trust Guy Forks. Thinks he's trouble.

He's a pyromaniac, that's why.

Oh, he's all right. He's just a show man, that's all.

A song and dance man.

Well, I think he should get a proper job.

Do something useful.

Don't let Worzel get lead astray, chillens.

You keep an eye on him.

We will.

Bye, Earthy.

Oh, you couldn't take that "Trespassers will be composted"

sign for the fire, could you?

I have to look at it every blooming day,

and I just don't find it funny.

It doesn't really belong to us, Earthy.

Oh, well...

..maybe it'll get funnier in time.

Oh, wait a minute.

Can I have a go of that?

Yeah. There you go.

Oh, mind not towards the gardener.

GARDENER: Oi!

Gulp.

Time to make a swift exit.

Pip-pip, Scarecrow.

Pip-pip, Worzel. Pip-pip, chillens.

ROOSTER CROWS

GRUNTING AND GROANING

Idiot thing!

Doesn't make sense!

Right. Tell me again,

I've removed the sprocket housing and the gaskets...

Then what?

Open up the head stocks to their fullest extent

and flush it all through.

Loosen the camshaft a couple of notches

and then start it up again with the clutch down.

Which ones are the head stocks?

SIGHS

Can't you come and do it?

Yes, yes.

All right, I'll get my tools.

Honestly...

..we have to do everything 'round here.

Do you have any old wood that we can use for the bonfire on the green?

Yeah, there's a broken pallet in the barn you can take.

Thanks.

You and Mrs B going tomorrow?

What, to the bonfire? I shouldn't have thought so.

No, we haven't been in years.

Oh, but I thought it was your anniversary.

Anniversary?

Yeah. I thought you met Mrs B on Bonfire Night.

Who told you that?

You did, didn't you?

Must've been Mrs B.

Yeah, yeah, there's some wood in the barn.

Thanks.

Hmm.

Look.

We'll come a cob-o'-coalin'

Cob-o'-coalin' cob-o'-coalin'

We'll come a cob-o'-coalin'

For Bonfire Night.

SUSAN: Worzel...

INDISTINCT CHATTERING

He's been busy, look.

Oh, no.

What do you think?

Impressive, eh?

Oh, Guido, what's all this?

You can't burn this stuff.

Ha! Scared!

And you, a scarecrow?

No need to be frightened of a few pops and bangs.

It's not the noise, it's the toxic smoke.

Worried about a few poisonous fumes?

Not me, young lady.

Oh, come on, Guy, you're just showing off.

Well, I don't hear anyone else complaining.

In fact, the Bonfire Night Committee's already been,

approved it and retired to the tavern.

What?

Go ask them.

Have you seen the bonfire stack?

Yes.

You can't allow that to be burned.

Why?

Because it's made from tyres and carpet and mattresses.

And?

think of the pollution.

What she say?

Ablutions.

No, no, no, no, no. Pollution.

I've heard of this. It's a...it's a youth...

..thing. I'm afraid, young lady,

this is the way we've always done things,

stretching back centuries.

The villagers always build their bonfire from old junk.

Yeah. But in past centuries, that junk was all made from wood,

not plastic and rubber.

It's tradition.

Hm?

And whether you believe in pollution or not,

it's only one night of the year,

it'll all be gone the next morning,

and there are no laws against it.

Eh, yeah, there are.

What's that, lad?

There are.

Laws against burning certain things like tyres

and mattresses in public places.

Yeah, well... Yes.

Obviously, there are guidelines for this sort of thing,

but that doesn't mean.

Yeah, illegal. It says it right here. Illegal is a very strong word.

Maximum prison sentence...

I don't think we need to hear about the maximum prison sentence

On second thoughts, gentlemen,

perhaps an all-wood bonfire might be a safer option.

I can't be going to prison.

I don't want to go to prison.

That's it.

Careful of the hat.

That's it.

GUY: Look what they've done.

They've taken all the fun stuff away!

This is your fault, this is!

You've left me with a pathetic pile twigs!

Oh, come on, Guy. It's not that bad.

It'll still go up with a blaze.

Oh, what's this, a cordon?

A cordon?

I ask you, we didn't need cordons back in the old days.

It's political correctness gone mad.

Health and safety.

It's health and safety gone mad.

It's a good thing, Guy.

You've got to change with the times if you want to survive.

Yeah. And, anyway,

I thought you looked lost in that pile of rubbish.

Lost? We couldn't see you.

But now you stand out like the main attraction.

A main attraction, you say?

Absolutely. Nobody will be able to take their eyes off you.

