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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:54,686 Is that your phone? 2 00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,464 - Um, no it's an Amber Alert. It's nothing. 3 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:57,886 Oh. 4 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,266 - Morning. - Hello. 5 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,695 - I did not expect last night to happen. 6 00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:09,637 Me neither. 7 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,874 But, like, you wanted it to happen, right? 8 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:14,139 I had your consent? 9 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,410 - Yes, you had my consent. - Okay. 10 00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:21,151 - That wasn't your first time, was it? 11 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,777 - Me? God, no. No, I've sexed a lot. 12 00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:26,624 Was it yours? 13 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,319 - I hoped you could tell it wasn't. 14 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,821 Totally, totally. 15 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,723 - Hey, if it's cool, I think we shouldn't 16 00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:32,831 tell Leighton about this. 17 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,826 Oh, definitely not. 18 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,898 One time Bela made a comment on your hot bod 19 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,773 and Leighton got so mad, she snapped a pen in half. 20 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:44,943 - Well, then, it's settled. We won't mention last night. 21 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,079 - Or this morning. - This morning? I don't... 22 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:52,112 Oh, yes. Yes. I'm a yes for this morning. 23 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:53,508 - Giddy up. 24 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,283 I don't know why I said that. 25 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,993 - Okay, tell us every single detail. 26 00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,418 Leave out nothing. 27 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,960 - I'm not gonna kiss and tell. That's tacky. 28 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,434 - You're right. Act it out with your food. 29 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,993 He's the sausage, you're the tater tots. 30 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,664 All I'll share is this, 31 00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,702 it is crazy how much better sex is with Nico, 32 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,099 a guy I just met, than with a guy I loved like Max. 33 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,699 That's not crazy. 34 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,874 One's hot and one brought a light saber when he visited. 35 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,013 - So you're really not gonna tell us anything? 36 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,876 - His sex is amazing and I can't stop thinking about it. 37 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,210 - Boom. 38 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,684 That's my girl. 39 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,022 Now, describe his penis so 40 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,387 I can draw it out like a sketch artist. 41 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,885 - You really like him, don't you? 42 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,217 - Yeah, I mean, he's nice and funny and smart. 43 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:41,062 And, I don't know, he, like, surprises me. 44 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,401 Who surprises you? 45 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,725 - No, it's just this cute meteorologist 46 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,831 on my local news channel back home. 47 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,070 - Your meteorologist surprises you? 48 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,239 - Yeah, like, with his tie choices. 49 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,867 - Morning, besties. I need a favor. 50 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:56,083 So you know how I didn't get into any of the acapella groups 51 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,906 because they're all super jealous of me. 52 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,751 Well, hold on to your labes because I started my own group. 53 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,578 And we're having a concert... 54 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,989 - Travis, I will never go to an acapella show. 55 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:12,255 - Well, you'll be at this one because you wouldn't want 56 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,758 your intersectionality to be called into question. 57 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,401 Would you? Okay, I'll see you there. 58 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,273 - Hi, you have some old workout jackets, right? 59 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,842 The women's center is volunteering at 60 00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,677 a horse rehab farm and I'm not about to have one 61 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,712 of them nibble on my Gucci quarter zips. 62 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,278 - Oh, so you want to give them one of mine? 63 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,619 Sure. Take the red one. It's in the closet. 64 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,345 Thank you. 65 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,130 What is this? 66 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,598 - Hey, babe-- - Oh! 67 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:50,956 That's like a team nickname. 68 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,634 They just call me babe sometimes. 69 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,702 - "You looked hot out there today. Love, Dalton." 70 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:57,297 Isn't Dalton one of your coaches? 71 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,542 - Leighton, I swear to God, you cannot tell anyone. 72 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:06,449 Okay, but I may have had an affair 73 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:08,106 with my married assistant coach. 74 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,622 - Okay. - Look, it was a mistake 75 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,287 and it's in the past. Okay, but I need you to give me 76 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,816 your solemn word that you're not 77 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,161 - gonna say anything to anyone. - My solemn word? 78 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,657 Dude, while I'm sure this is considered some juicy stuff 79 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,299 where you're from, I went to a New York prep school. 80 00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:23,595 I've been making out with bartenders 81 00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:24,733 since I was, like, 14. 