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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,579 - Let's go! Let's go! 2 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,378 Let's go, baby. Come on. 3 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,480 I can't hear you guys! 4 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,815 They ain't ready for us! They ain't ready for us! 5 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:18,924 - Whoo! - Yeah! 6 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,519 Let's go, baby, let's go! 7 00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:26,059 - Mmm. There's just something about a man covered in paint. 8 00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:27,329 Mmm. 9 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,034 Dude, are you studying at a tailgate? 10 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,995 - Yeah, but only because I'm failing econ. 11 00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,334 - Well, maybe you'd be doing better 12 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,429 if you didn't spend so much time 13 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,873 railing Leighton's brother. 14 00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:36,504 - Okay. 15 00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,269 - Bela, Bela, Bela! You just spilled beer 16 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,371 - all over my textbook. - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! 17 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,610 Ugh. 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,838 And Nico's bed doesn't squeak like that. 19 00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,550 It thuds, like, bam, bam, bam, bam. 20 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:46,782 Hello, ladies. 21 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,280 - Hi, Leighton. - Hi, Leighton. 22 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:51,921 - Wait, why'd you stop talking when I showed up? 23 00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:53,918 Is it--Is it my glasses? I know they're ugly, 24 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,960 but my fucking mom forgot to send my contacts. 25 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,186 No! 26 00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,557 It's just surprising that you came. 27 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,196 - Well, I'm not really jazzed to watch soccer, 28 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:04,132 but I did want to come and support Whitney. 29 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,530 You like Whitney? 30 00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,298 - Yes, I like Whitney. She's our roommate. 31 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,540 Do you like me? 32 00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,142 - I guess. Stop asking me if I like people. 33 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,407 Everyone's fine. Anyway, I can't stay long. 34 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,743 I have to plan a surprise party for my brother's birthday. 35 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,139 Oh, my God. 36 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,653 I didn't know Nico's birthday was coming up. 37 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,875 That's so cool. 38 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:21,476 - Yeah, I always plan his party. 39 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,881 And I have some really good surprises 40 00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,319 in store this time. 41 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,947 - It'd be really great for me if I could get 42 00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:27,392 the "Catullan" writers in for an exclusive event. 43 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,164 - Yeah, I'm sure my brother would love 44 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,955 to have eight nerdy writers hanging around. 45 00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:32,327 No plus ones. 46 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,425 But we are invited. 47 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:38,567 - Sure. both: Yes! 48 00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:40,101 Wait, they're pulling in! 49 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,840 Oh, my God, it's Whitney! 50 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,508 - Hey, girl! - Whitney! 51 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,436 - all: - You came? 52 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,338 - Of course, we did. We love you! 53 00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:52,678 Also, we ran out of mixers. 54 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:53,849 Can we have some of your team's Gatorade? 55 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,117 No! 56 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,921 - No worries! We'll see you inside! 57 00:01:56,983 --> 00:01:59,123 Whoo! 58 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,115 - And the score is tied two to two 59 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,757 as we enter overtime. 60 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:08,085 When I say Es, you say Sex! 61 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,131 Es! crowd: Sex! 62 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,195 - Es! crowd: Sex! 63 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,326 - Es! crowd: Sex! 64 00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:12,431 - Es! crowd: Sex! 65 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,469 - Es! crowd: Sex! 66 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,873 - Es! crowd: Sex! 67 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,668 - Whoo! 68 00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:19,310 - Hey, do either of you ever get this thing 69 00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:20,812 where you feel like you have to pee 70 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,344 - but nothing comes out? - Bitch, you have a UTI. 71 00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:24,813 Oh, my God, no! 72 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,208 - Did you forget to pee after sex? 73 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,712 Are you supposed to do that? 74 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,784 - Someone didn't read their vagina's manual. 75 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,849 - Wait, are you having sex with someone? 