Oh, you're probably right.

There. Marvellous.

Well, we'll see you tomorrow night.

Darn well. I will.

Don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you do.

Here, you should think about retiring.

Come out to the fields. Scare some crows.

Ha! Not me, Gumbo, I couldn't do that.

Standing still all day.

GUY CHUCKLES

Standing still?

Worzel...

Yeah, I couldn't do it.

Who's standing still all day?

Leave it, Worzel.

You are, Gumbo.

You scarecrows,

standing there like statues.

I beg your pardon, but any scarecrow

what's standing still all day aren't doing their job proper.

Movement, I'll have you know, is key.

Rhubarb!

What you do is easy.

You should get a proper job.

A proper...?!

Don't make me laugh!

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

That was a fake laugh.

All right. If it's so easy,

come out to Ten Acre Field and scare some crows.

I will, and I'll do it so well

they won't come back and you'll be out of a job.

An easy job.

LAUGHS MOCKINGLY

You couldn't scare a chiffchaff.

You watch.

He'll soon see that scaring crows is a skilled and ancient craft.

Takes years of training to become a scarecrow.

Where did you train?

Mainly in the field.

Is this it, Gumbo? Am I doing it correctly?

Just stand here, yeah?

GUY CHORTLES

Now that were a genuine laugh, that were.

This is so easy!

What are you talking about?

There aren't even any crows.

I know! Bit too scared.

Me reputation goes before me.

Bubble bath, you don't know what you're talking about.

It's easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

GUY LAUGHS

IMITATES CROWS

Worzel, what are you doing?

GUY: ..they are terrified of me, clearly!

Worzel, are you cheating?

I'm not cheating.

I'm giving him a chance to prove himself.

Oh, I'm so great.

I really am.

I'm really brilliant.

I'm wonderful.

I'm Guy Forks.

I'm a legend.

How brilliant it is to be me.

I can't get enough of meself.

I really can't.

No-one else comes close to being as brilliant as me.

CROWS CAW

Uh...

It's crow time.

TENSE MUSIC PLAYS

CROWS CAW

Uh-oh.

Ugh... Off!

Get off!

Off!

Easy, is it?

Superb. Look at 'em. They aren't scared a jot.

Eh...

Shoo.

Shoo! Get off me!

Superb. Priceless.

That hasn't happened to me since 1982.

That's supposed to be lucky.

Get if off me!

I don't like 'em! Get if off me!

CRIES

SOBBING: I'm Guy Forks.

CHORTLES

Worzel, you've proved your point.

Shouldn't we put him out of his misery?

I suppose you're right.

Come on.

LAUGHS

Shoo! Get away with ya!

CROWS CAW

Woo!

WORZEL LAUGHS

They thought you was a perch,

not to mention a toilet.

Very funny, I'm sure, Gummidge.

You were right.

It's not as easy as it looks.

I told you, didn't I?

You were like, "Oh, oh, but I would have scared the crows.

"It's just standing still."

You looked so funny.

All right, it's true.

I accepted your challenge and I failed.

You can say that again.

But now we get to see how you fare

with your part of the challenge.

Wait, what?

My part of the challenge?

Well, of course.

I tried to do your job

and now...

..you have to try and do mine.

But that's being burned on the bonfire.

Or are you chicken, Gumbo?

Oh, Mr Chicken Oh, Mr Chicken.

Oh, Mr Chicken, please lay an egg for me.

Ha!

Worzel, don't be stupid.

Guy's made for burning. You're not.

Nope. Anything he can do, I can do, too.

That's ridiculous.

You're a scarecrow. Now, come down.

Please, Worzel.

I'm doing it. I've decided.

It's a matter of honour and...

..scarecrow code.

Worzel!

Look what you've done.

I thought you were looking forward to your big moment.

I'm not bothered.

It's just a pathetic pile of cocktail sticks anyway.

Now, if I'm no longer needed,

I have business to attend to.

Who do we know that could talk some sense into him?

BOTH: Earthy Mangold.

He wouldn't listen.

You know how he gets.

Stubborn as daisy roots.

He said it was a matter of honour.

He said there was a scarecrow code.

He said what?

Right.

How do, Earthy?

Worzel Malcolm Gummidge, get down from there this instant.

Can't do it, Earthy. Matter of honour. Made a promise.

Oh, the chillens said you'd say that.

They also said you spoke about, eh, scarecrow code. Mm-hm.

They mentioned that, did they?

Scarecrow code. What scarecrow code?

There's no such thing.