82 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,967 That's disturbing, 83 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,936 but it does make me feel a little bit better. 84 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,813 I don't know, I've honestly been low key 85 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:35,105 depressed about this for the past couple weeks. 86 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:38,014 - Do you want to hang out and talk about it? 87 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,011 I can bail on this women's center thing right now. 88 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,623 - Oh, no, that's nice of you but you don't have to do that. 89 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,852 Ah, it's too late. 90 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,490 I already used you as an excuse. 91 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,445 I told them my BIPOC roommate was in crisis. 92 00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,121 - Okay. 93 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,655 - Hey, can you think of something 94 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,534 that rhymes with Ansel Elgort's thick thighs? 95 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,432 I don't think I can. 96 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,201 - I'm so in my head about this final Catullan submission. 97 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,814 Not to be dramatic, but the six pieces I submit tomorrow 98 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,943 will determine the rest of my entire comedy career. 99 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,849 - Bela, your packet is so funny. 100 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,275 I liked every single piece. 101 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,277 Even the ones I didn't understand. 102 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,054 - Damn, you and Nico are texting non-stop. 103 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,724 - Yeah, but I have to put my phone away and focus. 104 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,993 I have a six hour shift at Sips 105 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,989 and so much homework to catch up on. 106 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,501 For the rest of the day, 107 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:30,902 I'm tuning him out and I'm getting things done. 108 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,527 I'm sure you will. 109 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,338 - I'm sorry I'm late. I got locked out of my room. 110 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,552 - And I forgot to lock it again. 111 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,377 I'll be back in 20 minutes. 112 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,593 The fuck? 113 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,586 - I have to help a friend with something. 114 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,261 I'll be back in 14 minutes. 115 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,444 My dorm is having an emergency. 116 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,035 I'll be back in eight in a half minutes. 117 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:21,710 Oh, shit. 118 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,019 - Are you kidding me? When it comes to Chrises, 119 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:28,924 it goes Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, and hello? 120 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:33,091 - Oh, sorry. Do you see that guy over there? 121 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,930 His name's Canaan. We kind of hooked up. 122 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,468 Whitney, that guy is so hot. 123 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,397 Okay, that is the kind of guy that you need to be going for. 124 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,570 Not some townie doofus who peaked in high school. 125 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,939 - He works at Sips with Kimberly. 126 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,281 Kimberly works at Sips? 127 00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:51,806 I could've sworn she was a janitor. 128 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,251 Okay, look, he's sitting down to eat. 129 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,118 Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to him. 130 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,746 I don't know. 131 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,488 I feel like I might need to take a beat 132 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,086 before jumping into someone new. 133 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,715 - No, no, no, okay rookie mistake. 134 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,320 The best way to get over somebody is 135 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,895 to whore out with someone hotter right away, like him. 136 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,429 Okay. 137 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,173 - Mm? - Yeah. 138 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,335 - Hey. - Whitney. 139 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,481 It's been a minute. Want to sit? 140 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,277 Yeah. Yeah. 141 00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:27,675 - Okay, but you will have to leave 142 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,120 when my cooler friends get here. 143 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,917 I can only submit six pieces, 144 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,515 so I need to pick the absolute best. 145 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,860 - Uh-huh. 146 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,285 - That's why I need your honest opinion. 147 00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:39,686 - Don't go easy on me. - Uh-huh. Yup. 148 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,262 - Hey, do you think we should take a break 149 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,657 so you can give my packet your full focus? 150 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,202 Are you kidding me? 151 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,867 I want to do both at the same time. 152 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,795 You're so funny. It makes me so hard. 153 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,537 - All right, get back down there. 154 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,695 Do your thing. 155 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,220 - Kimberly Edie Finkel, late again. 156 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,546 I'm very sorry. 157 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,220 Wait, how do you know my middle name? 158 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,819 - Payroll purposes, but don't change the subject. 159 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:09,857 All right, you are on thin ice, young lady. 160 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,716 Now grab that mop, some of the theater kids 161 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,234 have been practicing spit takes. 162 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,886 And you're gonna clean it up. 163 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,234 Okay. 164 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,229 - So, um, why do you keep on being late? Hmm? 165 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,132 - I've kind of been, like, with someone. 