76 00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,551 - Who? - Me? 77 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,523 Kimberly Finkle? Having casual sex? 78 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,122 That's a laugh. 79 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,660 - There are a lot of other ways to get a UTI. 80 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,285 You probably sat on a wet library chair 81 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,060 - for too long. - Right, that's probably it. 82 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,732 Anyway, these cold bleachers are really helping 83 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:44,960 numb the area. 84 00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:46,231 - Just a reminder, my friend Maya 85 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:47,672 is visiting this week, 86 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,974 so if we could talk less about infected genitals-- 87 00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:51,166 No promises. 88 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,637 - Something's happening! Run, bitch! 89 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:54,806 Run! 90 00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:01,249 Go! Go! 91 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,417 - Get your girl, get your girl, get your girl! 92 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,386 - Oh, go Whitney! Go Whitney! Go! 93 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,590 - Oh! - Ooh. 94 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,219 - Yes! 95 00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:12,764 Ugh! 96 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,359 Oh, don't take her hand, Whitney! 97 00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:17,057 Slap her in the fucking mouth! 98 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:20,703 - Yellow card number 12. Penalty kick for Essex. 99 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,074 Hey, no pressure. 100 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,882 But if you make this shot, we go to the NCAA tournament. 101 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,747 Make the damn shot. You got this! 102 00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:35,246 - Yeah. - All right, here we go. 103 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:36,678 - Ready? - You got this! 104 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,688 Come on, Whitney! 105 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,197 You got this, Whitney! 106 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,134 Yeah! 107 00:03:56,970 --> 00:04:00,740 - Golden goal scored by number 21, Whitney Chase. 108 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,307 Essex wins! 109 00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:07,314 all: 110 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,823 Yeah! 111 00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:33,411 It is 11 a.m.. 112 00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:36,313 That is 100 community service hours. 113 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:37,939 I am out of here. 114 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:41,351 - We knew you'd be excited, so Ginger made you cupcakes! 115 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,847 They're allergen free! 116 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,179 But full of love. And carob chips. 117 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,785 - Thank you. - Do you want to stay 118 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,293 for the rest of today's meeting? 119 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,194 - Oh, not at all, actually, but thank you. 120 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,620 - Okay. - Alicia, Ginger, Tova, 121 00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,261 I will cherish all of the lessons 122 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:54,426 you have taught me. 123 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,704 And to the rest of you-- 124 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,495 I think one of you is named Rebecca. 125 00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:58,697 Oh, both of you. 126 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,098 - Don't forget your cupcakes. 127 00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:02,636 - You know what, Ginger? I will take one. 128 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,472 Oh. 129 00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,967 - I'm free, bitches! Whoo! 130 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:18,954 - Wow. One small step for a South Asian woman, 131 00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:21,818 - on giant leap-- - New writer alert! 132 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,118 - Carla? What are you doing here? 133 00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:24,659 - Did you get tapped too? - Yeah. 134 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,394 I worked really flippin' hard on my submission. 135 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:30,132 I guess they really flippin' liked it. 136 00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,896 Well, cool. 137 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,568 It's so fun that you're here. 138 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,810 Ladies first. 139 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,078 - Holy crap, this is incredible. 140 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:50,579 Wow. 141 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:51,823 Check it out! 142 00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,324 This is gonna be me and you one day. 143 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:56,516 Best friends and coeditors. 144 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,559 - I'm gonna take a seat. - Me too. 145 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,558 - All right, come on, guys. Let's get started. 146 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,431 First off, congratulations to our new "Catullan" writers. 147 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,170 All right, yeah. 148 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,602 - I'm sure we are witnessing the start 149 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,440 of some very successful comedy careers. 150 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,835 - Until you have kids and turn into complacent hacks. 