It just came out in the heat of the moment.

I thought it sounded good.

What? Do you think you're a pirate or something?

It just came out. Never heard such rubbish.

You don't have to do what bullies tell ya.

Would you walk into a fire if he told you to?

Well, that's basically what he has told me to do.

Bad example.

Would you jump off a cliff if he told you to?

Most certainly not.

Well, what the hecky flip are you up there for?

It's all right for him.

He's a Guy. He comes back every year.

Oh, guff, you don't understand.

My pride is at stake.

Your pride has a habit of getting you into scrapes, scarecrow.

That incident with the muck spreader.

Don't mention the muck spreader.

But nothing as foolish as this.

TWEETS

SERENE MUSIC PLAYS

TWEETING

But I...

What's Winter George saying?

I know but... Hitting him where it hurts,

in the heart.

I was... TWEETING

I know... TWEETING

He's saying that Worzel's putting his home in danger?

Where's he going to raise his chicks?

Says he's being selfish.

Selfish?

TWEETING

I never really thought of that.

I never meant to be selfish.

TWEETING

Sorry, champ.

GASPS

GASPS

What's that?

What's going on?

Where's our Guy?

I don't know.

What...? Has it been stolen?

He's struck again.

Who has?

Fireworks were stolen, too.

All 36 boxes of them

from the alderman's back shed.

It's a disaster.

Is the scarecrow a replacement?

Hardly. Looks nothing like Guy Fawkes.

Oh, look, here's another.

Should we put that one up there, too?

Two are better than one.

It's a good point.

Agreed. All right.

All right, the scarecrow stays

and we'll pop this one up there, too.

Wait, wait, wait. You can't.

Of course we can.

This meeting is adjourned.

Gentlemen, shall we...?

I'll put her up, shall I?

And I'll make sure no-one touches the scarecrows.

Spanner.

Big one.

Mr B, your scarecrow's been taken or something...

They're trying... They're going to burn it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. One at a time. What are you trying to tell me?

Your scarecrow, the one you said had been around for years.

Well, someone's taken him and they put it on the fire.

Who? Why?

I don't know. But the Guy's gone missing,

and your scarecrow is on the stack.

Well, that's a blooming liberty.

Small spanner.

DOOR OPENS

Right. What's going on, Whittington?

Why is my scarecrow on the bonfire stack?

How do, Henry?

Oh, is that thing yours?

Yes. And he belongs in Ten Acre Field.

I didn't give anyone permission to move him.

None of us put it up there.

Maybe it walked here by itself.

"Walked here by himself."

He's not firewood. He has an important job to do on my farm...

Sorry, Henry, "he"?

It's a scarecrow. No...not a person.

Is he your friend?

Would you miss him?

I know it's just a scarecrow, but it belongs to me.

Look, look, Henry, Henry...

I don't know quite why you're getting so het up

about a tatty old scarecrow.

But if our stolen Guy turns up,

you can have your scarecrow back again.

But until then, it's serving as a pretty good replacement.

And if it gets burned tomorrow night, well,

you can always make another one.

Yeah, maybe a better one.

Quite. Be reasonable, Henry.

All right.

But if the Guy turns up,

I'm taking him back.

It, Henry.

It.

It.

Oh, dear me.

All right, Henry.

Don't worry, I've got my eye on 'em.

So he's still there, on the stack?

Yeah.

Yeah, I said they could, you know, till the Guy Fawkes turns up.

Probably in a ditch or a hedge somewhere in the village.

You can go and look for him tomorrow, if you like.

It is, after all...

..just a scarecrow.

Right, well, night-night.

DOOR CLOSES

Poor Worzel.

Poor Earthy.

SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYS

Bunch of pompous old windbags.

Think they run the place.

The village committee?

But you've always found them funny in the past.

You call them grumpy, sleepy, lazy, dopey, balding and stupid.

Yeah, behind their backs, never to their faces.

Well, exactly.

I don't know how they've managed to wind you up so much this time.

Hmm.

It's that scarecrow.

I know I keep saying it's just a scarecrow, but...

..he's been around for ages.

When they were laughing, I felt all...

All what?

Protective, like he was part of the family or something.

Oh, you are soppy.

Well, like they said, you can always make another one,

or better still, get the kids to make a new one.

I bet they'd really enjoy that.

Hmm.

Here, Renie,

remind me again, where did we first meet?

Eh?

You know where we first met?

At the Harvest Dance in the village hall

with you and your suit,

and the dancing.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was it.

SNORING

SNORING

Earthy...

Earthy, can you hear me?