166 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:26,809 I knew it was because you was fucking somebody. 167 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,573 Uh, sorry. Can I order? 168 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,584 - Excuse me, we're gabbing here. 169 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,378 Is it who I think it is? 170 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,083 Is his dick made out of gold? 171 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,482 - Yeah, it's Nico and it's amazing. 172 00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,151 But it's all I can think about. 173 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,089 And yesterday, I skipped all my classes. 174 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,418 And I'm barely holding on to a C in Econ. 175 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,194 - Econ with Professor Bennett? - Yeah. 176 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,259 - Just ask him for extra credit. 177 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,930 That's what I did last year. 178 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,658 And my B plus went to an A. And I'm not just saying it 179 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,530 to brag about my grades, although I'm quite bright. 180 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,429 - Really? That would be so huge. 181 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,065 I'll ask him about it today. 182 00:08:57,169 --> 00:09:00,509 - Does anyone have an iPhone 4 charger? 183 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:03,383 - I'm sorry. - No. 184 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,107 - Great job getting your submission in 185 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,782 two minutes before the deadline, Jeff. 186 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,120 I'll be reading it last. 187 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,375 Hopefully your take on Baby Yoda 188 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:12,119 is still fresh when I get to it. 189 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,348 - Baby Yoda. That shit is so played out. 190 00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:16,621 Totally. 191 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,192 I wrote a piece about Baby Shark, though. 192 00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:19,927 And it's pretty biting. 193 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,430 All right, everyone. 194 00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,958 Final submissions are now closed. 195 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,403 If anyone's late, they're out of luck. 196 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,134 - Thank you all for your hard work. 197 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,973 Eric, the board, and I are really looking forward 198 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,438 to reading what you came up with. 199 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,436 - And if we choose any new members, 200 00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:33,738 tonight is gonna be tap night. 201 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,306 We'll come find you in your rooms 202 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,478 and whisk you away for hours of traditions 203 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,907 that you cannot share with anyone, ever. 204 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,479 Including future spouses. 205 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,951 But, again, we probably won't pick anyone. 206 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,590 - We'll probably pick between two and four people. 207 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,822 - Evangeline, could you not-- 208 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,161 I will now take the submissions and hold onto them 209 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,387 until the board can reconvene to review them. 210 00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:56,129 But straight off the bat, I see some insane 211 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,998 and embarrassing font choices. So way to go. 212 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,495 Hey, um, if we get picked, 213 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,774 can we finally see the upstairs rooms? 214 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:09,509 - Want me to sneak you up right now? 215 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,079 Oh, shit yes. Yes. 216 00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:12,613 - Wait, you don't think we'll get in trouble? 217 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,308 - No one's coming back till 8:00. 218 00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,753 Come on. Let's go. 219 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,271 - I feel like it's a compliment to get catfished. 220 00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,166 It means he must really like you. 221 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,041 I just don't understand 222 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,140 how you got catfished by your cousin, again. 223 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,439 - He just writes such beautiful sonnets. 224 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,311 - Ginger, we've talked about this. 225 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,850 You need to set boundaries with Randy, your cousin. 226 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,821 Sorry I'm late. 227 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,550 You okay, Tova? 228 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,515 - It's over between me and Beth. 229 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:58,963 What? What happened? 230 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,725 You two were such a cute couple. 231 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,796 - We were supposed to go over to her house for Thanksgiving, 232 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,962 and while her parents were cool with her being a lesbian, 233 00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,131 she thought that I might be too much for them. 234 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:08,969 What? What would be too much? 235 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:11,565 - I guess they've never met someone who's non-binary, 236 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:15,341 - so Beth wanted me to fem it up. - Oh, fuck that. 237 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,078 Hey, you might quickly want 238 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,077 to let us know what side you're on. 239 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,249 Tova's obviously. 240 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,318 Look, when I first had to come here, 241 00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:25,553 I'll be real with you, 242 00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,391 I kind of thought you all sucked. 243 00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:30,386 Not for any identity reasons, just personalities, you know? 244 00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,589 - Mm-hmm. - But then I got to know you. 245 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,092 And Tova, I think you're pretty great. 246 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,104 You are almost too cool to be here but, yet, 247 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,327 you still come here. Which kind of makes you cooler. 