151 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,665 - It's a tradition for new writers 152 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,541 to submit a piece on their first day. 153 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:21,749 And, in an age-old practice dating back to 2013, 154 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,518 the best piece will be featured on our Instagram. 155 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,124 Pieces are due at midnight. 156 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,919 - Maybe it'd be cool if we wrote something together. 157 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,460 - Oh, I'm sure that's not allowed. 158 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,255 - Evangeline, Bela and I want to co-write a piece. 159 00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:32,627 - Is that cool? - We don't have to. 160 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,125 - Really, it's-- - Sure. 161 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,257 Uh, Bela and Carla will be writing one together. 162 00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:37,462 You can work in groups. 163 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,633 - Shaweet. Very nice. my wife. 164 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,243 Have you seen "Borat"? 165 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,571 - Obviously. - I'm sure it's so good. 166 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,377 Your first UTI. 167 00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:53,805 I remember mine well. 168 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,923 I had just conned my way into a birthright trip 169 00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,322 into Israel-- 170 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,387 - Thanks, Lila, but I'm trying to ignore it. 171 00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,392 A UTI is a rite of passage. 172 00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:02,824 You gotta wear it like a crown. 173 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,162 An uncomfortable, scratchy crown 174 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,487 that you can't wait to take off. 175 00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,756 - Hey, guys, I seriously have no idea 176 00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,158 what to get Nico for his birthday, 177 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,503 and I'm stressing. 178 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,897 - Well, I think it's pretty obvious. 179 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,165 You gotta get him a sexy gift. 180 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,597 Oh, like silky boxers. 181 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,338 - No, like, something erotic. Like a cock ring. 182 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,807 - A what? - She's wrong. 183 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,065 Get Nico something nice, but slightly impersonal, 184 00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,810 so he doesn't think you're trying too hard. 185 00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,139 - Maybe a nice journal. - A journal? 186 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,784 Hot guys don't journal. 187 00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,106 They just let their thoughts fade away. 188 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,751 It's what makes them hot. 189 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,846 - I just want to get him something small and meaningful, 190 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,521 but something I know he'll like. 191 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,989 - As long as you pair it with a nasty handwritten card. 192 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:37,758 Something like, "Happy Birthday, Nico, 193 00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:41,034 I love that thick dick. Regards, Kimberly." 194 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,697 Boom, you're welcome. Shakespeare. 195 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,525 - Hey. So you going to this party tomorrow too? 196 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,131 - Yeah, are you? - Nah, I already have plans. 197 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,370 Hanging out with Darius for a bit, 198 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,538 and then meeting up with you 199 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,695 when you leave the party early? 200 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:51,773 Hmm. 201 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:52,868 Sound good? 202 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,212 - I might be available for that. 203 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,937 Cool. 204 00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,878 So, you guys are gonna work or...something? 205 00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,147 - I am. - I'm sick, I have a UTI. 206 00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,653 - Well, uh, good luck with that. 207 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:03,675 Thank you. 208 00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,623 - Poor baby girl. Drink up. 209 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:07,649 Hey, you wanted to see me? 210 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,060 Yep, come on in. 211 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,215 - Let me guess. After the other night, 212 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,734 companies are reaching out about endorsing me? 213 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,896 I'll hold out for Adidas. 214 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,295 - Well, it has come to my attention 215 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,234 that Coach Dalton has been having 216 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,573 an inappropriate sexual relationship 217 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:23,738 with a player. 218 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:24,966 What? 219 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,167 That's crazy. And gross. 220 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,080 Well, I have to ask. 221 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,735 I mean, do you know anything about this, or-- 222 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,583 - Me? No. 223 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,978 I can't even imagine it. 224 00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,646 Dalton's so old he's still on Facebook. 