I think he's nodded off.

Might be time to make our exit.

I'm nervous, Worzel.

What if he wakes?

I don't want to be seen.

You creep down. I'll keep watch.

If he wakes, I'll cause a distraction.

I can't go without you, Worzel.

I'll be right behind.

OK. Go on. I got you into this mess.

We'll be fine if we're quiet.

That's it.

On down you go.

That's it.

Go on.

Nearly there.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Go, go, go.

This is useless. Why are we looking in hedges?

He'd only be in a hedge if he really had been stolen or dumped.

I mean, he said he had business to attend to.

Wait...

He also said he wanted to visit Aunt Sally before he was burnt.

Hello.

Can I help?

Yes, I think you have an Aunt Sally here.

A what? An Aunt Sally. It's a fairground attraction.

A wooden woman. We're doing a fairground project for school.

Oh yes, there are several old fairground pieces

in the end gallery. I think one of those might be an Aunt Sally.

Have you been here before?

BOTH: No.

Well, let's go and see.

"A late 19th century Aunt Sally,

"a carved wooden effigy of a woman used as a target

"in a popular rural game."

Yes. Here she is.

This is her?

Well, yes, that's...that's what it says?

She's very young looking and pretty.

Yeah, I always thought she'd be older.

Well, late-19th century is quite old.

And scraggier.

She doesn't look like she's ever had a stick thrown at her.

Well, that's what it says on the label,

and labels don't lie.

Right.

Thank you.

Right, I'll leave you to it.

Aunt Sally, we're friends of your nephew, Worzel Gummidge.

Please believe us. He's in trouble and we need your help.

Honestly, it's not a trick.

I know you're not supposed to talk to humans,

but Worzel's in danger.

I don't think that's her.

The way Worzel describes Aunt Sally,

I thought she'd be more terrified.

I know.

"My poor mum's horrible sister", he says.

"Ugly old trout", isn't it, Worzel calls her?

"Miserable old trout."

That's it. "Miserable" old trout.

Well, she doesn't look miserable. She looks happy.

She's beautiful... And young...

And a dolly bird!

She's a pretty-kitty-empty-head.

Lacey-Lu, a frillypom-ninkum-blouse.

The label says she's an Aunt Sally, so...

And this says that I am a Kalliope Jane! The very suggestion!

They must have got the labels mixed up after the refurbishment.

So you're Aunt Sally. That makes more sense.

You're much more like what I was expecting.

Scraggier, you mean?

Terrifying? Ugly old trout?

Miserable old trout.

Show me your nails, girl.

Disgusting. You could grow potatoes under those.

How will you ever find a husband with nails like those?

Don't want a husband! Don't answer back.

How old are you?

15. You should be ashamed.

When I was your age, I was 21.

What on Earth's the matter with you, boy?

You got ants in your pants?

Stand still hopping about like a "eeee" flea.

Are you simple?

No. Very complicated.

You're a delinquent.

Aunt Sally, please. Worzel's in danger.

We have to find Guy Forks. Has he been here?

That Flouncing-Fop-a-Dandy?

No, he wouldn't dare show his face.

Not after what he did.

What did he do?

Do you not learn history in school?

Yeah, but... But what?

There's a lot of history. We haven't got around to all of it yet.

Well, I'm not your history teacher.

Why do we need to learn history?

Because history is repeating itself, boy.

If you know the story of Guy Fawkes,

you can work out where he'll be hiding.

Muddy boots.

Oh!

Wash your mouth out.

I thought the project was about fair grounds.

Yeah, we changed our minds.

It's about Guy Fawkes now.

Well, over there is early 17th century politics.

In this section we have books on the English Catholic Rebellion

and over here you'll find studies on the Spanish Eighty Years' War.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Can I just say how nice it is...?

What a pleasure to see two young people using a public library

to research their school project.

Well done, you.

How do you spell Fawkes?,

F A W...

F A W...

..K E S.

..K E S.

BELL CHIMES

Who's that supposed to be?

It's just a scarecrow, isn't it?

Why didn't they get a proper Guy Fawkes?

I've heard they haven't even got proper fireworks.

This is rubbish.

Remember, remember The 5th of November

Gunpowder treason and plot

We know no reason

Why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot...

Oh, there's no reception.

Uh...

Oh, got it.

What's it say? OK, "1605...

"..Guy Fawkes and his band of blah blah blah

"conspired to blow up parliament

"with 36 barrels of gunpowder and assassinate the king."

36 barrels of gunpowder.