248 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,569 So this is Beth's loss. 249 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,439 Thank you, Leighton. 250 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,914 Uh, Leighton, quick question. 251 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,836 You pointed at me when you were talking about personalities. 252 00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:52,279 - No, no. No, I didn't. It just looked that way. 253 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,508 Oh, okay. Great. 254 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,217 - I would be happy to offer extra credit 255 00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,786 for helping me with my research. 256 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,617 It's actually pretty exciting stuff. 257 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,733 Here, take a look. 258 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,759 Oh, I love all this data. 259 00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:12,572 So many columns with information in them. 260 00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,571 Yeah, this looks so cool. 261 00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,974 - Okay, well basically, I just need help 262 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,940 with data calculations using the blue binder's raw data. 263 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,480 The formula's in the green one. 264 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,705 - The blue one, the green one. Totally get it. 265 00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,807 - Well, I have a meeting for the next few hours, 266 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,152 but when I get back I'll tell you how my data forecast 267 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,578 changes in the oat milk industry over the next decade. 268 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:34,750 - If you'd like that. - Sir, I would love that. 269 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,559 Have fun with that data. 270 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,899 - What the fuck am I looking at? 271 00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,179 - Whoa, cool portrait. Is that, uh, Rob Schneider? 272 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,649 - Are you kidding me? That's Sid Caesar. 273 00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:04,848 He basically created TV comedy. 274 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,820 - Nice. I'm surprised you know that. 275 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,657 - Holy shit, is that a real cue card from SNL? 276 00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:12,356 Jude Law hosted that one. 277 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,028 I can name the host and musical guest pairing 278 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,296 of every episode of SNL since the year 2000. 279 00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,462 Okay, prove it. 280 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,001 Musical guest, Korn. 281 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,529 Eva Longoria hosted. 282 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,444 - Ludacris. - You trying to trick me? 283 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:26,042 Ludacris? He hosted and he was the musical guest. 284 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,638 - Okay. Who was the musical guest 285 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,707 - when the Rock hosted? - My boy Dwayne, 286 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,311 AKA Maui the demi-god, AKA the tooth fairy 287 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,380 has hosted five times with musical guest, 288 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,222 George Ezra, Ray LaMontagne, Andrew WK, 289 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,988 - AC/ - DC, and Katy Perry. 290 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,562 I can do a good Stewie voice. 291 00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,989 If you want to hear it. 292 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,500 I think I'm gonna head out. 293 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,666 Uh, thanks for bringing us up here. 294 00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,374 Yup. 295 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,251 - Yo, everyone. This is Whitney. 296 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,318 Baby senator. Welcome back. 297 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:15,424 The last time she was here, she stood in the corner so long 298 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,021 I thought she was her mother's secret service. 299 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,660 That's Jayla. 300 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:22,055 Who apparently woke up this morning and chose violence. 301 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,261 - Can your mom introduce me to Travis Scott? 302 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,933 - Honestly, yeah. She probably could. 303 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,202 Sick. 304 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,737 - Can I get you a drink? - Yes, please. 305 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:30,935 Okay. 306 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,566 Let's see what they left for us. 307 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:35,441 - Okay. - Oh, this is wild. 308 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,881 Is this Canaan with a girl in broad daylight? 309 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:42,384 Yeah, you should know, this guy never introduces us to girls. 310 00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,948 He just sneaks them into his room at night 311 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,619 like some kind of sex Batman. 312 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,118 Really? You're a sex Batman? 313 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,220 - No, no. That's not true. - It is though. 314 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,130 What the fuck? Who's playing a slow jam? 315 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,526 I thought this was a turn up, not a wind down. 316 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,455 Yo, Nate, what's up with the music? 317 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,634 Are you staying for dinner? 318 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,973 Because we're doing a nacho bar. 319 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,467 And I don't mean to brag, 320 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,969 but we go pretty hard with the toppings station. 321 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,310 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, no. 322 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,735 I actually have to leave in a bit 323 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,236 - to go to an acapella show. 324 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,939 Oh, wait. Are you serious? 325 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:15,314 - Yeah, no one should ever have to go to an acapella show. 326 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,454 - Unless you, like, love acapella. 