225 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,245 Okay. Well, look. 226 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,251 If you hear anything, let me know. 227 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,823 Um, obviously we have to take this very seriously. 228 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,020 Of course. 229 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,431 I'll think on it, and let you know 230 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,596 if anything comes to mind. 231 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,055 Um, I assume you already talked 232 00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:53,173 to Becky? Not implying anything, 233 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,542 but I did see them share a power bar once. 234 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,871 - You are not the first person to mention that. 235 00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,107 Huh. All right, well, 236 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,905 that's very helpful. Thank you. 237 00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:04,781 - You can go. - Oh, right. 238 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,557 - Hi, you've reached Dalton. Please leave a message, 239 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:17,862 and I'll call you back. 240 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,294 Shit. 241 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:24,859 - Oh, my God. I just thought 242 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,371 about what our piece should be. 243 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:27,872 Cool, what is it? 244 00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,144 - What if we write a piece about what TV characters 245 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,766 say when they orgasm? 246 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,311 - I don't think we want people to picture 247 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,036 Fred Flintstone getting off. 248 00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,137 Right, it's cringey. 249 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,212 I'll think of something else. 250 00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:38,576 No rush. 251 00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:42,454 Sometimes the best ideas take a while to find. 252 00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:43,748 - You know you're like the only person 253 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,416 at "The Catullan" who's nice to me. 254 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:46,994 - I'm sure that'll change with time. 255 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,986 - Well, Eric's not that bad. - Eric? 256 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,488 The only time I've seen Eric smile 257 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,790 - was when I tripped on a cord. 258 00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:55,262 Well, he's better than Ryan. 259 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,626 - Hey, I have an idea for a piece. 260 00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:02,131 What about a Tinder profile for the John Essex statue. 261 00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:05,674 Ryan showed me his dick. 262 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,841 - In a bad way. - Are you serious? 263 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,841 - He called me into his office to talk about piece formatting 264 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,954 and then he took it out. 265 00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:17,323 And it's all I can think about whenever I'm at "The Catullan." 266 00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:18,576 Are you gonna tell anyone? 267 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:19,951 I don't know. 268 00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:23,089 Everybody already thinks I'm so weird. 269 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,960 Has he ever done anything like that to you? 270 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:31,126 - Ryan? No. Not at all. 271 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,997 - Yeah. Forget I said anything. 272 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,101 Let's write your funny idea. 273 00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:40,710 - Yeah? - Yeah. 274 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,113 - This is for my brother's 21st birthday. 275 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:47,548 I will need a crepe station option 276 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,517 that is both sweet and savory. 277 00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:57,557 Well, then I will await your manager's call 278 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,787 at this number. 279 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:03,329 - Oh, are you serving me some rich mommy party planner? 280 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,996 I'm very into that. 281 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,566 Um, hey, what is with 282 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,398 your neighbor with the red hair? 283 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,073 She was staring at me while I was waiting at the door. 284 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,572 Oh, she's my best friend. 285 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,414 I'm kidding. I don't talk to my neighbors. 286 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,739 - Do you think I'm insane? 287 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,984 Dude, planning a party in Vermont is challenging. 288 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,318 No one has taste. 289 00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:24,582 Yeah, about that. 290 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,354 Am I, like, invited to this, or-- 291 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,320 - Oh, I figured you wouldn't want to go. 292 00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,418 And don't you think you coming as my plus one 293 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,734 would be, like, this whole thing? 294 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,756 There it is. 295 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,431 - What? - You don't want me there 296 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,200 because you're worried people will figure you out. 297 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,865 - Hey, it is a birthday party for my brother 298 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,944 who you have met, like, once. 299 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,106 Okay, can we please not make this into a bigger thing 300 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,005 - than it has to be? - It's-- 301 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,244 It's not about the party. 