Isn't it 36 boxes of fireworks that were stolen?

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Where did he have gunpowder?

Ugh, it was under the House of Lords.

So, where's that?

The Village Hall?

What king were they trying to blow up?

It was...

"Oh, it was King James."

He's going to blow up the pub.

Remember, remember The 5th of November

Gunpowder treason and plot

We know no reason

Why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot...

Two pints? Two pints?

SNORING

Royalists!

Two pints? Two pints? Coming up!

I understand. I can hear ya.

You don't have to... I can hear ya.

You came back.

Everything is in place.

Nobody is going to scupper me plans,

not this time!

Guy! It's not too late.

You can still go on the fire. I mean, they haven't lit it yet.

WHIMPERS: They don't deserve me.

I'm too good for 'em.

Why isn't the whole village out looking for me, eh?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Aw.

Right, right, gots me a shortage.

The bitter's all down and an all.

I gotta go down, you know switch the barrel.

I gotta switch me a barrel. Five minutes.

They don't care who's on the fire these days.

Well, let's see how the villagers like a Guy Fawkes night

without a Guy Fawkes,

and without any fireworks!

And what's that?

Fire extinguisher.

I'm going to drench the fireworks with water

so that they're useless and nobody can enjoy them.

Oh, cool.

We thought you were going to light them down here.

Light them?

Yeah.

Why would I do that?

Well, cos the pub is King James and there's 36 boxes of fireworks,

so we thought it was history repeating.

Like...

..symbolic?

Yeah.

Of course. These boxes of fireworks

are almost exactly the same as the barrels of gunpowder,

but in 1605!

LAUGHS MENACINGLY

And we're right underneath the King James Pub.

It's priceless.

I don't know why I didn't see it before.

At last,

after four centuries,

it's time to wrap up unfinished business.

LAUGHS MENACINGLY

It's history repeating itself.

LAUGHS MENACINGLY

Wow. if that's the case...

..if I remember my history...

DOOR OPENS, INDISTINCT CHATTERING

..you get caught.

MUMBLES: I'll check on the syphon.

Right.

Caw.

Waw.

He's... MUMBLES

The mayor's going to flip on his packet... MUMBLES

Mayor!

SERENE FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

We've come a cob-o'-coalin'

Cob-o'-coalin' cob-o'-coalin'

We've come a cob-o'-coalin'

For Bonfire Night.

Hey! Gunpowder and treason!

LAUGHS JOYFULLY

It's like the 17th century all over again.

Have a good burn, Guy.

Thanks for your help, love.

Down with the king!

LAUGHS JOYFULLY

Here, you know how we first met at the Harvest Dance...

Yeah?

Well, what you don't know is that I saw you

two weeks before that here at Bonfire Night.

Did you?

Yeah, well, you won't remember, I was with my friends,

but I asked who you were.

And I found out you were going to the dance.

And that's the only reason I turned up.

In that frock.

Mmmm.

Is that right?

Well, I never.

All this time.

It's getting dusty up here, I tell you.

Oh, it's licking me feet.

I love that!

It's licking me feet!

LAUGHS

WORZEL: You know, what I've come to realise is some folks do jobs

that are necessary, that make life liveable,

like me and the Braithwaites.

You need scarecrows and farmers because without them,

there'd be no crops and nobody would have nothing to eat.

But then there are those that do the jobs

that make life worth living.

Put a smile on our faces.

The artists, the storytellers

and those who get burned on bonfires for our entertainment.

And both types of folks are as important as the other,

because without one, life would be difficult,

without the other, life would be dull.

But if pushed,

I'd say my job was slightly more important.

Worzel, you can't make a lovely speech like that

and ruin it with a boast.

Ah, you're right. They're both the same.

Oh, there goes his cape.

CHUCKLES

31, 32,

33, 34,

35.

How many boxes of fireworks did we order, Mr Winkleman?

How many boxes did we order?

36.

36, hm.

I think we're missing one of those boxes of big Roman candles.

Oh. Send me round the bend.

One,

two,

three.

Do you think we should...

Beat a hasty retreat? Gumbo!

I think you might be right.

Gumbo!

This is for you.

So, what was the incident with the muck spreader?

Oh, don't mention the muck spreader.

Oh, come on. What happened?

The main muck pipe on the muck spreader was blocked

and I bet Flat Alistair I could unblock it by...

Actually, I don't think we need to know.

I can still taste it to this day.

Is your middle name really Malcolm?

Just pack it in.

Remember, remember The 5th of November

Gunpowder treason and plot

We know no reason

Why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

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