327 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:19,889 - Okay. I can tell I misrepresented 328 00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:22,422 myself this morning, and while I am 329 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,988 somewhat okay with being known as the girl with 330 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,729 the senator mom, I am not okay as being known 331 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,092 as the girl who likes acapella. 332 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,160 - I'm going against my will. 333 00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:35,068 - Holy shit, this autograph wall is insane. 334 00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,444 Oh, my God. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. 335 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,003 Are you kidding me? 336 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,644 I love this place so much. 337 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:42,009 Well, by midnight tonight 338 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,177 you'll know if you're in or not. 339 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,775 Don't remind me. 340 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:48,013 - Look, the deliberations can get crazy. 341 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,683 But I'll just tell you, I'm gonna vote for you. 342 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,692 - I'm not sure Eric likes me enough. 343 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,157 Eric doesn't like anyone. 344 00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:58,686 I'm his roommate and best friend 345 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,861 and he regularly calls me a talentless hack. 346 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,130 - You are though, right? 347 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,626 Don't worry about Eric. 348 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,668 I'll convince him you're worth a shot. 349 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,268 - Holy shit. Is that Elaine Stritch? 350 00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:13,768 She's the greatest of all time. 351 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,369 When did she come here? Was it during her.. 352 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,653 Hey, um, I don't, um... 353 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,116 It's okay. Everybody's gone. 354 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,394 - No, I don't want to do whatever this is. 355 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,486 Seriously? 356 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,015 Yeah, I just... 357 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,363 Are we cool? 358 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,028 - Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. - Okay. 359 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,328 Great. Cool. Well, I'll see ya. 360 00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:40,827 Thanks, thanks for the wall and stuff. 361 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,805 You sure about this? 362 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,143 - Yeah, he said he'd be gone for hours. 363 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,809 This is hot. 364 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,651 Oh, my God. 365 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,687 Kimberly. 366 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,194 - Sir, this is my fault and I take full responsibility. 367 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:09,397 If you want to report anyone, report me, Chad Mickland. 368 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,095 Wait, is Nico a nickname? 369 00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,000 Oh. 370 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,832 Professor Bennett, I realize 371 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,770 this was a horrible lapse in judgement. 372 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,069 But I'm having a really hard time in your class 373 00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:20,741 and I'm so far behind. 374 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,109 So if you please could just give me one more chance. 375 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,837 You've had plenty of chances. 376 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:26,379 You've arrived late to class, you've missed assignments. 377 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,945 - Now you made love on my desk. - We were only kissing. 378 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,518 He never took it out. Tell him. 379 00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:31,952 - I don't think that's gonna help, 380 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,521 but it's true, it wasn't out yet. 381 00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:34,885 It does not help. 382 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,391 Get out of here. 383 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,786 Oh, okay. I'm going. 384 00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,761 I would still love to hear your thoughts 385 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,260 on oat milk futures, though. 386 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,232 - Then you can listen to my TED Talk. 387 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:46,567 Got it. 388 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,305 - Hey. - Hey. 389 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,036 How's it going with you know who? 390 00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,138 - Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that. 391 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,983 I think I might be a sex addict. 392 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,319 - I promise you, you are not. - We had sex six times today. 393 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:06,045 - Okay, that's a lot. - And it was almost seven, 394 00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,648 but then a professor walked in on us. 395 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,593 I'm sorry, what? 396 00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,215 - Everything I see makes me think of having sex with him. 397 00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,331 Like, have you noticed how phallic 398 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,056 the lampposts on this campus are? 399 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,628 I have not. 400 00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,329 Okay, I'm here. 401 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,831 Can we take a quick photo for proof and then we can leave? 402 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,733 - I was thinking we would cheer really loud 403 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,671 in the first song and then just scurry out. 404 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,940 - I can do that. - Hey, guys. 405 00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,165 - Hey, did you turn in your submission? 406 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,644 Yeah, it's in. 407 00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:32,112 - Is everything okay? You don't seem excited. 408 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,507 I don't know. 409 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,012 I'm just--I'm pretty sure I'm not getting in. 410 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,684 - You're probably just being tough on yourself. 411 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,252 - No, but it's fine. Maybe it's even for the best. 412 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:44,618 - Hello, everyone. We are the AcaFellas. 