302 00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,452 I just--I just want to know that you and me can exist 303 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,875 Outside of this one room. 304 00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:59,188 - We can. - Okay? 305 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:05,124 - Cool. Uh, well, this got weird. 306 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:07,294 I'm gonna go. 307 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,603 - Are-- 308 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:13,565 - I'm gonna text you later. Okay? 309 00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,072 Sure. 310 00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,322 Willow, I am freaking out. 311 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,391 - Yeah, I would be too. This shit is crazy. 312 00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:38,816 Have you talked to Dalton? 313 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,964 - No, he's not answering any of my calls or texts. 314 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,900 Both on my phone or on this burner 315 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:45,002 - I just bought. - You bought a burner? 316 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,327 Whitney, what the fuck? 317 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,502 You're going full-blown "Homeland." 318 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,000 What was I supposed to do? 319 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,841 I can't have this come out. Black senator's daughter 320 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,666 has inappropriate relationship with coach? 321 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,942 - That gets aired on Fox news. - Okay, you're not wrong. 322 00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:58,307 Like, I would watch that. But I think you can chill. 323 00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,480 I talked to Coach Woods, and she thinks 324 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:01,679 Dalton was sleeping with Jena. 325 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,281 - Jena? Why would she think that? 326 00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,019 - Because I told her I thought it was Jena. 327 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,617 - She didn't mention you once. - Did you find out 328 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,945 where this is coming from? 329 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,490 - Apparently Dalton's wife called her 330 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,688 when she found a box of condoms in his car. 331 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,091 And a Google search on his iPad that said "Is it illegal 332 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,630 for a coach to sleep with a player?" 333 00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,304 - God, he's such a fucking idiot! 334 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,503 - Well, you weren't fucking him for his amazing brain. 335 00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:21,768 But you just need to lay low 336 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,544 and this will blow over. 337 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,936 There's nothing pointing to you. 338 00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:28,335 Wow! Thank you so much for helping me 339 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,040 with my chemistry homework. 340 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,042 I understand covalent bonds now. 341 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,014 - Relax, she already knows. - Oh. 342 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:35,983 - The head coach found out Dalton was sleeping 343 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:37,278 with someone on the team. 344 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:38,679 - Oh, shit. Do they know it's you? 345 00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,794 - No, you're the only two people who do 346 00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,223 and I trust you both, 347 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,891 slash, will murder you if you say anything. 348 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,159 - Okay, but having witnessed some white-collar crime 349 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:46,564 over the years, if I were you, 350 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,329 I'd reset my phone to factory settings 351 00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,834 - and wipe my hard drive. - She doesn't need to do that. 352 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,455 - I already did both. - Smart girl. 353 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,230 - So, you rich people are just naturally good 354 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,332 at covering shit up, aren't you? 355 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,870 - Yes. - Yeah. 356 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,411 How's the studying going? 357 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,353 - Good. Productive. I like it. 358 00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,851 Have you...earned a break? 359 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,496 I want you on top. 360 00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:28,095 'Cause my arms are kind of wrecked right now. 361 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,440 Okay. 362 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,780 But can I ask you something first? 363 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,336 What's up? 364 00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:39,610 You play guitar. 365 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,412 Hypothetically speaking, would a gift card 366 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:45,524 to, like, a guitar website be a birthday gift 367 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,524 - you'd be excited about? - You don't have to 368 00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:49,116 - get me a gift. - Are you kidding? 369 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,921 Gift-giving's in the Finkle DNA. 370 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,933 Did you not see my mom slinging around purse hooks 371 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,055 at Parents Weekend? 372 00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:55,086 Your mom's cute. 373 00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,564 But, seriously, 374 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,100 you don't have to get me a gift. 375 00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:07,765 - Okay, let's do it. But let's be quick, 376 00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:09,383 'cause I have a lot of work I have to catch up on. 377 00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:12,711 - Hey, Siri, set me a timer for 45 seconds. 378 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,602 - Are you just now getting home? 379 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,104 Wait, is this a walk of shame? 380 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,936 So you are sleeping with someone. 381 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,271 - I mean, is it a walk of shame 382 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,836 if I stayed up all night in the library 383 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:42,338 hooking up with my textbook? Like, blehhh. 384 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,341 Wow, we are so different. 385 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,953 Are you excited for the party tonight? 386 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,651 - I'm so excited. I bought a new outfit for it. 387 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:48,946 And these foot pad things 388 00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,154 that make fancy shoes more comfy. 389 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:55,321 Okay. I'm gonna grab my towel to shower to wake myself up. 390 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,191 - Okay. Oh, uh, when you go 391 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:58,619 in the bathroom, my friend Maya is in there. 392 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,531 - The one who's visiting? - Oh, fun! 393 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,656 My friend Kelsey from home wants to visit at some point. 394 00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,831 She's like really into anime. 395 00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:07,200 - I look forward to discussing that with her. 396 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,001 So what was your idea? 397 00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,372 - So, basically there's-- - Okay, everyone. 398 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:12,600 I have two announcements. 399 00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:13,871 The first is for everybody. 400 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,813 - Jeff, use spellcheck. - Okay. 401 00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:19,476 - Secondly, Carla has decided to quit. 402 00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:20,875 - What? - Yeah. 403 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,120 - Wait, why would she quit? - Who knows? 404 00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:24,652 Unlike every other conversation I've had with her, 405 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,547 she didn't go into detail. 406 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,563 - Anyway, now's the moment you've all been waiting for. 407 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,055 The announcement of which new writer's piece 408 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,726 will be featured on our Instagram. 409 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,055 Which is an account followed 410 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,129 by multiple Emmy-nominated writers. 411 00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,895 And the winner is... 412 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,467 The John Essex statue's Tinder profile, 413 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,572 written by Bela Malhotra! 414 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,238 - Wow. Thank you. 415 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,407 But I actually co-wrote that piece with Carla. 416 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,006 - She said in her email it was mostly you, 417 00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,714 so enjoy that sole credit. 418 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:53,409 All right, we're done here. Good job, guys. 419 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,480 - Bela! Oh, my gosh. So proud of you. 420 00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,849 Hey, nice work. 421 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:11,226 - Holy hell, are you Maya? You're gorgeous. 422 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:12,400 I'm Kimberly. 423 00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:13,568 I'm one of Leighton's roommates. 424 00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:14,995 Nice to meet you, Kimberly. 425 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,167 - Seriously, you smell like a fancy spa. 426 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,496 Sorry, to double compliment. 427 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,670 I didn't sleep much last night 428 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,269 and my brain isn't fully working yet. 429 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,384 - Ooh, sounds like you had a fun night. 430 00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:27,253 - Get it, girl. - I did get it. And then some. 431 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:28,546 I have a hickey on my boob. 432 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:29,724 - My boyfriend gave me one of those 433 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:30,922 when we first started dating. 434 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,616 - What's with these guys? - Right? 435 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,848 Hey, I need to go help Leighton set up for this party, 436 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,060 - but I'll see you there? - Totally. 437 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,120 - Hey! Are you ready to black out with your rack out 438 00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:42,786 or whatever it is you're always saying to us? 439 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,085 Yeah, let's do it. 440 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,656 Let's crunk out with our junk out. 441 00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,187 Yeah! 442 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,932 - I'm wearing underwear that's so sexy, 443 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,364 it's insane. Also, it kind of hurts. 