413 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,530 And we are ready to rock you. 414 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:51,196 Oh, though, to be clear, we only do pop covers. 415 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,166 Three, four. 416 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,942 - Whoo! - Yes! 417 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,780 - Okay, he saw us. Now we can leave. 418 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:13,118 - None of you ever let me do anything this embarrassing. 419 00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:20,632 - Okay, Whitney is meeting up with Canaan again tonight. 420 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:21,962 God, I love this. 421 00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,457 I'm sorry. 422 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,329 Are you invested in the happiness of someone else? 423 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,397 I do not know how to process this information. 424 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,229 She's kind of cool. 425 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,574 And of the three of my roommates, 426 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,369 she's definitely the most normal. 427 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:36,071 And it turns out, I am pretty good at giving dating advice. 428 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,905 - You are for someone who introduced me 429 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,411 as a business acquaintance to a cashier. 430 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,553 - Okay, look, I'm not a showy person. 431 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,579 I don't need to put on a rainbow bathing suit 432 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,354 and run down the street screaming, 433 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,489 "I have a girlfriend." 434 00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:52,415 Oh, you have a girlfriend. 435 00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,492 Yeah. 436 00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:58,704 No, I mean--I don't know. 437 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,770 Do I? 438 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,768 Yeah, you do. 439 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,842 Come here. 440 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,851 - Oh, shit. Baby senator's back, y'all. 441 00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,121 - Uh-uh, we're gonna have to 442 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,793 work on that nickname, loud girl. 443 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,961 Loud girl? Excuse me? 444 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,931 You know, actually, I love that. I am loud. 445 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,969 - You are loud. - Glad you came back. 446 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,566 Of course I did. 447 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,744 I spent the last two hours thinking about one thing. 448 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:41,113 - Ditching Canaan for me? - What? No. 449 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,466 Nachos. 450 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,084 - Darius, no one would pick you over Canaan. 451 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,283 That's insane. 452 00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,726 Bela! Bela! Bela! 453 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:06,004 - Bela! Bela! Bela! - Bela Malhotra, 454 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,428 you've been tapped by the Catullan. 455 00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,069 - Do you accept? - Yes. Yes, I do. 456 00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:11,835 - Congratulations. - You so deserve this. 457 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:15,137 Your packet was amazing. 458 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,810 - I was dying reading your stuff. 459 00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:20,509 You are an absolute genius. 460 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,352 We're so proud of you. 461 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,447 Yes! 462 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,022 - Hey, let's not have sex tonight. 463 00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:34,988 - Okay, I was gonna say the same thing. 464 00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,003 - Really? - No. 465 00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,995 - Oh. - It's all good. 466 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:42,867 Okay, other options. We can watch TV. 467 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,038 - TV sounds good. - Okay. 468 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,367 I can't stay late, though. 469 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,471 I have to study since I public sexed 470 00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:50,780 - my way out of an Econ credit. 471 00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:53,382 If you need help with that Econ grade, I can help. 472 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:57,779 Theta keeps copies of midterms and finals 473 00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,819 that lazy professors recycle year after year. 474 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:01,845 So if you want to know what's on Bennett's test, 475 00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:03,223 it's right here. 476 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,822 You could borrow it if you want. 477 00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:06,960 No, no, I can't do that. 478 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:08,855 Cheating is, sort of, the antithesis 479 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,460 of everything I believe in. 480 00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:13,903 All right. Whatever you want. 481 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,970 - What I want is to go back to your room, please. 482 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,744 There's this new documentary on 483 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,309 factory farming I really want to watch. 484 00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:25,914 - Wow. First no sex and now a farming doc. 485 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,051 This night just keeps getting hotter and hotter. 486 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,587 I'm one glass away from getting Asian flush. 487 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:37,386 - You haven't had any yet. - Exactly. 488 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,204 - Um, girlfriend, should I ask why 489 00:22:45,263 --> 00:22:47,433 a girl named Maya is calling you at 1:00 a.m.? 490 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,872 - Oh, my God, chill. She's just a friend. 491 00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:52,165 She's actually coming to visit in town this weekend. 492 00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:53,937 To visit your vagina? 493 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,209 - Maya is not a threat to you. Okay? 494 00:22:57,275 --> 00:22:59,335 She's my brother, Nico's, girlfriend. 495 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,257 Go to bed. 40649

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