444 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,112 - Those are a lot of gifts. 445 00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,214 The only thing my friends got me for my last birthday 446 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,709 was a Chipotle gift card. 447 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,111 - Holy shit, did someone buy him a snowboard? 448 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,620 I got him sour candy. 449 00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:11,281 Because I know he likes sour candy. 450 00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:13,390 That's really sweet. 451 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:14,785 I need a drink, STAT. 452 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:17,163 - Hell yes. Let's get shots. 453 00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,992 - Oh, I need to start with a glass of water. 454 00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:20,387 I have to take my UTI medicine, 455 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,202 and the pill is so huge. 456 00:19:23,295 --> 00:19:24,455 Hey, they just pulled up. 457 00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:25,700 - Everyone, quiet! He's here. 458 00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:29,367 Okay, everyone, shut up. Be quiet. 459 00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:30,998 Come on, he's coming. Shh! 460 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:36,981 Are we almost there? 461 00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:42,652 This blindfold does not smell good. 462 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,054 all: Surprise! 463 00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:48,389 - Oh, shit! This is amazing! 464 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,157 Leighton, this is so cool of you. 465 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,192 Happy birthday, bro! 466 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:55,187 Ooh, and I have one more surprise for you. 467 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:58,330 - Surprise, babe! - Maya! You're...here. 468 00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,227 - I flew in from Barcelona for you. 469 00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:02,872 Happy birthday! 470 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:06,095 crowd: Ooh! 471 00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:15,579 - Kimberly! - Hey! 472 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:16,881 Did you guys know? 473 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,279 - Oh, my God, no! I would have told you. 474 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,054 - Yeah, I didn't know either. I'm so sorry. 475 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,119 - Kimberly. Can we talk for a minute? 476 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,622 Dude, I cannot believe you! 477 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,393 I'm Bela, by the way. We've met a few times. 478 00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,688 I enjoy your parties and hope to keep coming to them. 479 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,730 But on a personal level, I think you suck! 480 00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,356 - Yeah, you're a prep school douchebag 481 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:33,971 who thinks he can get away with anything he wants. 482 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,466 - Can I talk to Kimberly alone for a minute? 483 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,797 - It's okay. You guys go back inside. 484 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,113 - We're watching you, bro. - Sleazeball. 485 00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,205 Thanks again for the invite. 486 00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:43,384 Sleazeball! 487 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,150 I can explain. 488 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,948 Nico, this is so fucked up. 489 00:20:51,049 --> 00:20:53,619 - Don't be like that. - Don't be like what? 490 00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,989 Heartbroken that the first guy I met in college 491 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,288 has a secret girlfriend? 492 00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:58,819 - Look, Maya's been studying abroad. 493 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,594 She wasn't even supposed to be back until January. 494 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,129 - Oh, so you were gonna tell me, 495 00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:03,997 you were just gonna wait several more months, cool. 496 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,496 Look, it got out of hand. 497 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,337 - I don't know what to say. - Well, I do. 498 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:11,495 Fuck you! 499 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,413 I wasted two months on you. 500 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:14,812 My grades are in the fucking trash, 501 00:21:14,906 --> 00:21:16,166 and I have a UTI. 502 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,135 And it's fucking burning down there right now. 503 00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:19,313 Okay? I'm done. 504 00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:24,354 And now I'm about to cry, too. Fuck. 505 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:27,119 Kimberly, please. 506 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,432 - Are you sure you want to be here right now? 507 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:40,027 - Definitely. I want to stay here 508 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,872 and ruin his night and make him think 509 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:45,537 that I might say something to his actual girlfriend. 510 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:52,880 Damn, girl. 511 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:55,806 - Okay, actually on second thought, 512 00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,451 I think I'm gonna go. 513 00:21:57,516 --> 00:22:00,146 But I don't want to make this some big dramatic exit, 514 00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:01,888 so, please, the two of you stay. 515 00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:16,496 What the fuck? 516 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,994 - Do you think my boobs have gotten bigger 517 00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:42,429 since the beginning of college? 518 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,497 They feel bigger. 519 00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:44,762 Hey, Whit. 520 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:46,233 Hey, can I talk to you for a sec? 521 00:22:46,331 --> 00:22:47,571 In private? 522 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:48,866 - Um, would you mind getting us drinks? 523 00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:50,044 Gladly. 524 00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:53,073 Dude, there's trouble. 525 00:22:53,171 --> 00:22:55,441 Apparently our bus driver told Coach Woods 526 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:57,540 that he saw Dalton kissing a player. 527 00:22:57,609 --> 00:22:59,609 - Okay? - A Black player. 528 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,851 And we're the only two Black girls on the team. 529 00:23:01,913 --> 00:23:03,783 - Fuck! - I think you need to talk 530 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,552 to Coach, like, now. 531 00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:08,787 Just come clean, and hope for the best. 532 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:11,417 - Okay, yeah. - Mm-hmm. 533 00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,963 - I gotta go do this. - Mm-hmm. 534 00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:44,657 - One sec. - Oh, cool. 535 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:47,156 - Dude, you okay? - Yeah, why do you ask? 536 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:50,599 - Because you're staring at your phone like a psycho. 537 00:23:50,662 --> 00:23:52,132 - Leighton, I think I fucked up 538 00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,670 and I don't know how to fix it. 539 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:55,765 - Can I interest you ladies in some shots? 540 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:58,244 - Dude, fuck off. What happened? 541 00:23:58,303 --> 00:24:00,513 - You know that guy Ryan who showed me porn? 542 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:02,005 He kind of got me alone the other day 543 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,977 and then pushed his dick up against my back. 544 00:24:04,075 --> 00:24:06,675 - Oh, my God. - I laughed and brushed it off. 545 00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:09,648 But then I found out that he did it 546 00:24:09,748 --> 00:24:12,618 to this other girl too, and when she told me about it, 547 00:24:12,684 --> 00:24:16,024 I lied to her and stayed quiet. 548 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,261 And I think I silenced her. 549 00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:25,031 - It's okay. Okay? 550 00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:31,039 - Did you just hug me? - I already regret doing that. 551 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,206 Come on, let's go. Come on. 552 00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:54,157 - Hi, are you-- - Her wife? 553 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,126 Yes, I am. 554 00:24:56,194 --> 00:24:58,504 Gert, you've got a visitor. 555 00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:03,898 - Coach, I promise you, it is totally over. 556 00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:06,402 We ended things weeks ago, so if there's any way 557 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,635 we could just forget about this-- 558 00:25:07,706 --> 00:25:10,206 - Whitney-- - Coach, please. 559 00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:12,038 My mom is a public figure. 560 00:25:12,143 --> 00:25:14,083 And if this gets out... 561 00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:18,024 My stories don't go away the way other people's do. 562 00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:21,023 - Chase. I already gave my statement. 563 00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:23,046 All right? 564 00:25:23,154 --> 00:25:25,094 I told them I couldn't give a name. 565 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,860 It's none of their business. 566 00:25:26,925 --> 00:25:28,585 You're 18. 567 00:25:28,693 --> 00:25:30,563 You don't need this following you around 568 00:25:30,662 --> 00:25:33,402 - the rest of your life. - Thank you. 569 00:25:33,498 --> 00:25:35,498 Thank you so much. 570 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,247 - Canaan. We're leaving. 571 00:25:47,345 --> 00:25:49,675 Are you coming with or not? 572 00:25:49,748 --> 00:25:52,578 Yeah, let's go. 573 00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:54,794 - You really gotta cut down on that screen time, though. 574 00:25:54,886 --> 00:25:56,756 'Cause you're literally always on that thing. 575 00:25:56,855 --> 00:25:58,755 It's kind of sick. 576 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:05,955 - Hey. - Thank you for coming. 577 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:07,804 Yeah, of course. 578 00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:17,310 Hey, guys. My name is Alicia. 579 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,479 And I know that this is very scary, 580 00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:22,808 but you're totally safe here. 581 00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:25,984 And no matter what you say, I'm your ally. 582 00:26:26,084 --> 00:26:28,454 Okay? I'm your ally. 583 00:27:04,155 --> 00:27:05,755 Hey, Whit. 584 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:11,764 - All right, ladies. Gather up. 585 00:27:11,830 --> 00:27:14,630 I'm Coach Hanson, the women's ice hockey coach. 586 00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:16,499 Now, I can't go into details, 587 00:27:16,601 --> 00:27:17,871 but Coach Woods and Coach Dalton 588 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:19,199 - have been dismissed. - What? 589 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:20,374 - I'll be leading you through the rest 590 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,042 of the tournament. 591 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:24,780 Now, can someone explain to me how offsides works in soccer? 592 00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:28,706 Anyone? 593 00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:49,059 Go to bed. 47094

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